The Q&A Files
The Q&A Files drops A Wellness Explosion
💥 BOOM! Attention Wellness Warriors. The game changer you have been waiting for is finally here. Say hello to “The Q&A Files,” where wellness meets revolution and your questions lead to new discoveries. Spearheaded by Trisha Jamison, your host, a Board Certified Functional Nutritionist. Cohost Dr. Jeff Jamison, a Board Certified Family Physician, and featured guest, Tony Overbay, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. This podcast blends three diverse perspectives to tackle your questions on health, nutrition, medicine, mental wellness, and relationships. Dive into a world of expert insights and actionable advice, all sparked by your curiosity. Tune in, ignite your wellness journey, and join the Wellness Warrior community.
The Q&A Files
21. Teens, Screens and the P*rn Connection, Part 2, Parenting tips and the Four Pillars of Connected Conversation
Can embracing organic, supportive interactions with your children truly make a significant difference in their development? Discover the transformative power of genuine connection as we sit down with our co-hosts, Dr. Jeff and Tony, alongside me, Trisha Jamison. We kick off by discussing self-care for parents, the art of active listening, and the importance of acknowledging children's feelings. Tony illuminates the discussion with his four pillars of positive communication, offering actionable insights to foster open and productive dialogue with your little ones.
Navigating the digital age of parenting is no small feat, and in this episode, we address the unique challenges that come with it. Learn how Tony’s four pillars can help you stay present and avoid shaming while tackling the complex issues of screen time and early exposure to pornography. We discuss Tony's book, "He's Addicted to Porn...Now What?" and his Path Back Program to highlight the risk of early screen exposure as a form of childhood trauma and its potential long-term impacts. Hear how maintaining constructive dialogue, even under emotional stress, is crucial in preparing children for the realities they might encounter online.
We explore practical strategies to build strong connections with your children, helping them avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms like pornography, vaping, and excessive screen time. Discover the benefits of one-on-one dates, quality conversations, and understanding the brain's response to negative behaviors. We'll also discuss tools like the Bark app and the value of shared family discussions in creating a safe digital environment. Join us for a comprehensive, heartfelt conversation aimed at empowering you to cultivate a nurturing, informed, and resilient family dynamic.
Questions? Comments? Email us at trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com!
Hello and welcome to the Q&A file, the ultimate health and wellness playground. I'm your host, tricia Jamieson, a board-certified functional nutritionist and lifestyle practitioner, ready to lead you through a world of health discoveries. Here we dive into a tapestry of disease prevention, to nutrition, exercise, mental health and building strong relationships, all spiced with diverse perspectives. It's not just a podcast, it's a celebration of health, packed with insights and a twist of fun. Welcome aboard the Q&A Files, where your questions ignite our vibrant discussions and lead to a brighter you.
Speaker 1:Hello, friends, welcome back to another episode of the Q&A Files, where we are eager to answer your burning questions on health, medicine, relationships and everything in between. Just a quick reminder to like us on social media and share our podcast with your friends, family and colleagues, because who doesn't need some sound, good advice Information on these days? Right, there's a lot of stuff going on in our world, so I'm always delighted to have my two fantastic co-hosts here with me today, dr Jeff and Tony. Welcome both of you, thank you. So I usually start off with celebrations because we just don't share the good and great things happening in our life enough, but today I would like for each of us to share one parenting tip. And no, jeff, you cannot say your tip is to never pet a burning cat Is that a real thing Is that?
Speaker 3:a real thing. If you say, well, give me a tip, I'll say don't pet a burning cat.
Speaker 1:Oh gotcha, which is a fair tip, yeah, so we would like a tried and tested parenting tip. So, gentlemen, what are your parenting tips?
Speaker 3:Just one.
Speaker 1:Just one right now.
Speaker 3:Okay. Well, I have one parenting tip that I think is really important, and that is take time for yourself. Make sure that you come from a position of strength so that you can have be rested as best you can. I mean, there are difficult times during parenting where you can't really get a lot of sleep if somebody's been sick, etc. So do take time for you, and, just like Trisha and I are doing right now, we are taking a little time for ourselves and we're on a little vacation and we are still grateful to have time with everyone here and discuss parenting tips as well as some other things. But take time for you, that's my parenting tip.
Speaker 1:Excellent, Tony. What's a parenting tip? You?
Speaker 2:have, and I love Dr Jeff's and I would say that this one might sound a little bit I'm not going to say controversial, but everything does not need to be a life lesson or a teaching moment which can sound like, but wait, that's what we're supposed to do.
Speaker 2:But I think so often when our kids just want to, they just want to share things, they just want to talk, but then we say, oh, that's a good opportunity for you to do this, or you know that could turn into a career, or why don't you study those things in school?
Speaker 2:Or when you know, when I was a kid, this is, this reminds me of a story about me and so too often then we just feel like, okay, I have to make this moment become this just watershed moment that they will always remember where we had this talk. But in reality then the kid starts to feel like, okay, well, everything I say I'm, I'm in essence being told that there was a better way I could have done it, or or the parent's going to make it about them. So parenting is is the long game and uh, and so I think a lot of times, just building that rapport and building that, um, emotional safety with the kid is one of the best things you can do, and then those opportunities to share those life lessons is going to come up more organically and not feel forced.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a great one. In fact, that's a great segue into mine.
Speaker 3:I love that, Tony. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Excellent. So my parenting tip is kind of goes along with Tony's, and it's when your child is speaking actively. Listen to your child, Give them your full attention, acknowledge their feelings and respond thoughtfully. So often we, just like you just said, we just kind of make it about something else or we're trying to give them the best teaching moment.
Speaker 3:Sounds like an opportunity to use the four pillars.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So this does not only build trust and strengthens your bond, but it also encourages open communication. And that's exactly what we want with our children. We want them to feel comfortable coming to us for any reason, and if they feel judged or feel threatened, then they're not going to feel comfortable coming to us. But by showing that you value their thoughts and emotions, you begin to create a positive and supportive environment where they feel understood, appreciated and respected exactly how we want to feel. We want to feel appreciated and respected by them, but we have to show that by example as well.
Speaker 3:Oh, I love that.
Speaker 1:That's really hard to do some days.
Speaker 3:Hey, Tony, why don't you, for just a second, give us a quick rundown on the four pillars, just in case people forgot what they are?
Speaker 2:Well, sure, and I think I like that you bring it up because it is oftentimes if you're a parent and then you have these four pillars in mind, it is the one person version. So if my kid is telling me anything, then that first pillar is it's giving them the benefit of the doubt. Assuming good intentions, there's a reason why they're saying what they're saying. It's not to hurt me, it's not to try to make me feel bad, it's what they're saying. So then that leads you into the pillar two, which is I can't tell this person that what they're thinking or feeling is wrong, or even if I think it is, because that's a me thing, which then leads to the pillar three of I questions before I make comments. So then I'm going to say, well, tell me more about that, take me on your train of thought, help me understand. And then, uh, and then oftentimes then that might bring up some emotions or feelings in us where you know we want to.
Speaker 2:Uh, you know I had, I had a client recently say that they opened up to their dad about their struggles looking at pornography and some some really bad stuff on the internet. And uh, and the dad did a phenomenal job of just saying man, what's, tell me more, what's that like stuff? And I got to talk to the dad later and he said he wanted to just say do you know how bad this is? And I can't believe you're doing it. He also wanted to break my pillar four, which is go into a victim mode and say, oh my gosh, I'm the worst dad ever like that. This is what my kid is doing.
Speaker 2:And so that pillar four, then, is we got to stay present and not. You know, we still might hear them, not tell them they're wrong, assume good intentions and ask questions. We still might just go, okay. Well, I appreciate you sharing that. Holy cow, where did I mess up, you know? And then we made it about me, and then that's me wanting somebody to come rescue me and say, no, no, you're a good dad, it's okay, so that's a. So the yeah, your kid's not going to know that they're, they're in the four pillar framework, but I think it's still a great framework, even when you're just the only one that's aware of it and you're in, especially when you're interacting with uh, with a kid, a teen, uh, any anyone really.
Speaker 1:Well, and how hard is it to ask questions when you're so emotionally? You know and you want to react poorly because it's like what? Do you think you're doing, and I'm sure it's hard not to go into that shaming. Get on the shame train, and so I think that that's really important too.
Speaker 3:I've sure done plenty of that in my parenting careers of just dropping into shame and trying to make the other person feel bad and as a way of somehow correcting their behavior. Going into coercion just never works. So there's another parenting tip.
Speaker 2:There you go. Exactly, I endorsed that one.
Speaker 3:Yeah, tony, I love these four pillars of connected conversation and it's something that Tricia and I use all the time and it has become a part of our lives. Yeah, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:They're tried and and I love bringing it up in this context with parenting and Tricia. It's funny when you said the question. It can't be, because I was thinking the same thing. It can't be well, why did you do that? Or what were you thinking? Because those are questions, but they're coming laced with some good old shame.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly. And one question that you don't want to use is why? Because why can be a yeah, a very? It can make you feel very defensive. And so how? What are very important, other words that you can use that can give a much more meaningful answer that you're looking for and not be accusatory.
Speaker 3:Like, help me understand.
Speaker 2:Yes, take me on your train of thought. Tell me more about that.
Speaker 1:Exactly Okay, fantastic. Thank you so much, gentlemen. So today's question comes from Bethany again. If you haven't heard the first segment, go back to last week's episode and you can hear her question about her four children always wanting to be on screens and play video games. So we tackled young children and screens last week and I also made up an awesome parody that I had Dr J and Tony totally believing and I think you will enjoy that as well.
Speaker 3:I don't think we believed one. No, I didn't know. I think you totally believed it.
Speaker 1:I saw your faces. So again, if you haven't heard that part one, please go back to last week's episode. But today, for this week's discussion, what I'd like to explore is the impact of prolonged screen time and ask the tough question is there a propensity for pornography use at a younger age, the more our youth are on screens? It's a conversation every parent should be part of, and how is that affecting our youth today? Also, I'd like to then address next week in our next episode, the positive and negative impact screens are having on our teenagers, and does more screen time actually create more depression and anxiety? So stay tuned again and we will answer all of these questions.
Speaker 1:So back to Tony. So, tony, you've written a book called he's a Porn Addict Now what? And you've also developed an amazing program for men called the Path Back Program, and this program is for men who are struggling with pornography. So I believe that this is the plague of our century. Is pornography? Yeah, and I feel you're a highly qualified expert in this field who can answer this question and maybe give our listeners some great insight on how to navigate these tumultuous waters.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to hand it over to you, Tony.
Speaker 2:Okay, and I appreciate that and it's so interesting because that was never the thing I was going to focus on when I became a therapist. But I wanted to work with men and I was working for my church and then I was basically made aware that a lot of guys this was 20 years ago weren't coming into therapy but they were when they were struggling with and it just people just kind of refer to it as pornography addiction. There really isn't a diagnosis of pornography addiction. There's impulse control disorder, there's compulsive sexual behavior. So I often it's a mouthful, but I talk more about people turn into pornography as an unhealthy coping mechanism, and we'll kind of get into why I think that's important in a minute. But yeah, I think I've worked with maybe 15, 16, 1700 individuals that have struggled with pornography as a coping mechanism.
Speaker 2:And the book the book itself came out after there was a the coauthor, his name is Joshua Shea, and he had written a book about I forget. I think his first one was called something like the addiction nobody talks about, and so he was doing a book tour of it and and then he did about 60 or 70 interviews and and I guess we kind of clicked and so then he actually approached me and said I want to do this book where you play, I need an expert. And then he said and I'm the addict. And then we just had eight chapters worth of questions and then I answered him from the expert standpoint, he answered him from the addict standpoint and we didn't know what each other was going to say and it was really an interesting thing to then see how the book came together. But yeah, and I think it's a really good book, it's interesting, it came out right as COVID hit.
Speaker 1:And so then it just Probably a really good time actually.
Speaker 2:It was. I think it was, although we, you know I learned a lot about even books getting into libraries. That stopped and then, you know you, uh, people were not going into bookstores as much and then we didn't have the, the audio book or the Kindle version ready. I guess now I'm going into insider baseball about the publishing industry, but but the book itself is really good because, uh, I think it just really hits on. It hits on everything from the angle of the addict, the expert it talks about.
Speaker 2:We talk about betrayal, we talk about, um, early exposure to pornography, and and and just how that's continued to get younger and younger, and so, and I think I have a little bit of a different take, just in that I think there is so much shame around people looking at porn and I'm not trying to say it's not a problem, I'm with you, trisha, it's, it is a plague, and and and I think there's almost this part where, within the work that I do, it it same as like when I was talking earlier about the parenting being a long game dealing with, with people turning to pornography as a coping mechanism. Unfortunately, it's also a long game because it's one of these things that does hide in the shadows. There's a whole lot of, a whole lot of shame about it, and so, you know, a parent will often even turn a blind eye because they don't want to think that their kid could be looking at anything, and so they will just even often say, hey, you're not looking at Warren, are you Champ? If the kid says no, I'm not, then okay, well, good talk. And then the parent feels better, and then the kid just kind of feels maybe even worse like, okay, I just lied to my parents and I'm in this space the data was still, you know, people, that if there had been sexual trauma in childhood, then they were more likely to act out sexually in adulthood or look at sexually explicit material.
Speaker 2:But now, you know, the pornography has been around and so easily accessible long enough that now early exposure to pornography is considered that childhood trauma, so to speak. So then, the average age of exposure has just continued to get earlier and earlier. I think when I first started, we would say maybe 10 to 13. Now I've heard it's 8 to 11. And I even remember when it really felt it is right.
Speaker 2:I remember feeling like when the shift was even. It went from if your kid sees it, here's how you handle it to when your kid does yeah. Yeah, and so then it does really have to start. You have to start talking about these things earlier, which I get the, the almost the paradox of we want our kids to stay innocent and we don't want to think that we're going to bring even the idea of this, this stuff, into our home.
Speaker 3:The idea of this stuff into our home. Hey, Tony, what are some things that would help a parent kind of recognize when a person or what personality traits or things that are going on with a child that might lead them toward more pornography use as a coping mechanism?
Speaker 1:Actually, before you hit that question, I just want to ask so. So keep that question in mind. But do you think, first of all, that kids that are on screens earlier, do they have a propensity for pornography use?
Speaker 2:So I believe they do and I but I'm going to own the fact that I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't have the latest statistical data on that, but I would think it would be pretty safe to say that that would would be there because because just being on screens, whether it's through just random Google searches or pop up ads or that sort of thing, I mean they become sexualized because they do see scantily clad people and they see, you know, sex sells, and so you see a lot of things that are very highly sexual in advertisements sells, and so you see a lot of things that are very highly sexual in advertisements. And uh, and so you know, if a kid is on a really locked down screen, tablet, that sort of thing, when they're young, then they don't know what they don't know and they may not. You know, it might not be that way, but I think a lot of times people just give their kids access to a computer, a phone, a tablet, and they don't have, you know, they don't have filters or blocks, and so they just will say things like hey, let me know if you see anything bad, you know we can talk about it.
Speaker 1:And so I just think there's so much yeah, what do they know? The kids don't always know that what is bad they don't, they don't. And.
Speaker 2:I think that, and I just think that there's just so much or they're traumatized. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Kids are curious.
Speaker 2:They are curious. And then the dopamine dump. I mean, the book Atomic Habits is so fascinating it talks about that. We get a dopamine dump in just the anticipation of something, and so when people start to feel like they're seeing something that maybe is forbidden or they shouldn't, then they will start to feel anxious, they'll start to get a little bit of a dopamine rush, and so there's a lot of mixed signals that are going on, even in the developing kid's brain?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really is, and I want to really clarify here too that because I've got information when I talk with adults. If adults come into me and they're saying, should I have a filter or something like that, it never hurts. But then if somebody really wants to seek out inappropriate material there, they'll find ways around the filter as well. But I do think when you have a kid that it's it's not a bad idea to have some blocks and filters, because a lot of times it's just being able to start to put that pause in. I mean, if the kid's starting to try to find suggested material and then then then they can't. The here's the good news about the impulsivity of a kid is that then they may just like you know, all right, now I'm gonna go get a snack or something like that where. So building in that that that pause or break can be a really good thing. But I do think that it's so, yeah, when kids are on screens, more it, just it just they're going to have more access to the opportunity to see things that would be inappropriate, that would maybe lead them to be more curious, which is going to get them to get the little dopamine bump and the chemical rush, and so they're going to seek that out more.
Speaker 2:And oh, but, dr Jeff, your question was good. Oh, so, but I think that just parents really it's some of the basics of just it is a good idea to have the computer out in the room. It is a good idea to have kids check their phones in you know it is. There are programs out there that will, that will let you know what. Bark, that's a really good app for that. Yeah, I know Bark.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And here's the thing is that it is going to take some work from the parent, and I think so often it's just it's easier to just tell yourself that well, I don't think my kid's looking at that, because now I don't have to install anything, I don't have to ask them uncomfortable questions, and so it takes a lot of work from the parent, but it's their head in the sand, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really is, it really is. And here's something that I haven't really talked about enough I don't think in in my path back courses, for it's for adults and I love it, I stand behind it, always will, but I've never done anything with kids. And because the reality is and I think I just want to normalize this that the kids often don't really understand why they're not supposed to look at it or why it's bad, because a kid is, you know, they're so egocentric that to them, well, they'll never be the person that gets addicted and it isn't that big of a deal and they could stop whenever they want, and that's their immaturity. And so I think one of the fascinating things is, you know, that some of the youth programs for helping kids overcome pornography, I think, have a real challenge because the kid will go because they got caught and their parent says you need to do this, but it becomes almost like a checkbox item for them and it's not like they're really doing a deep introspective dive.
Speaker 1:So what do they need to do instead?
Speaker 2:Well, I think that what needs to happen is just it's more about the trying to build a little bit of that pause in, of having the ability to look at it, but just it really starts to be more about the parents having more open conversations or communication about hey, what are the things that you're seeing online and in mine? We would do that when we would have a family night discussion about pornography and it was a little bit easier because this is my job but I would talk about a book that's in our shared Kindle library you know about, about pornography in the brain or something like that. And then I recognize that I would say things like hey, when's the last time you saw it and how's it, how's it finding its way to you? Or are you, are your classmates, are they starting to share pornographic material and what's that like? And so just kind of coming at it from a place of curiosity, and you'll see the hesitation often in your own kids where they're thinking, okay, is this safe to talk about?
Speaker 2:And I think maybe my theme today is going back to the long game, because I have to know that I'm trying to establish a relationship of trust where they can tell me and then over time then I I'm gonna be able to really double down or share of communication yeah, exactly, because if I just want to tell them, well, you guys aren't doing that right, or man, I can't believe that kids are doing that and that's so bad, and now let me lecture you for 10 minutes about the evils of pornography, then all they're gonna do is say, okay, I thought I could talk to you about this, you know, and they're in in their mind, but they're just like oh, yeah, I, I, I will, I can never really open up to a parent about that, and that's, that's really, that's really difficult.
Speaker 1:So once the child opens up to the parent, you've got that open communication. What other steps can you give parents in helping their child navigate this area? Yeah, that is so hard.
Speaker 2:Well, it's such a good question too, because then I think, now, all of a sudden, the parent and I get it and bless their heart and it's, it's better than nothing. But where? Then they'll say you know, hey, how you doing, how are you struggling, or how's the? And all of a sudden the relationship is only about that and the parent and I get it Right. But I think so then it's like okay, back to this long game where I go back later and I tell them I'm so grateful that you talked about it and I'm really proud of you.
Speaker 2:And then, uh, now we, we just have to start creating more moments to spend time with our kids. And uh, and and this is where I think we've talked about it in previous episodes the one-on-one dates with kids. Or I talk about going and laying in my daughter's floor, her messy floor, and just talking about her day and asking her questions, and and, uh, you know, I really appreciate this episode because I think, the more that I'm saying this out loud it's it's really about a connection with your kid. Cause, if I go back to pornography as an unhealthy coping mechanism, so is vaping, so as phones, so so as TV, so as, uh, you know there can be a lot of of unhealthy coping mechanisms, food all kinds of things video games, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2:So many of those things that the kids are going to turn to and they all come from this place of feeling a lack of connection or not feeling heard or seen or understood or or that sort of thing.
Speaker 1:Right. Can I ask a quick question? Would you recommend that a parent, once they find out that you know their child is viewing pornography and they've had time to just address them do you think that it would be helpful for the parent to kind of go through what is happening to their brain and how it's changing with pornography? Use the dopamine dump? I mean, what do you think is important in this? Sometimes, when a child, I feel, understands what's happening, then they can choose other, they can make other choices. They then have a choice.
Speaker 2:And I think you're right. I just being super honest, trisha, I think that there's still such a you know, if the kid really isn't curious about why they're doing it, then they're just, they're listening to the parent because they just want to then get validation or alleviate their, their anxiety, and and so I I haven't seen a lot of um and I used to do a lot of teenage teenager therapy. I don't really do much more these days, but you know they don't want to talk about pornography.
Speaker 2:They don't want to talk about the yeah, they don't, they just they just because. Because I think if you really look at the way we show up when we're, when we're being pretty emotionally immature, is we really do believe when we say we won't do it again or we got caught or whatever. In that moment we really think, no, I, I get it now, like I, that's not. I mean because that's the reality of of working with individuals on a weekly basis that are trying to to overcome turning to porn as a healthy coping mechanism is they will, you know.
Speaker 2:They may have two weeks or three weeks of sobriety and feel like, no, I actually kind of do, got to figure it out now, until they don't. And then it's like in in the, in the men's group I often talk about okay, that happened, don't beat yourself up, don't go on a bender. Now let's review the game film what am I pretending not to know? And now turn to something of value, some value-based goal, and try to make a connection, cause over time you're going to have more and more times where you're, you're really connected to your, your friends, your family, your school, your hobbies, and then there will be times where there might be that setback and uh, and then it will just be this moment and it won't really be. It's not defining you and so. So I mean, if a kid was like saying hey, yeah, why do I do this? Or I wonder what the, the neuroscience says, but I, I gotta say I honestly haven't really ran into many okay, kids, but you talked about coping mechanism.
Speaker 1:Oh sorry you talked about coping mechanism tell us more about that and how you would direct them in a way that they can understand what that even means.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so. So when, like my men's program, I talk about these voids and people typically turn to porn when they don't feel connected to in their marriage or their or in their parenting, or their health or their faith or their career, that's kind of my big five voids. So then in the men's group or in my course, I really work on those things. So we're going to go find a a way to show up better in your relationships. Here's a parenting technique. Here's a way to deal with maybe somebody navigating a faith journey.
Speaker 2:Do you really like your work? And then are you getting regular exercise? And then what happens is the person starts to feel more of a sense of purpose, they feel more confident and then that desire to turn to any unhealthy coping mechanisms lessens because they're more engaged with their life. So when I look at that from a kid standpoint, and if I'm talking with a parent about it, then it really will be getting the kid involved in things. Is there a sport they like? Is there a club at school? Is there a cause? I think that is where kids just have so much time.
Speaker 1:I mean, how often we hear kids these days talk about yeah, and they talk about being bored.
Speaker 2:And I can't even tell you how often I will hear I mean even with adults or with kids where when you, if I, if I have a guy that's lost his job and he's really struggling with, uh, with turning to porn, and then he gets a new job, then all of a sudden he's like, actually I'm, it's not as big of a deal now and it's because you know it's that. Uh, well, it's the triggers I often say are not. Oh, the person sees a beautiful woman online. It's that they have, they're bored and they have the opportunity. And so I think so often that's the way the teenager lives these days. They're bored.
Speaker 1:They're looking for the next thing Crime time.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's good. Oh, I want to. I want to take that one from you. Crime time why have I not thought of that one? Okay, yeah, so. So then it's the.
Speaker 2:And I've had and I it's so funny, my brain is flooding right now with all the when I was doing more of the teenager therapy and having people.
Speaker 2:I remember a kid that that did. It was good at video games and his mom was taking him to Pokemon tournaments all around the area, and but then I've had somebody like they. They got into horseback riding, you know so there's so many different things that they were doing to then now give them a more of a sense of purpose that they were doing. To then now give them a more of a sense of purpose. Because if you've actually liked the things that you're doing in your life, then you're not just doing them in that moment that you have prescribed to do them. Like if this person going to horseback riding lessons now they're watching YouTube videos about horseback riding and they're watching, they're reading books about horses and they're you know so they're more engaged in life. So when you get people that actually care about the things they're doing and they feel better about themselves, they're more engaged with their community, then they're just going to feel better about themselves and they're going to not turn to those things as often.
Speaker 1:Excellent, Okay, fantastic. These are just. This is awesome information. So if you were to summarize, Tony, some key points that you would like to share with parents, what would they be?
Speaker 2:Well, I like the way you put it. Lovingly, let's get our heads out of the sand and it is going to be our opportunity to deal with our own discomfort and have conversations, and I might, you know, and even go go check the browser history, and if you don't know how, then then google it, look online ask your child ask your child hey champ take me through your browser history, I know, and then they'll see that like, oh, it's uh, we'll see there's nothing in the browser history.
Speaker 2:They must be innocent. It's like, oh, no, no, that's actually the opposite. Um it, right, but but it's like it really is just embracing the things that you don't know and maybe even taking it a step further and and recognizing there probably are a lot of things that I don't know, that I don't know, and so now this is my opportunity to be educated and there are plenty of podcasts out there and there are plenty of you know groups and things where people are talking about, about how to approach this subject. But the first thing is just awareness and I think when you look at that, the way we get out of our discomfort in the moment is just to go ask, hey, are you struggling with this? And the kid will say no, and we feel better.
Speaker 2:But if I approach it from a place of like, I don't even know, I don't even know what, I don't know, I don't know what to look for, I don't know what, find those signs and I think Dr Jeff mentioned earlier too maybe even some of the signs. I mean, they really are the stuff. If the kid seems more withdrawn if they're spending more time in their room, and that's where I think it often is up to the parent to try to get the kid more engaged and find things that they like to do. Because when a kid's really beating themselves up and isolating and feeling bad about themselves, if you say to them, hey, is there any sports you want to play or anything? No, they feel horrible about themselves. So they're not saying, oh, actually, I think I can ask you to enroll me in soccer, because they're just feeling like, no, I'm a bad person, you know, and I can't even talk about this.
Speaker 2:So a lot of times it's really up to the parent to then say, hey, let's, let's go play golf, or let's go on a run, or let's run to the store.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's where I think and I remember being a parent to young kids and I remember consciously thinking, if I'm running to a store, take a kid, even though I know it would be easier just to go myself, and it would be, I could listen to my podcast, I could do it, but it was like, okay, that wasn't the goal, so it would be, grab a kid and take them with you and and just really spend time. So I think a lot of that would be. This really is a parent thing currently to gather the data, get your head on the sand, deal with the discomfort and then really start to understand how to communicate and spend more time with my kid and not make it just about the pornography but about the connection.
Speaker 3:Perfect. Thank you very much for that.
Speaker 1:That is awesome. Well, I just want to thank Tony Overbay for being here with us. He just had some gems of wisdom. That was just amazing. Thank you so much, and I also want to thank all of you for joining us on the Q&A Files. We hope you found today's discussion helpful and inspiring. If you have any questions or topics you'd like us to cover, feel free to reach out to us via email at trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom, and don't forget to hit subscribe rate and review our podcast. Until next time, keep celebrating those parenting victories, no matter how small, and stay curious. Thank you so much, everyone. We'll see you next week.
Speaker 2:Thanks everybody, Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thanks for tuning in to the Q&A Files, Delighted to share today's gems of wisdom with you. Your questions light up our show, fueling the engaging dialogues that make our community extra special. Keep sending your questions to trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom. Your curiosity is our compass. Please hit subscribe, spread the word and let's grow the circle of insight and community together. I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off. Stay curious, keep thriving and keep smiling, and I'll catch you on the next episode.
