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If you've ever felt like an impostor, struggled with insecurities or battled your inner critic, then this podcast is for you, embrace humility and gain access to your real self by unlocking the power within you.
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So here's your host, Dimple Bindra.
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Welcome everyone to one more episode of our podcast today where we spotlight Janine Rashidi, a beacon in trauma healing and a pioneer in creating pathways to recovery through her own arduous journey, overcoming sexual physical, mental and emotional abuse and early motherhood challenges.
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Janine emerged as a transformative figure as an Iri, the doctor in training and founder of Goodbye Tension.
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She's dedicated over two decades to aiding others in achieving physical mental, emotional and digestive, well being author of the Best selling Abundance Beyond Trauma.
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Janine introduces the revolutionary adhere process that we'll be talking about guiding you to mend the disconnect between heart and mind caused by trauma with a 25 year battle against PTSD.
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Fueling her mission.
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She now focuses on generational healing driven by the conviction that healed people, heal people.
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Janine's story is one of resilience, hope and the power of healing to inspire change.
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Welcome to the show, Janine, I'm so honored.
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You're here with us today.
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Thank you Temple.
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It is an honor to be on your show, Janine when we talk about betrayal.
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And I know that's your topic.
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It really hits deep.
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So what's your take on why it leaves us feeling so emotionally wrecked?
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Well, that's a really great question.
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You know, what happens is we have certain needs that we depend on others for.
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So when you consider, let's say childhood, our childhood, we all need to be seen, heard, loved and accepted.
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And obviously our basic needs provided for right, food, shelter, et cetera.
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What happens is and I, I truly believe this is that, you know, wounded people when they have not tended to their own wounds, they tend to wound others.
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And so when a child experience is betrayal, it's usually either those basic needs have not been met by somebody that they depend on or they've been abandoned.
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So they're not feeling seen, they're not feeling heard, they're not feeling loved, they're not feeling accepted.
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So it's when any of those needs are not being met, there's a feeling of betrayal that can come from that.
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Now, the other thing to take into consideration is not everyone who has, let's say the same experience.
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If you take two people, let's say they had the same experience, 1 may feel they were betrayed, the other may not.
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And that's because our minds are so unique to us.
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So tell me a little bit about that.
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So same experience happening to two different people.
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What actually feels like they got cheated on the other, the other person just moves on with their life.
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Why does that happen?
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Well, it, it has to do with our perception.
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You use the example of,, cheated, being cheated on.
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So if we use that example, let's take,, two people who've had a partner who cheats on them.
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One partner sees it as a betrayal.
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The other partner sees it as just something that the other person, you know, did experience but they didn't take it personal part of it is the taking of it.
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That's personal.
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So when you personalize somebody else's actions, then it becomes a lot more painful.
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Hm.
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Ok.
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And I'm definitely sure that we are going to talk a lot about this topic of betrayal trauma.
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Let's say a child that their needs are not met.
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They grow up to be adults and now teenage crush or their first love they get cheated on and then their 2nd, 3rd, 4th love, they get cheated on again.
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Like why does this happen?
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Why does that child whose needs are unmet?
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They don't know about it that their needs are unmet, but they grow up to becoming adults and in adulthood, they get betrayed again and again and again, why do we attract such partners?
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That's the, that's essentially what is residing within them.
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So if, if our first interaction or understanding of relationship is with our parents.
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That's usually where we learn about relationship.
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Right?
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And if one or both parents does something to betray the child through any type of abuse, physical, mental, emotional, psychological, sexual, we depend on our parents.
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If there's nobody else to depend on or if we don't know any better because we only know what we're taught.
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Right.
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And what's familiar, then we will learn to accept that.
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That's just how it is.
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So now we're growing up and we're like, well, we're accepting that we have to accept the hurt in order to get the needs met.
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So now we take that into our adulthood.
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Well, whats your experience so far?
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Betrayal?
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Now, you may not know that it's betrayal but you have these wounds.
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So now everything about your being is these wounds and what are you gonna be attracted to?
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What's familiar because you don't know any different.
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Now, you know, logically that you want something different, you don't wanna have that same experience, let's say that you had with your parents.
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But if you don't know any different, you can't attract any different.
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And this is why I, you know, take very seriously that we have to create a relationship with ourselves first by looking at those wounds in order to attract and be attracted to healthier relationships.
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Otherwise, we will keep repeating the same pattern going into relationships where we are betrayed, you know, and it's happening on both sides of the spectrum, whoever the partner was that was, you know, coming in and attracted too, they've also had their own issues, you know.
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So that, that's the dynamic that's happening.
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And let's say if the betrayal is not really coming from the parents directly to the child, but it's actually happening within the family where maybe the child is witnessing the parents betraying each other.
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Same thing.
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Is it the same thing?
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The thing because you're observing it, right?
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So if you're like, oh, well, mom and dad, this is how they behave well, unless you know, different, that's what you believe is the way to behave.
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And even in that case, the child can attract betrayers in their life.
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It is likely because that's what's familiar unless they know that, that, you know, dysfunction or that wound is there and they're willing to look at it and heal it.
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And that's not the case for everyone, right?
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Like the same two Children could actually come out of the same family, witness things completely different and have completely different adulthood.
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1 may, you know, ha be carrying that betrayal trauma and then attract that type of partner or be attracted to the other.
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1 may go in the completely opposite direction because again, it has to do with the perception that we each uniquely individually have.
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and our mental resiliency.
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Mhm.
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Thank you.
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Thanks for sharing that.
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So, I'm curious how does betrayal trauma feel different when it comes from someone close, like a parent or a friend compared to say a colleague or within a religious community.
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Well, one is much deeper right minds are still being shaped as we're growing up.
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So the psychological damage that can happen as a child I feel has more of an impact.
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Not to say that one is not to compare trauma in any way.
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However, since you use the example of the like religious organization, we see this often in cults where there is a dependency on the religious leader or the guru, you know, whatever the verbiage is that, that resonates for you and it's no different.
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It is this complete surrender to this person that you will take care of me and I'm gonna completely depend on you.
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But even that mindset feels very childlike.
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If you think about it, you're just gonna give somebody else the all of the control for your life a surrender.
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I think we should be questioning that.
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Absolutely.
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I totally agree.
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I mean, in fact, you know, I'm not ashamed of saying that I followed a teacher for so long and he was literally a cult leader.
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And all of my behaviors were, hey, you are my savior, you're my mom, you're my dad, you're everyone for me and whatever you say, I'm just gonna do it.
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And even though my soul would question a lot of things that he would tell me to do or believe in.
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But my mind would say no, you have no family.
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He is the person you need to be dependent on this guy.
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And then long story short, what happens is obviously when you follow such cult leaders, what do they do?
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They betray you, they betray you.
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recent divorce was because of something like that.
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He truly believed himself to be of that status.
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And I believed that for quite some time And then I started questioning things because certain statements were made and I challenged those and it was clear to me that the supposed gifts that were proclaimed were not actually there.
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And then I realized, oh my goodness, I'm in another dysfunctional relationship again.
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But, and you said it, you, you, you were very clear, you said I want you to be my savior.
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Well, that's what we're looking for.
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We're looking to be saved.
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But then I would, I would ask you if you were looking to be saved, why were you looking to be saved?
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It probably went back to your childhood.
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Why else do we end up in those areas of life anyway?
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We are looking for answers.
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We're looking to be saved.
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We're looking to have our needs taken care of.
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And so when you're sitting there in front of the, you know, religious leader or the guru, he's saying, oh, I'm, you know, I'm your everything and now you're like, ok, I can just let go and I can depend on this person.
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I, I think the biggest, you know, piece of advice I would say is question everything, no matter what, question everything.
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If a person is sitting in front of you in the human form, we are all human.
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Period.
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Exactly.
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Even though we have divine like qualities, but it doesn't make you God and doesn't make you divine because you're human.
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I love that.
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So I know that betrayal, you know, they, it comes in so many forms it can come from lying to cheating on somebody to maybe just checking out someone's Instagram post or like watching pornography.
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How do these different kinds of betrayals mess with our ability to trust and like stay emotionally stable.
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Well, you start to question what we're experiencing, right?
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So let's say someone is withholding money or hiding money.
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Ok?
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Now you suspected it, you dare to ask, is it true?
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And then that person isn't honest with you, right?
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And you want so bad to believe that they're being honest with you because nobody wants to be lied to and nobody wants to come face to face with the fact that they may be living with somebody who is dishonest because of that desire.
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We betray ourselves in order to keep that, you know, story alive that no, this person would never do that to me.
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Then once we finally realize, wait a minute, we've been betrayed on a deeper level.
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Yes, you have been betrayed by that person, but you first betrayed yourself, which brings me back to the relationship that we have with ourselves.
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Because when you feel solid about who you are and the different experiences that your mind, body, soul will give you to let you know something's not quite right, that gut instinct, the moment you don't listen to it, guess what?
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You betrayed yourself.
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What you're really upset about is that you betrayed yourself and we stayed in that situation, right?
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And that can be very tricky for people to hear.
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But I come from now two very incredibly dysfunctional relationships plus my upbringing, you know, and the more work that I continue to do on myself, I realized, wow, the blessing that's coming from all of this is that I'm getting to know parts of myself that were talking to me the whole time, but I, I didn't know how to listen to them, right?
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And that there are more of them are coming into integration.
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I am less likely to end up in those situations again.
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And I am more likely to attract people that are healthier within, you know, into my life.
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So you talked about, you know, we betraying ourselves and obviously, it's not the other betrayer who betrayed us.
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But you know, parts of us already told us or our intuition, our heart, our spirit told us, hey, this is not the right person for you or this, you know, or go the other way around.
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It gave us these little tiny messages which we did not listen to.
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But how else does a person who's been betrayed to?
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How else does a person really betray themselves?
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What are the forms?
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, well, let's see.
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Let's use something basic like what we choose to eat.
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So your mind, it has desire.
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Right?
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So you are desiring.
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I don't know a piece of chocolate right now.
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Let's say you have diabetes.
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Mhm If you choose to eat that chocolate cake, you are definitely betraying a part of yourself because you already know that's gonna spike your blood sugar and it's not gonna be good.
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So instead of making the right choice, you're letting desire take over and you're now choosing, you know, the the desired object.
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And that's often where we get into trouble is we don't stop and think and ask ourselves.
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And again, this is question everything.
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Why am I choosing to eat that?
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Why am I choosing to go do such behavior?
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You know, whatever it is we need to start at be asking ourselves these questions so that we're not betraying ourselves, right?
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Maybe you're just on autopilot, maybe you're just doing what your parents did, your grandparents did, you know, and a lot of us do walk through life that way.
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And so I'm, you know what I'm proposing is I'm, I'm challenging people, bring more consciousness into your life, slow down and ask yourself, why do I keep going towards those type of people.
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What am I not seeing here?
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Right.
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Why do I continue to eat all the sugary things if I'm diabetic when I know it's not good for me?
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Hm.
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I love that.
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Thank you.
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So basically you're suggesting question everything, bring consciousness to your life and slow down so that you can really question why you're doing what you're doing.
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And in the end, hopefully you'll find out that you're betraying yourself and that's why other people are betraying you too.
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Yeah.
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So I know it's super, super, super crazy how betrayal can lead to everything from panic attacks to sleepless nights and then overeating or even physical pain.
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Why do you think the impact is so broad and intense?
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Well, because we all process these experiences differently.
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Being somebody who has specialized in integrated body work for the last two decades, the body doesn't lie.
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So when the body has pain, there's always a story there and it's fascinating what the story ends up being and it's unique to each person.
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And it also goes back to how we process information.
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So two people could have the same types, type of betrayal, trauma or any type of trauma for that matter and it will show up differently for each person.
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Yeah.
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Thank you.
16:34
Thank you for letting me know.
16:35
This actually leads me to my next question, which is how our relationship with our parents shapes our future relationships is what you talked about earlier.
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So could you share your thoughts on how childhood betrayal affects us later in life?
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What are some examples?
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Well, the the most basic example would be who we end up being more attracted to if we've not had any other experience?
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Because it's familiar.
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So I can use, you know, my, my own personal experience, there was a lot that every type of abuse that was possible, pretty much happened in my childhood with my parents towards siblings.
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And so then as we grew older, the first relationship that I got into was very similar, almost textbook to what I grew up in.
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That's all I knew.
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Right.
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Then when I finally got out of that, there was another relationship and actually that one wasn't, that wasn't a bad partner at all.
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But I took on more than I could.
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He had three kids.
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I had two kids, everyone had their, their issues and it was, it was too much.
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And so there was an agreement that, you know, that, that this is too much for us to do.
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And so that was more of a healthier separation.
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And then as I healed, you know, I noticed that the next partner that came, it looked different, it was not as traumatizing in some aspects, but it had more of the psychological trauma that came in.
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And so then that just kind of pointed out.
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All right, Janine, you've done really well with moving on an upward trajectory as far as coming out of that betrayal energy.
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But there's still more work to do.
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And it, it happened on every level because what I experienced was the physical, mental, emotional, psychological and sexual, right?
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And so until we're willing to look at the part of us that is still in that trauma trigger time loop experience, which is something I reference in my book where we are stuck in that moment of abuse and betrayal.
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So we need to go in and we need to find those parts.
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We need to give them a different experience.
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We can't just push them away because the more you push, they get pushed down into the subconscious.
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And then all of a sudden we are having actions and behaviors that we either don't remember or we're not quite sure how that happened because we end up on autopilot.
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You know, they're speaking through us all the time.
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Wow, this is deep stuff.
19:04
So you're saying the next time, if a person is having a panic attack, they need to literally sit down with themselves and then question themselves.
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And why are they having the panic attack is what I usually suggest to my clients who go through anxiety and panic attacks.
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And I'll say, all right, you know, sit with yourself and understand what's going on, keep asking what's going on and sometimes their body will give them the answers that this is coming from not external situation, current external situation, but it's coming from something in your past and which often leads to something in their childhood.
19:39
But coming from a betrayal trauma expert like you, you're suggesting almost the same thing, am I right?
19:46
Very similar.
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However, if somebody is truly having a panic attack, like they can't breathe, they're not going to be able to question their mind is not going to be able to handle that because their whole system is in that fight or flight mode, it's, it's, you know, overdrive.
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So what I did was I created the I'm triggered pocket guide because I would get triggered so often.
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And I thought people need to have tools.
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So the first thing you need to get under control is your breath and your body is actually giving you the signal.
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It's telling you if you're hyperventilating, your breath is not flowing in the direction that it needs to.
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Now, wherever the breath goes, the mind follows.
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So your most powerful tool that you have and it's also the most forgotten is your breath.
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So when somebody is having a panic attack, the whole the biggest thing you want them to understand is to shift their breathing.
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Now, if they're already hyperventilating, if telling them to take a deep breath could actually panic them more.
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Yeah, you usually wanna do.
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I suggest two quick inhales and a long exhale.
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So you're trying to catch the breath to slow it down and you'd have them keep doing that until they feel like they can finally slow down that rhythm.
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And you really want to wait until that person feels like, ok, I'm actually out of the panic mode because you really can't think when you're in panic mode, once you're on the other side of that, then you can look deeper.
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And so part of the trauma guide that I created were the first three steps of what to do when you get triggered, which would be, you know, when you're panicked.
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If you're having anxiety, you know, any of those things trigger, it's just the word that I use.
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And then steps four through 10, take you deeper into looking at how that even happened in the first place.
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What's the deeper wound or message that's coming through?
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But the first three steps alone will get you out, which is stop, don't make any decisions.
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And obviously, if you're having a panic attack, you can't, you don't want to make decisions because you may change the direction of your life.
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You want to get the breath under control.
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The second one is you want to keep your eyes moving.
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So I suggest that you try to find three objects that are preferably out in nature.
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But let's say you're not out in nature.
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So I would see the plant, I would look at a cup of water maybe a flower because anything living has consciousness and its present.
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The idea is keep the eyes moving so that you're not in that frozen state, especially when you panic.
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And then the last one is to ask yourself, who are my well wishers who can you think of that will calm you down?
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That it's an inspiration to you or that you completely trust in your worst moments.
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Usually those three steps and you're, you're trying to get your breath under control through those three things that will calm you down so that you can then decide, are you ready to look at why that happened?
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Not everybody can do that right away.
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The looking at it, maybe you want to come back to it.
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You know, each person is uniquely different.
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I love that.
22:36
So breathing is step one.
22:39
Number two is you need to keep moving your eyes and look at something.
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The first one is to stop.
22:45
Oh Yeah, stop.
22:47
and then breathe and then breathe and then eyes movement.
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So keep moving your eyes and look at something which is nature oriented or trees or flowers, butterflies, whatever you can see.
22:58
Number four is to bring on the images or maybe the presence of someone you really truly believe in that you trust it could be divine energy, anything, anything being so calm.
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Because the idea is if you can have an image or a memory or a experience of someone or something that makes you feel safe, it will calm down the panic mode that's happening within your body.
23:21
I love that.
23:22
Thank you.
23:22
Our audience is gonna love this, this step by step approach to if they ever feel panic attack or anxiety coming up for them within their body.
23:30
So for someone who's never really seen a healthy relationship up close, how and they start to find and keep good healthy relationship as an adult.
23:41
Like for example, like me and I just want to share this a bit on this, on this podcast that growing up, I think the first person that really betrayed my trust would be my uncle, my dad's brother.
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And then the second person that would betray my trust is like, again, some random uncle that might again my dad's friend.
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So I was, and then the third, so every time it's always someone from my dad's side or friend or a brother mostly was that.
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And then I grew up as an adult and as I was in my relation, my first relationship, my second relationship, everyone's betraying my trust.
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And so I haven't seen what a healthy relationship should be like.
24:22
So help us Janine.
24:25
Well, that's also my experience too.
24:27
And, you know, experience is the highest form of knowledge.
24:30
So if you've had the experience and you've already said it very clearly, you already know, ok, you don't have the experiences of a healthy relationship yet what I discovered through my own journey was that I had to keep, and I continued to keep working on myself so that I'm not betraying myself first and foremost, what that does is it changes your vibration and you know what you're sending out to the universe essentially.
24:56
Now, if you want an idea of what is a healthy relationship, just start researching on your own, find, you know, relationships that clearly have made an impact on other people's lives that you could look up to.
25:08
Right.
25:09
That would be 11 way.
25:11
, what I did growing up that let me know that my relationships at home were very different than, like my friends was just observing the parent, my parent or my friends', parents.
25:24
I noticed they behave differently,, other friends in their marriages, they didn't have the same issues that I was having and I started asking, well, why?
25:34
Obviously there's something different, right?
25:37
So you just need to try to educate yourself as much as possible.
25:39
But the most important thing is you have to be true to you first.
25:43
We're all human.
25:44
So on any given day, somebody is gonna do something that may not feel good for you.
25:51
Right.
25:52
But once you recognize that we're all working from our wounds, right?
25:58
When you do enough work on yourself and you're always doing work, right?
26:02
It's not like it ends, there's always the subtleties to it, it just gets better and you get, you know what it becomes more of a habit.
26:11
Once you are doing that work and you have a great relationship with yourself, you are not going to step into the same dynamic.
26:19
So when it comes to like romantic relationships, what's the first thing that happens all about euphoria?
26:23
It's the new relationship.
26:25
We're gonna live happily ever after.
26:27
If you think it's a happily ever after, I want you to question that.
26:31
Be real.
26:32
Right?
26:33
We're all human now.
26:35
We're try trying to bring our humanness and their humanness together and we're trying to figure that out.
26:39
Somebody's gonna hurt somebody and it's not always intentional, right?
26:43
So we need to also have more compassion, compassion for ourselves, what we're bringing into the situation, compassion for the other, you know, and if it's truly a situation where there was true intent, that's a little bit different.
26:56
But I think in general most people are just working with what, what they have, right?
27:00
And not everybody is gonna do the deep in our work.
27:03
And you'll know that early on in a relationship.
27:06
I I started dating about a year and a half ago and I met someone last year.
27:13
And one of the first questions I asked him was, are you in therapy?
27:19
He said yes, twice a week.
27:21
And I thought great, we can, we can continue, we can have dinner up until that point.
27:26
I never asked anyone that question, you know, and that's just the question that worked for me.
27:31
You know, and we just, so we just celebrated our one year anniversary.
27:34
And so far this is the healthiest relationship that I have experienced.
27:38
But I assure you I am bringing stuff and I, so I'm taking it very slow, I'm noticing.
27:43
Oh, wait, no, I gotta work on this part of me because I'm now projecting my stuff.
27:48
You know, it has the same wisdom too.
27:49
So it's a, that's the other thing.
27:51
find a partner that you can openly talk about these things with, right?
27:57
You're gonna be much more successful that way.
27:59
You know, I love that.
28:00
Yeah, I love that.
28:01
Thank you.
28:02
I'm really interested in your adhere process.
28:06
Could you please give me a quick rundown on what is, what is that about?
28:10
How did you create it?
28:12
What does that even stand for?
28:13
I would love to know and I'm sure our audience would love to know.
28:16
So over the last two decades of my practice, what I noticed was happening at the early stages of my practice was people just started talking to me about their trauma.
28:27
Now, they didn't know my story yet.
28:28
And I questioned like, well, who am I to help anyone?
28:32
I'm trying to heal myself and this negating of myself and my own ability to support others was part of my own betrayal.
28:42
And once I realized, wait a minute, Jeanine, you actually are the perfect person to help somebody because you've had the experience.
28:49
So there's a relatability, right?
28:52
But I can only help somebody to the point of which I've helped myself, which is why the work continues.
28:57
So here we are 20 years and I'm asking certain questions and there's not necessarily an intention around what exactly I'm doing.
29:06
People, I, at the time I was a massage therapist.
29:09
, you know, people were having their emotional releases and I thought, OK, I need more tools.
29:13
And so I just started educating myself so I could bring in more tools.
29:17
Well, what I eventually came to was there's something that's continually happening on a regular basis.
29:22
There's certain steps that I'm naturally following and but there was no name to this.
29:27
Well, a couple of years ago, actually, when I wrote my book, I woke up at 3 a.m. and I saw the, the acronym E DH Ir but I heard it as it here.
29:37
So I looked at the definition of the word that we understand to be ed here and when you look at the pronunciation and how to say it, it's E DH Ir mhm I said, oh my God, this is it, this is to be to be true to, to represent truthfully you are adhering to yourself.
29:52
So the adhere process, it stands for an acronym, explore, discover, heal, integrate and relate nice.
30:01
The first step is exploring what happened to you.
30:04
What are the thoughts that are continually circling around in your head?
30:08
What are the moments where you continually close off your heart in an attempt to feel safe.
30:13
What are some of the symptoms that you're having?
30:15
Do you have panic attacks?
30:16
Do you have nightmares?
30:17
You know, this is all that's the explore phase.
30:21
Then what happens is the next phase is discover, discovering the parts of yourself that had this experience most of the time, it will go back to a younger age.
30:33
And once you discover those parts of yourself, then, you know, oh, those are the parts I need to heal, which is step three.
30:40
So what I usually do is I will take people through more of a, a deep, I don't want to call it a meditation.
30:47
But in a way it is where I'm using my voice and I'm having them use their breath to relax their body first, right?
30:54
Because then they'll feel safe, they'll feel supported, they'll feel grounded and then I have them go to wherever their safe space is.
31:02
So, one of the women that I look up to, her name is Amanda Lindhout.
31:09
She was a or she's a Canadian journalist.
31:12
She was kidnapped and tortured in Somalia.
31:15
She wrote a book called The House In the Sky.
31:18
What she did was in the midst of her, basically her torture, she harnessed the power of her mind and she created the house in the sky where she could go to while these things were happening.
31:30
Well, this was something I had learned already to do as a child.
31:33
I thought I just lived in a fantasy world most of the time, right?
31:37
But that was my safe space.
31:39
Now, we all have a safe space.
31:41
The process you bring in the part that you discovered into your safe space.
31:46
Now, this is your domain, which means nobody can hurt any part of you there, this is all you.
31:53
And then what you do is you get big, you get so big that you can see a 360 degree view of the situation of this.
32:02
You know, essentially it could be your inner child.
32:04
We'll say that for the for this example, so that you can see what's going on.
32:08
Now, what this also is doing is it's raising the consciousness, you're trying to tap into that higher self, right?
32:13
Where you can see more of the situation versus being in it and identified with it.
32:19
So as you look at this part of yourself, the point is then to look at, well, what is this part of you need?
32:25
And you already actually know what you need because you know what you didn't get.
32:28
Yeah.
32:28
And so if someone you know, is in office or on the online, you may need to ask certain questions just to get them to figure out what they need.
32:37
But if the information is there, then a dialogue needs to be created between the you, the bigger you and the you that is needing to be healed so that you can take full responsibility for that part of you.
32:50
What you're doing at this point is you're pulling that part of you out of the trauma, trigger time loop experience.
32:56
And you're about to he to offer them all the healing that they need, give them everything that they didn't get.
33:01
And then you want to make a commitment.
33:02
And that commitment is, I promise I am never leaving you here in that trauma, trigger time loop experience again, that right there helps heal the betrayal, the inner betrayal where you disconnected from yourself from that experience of, you know, childhood.
33:20
And when it happened in childhood, that disconnect that was the, the psyche's way of coping with it.
33:25
That's a normal thing.
33:27
So now here you are, you're giving yourself everything that you need.
33:29
You're making this commitment and each individual will know it will just feel like, wow, I've said all the things I need to say, I've, you know, a lot, most people will have some sort of emotional response and you want that right?
33:41
You want a cleansing to happen and then there'll just be a, a sense or a feeling of there's no more to say here.
33:49
So then the next phase is integrate and usually what I'll ask the client to do is hold hands.
33:56
But that part of you look deeply into each other's eyes and match your breath and you keep doing that until the two of you become one.
34:04
Mhm.
34:05
So, now you've taken that healed part of you and you've brought it into the present part of you and now, you know, bringing them out of that nice, deep relaxed state slowly and then relate, well, it's gonna take time for you to get to know well, who are you now?
34:20
Right there is more of you available but you don't know who you are yet.
34:24
You knew who you were with a part of you that was disconnected and having these experiences.
34:29
But now what happens when that part of you is healed and a part of you?
34:32
And that's where the abundance comes in.
34:35
And is that how you figured out your book?
34:39
Which is a abundance beyond trauma?
34:43
Nice.
34:43
I would love to know more about your book.
34:46
Why did you write it?
34:48
And how can we, we'll get to that in a minute after you tell us what got you really convinced or motivated to invite that book.
34:56
realizing that I was in yet another essentially abusive relationship.
35:02
It was very psychologically and emotionally abusive.
35:05
And COVID happened.
35:07
So here I was, I found myself not being able to see clients and now I'm stuck at home and I was like, the first thought was survival.
35:17
How am I going to make income?
35:19
So, when I did research, you know, I realized, well, people who tend to write books are usually an authority in their topic.
35:27
And I thought, well, maybe I'll write a book.
35:30
And,, so I woke up again 3 a.m. and looked at my phone.
35:35
We're not supposed to do that, but that's what I did.
35:38
And on Facebook it said, write your book or write you the outline for your book in 24 hours.
35:43
And I thought I could do that.
35:44
Investment was $7.
35:46
Ok.
35:47
So did that.
35:48
And I felt very successful.
35:49
So I hopped on a call with a school called self publishing school.
35:52
And they, you know, essentially I signed up, they took me through the whole process.
35:56
And what I realized was, I had a lot of things I wanted to share.
36:00
But what was also happening was I needed to remember all of the things I had already overcome.
36:06
I needed to remember all of the support that I bring into my practice, you know, because I was in a situation where I felt incredibly broken down, especially my, my self esteem, right?
36:19
And so as I began writing, I was healing more and it just kept coming, you know, and there were times where I'd wake up like at, you know, odd hours and the spark of inspiration would come and I would just start writing again, you know, and the name didn't come until after the book was written.
36:38
Nice.
36:39
Yeah, that is a beautiful story.
36:41
I love that.
36:42
I love that moment of inspiration that we all actually get especially night time, but most of us just go back to sleep.
36:49
But then some of us wake up and take that inspired action right in that moment.
36:53
And I think it's all timing that the universe is saying hello, wake up here is your answer?
36:58
That's great.
37:00
That brings me to my next question, which is you talked about.
37:04
I'm triggered pocket guide.
37:06
It sounds super useful.
37:08
What is it about?
37:09
And how does it help people dealing with betrayal trauma.
37:14
So it's designed for any type of trauma.
37:16
Some people may identify with betrayal trauma.
37:18
Some people may not identify with that words, you know, words are really powerful.
37:22
So basically, it's anything that gets you that grabs you and pulls you out of the present moment, right?
37:29
So myself, I was somebody who was living constantly in a triggered state.
37:35
And when I finally was no longer in a triggered state, that's when I realized I want people to have tools because I really wish I had tools at certain points in my life.
37:44
And I didn't.
37:45
So it's a 10 step process that will the first three steps will pull you out of a triggered state to help you come back to the present moment and then steps four through 10 will help you dive deeper using the adhere process and also how to test out whether or not the healing you just did worked, you know.
38:04
So I just described the adhere process at the end of a session before I have them come out of that deep relaxed state.
38:10
I will have them go back to the moment of whatever the trigger or activation was to see.
38:15
Do they still get triggered?
38:17
If they don't, then you can bring them out.
38:20
But if they are still triggered, you need to go back and do it again.
38:23
Something else is still sitting there that needs to be looked at.
38:26
So always test it, right?
38:28
I mean, this is the relationship with yourself.
38:30
You deserve this.
38:32
And essentially what happens is each time you heal a part of yourself, there's more of you available, right?
38:38
More that we heal our inner Children.
38:40
And this is what I've learned being a grandmother, I love to play, but I only love to play because my inner Children are sitting now within me, feeling loved and supported and that it's safe to play.
38:53
Right?
38:54
Yeah.
38:54
And I think that we will have, I, I think I feel we will have a healthier world if we are courageous enough to do our own inner healing, which then will, you know, affect our relationships and those will have their journey.
39:08
Maybe, maybe you stay in a relationship, maybe you, you're in a different one.
39:11
You know, everyone's journey looks different.
39:13
And then those healthier relationships go out into the community, communities become healthier and then the world becomes healthier.
39:19
But it begins with us.
39:22
Exactly.
39:23
Trigger pocket guide is and actually people can get that for free on my website.
39:28
Yes.
39:28
Please let us know where can our audience go to get the trigger pocket guide?
39:35
It's goodbye.
39:36
Tension.com.
39:37
Oh, I love that name.
39:38
Goodbye.
39:39
Tension.
39:39
So it's goo DB Ye tension.com.
39:42
Amazing Janine.
39:44
It was a pleasure talking to you.
39:46
This was a great conversation.
39:47
I'm sure that people will understand why they are in that situation where they have gotten betrayed and what they need to do, what steps they need to do to heal.
39:58
Thank you so much for being on our show.
40:00
I loved having you here and any last words for us.
40:05
Yeah, something that just popped up that I want to make sure to say if you're in a situation and you know that it's not healthy.
40:14
This whole process is not about excusing the behavior of the person that abused you.
40:19
This is all about self empowerment because of abuse that you have experienced.
40:25
So I just wanna make sure that that's clear.
40:26
So even though you, you know, there's the inner betrayal that's happening that is taking you to the attraction of others who may do the same, it does not let the person off the hook it frees your heart.
40:36
So you're not carrying the resentment.
40:38
That's what it's doing.
40:40
Wow.
40:41
Yeah.
40:42
And if you want to be like me, then simply walk out of the door.
40:45
That's what I did in my first marriage.
40:47
I literally walk out of the door, pick my stuff.
40:49
I'm like, goodbye and, and sometimes, and, and then I was like, all right now I need to heal, you know, because it kept on showing up again and again and again.
40:58
But I'm sure our audience when they're listening to Janine and they can figure out what is some of the things that they need to look at.
41:06
She has given us practical steps, go get her guide, get her book A B so I keep messing this up.
41:13
But Abundance Beyond Trauma, abundance Beyond Trauma on Amazon Right?
41:17
Fit.
41:17
And it also has an accompanying workbook.
41:19
The Abundance Beyond Trauma workbook, which will break things down even further.
41:23
So you can even identify down to the, you know, mist particle the moment you got triggered.
41:29
Thank you.
41:30
And for all of our listeners always remember, metamorphosis, not medication.
41:36
No, must stay.
41:37
I must stay.
41:45
So that's it for today's episode of Supercharge Your Soul's Transformation.
41:50
Head on over to itunes or wherever you listen to podcasts and subscribe to the show.
41:55
One lucky listener every single week that post a review on itunes will win a chance in the grand prize drawing of a $15,000 value private VIP day with Dimple Bindra herself.
42:07
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