So You Think You're Gay
How it all started!
Embark on a heartfelt journey with me, Sho Whitener, as I unfold my narrative, one that journeys from the depths of bullying and self-doubt to the discovery of inner strength and faith. My story, intertwined with the complexities of identity and belief, is not merely my own—it mirrors the struggles and triumphs of many in the LGBTQ community. Through candid conversations, we peel back the layers that often shroud our understanding of ourselves and the roles we play in the grand tapestry of human experience.
This episode is an open invitation to a sanctuary where judgment is suspended and empathy takes the lead. Hear the vivid recount of my transformation, the reason why this platform was started.
Join us as we challenge preconceived notions and explore the controversial, such as the immutability of sexual orientation and the burgeoning debate on children and gender identity. The path to reconciling lifestyle with faith is fraught with introspection and divine encounters—mine led me to San Antonio and a pivotal change in direction.
Thanks for listening! Follow us on Instagram , Tic Tok and Youtube!
Join Us in the Escape Room for exclusive Content: patreon.com/user?u=113684542
Embark on a heartfelt journey with me, Sho Whitener, as I unfold my narrative, one that journeys from the depths of bullying and self-doubt to the discovery of inner strength and faith. My story, intertwined with the complexities of identity and belief, is not merely my own—it mirrors the struggles and triumphs of many in the LGBTQ community. Through candid conversations, we peel back the layers that often shroud our understanding of ourselves and the roles we play in the grand tapestry of human experience.
This episode is an open invitation to a sanctuary where judgment is suspended and empathy takes the lead. Hear the vivid recount of my transformation, the reason why this platform was started.
Join us as we challenge preconceived notions and explore the controversial, such as the immutability of sexual orientation and the burgeoning debate on children and gender identity. The path to reconciling lifestyle with faith is fraught with introspection and divine encounters—mine led me to San Antonio and a pivotal change in direction.
Thanks for listening! Follow us on Instagram , Tic Tok and Youtube!
Join Us in the Escape Room for exclusive Content: patreon.com/user?u=113684542
How do you identify you? Like girls and boys, you change your identity. Do you think that people will accept you? Hey, that's you, you them. Come on, bro. Do you even know what you like? What even is that Community are you in? Lgbtq stands for what? So how like? How are you? What does God say about this? No, does your family know? How did you get here? What are your pronouns? What gave this to you? Do you even know how this came to be? Can you live like this for real? What does God say about this? Are you God's? Are you so? Do you think you're gay? What's up? Everybody you are tuning in to the podcast. So you think you're gay?
Speaker 1:I'm your host, shoe Whitner, and this is the very first episode on this podcast, and I am going live just so that I can talk to everybody, just to let you know, hey, look, why this platform exists, why I even created it. I think in this time and in this culture, you know, the LGBTQ community is seemingly growing by the second. There's so many things out there that has come to fruition. I mean, it's every day something new and it's a hot buzz topic, right, but it is also a life-changing topic and I kind of want to get on here and tell my story. For the very first episode. It's like you know what? Where did this thing come from? You know what does, so you think you're gay, mean, and so I wanted to get on here and really just talk to everybody about what it is and what it is not.
Speaker 1:It is possible to come away from homosexuality. Here it is. I am a Christian, okay, and I was once a part of the LGBTQ community. I did 10 to 12, maybe 15 years in the lifestyle. I was 18, you know, just doing the most. And my story is a unique one, but it's one in the same, because I really believe that people who are in the LGBTQ community have a lot of similar things that are rooted, that cause them to be a part of this community, right, and so I kind of want to talk about that. But I want to tell you from the beginning, right, this is why this platform exists, is because of my story, right, and I want people to know that, hey, you know you can be a part of that community and still come away from it.
Speaker 1:I do not agree with living in the LGBTQ community as it pertains to a homosexual lifestyle. I don't agree with it. I do not think it is God's best for your life. I want this platform to be a very loving platform, one that does not bash, but at the same time, I want to talk about it. I want to talk to people in their stories. I want to hear their stories. I want to hear what their struggles were and how did they come to a place of decision to become a part of the LGBTQ community.
Speaker 1:Now again, the LGBTQ community. There's so many things and so many pronouns and so many letters and so many alphabets, and so I kind of want to break those things down over the course and the span of this podcast to kind of understand the community, because there are a lot of things out there that we just don't understand and, instead of pointing the finger, I just want to know hey, what does this mean and how did you get to this place? Right, man, where can I start? It started from being rejected. I was bullied as a kid. I mean bullied all throughout middle school. I got bullied through high school and I was just like a very fearful kid, right, my mom was a very tough and strong woman and you know she— she wasn't Claire Huxdable, to say the least, she wasn't Claire Huxdable and her parenting style was that of a strong hand and her mother didn't really raise her. She was in the streets most of her life. So when it came to raising her kids, it was just like, hey, we're going to get in where we fit in. And my mom was doing a lot of things and a lot of things, and so we'll get into that later. But a lot of those things that plagued not plagued, I'm sorry, I don't want to use that word A lot of those things that I went through as a kid shaped my reality as it pertains to things that I got into, and so, because there were a lot of traumas in the household and there was a lot of chaos in the household, it shaped the reality of how my days went at school and what I was able to put up with.
Speaker 1:I remember getting bullied, getting off the bus and being scared because I was bullied by this young lady. She was in a vinyl and shout out to our binos Now, in my adult's eye, you guys are some of the most amazing people, but I was afraid of her. She was brighter than me. Her eyes would move very rapidly back and forth. She had gold, blondish hair. She was scary to me because I had never really seen an albino before, and so she used to bully me really bad, and I was afraid of her. And then I would go to school and get bullied, and it wasn't until my cousin came to the school and helped me out and I didn't get bullied anymore. But I was very fearful, very afraid, and then my self-esteem was in the trash. I mean, it was a whole lot going on.
Speaker 1:As a kid I wanted to be a boy because I felt if I was a boy then I would be tough enough. And then so I just said, okay, I'm going to tell everybody I have a twin brother. Right, Slick my hair back. And it was bad. And thinking about it, those things shaped my reality and my decision-making to even become a part of the LGBT community. Well, it wasn't the LGBTQ community back then y'all. So I'm not going to tell my age because I look better than my age, whatever. But back then it was just either you are gay or you're not. It wasn't lesbian, binary, queer, it wasn't any of that. It was either straight or gay. That's what it was right. And so I wasn't a part of the LGBT. It was just gay. And I didn't even say that I was gay, right, it was just hey, boys didn't really take interest in me like that.
Speaker 1:I was an ROTC, and I'm not going to say I was abused as a child. Well, I wasn't abused as a child. There were a lot of things that happened in the household that caused sexual trauma, I would say that, and so that stuff led up to self-esteem issues. That stuff led up to not feeling good about yourself and my mom. Again, her parenting style was a little harsh and parents say things when they don't understand things, and so verbal abuse was there. And so here I am, this scrawny little kid that really wasn't good in academics and self-esteem was just shot. And so I'm trying to figure out where I fit in. I'm getting bullied. Trauma is real right In the household, and you leave and go to school to find more trauma and more rejection, and it was just bad.
Speaker 1:And so when I became 18, I got out of the house, I went to the military and things just started happening right, I just started exploring things because there was a community waiting on me and it didn't matter who you were, what you looked like, what you had to offer Everyone was automatically a part right. And so I joined this community of gays and I didn't call myself gay, I didn't say, hey, I'm gay, no, it was just, hey, I'm attracted to women Because at the time, men I didn't trust men, right, and men they just, I was mishandled and so I didn't want to be around men and I figured, ok, if I'm with a woman, that's safer for me, because, again, I was mishandled and so within that, so now I'm, my self-esteem is low, I'm like, okay, I don't deal with men because I'm afraid of them and they've mishandled me. So then now the judgment is I can't be around men because every man is going to try to hurt me, right. And so these are the things that are growing on the inside and taking root all the while. I'm still trying to figure out who I am. You know, and again we're talking about how this all started. You know, and this is just a bit of my story on how and why I decided to start this platform Again, I am a Christian and I vehemently disagree with living the homosexual lifestyle.
Speaker 1:But I'm also aware enough to know that. You know, things build up and things happen that push people towards this lifestyle. You know People say that they were gay and they say, you know, I had no choice, I had to live this way, and I do not agree with that. But I also know that things can start happening at such an early age and things can start, you know, going awry early that you'll think, hey, this must be who I am, because as long as I can remember, I've been through this, I've been going through this right, and oftentimes we grow up in chaotic households and chaotic situations and the chaos becomes norms. They become norms. And so then, because it's a norm, this is how I'm supposed to be and that's not necessarily the case. So here I am.
Speaker 1:You know I do not trust men, right. I've been mishandled and now, you know I'm running to women because we are the soft of vessel and I'm a woman. You're a woman, you can't hurt me unless I'll allow you to hurt me, right? And then so I'm in this. You know homosexual relationship and you know you can tell me my feelings were not real. You couldn't tell me that I didn't love these individuals, right? And there was a sense of freedom a false sense of freedom, let me say because I felt like, okay, I can be myself over in this space and technically I wasn't, you know.
Speaker 1:Looking back on it now, you know, with a clean lens, looking through the lens of how God sees me, I know now that all of that was a facade and all of that was a trap, because everything told me hey, you're safe over here, this is where you should be. It's a lie, it's not where you should be, because over time I begin to take on a more masculine role and family. Let me just be honest. You know the time boy is a kid, right, and you know the scheme or the thought is oh, I was always rough and I was always tough. No, I wasn't. You know chaos in the household again, and I'll get into my story in more depth.
Speaker 1:Chaos in the household, you know, made me tough. You know my mom was a tough woman and she taught us hey, you know, you don't rely on anybody. You know you go get it for yourself, pick yourself up by your own bootstraps and let's go. And so there was a certain level of toughness and a certain level of hardness. You know my uncles would call me mad dog, you know, and they'd push me around and wrestle me and I'm like and I felt like the scheme was to try to make me this tough, you know person, and it wasn't beenowing to them, it's just like, hey, I'm all toughening you up. And I used to get into some things with my mom, you know. Hey, she said, go downstairs. We've been to knock the windows out of these cars. Then let's go, I'm gonna go get that back and we're giving them. Knock the windows out of these cars. You know what I'm saying and I remember things like that. And so a lot of that shaped my decision making.
Speaker 1:Because here I am now. You know, I'm with this woman and I'm turning into this masculine being and it's not a woman's place to be tough, it's not a woman's place to be, you know, the man, to take on the man role. And then so you start doing things and I have to be honest, it felt weird because that's not my genetic makeup, right. But then the more I did it, the more comfortable I became in it. And then, the more comfortable I became in it, then it just was like yo, I could do this right. And so then I found myself lost in years of just being in a role. It was like I'm here.
Speaker 1:You know, there's always a part of me that was like this doesn't feel right, but hey, I'm here, right, and so that was back then, I'm talking about 20 years ago. But now this thing has morphed into something totally different. It's changing of body parts and I remember, you know, I almost I proposed to a woman I was going to marry a woman, you know. But there was always this thing. God was like no, no, no, there was always this thing, this little itty-bitty thing behind me just saying hey, no, that's not it, that's not what I have for you, right and so.
Speaker 1:But today's culture, it's so demonstrative, it's so loud, it's so strong that it's urging you to get, to be, to change, to become something that you're not. And it's like a facade, that's, it's like a Halloween mask, is chasing you and is trying to keep, you know, keep you in this costume forever, right, and so going back, and so here I am, I found myself, I'm 18, 19, 20, I'm in the military and I'm just living this lifestyle, right, and I can't. I have to be honest. You know, when you're living in a lifestyle, it's all kicks and giggles until it's not, you know. I mean, I was in all kinds of things and into all kinds of people and you know, with the relationship that I was in, it amazes me how, when you're in the homosexual relationship and you know, people's like why I don't want a man, and the woman does it for me and and and and that's it. You know, I'm attracted to women only and this is this.
Speaker 1:But then we go and get you know apparatuses and and and things to please a woman the same way that a man does, right, and it's like no, it's like this doesn't make any sense. Because it's like wait a minute, if you are attracted to women, why are you going to do and suit up and try to put on what a man has naturally in order to please the woman that you're with? It didn't make sense, it didn't add up. But again, while you're in it, you're blinded by what you feel and what you want, right, and it's like no, let's just call a spade a spade. It's not that only a woman can please you, it's just that you're mad with men, you have a judgment with men and you don't feel safe with a man, so you run to the woman. Now you still want to be pleased by a man because that's the natural order.
Speaker 1:That's how God intended right, he didn't intend for a man to be with a man. In the Bible in Genesis I believe it's chapter two and he said let us make man and our image and our likeness right. And then you go down and you read a little further and it says and God had to find a helpmate suitable for Adam and he made a woman. He didn't make another man, he made a woman right. And so a key unlocks a lock. Two keys can't do anything right and two locks can't do anything, because if you're talking about being fruitful and multiplying, then you're not going to do it if both are given seed. One has to give seed and the other one has to receive seed. Okay, we'll talk about that later.
Speaker 1:So at the end of the day y'all, it's like you're really mad at the opposite sex because of a traumatic thing or a rejection thing, or some people like well, I grew up, I didn't see any of that in the home and I just feel this way. At the end of the day, there's roots to this thing. It's rejection, it's judgments, it's what you've seen, it's how you've been treated. All these things mix up a dangerous cocktail and it's all environmental and so again. So the reason I started this podcast is because I want to talk about it and I want people to know that hey, look, this is not God's best for you and the enemy wants to get you away from who you were intended to be. Right, you can't tell me that there is a comfortability with.
Speaker 1:If you're a man, you have to reconfigure, you have to go through the motions, you have to do a lot of things to embody a woman and if you're not born that way, if you're not born a woman, it's hard to put on a facade to be a woman every day, because that's naturally not your being and so you have to put it on, you have to fake it, you have to do all of it and you have to stop for one second and say, hey, why do I want to be a man and I was born a woman? What if God is God? And people say I believe in God and some people they just like I believe in the forest, or I believe in the universe, or I believe in I don't know. It seems like every day something else is getting the credit right. But it's like people are like I believe in this and I believe in that, but you have a lot of people that say I believe in God. You have a lot of people who are in the homosexual lifestyle that believe in God and they're Christians. That's fine.
Speaker 1:But it's hard to say that you believe in God and you believe in his word and you believe that he is the supreme being when you do not believe that he made you the way, that what you were born, he doesn't make mistakes. So then, at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if you are a man or a woman and you feel like you need to be the opposite of what you were born. Then my question is do you really believe God? Do you really believe that he does not make mistakes? Right? And if you do, then now we have to investigate okay, what's causing me, who's causing me to believe? Who's telling me that I am not that what God intended me to be? And so these are the things that I had to walk through, right. I had to really, really, really go through my mind like why are you this way?
Speaker 1:Because at the end of the day, fam, there were times when I'd be laying in the bed after everybody had their showers and everybody had to dry it off. You know, I'm laying there listening to God, and God has a way of wooing you and talking to you even when you're in the worst place you could be in. Now, here's the deal. It don't seem like it's the worst place to you because, I mean, everything gets kicks and giggles until it's not. You know what I'm saying. Everything is fun and the party is the turn up and we out here live in our best life, but the truth of the matter is it's all a facade, because after you've been to every club and after you've slept with the baddest, and after you've been with the person who has the status you know, it's like you're left with the you of you that nobody knows but you. So then, fam, it's like, what are we really doing and are you really happy? At the end of the day? I really wish people would keep it 100. I really wish people would keep it a stack. You cannot say that you're having the best time of your life operating and being something that you were not intended to be. Let's just be clear. Let's talk about it A Halloween mash, right?
Speaker 1:When it's Halloween, everybody they excited about their costume. I mean you excited family. You are pumped because I am going to be. I'm going to just pick something. The best Michael Jackson ever, right, I'm going to get a Jared Carroll, you know, because Michael had a curl. Okay, oh, the one with the old Michael. So then I'm going to get the jacket, I'm going to get the shoes, I'm going to get the high wall, I'm going to get the tight pants right, I'm going to get the glitter glove and I'm going to get the jacket, you know. And I'm going to moonwalk and I'm going to put the penny loafers on and I'm going to he, he and you know, bring my voice, you know, and I'm going to do all of that.
Speaker 1:But at the end of the day, you're going to get tired of trying to keep up with the facade that you're Michael Jackson, because we're number one. Everybody knows that you're not. Okay, let's just be clear. You know, you're dressed like Michael Jackson. Yes, you're the one with the evident that we can tell that you're not Michael Jackson. Okay, so then now, at some point, at some point, fam, you are going to get tired of wearing the costume and putting on the facade that you're Michael Jackson, and it's the same thing. At some point, you're going to get tired of becoming or being something that you're not.
Speaker 1:And in today's culture, fam, people are taking hormone pills, they're taking all kinds of enhancements and they're doing it nipping, they're tucking, they're cutting, and it's like, fam, hold on time out, time out, time out. Are you really convinced that this is what God has for you? Are you really convinced that this is who you are? And, if so, who's telling you that? Right, I mean, we've gotten to the point where they are actually talking about letting five years old, five year olds pick their sex. Wait a minute. Five, you don't even know the medical terminology for your private parts, you don't even know, you barely know that you're alive, and you only know at five what somebody tells you. You don't know for yourself. So you got to stop to think for one second. If they're going to allow a five year old pick their sex, it's behind this. Who, like, what's behind this and why is it allowed? And so, anyway, so you know, going back full circle.
Speaker 1:So these are the things that came up in my mind, right, and I'm like, okay, yes, I'm living this lifestyle and yes, I'm doing this, and yes, I'm doing that, and it just didn't feel right. I was living a forever Halloween, right, and I got tired of it. I got tired of listening to God talk to me and just saying I love you, I'm here for you and you know I won't leave you, I won't forsake you. And I was just like. You know, I'm tired. I got tired of living something that I wasn't you know, and it was like all right, something has to give. And so, long story short, and we get more into details as the episodes go on. But long story short. The Lord sent me to San Antonio, texas, and you know, I started doing what God wanted me to do. I started being where God wanted me to be and listening and doing, and I said, okay, I'm out, I want to walk away from it. But I did, you know, with prayer and deliverance and accountability, and the Lord allowed me to walk away from it.
Speaker 1:And you know, people say, well, once gay, always gay, no, no, no, no, no. That's so unfair to say, because if you say once gay, always gay, then you have to say once a crackhead, always a crackhead. Once an alcoholic, always a alcoholic. You know, once a liar, always a liar. You know to say that means you feel that there can never be redemption, there can never be recovery, right, and so it is possible to walk away from homosexuality and not be attracted to a male and not be attracted to the same sex, you know, and be restored back into your correct function, right? And yes, I was a part of the lifestyle, I was a homosexual, I was past tense, right? And so now my job and my goal is to talk to people.
Speaker 1:And then my job and my goal is to understand where we are now today culturally, where this thing has metamorphed. I mean, this thing has gotten big, it has gotten huge, and I, there are a lot of things that I don't understand about where we are or where the culture is as it pertains to the LGBTQ community. I, you know, I don't understand all the alphabets, fam, I don't know, I don't, I'm. I have a lot of people that I have lined up to come on the show and talk about. Okay, what does this mean and what does that mean, and and and.
Speaker 1:I want to talk to people who are still in the community. I want to talk to people who are out of the community. I want to talk to people who have one foot in the community and one foot out of the community. I want to talk to kids. What is your life, like at school, like what you know? Are people you know throwing it down your throat and and? Are you being bullied with it or are you deciding to do it? You know, and? And? If you are, why? And then what's making you decide that way? Right, and so, on this platform, I really want to understand the community. I want to talk to the community.
Speaker 1:I want to hear their stories. I want them to hear mine, and then I want them to hear the, the, the redemptive side of this story, right, and what God says about this. Not in a bashing way, not in a oh, if you're going to do this, you're going to go to hell. I don't know where you're going to go. Okay, let's just be clear. You know that's between you and God. I don't have a hell to put you in. I can't say I can't save you, so that's between you and God. But what I can tell you is what he says about this and and and and how you should move, and then what I've seen in my life personally, what he has done and and and what he has shown me, and so I definitely want to talk to people about it, and I want to talk to pastors, because I know a lot of churches and a lot of people have church hurt and about.
Speaker 1:You know that pastors, a lot of churches, don't know how to deal with people in that lifestyle, and you know what. And, to be honest, people in that lifestyle don't know how to deal with church. That's just being cleared. You know, and, yes, I am a pastor and I do think some actions are deliberate and some actions are on purpose and people do things to ruffle feathers okay, and and people come to churches and do things to pastors and churches because they have judgments to give churches and you know all of that. But then also there are some churches and some pastors who don't know how to handle. You know the LGBTQ community and what you should do and you know and how you should approach. You know. And then so, and then another thing on this platform, I want to talk to people who you may want to step away from the lifestyle.
Speaker 1:And again, this, this platform, is not to get you to do anything you don't want to do, but I'm going to hear your side of the story. I'm going to hear how you got there. I want to talk to you about it. I want you to hear how I got to my, where I was and have some casual Conversation. Let's talk about you know you, where you are emotionally and and whatever traumas you had and or have, and then Talk about God, where you stand with him, if you, if you stand at all with him, you know, it doesn't matter where you are. I want to have the conversation and I want to talk about how did we get here as a community, how did we get here as, as as a nation? And then how do we get here as as personally. How did you get here Right, and do you plan on staying that way? What is your plan like if you change your sex and God says, hey, I don't want you to do that, and you get it in Pifany and you're like, okay, you're right now. What does that look like for you? You know.
Speaker 1:And then, for people who don't understand the LGBTQ community, I do want to provide some education on here what the community is, how, how did it start? Where is it going? What is the agenda? You know, what is, what is the whole entire goal? You know? Is it after the kids? Is it? Is it just a fad? Is? If is it, what is it? You know. And so these are the things that I'm going to cover on this podcast. Again, it'd be definitely surface based and level. Surface level and the rest of it the nitty gritty, the secrets, the tea, if you will, you know and If you want to come away from it, how to come away from it, what to do to come away from it all of that would be discussed in the escape room again.
Speaker 1:This platform was all started because I believe that you are not living your best life. I believe that God wants more from you and I believe that you don't have to stay that way now. This platform is also educational about the community and I would like to have the conversation. Yes, I am a Christian. Do I believe that the homosexuality and being a part of the community is right for you? I do not. However, do I want to talk to you? Do I want to hear your side? Do I want to hear how you got to where you are? Do I want to hear why you think the way you think? Yes, I want to hear all of that and I want to have a conversation. Nobody's bashing. Yes, I disagree, let me be clear, but I'm not bashing. I actually want to hear your side. I want to have the conversation Again.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna have various people on this show. People's girl, I said people's all right. I'm gonna have various people on the show, and from pastors, from People who are in the community, people who are out of the community, people who teeter tottering in the community, children who are thinking about the community, you name it. I want to talk about it and, again, we do have an exclusive part of this show. So you think you're gay? The escape room. I'm your whole show. Whitener. Thank you for tuning in, thank you for listening to the podcast. So you think you're gay. Make sure you stay tuned. There's so much more we need to discuss. I'm out of here. You, you.