Bounce Back From The Fear of Getting Outside Your Comfort Zone
Hi Friends,
Today on Your Bounce Back Life we’re talking about overcoming the fear of getting outside your comfort zone. And also, how to make getting outside your comfort zone a habit to continually expand your life with new skills, opportunities, people, places, and achievements.
But first I want to thank you, my listeners, for spending your precious time with me here. And I so appreciate your ratings and reviews. Special thanks to Remi Roy on Apple who had this to say about Your Bounce Back Life. “Love it! The episode on rediscovering your sense of wonder really touched me! Great stuff Donna!”
Thanks Remi! And now let’s talk about getting outside our comfort zone.
Getting outside our comfort zone is a place we can often avoid. It’s an unsettling and scary place. It’s the unknown. And there are two ways we usually get outside of it.
1. We are forced to get out of our comfort zone
AND
2. We must force ourselves to get out of it
Over the past 15 years, I’ve learned to embrace getting outside my comfort zone. I call it getting into a whole NEW comfort zone. A place where discomfort becomes your new comfort.
And I’m here to tell you that you can do this, too. And once you do, you can reap great rewards and you’ll want to do it again and again. You can actually begin to seek living outside your comfort zone. And in doing so, transform DISCOMFORT to COMFORT. And in doing this, you will eventually come to feel secure in places you once never thought possible and want to experience this again and again. And let me tell you that getting outside your comfort zone become addicting.
And saying YES to opportunities rather than NO—because it’s outside your comfort zone—will expand your world with learning new skills, meeting new people, and creating new experiences you might never have imagined doing before. Most importantly, saying YES to an opportunity before you fully feel ready for it will force you to prepare with your commitment.
I know it can seem scary, but you CAN DO IT. Opportunities present themselves to you for a reason. You ARE capable. You CAN do new things. And you CAN figure out how to do new things. But you don’t need to do it alone. Look to others who’ve done the same thing. How did they prepare? Find resources and people to help you. This will help you prepare and boost your confidence.
Take the famous hockey player Wayne Gretzky’s words to heart, “You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” This is so true. And the only thing stopping you from taking that shot is your comfort zone.
When it comes to comfort zones, understand that they can affect your life in two ways.
1. They can permanently thrust you on a new journey. For me, this included my choice to get into public speaking, becoming an author, putting myself on video in online courses, moving to a new region where I knew no one—and yes, starting this podcast.
2. Getting out of your comfort zone can temporarily require you to be uncomfortable in a period of your life. Whether it’s with a new job, health issues, new area you’re living in, or helping in a family situation. For me these temporary situations included caregiving for my elderly dad as he mentally and physically declined, and it also included giving up being a mother on a daily basis after moving my son 5,000 miles away to Hawaii.
Whether your discomfort zone is temporary or a permanent new path, they can be handed to you in these two ways I’d mentioned earlier: by your choice or being forced upon you.
And knowing when you must choose to get outside your comfort zone and taking the steps to do it, are two of the most courageous actions you can take in your life journey. Remember this, when you know you must change but fear the unfamiliar, that it takes courage to change and take that first step toward expanding your life.
Here are some tips to help you navigate being outside your comfort zone in temporary and permanent situations.
When it comes to navigating a temporary discomfort zone:
· First, keep reminding yourself that this is temporary—and the situation will end. Just like it did for me with caregiving my father. I knew sadly, it would end with his death. And I had to remind myself of that and do my best to help him within the time we had left. It was my final gift that I could give to him.
When it comes to navigating a permanent discomfort zone:
· Break down the parts of your new comfort zone in manageable steps. For example, if you move to a new area don’t try to manage your setup all at once. Give yourself time to discover a new grocery store, bank, doctor, gym, coffee shop, restaurants, gas stations, and more. It doesn’t have to be all done at once. Ease into your new zone, if you can. With a new job, you can try easing into connecting with co-workers and understanding the office dynamics.
With both temporary and permanent discomfort zones, here is one way to make both an easier experience. Grasp stable things in your life that bring you comfort. It could be your morning routine you take anywhere you go like me which is tea, toast, meditation, and yoga. Or it could be a familiar meal you make for dinner or your exercise routine or calling an old friend. Bringing the familiar into your unfamiliar can help you navigate this new zone.
We are wired to avoid discomfort, right? Because discomfort is painful. It involves experiencing anxiety, uncertainty, embarrassment, and emotional distress. Having courage to embrace discomfort can come from truly believing that the LONG-TERM reward is greater than the SHORT-TERM pain of CHANGE. And your first step in changing your life for the better is deciding if you want the reward bad enough on the other side of pain.
One of my favorite authors on self-improvement when it comes to personal skills, Dale Carnegie, said this: “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
Are YOU ready to go out and get busy?
And I highly recommend reading Dale Carnegie’s books especially, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Carnegie practically invented the self-improvement book and lecture circuit. His books may be almost a century old but there is still much current relatable material in them, and most have been updated to current trends.
I want you to ask yourself: Are you willing to experience temporary pain for a greater existence with more purpose, passion, and joy?
If so, here are 6 benefits to stepping outside your comfort zone:
1. One step in a new zone can lead to more steps in more new zones
2. You continue to layer yourself with new skills and experiences
3. You evolve into a more confident person knowing you are open to trying new things
4. The more you step outside your comfort zone the more you can do it again
You can DO. Do MORE. Learn MORE. Grow MORE. Become MORE
5. It helps you set goals and put processes and systems in place to achieve them
6. And finally, you strive and reach your true potential
It can be truly amazing how one step in a new zone can lead to more journeys. I’ll share one of mine. When I was compelled to write my first novel, I had no idea what I was doing or how it would change my life. I just knew I yearned to write this story. At the time, I didn’t know any writers or authors and hadn’t even taken a class on how to write a novel. I started my novelist journey alone.
And in taking that first step of writing a book, once I finished it, I said to myself, “Now what do I do?” And I realized I needed to find other writers. So, I did. It was scary at first. I felt like I didn’t belong. But because I was compelled to be a storyteller, I discovered that I did belong—and that all authors start somewhere. Just like everyone who starts something new.
And so, for me as a new author, I joined writer organizations, found my peers, met agents and editors, and eventually got my first agent and my first book published. And another book and another. It literally changed my life. Set me on a new path. Expanded my world with like-minded people who elevated and supported me. We leaned on each other. It was amazing. My world exploded wide open. And it can happen for you too with what you yearn to do.
Here are key things to keep in mind when you’re stepping outside the familiar for a greater reward:
· You won’t always know what you’re doing.
· You will stumble.
· You will fail.
· You will not be perfect.
· And that’s okay because I have learned one very important thing in getting outside my own comfort zones. Here it is: DONE is better than PERFECT.
Let me repeat that: DONE is better than PERFECT.
Here’s why I’ve discovered that DONE is better than PERFECT, because if we wait to put something out there with perfection in mind—it will never be done. Trust me. I did this with my own writing with my first novel. I kept editing the story as I wrote it. Continually stopping and barely moving forward.
Once I allowed myself to write that messy first draft, I GOT IT DONE! And then I had something to work with. Something to shape and polish. Something to make better. The same with my first author website. I got the bare bones up and then it was a work in progress—and that’s okay. Many things we create can be works in progress to enable us to keep moving forward.
And one way to adopt this motto of DONE is better than PERFECT, is to recognize that first, no one is perfect at anything when they’re new at it. Not a teacher, not a writer, not an actor, not a scientist. No one. And second, just because you get something done doesn’t mean you can’t stop improving on it. Whether it’s a book, a website, a new hobby, or a new sport. If you have passion for it, you will keep learning. You will find satisfaction in enhancing your skills used to achieve that thing. You will create MORE of those things—or other things spawned from the learning of that first thing. You may become an expert eventually that others look to for advice.
DONE is better than PERFECT because it launches you on a new path. Launches you on a journey you might never have expected to wondrous destinations. Isn’t that reward enough for your initial discomfort?
And once you get through that initial distress after stumbling and floundering a bit, you may unleash new talents you never knew were locked inside you. You may say, “Hey, that wasn’t so bad and look what amazing things I learned and the amazing things I can do!” You will feel deep satisfaction in knowing you faced a challenge and got through it and be wowed at the place you reached because you tried. And you will want to do it again and again. Trust me.
And if you accept that you won’t be good at something new your first or second or third attempt and that you will stumble and fail then you give yourself permission to TRY and FAIL. And you give yourself the gift of courage. The courage to fully embrace life head on and not be afraid to step into the unknown.
As the psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
As you can see, getting outside your comfort zone is courageous. And I believe YOU ARE COURAGEOUS. You can do courageous things. And bringing forth your courage enables you to create and live a life you love.
We are drawn to the familiar. It’s safe. It’s predictable. Whether it’s a job we’re burnt out on or a long-term relationship that isn’t good for us anymore. If we know it’s not good for us, then why do we stay?
I know why I’ve stayed, from my experience—perhaps for you, too. Here are several reasons:
1. It’s what we know. And we can deal with what we know (or so we think!).
2. We feel like we aren’t capable of change (but you are! Life is changing all around us and we are either changing with it by choice— or not).
3. We avoid the pain of change and discomfort of the unknown.
4. We feel unworthy of something better.
5. We don’t understand what we need to do to change.
6. We don’t know what action steps to create.
7. And finally, we are resistant to creating new habits.
However, you DID move past some of these issues in your life before. In order to get into your new current comfort zone, you had to change, right? You had to create new habits. You had to leave things behind. Perhaps it happened so slowly that you didn’t recognize it or perhaps it was forced on you and you had no choice. Either way YOU HAD TO CHANGE to get where you are right now from where you were two years ago in life … and five years ago and ten and twenty.
Look back at yourself over time and write down the steps you took from then to now to get where you are in this moment. You might be surprised by all the challenges you faced, and the comfort zones you stepped out of to better your life.
This happened to me with my first public speaking event as a children’s book author with an author visit to hundreds of 5th and 6th graders. And on top of that, it was my son’s school. And on top of that, my son told me, “Mom, whatever you do, DO NOT be boring!” Oh, the pressure was on. I was so nervous I was a sweaty mess and almost passed out.
But I got through it. And I had great audience feedback. Sure, there were things I could improve upon with my presentation, and I did, but it was a rush to have gotten through it and having enjoyed it. And it helped me feel confident in my abilities as an author and a speaker and I immediately knew that I wanted to do it again and again. And that first presentation led to dozens more, at schools, colleges, and writer conferences.
And I didn’t do this alone. As I mentioned before, one step to accepting a new opportunity is looking to others to help you. And that’s just what I did. I took a workshop on how to create and book author visits and I asked my friend and public speaking expert, Keith Strunk, to help guide me in creating my first author visit presentation and he did. Keith is amazing. If you want to learn a ton of great public speaking techniques from Keith, be sure to check out Episode 8 of Your Bounce Back Life. In this episode, Keith and I share our tips for overcoming the fear of public speaking and how to prepare for a successful presentation. You can also catch the full uncut video version of our interview on my YouTube channel at donnagalanticreator.
Another key to succeeding outside of your comfort zone is to set yourself up for success from the start—rather than failure. And this requires preparation to take that leap.
Here are 9 ways to create an action plan to make that leap in manageable steps:
1. Accept there will be some stress.
Anytime you cross a boundary into something new there is always a certain heightened sense of stress or anxiety. This is only natural. Like an actor before going on stage or a speaker before a presentation. But we need our senses heightened so we can be super focused on concentrating to have a better chance at success.
2. Break down the tasks of what you plan to do.
For example, if you’re giving your first public talk, it could be that you created an outline with bullet points to talk about. Or if you’re moving to a new unfamiliar area, do research on this new region and find things to explore once you move there that interest you.
3. Here’s another step to set yourself up for success in getting outside your comfort zone … Try small challenges before the big challenge.
Boost your confidence by tackling a smaller challenge. Pick something small you’ve always wanted to do but never tried. Like jogging instead of biking in your exercise routine or reading non-fiction instead of fiction. Doing something manageable outside your comfort zone will open you up to new experiences and help prepare you for a big leap. You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself just by changing up a regular habit. You might become a “new zone” junkie!
4. Face a fear.
Facing something that has always made you anxious can be a great way to prepare for getting outside your comfort zone in a big way. Perhaps you accept an invitation to a social event and go alone where you don’t know any people and need to strike up conversations with strangers. Or it could be taking a long road trip by yourself that you’ve been nervous to try. Or simply going to the movies or dinner alone.
5. Here’s another step to set yourself up for success in getting outside your comfort zone … Travel somewhere new.
Instead of going on vacation in the same place, pick a new spot with friends or family. Or do something simple with touring a destination in your local backyard you’ve never done or taking a new route home or going to a new grocery store.
6. Meet like-minded people.
Find meetups with other people who are doing what you want to do. Learning from their experiences will help you see that the unknown is not so scary.
7. Bring your security blanket.
I don’t mean literally of course but bring something familiar on your challenge to get outside your comfort zone. Having something that gives you comfort will help you when you feel uncomfortable. It can be your favorite water bottle, backpack, sunglasses, scarf or pen. Anything to make you feel a bit more secure and confident.
8. Here’s another step to set yourself up for success in getting outside your comfort zone… Ask yourself: What’s the worst that can happen?
This is a great question to ask. If you brainstorm all the bad things that can happen in taking on something new, you might find out they aren’t so bad at all. Or perhaps they are things you’ve tackled before in different ways.
9. Finally, don’t overanalyze!
In overthinking this new leap that you’re considering taking, or forced to take, this can lead to negative thoughts and talking yourself out of doing it. Squash all that! Stop looping thoughts that drive your fear and focus on having fun instead!
So, to recap … here are the 9 ways to create an action plan to make that leap out of your comfort zone:
1. Accept there will be some stress.
2. Break down the tasks of what you plan to do.
3. Try small challenges before the big challenge.
4. Face a fear.
5. Travel somewhere new.
6. Meet like-minded people
7. Bring your security blanket.
8. Ask yourself: What’s the worst that can happen?
9. Finally, don’t overanalyze!
The film and television producer Mark Burnett once said this: “I will guarantee you that the day you step outside your comfort zone by making success your goal is the day you discover that adversity, risk, and daring will make life sweeter than you ever imagined.”
I hope you embrace this thought and fully believe that life can be sweeter than you ever imagined. How wondrous is that? I believe life truly does begin at the end of your comfort zone. Give it a try! You won’t regret it. I know I haven’t.
Resources:
Listen to Episode 8 of Your Bounce Back Life on How to Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking + Extra Tips with Expert Keith Strunk!
Watch the full uncut video version of my interview with Keith Strunk on YouTube
Download my PDF on 6 Steps to Present with Confidence
Dale Carnegie self-improvement books:
How to Win Friends and Influence People
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living