Episode 11 - Breakfast Interlude

In this episode, I let everyone know I'm alive by rambling out of practice. It's good to be back. Find me.

Transcript

Russell: 0:00

My name is Russell sewer brown. I'm probably not the Russell you're looking for, but I am the one you've got right now. These are things that I've learned. Welcome back. I apologize for the extended vacation, I took, it started off as a vacation. It turned into COVID and COVID became its own sort of vacation of the mind fever dreams. Gone wild. A day or two of it being rough, but I think we are at the stage where the vaccines on the variance are doing the jobs they were designed to do by. Well, this could get controversial, I guess. The vaccines designed by science and the virus designed by. Whatever the. Viral equivalent of a mitochondria is I guess. Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Right? I didn't do biology. I did physics. I did apply math. If you think of oh, stuff like at Cannonball, like if a Cannonball is fired at this. Rate of energy. It weighs this much. How far will it go? That sort of thing. That was what applied math was. It was like the branch between the applied or the branch between physics and math. And at the time I had to undiagnosed ADHD. And. I think a lot of that. Manifested itself in, in. A difference between priorities and interests. If that makes sense, like to this day, I mean, I still will do like Wikipedia dives on things I'm interested in. But they shouldn't be at priority. Like I decided to get into doctor who. I guess I did my Wikipedia thing like I did with breaking bad. And like, I just read through. Major storylines. Kind of interesting. I'm watching. Dr. Hu sporadically now. But At the very least I have the excuse and that I was quarantined during COVID for that. So there were, weren't a lot of priorities. I, I couldn't manage. And so a Wikipedia dives. You know, they just seemed like a good way to spend the time. But. When it comes to priorities, then that was always the part I had difficulty getting interested. And you know what that is. That's so stereotypical. In a way, I guess. Sorry. I feel like sometimes. I feel like. When I talk about this stuff. I feel like there is. An element of. I don't know if it's disbelief. I'm not self-diagnosed I have official diagnosis is by doctors. And. I have. I have diagnosis diagnoses. Of things that I knew I had, I'm pretty sure. I had to push harder for one than the other. But It really bothers me sometimes when I say something and it's too cliche. Like. If you've ever listened to someone doing a speech. Talking about autism. Or if someone's written a book about having autism. At some point. They're going to say. You know, I feel like there was a rule book that everyone else had. And I didn't. And there's a reason why everyone says eyes. Cause it's, it's, it's a very good encapsulation of the higher functioning, autistic experience. In that it feels like there is a secret. That everyone else is kind of in, on. And it's not, it's not just one secret, but like in that sort of way, where. When you're in a Lovecraft novel as you do B. And, and like you're walking around the village and like the shops are open and all that's happening. But like everyone is in on something that you aren't. That's what it feels like to be. Autistic sometimes. Like, you're like, you're eating. Like you're under the shadow of it and Smith. I always get in Smith and a done, which confused Dunwich horror. Shadow over in spit. So in Smith is, is the one with the. The fishy people and then Dunwich, horror, I think is the one with the big invisible guy. You know, Based on his like actual cultural footprint. That feels like a very strange way to describe it, but that's. I think I've talked about this before I have aphantasia and. But something I've learned is that. Affects the way I read. Or maybe. It affects the way I. Experience reading. I think that's why there's certain, like, I really, I love a conversational tone to a book. Not, not so much in the Stephen King sense. Stephen King was very casual. I, I not say I don't like his butt. But, I mean, I love Plenty of the guy who writes a flight club and stuff, he writes in this way where. It's not necessarily. Aye. You have an unreliable narrator. In, in some novels, way more unreliable than others, but it's not a, it's not about the unreliability. It's about the fallibility. You have a fallible narrator. Like you can't rely on, on someone. Telling you anything else than their experience? And king does do that in quite a few of his books. But it means that other books are very difficult for me because things like Lord of the rings, when. When Lord of the rings is describing it. A feast of food. I can't picture that table. I, unless you're telling me something interesting. About the food. Maybe if you're evoking a smell. I mean, other than that, like, there are very long descriptive. Parts of, of novels. I have difficulty with sometimes because they're describing what a house looks like. I think then though, that that is one of the great things. And it's yeah, it is one of the things that king does do very well. Is when you find the metaphors. That tell you how something looks by describing how it feels. Like you don't say it had an evil presence. You. You described something about it in a way that's kind of off. Things like, you know, Like you pick it up if you, if you, if you look for it. And I look for it because I have such difficulty with writing. Things that aren't screenplays or not screenplays because stage plays are what I actually ended up producing. But, but I can only think in dialogue and I've been trying really hard to write, like, like short story novel type, like the pros pros. And it's just, it's difficult. So it is something that I've been thinking about that maybe like. Audio podcasts would be a good direction for that. I like the idea of like, I don't know if there's something I've learned is that. There's always this idea that you have to get bigger, better, and more professional. And to a point I would like that. Things like, I would love to understand why there's kind of an echo in my voice. And I'm pursuing that, but, but that's not like, how do I put it? I w like, So I'm trying to pursue from, from the ground up. Like, I'm not going out and thinking, what do I need to buy? Like I want, I want to learn. What it is about the room I'm in. And it's been slow going. But I think today he feels worse. I don't know if now that I've said that it was going to be in people's heads. But. I want to know things about like echoes and stuff like that. I don't want to too. B everything. I just, I, you know, there's a certain level of quality where, where I think. It's kind of like the Peter's principle. I don't know if you know the Peter principle. I may have discussed it. It's the kind of thing I would discuss. But maybe the Peterson principle, I could be wrong about that either way. It's, it's the guy who wrote Dilbert kind of a douchebag, but he came up with the idea that everyone gets promoted to their own level of incompetence. And I think that success. That might be a thing too, because what happens is you, you keep looking to the next thing, the next thing. And, and sometimes the next thing you trick yourself into thinking is like, Not every chef should necessarily open a restaurant. They should. Like, if you're a good chef, you should definitely be a chef. And at the same time, owning a restaurant. Doesn't make you a chef automatically. But. You ended up in that weird scenario where a chef's trying to run a restaurant. Or a restaurant owners trying to cook. And they might've been really good at their individual jobs outside. But it becomes an issue. When they try to do the multitasking. And I think. I've watched a lot of things. Try to become, say television quality. And. I think it's weird to use the words, television quality. Because. I heard a YouTuber say this the other day, but it's like, if you, if you call your internet content, television quality. You're essentially disparaging the entire internet. And I was like, yeah. Yeah. Cause like, well, if you want to do television quality, do television, it's a different system. And I don't mean to say that you can't do high-quality stuff online, just that. It has to be different. The manner in which television is watched, the way that ads are sold compared to the single platform like. Like. I know that there's a split between channels. On YouTube, but, but it, it all comes down to Google at the end of the day. Whereas with, with television, you, you have so many more options. I mean, I. I don't know what I'm talking about in. In certain senses. But. Many citizens. I think this podcast has just been a series of me not knowing what I was talking about and proceeding to talk for 45 minutes. Anyway. But. Like if. You know, Not, not everyone. Does this either. Oh, you know, what's another thing though, is I think it's absolutely fair to say that YouTube can be a pipeline for people to move onto television stuff or movie stuff. But it's like, if you try to do a thing. In a system it's not designed for. You got to do. Really well, because, cause you're either gonna find out that it doesn't work or you're going to shock everyone by showing them how well it works. And. I think that DAS Feria. We achieved double for people like it's within arms reach. And if it's not within arms reach it's within like the reach of your front yard. But. Something I've learned is that. If you set your sights. On on Hollywood, California. Then. The walk. To the edge of your front yard. Feels really long. All right. My dog is barking. So apologies for the brief, a brief episode. I'm going to try to put out more, but shorter episodes, especially if I can get away from barking dogs. Thanks for coming. Again, Like I said, I'm going to try to work on quality and the theme music. I want, I want to do that properly, but honestly, I'm not sure what to do. So I might find something public domain. Either way. I just wanted to get back into your, your feeds and your lives and let you know that my dog is very angry at her friend outside. So I fives all around. I'll talk to you guys. In the next cartoon.