The Q&A Files
The Q&A Files drops A Wellness Explosion
💥 BOOM! Attention Wellness Warriors. The game changer you have been waiting for is finally here. Say hello to “The Q&A Files,” where wellness meets revolution and your questions lead to new discoveries. Spearheaded by Trisha Jamison, your host, a Board Certified Functional Nutritionist. Cohost Dr. Jeff Jamison, a Board Certified Family Physician, and featured guest, Tony Overbay, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. This podcast blends three diverse perspectives to tackle your questions on health, nutrition, medicine, mental wellness, and relationships. Dive into a world of expert insights and actionable advice, all sparked by your curiosity. Tune in, ignite your wellness journey, and join the Wellness Warrior community.
The Q&A Files
13. Insights into Us, Courage to say NO. A Horrific Accident Story. Transformation Through Childhood Lessons.
Send your questions to: trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com!
Ever found yourself caught in the tangle of people-pleasing, unable to utter that tiny yet momentous word, "no"? You're not alone. Dr. Jeff and I candidly address the struggle to establish boundaries in our latest heart-to-heart chat. We unwrap the complexities behind the drive for approval, share personal anecdotes of overcoming the desire to always be the 'nice guy', (See "No More Mr. Nice Guy, " by Dr. Robert Glover.) and consider the impact of emotionally immature family systems on our adult relationships. It's a conversation sprinkled with humor and honesty, aiming to empower you with the courage to prioritize self-care without remorse.
The dance between self-love and service is intricate, especially within the framework of Christian church culture, where the expectation to give can overshadow the need to replenish one's own spirit. We navigate this delicate balance, armed with insights from Ross Rosenberg's "Human Magnet Syndrome," and reflect on the ways in which codependency can masquerade as virtue. Through personal tales from my family medicine practice, we illustrate how patient experiences can leave indelible marks on medical professionals, shaping our approach to healing and human connection.
Join us as we stroll down memory lane, revisiting the days of cigarettes and golf that shaped our formative years and, ultimately, our dedication to wellness. We relive the sensory imprints of our childhoods, from the peculiar odors of cigarette butts and spilled beer to the ways in which these early exposures influenced our paths toward health. Dr. Jeff, Tony and I share laughter and nostalgia, connecting past and present in a narrative that celebrates the victories and vignettes that make life's journey truly unique.
Hello and welcome to the Q&A File, the ultimate health and wellness playground. I'm your host, tricia Jamieson, a board-certified functional nutritionist and lifestyle practitioner, ready to lead you through a world of health discoveries. Here we dive into a tapestry of disease prevention, to nutrition, exercise, mental health and building strong relationships, all spiced with diverse perspectives. It's not just a podcast, it's a celebration of health, packed with insights and a twist of fun. Welcome aboard the Q&A files, where your questions ignite our vibrant discussions and lead to a brighter you. Welcome back wellness warriors.
Speaker 1:Get ready for an episode filled with insights and a bit of heart. It's a joy to have Dr Jeff and Tony with me today. They always bring their unique perspectives to our discussions and I just love that. I just have to say we've been very overwhelmed by the incredible feedback you've sent us. It's your curiosity and your questions that inspire us to dive even deeper through sharing not just our knowledge but also the personal experiences that have shaped us. So today we have some questions aiming to peel back the layers of our professional personas, offering you a glimpse into our own journeys, revealing the joys, the struggles and the moments that have molded us, and we've done this in a previous episode and we have had people ask us to please do this again. So we're excited to share a little bit more about our lives.
Speaker 2:Are we, though? Are we? Hey, jeff, are you on board? Are you excited?
Speaker 3:Okay, if you say so, Just like before we got on the call.
Speaker 1:I just told Tony that I just love to watch him wiggle in his seat because he gets really nervous.
Speaker 2:I am the interviewer, tricia, I am not the interviewee.
Speaker 1:So great when he gets to be a little bit, you know, in that hot seat and being yeah to wiggle. But before we jump in, we're not ready to jump into the deep end yet. We need to start with some celebrations, Just like we have talked about in the past. We don't take time to celebrate ourselves and the things that are going well and the positive moments in our lives, so I just want to take a moment and enjoy these celebrations, but while we're doing that, I want you to be thinking about your own victories and your own celebrations that you may be having in your own life. So let's start with Tony. Tony, what's a celebration that you have?
Speaker 2:Okay, so I've announced on here, I've made it aware we're moving, which is very exciting. I've been in the same place for over 30 years and we went down to Arizona and I am going to be a new grandpa and my daughter had a baby shower and we were there for that and everything, everything was amazing and my other daughters went down and it was just. It was an incredible weekend and so that was very celebratory and I will tell you I'm still fascinated by the just being in the present moment. So there were the normal there could have been some flight delays, there was a long line getting back to the airport, there were just things that were happening. But man, the acceptance that was just. You know, this is happening, can't do anything about it. Let's just be be present, have fun, and that was the theme of the weekend and it just it worked. Didn't mean that everything was perfect, but we were just being and doing had a great time, just allowed things to flow through you.
Speaker 2:They did yeah.
Speaker 1:Good, excellent, dr. Jeff, what's the celebration you have?
Speaker 3:Well, recently I've been made aware by patients and a few others that are close to me that sleep is a difficult thing to come by for some people. So my celebration is that I sleep, and sleeping is a. You know, I don't have to have a lot. You know, if I have about six hours of sleep, I do really well. But this is something I learned when I was in residency. I wasn't always a really good sleeper, but when I was in residency in family medicine, there were times that we'd be on call for 36 hours, we'd be off for 10, and then we'd back on for 36. And you just had to take sleep when you could, and so I got really good about just shutting my brain off and going to sleep. And I can still do that and it makes me happy, and I can sleep through a thunderstorm. It's really amazing. So I'm grateful for sleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's not joking, it's pretty impressive. And you know, I can be sitting there talking to him and he's out and I turn around like well, I don't know what you just heard, but I'm part of your dream.
Speaker 3:So it's funny too. We have. You too. You know that place just before you fall asleep, where there's almost like a little dream state coming, where you might even have a little jerk as you're falling asleep. Well, I go into that pretty rapidly and sometimes I say things that really aren't germane to the current conversation. At the pillow, and so Trish and I have put a name to that. We call that air quotes bleeding on the floor. Now, why does it call that? Because when I was in college I worked in a hospital where there was. I did a lot of the cleanup after surgery and things like that, and there was obviously some bleeding that happened, that was on the floor, and so one time when I was in that near dream state, I said no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:Bleeding on the floor, you know and so we forever called that Yep.
Speaker 2:I'm bleeding on the floor. I like that Because that is a man this is. I know this isn't the direction we wanted to necessarily dive deep into today, but as I've become, hopefully, more emotionally mature, the no, I'm not asleep. If I could have gotten rid of that 15 years ago, cause all the times that I thought for some reason that was a bad thing, that I, I fell asleep. And if my wife were watching a movie, she says are you sleeping? I'm like no, no, I'm not at all. I mean, what's wrong with yeah, I fell asleep? Cause then she would say well, what's happening, you know? And then I would have to come up with such classics such as what's not happening? Or well, what part are you do you like? Which apparently she saw right through.
Speaker 1:That is so funny. Well, as our listeners heard last week and a previous episode on the four levels of consciousness, they learned in the as me state by Thomas Edison what happened when he would go into a dream state and how he was able to develop so many. That's where his creative juices came from, and so if you haven't heard that episode, go back, because it's a pretty cool story about Thomas Edison. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Your celebration.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm ready to share my celebration is we have our fourth daughter getting married May 8th in Utah, and so we're pretty excited about that. We love her enthusiasm, her excitement and everything that comes in her stress her enthusiasm, her excitement and everything that comes in her stress. And she's in Utah now and it's been hard to plan a wedding with her so far away. But we love Colin, her future husband. He's awesome and I think she's marrying into a fabulous family. It's going to be great, nice. Yeah, so we're like you. You preparing for a lot of different things. Yeah, you know, move in a wedding. I don't know if that's on the same level, but it's still stress.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, let's dive right into our topic here, and that is we're going to learn a little bit about each one of us. And we're going to learn a little bit about each one of us and we're going to start with tony. So a question that came in, and this is from karen, and she asks what's a piece of advice you find yourself giving often that you also struggle to follow?
Speaker 2:oh uh, the it's okay to say no to things. Apparently I've heard about I've heard that too.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I find that, even though I'm helping people overcome their people-pleasing at their own detriment, then I find myself and I've joked about this, but I'm being pretty serious where I realized that that is one of the ways I want validation is if I can just make everybody else comfortable, then they will all love me and things will be happy forever. But it's the nature of our kids and others to then want things and want to do things. And so then if they say, can I have this thing or can I go do this thing? And it costs money, then my first response is always absolutely. I want you to have all the experiences in the world, because then apparently you will love me even more.
Speaker 2:But which is it's making it conditional. So then if they don't heap praise on me, then I get to say you don't care about me and look at all I do for you, when apparently I could have just said no, you know, or maybe not now, or or are you well, do you have the money for that? Those kinds of things. And so my my joke about it. But it's very serious as I'm, I'm trying to at least get to the point where I can pause before I just, you know, if they say, hey, dad, can I? And I just say yes, if I can pause and at least hear what it is, then that's progress.
Speaker 2:But it's that concept of it's still uncomfortable for me to then say no. And I have a lot of clients that struggle with that and I can say it all day long that it's okay to say no, and then there's going to be some discomfort and then when that discomfort is gone, those people still survive and they, they still do love you, and then you don't have to maybe put yourself out there to make sure that that they can do the things they want to do. I'm not saying that now. I say I want to get to this place where I say no to. I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's hard when your paper plays are.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it reminds me of the book no More, Mr Nice Guy. Absolutely yes.
Speaker 3:And that book has changed my life. I'd like to have it change my life a little more because I need to say no more often. But it's an amazing. It puts a lot of understanding into me to why I got to where I am. Lot of understanding into into me to why I got to where I am and also the fact that I've had a very difficult time saying no in a lot of places and to a lot of different people, whether it be patients or family. And yeah, that's a that's a tough one.
Speaker 2:It really is, and I like that you bring that up the the norm, mr Nice guy, because I think that, even as I'm saying I need to learn to say no, I feel like I'm being mean and that I'm doing something wrong, and then, even if I do say no, then the other person isn't going to say, okay, cool, they can be disappointed. And I think that sometimes I'm unwilling to let somebody else feel uncomfortable or angry or frustrated because I think that then it means something about me.
Speaker 3:Right, and you second to guess that decision and you go, oh, I probably shouldn't have said no, everything else would have been fine if I had just said yes, and I would have been the only one that would have been bugged by it. But yeah, and I'm okay if I'm bugged, but I don't want everybody bugged about it. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It would be interesting to know if people that go into a service-oriented field like coaching, being a physician, doctor or a counseling or some sort, if that's kind of the personality trait because that's our overwhelming feeling of we want to serve, we want to help, we want to be part of other people's lives and we want to serve, we want to help, we want to be part of other people's lives and we want to make their lives better. So that would just be interesting to so I think it is.
Speaker 2:I mean, I did an episode in my waking up to narcissism podcast about narcissistic or emotionally immature family systems and a lot of times, that role of the enabler or the role of the mascot, which is basically like hey, I'm going to make sure everybody's happy, I'm going to make sure everything still goes, and so it's over time they learn to then put others' needs ahead of theirs, and so then it almost becomes their default.
Speaker 2:And so then when I'm working with individuals and they will even say, if I'm saying, okay, let's figure out what matters to you, what your core values are, and if somebody says I have a value of service to others, it's hard for me to say, okay, well, what's that like for you, or do you feel like you are doing that at the expense of your own personal growth or your own happiness? And then, if that's what that person does, then they feel like but that's what I do, I help others, I take care of others, and sometimes it's hard to self-confront and say at what cost, because then that person that is selfless feels like if they aren't doing that, then they're selfish, which I think can be really difficult.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think also in some Christian church cultures there's also a feeling of you know, if I don't serve then I'm somehow a bad person. And I think that you can get caught up into service loop of all I'm doing is serving and then pretty soon you don't know where you start and the service ends, and it's something that can be very difficult. Personal maturation as to finding out where those places are where you can serve and say, yes, I'll do that and yes, I can handle those things. Or to say, you know, I'm not willing to sacrifice my family time for that, or I'm not willing to sacrifice my time to do something else that I want to do for you to be able to get what you want from me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because, as I'm saying this, I'm talking about it like it's me needing to keep telling my kids no. But I mean I like I think we all do I'll go give talks and I'll go present at a conference or I'll speak to a group or a club and then I feel like that's what I need to do, that's my service, but service but then at the detriment sometimes of you're right family time, and I think, in the grand scheme of things, that isn't what I want to be doing. So there's a guy, ross Rosenberg, who wrote a book called Human Magnet Syndrome and he has a concept where he's kind of trying to redefine what codependency is and he calls it self-love deficit disorder. And I only mentioned this because I won't go into all the details, but there's a part of this. He has a self-love deficit disorder pyramid where it starts with our good old childhood wounds that I think for the most part we all have.
Speaker 2:But then his next part is this fundamentally bad or flawed self concept where I'm only as good as what I do or don't do for others. I'm a human doing, and I think about that constantly where it's like if I do these things, then people will love me. But then that leads to, he says, pathological loneliness, because then I feel alone because I'm doing these things but people don't necessarily reciprocate or appreciate. And then that leads to then this loneliness ache, which then he says that we get rid of that ache by becoming selfless, compulsive caretakers who habitually attempt to control others into loving them by doing. And then we just repeat that cycle over and over which is a form of codependence.
Speaker 1:Well, and I really appreciate that, because I think sometimes we find ourselves also we give so much and we expect others to act the same way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:When they don't. It's disappointing. And so it kind of sets us up too, Totally right.
Speaker 2:And he says the opposite. He's got this self-love abundance pyramid. And I like what you're saying there, tricia, because we have to start from a place of I am lovable because I am. I don't have to work at being loved, which I struggle with because I feel like no, I have to do so. I'm not just inherently lovable. And then he says if you're operating from that framework, then you have the freedom to live as an imperfect but worthy and lovable person. And then I think, like what you were saying there too, then that leads to self-love, self-respect and self-care. That engenders the same from others, and that's where the mutually reciprocal relationships come in. So if somebody isn't reciprocating in the relationship, then I'm no longer continuing the relationship.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, rather than feeling that I'm no longer valuable. Exactly Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, rather than feeling that I'm no longer, valuable.
Speaker 1:Exactly Right yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, very good. So that would see. Look at that. We took a lot of insight there, right? See? I killed some time there, so we're not going to get to more of mine. So there you go. That's all we have today, folks.
Speaker 1:Take it easy. That was great. Yeah, you did awesome. A plus for you, Tony.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:You can take your bow right now.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Okay, so Jeff, thanks Tony as a family physician. How has a patient's story deeply affected you personally or changed the way you practice medicine?
Speaker 3:Ooh, I wish I'd have had some time to think about this beforehand, but I'll do the best I can. I'm one of these kind of people that I do and I take care of and then I move on, and so I don't have a lot of just going through the retrospective scope and deciding about those things. So I'll tell you something that happened recently that has changed some of the way I respond. So recently I had a patient who was involved in a horrific accident. He and his best friend, or one of his best friends, were snowmobiling up in the northern Rockies of northern Idaho and they were in close contact with the avalanche center and so forth. They even had beacons and all the things you need that you're supposed to have with you when you snowmobile in an area of the backcountry. And it turns out that they were involved in an avalanche episode and my patient floored it with his snowmobile and got away for the most part from the avalanche but ended up hitting a tree and he fortunately wasn't seriously injured in the tree episode, but his friend that was with him was buried in the avalanche and died, and so it was a really horrific thing. And then in speaking with this patient after he went. You know, he saw me basically the next few days afterwards and he was a mess. I mean you can imagine how kind of messed up he was with the trauma of it all the losing of his friend, the woulda, coulda, shouldas. I should have done this. I wish I'd have done that Just kept going through his mind, plus a phenomenon called survivor's remorse, where you feel like you should have died.
Speaker 3:He felt like he should have died with him rather than be able to survive this horrific accident. And then all the wondering about why me, why did I survive and why didn't my friend survive? And then going through his own personal understanding of life and God and things like that which you kind of get to those places when you're having a horrific episode and you want to know what do I think, what is important to me, what do I have to do to make sure that I maintain those relationships? And all of a sudden his family became way more important to him than he had previously been taking, especially his wife a little bit for granted. And all of a sudden all these feelings flooded forth and the guy couldn't quit crying. During our time together and normally I spend about 15 to 20 minutes with a patient. I was with him for over an hour.
Speaker 1:Well, he went over to his home. That's what kind of doctor, wow, dr Jeff is.
Speaker 3:And then I saw him again in the office. So I went to his house after the episode and he came to the office a few days later. We got some things set up for him and we got his so that he he can get some sleep, and you know. So how did this change me? Is the question really?
Speaker 1:And how? How did it change the way you practice medicine as well?
Speaker 3:I don't know that it's really changed the way I practice medicine, because it is kind of the who I am, piece of that. I I have. I feel like I have empathy for people and then what they go through, even though I may not have had the same experience myself. But I think the thing that it really brought home to me is how important the relationships that I value are to me those of my wife and family, those of the people that I am privileged to work with, because my little office we have some great people that have been working with me for more than a decade which doesn't happen too often in a family practice office and some of those things that just became more and more important to me and I felt strong in my desire to make sure that those people knew of my commitment to them, as well as how important Tricia is to me and how important my family relationships are.
Speaker 3:It's been a, even though it did not happen to me. I could feel of his trauma and I could feel of his remorse towards how he has treated his family in the past and I could relate to some of that. So it was really good for me to just feel that and see it and to sit into the sometimes uncomfortable place that puts you. And for a few days I was pretty retrospective about that and Tricia, you can probably account for that but it helped me to kind of refocus and to decide okay, am I going the direction in my life that I want to? Am I placing boundaries on places that I need to so I can say no when it's appropriate kind of going into what you were saying, tony and am I reacting and acting in the way I want to? So it was very good for me.
Speaker 2:Hey, can I and thank you for sharing that too, jeff and so I did a episode a long time ago on when grief motivates, but then what's almost like the shelf life, because I think we still have that tendency to go back to our home base of whatever our default is.
Speaker 2:I think everyone does yeah absolutely yeah, and I was just trying to bring some awareness to when we feel that you know, if you look at the broader sense of differentiation of everything is an opportunity for growth, all these things will be, for your good, a nice hindsight principle.
Speaker 2:That then then sometimes, that then over time, when I have these moments that really change me for a bit, what am I learning that will help me stay in that mode and and actually my this whole move to Arizona, for me personally has been more about.
Speaker 2:It was a situation having a daughter almost die in a car wreck and now you know that did a whole number to me about my family, and then we didn't know she'd be able to have kids and now she's having one, and so it is wild, because I feel like that's been a constant in my mind of okay, I can't let just that moment that happened a couple of years ago just go back to its default setting, and so I feel like that's part of that Implicit memory is based off of the slow residue of our lived experience.
Speaker 2:So I feel like it's helped me more and more bring more empathy into my situations, my sessions, because I used to say the things like oh, feel the feelings and invite them to come with you while you go and do. Until then, I had this deep sense of loss, where then I thought, man, I would want to punch myself if I was saying that when somebody is really in this deep pit of agony and they have some guy saying, yeah, yeah, feel it, but then bring it along with you while you keep doing all this stuff. And so I really feel like I've had to be intentional on continuing to recognize that that was a pivotal moment and what am I going to do about it? And now here we are, heading out into the 130 degree weather to celebrate, you know, change.
Speaker 1:Right, well, I remember sharing that. Yeah, I remember too, when you had that experience with your daughter and you talked about that. It was like you know, several episodes later about that empathy piece and how you'd ask these questions and you're like you know, those are just kind of non-emotional questions that I was asking, but now I can totally resonate and feel the depth of what it was that so many people have a feeling.
Speaker 3:And you really just have to take that time too. You have to take that time to go. Yeah, that really is a mess, and sometimes you can't just feel the feeling and walk around and do your things otherwise.
Speaker 2:No, you can't.
Speaker 3:It's too much sometimes, and so you have to deal with it, and it's hard experience, with your friend piggybacking on your other friend that just passed away.
Speaker 1:I think that that's really brought a whole, also a deeper perspective of life to you. You just seem to be much more contemplative than you have been over the last few weeks, and I think that you're grieving several things, but also a deep appreciation for life as well.
Speaker 3:That's an interesting insight. Sometimes you don't even know what's going on with you until your wife points it out to you, so that's really awesome.
Speaker 2:That is yeah. I mean, I was going to say all that stuff too, Jeff, but yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, let me validate you in that.
Speaker 1:Well, you just sent it to me, so I just read it, you know.
Speaker 2:And, by the way, that's my secondary emotion of humor, which has to come in when I'm starting to feel vulnerable and open. So that was that in full display.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there you go. Thank you for that.
Speaker 1:Thank you, all right. So my question thank you both of you is from Crystal, all right. So my question thank you both of you is from Crystal and she asks what experiences from my childhood influenced my decision to pursue a career in nutrition and coaching and how did this shape my desire to help others. So this is interesting.
Speaker 1:I grew up on a golf course and I've talked a lot about well in my coaching sessions and with a lot of people that know me that I didn't play golf voluntarily. I used to run all over the golf course. My dad actually was a professional and he was even on the senior circuit for a short time, but I didn't ever want to play golf, I wanted to run. But having a golf course meant that I had a lot of different responsibilities and one of the things that I used to have to do when I was probably around 10 is I had to pick up all the cigarette butts all over the. We had, like this breezeway area and people would just, you know, especially back then, they would smoke any and everywhere and I had to pick those up. I didn't have gloves that I used and I would have to take out and pick up all of the beer cans that were in the golf carts and clean those up and throw everything away. So my fingers smelled like an ashtray and I often smelled like alcohol, because I would spill alcohol on me as I'm trying to put things in the garbage can. So that was really fun.
Speaker 1:But I have to tell you the thing that really impacted me is I detest cigarette smell, and Jeff can even. I mean, I get angry when somebody's smoking in places that they shouldn't, and this is what's so fascinating. Just a little side note is so we had a restaurant and a bar and my dad smoked as well. He'd never smoked in the house, but he always smoked in the car and for some reason I always had to be in the back seat right behind him and he would push in that cigarette lighter and I would just be in the background and I know he could see me through the rear view mirror. And I would just be in the background and I know he could see me through the rearview mirror and I would just be taking these deep breaths and being ridiculous and holding my breath like I was going to pass out and die, and he'd roll down that window and pretty soon the whole you know swirling of smoke throughout the whole car and I would like be choking, and I'm sure I was. You know, quite a scene to behold.
Speaker 3:But you weren't dramatic or anything, were you?
Speaker 1:No, I was extraordinarily dramatic. Yes, and I would even go into his room. I'd sneak into his room and take his cigarettes and his lighter out of his pockets and I would crush them and throw them down the toilet and I would throw his cigarette lighter in the dumpster. Any chance that his car door was unlocked, I would grab his cigarette lighter and I'd throw it in the dumpster. I was relentless and even one time I put one of those things that blow up your cigarette and he was playing in a golf tournament and I was looking out the window as I was working in the restaurant and I just happened to see him light up his cigarette and his cigarette blew up in his face. Everyone looked my direction and, yeah, it was quite a scene that he didn't even flinch. He didn't even like look my direction at all. And when he was coming up the 18th fairway I actually had a white flag and I was waving it and he just totally ignored me. I was just one of those pests that never went away.
Speaker 1:But to go back to that question is I got to see how people took care of their bodies? To see how people took care of their bodies, how they ate, I would make the meanest milkshake on the planet, but I wouldn't usually partake of that. I was always the one having a solid and I'd get teased. But I feel like I just knew early that, especially with my fitness routine at my running, that when I ate well I felt better, I slept better, I had more energy. So I wasn't taught that.
Speaker 1:I experienced that the more that I realized how important nutrition was. You know, without that knowledge it was just an innate part of me. But I think it started with having to pick up those cigarette butts and having alcohol spilled all over me at such a young age. If you ever want your kids to despise alcohol and cigarettes, then go ahead. Put them in an empty parking lot and have them pick up cigarette butts and it really does quite a number on you. But for me that was quite an experience and it became a more positive experience in my life. So that's how I started that journey.
Speaker 2:Trisha, can I have a shared experience with you, not trying to say I know exactly what you're going through, but we haven't talked about this particular version. So my parents smoked a lot growing up. I had that similar experience in the car when the lighter would go in. You know, sometimes I would. If I sighed loud enough, they would crack the window a tiny bit, and man, and I just remember that so much. And in high school I bought my own dryer sheets and I would have to. I would put the clothes in the dryer and I would spray them with a squirt bottle every day before school and I would run them through the dryer and so they would smell.
Speaker 1:Did they smoke in the house?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so then it wouldn't smell like that. And then I remember, and so this is again why did I do 25 years of ultra running? No-transcript. My mom always carried a high average so they were really happy about that. They did it a lot. But I would go to the bowling alley and I would get paid like a quarter a game to keep score, because it was before the electronic scoreboards, right. But then everybody smoked and all the ashtrays were right there by the and I just oh, oh man, I can still to this day remember that and it just it kind of causes me to not. We're going bowling this weekend with my family for fun and I know I'm going to walk in there and that's my first thought. That's going to hit me 50 years later or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, isn't that crazy. Well, one thing that I wanted to share that I that was so amazing is, yes, my dad smoked, but you know, now I think you have to be like 25 feet from every building before you light up a cigarette.
Speaker 3:At least in our state, okay.
Speaker 1:It's not in every state.
Speaker 3:I don't think so. I think it's just in our state, but it might be in other states too, but for sure I was thinking it was like a national thing.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, at least it's on every airplane, because I remember times when you would go in there and that was filled with smoke too.
Speaker 1:But anyway, so prior to this being a law, I guess, in our state, my dad, even though he was a smoker, he started this new rule in the restaurant and in the bar that there was no smoking rule in the restaurant and in the bar, that there was no smoking. And so, even though he too was a narcissist and he was a pretty tough individual he was probably five, nine, five, eight, and my legs I'm five, three and my legs were even longer than his, so that says something. He used to have a thing that said that he had a, I can't remember he had small legs but he carried a big stick or something like that. It was kind of funny, but anyway, he implemented that in the restaurant and in the bar and he got so much flack, but I know he did that for me.
Speaker 1:And if there's anything that I appreciate so much, make me a little emotional, but was that because I don't have a lot of positive memories of my dad, but that showcased something so significant that meant so much to me in my life that I struggled with and I just feel like that. That was just a little piece of you know, you talk about a tender mercy, a little nicety right there and it just really went a long way in my life.
Speaker 2:So Wow, that's amazing. That's fantastic. Yeah, I will say not to take in here. I'm going to kill the mood, but this is bad timing, but I Googled. So in California it's 20 feet. In Arizona it's 20 feet from the building.
Speaker 1:I think it's I almost think it's more of a national law. Is it Well?
Speaker 3:it's 25 feet in Washington, all right, but I don't think you could be in a lot of public buildings without that being implemented. Well, I don't think you can smoke in public buildings mostly. I think that some businesses get away with it, like casinos and stuff like that. But aside from that, I think it's pretty universal that no smoking, which is amazing compared to where we started, when we were growing up Tricia, oh my gosh, it was like the people that smoked way outnumbered those that did not, and it was a tough time.
Speaker 2:I remember the smoking sections in restaurants.
Speaker 3:I mean we were flying back from.
Speaker 2:Arizona it is or in the airplane. That was the one where. So like one time I remember we were flying back east to visit family and my parents sat in the smoking section and they put my brother and I maybe two or three rows up ahead of them, which was the non-smoking section. So you know, it was perfectly fine for us. We didn't notice a thing. I'm being serious, right.
Speaker 1:Right, oh, my gosh, so interesting yeah.
Speaker 3:I just appreciate the questions today. That gave us a really good opportunity to kind of look a little deeper into our own hearts and souls, and it's fun to kind of go through that and to go why am I like I am? Or what's happened that's brought us to where we are? This is good stuff.
Speaker 1:Thanks, tricia, for bringing those. Yeah, well, I'm going to end with this, one for all three of us, and if we don't have time to go through all of that, that's fine, but I just thought this was good. No-transcript.
Speaker 2:I'll just be quick, I've got, I mean mine. I think about often is that I just I would tell myself again it's the cliched, but true, you're good you. You don't have to beg people to love you. You don't have to beg people to spend time with you. If they aren't showing those things, then those aren't the people to necessarily associate with. Bless their hearts.
Speaker 1:That's so good. Amen, I think we end right there explanation point.
Speaker 2:So I've got a lavalier mic here somewhere. I can open up this case and drop it. I mean, I can you know? Do the mic drop thing might take me a minute, but I'll get to it.
Speaker 3:Prisha, what about you? What would you tell your 20 year old self not to marry me, because that's about when you got married?
Speaker 1:yeah, true, no that I have a lot to offer and that I'd never felt that I am valued and worthwhile. So I think that that's something that got lost a long time ago and I have since moved into, as I've been coaching and doing so much work on myself and with others, that is a prominent piece that I wish that I had really been able to hold on to.
Speaker 3:That's a great one and the value that I mean. We all have intrinsic value just because we are. But when you find things that you can do, that you are, that brings more understanding to your own self and more value to those around you. Not that that's the only thing that values you. It's fun to be able to feel those things you know. For me, I think I would have told myself to place less value on my parents' opinion and more value on my wife's opinion.
Speaker 1:Oh, I like that one. That would have caused a lot less grief.
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure for everyone concerned. If I had spent more time diving into that part of my understanding of life and things and being able to focus more towards my wife and family and less towards my family of birth, I think I would be better off.
Speaker 1:Well, isn't it interesting the lessons we learn and where they take us, but they also mold us into the people we are today. And so sometimes, even though those lessons are so hard, those challenges have made me who I am and have made each of us who we are, and I guess our challenges are our greatest gifts, and sometimes it's hard to even admit that, but it's true. So I just appreciate the two of you so much and I loved just hearing a little bit more about us, and we're going to sprinkle these little episodes throughout our time together and so you're going to get to know each and every one of us a little bit more.
Speaker 3:Well, and I hope that, as you do, you're going to find some things that you connect with and that you can say, yeah, maybe I need to work on that piece a little more in my life, or, oh, that gives a little more understanding into my own personal direction or life, as you listen her life as you listen and that's the whole purpose of these episodes together is hoping that we can hope you leave inspired.
Speaker 1:You have these inspired moments and these aha moments for you that you can embrace and somehow recognize the challenges that you have in your life and how you can navigate through them as well. So thank you so much, both of you And-.
Speaker 2:Thanks, tricia. Thank you, thanks, tony, that was fun.
Speaker 1:This wraps up today's episode, and just keep these questions coming, and celebrations as well. We love to hear from you, and so until next time, remember to celebrate the small victories and nurture the wellness warrior in you. So take care and see you on the next episode. Thanks for tuning in to the Q&A Files, delighted to share today's gems of wisdom with you. Your questions light up our show, fueling the engaging dialogues that make our community extra special. Keep sending your questions to trish Jamieson, coaching at gmailcom. Your curiosity is our compass. Please hit subscribe, spread the word and let's grow the circle of insight and community together. I'm Trisha Jamieson signing off. Stay curious, keep thriving and keep smiling, and I'll catch you on the next episode.
