You're in a tunnel to nowhere. Far away, at the end, you see a pinprick of light. You feel yourself being suctioned towards it at breakneck speeds, moving faster and faster and faster. Approaching the speed of light, until Lucky explodes out into a blinding white atmosphere. Underneath a few inches of snow in the center of a massive blizzard.
Lucky:Well, shit.
Alan:I stand up and and brush the snow off. Grab my spear.
David:You look down and you notice that through his immensely thick winter coat, you can see he is actually riddled with these tiny holes going in his front, out his back, and you can even see a few in his face coming out of the back of his head.
Alan:And I scan the horizon. What do I see?
David:You can see mountains in the distance. You can see the fields in front of you. Built into one of the mountains, you can just make out the bolted windows of the Fortress of the Forgotten Sun.
Lucky:Oh, shit!
David:A blinding flash of light. And you find yourself back in this tunnel, shooting towards a dimmer, grayer light at the end, now. Faster and faster and faster, and just as you approach a speed where you feel like you're going to get ripped apart, you come flying into the heart of an extremely dark, dank, wet mausoleum. The first thing you hear is pounding.
Posey:HEY!
Alan:I wedge the the flat of the blade of my spear in and use it to lever the tomb open.
David:The lid cracks open just enough, and you see Posey's familiar face. He looks horrible. The whole bottom half of Posey's body is just crushed to a pulp.
Posey:How bad is it? Just. Just tell me how bad I can, I. It's dark in here. My eyes are adjusting. How bad is. It?
Lucky:It's pretty bad, man. It's pretty bad. Can you feel anything?
Posey:From the waist down? No, my.
Lucky:Didn't expect that.
Posey:Face. Film a little. A little bigger than it used to be.
Lucky:Like, if I try to lift you out of here, I think half of you is going to come off.
Posey:Hey, listen, I've never needed someone, and I don't need someone now.
David:You sort of wetly flop out of the tomb….
Stacey:Wetly?
David:And the second you do, again you guys find yourselves back in the tunnel, hurtling at horrible speeds. And at this time, at the end of the tunnel, you see a sort of greenish light. And as you get faster and faster and faster, you blast out of this tunnel and slam into a rack of glass vials and bottles and beakers, all full of mysterious juices and specimens.
Posey:Goddamn! That hurt!
David:And as you look around the room, you see that strapped to a surgical table is your old friend, Zippy. Her entire sternum has been opened up so that you can see all of her pulsating and working insides, as she lays there, conscious on the table.
Posey:Oh my gosh!
Lucky:Oh, shit.
Zippy:Hi guys.
Posey:Hey.
Zippy:Hey.
Lucky:Are you okay?
Zippy:No, but hi.
Lucky:Can I. Can we?
Posey:Go help her!
Lucky:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Alan:So I walk over and like, undo all the straps and everything.
Lucky:Do I fold this? I just don't want to flap it together. Sorry if I touch your boob.
Zippy:It's like.
Posey:Just do it like a Ziploc. See if you could use those clamps to just keep it sealed together.
Zippy:Could you just button my shirt back up? Well, it just.
Posey:You. Don't look great, but you look good.
Zippy:Oh! What happened to you?
David:And again, you guys are in the tunnel flying through. But at the end of this tunnel, there is no light. You burst out into a small forest clearing of these old gnarled trees. And in front of you is a long line of graves stretching out farther than you can see. But the grave in front of you, reads the name: Delilah Winthrop.
Glyph Society:I'm taking it all. I'm taking my time. What’s the use in… What’s the use in running? I been taking it all with a grain of salt Ain’t a sweet thing, ain't a sweet thing, comin’. Oh, I've got a silver gun in my pocket. And some metal for the ferry man. So when Old Man Death’s old bones. come a knockin’, I'll knock him to the devil's hands.
David:Hey, everybody, welcome to episode one of Murder She Rolled. We are finally starting!
Stacey:Murder She Rolled, I am twerking right now.
Alan:I am Alan Seawright. I host a show called Cinema Therapy on YouTube, where I cry on the internet for money. I will be playing Lucky Kurzel, a half elf ranger who has some secrets in his past.
Stacey:My name is Stacey Harkey. I started a show called Studio C Sketch Comedy Show. I own a company called JK Studios. I am playing a character by the name of Posey. Posey's pretty much like if Robin Hood was rich, not athletic, and didn't care about poor people at all.
Alan:So the opposite of Robin Hood?
Stacey:No, no, I think I think you're missing the point.
Alan:I'm clearly missing the point.
Shona:Do you wear tights? Is my question?
Stacey:Often.
Hope:Hi, I'm Hope Vander Meiden, and that's pretty much all you need to know about me.
Alan:Who are you playing?
Hope:Oh, yeah, that's right. That's the most important part. I'm playing Delilah Winthrop. She's a strawberry blond, blue-eyed menace. Was quiet at first, but now she's angry and pissed off. And so you're going to be hearing a lot from her. So….
Shona:My name is Shona Kay. I am an actress, producer, I own Shona Kay Elevate Productions. We do films and storytelling. Storytelling is my love. I also have a wellness company, so I'm basically a lot like my character. Who is Amber Zyphondale, known by her friends as Zippy. If she had any, she no longer does. She is also a healer and has secrets. That's all she does. Secrets!
Stacey:Got to market that perfume immediately. Secrets. By Amber Zyphondale.
David:It's a perfume commercial. I am David Sant. I am your dungeon master. Puppet master, God of the universe. I have never done anything in my career, so don't worry about that. I don't have a past. Hopefully I have a future.
Alan:Don't look him up online. There's nothing there.
David:Hi. David here. I bet you're wondering how in the world our little adventuring party got into such a confusing and outright silly situation. Well, to explain that, we're going to have to take you back… in time. To 20... minutes… ago… In a flash of blinding white light.
Posey:Whoa!
David:All of you feel alone in space for a moment. The light begins to fade, and you find yourself in what can only be described as the Victorian version of a suburban medical office waiting room.
Delilah:Interesting.
Lucky:Why do I feel like I'm about to get my teeth pulled?
David:Lucky. Posie. Zippy. Delilah. You all find yourself in a room with only four chairs, a coffee table laden with brochures, a reception desk, and two doors at the far end. There is no one else in the room but you four.
Posey:What is this? Who are what?
Lucky:Who are you?
Delilah:Yeah. Who are you guys?
Lucky:Okay, I'm Lucky I'm not. I mean, I'm not lucky. My name is Lucky.
Delilah:Your parents looked at you and named you Lucky?
Posey:Why are we here? What is happening? Does anyone know why we're here right now? I literally just woke up.
Zippy:Where were you before? Here? Does anybody remember who you were before?
Lucky:I think I was in space.
Delilah:Does anyone remember? Like, there was like a light at one point?
Lucky:There was a flash. And so you all saw the flash?
Delilah:Yeah.
Posey:Okay. Yeah.
Lucky:Did you all see the nothing?
Zippy:Yes.
Lucky:And now we're here.
Delilah:Now we're here in this waiting room. Look at the wallpaper. Do you guys like the wallpaper?
Zippy:I'm gonna che... Is there a door in here? I'm gonna go try a door.
David:There are two doors that lead out of the room.
Lucky:You want to go to one door? You go to one. I'll check the other one.
David:You guys go for the doors. What do you want to do? Do you just want to try to rip it open?
Shona:Yeah. Well, is there a window? What does the door look like?
David:Oh, just a standard old solid wood door.
Shona:Yeah. I'm gonna throw that baby open. Hand on handle, open it up.
David:All right. Sweet. You grab the handle and you notice two things immediately. The first, that it's locked. The second that the doorknob is searing hot and you instantly burn your hand on it.
Posey:What?
Zippy:Oh.
Posey:Yes. That is so unsanitary. Don't lick your fingers.
Alan:I see, I see this from across the room. And I do one of those, like, quick little taps.
Shona:Home alone. Just like a home alone trust.
Alan:I do that, you.
Delilah:Tap the doorknob and you find this knob is not searing hot. But after trying it a little bit further, it's solidly locked. There's not really any clear way to get this open. It doesn't even have a keyhole.
Lucky:There's no keyhole. There's no nothing. Okay,
Posey:Okay.
Alan:I bang on the door!
Posey:Okay.
Lucky:Hey! Hey, is anybody out there?
Shona:Let's try it. Let's all yell as well.
Zippy:Hello.
Posey:Hello.
Lucky:The chairs in this waiting room are hard!
Stacey:I, I immediately start rummaging through the brochures, trying to look for, like, dates. Any indicator of where we are.
David:Okay, so you find… you're rummaging through the stack of brochures trying to find out if their recent, like, how long this has been here. Right. And you're greeted by titles like:
“The Void and You:Embracing the Eternal Nothing.”“Oh, No! I'm dead! And other fun children's poems to cope with early mortality.”
And my personal favorite:“Doing Stupid Shit Like Making Cabinet Doors Slam in Empty Rooms for Dummies.” But you're unable to find anything with any clear, discernible date, within the brochures. However, you guys hear approaching clacking of high heeled footsteps coming down the hallway outside of Zippy's outside of Lucky's door.
Stacey:Am I turned on?
Delilah:I feel like that's a character choice… well, go ahead and roll d20.
Alan:Roll for this.
Stacey:I need to know. I just need to know. The sound of high heels gets me every time.
David:I feel like that's important. Yeah.
Stacey:I rolled an 11.
David:You know, moderately.
Stacey:That's pretty good for a gay guy. I'll take it.
Alan:You don't know who's wearing the heels.
David:It's not enough. To make you straight, but it's enough to make you wonder. And after?
Shona:Yes.
David:After a few seconds, the door handle turns, clicks open, and a woman peeks her head through and you hear,
The Attendant:Oh, you're finally here. One second.
David:And the door shuts. The high heels go clicking back down the hallway.
Alan:Hell turned on is Lucky.
Stacey:Yeah, how turned on is Lucky? I need to know. Oh.
Alan:19 I… That voice is so hot!
Stacey:Lucky I immediately has to sit down,
Alan:I am full-blown aroused.
Stacey:Like he sits down and crosses his legs.
Alan:I rummage in my pack. I sit down and cross my legs. I rummage in my pack and I pull out an oil flask, and I gesture and I… to Zippy, whose name I don't know yet, and I'm like,
Lucky:Hey, I didn't catch your name.
Zippy:It’s zippy.
Lucky:Here's some oil if you wanna... For your hand.
Zippy:Thank you. So kind.
Shona:I sit down next to him with my legs uncrossed.
Stacey:I let out a relieved breath because I had no idea why he was pulling out an oil flask.
Hope:I'm oddly fixated on the wallpaper. It looks a little familiar to me, but I can't pinpoint it.
David:It's just that sort of light lime green, combined with a pastel pink paisley wallpaper that just seems like you've been here before.
Stacey:Like you'd recognize it if you had bad taste.
Hope:Okay, called out.
David:Yikes!
Hope:Yikes.
David:All right, the high heeled steps come back down the hallway, the door clicks open and the woman standing before you obviously just the heaviest chain smoking woman you have ever seen in your entire life. She hasn't gone a minute without a cigaret in her mouth in the last 55 years. Cracks the door open and says,
The Attendant:All right, you’re needed at the top of the stairs.
Lucky:Oh, something about that voice.
David:And she immediately turns and begins ascending this enormous wooden staircase behind the door, that she's just left it ajar for you to follow.
Posey:Whoa.
Alan:I hop up and skedaddle right after her.
Hope:I'm throwing a fit, I say.
Delilah:I'm not following her.
David:Okay?
Delilah:I'm not doing it.
Hope:I'm sitting in my chair.
Delilah:I'm not doing it. You guys do what you want, but I'm not following it. This is weird. I hate the wallpaper. I hate everything about this place. I hate how she sounds. I'm not going.
Posey:What's your name again?
Delilah:Delilah Winthrop.
Posey:Okay, Delilah. We have no idea where we are. Right? That doorknob is apparently super-hot. That one's super-locked. Chances are you'll just be stuck here. If you don't leave. You can always come back, right?
Delilah:Can we? You know that?
Posey:I really have no idea. But I just feel like this is probably not the best gauge to like this… This lady chain smokes. And just climbing this stairwell with no problem. There's something supernatural going on. She should be breathing heavily at least.
Delilah:So we all agree to follow the random woman who's holding five packs of cigarets in her voice, telling us to follow her up broken wooden stairs?
Alan:I call down from the stairs.
Lucky:Yup!
Zippy:Listen, I know this is super strange. My name is Zippy. I know you don't know me, but I don't think that we should stay here. We can go up the stairs, follow, smoker-lady and just see if the wallpaper is nicer up there.
Delilah:So then if I die, Zippy… Okay, fine. We'll make a deal right now. If we all die, I will kill you.
Posey:Wait. Oh. Deal.
Lucky:I'm in!
Stacey:I take a brochure.
David:So you grab your brochure:“Should I Have Been a Christian? Too Late to Find Out!”
Posey:No.
Hope:That is amazing. That is so good.
David:And this stairwell goes up forever, and it's like landing after landing after landing. And the farther you go up, the older and more ornate and beautiful these staircases become. And at each landing, you're greeted by doors on either side. And if you took the time to check and see the little plaques on each of the doors, you'd see, labels like: the Fields of Asphodel, Elysium, Pits of Nessus, Chuck E. Cheese Ball Pit, 1991 Sizzler Commercial. And as you keep on going up, you just find more and more and more and more inexplicably, increasingly confusing doorways. And all the way at the top of the staircase, you are greeted by this beautiful, gorgeous set of mahogany double doors. The smoker-lady stops there. Turns around and says:
The Attendant:She'll be seeing you inside.
David:And begins walking back down the staircase.
Posey:She’ll be seeing us inside.
Alan:I, okay, try and step in front of the the smoker
Lucky:Hey! We gonna see you again?
Hope:I roll my eyes.
David:She says.
Stacey:Oh my God.
David:She looks you up and down.
The Attendant:Dear God, I hope so.
Stacey:I immediately start to wing man lucky. I'm like:
Posey:Hey, this guy here, I don't know if you've seen his oil flask, but I'm telling you, he's got a lot to offer.
The Attendant:I do love a good oil flask.
Shona:Yes. You're in. You are in a match made in heaven.
Stacey:Pat him on the shoulder like I got you, bro.
Alan:I suddenly get real sweaty and confused.
The Attendant:You seem nervous. I like that.
Stacey:This lady better appear many more times. I'm into this character.
The Attendant:Catch you on the flip side tootse.
Zippy:She said tootse. That's a good sign.
Lucky:What? You said she will see us.
The Attendant:Yeah,
Lucky:Guys, God's a woman!
Stacey:Now we're going to see her. It was. Just like.
David:Ariana grande!
Stacey:All I want to know is, I just want to break free. So let's “yes and” and walk through this.
Shona:Okay, so. Since my hand is already scorched, I use my left hand. Now.
David:You twist the knob, you open up the door and you are greeted by a sight that you can only describe as magnificent and terrifying.
Posey:Oh,
David:You are in this huge room, surrounded by bay windows and in the center of the room, at an enormous mahogany desk, you see a woman sitting and writing. She seems to be a cross between academic professor and a leather-mommy. And she seems to have taken no mind to you. She seems very intently scribbling with a quill onto a very long, very old piece of parchment. And the only other thing you notice about the room is: all around her, cluttering up the room, is an enormous, magnificently impressive array of instruments of. Death.
Stacey:Kind of leather. Mom is kind of a kink vibe where it's like dressed all in leather, probably a little bit dominatrix energy, maybe not.
David:Oh, absolutely. She's she is in a leather pencil skirt, very sharp, pointed glasses.
Stacey:Obsessed. I am so obsessed.
Delilah:And a blouse that very much shows off her cleavage.
Stacey:Well, Queen, you better work. I marched right up to the table.
Posey:Hi. Excuse me. Yeah, my name is Posy Bourgeon. You might recognize my family name. I need to know where we are and what's happening, I demand.
David:Okay, she almost didn't notice you were in the room, so she kind of looks up with a start. She goes,
Mother Death:Oh, Posey. So nice of you to join me.
Posey:You heard my name.
Mother Death:Finally. Everybody sit down.
David:And four chairs materialize behind the four of you.
Posey:Whoa, whoa!
Stacey:Just out of nowhere.
Mother Death:We have much to discuss.
Shona:All right then.
Alan:Can I spin mine around and do the, like, lean on the back?
David:Yeah.
Alan:I do that.
David:I hate that you do that. But you do do that.
Stacey:I immediately regret wing-manning Lucky.
Shona:Abort. Abort mission.
Hope:I sit in my chair. I'm pissed off.
Delilah:I don't want to be here.
Stacey:Torture devices.
Shona:I try to glance over and see what she's writing on the parchment paper.
David:Roll a d20… Investigation check, actually on your character sheet.
Shona:24.
David:No way. She rolled a Nat-20.
Stacey:What?
Shona:That would be a two four 24.
David:That's so interesting. So.
Alan:Code here is when David says that's interesting. What he means is “I'm furious right now.”
David:Ah, okay. So you.
Shona:Don't kill me, David.
David:As she's rolling up the scroll, you just catch the title. And you see it says,“Treatise on the Sacrificial Principle of Life, Law, Liberty and Love.” And that is all you're able to catch before she crams it into her pocket.
Shona:That means nothing.
David:For now.
Alan:Right now…
David:You. Can choose whether or not to tell the other people in the party. Later.
Hope:And I just start looking at her weapons. What do I see?
David:Go ahead and roll a d20 for me.
Hope:15.
David:You're able to notice her giant mahogany desk is actually reconstructed from a medieval stretch torture device. You look around the room. Most of it seems to be like pretty standard weapons through the ages. A lot of great axes, an entire curio case full of different daggers of varying levels of cleanliness, sharpness, and age. And the more you look around the room, the more you see.
Hope:Do I have any small weapons near me? Like around?
David:Oh, the entire room is just absolutely crammed with weapons. It's like a hoarder's Paradise.
Hope:So I can just get up, walk over to a dagger and steal it.
David:Do you want to do this with her just watching you, or do you want to try to do this stealthily?
Hope:I'm going to walk up to lucky. So I walk up to lucky and I'm like,
Delilah:Lucky, can you just do me a quick little favor real quick? I know we got off to the wrong start. I actually really like your name. I think your parents loved you. And they looked at you and said he's going to be lucky. Lucky?
Lucky:What do you need?
Delilah:Can you just distract her real quick? Just, like, talk to her. You're so smooth and the sweat is so attractive. Women love that.
Zippy:And the way you're sitting is super hot.
Delilah:Yeah. Oh, yeah. The arms. You don't look like a creepy uncle at a family.
Mother Death:What are you talking about over there?
Delilah:Just go talk to her, just go talk to her. Really quick.
Lucky:Just let's go ahead and, just hear what she has to say before we start looting.
Mother Death:I'm sorry. Did I hear looting?
Zippy:No, I was just saying. Can I take this chair? Can I sit? Can I sit lowering here, please?
Mother Death:Yes.
Zippy:Thank you so much. Sitting down, crossing legs. Listen. Listening,
David:She says very softly, with an extremely piercing stare.
Zippy:Attentively.
David:Do you guys sit? Are you going to keep trying to rob her?
Stacey:No, no, no.
David:She's looking at you.
Posey:Yes. We love to hear what you have to say.
Lucky:Who are you? Where are we? What's going on?
Posey:Where'd you get that outfit?
David:You guys all sit down and she says.
Mother Death:I'm sure you're wondering the context of all of these curious events. And the interesting thing here is, so am I.
Delilah:Wait, wait? You don't know who we are.
Mother Death:I know exactly who you are. The thing I don't understand is why you're here.
Zippy:We were hoping you could tell us that.
Posey:Where is here?
David:She says.
Mother Death:I can tell you what I do know. I, as you may have so noticed by my present surroundings am the Goddess of Death.
Posey:Oh.
Mother Death:However, you may refer to me as Mother.
Delilah:Absolutely.
Posey:Yes, b——!
Delilah:Yeah.
Stacey:I'm obsessed,
Hope:I love it.
Stacey:You did not just introduce her as Mother.
Hope:I love that.
Stacey:Posy is like.
Hope:She's like.
Delilah:That was amazing!
Stacey:Posey is, like, piercing his lips together and doing a little shoulder shake, like, oh, she better get it.
Alan:Lucky rolls his eyes so hard it's audible.
Mother Death:In. The world that I reside, I know all the comings and goings of all of the races, of all of the worlds, everything according to its time, schedule, plan and destination. However, for the first time in many millennia, things have not gone according to plan. You four are not on my schedule.
Posey:Are we dead?
Mother Death:You're dead. I really hoped you'd figure that out. From the context,
Posey:I wasn't sure, we're just sitting here. She burned her hand. I… you look so slay right now. I don't even know.
Delilah:Thank you for confirming that. So we're for sure. For sure. Like dead.
Mother Death:You are dead.
Zippy:Well how did we die? Why can't we remember anything? This doesn’t make any sense!
Mother Death:Well, you see, and that is exactly the point I am trying to arrive at. I do not know how you died, how you got here. I do not know how you have arrived here in my waiting room. I had to put your souls on hold for three days in order to figure out where I can even put you. First things first. Do any of you remember how you died?
Zippy:No.
Lucky:Flash of light. And then you put me on hold.
Posey:Yeah, that's… that's it. I also know this is a mistake, so I don't. I shouldn't be here.
Zippy:Yes. Can this can you just undo whatever was done? Because clearly this.
Posey:Yeah. Whoever did this slighted you. And I don't like, that because you deserve good things. We should not be here.
Mother Death:Interesting.
David:She, like, scribbles something down on a parchment that's living left empty on her desk.
Delilah:So the mother of death doesn't know how we died. Great. Awesome. This is so wonderful, guys. We should have maybe just stayed in the waiting room? Maybe just something would have happened? Maybe we all would have woken up? Maybe we're just in the middle, you know?
Mother Death:Maybe if you'll stop complaining, I might have a solution for you.
Posey:No. That's right, mother,
Alan:I. Snap and give finger gun like:
Lucky:I'm actually with her on this one.
Delilah:Thank you.
David:She waits in silence, fingertips touch together, waiting for you guys.
Zippy:I'm so sorry about them. I don't know what to say, but please continue.
Posey:Yes, please.
Mother Death:Anyways, we do not even have the proper paperwork and procedure for four souls such as yourself in a destination like this. So it will take us potentially several months to figure out what to do with you.
Delilah:Aaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhh.
Zippy:Okay. She has problems. Clearly. Explain more. What do you mean?
Mother Death:Well, you see. Our initial plan was to take your current life trajectory and immediately send you where you were going to be going anyways. And it seems all four of you were destined for.
David:She flips a few pages.
Mother Death:Oh, Hell! All four of you.
Zippy:Right. No. See, there's multiple mistakes being made here.
Mother Death:The paper never lies, Zippy.
Zippy:All right.
Posey:Okay, I believe it. I don't like it, though.
Shona:He's, like. Accurate that checks out.
David:She says.
Mother Death:So our first attempt was immediately to send you all to Hell. However, that began ripping apart our very plane at the seams. So, while we draft the paperwork, I believe we found a way to rectify this situation. It will take us, let's say, one year, to figure out the proper procedures on what to do with a wayward soul. But until then, I'd like this all to go away, wouldn't you?
Posey:If “go away” means to live. Yes.
Glyph Society:I don't even want to be here.
Mother Death:To live! To live?
Posey:I have a family, I have. I need to get back.
Mother Death:Interesting.
David:She flips through scribbles, crosses a few things out, write some notes in the margins, and she says,
Mother Death:Yes, yes, that's excellent! Yes! You four will be given one year to return to Earth. And if you can solve your own murders, if you can discover who is taking you out of my schedule, I believe we will find a way to return you to the life you came from, fit you back into our proper schedule so that you may die at your proper times.
Zippy:I do have a quick question. Mummy? Mummy-death. Dea… death-Mummy. Okay, I'm following you so far. Clearly we've woken up here. We've ruined your plans. We're all dead. Did you say we were murdered? Could you just delve into that tiny bit? Because this is news to me.
Mother Death:Not only does it appear that the four of you were killed, the four of you were killed on the same night.
Posey:That same night?
Mother Death:I'm unsure if there appears to be some sort of cosmic anomaly, some astrological alignment, or some work of the denizens of your world that has come to bring these events to pass.
Posey:We're connected.
Delilah:Ew.
Lucky:I don't know about that.
Zippy:I don't remember these people. I remember my life, I remember me, I. I don't know these humans.
Mother Death:And that's the frustrating thing, isn't it? I cannot see into your world to solve this mystery myself. But you can.
Posey:Can we kill the people who killed us?
Mother Death:Well, I suppose that's always an option. But the more important thing for me is figuring out who did it and why. I can deal with them as I see fit. If you want to stand by me,
Stacey:This girl daaang!
Posey:Okay, let me just get out of your way then. I like this. A team with Mother! We’re on a team, right? We're on a team, okay.
Mother Death:Of course we're on a team. We're all in this together.
Hope:I then get up from my chair and I walk over to Mother, and I'm just full force walking towards the desk. I then put both my hands on the desk and I say,
Delilah:Mother, Mother of Death, whatever the hell… whatever the hell you want to be called.
I have two questions:Question one: I'm going to take a dagger. Question number two: if I am alive again, and let's say, I hypothetically kill someone.
Mother Death:Darling, if they're on the schedule, I don't give a shit what you do.
Stacey:Hey.
Hope:I smile and I walk away and I start clapping.
Stacey:And I sing to myself. We're all in this together. Like we get mother. Like, you know the song.
Alan:I get up and start walking back towards the stairs. I walk outside, I'm like,
Lucky:Hey, tootes! Tootse!
The Attendant:It's Miriam.
Lucky:Miriam. What a beautiful name.
Miriam:Thanks, love.
Lucky:I'm just wondering, is there like an express stagecoach to Hell that I can get on? Is there a way I can just get through it?
Miriam:Well, I was the one that tried to send you through the door last time, and I started to unravel at the seams. I started to come apart molecule by molecule, until there was nothing left of me but a vaguely failing consciousness to the burning death of the universe. I don't think I want to try that again to it.
Lucky:Yeah. I'm sorry I did that to you. There's nothing I can do. I can either hang out with all these jabronies or sit in the waiting room?
Miriam:That's exactly what. I'm telling you.
Posey:Listen, lucky. Yeah, we can hear the whole conversation. I just want to let you know you can maybe have a chance with Miriam. If you get your butt back in here and see what Mama Death has to offer. Or you can unravel your love of all your life or whatever. At the seams.
Alan:I go… I go walking back in and, as I'm walking up towards the desk and the chairs, I'm scanning the racks of weapons and I grab a spear.
David:Mother looks over you and says,
Mother Death:Ah, yes. One of my favorite items. I believe I can spare it for the year.
Posey:Oh,
David:Are you guys ready?
Stacey:Yes.
David:So she unravels the giant scroll that she'd been working on before and begins writing again on the bottom. And she says,
Mother Death:Well then. Toodaloo.
David:And that is how our partially dismantled adventurers ended up at the grave of Delilah Winthrop. Will they solve their murders in time? I guess you got to stick around and find out.
Posey:Oh, shoot, y'all, she's def in there.
Zippy:Like dead-dead? Cause we're dead. But is she, like, dead-dead or like…
Lucky:He was in a mausoleum.
Posey:It was pretty dope.
Stacey:I'm on the ground already. I just start scooping dirt away.
Alan:Yeah, I've got I've got a steel mirror and I pull it out and I use that to start scraping dirt.
David:Luckily, this dirt is very freshly overturned. And so you guys are able to just claw through it. And after you get about a foot and a half down, you finally make contact with Delilah’s body.
Stacey:Her body? Not even like a coffin.
David:There's no coffin.
Posey:Oh.
Alan:I reached down and gently brushed the dirt off of her face.
David:And you just keep trying to brush off her body, right? Brushing off her face, brushing off her neck. But then you realize there's sort of a gap between her neck and the rest of her body.
Zippy:Oh,
David:And as Delilah finally sits up, her head flops off and lands on her back, and you can see that her head is hanging on by just about two inches of flesh.
Delilah:Ah,
Zippy:Okay. Don’t panic.
Delilah:Gosh, everything's upside down. Why is everything upside down? Oh my gosh, the trees are upside down. Why is everything upside down? You're telling me to breath! My literal neck is not connected to the rest of my body, what do you mean,“breathe?”.
Posey:I know.
Delilah:I'm breathing right now.
Alan:I reach back and. Grab her head and flip it up on top, and then I just sort of put my hand on top of her head and hold it there.
Zippy:There we go!
Posey:Hey. Yeah. Before you, like, really start looking around. Just catch your breath first because we all look pretty messed up.
Hope:I look forward to look at Posey make eye contact, but then I look down at Posey and make eye contact with him.
Delilah:Are your leg...(vomit noises)
Posey:I haven't looked yet, but what look… what does it look like has happened to me? Because I'm scared.
Zippy:Don't tell him.
Lucky:It looks like you got stepped on by a giant.
Posey:Okay. That was a really polite way to say that I appreciate that.
Lucky:Yeah.
Shona:Can I rip her sleeves off and then start making kind of a makeshift neck brace, sort of.
Delilah:Thanks.
Lucky:Like the world's grossest ascot.
Shona:Like. Yeah. Yeah. It's going around your chin loose enough for you to still speak a little. Not too much.
Hope:I then turn around. I look at my grave.
David:Uh-Uh.
Hope:And I just am sad. And so again, angry and I.
Delilah:So I was buried alive. Not even a coffin.
Zippy:Oh, no. I'm pretty sure.
Lucky:I don't know if you were alive.
Posey:Yeah, I don't want to be that guy, but the neck thing probably got you before.
David:Everyone go ahead and roll group perception.
Stacey:Yeah,
Hope:I'm a five.
Stacey:Four.
David:Okay. You don't notice maybe what you were supposed to notice there. However, you do hear approaching footsteps on the crunching dead leaves.
Posey:Should we run or.
Delilah:Well, you can't.
Posey:Oh, should we roll or….
Zippy:I mean we can't really run. Guys, she has got no head. My innards are gonna roll out. You can't… we just pushed Mikey forward and we crouched. We hide together.
Stacey:Okay?
Lucky:I drop into a sort of a combat stance. Hold my spear up. I'm ready for anything.
Stacey:I immediately just play dead. I flop on the ground.
David:So the footsteps finally approach, and you see this figure hesitantly walk up towards this line of graves and as he comes into the moonlight, quickly hides something in his back pocket. You did not roll high enough to see what that item was. But as the figure approaches at the edge of the shadows, you hear your father's voice say.
Richard Winthrop:Delilah? Delilah, is that you?
Hope:I'm still silent, and I'm looking right towards my father. And I start breathing a little bit heavily. More.
Delilah:Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!. I'm going to kill you!.
Glyph Society:Da da da. Whoa!