When Your Body Fails You
Hi Friends,
Today on Your Bounce Back Life we’re talking about recovering and resetting yourself from when your body fails you.
My body has failed me many times in life, maybe you can relate! Today I’m not talking about when our bodies fail us from chronic illness, but when our bodies don’t do what we want anymore due to a temporary physical setback. Although, I’m hopeful that some of my advice and stories today will help those with chronic conditions.
I feel that our body betrays us when it fails. And I’ve discovered that there are so many feelings that go along with body betrayal. Surprise, anger, grief, acceptance, and finally hope.
Through my many body betrayals over the years, I’ve come to know that first feeling of surprise. When I encounter a physical setback, it always comes as a surprise. Like how could this happen? Then I feel anger at my limitations. I feel in this act of betrayal that I can’t trust my body anymore. This body that has served me well for decades.
I feel out of control and helpless in not being able to do what I normally do anymore—even if I know it’s temporary. And, I feel mournful—knowing I may never fully recover one-hundred percent to where I was. Finally, I feel acceptance at what’s happened and then hope of recovery through taking action to heal. Having your body betray you is very much like dealing with a loss in your life where you experience a grief period.
Has your body failed you in the past, or perhaps it’s letting you down now? I’ve got a long list of body fails over the years.
· From having a debilitating condition called adenomyosis that led to a hysterectomy…
· And sickness with a gallbladder issue that led to its removal with a cholecystectomy…
· And the pain of a frozen shoulder with arthritis that required steroid shots…
· And the suffering from a torn tendon in my leg that required physical therapy…
· And torn ligaments in my knee that required a full length leg cast…
· And the agony of a pinched nerve in my back where I couldn’t even walk without excruciating pain…
With all these conditions, I went through a grief period. A time of being angry over the betrayal of my body and mourning the physical freedoms I had to relinquish. But then I ultimately became empowered to regain my life, no matter my limitations.
I’ve learned many ways to accept these curve balls life can throw at us. I’ve also learned that they will happen again and take me by surprise when I least expect it.
One of the Founding Father’s of the United States, Benjamin Franklin, wrote that we must “Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble”. This metaphor is meant to help us let go of the temporary bad things in our life and hold on to the permanent good things in our life. Think about it. “Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble”. Dust never sticks forever and easily blows away while something written in stone is enduring and can last a lifetime. Simply put, let go of the bad and hold on to the good. This body fail is temporary for you so instead of focusing on its power over you now, focus on the positive experiences you can engrave on your heart always—and carry with you on your life journey.
With that in mind, having your body betray you can be a hardship you weren’t expecting, and I want to share my thirteen ways I’ve discovered how to navigate physical challenges when your body fails you:
1. Don’t wait to get help!
This is a big one. When you start having symptoms, get it checked out. No matter where you are. When I moved my son to Hawaii three years ago, I injured my leg on the plane when flying there. I couldn’t walk down steps or lie down without pain. I couldn’t kneel or bend my knee and it was difficult to even get dressed. And in Hawaii for a month, I walked miles each day as we did errands, which only exacerbated the issue. But I thought, I’ll just deal with this later when I get home. Because we were so busy helping our son find a job, a car, and an apartment, I didn’t have time to think of myself. I should have. Upon returning home, I went to the doctor to discover I had a torn tendon and it required months of physical therapy and laser treatment.
2. Adapt
Adapting to our body fail situation is a way to take control. We can find a work around to still do things we want to do. It might not be the same experience, but it can help us feel empowered to overcome and still DO.
If we want to do the things we’re committed to doing, sometimes we need to adapt to make it happen. Like the time I pinched a nerve in my back the week I was to go away and teach at a writer’s conference. I was in so much pain I couldn’t even walk. Somehow my husband got me to the chiropractor. They temporarily fixed me up, gave me exercises to do, and with that and a cane in my hand, I navigated my conference. I was forced to address this issue ASAP due to my commitments which leads me to my next tip...
3. Don’t push through the pain!
Like with that torn tendon I had in Hawaii; I shouldn’t have pushed through the pain. Or pushing through nauseating upper stomach pain which turned out to be gallbladder issues. Or pushing through the excruciating pain of my adenomyosis. I’m telling you that suffering through an attack and then hoping it goes away is not a good solution. Things can only get worse. Sometimes fatally so, as could have happened if my gallbladder burst. Don’t suffer. Don’t be a martyr. Don’t ignore. Because ignoring your body’s cry for help, will only hinder your healing.
4. Accept what happened
Sometimes, when our body fails even after recovery, we might never be 100% the same way again in our physical condition and we must accept that. It happened to me with my tendon injury. I can’t fully bend my leg beneath me. Or when I tore the ligaments in my knee from a ski accident. That knee still bothers me with walking up hills and lots of stairs, or after a night of too many beers. Yes, I’m not 100% in those areas but I’m not limited. I can still walk and bike and hike. I can still DO what I love—my body just reminds me of what it went through. And that’s okay. Life is a lot about what we overcome. And we are often left with the scars, physically and emotionally, to remind us of what we’ve overcome.
5. Create a self-care routine just for this moment in time
Whatever self-care routine you may already schedule in, be sure to add to it in this time of need with your body fail moment. This can include doing things that make you feel good and boost your mood. It can be reading time you’ve been wanting to do with that stack of books on the nightstand. It can be discovering inspirational podcasts or audiobooks to listen to. It can be adding a cup of hot tea and biscuits to your afternoon. It can be spending more time outside, perhaps just relaxing on that covered patio you built but rarely visit. This is a time to pamper yourself and indulge in doing things you might not have done without this condition to slow you down.
6. Find tools and resources to help you
Whatever your body fail, find what can help you overcome your situation, so you feel less limited. I needed to use a cane to get around with the pinched nerve in my back. Funny enough, it became a talking point wherever I went. Or perhaps it’s using laser treatment therapy to get you closer to recovery, like I did when I had a torn tendon in my leg. Or using a belly compression band to aid in easing the recovery from abdominal surgery, like I used for my hysterectomy. Or trying a new relaxing exercise like yoga to become more flexible and ease arthritis pain, like I did. Taking action to find tools to help you will aid in your recovery AND give you more confidence that you are not limited and you are on a healing path.
7. Learn new things
Having a physical set back is a good opportunity to learn new things or try things you never did before. Use this time in recovery to focus on activities that inspire you and distract you from your challenging situation. Get certified in a subject that’s been on your to-do list. Or learn a new skill, like I started learning French and Italian. And I started reading non-fiction for the first time, indulging in memoirs and autobiographies about people who fascinated and inspired me with their life stories.
If your condition won’t allow you to get back to an activity like running, golf, or biking, investigate alternative activities you can try. I know that it may be hard to let go of something you’ve always loved doing, but your body may be talking to you and telling you it’s time to change. It’s telling you that you might need to find a gentler way to move like yoga or low-impact aerobics.
8. Embrace unexpected gifts
When I was resting and recovering for weeks from my hysterectomy, I piled my nightstand with books and indulged in reading marathons. I embraced not having to go anywhere. Drive anywhere. Be anywhere. No one expected anything from me. I took this gift of recovery time to be peaceful. I looked out the window and daydreamed and dozed. I embraced the birds singing and the blue sky. I was so thrilled to never be in excruciating pain again. And I celebrated with my friends with a Goodbye Uterus Party!
9. You may be changed by this, but these are your scars now
These body fails become part of your unique story now. They make you uniquely you. They add to the story of your life and make you an infinitely more interesting person. The story of how you broke your leg or injured your back or the day you had a stroke. You got through these battles, they left scars, but you’re still standing!
10. Be grateful for how your body still does support you
I’ve clung to this during my many body fails. In the moment, I practice gratitude for all I still can do. I can still see a movie, see a meadow filled with butterflies, and see my son’s face. I can listen to a musical and hear a band play or chat with a friend on the phone. I can still get dressed by myself or get to the fridge to pour a drink. But you know what? We don’t need to wait for body fails to practice this gratitude. Embrace all your body can do today and be thankful every day.
11. Help others!
Helping others is a wonderful way to get outside of your miserable body fail moment of life. Helping others helps us get outside our own problems and pain. It makes us feel good in other ways—emotional ways. It gives us a bigger perspective of the world. There is more in our life than just our small inner circle. Expanding our world to help others during a body fail is how I decided to become a Big Sister with the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization. It’s how I chose to get into teaching what I know about writing craft and marketing with other writers. It’s how I reached out to big thriller authors I knew to sign books for my elderly, ill uncle who was bedridden and whose one joy left was reading thrillers.
12. Let go of things that aren’t important
When life throws you a body fail, you can feel like your whole life stopped while you were racing along at sixty miles per hour. And you may be forced to sit back and let go of some things in your life. This is not necessarily a bad outcome. Cancel appointments that can wait. Push off deadlines. The dishes can wait. The vacuuming can wait. Better yet. Enlist others to do these tasks. People who care about you will want to help. Here’s another tip: Accept their help. And be grateful. Because you would do the same for them. And most importantly, allow your body to rest and recover. Body fails can be traumatic and your body may be more tired than you imagined as it fights to heal itself.
I love this quote by the professional wrestler Tommaso Ciampa (tow·maa·sow chaam·puh) who said, “Sometimes injuries can be the best thing that happen to a guy because it allows you to freshen up and allows the crowd to miss you.” What a way to put a positive spin on an injury that sidelines you!
Recently, we got sidelined when my husband had a detached retina. Within a day he was having surgery to fix it—along with an EIGHT WEEK recovery. That’s right. Eight weeks without vision in that eye, unable to lift heavy objects, and drive. He had pain for the first FIVE weeks! And you know what? He was missed in his business. Our son is managing his shows at festivals and the people who follow my husband at shows miss him and reach out to see how he’s doing. My husband is seven weeks now into his recovery and still wearing an eye patch and I’m still driving him around, doing errands for his business, and doing all the heavy lifting. But it’s okay. I do it with love. And I also know it’s temporary. Plus, I get to support him now after all my body fails he’s had to help me out with. It’s what we do for those we love. So let your loved ones do it for you. They want to.
13. And finally, focus on what you can control
Even with your condition or injury limiting your life, there are still many things each day you can control no matter how your body has betrayed you.
You can control whether you complain about your situation or not. You can control what you eat, how you react to others, what you do with your free time. You can control saying NO to people by setting boundaries. You can control letting go of doing everything yourself and allowing people to help you. You can control being kind to yourself in this challenging situation and eliminate negative self-talk. You can control whether you compare yourself to others or not. You can control staying off social media if it makes you feel depressed in your situation. You can control being grateful for all the good things you still have in your life. And so much more! Be sure to check out Episode 13 of Your Bounce Back Life on how to take control of your life in simple but powerful ways.
Take to heart what the basketball player Brittney Griner said, that “You can't control injuries, but you can control how hard you work to come back.”
Body fails suck. But we can attempt to limit them by being proactive in some ways. Here’s my advice with three tips on how to be preventative and limit those body fails:
1. Be mindful of how you use your body
At 55-years-old, I am active but always mindful of where I step. I don’t run down the stairs anymore or run on wet grass. One slip or twist of the ankle can be an injury that gets me laid up for weeks or months with possible permanent damaging results! I don’t overstretch as something could pop! Which is how I got a torn tendon in my leg, by the way. I don’t overreach for items, especially on a ladder. In a hurry? I stop and say, nope, I need to do this the right way. The cautious way. The wise way. Listen to what the famous dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov once said that, “The more injuries you get, the smarter you get.” Listen to him and choose to be smarter.
2. Choose activities best suited for you
I’m not saying don’t live adventurously at all but use common sense. I choose low impact activities like yoga, walking, biking, and weight training. Don’t be risky or speedy in your exercise. You won’t catch me jumping out of an airplane, bungee jumping, or ziplining. Maybe because as a recovering adventure seeker, I now don’t want to put myself in harm’s way as a mother. I’d never want to leave my son without me in this world because of some body fail I could have prevented. But that’s just me.
But, I DO love SPEED! Whether I’m biking or kayaking or skiing. But it’s also how I’ve had multiple accidents ending in casts and concussions. I choose activities with care now because I love being outdoorsy and active and want to keep being that way until I’m 95 years old! As a matter of fact, I often say I want to leave this life by just falling off my bike and being done. The end. Ha Ha Ha.
3. Live a healthy life
People who live healthier lives, tend to recover easier from a body fail. Eating healthy and exercising is great prep for that next body fail. You’ll thank yourself later, trust me. Your body will be strong and more capable of dealing with an injury—and may even recover more quickly. Just like people who live healthy lives fare better after surgery than those who don’t. And don’t you want to bounce back from your body fail quicker and with more ease? Of course, you do. Me too!
When our bodies betray us, it can paralyze us for a moment in time as we mourn the life we had. However, this is the only body you get. Accepting its changes can help us find peace with our body. Often, even find new ways to enjoy life we might never have explored if we hadn’t had a physical challenge come our way.
The pastor and author Charles R. Swindoll once said that “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.”
I’d say that’s about right. And choosing how we react to a body fail situation will either send us on a path of discovery and recovery—or a path of depression and in-action. Which path will you choose to take?
Our body isn’t here to be against us—it’s here to support us. And often an injury or condition is a way for our body to tell us to slow down, evaluate our life, and choose to live in a different way so our body can continue to support us for the rest of our life. Injuries give us perspective. They can be a way for us to really see the beautiful, tiny moments in our life and appreciate them. They can help you not take all the wonderful things in your life for granted—big and small.
And keep this in mind: when your body fails you, you’re not broken. You’re just cracked a bit. Your body is asking you to take care of it. So, listen to your body and be a caretaker to yourself. Give yourself the love and attention you would give a loved one who is suffering. Be compassionate to yourself. Be kinder to yourself. Talk to yourself as you would a friend. Because no one will care for your body as best as you.