Bounce Back From Feeling Powerless in Your Life with Simple Ways to Take Control
Hi Friends,
Today on Your Bounce Back Life we’re talking about recovering and resetting yourself from feeling like you have no control over your life.
Often when we feel like we have no control over our life, it can be because it stems from one major part of our life that is not working out. And when one big component of our life is not working out, we can allow that dissatisfaction to color the rest of our life.
I can relate to what the life coach and speaker Tony Robbins said, that … “If you focus on what you can’t control, you’re a little crazy inside, angry and depressed.” Does that resonate with you? It does for me at times when I struggle to find control over things in my life.
Perhaps you’re stuck in a mundane job that feels like it’s going nowhere or where you live or a caregiving situation or from being over committed with roles and responsibilities you’ve taken on.
Feeling stuck often comes from a sense of not feeling in control of your life. However, there are many big and small ways we can take control of our daily lives even when we feel helpless. A long list of many ways.
And understanding these ways will empower you and create a snowball effect. What I mean by this is that taking control in these small ways now, will lead to taking control of bigger things in your life later. Things that can deliver a deeper, meaningful impact on your life.
Don’t give up your power to master your own life. Remember what the writer and activist Alice Walker once said, that … “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” Believe you have your own power within to oversee what you think, believe, and how you react, and you will feel powerful with what you can achieve.
And I’ve found that worrying about what you can’t control doesn’t lessen your worry, but it does rob you of peace. So, shift your mindset from trying to control what you can’t to creating what you can because we can’t always command what goes on OUTSIDE of us BUT we can always command what goes on INSIDE of us.
There are many ways—big and small—that you can take charge in your life when you feel powerless to make changes. And once you take small steps to oversee small parts of your life then you’ll see how the smaller steps can lead to bigger steps in taking control of bigger pieces of your life … like changing jobs, changing where you live, or even changing relationships.
Taking steps to be the master of your world involves one word: choices. In choosing to do things differently with new actions and thoughts and self-awareness, we can literally change how we see our world and our place in it.
First, let’s talk about a few parts of your life that you CAN’T control:
· Your past
· Your talent
· If someone loves you
· If you love someone
· What other people do and say
· How others perceive you
· Losses that you experience (a death, job layoff, etc.)
· Aging, illness, or injury
· Achieving success
· Who your family is
· Luck!
In accepting you cannot control these aspects of your life; you can aim to find peace with it—and in doing so may experience amazing changes you’ve yearned for to unfold. Just as the author and speaker Steve Maraboli said, “Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”
And I think craving something we can never have keeps us stuck. But in craving something we can have through change; we can move forward. And deciding to take control of your life all starts with a choice to do so.
I want to share some quick ways to be the master of your own life starting today. Right now! It’s a long list but you can choose where to start. And there’s a big bonus with starting small. And this is that starting with simple acts to take control can empower you NOW and prepare you to take control of bigger aspects in your life LATER.
Here are Simple Acts to Take Control of Right Now:
1. Stop complaining
2. Clothes you wear
3. Keeping your house and car clean
4. What you eat
5. How you react to others and situations
6. Taking care of your body and mental health
7. What you do with your free time
8. What you choose to read, music to listen to, and watch on television
9. Choosing to improve your mood
10. Choosing hope over despair
11. Saying “NO” more often
12. Creating something vs. standing still
13. Being present-minded vs. lost in the past
14. Being fully engaged in your task at hand
15. Acting like the person you want to be
16. Envisioning what you desire
17. Setting boundaries
18. Redirecting your thoughts
19. Choosing forgiveness over anger and resentment
20. Choosing to be kind to others
21. Learning new things
22. Choosing your friends
23. Choosing to spend time with certain people—or not
24. Choosing to help others
25. Words you choose to speak or write
26. Being loving to yourself
27. Embracing gratitude
28. When to rise and when to go to sleep
29. Finding beauty around you wherever you are
30. Comparing yourself to others
Phew! I know that was a long list of 30 small ways to take control now. And just so you know, I’ve included this list in my show notes on the podcast platform you listen to as well as my website YourBounceBackLife.com.
And what this list really comes down to is making the choice to set yourself free of limitations. Let me repeat that idea. Make the choice to set yourself free of limitations. These are YOUR self-imposed limitations. I know. I’ve done them all myself. And even if I free myself in one area, that doesn’t mean I won’t imprison myself again with it on my life journey. So, yes, it’s a lifelong challenge to set ourselves free—but it’s worth it.
And if you believe the limits you set on yourself about not having control over THIS or THAT part of your life, you will remain imprisoned. Take these words to heart from the author, Evelyn Waugh. She said, “When we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them.” I say, DON’T keep them. Let go of the argument and let these shackles go. Embrace the freedom that choosing control can deliver in your life.
And I hope my list of Simple Acts to Take Control of Right Now shows you just how much you can master in your daily life. I hope it inspires you. And with all these simple ways to take control, it’s also about changing your habits. This Simple Act list can help you do a deep dive into habits that aren’t working for you, such as comparing yourself to others or eating an unhealthy diet. This list can help you evaluate what habits you want to eliminate and what new habits you want to incorporate.
Again, I know this was a long list, and if you didn’t have a chance to write it all down, be sure to find it in my show notes on the podcast platform you listen to. And obviously it would be overwhelming to tackle every single one of these simple acts to take control today and every day. But why not tackle just three at one time? There’s energy with the number 3.
The number 3 carries intense symbolism—and power—for many. If you think about it, multiple things come in three’s, like the birth-life-death cycle, the mind-body-soul connection, and the three acts of a story. Writers often use the power of three in their storytelling related to actions, objects, and symbols to emphasize something important through using a pattern of three. It can be the foundation of Christian or Pagan religion such as with the Holy Trinity with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit or the Celtic Trinity Knot. Either way, the dynamic force of three can depict the concept of being interconnected and infinity.
I say, adopt a power of three mindset to reinforce the importance of taking control of your life and using it to your advantage. Use it to connect yourself to your life for infinity.
So, as a reminder, choose three simple acts from my list and incorporate them into your life each week and practice them daily. Add them to your habits. You might be surprised to see how taking control and changing simple parts of your life can have a huge positive impact—and you’ll want to try more ways.
If you find that you’re failing to gain a feeling of control, focus on just one area that you can take charge of within your life. For as the author Harriet Beecher Stowe once said, “Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” This is so true in many aspects of our daily lives. Just one more try can lead to a snowball effect of change.
Now that you’ve got a plan to tackle small ways to take control of your daily life, let’s talk about eight ways to take control over bigger aspects in your life that require analyzing, research, planning, and creating action steps.
1. How you perceive yourself (or how to tell yourself new stories)
Have you ever taken a moment to think about what the stories are that you tell yourself? AND if these stories are even true? Like you tell yourself you’re a bad daughter, or will never lose that weight, or you don’t deserve to be happy. Maybe these “stories” didn’t even originate from you, but from someone else and you took their stories about you on as your own. I have done this myself.
And it’s time to let those negative stories go. Ask yourself, what new stories do I want to tell myself about me? What stories do you want to change for the better?
The stories we tell ourselves—true or not—are in our control. Think about that.
2. Judging others
I know from experience that this can take some work! I recommend taking a good, hard look at who you judge and why. Create a list. This can be an uncomfortable task, because in doing it—we also take a good, hard look at ourselves. We can learn tough truths we might not want to face. I know often judging someone else can stem from our own insecurities or jealousies.
But creating this list of who we judge and why could be the self-reflection we need about ourselves that delivers the self-awareness we need to make a positive change. To let go of what is hurting us and even hurting others. To let go of old ideas, old stories, and old ways that don’t serve us.
However, I know that letting go of judgement is hard. For me, I try to remember all the mishaps and blunders I’ve done in life. I’m not perfect. No one is. And just like no one else could ever fully understand the bad choices I made because they didn’t know my full story, I don’t know the full story of other people. None of us do. And I remember this idiom: Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. It simply means, practice empathy.
What also helps me refrain from judging is to remember that we are all on our own unique path. I’m on mine and they’re on theirs.
3. Planning for your future
This one definitely takes some deep work. First, you need to know what you want for your future. Do you want to change jobs, or even careers? I struggle with this at times as my motivations and goals and desires change. It’s part of life though. Sometimes we can bounce back and forth from what we want. I struggle with this, too. It can be all a muddle at times. And I loop over and over, debating in my head “do I want to do this? Or should I do that? And if so, what will each choice or path lead to?”
This mental looping can be what holds us back from moving forward. It can paralyze us. So, stop looping in your head. Get out of your head and write down your thoughts. What you want. What would it mean if you chose that path or this path? And write down what you don’t want—and why.
Are you scattered with many projects? Maybe it’s time to choose one to focus on. As a creator and entrepreneur, I often face this challenge because there are so many things I want to work on, but I often don’t know which is the best one to pursue right now.
So, write them down. What your projects are. If they’re in a half-finished stage or even just an idea you want to do. And write down what each choice entails. What the steps are, the timing. Then take action and choose one to put your best focus on. And then create an action plan to achieve it. This leads to my next way to take control of a big aspect of your life. And that is …
4. How much action you take toward creating your future
Once you decide the path for your future, it’s up to you to take control of implementing that plan. And not only implementing it, but how much time you’re willing to spend doing that. Are there tasks you can work on every day in small chunks? Having a plan to create a new future for yourself is an accomplishment—the hard part is putting it to work.
Make sure your plan is written down and visible. Maybe you’re a list-maker like me who likes to check off tasks when completed for satisfaction. Or maybe this plan is so big and overwhelming that you need an accountability partner, someone to help keep you on track.
Whatever it takes, find what works for you to take action toward changing your life to step into your planned future.
5. Managing your finances
This is a big one and likely the least favorite. I know it is for me! Controlling our finances is a privilege but also mundane, time consuming, and just not fun, right? But this can color so many other aspects of your life where you might feel out of control. It can help you take control in so many other areas whether it’s changing careers, moving to a new home, going on vacation, or learning new things.
If you have a partner, it’s vital to be accountable to each other in this. Small steps can have a big impact on your financial life. There are so many financial experts and apps out there to help you, so I won’t bore you with that, but I will say, do your research. Take an in-depth look at where you are financially and where you need to be and want to be.
6. Keeping or ending a relationship
This is a big part of your life to take control of, and one that might require a lot of reflection and soul-searching. It might even require therapy. I’ve had to make this decision several times in my life, and it was never easy. At times, it was very clear I needed to end a relationship but also at times it was incredibly hard to do it. And I’m not just referring to life partners here but friendships, business partners, and even groups you belong to.
Whether you know what you need to do or need expert help figuring it out, having a plan also helps you navigate the emotional challenge of deciding to end a relationship—or work on it. Let me tell you from experience, that doing this with thought and preparation and planning is crucial. It will help you feel confident in your choice and calm in taking action. It will also help you let go—or work on this relationship—with a plan. And with that plan, you will know you’ve taken the right steps for you.
In letting go, you may mourn that person—even if they were a toxic element in your life. Losing a friend can be the hardest of all, because we choose friends for life, don’t we? Finding a person you connect with and laugh with, especially as we get older, is a gift. Often, a wonderful surprise. So, it’s a loss to have to let go of them, in a different way than if they were a boyfriend or spouse. It’s a different kind of sadness. We need friends to journey through life. And letting one go, can be letting go of a kinship, a support system, and part of your life.
7. Health crisis
This is a tough one. I’ve had multiple health crises and many with loved ones, too. This is a big part of your world that can definitely feel out of your control. With a health issue, your body can be out of control and not do what you want it to do. You may have physical constraints. Your loved one may deteriorate from an illness or suffer a catastrophic injury and they need your assistance.
First, you can be organized in managing your care or your loved one’s care. Be sure to stay on top of all the medical elements like doctor appointments, dietary plans, medications needed, and exercises required. Staying on top of these requirements can help you feel in control.
And second, go back and review my list of the Small Acts to Take Control of in your daily life. As a reminder, you can find that list and this entire transcript in my show notes of this episode in your podcast app or on my website at YourBounceBackLife.com.
When you’re faced with a health crisis, finding those small ways to feel in control every day can help you get through this tough time. It can provide confidence to keep going and it will provide hope that everything will be okay. You will get through this.
And taking care of your body and spirit is especially important. Use tools to add a sense of calm to your health crisis situation. I use transcendental meditation and the emotional freedom technique of tapping, simply known as EFT, to calm myself to face challenges that each day can bring.
8. Your productivity and time management
This is another key area to address that can have a big impact on your life whether you work for yourself like me or work for another business. This can require tools as well to take back control of your time and productivity.
As an author and entrepreneur, these are the most critical areas I face with taking control of my day, especially with working on multiple projects.
I’m a pencil and paper gal, so I love to have my calendar book on my desk at all times. Each day has fifteen-minute slots to schedule out and each night I set my schedule for the next day. And I shut my computer down at 6pm, so I don’t schedule for after that time.
Now my tasks scheduled don’t just include work, but also exercise, meditation, lunch, language learning on Duolingo, reading, etc. And I make sure to write my tasks in pencil in case it changes—as it often can, and this gives me flexibility. You may use an online calendar or an app, whatever works for you. But scheduling your time in small increments is a great way to take control of your day and move from task to task to feel productive in not only taking care of your work but your mind, spirit, and body.
Here are my go-to tools and resources for managing my time and boosting productivity:
· The Freedom app: this app and website blocker forces you to be more productive and get in the zone. I use the free version of this app.
· The Deep Work book by Cal Newport: I’ve mentioned this book before but it’s worth mentioning again. Cal gives us rules for focused success in a distracted world.
· The Pomodoro Technique (or tomato method): This is an easy technique where you focus deep without distraction for 25-minutes then take a 5-minute break and repeat. It’s amazing what you can get done following this method! I mean, we can all do something undistracted for 25 minutes, right?
· Binaural Beats: There are many app programs for this, and I use the free one called Brainwave. A binaural beat is an illusion created by the brain when you listen to two tones with slightly different frequencies at the same time. These beats entrain your mind to reach a certain mental state whether it’s with concentration, creativity, meditation, sleep, and more. It greatly helps me buckle down and focus intently on my task at hand.
Be sure to look for these resource links in my show notes of this episode.
I know I threw a lot at you today on how to take control over your life with big acts and small acts. Again, start by tackling three simple steps into your daily life. Or just one! Ask yourself: what can I control today? You may even add to my list!
Taking control in small steps will empower you and support you in the choices you make throughout your day—and your life. As the athlete Tim Tebow once said, “Attitude, effort, focus - these are the things we can control.” Oh, yes, we can. And how much of our positive attitude, focus, and effort we put into our lives will directly affect how much success we can have at controlling our own destinies.
And whenever you’re faced with a big life challenge you want to take control of, going back and referring to the small steps in my list can be your building blocks to the big steps. Remember what I said, that there’s a big bonus with starting small. And this is that starting with simple acts to take control can empower you NOW and prepare you to take control of bigger aspects in your life LATER. But if you don’t start now, there might not be a later.
Know this. You are NOT helpless. Your life is NOT out of your control, although I know it can feel like that at times! You ARE in the driver’s seat. And every day you get chances to make choices that give you control.
In choosing to act and embrace the simple acts of taking control, you will be changing your habits. You will be letting go of negative behaviors and thoughts that are holding you back from your true potential. This will enable you to move through your life with more peace, purpose, and joy. And enable you to see that you ARE in control of creating your own happiness.
Resources:
My go-to tools and resources for managing my time and boosting productivity:
· The Freedom app: this app and website blocker forces you be more productive and get in the zone.
· Deep Work book by Cal Newport: I’ve mentioned this book before but it’s worth mentioning again. Cal gives us rules for focused success in a distracted World.
· The Pomodoro Technique (or tomato method): This is an easy technique where you focus deep without distraction for 25-minutes then take a 5-minute break and repeat. It’s amazing what you can get done following this method! I mean, we can all do something undistracted for 25 minutes right?
· Binaural Beats: There are many app programs for this, and I use the free one called Brainwave. A binaural beat is an illusion created by the brain when you listen to two tones with slightly different frequencies at the same time. These beats entrain your mind to reach a certain mental state whether it’s with concentration, creativity, mediation, sleep, and more. You need to wear headphones to get different beats in each ear. It greatly helps me buckle down and focus intently on my task at hand.
My calming tools:
Transcendental Meditation and the Emotional Freedom Technique with The Tapping Solution.