Join us for an enlightening podcast episode featuring Johnell Moody as he delves into the crucial topic of emotional intelligence (EQ). In this insightful discussion, Johnel explores why emotional intelligence is a vital aspect of our lives.
Discover the power of understanding and managing emotions, not only in personal relationships but also in your professional and everyday interactions. Johnell Moody provides practical insights and strategies to enhance your emotional intelligence, empowering you to navigate life's challenges more effectively.
Learn how EQ can positively impact your decision-making, communication, and overall well-being. Whether you're seeking personal growth or professional success, this episode will shed light on the importance of emotional intelligence as a tool for a more fulfilling and harmonious life.
Tune in and embark on a journey towards greater self-awareness and emotional resilience. Don't miss out on the wisdom shared by Johnell Moody in this thought-provoking podcast episode.
Join us for an enlightening podcast episode featuring Johnell Moody as he delves into the crucial topic of emotional intelligence (EQ). In this insightful discussion, Johnel explores why emotional intelligence is a vital aspect of our lives.
Discover the power of understanding and managing emotions, not only in personal relationships but also in your professional and everyday interactions. Johnell Moody provides practical insights and strategies to enhance your emotional intelligence, empowering you to navigate life's challenges more effectively.
Learn how EQ can positively impact your decision-making, communication, and overall well-being. Whether you're seeking personal growth or professional success, this episode will shed light on the importance of emotional intelligence as a tool for a more fulfilling and harmonious life.
Tune in and embark on a journey towards greater self-awareness and emotional resilience. Don't miss out on the wisdom shared by Johnell Moody in this thought-provoking podcast episode.
All right, so welcome to another podcast this week for our journey to freedom. And so again, my name is Brian Arnold and you can probably obviously see that on the screen here. I'm just so excited about you know, I was just telling Janelle, you know, that I just kind of feel that God has his hand in it. You know I was as I was recording, you know, a message on the intro and and what we need to do, and I would like to. You know, don't email me off. I told you this, but I'm going to start doing, hopefully on Thursday, a seven minute daily. You know just my message that I'm going to do. It's going to be seven minutes long, it's going to deal with all these different portions of the podcast. You know the different pillars, which are identity, trust, finance, health and faith, and so you know I want to be able to send that out for five days a week, seven days, you know, for 52 weeks. And you know, really just give people the opportunity to get in. We'll have, you know, I'll probably have an affirmation there, I'll probably have a prayer inside of that. I'll have, you know just. You know. You know some things where some stories are there. You know you can't do a ton in seven minutes, but you know, for somebody listen to it continually. Seven minutes, you know. If you do, you know, for five days, then you're at 35 minutes in a week. You know you add that for 52 weeks, now you have some content that you know folks that are really wanting to trans, transform who they are.
Speaker 1:And again the journey of freedom is about. You know we say the Calvary's not coming, so it's like we got to be able to help ourselves, but it's still within the communities and creating communities that will allow us to thrive. One of the things that you know I talked about earlier is, you know, go into an event and having four or 500 people there but only have in 25 black men there, and in watching the communities that take place, from the white men with each other and going to dinner and doing all these wonderful things, and it might just be the difference. It probably has nothing to do with race, but it just has to do with a community of people that are all going in one direction, that are all thinking like mindedness that maybe y'all have, you know, same as something you know set up the same you know hobbies or things like that that they want to just hang out with. But the conversation seemed to be different than those that I've experienced in some of the communities I'm with, where it's talking about the future and where do we go and how do we get there, and not just so much talking about how it used to be, how we grew up, remember when we played baseball on the street with the stick and we all got skinned up. That's a great conversation and it's fun to have and important to have. What about this is what we're going to do next year. You know this is where we're going to find value.
Speaker 1:I was at a meeting last week in Phoenix and the gentleman that I was you kind of like a mastermind circle, and we talked about benchmarks. We talked about what are the benchmarks that you have for your future and your life, and the whole conversation had nothing to do with the past. It was all you know, if you get to go to retirement and that was the kind of the question in there benchmark number one how much do you need to live comfortably? And then, because he said I want to reverse engineer it to what you got to do to be able to do that and he said for you know a million dollars that for every million dollars that you have saved up, that'll spend off about $50,000 a year in interest. And then you know your million dollars can, doesn't depreciate and continues to grow, and so he goes. So if you want to live on $50,000 a year, then you need to have a million dollars in the bank. What's your number? And I'm like I will, I need at least 6 million, that's 300,000. Right, and then the conversation went to how are you going to get there? You know, and so these are some things that you can do, but it was a community of people. It wasn't just him that was saying it was. There were 12 of us in a room and we all begin on each other's thing to say, okay, this is how old you are.
Speaker 1:He pulled out. It was unique and I know, you know we'll talk about some of this. But he pulled out a tape measure. He went. You know what was the thing? If I had one in the drawer right here, he pulled out. Maybe I do, because it was a really good illustration that helps. All you do that will get. So he pulled out whoops, I'll just stand there. Well, I'll probably sit down so you can see my face In general, you can kind of attest to this. So he pulls out this tape measure you know pulling it out like I can't say because of my background but he pulls it out all the way to age 70 or 75 inches.
Speaker 1:And that represented the age that you know the people die. You know, now I was looking at like black men and saying, okay, what is the age that black men are dying, you know? And it's a lower. It's lower than the 75 national average, it's more like 70. And then he goes, okay. So you know, he had me hold it at the zero and then he went to 59, he went to 59 and he told me to grab it at 59. So I grabbed it at 59. And then you're, you're 40. So you can think of, you know, at 40 year old, what that is. And then you put it out to that 72 and you know you can barely see it, but this is how much left I got. You know, what am I going to do to be able to make a difference with a space that's like this big? You know?
Speaker 1:compared to the whole thing there and say, like this whole life you've already done what you're going to do. You know you've already. You know that whatever's happened there, whatever was good, whatever was bad, has happened. So now you have you know, in my case, if it's 72 and I'm 58, I have 12, 14 years. Now I think I'm going to live to 100. So I have you know in my mind I have more years.
Speaker 2:Amen to that, but if I.
Speaker 1:But if I look at what that is, you know that's not very much more time. Correct. What am I going to do differently in who I am as a person, in my identity? You know how do I trust the right people to get where I want to be? You know what am I going to do with my finances to make sure I'm at least that first benchmark at 6 million. So my, I had a second benchmark and even a third benchmark, and the third benchmark was if you had stupid money, you know like you're going to ski behind an aircraft.
Speaker 1:Carrier water ski by an air. I've never seen a black man even close to their aircraft. They really don't see them out there skiing behind a boat. But, at the same time, you know what are those dreams, what are those goals, what are those things we want. So thank you guys for being on, Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you. You've been a part of being able to, you know, through ministry and through other things where you, you know, have the exposure to what we believe in black culture is, and then maybe some of the obstacles are, you know, like we've heard all these stories. You know we didn't live. You know I've lived a little bit longer. You've been not much. You know I wasn't around when Martin Luther King Jr was around.
Speaker 1:I was you know, he died the year I was born and we've grown up with these stories from our elders. How have those stories shaped maybe the person that you are in, the person that you know, that you want to become based on, maybe some of those dreams, some of those things, some of those things that our elders have said you need to do this and this and this. How is that shaped? Who you are?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I am, and what I would call myself I just probably made up term, but I would say an elder condesaur, okay, meaning I love to sit at the feet of elders to learn from their experiences, learn wisdom and learn from their mistakes. Right, and I think that's what elders give us. They give us an opportunity to learn from their experiences, so that way, we don't repeat them, right, we become better. And so there's an old saying that we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us, and that's exactly how I view eldership and the way that it has shaped my journey is through responsibility, right, when you understand, when you having significant conversations with elders, you know my elders were, you know they were in the streets where they were in the church right, but all had meaningful experiences, things to share with me whenever I had questions.
Speaker 2:And it was just this responsibility that I felt, that me as a black man, to create a pathway for success, and not the success just for myself, but a success where there is an open doorway that I'm working to create that others can walk through. Now I'm not a doorway that I open and then I shut behind me, and I think that is. The principles of the elders is that we're creating spaces and opportunities so that in that way, others can walk through those opportunities and have even more greater success than you, and I think that helps to continue the success narrative, particularly in the black community and around black men. And so the elder voice in our community is so important and, I would say, is missing in today's generation. We are losing the vibrancy and as well as the leadership and the wisdom or the wisdom of our elders, and we desperately need that back in our communities.
Speaker 1:So one of the things that was super prevalent for me, and just the nocibility, is the lack of the black man in the family and I think, systematically through Lyndon B Johnson's initiatives that pulling black men out of homes. You are a black man that is in the home and you are raising your kids with you and your wife. How do you think that viewpoint, or you as an example as a leader, shines on other young black men being able to see that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't grow up with a father in the home, unfortunately. I grew up in a single parent household with a mother of two boys, and you can imagine the hardship for my mother trying to raise two boys into men, right? If that's any a thing, that is a responsibility of a single mother, which is not. And so I know firsthand how it feels to walk in a world where you're trying to learn to be a man and you don't have a man to ask those questions, right? Whether it's hey, how do I change the oil in a vehicle? Or how do I handle specific circumstances in my life that only a man would actually journey through, specifically, only a black man would journey through.
Speaker 2:And so for me to be present in the home, not just physically but emotionally, and really intimately connected in the day to day activities of each one of my children's life and involved and even the affairs of my wife man, is so important because I know what it feels like, right, to go without a male voice, a black male voice, in the home, and I never wanted my kids to experience that type of hurt, that type of confusion and disillusionment, right?
Speaker 2:Because when there's no black male in the home, it creates this confusion around one am I, was I not worthy enough for my father to be around? The what ifs, and then, at the same time, then you're working with pain of being feeling abandoned and then anger of feeling abandoned at the same time, and then having to wrestle with all that emotion. And I knew for a fact, man, that when I had a family my kids would never experience that, no matter what, I will be present. And then for young man being in youth development particularly youth development and under-resourced communities to be not to take the role of a father that's absentee in the home but to be a present and trustworthy male figure in their life that they can at least go to to get those questions answered, to have that type of support and guidance and accountability let's just be real and accountability, because I think the black male voice provides a lot of accountability, instructional guidance that can deter a lot of bad decision-making that can lead to some realities that we don't want.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. When we think about identity and I definitely wanna jump into health pretty quick here but they all intersect with each other I was looking up just some of the journey of the black man in our past, some of the things, the significant challenges or adversity that is shaped by systems or social things that go on. We can go as far as back as slavery and what it meant to be demoralized as a man, that especially if that person came from I know several were born here at some point and didn't get to experience, but if you were a black man that was pulled out of your home as a leader in Africa and then to have another man do what they did, how that works. And then we have the Jim Crow era. I fast forward away pretty far after the abolition of slavery. And then they faced the discrimination and segregation that went on, where they were said, yes, you are a man, but not really. And then the economic disparities that persist, that often not being able to have jobs and not being put into many project housing areas where jobs weren't available, and then when jobs were moving them so far that they couldn't get to jobs. And then our criminal justice system in the 80s where there was this war on how many people can we incarcerate. Then we move into this racial profiling, because I show up in New York. You would just have to stop and freeze and they could continue to do that kind of stuff or search you and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:Then the health disparities you think of the experimentation that was done, like the Tuskegee Airmen, and that kind of stuff. And then educational equities the historically, black colleges weren't available to every black male that was there. Or if they were in other schools and they weren't an athlete, how did they get through? And then just the stereotypes and stigmatization that has come from that. So that has shaped the identity of a black man and who we are and what we're told to do.
Speaker 1:The conversations that we have with our sons about police and pull, getting pulled over, and as my sons experience that, and my conversation is just don't do anything stupid, but still be you. But then that's still part of their identity, right, because why should they even have to have that thought in their mind to be able to do stuff? So when you think about identity, what are some of the things that you believed helped you get through that? Get through all those things that are part of that journey, because when we look at your life and it's not the exact life that you want, then you want it to be better and everything like that.
Speaker 1:But when you match yourself up against so many of our incarcerated brothers and so many of our brothers who hang out in the streets, or so many of our brothers who can't figure out how to lead their families, or how do you? Obviously we know as God, but beyond that, please just kind of give me some some thought process with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, everything you just described with point towards this. There is no male on earth that has the plight of a black man, none. It's incomparable. And, in addition to what you just described, the thing that I'm thinking about the most is we have experienced historical, generational, complex and compound trauma, and what that simply means is that the trauma of our ancestors exist in our DNA today, in our bloodstreams, meaning that we carry the weight, the stress of our ancestors and our DNA and we're forced to reckon with the question well, what are we supposed to do with that type of stress? How do we reckon with it? Because if we don't learn to deal with it, then inevitably it will actually deal with us right. And so, for me, I think one of the biggest things that became very important in my life is healing. Healing became an important component.
Speaker 2:Right, my experience with that level of oppression had to do with police brutality, obviously, education and justice and as well, amongst other things, from my experiences grown up as a black child, as a black man, and then having to kind of repeat some of those things that were repeated to me, to my children, my two black sons and my daughter around, affirming the beauty of their blackness and the brilliance and excellence of their blackness, then, at the same time, having to have conversations about cautioning them about what it means to be black right Like an interaction with the police.
Speaker 2:Right, as we have seen over the years, I'm a 14 year old saying hey, I don't feel safe around law enforcement and being able to have those hard and vulnerable conversations about my experience with law enforcement and some of the do's and don'ts.
Speaker 2:Right, just to preserve your life, if you ever have having an interaction with a law enforcement official, to affirm the blackness of my daughter and her black hair and the beauty of how she wears it, when we're in the age where black, young black girls and young black men are being suspended for school because of their hairstyle, meaning that I can't get educated because there's a person who has a racial bias and a racial issue against how God has naturally developed my hair right and how I can wear it, you know, and those things are just so horrifying.
Speaker 2:And so for me, it's really just dealing with how do I deal with the emotions of it right, and how do I not allow how I feel about it emotionally under my influence as a leader, as a father, as a husband and, ultimately as a black male in this in Denver, colorado, and in this society as a whole, right, and that's really so. It doesn't take me out, and so what I feel, you know, the thing that I've been more drawn to is really this thing called emotional intelligence, right, as a part of health in my personal life, and you know, emotional intelligence to me is a superpower, right, and in definition of it, is really perceiving and understanding your own emotions and the emotions of others in real time, what you're feeling, and how to regulate that in the moment not reflective, but in the moment, and I began to work through that. But in order to work through emotions, you gotta be able to feel them first.
Speaker 2:You can't heal, which you can't feel. And so I had to journey into all of the hardness that I've been putting underneath the rug because I didn't know how to deal with all these emotions, from growing up in a single parent home, growing up through racial oppression and all the different things, and burying those things because, as black men, we're told not to feel right, we're told that we have to be strong and we have to be resilient and we have to be all these big masculine things and in the end we're dying inside because we don't know what to deal with all these hard emotions, especially when they come at us very fast and very hard. And so we're sit at, we have to sit at the end of the day to wrestle with these things, which becomes torment. And so I began to journey through emotional intelligence as a pathway towards healing and a pathway towards stress reduction in my personal life. That, I believe, is creating some really, really good strides, not just in my life, but to be able to teach that to other men too.
Speaker 1:So I know that we're talking about emotional intelligence, and when I go to intelligence, I think of the IQ test, or how smart I am, or how my ability to at least be able to trick somebody to think that I'm smarter than.
Speaker 1:I am in many cases when it comes to emotional intelligence, are there folks that is it like the higher the score that you can get, the better you are dealing with emotions? Or is it just I think and feel in different ways and I need to feed the things I think of the strengths or the leveling which is? There's something like that, where you like to be communicated in one way? How does emotional intelligence work? What are we? What am I trying to find out here?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, emotional intelligence there is an assessment that people can take to really kind of figure out like, hey, where do you lie? Within the spectrum of emotional intelligence is measured in four different building blocks self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management, which are the four pillars of emotional intelligence. And all of that is asking yourself these questions how self-aware am I in those four different pillars? When it talks about self-awareness, if I am having a hard day at work, am I able to identify what I feel in real time while I'm having that hard day at work and then being able to strategize how I'm going to respond, not react to those feelings, right, because it's all about recognizing what your tendencies are in each one of those pillars and we can go into all the science of it and I don't think we have a lot of time for that, but there are some subcategories.
Speaker 2:That goes into each one of those, and one of those things is empathy, right? Do I have enough empathy for myself and my experience and am I aware of that? And do I have empathy for others when they're going through their experiences and things of that nature? And that's a part of a self-awareness piece. And then am I able to manage right those feelings as they come and as they go, and not even be judgmental of it, but be curious right, because the curiosity helps us become a student of ourselves and what we feel and then, as we're able to continue to develop the muscle around self-awareness, we get better at really controlling ourselves, versus allowing our emotions to control us.
Speaker 1:Wow. So is it possible in within the emotional intelligence world that you know? I guess we're striving to be somewhat balanced in our reactions and not, you know, lashing out and the things that you know? I think we can get the negative things. But then on the happiness side, you know, or you know, can you, can you have too much happiness? Can you have too much, you know? Is there a way to get better at it?
Speaker 1:I mean, is it just by awareness or what are some things that people do so that the negative you know. Just, you know clumping, I guess I don't even know what the word is to say. It just doesn't overwhelm a person and freeze them into inactivity or inability to to move on.
Speaker 2:Yeah it. You know it's a skill that can be developed. It takes a lot of practice. You know one practice of developing emotional intelligence and you know, maybe this is this is a stigma in our community, but it's generally right, it's reflection. Am I able to reflect on my day and pinpoint a where I may have been reactive or where I may have been responsive? Right, and it just takes 15 minutes, right, Just to reflect a real day and ask yourself some really simple questions, right, and then ask yourself you know, hey, how am I going to prove tomorrow, you know, what is one thing that I can do tomorrow that makes me 1% better, right, and so just a simple act of journaling helps to build our emotional intelligence. Also, this, you know, one of, one of the single greatest indicator if you're growing emotional help and emotional intelligence and emotional health is through accountability. Right, you have somebody who is observing you and is being able to communicate with you what it's like to be on the other side of you.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, right the other side of you the other side of you.
Speaker 2:It goes like this you know, if I were to follow Brian Arnold for an entire day now, he didn't even know this camera was on him.
Speaker 2:But I'm following him with the camera and then at the end of that day, right nine o'clock, hour comes and I'm saying hey, brian, hey, here's a videotape of your, of your day, right, and you'll get like a firsthand view of, like all of your tendencies good, bad or indifferent how you communicate, how you respond, how you react. And then you will be able to take that as a case study and say you know what here's, here are some areas that I know that tomorrow I'm going to be better in right, and so sometimes you just need that person to at least be an observer of your, of your, of your, how you, how you show up every day, and to be able to say, hey, this is where you can, this is where you can improve. And so those are two simple practices, real, tangible practices that a person can institute in their life to develop that emotional health and the emotional intelligence piece that just helps them that much more better in their life.
Speaker 1:And like I've been on this planet for 59 years almost almost 15 years and you're the first like black man who's ever told me journal I just you know and that it can be helpful, it is not part of, if it is part of our culture, it's not something that we talk about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's one of those things where it's like journal, what?
Speaker 1:Journal, what I'm right down, what.
Speaker 2:I remember when I first, when a person first told me, hey, you should journal, and you know she talked about like, hey, dr King journal, I was like that wasn't a great motivator. I love and I respect Dr King, right, but it was more or less like man, that sounds like you know, an experience that I just don't think I can rock with. But then when I started doing it, and then you go back and you read what you're writing and then you look at it and you can say, dang, I came a long way. The things that I was writing about and that I was doing I don't do no more. And if they do show up, I can identify them very quickly and respond differently with a different strategy.
Speaker 2:Because, again, it's all about intentionality and it's all about not undermining our influence, right, because every time we undermine our influence we self sabotage ourselves and when we self sabotage ourselves we are causing unnecessary stress in our lives. Right, we have enough, brian, you just went through the whole list. We have enough. We have enough, you know, man. So there's this term. I didn't even get this term, but a good friend of mine did, and it's saying suffer less.
Speaker 1:Suffer less.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so how do we suffer less? By showing up really intentional every single day in the areas in which we have influence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if there was only a program that would help you have the accountability for journaling and help you learn how to journal and be, intentional and that's why that's exactly why we're doing this and I think of when I go to our pillar of trust.
Speaker 1:So it's again. We talk about identity, trust, faith, finances and health and when I talk about the trust side, really thinking about how do we trust ourselves, you know, because it's going to be really hard to trust anybody else If we don't trust the man that I am like. Do I trust myself? When we talk about emotional intelligence, that when that person cuts me off on the side of the road, or that person calls me a name, that you know that, that you hear coming from a kid, knowing that it has no clue what they're saying, but that, but the parents had that in the anger that comes, you know, how do I trust, get to that point where I'm trusting myself to make those great decisions on a day to day, because we make decisions all day long, every day, but they're all based on our experiences, right yeah, and things we have. So how do we get to that point where we have enough of the great experiences and we have enough of belief in ourselves that we can begin to trust ourselves?
Speaker 2:That's a really good question. I would say it starts with your core, right, brian? You, you, you are, you are very active in your own health and I think in any regardless of sport, exercise or just general health man, you'll always hear a personal trainer say how important it is to develop your stability of your core. Right, you know your core makes a difference in, in how your posture is and your back and all these different things. Right, your core is is central to your overall health development. Well, that's the same thing, when it comes down to trusting yourself, is it's really developing your core.
Speaker 2:And your core is made up of your IQ, right, that's, that's your skills, and you know your ability to learn your EQ game, which is the emotional intelligence piece, and that's being self aware around the emotions of others, and then PQ your personality, right, and so, as you continue to grow and develop strengths in your self awareness about how you are hardwired, right, and that's that that comes through, you know your, your, your nature, your nurtured and your choices that you make, how you're hardwired, right, and then being able to understand how you perceive and process emotions and responding to those things, not reacting to those things, and then begin to understand.
Speaker 2:You know your IQ, your skills, you know the things that you bring to bear to meet, to, to, to meet the needs right, but the needs of yourself, needs of your family or, if you're in an organization, meet the needs of the organizations, the skills that you bring to bear. As you develop and strengthen that core, then you begin to trust who you are and your contribution in this world. And then, when you're trusting who you are right, then you're able to start art, giving other people the benefit of it out right, because you understand yourself. And then you know, you become very good at understanding others, learning how to understand others. And so it's really these things that I like to say know yourself to lead yourself and then, after you know, just after you know yourself, to lead yourself, which has everything to do with knowing your tendencies, your actions, consequences of your actions and what reality that produces that you're moving into the next thing know others to lead others.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's so good. One of the things that you brought up and you said we know who we are, you know, know yourself to lead yourself. But then you brought up a word contribution. Yes, so that you'll be able to contribute.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Is it a part of the culture that we are born to contribute? I mean, I know God's given us that and we are contributing. Do we believe that we're good enough to contribute in a positive way to the society? Is that one of the issues as black men that we go through is I want to contribute, so I'll go, you know, in many cases I'll go, you know, maybe coach a young sports team. That'll be my contribution, and I hear people talk and you work with youth as well in doing it at a higher level. But how do we contribute to each other? You know, in ways that, because we continue to grow older and we say we want to impart whatever that knowledge is. But if our knowledge is skewed, our knowledge is our experiences aren't some of those that are positive or rewarding, or, you know, not everybody could become a game member and then get out and then change the world Right. The whole lot of people that were game members that in their older age are still game or that mentality Right.
Speaker 1:So how do we get to the point where we believe that we're worth? Our worthness is in contributing not just to folks coming up but to each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I think innately we as Black men, we want to contribute, and I think we do. Now, the biggest thing here is are we contributing in a right way that keeps us progressive and continue to grow? Right, and that's. Are we contributing in the right and productive areas? Right? And so you know, I have a saying. I coach basketball and I tell my son this I say you do not want to practice bad habits, right? Because then you just became good at doing something wrong over time. You know, michael Jordan said that, right, if I shoot 100 free throws with bad form, then I just got really good at shooting bad free throws. And so I think what we want to start reshaping in our culture is good form and good practice. And so what are the good things that we need to be contributing that would allow us to knock down 100 free throws in our communities?
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that. 100 free throws in our communities. I'm right there, now I'm as a goalie, I love that. And when I think about what you're saying and I see the, you know, we do so many things and we say I keep failing at this, I'm not good at this, but if I just do it 20 more times, somehow all of a sudden I'll be good at it. Right, but you're just doing it, you're doing it wrong, and you know.
Speaker 1:I'll just use a financial example.
Speaker 1:Right, you know, I get my paycheck in, and then these are the things I do.
Speaker 1:The day that I get my paycheck, I go by, you know, whatever it is that I to get ready for my weekend, get ready to watch my friends or the people that I, you know, admire, participate, and on the other end, I don't have any, you know, any additional money to invest in myself or invest in my family or to create a retirement, because I'm spending all my money over here. And then we say, well, if I just do this every week, eventually I'll have enough money where I can start putting this stuff away and it other have a. So how do we just make sure that you said doing the right things and the right practices you know. Is there a way to find out what those holes are that you know, being, I guess, open to hearing it, because it's usually somebody else who has to bring it to our tension on one side of it and then, on the other side of it, me being willing to tell my fellow brother that, hey, you're falling down in this area.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, well, I think it takes a lot of humility, radical humility, and our communities to know that, hey, we're practicing the wrong form and that wrong form, unfortunately, is not allowing us to win the game. At the end of the day, form follows function, right, and so if our function is off, you know, then the form is all off. And so we have to make sure that we're keenly aware and listening to those who have developed a proper form and be able to get in the gym and practice that form. But it takes a lot of humility, right, and humility again goes back to that self-awareness piece that I don't know what I don't know.
Speaker 2:And God has placed people in my life who want to help me to discover new ways of thinking, new paradigms. Because again, right, you can't. You know the definition of a sanity right is thinking you're gonna get different results by doing the same thing. Right, or you know, I'll take it a little deeper is you can't solve new problems with all ways of thinking. Wow, and so we need new ways of thinking and shaping around ideas that is going to give us long-term, sustainable, successful results as Black men, and then now we're able to create a new generational habit that we can pass down to the younger generation and say, hey, this is the blueprint for success, because we've seen it, we've tested it and it's tried and true.
Speaker 2:Right, and we'll be able to hold true to these values, these standards, these principles and these practices that we can pass on from here on out, right, like an oral tradition in the Black and the Black community. Right, oral tradition is so important in our community that you know, in the old, in the times, you know, before slavery, they would force the younger generation to sit down before the elders and learn verbatim history and write practices. Right, so then that way they can do the same thing with the next generation. Right, and that's super important, right, because that's what keeps generations alive is understanding right traditions, right behaviors.
Speaker 1:I mean, there are things that allowed us to be able to sustain a healthy culture over time, and I think that's what we have to do in the Black community today, absolutely, and when I think about what you're saying, you know, and having to sit down and having to listen, and you know, I think about associations, right, you know, I learned, you know, probably my 20s, that who you become is, you know, directly related to what you're putting into your mind on a monthly, weekly, daily process.
Speaker 1:And then who you hang around with, you know, we are like the top five people that are in our inner circle and our sphere, we're probably more similar. How do we, you know, in that vein, in trying to create those associations, how do we make sure, how do we create community groups or community awareness where we can create associations, because it's so easy to, you know, to take on a lot. I'm just, you know, I'm going to show up at a meeting and hope somebody else shows up and then our association will be fine and I think, you know, I get the organic side of it and we just, you know, we find people that are like-minded in areas that we, you know, tend to frequent. How do we, how are we going to be intentional, intentional about finding those associations that are going to move us forward.
Speaker 2:Yeah, great question. I think you have to look at outcomes. Not that any person or any institution controls outcomes, but if they are operating with the right control of us, then the likelihood of outcomes being reached are more positive, right, and so we have to look at those associations and say, hey, can we be a part of something that is going to help us produce the right outcomes for our community? I love that.
Speaker 1:Does it exist?
Speaker 2:And if it doesn't exist, how do we create that table Right and then invite people to the party? And the biggest thing here when you have those right outcomes Brian, you talked about this, you know. You said you become who you're associated with and what you're actually putting in your mind. You can't be afraid to be around people who are better than you.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that. In fact, can you just seek out people, right, that are better than you?
Speaker 2:All the time, all the time, all the time, you know. That's why I said I like to sit at the feet of the elders. They're better than me when it comes down to the experience and certain areas of my life right when I just need to grow. And so I have to place my time, you know, with people like yourself who understand how to build a sustained wealth right, how to get from A to B when it comes down to certain areas in my life as a black man. And so we have to not be intimidated by putting ourselves in a place to be around people who are better than us, and then we have to again have radical humility to be able to listen to what they have to say and practice the things that they did to get there.
Speaker 1:And so those are the right outcomes. We have to find those associations that have those outcomes.
Speaker 2:If they don't exist, then we have to build it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there's so much pride in our community. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have pride, but it's a. How do I seek out? You know, I remind you of the verse I can do all things through Christ's strength. Right, for the Lord's sake, you know. But it says through Christ's strengthens me. And then I think, okay, if I take that verse a little bit further, how is Christ going to strengthen me Right? Is it through me just doing my own stuff? Or he uses people, right? Cause last time I checked, christ hasn't came and just told me stuff In my other to start this program, right? I felt that loudly. But on a day to day basis, the people that are Christ like the people that I admire, the people that I want to emulate, are people you know. And so when I think about that, you know I can do all things. That means I can be better through the people that I choose to associate with and not to try to do it.
Speaker 1:I mean there's so many, you know, young folks now that are you know let's say they're in the early 20s that for whatever reason, have these, you know, maybe the same ones we had that have these chips on our shoulders about the society that we're in and the things that we've gone in. Sometimes I think some of our organizations that we have just feed the fire of that Because they're not giving solutions right, they're giving just more of this is what happened. This is why you should be angry. This is why you know, watching the silly show is highway to heaven, from there to you know, they did a thing on racism. It was just terrible.
Speaker 1:It was like, you know, they had this militant young black man that was trying to grow up and he ends up getting shot by the police and it was just, it was a mess, but it just made me think. Have we come much further since then, since the 1970s and 80s, with how we raise our folks to think differently, to improve, you know, to take on? Like you said, where do we have space now where you can sit at the feet of elders? You know it used to be in church and you're there, but yeah, where's that space at?
Speaker 2:You know, honestly, I don't know if the elders table exists anymore in the tent today, and I'm just being honored about that. I don't think it exists today. You know, I had to find that and it's in pieces, right. And then, you know, go have water on ones. And what you're talking about here is how do we build community Again where the elders voice is being revered and respected, listened to and applied?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know and apply you know, when you think about, when you think about the life of Christ, right, he used the term. You know I could do all things through. Christ was strengthening me. When you think about the life of Christ, he was intentional about building community. Right now we're talking about the God of the universe who became flesh. Right, he didn't need no help he need no community he was already in perfect community.
Speaker 2:Yes, right, a little. Yes, he came down and was intentional about building community with what we call. What we know now. Here is the 12 disciples. One fell off, unfortunately, but he was really intentional about building community with those men. Right, and they recognize that this is, you know, the eternal elder voice that we're going to listen to, respect, revere and apply right.
Speaker 1:And so how do we just reciprocate what, what Jesus did right, be really intentional about building community, what those things can take place, yeah, I mean, he took a small group of men, you know, and I'm sure there was some influence from from ladies that were a part of the part of the group and he changed the world forever with 12 groups. So why? Why are? Why are we trying to do it differently? Why are we trying to do it?
Speaker 2:the model is there, the blueprint is there yeah ever meant to journey this life alone. We were never meant to figure things out in isolation. It was always meant to be in community.
Speaker 1:Yeah, always yeah and then, and then taking that community and then duplicating you know, because that's what he did, right?
Speaker 1:I mean, all 12 of those disciples went out and they did their thing and then think we do the same thing and if we're going to change the trajectory of, you know, the African American or the black man that's, you know, and I, and I, and I want to say you know, this is a African-American, you know core that we're trying to reach. I mean, I know there are folks that are, that are black, that come from other countries, that you know maybe had a different, you know, like a lot of the Africans, I just enjoy talking to. You know, I had roommates that were from Nigeria when I was in college and but their belief in themselves, their belief in their heritage, their belief in their culture, their belief in what is right, their belief in hierarchies, their belief in, is so much stronger, yeah, than what ours is. And it's hard to say, okay, I'm taking these people that have had these issues, or you know all the things that I talked about earlier, and how do I move that group forward? How do we create community and then invite everybody else?
Speaker 1:Right, because I think we have to be strong within ourselves before we can then go change the world and and bring everybody else in. I mean, in all five of these areas there's got to be this ability for us to, you know, take that. You know, like you said, the trauma of what's there. You know they were already running out of time but you know, in a couple, you know minute, what are some things that we can do trauma-wise. You know you talked about emotional EQ, but is there something we can do to just minimize how we react to stuff like one, maybe one or two things that, whether it's meditation or whether it's prayer or something, that we can begin that practice?
Speaker 2:yeah, I mean, there were two books. There's a lot of books that I read, but I think there's two books that were formable and me and getting started on my emotional intelligence journey. There was one book that was written by a white man his name is Bob Bill, and it's called why Do you Do what you Do, and it's really a workbook to help you understand, like during your childhood, where was Shalom? Nothing missing, nothing broken as a child, where did that break for you? And then, how did that create this dominant emotional need that you begin to see the world through and try to reach right? And so if your dominant emotional need had to do with being affirmed, then well then, whether you do it the right way or the wrong way, you're gonna figure out how to get affirmed right, whether you're gonna do it in a manipulative way or you're gonna do it in a very productive way. It became how you seen the world and how you found identity through, through who you are right.
Speaker 2:And then another book most recently, in 2020, I graduated from one of the you know, a really great program in the city around black leaders, the Urban Leadership Foundation, and I was introduced to a book called Blaine that was written by a man named Andy Seth. He is an Indian brother in the States and he wrote this book that really instituted the old Eastern practice of meditation, and meditation has been around for a long time and you can you know it's in scripture right meditate on my word day and night, and you can find that as a historical practice in our culture too, and so to be able to practice meditation and mindfulness right will help us just to be that much more intentional about who we are and how we show up.
Speaker 1:So you know when you start thinking about what possibilities are if we're willing to engage, and there's, yeah, you know when. I think you know and I keep jumping back into the financial part and there's got to be a willingness for people to, to, to pay for and engage in, you know, personal development. It's got to be part of a budget, you know, because without we're in this information age where there's so much information thrown at us and there's so many ways to find misinformation, there's so many ways to spend your time scrolling and, you know, looking at, you know, videos that have nothing to do with improvement or are growing or being in. We spend hours and hours. You know if you think of your day and how much time you spend at work, and then you come home and you watch TV and you watch somebody else's dream play out, you watch all these other things and then you say, okay, I want to give back to community. Well, what do you have to get? You know you have to give if all you've done is meditate and dwell on all these things that are irrelevant to us existing and having better lives, and all you have to give is a whole, much more of the same, you know, and there's times to play and so, oh man, I hate that we're, we're at the top of the hour, we're at our end and we're gonna. We're gonna do this again because this has been so impactful and so insightful and I hope people are listening.
Speaker 1:And you know, the Journey to Freedom program is I've said this a few times and I will say it often is is not so that I can be the smartest man in the room, it's so that we can develop community and I can have people like John L odd and for any less, and some of these other guests that I have on that we can bring you into. You know different levels. You know the one level that I, that I would suggest and to click on. That is just a daily seven minute, you know. You know subscription to a mindset. You know setting the mindset, I guess, is what, what I would call it. The other thing is for those who are ready to do this journey. You know, there we're gonna do a 12-week program and we're gonna do a 12-week intensive talk about all these five pillars. I would encourage you to find out more information. We'll have some links below that we'll be able to do that.
Speaker 1:Listen to these podcasts. These podcasts are gonna come out at least once a week, if not twice a week, and I would listen to every single one of them, not because you know we're we're saying a whole bunch of things that have never been heard before. We're just putting it in a way and in a context that can help you as as a consumer, as the person who's wanting to grow, to get better, faster and to, to learn more and to be part of community, and my ultimate, I guess, belief was if I only live to 72 and it's 12 years, but in the 12 years that we do this, that we've created communities that are not only organic but have the ability to continue to grow and to can you thrive and continue to change the narrative that I think you know. I love some of the things, like you know, dr Martin Luther King we just finished this month and what he had to do with the marches and to bring people together and he did his part and he did well. But I don't know if that's this is the time to do that now.
Speaker 1:I don't think we're in this, this flux, where we have to march in order to get be heard. I think we can do it from within. We can do it from. You know the demands that we're able to make, because we are whole beings that have emotional intelligence, that are not just taking. You know this rough thing. But we're saying, okay, we're gonna use what we've learned, the intelligence that we have, the opportunities that are available to us, and we're gonna change a generation, we're gonna change your mind. So again, you know, john, I'm gonna give you a second to just you know. I'll let you close out with whatever your final thoughts are. Like I said, I just appreciate you being on and then, like I said, we're gonna come back and do this again. This is it. This is the first or the last time. It is the first time, but it's not the last time that we were going to engage in the conversation like this well, brian.
Speaker 2:I appreciate you having me on and being able to have this conversation, much needed in our community. I would say the thing that we're striving for is liberation as black men and in order to have liberation, we have to one feel empowered and we have to have opportunity, and I think that's what J2F is creating for us.
Speaker 1:And so I would implore you, black men, that if you're listening to this podcast, tap in, tap in, because we want liberation thank you so much and, yes, janelle is gonna be helping teach a lot of the the intelligence and the trauma and the health portion of our of our courses that we're gonna do so. Again, thank you. I hope you guys have a wonderful day. Tell somebody else about this. If, whoever you are that's listened to this, you say I'm not ready for this yet, but somebody you know is, and so just make sure that they know that this is available and then you just continue to listen, continue to engage, and we will intend you to just provide you with whatever we possibly can, whatever God is showing us, to make sure that you have in your life so that you can be the best you can be, and then you can live our best life. So you guys have a wonderful, awesome, incredible day. Hey, you guys, greatest gift, we love you and we will talk with you soon.