Have you ever wondered how the threads of early childhood experiences weave through the fabric of a man's life, shaping his destiny? Today's guest, Dwayne Meeks, takes us on a remarkable journey from the streets of 1960s Brooklyn to his pivotal role in the Colorado Fatherhood Initiative. Dwayne's story is one of metamorphosis, from the hardships of a single-parent upbringing and the shadow of an absent father, to his emergence as a beacon of hope and leadership within the black community.
In our conversation, we unearth the raw and real challenges Dwayne faced, including his battle with substance abuse, and the profound moment of clarity that came at 25. His candid discussion about rehab, reconnecting with his estranged father, and embracing fatherhood with his own children reveals the redemptive nature of his path. Dwayne's dedication to Urban Colors Arts and Mentoring, along with his insights as an author and mentor, illustrate the impact of his work in empowering fathers to be emotionally present and to forge lasting family bonds.
As we close, Dwayne's narrative serves as a powerful testament to the potential for personal renewal and the significance of each individual's role in fostering societal change. His initiatives to bridge generational divides, build trust within communities, and guide others through their own trials speak to the heart of transformation. Dwayne Meeks' story not only inspires but also challenges us to consider the lasting legacy we can create through empathy, vulnerability, and unwavering commitment to uplift those around us.
Have you ever wondered how the threads of early childhood experiences weave through the fabric of a man's life, shaping his destiny? Today's guest, Dwayne Meeks, takes us on a remarkable journey from the streets of 1960s Brooklyn to his pivotal role in the Colorado Fatherhood Initiative. Dwayne's story is one of metamorphosis, from the hardships of a single-parent upbringing and the shadow of an absent father, to his emergence as a beacon of hope and leadership within the black community.
In our conversation, we unearth the raw and real challenges Dwayne faced, including his battle with substance abuse, and the profound moment of clarity that came at 25. His candid discussion about rehab, reconnecting with his estranged father, and embracing fatherhood with his own children reveals the redemptive nature of his path. Dwayne's dedication to Urban Colors Arts and Mentoring, along with his insights as an author and mentor, illustrate the impact of his work in empowering fathers to be emotionally present and to forge lasting family bonds.
As we close, Dwayne's narrative serves as a powerful testament to the potential for personal renewal and the significance of each individual's role in fostering societal change. His initiatives to bridge generational divides, build trust within communities, and guide others through their own trials speak to the heart of transformation. Dwayne Meeks' story not only inspires but also challenges us to consider the lasting legacy we can create through empathy, vulnerability, and unwavering commitment to uplift those around us.
Okay, welcome to another edition of the Journey to Freedom podcast and just so excited. You know I've talked about this over and over again, but our goal this year is to get 100 black men that are doing stuff, that are making it happen, that are giving back, investing back in the community, that are making a difference in people's lives, because we all know, when you serve others, your life just becomes better, and so today's podcast is just dedicated to that. It's dedicated to showing what can happen when you apply yourself, what can happen when you get around the right associations, what can happen when you trust the right people, what can happen when you say maybe I don't have as much as I want to have, but I can still move forward. And today we have Duane Meeks on, and so I'm excited to talk to Dwayne. I don't want to delay it a lot just because you look at you know I've often said this again success leaves clues, right. And so when you look at what it takes for somebody to be successful in our world, in our communities, in our you know, if I think of the United States, what does it take to be the East Coast? The West Coast, two different communities, right? Colorado is where we're at right now. You know, we're in the Denver metro area.
Speaker 1:I was at a it was called a NARAB meeting. Today, where we talk about, you know, it's a black realtor, and the realtor because back when there were real estate associations back in the forties and fifties they were they weren't allowed to, blacks were not allowed to be part of those professional organizations, and so we were talking today about, you know, all the different laws that are happening and what's happening with realtors and what enables us to be successful in these times, and so it was way different in 1960 than it was in 1980, than it is in 2000. And now we're in the 2020s. Right, you know, they said the roaring twenties back a hundred years ago, when, you know, it wasn't meant for folks that look like us, and then now we have I don't know if we're calling the roaring twenties or whatever we're calling and there's more opportunities. And so, dwayne, thank you for being on today, thank you for being willing to be part of this broadcast, be part of the podcast, because you are an example and whenever we can look at examples and we can show folks that are doing well.
Speaker 1:And so I'm just going to ask you to kind of just start out with your story. We'll talk about trust and we'll talk about finance and we'll probably get into faith and health and identity. But I really want you to kind of just. You know, one of the things that you said to me in the green room before we got started was you were proud of what you've been able to accomplish. You're proud of what has happened in your life. Maybe you didn't think you were able to do some stuff when you first got started. Maybe you're upbringing yourself. I'm going to let you tell your story and then we'll move on from there.
Speaker 2:So thank you again for being part of this broadcast. Thank you for creating this platform for men to share their stories and their journey. So it's an honor to be here. My name is Dwayne Meeks and I want to first start out by saying that I am. When someone says, who are you? And my first thing is I'm a child of God, first and foremost, so I give glory there.
Speaker 2:But I was born and raised in Brooklyn, new York. My mom raised three sons. The single mom raised three sons in the heart of Brooklyn in the 60s and one of the most toughest neighborhoods during that time and still is, and I'm proud to say that we all survived that and we made it out. But it wasn't easy. I was raised in a single parent home. My dad wasn't there. You know, I was raised in a single parent home. My dad wasn't there. He wasn't engaged. I knew who my father was, but he wasn't involved in my father going through childhood and not really knowing my father, not really connecting to my father until I was in my late 20s, early 30s and my father was more like a friend to me at that time.
Speaker 2:Having three sons and having a father who wasn't engaged was was was difficult, you know, while growing up looking for a positive male role models and images to uh help mold me, you know, and guide me and mentor me and coach me.
Speaker 2:Um, I had to seek um, an extended family for those kinds of things and people in the community who really poured into me. In my late 20s I started kind of hanging around my father and his presence and I found myself caught up in indulging in some really unhealthy behaviors with my father. You know, drugs and alcohol was prevalent, you know, at that time and I got caught up in that, participating in that, with my dad. And it was very profound because I found myself almost four years abusing drugs, abusing crack cocaine at that time, and landed myself in a drug rehab program for 18 months and I was 25 years old at that time and during that time, when I went through the program, I found myself, I found my purpose in my mess, I found my message in my mess and I wanted to give back to the community.
Speaker 3:This was something that I always saw myself as doing and I really got a chance to do some soul searching during that time and when I came out of the program after 18 months, I had a conversation with my father and it kind of went like this it was the first time that he said that he loved me and he kissed me on my forehead and I'm already in my sobriety and we had and we had this brief conversation where he did that. That was the first time my father had ever kissed me on my forehead and told me that he loved me, and it was also the last time because three months after that he passed away.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, and it was bittersweet. I had gotten what I wanted.
Speaker 3:I got the validation that I was seeking throughout my whole childhood, that he would see me and see who I was and recognize me. And by him telling me he loved me it kind of removed that monkey off my back. But then, like I said, it was bittersweet because then the Lord took him home and the following year I decided I was moving to denver, colorado, and it was kind of like I was saying I need to leave new york and start and start over and start and start new.
Speaker 2:And I found myself um back in community, back serving community, community. And I also said that, you know, when I had my children my next set of children, because I had two daughters before it was kind of a pre-Dwayne and then a post-Dwayne, so I had two daughters in New York City. But after going through that event I'm moving forward I said, you know, I'm not going to ever do what my father did to me. I need to break this generational cycle of fatherlessness in my family and I need to, you know, give back to the community and find ways to use my story to elevate the voices of a father, the importance of fathers in the lives of children. So I ended up working, you know, finding myself back in community. I started a nonprofit organization called Urban Colors, arts and Mentoring which focuses on responsible fatherhood, connecting fathers to resources that support them, really elevating their voices and giving them a voice at the table and really kind of bridge those gaps when we talk about family and family prosperity.
Speaker 2:Growing up, I've always longed for that. I've always watched the TV shows where there were families together and mother and father together and the children were together. So I grew up longing for that and when you talk about family prosperity, you can't talk about that and leave fathers out of the conversation, because fathers are important contributors to the nurturing and development of children and you need both. You know you need both parents. It's not mom against dad, it's both parents loving and nurturing their children and giving them the best opportunity to thrive and be successful children and giving them the best opportunity to thrive and be successful. So that took me on this journey where my fatherhood program got recognition in the community from the governor and the mayor and I just found myself invited to a lot of different tables and boards and committees because of the impact of the work that our program was doing in the community. And here I am after 25 years that I've been in Denver, colorado, and I just recently became the Colorado Fatherhood Initiative Network Manager for the state and it's a sweet journey and looking back and talking about how you take your mess and turn it into a profound mess that has been impacting the lives of thousands of Coloradans since I've been here and you know I'm really trying to elevate it and take it to the next level. So that's kind of that's a brief summary of my journey getting here.
Speaker 2:And the interesting thing is that I, you know, over the years I was, I do a lot of speaking engagements, speak at different conferences.
Speaker 2:I'm also an author and wrote a book called Pieces Never Missing Required in a Child's Life. And just through that journey, I've always shared my story at conferences, doing keynotes about my father and me in that conversation, which I called the first and the last kiss, and I didn't realize for so many years I was holding him hostage because of the pain and the trauma that I experienced. And the more I talked about it, the more I realized that I was still healing myself, you know, and I took myself on a journey where I started asking questions, you know, about my father and his history, and I realized that my father wasn't raised by his father, he was raised by his oldest brother and then it kind of goes back where the father wasn't around for generations. They were kids, siblings, raising each other, and I realized that I had to let that go and heal because he did the best he could with what he had to work with.
Speaker 1:So you know, but I wouldn't be doing this work right now if I didn't go through what I went through with my own father, absolutely, oh man, what an incredible story and a journey that you've put in front of us, and I want to dig a little bit deeper into some of because, when we think about identity and you shared with us that story where you know you were already in the rehab, so you're 25 years old at the time that your dad comes and he kisses you that shape I think that was one of those turning points in life.
Speaker 1:But for you to be able to receive that kiss, what are some of those associations or some of that portion of your upbringing that allowed you to even have a conversation with him, to allow him in the room to be able to? You know something you long for, but there's we hear so many stories of, of anger and spite and just I'll never, you know, I'll never talk to this man as long. You know, however, that that tends to happen in our community. What, what led you to being able to uh, hey, this is the coolest thing ever. This is, you know, obviously it probably wasn't the best. You know you're in life, but you know, to get to that point where you can receive that, to get, to that point where you can receive that.
Speaker 2:I took personal responsibility for my own life and said I was going to be accountable. I truly wanted to heal and understand what prompted this?
Speaker 3:what triggered this? Where was I at in my life? Where?
Speaker 2:I allowed myself to choose to to pick up and use drugs because, you know, the bottom line is no one twisted my arm, you know. But I was going through some challenging things. I wasn't coping very well with the things that were happening in my life as a young Black man living in Brooklyn, new York, and the peer pressure, and I wasn't coping very well. I didn't have the tools and the strategies to deal with stuff. So Doing drugs and getting high was an escape for not dealing with the challenges of life and just stacking on different levels of trauma. That was happening in my life and not, and holding it in some, you know, was one of the things that I did and one of the things I talk about with men right now when I do men's groups and fatherhood programming is that we talk about emotions and our feelings and I have the safe space to talk about what's happening inside of us, inside.
Speaker 2:And when we hold things inside, you know, first of all it creates. It creates sickness, it creates trauma inside the body and you know you implode from the inside, from the inside out. But you hold in too long. Eventually it's going to come out, you know, and you know you implode from the inside, from the inside out, but you hold in too long, eventually it's going to come out, you know, and you know, unfortunately for us, it comes out in high blood pressure and obesity and PTSD and a whole slew of other things. And then if we do release it, sometimes we release it in very unhealthy and toxic and toxic ways.
Speaker 1:So having tools, having coping mechanisms to help us talk about and is very important for for black men- how do we, as fathers and thinking about you know, I have five sons and I think about impacting their lives how do we stop this? I guess, train of you know, I'm trying to think of just the life that you led, or the things that you were just telling us about, the way that you thought, and you know you did this behind yourself. But we can stop that somehow, as dads, by being involved, and I know this is your specialty, so I want you to kind of, you know, talk about hey, I am a, you know, like you said, I'm a child of God. You know, I am a Black man. I have Black sons. My Black sons are going to deal with things in life that maybe their white counterparts won't. How do I, as a dad, try to show up so that I can influence in a way that they won't have to go through a lot of the things that you had to go through?
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, I have three sons. I have three adult sons now 22 and a 20-year-old twin boys and what I have found is that, you know, I'm very honest and transparent with my story and where I've been, I don't sugarcoat anything with my sons, with any of my children. I'm straightforward and I've learned to be able to do that as a black man be vulnerable and be honest with my children. I have told my children about my story with my father and you know, from the moment that they were born, I kissed and hugged on them from the moment they came out the womb and you know they would get a little upset and annoyed with. You know the affection I was showing. And they would ask me and say, dad, why are you always kissing and hugging on us? And I said, you know what? Because I didn't get that from my father and I never want you to long for that feeling of validation from me that you're going to get that from me and I'm going to express my love to you every chance I get. And they began to understand that and when the two of them first had their first child, I watched them with their sons and I watched them do the same thing that I did with them when they were young to their sons. So I feel like I broke that cycle.
Speaker 2:You know that it's okay for fathers, for men, to show affection to their children. You know it doesn't make you soft or weak or punk or any of that kind of stuff. I think the best expression, is it, one of the best expressions that a father can do for their children is show their love and express their love. You know, I've worked with men in the past where you know, recovering addicts who I've talked to about emotions and feelings, and when they finally opened up and cried and unpacked what they had been holding on to for years of drug addiction, just packed in for them to release that and they felt lighter and they felt at peace, they felt free, that they finally have able to let those feelings go.
Speaker 2:And of course, you have to do it in a safe space. You just can't do it with anyone because those are, you know, those are your emotions and your feelings and you know and you feel close to that. So it's gotta be a safe space. But I believe, believe in just modeling, modeling the mutations that you want to see in your children, and it's okay, when you make mistakes, that you're accountable as a man you're accountable and you respond, and, and just know that that's not what, that's not who you are. Yeah, you know our feelings are not who we are. Our feelings are true and you have to embrace them.
Speaker 3:Otherwise, we tend to sabotage everything around us if we don't.
Speaker 1:Gotcha. Wow, that's really good advice when I think of your career. So you come to Denver. You spend 25 years working in the community, working with you know fatherhood as your theme. You know kids that you thought there's no even in your mind. I don't know if we're going to be able to help these kids get through this or these dads get through this. That then turned around and became you. Know these wonderful stories.
Speaker 2:Can you share maybe a couple of those with us? Yeah, I think I think I young men, to call them the angry black man syndrome and not want to connect to them because they appear to be aggressive. Because they appear to be aggressive Dr Amos Wilson coined the term the reactionary masculinity syndrome for young Black men and it has to do with young Black men. His place in society, while dealing with the oppression and those challenges, causes those young men to react to the challenges and the stimulus. You know of the oppression in the community which lands them in jail, which lands them on the street, which lands them in gangs, those kinds of things because they don't know how to deal with, how to cope. I didn't know how to cope then and the tendency is for people to give up on on them without understanding and knowing their stories. You know we, if you don't know a child's story, there's always a reason why why a child is is doing what he's doing. But if you don't get to know that child, um, and you don't make that, that connection, he's going to see right, see right through that and know that you're not being, you're not being genuine yourself, which causes him to close up as well. So you know, my thing is you know, you, you we got to love, love on our, love on our daughters and our and our sons, and love on them because that's what they're seeking, that's the validation when they don't feel love and they're looking for love in all the wrong places or when things tend to happen.
Speaker 2:Just in my work. I've been in the correctional facilities. I've been in the correctional facilities, I've been in juvenile detention and youth on the street. I've sat down and talked with gang members, you know, and in spaces where someone would say it's unhealthy or it's dangerous, and I've always said you know what, if you show up with that type of mindset, you're not going to get anywhere.
Speaker 2:You know, we have to listen to these young people because you know, we were young once and we didn't listen as well. But that's where the disconnect is, when you have an older generation trying to connect to a younger generation and then we show up like we have all the answers, we have this experience, but they have the energy and we have to be silent and sit and listen to them, share what's going on in their lives and through them sharing, you hear, the pain, the pain and the suffering comes through If you sit and spend a few minutes with 10 minutes with a young person, you're going to hear some of the pain that they're dealing with, you know, and why they're showing up the way that they do. So there are many stories like that that I've experienced, and then I've experienced them with adults, adult men, who still behave like their children because they have unresolved childhood trauma.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's good. You started and you stated that, first of all, you're a child of God. And in this whole role of how you show up in these different situations and I can imagine that some of the people that you work with maybe even be mad at God how do you interact your faith into the community and still be able to do the work that you do?
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, when I think of faith, whether it's religious or spiritual, it's really a sense that provides purpose and hope for me. You know I consider myself very spiritual and I have my spiritual practices. You know I pray, I meditate and I'm trying to stay grounded and in alignment with who I am and why I'm here, what my duty is here on earth, and align with that learned that when I'm in alignment with my faith and with God that things tend to go well.
Speaker 3:When I'm out of alignment, things kind of go wacky. I've gotten to the point where I can tell when I'm in alignment and when I am out of alignment with my faith. And you know, that's what drives me. I believe that I have a calling and I believe that I have found my calling in my mess.
Speaker 2:And once I realized that and I accepted it and embraced it and said once I realized that, and I accepted it and embraced and said, okay, this this is what I'm supposed to do, because every time I've tried to move away from it, something always brought me back right back to it again, you know. And then, when I embraced it, things started flowing uh, you know, started flowing better, uh, for me and for me. And doors started opening. The right people came into my life, the right, the right connections, the right opportunities. And you know, check this out when I was, when I was in before I went into the drug program.
Speaker 2:I remember the last few days before I went in there and I remember walking down Broadway in Manhattan in New York City, and I came across a cathedral and it was open to the public and I walked in there and it was open. There were people that were just sitting in there that were coming in and just light a candle and pray was open. There were people that were just sitting in there that were coming in and just light a candle and pray. And I went in the church and I sat down and I prayed and I talked to one of the priests there in confession and I was just, I was looking, I was like I'm tired of doing this and God, if you get me out of this and turn this around for me.
Speaker 2:I promise that I would shout you out every time I got an opportunity to. And you know, and the rest is history, the glory, and be thankful, you know, for you know and be grateful for grace and mercy because you know. Looking back, I said you know, I'm not even supposed to be here so many times that I've said you know what? Yeah, and I said if the enemy was going to try and get me, that was the time to get me, because now I feel like I've gained so much momentum in my life and my purpose, my walk with God is very strong and very powerful.
Speaker 1:Wow, one of the things I'm going to do a program is very strong and very powerful. Wow, one of the things I'm going to do a program for urban leadership here in Denver through an organization called Issachar, and they have a program called Call to Govern where they have people come in, and one of the things that they ask us to do because you talked about this purpose and calling is they say this and I'm going to ask you to say this and I'm going to ask you to answer it, but I'm going to give you a little bit of time to think about it while I tell you mine. But God made me too. And then there's a question mark so God made me too.
Speaker 1:And then the second part of it is because he loves. So, for example, mine is God made me a resilient coach who loves on people, because he loves people who haven't had access to resources, and so God made me. My purpose in life is to coach and speak and invest in people's life, and the reason is because he loves the folks who haven't had the access, and I think it goes a lot along with what you do. But if you were to answer that question God made me too. And then say because he loves who, what would you say to that I know I didn't give you a lot of time to think about it. You can think about it and send me messages later, but right off the top of your head as you think, why did God make you?
Speaker 2:God made me to bring the hearts of people fathers back to the children, and the hearts of children back to their fathers.
Speaker 1:Ooh, that's so good.
Speaker 3:Because after God, after God, because after God it's, it's the father, and if you look at everything that's, happening in the world and you and you go backwards, you know, from community to family, to, to mom, to the mom, to, you know, and it's just.
Speaker 2:This is really backwards right, well, right after God is, is father. So you know, when you look at some things that are happening in society, you know, when you look at the things that are happening in society, you know, and systemic racism and all the things that's happening in marginalized communities, and yeah, you look at that and you say, okay, where's the father in all this? You know, why are our children, you know, being mass incarcerated? You know, where are the fathers at? You know, you know these guys in prison and they say you know what, mr Dwayne? They say you know, if my father was in my life, I don't think I would be in this situation. You know, and that's important.
Speaker 2:But the father, you know the society promotes, you know, the fathers out of the household. Women have been incentivized to keep the father out of the household to receive government support. That was a tactic that was intentionally placed in our society and to this day and uh, into into, into this day, you know, um, dad, try, his dad wants to be with with mom and mom has been government because the family wants to be together. You know they should be incentivized. You, family should be incentivized to stay, to stay together, not stay apart wow, wow.
Speaker 1:I love the fact that God made you specifically to work with kids and fathers, because he loves all these kids and because he loves us as people to be able to do it. But one of the issues or one of the things that comes to mind is this word called trust. But one of the issues or one of the things that comes to mind is this word called trust, and I love the fact that you've had you know. You said before Dwayne Meeks and after Dwayne Meeks right, how did you learn if we solve with trust? How did you learn and make that transition to be able to trust people in order for them to help you? Because it sounds like in your childhood, trust was really hard to gain. It might've been just a few people in your life that you trusted your mom, your brothers but other than that, you kind of walk through where you didn't trust too many people and all of a sudden, in order to do and accomplish what you do, you have to start allowing yourself to trust others. Talk to us about that.
Speaker 2:Trust, to me, is the cornerstone of every healthy and thriving communities and it's essential to building connections and fostering cooperation and creating a sense of security. And without trust, you know, social bonds weaken and individuals tend to isolate and become vulnerable, which I did as a young man. You know I had trust issues. You know which I did as a young man I had trust issues and it caused me to isolate, it caused me to sabotage. I was in a protective mode, you know, but you know then again, where's your faith in that? Figure out on my own through trial and error and putting myself in situations to be vulnerable and then being taken advantage of, you know, feeling like I was being betrayed. And it did a job on me. It did a serious job on me. Where you be, alone.
Speaker 3:But you know that's the trick of the enemy. This man is not. We're not meant to be alone. You know we're not meant to be isolated. We have responsibilities and duties and if the enemy can isolate you, then he can attack your mind, because that's all you're listening to and that's all that's going in there. You're not listening to other perspectives, you're not surrounding yourself with a healthy and supportive network of family and friends.
Speaker 2:You're just isolating and which causes trauma You're causing. You're traumatizing yourself by being isolated Until you have the discipline to to, to, to to deal with that. You know why. Why, why attempt? Why why attempt to do that? That's just like you. You know what the outcome is going to be, but you still do it and try to fight against it.
Speaker 2:We need other coping tools to be able to isolate, you know and address and unpack. You know what's going on inside of you. And then I had some people who began to show up. And then I had some people who who began to show up. I began to ask for support, you know, because no one knows what you're, what you're going through, unless you tell them. And you know, I was walking around, I was smiling like everything was OK and it wasn't, so people just assume oh, he's fine, you know, and I wasn't.
Speaker 2:It got to the point where, yeah, I need to ask and for for help and support, and there's nothing wrong with asking for help and support. You realize that you can't do it by yourself. You know that's where, that's where the mental health stuff comes in, that for men, that's where we're bad at asking, asking for help. But when we ask for help, we realize that there's more people available to help you. You just have to open your mouth and let people know that you're, you're going through something, you know, um, and doesn't make you, it doesn't make you weak, it doesn't make you a punk, it doesn't make you a sissy that you're asking for the help. You know we, we, we need it and um, you know, you look at statistics around men, uh, black men, who, uh, commit suicide. You know, super, super, super high, uh, I believe it's, it's higher than any other ethnicity. You know, drug abuse, alcohol abuse all those things have to do with, you know, not being able to cope and turn into something to suppress the pain I was going to say. You know, I realized that there's no real stressful situation. There's only the stress that we bring to a situation.
Speaker 2:And through my faith and through prayer and meditation, I realize now that every day is a good day. We just have challenging moments throughout the day. But not to let those challenging moments affect your entire day, because that too shall pass eventually. Perspective, that's what I've been able to do and that's what I've been able to share with other men, and utilize a strategy, strategies for that. Don't mess up your whole day because of one situation or one challenge. That's just one moment, you know. But we tend to, if we don't or if we're not disciplined, we tend to take that one challenge and it messes up our entire day, our entire week, and it just snowballs. So yeah, due to divine reasons, my light can never, never be dimmed. I'm stronger than my struggles. But I realized, you know, and I don't know, like I said, due to divine reasons I know who, you know, I know who gave me life and you know, until he says it's time to dim my light, my light can't be dimmed to dim my light.
Speaker 1:My light can't be dimmed. Oh, that's good. As you were talking, I was thinking about health, right, and thinking about there's mental health, there's physical health and there's this overall healthiness that we need to maintain. What are some strategies or keys that you work with when you work with men or you work with the sons, to help them lead healthy lives?
Speaker 3:I heard you say was how do I, what strategies do I use to help people address trauma?
Speaker 2:The first step is to acknowledge the reality of the impact of trauma, both as an individual and on a systemic level. You have to really recognize and validate what you're feeling and then embrace. That, don't you know, involves creating a space. You know asking for support. You know you need to silence, to recognize it and validate it and say it is what it is and not deny it. That's the first step of healing Acceptance, embrace. Okay, it is what it is. I'm not going to say that I'm not stressed, I'm not going to say that I'm not traumatized, you know. The second step is healing and recovery. You know, to support individuals on their journey towards healing. You know it involves guiding people to mental health services those kinds of things healing and recovery.
Speaker 3:Finding a circle of men who have the space to talk about their trauma, peer-to-peer learning.
Speaker 2:We have to support each other and to understand that you know we're not in it. The other thing is building resistance. You know the the ability to to bounce back. That that was my, that was my key phrase when I was going through. What I was going through was like you know, I'm able to bounce back better than I used to be able to bounce back, cause we're always going to be faced with challenges. But you know I'm able to bounce back better than I used to be able to bounce back, because we're always going to be faced with challenges. But you know the adversity of it is like you're going to be.
Speaker 2:You're going to be faced with challenges, but how do you bounce back? How do you? How do you deal with what you're going through? You know so that you learn the lesson, because that's all it is. It's a lesson, it's an experience, because when you come out on the other side of that, you have built up a resilience, you have built up an inner strength to cope with the next time it comes around. So you know that whole thing is not trying to avoid everything that you're challenged with and you get overwhelmed. Sometimes you have to say you know what. I'm going to face this thing head on. You know and I'm not going to. You know, because I'm stronger than you know my struggles. You know because I'm, I'm, I'm, stronger than you know my, my, my struggles. You know and believe and have faith that you can over, you can overcome it.
Speaker 1:That's good, so don't we? This has been an amazing conversation. We have about five minutes left and I would love for you to just anything that you want to share, that you'd want people who watch this in the future to know, either about you, about your organization, about what you want to do or what you're trying to do. Just give us a five minute. You know synopsis that you would love for everybody to know.
Speaker 2:Well again, urban Colors Arts and Mentoring is my nonprofit organization. Fathers Arts and Mentoring is my nonprofit organization and you know and we advocate for fathers. You know we train fathers on one-to-one and in group settings and we and we and fathers' voices can be heard, you know, for policy change, for family voice, advocacy in the community, opportunities where men's voices have not traditionally been heard.
Speaker 3:You know, we try to create those spaces to be heard, create opportunities for fathers to gather, events for fathers to gather, and with their children and share. The whole thing is that we don't need to isolate, we need to support one another, and I find myself speaking at conferences across the country.
Speaker 2:And I find myself speaking at conferences across the country, really sharing that message, sharing stories, talking to fathers from diverse backgrounds.
Speaker 3:You know, because you know this is a global issue Men, men that are traumatized, traumatized men and who are doing more harm to their families than than good, and you know it's in the it's, we know it's in the black community, but it's it's a it's a global epidemic you know, and the whole thing is promoting healing and to reestablish fathers in the family foundation so that they can create the legacies that they want for their children and pass it down Because what's not healed gets passed down, you know, to the next generation and that happens in a vicious cycle, that it happens over and over and over again. You know, and you know thinking about that it's like you're not healing and taking care and dealing with your own trauma. You are affecting the next three generations that are coming behind you. Wow, that's you. You know.
Speaker 1:Okay, wow, yeah, when I think of what you just said is that you are impacting generations by not dealing with your own stuff. That is a huge thing to think about and huge thing to learn. Dwayne, I just thank you for being on today. I thank you for taking your time out of your day to hopefully inspire others, and so maybe we can come back and revisit this in a year and see how your organization is going. It has been a delight and a pleasure, so I thank you for being part of the Journey to Freedom podcast and again, we encourage you to do and continue to do, all the wonderful things you're doing in the community, because you are making a difference, and I want you to know from the folks that are watching from my heart, that we are so glad that you were able to get off of those drugs, get the kiss from your dad and then move into the community and do the things that you've done. So thank you very much for that.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Dr Arnold. It was a pleasure. I look forward to coming back again.
Speaker 1:All right, you have a wonderful day.