8. Lie #2 - "I Shouldn't Feel This Way"

Ever caught yourself thinking, "I shouldn't feel this way"? Join me, Jenny Lytle RN, as I unpack the judgmental nature of our emotions in this week's episode of The Nurses' Breakroom. Drawing from my own life and professional experience, I'll shed light on why all feelings—whether joy, guilt, or stress—are valid. This heartfelt discussion underscores the importance of acknowledging our emotions without comparison, especially when life's pressures, like work-life balance and financial stress, seem overwhelming. Learn practical tips to weave gratitude into even your busiest moments and discover how appreciating both big and small joys can bolster your emotional well-being.

In the second part of the episode, we explore the lies we tell ourselves and the hidden struggles of those around us. From friends and family to coworkers, everyone is facing their own battles, often unnoticed. I'll encourage you to reflect on these struggles and share your experiences. Plus, take advantage of our new feature that lets you send me a text message directly, fostering a deeper connection within our community. This week's episode is all about building a supportive space where we validate each other's feelings and navigate the ups and downs of emotional health together.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:18

And welcome back to another episode of the Nurses Breakroom with Jenny Lytle RN. I am Jenny, and this is the second episode in a series called the Lies we Tell Ourselves, and this one is about the way we feel, and so I'm calling this I shouldn't feel this way. A lot of times, we place a lot of judgment on our feelings, and so I, in talking with clients and in dealing with my own struggles, and in talking with patients in my regular nursing jobs, I find that we really get caught up on the way we feel and assign some shoulds to that, and so, whether that be, I shouldn't feel this way, I'm tired, I'm worn out, I'm stressed out, whatever, or maybe even it's because of the happiness we feel, there's a lot of bad things going on in the world, and so maybe we're feeling a little guilty for some joy that we're having, and sometimes, especially when it's negative feelings that we're having, when we are feeling stressed out or feeling like we're struggling with some things, then it's easy to think but I have it so much better than so many others do, or I'm the one who made things this way, and even though that may be true, that doesn't mean that you're not entitled to get tired or to feel stressed out or overwhelmed. We don't have to have it all together all the time, and maybe you are someone that has more resources and support for turning that around than some others do. Regardless, whatever you're feeling is valid. There's nothing wrong with it and there's nothing wrong with you.

Speaker 1: 2:16

I know that lately for me, I've been having some challenges with my own boundaries again, mainly when it comes to work again. So, to be really transparent, we have more debt than I would like to have right now, and I still want to be able to go out and have fun and go on vacations, and basically I want it all. And I also feel like I need to be taking advantages, taking advantage of the opportunities that I have as far as nursing work goes, and it's especially hard to say no when there's bonuses that are being thrown in for picking up shifts and when I do have that availability for some of those, and so I get torn between the fact that this causes additional stress, and so I want to pick up shifts when I can so that I'm working on knocking that debt down, but when I pick up shifts, that means that I also don't have as much time to do the things that I know help with reducing my stress, you know, like exercise and good sleep and just enjoying some of the things that I know bring me joy and reduce my stress. And the irony isn't lost on me that part of our debt is related to some of the things that bring me stress relief, like our home. We bought a home a year and a half ago and it's a very peaceful, relaxing place that we love. And then we also bought a small area on a lake last year a small area on a lake last year and both of these things are beautiful and relaxing, but they also come with some upkeep and can get to be a bit of a challenge to balance all of that out. And even even as I'm saying this, I do feel that little twinge of comparison and guilt because I know how incredibly blessed I am. But the big takeaway here is whatever you're feeling, whatever I'm feeling, is okay, and the fact that someone else has it worse doesn't mean that we can't get tired. We can't have struggles sometimes, and I have found and not just for me personally, but those that I work with, and it's backed by research that some of the most effective ways of dealing with that is to list the things that I'm grateful for, and do this regularly, and for some people that can be journaling ideally. Yes, I love to take time to sit down with my journal and just really enjoy that whole process.

Speaker 1: 4:56

Journaling for me offers so many benefits, but the reality is in day-to-day busy life sometimes that just doesn't fit in, and so it doesn't have to be all or nothing. And if you're an all or nothing person like me, I feel for you because it is so easy to do that and think you know what. I don't have time to do it right or all the way or exactly like I want to do, so I'll just do it later, and we know how that turns out most of the time. So it can be as simple as just thinking of thinking of a few things that you're grateful for, maybe saying them out loud, or, you know, one of the things that I like to do is I have a we all have a notes or voice recorder app on our phones. Now, I think where we can do little things like that and capture them and have them, transcribe them, and sometimes I'll be if I'm driving or if I'm in the middle of something, I'll say, hey, remind me to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it may be. It may be remind me to get milk at the store, but it also can be remind me about the beautiful butterfly that I just saw, and so it's. It can be a lot of those little things like that. And so when we're doing that, not just the big things but also all those little glimmers in our lives, the little things that bring us joy.

Speaker 1: 6:20

So, for instance, I was like I was talking about recording, I was doing a bit of a brain dump and prep for this episode, and I often get my best thoughts in the shower, or really more often in the car, and so I use the Otter app more often in the car, and so I use the Otter app and I just talk while I'm driving and it records it and transcribes it, and every now and then it gets it wrong, but really it's pretty good. But if it does get it wrong, then I've also got the audio so that I can listen to it. And while I was talking through this episode and some ideas that I had for it, there were three deer a mama and two babies and they came running through a field and up along the side of the road while I was driving. And at the risk of sounding a little wacky, if you don't know me, I feel a real connection to God through deer and I just love seeing them, and especially in groups of three like that.

Speaker 1: 7:13

And something else I yesterday I was driving home from work and it was a long day I ended up needing to work over, and it was just one of those days where I just felt like I didn't give 100%. I felt like I gave all I could give, but it just felt like it wasn't enough. And I'm sure you've had days like that too and I and part of it, I know, was it was also the the sixth anniversary of my mom's death and so I intentionally booked myself yesterday because I thought I just don't, I just don't want to sit around and honestly, I don't want to sit around and feel it all day and I'll go to work. And I had some really great moments work and I had some really great moments at work. I had some not so great ones too, because it's life, but I had some moments where I connected with people and I really I feel like in those moments I made a difference and that's something that's really important to me and as I was coming home, I saw some deer and the sky was so beautiful I was able to see some sunsets and Indiana sunsets are gorgeous anyway, but it was just a particularly beautiful night and check out my Facebook or Instagram if you want to see those pictures.

Speaker 1: 8:30

And I'm also listening to this book called the Unexpected Joy of the Ordinary by Catherine Gray, and I think it's a few years old, but I found it on Audible and I started listening to it and it's just a great reminder of the little things that are easy to take for granted or, honestly, just to overlook. It's not even so much a taking for granted thing. We just get caught up in the busyness and don't always notice or we feel like things need to be bigger. And, like I mentioned before, I love vacations and going places and having that time away. And can we ever really take as many vacations as we'd like to? But we can have those vacation feelings in the little pockets of our days and I just encourage you to to think about some of the ways you can do that.

Speaker 1: 9:23

And when you start feeling that that little bit of judgment of yourself creeping up, when you think, oh, I shouldn't feel this way. Bit of judgment of yourself creeping up when you think, oh, I shouldn't feel this way, challenge that because the way you feel is the way you feel, and just owning that. And then, yes, maybe there are things you can do to change that up a bit. But don't be so hard on yourself. We all deserve a little grace, and I can't wait to get back to you with more of these and make sure that you check out all of them in this series.

Speaker 1: 9:54

And really I would love it if you would let me know what are some of those lies you tell yourself. Or maybe you feel like, hey, you're pretty well adjusted and if so, that is wonderful. I would still love to learn from you. So what do you hear other people saying? What are some of the struggles that you know that some of your coworkers or friends or family are going through? And at the top of the show notes for this episode, you are able to send a text, but it's a fairly new feature and it looks like when you do that, I don't get your full number or any info other than from you, other than the last four digits of your phone number. So I would love to be able to respond to you, but if so, I need you to put your whole phone number in there and along with your message, and I look forward to talking to you soon. Have a great week.