The Q&A Files
The Q&A Files drops A Wellness Explosion
💥 BOOM! Attention Wellness Warriors. The game changer you have been waiting for is finally here. Say hello to “The Q&A Files,” where wellness meets revolution and your questions lead to new discoveries. Spearheaded by Trisha Jamison, your host, a Board Certified Functional Nutritionist. Cohost Dr. Jeff Jamison, a Board Certified Family Physician, and featured guest, Tony Overbay, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. This podcast blends three diverse perspectives to tackle your questions on health, nutrition, medicine, mental wellness, and relationships. Dive into a world of expert insights and actionable advice, all sparked by your curiosity. Tune in, ignite your wellness journey, and join the Wellness Warrior community.
The Q&A Files
27. Creating a Balanced Life with Family Fun and Busy Work Schedules
How do you juggle a demanding job and a thriving family life without pulling your hair out? Join us on this heartwarming episode of the Q&A Files as Trisha, Dr. Jeff and Tony share personal stories and practical advice on striking that elusive work-life balance. Discover the secret to enriching your daily routine with fun and joy. Learn how these seemingly simple moments can alleviate stress and foster stronger family bonds, offering you a much-needed respite from your hectic schedule.
From creative solutions for childcare to planning those essential date nights, we tackle the complexities of maintaining a healthy relationship while managing family demands. Listen as we explore effective communication strategies, the importance of setting boundaries, and how physical exercise can become a cherished family activity. This episode is packed with actionable tips to shift your focus from competitive busyness to cooperative joy, ensuring you and your loved ones thrive together. Whether you're struggling with job satisfaction or searching for ways to carve out personal downtime, this episode offers invaluable insights for achieving a harmonious home environment.
Questions? email us at trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com
So welcome, friends, to another episode of the Q&A Files. I've got my two amazing co-hosts with me today, dr Jeff and Tony.
Speaker 2:Thank, you so much for being here today, gentlemen.
Speaker 1:So let's kick things off with some celebrations. And now, for those listening, I want you to take a minute and just think about something that's going right in your life. So often, we just focus on the things that are we're falling short on or things that we're not doing well, but I want you to think about what you're celebrating, what things are going well in your life, and appreciate the positives and acknowledge them. So, gentlemen, what's going right and well in your life today?
Speaker 3:You think, you think I would think about this. I know Tony like how long have we been doing this? Yeah?
Speaker 1:I know man. Well, the last couple of times we've been talking about parenting tips.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, through a little monkey wrench in there.
Speaker 2:After Jeff, do you have anything? Okay, yep, I can do, I can go, okay, well, my, my celebration right now is looking back on our trip to Mexico. Trisha and I just got back from Mexico and we had a wonderful time Such an enjoyable time and my celebration is being able to spend about 10 days with Trisha without any real distractions.
Speaker 3:And that was just wonderful.
Speaker 2:It was so nice to have her to myself and not having people pulling her this way, and that especially family. Not that I don't love the family too, that's not it at all but there are stressors, and of course there are stressors on me as well, in my physician office that I have to do an awful lot of dividing my time as well. So it was so nice to be able to concentrate on each other and our relationship.
Speaker 3:That's awesome, so good. Yes, it's a marriage therapist approved. I approve that message. Yep, exactly I guess I would. I mean, I'm going to continue to celebrate that I pulled off a move and I have my kids in my house and we have a grandbaby and just watching that little guy, How's that going.
Speaker 3:I'm still watching a bit from, I think, afar, because I just didn't realize. I don't remember being as clumsy with the little babies when we had them. But it's like I hold him and he wiggles around a bunch of stuff and then somebody else wants to grab him who can make him calm down. So I'm excited for when he gets a little bit older, but but it's just fun to see that happening in the house?
Speaker 1:yeah, is anybody getting sleep?
Speaker 3:uh, I don't think so. Yeah, yeah he's. He's five weeks old, so I think it's gonna be a little little while and it's most likely.
Speaker 2:It's almost always a mom problem when the kids don't sleep, rude, they don't like hearing that, but it's usually true.
Speaker 3:Well, it's funny, I've got a client of mine that's like I mentioned before, getting his PhD in epigenetics and studies trauma in childhood, and I talked to him. He had a new baby recently and I just said how hard is that to not think that everything that you're doing is impacting the potential epigenetic profile of this little kid? And he just said, oh, I think about it all the time, and almost to a fault, because then I think he's showing up anxious, which is going to impact.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, and I don't think that babies at the you know five weeks are going to sleep through the night. No, so I don at the you know five weeks are going to sleep through the night.
Speaker 2:No, really, so I don't think that that's quite the mom's, certainly not through the night.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, okay, so my celebration too is just the fun we had in mexico and just how we got to really get to know each other all over again and just it was. It was very magical, super fun no fair use in my celebration.
Speaker 1:I well, I'm up with your own piggybacking on it well and I think just it took me about three days to really calm down and chill out once you were there, yeah yes, from a wedding and getting the house up and all the crazy things that were going on, and so jeff would just say just just stop, just be, still calm down, will you? And and then I did, and now I'm back here and I need to get you know things rolling and and it's like I just want to sit down my book out, and it's like no, I've got stuff to do now, but yeah, no, it was so great, it was awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, all right. So let's dive into today's topic with a question from one of our listeners and this is Josh and he says my wife and I listened to your podcast and we are loving them. Thank you for what you're doing, and I'd like to ask a question. My wife and I have very demanding jobs and two young kids. We're struggling to balance our work commitments with family time. We are feeling constantly drained and noticing our family interactions are becoming more and more strained. Any advice? So first of all, just thank you, Josh. Thank you for your nice comments, thank you for listening to our podcast and especially for asking your questions. So we totally get it.
Speaker 1:Life can feel like it's a never-ending juggling act is what I'm trying to say and there's just a lot of balls flying in the air. So let's see how we can combine some of our thoughts and ideas to help bring a little bit more balance into your life. So, first off, what I was thinking about is fun. Let's talk about bringing back the fun. I am all about fun. Think about what do you and your wife enjoy Sometimes, when we get so crazy with when life happens and you just that takes a back seat.
Speaker 1:So how can you start to re-engage and focus on what brings you both joy and the more that you can think about activities that even you once loved to do, to even new activities. That's what I want you to kind of think about is just bringing back some of those simple things, and it could be watching a movie together your favorite show or going for a hike, or having a date night, and just even planning a weekend, a getaway to recharge your batteries, just kind of like Jeff and I did recently. Those kinds of things just really allow you to foster your relationship and just help bring down that stress and I hopefully can make a difference as well. So I have some other thoughts, but you know I'm going to hand it over to you both.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's really hard to do when the kids are small, and that's a that's a big.
Speaker 2:Trying to balance all of that when you've got small children and maybe you're not even close to family or others that might be able to watch this child or the children while you take a weekend or even a date night. There's a lot of complicating factors in that, and so this takes some planning, and so that's going to be my advice on this is to plan for it, and there are a lot of people who feel like, oh no, I just couldn't trust my children to anyone else because something bad might happen. Well, you know what Life is risky, and sometimes you got to take the good with the bad. But at the same time, do your due diligence to make sure your children are protected. The vast majority of people that a person might get their kids watched by or are going to do just fine, and so making sure that you do your due diligence is a big part of that. But do your planning, do it ahead of time so it's not a rush at the time, and then go and enjoy.
Speaker 1:The one thing that I was going to say with that is when we didn't have money, when we were back in medical schools, we would trade, we had some friends and we would trade babysitting, and so there definitely are support systems out there that could be helpful, and there's a lot of people in the same boat. But I appreciate that comment because I think that when your children are young it is hard to find that time and especially if they're both working, probably the last thing they want to do is spend time away from them, you know and so that. But you, to foster a relationship, you do need to have that time together for sure I believe you have to come from a position of strength on that yeah and we also, you know.
Speaker 2:The other thing to consider is the whole balance piece, and you have to really look at your finances. You have to look at your job satisfaction issues. You have to make sure that you know is it really right to do what you're doing and are there maybe some adjustments that need to be made?
Speaker 3:Does one of you need to go part-time?
Speaker 2:Do you really need the money that you're bringing in, or is there a problem with one of the jobs and you actually need to upgrade your job to be able to make more, so your family can? These are all things that you have to evaluate as you're working through this.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Because you can get so overburdened by the trying to charge after a dollar. And right now it's as bad as it's ever been to try and make a living in our environment.
Speaker 1:And it probably takes two people yeah often it does.
Speaker 2:So figuring out if there's a way to make it so that only one person has to work, or one would work part-time so that you don't have to spend so much money in childcare, or I don't know. I just think that there's so many variables here that every person has got to really take a good hard look at their lives and making sure they balance it, Otherwise it will fall apart.
Speaker 3:I think you see right with what you're talking about there, dr, jeff, why people didn't kick the can down the road pretty far and don't deal with it, because it does start. It's like thinking all I want to do is go on a date. Now, all of a sudden, I'm looking at my career path, you know, and we have to do budgeting and we have to, but I mean, I think that's that's. The reality is that we got to start by knowing where we're at, where we're at financially, getting on the same page of is it a childcare issue? Is it a trading issue? Is it a yeah? So it is funny because, trisha, you're so right, go have fun. And then when people are saying yeah, but, and then here comes all the yeah buts and they're pretty deep, so maybe it's uh, the goal is to get to that place of fun, but we might have to knock down a bunch of yeah buts on the way there, which will be good for your marriage. To know where you're at with that then, because before you said what you said, dr jeff, I was like trying to. I was trying to compose some thought about um, I will often have people that it's almost like they're competing with each other about how busy they are, and and and I sometimes just say I'm going to envelop the entire relationship with it You're both busy, so we don't have to compete about it anymore.
Speaker 3:Because then I don't know if you've ever felt this, but it's when somebody comes in, walks in the room and the spouse is maybe playing a game on their phone and all of a sudden they quickly get out of that game because they don't want to be caught not doing something, because they've been saying I'm so busy, so well, if you're so busy, why would you be doing that? And then people are almost like having this, uh, picking apart what each other are doing, because they want to feel like I'm the busiest one there's. So there's so many layers here before we can even get to the fun yeah, and then they weaponize it too, yep yeah, yeah well and and fun doesn't always have to take money, you know.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think it's also, it could be an attitude, just looking up it's interesting.
Speaker 3:Can I say something trisha? Because?
Speaker 1:this is.
Speaker 3:I was talking to uh somebody yesterday and they were saying because they they once were did financially very well and now they're not, and they were saying that he was pretty funny. He said, uh, he said the people that say that, uh, money doesn't buy you happiness, are the people that have plenty of money. And I thought that was kind of interesting because you're so spot on, because I can think back at the times where it was the dollar ice cream cone at McDonald's go walk around the park. But at those times it was hard to have fun doing that because I was finding myself thinking man, I would sure like to be doing other things other than going and getting a dollar ice cream cone and walking around a park at McDonald's. Like to be doing other things other than going and getting a dollar ice cream cone and walking around and parking McDonald's. You know cause? My kid would still be saying stuff like hey, why can't we do the go-karts or why can't we go to the you know whatever?
Speaker 2:And I'm like hey, this is fun. When we were in medical school, we spent a lot of time dreaming.
Speaker 1:We did.
Speaker 2:And so you know, okay, we have an opportunity, we know that it's going to get better, and so one of our favorite things that cost us absolutely no money at all is we would go and look at recreational vehicles, motorhomes things like that you know when we're in a place where we can, we want to see what's available. So we'd go and tour these and you know, the salespeople were just so thrilled to have us there and they'd show us all the cool things and we'd spend a whole date night just doing that and we just talk about the places we were going to go and it was really fun.
Speaker 1:So I think, when I mean there was a time that it was really hard. Life was really hard as a medical student, not having any money for years and years and years, and we just would spend that time sitting in the backyard with you know bowl of ice cream, watching what's a grass grow. Yeah, no, no, no. Well, I guess we were in our living room. What was the? Not Star Wars, but Star Trek.
Speaker 3:Star Trek with our bowl of ice cream. I was going to say that we would go to tour model homes.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 3:I, we would. We would go to tour model homes. I love that. We would go tour them all the time and walk through the different models and you know, I love that. That motivated me and I think it's kind of what you're speaking of. I think we were dreaming, yeah.
Speaker 2:I think it's really important for people to have goals and dreams, and something like that really does help. Okay, here's kind of where I want to be. How can I build myself to that place? And that's one of the things I think a lot of people have problems with right now is they want the affluence now? Now? And so just like you know, you can turn on your computer and google whatever information you want and get immediate response. Well, that doesn't always happen. In fact, it very rarely happens with finances.
Speaker 1:And so this takes a lot of planning and work and dedication.
Speaker 2:There's a saying that says that if you really want to get good at something, it's going to take you 10,000 hours. So, how long is 10,000 hours? That's a long time, a long time. So you got to really work at something in order to get really good at it.
Speaker 1:Very good, those are excellent. Well, a couple of the things that come to mind for me when I think about just kind of preparing for the week and that is planning out your meals, preparing your meals, and you know, for people that are working full time, you know it saves a lot of time during those crazy work days and it assures your family is going to eat more healthy meals. Plus, something that Jeff brought up earlier in the last couple episodes is he talked about having at least one meal together daily and you know that helps strengthen those family bonds and provide a consistent time for connection. And when Jeff was especially well, actually most of his career we've had to eat late because of the time that he would get home and it was hard and that's not something that I'd really advocate for, but it's something that worked for our family because I wanted to make sure that we did eat one meal a day and it was usually just before the kids went to bed, but it was important and our kids still remember that. So that is something that you know we we did as a family, and so you got to do what works for for your family.
Speaker 1:Any other thoughts?
Speaker 2:There are times I have to admit that during my medical career, I felt that wrongly so that my work although I'm doing my work in order to maintain and make sure my family is taken care of I kind of had a self-centered feeling that what I did was more important than anything else that anybody else did. Really, I know, definitely, and so that is a, and I kind of weaponize that at times and I can see where a person might think well, my job's more important than your job. And if that's going on and you're weaponizing your job against each other, then I just refrain you from doing that. It doesn't help anything. It makes one person feel superior and the other person inferior, and your marriage should be a partnership, not a dictatorship.
Speaker 1:Very, very good.
Speaker 1:Those are some key things to remember and I think physical exercise can be such a benefit and those are things you could take your kids on, you could take them for a walk, you can take family for a bike ride, you can do things together so that doesn't cost money.
Speaker 1:And if you don't have bikes, maybe borrow a neighbor's bike or something. And I think sometimes when we're over worked we get burned out and I think that just taking some breaks during the day, taking a little downtime and especially men they need cave time so one of the things that I think was a I think it was a challenge for me at first, but it's like Jeff had come home from already being late busy day and then you know he needed to just unwind. And so just giving him that time to unwind and sometimes that was hard when the kids were needing to go to bed and and he just had so stressed out from a full day's work of patient care, it was hard. So he was struggling too to kind of bring himself down and just put his dad hat on and take off his work hat. But I think that that's where we have to work together and formulate a plan and allow different things to take place within your family.
Speaker 2:I think right, there is where the rubber meets the road.
Speaker 2:You know, there are times that you have to just put aside your cave time in order to take care of family time first, and then you know, get your cave time or your relaxing time, and that's. There are some days you can't. Sometimes you have to take what you need at the moment because everything's overwhelmed. But making sure that you communicate your needs to your partner is hugely important, and if you don't communicate and you just expect, then there will develop resentment from that. So communicate, communicate, communicate.
Speaker 3:Well, it's funny what I appreciate about you saying that when, when Tricia was saying sometimes we need a cave time, and I grunted like a cave man and I was saying, man, I like hearing that. And then I was sitting there having a moment of thinking. How often though, if you're, you know, you're the only one that really knows how you feel, and and I have had plenty of people in my office who have really opened up about sometimes, you know they're that needing that time to decompress when they get home is is almost like this story that their brain has told them forever, because they just don't want to deal with all the things at home, cause that's not where they're getting validated. That's maybe where they feel a little more overwhelmed. They don't feel as yeah and so.
Speaker 3:I've tried to, yeah because I've tried to have you can even set. I remember the first guy that he set a time location-based reminder on his phone, pulling in the driveway to say ask, wife, how can I help? Because he would typically come in and just either just disappear or just kind of make demands, and so that just, and then that one had a really nice impact because he would think about the fact that it's going to remind him and a lot of times when he came in he felt a lot more grounded and so I think, uh, it is funny because I'm, you know, I've got a new office in arizona, but I've been working more from home still and I do find that it's wild to just walk out into the kitchen and be done, because I'm used to, even even if it's a 10 or 15 minute drive home, to get grounded in a sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah yeah, that's a built-in pause for it. Yeah, I really like that and it's something that I've needed as well to be able to shift gears and take off my work hat and put on my dad or husband or whatever hat that I need to at home and to remind myself okay, I'm not in charge here at home.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's something that you know is, you know, I, I spend my whole day being in charge of everything, yeah Right. And to walk into a place where I'm clearly not in charge and the kids, you know whatever's gone on with the kids, I don't know what's happened and I can't make snap decisions and judgments by what I see, and so that's where the communication with Tricia has been really helpful. When I first come home Okay, what do you need? What's happened? How can I help? Where can I insert myself and be a positive? Where otherwise I could and have made myself quite a problem just by coming home? Exactly, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it already. I think for a lot of women. They already feel stress because it's like you want to make sure that dinner's ready, you want to make sure that the house is clean, launders, everything's put together and there's days that that can't happen.
Speaker 2:It's been a hard day. They're working too Well especially if they're working.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think exactly what you're talking about, jeff and Tony. It's just open communication is key, you know, making it a habit to check in with each other regularly, talk about your schedules, your feelings and any concerns that you may have things that are coming up to the week, rituals, your feelings and any concerns that you may have things that are coming up through the week that is going to be so imperative to make sure that. So, if things are, you're feeling that disconnect. What are you not talking about? What are you not hearing the other person tell you, or what are you not wanting to know?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would say, have you? Have you set it up so that then they don't feel like they can share, right?
Speaker 2:That's what I see a lot, and I think that we've lost some of our defined roles, and so it means it's really important to make sure you have some stated roles. Okay, and so each partner in this, in your whether it's a marriage relationship or not make sure that you know what the expectations are for you when you walk in the door. Or you know, if you're the one that's in charge of laundry but you can't get it done. Ask for help. If you're the one that's in charge of dinner and you are late, you're running late and you're going to need some help getting that taken care of. Ask for help. Don't just say you know when you walk in the door and the husband is sitting on the couch reading or looking at his phone and the dinner's not done, and if you haven't said anything that I need help with this, then you you're both to blame on that.
Speaker 2:He should have said something about okay, how can I help with dinner? And you should have said you know I'm running late, can you help me?
Speaker 3:I love, I love that Jeff just like look how modern he was there, where he was like sitting on the couch reading the looking at his phone, that was impressive. I was ready for that it's a quick switch. It's good, it's well done, yeah.
Speaker 1:But it's true, I mean sharing the responsibility can significantly reduce the burden of both of you and this promotes the teamwork and ensures that everyone contributes. And it's also you're able to focus on quality time rather than quantity, and so you may have short bursts of undistracted time together that can also strengthen your family bond. Engaging in those activities are going to be really, really, you know, important coming up and I think also setting boundaries, setting work boundaries and setting family boundaries. And so it's like when you're home, what can you do to make sure that you're home, you're putting in that, that home hat on your head and you're able to really designate certain hours as family time and then the other hours during the week or day as work related activities. So I think that that might be helpful. Hopefully any other thoughts, gentlemen?
Speaker 3:I love where this went. Yeah, yeah, we went a lot of different directions, yeah.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I loved it. So, josh, and to all our listeners in similar situations, by focusing on bringing back the fun, your meal planning, managing stress, setting boundaries, ensuring open communication, you can create a more harmonious and supportive family environment, even though you have very busy schedules. So I just, you know, hand that off to all those that are working hard and are in a lot of the same situations. It's hard, and we know that life is hard, so we commend all of those out there that are working so hard to make your life better. But that's all for us today on the Q&A files. But remember to celebrate the small wins and take proactive steps to maintain a healthy balance in your lives. Thanks for joining us and thank you, dr Jeff and Tony, for your invaluable insights. Until next week, take care and well Thanks everybody, thanks everybody.
