Ep.2 Breaking Free: From Anxiety to Sustainable Design, A Journey of Self-Discovery

Join host Sari Cowsert on 'The Uncharted Way' for an episode filled with inspiration and insight as she interviews Kenya Wright. Together, they delve into Kenya's remarkable journey of self-discovery and resilience. From navigating post-college confusion to overcoming anxiety, Kenya shares her personal experiences and the techniques she employs for nervous system regulation. Sari and Kenya confront head-on the pressures of pursuing higher education. They explore the physical and mental toll that the pursuit of the American dream, particularly in college or law school, can exact on individuals.  The conversation takes an adventurous turn as Kenya recounts her transformative bike trip across the United States, where she discovered a passion for sustainable design and found liberation from anxiety. Along the way, they touch on pivotal topics such as sexual assault, finding one's purpose, and the healing power of sisterhood. Tune in for a captivating journey of empowerment and understanding!
 
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Sari
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www.thegrowthgoddess.net
The Growth Goddess, who intimately understands the constraints of control and fear, and through her own personal transformation, she has garnered the wisdom to lead others on their transformative journey. As a Hypnotherapist, Master Imagery Facilitator, and Essence Curator, Sari's mission is to illuminate the path for every person she encounters, creating a sacred space for you to uniquely radiate in your true authentic essence.

Kenya Wright
https://linktr.ee/butterflybearthworks
Kenya is a Reiki master teacher, ritual facilitator, doula, and earthen home builder. She combines ancestral Earth-based rituals with energy healing and self-inquiry to create an enchanting and sensual lifestyle. Kenya believes in the presence of a spiritual inheritance that greatly outweighs the physical inheritance for each human on this planet.
She started her healing journey riddled with anxiety, unclear about her life plan, and afraid of the guilt that comes with having money. After a couple of years of self-study and mentorship, she established a nourishing daily practice and basic clarity around her life path.
Soon after, though, she was sexually assaulted, and all her progress seemed to disappear. The worst part was that her intuition had tried to warn her about this person on multiple occasions, and she didn't know how to listen.
So she went deep into her underworld and reclaimed her power through womb healing, Reiki, and shamanic journey. She tuned her intuition and began to listen even if it was something she didn't want to hear. Eventually, her healing journey transitioned from resolving trauma to welcoming joy and miracles. She wants everyone to walk with this power, starting with all the beautiful womxn and womb carriers in the world.

[00:00:04] Anxiety: childhood fears, family experiences, manifestations.

[00:07:41] Anxiety and manifestation in achieving goals.

[00:14:37] Living in sympathetic nervous system, need parasympathetic.

[00:21:18] College experience, burnout, gap year, self-discovery, bike trip, passion for building houses.

[00:27:40] Biking meditation trip brings freedom from anxiety.

[00:34:44] Juxtaposition of experiences, searching for purpose.

[00:41:17] Summary: Reflecting on church, nature, and intuition; finding insights in silence; cooking as a form of meditation; the importance of creating ceremony; distractions hinder personal growth; discussing a personal experience of sexual assault.

[00:47:29] Healing journe

5 minute nervous system reset ad for midroll

Transcript

Speaker Sari Cowsert: I will tell her all about nervous system regulation. I would tell her to touch some grass. I'm gonna tell her, but you are enough and you do not have to kill yourself or just like stretch yourself physically in order to be worthy of what you want, and that I know it's like torture having to wait to see what's going to happen, but, like, you are a miracle maker, and that's just gonna be proven to you time and time again. So it's okay. 

Speaker Kenya Wright: Welcome to the uncharted Way podcast, the no bullshit space where we dive deep into the stories everyday people who are going against the societal norms and choosing their own path. We're not about living on autopilot here. We're about breaking free of the chains of the so called novel. You will hear tales of bad ass individuals who are willing to disrupt the conventional mindset and in turn find a way to not just exist, but thrive in a life that feels so fucking good. And as we're here to inspire you, to move beyond the same old same old and get you thinking, it's time to break the fuck out. Live unapologetically and map your destiny in a way that feels good to you. This is the uncharted way. I'm Sari Cowsert, certified hypnotherapist, master imagery facilitator, essence curator, and your guide through these courageous worries. 

Speaker 3: On today's episode, we have the very amazing Kenya Wright. Who is a Reiki Master, a ritual facilitator, a Dula, an Urban home builder, and has been through her own journey of healing and is here to help us witness her and inspire us to continue to transform beyond those societal norms. So welcome, Kenya. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Hey, everybody. Thank you for tuning in and thank you, Sari, for 
Speaker 3: Yes. So, Kenya, what would you say? We're just gonna kinda go ahead and then dive in right here. What would you say along your path to kind of get you to where you are right now, like, what was like some major hurdles that you had to overcome? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Oh my gosh. I feel like hurtling was like the sport I was in for the last what? Seven or eight years for sure. I graduated college Pretty confused. I had lived most of my life thinking I wanted to be a lawyer, and then at the time I graduated college, I had taken this law class and realized law probably actually wasn't for me. And I didn't know. I didn't know what to do next. And I had lived that life of having a plan for like fifteen or sixteen years, and then I just suddenly didn't have one. And there was no schooling or anything else to kind of just like, well, I can just do that while I figure it out. It was like, oh, I thought I had it figured out and I don't. So the the past seven or eight years since then, there have been so many hurdles just around. Oh, my gosh, dealing with anxiety, dealing with sexual assault, and healing from that. Wright to figure out what do I actually do with my life? What am I actually passionate about? What is my purpose? Yeah. And then the other big thing was like, where do I live? Where am I actually physically supposed to be? On this planet. 
Speaker 3: Yeah. I love that. So what if you could like dial in to anxiety a little bit, like, what did that look like for you? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Okay. So I kinda I've had I had anxiety since I was a little kid like I remember being six or seven and laying in bed and wondering, like, worrying that the house is gonna burn down. And every night before going to sleep, I would just be in bed, like, okay. When the house catches fire, this is what I'm gonna do. You know, I'm gonna climb up the window onto my tree and I'm gonna climb down and then I'm gonna There was like a whole fire escape plan that I had. And I remember, like, my parents having the tree outside my window cut down and it being devastated devastating not only because it's my favorite tree, but also because I was like, oh my god, but the house is gonna burn down. And I don't 
Speaker 3: That was your escape. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know, you know, where it came from or why that was a part of my story so big, but I was an anxious kid, and I didn't even know what anxiety was. So it wasn't ever anything that I had a word for. It wasn't anything I ever talked about. I was very functional and presented. Like, I was always together, but in Charlie, my mind just you know, worst case scenario. What's gonna happen? We're not ready. Let's be prepared. Like, that was the that I lived a lot of my life in. And, yeah, it it it was mostly the the swirling thoughts and then, like, it I could get stuck in, like, some fights' responses around that as well where I would just, like, be stuck in this state of worry and fear. 
Speaker 3: Mhmm. And do you feel like that was like a theme within your household as well or primarily just what you Sari experiencing? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: You know, it's interesting. I remember telling my family, like, oh my gosh, guys. Like, I've realized that I'm an anxious person and, like, telling the stories of these are the things I've been anxious about even, you know, before the more, like, adulting. Fears that come into life. Like, it's been with me since I was a kid, and they're just like, oh my god, Kenya, that's so weird. There was some chuckles. It was just like, he thought, you were scared of what? Like, you're worried about what? And everyone in I remember everyone at the table being like, yeah. That's not my experience. And then, you know, time passes, and then you start to hear like, oh, That's anxiety. When I'm like afraid to drive up mountain roads, like, that's anxiety or like, you know, just different things that family members would go through after that. And then I would hear them using that terminology as well. So it was I do think that it's something that other family members within the household were experiencing, but also may have been in a similar place of not actually understanding the language around it and, like, what are the actual symptoms of anxiety? And is it anxiety? Or am I just being really prepared and really logical? You know? 
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. I love that. And I think that anxiety also manifests differently for different people. Like, for me, anxiety was a big one for me, and I would constantly have physical panic attacks and, like, physical symptoms in my body. Like, I mean, I think you can look up, like, all the physical symptoms that can manifest as far as anxiety, and there's, like, over a hundred. And I swear I experienced every single one of them where other people have more of, like, that kind of mind, emotional anxiety that, like, their thoughts just kind of run and, you know, kind of like where they are always prepared or, like, it being a control thing And so, yeah, I think it manifests different for different people. So even maybe the question that you might have been asking in your family if they were experiencing, maybe It was just in a different way for them so they couldn't articulate that as well. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Definitely. 
Speaker 3: Yeah. So How do you feel like that anxiety? Like, did it control your life? Or was it manageable? What did that look like? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Well, what I would say It's really interesting because I think in this world now a lot of people are starting to understand concepts like manifestation and, like, having the frequency in your body before you actually get to experience that thing that you want. And what's been interesting about my journey is I feel that anxiety contributed to so much stress and so much over achieving. But it didn't actually, a lot of the times, block me from having what I wanted. It was more just that the experience in between, like, realizing I had a dream and then actually realizing that dream, which is way more stressful and difficult than it needed to be. And when you ask that question, like, I think about, I think about when I got into college. It was just like, okay. Like, I don't want any loans, and this school is really expensive. I went to a Wright League School Brown University in Rhode Island. Like this was Wow. 
Speaker 3: I didn't even know that about you. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yes. Yes. So that's the school that I went to, and I knew that was my first choice. And I was just like, okay, I don't want student loans. And I know that my parents can't afford this out of pocket. It was like, fifty thousand dollars a year, close to sixty some of the years. And so I was like, okay, like, I need scholarships. Any scholarships, any financial aid, I need to be, like, prepared to receive the best package ever. And I literally treated it like a full time job of applying for scholarships. I applied for like forty two scholarships. Okay? And it can be eight or nine. Yeah. But it was like six or seven months of just like in my free time, the little that I had, because I'm still doing all the honors classes and all the other stuff to be worthy of the school like Brown, I was spending my evenings writing these scholarship applications. And I remember, like, I remember everything being due for the actual college application, and I submitted, you know, some of the schools, everything was on time, and then I had applied to Cornell University as well. Okay? And I go to submit the application. I realized I had the wrong date and I was a day late. Oh, no. Yes. I thought it was a day late to applying to Cornell University, and I was just like, oh my god. Like, I've messed this up. I've ruined it, but, like, the portal was still open. So I still just submitted the the application. I was like, oh my god. Maybe no one's gonna know. Maybe no one's gonna know, and they're still gonna read it. And I can still get into the school, like, and have a chance. So I submit the application, and I worried about this every single day until I heard from the school. And it got to the point where it was like a week before I ended up hearing from them, I sent an email just being like, I just need to know, like, did you actually read my application or, like, 
Speaker 3: the anticipation? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yeah. And I was just, like, taking myself through it. I had all of these stories about how, like, basically, my life was over because I was late submitting to the school that wasn't even in my first choice, by the way. And then what ended up happening, and this is like this thread of brace that I I have experienced in my Wright, like, that ended up being the first school that I heard back from, and they sent me, like, they mailed me a letter before the actual Acceptance letters were going out like a month later. So I got the news from them early, and it was it was a yes. And so it was just like, yeah, I don't know. I feel like a lot of my stories are like that where it's like, okay, I'm gonna do the most excities telling me I have to overachieve, and it has to be proven. It has to be great. And then it's not perfect. And then I'm so worried about it, stressed about it, hard to sleep about it. And then there's this grace where it's actually okay and whatever it is that I wanted ends up happening or some version of it. 
Speaker 3: So what would you tell that version of yourself now if you gave her some wisdom? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: I would tell her all about nervous system regulation. I would tell her to touch some grass. I would tell her that you are enough and you do not have to kill yourself or just, like, stretch herself physically in order to be worthy of what want, and that I know it's like torture having to wait to see what's going to happen, but, like, You are a miracle maker, and that's just gonna be proven to you time and time again. So it's okay. It's okay. It's regulated. It's okay. 
Speaker 3: And do you think that she would even know what nervous system regulation is? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Well, no, like, I would explain it to her. If I sit and regulate your nervous system, she'd be like, what? What's that? 
Speaker 3: Samuel, for maybe some people that are listening that maybe don't know what nervous system regulation is. Could you give us, like, a quick synopsis of your version? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: In our nervous systems, which, you know, I'm not a scientist, so this is not gonna be perfect, but I think you'll understand it. So in our nervous systems, we have two systems that are running. Okay? There is the parasympathetic, and there is a sympathetic nervous system. And the parasympathetic nervous system is like that is our nervous system where our nerves get to just like rest relax, digest. It's, like, the slow slowing down very feminine essence side of our nervous system. And then there's the sympathetic nervous system, which is like, stiff. It is Wright or flight. It's like, oh my gosh, if there's an emergency, this is the side. Of our energy in our body and our nerves that gets activated to protect us to keep us safe. And, when we Sari healthy and balanced, that sympathetic, like, active fight or flight, side of the nervous system is only being activated when we actually need that safety, when we actually need that protective protection, when we actually need you know, intense direct action. And then the parasympathetic is more the majority of the time, right, all the time that we're asleep. All the time that there's not like a tragedy or emergency happening within our day, we would hope to be in the parasympathetic nervous system. And so, what's been happening, and I believe it's still increasing that the majority of humans are living most of their time in the sympathetic nervous system. And it's because of, like, the way our environments are set now and with social media and, like, all of the triggers and activations that we can experience by learning about things that are beyond our control, and having access to things that are beyond our control. So with nervous system regulation, we want to just bring ourselves back down to that parasympathetic, experience of safety and rest. 
Speaker 3: Yeah. And what, I don't wanna get too far off, but what, what do you feel like Have you learned? Like, what is a tool maybe that you use even, like, on the daily if you notice that you are in That sympathetic nervous system and really wanna give love back to yourself and not be in that fight or flight mode, what do you do for yourself typically? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Oh my gosh. Well, there's so much. The first is always connecting with nature. So like getting off of computers and just actually putting my feet on the ground outside or Yeah. That's usually what I do with putting my feet on the ground outside or laying on the ground outside and just allowing, like, the, like, electricity in my body to be grounded by the earth itself, which is really important for our bodies. That can help me to regulate. And there's just like such a multitude of things I like to do. I like to do EFT tapping, which is emotional freedom technique where you're like tapping the different meridian points on your body, and I'll, you know, watch videos on YouTube where they're just staying beautiful affirmations about what's going on and so definitely that helps to calm me down. Someone just told me recently. They were oh, Wright can't help you nerve regulate your nervous system because it doesn't help me to a vote. But I actually am somebody who probably ninety. I'm not 
Speaker 3: sure about that. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yeah. Probably ninety five. Some of the time when I run my daily, Ricky, energy healing practice on myself, I end up crying. It's like ninety five percent of the time. Like, it makes me Wright it makes me yawn, or it makes me laugh. Like, I do find that the emotions that have been blocked in my body get activated when I do Wright and something that I learned recently too is, like, actually feeling the emotions that we may not want to can really help to regulate the nervous system because it stops us from being locked and, like, suppressing what's real for us. And I think I mean, I did a study this summer with a bunch of women and fems, and Forty six percent reported that they had some experience of apathy of, like, avoiding whatever is actually real and true for them in, in their lives. And I think it's That like that apathy and the nervous system regulation go hand in hand. 
Speaker 3: Absolutely. I mean, when you think about just how I feel like just disconnected as a society we are and how, that that repression of the of what's actually happened running. Right? Just shove it down. Don't talk about it. Right? And we've really lost, you know, how to have sisterhood. And we instead, we have all of these criticisms and these judgments and these things like that. And we don't talk and we don't share about what's really happening. It's just putting on that brave space of like, oh, how are you today? Oh, I'm great. And I always wanna be like, I'm actually really shitty. You wanna hear about it? You know, I mean, how how would most people react? If that was the response. And, I think that's that avoidance. Mhmm. Totally. And so, with your anxiety, and I wanna move on to your sexual trauma as well. When it comes to, like, with the college situation, do you feel like you really wanted to go to college and to do those things, or was that something that you thought that was required of you? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Now are you getting into the questions? That's such an interesting question that you ask because Yeah. I mean, there yeah. The whenever anybody asks me, like, do you have any regrets in life. I'm like, well, you know, if you regret something and, like, we're able to go back and change it, then your whole life would be different. I'm very aware of this ripple effect that happens, but my answer to that question is I wish I had known about taking a gap year. And, yeah, the reason why is I told you already, like, I was busting my ass trying to get into the top schools and I got into every place I applied, like, I achieved that, but, like, Man, I was burnt out by the time I actually got to college. And then, you know, I went in thinking, okay, I'm doing this for law school. And then by the end of it, it was like, I don't I don't think I went into law school, but I don't know what I wanna do. And I remember going I went to early orientation at Brown, and there were all these kids there who were older than me. Whether it was one year or a few years. And they were all just like, coming off of a gap year. And I was like, well, what did you do in you're, oh, I travel. I went to Peru. I went to Chile. I volunteered. I got a job. Like, I got some life experience. And what I noticed about everybody I encountered who had a gap year when I was in college was that they were centered. They knew why they were there. And if they had experienced any level of burnout, they had recovered from that and were just like going with the fresh slate. And so, So, yeah, I'm like, man, I wouldn't take my college experience back and I definitely felt met there intuitively and it was definitely a choice that wasn't even my first intention round specifically, and I felt like called there energetically. And I do think that that resulted in me having, like, softer time in college than I would have, based upon what I was planning to do at first. But, yeah, I I would say I didn't fully under stand what I was getting myself into. And if I was more connected with myself at that time, I at the very least would have taken a gap year. And then after that, who knows where that would have taken me? 
Speaker 3: Yeah. I so love that, and I like preach that. And I tell my children all the time. Like, number one, you don't have to go to college. If you want to, okay, but, like, why are we going? And I will give you twenty thousand dollars to go discover yourself first. And then you can go to college because even, you know, when you think about, like, the kids that, I mean, at least in my area, I feel like there's this pressure that, like, you're just supposed to go to college, which I think that is also number one, when you think back into, like, the fifties in 60s, like most peak kids weren't going to college, you know. And so we are lucky and grateful in this way that, like, people of all color and races get to go to college now and, like, that's a beautiful thing, but it's also, like, become this, like, money pit and most of the kids that, like, leave college, like, struggle to get a job or, like, don't actually do the thing they wanna major in and Wright they majored in. And I think that if they actually got time to go and discover what's happening in other parts of the world and what is like driving them, you know, they might not even decide they wanna go to college. And, like, that's okay too, but, like, this rigidity, I feel like in the US, of, like, you go to you go to school, you graduate high school, you go to college. And, like, does it have to be that way? And, go ahead. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Oh, I was just Wright, yeah. These are really important questions. 
Speaker 3: Yeah. I I love I love that, you know, Definitely, there's no Wright, and I think that you are definitely exactly where you are supposed to be. And so after tell me a little bit as, like, what happened after college for you? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Okay. So, yeah, I graduated and I actually did basically give myself that it wasn't a year, but I was like, okay, I wish I had a gap year. Gonna just take the summer off and do an adventure. So I ended up doing bike and build, which is a program where you bike from the East Coast to the West Coast of the United States. And my Wright, we started in New Haven, Connecticut. So it was near college, and then we ended at half in Bay, California, and I'm from the San Francisco Bay area. So I was like, yes. You had a bike home from college. Like, that's my gap summarized. See. 
Speaker 3: That's a pretty big deal. That takes a lot. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: It does. Yeah. And I I have to tell you that I did not go into that trip prepared play. I had a very romanticized idea of what my summer was gonna be, and then I got there. I was like, oh my gosh. I am not in shape for cycling. I did not do the training. Like, we have the Appalachian map the Rocky Mountains this year, Nevada Mountains, like, I'm insane. Why am I doing this? And, yeah, I had a quite a few moments where I wanted to quit, but I ended up staying on this trip. And it was on this bike trip. I was like, okay. I don't feel convinced about law school, but I'm gonna still, like, take this summer off and then, like, apply for law school and apply for these grants. To, like, pursue this, but I don't really feel solid about it. And maybe on this trip, I'll get some information about what I'm supposed to do. And literally on this bike trip, that is where I went we went to community rebuilds in in Mo Utah. The whole trip was an affordable housing fundraiser, and so we would volunteer with affordable housing organizations. And I studied entrepreneurship and environment in college, and one of my favorite classes was sustainable design, and I always knew I wanted to build my own house with straw bill So I'm on this bike trip when we finally get to Utah, and we arrive at this natural building school, and it was like, what? This exists. Like, you guys are gonna teach me how to build my house. Like, yeah. So that was lit literally the moment we got there, I was like, this is what I'm doing next. And it wasn't like, okay. This is gonna be my career. I'm gonna, like, be building houses for people forever, but there was this, like, pull of the heart. Right? And that's what I listened to in that moment. And now, you know, years later, I am building houses for people with my company. And on the trip as well, near Wright the time we got to the end, like the last several weeks, for my first moments without anxiety. And it was just like I had gotten into this beautiful, like, zen relationship with my bike, like, my bike felt like my home. Every time I got on my bike, it was like, ugh, we're safe, we're good. And at that point, I was in shape for the trip and, you know, had good friends and all this stuff. And I I remember my friend, Maria, in particular, we would have these days where we would just ride just the two of us, and we basically would not talk. And we rode, like, the same need, and we would basically just not talk and just, like, be with nature. And at least for me, we internal meditation. Yeah. It was a med it was an active meditation. And I didn't know anything about active meditation. I only knew about, like, classic sitting still in meditation, but I would just be on my bike and it would just be like me and the earth talking to each other and the thoughts I would have were just like, oh my gosh. I get to do this. Oh my gosh. So grateful. Oh my Wright. I love the earth. Oh my god. The the earth is so beautiful. Like, thank you Earth. Like, it was just like gratitude affirmations or no thoughts at all, no anxiety. And, like, I remember at that part of the trip too when we had about two weeks left and people started asking Wright, oh, what do you wanna do when you get home? Like, what do you wanna eat? Or like, what's gonna make you feel like? You know, something that you've been missing out on on this trip. And I remember that it took me the whole two weeks of the trip that were left to even answer that question because I was thinking or making decisions other than just, like, following the directions on our bikes. So, yeah, so it showed me that I was capable of living without anxiety and that I was capable of acting meditation. And that I was capable of living in a bliss state, and I had no idea that that was possible. And I do feel that in my later years, after that, just like with my hailing journey and with all of the things that I've learned and I'm like this week now, I didn't go into it with this intention of like, oh, this is gonna bring me back to that state, but there was a moment where I woke up and I was like, oh, I don't have anxiety anymore. Oh, I do have these listings that just happen for, like, weeks at a time and, like, That's cool. And yeah. 
Speaker 3: What a liberating feeling, you know, to like I I mean, I know that feeling. And I think that if you're someone that is living with anxiety, like, it's hard to even, like, dream, like, what that feeling would feel like until you actually experience it. And so, like, I know you said that, like, initially, you know, not having, like, these things that you needed to do, you're kind of just like going and you're on this bike path. Like, what do you feel like was the the, like, overarching theme that ultimately led to, like, that just kind of disintegrating. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Wait to that disintegrating? You mean after the chat? 
Speaker 3: Yeah. Your anxiety just kind of like going away. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Oh, during the trip. 
Speaker 3: Yeah. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: I do think A lot of it had to do I mean, one, just the connection with the Earth and the sun, right? Like, I had been vitamin d deficient my whole life until that trip. And I would take vitamin d, but still, it was really low. And I remember, like, that was the highest my vitamin d had ever been just like being out in the sun all day every day. Being active, there were so many so many endorphins happening. Oh my gosh. And, Yeah. So just like the actual Sari connection. Yeah. Like that was one aspect of it, but it was also just you know, I told you that my anxiety was really based about the mind and just, like, overthinking and, like, wanting to be prepared for step. And with that trip, we had leadership and they, you know, were in charge of driving a van that had all of our suitcases, you know, someone else decided what the route was. And when you're on a bicycle for seventy five days, Like, that's a long time. This is where everything looks good. It's a really long time. Our routes were decided for us. The food was, you know, oftentimes donated or we cooked in ourselves. We had rotating chore groups like the whole system was determined for us, and we basically had to just keep showing up and not go home home early, you know. So to have such a long period of time, not just a weekend, not just a week long vacation, but like to have such a long period of time where most of my waking hours were already planned for me. And for, like, the task to be riding a bike, Right? Like, you can do the same thing every day, but there are other tasks that actually take thought in decision making. But when you're literally just riding a bike, you just are moving your legs, and you're just, like, reading your little mat, and you're like, okay, ten miles turn here. Oh, and twelve miles turn there. So it's There's nothing else that you have to do. There's nothing else that you have to do, and you don't have WiFi. You know, you're out in the middle of nowhere, biking through corn fields and mountains, And there's nothing really there's nothing that can really distract you in that state. You just have to be present and with it. So, that sense of presence and just like that kind of like masculine energy of structure that was already taken care of just allowed me to have my experience on that bike and not have anything else going on in my head. 
Speaker 3: So it was really almost like rewiring your brain in that process because there was nothing to distract you in the ways that, like, it would typically distract you. And so how, like, do you feel like after that trip was over? Did any of that sort of come back or you were just kind of like, oh, I, I see this now and, or, or what, what showed up for you. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: I mean, after the trip, it was honestly a pretty rude awakening Because the detail that I love to forget is, like, I was injured on this trip. I was injured. My knees, like, the way I was Wright was messing up knees. I know everybody says riding a bike is so good for your knees, but I was doing it in a way that wasn't great for your knees. So, Wright at home, like, I kept trying to ride, but then I couldn't really excuse continuing to ride and not address the fact that my knees hurt. So I had to go into, like, a whole healing journey around my knee injuries And it took a really long time and that was like really depressing for me to go from like this thing that I loved and this thing that I was doing every day. To then not being able to do it basically at all and just, like, having a more stagnant lifestyle. And that was happening at the same time that I was supporting some extended family members through something that was, like, really difficult. For them. And so it was like this crazy just juxtaposition of like active and not a care in the world to like Now I'm, like, in the middle of this serious situation that's bigger than me that I can't actually fix I'm still here in it trying to do my best to help and I'm, like, recovering from this injury. So, Yeah. After after was kind of the opposite of my bike journey. And and there was this question of, like, oh my gosh, like, how or when am I gonna get back to that to those feelings of bliss and, like, How can I live my life and still be in charge of it, but still have this experience of not having to overthink everything? 
Speaker 3: What great questions? And what were what were, like, the, what was the insight popping up with that type of? Curiosity. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Oh, I straight up didn't know. I did not know. Okay. I just did not know. And all I could do was just keep following my desires. So, like, it took me to that natural building school to build houses but it was very isolating to be in Utah in a majority Wright population and to not have that connection to my culture and my community. So immediately after I moved to Brooklyn, New York. So, like, I went from like music streams, right? Like, The extreme of the bike trip to the family situation, the extreme of living in the remote desert and canyons to, like, one of the biggest cities in the world. And just, like, kept kind of, like, oscillating through these extremes of the things that I thought that I wanted. And then eventually, I was just like, okay, now it's been years. I still don't know what my purpose is. I still don't have a clear life plan. I still don't know where I want to live. I've moved every several months since graduating college, like, what was what was all this for, basically? And I began asking those questions when I was a tour guide. In Yosemite. And I was just, again, the out in nature listening to the earth just being like, what what was all this for? What am I supposed to do? And the message I received there was to go back into building and to really dedicate myself to it. And not just, like, as this fun thing. That's for just me, but like in a real way. And, from then things started to get more. On an even path, but then I had my sexual assault experience and just like all of that trauma that I was healing from, which then Robbie me back into the, oh, what what is healing? How do you do this? How can I change the way that I think and feel and experience my body? And, and then it was like, okay, now how can I be someone who's really passionate about this healing work and also be somebody who builds houses at the same time? 
Speaker 3: You know what's really beautiful though, can you? As I'm just witnessing you, tell you tell this entire story, and I'm sure some people are maybe seem like it's all over play all over the place, but what I love through every experience is that intuitively you are asking these questions that are ultimately guiding you to the next thing. And I think that's where So many people get lost is that they're looking toward two external sources to really guide them in a in a way that a lot of the times maybe isn't serving them at all, right, or they're looking for the answers to their questions and someone else. Versus themselves. And so do you feel like that was just that wasn't, like, just an innate nature that you had to kind of, like, keep asking these questions, or was that something that, like, your your community or your family really instilled within you? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yeah. Thank you for that reflection. Yeah. I mean, okay, I wanna answer your question, but I also don't wanna forget it. And then I also wanna say what I was thinking as you were asking the question was from what I was what I was What I was thinking was that, you're so right in that reflection of of everything that you said, and It all seemed so unrelated, and it all seemed so random. And like I said, all of these extremes, and I was just like, what is happening here? But then what ended up happening is I started having these experiences. I started having these experiences for all of a sudden in the present moment, something would be happening. And I'd be like, oh my god. That is why. I had to do all that random stuff. Like, oh, that's why that happened to me, and that's why that happened to me on that day. And if that had happened to me on that day, then that wouldn't have happened, that wouldn't have happened, and that wouldn't have happened, and I wouldn't have made it to this moment. And it just kept happening where I would have, you know, every few months and be like, don't worry, like, this there's a reason why every single, every single random job that you had, like, every single time you moved, like, there was a really clear reason and the more you keep living, the more you're gonna be able to see and and receive those confirmation. So that is what I will say to any of you listening, if you have had something similar happen where you're just like, what the heck? Like, who am I? What am I doing? And I'm so weird. I can't I can't seem to, like, find my path or find some grounding is, yeah, I just pray for you the time. You have that. You start to have that experience where you start to see why all of those threads actually really are connected. And then your question, my question was, was I always someone who was, like, reflective and, like, listening to my intuition stuff like that? Yeah. And, do you think that 
Speaker 3: was also do you think that was instilled in you by, like, your family or community at all, or was that just something that was showing up for you alone. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: I do. I'm sure that part of it was just like a natural part of like you know, my chart, my personality, my soul. Right? But I would actually say that what triggered that was growing up in church. And I would really take everything I learned in church so Sari. And I would try and like fit it into my own intuitive beliefs or just like my observations of the world. And of community. And I was Kenya a lot of time, like, in the backyard, in the park above the house, in this state park once I was, like, a bit older. Just literally there with nature being like, is this part of the Bible true or like, is this what I believe or like if I believe this then how do I live my life and just, like, reflecting and visualizing and, like, tuning into the energy of these different beliefs and trying to decide for myself if they were of god or if they were of man. Yeah. 
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I think too what I love when I hear you say that too is a lot of these kind of coming up within nature. And I think number one, we are very connected to nature. We've lost that being in the roles that we live in our lives now for the most Sari, like how often do the majority of the people go outside and put their feet in the grass, or do they even have grass for that matter, right? Most of us live in concrete jungles. And two, I think there's just something to say about when you're in the, like, quiet. And this could be in nature. This could be in meditation. It could be riding a bike across the country. You know, I think that that's when we allow the space for these insights to really awaken and come up. And when we are so involved, and even probably maybe even for you, like in high school, even getting ready for you know, college, like being so involved in all the things that you needed to do and having this anxiety, we didn't really create the space to have these insights because those wheels are turning twenty four seven. And so when we allow ourselves time, whether it be in nature or meditation or a bike ride or a walk in the park, whatever it is. Like, we give space for that silence so those voices can actually come through. And that would be if you could give yourself a gift every day, it'd be like, just give yourself at least five minutes to go just Stare at the grass blades. I don't know. Stare at the trees like something. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yeah. And even though you were saying that, like, I was like, well, when do I do? What's my version of that when I can't go outside or, like, when I'm not immersed in nature? And for me, it's cooking. I can't tell you how many times I've, like, gone to the kitchen being like, oh my gosh, like, oh, I'm so tired of working or, like, oh, I don't know if I can take a lengthy break to cook. And then I'll just be preparing, you know, chopping vegetables and putting things into the pot and then all of a sudden, like, the answers to these big questions. In my life or my business will just come through. And I had to start making this reminder to myself that me cooking is creating that space to listen and receive and, to really honor that and to create time for that. Yeah, because there's just there's been so many things where it's like I could not solve a problem until I went and cooked some food. And completely release the problem only to then have the entire download come through. Well, I 
Speaker 3: think too, like that, just the process, right, of going through the process of giving yourself time to prepare it and to cook it. And it that being And what I was coming up for me a little bit too, I actually, was even with your bike ride was that It was almost this like ceremony, and how that entire bike ride ended up being this ceremony that led you down this path because you had so much time to really devote to yourself and then Whether it be in nature or cooking or whatever it is like you're creating this whole ceremony out of it, you know, and letting these downloads these aha moments to come through. And I think when we can create that type of preciousness in our life, then those insights just naturally come up. But when we are so distracted, by the computer, the TV, the cell phone, the news, you know, relationships, all the things. It's hard to really hear the things that can actually push us forward and get us out of whatever we're experiencing. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yes. 
Speaker 3: Okay. So let's dive in just a little bit. We have a little bit of time left to Let's talk about your sexual assault a little bit if you feel safe about that. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yeah. I can talk about it. 
Speaker 3: Okay. So what do you feel like? Well, I'll just let you get into it before I start asking questions. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: I would take a context around this happening. It was such a defeated moment because I had literally just spent Maybe it was nine months. Reflecting on my self and really just like doing this deep inventory of like, who am I? How am I making my decisions? Is my intuition calibrated? Like, These Sari the questions I was asking, and I was back in Utah, I had been recovering from my digestive system, like, basically shutting down is a little too extreme, but I, at the time, had thirty three food sensitivities, Wright be, like, really strict with what I was eating and, like, had found out that I was, you know, sensitive to almost everything I had been eating before and basically slowly poisoning myself with what I thought was healthy food, Wright, like fruits and vegetables and gluten. So I had just That's 
Speaker 3: a whole another podcast, I feel like. Yes. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: It's a whole other story, but it was like, I had just spent months and months and months in Utah just like reflecting on myself, reading books about healing with the earth, reading about astrology, reading about digestion, reading about, women who run with the wool's incredible book. Just like all stories about, like, the wild feminine and the feminine archetype and, like, how to honor yourself and, like, reading these stories and then practicing everything I was seeing in these stories, seeing the results, like, feeling so good about myself. And just being like, oh my gosh. Like, I just went in. Like, I just did all this reflection and all this work on myself, and I seeing the results. I'm like, I'm amazing. I'm wonderful. So I was literally on a trip celebrating this, celebrating myself. For all this work that I had done and feeling like, it's over. Like, I made it all basically. And I'm on this trip having this celebration when I ended up being assaulted. And this experience definitely, you know, it was years later that I realized like, oh, I used to be a dancer. We a dance teacher, and now I don't feel comfortable just like dancing in public or just like dancing kind of at all and realizing like, oh, there's this unconscious belief that my doing that is not safe now because of what happened after I was out dancing and, you know, this whole thing happened. So, so, yeah, it was pretty it was kind of, like, very cruel timing that I would say to have gone through all of this stuff. And then to be celebrating and then to be knocked down again. And afterwards, it, you know, there was all of the dissociation happening or, like, I would forget for weeks at a time what happened or, like, I didn't know Like, I I wasn't even using the word, assault, or Wright for, like, at least a month, maybe two after the experience. And I, like, have some conversations with this person being like, this was really messed up what you did to me. And here's all the reasons why. Then you said this, and then you did this. I'm like, That was so gross and toxic. And it wasn't until months later that I texted this person again. It was like, you know, actually now I'm using words like salton Wright. Now that I've like talked it through and like can remember what happened and like, no, I don't wanna hang out with you, like, when you're when you're visiting in town, you know. So there was first that, like, dissociation and, not really having a consciousness around what happened. And then after that, it was like, I was so sick again, but in a different way, Wright, where now I'm having different types of digestive issues that have nothing to do with what I'm eating, but just like the fact that I'm so in this sympathetic nervous system that I can digest whatever eating. And, you know, I had an insomnia. It was really hard for me to sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the Wright, and then it wasn't until the sun came out that I could go back to sleep. And Yeah. I got hemorrhoids after that. And just I'm if I thought about more, I could probably think of more of the symptoms, but just like it very much knocked me down. And I had to basically Learn way more about actual healing, right, and take classes about trauma and go, I went to a retreat about trauma healing and using mindful to work with trauma and just like understanding what is trauma. Understanding that's when I first learned about the nervous systems was in this healing process. 
Speaker 3: Do you feel like you had a shame around that event being that you felt like you were in this healing place, in this strong place? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: I mean, I had shame around it for so many different reasons, not only that, but just like, yeah, I don't know. It's just Yeah, there was a lot of reasons why I had shamed from that experience. It it was just just layers, layers and layers and layers of shame. But then at the same time, it's like, I would think A lot of times when you're ashamed of something you don't wanna tell people, right? Mhmm. But, like, that was a really my thing. Like, I did tell my parents soon after I got home and like I told some of my friends and even people I wasn't super close with, if they asked me how I was, I'd be like, Well, to be honest, like, this happened to me and I'm really struggling to get better from it. So there was there was both. Like, there was definitely the shame or, like, certain aspects of the story that I didn't wanna talk about. Or even just like feelings like some part of this was my fault and things like that. But then they're also at the same time was a level of openness openness that I was experiencing too. 
Speaker 3: So what would you want to tell someone if they were listening and experienced maybe a similar situation, like that maybe didn't feel like they could tell people what would you want to tell them? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: I mean, I would wanna tell them that you have to find somebody to talk to. And it doesn't necessarily have to be the people you're afraid to tell, but you have to find somebody who's going to receive you. With love, with non judgment, with listening ears. You have to find someone and once you found someone, then find somebody else and just like develop a practice around actually talking about it and maybe through that practice, you might feel more comfortable telling some of the people you're afraid to tell, or you may never tell them at all, but just for your own healing journey, I think it's really important to be able to own every single aspect of your story, the good, the bad, the rights, the wrongs, like, to be able to say with honesty, like, this is my life, and this is what I went through. It changes something. It changes something and it takes away the feelings of guilt, of shame, and of regret. 
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I have to agree, I had some sexual trauma from a child from childhood, and I didn't even speak up about it until a couple years ago. And, It wasn't until I actually started I told a friend, and she was kind of in my spiritual community. And After I told her, she was like, wow, Sari. I'm so glad you you you told me and you said something. She's like, I have a similar experience. And I don't think that she would have ever told me that she had a similar experience unless I would have spoken up. And how much that that is actually happening to so many women, and they don't feel as if they have the courage until somebody else as something. And so when are we gonna stop the cycle of being silent and share in our wounds and our sisterhood? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: I'm so bravely you said that because that also was literally my story. Where if I remember this all correctly, the timing, I told you I couldn't really remember what happened. But I was starting to already have like the symptoms of not being able to sleep and things like that. And I was on a hike with my friend. My friend had helped me, She came to just, like, see where I was living in Utah and helped me move back to California, and we went on this hike. And, It was really magical and and beautiful. And then for some reason, at the end of the hike, instead of like finishing it, we stopped at this waterfall or, like, river or something. And we're just sitting there. I don't know how it even comes up, and she starts telling me about Hart's story. And it was a story, you know, that happened to her on a trip that we were on together, and then we split up at the end of the trip. And this happened after we split up. And for some reason, she starts telling me, and I was just like, oh my god, like, how did I not even know this about you? I was literally on that trip for part of this women. She's like, oh, yeah. I was posting on social, but maybe it had been deleted. And I was like, I didn't I missed those posts. Like, I didn't know that this happened to you. And she's describing, you know, the details of what actually her fault was. And then I was just like so first of all, I crazy and even know, like, thank you for telling me. And then now that you mention it, and now that you're, you know, sharing these graphic details with me, like, that just happened to me. That just happened to me weeks ago. And then I'm telling her what happened to me and she's just like, Oh my gosh. And like that was literally the moment that I realized what happened and I believe the next day I had already scheduled my very first ever energy healing session, and I thought I was gonna want help with something else, but in that session, we ended up I ended up kind of really like grounding in the full truth of like this is what happened to me, and I am gonna try my response right now. 
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. And I think, you know, to all of the women listening to this right now, to give yourself some grace. That the things that happen to us that we can't control, you know, are part of our healing, part of our journey, part of our path, and does that excuse them? No. But we get to show up for ourself in our own healing and how we want to move forward. And is that giving justification for us and who we want to be and who we want to become and let let that identify us? Or do we want to break three break free of it? Wright, and become the selves that we know we can be and and survive, you know, is not enough. We need to thrive in this world, and that I know how experiences like this can really break a human. And that that is not who we Sari. And whether it's through sisterhood, whether it's through different energetic modalities, whether it's talking to someone, you know, this is also about really breaking through of the societal norms because I feel like, I mean, when you think of the huge pandemic that happened recently of all the women like speaking up that were, you know, assaulted in corporate America and all of these things. And how long it took them and why they felt like they could finally speak up because other women were doing it. And so if you, forever, Whatever reason, feel like you can speak up about your situation, your giving voice to another woman. And That just gets to domino effect. And so, to be courageous in that way, 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yeah. And it's like it not only impacts other people, but it also shifts your own perception of what happened to you and, like, how you are now because I can track, like, the emotional responses I had to just saying what happened to me over time. And now I'm like, oh, yeah. Like, it comes up all the time. That's a major part of my story. That was like a major rock bottom moment for me. And I can just say that without, necessarily having to go into all the emotions that were very strong at that time. Which isn't to say that I don't ever. I definitely am still doing emotional processing and like ritual and insecurity. And that helps me a lot But it's like I can just talk about it also, and I can also remember the first time I posted about it on social media and how I had refused to do so. I refused to my mentor. I was like, there's no way I'm ever I would be talking about this, eww. And then, you know, months later, I was just like, I can't really talk about I can't really teach an affirmations master class when the reason I got into affirmations was because of my sexual assault, without actually saying that that's what happened to me. That's why I finally made that post and was so nervous. I was so afraid. And, you know, I I put the post out. All of the comments were so positive and beautiful. But still, for months after that, I was like, okay, it's probably been up for long enough. Maybe I should delete it. I feel this just is like, for months, every day being like, should I delete it today? Do I need to delete it? Like, let me just run it. Right? And eventually, you know, I never ended up deleting. It's still there at the original post. And then A year later or so is when I started teaching my class online national authority where I trained people on my journey in Reiki, some of these wonderful things. And for that, you know, a big part of my journey to that was the sexual assault healing And at that point, I was just like, yeah, like, let's go. Like, let me tell my story. Like, this is what happened to me. And guess what? Then I did a blood ritual, and that set me up to then go at a game show and win all the prizes I wanted on television. So, like, yeah. I can tell you this because now also there's this big shiny, like, result that came out of it and I can own every single part of that journey. And it's like neutral or fun even to tell that story now. 
Speaker 3: Yeah. And even just, I mean, that makes me think too, like, when you think of the game show winnings, you know, coming to you. Can you know, win money on the price is right? And how when you start releasing the pressure and the weight from that experience, right, are these whatever it is that's really impacting you and holding you down and you begin to heal and and break free from it. Like, your opportunity for abundance in life is really just a wide open door and like how that just showed up for you through that healing. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Mhmm. It's just an opportunity. So passionate about how like, coaching people and just being like, guys. I know that this sucks, but look, you're gonna do all of this healing, and you're gonna completely change your mind said, and you're gonna completely heal your energy field. And then all of a sudden, you're just gonna be attracting miracles. Like, There's like a huge leg at the end of the tunnel. It's like really shiny. 
Speaker 3: I love that. So Adding on to that, Kimiya, if there was, like, a loud speaker to the entire world right now, what would you want to say to it? 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Yeah. This is the third time this question has come up to me recently. And honestly, the two words that I have for everybody is Earth heels. Earth heels. 
Speaker 3: Earth heels. Get out to nature people. Wright. Well, thank you, Kenya, for joining us today. And all of her information will be in the show notes if you want to contact Kenya for any of her healing services and or just want to acknowledge her and her story and her journey. I'm sure she would love to connect with you. And we will see you next time. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Thank you, Sarah. 
Speaker 3: Thank you. 
Speaker Sari Cowsert: Have any help to hear from you soon.