2. Helping Others Really Does Help Us, Too

As a nurse with three decades of experience and a heart for serving others, I've found a paradoxical truth: helping others isn't just noble; it's nourishing. "Wonder Drug" inspired me to reflect on how selflessness serves as a balm for our own souls. We tackle the nuanced topic of burnout in healthcare, a malady I've seen in the eyes of many colleagues and fought against in my own life. Through anecdotes of outreach and my faith-driven desire to see the humanity in everyone, I invite you to discover the cathartic power of empathy as championed by Brené Brown, and how it can uplift those who give just as much as those who receive.

Tune in as we also shine a light on the resilience of widows and the healthcare community, delving into the support systems that buoy them through the darkest times. I share from my journey working alongside a widow's organization, where the simple craft of vision boards can sketch a path forward from loss. We examine mental health ministries and the adaptability of healthcare skills in various life scenarios, affirming the need for personal dedication in fields that demand so much of us. And as we close, I offer a gentle reminder of the lifesaving practice of self-care, underscoring the vitality of basic self-care rituals that can fortify caregivers against the tide of exhaustion. Join me for an exploration of how compassion, empathy, and caring for ourselves enables us to be our best for others.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:18

Welcome back to another episode of the Nurses' Break Room with Jenny Lytle-Rin. I'm Jenny, and today I have got a kind of a piggyback on to the last episode about gratitude and focusing on that, and I am reading a book right now called Wonder Drug, and it is Seven Scientifically Proven Ways that Serving Others Is the Best Medicine for Yourself. Now, I was a little bit skeptical about this, because I really believe that we need to be taking time to care for ourselves, because we devote our lives to caring for others. But I really resonate with a lot of the things that are in this book and I found them to be true, as I've really thought about that, and it is very science-backed and it's just, it's a great. It's a great read overall. It's something that I want to dig into more because I've just been listening and doing some reading along with it. But one of the things that it talks about is burnout, and I read a study recently that in 2021, they asked nurses if they were currently or had experienced burnout over the past three years and 95% said yes. Now, of course, this was during the time when COVID was at its peak and all of that, but I we're just we're still seeing a lot of that and I do believe that a lot of that is because of the things that we're not doing to care for ourselves.

Speaker 1: 1:46

But here's a couple little things from this, from this. So it talks about burnout and it says the three components of the burnout syndrome are one, depersonalization the inability to make personal connections. Two, emotional exhaustion. And three, the feeling that you can't make a difference. And for me that has always been. I feel like the hardest one is feeling okay, I'm really like I'm giving it my all, I'm sacrificing a lot in my own life and it doesn't matter, and it just feels like it's never enough sometimes. And something that I've found that's been helpful lately is giving in ways that are different than the ways I give through my work, my traditional nursing work. So I've been a nurse for 30 years this year and I started on in long-term care and then I've done I did a little bit of clinic work and I've done some home health, but primarily I've done hospice.

Speaker 1: 2:49

18 years of my nursing career has been in hospice and end of life care and there's so many things that I really love about that. But it also can take a toll, of course. You're sitting with people in their most difficult times, in times where you're invited into their sacred space, and it's a privilege and it's an honor, but it also is it can be a heavy burden, especially when we're not taking care of ourselves, and that's part of why I became so passionate about this was because of my own work with, with dining patients and with their families, and then also because of what my mom had gone through and I'll share more about her story later. But basically, my mom passed away, and I believe that a lot of that was due to a lack of self care. She was in her salsa and she would care for anyone except herself, and she never had time for that, and so one of the one of the things that I have really enjoyed doing over the past several years that has helped to refill my own cup, but in a way, that also helps me with my desire to serve others and as a nurse just as it's just part of my DNA period, I think, as it's just the kind of person that I am I've got my nursing background, of course, and then I also am a Jesus follower, and so I believe that I am called to serve others, but I also believe that some people can take that to a different level than I do. I believe that, yes, we are to help others to the capacity that we can, but it also says that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, and so I believe that there's a big part of self care that comes in with that. And if you don't share my beliefs with that is absolutely fine. I am not here to judge you or to try to convert you. I'm just sharing. That's how I feel, that's how I believe, and you don't have to agree with me to be absolutely welcome here. This is a safe space, regardless of where our beliefs differ.

Speaker 1: 4:58

But there's a quote in here by Brené Brown that says, in order to empathize with someone's experience, you must be willing to believe them as they see it and not how you imagine their experience to be. And I think that's so powerful because I've really seen that in some of the areas where I have stepped out of my comfort zone to go and serve others in a different capacity than in my regular nursing capacity, and that has included going to New York and serving with an outreach organization that helps people that are experiencing homelessness, and that's something that I've done for several years and I really enjoy doing that, because it's just a very different way to experience things that other people are going through. It reminds me of how much I have to be grateful for and how much of a difference you can make in just those one-to-one interactions. And are they going to be completely life-changing interactions? No, not necessarily, but it's those little micro things that we can do. It's stopping to smile and talk to someone. It's just letting someone know that you see them can be huge, and that's something that has been so impactful for me and such a humbling reminder of the power that we all have. It's very easy to, when somebody cuts you off in traffic, to get angry about that, and we don't always think about the fact that it goes the other way too. Those little things somebody telling you that your shirt is pretty or that you've got a great smile, or whatever the case may be and I'm not talking about being fake or saying something just to make somebody feel better, but genuinely looking for something positive in someone and just taking a moment to acknowledge that you never know what people are going through and we're all going through something, and so that's something that has really been helpful for me and I also.

Speaker 1: 7:07

I serve on the board of a widow's organization here locally and I myself am not a widow. I am married and have been married for 25 years now. I am incredibly thankful for my husband, but I got involved with this for a variety of reasons, but it's been very eye-opening in that I didn't think that I had much of a preconceived notion about what widows were. But they're not all old, it's not all women who are just sad and not sure about what they're doing, but it is a group of women who their lives have been forever changed, some of them very suddenly, some of them it was more drawn out, but they're in this position that they never wanted to be in. But they are now having to navigate that, this new chapter, this new rest of their lives.

Speaker 1: 8:06

We did vision boards and it was something that I was able to go there and do with them. It was such a reminder of how fortunate I am, how thankful I am and how quickly things can change. Working in healthcare, we know that, but still sometimes we can remove ourselves from that a little bit. It was humbling, but also encouraging to see these women who have experienced a huge loss, but doing these vision boards and focusing on the fact that a couple of them said something to the effect of this is part of my story, or this is now I'm writing this next chapter Because, yes, it is something that has changed their lives, but there's more of their lives to be lived.

Speaker 1: 8:59

I think that getting involved with some sort of organization it doesn't have to be anything big, it doesn't have to be a when all the time kind of thing, but just stepping outside of our normal, stepping into something that maybe is a little unusual or uncomfortable for us, and being able to meet people where they are there and serve in a different way than we do with our regular nursing or other healthcare practices, is something that has been very it's been very good for my soul, even when I'm tired and, if I'm honest, there's times when I'm tired and I think I don't want to do this, but I get so much out of it. We also started a mental health ministry at church. I'm talking with people that some of them are going through some very challenging things. They just need that extra support and someone to come alongside them and just hold that space and be there and has healthcare professionals. We're good at being there in the hard and in the ugly and in the indescribably painful. But just being able to do that in a different way is one of the things that I think is so remarkable about working in healthcare is just there's so many options and there's so many ways that the skills that we have are transferable into a lot of different areas.

Speaker 1: 10:26

Right now I do the mental health coaching through church and then I work primarily with nurses and people in healthcare, helping them with their stress relief and self-care practices and in my own coaching practice. Then I also work for a couple more weeks in home health and in hospice as well. I do hospice on call, so my sleep is interrupted from time to time. I've also started doing some work in substance use disorder, recovery treatment, things like that. Lots of different things, lots of ways to piece those things together that make sense for me at this point in my life.

Speaker 1: 11:12

I just challenge you especially if you're feeling really tired and burned out and just like you don't have anything else to give Take time for yourself, absolutely Really dig deep and figure out what is it that I need the most right now and it's probably going to be something simple. It's probably gonna be I need a full night's sleep or I need a nap. I need to start eating real food instead of junk and it's. I need to move more. I know that's something for me.

Speaker 1: 11:47

This year I have spent way too much time not moving.

Speaker 1: 11:52

I've been great about prioritizing sleep as much as possible, because I know that's something that impacts me a lot, but I have not been getting the movement in that that I really need and want to get in, to be my best, looking at those different things and see, is there something that you feel like a pull toward Somebody, that you, a group or an organization or a person even that you just think you know what?

Speaker 1: 12:17

I'd like to maybe go to lunch with them and just be able to have this conversation. Again, it doesn't have to be complicated, but just figuring out ways that we can help others out in a way that replenishes us and doesn't just drain us, and so I thank you so much for being here Again. If you are new to the whole self-care thing or maybe you're not new and you're like you know what I just need to get back to basics then I invite you to go to my website, go to JennyLytlecom slash guide and you'll get a simple guide there. It's, it's free and it's just a way to to get some practical steps in. That are things you can do anywhere, not a lot of time, not a lot of money, not a lot of effort, but big results. And thank you so much and I can't wait to be back with you.