When adversity strikes, it's the strength of community and self-belief that can lift us from the depths of despair. I was reminded of this enduring truth while sitting down with Kareem, a Philadelphia native who transformed familial trauma into a testament of triumph. This episode is a journey through the harsh realities that many black men face, yet it's also a celebration of the resilience and solidarity that propel us toward freedom and fulfillment.
Navigating the complex interplay of trust, faith, identity, finance, and health, we traverse Kareem's life experiences. His story, a mosaic of struggle and victory rooted in the collective wisdom of his church and community, offers up a blueprint for personal growth and empowerment. Our conversation unfolds the Seven Keys to Black Community Healing, revealing how embracing African cultural traditions and connecting with our shared history can catalyze profound healing. We don't just talk the talk; we share actionable strategies for those ready to step into their authenticity and claim a life of purpose.
But it's not just about the individual—it's about the collective journey. Building "relating ships" that sail beyond the shallow waters of mere networking, we discuss how to foster authentic connections that support emotional wellness and growth. This episode is a masterclass in confronting inner demons, dismantling barriers to emotional expression, and strategic life planning that echoes the disciplined moves of a chess grandmaster. Join us, and together let's chart a course toward a more empowered and enlightened tomorrow.
When adversity strikes, it's the strength of community and self-belief that can lift us from the depths of despair. I was reminded of this enduring truth while sitting down with Kareem, a Philadelphia native who transformed familial trauma into a testament of triumph. This episode is a journey through the harsh realities that many black men face, yet it's also a celebration of the resilience and solidarity that propel us toward freedom and fulfillment.
Navigating the complex interplay of trust, faith, identity, finance, and health, we traverse Kareem's life experiences. His story, a mosaic of struggle and victory rooted in the collective wisdom of his church and community, offers up a blueprint for personal growth and empowerment. Our conversation unfolds the Seven Keys to Black Community Healing, revealing how embracing African cultural traditions and connecting with our shared history can catalyze profound healing. We don't just talk the talk; we share actionable strategies for those ready to step into their authenticity and claim a life of purpose.
But it's not just about the individual—it's about the collective journey. Building "relating ships" that sail beyond the shallow waters of mere networking, we discuss how to foster authentic connections that support emotional wellness and growth. This episode is a masterclass in confronting inner demons, dismantling barriers to emotional expression, and strategic life planning that echoes the disciplined moves of a chess grandmaster. Join us, and together let's chart a course toward a more empowered and enlightened tomorrow.
All right, welcome, welcome, welcome to another edition of hey, the Journey to Freedom podcast. I'm just so excited and I say that every single time. You guys probably get sick of me saying I'm so excited, but literally every opportunity that I get to do these podcasts is just, it's just a wonderful opportunity One I get to talk to some successful black men that I get to take mentorship from, that, I get to learn from that, I get to experience. You know, if success leaves clues which I believe it does, being able to do this a couple times a week, we're doing a hundred of them here in 2024, where I'm just learning over and over and over and over that not only is it possible.
Speaker 1:I was just watching Kareem, I was just watching the Les Brown video from back in 1980, and it was titled it's Possible, and he literally asked the whole crowd to just say it's possible. I don't want you to say a whole bunch of other stuff, I don't want you to go into all these things. I'm not trying to have you memorize anything. I just want you, at this point in your life, to believe it's possible, and so that's one of the things that you know through this podcast and through this you know, initiative and working on and I'm putting a boot camp together and you know I just wrote a book called there Is no Tiger, which is about overcoming, overthinking and, you know, controlling anxiety as much as you can, because I think we get stuck sometimes in just our belief system and our belief system holds us back, Not because our belief system is what's going to be the same belief system our whole lives, but somehow, whatever however we grew up, whatever the associations that we have, whatever the jobs that we have, we created a belief system for ourselves and inside that belief system we kind of we hold ourselves back because we don't believe things are possible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Kareem, I am so glad that you are on here today. I am looking forward to having this conversation with you and talking about this. I know we're going to talk a little bit about trauma. In a little bit. We're going to talk about, you know, the five pillars, which are trust, faith, identity, finance and health. So we'll dive into those just a little bit and then really just kind of want to talk about you and your upbringing and what makes you be able to do the things that you're doing. And so, Karima, I don't want to spend a whole bunch of time talking, because I'd rather listen to you, so I'm going to go ahead. Maybe you can just start off, you know, talking a little bit about where you came from.
Speaker 2:You know what, having me as a guest on your show? My name is Kareem. I'm a not to hail from the city of brotherly love and sisterly affection known as Philadelphia, pennsylvania. Born and raised, I am a staunch Eagle fan, so don't mess with me when it comes to my birds. I understand our Sixers are doing pretty good right now, but growing up in North Philly was a regular city boy lifestyle, you know, played in the streets, kickball, handball. You know hopscotch. You know girls doing jump rope and all those things.
Speaker 2:As a kid to high school, my parents got divorced and so I was at home with my mom my dad was gone, but he was still in my life though, so shout out to him and my mother. Both of them have since went on to the ancestral realm. They are deceased, been deceased since 1995. Wow, and they were at a very young age. They were both in their fifties when they transitioned, which was a very traumatic time for me, cause it was in the same year. Okay, but growing up with my mom she was like a pillar in the block. She was a block captain. They don't do that anymore, you know. They may do it in some of our inner cities, but she was a block captain that brought neighbors together for a lot of activities that would go on on the block. It's like block parties.
Speaker 2:I don't know A lot of folks today don't know what a block party is but we know how to turn it up in regards to, you know, folks in the neighborhood getting together and cooking out, having a DJ, you know everybody's staying open off the street, you know, and doing and doing all those fun things like that. And so you know my mom she was like I said she was. She was a block captain, well known in the neighborhood and well lovedved, well-loved and liked A very, very excellent cook. She would cook all the time. And growing up, you know, growing up as a kid, you know I witnessed a lot. I witnessed a lot. You know some things that were not so desirable and then things that were very desirable. You know doing the eras of when, you know gang violence was going on and things like that and you have to be very careful about going up and down the street, what neighborhoods you're in. That stuff was going on as well. But you know the whole drug thing coming through in the 80s. You know things of that nature. But myself I still was able to kind of stay, you know, pretty stable because my family was rooted in the church. My grandmother was a pastor, my brother went to become a pastor himself, who was still a pastor. He's been pastoring one of the largest churches in Philadelphia for over 35 years, and so I found it was pretty rooted in that and so the values and things like that kind of stayed with me.
Speaker 2:Going through high school did normal high school things, you know, getting involved in sports and doing those things, played a little football, didn't play up until my senior year. I played sophomore and junior year and in the senior year I had to kind of quit the team due to the fact that I had to go to work to help my mom out. You know, got a job and things of that nature. But that was fun, though I think I had like one of the best jobs you could ever get as a teenage, young teenage guy. I was like 17 years old and I worked at a fitness center you know, just a men and women fitness center and I was an instructor, and so that was, that was some. That was some experience, was a great experience.
Speaker 2:I learned a lot from from folks and it was so much fun to spend that, and so from there I got a little bit of attention to the United States military, the Air Force, specifically because one of my coworkers had left the job. I thought he had quit and I didn't see him. I tried to contact him, couldn't contact him. He comes back in his uniform, comes back like eight weeks later in his uniform and I'm like, man, where you been? He said, oh man, I joined the military. I was like, wow. I was like, oh, let me think about that, where you been? He said, oh man, I joined the military.
Speaker 2:I was like, wow, I was like oh, let me think about that because I had already graduated high school way back in 1981, which is ancient to some people, but it's kind of like yesterday for some of us and I was like, wow, maybe that might be something I want to do, because I did try college at first when I got out of high school, went and registered and applied to go to Temple University. Did not qualify because I didn't meet the exams, didn't pass them in the world, to be able to qualify to go to the schools, because high school did not prepare me for college. And so I know that there's a lot of young Black men and women who are going through high school did not prepare me for college, and so I know that there's a lot of young black men and women who are going through high school now, things like that, going through high schools in some of our cities across the nation that probably are not getting prepared for college. I just I'm going to say something because I was one of those, one of those kids that was not prepared. So I went to community college, okay, went to community college. I did that for about a year and a half.
Speaker 2:Then I was really concentrating on going into the military because by then I had a child. I have my daughter. I have two children. I have a boy and a girl. My daughter was my first child. I had her at the age of 20. And so I wanted to try to do something to kind of make her life be more fulfilling in my life as well. And so I went to the recruiter and did all those things, took the ASVAB and got accepted, okay, and went into the United States military, the Air Force specifically, back in 1985. And so I stayed active duty in the military until 1998. Okay, where I did an early retirement and come out to enjoy life.
Speaker 2:A lot of my military spent in the Far East and so visiting countries like Korea, japan and the Philippines back in that time was really phenomenal because it was a lot of a lot of stuff going on, a lot of activity going on around the world specifically, but being toured there was good. I was able to have my family there, my young family, and we were able to grow up together. My kids got, you know, the experience of being international in their education and things like that, and I really loved my stint in the military. I have no regrets anything like that and from there, one of the places that I was stationed at was right here in Denver, colorado, and so back in that time in Denver, colorado, I had always wanted to get into stuff that was going on in the community, because when, when I was overseas, a lot of us gotions, you know, we was doing all these things and getting back into our black history, culture and things of that nature.
Speaker 2:So when I got to Denver I was like I got to find where my people are, and so I got involved with some folks that hit me up to. A study group was called Challenges, choices and Images, formulated by some educators here that worked in DPS, and they formulated this after-school program for Black children where parents can drop their kids off, and then for the parents they had a study group and so I landed in there and met some really wonderful people who I'm still in a great relationship to this day and we just kind of built from there. And so I just continued my journey in doing that and, you know, once I got out, once I got out of the military in the late 90s, I decided to come back to Colorado in the late 90s.
Speaker 2:I decided to come back to colorado, uh, in the early 2000s, because this is where I had really kind of had a foundation that was kind of built yeah I had a really solid, uh, family, friends and family that I had met there, you know, extended family and, um, you know, I think my kids really had, uh, a great experience from being here as well, and so, yeah, so we came back, we came back here and, you know, from there, just doing a whole lot of different community things, landed a position as a government contractor working for Lockheed Martin, which I still do work for Lockheed Martin.
Speaker 2:I love my company, I love what we do and they've taken really good care of me. This is my 24th year of working with them, so I'm on the other side of my career right now, but we do a lot of work with what is considered missile defense, theater protection, and so when folks ask me, what do I do, you know, I told him. I said, well, I can't tell you what I do because I may have to kill you, you know kind of thing right.
Speaker 1:You can't leave this out. This information is too important.
Speaker 2:I love it. Yeah, so I've held a top secret clearance for over 30 years and you know this, this mission that we have is definitely tantamount to our success as a nation, you know, in keeping our, keeping our borders safe, keeping our people safe, and yeah, and so it's just, it's just a great job. Safe and yeah, and so it's just a great job. And so being a part of that and being a part of here in Denver, just really aligning myself with a lot of individuals who are very active in the community and which I consider myself a social justice, righteous education for Black and Brown people here in the state of Colorado and, of course, throughout the nation, but one of the main things that I did was I collaborated and connected with some colleagues of mine who are members of the Association of Black Psychologists.
Speaker 2:Okay, and so the Rocky Mountain chapter of the Association of Black Psychologists, and so the Rocky Mountain chapter of the Association of Black Psychologists specifically, was burgeoning into creating a program for African-Americans to be able to come and be a part of a healing circle, if you will, and to have a place where they can learn about our history and our culture, have a safe space to share our stories and learn how to be able to collaborate and co-op with brothers and sisters that may have skillsets that some of us may not have been aware of, that we can take advantage of, and being able to look at and see folks that look like you and I, that are doing wonderful things professionally across the scope Right.
Speaker 2:And so this program that they created was called the Emotional Emancipation Circles. That they created was called the Emotional Emancipation Circles, and so I went and became a certified facilitator in doing that and this was back in the 20 teens and then since then since, like 2013, 2014, I've been a facilitator of the circles which are now affectionately called the seven keys to emotional wellness and black empowerment, which I'm very proud of that. I was able to collaborate with some wonderful people to create this, create the new name, create the new name. But working with the EEC has allowed me to be able to kind of broaden my scope of our understanding as a people, but I had that history already when I, you know, from the study groups in the 90s to doing the after school programs and working with the study group here in Denver, was able to kind of advance and grow, and so it has been just a tremendous journey of mine.
Speaker 2:I mean, I love it and the people here. I love the people here. I love the eclectic way and the diverse way that Denver is and how our Black community in itself is pretty staunch in how they want to champion, you know, things that really involve change and development. You know, within ourselves as individuals and as a people, and again within the community as a whole, and so I really enjoy being a part of that and focusing in on doing that on a pretty regular basis.
Speaker 1:That's so cool. There's so much to unpack here. I loved your life. I love the history and the richness of the things you did. First, thank you for your service. Thank you for spending the amount of know the history and the richness of the things you did, you know. First, thank you for your service. Thank you for spending the amount of time in the military my dad was.
Speaker 1:He was in the Navy and then after, when he got to Colorado here, he decided to move into the Air National Guard because he didn't want to move around as much, and so I spent my childhood over at Laurie Air Force Base, you, you know. And back in the back in the, you know the 80s and the late 70s, you know you could I could climb up on helicopters and, you know, get into cockpits and do all the fun stuff the kids get to do. He was a photographer, so he had like carp lunch to the base and I was able to, you know, bring a friend on his weekends and come in, and so I I enjoyed that, you know, as well as doing it. And and then I think of you know you're talking about your, you know working at the fitness gym. You know I was a, I was a a PE major.
Speaker 1:So I taught PE when I first in coached and that kind of stuff in coaching track now for 38 years. And so I there was. That was one of my jobs back at the at that time it was a family fitness and I was able to get my membership as a result of being there. And so I say I'm so fortunate. I was an instructor in the nineties that was teaching, you know. As you know, you don't bring your women out to exercise, but I got to keep my membership. So I pay like $50 a year in order to have these memberships and I know people are paying way more than that.
Speaker 1:I'll never get rid of that and I get to do all the clubs and all that, and even though sometimes I feel, like you know, when we talk about health, that I need to spend more time there, but it's, it's just so unique. But I think one of the times when, when I opened this up and I start talking to folks about you know the things that you're doing with emotional intelligence, the things that you're doing with emotional intelligence, the things that you're doing with, uh, trauma, the things you know. I can talk about the other stuff and I think we can get to that, but I think people are going why can't you hurry up and get to that, because that's what I want to hear.
Speaker 1:so, if you don't mind, they don't want to listen to my boring life so well, they, they, they want to hear, I want to know what he's doing around this subject. You know, I feel like you know being part of the, you know Issachar, you know urban leadership, you know cohorts that I've been through and you know some of the folks that you've trained that I've now got to listen to and hear to and sit in classes. I feel like I'm a different person and I feel like I've grown tremendously based on some of the things that you've taught. And so now you said that it's changed over to seven keys. Can you just talk about that a little bit? Talk about, like where we show up and then this goes to identity anyways but where we show up and then how do we get past? You know, I put in there, I think, in your notes. You know how do we get past being stuck.
Speaker 1:But, how do we just get past? You know what is our past is all about, and not just our past, but I think it's, you know, our personal past. But I think there's that part of that DNA of you know, whatever hundreds of years that has been passed down in this country that become part of our belief system. So maybe you can share some of that with us today.
Speaker 2:That's a very good, very good segue into talking about the seven keys. So the seven keys are the seven keys are actually a foundation for brothers and sisters, for black men and women, to be able to experience a level of community. Let's just make it plain, okay, a level of community and being a part of this healing circle is an opportunity for you to connect and reconnect to community, be able to understand certain things. So, for instance, one of the keys is entitled African cultural wisdom. And so in African cultural wisdom, you know, we kind of go back historically to understand some of the things that we may deem, that may have been taboo at some time, but that we may see a lot of people practicing. You know different modalities in regards to meditation, prayer, yoga, acupuncture and things of that nature and how it ties in, and a lot of us are about looking at it, probably are more familiar now with the term Ubuntu, which means you know, if not for you, then I am. I am because of you. You know, and so in Ubuntu, that methodology, that understanding, lands on a more cellular level with people of African descent. You know, because we're looking at you know how do we reconnect, how do we tie in family, how do we tie in children, you know how do we tie in our children to kind of learn to be able to be more successful and be able to thrive. And so the seven key series to emotional wellness and Black empowerment is a space where brothers and sisters can come to be a part of that, share their stories, their experiences and things of that nature and learn more about our history and our culture, to kind of reconnect.
Speaker 2:Hilliard, who, since passed, who was a very profound educator and one of our greats, you know, said that we have to go back and retrieve what we have lost.
Speaker 2:You know, we have a lot of people that understand and know about the term Sankofa, you know, and so they have this. It's displayed in images in the form of a bird, in the form of a bird with its head facing backwards, with an egg right there, to retrieve back from what has been not necessarily lost but missing, and retrieving that. You know what I'm saying, because it's something that you've already known, and so Dr Hilliard always would recommend that, you know, go back and to retrieve what you know that is missing and retrieve that and then expand on it and become more aware of who you are, your history and your culture and your people, so that you can be able to set up stepping stones and foundations and things of that nature. And so the seven keys gives you that. The seven keys gives brothers and sisters that foundation so that they can begin that journey. And then, along the lines of what we talk about, you know how black men, specifically how black men, get stuck and unable to move forward. I have five things to get unstuck.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So the first thing, brian, is to tell the truth, okay, and what I mean by that is tell the truth of who you are, okay, Tell the truth of what you want, tell the truth of what you are willing to do, and tell the truth of what you won't do anymore, okay. And then the fifth one is really one of the major ones is forgiveness. How do we forgive I know we're talking about a little bit about trauma and these things like that, but really having the inner self, the inner work to develop, where you can have forgiveness for yourself first before you can have forgiveness for others. And then, in the aspect of telling the truth, who are you?
Speaker 2:What is it that you want you know, and be assured and affirmed in what it is that you want you know, and be proactive in that process, about what you want, and be authentic about what it looks like for that level of change to happen in your life and where it can expound on things that will allow for that change to happen and for your life to be enriched by that change. And then, when your life gets enriched, the other folks that are around you, the ones that are in your midst, in your family, your coworkers. Your community as a whole will definitely benefit from that. You know and knowing who you are, of course, is definitely going back to retrieving you know the historical context of our history and our culture, who we are as a people, our contributions to the planet and things of that nature is just really understanding that. And knowing what you want to where and know what you want is understanding that some things you need to have support to be able to get what you want.
Speaker 2:Right so you know I have these conversations with brothers and sisters who are entrepreneurs, you know. So, these entrepreneurs, you know, they know what they want. You know they really do. You know they want. You know I want to expand, I'm going to have this business, I want to do all these things, you know, and I was like so what are you willing to do for it? You know, do you know that? You know you can get support? How are you going to align yourself up with these individuals that can kind of help you champion the things that you want to do within your entrepreneurial venture? You know, and how you can complement and help them as well in what they're doing?
Speaker 2:And so having that meaningful conversation and then kind of unpacking, that is really the edifice of having focus and direction on what you do.
Speaker 2:And so part of the seven key series is we hone in and focus in on those aspects of brothers and sisters within our community as well and bring that out so they can feel comfortable and understand and knowing that I have a voice and feel comfortable and understand, and knowing that I have a voice, you know, and in this voice, you know, this is a voice of meaning, this is a voice of reason.
Speaker 2:You know this is a voice of healing and so I want to be able to have this voice and be comfortable in a space that's safe to be able to do that because the spaces have to be safe for us to be in a vulnerable state where we can be that transparent and understand and know that you know I'm not going to be, you know my business is not going to be out on Front Street, you know I'm protected. You know, and things of that nature, where everything is about being in that space and holding that energy at that time. You know to where, once you walk out the door of that session, you know everything that goes on around in the world. You can have a better scope. It won't be as narrow, you know. You can take the blinders off and be able to have a better scope of it. And this is just the foundation, because it's a lot of work that comes along with that experience where you have your third eye, if you will, to different types of information and how you process it.
Speaker 1:Do you find and I'm loving what I'm hearing here and having a space for people to say this is what I want Do you find that people that maybe have not had experience or haven't been exposed to things that have been limited in you know their different experiences they have, that they really don't know what they want and that changes as they get more experiences, as they get around? People who are dreaming, people who are doing stuff how does that work within this, within this space?
Speaker 2:So, because it's so, it's so open, you know, and the conversation that happens, it creates this level of trust, okay, and so one of the five pillars is trust, right, so you know. And so, looking at you know, it's trust right. And so, looking at how you develop trust, because someone who may have wonderful ideas and things of that nature and really want to begin to start to do some things, when you're around others that are experiencing the same types of things, it becomes more comfortable for you to be able to express that idea, that thought, and then, within the group, there becomes this level of trust which is really building community. And so, in building a community, you have this level of trust where you know that my idea has value, you know, and where I want to go with this idea, you know, I met someone for, you know, but at least I'm okay with just starting. I can, you know, I can actually start it, you know.
Speaker 2:And so it's beautiful to see you know people and I've been doing these circles, like I said, from the mid 20 teens, so it's been. It's been like 12, 13, going on 15 years. It's 2024 now, so so, yeah, it's been like 13 years since I've been doing this. And so I've been experienced, and I've had a lot of experience in being able to witness, you know, this overwhelming joy. You know this catharsis of wow, I didn't, I did not expect to have a takeaway, you know, like this, you know that I could kind of go on and move, and then we've built this relationship, you know.
Speaker 2:And so in the circles too is what I would call what I call relating ships, and so these relating ships allow us to be able to forge those friendships, those relationships that go beyond the circle, you know, and so, and once you get beyond the circle, then you, then you begin to start to build what it looks like for yourself within the community, you know, and in the community, the community is able to identify and say, hey, you know, we really like this idea of what this person is doing, and what this person is doing is really going to benefit, you know, the community as a whole. So let's kind of let's support this, let's see what they can get backing for or whatever, and it can be from any level of venture that they choose to be into, because I've talked to all of them, whether they be educators, entrepreneurs, engineers. People want to go into medicine, people want to go into nursing.
Speaker 2:You know people want to be artists. You know people that want to want to entertain. You know all these, all these things, all these facets. You know that we have vehicles to be able to thrive in. It's just wonderful to be a witness. You know, along with being a facilitator, for which I get a whole lot of benefit from it's just just being able to be a witness to that level of change.
Speaker 1:You've brought up the word community several times and I think about communities that I've been able to be a part of, whether they were the college roommates that I had that were famous Nigerian folks that I got to live with, or the educational settings that I got to live with. Or you know, the educational settings that I've been in and having you know different deans and I know you were at Lockheed are still there. You know, I had a cousin who was a aerospace engineer that worked there for a while before he moved to Phoenix and just thinking of, like, the spaces that we've had to navigate through. And now you're doing these classes that are saying, hey, these spaces, you don't have to do this alone, you don't have to do this by yourself. Kind of talk about how important it is to be part of a community that allows folks to be themselves but still be able to navigate our business systems that we have our business systems that we have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's amazing when you consider community itself to be from the inside out. Dr Naeem Akbar, he talks about the community of self first, and so the community of self has all the attributes and things of that nature, within, from with from within that you ultimately project out. That becomes this other level of community. Person has to be on an island. Let's say that we get, we get so into these levels of you know, things that we can't accomplish, that we think we're the only one that's out there that you know as to why we can't get to what we want to get to, you know. But but understanding and feeling that you can be comfortable and understanding and knowing that it's okay to you know to make a and knowing that it's okay to you know to make a, to take a fall, to take a stumble that you can get back up, you know reset, you know and then go back out there. You know reset and then release and then be more and then be proactive. The essence of community is definitely around those individuals who share the same like mindedness, you know, the same type of areas of where we can be more productive and not and not so much counterproductive and once you get in alignment with those individuals and they can be from any facets, because we can have them in different cells is what I like to say we have these different cells of community, you know. And so in this community, you know, we have a community cell that is focused on, you know, financial, you know development. You know financial literacy. Or we have one on real estate. You know and what and what it is to do to do real estate. We have one on education. We have one on STEM programs to get us get our children into these universities. We have the HBCU. You know.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying, so it's not just saying community on a general level. You know what I mean. I know I've said it a lot but I'm kind of trying to narrow it, you know, as the focus of the like-mindedness of Black men and women. You know, to be able to understand that, you know being a part of community is really expanding your scope of what it is that you'd like to see and what it is that you'd like to have happen and how you want to show up in the world, and knowing that you can get that support in doing that, that you don't have to be on an island. It's a choice. Really, brian is to say, hey, I'm going to make a difference, and I'm going to make a difference in myself first, and then making a difference in myself first. Then I can make a difference in things that I want to do from that standpoint of doing it for myself. But you're not on an island.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love what you're saying because you know, I think that you know, I've been talking to you know, even some men that are in our age group, you know, I think I'm like only a couple of years younger than you and they're kind of saying to me well, you know, it's too late, you know, you can't teach an old dog new tricks and we need to spend our time and focus on our youth. And I'm thinking well, there's a lot of experience in there, there's a lot of where you can have something to give back, but maybe there's something we have to get through with you to change those belief systems, even at our age, that have been hindering you, stopping you. You know, making it like that, that belief system that you can't, you know, hey, I've already, I've already, my life is pretty stopping you. You know, making it like that, that belief system that you can't, you know, hey, I, I've already, I've already my life is pretty much over. You know, I'm just going to sit home and watch TV.
Speaker 1:What do you say to those those, those men that are that are just kind of in that, in that space, where they think, well, you know, even if they're even in their forties at this point and they're going hey, how do they get into community? Because I think that I don't know if it's even harder to find folks, because if you haven't grown up through that and you haven't created those relationships, how do they get going and making sure that they can turn themselves around?
Speaker 2:Well, brian, here I'll say this I don't accept that I've done it all and there's nothing else I need to do. I don't accept that. Um, you know. And so if I, if I encounter, you know, uh, men that are thinking like that, you know, I asked them is there anything? Is there anything that you want? Okay, you know, is anything? You know, can you just name me one thing? And they always have something. It's not like they, it's not like they don't want anything that they've done at all.
Speaker 2:You know, and that you know I'm setting my ways, kind of that. That's a to me. In my opinion, that's a cop out. Yes, you know, and so that one thing, yes, you know, and so that one thing. And so if I ask you that one thing that you want to do, that you want, you know, what are you willing to do differently to get it? What are you willing to do differently in your life to get it? And then at that time, all the stuff starts coming out, because we're going to, we're going to talk about, we're going to start talking about, well, this is why I can't get it, and so our ego will kind of supersede and take over. This is why I can't get it and I'm like, okay, and so, as you say, what I heard you say was you can't get it because of A, b and C. If you had this is the next question I would ask them If you had the wherewithal to get A, b and C, what would you have? Yes, Then they're.
Speaker 2:Then they're pondering, pondering their self-awareness. You know what I'm saying? Their, their, their, their, their spiritual, relational kind of self within, like, wow, what would I, what would I have? And so some of the, some of the answers that I get um, I would have peace, I would have happiness, I would have to. Oh, okay, so I said so. Okay, so you really do want something. So, you put peace in your life.
Speaker 2:You know, and so, in having that peace would give you, would give you what? Oh, to give me time to know that I can. You know, I can sit down and watch TV for how many hours I want to. I can sit at the computer, but I can also, you know, go and be a mentor.
Speaker 2:I can also go, because this, this is something where I really wanted to do when I was back in my thirties or my early forties, and now, you know, I didn't see if I had, I didn't have the time anymore. I was like, okay, but but that would give you peace, you know. And so, and having that peace, and so, since you want to have peace and this is something that you can do to do that, what would it look like for you taking the next step in doing it? How would you, how would you do? How would you say that to me? How would you share it with me? You know, like, oh, ok, well, I look at my calendar, maybe I'll go and talk to the pastor of the church, maybe I'll go to the youth group, you know, you know, maybe do something right.
Speaker 2:It is something that always comes out. So it's about how we are able to kind of connect from an inward perspective and be succinct and authentic about what it might be for them, you know, and having that conversation instead of saying, oh well, bro, yeah, man, I feel the same way. Man, let's go get a beer, you know what I mean, and we'll just drown out our sorrows and all that you know what I mean, and that's you know, that's that could be.
Speaker 2:It could be a good time, but it also could be counterproductive too. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, and so, in looking at that and how we talk about trauma, there's levels of trauma that we all carry. Yes, there's a saying that you know we all have baggage.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And that we stuff everything in the bag and we carry around this baggage. And so when we get to, when we get to a point where you know we attempt to do something and we, we show up in a way or something shows up in our life and say wait a minute, I thought I was over that, I thought I thought it was, it was gone. You know, I thought, you know I did this. You know, I went, I had prayer, I went to a therapist and all these things, but it's still there. That's where we look at trauma from a perspective of understanding and dealing with it from the inside out. We have to understand that it goes back years, if not even decades, that we have been traumatized in a way that has allowed us to be able to show up in how we have our daily lives.
Speaker 2:This is how you show up in life. We don't want to show up in life, no more like that. Okay, you don't want to show up in life like that. Let's look at and deal with the fact that you were left out of being picked to be on the football team, or left out being picked on the baseball team, or left out being picked on the baseball team or left out being, you know something like that. Or you know your parents separated and your dad was gone and you really relied on your dad and then it was just you and your mom or vice versa.
Speaker 2:Right, whatever that trauma is, you know what I'm saying it doesn't have to be something where someone gets injured or beat up or whatever. You know, not like that. It can be emotional, emotional trauma, and a lot of us, as men, you know we carry emotional trauma that we don't have to have an outlet, you know, and our outlets become, you know, kind of like our, you know, masculine, you know, way of stimulating. You know those things, you know. You know we do it through sports, we do it through, you know, going to, going to the clubs, going to the bars, you know, and those are that natures, you know, and doing all those things which are not bad.
Speaker 2:Don't get me wrong which is not bad, but when it comes down to really centralizing in on what it is that's really troubling you. You know, know, we look at we like, well, I'm not supposed to cry, you know we get to that. You know, I didn't see my dad didn't cry, my granddad didn't cry.
Speaker 2:You know I got to man up. You know, and the reality of it is it's really manning up is that it's actually allowing yourself to be able to emote in that way to get that stuff out. That doesn't make you any less of a man than than not doing it, but it also. But what it does is it helps to purify your spirit and then your way of being.
Speaker 2:So you'll be able to, so you can be able to communicate better, be able to articulate better and you can be able to release. And so in releasing that, I think we get caught up and we become this group of guys that don't want to be looked at as being a punk. We don't want to be punk when we look at it as a punk. But I'm here to tell you it's okay to be able to, you know, kind of be more inward in regards to how you're feeling and looking at all those feelings and what it looks like for you in your life and being able to express it, and to be able to express it and express it in a way that it doesn't cause harm to yourself or to anyone.
Speaker 2:That's why you have to have what I call an accountability buddy that you would, you know, kind of have that conversation with and be able to kind of be able to unpack and release those types of things, to really kind of deal with it. And so how we look at and deal with trauma, where a lot of folks are looking at now saying I think everybody needs a coach, everybody needs, you know, a therapist. And so in getting a coach and having a coach and having a therapist just to really kind of allow you to be able to unpack some things, so that you can kind of be able to look at the layers in your life and you can kind of understand like, okay, well, I need to be able to reconcile with this, I need to be able to reconcile with that. And that's where the forgiveness aspect comes in two of the five pillars.
Speaker 2:And understanding that forgiveness only happens when you will it to be active in how you choose to do something next, how you choose to do something next. You know how you choose to do something next. And forgiveness can also be empty, and you don't want the forgiveness to be empty because it just sounds good to forgive. But if you really forgive, it will challenge you and will cause for levels of courage for you to be able to work through what that forgiveness looks like for you so that you can be able to authentically and truthfully be able to forgive others in your life. You know what I'm saying. So it's a process, and so being a part of that process only allows for a wonderful catharsis about who you are, what you want to do, where you want to go, the truth about what you look like, what it looks like to you and how you want to show up in the world.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I love this because trauma is real, right and it is something that happens and there's a part of it that's in all of us, in every aspect of our lives, and so one of the things I want to kind of get to the other side of on it as well is okay.
Speaker 1:So now we've identified it in this process that you're talking about whether it's a coach, whether it's a therapist, whether it's a buddy that you're talking through and walking through the process to identify, one of the things that I think, when we talk about folks being stuck, is the trauma becomes the reason, the trauma becomes the excuse, the trauma becomes the why you know, you talked about cop out or whatever that word is is why I am now not succeeding, is because this happened to me or this happened to you know, and I, and sometimes I think even through whether some of the marches we go to or some of the things that we go to, we bring on and we take on that baggage and that trauma from you know, from our communities, from our area, and all of a sudden it becomes I can't do this.
Speaker 1:I can't, you know, I can't excel and be have a top secret clearance at Lockheed Martin, because I grew up in Philadelphia. How do you begin to bring that out of people where, yes, it happened. Yes, this was something that was serious. Yes, we need to work through it, but at the same time, we need to move forward.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, I think, brian, that we have to. We have to establish, uh, relationships where, um, where we um are being very, very authentic about who, who we really are, um, and what we really want. You know, um, and not be, and not think that it's taboo or anything like that, to even seek out a coach, to even seek out, you know, a therapist. It is a, it is a lifelong journey, you know, to be able to, to, to say that, yes, you know, I've had things done to me that has hindered me from, you know, making making the next step. So, if you're, if you're, a friend, you know, if you're, you know you're my buddy, you know we hanging out, you know, and you say you know I want to do these things. You know, I want to start this. You know a hundred. You know a hundred men. You know I want to have these interviews. I want to create this culture, to be able to develop it, but I don't feel like I can do it because of what happened to me when I was, when I was a kid, you know.
Speaker 2:And so, as a friend, you know I would be like well, what is it that you need, brother? You know, what do you, what do you need? And if you don't, you'd be like you know, first thing that comes out of people's mouth is I don't know, I don't know. I challenged them with that, saying I think you do know. And then I'm like I think you do know what it is that you want, because you wouldn't be having this conversation with me if you didn't know what you wanted. You can't say I don't know, so it's all about. Let's't say I don't know, you know, so it's all about let's deal with the I don't know.
Speaker 2:But how do we? But how do we have that conversation? We just kind of have to be more. Um, I guess what it would, what it would be like is uh, attentive is a good word for uh, active listener. You know, before you become really judgmental, you know, or you give an unrealistic expectation in regards to your answer would be you know, just really kind of listen. Sometimes people just need someone that will listen to them, you know. And then you can begin to unpack, but it doesn't have to be so heady all the time. Begin to unpack, but it doesn't have to be so heady all the time. We can have very meaningful friendship conversations that will change the trajectory of a lot of things that we do, and so how we, as Black men, can be more succinct is to be more, can be more succinct, but it's to be more developed in how we want to be more relatable to ourselves our families our friends.
Speaker 2:And then, how do you do that? Then I'm like well, how do I do that? Okay, for starters, you can begin to be an active listener. For starters, you know you can begin to be an active listener, you know, and you know you can be an active listener in doing that. And if there's, if there's organizations where you may have been beneficiary from getting stuff from in the past, maybe you might want to revisit them, you know, because who knows what they can share? Or you know, I have this, I have this podcast, you know, that has, you know, these amazing Black men on here and you can hear different ideas, different thoughts, different stories about their lives and things like that that may empower you, you know, to become, you know, to step out into what it is that you want. You just give them options. So if you don't give anyone options, you don't give them an opportunity to know that what the possibility is they'll remain stuck. Yeah, I had a young man who is part of a chess team, so they play chess.
Speaker 2:So, that's the kind of the kind of get out, get out frustrations and things like that. You know, I'm saying learning how to conflict resolution, you know, and doing, doing all these kinds of things, emotional intelligence and all that utilizing the chess board. And so I said, well, when you are, when you are playing chess with your opponent, right? I said you have a strategy. And he was like yeah, I said so, you and you have a skillset in the strategy to be able to take the king. You know, you want to use your rook, you want to take the king, the queen, you want to move all the things. Like, yeah, I said so, look at how that is set up. I said how would you like to have your life set up like that? Yeah, you know, I said. I said so, you have this board here. Yeah, you know, I said. I said so, you have this board here, you have, you know your, you have your pawns, you have your castle, your, you know your rooks and your king and your queen, right, and so you're making maneuvers.
Speaker 1:I said how about having your?
Speaker 2:life set up where you have all these things that you want to do, that you start to make those moves, you strategize and you do these things. You go, you finish high school, you finish college, you know, or you go to trade school, you go into the military, you do, you know, I'm saying the pathway, so you get into these pathways Right To move stuff out of the way so that you can be the victim. I said that's why I play that game. Yeah, you know. And he was like. He was like, yeah, that's that is why we play that game, you know.
Speaker 2:He said I liked the way you put that and I said so. I said just, just make it plain for you as you're doing it. I said when you're playing against an opponent, think about your life, think about how you are governing your life as you're playing. Yeah, it's fun and it gives you that acuity you know to be able to, you know, strategize and think outside the box and do all these things. I said but think about your life and doing that, because when you get up from the chessboard you still got all this stuff going on out there, all this static going on. Let's tune out the static and tune to a channel where we can have clear, concise ideas and focus, where we can thrive and become great in whatever it is that we choose to do.
Speaker 1:Man, I love that analogy and, as I'm thinking right, because my nine-year-old grandson is, you know, this chess guy that goes to these tournaments and he's winning them and he's beating me now in chess and I'm like I'm thinking of that analogy going okay. So what's the trauma from a nine-year-old beating me all the time, with the life skills that I can learn as a result? But I also see the strategy and the thought process and how to move the pieces and making it make sense and making it make a dream.
Speaker 1:You know we you're not going to believe this, but we're not like four minutes left and we have been talking. This has been just amazing. I love how. I don't love how fast it goes, but I love the content that we get. I would love, you know, we didn't get to all the pillars and we didn't get to everything, but I think we got to some amazing you know incredible content. I some amazing, you know incredible content. I want you to take the next three or four minutes and just anything that you want to make sure that folks know, that folks understand that. Maybe the closing thoughts that you would say, whether it's maybe the ability to find community, whatever it is that you think you know that you would. You wish you could have talked about that. We didn't get a chance to without me asking another question that brings you forward.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you for that. Yeah, what I could say is is for those who will be able to see this, is that be affirmed in what it is, that you know and in that knowing and in that knowing, be gentle with yourself in regards to how you process through the steps to get to where you want to be. And in getting to where you want to be, allow for your others to be able to understand and know that they can be great too. Is that you want to do and be great in what it is and make it happen and allow for it to be able to be fulfilling. That it is worthwhile. And if you are able to surmount an abundance of money, accolades, trust and love and those wonderful things, so be it, but don't leave the brothers and sisters behind. That will also would need to come up like that as well.
Speaker 2:And also, too, in closing, I want to offer to everyone who sees this video that you are invited all Black men that you are invited to come to be a part of the Seven Keys to Emotional Wellness and Black Empowerment that is sponsored by the Association of Black Psychologists, the Rocky Mountain Chapter. You can go to our website, rmabcideorg, where you can find more information about it, or you can contact me, send me an email. You can get in touch with Brian. He can connect you with all that stuff.
Speaker 2:I don't necessarily have a website right now myself, but there's some things that we can definitely venture into in a very constructive way to continue our conversation and to continue this level of development. And so, brian, I just really want to give a shout out to you for allowing this Philly City boy to come on and share his Jones. Everybody who knows Philly knows what a Joan is to share his Jones with y'all, and so I had a great time, I appreciate it and would be definitely happy to come back and do it again, and thank everybody for listening and for being a part of this, and I know that this is going to be a tremendous, if not a magnanimous thing for those who follow behind me, so shout out to all y'all.
Speaker 1:And, yeah, like I said, thank you for being on it. This is what's amazing and I hope we'll get a chance to come on again. You know I'm thinking. You know I'm literally thinking how do we take those seven keys? Put together some type of webinar, take together something where we can invite people into it so that we can do some of the training, so that we can do some of the teaching, because I just want everybody to know and I want to say this every single time is you can do this.
Speaker 1:You have the ability to create success in your life. You know, getting through whether it's a trauma getting through these five pillars that will change who you are and trajectory of your belief system. You know you deserve this. You don't deserve to be stuck, yeah, wishing that something could happen, and looking at other folks and watching folks on, tell them wishing that was you. It needs to be you, it absolutely needs to be you.
Speaker 1:And the third thing in here is try not to do this. I'm not going to say try not to Do not allow this to happen on your own. Do not try to figure out how you're going to move forward without getting help, without getting community, without plugging in. I will definitely make sure. If you just say something in the comments here, I'll make sure Corrine gets it, I'll make sure we get you there. You'll see something from us coming in the future, because this is too important. You're too important, you're destined for greatness. It's too important that you are not part of something that allows you to move forward.
Speaker 1:And so, if you're watching this, if you say hey, hey, I just watched four or five of these and these are great, but I don't see this in me. I promise you it's in you, every bit of it is in you, absolutely. Yeah, right on, all right. So again, thank you for another episode of the Journey to Freedom podcast. I can't wait to do another one, can't wait for you to get on, go ahead and subscribe, like whatever it is that you're supposed to do here on YouTube, to just make sure you're getting this incredible content. So again, kareem, thank you very much and we'll look forward to doing it again and talking to you some more. Have a great one, all right, brian.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you again, brian, thank you.