222- Guiding Adolescents through Technology and Independence

Discover the secret to building strong, lasting connections with your preteens and teenagers! In this episode of Politically High Tech, we’re joined by Mr. Higgs, who shares his groundbreaking "Show Up" framework. You’ll learn how to navigate the complex world of adolescence and technology, ensuring your child’s mental well-being. With a wealth of experience and a multicultural perspective, Mr. Higgs provides invaluable insights into maintaining open dialogue and fostering self-reflection for parents.

We also explore the crucial shift in parenting strategies as your children seek independence. Our discussion sheds light on the transition from being authoritative figures to becoming supportive guides, and how to handle common misunderstandings with empathy. We delve into broader social issues, emphasizing the importance of character over superficial judgments. The concept of interdependence and self-care is highlighted, stressing that taking care of oneself is essential to effectively support others.

Finally, we address the challenges of social isolation and the impact of technology on your child’s social interactions. From nurturing a strong identity amid the digital age to the concept of "alloparenting," we cover practical strategies to counter anxiety and build trust. Introducing upcoming workshops, we provide tools for helping your preteens set rules and develop confidence through self-regulation. Listen in for a balanced approach to authority and autonomy, ensuring a positive and nurturing environment for your preteens and teenagers.

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Chapters

• 0:11 Parenting Strategies for Preteens
• 5:36 Navigating Adolescence and Parenting Challenges
• 20:12 Navigating Social Isolation and Technology
• 26:05 Establishing Rules and Identity With Preteens
• 37:33 Navigating Youth Culture and Technology

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:11

Welcome everyone to Politically High Tech with your host, elias. I have a guest here and I'll consider him an antidote, especially for those lovely, lovely, and it goes both ways. I tend to be biased against the young sometimes. I used to be young myself, so that's somewhat hypocritical. Oh well, sue me. Sue me for my hypocrisy. It's not illegal. Okay, you can just call me out, it's fine. I'm probably going to ignore you anyways, unless you have something very constructive to say If you're saying your mama's so Blank, blank, blank, blank, blank.

Speaker 1: 0:47

I'm keeping this clean here. We have problems, but I see it both ways. Sometimes parents don't know how to deal with them, so there's going to be an answer for that, especially the parent side and deal with these very complicated Preteen teenagers Going through emotional issues, identity issues, what happened? I mean, I've been there, mr Higgs here has been there, and there's a certain way to communicate with them. I don't know what it is. Miraculously it worked with half the preteens I talked to. It was by sheer luck, but it's got to be a method, right? You don't want to rely on luck. That's so cruel. But we have a more practical way to handle it. I'm being my way, mostly Mr Hicks here. He came up with his whole show up framework, and I read the acronyms. I think it's great. You should toot his horn on that one. I would take all the credit. He came up with his whole show up framework, and I read the acronyms, I think it's great.

Speaker 2: 1:51

You should toot his horn on that one, and with that I'm going to let him introduce himself. Hello Elias, hello audience, thank you for sharing your platform and, yeah, as Elias was talking, I came up with a framework called the show framework. We'll talk about it. And actually, you know, elias, this, I feel, is human development.

Speaker 2: 2:08

I do focus on preteens and parents of preteens, because they're the most influential ones at that point in life, and this point in life is actually very important. You can get into that also, but what I speak about is human development, which is very relevant for politically high tech situations. Politics is ability for us to come together as people the populace Right and actually high tech technology is just innovation of this time, and innovation of this time is a big part to why we see the uptick in mental well-being, or the lack thereof. Attention and what human development is in this day and age. We can go as deep as you want to in regards to what social media is doing to our brains and as we're relating together as people. So I came up with a show of framework and thank you for sharing your platform and welcoming me here.

Speaker 1: 3:03

No, no problem. One of my mission here people is to bring different people of color. I'm going to try to avoid using minorities because I begin to think it's offensive for humans.

Speaker 2: 3:16

Different people is cool too.

Speaker 1: 3:18

Yeah, or BIPOC, the acronym thing. Just I've become allergic to it because my day job, I use so much of it and I'm such a hypocrite I can't stand it. But I started talking about food. But that's my personal right.

Speaker 2: 3:33

Yeah, sure, sure, sure. The way I see it is, um, I was speaking about what I do and and myself I am a, if you will, third culture kid my mom's from the Philippines, my dad's from the Bahamas. I've taught in South Korea, thailand, spain and Saudi Arabia and I come from a very, very multicultural background. And I was explaining what I do and the woman said you know, that sounds like a lot of DEI, or diversity, equity and inclusion. I was just like, call it whatever you sound like, it sounds like being human to me, and I mean, when you have more varied points of views and perspectives, you have a better understanding of something. So use, yeah, yeah, use whatever language, whatever words the audience wants to use, but the truth is, yeah, just more perspective means more understanding.

Speaker 1: 4:19

I don't know. You don't have to be DEI, you just have multiple perspectives. You just have a freaking open mind. You know, sometimes I criticize dei work because it's too shallow, the way it's been implemented, especially cobra culture. I've been a part of it. I reject some of it. I've been considered difficult, that's okay, I don't care, because it's just so superficial how it's been implemented, not addressing some of the issues. But I'm not gonna get into that. It's about me. It's about how you parents could deal with that difficult preteen. And I'm going to be honest deal with your difficult self, okay. Sometimes you're the difficult one. It's not the preteen, all right, and it's like you said, it's your development.

Speaker 1: 4:59

So I'm going to just keep it short. I want to make this about you. You're the important one here.

Speaker 2: 5:03

It's all good. It's all good.

Speaker 1: 5:11

Your voice is welcomed on your own show and thank you for allowing me to be here too.

Speaker 1: 5:15

Yeah, yeah, so I think. Well, first question we're going to come up with just a little playing field. How can parents maintain an open dialogue with the, with the preteens, teenagers that want to pull back and be independent? I think that's a very good question. I don't want to hang out with this parent at all. This parent's a boomer. I don't want to hang out with them. It's so embarrassing. I'm sure you go through some of that, and I think social media even amplifies that.

Speaker 2: 5:39

Yeah, I mean, even before there was social media. That's just indicative of this age. And when you understand why preteens or teenagers are like that, it'll make sense to you. And then, two, you'll learn not to take it personally when they're dependent on you. They're dependent on you to meet their needs. They're coming into adolescence at this age, between 10 and 14.

Speaker 2: 6:10

And adolescence is signified by a turning away and wanting to be independent. That's a natural order of things. Then, when you understand everything that you told them between zero and nine was their worldview, that was gospel. But now, when they're coming into this new era where they're starting to see their other points of views and other perspectives that are existing, skepticism starts to seep in and they haven't worked out what nuance is, which comes later on in the developmental understanding. But with skepticism, there's mistrust there and they're just turning to gain a better understanding of the world. So they're gathering other perspectives. So that's when they're turning away from you that turning away some people take personally.

Speaker 2: 7:01

And then there is outlashing and there is a misunderstanding of what's expected at this stage, or a misunderstanding of how to support our kid in their growth towards autonomy. As a parent, you're supposed to become a guide on the side or a coach to actually say I'm still a safe space for you to come towards and I want to understand your identity and you forming in that and I'm supporting you in your autonomy. It doesn't mean you become a doormat, doesn't mean you become permissive on the side or passive on the side. Rather, it means you have to learn a new set of skills and a new way to approach it. I used to be a high school teacher and we would say, or there's an approach to parenting called autonomy, supportive parenting, and what we're focusing on now is helping the kid be more independent so that they could understand their own identity and eventually be a contributing member to society.

Speaker 1: 8:09

Oh well, let me just show the critics for a second. Oh, same space. Talk to me, yeah, please.

Speaker 2: 8:14

He is the EI, the EI, You're all good. You're all good, I'll meet you. I'll meet whatever voices on the other side. I taught high school.

Speaker 1: 8:22

So I'm sure you deal with a lot of adversarial, not just the teenage students but the parents. Some of them are even, I would say, crazier, and I almost got into education, but I'd say low risk, it definitely low reward.

Speaker 1: 8:38

No, high risk, low reward. Nah, not for me. That that's just me. You could say I chicken out an education system, yes, and I'm proud of it. I'm making more dough from it. So, yes, call me a coward. This is an intelligent coward, I'm fine with it. But yeah, no, I'm sure that the reason why I say that is because people use these lingos and they associate certain lingos together. I say you are and, to be honest, to balance my podcast, I do need perceived DEI or more pro-DEI voice. I have too much anti-DEI voice. I'm fine with it per person, I've gotten used to it.

Speaker 1: 9:15

My only problem is just implementation. I'm sure it could be beneficial to some extent. It's just implementation and the superficiality of it is my biggest issue. Other than that, I mean we humans gotta learn how to be kinder to each other. Gotta learn, you know, not just say, oh, marcus is too dark, I don't want to talk to him. Or this person's too light, this person's too fat. Oh, this is a fam boy, I don't want to talk to that one. You know, I think we should separate, discriminate people by character, character, character, character. But that's all I'm going to add to that.

Speaker 1: 9:54

And the big thing I like to point out is not take it personally. I think I'm not surprised I wasn't answering. That's the thing I was thinking of when I was putting myself in your shoes for sex. I'm going to answer this, maybe not take it personally. So I had like one piece of it right. I think that's why it worked for me sometimes, because I didn't take it as personal. I was kind of there. You know, I'll just be like a guy, whatever. So intuitively I had some idea. But the ones I messed up with were the ones I was not in the right headspace, so I don't want to deal with this nonsense.

Speaker 2: 10:23

So that's just another way. Go ahead, sure, sure. Another way and approach that I see it is I know the goals that I have and what I want for the future and I find people and thoughts that are in alignment with those and with our powers combined sound like Captain Planet, but we go and we get it, and then if people aren't in alignment with that, then that's okay. I fully support the expression of other people, even if they're not in support with that, because the thing is they're going to go off in their own direction, and I support you in going off in your own direction. But if what I'm working towards is something that is binding and the well-being of you and I, yeah, let's, let's go get it, let's go get it. Um, and and and even I don't even use the word DEI. Actually, I was bringing that up because a person brought it up, but she was. She was describing what I did as DEI and I was just like huh, that's interesting, because I know this is what human development is.

Speaker 2: 11:23

The cell breaks itself and then it comes back together because we weren't dependent. We move into independence, but then at the end of it, we're in interdependence. A system is more healthy if there is interdependence, and what that means is I will take care of me to be in service to you if you promise to take care of you, to be in service to me, and that's really what politics is ideally. You, if you promise to take care of you, to be in service to me, and that's really what politics is ideally. For people who can't understand the well-being of us collectively, it may not be in alignment with what I want and I'm just like that's cool. I totally respect that, and you just don't move in the direction if there's no alignment and you just acknowledge it and you still let people hold their dignity. So that's, that's perfectly fine, and you just get on to what you want. The question comes on to what do you want? And that's the creator question yeah, that's a profile.

Speaker 1: 12:13

What is your goal? I mean you gotta be focused on, because when you get distracted very easily, especially if our egos and our emotions, like this kid just said something, that he's something to me, this little young and out of the way, he knows the how can I put it?

Speaker 1: 12:30

yet he knows everything about nothing. That little punk, you know. Trust me, I am channeling the frustrated parent for a second. But look, it doesn't work. You're just making the situation worse.

Speaker 1: 12:49

In general, I know it's easier said than done to have some of that experience I could kind of transfer to this conversation. And of course I babysit teenagers from time to time within the family and you know they go through their thing and I have adopted different communication style, like the first one. I try to jerk style just don't bother me, I don't want to talk to you. That pushes them away further. Then there is the kind, somewhat clingy one. They get annoyed. You gotta find a balance to that because you can't be too close to them. You also can't be too distant for them. It creates a dysfunctional dynamic. I mean, generally speaking, there's so many nuances we don't have time to go through all the nuances. I'm just giving you just a simple breakdown and I try to, of course a moderate approach. Let them have their room for independence and they leave a room for dependence when they need it. You know, and I think for me that that's what for me I don't want to add, just to spice it up and polish it. I'm open to it.

Speaker 2: 13:54

Well, I think about two things. First, everybody, every behavior, is in alignment with needs and oftentimes at this age, younger age they're not aware of really what they need or they don't know how to express it. So with the lack of communication comes that frustration of I don't know how to express my needs. One and two, I don't think my needs will be met because I can't express it. And that's where all the emotion comes up. And they are more highly sensitive, which is actually a plus. And they are more highly sensitive, which is actually a plus. They're more sensitive to this world because during this day and age, or this time, this developmental stage, they're trying to figure out life, they're trying to navigate it. So nature has turned up their sensitivity with chemicals.

Speaker 2: 14:47

The other thing I was going to say is self-determination theory. There are three things it has to be self-directed, right Autonomy. The second is mastery. They have to see themselves improving in it and it has to be relevant. So it has to be relevant to what they want.

Speaker 2: 15:03

So a lot of people tune out other people if they don't feel as if it's something they choose, if they're being controlled by something else, if they don't see themselves growing in it. That's why school is a turnoff for a lot of people at this age. And then, if they don't see why, they don't understand why this is related to me. Related to me. When you understand those three things and you meet other people, regardless of whatever level they're at teenagers, kids or adults I think that's where we get a lot of conflict. And nothing's wrong with conflict. Conflict just exposes where we're not having our full expression. And in communication we say there's conflict in every relationship. That doesn't define the relationship. What defines it as? How do we manage the conflict? How do we deal with it? So yeah, when you have those things in mind, I got a little bit of wisdom here. You learned how to not get caught up so much in it, but you learn how to rock with it so that other people can develop as well.

Speaker 1: 16:04

You stubborn parents. Yes, I'm calling you out. Are you listening? Are you listening? Are you listening? No, I all right. Let me be serious.

Speaker 1: 16:16

This is some gold here, people, there's some gold and trust me, and even as adults, some of us well, actually a lot of us has, I think we were never fully mastered communication. It's a lifelong process. I like how you put it. Conflict is this expression that's not fully developed, articulated, and two of them are just disagreeing on something. Until they figure out those details of what it is, until they iron it out, it becomes like a nice flat paper. I've used a paper now it's all crumpled up right now because they iron it out and it becomes like a nice flat paper. I've used a paper. Now it's all crumpled up right now because they all try to peel it up together and even though they are at, they start at opposite sides, or maybe even the same side, so it can be the same. You get into conflict wherever it is. You have to go through the motions until they reach a fine point that's beautifully put.

Speaker 1: 17:09

Listen here, especially for you parents. I already said this podcast is not for minors. If you're listening to it, it's your fault. Remember your fault, parents. It's like the umpteenth time I've blamed you. If you're listening to this, they might learn something ironically, and you know I'm going to be a hypocrite in my own room for a second.

Speaker 1: 17:27

Let the minor listen to this podcast no matter how very adult subjects that I think their minds, for the most parts, are fully developed. You know I've met very intelligent 16, 17 year olds that are mature, mature beyond their years of development. Wow, this kids make me like a dummy. Great, uh, shot at the ego, but it's wonderful because they've shown remarkable growth there and I'm shocked in a good way as well. But for me of course the ego's only hurt for like two seconds. I say you know what? It's actually great, it's very phenomenal, and hopefully this kid can lead other kids to that enlightenment. At least that's my hope.

Speaker 1: 18:09

I'm a little bit of an idealist on certain things and then I think, yeah, this is great. Listeners, I hope again, just jot it down or something Create. I don't know a meme to make it memorable, because this is some valuable stuff here. I mean, I'm learning here too, as a host, because I'm a host. I don't know a meme to make it memorable, because this is some valuable stuff here. I mean, I'm learning here too, as a host, because I'm a host, I don't know everything just trying to guide this conversation to be as most productive as it could be in such a limited time.

Speaker 1: 18:40

So, with that said, let me just move on to the next question. Unless you have anything you want to add, I don't know. So this is a good one. Regarding the team when does the team go through its withdrawals? And sometimes we'll differentiate they're just doing that because they really want to be alone, away from the parents, or there's a deeper issue he or she is going through but doesn't know how to express it well, articulate it very well. Maybe they are ashamed. I mean, how can, what? What signal should parents watch out for just to navigate that difficult, difficult situation?

Speaker 2: 19:28

Yeah, if you notice that your teen is pulling away at home, this is again this might be very natural. I will say before I say my response here check with a professional, all right. So this is not advice for your home, but if you feel as though their safety is in need to be looked at, check a professional relationships and connections at school and at your place of worship, or outside of school, at the park and so on, then you may not need to worry as much. It's when they start shutting down their social connections in all spheres of their life and start to self-isolate from everything. That's when that's a red flag that goes up. But if they're at home and they're isolating, I mean it could just be. They need some mental space to process what they want.

Speaker 2: 20:32

There are other ways inside the show up framework that I do have, where you can open up communication, but yeah, if they're doing it across the board in all their social interactions. So that means go to school, ask the teacher if they're connecting with others, ask other adults inside your pod or other adults in their life. Because there's one thing worth noting You're not expected to do it alone. When we look at human development, we develop in pods, parent pods. It's called alloparenting. There's a book called Mothers and Others that explains this, but we should have other trustworthy, present adults inside their lives.

Speaker 1: 21:21

This could be your parents, other parents, this could be adults, coaches and so on, or teachers I think I want to have a quote.

Speaker 2: 21:26

I think it takes a village to raise a child. It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to raise a child.

Speaker 1: 21:32

Takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to support a parent. Yeah, I like that Sad new quote. I hope no one has that quote. Maybe you should copyright.

Speaker 2: 21:39

It's a remix, it's all good, it's out there.

Speaker 1: 21:42

It's out there now. Listen. Well, he has it. If you take that quote, I will call you out right now. Ok, I don't care. It was even a few days before I said Nah, I had this during this recording, I got the time set, I got the receipts right here. I will defend him on that one, but I actually would Enough of me trying to start a petty beef with the quote. Talk about development here. See, I'm trying to be self-aware here, trying to Not cause any conflict. Uh, all right, but uh, I like to have a little fun here. Um, unless the person's all good, uh, yeah, I mean, that's, that's profound advice. See, where to isolate. Is it just at home or is it all spheres of interactions? Yeah, it is hot and for some reason I'm not sweating today, which is shocking because I'm a sweater too.

Speaker 1: 22:34

I, you know, I'm not gonna censor that or clean it up.

Speaker 2: 22:38

I'm just shining, I just noticed the lights and I'm just shining. I'm like, oh man, that's all right, we still show up you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, nah, you're fine, you're fine.

Speaker 1: 22:49

So the final question I have here. Actually, before I do that, you want to add anything else?

Speaker 2: 23:00

You know, life supports those who support life. So if you feel like you need support, look for it. You feel like you need support, look for it. And I know I'm just saying look for it, but right now, depending on when this is released after summer, I'll have some workshops on my website in regards to two things how to help your preteen find their identity and mapping out your family's virtues and values. And the second thing is how to nurture your preteen's potential during the digital age, because digital, as the name of this podcast shows, the digital landscape is changing how our preteen's brain develops and there is an approach to it that can actually help solidify your preteen's identity using tech, as opposed to being abused by tech. So I'll have those two workshops up on my website and they'll be in the show notes and everything.

Speaker 1: 24:01

I just wanted to let the audience know that, yep, social media has really changed. You have brain development and how we talk and communicate. I mean, I didn't want to believe it, but studies now coming out that I think it reshaped the brains in some sort of way and how we interact with that. This is why, you know, kids are communicating in a way and even teenagers are communicating in a way that we more established generations are just not used to. What the heck is this? And well, there's social media for that and there is ways we got to combat it, because the tools that we had in 1990 is not going to work today.

Speaker 2: 24:41

Let's be very, very clear if the to say it in a in a more digestible way. You're absolutely right, elias. What happened in 2012,? We noticed an uptick inside the mental crisis that's happening in the developed world, and what they noticed was, I'll say like this we are the stories we tell ourselves.

Speaker 2: 25:06

When you have social media and you're having a stream of stories being constantly bombarding your mind, you really can't form your own identity, or your identity is being formed on the other side of a screen. You're starting to form your identity and likes and what you think is important, ie your values, on what's happening on the screen, of what's being told to you. Now the question is when that screen closes, who are you? If you can't answer who you are when that screen closes, how will you ever deal with the stressors of life? Because the way we deal with the stressors of life is by saying I am so. We know where we want to push back and in that pushing and pulling, that's where the tension of life is and that's how you develop. But if you don't know who you are when that screen closes, how are you going to develop? And that's what causes that anxiety or the crisis that's happening on with social media now, the crisis that's happening on with social media.

Speaker 2: 26:05

Now there's a book by I forget the author at the moment, but the book is called the Anxious Generation and he talks about the numbers there. And actually that's what the workshop is about, and we look at where the cutoff point is and actually actionable steps we can take to counter this. And it starts with a strong identity and that's why, at the top of this, at the top of this, I always say there's no greater privilege than to be who you are and I say I see your color, I see your religion, I see your. However. You want to represent yourself and it's all welcome, and you know what.

Speaker 2: 26:40

It might rub me the wrong way, but, like Rumi said, if we avoid everything that rubs us the wrong way, however, will we be polished, and that's what I'm all about. I'm like hey, bring yourself, I have dignity for you, you hold dignity for me. Let's see if we're in alignment and let's get it, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:59

Well, there's those. I won't align with Anyone who wants to really spread legit hate and low IQ stuff. But I'm not going to go there, as you know that already. Those ones I'm just going to probably just cut off because I believe maintain peace through strength as a last resort. That's just my hard position. Do I like to get there? Do I enjoy doing it? Of course not.

Speaker 1: 27:27

There's times that you've got to draw that line to protect not just yourself, also those around you who look up to you for either protection, guidance, what have you, especially for adults. So there's just certain things that you won't allow. That's all I'm going to say about that, because it would just be too tolerant of everything that's somewhat like religions and skin color, things like that, somehow of low vibration in spiritual terms. I mean, that's someone who's acting a fool, okay, and someone who's being disrespectful and just being very, very difficult. And you got to draw the line disrespectful and just be very, very difficult in the end. That's all I'm going to say for that because, to be honest, we have very limited time. I like to go deeper than that. That's actually one question.

Speaker 1: 28:19

Actually, this is the next question, as the preteens are forming their identities. They want to challenge authority. That could be the parent, the teacher, coach, even the police, who, god forbid, doesn't end violently, because, sadly, some of them has. Let's be honest, you know the examples of some of them. I'm not going to talk about them, but you know the names, especially the high-profile ones. How can parents maintain? How can I put this? How can parents establish and enforce the rules, even without creating this warlike adversarial dynamic?

Speaker 2: 29:07

Yeah, yeah. So that's why I work with preteens and nurturing their potential from this early stage, because a stitch in time saves nine. That is just to say, if you put in a lot of work here to be regulated, one and then to establish trust from here, when that mistrust arises, you could be able to deal with it. That's the strategy, the actual tactic to do it. There are many, but one I'll tell you now is as kids start to become more autonomous, you give trust to them and you trust them to set up the rules, regulations and consequences. The reason we have rules and regulations self-regulation it's to actually help in our own development, but nobody likes rules being opposed upon them. That's why it starts with your identity, of your virtues and values, of what's important to you. And now I'm going to invite you into setting up the rules for what you want to get in life and when. I allow you to help. And you're not going to set up all the rules, because, again, we're dealing with preteens here and even with teenagers. This is how we used to do in the classroom If you have some student voice, student choice, or you have some say in the rules, when eventually the consequences come, this is what you decided. This is what you said you would do, and I'm holding you up to that because the question is is this the type of person you want to be? You up to that because the question is is this the type of person you want to be? And what that looks like in the household is yeah, let's walk through the rules of what we want to get Like. What do you want?

Speaker 2: 30:43

You've established that because it's in alignment with your values, and we're speaking to the highest part of you when I say your virtues, it's the part of which a beautiful expression of yourself. Okay, we got that. What rules are we going to put in place for us to get that? Now I'm here to support you in meeting those rules and even when we fall short of them, we know how to repair and reconnect. But when you have the person with some buy-in and the rules of what they want to live and how they want to show up, then they tend to follow them more, and it's not the authority of putting it on them, but it's helping them keep to their word of what they said. And because you're trusting them a bit, they learn to trust themselves. And that's actually where confidence comes from Confidere with the trust, because now you trust your word to meet your rules. Of what you said, hear that.

Speaker 1: 31:40

Let them go through a journey, let them pick it in, and I like that. This is your identity. Who you want to be, you want to behave. Try to follow these things. That matches that identity. I was going to throw a weird one. If you care about the environment, I was going to say I left you to. Some of you just chopped up political nonsense for a second. If you want a clean environment, you're not going to throw the trash everywhere. You're not going to I don't know just throw the ice cream in the middle of the street. That's going against your identity and you trust them to do that. So just give them the guidance instead of just saying no, don't do that, don't do this, throw the ice cream out. They don't trust me.

Speaker 2: 32:27

Yeah, go ahead. One of the quickest, easiest, quickest tips that I've heard a child psychologist say. One time he was like he got from his mother and when he used to behave in a certain way and if you're exhausted and so on, his mother would just say to him is this the type of person you want to be? And you don't say it in again a demeaning way. Maintain the dignity of the person, but let them know the path and trajectory you're on is your choice and you're allowing the person to own whatever experience they're having. Now I may or may not support you in some expressions, and that's fine, because I acknowledge you to be a whole person and in those ways of where it's in alignment with well-being, because I hold my values too and I'm going to be a trustworthy person in your life. I am working for your well-being. But is this the type of person you want to be?

Speaker 1: 33:23

Make them reflect, develop those trust muscles and confidence. I like that. I think that's what a lot of adversarial things that parents still want to be in control so they're too forceful to take it personally. And then, of course, the preteen and the teenager who was challenged back and said I'm not a little kid anymore, stop treating me like I'm five. I think that's a lot of that conflict breeds from. Sure, not all of them, but the vast majority. I mean, assume this is a normal semi-dysfunctional communication, not family, just communication. Just want to be clear, not calling you dysfunctional. Trust me, that's a whole other thing and I'm not going to go there with you. You know who you are and all that good stuff. And with that, you know who you are and all that good stuff.

Speaker 2: 34:21

And with that. Is there anything you want to add before I wrap this up? Yeah, if you want to get in touch with me, learn more, you can check my site out, marcushiggscom. I'll have some workshops up there relevant to the topics we talked about today. It's been a pleasure, elias.

Speaker 1: 34:40

Oh, no, you got my name right. Let me just self-correct there. Remember, the show up framework stands for S all actions for identity. H. Hold space for collaboration, that's for critical thinking and collaborative problem solving. Oh, open up for communication. Pass on values without being preachy. Uh, parents, they preach too much. Easier said than done for some of them. I like that. I get that. It's a rad. I think a lot of us grew up on that, so that's just me. I personally like to call it and w. Wander and explore this world together, project-based living and up, unveil potential together.

Speaker 1: 35:21

Of course, from extra details about this workshop, go to marcus higgscom. I'm just gonna read this part right here, so I'm going to just repeat the skit. So, m-a-r-c-u-s-h-i-g-g-s dot com. All right, that's Marcus Higgs dot com. Check him out. It's a beautiful website. He's friendly, he wants to talk to you, ok. So yeah, I got to throw that in there. It's a very beautiful website. It's an easy website to follow through. It's very visual. If you're a visual person, you'll like it. It's not very wordy, all right.

Speaker 1: 35:59

For some of you who just think websites are too worthy, too lengthy, it gets. Get straight to the point. I try to website myself, so give it a shot. I don't want to hear you got super ADHD or you don't got time for that. No, you just not putting the time for it. Okay, let's just be very, very real. Get in touch with him. He's going to have workshops. He got stuff going on the time, you know. Once this episode is released, just Go in there. Just do what you need to do, especially if you have a very difficult Dynamic With your preaching, and I'm sure you allow preteens to join the workshop too. Right, just do what you need to do, especially if you have a very difficult dynamic with your own preteen, and I'm sure you allow preteens to join the workshop too. Right? I'm assuming that's a yes.

Speaker 2: 36:41

I work with parents of preteens, meaning, yeah, you know what it is. It's personal development, really using the thing that's most relevant to the person, which is their child, and that's what it is. I mean the preteens can join if they want to, but I'm helping parents understand the preteens. I'm like an advocate for the preteen to say this is what they're thinking about, this is what they're doing.

Speaker 1: 37:06

Well, preteens is optional for you, so you can still play around if you want. He's not putting you to the leash, it's just this wall for the parent, especially if they want to grow and improve their communication. So that's all I'm going to say for that, and I'll link all his social medias as well, whatever social media he has.

Speaker 1: 37:26

I'm going to link it as well. So get in touch with him. Get in touch with him. He's a cool dude. You just heard his interview. He's wise and avoided kill. Cool kids say he's base, okay, base, yes, I don't care if you call me a new boomer, I really don't care. You preteens and you young adults, I don't care, I'm using your terminology. So you could get me all right. Be you halfway, okay, and stop doing that digital cloud chasing as well. You can begin with the real world and then you can begin with your little digital. So, all right, enough of me yapping and lecturing y'all. I'm being preachy. Don't listen to me. Listen to markets at this point.

Speaker 2: 38:06

I'm losing it. Listen to yourself, man. I trust the wisdom that's with them.

Speaker 1: 38:11

They all good they are good. So, all right, Let me stop fooling around. So I got to wrap this up. So for wherever you're listening to this podcast, you have a blessed day, afternoon or night. Thanks for watching.