#3 Reasons to Stay Alive

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Hey there, welcome to the Mental Refuge podcast. Here we talk all things mental health and Christianity. I am your host, Angela McDonald. I run my website, The Mental Refuge, where I talk about my own personal struggles, mental illness, while also being a Christian and a mom of two. And I help others by giving tips and tricks on what has helped me. To be clear, this is my story. I personally live with bipolar disorder and live with anxiety, so I know what it's like to go through the trenches of life and to feel alone. My goal is to bring you weekly tips and education on how to thrive with your mental health while giving you real examples from my own life and also provide you with a much needed dose of Jesus. I hope you stick around and stay a while. Welcome to episode three of the mental refuge podcast. If you are watching this on YouTube. I just got my haircut a few days ago and this a little bit more blonder than I'm used to. Um, but it's still cute. You might see me playing with my hair a little bit more than usual. So that's why. Also, I think I want to start off each episode. With something that's making me happy. So right now, what is making me very happy is I have on a brand new Snoopy t-shirt. If you can, if you're on YouTube, you can look at it. He's laying on his dog house has pinks and purples and yellows in it. And I just love Snoopy. Um, my son who is nine is actually the one who loves Snoopy. And so he gets so excited whenever I wear Snoopy. Uh, t-shirts socks, anything like that? I have a note pad, all sorts of stuff. So. That is what is making me happy right now. So like I said, I want to start off each episode, being grateful, being thankful. And letting you guys know something, that's making me happy. So if you are on YouTube, if you're watching this. Leave me a comment. What is making you happy today? So for today, I'm really excited about this tool that I'm going to share with you guys. I am all about learning different types of tools to improve our mental health. And I think this is one of the best things that we can do for ourselves slip. Go ahead and dive in. So last week I told a story about when my husband had a stroke. And I related it to our mental health recovery, and also how they were as power and staying. If you haven't listened to that episode yet, be sure to listen to it because this is kind of like a part two to that episode. If you will. So at the end of last week's episode, I told you guys that if I had ended my life. Years ago, or even weeks or months ago, I would have missed out on all of these things I would have missed out on my daughter's laugh and the permanent dimple that is now on my son's cheek, underneath his eyes. I listed out so many things and there are many more things and people that I would have missed out on. So say, I'm going to share with you guys a list. This is a tool that you will, that you can tuck away into your tool belt. I call it the reasons to stay alive list. So short version, as you can guess. Is the list that I have, and it lists out all the reasons why I should stay alive. So these are things that haven't happened yet. But I know that they probably will happen and I for sure don't want to miss them by any means. It is for the future stuff. Now my husband was the inspiration for this list. I don't even know if he knows that. Uh, when our son was an infant, I was going through a terrible bout of postpartum depression. Which I now know is the beginning of bipolar disorder coming out. And I just absolutely hate it life. I wasn't necessarily wanting to take my own life back then. Um, it happened a couple of years later after my daughter was born, but I did constantly have dark thoughts. Um, and so my husband encouraged me to write out a list. Now that list back then was titled things I love about my son. I was really struggling with connecting with him when he was born. And so he encouraged me to make that list. I'll probably go over that in full detail. Another day, probably. When we talk about maternal mental health, but for right now, it morphed over the years. And right now my list is called the reasons to stay alive list. So. About the list. It started out as an actual tangible list that was on a piece of paper. And sometimes I held it up. I hung it up on my refrigerator. Other times I carried it around. In my purse or my book bag or wherever. Uh, or my diaper bag or anywhere like that. Um, now it looks like an app that is on my phone. So I use the notes app that automatically comes on my iPhone. And I literally have the list typed out bullet point by bullet point. So I literally have it in my pocket at all times where I can see it whenever I need to. I have very easy access to it. Sometimes I look at it. If I'm in a depressive episode, And if I really need to get out of that funk, other times, I just solely look at it because I want to refresh it. And it also makes me thankful for what I have, and it makes me thankful for the future. And thankful and hopeful that I will see these things happen in my lifetime so last week we talked about what I would've missed out on. So things that have already happened. This week, we're talking about things that we don't want to miss out on and are yet to come. So they're in their future. Are you with me? So, let me give you my list so that you can get some inspiration. So here it is in no particular order. I literally just typed them out as I think about them. My reasons to stay alive, include. I want to stay alive so I can help my daughter put on her wedding dress and watch her put on makeup. I want to help my daughter pick out her prom dress. I have such vivid memories of my mom going with me to pick out my senior prom dress. And I want those memories. For me and my daughter as well. I want to watch my son and daughter play more seasons of sports. I should also note that I think they may be close to being out of their sports careers. Maybe not our daughter, but definitely our son. So I actually wrote this one a long time ago. So this could be something that I could potentially erase. I want to live so I can take them to Disney world and to Harry Potter world at universal. I didn't. That's going to be so much fun. I want to see who my kids fall in love with. I think that will be so exciting. I want to build our dream home. I put that on our list a long time ago. We have since moved. Um, it is not our dream home, but I can see where we can definitely turn this home that we live in now into our dream home. And I'm excited to see it all come together. And to just see basically Pinterest boards come to life. I'm so excited to see that happen. I went to have more sleepovers in our living room. We love to have sleep over on a random night. I want to read and highlight more of my Bibles that I can pass it along to my daughter. I went to go to Nashville with TJ, my husband, and I want to buy some cowgirl boots. I want to watch TJ find his dream and flourish in his career. I want to go on an island or a Caribbean vacation of some sort. I want to watch my kids ride a big rollercoaster, like a legit big rollercoaster. I want to show my kids, the Sandlot, one of the best movies ever. I want to watch every single episode of the office again I want to walk the mile high bridge in North Carolina. I want to watch my dog Benny grow up. I want to watch Hocus Pocus. Again, I love that movie. I want to live so I can hear and watch a, another summer thunderstorm. I went to live so I can potentially be a grandmother. And the most important to me, which I did say for last year, intentionally, I want to witness while I'm here on this earth. I want to stay alive so I can watch my kids. No, and accept Christ and be baptized. So I want you to notice that these don't have to be big, huge items. Obviously there's some big ones on my list. Like, I want to have my kids know Christ and see that also want to go on big vacations. But I also put on there though, I'm buying some cowgirl boots. So that's a nostalgia thing for me side note, because I've been to Nashville several times. I've been with my mom a few times. I've been with some friends back in college. Um, and I bought some cowgirl boots, which I loved, but I can't fit into them anymore. So I would love to create a new memory shed my husband around Nashville, which I'm sure it's changed drastically in the past 10 years. And I walked. I want to buy some new Calgary boots and I want to watch every episode of the office. Again, even something like watching Hocus Pocus it get, I love Hocus Pocus. I love it. And that's one of those things where yeah, it's on Disney plus, and I can watch it whenever I want to, but there's something just so special about watching it in October when it comes on freeform and you just watch it in October and no other time, something is simple. And as stupid as that may seem, I want to live. To see another October so that I can watch Hocus Pocus. And Halloween town and all of the classic ones so it doesn't have to be these big, huge major things. Because there's a big chance that I'll never go on a big, fancy vacation. I've never been to Disney in my life. I've never been on a Caribbean vacation or anything like that but I put it on my list because those are things I genuinely want to do. I want to do those things before I die. And I have the hope deep down inside of me that we will absolutely be able to say for those big ticket items and get to go one day. Even if it's 15 years from now. And I put those small things in there. Like watching a show or a movie because it's something small that it's 100% attainable. And it makes me happy. I live in North Carolina, which means we have a ton of summer thunderstorms. There is a 100% guarantee that if I live to see another summer, while here in North Carolina, I'll get to see and hear and smell that thunderstorm. Even if for just one more time. And I want to live for that. I don't want to take my own life because I don't want to miss out on these things. Everything from the vacations to the shows, I want to watch to my kids' lives to huge events, watching them fall in love and potentially get married and have kids. I want to live for all of it. So after I've crafted this list over the years, I know for a fact. That I will never ever take my own life. Because I have tons of reasons to stay alive. And I know you do too. And lots more that aren't even listed and have yet to be discovered. That's the beautiful thing about this list is that it is an ongoing list. If something happens in one day, I get to go to Disney world or Harry Potter world. Take my kids with me. I'm going to cross it off the list and move it to the. Reasons why. I'm glad that I stayed, that we talked about last week. But for now, I can keep adding onto that list whenever I want to. It's a beautiful thing. It is continual. Now, this is what you're going to do with the list. You are going to read it daily? Yes. Daley, you need to know this list. Like it is your best friend, because if you're like me, You're probably struggling with your mental health or, you know, someone who is, and when you're in that really deep, dark pit and you see no way out, think again, pull out this list either physically or mentally. Pull it out and reread it. When you're at your width end and you have a bottle of pills staring at you and enticing, you read this list. Over and over and over again, until you can climb your way out of that pit. You have so much to live for. Sometimes we need reminders of that, that we have so much to live for. My challenge for you this week for today is to write out your very own reasons to stay alive list. Think of all of the big and exciting things that you want to do. Maybe you want to go to Italy or Spain? Maybe you want to move into your dream home? Maybe you want to adopt. Or maybe it's something simple. Like you want to watch the snow fall again. Or see snow for the very first time. Or you want to live simply because you just want to eat a big bowl of chocolate ice cream, even if it's just for one more time. Whatever it may be. Write it down, put it where you will see it daily. And have easy access to it. You might want to put it on the notes app on your phone. Like I do. However you do it. Just do it. Lord. I thank you so much for every single person listening to this who has stayed. And I thank you for giving us many reasons to stay alive. Even reasons that may seem silly to others. God, thank you for this beautiful life that we have. And for reminding us that our lives aren't over yet. May we go about our day and keep our lists in the back of our minds at all times, so that when we are in a dark pit, We have many reasons to climb back up. Amen. Now, if you want to see a physical copy of the reasons to stay alive list, I highly recommend you take a look at the rescued and restored workbook. This is a 65 page downloadable mental health workbook that is filled with worksheets prompts and scripture to read and times of depression and anxiety. And yes, this includes your very own reasons to stay alive list for you to fill up with all the things. It is jam packed with stuff and I don't want you to miss out on it. Simply head on over to the mental refuge.com. And you can find the rescued and restored workbook under the shop tab and be sure to enter in the code podcast at checkout to get 15% off. I really hope you enjoy today's episode. I know it was short and sweet. If you will, please leave a review of this podcast. It really helps spread the word to others and believe it or not. It actually makes it visible so that others can find it. I hope you have a great rest of your week. Talk to you soon.