#9 No One's Checking Up On Me!

Transcript

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Hey there, welcome to the Mental Refuge podcast. Here we talk all things mental health and Christianity. I am your host, Angela McDonald. I run my website, The Mental Refuge, where I talk about my own personal struggles, mental illness, while also being a Christian and a mom of two. And I help others by giving tips and tricks on what has helped me. To be clear, this is my story. I personally live with bipolar disorder and live with anxiety, so I know what it's like to go through the trenches of life and to feel alone. My goal is to bring you weekly tips and education on how to thrive with your mental health while giving you real examples from my own life and also provide you with a much needed dose of Jesus. I hope you stick around and stay a while. Welcome to the latest episode. Guys, I'm excited about today's episode because I'm going to talk about some things that we can do when we disclose our mental health issues or mental illness. To our friends, family, coworkers, or whoever and they don't check up on us. I really hope this hasn't happened to you, but the reality is that it happens more often than not. We finally disclose to our loved ones that we have a mental illness. And then they never check up on us. It can really make us feel alone and isolated and honestly, not quite sure what to do. But first, let's start our day with a little bit of happiness, because I believe that when we are thankful for the little things in life, then it can make us just a little bit happier. Even being 1% happier is better than nothing. Right. So today I am thankful for health. I've been sick this past week. I have been sick for about five days now, but the nasty summit bug and it has been no fun whatsoever. Zero out of 10 recommend. But even though I was going through that and the pain with it all. I'm so thankful that I'm on the upswing as I'm recording this. And as of today, at least our kids haven't gotten sick. Knock on wood. So I'm thankful for probiotics and liquid Ivy, modern medicine, all of the things I think even when we are physically sick and in the dumps, if we look for something to be thankful for. I have an attitude of gratitude, then it can really change our perspective on life. Okay, so let's dive on into today's episode. Backstory real quick. I have disclosed my mental illness to various people over the years. Two family members, my bosses, my coworkers throughout the years. People at previous church that we used to attend quite a few people, actually, it's not like nobody knows. So, first of all, if you have disclosed your mental health issues with people who are close to you, I just want you to know that I am proud of you. It takes a bravery to be able to be so vulnerable, to open up like that, to your loved ones. And if you haven't, I completely get it too. I hit my mental illness, my bipolar disorder for so long. No one knew except for my husband. So I completely get that too. So even if you haven't ever disclosed your mental illness to those around you keep listening because you can still follow these tips. Okay. So I have found over the years that virtually no one who knows about my bipolar disorder has ever sat down and asked me how I am. No one asks if I'm handling my mood swings. Okay. And my managing my symptoms. How is my family handling all of it? I've had one person asked me those questions and that person is one of my friends who also has bipolar disorder. And obviously my husband, but no one outside of that. Now I also have chronic migraines, meaning that I get on average four migraines a week and they can truly be debilitating depending on how severe they are. They sometimes make me throw up. I always need to have an ice pack for my forehead and my essential oil roller ball. And of course my medication to get rid of the migraine when I'm actively having one. And I have been on an infusion since the spring of last year. So right at a year now. Which acts is a preventive medication. So as cut them down drastically to an average of having one a week now instead of four, so a great improvement. But you wouldn't believe how many people have so much sympathy for my migraines, which I'm thankful for, by the way. So many people have asked me, how are you feeling today? When was the last time you had a migraine? When do you get another infusion done? Does the infusion hurt? What medications have you tried? You know, my mom just had a migraine. What works for you? Maybe I can give her some tips. I've had people ask me every single one of these questions, but no one asks me about my mental illness, except for my friend who also has a mental illness. And it really makes me wonder why. Especially for those people that I've told at a previous church that we attended. We attended this church for a few years and we're pretty active in our small group. And one night we were taking turns, praying. And it was just us girls and I finally felt comfortable sharing. I don't know why I felt comfortable sharing, but I did. I opened up with tears in my eyes. And I shared that I have bipolar disorder and that I see a psychiatrist and take medication and go to therapy. And I was just asking for prayer in general surrounding it. I was in a really depressive episode during that time. You should have seen the look on some of their faces. Some of them looked like a deer in the headlights. Some of them look like they were just zoned out and not listening. And two people genuinely looked like they were interested and made eye contact with me. Not at their heads look like they genuinely cared. One of them was going to school to become a therapist. And the other was in med school to actually become a psychiatrist. So maybe that's why I felt comfortable sharing in that small group. But afterwards. Not one person said. Wow. Thank you for sharing. No one gave me a hug afterwards. No one mentioned it ever again. It was a okay, well, let's move on. And the next person prayed. And I cried on the way home that night. A lot. And even though this was years ago, it still bugs me. I still think about it from time to time and it just bugs me. Christians. Hear me out. We are a church. We are supposed to be the literal hands and feet of Jesus. But few of us actually follow through. Y. Is it just too uncomfortable or does no one just not care enough to try. The lack of other's interest in my personal wellbeing makes me think that I should just disappear. I know that that is extreme thinking, catastrophic thinking, like we talked about a few episodes ago, but I think no one checks up on me. It's not like I would be missed by anyone. I know that this is my mental illness talking. But I can't help to feel this way when no one seems to take the effort to even care. So what can we do ourselves? Us who have a mental illness? What can we do? How can we change our mind, shift into thinking I am who I am and they can take me or leave me. You will find that you feel better about yourself in your mental illness. If you keep the following pointers in mind. So first we are going to focus on what is going right. Stop negative thoughts in its tracks and identify one positive thing that has happened recently, no matter how small and if you can't think of something positive, try to focus your attention on something that you are excited about in the future. Like I say, in every episode I start off each episode with something that is making me happy. I do this because I want to have that attitude of gratitude, but I also do it because of incentive dwelling on the downs. They never call me. They never asked me how I am. They never blank, blank, blank. I can control what good I see in my life. I can control that. So I will forever be thankful and try to find happiness around me. The second thing that I can do is notice others. Guys. This is an episode. Number one, be a, noticer be an observer. When you see someone else who looks like they're struggling, help them out. It takes a lot of effort to help others when your inner about yourself, but you will feel better about yourself afterwards. It's amazing how big your heart can swell up with joy when you help someone other than yourself. So, if you haven't listened to that one, go back and listen to episode. Number one. Be a noticer. The third thing we can do is pray for someone in your church to be friend. Be specific about what you were looking for. New friend, someone who will listen to you and not judge you, someone who will keep tabs on you. Someone who will encourage you price specific prayers for what you are looking for in a friend. I am so, so glad that I now have a friend and she happens to be a coworker of mine. Now who checks up on me. And I check up on her. I prayed for so long to meet someone in person that I knew in real life, not just on the internet, Instagram or anything. Who had the same mental illnesses, me bipolar. And I'm so thankful for all of those past prayers that I prayed for someone like her to come into my life. And we can also read scripture throughout our day to encourage us that we're not alone. This is probably the absolute best tip that I want you to take away. Ask God to heal your broken heart and ask him to give you strength to forgive the people in your life who have heard to you. Psalm 25, 16 through 17 says turn to me and be gracious to me for, I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged. Bring me out of distress. First Samuel 1222 says for the sake of his great name, the Lord will not reject his people because the Lord was pleased to make you his own. And one of my favorites, Psalm 1 47, 3 says he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. So if you're on the other end of this, maybe you're listening to this podcast because you have a friend or family member who is struggling with a mental illness. Here are some actionable steps for you to take. First thing you're going to do is you're going to try, try to get out of your comfort zone and be friend someone at your church. Ask for their number and actually follow through with those lunch plans that you've been talking about. Second thing that you're going to do is you're going to pray, pray hard for your friend, for their family, for their health. Then follow up with that prayer and number three, ask. Ask us how we're really doing? Are we sleeping? Well, are we taking our medications? How are therapy appointments going? The fourth thing that you can do is do you be surprised if I know how hard the simplest tasks are to someone with a mental illness? Sometimes it takes all the effort in the world just to take a shower. Throw in a couple of kids and things can quickly become overwhelming. Take your friend a meal or watch her kids while she goes to a therapy appointment. I promise you just that small acts of service will mean the world to her. And the fifth thing that you can do for her is be present. Sometimes we just need someone who is there for us, no matter what. Someone who will come sit with us and watch Netflix. Someone we can call and talk things through with someone who will face the days to come with. Friends. What's your next step? Maybe you've already reached out to someone maybe you're wanting to, but you're not quite sure how to. Either way, choose one of the ideas I mentioned and take that next step in your daily life. You have no idea how much your actions can make a difference in those lives, who are struggling with mental illness. Got it. Thank you so much for the people listening to this podcast. Thank you for anyone that they open up to and for their bravery and vulnerability that they have as well. And for those who are waiting to tell someone, thank you for their lives, maybe follow these steps. Be thankful. Notice others, pray for a friend and read your word to encourage us. And for those who are listening or watching who have a friend or family member with a mental illness, and they're not sure. And they're not quite sure what to do. May they try pray, ask, do, and be present. Thank you for the lives of all who are listening. Amen. To close us out. I highly recommend that you take a look at the rescued and restored workbook. This say 65 page downloadable mental health workbook that is filled with worksheets prompts and scripture to read in times of depression and anxiety. It's jam packed with stuff. And I don't want you to miss out on it. Simply head on over to the mental refuge.com and you can find the rescue and restore workbook under the shop tab and be sure to enter in the code podcast at checkout to get 15% off. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. If you will, please leave a review of this podcast. And if you're watching on YouTube, please hit like, and subscribe. It really helps spread the word to others and believe it or not, it actually makes it visible to others that they can find it. I'd be have a great rest of your week. Talk to you soon.