I’m Jake Hounds, and this is one thousand words or less
EPISODE 3 - MY COUSIN THE NFL QUARTERBACK
I never really realized how fanatical people are about football until my cousin became a quarterback in the NFL.
Technically, he isn’t my cousin, but my wife’s cousin. Her second cousin, but we say, cousin because he is a cousin to our children. His grandmother and my kids’ grandmother were sisters.
I’ve followed him since college, and delight in being able to say to my kids, “Look, your cousin is on television!” I mind the schedule and watch every game. I get a lot of shrugs from my family, who play along and let me become engrossed, even if they aren’t.
My wife’s family is sprawling, with relatives all over. So, I hadn’t tracked who was who and how they were all related to us. I’d hear the names, get a bit of news, and shake hands at a funeral, but it never really much impacted me, until our family football player started to get some attention.
Even then, I had to be tutored, because in some branches, the names are the same from generation to generation, and, in the south, the women were given family or masculine names which made it even more opaque. But by the first nationally televised bowl game, I had mostly pieced it together. I was friendly with his aunt, and I had met his grandfather several times.
As a second cousin by marriage, I am keeping his name quiet, so as not to appear to capitalize from the notoriety of someone whom I am barely related to. I always say my wife’s cousin, and then explain the grandmother-sister connection for emphasis. The other day at the butcher shop I was discussing football cuisine, and the guy serving me said his favorite team was the one he plays for, so he got the whole story.
Once at a surf shop in Florida, I saw a man wearing a team shirt, so I casually brought it up. Oh, and Ubers, if the conversation turns that way, I do sometimes mention it. At the gym, I saw him on TV, so I told the staff about our connection, and with hotel employees. My family often waits to see if I am going to say anything and has even wagered on how long it will take me to mention his name.
I played sports as a kid, but I never played football, although there were Sundays at my grandmother’s house when I would watch games as a retreat from the old people’s conversations. From that time forward, I have appreciated and understood the game. Next, I taught football players in grad school, where I saw firsthand the way a small town would swell with the faithful on Saturdays.
By the time my wife’s cousin made his NFL debut, I realized the enormity of his accomplishment, getting to play at this elite level. Most people, including myself, will never come close to the commitment, drive, discipline, or performance required to play a professional sport, so I admire him.
A couple of years ago we visited the city where he plays in the off-season, and, seeing an opportunity for us to get together, I started casually mentioning it to my wife in a “wouldn’t it be cool for our kids to meet him” kind of way. She ignored me.
However, when we arrived, I brought it up in a more insistent manner, pressing her to reach out to her cousin, his father, to see if we could set something up. “He could join us for dinner” I chirped, as the only one enthusiastic about it. I coaxed, reminded, plied, and finally convinced her to make the call.
Her cousin was friendly, recognizing the opportunity for us all to meet one another. Yes, the kids will get a real charge out of meeting their famous cousin, I thought as I pulled on my team socks and my team warm-up jersey. Something they will always remember.
We met outside a brunch place close to where he lives. Everyone was casual meeting and smiling, while I was a bit tense. I’m not that good around famous people, and I was self-conscious, making a nervous kind of face, and speaking too quickly.
The first thing you notice about football players is they are both big and tall. While quarterbacks look average on TV compared to many players, up close they are gigantic. He was head and shoulders taller than me. I felt small, with my nervous giggle, and my silly grin, as we grabbed a seat in the restaurant.
As we sat down, heads turned, and a murmur of “Do you know who that is?” filled the space. I felt special, here he was sitting across from me, and we even ordered the same sides with our eggs. He likes bacon too!
He was so polite, asking our kids about themselves, and being warm and friendly toward them, as they nonchalantly devoured their Nutella pancakes. He had a good season after meeting us, and my son suggested it was the pancakes that inspired his play.
Meanwhile, I kept introducing details about specific games, peppered with my compliments to him for his unflappable mindset, his grit in the face of adversity, and his overall resilience, telling him how inspired I am by him. He just grinned and said, “Thanks,” having likely heard the same compliments from school-age children for years now.
During my extended soliloquies, you could hear the eyes of my family rolling, like ball bearings down a hardwood floor. Finally, my wife put everyone out of their misery by asking him to sign an autograph for the son of her college friend, who is himself an aspiring high school quarterback. “Wouldn’t it be something to know two professional quarterbacks,” I thought.
While we didn’t ask him to sign anything for us, we did take some great photos together. When we meet, I’ll show you a picture of me and my cousin the NFL quarterback.
This has been 1000 words or less, I’m Jake Hounds.
Thanks for listening.
One Thousand Words or Less is one hundred percent created by flawed natural human intelligence.
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