Episode 29 - Nothing but Bar Battles and Athletic Controversies

Ever had to wrestle with a drunken patron who just wouldn’t leave? This week, I recount a crazy incident involving a pint-sized but incredibly strong intoxicated girl who made my week one for the books. The comedy of errors that ensued as I tried to remove her from the bar is something you won’t want to miss. It’s a hilarious yet frustrating reminder of the bizarre behavior that can happen when alcohol is involved.

Next up, we tackle a topic that’s making waves in the sports world: the expulsion of Paraguayan swimmer Luana Alonso from the Olympic Village. Accused of distracting other athletes with her outfits and social habits, Alonso’s situation raises questions about the fairness of such allegations.

Finally, we shift our focus to the gym, dissecting the double standards in attire and behavior. Sharing my personal experiences, I discuss the fine line between wearing functional workout clothes vs. seeking attention. 

Wrapping up, we look at the NFL pre-season, highlighting quarterbacks like Joe Milton, Mac Jones, Drake May, and Caleb Williams, and ponder the future of the Chicago Bears. Tune in for a mix of humor, controversy, and thought-provoking discussions!

If you would like to share your opinion, send an email to lnbemedia@gmail.com

Transcript

Mike: 0:09

Yo, what's going on everybody? Welcome back to The LNBE Podcast, where LNBE stands for literally nothing but everything. I'm Mike Rispoli, and if you would be so kind, please give this a like and give it a follow, share it with some people that you might know who might enjoy it. I mean, I'm on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Amazon Music. I'm on like all of them. So I mean there's no reason why people shouldn't be able to find me, but maybe it's just because I suck at doing this and people just don't want to listen to it. This thing can only grow the more that you guys help me out, and I would really appreciate it. You can also find me on social. You can find me on Instagram and TikTok, @thelnbe pod, and you can also find all of the audio uploads of this on YouTube as well, if you just type in The LNBE Pod on YouTube. And also, don't forget, if you guys ever want to write in, feel free to do so. You can email me at lnbemedia@ gmail. com, and with that, let's get into this bitch.

Mike: 1:01

Did anybody else feel like last week was just like the longest fucking week of their lives? I don't know what it is, I don't know why. But it was just a massive drag, which is fitting, because then at the end of my week, on friday night, I had to drag some bimbo out of the bar. I'm sure she's a nice girl. I actually don't even know who she is. But I also don't understand why drunk people, when they get to a certain level, they just don't even know who she is. But I also don't understand why drunk people, when they get to a certain level, they just don't want to fucking leave when you ask them to. I don't know if it's because they just want to hang and stay with their friends. I don't know if they think that they're gonna be like an embarrassment because they're gonna leave early, because, like I don't know, last one to sleep at the slumber party is the loser kind of a situation. But you actually make yourself look more of an idiot when you don't leave than if you do leave, because 9 out of 10 times you're going to cause a fucking scene which is going to be way more embarrassing than if you had just walked out. And plus, it's also really funny because I don't give a fuck how old you are. You could be 25. You could be 35, 35, you could be 55 for all I care, but as soon as enough alcohol hits your system, everybody just turns 5. Like I don't know what it is.

Mike: 2:13

If you're inebriated past a certain point and you're asked to leave and you don't want to leave, you throw a fucking temper tantrum, it is honest to god, like the 5 year old in the grocery store whose mom didn't get them the bar of candy that they wanted. So I ended up just going downstairs to get something. And when I go downstairs I see there's this girl like hanging out over by the beer room. I'm like, hey, you're not supposed to be down here. How the fuck did you get down here? And she goes, oh, I'm waiting for so-and-so. And I'm like, well, does so-and-so, even know that you're down here. And then she's hiccuping and she's leaning on a wall and I'm like, oh my god, this chick is just drunk as fuck.

Mike: 2:49

So then one of my buddies come down who also works at the bar, and he goes, hey, like what's going on? I'm like I don't know, but the only person that's going to be able to get her out of here is the person that she's waiting on. So can, can you go grab him? He goes and grabs him and then he finally was able to bring her back upstairs. I'm like what the fuck was that about? But now she's at a point where she's so drunk that like she can't even really speak and stuff. I don't know what happened. She only had like a couple shots. It wasn't like she had a lot to drink and she must have hit her pregame super hard. So she's talking to like a group of girls, and even the group of girls is like you need to go, like it is time to go, and at a certain point like nobody can get her out. So eventually somebody had to do something. So I just had to pick her up and drag her out.

Mike: 3:39

But this girl holy shit, I don't know what it is about drunk strength, but that's a real fucking thing. This chick girl holy shit, I don't know what it is about drunk strength, but that's a real fucking thing. This chick was like a spider on a web, just clinging to everything. She did not want to go. This girl was 5'2, probably, weighed 90 pounds, soaking wet, and I was like having the fight of my life trying to hold this girl out. Now it's not like I was fireman carrying her, because I'm like with the amount that's probably in her system. Any sort of pressure on her stomach's gonna fucking make her boot.

Mike: 4:07

So I'm carrying her like she's a bride and I'm the groom, going down the aisle and she is just grabbing on everything. She grabbed a chair, she almost made somebody else fall, and then my buddy's holding the door open and I'm like trying to get her out to the door and she's like grabbing onto the doorframe. I'm like trying to pull her off and now I feel like this is putting me in a bad spot because I'm like I don't want to do anything. That's gonna hurt her. You know what I mean, because that's gonna all of a sudden make me look bad, even though she's the one putting up a fight and we've asked her to leave. We've done everything that we could. We had to get her out and I had to carry her out. That was the only way that we were going to do it. But the last thing I honestly wanted to do was like hurt her. So I don't want to totally like just yeet her out of there. But eventually I finally get her outside. I sit her down.

Mike: 4:52

I'm like, holy shit, I honestly got to give that girl props because, as small as she was she put up a bigger fight than some of the guys that I've had to drag out of there. Now what's really funny is the guys that I usually do. All I gotta do is I just gotta put my big ass hand on the back of their necks and they're just like all right, we're going. But this chick just put up a massive fight. I mean, I went back into the bar and it looked like I've been to the gym for 20 minutes because I was just like drenched in sweat. And to put things in perspective, I'm like 5'10, 190. Like I'm not a small person, so that tells you how much of a fight that this chick put up. But I mean good for her. Honestly, like if a dude try and does her dirty, good luck to that fucker. But yeah, dude, I don't understand what it is about. Like I mean, this isn't even the first time either.

Mike: 5:38

I remember like last year some kid just did not want to leave. This was a dude and I actually had to pick him up and throw his ass into an Uber. Like literally pick him up off the ground and physically threw him into an Uber. I don't know if I could be any more clear than that. Like no joke, carried him across the street, used one arm to hold him by the back of his shirt and the other arm to hold him by the back of his shirt and the other arm to hold him by the back of his pants belt buckle and literally threw his ass into the back seat of an uber. Like it was almost like something out of a tv show, but seriously like.

Mike: 6:14

Can somebody please explain to me why, when you get to a certain amount of drunkness that you just don't want to leave the establishment that you're at? I just don't understand it, because even back in the heyday of my drinking days, like when I got to a certain point, I just wanted to go home. Like I was, like there's nothing more than I want right now than to be in my own bed. Oh, actually you know what? Speaking of bed, did you guys see the news with all the amount of condoms that the Olympics provided the athletes this year? I guess back in 2020, there was a sex ban due to covid, but this year it's out in full swing and, according to a new york times article that I actually just found, there were 200 000 male condoms, 20 000 female condoms and 10 000 dental dams that were issued to like all of the athletes, and if the math is math, and that means that there's two each for every athlete every day, which is kind of nuts, but you know what? My other question is who the fuck is actually out here using dental dams and female condoms? Never once have I ever met somebody who's actually used a female condom. A reason why I would never want to have somebody use it is because I'd be afraid they would just get stuck up there Like what do you do? But also, who the fuck is out here using dental dams? Like we're all adults here. At that point you may as well just grab a Ziploc bag, fuck that. But um, no, but low-key.

Mike: 7:37

It makes sense as to why these athletes would want to have sex with you. I mean, let's be real here. They're all incredibly fit, they're all incredibly good looking. Actually, you know what? That's actually kind of disgusting now that I'm thinking about it in an actual sense. Every athlete essentially got condoms. What's the youngest age that somebody's competing at? That's actually like kind of a gross thing that I'm thinking about now. So I don't know, didn't the Olympics just get scrutinized for that whole Larry Nassar thing? Oh my gosh, do you never learn People? You just don't fucking ever learn.

Mike: 8:15

But anyways, for the ones who are able to have sex, who are of age to have sex in the Olympics, it would make sense, because you're all in peak, tip-top shape. So you're all out here looking like Greek gods and goddesses. You're all fucking hot. I mean, you're all going to the gym. However, the fuck amount of times. You're all on crazy diets. You guys are all in phenomenal shape. You're all hot. You're all going to the gym. However, the fuck amount of times. We're all on crazy diets. You guys are all in phenomenal, you're all hot. You're all hot as fuck. And even your faces, like I don't see a lot of uggos running around on that track. You know what I mean. And holy shit. You guys see that dead 20-something-year-old from Paraguay, that swimmer, oh my God, pulling at my heartstrings. Jeez, almighty, front stroke, back stroke. I got something you could stroke my own. Only problem I would have with her is we probably both have the same finishing time. It's only been 10 seconds, 10 of the best seconds of your life.

Mike: 9:17

But all jokes aside, did you see that she actually got kicked out of being at the olympics, like she didn't get kicked out of the olympics. I think she ended up losing, but then she ended up like not being able to stay there anymore. Her name is actually luana alonso I hope I'm pronouncing that right and, from what I remember, she actually got kicked out, did an inappropriate misconduct or behavior, whatever the fuck they said. I don't know. Hang on, let me look it up real quick, just to make sure that I get all my facts right. Okay, all right. Here's a daily mail article. I don't care if you guys don't like the daily mail, it's just one of the first ones that popped up. According to this, it's a really short article, so I could read the whole thing.

Mike: 9:54

One of the most glamorous competitors in the olympics has been kicked out of the athlete's village after being accused of distracting other competitors with her skimpy clothing and socializing with other athletes. Paraguayan swimmer luana alonzo was told to leave after officials said that she had created an inappropriate atmosphere with her behavior, but I don't see anything saying that it was sexually related. So what kind of behavior? Just standing around looking pretty like my god. So the article goes on to say the stunning 21 year old blonde. Stunning, she absolutely is. If you don't know who she is. Look up a photo. She's absolutely gorgeous.

Mike: 10:29

Um, who lost the event on the first day of competition, had been seen walking around and her own choice of outfits rather than the official kit provided by the Paraguayan team chiefs. She's also been spotted socializing with other athletes and was said to be distracting her teammates still competing. Alonzo checked into a hotel in the French capital and visited high-end boutiques and restaurants and posted photos to her 500,000 followers on her social media. Well, I guarantee she's probably going to be hitting a million soon, because now people actually know who she is. But my goodness, so really what? Know who she is? But my goodness, so, really what?

Mike: 11:01

She got kicked out of the olympics village just because she was wearing outfits that weren't quote-unquote approved but like low-key. What was she wearing that could have been so bad? What was she just wearing? Like a sports bra and leggings, because that's pretty much what you see anywhere else, that you walk into a gym like women wear some of the skimpiest clothes at a gym, and I'm not saying that to be mean. I legitimately one time was at the gym and there was a girl not even in a sports bra, she was just in a regular ass bra while she's working out.

Mike: 11:31

And you know what I understand where some of the hypocrisy might come from, because, like, as a guy, I wear compression shorts, I wear compression shirts. I understand that sometimes tight gym attire is the name of the game, and I've also worn tank tops to the gym just to be a little bit less like restricted, but at the same point, I'm not wearing my compression shorts without wearing a pair of basketball shorts on top of it. You know what I mean. Like I'm not just wearing my compression shorts as if they're actual pants and I mean, maybe some guys do it, not my thing, I couldn't do it. I don't want my balls just bulging out like that.

Mike: 12:03

But here's where I'll actually extend a little bit of an olive branch. If there's a chick and she is in her kind of like sexy little gym outfit and she's trying to get a workout in and she's over by the squat rack, she's really keeping to herself, she's not doing anything to film, she's literally just trying to work out, and there's some creep that's just staring at her ass as she's going down with the weight, then yeah, he should absolutely be labeled as a perv, because that's exactly what he is. It's another thing, though, where I see these women just filming their workouts for social media, where they're videotaping their workouts and they're doing it right in front of me, as they're doing like Romanian deadlifts or standing squats or whatever the fuck the workout actually is. And, believe it or not, I really try not to look because, at the end of the day, my goal is to not make you feel uncomfortable but like, honestly, where the fuck else do you expect me to look like? Maybe I'm actually trying to look past you at the mirror so I can look in my form too, huh, but you're actually the one with their head in the gutter, where you're thinking I'm a pervert, when in reality it's all just a miscommunication. Hmm, hmm, did you ever think of that? No, but honestly, you actually had every right to be mad because I definitely took a peek.

Mike: 13:16

But then the worst part, honestly about it the honestly god, worst part is the fact that, like you're doing this, flaunting your ass in front of me, but then if I were to go up to you, try and introduce myself, try and grab your number, then I'm the one who's labeled as a creep. Make that, make sense. You're pretty much doing your wild nature mating call right in front of me and I can't fucking approach you, give me a fucking break. But at the same point, if I'm wearing a tank top and I'm doing some curls for the girls and my arms are looking fine and a girl likes what she sees, and she were to come up to me, I wouldn't just be like, oh god, you pervert, you creep, ew, get away from me. Hell no.

Mike: 13:52

Once the initial shock factor wore off that somebody was interested in me, I would be like absolutely take my number, because at worst all I have is a gym buddy now, but at best, hopefully, I have a potential date and this could progress to more than just gym dates. But now, ladies, I also do understand the fact that men sometimes don't know how to take the hint. When you're not interested, they try to keep pushing the issue and sometimes even saying I have a boyfriend, even if you don't have a boyfriend, doesn't fucking matter. So I understand. I do understand the fact that men's aggressiveness is ultimately the downfall of all of this and why men are constantly at fault.

Mike: 14:28

But to the same degree, you gotta have to know where the hypocrisy lies. Like flaunt it if you got it, but don't also flaunt it if you don't want the attention I mean? Right, could we at least agree to disagree on that, maybe? But you know, what I honestly is how many of these women who post their workouts, who aren't personal trainers, actually don't even have a job in a gym where they're posting these videos because they're actually trying to track their progress when it comes to fitness, or if they're doing it just to get an easy follow? Because, honestly, ask yourself, who is this content actually adhering to? Plus, let's put it in perspective If were to post my workouts, I don't think women are just gonna follow me just to see me work out.

Mike: 15:11

But also, I'm the type of person like if I'm working out, the last thing I want to do is record myself because it just eats up more time. If I'm at the gym for x amount of time already, the last thing I want to do is try and set up a camera, get the perfect angle, figure out that shit, because it eats up more of the time. I'm not trying to spend any more time in the gym than I need to, because I'm already going to be there for at least an hour to an hour and a half at the minimum. Like I work out, I work out quite a lot. Actually, I used to be a fat fuck and now I'm in shape and I work out six days a week and, yeah, sure, I've recorded myself just to see what my form is like and I do it for my own progress.

Mike: 15:50

But you'll never see me posted on my social media channels because, honestly, I work out for me and who the fuck really cares? Now, it'd be one thing if I was like a personal trainer, and maybe that's what a lot of these influencers are. Maybe they actually are like personal trainer types or maybe that's like the field that they want to try and get into because that's like their goal, like they're influencers, obviously. But my other question is how many of those like female influencers who are showing their ass and only doing their leg exercises and posting that and whatever how many of their followers are female and how many of their followers are male? And yet you know what? I understand that that might be one of the most ignorant questions I've asked and like, yeah, I'll follow some female influencers due to the work as that they're doing, just to see if they might be doing anything different that I can incorporate into my own routine. But I'm also not going to sit here and lie to you and not tell you that. One of the other reasons why I might follow some of these women is because I think they're fucking hot. I'm sorry, actually, you know I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry Because, like, let's be real here it's maybe like a 30% 70% ratio where I'm actually watching a female influencer for her workout routine.

Mike: 16:58

Let's be real, men and women have very different workouts. As a guy, have you ever gone to a gym and you're like, oh, let me go do legs. So you go over and do some sort of a leg machine and you just get on thinking, oh, I'm just going to try and do the weight and you don't realize that a woman was on before you and it's the fucking heaviest thing in the world. Trust me, I know some chicks who squat way more than some guys. That I know because that's all they work out. But I don't know.

Mike: 17:23

It just baffles me, because where's all the feminists who want to scream about all this stuff about men objectifying women in the gym and how women can't wear certain clothes or whatever, and they should be allowed to, and you know what they absolutely should be allowed to. There's no reason as to why women should feel uncomfortable with what they're wearing in whatever situation that they're in or any social setting that they're in. But where's all the feminists screaming about this olympic athlete who got in trouble for wearing quote-unquote skimpy outfits because she's quote-unquote a distraction? Meanwhile, in a corporate america, if somebody were to be showing their shoulder and get sent home because their blouse is a little bit too low, all these bra burning feminists would be threatening to put the company under. So I don't know. But what's really amazing is the fact that you're gonna hand out condoms to all the athletes but then you're gonna send her home for looking sexy like. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

Mike: 18:21

Keeping on along with the sports talk, it's the most wonderful time of the year. We got fucking nfl football back. Baby, let's go. I know it's only pre-season. There's only been a couple like pre-season games, nothing too crazy, can't get too excited. But football is finally back and I gotta be honest I will say there's a couple things with the patriots I'm pretty excited about now.

Mike: 18:48

I'm not going to go crazy about, uh, joe milton, because it's also kind of what he's known for. He's known for having great exhibition games, great practices, but then once it's time to play an actual game. He just becomes black zach wilson. Like imagine zach wilson's decision making with cam newton's athletic ability. Like that's pretty much jo Joe Milton, I mean he makes one pass to a wide-open receiver. Everybody goes crazy. It's just like dude. I think I could have made that pass no offense. But you know what? He was also able to kind of get away from some trouble and he was able to kind of rush for a first down. So that was kind of interesting to see. But all that did was tell me how bad the Patriots' offensive line is going to be this coming year, just like it has been for the past two or three years, and that's just been the death of the team. So maybe having a mobile quarterback isn't the worst thing.

Mike: 19:34

But with that said, I haven't seen too much of what Drake May is all about. I saw him make a couple passes. He looks pretty good. He's got some nice touch on the ball, got some zip, but that's all I really know about him. I haven't really seen too much. I mean, honest to God, anybody could be better than what we previously have the past three years.

Mike: 19:53

And people going crazy over Mac Jones like on the Jaguars. It's like dude, he's the same Mac Jones no arm strength. I mean, his passes are the equivalent to what people leave in the toilet, fucking floaters. I saw him make one pass. He just led the receiver into triple coverage. Dude got smashed. I'm like, oh my God, dougie P, you got to take him out of the game before all of your starters get killed before the season even starts.

Mike: 20:20

But I got to be honest. If it's one quarterback that actually has caught me by surprise so far this preseason from what I've seen, it's Caleb Williams that actually has caught me by surprise. So far this preseason, from what I've seen, it's Caleb Williams. For a couple months I've been telling my friends I'm like I don't see Caleb Williams doing that great. I think all the hype that he's getting it's really getting to his head. He's becoming overinflated. Is he really worth it? I mean I saw something where he was going to try and restructure his contract for like X amount of money or something like that. I contract for like X amount of money or something like that. I don't know what happened. I'm like, dude, you're a rookie, you have nothing. Like you haven't even like played a snap, like go fuck yourself. What do you think you're worth and watching some of the game film.

Mike: 20:58

I know it's exhibition, it's too early to get excited, but I wonder if the Bears actually have a quarterback. I mean I've got to be honest, the Duke can make some good throws, he can scramble a little bit. There was one play the pocket was totally collapsing. I don't even know who he threw the ball to, but pocket is totally collapsing. He ends up just kind of doing a little toss over to a running back or something. Ends up going for a screen play for about 15 yards. I'm like all right, that's a screenplay for about like 15 yards. I'm like all right, that's like almost a little mahomi. Like like damn, maybe you are something.

Mike: 21:33

I mean, they actually kind of have some decent weapons in their offense. They got good receivers, dj more, they got a few guys that could help spread the ball around, and but I you know what, though it's kind of unfair because I wonder what justin fields would have been able to do with the same roster that they're bringing in for caleb. So I don't know, kind of interesting. But who knows, have the bears finally found their answer at quarterback? It's kind of wild to think that jay cutler is the longest tenured bears quarterback and jay cutler is really nothing to write home about, but I mean that dude played from 2009 to 2016, I think he was on the bears for and one pro bowl appearance, one super bowl appearance, and he lost the super bowl against peyton manning's colts. So maybe it's about time the bears kind of turn it around here, huh, and I think I'm gonna leave you guys on that note.

Mike: 22:26

So if you liked what you heard, please share this with a friend, give it a like and follow whatever platform you're listening to this on, write up a review, give me a couple comments. Don't forget you can also check me out on my socials and, if you feel so inclined, you can also email me at lmb media at gmailcom. All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening and I will catch up with you next Tuesday. Have a good one, thank you.