Join me and Susan Bratton, a sexual wellness hacker and intimacy guru, in this revealing conversation. We discuss the often-misunderstood landscape of female desire and sexual pleasure, the game-changing concept of the Sexual Soulmate Pact, orgasmic cross-training, and natural libido boosters.
Resources from Susan:
Free e-book for more passionate love-making: sexualsoulmatepact.com
Foria oils and melts: pleasureprotocol.com
Free relationship workbook: myrelationshipmagic.com
Free dirty talk techniques: dirtytalkbook.com
Newsletter with sex tips: betterlover.com
Susan’s website: https://susanbratton.com
Instagram: @susanbratton
Twitter: @susanbratton
Facebook: @trustedhotsexadvisortomillions
YouTube: youtube.com/c/BetterLover
Here's your first step in spicing up your sex life--get Lee's free erotic massage technique: rockthebedroom.com/
For new erotic massage techniques every month: rockthebedroom.com/membership
Join me and Susan Bratton, a sexual wellness hacker and intimacy guru, in this revealing conversation. We discuss the often-misunderstood landscape of female desire and sexual pleasure, the game-changing concept of the Sexual Soulmate Pact, orgasmic cross-training, and natural libido boosters.
Resources from Susan:
Free e-book for more passionate love-making: sexualsoulmatepact.com
Foria oils and melts: pleasureprotocol.com
Free relationship workbook: myrelationshipmagic.com
Free dirty talk techniques: dirtytalkbook.com
Newsletter with sex tips: betterlover.com
Susan’s website: https://susanbratton.com
Instagram: @susanbratton
Twitter: @susanbratton
Facebook: @trustedhotsexadvisortomillions
YouTube: youtube.com/c/BetterLover
Here's your first step in spicing up your sex life--get Lee's free erotic massage technique: rockthebedroom.com/
For new erotic massage techniques every month: rockthebedroom.com/membership
On the show today. I have with me Susan Pratt. Intimacy expert to millions, she is a champion and advocate for all the people out there who desire intimacy passion in their lives. She's created hundreds of techniques that transform having sex into making love and is the world's most well-respected sexual hacker. Welcome to the show, susan. I'm so happy you're here.
Speaker 2:Lee. Me, too, I'm excited that we live so close to each other that the next thing we do together we're going to do in person. That's going to be fun.
Speaker 1:So good. I love that this is such a huge world and I talk to people all over the world. So when you said you live practically down the street from me, wow, so great. It was destined All right. So for the few listeners out there who don't know who you are, could you please tell them what it is that you do and how do you help people?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I think I might have the best job in the world maybe second to yours, I don't know. For the last two decades and this is my second career because I'm in my 60s I have been running a publishing company, and I publish passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills and what I call intimate wellness information. And then I also have a second company that I started in 2019, called the 20. And have you ever heard of the 80-20 rule? Yes, 20% of what you do is getting you 80% of the results. If you just knew what 20%. That's the Pareto principle. And my company is called the 20 because it's a supplement company where I put in the ingredients that actually get you the results.
Speaker 2:That's kind of my modus operandi, and I run those businesses with my husband and a team of about 20 people, and I've been married for 32 years. I have a 27 year old daughter who lives right with us down there in Encinitas, and what I've really done is I went on this kind of like 42 year old midlife quest to find my orgasm, and one of the things I realized was that I had to do some trauma healing. I had to get really honest with my husband and tell him what worked and what didn't, because I'd had intercourse with him for almost 12 years and never had an orgasm and didn't want to do it anymore. And you know I didn't want to have sex. I was avoiding him and we said, well, let's not get divorced, we get along, we really like each other. Let's figure out how you can like sex as much as I do. And so we started with the trauma healing that was needed and I moved through that pretty fast, which was good. I'm not one of those people who gets stuck in the past. I can let shit go. I can really do that. I've learned how to just like. Okay, all right, it happened, but I don't want it to control me. I know everybody's not like that. About 20% of the audience has, you know, genetic L's that have them. Re-experience trauma at a level that I'm lucky I don't. So I kind of worked my way through that and then we started getting really honest with each other and then we started going to sex workshops to learn how to have hot sex and it happened so fastly.
Speaker 2:I mean, this is the thing about learning about sex is that when someone teaches you something you're like, oh well, I can do that and you do it and you're like, well, shit, that worked. And then you're like, oh, what else can I know? And so for the last two decades, while I have been essentially publishing hundreds and hundreds of these things that I I like to say they're little hinges that swing big doors, they're like an easy thing you can do that makes a huge difference in your life. And that's what sex techniques and communication skills are. They're not hard to learn and you build this body of knowledge and the skill sets and you learn these techniques and these ways of going about things and pretty soon you're an incredible lover and you're having really hot, highly orgasmic sex.
Speaker 2:And a big part of what I have done is that I have focused on what I would call orgasmic activation, orgasmic cross-training, expanding our orgasmic potential, teaching our bodies how to come, come well, come longer, come harder, come from different stimulation, come more easily, come more confidently, have a wide variety of orgasmic experiences, basically activate all the pathways to orgasmic pleasure, whether it's locations to touch or it's techniques to use, or it's objects of desire, as I like to call them. So I have really enjoyed that and I'm very similar to you in that I don't want to get into the world of like being a. I'm not a therapist, I'm not, you know, I'm not a sexologist Like. Those are the people who fix your problems. I'm the person who pluses up your pleasure. I'm the one who makes it hotter, sexier and more fulfilling. And I just want to start there with people, because that's my gift is describing.
Speaker 2:I call myself an orgasmonaut. I like to go to the far reaches of orgasmic outer space, the outer limits, and I like to do it dressed in a silver jumpsuit and silver go-go boots, if possible with a slutty outfit on, and I like to just be like okay, there's a new way to come, let me learn how to make myself come that way, and then let me come back and write it down and do a video and tell you how to do it so you can come with me. And I just really like that whole piece of things. I enjoy the bedroom communication skills. I like the intimate wellness, the kind of keeping your genitals in good working order, reversing atrophy, reversing erectile dysfunction, regenerating lubrication, regenerating sensation. I like that piece of it. I like the communication.
Speaker 2:But what I love are pleasuring techniques how to have hot sex, how to transform friction. I'm rubbing my genitals, together with your genitals to deep connection. I want the kind of sex you have to just fuel you. I want there to be a spring in your step. I want you to feel like a hot mama. I want you to be a spring in your step. I want you to feel like a hot mama. I want you to be like massively creative because you just are having all this great sex. I want you to squirt your heart out. I want you to have all these experiences, and so that's who I am and what I do.
Speaker 1:Oh, mg Pretty good right yeah.
Speaker 2:If you could be anything, why not be that?
Speaker 1:Why not? You're right, you do have the best job in the world I do. It's so good, and so much of what you said. I'm checking these boxes in my head like, yeah, that's me too. Yeah, I do that too. That's awesome. No wonder I like you. Yeah, 100%, this is so good. Oh my gosh. Okay, somewhere I saw the words sexual soulmate pact. Can you explain what that is and how it can transform intimate relationships?
Speaker 2:Yes, so one of my most popular books. I've written 44 books and programs now, lee, it's crazy. And in two decades I've been busy. I got a lot to say and one of the things that I realized is that I could teach you all the techniques in the world, but if you couldn't know what you want and then confidently ask for it couldn't know what you want and then confidently ask for it then all the techniques in the world are basically moot. So one of my mentors I am super, super lucky.
Speaker 2:I like mentorship, I like to be mentored and I have been mentored by some incredible sex educators who have come before me and one of them is Dr Patricia Taylor. She has taught me the expanded orgasm practice, which is basically a clitoral stroking technique. It has been called many things. It is a lineage, it's a practice. It's called expanded orgasm, extended, massive orgasm, deliberate orgasm, orgasmic meditation. Many people have come from the lineage and put their spin on it and I've had an expanded orgasm practice which is basically a vulva massage, clitoris, vagina, vulva, all the parts, g-spot, manual pleasuring massage and I pretty much start out most of my lovemaking dates with that, and Dr Patty taught me that whole form on how to do it. And the other thing that she taught me was this idea of how to ask for what you want, understanding that every day, especially in the female body.
Speaker 2:But all of us humans, all of us homo sapiens, all of us monkeys running around, all of us animals, we are animals. The sugar we ate, the booze we drank, the sleep we did or didn't get all this stuff, the stress we're under, our dynamics, in our relationships, etc. It impacts our sexual appetite day to day, to day. Some days we feel like a kitty cat and we need to be held and stroked and we're just like. And sometimes we're just a lioness and we're just like and anything in between, and it could change on a dime, at a moment's notice, we could go from kitty cat to lioness and back to kitty cat.
Speaker 2:And a lot of women say to me I don't know what I want, I just know what I'm getting, isn't it? And they need to learn interoception. Interoception is one of our senses and it's the sense that you know. It's like there's taste and smell and sound and touch and all these things and where our body is in space proprioception and then there's interoception and that's what's going on inside my body. How does my body feel in space? Proprioception, and then there's interoception, and that's what's going on inside my body.
Speaker 2:How does my body feel in this moment, you know? Do I feel gassy? Do I, you know? Do I feel whatever? Does my foot hurt? Are you rubbing me too hard there or too soft there? Am I getting impatient with myself and feeling frustrated? You know all of it, the emotional and the physical and feeling frustrated. You know all of it, the emotional and the physical, what's going on inside you. And once you begin to tune into that, I often say that we have two sets of lips but only one can talk and you have to give your upper lips need to work on behalf of your lower lips to speak what your lower lips are trying to tell you. They are telling you. You just have to tune into them.
Speaker 1:And most people don't. It's so quiet in the bedroom.
Speaker 2:Quiet, quiet, quiet. Yes, exactly. And that's why I think that there's an ascension model for communication as well, where you really need some foundational communication skills to build on sexual communication skills. And the very first thing is to make sure that you are getting what you need outside of the bedroom. But then, once you're in the bedroom, it's being able to ask for what you want and have your partner be super happy. You said that to them Because so many women are like well, if I say something to my partner, they're going to contract, they're going to feel rejected, they're going to take it like they got all butthurt, they did something wrong, and then they check out, and then they get and it's not even worth saying, and it's like you've got to break that.
Speaker 2:And how you break it is use the sexual soulmate act, pact. It's an agreement, a pact between lovers that says I live in this monkey body. I can't control her, I'm speaking on her behalf, don't shoot the messenger, I'm reporting in for my animal and whenever I say something, I want you to acknowledge it and encourage me to tell you more. And not, how could you know what my body wants at any given day when we're all these cyclical humans, running with the moon. Even after menopause, we still are on a moon cycle.
Speaker 2:So if I say that hurts, I like it harder. Stop, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You say thank you, baby, got it, how's this? And you encourage me tell me more, that was helpful, good job. And when you start doing that, when your partner is like good job in you, you really begin to realize how powerful the constant flow of communication can be. And that's the Sexual Soulmate Pact and you can download it at sexualsoulmatepactcom. It's free and what's nice about it is you can print it out with your partner. If you're lucky enough to have a partner, you can print it out with your partner and you can be like let's enter into this agreement together that we're going to just start this free flow of feedback with each other so we can get really good in bed together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's the foundation together. Yeah, I think that's the foundation. Like, if you don't have that agreement and that discussion about, okay, how is it basically, how am I going to feel safe in the bedroom to express what I need, yeah, and and to have that, you know, go back and forth. You don't have anything to build upon if you don't have that. So I love that you're offering that to listeners for free. Everybody run, don't walk to that website right now.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe listen to this. So then, yeah, go check that out, because that it really is, and from I can definitely verify that based on all of the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of women I have probably thousands actually it is thousands at this point that I have worked with yeah that's the foundational thing that they don't have. Yeah, so they're not. They're not talking to their, their partner, about agreeing, getting both on the same page. Thank you for doing that.
Speaker 2:That's so good.
Speaker 1:Sure, and so I want to. And I don't know if this is kind of similar, but many of us know the golden rule, like treat others the way that we would like to be treated. And you talk about the platinum rule like treat others the way that we would like to be treated and you talk about the platinum rule, and why do you say that we should follow that instead of the golden rule when it comes to how we treat our partner?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I think this is what's so interesting about human sexuality, especially in a pair, bonded heterosexual relationship, so a dude and his lady, which is what most people are, and that's, you know, most of my followers. I mean, I'm a rainbow sparkle girl. I, I, you know, I have, I swear I have more masculine in me than I have feminine A lot of the time. I'm, you know, I'm just I'm, I don't know. I have a big pair of balls because I take testosterone, I weight lift, I'm the CEO of two companies. I'm a strong but highly feminine woman. But no matter what, I live in a woman's body. I've got a vulva, clitoral structure, boobs, etc. And it makes me so different than my male partners.
Speaker 2:Because the thing is that we have been having, as women, what I would call patriarchal sex instead of matriarchal sex. And patriarchal sex says sex is intercourse, foreplay is everything else, and that the you know, so like you can have some appetizers, but the main event is intercourse. Foreplay is everything else and that the you know, so like you can have some appetizers, but the main event is intercourse, and I love intercourse, especially once I started learning, and it's all it is is a learned skill. Everyone can have orgasms from intercourse. Every single vulva owner in the universe can have orgasms from intercourse. She just needs to learn how. It's one of my favorite things to teach. I'll parking lot it by saying that orgasmicintercoursecom has my top 10 techniques for helping you come while you're being penetrated, if you're not currently doing it. It's one of the number one things women want to know how to do. Number two is female ejaculation. They want to understand G-spot activation and female ejaculation.
Speaker 2:So orgasmic intercourse is a great place to go, because it's like yeah, I need to learn that If I'm going to be with a male body partner, he's going to want intercourse. Even if I could give it up, he's not going to give it up. And then once you learn how you're, like, how could I have ever thought I might have to give this up? So, because religious repression has told us that sex is for procreation only, that you're useless after you've gone through menopause, that your life is over, you might as well just go die. We don't need you anymore. Which is why I still menstruate, actually because we have this planned biological obsolescence and I just keep my hormones topped up to the point where I still have a monthly bleed. I feel like if I'm not bleeding I'm receding and I just want to keep myself active.
Speaker 2:Some women are like, oh, I was so glad to get rid of my period, but not me. I don't want to. I want to keep it as long as I can, because we do start to degrade after that. We have to fight even harder against that degradation. I'm literally still building bone density and muscle tissue at 62. I just this morning went and got an in-body scan that measures basically the fat, the muscle and the bone density and I'm working on density improvements rather than going the opposite direction. So I do my in bodies almost every year and DEXA scans and things like that to keep track of that stuff. So because we start to atrophy and desiccate as we age, we have to keep all that stuff going.
Speaker 2:And the thing is that our male body partners they have nighttime erections. If they're healthy. They wake up with morning wood. They get this big bolus of testosterone that makes them really super horny. They masturbate every day or every couple of days because they're biologically driven to keep their semen top off and so they're watching pornography and they're masturbating to it and they're just like thinking about sex a lot more than we are, as women generally, and so then they also have this benefit of fast acting blood flow down the straight chutes of their penile chambers to a quick erection in a minute or two. So they're so goal oriented from testosterone they are focused on intercourse because that's what they think feels the best, because they don't have very good skills around oral pleasuring and kissing and lingam play.
Speaker 2:You know stroking, getting stroked, and we don't. Women aren't taught how to stroke a penis or any of those things. We're just like not taught any of that. And so you know he's ready to go and we get penetrated too fast and we're not even turned on yet, we're not even relaxed yet before we can climb our arousal ladder. Our arousal takes 20 or 30 minutes. It takes.
Speaker 2:Us women say like I don't have any libido, I don't get lubricated. I'm like, well, how long does it take when you guys have sex? And it's like he's penetrated her and he's come in like five to seven minutes. She hasn't even relaxed and gotten out of her. You know her estrogen dominant. I'm got my eye on a million things because I'm prey and the masculine is a predator, and I mean not all men are, but 99% of sex offenders are male. They're the predators in our world, and so we have to feel safe and relaxed.
Speaker 2:And so when a man is grabbing us by the or, you know, grabbing a boob and sticking it in or all the kind of stuff where we've been penetrated too soon, over and over and over and over and never gotten the stimulation we need, no wonder we can give up our intercourse when we're going through. We use it as an excuse not to have sex with them anymore because it's no good for us. And so treating your partner the way you want to be treated doesn't work. You have to do the platinum rule, which is treat them the way they want to be treated, which is we have different arousal ladders and processes and needs. We need full body touch, we need words of encouragement and adoration, we need a lot of kissing and breast and nipple play, not just getting grabbed and getting poked. It's just no good for us. And so for a lot of women hearing me talk, they're like holy cow. I never thought about it that way. You mean, I'm not broken. So many women think their libido is low. They don't have a libido.
Speaker 2:Their hormones are bad, it's just like they have a hard time orgasming. The only reason they feel that way is because they've literally never been touched like a woman needs to be touched. That's why Dr Laurie Mintz has shown how the orgasm gap between lesbians is almost nothing. Because women know how to touch other women. Where the orgasm gap between the male and the female is so high, because guys are doing the golden rule instead of the platinum rule.
Speaker 1:So that's basically it. Yeah, I love that, I teach that, but I've never termed it the platinum rule. Oh my gosh, this is so good. I got to turn all my ladies on to this Because, yeah, we are so different Biologically, we function differently, and we just assume that what does it for me, Well, that's what's going to do it for you, and consent is a noise they make, not a thought. I think she's not ready for that yet, so thank you for elaborating on that. That's so good. Sure, oh my gosh. Okay, so in terms of physical intimacy, how does a person unpack what really drives their desires?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, I really think that Jaya's erotic blueprint system is a really good place to start. You know, I think that she did a good job with that. The one caution I would say is that I kind of feel like if people look at the erotic blueprint, they kind of look at it like they look at the five love languages, like they have to choose between them. And I know that there's the shapeshifter, which is like I like to do all things, and Jaya would say well, you know, there's kind of like a fundamental core one that's really the one for you. You know, like if you're, if you're I don't remember what they all are either, but the kinky one versus the, you know versus the sensual or whatever Sexual energetic.
Speaker 1:I had her on my podcast just a few episodes ago. Oh good, yeah, yeah, yeah, great yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've been friends with Jaya for decades and I actually published the Steamy Sex Ed video collection, which is a number of tantra techniques that she's taught, and that's been one of my all-time bestsellers. As a publisher, I publish not only my own work but the work of others the best of the best of the best, and so I think that whole you know erotic blueprint thing is a really good thing to start with. But I also think just learning a lot of techniques is super helpful, and one of the things so what? One of the things for me is that the kind of sex techniques that I teach are what I would call heart-connected, conscious, passionate lovemaking. Those are the words that I use.
Speaker 2:There are a lot of people out there like my friend, kimmy Inch, who teaches kink and BDSM, and though I do teach everything from ravishment and a bit of domination, teaching women how to kind of run the bedroom game and how to dominate him in the way he'd like you to dominate him and things like that, I'm not a kink trainer or BDSM person and I look at that genre and I think to myself that a lot of those people are people who this is my personal opinion those are people who have had a lot of religious repression and a lot of shame and they have an alternative pathway to pleasure because they've got to work around all of the bullshit that they've had to go through in their lives, the bullshit that they've had to go through in their lives, and so for them the pain is the pleasure, or the domination or the kink or the being told what to do or whatever it might be.
Speaker 2:It kind of helps them get around what messed them up, which was repression and shame, and I've been very lucky that I haven't had a lot of that. I mean, we're swimming in it because we're in this culture. We're in this culture and we can't not have effect of it. But I didn't have as much as a lot of people, and so the things I like and the things I like to teach are more of this very loving and heart connected. I like to teach men how to connect their cock to their heart, because it's not connected for most guys, thank you for doing that.
Speaker 2:They're just using it as a piston, you know, because they watch porn and that's no good. You know, when you listen to porn stars, when you talk to porn stars, when you talk to adult stars and you say so, how much are you faking it and how much are you really coming? They're like you. When you talk to porn stars, when you talk to adult stars and you say so, how much are you faking it and how much are you really coming? They're like, oh, a hundred percent faking it. We're, we're actors. It's a hundred percent. I mean like, yeah, I come with my boyfriend, but I'm not coming on the set.
Speaker 2:You know, I feel like I'm like the antidote to repression, religiosity, shame, pornography, all the things that aren't what comes from within you, naturally, and the conscious piece of it is I'm here with you, I'm present with you. I'm like right here, right now, with you. I'm not in my head, I'm not strategizing. I'm like right here, right now, with you. I'm not in my head, I'm not strategizing, I'm not thinking about something else, I'm bringing myself back to you over and over and over that my sexuality is also a mindfulness practice of being in a theta brainwave state of pleasure, meditation, that orgasm is a theta brainwave. It's coming back to you consciously, here, wholeheartedly, and then the passionate piece is, and it's hot, it's. I want you. I can't wait to get my hands on you. I love to be with you. You turn me on so much that I am already turned on even before we start. But I will always take my time and give my body what she needs 20 or 30 minutes of lots of pleasuring to get really, really, really ready for penetration or whatever I might want to do.
Speaker 2:And then the lovemaking is just this idea that it's non-performative. I'm not acting out a role. It's not role play. It's not like there's no expectations. I've let go of body image issues. I don't think about how my ass is looking or if my boobs are sagging. I don't think about anything, because what I'm in is this space of co-creative turn on where I can't tell where my pleasure starts and your pleasure ends. That we have just surrendered into this moment of just rapture together.
Speaker 2:And, yes, we can also stop and be like oh, I need a drink of water, let's take a break. Hey, hold me for a while. Oh, I want to use my vibrator while you play with my boobs. Now, whatever it is, everything is on the table as joy, pleasure and connection. That, to me, is what feels like love making. I don't know what I'm going to want until I'm right here with you and I see what she has the appetite for. And I know that every time we make love it's going to be totally different, because I'm just completely present and connected in my heart with you right in this moment. And that's the kind of sex that I really like, and that is, I think, just what satisfies me and I think it satisfies a lot of us, and I think that a lot of the other kinds of sex are performative.
Speaker 1:A hundred percent. It's outcome oriented, there's an expectation going into it, it's already predetermined. It's a sprint and we're trying to get to that big O as quickly as possible.
Speaker 2:That's what I like to do. Come the whole time. Let's make out. I'll stroke your cock, you play with my boobs and give me nipple gasms, and then why don't we do 69 for a few minutes? Well, now I feel like a yoni massage. Will you give me a yoni massage? Or will you give me a linga massage, or whatever it is? Oh, now I want to use this vibrator in this way. Or let's try this vibrator or this toy in this way. Oh, this sounds good. Let's try that new position. Or, oh, I know you love doggy, because you think my back looks so strong and that turns you on. Let's do doggy and looking in the mirror. Oh, that sounds fun. Oh, now I want to do blah, blah.
Speaker 2:That's what, to me, is like. The joy is the feeling into what will create even more pleasure in the next moment. How can I have G-spot orgasms, clitoral orgasms, cervical orgasms, orgasms from intercourse, analgasms, breastgasms, footgasms, bellygasms, gasms from intercourse, gasms from toys, gasms from techniques? How can I ejaculate? There's just so many fun things you both can do that you can come the whole time you're having sex and learn and create those pathways in your body. That's what I really like to teach. Women is first of all slow down. It takes you 20 or 30 minutes, so get really turned on.
Speaker 1:And then, oh, once you got her turned on, she's going to want to go and go and go, or come and come, and come is what she's going to want to do Right, and I love that you throw in all those different possibilities that could happen in one play session that through to orgasm, or at least try to and um, and it's not working for her. So she fakes an orgasm just to stop it, because like, oh okay, that's just not going to happen and but I want this to be over with, instead of suggesting, hey, try this, why don't we try that? How does a person ask for what they want without stomping on?
Speaker 2:their guy's ego. Yeah Well, the sexual soulmate pact really gives you a lot of nuances for that, and I know that a part of what you have to do is you have to kind of train yourself and your partner. When you first start training your partner, you are asking them to honor your needs. Like I say, I have some non-negotiables around my sexuality and one of them is I will not do anything that isn't giving me incredible pleasure for one second longer than the moment I realize it, like the moment I need a break or that's not feeling good or what have you. I just stop and I'm just like I don't know anybody in ejaculation. It's not my job. You, I just stop. I don't owe anybody an ejaculation, it's not my job.
Speaker 1:Ooh, I love that Ladies hear this. You don't owe him an ejaculation.
Speaker 2:No, he can masturbate. When you're done, you're done. If you're complete, you're complete. If you're tired, go to sleep.
Speaker 2:Because I always say that every time you do something you don't want to do, it's like your yoni, which is the tantric lovemaking word for the female genital system. I like that better than vulva or vagina, which are just specific areas or genitals. They're also medically and the other ones are slang and can be derogatory and some people don't like them. So I like Yoni, y-o-n-i, yoni and Lingam for the penis, prostate et cetera. And the Yoni, she will get a chip on her shoulder, she will get her nose out of joint. If you make her do things she doesn't want to do and she gets pissed off. And every time she does she's got a brick factory in there and off. And every time she does, she's got a brick factory in there and she makes another brick and it goes into the wall of your future sexless life Every time you make her do something she doesn't want to do. And so I give Yoni her head. She rules my roost, everything is here to make her happy, because when Yoni is happy, everybody is happy.
Speaker 2:So non-negotiable number one never do anything, never keep doing anything. I'm not in the moment, feeling Take breaks. Number two is I don't owe anybody an ejaculation. And number three is, no matter how frustrated I still get with myself, lee, that it takes me so long to achieve my full turn on 20, 30 minutes, I can't be like come on, come on. I have to just be like okay, this is what it takes, girl.
Speaker 2:You just keep receiving pleasure and giving pleasure and you wait because pretty soon you're going to be like oh yeah now. Oh yeah, now I'm good. Oh no, now it's going, now it's going, it's going. Now we got her started. Right, you gotta kick start your yoni. She's just like. She's almost always completely asleep and she's like what, what? Oh you, you want to have sex, okay, well, okay, all right, rub me, let's see how we play with my boob, let's see how we do, we'll see if we can get her. You know, like getting her started. And it doesn't matter how much sex you have. The only times I have found that you can like get around this 20 to 30 minutes to achieve full turn on for the yoni is if it's like a brand new hot lover Right when you're just like already so like.
Speaker 1:I can't wait.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly. Other than that, you just have to go through the process, and that's one of the reasons I love yoni massage so much. One of the reasons I love Yoni massage so much is because you just get to lie there and receive. Your partner gets to really tune into you. They get to connect in your heart and connect in your limbic system and start to get you up and take you on a journey and take you on a ride. Oh, do you know about my pleasure protocol?
Speaker 1:No, but I love the sound of it.
Speaker 2:This is a shortcut to get to that full arousal which I really love. I will send some of this to you. This is it's basically three things. Hang on, let me put them in my hands. It's a company called Phoria. They. They have made this pleasure protocol for me, which is basically some melts, an awaken arousal oil and their sex oil.
Speaker 2:And here's how you do it. First thing you do is you open up one of the melts and this is really really good for women who are very dry. First of all, take some. Take some vaginal estrogen Glow Below is the one that I recommend. I can get you a link for it and vaginal estrogen really helps a lot. But the second thing is that these melts are different kinds and one of them is called Relief and it has double the CBD in it. The others do, and it really helps because CBD with botanicals in cacao butter, and when you take the cacao butter, this is like a little trochee and you just pull it out and pop it up inside your vagina. They have booty melts as well and I, at 62, I'm discovering the pleasures of anal orgasms that it took me till this time in my life to really get to the point where I was like, oh my God, these are so incredible.
Speaker 2:I can't believe it took me this long to get here. But you put the little melts up inside. You put a little melt up inside there and it coats the vaginal mucosal lining so you've got. It's hard to get lube up in there. Then you take the awaken arousal oil and this is all at pleasureprotocolcom. So don't worry, oh my god, what do I need to write down pleasureprotocolcom? You pop up a couple of, a couple of squirts of the arousal oil and you, you or your partner rubs that on your outer vulva, all along the mons and the outer labia, the inner labia, the vestibule, the clitoral shaft, the clitoral hood, the fourchette, the whole schmageggy. What this does is it's got botanicals in it and the CBD that are this pleasure healing pathway of your body, your own body's endocannabinoid system. Basically, what it does is it wakes up your brain, because you've heard that your brain is your biggest sex organ, right? Why? Because it processes sensation, and so the more of your vulva and vagina and all the clitoral, urethral and perineal structures that you activate, the more parts of your brain start to light up, blood flows to them, oxygenation happens and it processes as pleasure. And then you put the sex oil on top for all the slide and glide that you need More lube, please, more lube, please. If you need it, you just keep adding more and what that does is it gets all the blood flowing into all of those little tissue chambers in the vulva and vagina.
Speaker 2:Because we have as much erectile tissue as our penis-owning partner and his is 50% bigger than what you see. Half of his penis sticks out, half of it goes in and down toward his testicles. That whole banana filled with fruit, that fruit is erectile tissue. We have that, but it's more like a teardrop around the vaginal area. It's literally underneath the pubic hair and inside the canal and all that stuff. We've got to get that filled with blood so that it plumps up, so that it's engorged. So we have our lady boners, so that it has more surface area, sending more signals to our biggest sex organ, our brain, processing it as increased sensation.
Speaker 2:So when a woman who doesn't have an orgasm is holding a vibrator right on the tip of her clit and just trying to squeeze it out, she's crunching everything down instead of opening everything up and getting all the blood flow in.
Speaker 2:So for most women the trick is open, expand, plump pleasure. Take your time, get the blood flowing, get your saliva running, get your eyes tearing, get your boobs feeling like they're getting heavy with milk almost you know it's like you got to let it all down. It's got to let go, which is why the relaxation Like you can't be, like I'm worried, I won't be able to come you got to be like I'm going, I won't be able to come. You got to be like I'm going to come so much because I'm just going to be like I'm going to just take it all in. This feels so good and that really helps women kind of turn that corner and become massively multi-orgasmic. And the pleasure protocol makes a big difference. I have been looking for this for 20 years and the best I could ever offer people was use organic refined avocado oil, because at least it's not full of chemicals and preservatives, until I found these beautiful phoria pleasure protocol products. So I'll have some sent to I'll have some sent to you so you can try it out yourself.
Speaker 1:Thank you, Of course. Yeah, I'll put the link in the show notes and everything so people can try that out. Yum oh it smells so good too, my girly parts down there are like ooh, yes, please, yes, please, yes, please, more sensation, please, yes. Yeah, we need to be engorged too.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Like we need to get the heart on as well. It's not just the guys. We have those tissues too, ladies. So yeah, yeah, yeah, more yum, oh, so good. Okay, did it just get a little warmer in here?
Speaker 2:I don't know Good. Good.
Speaker 1:All right, so let's talk about. I've heard you say talk about relationship values. Yeah, that they seem to be the core of your teaching, which is awesome. How does a person figure out what their own relationship values are and then try to line those up with their partner's values, which could be different?
Speaker 2:Yeah well, you don't need to line them up, because you get to have your values and they get to have theirs. I have a book it's probably also one of my most successful and popular. It's called my Relationship Magic. It's at myrelationshipmagiccom and it's a workbook and what it does is it basically walks you through. I can, I'll send you a copy. It basically walks you through what it is you want most out of a relationship. And then, once you, you're doing the platinum rule again, you're not treating your partner the way you want to be treated. You're treating your partner the way they want to be treated. Right, and what's great about that is that they've been trying to figure out how to make you happy and what they've been doing is what they can think of. But they don't understand who you are because they don't walk in the world as you. And so when you get the you know the relationship magic system figured out and you, you get your top values. You can say to your partner okay, out and you get your top values. You can say to your partner okay, here's what I need from you, whatever it is.
Speaker 2:In my case it's I need you to totally take care of me. I need security, because I didn't have a good attached childhood. I had a lot of insecurity as a child, and so I really need a very stable person. I need burglar alarm on, I need good car tires. I need health insurance paid. I need to have some money in the bank. I need you to physically take care of me. If I need anything or I have any problems, I want you to be there for me. But at the same time, I need a lot of freedom. I'm an extrovert, you're an introvert. I get a lot of opportunities to go do fun things you don't always want to do, so I need you to let me go do those.
Speaker 1:I need you to totally take care of me and let me do whatever I want, and the benefit of being with me is worth it for all of those things. And I love that you say this, because it's okay, ladies, to say it. A lot of people they're not being themselves, they're just trying to be liked. They're trying to be whoever that person needs you to be in order for them to like you. And that's a recipe for disaster. You got to find the person who likes you. That's it, and figure out who you are and just be that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how can they really actually ever love you if they don't even know who you are Like? If you're trying to be a person you think they want, what's that? You need to be yourself and find the people who love who you are. Hey, I'm not everybody's cup of tea and I do not have a problem at all with that. Like, there's so many people in this world that you find your people. Find your people. So when you have your relationship values and you give them to your partner and you say here's what they are and here's exactly what I need you to do to show me that you can do, that, I can have this and these are the feelings that I want to feel in my relationship being with you, and then your partner tells you exactly what they need and you start doing those things. When you get up every day with a checklist, a cheat sheet, to your partner's happiness, and you're just like well, I naturally give them these things.
Speaker 2:You know, whatever they might be like for my husband, it's honesty. It's easy for me to be honest because I literally can't even filter myself. I have been so straightforward with him for so many years now that I would have to slow my roll, to even think up a lie or anything. I just have complete and utter transparency with pretty much everybody I hang out with. I don't even want to be in a relationship if I have to walk on eggshells or do withholds or not be my 110% self, and so that, I think, is really the benefit of relationship. Magic is okay. Now I know what I'm going to need to do to make you happy and it's super easy because you made it so clear for me and I like to do all those things for you. I want to take care of you, I want you to have your freedom, I want you to be totally honest with me. I want you to get the variety and novelty of experiences that you want. I want to give you the passion you need to stay in a long-term relationship with a partner, and so it just ends up being just so easy once you get that and I did not make that myself.
Speaker 2:That is actually something that originally, I learned it. I worked for Tony Robbins for a long time and I was the chief marketing officer of a startup that he and I did, and I've gone to a lot of Tony Robbins things and he learned it. It's NLP Neuro Linguistic Processing. It's NLP Values, elicitation, and he just applied it to relationship. And then I took it to the next level and made it a workbook to walk you through everything. But it came from Milton Erickson. It's all NLP values solicitation. It's just applied to your relationship.
Speaker 2:So it's a structure of communication process technology that works the way the human operating system works. It leverages our human operating system for creating great relationships. It's pretty slick and it's easy and it's fast and it's super insightful and it's fascinating to do. It's at my relationship, magiccom. You can buy it on Amazon, but it's if you just get the PDF. It's only nine, 95, it's cheaper and you can download it immediately. So I mean, some people like a hard book but I, you know a hardback book or whatever. But I just want to, you know, I would just want to print it out and do it Right and it's instant.
Speaker 1:This is the age of I want it now out and do it Right and it's instant. This is the age of I want it now. Yeah, exactly Awesome. Thank you for that. You're giving us so many resources. This is fabulous. Thank you, um. I love that, and I love how you prioritize communication in the bedroom and um and you prioritize communication over techniques. Yeah, I do that too. In my programs, the communication comes first or the techniques are no good. Are there any tips that we didn't cover that you could give people on how they can improve their communication? We already talked about that.
Speaker 2:Because communication is an ascension model. You start with the relationship, magic values, elicitation, Then you learn the sexual soulmate pact, Then from there you can move on to like. The next book I would recommend is my dirty talk book and it's how to talk dirty without feeling weird and it's the five dirty talk techniques. And there really are and it's free, it's at dirtytalkbookcom and it's number one is essentially saying what you see and it's a part of encouragement and adoration. Another one is something called sharing favorite frames, which is actually something where after you've made love, you share frames and your frame is a particular moment of your lovemaking that was like really, really nice or hot or sexy or satisfying to you and what it was about that that made it so. And your partner will be like, really, that was your favorite part. And you're like, yeah, what was your favorite part? And they tell you and you're like that was your favorite part and it's just, it's always so interesting to share frames. That's something that came from Dr Patti Taylor. She taught me that whole process. I think that's a really big one. And then there's fantasy sharing is another really good one how to tell stories, how to understand if your lover is a visual, auditory or more kinesthetic person and how that affects the kind of communication that you do. There's just a lot in that little free PDF that gives you a lot more skills.
Speaker 2:And then there's moaning, moaning, panting, yelling, screaming. You know in pleasure that so few people do and it's really a learned skill. You have to do it and you get the muscle memory and then it sets in and then you're a really good moaner. And what's interesting is that as you're going through that first like 20 to 30 minutes of ramping up your arousal you're not necessarily going to be that auditory. What I've found is that it's helpful for me to be reasonably quiet during that time.
Speaker 2:But that's not where I'm my loudest. That's where I'm like on ramping my pleasure and getting things moving and getting things flowing and getting turned on. But pretty soon I'll notice that I want to ride my body, I need to loosen because I'm getting a prolactin flush. So I'm starting to loosen up and I'm you know, I'm just kind of like, just, and then the moon start coming out and then every touch feels even better and then it gets a little more and it builds on itself and I think, and then as you become a good comer and you start coming and coming and each come gets a little stronger and more intense and a last a little longer and your, your auditory cues really make that your, your partner, can tell where you are in your orgasms by all of that verbal, you know, kind of sound that you make. So it's just practice, just force yourself to do it at first and you'll get good at it, and then you won't. You'll be, you'll become unconsciously competent at it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think a lot of. At least in my experience, women don't are not so verbal because they think they're going to look dumb. But in my experience, the don't are not so verbal because they think they're going to look dumb. But in my experience, the men want to know. No, they love it. They want to know I mean, that's their, their, they eat it up their cue that they're hitting a button and that's your communication to them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they they love it. Yeah, oh, remember, I told you before we started that I had a thing last night I wanted to tell you about. Yes, please. So I was thinking about one of my girlfriends would be good on your show. Her name is Jenna Laflamme and she's one of my very best friends and she is a pleasure coach, and she said something really interesting last night. So we're in a group we call ourselves the Bay Area Boss Babes or something like that.
Speaker 1:I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2:We're all up in the Bay Area and there's a lot of women in our group who teach things like erotic dance or who are professional dominatrix or who are pleasure coaches or things like that. One of our friends has a new, really interesting relationship strategy and technology that she's working on. There's all kinds of women who teach all kinds of different embodiment modalities of various types. And Jenna said the most interesting thing last night. She said what I have found with women and what she does is she helps women who feel like their pleasure is distant, their orgasm is distant, they have body image issues, they might have weight issues, they, you know, they're just like feeling really disconnected from themselves. And she does a lot of one-on-one work with women and group work with women and she's just incredible.
Speaker 2:And she said to me what I have always found is that to solve body image issues you don't try to fix the body image issue, you just work on their libido. The more that they make love, the less they worry about how they look and what's going on. That goes away as they become more sexually confident. The whole body image thing stops being a hold back for them and I thought, oh well, that that's. That is brilliant. I mean like so simple.
Speaker 2:And the only way you get those flashes of brilliance is when you're working with people who have so much bench strength and depth of experience that their wisdom is distilled into these very simple things. And that was a moment of wisdom, clarity from a woman who knows how to deal with the problem of body image. If you said to me I need you to work with a group of women on their body image, I'd be like I don't know how to do it, I just would have no idea what the approach would be. And she really said it's getting their libido going and getting them enjoying their sex. And then who cares what your body feels like? And I'm like, oh, that's brilliant.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you should have her on an interview or about that, so we can all learn more about that.
Speaker 1:I think I need to get the contact information for everybody in your group, because you're listing off all these, there's this person, this person that I'm like, Ooh yeah, that'd be great for my show, That'd be great for my show All the resources.
Speaker 2:We can, we can can uh share with with collective wisdom, oh my gosh, yes, 100.
Speaker 1:Okay, so libido um a lot of my listeners they're they're older, their libido's tanking just a little bit. Yeah, um, or even not necessarily older, but even after um, childbirth, menopause, whatever libido issues. How do we um boost naturally and do you have any success stories to share?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say a couple things. Number one your libido is the other side of the same coin of your overall health. So whatever's going on with your health has to be addressed, because your libido is the dog wagging the tail. Basically, your health is the tail and your libido is the dog. So that's number one. Number two hormone replacement therapy, vaginal estrogen and nitric oxide supplementation, so working on getting blood flowing to the genitals. Number three remembering that it takes you 20 or 30 minutes to get turned on, and if your husband is still just grabbing your boob and sticking it in, you got to shut that shit down. Never again, no more bricks in the wall.
Speaker 1:Done and also, I think, the idea that we think, oh, I don't have a libido. Well, are you engaging in the bedroom, are you making out, are you touching or doing it. That will get you in the mood.
Speaker 2:You don't have to be totally horny, frothing at the mouth in order to get into the bedroom. Well, you won't be. You're responsively desiring. You're not a spontaneous desire person. Nine times out of 10, women are responsive desire. So when I teach men, I teach them how to move her toward her pleasure slowly, instead of this whole like how fast do we get to intercourse? Because here's another thing too If a guy, if a woman thinks to herself, well, he's got an erection, so we have to have intercourse now, it's like, uh, no, he, he can, he can get hard and go soft and get hard again, and go soft and get hard again and go soft.
Speaker 2:You just have to fluff him up If you want to ride him. You don't have him. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do ever at any particular time. This is why we're using interoception to feel into what we need. In the moment it doesn't feel good. It's not my job to give them an ejaculation. I'm going to insist that I give myself 20 to 30 minutes to get warmed up.
Speaker 2:I need a lot of what I used to call foreplay but now realize is just sex, that sex isn't intercourse. Intercourse is just a part of lovemaking, it's all sex. So when you just start to walk in with all those frames, all those perspectives, all that mindset, it's a lot it just takes like all this burden off of you that you felt like you're not, you don't have a libido. Well, you have one, it's in there. Let's go get her and find her and pull her out. She's not out yet because she's just not ready. She needs coaxing.
Speaker 2:Seduction is moving toward pleasure. So the best way to have more desire, more wanting of sex, is to have more sex, but not the old way you used to do it, which is how you got where you are. And then another thing I also like is libido botanicals. I like to herb cycle tonkat ali and fenugreek and tribulus and maca. Eat dark chocolate, take a nitric oxide booster, eat your spinach and your leafy greens and your beetroot. All these things actually aid in many ways more than hormone replacement for helping you create and good gut microbiome. You really have to have a good gut. If you're bloated, if you're gassy, you're not going to feel like having sex. You've got to fix that biome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, awesome. It's simple stuff. Yeah, I like that you mentioned nutritional things like leafy greens and beetroot and whatnot. You could call those aphrodisiacs.
Speaker 2:They are, I do.
Speaker 1:They are, yeah. Who needs rhinoceros horn or whatever dumb thing they do for aphrodisiacs?
Speaker 2:Oh God, those are endangered species. I can't believe that they still poach those horns. It's so horrible, I know.
Speaker 1:It's nuts. Eat some broccoli man. Come on Exactly. I know it's so true man, come on, exactly, I know it's so true. Oh my gosh, you are such a treat and you wore me out, lee, yeah, that's a lot. We've been off for about an hour here and that just flew by. Um, holy cow, thank you for being such a a like a volcano, spewing the the magma of of information that you are. It just like full of amazing information where can?
Speaker 1:listeners go to find out more about you, because I'm pretty sure there's going to be a lot of people going. Okay, she, she's my girl.
Speaker 2:I hope so um, it's my pleasure because, honestly, what I love the most is when I get emails from my fans and followers saying I have a question and I'm like, lay it on me. That's what makes me good at what. That's how I figured out all this stuff between my mentors and reading every book in the world and having incredible experiences. It's really people asking me questions and asking me to solve problems for them. That has been really helpful. So you can follow me on Instagram at Susan Bratton and that's S-U-S-A-N. Susan Bratton, b-r-a-t-t-o-n. Bratton. But it's better if you get on my email newsletter and just reply to any email that I send out and you can go to betterlovercom and then you get my sex tip newsletter five days a week. I send out super hot stories, solve problems, et cetera, et cetera, and answer people's questions, and I love that. If you just reply to that, you can ask me anything.
Speaker 1:Great. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, oh my gosh. Of course, all the URLs, all the links, will be in the show notes. So if you, if you were driving, just relax. I mean, you're probably all lubed up right now, careful listening to this podcast when you're driving. But, yeah, everything will be in the show notes for you later. But, susan, you're amazing. Thank you for being out in the world and educating people like you are. We need more of this kind of education that we just didn't get.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm really excited to see you again, and I can't wait to swap lingam massage notes and even oral pleasuring notes. I don't know if you know it, but I wrote a book called the Blowjob Secret, which is about how to get yourself off going down on a guy. So one of my favorite orgasms is the throatgasm, and so I think we just have so much to talk about. I want to learn some tricks from you and share mine.
Speaker 1:Oh, 100%. Yeah, good, put you and me together and I think that's the perfect lover, right there. Sounds good. We're covering a lot of bases that we are.
Speaker 2:I love it Good Until we see each other again. I thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:You are so welcome. It's been my honor, thank you.