243- Finding Support in Times of Grief with Denise Dielwart

Have you ever felt like grief was an overwhelming force, leaving you unsure of how to move forward? Join us as we sit down with Denise Dielwart, who poignantly shares her journey through the sudden loss of her husband. Denise opens up about the numbing initial stages of grief and how this universal emotion extends beyond personal loss to major life changes, such as those experienced during the COVID-19 pandemic. Her story is a testament to the necessity of processing grief healthily, providing listeners with valuable insights and steps toward healing.

What does it take to break free from the victim mentality that can accompany profound grief? We recount a compelling parable about the importance of recognizing and accepting help, highlighting how some individuals take action to overcome their sorrow while others remain stuck in validation-seeking cycles. Denise shares raw, personal anecdotes about the addictive nature of the victim mentality, her battle with depression, and the misconceptions surrounding suicide. We emphasize the strength required to face such intense emotions and illuminate the sudden, life-changing impact that unexpected loss can have.

Uncover the profound process of releasing deep-seated emotions related to grief by exploring the Flow Grief Release Academy's method. Denise critiques the traditional five stages of grief model and advocates for a more personalized approach to healing. Additionally, we delve into the transformative power of meditation and gratitude in managing emotions like anger and finding inner peace. This episode also highlights the importance of community and support, offering listeners the chance to connect with compassionate practitioners and even consider joining the movement to help others navigate their emotional challenges.

Follow Denise Dielwart at ...

https://www.flowgriefacademy.com/

YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/@denisedielwartgriefunlocked

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/denisedielwart_grief_unlocked/

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/griefunlocked

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Chapters

• 0:11 Embracing Grief and Healing
• 10:05 Overcoming Grief Through Action
• 24:14 Navigating Unique Grief Journeys
• 34:29 Navigating Meditation and Gratitude in Grief
• 42:05 Grief Support and Practitioner Training

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:11

Welcome everyone to Politically High Tech. With your host, elias, we're gonna start another war. Don't worry, it's not a literal war. No bombs and guns and all that is included. We have another internal war.

Speaker 1: 0:33

Y'all was against negativity and depression. This one is different because this one is necessary at times, not every single time, but like certain tragic events, like a death, grief is necessary to process through. Shoving it aside not a good idea, overfeeding it not great either. I have a guess here and you know how tribalistic it is in America and how crazy the world has gotten we definitely need more emotional wisdom. I can use some of that myself. We need more emotional wisdom.

Speaker 1: 1:16

I just think adults today just don't know how to handle difficult emotions. You're trying to act too tough. Nothing bothers us emotions you're trying to act too tough, right, nothing bothers us, or so people just overreact, over exaggerate or just linger that emotion for so long. Either of it just seems crazy. So I am happy to have more people who are gonna tackle this and trust me, I'm just because I'm a host. It doesn't make me better. I'm a learner as well. Okay, so I don't want to make this monologue too long because I want to get straight to the good stuff, okay. So let's welcome denise dealward.

Speaker 1: 2:01

Okay, and she has dealt with this very emotion herself and I'm just going to say just a little bit of general and then she can elaborate much more in her introduction. You know, I think one of the most profound things about grief is it stems from a lack of direction, a lack of purpose. I think that's the root of a lot of things, especially when you lose someone or it doesn't even have to be a person, you just lose the ability even to perform a job you love. That can even cause grief, you know, and grief is, I will say, it's necessary, it's not something you just brush up on, it's not, it's not a tantrum, it's not anger, something deep and it needs to be processed and thank goodness, there are healthy ways to do that. She went through a little bit of something like that and she went through this very emotion and I hope she's a certified expert by. But we're going to find out with her introduction.

Speaker 1: 3:05

Let's welcome Denise Delwer. What do you want my listeners and audience, who is watching this? What do you want them to know about you?

Speaker 2: 3:15

Well, hi, thank you, and thank you for giving me the opportunity, because grief, as you said in your intro, is we're all going to go through grief. We all go through grief. I believe that right now, the whole world is grieving. We don't even know that we're grieving. We're grieving the loss of, you know, prior to COVID. I'm in Australia. Australia was the most locked down country in the world during COVID, and we're grieving the loss of a previous life. So grief, as you said, is not just the loss of a loved one. Grief is an emotion that we all feel, but we don't necessarily recognize that we're grieving.

Speaker 2: 4:00

So a little bit about me. I lost my husband in 2009 to a sudden blood clot. Before that, I had lost both my parents. They both passed away. I'm an only child and so I didn't have anybody I could go to or any siblings that I could go to when my husband passed away. Yes, I had my children, but they were grieving as well. They just lost their father and it was so sudden that there was no goodbyes. There was no. I love you's nothing. It was just gone. That was totally unexpected. He was only 55. So, you know, went to work and basically didn't come home.

Speaker 2: 4:37

So that journey, that's where my journey began, that's where I went into complete la-la land. I didn't know whether I was up or whether I was down, I didn't know what hit me and it was a journey that I had to take and I had to make. But I didn't want to make it and we can't deny those grief feelings. We can't. Initially we're just numb.

Speaker 2: 5:05

If any of your listeners had lost a loved one, you know that the initial stages, the initial heart, it's not even a stage. But the first thing in grief is that the body shuts down and we live in what I call la-la land. We feel as though we're walking outside our body. We don't process, we can't process what's just happened. It's humanly impossible. And that's even if you've nursed somebody. I've worked with so many people that have nursed their loved ones through illness, through cancers, through COVID, through all sorts of things, that have eventually died and it's been a long, drawn-out process and they think that they're ready for them to pass. But they're not, because grief, death, is final. It's final. You can't go back and say anything to that person.

Speaker 1: 6:00

Yeah, I mean for those of you who are grieving especially, or you know someone who's grieving yeah, share this episode. I mean, besides just plugging it in, I hope we got your attention because this is for you. Trust me, I am not going to be talking about politics. I already talked about enough of that craziness. I have different episodes for that.

Speaker 1: 6:23

No, this is going to be more of a somber comp, maybe a little light humor. I cannot promise that, because at times, if I execute it wrong, it's going to seem toned down. That criticism will be valid. So, yeah, I'll say one of the things, one of the big things I see without a grief is that once you lose soul and that's very important your loss, your sense of direction of life is gone, especially if you don't deal with it. That temporary loss could turn permanent. And, yeah, I mean I felt that way. I mean I went through grief when I lost my father at age 15. You know, so I can relate. Our situations have some variables, but the general thing is similar. Grief, yeah, and everybody processes it a bit differently, but there are stages to it and I'll let you explain that because I'm still a bit of uh.

Speaker 1: 7:26

You know I'm a bit of a blockhead when it comes to that, to that stuff. But yeah, your body does shut down. And it was weird. I said why is my body shutting down you?

Speaker 2: 7:37

know, um, and the worst thing that we can possibly do and I only know this now because I did it and a lot of my clients do it is we go to therapy About six months into my husband passing away. My kids said to me Mom, you're getting Alzheimer's, go and see the doctor. So I did, I went off and saw the doctor, who then sent me to a psychologist and she started going through how I need to heal and how this, how grief works, and all the rest of it. And it was great because I'd go and sit and have a chat to her. We'd have a cup of tea, we'd talk about how I was feeling, and then I'd'd leave her office, go home, and I was like, oh, I'm feeling just as bad. And I said to her one day how, why am I not feeling any better? Why am I still feeling like this? And she said Denise, you've just lost your husband. She said you're going to be like this for the next five to seven years. You've got to go through the stages of grief and you've got to wait for time, because time heals all.

Speaker 2: 8:51

And something inside of me snapped and on the way home I used some choice four-letter words to my steering wheel, about yelling and screaming that I was not going to stay in the States. There's no way that my husband, martin, would have wanted me to stay like I am and that switched my switch on. There has to be a better way. There has to be other ways to heal grief. You know, I see so many people say, oh, they'll just pray about it. I've got God, I've got my Bible, I'll just pray. You can't just pray your way out of grief. It's like it's magical thinking and you know as much as what I am. I do believe that there's a higher force. But we cannot just pray. We have to take action. It's like please, you know, please, lord, help me and I've said that many a time, many a time Please just help me, just show me the way. I don't know what to do here. That's okay. But then when those signs come through, when you start getting that, oh, I'm going to go for a walk or I'm going to go and do that, take action and do that Take, you can't just.

Speaker 2: 10:05

You know, it's always related to that parable about God sent the man, the guy that was drowning in a flood, and he sent a boat and he sent a helicopter and he sent all sorts of things. And the guy eventually drowns and he says he's up at the pearly gates and he says God, why didn't you save me? He said what do you want me to do? I sent you a boat, a ladder, a helicopter. So it's really taking action and grief is sometimes when we're grieving and this is not for everybody, because some people just step in straight away and they heal and they do the action, they seek the right help and they move through their grief quickly.

Speaker 2: 10:43

Others stay in that la-la land. Now why do we stay? Why do they do that? Because when we and I know this is a word I've been criticized for so many times is when we stay the victim of our grief, it's easier to stay the victim. Look at me, poor me, Didn't you know I lost. You know I'm a widow, which is a label I'm a widow. Oh, I lost my child. Oh, I'm a widower. I lost my wife, I lost my father, and everybody goes oh, I'm so sorry. So now you're getting validation again that you've experienced something really bad, so it's so much easier to stay there.

Speaker 1: 11:30

No, I know what you're saying is very, very profound. Yeah, you can't just pray it away, like, for example, if I get angry, oh God, please get rid of my anger. Oh, no, he's not doing that. He's not doing that, he's not doing that. You need to find a way out to deal with that anger and he'll guide you to, he'll guide you through it, right, it's just that it does require that big a word that, sadly, lazy people don't want to do.

Speaker 1: 11:57

Action is when magically go away and we just pretend denise is a bad person. She's making me upset, god. I'm praying for Denise to go away. Not going to happen, okay, so you know well, at least not right away. But you know that's hypothetical, that's in a different reality, probably a different universe or something where we're enemies instead of having this nice wonderful conversation, right? So, yeah, that is true, it's just profound. It requires action, and the real Christian people will say that same thing too. The ones that preach like it's mystical, magical, they're not real priests. Okay, I'm just going to say that right now. If it offends you, oh well. And let me just say a little bit about the victim mentality, because it's very profound. Once you get that validation, it's addicting. It's addicting that victim mentality. It's so addicting. It's a drug.

Speaker 1: 12:53

I was there. It took me two years to beat depression Two Because, just like you, I got sick and tired of just going through this. This has to be a better way. I even attempted to commit suicide once, and then I had a big light bulb moment and I was one foot step away to jump out of that roof of the building. I had my suicide plan set up close to perfection. My family didn't even know it, but I felt divine intervention. All story short, there was light bulb.

Speaker 1: 13:27

I said I can't be living like this forever. You know, this is just similar to you. It snapped like there has to be a better way. I can't be grieving like this for 10 years. So that's crazy. I could. I could be probably like 30, 40 years old to still feel like this. No, no, and it's sad. There's a lot of people going through this in such a long term that it's going to feel like forever. It's sadly for some people who I'm going to say this word because I don't want to get demoted delete themselves. I'd say like that yeah, that's the end, and that's such a tragic end, such a tragic end.

Speaker 2: 14:07

I work with people that have lost their loved ones to suicide and, to be honest, everybody says, oh, you're such. You know, there's this cliche that everybody says, oh, suicide, you're weak or you're not. You're actually very strong to suicide. To take your own life takes a lot of strength, but it's not the answer. Because what mess, what are you leaving behind for your loved ones?

Speaker 1: 14:39

One more thing I want to add. I'm sorry, this is the most conceptualized people just have with suicide. Oh, they want to end their. I'm sorry. Yeah, you know this is a misconception that people just have with suicide. Oh, they want to end their own life. No, they want to end the pain and the suffering. That's right. The sad part is life is included in that package. There's just no way to separate that. I'm sorry. Continue.

Speaker 2: 14:59

I was going to say that as well is that when we're in pain, we want to end that pain. It's a human behavior. We want to end that pain, right? I'm really feeling sad, especially when you lose a loved one. Your whole world is rocked. Your whole world is rocked. It's not expected. Suddenly your life is going in a completely different direction. So you've been planted in another place, in another universe suddenly, and depression and victimhood, and it's not fair and we play that moment in time over and over and over.

Speaker 2: 15:40

When they died If only I could have, I should have. I had tremendous guilt because I wasn't with my husband when they died If only I could have, I should have. I had tremendous guilt because I wasn't with my husband when he died. He was in the hospital, he was coming home, he wasn't going to die and I got a call to say he's dead, he's gone. Just a phone call. You know. Hello is that, mr Stilwell? This is the hospital. Your husband didn't make it. What do you mean? He didn't make it? That was the call I got at 11 o'clock at night. So immediately you're transported into another world, total another world.

Speaker 2: 16:21

But we don't realize the consequences of us not moving forward If we remain stuck in that grief. And I've seen it with so many people. They get stuck in that grief for 10, 15, 20 years. I'm thinking of one of my clients who lost her husband, and when we started working together it was 15 years since he had passed away. Now, if time, if that cliché time heals, all worked, she would have been okay after 15 years. Surely you would think, right On our first call she just burst into tears. She couldn't talk to me, she was still so emotional. But in the meantime, during that 15 years, she had contracted and created cancer. She had cancer. She couldn't work anymore. She put on excessive weight, she was in a wheelchair, she had AIDS working with her. That's what grief does. It shuts down the body. So we have to take action straight away, as hard as what it is. And you know what stops us, what stops all of us, is the guilt of leaving them behind.

Speaker 1: 17:48

Listeners and viewers, I really hope you're paying attention. This is a more serious but, I think, a valuable episode for you Because, you know, I think we need to hear more of these things more than ever. And, like it's ironic, I'm a guy host who's talking about grief, who's promoting grief, and the reason why I'm using that gender is because men we talked about this a little early before we got on air men have a funny relationship with emotions. A lot of them are they're least likely to get this kind of help compared to their female counterpart and you know, if you check her website, you can see a lot of women's because women are just more likely, they are more comfortable with trying to talk to others and express these vulnerable emotions. Some of us guys we usually being stoic. Not showing emotion is the best way to go forward, and that will eventually cripple us.

Speaker 2: 19:05

It does. You know, men, men grieve silently, inwardly. Women will not all women, but mostly women will cry and they'll wail and they'll have emotional outbursts, whereas men just shut down. They just shut down. How are you? I'm fine, I'm okay, I've got to go to work. They just shut down. How are you? I'm fine, I'm okay, I've got to go to work.

Speaker 2: 19:33

They keep busy, they busy themselves with stuff so that they don't actually face those emotions, they don't feel them. I don't want to feel those emotions, I'm fine. What comes out of that is depression. What comes out of that is depression, depression and worthlessness. And you know, in a case of where a family loses a child, if the parents, the mother and the father, don't get the right help, that whole family falls apart.

Speaker 2: 20:07

And you see it all the time. You see it all the time. You see it all the time Because the mother's expressing her grief in the way she's doing it and she's looking at the father and she's saying to the father you don't get me, you don't understand, you don't care, you're just going to work. And the father's thinking to himself. Of course, he can't express himself. Men have never been taught to be emotional or to express yourself, like it or not, that's just the way it is. I've seen it with my son. He bottles up so much. All men bottle up, you bottle up, you bottle up until you explode, until you explode. Then they go.

Speaker 2: 20:44

What happened? Because you haven't expressed your emotions, you haven't felt it. So what? What happened? Because you haven't expressed your emotions, you haven't felt it. So what that does is then he goes off to work. He keeps busy, daddy, daddy, da. He's got the wife there that's crying and wailing. He doesn't know what to do with her. What do I do with you? I don't know how to handle you. And then you've got the other children that are watching this going. What happened? We lost my brother or lost my sister. Now I'm I'm grieving. Where do I fit into this equation? So it's so important to get the right help and to, to, to do the inner work on yourself, to become that new person without your loved one yeah, I mean.

Speaker 1: 21:23

Well, yeah, I mean there are certain guys I would say they are the exceptions to the rule. Me as a teenager, I dealt with both. I tried to bottle up and then they exploded with tears and then I was ashamed. Those tears came out and then I went back to bottling. I mean, I'm sure a lot of you guys could relate maybe certain of you women too who was raised in a more masculine, dominant environment. Um, but yeah, I mean eventually, who was raised in a more masculine, dominant environment, eventually they're going to have to be processed one way or another.

Speaker 1: 22:03

Bottling them up and just keep feeding them is just not the way Anything else you want to add before we talk about your academy.

Speaker 2: 22:13

I just wanted to quickly just say we need to feel, we really need to feel, and that's my flow method, so we'll go into that a little bit more, but we need to feel.

Speaker 1: 22:29

If we don't feel our emotions, we can't heal them. Yeah, I know that's tough, especially for us guys, but we have to do that one way or another. Maybe not as expressive, maybe not as loud as a woman, maybe a little tear maybe go nice and slow, I don't know. Listen to Denise here. You can ignore this host if you want. I'm certainly not an expert, but that's why I have guests here, because they help expand my horizons. They unintentionally, because I don't tell them my blind spots and I'm willing to grow. I'm willing to let the ego be put in its place. Grow. I'm willing to let the ego be put in its place. Okay, if you want to go by ego, go right ahead. Just know that's going to be a very destructive outcome. You've been warned. You've been warned and let's see. So that's what I want to say about that.

Speaker 1: 23:26

Now about this lovely Flow grief academy yeah now my first question is I always ask this one what makes this one so different from others that is, with similar work?

Speaker 2: 23:48

yeah, because my unique flow method is my method that I created that works within weeks. It works within weeks. Um, flow is an acronym for feel. Let go, overcome and become whole. So we have to feel.

Speaker 2: 24:14

When we feel our emotions, our feeling is not just oh, I'm feeling sad today. Oh, what did I do? Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, today's our anniversary. Oh, I've heard a song.

Speaker 2: 24:24

And then bursting in. That's not feeling, that's acknowledging Feeling is going beneath that. So we go way beneath that. What are you feeling? Where did it trigger? How did it trigger? So you learn how to actually feel that. What emotion am I feeling? What triggered it? And then the letting go is the letting go of that emotion. Okay, now we know what it is, we can now let go of that emotion. Okay, now we know what it is, we can now let go of that emotion. It's not letting go of the love or the memories or anything like that. It is letting go of that heartache, that emotion, that deep-seated emotion that's keeping you stuck. You don't even know that you're feeling that. That's the cause. We go beneath, we go right deep down into you and say what is it? Where did that come from? And nine times out of ten. It's a belief that we've had all our life, that we run on a subconscious level. We don't even realize that it's there.

Speaker 1: 25:22

Yeah, I like that flow. It's easy, it's memorable. And I'm just going to attack myself for a second. I used to think even the most complicated unique approaches are the best. So no, something memorable, catchy. People will be able to memorize that. Unless you know those who have English as a second language. Even they could learn that too. You know, it's going to take, just probably a bit longer because they're used to the other language, but even they could get it. Even ESOL English as a second language, people could get that. It's that simple.

Speaker 2: 26:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:06

Yeah, it's pretty simple, so I like that. And yeah, Flo, and that's the name of the academy as well. You put that as a name.

Speaker 2: 26:15

So that's, that's my. It's the Flow Grief Release Academy. It's releasing your grief Now, with so much grief in the world at the moment, worldwide. Here I am in Australia, you're in New York, I'm in Queensland. The world has become so small. I work with people all over the world. So do my certified practitioners. I've had people reaching out to me how can we do what you're doing? Teach us your flow method. I want to help. I've healed myself in my grief. I want to help. I've healed myself in my grief. I want to help others now, and so I created and I started the certification program so that you can learn and you become certified in my flow method and you become a certified practitioner that can go out and help others.

Speaker 1: 27:12

So you're not just having a business, you're even starting a movement, in a way a global movement.

Speaker 2: 27:18

Yeah, I see it that way, because for me, I am so—I feel as though it's my calling. I really do. I was never going to work in grief, ever. This was not what I was going to do. And then I kept getting this little tip you need to work in grief, you need to work in grief. And I'm going shut up, shut up, shut up. I'm not working in grief. And to the best I went okay, I'll work in grief, show me the way. And it's just evolved through the you know, um started small, it's getting bigger, and then the academy was born because people came to me. I didn't you know. They kept saying we want to do what you're doing.

Speaker 2: 28:02

How do I talk to somebody that's grieving? How do I help my sister? Uh, how do I help my sister? How do I help people in church? What do I say?

Speaker 2: 28:10

Because the narrative, unfortunately, that is being used has been used since the 1960s the five stages of grief. If I can say to anybody or anybody listening now, ditch the five stages of grief. The five stages of grief was created by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross for people that were diagnosed with a terminal illness, not people that had lost a loved one, but for people that were dying and those were the stages that they went through the denial, the anger. That they went through the denial, the anger, whatever it is I don't even focus on them so I don't even know what they are. Offhand, just before her death, she actually apologized that it had been taken up as the gold standard because it was never intended for people that had lost a loved one.

Speaker 2: 29:07

But everybody still uses go through the five stages. Oh, you're in anger now. Oh, you're in this stage, you're in that stage, you're just grieving. You know it keeps you stuck because you think, oh, I haven't gone through anger yet, why am I not feeling angry? I've had so many in my class, you know, when we start working together, I've never felt angry. Is that wrong? So it's putting labels on those stages. You cannot go through stages of grief.

Speaker 1: 29:38

You really can't now I would like to add I just put up what was a five stages of grief. Don't worry, I don't know anything, I'm just checking on the internet, so I'm using a cheat sheet right now. Okay, just uh, just uh. Just just to get very brief context, because I actually do agree with you, I was going to go through real quick five stages of grief according to the kubler-ross model is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I believe a lot, a lot of people go through denial. I believe a lot of people some people go. I believe some people will go through anger. Some are too, just too graceful for anger. And the way that it's just set up is so linear, right. It doesn't address the unique human processes of emotion. Some people just jump straight to anger, forget denial. Why the heck denial is so unfair?

Speaker 2: 30:34

I hate God, I hate the world, I hate everybody.

Speaker 1: 30:39

I went to anger. I didn't go to denial, I went to anger real quick, I went expressly to anger. Pretty, except the fact that my father was going to die.

Speaker 2: 30:48

If you take that in the context of somebody dying that has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, what is the first thing they're going to go? No, this is not true, they're in denial. This what is the first thing they're going to go? No, this is not true, they're in denial. This is not true. Whereas when you lose somebody, you're in la-la land, which is disbelief. Did this just happen to me? What's happening in my life now? And then you can get angry, but you get angry. Not. Everybody gets angry. So what, what that linear process does is is and and therapists, psychologists, everybody is trained in that nurses, doctors, everybody around the world. It's become the gold standard, and this is where I rock the boat. I really rock the boat here because I say don't wait for time and don't go through the five stages of grief.

Speaker 1: 31:39

Like I said, everybody has a unique journey. Everybody processes things very differently. You know and this unintentionally I'm going to say something out of my rock of the boat too this can potentially discriminate neurodivergent people. Okay. So the fact that we're just saying it's a gold standard, yeah, I guess it's okay if the? So the fact that we're just saying it's a gold standard, yeah, I guess it's okay If the person goes through all that. I'm not entirely against it.

Speaker 1: 32:05

But putting that as a one size fits all, no, I went straight to stage two. I was already accepting that fact. I was just so angry at God, I took it out on the world Because it was a victim mentality. And then Barg so angry at god, I took it out on the world because it was a victim mentality, male, and then bargaining. I didn't even bother, I would just did. I just went down. That went straight to stage um four and that's the one I stood for a very, very long time. So I'll skip one and three. I still don't. Four for the longest. And finally I have, when I started to, just I accept my emotions really and growth and the lessons from that hardship. That's where I really accepted really. Then I was able to move on. It took me two years and some people were just shocked by that. They don't believe that. Some people think I'm lying. Some people are just shocked. Some people think I'm lying. Some people are just shocked.

Speaker 2: 33:13

Some people just think of depression and grief as this lifelong saying no, it's not supposed to be. There's a time for a yes, but it's not supposed to be. I know you want to add an op, feel free. You're the expert here. I want to hear you. You know, what I've seen throughout my 15 years of doing this work now is that when I see clients come to me, some of them are so ready. You know, I have some clients.

Speaker 2: 33:28

I had a widow that two weeks after her husband died she booked her appointment for me and she said, denise, I have to heal my grief because she found out that he was having an affair and all the money that he had and they had that he had showed her that he had was not there. It was nonexistent. He was lying to her and she was so angry angry at him for lying not angry that he had left her, but angry at him. And she said it's only been two weeks since he's passed away. I'm in remission of breast cancer. I know that if I hang on to this anger it's going to trigger my breast cancer again. I need to heal.

Speaker 2: 34:15

So two weeks my initial program to heal. When I work with people, not the academy side. The academy is a lot longer, but the initial program is only eight weeks and by the end of that eight weeks she was just. She was a different person. She had forgiven him. She said I have to forgive him to grieve, she said because I loved him before I knew all this other stuff. But I can't grieve while I'm feeling this anger with me. So she had anger but she had a reason to be angry. But she also had the knowledge to know not to hang on to that anger because it would cause her damage.

Speaker 1: 34:53

Yeah, no, I understand how she feels. I mean, Connie just found out love of your life was. He had a, just to put it nicely, a second option. Yeah, I mean, she was treated like an option, which I'm just going to say like that, without going to the gross and the very adulterated stuff Since you're keeping it clean, I'm keeping it clean as well. That's how I match you. You swear, I swear, that's how I go. I match you. You swear, I swear. That's how I go. I match, but since you're keeping it graceful and clean, I could do the same as well.

Speaker 1: 35:24

I have many different modes of communication and you know, and I do attract, you know, more refined people. I mean by refined it's like 35 plus professional and all that. They don't. They're not going to hear me talk like I'm in the bar or something. You know. They're saying all kinds of dirty, crass jokes that mostly either tough women and guys will enjoy, All right. So I says I know this, that's my audience. I'm getting more clear data. There are certain modifications I need to do. Okay, Because 9-1-1's in for the controversial rock-and-the-bow version of Elias.

Speaker 1: 36:01

Some of them want the more clean fun and some wants the more understanding, somber Even I try to throw in some light humor stuff here and there. That's my core, I accept it and deal with it. It keeps me sane and so far I like to keep my guests happy and hope that all this conversation too, that's another thing. So just for the audience, even for the guests as well, because I guess is a poor part of the show. I mean my first two years I didn't have guests at all, so just me running this thing, and then by the time start grow a little big. So I want to be in your show and be your show. By the time I start growing a little big, some people say I want to be in your show, I want to be in your show. And I found a solution to it.

Speaker 2: 36:42

And there you go, got.

Speaker 1: 36:42

to guess, yeah, why I'm saying this? Because it's good to have a network on who you can trust, not just anybody. I get it. Emotions are precious to you, especially your guys, those who got your trust. Talk with those and deal with some internal stuff as well. The only thing I always go back to is meditation, meditation, yeah, and find your own unique way through the meditation. You know, if you want to learn through the basics of whatever school there is, fine, as long as it's compatible with you, go for. That's my last advice, because I do not want to take over this guest's role of expertise. I'm just more like a buffer, a sidekick, in a sense of buffing the main star here. That's all I'm going to say about that. Anything else you want to add?

Speaker 2: 37:38

With meditation. So many people are not used to meditating. We're not taught to meditate. We are not taught to meditate. What's the difference between prayer and meditation? Prayer is when you're asking God for advice. Meditation is when he's giving you the advice.

Speaker 2: 38:00

So you can be meditating anywhere. You can go and sit on a park bench and just watch people. It's meditation. You don't have to do a formal. I'm sitting here and I'm meditating, it doesn't you know? Then your mind goes and then you can't meditate and then you're thinking about all this stuff that's happening and you're thinking about your shopping list and stuff that you've never thought of before. And then they go. I can't meditate. Meditation is just sitting quietly somewhere. You want to do guided meditation? There's heaps on YouTube. Just do it. Just fall asleep with a YouTube guided meditation, if that's what you want to do, if that's all you can do. But meditation stills the mind, makes all that chatter out, because our monkey brain just goes da-da-da-da-da-da-da. We have now an extra layer of grief of not being able to make sense of our world. So the monkey brain goes into soul direction and it says right, I'm here, I'm going to tell you what to do, and it's all the so. Eventually you can burn out. You can just burn out.

Speaker 1: 39:20

Yeah, no, absolutely. And burning out has accelerated. So many studies have shown that it has increased exponentially. Because there's just not not enough people who are doing meditation. I love that distinction.

Speaker 1: 39:35

Prayer is the human, is the communicator. We all want to request wow, god. During a meditation, he's the communicator, you're the receiver. So I think that's the most easy, beautiful, practical way of saying it. I couldn't have said it better. So that is, that's very good. I really hope you're getting this.

Speaker 1: 40:01

Listeners, oh, this is, I mean, I am just feeling better. I had a pretty dull day, but the fact that I am hearing this is actually just lightens my heart, my heart. It actually feels lighter. So, you know, I'm not just saying that, just to act, but this, this, this has been really, really, really good. You know, and and uh, let's see, let's do the plug-in. Yeah, I don't know, I don't want to forget that lovely plug-in. So, listeners, now, this is why I'm your boss. Let me tell you what to do from here. Go to flow grief academy. I command it. I'll have the link in the description, all right? Yeah, go to wwwflowgriefacademycom if you want to schedule a session. Where is slash talk wwwflowgriefacademycom? Forward slash talk. Okay, you can follow her on her social medias as well. She has a Facebook, youtube, instagram and a TikTok. Okay, so she wants to have a more in-depth conversation, so go there. Is there anything else you want to add before I wrap this up?

Speaker 2: 41:16

No, just a very quick to add to the meditation is to do a gratitude diary, gratitude journal Be grateful, what are you grateful for? And I know that, in brief, people say I'm not grateful for anything because it's not fair. Yes, you are grateful you woke up in the morning. What else am I grateful for? You're grateful to be alive.

Speaker 1: 41:44

Yes, that's the most basic one. You know, I'm sorry to say that.

Speaker 2: 41:48

There's gratitude there. What else are you grateful for? If you can find just five things every day to be grateful for, your life will change. You'll start seeing, you'll lighten up. You'll go oh my goodness, life is not that bad. So yeah, and you know to anybody listening, book a call with me. It's a free call. Go to my website. All the links will be below. We spend 45 minutes to an hour together. That's my gift to you to see where you're at, you know what you're struggling with and give you some help.

Speaker 1: 42:27

Give you some support. I don't worry, she's friendly, she's definitely someone you can touch. You can talk about goodness touch. I can't even speak now. Talk to reach out and communicate, especially going through difficult emotions, especially grief. You're grieving one way or another.

Speaker 2: 42:44

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 42:45

Grief has been increasing and of course, burnout and all of that and a lot of these things are interconnected.

Speaker 2: 42:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 42:52

So schedule a call with her, especially going through that emotion. Okay, go there, talk to her. A that's a pretty generous gift. So people only give you like 10-15 minutes or something not at all. You got to pay me, okay.

Speaker 2: 43:07

So let's just keep that in context before you start putting, I'll say nonsensical comments, if I'm going to be a little nice and and also, if you want to become a practitioner, if you want to become a flow grief release practitioner, if you feel and you've heard, you know you're listening to this and going, you know I would actually like to help others. Let's use the same link and we can talk about that as well.

Speaker 1: 43:36

Yep. So see, that makes it different. She wants those to help spread her method and helping others around the world, not just. Ah, I keep it to myself. This is a movement in a lot of ways. This is a global movement. If you've got a website, you can easily reach the world.

Speaker 2: 44:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 44:02

Yeah, so if you're grieving or want to help, you know what to do. The links and the social medias will be in the description, especially when it comes to follow Denise Dillard. Yeah, that section right there, middle section, you're going to see all those links.

Speaker 2: 44:22

Okay, wonderful.

Speaker 1: 44:25

Yeah, so oh, I'm sorry you want anything else before I wrap this up?

Speaker 2: 44:30

Oh, I was just going to say thank you so much for having me here.

Speaker 1: 44:34

Oh, it's been my pleasure. It's been my pleasure. So, from wherever or whenever you listen to this podcast, you have a blessed day, afternoon or night.

Speaker 2: 44:54

Thank you.