Hope:

I am going to kill you.

Lucky:

Last time on, What the hell is this, show called? Murder She Rolled! I was just, you know, minding my own business, being frozen completely to death. When I got resurrected, met three complete strangers, most of whom seem like assholes, and apparently, I have to go solve my own murder and their murders. Ah. Anyway, welcome to Murder She Rolled!

Glyph Society:

I been takin’. Oh, I been taking my time. What’s the use in… What’s the use in runnin’? I been taking it all with a grain of salt. Ain’t a sweet thing… ain’t a sweet thing comein’. Oh oh oh! I've got a silver gun in my pocket, and some metal for the ferryman. So when Old Man Death's old bones come a knockin. I'll knock him to the devil's hands!

Alan:

Hey, everybody! Welcome to Murder She Rolled. It's a podcast. Where there's four dead people, and they're dead! And… but they're trying to not be.

David:

He was really enthusiastic about doing the intro. I am David Sant. I am your Dungeon Master for the evening, and I don't have a career, so I really hope this takes off!

Alan:

I am Alan Seawright. I am playing Lucky Kurzell. I do things on the internet like cry for money.

Stacey:

I'm Stacey Harkey, I'm playing Posey Borgeon. My character steals from the rich and gives to the rich. He's like a really fun, like Robin Hood.

Hope:

Hi everyone. I'm Hope Vander Meiden. And I'm just really happy to be here. So excited to be here. My character's name, by the way, is Delilah Winthrop. She's moody. She's sassy. Sometimes a little not with the program. But she is also really happy to be here too.

Shona:

Hi there. My name is Shona Kay. I tell stories while I'm living, but also for a living. My character's name is Zippy, as in zippity doo da. Just a lot more zippy. Not so much doo da.

Stacey:

Hmu.

Ethan:

Hi. My name is Ethan Vander Meiden. And I, I don't own a company, or a YouTube channel. I’m 21. I'm single. Looking to mingle. I…

Stacey:

It just gets sadder. And sadder,

Alan:

He’s on Bumble, ladies.

Ethan:

Yeah, yeah, it's Hinge. Yeah, I'll be playing the character of Edwin. Cool. What else? I was a fan of Beyblade growing up. That's really it.

Stacey:

Immediate season favorite.

Ethan:

Yeah.

Richard Winthrop:

Delilah, is that you?

Hope:

Oh, I'm going to kill you.

Lucky:

Wow.

Posey:

Oh.

Zippy:

You know.

Delilah:

Oh, I’m gonna kill him.

Richard Winthrop:

What are you doing here? What? What where? Who are these people?

David:

And he runs up to you.

Alan:

I step in between. Just kind of check him a little bit, and I'm like.

Lucky:

Delilah, what's going on here?

Delilah:

This is my father, everyone. Richard Winthrop. He's a great man! He's a wonderful father, who takes great care of his children. Such great care that he decided to put me in this grave. Right, daddy?

Richard Winthrop:

Delilah, what the hell is going on here? I want you to explain this right now miss…

Delilah:

You know exactly what is going on. Dad,

Richard Winthrop:

I don't. Know what the hell is going on.

Delilah:

Doing here.

Richard Winthrop:

You been missing for three days and you show up here? Of all places.

Delilah:

Here? You put me here, dimwit. I'm here in this grave with my head nearly cut off. What do you mean? I'm here just for kicks and giggles? You think I'm here with these three random strangers because I want to be? You put me in this grave, you chopped off my head and you buried me because you're a sick man, and you hate me, and I hate you!

Stacey:

Okay? I'm lying on the ground and I stop playing dead. I'm just like,

Posey:

Why did you have to bring me into this? I'm just trying to make making my way downtown, Vanessa Carlton style. And you dragged me into this?

Stacey:

First off, what does this man see? Does he see, like, mangled corpses all around? And is he panicking?

David:

Technically, the only one of you that looks pretty dead is Posey.

Stacey:

And I was playing dead...

David:

The rest of you just wrapped yourself up pretty well. But, yeah, Posey definitely looks dead. He sees the group as they are, but everyone looks like they should be alive. He looks over at the grave for the first time. His eyes widen as he sees there's been a pit dug in front of it, and he says,

Richard Winthrop:

What do you mean grave? Oh my God, Delilah. Delilah, show me your shoulder.

Delilah:

My shoulder.

Richard Winthrop:

Show me your shoulder now!

Delilah:

You want to see my shoulder? That's all you want to see? Fine.

Hope:

I then show him my shoulder.

David:

You notice for the first time, as you pull your shirt down and reveal your shoulder, that there is a symbol carved into your shoulder. A symbol of a triple cross with a circle drawn around it. And he says,

Richard Winthrop:

Oh my Lord. Get to the carriage now, everyone. I don't care who you are. And he just turns and he high tails it. Not caring if you guys are following.

Stacey:

I'm like,

Posey:

Hey, well, someone, someone will put me on their back like Yoda.

Lucky:

So I scoop up Posey.

Shona:

Okay, that full country accent is… I'm going to follow him. I'm immediately going in the carriage.

Zippy:

Come on, girl!

Shona:

I just drag Angry over here.

Zippy:

Come on, Sis.

Alan:

I scoop up Posy and I fall in step with Delilah, and I just kind of look at her like, we doing. This?

Stacey:

And I, like, put my arms around Lucky's neck. Like a damsel that was in distress. And I stare at him with loving eyes, just to be a little obnoxious.

Posey:

Thanks, bud!

Shona:

Did you whisper it in his ear?

Stacey:

Yep.

Lucky:

Sure.

Hope:

I then look at my father with some sincerity.

Delilah:

How? Why am I here? Why did you put me here?

Richard Winthrop:

I will explain everything I can in a few minutes. But I cannot tell you everything right now. Get to the carriage.

Posey:

Well? We're walking! Someone is.

Zippy:

Let's just get in the carriage. We can. I don't think we should stay here. He seems pretty freaked out.

David:

He's already up in the driver's seat. Like hitching up the horses. Got his whip ready to go.

Hope:

I roll my eyes and hesitantly, then go to the carriage with them.

David:

Cool. As you guys are getting into the carriage, you hear the wind start to pick up and blow through the trees, and as the wind gets louder and louder and louder, you realize it's not just air blowing through leaves. This feels like the land is exhaling. And the breath is moving towards you with this giant… hhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA. And it reaches you, right as the last of you gets inside the carriage. So the wind picks up. The leaves start flying off of the trees. Richard whips the horse with a “Yah!” And you guys are off down the dirt road, through the woods. And the faster you go, the louder this breath seems to get. The more the wind picks up and the darker the sky seems to become.

Posey:

Oh, my.

Zippy:

Now we're in your carriage. We're running away. Tell us everything you know immediately.

Stacey:

Do we see? Do we. See anything?

Alan:

I dig around in my pack to see if I have a kite. I don't.

Stacey:

I'm sitting on Lucky's lap like a little kid who probably should be strapped down, you know, pre 80s pre seatbelts. And I look outside. What do I see?

David:

You go ahead and roll an investigation check n me.

Stacey:

I rolled an eight.

David:

Okay.

Stacey:

Or a ten. Sorry.

David:

So you look out the window and you can see something is following you. But it almost doesn't seem corporeal. You can't quite tell because whatever is chasing you in this carriage is bringing a darkness with it. And it's like this line of shadow is cutting out the moonlight, and it is literally 20 to 30ft behind your trailer at all times, keeping perfect pace but not catching up. And that's all you can tell from what is happening right now.

Alan:

Okay, I have darkvision. I stare into the darkness.

David:

Roll, roll investigation.

Alan:

I'm going to roll an investigation. 18 plus six. That's a 24.

David:

That's fantastic! Roll a constitution saving throw.

Alan:

Oh no! Oh no-ho-ho-ho! Oh NO! Five minus one, I rolled a four.

Hope:

Oh, no.

David:

Okay.

Shona:

Are you gonna poop yourself? What does Constitution mean? You are able to penetrate this darkness and see into what it is that is causing it, and what it is that is chasing you. And what you see is so beyond description, that for the remainder of this arc of the campaign, you will not be able to physically put it into words. Take a d8 of psychic damage.

Alan:

Aw geez six.

David:

Holy crap.

Alan:

I only have nine hit points.

Stacey:

Holy.

David:

Just looking at this thing almost kills you. And then from the front of the carriage, you hear Richard shout,

Richard Winthrop:

Don't! Look! Back!

David:

And he whips the horse again and you guys start going even faster.

Shona:

Oh, so he's not in the carriage with us?

David:

No. He's outside.

Shona:

Oh, I see, I.

David:

Exposed.

Stacey:

Would have been great to know that two minutes ago. Richard.

Alan:

Yeah. I turn and look at Delilah with, like, bloodshot eyes. I just go,

Lucky:

What. Did this?

Delilah:

I don't… I don't know. I don't know anything.

David:

The carriage is racing down the cobblestone path through the woods, past the real family cemetery. And you can see just in the distance the glimpse of a building through the trees. You break out of the trees into this large, sprawling lawn and gardens. And in front of you would be actually breathtakingly beautiful, if you had the time to really appreciate it, in the moment. What is in front of you is a not very large but fantastically ornate stone manor. The second you guys cross onto the property, the darkness slams into this invisible barrier that it seems to be unable to penetrate for now. But while the darkness cannot move any further, you still hear this whispering voice, as if it is emanating from inside your heads.

The Emissary:

Two days, Richard…

Posey:

Okay. There's a lot happening. What? What do we know? We know we hung out with Death. That we all on the same page. I'm not crazy, right?

Zippy:

You're right.

Lucky:

I remember Death

Posey:

Mother. She slay. May she forever slay. Grace. Sent... sent us back to solve our own murders.

Zippy:

Yeah,

Posey:

Right.

Zippy:

Yes.

Posey:

What else do we know?

Zippy:

I've never seen that symbol before. Do any of us recognize that symbol?

Delilah:

No.

Zippy:

That's not something in your world, in your place? That's not something that daddy drew for fun ever? No, that's not a…

Delilah:

Just please, just don't. Just don't ever trust him. Whatever you do, do not trust my dad.

Posey:

Okay, girl.

Lucky:

We can’t go back out there.

Posey:

Delilah, he just saved us. I think, whatever that thing is seems otherworldly.

Delilah:

No, it's only for himself. He were in this carriage. We're only doing this for him. Trust me, he's not good. He is not good.

Posey:

I trust you.

Lucky:

You all heard the voice.

Zippy:

Two days, two days. Richard.

Lucky:

Richard. I don't think we trust this guy. This thing.

Delilah:

I mean.

Lucky:

This thing is after him

Zippy:

I mean, I barely trust any of you, so you don't have to tell me twice.

Delilah:

His own daughter.

Posey:

Well, how do you know he did this to you?

Delilah:

I know he did.

Posey:

Wait, but how?

Delilah:

He. I don't know you, why would I tell you why I know he's bad? Just trust me that he's bad. He's bad.

Zippy:

Who else do you have to trust?

Posey:

I don't have legs, okay? I'm mangled. We've just. We've stumbled upon each other in the weirdest way. I literally have no idea who you can trust.

Delilah:

Fine, fine. He killed my best friend.

Posey:

Wait, what?

Delilah:

That's all I know is that he killed my best friend. I saw my friend, and he was dead in a field. And that's all I know.

Posey:

You know, for sure...

Delilah:

My dad killed. I don't know for sure, but he's a bad person! My dad. I don't know what he does, but he's not good. He does… he does things. And I just… and you have to trust me that he's not a good person.

David:

Can you go ahead and make a history roll?

Hope:

19. heh heh heh heh heeeeeh.

David:

Okay. So you're trying to think back to see if you can recall anything else about the details of this,

Shona:

Which would be greatly helpful for us. Side note.

David:

And the very last thing you remember, before your memory goes dark, and you wound up in the afterlife. Was literally discovering your best friend, Huckleberry Beauregard, in a field seemingly dead. You were rushing to him. You were screaming. You were reaching out to grab him, and he opens his eyes and throws up. And that's the last thing you remember.

Stacey:

And so we like, see this pass over her face. Like, something like,

Posey:

You, right? You're remembering something. What is it?

Delilah:

All I remember is that I just heard screaming. I didn't know what to do, and I ran to him. He was in a field and he looked awful. And there was dirt all over him, and he was throwing up. And I think he I think he he he died. He's dead.

David:

Okay. The carriage pulls up to the, the the house… The carriage house. The carriage pulls up to the carriage house. That took a couple tries to say. Richard gets out and he says,

Richard Winthrop:

Everyone inside before this gets any worse.

Shona:

Wait. While she was telling that story. I was rummaging around in my abdomen, pulling out bottles. Smelling them. Sticking them back in my abdomen. I finally pull out one that I feel like smells familiar to me, and I hand it over and I say,

Zippy:

I think you should maybe drink a little bit of this for your, you know, brain power.

Alan:

Unless I take the bottle that's covered in gore.

Shona:

Oh, sorry.

Stacey:

Pulls a little piece of meat off of it, a little lung remnant.

Alan:

I, I look at Zippy and go,

Lucky:

Thanks.

Alan:

And I pocket it and step out of the carriage.

Stacey:

While we're moving, I put my hand on Delilah's shoulders and I'm like… not the… The good one. Not the one with the weird scar on it, you know, put my hand on her shoulder and I'm like,

Posey:

Listen, whatever you're on to, you're like, you're so valid to feel the way, and you got us. We're going to figure this out. This has to be such a tough situation. But I am not going to, like, leave you alone here or bail on you. Okay?

Hope:

I silently nod my head. But then I move my shoulder out of his arm. Out of his hand. I moved my shoulder out of his hand.

Stacey:

And to myself I just grumble,

Posey:

B***h.

Shona:

Okay we get out of the carriage.

David:

Okay, so Richard is walking, leading his way down the front walk of the mansion, and throws open the double doors. And says,

Richard Winthrop:

Well, you comin’?

Alan:

Carrying Posey, I'm walking over there and I say,

Lucky:

So, Dick. You got any place I can put this guy down? A wheelchair or a….

Richard Winthrop:

I'm sure. I can figure out accommodations for you folks as soon as I figure out who the hell you are. But until then, we're late for dinner.

David:

And he walks in through the front doors, and you guys are greeted by this massive, beautiful, Great Hall that takes up what seems to be the majority of the first floor of this mansion house. And in the center is a very large table. There's a grand piano off to one corner, like a very small orchestra pit set up in the other. There are stacks of books, and globes, and just beautiful trinkets from around the world, all decorating this room. And sitting at the table,

Delilah, you recognize:

your Auntie, your Uncle, your cousin, and a very unexpected guest: Huckleberry Beauregard.

Hope:

I'm speechless.

Stacey:

And I'm like,

Posey:

What? What is it, Delilah? What's… what is it?

Delilah:

Huck?

David:

The second he hears you say his name, whips his head over and just tears! Wordlessly, he stands up and he runs and wraps you in his arms. And through his crying, just barely breaks out,

Huckleberry Beauregard:

Where have you been Angel?

Delilah:

How are you? You died. Huck. What do you mean, where have I been?

David:

He can barely hear you. And he says.

Huckleberry Beauregard:

I thought you ran off without me.

Delilah:

No, I would, I would never run off without you.

Huckleberry Beauregard:

Talk soon. We'll talk soon. I don't know what's going on, but I'll. I'll explain everything I can. But we cannot interrupt Papa's dinner. You know that.

Delilah:

Huck. You died.

Huckleberry Beauregard:

Everyone sit down. Things are happening.

David:

He whispers that to you guys. And he goes. And he sits back down at the table, but makes a spot right next to you. Right next to him for you. Delilah.

Shona:

I walk over and take the chair closest to her daddy.

David:

Okay, great. Yeah, he's at the head of the table, but you can sit next to the head.

Shona:

As I sit down, I try to reach into his back pocket and grab what? That thing that he put in his pocket was. Can I get it?

David:

Roll dexterity.

Shona:

14.

David:

You aren't able to get it from him, but you're able to lift up his jacket enough to see what was underneath. And the thing that he hid behind his back was a bundle of roses.

Stacey:

Oh! Oh. I try to like, get Lucky to put me down next to Huck. I want to sit by Huck, I want.

David:

So you're sitting down on the other side of Huckleberry.

Stacey:

Yeah. I want to sit close enough to chat with him because I want to get as much information as he has. I want to turn up the charm, and I immediately try to, like, warm him up. Do I need to like, roll anything to see how… buttered up I can get him?

Hope:

I am in complete shock, by the way. Like hands shaking. I'm sitting next to Huck, not moving.

Shona:

You only have half of your face. Just remember that, Posey. Which side are you sitting on?

David:

Just kind of drooping and crushed.

Shona:

So just make sure you sit on the good half forward.

Stacey:

My good half is facing Huck.

Alan:

I set him down, so the good half is facing Huck.

Stacey:

And I.

Alan:

And I sort of I get the tablecloth and I sort of drape it over his crushed lower half.

Stacey:

And like, dress me. And I….

Alan:

Then I walk around to the other side of the table and I, I push the chair kind of away from the table, and I sit down, and lean back, and cross my legs like a arrogant son of a b***h.

Shona:

Well, at least the chair is facing forwards this time. I feel like we've gone up in the world. We're proud! I'm proud of you.

Hope:

That visual… Posey, angled on a chair.

Stacey:

I refuse to look directly at Huck. Like a classy lady of the court who's clearly flirting. But I'm not flirting. My goal is just to get… warm him up and to get as much information on the side as I can.

David:

Okay, great. So you guys all sit down at the table, and you have a few moments of just sort of like staring awkwardly in silence at each other. And Papa says,

Richard Winthrop:

Well, now that everyone's set, I'm going to go have a word with the butler and make sure we've got food for us all.

David:

And he stands up and walks off into the kitchen and you guys have a few moments to talk.

Stacey:

I just turn to Huck and I'm like,

Posey:

She loves you so much. She's talked so much about you. What's the last thing you remember?

David:

So he leans over to you and he says,

Huckleberry Beauregard:

Well, I don't know all the details right now, but three days ago, someone tried to poison me. Me and Delilah figured we had to get out of here before something happened again. I went home to pack my bags, and I never saw her again.

Ethan:

I walk up to this party and I just go.

Edwin:

Hi. How are you guys doing? I'm Edwin. I don't… I don't know who you guys are.

Alan:

I just sort of slowly turn and look at Edwin and I'm like.

Lucky:

Hey, Edwin.

Edwin:

Hey. Hi. Y'all are goofy looking bunch. Hi, Lilah! Its me cousin Edwin.

Delilah:

Yep. I know you’re cousin Edwin.

Stacey:

Okay, I take one of the butter knives and sneak it into my shirt coat pocket, just in case. Who knows? But I'm also like.

Posey:

Edwin! Hi. Nice to meet you.

Edwin:

Do I see that?

David:

Roll… roll perception.

Stacey:

How do you see anything? You're so excited to be here.

Ethan:

Nat 20.

Stacey:

Oh my gosh!(general laughter)

David:

So you absolutely see it. 100%. But you can choose what to do with that information.

Ethan:

It's a butter knife?

Stacey:

Never know when you're gonna need a butter knife.

Ethan:

Yeah,

Shona:

It's probably real silver. Looking around this place,

Ethan:

I. Open and I'm like,

Edwin:

Dude, I collect my own,

Posey:

I. Got you.

Edwin:

You never know when you need a butterknife.

Posey:

You seem like a… Edwin, you seem like a cool dude of just great caliber and taste. What do you remember about Delilah being… what? What do you remember?

Edwin:

Honestly, I just I just know that she's been missing for, like. Today’s, what day is it today? Is it Tuesday?

Zippy:

Like, three days. Is that,

Lucky:

I don't know,

Zippy:

…three Days?

Lucky:

We've been dead.

Edwin:

You've been dead?

Posey:

Don't look too close in my face, but. Yeah.

Edwin:

Okay. Yeah. All right. Is more of like, an outside thing. Are you saying you're dead inside?

Posey:

Because that's a good question for Lucky. Very good question for Lucky.

Edwin:

Your name's Lucky? I had a dog named Lucky.

Lucky:

I'm sure he was a real good boy.

Ethan:

Nah, he sucked!

David:

Papa walks back into the room.

Stacey:

This feels very on point.

Richard Winthrop:

Seems we got everything settled.

Edwin:

Do I have my corn dog?

David:

He doesn't even look at you. There's just like a passive disdain. He like looks at… looks at you out of the corner of his eye, and then sits back down at the head of the table and he says,

Richard Winthrop:

First things first.

Stacey:

I'm the realist...

Richard Winthrop:

We need to have a conversat...

David:

[Snort giggles].

Richard Winthrop:

We need to have a conversation.

Edwin:

We are. You interrupted with the butler. I want my corn dog. You promised me….

Richard Winthrop:

Your corn dogs coming! Edwin. Now quiet. While I talk to the important people in the room.

Stacey:

I set up a little taller.

Richard Winthrop:

And he looks around and he says, now, who the hell are you three? And what are you doing with my Delilah?

Edwin:

That's what I was trying to get out. But then you interrupted with….

Richard Winthrop:

Edwin.

Edwin:

Okay.

Zippy:

Listen, we're not from here. We actually just met Delilah. She was in a grave. We dug her out. We were trying to help her. And you came up, so honestly, we think that you probably could tell us a little bit more about what's going on than what we know.

Richard Winthrop:

Now. This is all excellent, but so far I've only heard women talking. Could I please hear from a man in the room?

Delilah:

And that's it. That's all you need to know about my sweet daddy, Richard.

Posey:

What, we're not going to do.

Delilah:

Women. Really? That's what you're going to tell our guests?

Richard Winthrop:

Silence please. I don't know what kind of country you guys are from, but when the man of the house speaks, everyone listens.

Posey:

Richard. Rich, can I call you Rich? Is that something I can call you?

Richard Winthrop:

You can call me Richard.

Posey:

You clearly… Richard… Lovely name. Lovely manner. Can I say? Like, whatever we witnessed out there was heavy. And we have come from a place where we might be able to assist you with some information. I would love to see what we can do to help you, and maybe even see what you know about our situation. Because whatever you're handling seems pretty big, and it seems like you have a lot on your plate. Let's… let's help each other.

Delilah:

Those were a lot of big words, dad, did you get that?

Posey:

Wow. Delilah, I…

Shona:

I. Reach over and give her a high five.

Stacey:

Yeah. You're like, there's a lot. I get. It.

David:

Richard mutters something under his breath. Let's do a group perception to see if y'all can hear what he says.

Hope:

I got a three.

Stacey:

I got an 11.

Alan:

Nine.

Ethan:

14.

Richard Winthrop:

20 plus four, 24.

David:

That's the second time that's happened.

Alan:

Thank you for saving our group perception.

David:

Oh, gosh. Dang. Okay, so, just so quietly under his breath as the butler is coming out with the food, he says,

Richard Winthrop:

This is why your mama left.

Stacey:

Whoa.

Delilah:

Oh, we're gonna go there!

Alan:

I very slowly and deliberately grab my spear, that has been resting up against my chair, and I just set it across my lap.

David:

So the butler is coming around and setting plates down in front of everyone at the table. And it's this delicious looking meal. It's, you know, duck confit on a bed of pilaf rice. Three corn dogs for Edwin. A goblet of wine in front of everyone around the table. And as he does, Richard says,

Richard Winthrop:

Well, so long as you heard that. I got something I need to deliver to you.

David:

And he pulls out a letter out of his pocket. He says,

Richard Winthrop:

Your mom wrote this before she left. Right after you did, in fact. Thought you might have run away together.

David:

And he hands it to you. And it is a wax-sealed letter in the hand of your mom that just says “to my Delilah,” you can choose to read it now or later, but the food's here, so, you know,

Alan:

I immediately start tucking in because… you don't get duck confit every day.

Shona:

I pick up my goblet and start downing the wine as fast as I can.

Alan:

Just pours right out onto your lap.

David:

It leaks straight out.

Shona:

I put it down. Reach over and grab Edwin's glass also. Continue.

Ethan:

You notice that in my glass it also has a bendy straw.

Shona:

It’s just juice.

Ethan:

It's the juice and…

Alan:

It's just fruit punch. It's fruit punch in a glass and it has a bendy straw.

Edwin:

It’s good, ain't it?

Stacey:

Is Richard eating his food?

David:

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Very elegantly and slowly.

Stacey:

While I was eating?

Hope:

I want to open the letter right now.

David:

Really? Okay. So these are the contents of the letter you can choose to share with the rest of the party. Written from your mother and says,

Esther Winthrop:

My dearest Delilah, should you return before the new moon, please know, I did not wish it to be this way. I would have taken you with me and your brothers. I would have run across the world with you, if it meant our escape. But you left, and because of that, so must I. I'm sure you know all by now. Or else you would have never run before the new moon. It is coming, Delilah. I just hope we can both outrun It long enough to see each other again. All my love, mama.

Hope:

I'm reading the letter and I finally folded up and I just put it in my back pocket and I sit silent and I just start staring at Edwin.

Ethan:

I wave. I then look over at the three strangers or the three characters, and I look at them, and I'm looking at them thinking why they're here. And. And then I just look at back at Richard, my dad and I go,

Delilah:

You want to know what it says?

Richard Winthrop:

Of course I want to know what it says.

Delilah:

It says f*** you! Richard.

Shona:

No wonder he doesn't like women speaking.

Stacey:

Yeah.

David:

He stares you down for a solid 20 seconds.

Richard Winthrop:

Well, bout what I expected from a whore.

David:

And he keeps cutting his food.

Stacey:

Whoa. And I go.

Posey:

Okay,

Alan:

I actually choke on a bite of…(choking sounds)

Shona:

I place my hand on her non tattooed shoulders so she doesn't freak out.

Stacey:

I, I present my good face side of my face to Richard. As I'm like,

Posey:

Hey, Richard, what is that symbol on her shoulder?

Zippy:

We heard something in the carriage. It said,“two days, Richard.” And I haven't got my calendar. I haven't been able to look at the lunar, a lunar schedule. What? What's happening in two days?

Richard Winthrop:

Let's just call it an old family tradition. And now that I've answered your question, you gotta answer mine. Who the hell are you three? My daughter, three days runs off. Isn't that right, Auntie? Didn't you tell me she ran off?

David:

And Auntie says.

Auntie Winthrop:

Yes, I heard. I heard she run off.

Posey:

You heard she ran off? From who?

David:

And he turns to Edwin says,

Richard Winthrop:

Didn't you hear my daughter ran off, Edwin?

Edwin:

I did, yeah.

Richard Winthrop:

So my daughter runs off…

Lucky:

Who did you hear that from?

Richard Winthrop:

...Comes back three days later with three strangers, accusing me of murder.

Delilah:

Well, I know he killed Huck. That's for sure. Right, Daddy? You killed Huck.

David:

He bristles.

Stacey:

What does Huck do?

Lucky:

Who did you hear from that she ran away?

Richard Winthrop:

You want to know who I heard it from? Primarily, I heard a primarily from Delilah herself. She's been telling me she's going to get out of this “shit hole” in quotations for the last several weeks now. I give her everything. She should be so appreciative of everything I give her. The food on her plate, the clothes on her back. Everything is for her.

Delilah:

I've hated my life here. You kill people. You hurt people. You are mean to people. You are a bully. I have never loved you. You wanna know why I think this is a shithole? You dug the hole, daddy! This is your hole and you dragged me down in it!

David:

Uncle leans over to Auntie and says,

Uncle Winthrop:

I always did like her better than Edwin.

Edwin:

I heard that, dad.

Stacey:

I feel like we're not going to get anywhere at this point. Maybe. And I raised my hand. I'm like,

Posey:

I'm sorry to interrupt this absolutely touching family moment. Can someone carry me to the restroom, Edwin? Maybe.

Edwin:

Yeah.

Posey:

You know,

Edwin:

Sure. I'm a little weak, but, you know.

Posey:

Hey, you can drag me unless there's a chair around here with wheels.

Edwin:

Nah. We got a baby carriage?

Stacey:

Oh. I take a deep breath, but I swallow my pride and smile and say,

Posey:

Perfect. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Edwin:

It was originally for Delilah, but I was able to get it when I turned 16. So.

Stacey:

Edwin picks me up like an awkward baby. Tucks me in the carriage and we.

Ethan:

I buckle you up.

Shona:

There's a bonnet in the carriage. He thinks about it for a moment and then, like, decides not to put it on you.

Edwin:

Let's go.

Stacey:

Immediately. As soon as we leave the room immediately, Edwin takes me to the bathroom. Whatever. It's a weird feat. As soon as we're coming back, I'm like,

Posey:

Hey, Edwin, can you just, like, show me around a little bit? Where does Richard do his work?

Edwin:

He mainly does it in his workroom. I mean, the fancy people call it the“sturdy.” Oh, yeah.

Posey:

Oh, listen, do you mind? Do you mind just showing me around there?

Edwin:

I'm, I'm… I'm not. I'm not supposed to be in there.

Posey:

Hey, listen. We're guests. It's not a big deal, if it's a concern, I'll let them know it was me. I just know he's kind of having a hard time with Delilah right now. You know, like, it's kind of intense. We could just take a detour.

Edwin:

I mean, Uncle Richard's always been kind of tough on Delilah.

Posey:

He seems like he's tough on you. Too.

Edwin:

Delilah is the only one who's really nice to me.

Posey:

Is she?

Edwin:

Yeah. She's my best friend.

Posey:

Oh.

Edwin:

When she went missing, I was really sad and everything, like. Like, I mean, like, I mean, I cry… I mean, like I cried.

David:

Okay, so there is a way to get to the study without crossing through the Great Hall again. But you're going to have to pass through the servant's passageways.

Ethan:

All right. I just...

David:

Sort of go around the sides of the house.

Ethan:

All right I just take him.

Posey:

So, Edwin, what you said you don't… you remember she ran away. Did you… did. Was anyone sad about it? Was, was Richard pretty sad?

Edwin:

Oh, everyone around here was like. I mean, no one around here really gets sad. I mean, like, last time someone was sad is when, like, I broke my arm. And everyone was like, “well, he's never going to use his arm again.” And I was like,“it's okay.” And then they were like,“we should cut it off.” And I was like,“nah let's not cut it ooooofffffff.”.

Posey:

Just leave it.

Edwin:

Just leave it like, oh, that's a… anyway. No. No one really was sad.

Stacey:

I genuinely enjoy Edwin. I mean, I'm like,

Posey:

Edwin, I really like your vibe, dude.

Edwin:

I like your… I like your vibe.

Shona:

I take a deep breath, looking at my empty wineglass, feeling the tension in the room. And then just tap on it while staring at Papa and ask for….

Zippy:

Refill?

Alan:

I go ahead and just two fingers on the bottom of the goblet, just slide mine across the table over to Zippy.

Shona:

At this point, I'm feeling pretty good and I start trying to play footsies with Papa under the table.

Stacey:

Can we just take a moment and, like, appreciate the visual aspect of this mangled corpse of a woman? Carnage. Trying to, like, put her best foot forward and be kind of, like, sexy and, like, appealing.

Shona:

Okay. So I slink into my chair to reach under, and as I slink, I make a large (disgusting squelching) noise. As I'm trying.

Alan:

I'm just… Lucky looks over and just like bites back a grin.

Lucky:

Work it.

David:

(Die roll) Okay, so he doesn't play footsies back, but he does not move his foot.(General laughter)

Shona:

I'm now just rubbing my foot up and down his legs, making dead eye contact with him and every once in a while, an eyebrow movement.

David:

As you can feel his perfectly shaven legs, up and down on your foot.

Alan:

Lucky reaches across the table, takes Zippy's plate from in front of her, and just starts eating like he's got popcorn at a movie. He's just… just enjoying the hell out of this.

David:

Auntie’s like,

Auntie Winthrop:

Why are you looking under the table? What's going on down there?

Stacey:

Auntie doesn't notice it?

David:

No.

Stacey:

Is she into it? No. She doesn't notice it. Okay.

David:

She doesn't notice it. Uncle does. And he's so into it.

Alan:

Geez, does Lucky clock that too?

David:

Roll for arousal.

Alan:

(Die roll) Ah. An 11.

David:

Ah. Take it or leave it.

Alan:

It's a… yeah

David:

They aren't the best feet you've ever seen, to be honest.

Shona:

What?

Hope:

I look at my aunt and uncle and I just go,

Delilah:

Why are you here? You're never here. What's going on?

David:

Uncle looks at you and then very deliberately looks at Papa and then looks back at you. He says, I like to think we call it something of a family reunion, you see, once every 25 years…. And Papa goes,

Richard Winthrop:

Shush! Quiet now! I'll tell them everything tomorrow.

David:

And he says,

Uncle Winthrop:

I think it's time everyone heard the truth.

David:

And Papa says,

Uncle Winthrop:

I think it's time you go off to bed. Uncle.

David:

And Uncle just stands up. Pushes his chair back so hard that his plate falls off the table, and he storms off into his room.

Shona:

I reach over the table and grab his glass of wine.

David:

Auntie is still there, but she's like, shaking and nervous and quiet and like… not really eating much. Not really saying much.

Richard Winthrop:

I have rooms prepared for all of you by Pendleton. I'll be seeing you at 7:00 sharp. And he just walks off to bed.

Delilah:

So that's my family, everyone.

Zippy:

Things are making so much more sense.

Alan:

I turn and look at Delilah and I say.

Lucky:

I think you're right. I think we're going to have to kill your dad.

David:

You guys, as you're walking through the servants corridor… Suddenly a figure steps out into the hall in front of you, and you recognize it as Pendleton, the butler who had just brought you your food.

Posey:

Oh, snaps. Oh.

Ethan:

Pendy! Pendy. This is my friend Posey.

Posey:

Hey, nice to meet you, Pendleton.

Pendleton:

Sneaking around again, I see. My boy.

Edwin:

Well, I yeah,

Posey:

I was just asking him to show me around.

Edwin:

Yeah.

Posey:

So do you guys have a lot of books in one of the rooms here? Like a study or something?

Ethan:

Yeah. Pendleton. Pendleton is really nice. He's he's he's really not… I only… I dig with Delilah and, Paddington. Pendleton. I call him Paddington sometimes.

Posey:

And like Pendleton. Pendleton. Is it Pendleton? Lovely name. This place is amazing. You do a great job here. You mind if I just, like, see the study? I happen to be a man who is a big fan of books.

Edwin:

Yeah, we're going to study.

David:

He looks you up and down real hard. Real long, hard stare. But then he breaks into a smile and he's like,

Pendleton:

I never could say no to you, my boy.

Edwin:

Thank you.

Pendleton:

Carry on. I have a dinner to attend to anyways.

Ethan:

All right. I do like little skip as I.

Stacey:

Me too.

Ethan:

Oh you do. You pick up your legs and you're like, yeah.

Stacey:

Shake my mangled little like nubs.

David:

Okay. Pendleton walks off down into the kitchen area. You guys head back towards the study. Now we're back in the main hall.

Shona:

When Papa stands up. Or Richard, we don't call him Papa. Right? Okay.

David:

Call him whatever you want.

Shona:

When Papa Richard stands up from the table as he gets to the door and is about to leave, I also stand up and excuse myself. I'm going to go and look for some more wine. I will be back. I also reach over and grab the last corndog off of Edwin's plate. And I slip out of the room, following Papa Richard as quietly and stealthily as I can. And follow where he goes.

Stacey:

Is he hot? I just got to know.

David:

He is… So attractive.

Stacey:

Is he like a Zaddy? Like “Papa Richard” makes sense.

David:

He's. He's not like a Zaddy. He's like, what would happen if a Twink grew up and stayed mean.(Alan and Shona lose it.) Like, incredibly attractive in the, like, 1950s-abusive-husband kind of way. Like, extremely well tailored three piece suit. Like perfectly quaffed, greased hair, clean shaven, chiseled jawline, tall, fit. That kind of man.

Shona:

Which I’m super into.

Alan:

Don Draper.

Shona:

So as I step through the doorway, I also push a little bit of intestine that is sticking up to the top of my blouse. But do unbutton one more button. Simultaneously, like…

David:

Are you trying to be stealthy?

Shona:

At the moment. Because I want to see where he goes, but I'm undecided. I do want to approach him and try and talk to him one on one.

David:

Yeah, okay. Make a stealth roll.

Shona:

Eight.

David:

When you're readjusting your shirt, the squelching noises of your insides getting comfortable,(gross mouth sounds) alert him to your presence. And he turns around and he says,

Richard Winthrop:

I'm sorry, I don't have any more time for whores tonight.

Shona:

I take my corndog and hurl it as hard as I can! Aiming directly for his eyeball.

David:

Roll for attack!

Shona:

Damn it! Four.

David:

Okay, so you just chuck this corndog and it goes flying past him.

Zippy:

Well, that was useless.

David:

Yeah. He heads up the stairs to what is presumably his bedroom.

Stacey:

Noted. Is that the noise you made?

Shona:

On which side is the bedroom?

David:

Okay, we're going to cut back. Okay, you guys break open into this study, and it is a just lovely three tiered library. Like, it is just the most beautiful arrangement of knowledge you have ever seen. And these books look old, and gorgeous, and arcane. Just stacking up wall to wall to wall, all four walls of this room just completely covered in knowledge. There is a very large desk with what seems to be bookkeeping and accounting books. Where it seems Papa does most of his work. But for the most part, this is just a library.

Edwin:

Can you believe it? People, like, can read? And.

Stacey:

And every time he opens his mouth. I love this dude more. I'm like,

Posey:

Yes, it's true. It's crazy.

Ethan:

Because it's like. And there's a lot of different zhurnres? Johnruz? Genres? There's crying, and then there's happy, and then there's angry. It's like imagination… all over it. But then some books are like filled with like, facts.

Posey:

And see… Edwin you gotta give yourself more credit.

Stacey:

As he's talking, I have grabbed the wheels of the little carriage with my long adult arms.

David:

Well it's one of those old carriages with the giant back wheels. Yeah. So you can, you can wheel like a wheelchair.

Stacey:

Wheel over to the desk. And I immediately, just immediately start rummaging through to see if there's anything that might be indicative of anything nefarious happening.

David:

Roll a investigation with advantage. So roll twice and pick the higher number.

Stacey:

Right. 19!

David:

19.

Alan:

Yep.

David:

So with a 19 you can tell: written in these ledgers, you actually are pretty familiar with accounting, being from your very wealthy background.

Stacey:

I know money and numbers. I've seen them before.

David:

Uh, these ledgers are fake. Nothing in these makes any sense. The math doesn't add up. It's like someone just wrote down numbers, for hours, in a book, with no rhyme or reason. And the other thing you can tell, is that this book is covered in dust. In fact, most of the things in this room are covered in dust,

Shona:

Like 25 years worth of dust?

David:

Uhhhh I would say give it a… yeah, a decade or two worth of dust. It's almost as if, you know… The floor is clean. It's almost as if someone is coming in here, hanging out all day, and not doing anything and leaving again.

Stacey:

I am curious. I'm obviously take that in. I know we don't have much time. I'm just assuming.

Posey:

Hey we should probably get back.

Stacey:

I try to spy the oldest looking book.

David:

Give me one more investigation. Check.

Stacey:

19.

David:

Again? Dang. Okay, sweet.

Ethan:

I was like, I was wondering if I could also, like, steal something, but, like, not a book. Just like literally anything that's in there. A pen or something. I kind of like, I… I see him take something and I'm like,

Stacey:

Hey, you know, this guy knows what’s up.

Ethan:

I can take something. I want to take something that's like, literally worth nothing.

David:

You're fiddling around on the desk and it has one of those Newton's cradle desk toys.

Ethan:

Yeah,

David:

The little metal balls that, like, tap each other.

Alan:

And he takes… One of them.

David:

He only takes the two on the ends because, like,“well, the rest of these are broken.”

Ethan:

Yeah (general laughter) And so I have two?

David:

Yeah. Yeah.

Ethan:

Okay.

Edwin:

Posey, you want one?

Posey:

I, you know what? I'd be honored. I would call it friendship… balls.

Edwin:

Friendship!

Stacey:

We tap them together.

Edwin:

I got three friends, I got Delilah, I got uh… Pendleton, and then I got Posey.

Stacey:

I'm legitimately thrilled and touched in my heart. I love this. He, like, reminds me of, like, one of my kids or something. I just, like, love this.

David:

Okay, so you're looking around this room, looking for the oldest book. And you're not sure if the book you find is the oldest, but you do know it is the only one that isn't dusty. And so you pull it off the shelf and you open it up. And it is a massive arcane guide to ancient folklore. You are flipping through the pages. Looking through, a lot of it is in language you're not even sure you understand.

Stacey:

My next question is do I recognize, do I find the cross with the three stripes in it, in there at all?

David:

Absolutely.

Stacey:

I see the symbol.

David:

It takes you to a page describing an entity known as the Emissary of Caiphon that seems to potentially have a connection with the thing that chased you in the woods. The Emissary of Caiphon is an entity that must be summoned. And that symbol is a key component of the summoning process.

Stacey:

Okay, can I keep the book?

David:

Yeah,

Stacey:

I put it in my little baby carriage. Or I put it underneath me to prop up my legs. I don't know, whatever.

Edwin:

Wait, you're taking the book?

Posey:

No, I'm just borrowing it. Like a library. I'll bring it back. Maybe.

Edwin:

They won't find out, right?

Posey:

You know what…. Edwin, you know what? You're right. I'm not going to, you know….

Stacey:

And I point to the Newton's thing that we took from. It's like,

Posey:

Are you gonna get in trouble for if we take that? Do you think they're going to worry about that?

Stacey:

And as he turns to look at it, I tear out some pages and put them behind me. I close the book…

Edwin:

I don't know.

David:

Do a disadvantaged perception role to see if you pick up him hiding the pages.

Ethan:

Okay. All right.

Stacey:

It's just he turns and he hears like a riiiiiip.(Kawssssshhhhshsh sound)

Ethan:

Ten minus one, nine.

David:

Yeah. I'm gonna say the pages in the book are so old, it just kind of like… Cracks off really quietly. You can stuff it in your pocket.

Stacey:

All right.

David:

Just about this time, you guys realize that it's getting very late. As all throughout the house, the echoes of an ornate grandfather clock ring 12 times for midnight. And just as that happens, Huckleberry turns to Delilah and says.

Huckleberry Beauregard:

It's happening again.

David:

And he starts choking and spittle starts rising up out of his throat, and he is foaming at the mouth and he's like, wait, no, no,(awful choking sounds) And he begins throwing up. Liquid coming out of his eyes. Phlegm. It is pus. It is starting to be blood. After about 10 seconds of this.

Ethan:

Ew!

David:

(3 Die rolls) Dang. And he falls over on the ground, choking and convulsing.

Hope:

I fall on the ground with him, and I'm screaming.

Delilah:

Huck! Huck? Huck!? No! Don't die again! Huck? Huck! Wake up! Wake up, Huck! Please, please.

Alan:

I get up and I run around the table to their side. I pull the vial out of my pocket that Zippy gave me. Uncork it, jam it in his mouth, and, plug his nose and do the, like, shake thing to, like, get him to swallow.

Ethan:

And as that happens, me and Posey just bust through the door.

Alan:

He's… I’m making him drink the vial.

David:

Oh my gosh. Okay,

Stacey:

It all comes down to this!

David:

It all comes down to this D4 roll. Depending on which potion you actually got.

Alan:

Oh, no!

David:

(Die Roll…) Oooooohhhh!

Zippy:

Not that one!

David:

Huck's body goes limp.

Delilah:

Oh. No.

David:

Most of it.

Lucky:

What did you give me?

Zippy:

That was the Viagra.

Glyph Society:

It's half a life, but I'm still livin’ it. Yeah it's a shallow breath, but I'm still breathing in.

Alan:

Murder She Rolled is Stacy Harkey as Posey Borgeon. Shona Kay as Amber Zippy Ziphondale. David Sant as our DM. Alan Seawright, that's me, as Lucky Kurzell. Ethan Vander Meiden as Edwin Winthrop. And Hope Vander Meiden as Delilah Winthrop. Our theme song is Half-Life by Glyph Society. Our show is edited by David Sant and mixed by Alan Seawright. Please subscribe and follow on your podcast platform and give us a rating and write a review. It actually really helps the show reach new people. And aren't we all about reaching people? Really? You can follow us on social media@MurderSheRolled on most platforms, and be sure to come back two weeks from now for episode three of Murder She Rolled.

Glyph Society:

Half a life but I'm still livin’ it. Yeah, it’s a half a life, but I'm still livin’ it.