After 33 years of marriage and 15 years of intimacy deprivation, Lori's journey of self-discovery and reclaiming her sexuality is nothing short of inspiring. Tune in to hear how Lori navigated the emotional and physical impacts of her ex-husband's erectile dysfunction and his resistance to alternative forms of intimacy. Discover how Lori's courageous decision to leave her marriage allowed her to start addressing deeply rooted issues, such as using weight gain as a self-defense mechanism, and ultimately reclaim her confidence during intimacy.
Here's your first step in spicing up your sex life--get Lee's free erotic massage technique: rockthebedroom.com/
For new erotic massage techniques every month: rockthebedroom.com/membership
After 33 years of marriage and 15 years of intimacy deprivation, Lori's journey of self-discovery and reclaiming her sexuality is nothing short of inspiring. Tune in to hear how Lori navigated the emotional and physical impacts of her ex-husband's erectile dysfunction and his resistance to alternative forms of intimacy. Discover how Lori's courageous decision to leave her marriage allowed her to start addressing deeply rooted issues, such as using weight gain as a self-defense mechanism, and ultimately reclaim her confidence during intimacy.
Here's your first step in spicing up your sex life--get Lee's free erotic massage technique: rockthebedroom.com/
For new erotic massage techniques every month: rockthebedroom.com/membership
On the show today I have with me Lori. I met Lori when she joined my Spice it Up membership. She was divorced after 33 years of marriage and the last 15 years didn't include sex or intimacy whatsoever and she was just getting back into dating again in her 60s. Oh my God, Woo, Exciting times. So thank you so much, Lori, for joining me today. I really appreciate you being here.
Speaker 2:Sure Thanks. It's been great watching your classes and your weekly calls and stuff. It's been really inspiring.
Speaker 1:I'm good to hear, I'm very happy to hear that. Um, I do want to start by saying that I am so sorry that you have endured so many years without any kind of intimacy like that. I just want to acknowledge that that's super hard.
Speaker 2:I don't think it's a time you realize how much it changes you when you're in it, yeah, when you're going through it, you don't realize the changes it's made till you get out and away from it and you just think wow so what?
Speaker 1:what changes did it make? Like how, um, who were you? Who was laurie? Who did you become in that relationship?
Speaker 2:um, I would say I went from a real intimate person that craved intimacy, that wanted intimacy, that loved sex, that loved everything that came with it, to someone who was starved out. I felt like I was locked out in the cold, frankly. So what happened to me was and I've and I heard this and read this so many times is that basically, you go from being a very communicative person with that partner to someone who just goes through the motions, um, and literally get to the point where you say am I going to do this for another 15 or 20 years? And you say can't do it anymore, and you just walk out and you don't realize how much you've changed. It affects your positive.
Speaker 2:It affected my positivity towards life, um, my zest for life, my, my independent, in that I was independent, but I was independent to the point where I felt like I was alone. But then it affected my motivation to keep myself healthy. I got really heavy. I've lost 75 pounds. I need to lose 60, at least more. I didn't care anymore. I just didn't care. And I found that when I was thinner, that not having intimacy was even worse because I was getting attention from other men and it's like I don't want that, I want attention from this person over here and I'm getting nothing. So I found that I let myself get really heavy because it was like it was a screen. It was a screen of protection I could put up that I would not have to worry.
Speaker 1:Um, you know, I wouldn't have to worry about, you know, anybody getting attention because I was fat wow, just oh wow, self-defense mechanism of putting up this physical wall, this barrier of weight between you and men. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:It really changed my life a lot and I don't think I realized how much it had changed it until I got away from it and honestly I had to be away from it probably a month or two and let the you know the change of everything happen so much, so quick and get yourself readjusted to where you come out of the fog and you start realizing, man, I need to change some things.
Speaker 1:Right, and so you had mentioned, I think, that your ex had erection issues and that because of that, he didn't want anything in the bedroom. Like that was kind of the tipping point for him when, when he started having those problems.
Speaker 2:It was like all or nothing. It was like once that turned off. It was like his desire to have any kind of physical contact. Anything was like forget it. So it's you want, he wanted to hug, and you know, give me a little peck on the cheek and I'm like I'm done. I, you know, if you can't follow through with, more than just this.
Speaker 1:I'm not interested, right. And then I'd be so sad because he doesn't have to stop people, he doesn't have to be a divide. It you can work.
Speaker 2:I mean, you're learning that in the membership now, but at the time I will tell you I've learned a lot from you about ED that I did not know before and I don't think I realized it was like he wouldn't even talk about it, so it was like I never really even knew how far his ED went, in that it was just one time it happened, and it happened one more time and it was like it was like somebody turned off a switch and that was it, and it was like it was an all or nothing kind of thing and he was kind of that way anyways. So it was just, um, it was, you know specific things, and a lot of things weren't included. Um, a lot of things were not included in our, in our intimate life. Um, a lot of things were not included in our, in our intimate life. So it was very difficult to go to anything else because nothing else had ever been there other than um, strict intercourse, Right, right.
Speaker 1:And for a lot of people, a lot of couples, they think intercourse, intercourse, that's. What else do you do? That's all there is Right? Well, that's yeah.
Speaker 2:And in my generation too, is right. Well, that's yeah, and in my generation too, with me being, with me being in my 60s I'm 67, going to be 68 and it's like they were raised with that. If you don't have that, you don't have anything. And it's like, oh, you know, but there's, but they're not open to anything else.
Speaker 2:You know, and that's the part that has been a journey for me is that I was a very sexual person before we were married, very active, and it wasn't just intercourse but with him that's pretty much what it was. So it was, you know, that was just what he knew and he wasn't willing to learn anything else. You know, I think it's, I think it's very threatening for a man if there's not an intimate connection there and a woman suggests well, how about if we do this? Or how about if we do that? It was like you get these. Looks like what it's like. What do you mean? What's wrong with that?
Speaker 1:Right, it's out of his comfort zone and some guys are not willing to experiment outside of intercourse to find out what's possible out there.
Speaker 2:Oh, exactly, which is?
Speaker 1:so sad because they're cutting themselves off from immense amount of pleasure that have nothing to do with intercourse, that are sometimes even better than intercourse. So it's just, it's really sad, the lack of education that we have in this world around sexuality and it. It ends in divorce sometimes. And and I will say something like divorce to a lot of people, at least in this culture, seems like a failure of some sort, like, oh, you couldn't make it work, you couldn't pull through, you couldn't last till death to your part. But I am actually really proud of you for getting that divorce, because by you saying no to that thing that was not working for you, that was sucking the life out of you, yeah, literally yes to you. You said yes for more. You said yes to hey, this, this life can be pleasurable and intimate and juicy and passionate, and I want that.
Speaker 2:And so I'm super proud of you for actually getting that divorce and saying yes to you the hardest thing, because it was something that I had hung in there for so long. And all of a sudden you wake up one day and you look at who you've let yourself become and where you're at in your life and you think do I want to spend 15 or 20 more years like this? Do I want to live a sexless existence with? And it's not even about intercourse, it's just sex and intimacy as a whole. And I thought, gosh, I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can do this.
Speaker 2:And I knew, once I got myself well, once I got myself healthier and got some weight off and got myself moving again, that I would not stay. So it was, like you know, time to time to reevaluate where, where I am in my life and what I'm doing. And it's one of those things, too, where divorce at my, in my era, is less accepted than it is, say, you know, for somebody who's a millennial. So it's not something that was. But yeah, so it was something that was a tough thing to do, but I'm not sorry, I did it. I've never looked back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, good for you oh my gosh. And so, okay, now you're divorced and you're wanting that. You're wanting to find a connection again, You're wanting to start this new wonderful adventure. It's, you know, second chapter of your life. Did you feel a little out of touch? I mean, you'd been married for over 30 years. Did you feel a little scared to start dating again at this stage of your life?
Speaker 2:Mortified, absolutely mortified. Number one not being not having a really good body image, because I still am a good 60 pounds overweight. I'm not. I'm not the person I was when I got married, you know, 35 years ago, so I'm quite a bit heavier. I'm older, I have some knee issues, so a lot of things that I could do when I got married I can't do now because there's no, there's no on my knees for anything, for anything or anyone. And the other thing too, at my age is you're dealing with men that have, are going to have some level, possibly, of ED, and I thought now what do I do?
Speaker 1:Right, you didn't learn anything in your, in your relationship on how to deal with ED, because he didn't let you.
Speaker 2:No, so it was like oh gosh, Okay, so now, and and it, and the other thing too was a confidence.
Speaker 2:My confidence was at like negative 500, because I thought, you know, when you're, when you're turned away by somebody, it just like chips at you over time and pretty soon you have big chunks of you fall off and that's your confidence and you're, and pretty soon your confidence is gone, and that in addition to the weight. And then, once I started losing weight and started feeling better, um, and I realized you know, there's more to life than this. But I do need to do some education for myself and find out. And then we started looking around. My friend started helping me look around. There's just nothing out there, a short of porno, porno stuff which is so unrealistic and it's like you know, yuck, and that's not connecting Like there's, there's sex happening, but where's the connection, where's the intimacy?
Speaker 2:You know it's like it's like a bad, it's like a bad B movie. You know it's like, okay, I'm not going to learn anything from this. You know I number one, I can't do that. Number two, I don't want to do that. And you know, if that's the only kind of connection that I'm going to have, then, god, this is going to be a lonely life because I'm not doing it. So I started looking around and I found you, actually through social media, and was thought, wow, this is really kind of cool.
Speaker 1:And so I'm wondering so your introduction to me was, with powdered sugar, the free technique, right, and were you like, before you actually jumped into powdered sugar, did you? Were you, were you nervous about? Like, oh God, what am I getting myself into? Like, who is this Lee Jagger chick and, and is she is, is this going to be a bait and switch? And she's going to, you know, pull out the bound chick a wow, wow and make it feel all porn like, or or you know how did that feel going into it?
Speaker 2:Well, it was kind of funny. It was like I was watching video and I thought I got done watching it the first time and I went, huh, okay, this, this is going to do it. So then I went back and I watched it again and I thought, wow, okay, so this is it. And I it looked too simple, it looked really simple. I thought I could do this and it's really simple and I thought, huh, okay, that's gonna make a difference, maybe, yeah, okay, well, I could, and I just kind of like it didn't seem like it was. I mean, I expected this real complicated thing and I thought, well, she's gonna start out slow for us, slow starters for us. So I just thought it was so simple. I thought this is a hit and you know, but it's the beginning, it's, it's, I will tell you. It opens the door.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, it is very foundational and very simple and most people do it. I can go into the back office and find out, like, of the thousand, tens of thousands of people who have gotten powdered sugar, not everybody has even opened it and not everybody who's opened it has can has actually tried it on their guy, cause sometimes they think, oh God, that's it really. Like, yeah, couldn't give us more good stuff. Like, oh, that's not going to do anything, but okay. So when you, when you tried it on the guy you were dating for the first time, what was his response?
Speaker 2:And we were together and it was like, yeah, I didn't use like the whole, the whole format, but I used parts of it, and he was like blown away. He was like gave him shivers and I don't think I realized how much men especially maybe even at that age, or men in general crave women's hands on their bodies and crave to have that touch. That is so. It literally is such a turn on for them. But more than that, it's like they crave it, but they can't seem to ask for it.
Speaker 1:Right and they don't know what to ask for. All they know for intimate touching is intercourse. You know, or or you know other sexual things, but to but to have a woman's light, gentle, feather touch all over your body, that doesn't happen very often. They don't even know to ask for that.
Speaker 2:No, no, and I think it was a first for him and and so we're from the same generation, and I was really kind of blown away that I didn't expect his response to be so good. I thought he would go oh yeah, that's good, no, but he was blown away, so it was like, huh, okay.
Speaker 1:Okay away. So it was like huh, okay, okay. So, lori, my big question for you is how did you feel doing powder trigger and seeing his response? How?
Speaker 2:did that what?
Speaker 1:what was going on inside of you? What was happening to your confidence?
Speaker 2:It was so empowering because you're so, you're just so pent up with almost like borderline anxiety and I don't have that issue at all like ever before this divorce. But I was like, you know, kind of. You know, you're thinking body image and as a woman, you get in your head and you're like, oh God, you know what if this role shows, or what if that you know? And so you're thinking what can I wear, what can I grab when I get out of bed? So I'm not walking across the floor. I mean, you've got all these things going in your head and they get in the way. But when you get in the moment of doing that and you see the reaction, it's like night and day. It's like, wow, your confidence just goes pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, because you think, man, my hands did this, you know. Thank you, lee.
Speaker 1:Right and you're. You're looking at your guy's face and he's got heart emojis in his eyes and you know you, you could do no wrong at that moment. It doesn't matter what you look like, like your hands are sending them to, to.
Speaker 2:Venus.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so, um, I'm so glad that that was your experience with it, okay, so, so, powdered sugar was a hit and what made you? What made you want to jump into, the spice it up? Membership.
Speaker 2:Because I felt like, if that you know, I I learned the powdered sugar and then jumped into this to spice it up. Membership, because I felt like that I wanted to learn more and so I felt like I'm just going to look at, go like a chapter at a time, and I did all this before I was actually with him. It was a long distance relationship we were developing and he's several hours away, so it's not like we see each other all the time. So it's not like we see each other all the time, um, but I felt like, whether it worked with this particular guy or I went to somebody different, it would be something I could have for tools in my toolbox, so to speak. So I haven't gone through all of the months that I actually have access to, because I felt like what's the point if I haven't used them on someone yet? So I went through the first month and the powdered sugar, and that's where I stopped, because now I'm waiting to see him again in the next week or so.
Speaker 1:Right, so so, now that you've you've looked into the month one techniques which there's like what five or six techniques?
Speaker 2:in there.
Speaker 1:And which, and yeah, and, yeah, yeah. For for you listeners who are not um, who are not familiar, let me just reach down. I think, there's a list here of techniques, so I name all the techniques after food so you could that really does help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, because otherwise you know I could use 50 words to describe what I'm doing right now, or I could just call it, uh, maple syrup, and then you know what I'm talking about. So, yeah, yeah, there's six techniques in month one. So you haven't actually done the month one techniques on your guy yet, correct?
Speaker 1:Not yet, not yet, no, okay. So going in, now that you've already done powdered sugar and you've been on some coaching calls and you've watched the training on what to do, like how to do those month one techniques how are you feeling with the prospect of trying these out on your guy?
Speaker 2:Pretty confident. I mean, there's a certain amount of a little bit of anxiety because I'm with someone that it doesn't I don't have a long-term relationship with. So with somebody new you don't have history, but that's, you know, always viewed as a bad thing. But I will tell you it's almost a good thing too, because you don't have history with them. So they don't have an expectation, they don't have oh, she's going to, you know, try this, or whatever. So you know, they're just kind of like oh, what is she going to do? So there's some excitement with that, because it's funny, because we've talked about it, and he's like, you know, I can't wait after the first thing. He's thinking, oh, there's more. And I'm like, oh, yeah, there's lots more. And he goes really. And I'm like oh, yeah, there's lots more. I said I just said I'm I'm learning every week. And he goes oh, I said oh yeah, I have.
Speaker 1:I have three of the six that I'm going to try and he's like six. You just did one before and so you're gonna do three of something new.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh that's why, you know, I look at the techniques that you give us and it's like, if you learn the ones that are there and you, rather than trying to go through it and learn them all and you know, jam through all of the lessons, I would tell people, maybe because I'm older, I'm a little bit, I look at things a little bit differently. Because you don't have the, you don't have the stamina that you had when you were 25. Don't have the, you don't have the stamina that you had when you were 25. If you have a life, we're both still working and so it's like you know, you only have so much energy, honestly, at the end of the day. So for me, it's like I have no inclination to go through all six. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:If I can do three and I can make him happy and I can be happy, I'm good with that Right. Take it slower, because you've got a lot of tools there to use and why, you know, bomb through them and miss. You know the goodness and all the things that you have packed in for each one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of juiciness to unpack with every technique and the thing is so most people are, you know, barreling towards a finish line when it comes to sex or playtime in general, and and we're looking to cross the orgasmic finish line, and so there's a bit of a hurry vibe to it, and after you've reached the orgasm then it's kind of like, okay, we're done, and so by doing the techniques, it's more like I just want to bask here. I'm not in a hurry, and I think that's part of the allure for men and the excitement for men in you. Like your guy, you learning these techniques with powdered sugar. You probably took your time because I told you go slow, right. So take your time and kind of bask and give him all these delicious sensations and not be trying to barrel towards a finish line as fast as possible.
Speaker 1:It's a whole new experience for a man to have a woman touch their body in not a hurried way, especially if you're touching his penis, then we're just trying to get him hard or trying to give him an orgasm or whatever. We're trying to get somewhere, and it's usually fast and furious, and so by just slowing everything down and focusing on pleasure as opposed to orgasm, although if you're eyeball deep in pleasure you'll probably have an orgasm. But but by focusing on just the pleasure and basking and taking your time and exploring your partner's body, that's the magic I think. That's. That's the passion.
Speaker 2:Well, and then I think too, you know there's no. When you say to a man there's no expectations there, they're kind of like, what Right, come again. Yeah, it's like. And then you know, you figure, if they're masturbating themselves, whether they'll admit it or not, um, you know, that's the one thing that's really nice about the relationship I have with this guy is that we've talked just about everything and I will tell you that is such a that is such a freeing experience, because you can feel free to ask for what you want and what you need when you can talk about things like can you touch me like this? Can you move this over here? Can you not do that so hard? Or can you increase the pressure a little bit here? It's like it's night and day. Can you not do that so hard? Or can you increase the pressure a little bit here?
Speaker 1:It's like it's night and day and it's like and it honestly gives them freedom, which I don't think women take into consideration, because they feel like I'm really making her happy. Right, they want to do a good job. Yeah, they want to knock it out of the park for you. So the more you can communicate your needs, the more more tools you're giving them to do a great job.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. I think as women, we just think, you know, you know that's like too, especially my generation. You know it's kind of like. You know the all those topics of masturbation and and you know you were just going to go to hell, that's it, you were done, you were just going to hell and you were finished. So you know, to get past that stigma and go and then mutually do it with somebody so that you can see this is what gets him off and for a man, every kind of sad little creatures. You said that in one of your trainings where it was just kind of like you felt like you needed to pat them on the head and go. Oh, I'm so sorry for you. Let me show you what we can really do here. You know, and that's kind of how I feel, that you've empowered us because they have this, that you've empowered us because they have this you know, fast and furious corn cob thing they're doing and it's like, oh, I'm so sorry for you.
Speaker 1:There's so much more than that, right. And so, lori, how does it feel for you to be in the power position of going? I can open that door of you know the, the, the cave of wonders, if you will, of like what? What pleasure is waiting for you Seeing these techniques and using the things that you've learned. How's that feel for you to have that, that, all those tools in?
Speaker 2:your toolbox so much confidence. Frankly, and as being an older woman, it's so difficult because you encounter, you know, the dating scene. This day and age is really different than when it was 35 years ago. So it's kind of like I'm not interested in being anybody's mom, I'm not interested in being anybody's you know worker that they want for the farm kind of thing. But I do like that life.
Speaker 2:I live a rural existence. That's what I'm living with my getting ready to live with my daughter right now, which is in the city, and I'm not a city girl. I just look at the traffic and everything else and I'm thinking, oh, I want to go back to the farm, but I don't want to go back to. You know, I want to be able to have a connection with somebody. Ultimately that I can, you know, set that up. But the dating scene is so different that without confidence as a woman, especially an older woman that doesn't have a size three body to feel like and, you know, plastic surgery under her belt to feel like, I can feel confident walking around naked, which I don't. It gives you a certain amount of confidence that you can get into it and then find a spot that you're comfortable with, so that there is pleasure in it for you and you can say what you want and what you need. I don't know that I would have had that confidence before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's sad we're just not raised as girls to be confident and powerful. I mean it's coming around. They're definitely taking a turn. But historically we just haven't been raised that way. No, we've been raised to be complacent and good little wifeys, you know. And this is not the world we're currently living in anymore. We're starting to wake up and go. Actually, I can be kick ass, I can be confident, you know, I can have what I want?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think being a good wife encompasses a lot of things, but I think it has to be more than that. It has to be a partnership on so many levels and if you don't have that on all levels, it breaks down and falls apart. I'm I'm testimony to that. You know, because we had a quote, unquote solid marriage. But when you take that intimacy part out of it, it, you know, like I said it, chips away. You know, like I said it, chips away, chips away, chips away, chips away, and things change and it changes you to the point where you can't come back from it. So I will tell you that if you build this part of it, it flows into everything else.
Speaker 1:But building the confidence in intimacy like building the confidence in intimacy.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely, I think so. I feel so just from the life that I've lived the last 35 years. I would say yeah, absolutely, because when that intimacy left us and when it went away and that door shut forever, it's a sense of hopelessness, it's a sense of trying to just endure it rather than live it. And I will tell you that you know you don't think it, you know it's well, it's just sex, it's like no, no, it's not just sex. It's not just sex, it's power, it's confidence, it's, you know, it's sexual pleasure, it's blissfulness, it's a sense of lightness you bring to your spirit that it encompasses so much. It's not just sex.
Speaker 2:Now, if you're going to have just sex with somebody, that's you know, that's your, that's your prerogative. But I'm just saying, if you want to be intimate with somebody, it's so multi-level that you know, when you have experiences, build relationships, and when you have good experiences and you have a positive experience and you take your man to a place he's never been before and it gives you a sense of confidence and power, that's an actual turn on for you. It's a building block. To me it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and a building block to higher self-esteem about yourself. This isn't just about, you know, blowing your guys away, your guy's mind away in bed. It's really about women.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it flows, it flows, it flows. But what I'm saying is it what you do for them? It comes back to you tenfold Do you know what I'm saying? Because of the attitude change and everything else. And I would tell you if you don't have that, then go look somewhere else, because you got the wrong guy. All I'm saying is that you know, for me it's a monogamous thing. I'm not a multi-partner person, that's just not who I am, but I'm just. I can tell you that I have the confidence now that if this didn't work out on the level that I needed it to be, I would. I would consider saying I'm not wasting any more time at this point in my life, I'm moving on, whereas 10 years ago I wouldn't have ever said that.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good, that's so good to just I mean, not have the attachment of, oh, I hope this works out, I hope he likes me. Oh, you know, like that, that desperate hanging onto a lifeline to not have that, to know your self-worth, to have all that confidence, so that if it doesn't work out, yeah, you'll be sad, you'll mourn the loss of that.
Speaker 2:But I'm amazing and there are other amazing people out there who are going to recognize that exactly, and it's one of those things where it's funny because, um, the guy that I'm seeing has been in the dating pool for longer. I waited for a while to jump in because I had something. I had so many things I had to take care of. My guy my ex just pretty much packed up, left the state and left me with kind of a mess, so I had probably six, eight months of things to clean up before I felt like I could get back out there. So he's been in the dating pool a lot longer and he said to me he said you know, the confidence that you have and the ease that I can talk to you about things makes it easy for you to be around. And I don't think women realize that when you have confidence and you can be, you know you can request things and state things. It's not demanding but you can state things. It gives you a sense of desirability that I think is lacking in a lot of women these days, where they feel like you know they just have to put up with it. It's like no, no, you don't, you know you're not going to, and if you're perceived by that, that way, by someone, that move on, because you've got the wrong person, for whatever reason. So I wish that I had.
Speaker 2:When I was going through everything I was going with my ex, I wish I had had somebody to tell me what you and I just talked about, because it would have given me permission to see that there's a light there, there's hope there, there's an opportunity, and it may have made me either um, you know confront him to either fix the situation and I might have moved on sooner. I don't know, but I know that if I had heard somebody tell me what I just said to you, it would have maybe helps, help me in some way that I hope I can help someone else. It's something that will, you know, let them know. There's hope out there. There's things you can learn, there's ways you can get around things, there's things you can do, but you need to be fulfilled with your you know intimacy. Your intimacy cup needs to be filled up before you can do it for anyone else 100.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got to take care of yourself or you're no good no, no, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I hope this helps someone. I hope this helps someone else to know. You know what there? There is more out there and there's help out there.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, yeah, I'm glad that you wanted more for yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because that that life is too short to settle for anything less than a good fun, passionate life, really.
Speaker 2:The confidence, the confidence that I've gained just in the trainings and looking at stuff. And then the other thing too, with the calls. That's really beneficial because you get other people's perspectives. So we've got the trainings that we learn from on you and you can go back, and I love that because I can go back and review them and I can think about it a little bit and you think about how you fit into that, how that's how that training fits into your situation.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And you go back and you look at it again. But then you've got the training calls from people that are maybe further down the line than you are, that have actually used it, and some of the antidotes and some of the things that they share are really helpful. Funny, you know. You know it brings a lightness to it, but it also, you know, it's helpful because you've got other women that are talking. You know what I mean. It's very supportive. I like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I find that women come for the confidence building and the OK, show me some skills, but they stay for the community. Yes, yeah that's more that they get from not just me me, but all the other women on the coaching call.
Speaker 2:Yeah no, it's, it's very it's. It is a sense of community. It truly is a sense of community and it's a it's. I'll tell you you're a bright light in a dark world because of the way you teach things. It's instructional to the point where you actually, you know, show how to do it, but it's not pornographic. Where you feel like this is, I'm watching a bad movie. It's, it's instructional, but it's fun, it's lighthearted, but it's like this is where you can go with this, you know, and so you can adapt it to your own situation. I think it's. It's. It's been a life changer for me it's been a life changer for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that and I love all the confidence that you're feeling saturated with, like it's oozing out of you now, which is so fun to watch the confidence you have going into.
Speaker 1:Like I've had a few people on the show who are in the membership and their stories have been okay. This is how horrible it was before I came into the rock, the bedroom world and now I learned these skills and I tried them on my guy and I blew him away and it was amazing. And they're talking about how great it was, uh, how great the relationship is after having done all these. You know techniques on them and expand their love life and all that, but you haven't even done that yet. Like I don't even consider powdered sugar as part of it, because it's so, I mean, it's so one-on-one, it's so basic to what you're about to do and you just hit the tip of the iceberg. And so this this is lovely to actually talk with someone who knows what she, what she's about to do, and that feeling of confidence walking into that set, that situation, because I think the hardest thing here for a lot of women, your age or any age is trying something drastically new. Oh yeah, for the first time.
Speaker 2:That's really nerve-wracking, yes yeah, trying, trying something new and then being in a new situation with a new person after any long-term relationship is really nerve-wracking. Frankly, it brings anxiety where you don't usually have anxiety, and so it's one of those things. If you can have this confidence in your toolbox and watch the videos enough to where you feel like, okay, I've got this down and don't take on too much, you know what I mean. That all keep it simple. Don't put pressure on yourself to go above and beyond, because anything you do is going to be so positive. So even if you only do two different techniques and do that, you know what I'm saying it would be. It would be so far down the line and then you, you build on it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no rush, no rush to get through all these techniques. No, no, no, no, no. There's no rush, no rush to get through all these techniques. No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you, part of the building part is having the brain, part of the sex where you're building up to it and it's like you know what I mean and the anticipation of what's next.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, that was amazing what. There's something better than this.
Speaker 2:What? Yes, exactly, yeah. So yeah, that's kind of that's been real fun and we were supposed to. We were supposed to meet up this weekend and it didn't happen, and that was one of the first things he said. What that was. One of the first things he brought up was I am so bummed because we don't get to practice blah, blah, blah, and it was like oh well, that's all right, yeah, he's just gonna be extra, extra eager to see you next time.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, yeah, for anyone, um, anyone who's listening to this and maybe wondering if they can benefit from having this kind of skill set. We've been talking about the erotic massage and how to touch a guy's privates and how to get better at communication, and they're wondering if they could benefit from all that. What would you say to them, lori?
Speaker 2:I would tell you I look at where I was seven months ago. I think. When I started this six months ago I don't know how long I've been, I wouldn't say it's been about that much my confidence level. I could not have pulled off the relationship that I'm currently in beginning. I don't know that I would have had the confidence to do it. And it gives you a sense of power over your own life because you feel like, yes, I have this to bring to the table.
Speaker 2:So, for whatever deficits you feel like you have, you know, body image wise, weight wise, whatever your whatever those quote unquote deficits you feel you have, we all have them. And it's one of the things where, when you build confidence with this looking at this, saying you know I can do this, I can do this, and then you hear these other women that are talking and they're sharing their stories and it does build your confidence to where you feel like, okay, this is doable, this is something I can step back into this world that I've been out of for so many years, and I can step back into this with some confidence and feel like I can hold my own and then I can also get the pleasure out of it that I want, that I've been, you know, without for so, so long. And the other thing, too, is it's given me the confidence. The confidence, in effect, has given me the ability to ask for what I want. And that part of me was there when I first was married.
Speaker 2:But somewhere along the line with everything that happened, it just got. It just got locked out and all of a sudden it was like I found I had lost my voice. I've gained that voice back, and so I will tell you that that's a big deal. That's a big deal to be able to see, because I'm a tough exterior person because of the light, the life that I've lived and the work that I've done with rescue and things like that. But then there's this inner part of you that's soft and kind of vulnerable, and when it gets locked down for so many years and then you have to go back out there, it's a scary thing. So the confidence and the instruction and the community will bring you back to a place to where you say, ok, I can do this. You know what I mean. I can go, be happy, I can get what I want.
Speaker 1:Right, and yeah, wow, I love that you said the word rescue and what you do, because you have no idea how many women you're rescuing right now. By coming on here today and sharing your experience, you are inspiring women. You're helping women, maybe in a horrible relationship. You're helping them to reach for more and you're showing them that that is possible and know that divorce is not only the end of one relationship but also the beginning of a whole new wonderful chapter of your life. But also the beginning of a whole new wonderful chapter of your life. And you're giving women hope that they can have the confidence to date again from a place of power and knowing their, their self-worth and bringing something really valuable to to a relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think. I think the other thing too is, you know, people sometimes get confused with self-worth and confidence being demanding and domineering, and it doesn't have anything. One does not have anything to do with the other. You know, you can be a very caring, loving person, but if you don't have a voice to take care of yourself, ultimately you will pay for it in a lot of big ways. So you need to realize that voice is important to keep, because once you lose that voice and you lose that voice, and you know what I mean you shut it off in yourself, but you lose it in the relationship and the intimacy goes. You suffer in ways that you can't survive and be happy with life.
Speaker 1:You know I wanted to be.
Speaker 2:I got to the point where I wanted to be joyful again. I wanted joy in my life, I wanted love in my life, I wanted intimacy in my life, and it's like I wanted the package. I didn't want just sex, I didn't want just play partners and I'm not judging anybody, I'm just saying that's just not what I wanted, you know. So for me that was important to be able to build a relationship with somebody and, like I said, it gives you the power to know that this is what I need in my life. And if I can't find it with this person, like you said, I'll be sad. That would be unfortunate, but I will move on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you'll move on like a boss.
Speaker 2:Like an old boss, but a boss.
Speaker 1:A wizened boss.
Speaker 2:Very well yes.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you so much for being on the show today. You are such a little gem, I'm just. This has been a wonderful conversation. Thank you so much for being on the show today. You are such a little gem, I'm just. This has been a wonderful conversation.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you and thank you for all you've done. You know, like you said you you when I said you've given me my life back. You really have shown me the path to get my life back.
Speaker 1:Oh, because really we all need help. Yes, if we could do it on our own, we'd have done it already. Absolutely there's nothing wrong with asking for help, so I'm glad that I've been here to help you on your journey. It's been such an honor. Thank you so much. Thank you, you're welcome.