Discovered My Feminine Energy After Years of People-Pleasing in the Business World

Wondering How to Unlock Your Authentic Feminine Power?
Feeling Stuck Because You've Lost Touch With Your Intuition?

In this episode I sit down with mindset coach Esther and we discuss:

→ Discovering the roots of people-pleasing behavior
→ Recognizing perceived vs actual expectations
→ Setting boundaries as an empathic extrovert
→ Signs you may be experiencing burnout
→ Strategies for shortening your recovery time
→ Tapping into your personality through Human Design
→ Balancing masculine and feminine energies
→ Honoring your unique needs each menstrual cycle phase

You'll walk away with actionable tips to reconnect with your intuition, protect your energy and unleash your badass potential!

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Hi, I'm your host Natalie Nadeau.
→ CEO and founder of Leading The Click Marketing Agency

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Transcript

Speaker 1  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome back to the reality of winning podcast today I am here with like, one of the best energy female energy sources I have come across in such a long time. I am here with Esther and she is a change and mindset coach, she helps women in business become badass changemakers. And I really just love her heart and her energy. And you know, she's just she's got such a great personality. So I'm so excited to have her here with us today. You guys are gonna get a lot out of this. I know, I was like, we I feel like we could have chatted for like 10 hours the last time we talked. And so I'm excited for this today. And Esther Why don't you just introduce yourself to everybody? And give us a bit of a background story on like, what got you into helping people change and work on their mindset and how'd you get into coaching

Speaker 2  0:51  
thank you for the space and the time and hello to everyone. I was very connected to my feminine as a little girl through dancing and music. Mainly I was in a specialty school for music, studying a piano in the choir dancing away happy. And my parents thought that I should also learn some history and met and all of that. So I was kinda redirected growing up in an engineer family, you know, emphasize was more put on, you know, the more business related topics, let's say. And so that's where I ended up to make a career for over 1213 years actually. And so these two factors are what I've been identified on my personal development journey. So growing up in the thinker's family as a sealer, as well as ending up in the business world, which is, as we know, it's more of a masculine energy driven world. These are the two factors that kind of cut me off my feminine energy. And when I discovered why, and looked into why it was burning out not once but twice in a multinational company, as well as in a startup environment. It wasn't just enough to just, you know, change environments, I have been working in different countries and multicultural environments. And I was always very curious. So I was changing, actually, because of variety is the spice of life. I was telling myself so I thought I was leading conscious career. And somehow I still ended up burning out and you know, kind of crossing those life hurdles like divorce separation. So obviously on both sides, professional and private life, I was feeling something is off. So I really started my journey two years ago, and that's where my career also turned towards people development. And so a very intense personal development journey started then and that's how I ended up doing training and coaching and this is really my passion my life now to have other women going through the same journey.

Speaker 1  2:53  
I think that's so amazing. I love that you call it people development to you were dancing and what had engineering you were in a family and thinkers and you were a feeler so what was it like for you to have all of that feeling and those emotions? Did you end up making yourself smaller or what happened?

Speaker 2  3:14  
Actually, I'm having some goosebumps right now food buddy. You asking me about this because you know what, what I discovered and that is thanks to the work of Dr. Gabor Matta which I wholeheartedly recommend to everyone who is into their journey and personal development seriously. He is the one who explains that trauma, everyone has it and trauma with a small t exists to and this helped me on my journey to understand that basically, my trauma that I became a people pleaser. So what happened is that surrounded with these thinkers, right, that are we're putting logic and, and having an explanation, a logical explanation of everything. In the first place. I was having a hard time to explain. I'm an experimental learner, I don't keep all those things in mind. I go after my heart. I'm a feeler you know, I function differently. And so I was always very loud, very extroverted, and I ended up because I'm fueled by the human connection and every one of us want to be accepted, right? That's just our basic one of our basic needs of belonging, you know, belonging, sense of belonging. So, I was trying to get my voice heard, but basically, I wasn't speaking the same language of course, but at the time, I didn't know and my parents obviously, don't get me wrong, I had the best childhood I had the best options and and, and things available to me in terms of studying, traveling abroad, taking part in international programs, etc. So honestly, no complaints whatsoever, but it is The fact that you know, at the time, even though they were doing their best, I didn't have like, say the maturity level to like, say, I was just, you know, say go against them, so to speak, I was the good girl, I was listening, I was following, I was accepting all those things that were given me as concepts. You know,

Speaker 1  5:19  
I love what you say about there's like trauma with a small t, right? Like, you can have a really a great family really supportive and loving and kind. But there's still certain things that create blockages within us, right. And they prevent us from being our authentic self, we got new things that come in, and we think this is how it's supposed to be or try to adapt and change and evolve into something that we're not. And then it's a very, it's like a slow burn, right? Like it happens, time over progress. We lose that connection to our heart that we initially had so deeply, so well rooted within it almost becomes like, we are no longer us. Yeah, it

Speaker 2  6:08  
wasn't trusting myself, or, you know, the connection to the intuition was not there anymore, not nurtured that much I was living outward, mostly to like, kind of trying to establish myself was trying to show that yeah, I can belong, I can be like you guys are, you know, nodding and following etc. And I was trying to, I just noticed the pattern of always wanting to prove myself, and I did not ask the question, Why am I doing this? Why don't they accept me the way I am? Why, or even though they weren't consciously, you know, putting up expectations towards me, I was even creating them. So also understanding the difference between you know, the perceived expectations and the real ones as well. I think it plays also very important role in our development,

Speaker 1  6:58  
did you really able to recognize the perceived and the actual ones when you were younger? Or was it only when you went on your self development journey, and started growing that you saw, were able to recognize it,

Speaker 2  7:11  
I wholeheartedly can say that I needed to go on the growth journey. First, to understand the difference. Because this is actually the main point for me towards conscious life, we are going to step on this journey, because we want to be self aware, this is what we are building and creating, so that we can make our own choices. And I think self awareness and observing ourselves are two things that we that we need to do first, or establish first or create first build or build it for ourselves. So that we can actually shift levels. And that doesn't exist by on its own unless you're probably you know, for introverts, maybe the self reflective mode is a bit more active. If it's not, you know, limited again, by the outside environment. These are several factors someone like me who is very extroverted, very much fueled by the human connection, you get lost in that, you know, outward turn, turned outward energy. So, self reflection, building self awareness, observing yourself, I needed to relearn it as an adult over 3035. Even so,

Speaker 1  8:33  
when you're extroverted, and you're feeding off of that human connection is Do you feel like because I'm definitely an introvert, right, I wholeheartedly am. But I can be extroverted in certain moments, but for you, like I consider myself an empath. So when I'm in a scenario with a lot of different energies and frequencies around me, and you know, those different vibes, I am trying to protect my source and not have those interactions. So for you, does it become the opposite where you actually gain it fuels your energy source by being by being

Speaker 2  9:13  
it's totally right, which we're saying. However, what we really need to learn is to select with whom we exchange energy to learn who is normally for oil and gas and who is draining our energy and to understand also, same goes for activities by the way. So you know, we learn on ourselves, again, comes the observation, the self awareness, to understand how we function. And this is when you can make choices that actually serve you and then serve your goals. And then serve of course, also your environment and the people you want to connect with because ultimately, we live through meaningful relationships. Just to give a very vivid example last night I was holding my web webinar after Ah, I can't just, you know, wind down and go to bed and and go about my relaxing evening I need to go out and have like a sunset walk or something to truly wind down from that hyped high vibrational energy because when I first of all share my energy through my work and and and, you know, bring it to the people to these women that participate, that's something that also I raise my vibration to do yes so that I can give energy and then it I get back since they are I can see they are enjoying I can see that they are having insights, aha moments, and they're connecting the dots. And that gives me wings to fly, you know. So then of course, after an experience like that, I also need to kind of wind down I guess for me as a people pleaser when I did realize that and that was only a few years ago when I truly stepped into this. Okay, I assume this, and I will I am willing to take steps to to look at this as an observer and maybe change my behavior is about boundary setting, respecting those boundaries are really, really keeping them holding man honoring them. And learning to say no, so yeah, it takes unlearning and relearning both on this path so that you can protect your energy.

Speaker 1  11:26  
I'm the same way especially like with clients with meetings and you know, hosting live events, I would say, I did a couple this morning, and I had some clients doing live webinars, and you know, it, it fuels so much and like it just overflows. And I love what you say about how you can't just like go to bed and unwind after because you're just there's so much inside, running through you. And I love the idea of the active recovery, right by like doing that walk going and getting sunshine, and like also stepping away from this technology to because I got always interferes with something, too, right. So being outside

Speaker 2  12:09  
Yeah, checking in with nature does wonders, especially for us women since the you know, as feminine energy as well like Mother Nature. So I'm I'm grounding myself a lot barefoot, and that helps to keep me in check. And yeah, it's just one example. Of course, I could have said, you know, I do a little dance, celebratory dance or whatever it might be. But going back to your case, as well, by the way with as you were mentioning that you're rather considering yourself an introvert but then through your work maybe or through things that you do for people you are an extrovert to you are an ambivert basically, and and a lot of us are, you know, in certain phases of our lives, even though we were an intro or an extra at the beginning of the young years. We we truly when we go especially when you go through these journeys, and we might be become more conscious, we become ambiverts because we we learn how to deal. Yeah, with the energy that that is also part of the journey. I think, just making that connection,

Speaker 1  13:13  
I would agree that you can definitely be very much a bull, I would probably, I think the core reason why that introvert part kind of exists. I would say that the equation is that the people in my current ecosystem and like the small town that I'm in has a very low energy vibration as a whole. So it's really hard to like have the right exposures. So more of my clients are all over North America and like people all over the world that I connect with high high energy currently working towards moving away from this and I know the moment that I get there, there's just like so much extraversion that's going to kind of virion Well, I almost feel like it's like you're an empath and an introvert. And if you upgrade your ecosystem of who and what you're exposed to, you can become Omniverse like almost like an Asian, right? Like you start you know, you add that and then you can become that but um, I don't know that's like set in stone and I think it's so individual

Speaker 2  14:30  
for me anyway, it was very obvious that I'm an extrovert but now I wouldn't say it's obvious at all because of what I do. I chose to get into coaching five years ago and being a trainer and being the coach are very different energies and as a trainer, you're giving the skills sharing the knowledge. As a coach, you are listening, taking in a lot of things and putting yourself first and then taking in a lot of things from the client and reflecting on it. really requires a very different dynamic. So in order to honor that, I don't think we can stay in the same, you know, extrovert kind of energy, if I was to do that, in the coaching session imagine for clients would not benefit that much, it would probably become like consulting service. And this is not the aim at all, it's not the purpose. But also I'm in a phase of my life over 40, that I do notice that I have a different craving for a different ratio in terms of ongoing and going inward, kind of how much time I spent in each. So I have a much higher or increased craving for going inward than I used to yeah,

Speaker 1  15:47  
my my craving going in is very high now to let's talk a bit about the business world being masculine, and his cycle of burnout, because I've had the burnout cycle many, many times, very rooted in that male energy. I know this is all kind of connected with on there. And so why don't you tell us a bit about your journey with it. And

Speaker 2  16:14  
okay, so my burn outs are very much connected to the business world in general, I could say now that I have tried myself challenge myself in multi national, so big corporations, then startups, smaller structures, as well as the humanitarian space. And then now as a freelancer and an entrepreneur, so they burn out that I would say, I would really call a full on note that happened twice in my life once, both in the corporate world once in the multinational and once in the startup space. And then what I had since then World War of smaller cycles of overwhelm, because I learned so many skills, and so many tools, and I'm so much more self aware, even if I get close to because we are not robots. Yeah, we are human beings. And we are still learning and every and each and every time we go into a new cycle and new leveling up kind of phase in our lives. We are trial erroring. So it's totally normal to push it a bit too much. Or, you know, we we don't yet know that territory. And we don't know how we cannot behave. So it's a hit and miss sometimes that's okay. But how fast can you recover is the question and how enjoyable the journey can stay. So how, you know, how much less of a damage you can do. Because you are recovering faster, you are much more skilled. Now you're you know, not you're coming out of the spiral much in a much more intact way you say it's not a fluid on burnout. But the first ones of course, I had like no idea. It was very a shocking experience. The first time I was really young, working in a sales role for a big American software company, they were asking year on year, a higher and higher growth rate, even when the market was not there for it. So obviously, it's straight, straight on hitting the wall and burnout. And it was striking for me because when the doctor said you have two choices, either you take the pills for like sort of antidepressants or you know, something that gets a blade will reanimate you. Or you can take the option to let go four hours of work each day. Well, you can guess which one I chose natural path. Since Yeah. 2005. So 19 years, I'm very much a natural girl, so not into medication whatsoever. So yeah, it took a while to come back. But I was out of work for a month completely. And I would say it was still a mild type of burnout. But it was more than enough for a huge alert for me, you know, and a wake up call that things needed to be different. Yeah, then I still had a second one where everything was changing in my life at the same time, you know, having a startup experience and living in a new country. Yeah, separating from partners. So it was like yeah, full on 360 degrees change. So but they're on I just had a little accident with my leg. And that was enough to start to really learn about how your body is sending you signals. And it's time to stop and and that's when I I started to really learn to listen to my body on an different level to how it was before

Speaker 1  19:54  
Yeah, I feel like sometimes if we don't pick up on cues we we get told in a much more aggressive way. I love how you talked about recovering faster. And shortening. That's the time down, I call it almost. And like as we evolve, I always say that our current reality our current state is a result of like boards, like let's say six to eight weeks prior of work and energy and effort put in, and then we are here receiving what we just work towards. And then we have that compound effect over time. So we're constantly just like flowing state have, you know all of that happening. So the less time that we spend down the less frequently that we experienced that the future only exists where that is no longer part of it, because eventually you can diminish it and diminish it. So that that generational conditioning that former neuroplasticity, there is new brainwaves, there's new activity is all of it is just opening up this door to an entirely new existence, energy capacity, and frequency that we operate at. And I think it's like, really, really powerful. Yeah,

Speaker 2  21:13  
it resonates with so much of what you said, I worked on this journey, not only on myself, but also my family or my relationship with my parents, with my brother, with my sister in law, understanding that they're one of the best features actually you can have. Because your family is always testing you. Even though you are on a personal development path for years and years. You just go home for a visit to the parents house, and you get triggered and all Gods you are faced with the mirror say, Okay, go back and do some more work. And yeah, for sure, I would say that the cycles of overwhelm, because I wouldn't call them all the time burnouts. But yeah, the cycles of around they will come because there for the moment, the world keeps accelerating stuff getting saturated, you know, we're flooded with information our brain is not created is not destined to receive and consume all the time if we are not conscious. And so I have this conversation almost on a daily basis with clients, friends, family, etc. If today, you are not in a conscious life design journey, I don't know how you are sure that you are living a quality of life that is actually enjoyable. Because you need to protect protect your energy, protect your your, your nervous system, and look after your nutrition your everyday life in a way that, you know brings to it full on conscious presence. If you cannot do that, you lose out on quality for sure. And that that will also have a ripple effect on your relationships, but most importantly, and the relationship to yourself, which is taught. So

Speaker 1  23:03  
I've heard a lot of people recently talk about life design. So can you just expand on what does life design mean? And just break it down for me as I

Speaker 2  23:15  
interpret it, or as I call it, conscious life design is for me, what does that mean? It means that you are able to create freedom for yourself. So I use three pillars in my in the journeys that I designed the learning journeys that I designed. The first pillar, as I mentioned it earlier, the awareness pillar. And we cannot change anything that we are not aware of. So second pillar is to change but before that needs to come the awareness, and ultimately we're going towards freedom. So when we go through this journey of awareness, change freedom, ultimately what we want is freedom, which can mean a lot of different things for a lot of different folks, okay, but ultimately, it's inner peace. Because whatever choice I make today, in this moment, in this present moment, if I can make sure that it's aligned with my values, yeah, it's something that I consciously choose for myself, because I do believe 100% It's what's best serving me at the moment and my goals and my, you know, visions, then I can be at peace, I can be at peace with that choice, I won't be regretting it no matter it's a success, so to speak, or you know, results in whatever whatever. Or it's a learning it's, it's it's a lesson no matter what the outcome. I'm not attached to that because I just know I can fully step into this choice now because it's aligned with my values. And what do you need for that? Well be aware of your values. What are your core values? Imagine you're trying to go towards a goal that is not aligned with your values. You will be ending up creating a lot of resistance, you will be self sabotaging yourself, etc. So you conscious life designed for me, it's when we go through this journey of Yeah, I know my relationship to change because we are surrounded with change all the time, I know how I relate to my fears, you know, I know how I can befriend them, how I can reframe them, how can handle them, so that they don't create barriers for me, I know what inner resources I can tap into, I am able to activate them, I know how to deal with my mindset, I nurture my mental fitness every single day, I make conscious choices, and then they are reflected in my relationships as well. So ultimately, these things are part of the journey. And this, these are all of the things that make up for me, the conscious life design. So it's ultimately in short, bringing conscious presence to what you are. So who you are and what you do. So the being and the doing, if I had to

Speaker 1  25:58  
take everything you said and put my own definition to it, I would go conscious life design equal freedom and inner harmony, right? Like, that's kind of, yeah, those two things. So thank you for sharing that. Because I feel like I've heard it, and people have been commenting and saying it on LinkedIn. And then like, I need to go look up like design and figure out what the says so they eat.

Speaker 2  26:23  
Well, also, there's a lot of buzz around human design, which also one of the approach is to understand your personality better and to make decisions aligned with who you are, and your personality. And that is something I also very much like and support and use to understand ourselves and each other better. So if you know who you are, according to the five categories into human design, you will be in a much better position to live your life according to what's called it, so to speak in in you by birth, basically. So

Speaker 1  27:03  
what are these five designs, so they are

Speaker 2  27:07  
generators, manifesting generators, reflectors, and projectors, there's a lot of layers, it's a quite complex system, because it actually brings together several different spiritual approaches, as well as, you know, astrology, etc. So it's, it's quite interesting to look into it and learn about how you, for example, I'm a reflector, which is only 1% of the world's population. And it means just to give you an idea that, and I knew this from about myself, because with my shaman when we were working on on, on my birth chart and understanding my behavior, a lot of the times we were talking about mirrors that how I am a mirror to other people, and we are in general, yeah, we are mirror to each other. And it's just understanding how others behavior is mirrored in you, etc. And so one thing that I learned through human design is that all my chakras are open. And for me energetically, when I understood that a bit more, it helped me a lot to understand why I'm picking up the energy of my environment and of other people and how, you know, important, even more. So to protect my energy or to choose with whom I am sharing or from whom I am accepting, you know, or to whom I am opening myself truly, also, there is like a bunch of different things you can learn, for example, in order to take bigger decisions, make bigger decisions, it's better to wait a full moon cycle for reflectors. So these are like little ins and outs of personality that you can learn through through human to human design that helps navigating life's events and be a better version of yourself.

Speaker 1  29:01  
I love it. And I'm into, like, you know, I respect it, and I honor it, and I see the value in it. But there's this part of my core values that's like, Don't put me inside of a box. And so, like, I feel like when you tell me that this is like your birthdays on this day, you're a Libra. This is what you do. I'm like, define who I am based off of this one simple little thing.

Speaker 2  29:29  
Now you are unique. Absolutely. Because the Justice zodiac sign is not enough. You need to know your ascendant, you need to see the whole person and the birth chart is with all the planets and all the stars at the time of your birth. So it gives you so much more information than just the zodiac sign. So thank God it's an open book. Yeah,

Speaker 1  29:52  
and I don't know it like I haven't done the birthday thing and figured it all out. So I'm coming from just like my own perspective on it, and once I was able to like access the info and learn it, my entire opinion in this moment may change and shift, you know what I mean? Because I'm just like, yes, yes. Like our genetics can change our DNA changes, we evolve, we expand and like, we have the capacity to completely shift every generation that was before us and create a whole new generational line, we have that ability within us, right?

Transcribed by https://otter.ai