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Episode 19: Transforming Trauma into Triumph: Featuring Carlina Shotwell
Show Notes
[00:00:00] Introduction
[00:02:43] Carlina's Early Life and Writing "Journey"
[00:04:50] Themes in "Journey"
[00:10:03] Becoming an Advocate and Educator
[00:11:53] Developing the Empower Yourself Life Skills Curriculum
[00:17:21] Carlina’s Drive to Help Others
[00:18:06] Impact of Carlina’s Work
[00:20:45] Common Challenges for Foster Youth
[00:26:40] Spiritual and Motivational Insights
[00:41:05] Influence of Shante Carson
[00:52:29] Final Thoughts
[00:53:20] Conclusion
Subscribe to Transform Your Future Newsletter for personal development tips and information to Reinvent & Dominate your industry: http://transformyourfuture.com
: Join the newsletter at TransformYourFuture.com
We want to hear from you. Tell us how we can make your listening experience better!
Episode 19: Transforming Trauma into Triumph: Featuring Carlina Shotwell
Show Notes
[00:00:00] Introduction
[00:02:43] Carlina's Early Life and Writing "Journey"
[00:04:50] Themes in "Journey"
[00:10:03] Becoming an Advocate and Educator
[00:11:53] Developing the Empower Yourself Life Skills Curriculum
[00:17:21] Carlina’s Drive to Help Others
[00:18:06] Impact of Carlina’s Work
[00:20:45] Common Challenges for Foster Youth
[00:26:40] Spiritual and Motivational Insights
[00:41:05] Influence of Shante Carson
[00:52:29] Final Thoughts
[00:53:20] Conclusion
Subscribe to Transform Your Future Newsletter for personal development tips and information to Reinvent & Dominate your industry: http://transformyourfuture.com
Love is great. I have children. I'm a mother. I love my children, but I know I would not be doing them any justice if they were to leave my house today. And they did not know how to fend for themselves. And that is my answer to your question. It disturbed me to the point where I say, you know what? I may not be able to help my current siblings as we're all adults, but ultimately I'm going to make sure that no other child that I've touched is going to be left behind. And I can confidently say that hundreds of youth in foster care have my curriculum. Hundreds of youth in foster care have the workbook and they're working through it. And I enjoy when I see them in passing and they tell me, Ms. Carlina, I've been working on my credit. My credit score is almost in the seven hundreds. I'm looking to get a car on my own. I enjoy hearing the positive stories. Hello all. Welcome to another episode of Transform Your Future with me, Eddie Isin, where I sit down with entrepreneurs, thought leaders, and high achievers as they identify areas I can improve on and guide me to further my self-improvement practice. For more information and insights, join the newsletter@transformyourfuture.com, where I write about reinvention, personal growth and identity. Also, we want to hear from you. So if you would comment, would you text us in all the audio apps? You could send a direct message to us. We want to hear from our audience. We want to know what's going on. We want to know what you think. We want to know how maybe we can even make it better for you. Maybe you've got some suggestions for us. Please communicate with us. And always, you can always just text me at 8 1 3 7 2 2 1 4 1 7. Our guest today is Carl Shotwell. Carl is a former foster youth turned life skills educator, writer, foster advocate, and public speaker. In 2016, she wrote Journey, a Tale of a Foster Youth Journey Home to Inspire, force the Kids to continue to look for hope and motivation despite life's obstacles. Carlina, let's talk about that. Let's jump right in. How are you doing. Well, how are you? I'm doing really good. Good, good. Well, I appreciate your introduction. It was marvelous. But ultimately, to jump right in my first book I wrote in 2016 Journey, it was somewhat of a memoir, and what I mean by that is little pieces of the book, it was related to me in some shape or form, meaning the child in the children's book entered foster care the same date I entered foster care, which was June 29th, 2001. The cover of the book is super special because it's actually the image, the house, my first foster home. So even though I went from home to home, seven homes total, the cover of the book meant so much to me because I was able to reach out to my former foster parent and get her permission to use the book. But I wrote the book as a way to serve as an icebreaker for children entering the foster care system. My thought process was foster parents receive training weeks of training on how to be a good foster parent, whereas the children receive nothing of the sort. And a lot of times a young person is not aware what foster care is. So I wanted to be able to have a children's book to to show them and teach them that, Hey, you're entering my home and it's going to be a good thing. Yes, yes. And I mean, I see in so many levels how that is a inspiring, insightful process, maybe even therapeutic in some ways for yourself, going through that and talking about it, but definitely needed. I haven't done the research, but is there a lot of books for young adults, for children to look at, to understand, to learn a little bit about what the process is so they don't feel so disconnected and alone? So I've ran across a few of them. The ones that I have ran across are more so coming from a foster parent or an adoptive parent point of view and not necessarily a child's point of view. I have the history. I remember what it was like to enter someone's home and not fully be aware of what was going on with me getting those emotions, feeling scared, anxious, nervous, not really sure when I'm going to see my mother again. So I wrote my book from that perspective as a way to ease the young person's mind and let them know that they are safe. Yeah. So what's some of the themes in the book? The themes? So in the book, I wanted to be able to cover many facets of child welfare. So there isn't just foster care, meaning you would go to just one person's home, maybe the adult supporter is married, maybe they're single. There's also situations where there's group homes. So even in this story, the young person is going, they're first actually being adopted. They're born June 29th, 2001. So first they're adopted. So that's one form, one form of child welfare. Then later on, they're placed into foster care. So the adoptive parents released their rights. Then later on they went to another home, which was their final home, which was a group home where they're able to be surrounded by other children that are like them, and they receive the love of the childcare provider in the group home. So I wanted to go over and cover each form of what foster care looks like. Even kinship care. Kinship care is actually where a foster child will actually be placed in the protection or the home of someone related to them. So there's different forms, and a lot of people are not aware of what each of the forms are. So having that perspective within the children's book allows a young person to see that even though you're in foster care, foster care is wide. It looks different for everyone. As you know, in our personal conversations that we've been having, I did a bunch of work earlier in my filmmaking career for the Department of Children and Families creating a bunch of PSAs and documentary reality based work for teaching and training that and increasing foster family participation. And also at the time, they had a real issue where there wasn't enough adoptive parents looking to adopt these children to get 'em out of foster care and into one stable environment for them to grow. So it's a real important thing from both ends. But certainly as I understand what you're saying, there's not a lot of work specifically designed from the child's perspective of all these changes that are going on in their lives and preparing them for the different stages as they're going to go through it, I guess. So was it very rewarding for you releasing that in 2016? It was an opportunity for me to not only help other young people and to ensure that the way that I entered foster care, which was not the best experience honestly, I wanted to make sure that it never happened again. Also, it gave me an opportunity for my loved ones friends and family to support me in such a huge way. As I've gone through life, I realized that something about myself, I prefer to a certain extent to be around other people like me. So I tend to gravitate in crowds where there is young people that work former foster youth or in some form of child welfare. And when I'm around these individuals, it's a safe space. There's no judgment, even if we're not talking about what we went through, it's just a safe space. So then when I gravitate towards my real world, where I am one only individual within my friends and foster family, to know what it's like to be that young girl growing up and going from home to home, it tends to be a little difficult, and those conversations are a little harder. So writing the book allowed my friends and family to actually get a peek of the inner works of my mind and how I was feeling back then. So it was very emotional and I truly enjoyed it, and I'm glad that I was able to give this back to people, especially young people. And this all got you into the process to be an advocate, to just become an advocate and speaker. Tell me a little bit about your experience about going out and being an advocate for foster care. So as I mentioned, it is a safe space for me to be around other young people and adults like me. So for years, even while attending college, I would always come back home to Greenville, North Carolina, and I would utilize my time between the current foster youth, whether that was helping facilitate workshops, where they would be at conferences, things like that. Within child welfare, I always made sure that I was present, even though I had things going on in my real world, in my personal life, I made sure that child welfare, whatever was going on, I wanted to be there. And ultimately, by me doing that for years, people that I were not aware were actually watching me and observing everything that I was doing, and they wanted to allow me to have a stage, so to speak, to present and allow my gifts to show. I love teaching. I love young people, and ultimately tying everything together, it just made sense. And this process needed necessary and vital led you to your next piece, which was in 2023, where you developed the innovative curriculum and life skills, curriculum, workbook to further advance your advocacy, transforming the lives of forced the youth who were transitioning to adulthood now. That's awesome. So we continue on now from the child's perspective now to the young adult so that they can enter into this new world. Absolutely. So as a young person, when I transitioned into adulthood, I can honestly tell you, Eddie, that I was not prepared no matter how much I wanted to be free in adult and adult at that, I was not prepared. And unfortunately, my foster parents did not help me in any way. They did not teach me how to properly manage a house. They did not teach me how to properly manage my finances, nor did they even teach me to how to prepare to get a job, let alone keep a job. So honestly, when I aged out at the age of 19 after graduating high school, I was thankful to be able to get my own apartment with the help of our social services here in North Carolina. They were able to help me in regards to that. However, life skills I had to learn and fail and fail and fail time and time again before I realized I'm not doing this right. There's a right way to do these things and I'm not doing it right. And by me thinking through that, I wanted to first be able to manage my finances. I've always had a job since the age of 15, but I've never really had anything to show for it. So that just showed me that I had poor money management skills. So I started reading my very first finance book, rich Dad, poor Dad. Have you heard of it? Oh. Wow. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's impacted a lot of people's lives. Yes. So when I read that book, it was like an eyeopener for me. It showed me not only where I was as that poor dad, it also showed me how my foster parents also had that same similar mindset. Even though they were not teaching me anything, I was still learning from their behaviors. So as I was reading that book and I was educating myself, and I even went further to start listening to finance podcasts, I've even bought and purchased multiple finance books, I was able to finally get a grasp of my own money. Then I started realizing, okay, I continues to get these jobs. I don't like these jobs, but ultimately I'm starting to realize that in the real world, things are not adding up to where I could have the life that I deserve and I desired. So that's when I started taking a step back and realizing, hold on. You don't know everything, and why is that? So I started talking to other former foster youth, and we started realizing the similarities. Then I started talking to current foster youth and started realizing the similarities. There's a lot they do not know, and I wanted to prevent them from having to continue to fall on their face time and time again, and learn things the hard way. I wanted to allow them to not be a statistic and to be able to educate them on life skills. So that's why I created the curriculum and the workbook. It goes over 14 life skills decision-making, job readiness, housing essentials, healthy relationships. There's so many life skills and it can all be essential to a young person becoming the best version of themselves. So the curriculum is a facilitation guide that a social worker can use to teach their young people in group formats that a foster parent can use to teach their young person in a one-on-one basis. And then we created the workbook as a way for the young person to physically take the book home with them, read through the modules, and absorb the information through evidence-based information, case studies, studies. There's even tests within the book, so that way we can ensure that they're absorbing what they're learning. Wow. So basically, if I'm understanding, you went through the foster care system and your first book was really about the ups and downs and different stages that you went through that were all surprises to you because prepared for them so that you can help prepare younger people going through that process. And then later when you got out of the system and you started to live life and learn how to live life, you found out that you were lacking. And so you went and got the education to do all this. And then your second book is really about everything that you learned so that you can have a life of fulfillment, find yourself, enjoy your life and wellbeing, and be able to achieve your goals. I think that's fantastic. I think that's great. What a labor of love and what made you want to share it really seriously? Many people experience things and learn things, but they don't have a desire to share it with other people. What was your desire to share all this information with other people and help empower other people? That's a great question. So for me, I think what made me realize it was needed was because I am one of five children and out of the five children, I am the first one to graduate high school. I'm the first one and the only one to have went to college and earned a college degree, highest being a master's degree. And that did not sit well with me, even though me and my biological siblings grew up differently. We were all within the child welfare system. So to some extent, I would say the child welfare system failed them, And I did not like that. So not only did I see it firsthand, I also was able to see it just working within the child welfare, advocating for young people. I was able to see it and see so many young people where I would meet someone four years ago and I would see them now at a local grocery store, and I would ask them, Hey, how's everything? How's life since you've aged out of foster care? And it would not be a positive report. I'm homeless, I'm moving. I'm going from this person's bed to this person's couch. I can't keep a job. My car was repossessed. I was hearing these negative things constantly, and it did not make sense. When you're in foster care, there are so many people around you, social workers, case workers, judges, foster parents. It doesn't make sense. You're being touched constantly by a supporter of some shape or form, but yet they're not teaching you. Love is great. I have children. I'm a mother. I love my children, but I know I would not be doing them any justice if they were to leave my house today. And they did not know how to fend for themselves. And that is my answer to your question. It disturbed me to the point where I say, you know what? I may not be able to help my current siblings as we're all adults, but ultimately I'm going to make sure that no other child that I've touched is going to be left behind. And I can confidently say that hundreds of youth in foster care have my curriculum. Hundreds of youth in foster care have the workbook and they're working through it. And I enjoy when I see them in passing and they tell me, Ms. Carlina, I've been working on my credit. My credit score is almost in the seven hundreds. I'm looking to get a car on my own. I enjoy hearing the positive stories. That's awesome. I want to go back for a second because you had mentioned statistics. You had mentioned the statistics for the young people who age out of the system and what happens, and I know you just mentioned a few of the issues, homelessness, lack of skills for getting a job and things like that. What are some of the other statistics? So homelessness is definitely a big one right now. Definitely in North Carolina for sure. And another big one would be early pregnancy. So a lot of our men and women, our young adults in foster care are parenting early. They're having children at 14, 15 years old, the boys and the girls, and that's causing them to fall behind on honestly what they need for themselves, children raising children. And that's where having those conversations outside of the, what is it, the birds and the bees, having those conversations beyond that safe sex practices, knowing what STDs and STIs are, having that conversation with them and actually showing them that it's okay to talk about safe sex and things of that nature. It's a sticky conversation, right? No one enjoys having that conversation. I'm even a little hesitant with my oldest child. He's 12, but eventually I'm going to have to have the conversation, and it may be earlier than what I want it to be, but you have to have these conversations and even talking about healthy relationships, what are those red flags for you? What makes you feel uncomfortable knowing what those red flags could potentially be for you in a relationship? If you say no, you need to make sure the person knows you mean no. So it's just about having those conversations and allowing a young person. This is important to feel safe knowing that when they come to you as the adult supporter, that you're not going to judge them. You're going to listen and you're going to give the best educational advice that you can. Does that make sense? Yes, yes, absolutely. And I want to just say that the primary way we get our information growing up is from our immediate family, whoever our family is, whether that's a foster family or a biological family, but that immediate network that we have of those people, and then we have all these secondary social institutions, social workers, schools, et cetera, and the failure of the secondary social institutions, it's just something that it happens because they're not primary and because they're not primary, they're always going to be secondary. They're always going to have their issues about things. And I identify with what you were saying, how at 19 you aged out and you didn't know how to do all these different things. Neither did I, right? I didn't know either, really. I mean, okay, my parents told me some things, my family sold me some things, but I would say that most of my information came from culture and music and TV and movies, and my friends, I got informed more about that. And we were not prepared for budgeting credit, how we were going to make money in our lives, what we're going to really do, what do we care about? I mean, there was all these issues that we weren't prepared for, and I had to wake up. And of course, there's biological scientific data that shows really it's not until you're 25 that your brain really fully forms so you can really make some intelligent, creative decisions and ways to do things. But I identify, I think a lot of people can do that. And I think that even in the schools, why is it in school, they don't really teach you about these simple things that everybody's going to have to do. Paying rent, getting a mortgage, getting a home, taking care of the home, taking care of your house, balancing your checkbook, having a credit profile. I mean, these are all things that everybody needs more help and time on choosing what you want to do for a vocation in your life. These are all things that are highly important, and they still don't teach them in schools. So it's interesting. I think that there's still amazing, people have been talking about this for 80, 90 years. I don't know if you ever read any of Napoleon Hill, but have his book. He's very famous for Think and Grow Rich, but I actually like some of his other books better, including, oh gosh, I can't remember the whole name, but it's about him meeting the devil and having a conversation with the devil. And that book is incredibly fascinating, and one of the main points that drives home in the book is that it's almost like school and these secondary institutions are really only training you to be a good employee. So you go somewhere and don't know anything, have to say, what do I do now? How am I supposed to show up? What do you want from me? Okay, hey, can I take off this weekend? Is that okay? This, they've like, the whole point is to design you to be like that. And we, as human beings, we drift and get involved in all these different things that just consume our time and fill ourself with activity or whatever, but we're missing the point on so many different things because our future is being stolen from us without us even realizing we're freely just giving it up instead of being an active participant. Anyway, I find his book fascinating. I'm going to look it up. It's called Conversations with the Devil, I think. Okay. But I definitely do have one of his books. It definitely has word Grow in it. I forget this title, but I remember. Yeah, that's Think and Grow Witch. That's what he's famous for. He's famous for that book. I have that one. It's called Outwitting the Devil. That's the name of the book, outwitting the Devil. Okay. I think if you got the audio book or you read it, it's a quick read. It's a small, I think you'd enjoy it. And you see, he talks a lot about there, and he wrote this book in the thirties about the problems with school and education and how it's not really functional. So it's interesting. Like I said, these issues have been going on for a long time, but I do also like that you specifically targeted this around a specific audience that you're a part of, which I think is also really commendable to do it that way rather than making it general to make it very specific. Yeah, no, I agree. And I do understand that there is a demographic of young people that I consider, I call them Undersupported U, which essentially means that they're with their parents, their biological parents, but they're not necessarily being supported in life skills. So there is a school in Texas, they actually just purchased a curriculum and the workbooks to utilize for their summer program for their young people. And these are not foster children. These are under supported youth that the school feels like could benefit from the life skills during their summer program. So that was a great opportunity, and it just showed me that even though foster care is my realm, I understand that there is a need for even just children within their biological families. Yes, yes, yes. And what's great about it is we were just talking about how your desire to do it was because you were in foster care and you wanted to share your knowledge and information and experience with other people who were in foster care to help them in their journey. But it also has a wider general approach for youth in general. I think it's great. I think every school should adopt your program. That's what I think. Think they should, every school should have something like this to help the kids to have more freedom in their lives, to be empowered, like you said. Yeah. Because the young people are a future, and if we're not ensuring that they're properly educated and they're aware of what's to come, our future is, I don't know about you, Eddie, but I'm a little nervous. I'm a little nervous. Social media has taken over their brains. So the more that we can pull them back and get them back into a book we've won, in my opinion, we've won. If we can just get them back into a physical book, get them learning, get them excited about learning, and just to get them off of social media. Social media is a great tool. It does teach you. However, is it more beneficial than going back to the basics? Yeah. I mean, I think we might be at a tipping point right now where we're either going to go one way or the other. We're going to either go deeper into it and just go even more deeper into separateness and being one, or we're going to go the other way and start being together and the similarities and that we're all the same. It's kind of strange. We need that higher consciousness is what we need. And this has been a real movement in the world for higher consciousness now, for the last 30 years, 36 years, maybe even 40 years. And more and more people are coming in tune to understand that really if you want to take care of yourself, if you want to be empowered, that you need to have some spiritual practice in your life, meditation and awareness and observe yourself and what you're doing, what you're saying. Because we have traumas in our life and we have experiences, and oftentimes the messaging we get from that might actually be something that it served me back then when I was going through that traumatic experience growing up in that family, those things that I learned, those coping mechanisms, they served me at that time to survive that. But they don't serve me anymore as an adult in my life. And so I have to be able to recognize that if I can't recognize these things in myself, then I can't do nothing. You can't do nothing. I mean, you could talk, talk, but if you as an individual don't identify with those things and don't realize there's something here, and why do I act this way and why do I feel that way when this person says that or when these situations happen, it's something that it's worthy. You're worthy to do that work. Right? And God, whatever God is, because I'm open to everybody's interpretation for it. It's okay, but whatever that God, higher power, whatever is the force, it installed it all inside of me. Everything that I need already, I just need to tap into it. I agree. Yeah. It's. Rewarding. Yes, it feels good. When you made the comment about how our minds are more aware after the age of 25, I do firmly believe once I turned 25, which was years ago, something clicked. I remember just being 25 and just thinking to myself, I'm almost 50. I need to get it together. I just remember thinking that I need to get my life together. So yeah. Yeah. All that creative problem solving and all of the real awareness happens after 25. Yes. Yeah. Interestingly enough, many people would agree with this phrase that I'm about to say, which is that you overcame some great obstacles in your life. I think everybody would agree that going through foster care, having whatever the turmoil situation was and the impetus of you to go into foster care, living through that, surviving all of that, going through the system and coming out the other side and living a productive life and not being a statistic, this is something really that is awesome. That's fantastic. You overcame obstacles. I'd like to talk about that for a little while because obviously my show is all about transformation and reinvention and identity. So tell me a little bit about how these obstacles, when you were hit with these obstacles, what was the decision making process as you're going through them? How come you didn't just become a statistic? Why didn't you hit these obstacles and just give up and say, oh, fine, that's just the way it is. I can't do nothing about it, so I'll just be a criminal or whatever. How did you go through all that, and how did it inform you to go through it and excel and thrive? Right. No, that's a great question. And I've actually been asked this question time and time again. Ultimately, I knew since I was a little girl that I was going to be somebody you could not tell me I wasn't going to be somebody. And it helped that I enjoyed being a student. Even now. I love to learn, teach me. I'm forever wanting to be that student, right? I never want to be the smartest person in the room. And that allowed me, even though it allowed me to understand mentally I was not, let's see, mentally, I was being torn down inside, physically, emotionally, throughout my years in foster care, I enter at the age of nine. I aged out at the age of 19, and as I mentioned earlier, I went through seven different sets of foster parents. So that's seven different rules, seven different houses, seven different faiths, and what they believe their values and morals. It was different. So I was exposed to a lot from these seven different homes, and it could have broke me honestly. There was probably many moments in my life from the age of nine to 19 where I wanted to break, but I understood that I'm just here temporarily. I'm only in this person's house for as long as I'm in this person's house. And once I understood that, it was more so about survival, as I went through the mindset of survival, that survival instinct turned on. I did not allow myself to form relationships, because to me, this was temporary, right? Me being placed in your home is temporary. So could I have allowed these foster parents to love me? I could have. I didn't let them because so much was happening inside due to all of the different forms of abuse that I just needed to survive. So I just did what I needed to do in regards to got up, went to school, got great grades, joined the dance team, joined the band team, the athletes, the reading club, whatever I needed to do. That's what I did. And then as soon as I turned 19 years old and I graduated high school, that's when I knew, okay, I'm now in the real world. How can I become little girl that I wish I had back then? So then I graduated high school, check that off my list, went off to college, check that off my list, went off to college again, check that off my list. And ultimately, I just knew I needed to keep going. Even when I became a mother at 19 years old, I got pregnant with my oldest son. Even within that, there was scary moments. How can I be a mom when I never had a mom? What does this look like? What is this going to look out? Getting married early. I think I was 21 years old, getting divorced by the age of 22. Then continuing life, getting married again. I think I was about maybe 26, having another child, getting divorced a couple of years later. Now I'm divorced with two kids, two ex-husbands. So it was just like life was truly, and it still is to a certain degree, even now that I'm in my thirties, and it's just about not necessarily the steps to get to the end. What can I do to get to the end? What can I do just to get to the end goal? And that's how I stay focused. I'm very much a, I'll put together list A to-do list to get to an end goal. But I also understand, and I realized a long time ago in full transparency, that life is supposed to give you hurdles. It's supposed to test you. So even though I may plan out my life and I may have A, B, C, and D, something's going to happen and one of those steps are not going to align. But as long as I don't give up, I can maneuver and I can pivot, and I've made sure that I don't allow myself to just sit still. I'm always willing to pivot my life because I know what the end goal is. So I never thought to write a curriculum, an educational curriculum. I never thought to do that. I never thought to test it amongst other young people to make sure. It never crossed my mind. If you were to ask me this 10 years ago, I just knew that I was going to be somebody, right? And I wasn't going to allow foster care to be my story. I wasn't going to be that statistic. Or the failures. That was my end goal. So I had to literally pivot throughout these last 33 years. But the end goal is still there. It's close in sight. I mean, I'm on your podcast. So as far as I'm concerned, I'm making history. Okay. I'm with Eddie. We're talking about child welfare. We're talking about life skills and how it's important. I'm getting there. I'm getting to the goal. And when you get to the goal, it's not really an end. It's another beginning. It's not. It's another new beginning. I, it's like we level up and then now we level up and then we level up and it just never ends. I have this fear that if I ever stop growing and changing, that's when I'll die. Yes, I agree. I agree with you. Because everything green grows. So I want to stay green. I want to stay green. I want to stay green. I love it. I love it. Now that should church. Yeah. Yeah. Who was of the, were there some influential people that you followed other than, I know you said you read Rich Dad, poor Dad, by Robert Kiyosaki. Were there other inspirational books and stuff that you read? And what about when you were in foster care? Were you a reader then? Oh, absolutely. I love reading. I would be that kid underneath the covers with the flashlight in the middle of the night through the whole night reading back then. I love Harry Potter. I still love Harry Potter, but I was a fanatic back then, and I would literally read those big thick chapter books in a matter of days, not using the restroom, not wanting to eat, not wanting to sleep, just getting through a good book. I dunno, it just got me going. Reading just gets me there now as an adult. I wish I had that same drive back then. I think back then reading was a way for me to escape the reality, not, I think I know reading was a way for me to escape, so I would escape through stories, and that's how I was able to just get out of my reality. It was therapeutic for me. Absolutely. And writing. I started writing when I was young. I probably started writing when I was around, I don't know, nine or 10 years old. I started journaling and writing my thoughts down, and I found it really, really therapeutic being able to do that. I didn't recognize it at the time, but as I got older and I started to be in my twenties and whatnot, I started to realize, wow, that's part of my survival mechanism, how I lived through all that stuff and dealt with life. And of course, in my adolescence, I felt very much alone. I felt very much separated from other people. I didn't feel connected. And I think that's probably normal. I think most adolescents feel that way. I think that's something common. I agree. But I don't understand what people don't read. Today, I read a couple of books a month. I'm constantly reading and learning stuff, and I reread a lot of things. This is another thing. I love movies. I have a history. 30 years, I wrote produced and directed films and television and whatnot, and I love, every day I have to watch a movie, and sometimes I watch the same movie again. Maybe I've watched it last year, so I watched it again, and other people are like, how could you watch the same movie? I'm like, well, because it's good. And if something's good, I know it's good. Instead of taking a risk on something that's not so good, which is disappointing, but also there's different levels. Some things are so good that it's from repeated reading or repeated viewing that you actually get more out of it. Right? That's how good it's you do. And so some of the books I've read, that's the way they are. They're so really complex and intertwined with so many different variables that repeated reading over time, you pick up some things that you didn't even realize before. There's a whole new narrative that you pick up. So I really think it's important in life to be a lifelong learner and always learning and reading and growing and speaking about things that other people maybe don't necessarily talk about. Being empowered and asking people, how are you doing in your life? Do you feel like you're doing the things you're supposed to do? Are you enjoying life? Do you feel fulfilled? Absolutely. I agree with you. Yeah. So Carle, before we end this for today, I was just wondering, so were there other instrumental books or people in your life? Yeah. Who were some of the other inspirations? And she's still in my life to this day. So my social worker, but her name is Shante Carson, and she is still a social worker to this day. When she became my social worker, I was about 17 years old. At the time. I did not realize she was only about five or six years older than me. She had just graduated college, and now she was a social worker, and I was one of the first ones within her caseload. And back then she was always Miss Shante, that's who she was. Even though she would tell us she's not old enough to be our mom where we were at the miss, it never dawned on me. So as I got older, she was my social worker until the age of 21. And I remember around the age of 24, 25. So by this time I had already been divorced. I was working towards my second marriage, and I ran into her at a local grocery store, and I said to her, I said, I was excited to see her. And I said to her like, Hey, Ms. Shante. I told her literally, I said, Hey, you warned me about this, this, and this. I didn't listen back then, but now that I'm older, I realized I should have listened. And we laughed about it. We exchanged phone numbers. And now that I'm in my thirties, me and her we're best friends. We're so close, and I'm only 33. And like I said, she's about five, six years older than me. So we have, our youngest children are the same age, and we have play dates a lot. I come to her house, her family, they know me, they accept me as her sister, when in reality, I've always looked at her as a mom. And I tell her all the time when I make it, because she's still a social worker to today, I told her, when I make it, when I'm famous, I am going to give her a shout out because nobody supports me like Ms. Shante Carson does. She saw that little girl, that 17-year-old girl giving back, pouring into other people more than what I even do for myself. She saw that in me. And even now, she has led me to multiple opportunities, paid opportunities at that where I can broaden my advocacy, broaden my platform. She was even the first person to purchase my curriculum and workbooks for her current caseload. So Shante Carson, shout out to you. Yes. I hope. Everybody gets Shante Carson. Well, and that's what I was going to just say, like thank God for individuals who join to become teachers and social workers who really care about helping others and empowering others, and putting in that extra effort to not just be somebody who, you're a number on a caseload, but actual real person with a personality and desires and likes and needs and wants. Thank God for them. I mean, they're underpaid as a society. We don't value them, but they are so important. So wow. Yes. Shout out to her right now. That's right. Shout out to her. And the advice that I would give someone who finds himself being a Shante Carson to a young person like myself, if the young person's not receiving it, they're not listening. Still pour into them. They may not realize it now, but I almost guarantee you years from now, they're going to remember that you were the one that told them this, this, and this. And if there's an opportunity where they can run across you, I promise you they're going to tell you and it's going to show that, yes, they did not receive it then, but eventually they will. They heard you. They will receive it later on. You remind me of that. My twenties, I had a common complaint from teachers and mentors where they didn't think I was really paying attention. And I started to learn. At first, I thought, maybe they're right and I'm not paying attention. I don't care. But I realized, no, that's not true actually. And it was just that somehow I look like I'm not paying attention, but I really am. And so yeah, I like that just to trust in the process that even if it's just on subconscious level, that they are getting it and give them time to process it. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, don't give up on them. Yeah. So I'm going to drop in the show notes some information how people could connect to your resources. I know that you gave me that stuff. I'm going to drop it in the show notes. But before we leave, and thank you so much, I'm so grateful you spent the time with me today. I know it was important that we did this, but it's a Sunday, so giving up a little time on your Sunday. Thank you for that. But is there anything you want to tell the audience before we leave? Well, if you would love to connect with me, definitely. I would love for you to follow me on either LinkedIn. I have a weekly newsletter where I actually provide tips and tricks and advice, if you will, to people that are fostering and even social workers called Fostering Journeys is the newsletter. So LinkedIn is under my name, Carlina Shotwell. My Instagram is also a daily motivational advice giving platform. It's under Car Shotwell as well. And ultimately, if you want to see a plethora of all the work I've done so far, feel free to visit me@carlshotwell.com. You're also able to purchase the children's book as well as the curriculum or the workbook. So besides the links and everything, which I'll drop in the thing, is there anything that you want to leave us with a thought that you want to leave the audience with? How about this? How about this? If there's somebody in the audience who is struggling in some of these areas, whether it doesn't matter if they're foster care or not, or maybe they identify with all this because they social worker or teacher, what would you say to anybody who's having some of these challenges right now, either personally or they're dealing with other people who are going through these challenges? My advice, and I've touched on this throughout this interview, is be willing to pivot, be willing to pivot. A lot of times we find ourselves stuck in this one path and we're trying to make it work. We're trying to make it work. Be willing to pivot. It doesn't mean the goal will not still be the same, but if you're willing to pivot a different route that will get you to that goal. Be willing to do it and be willing to receive help if it's given to you or when it's given to you. Let me say that. Be willing to receive help when it's given to you. I appreciate you so much. Thank you so much for coming on the show. I'll be in touch soon. Absolutely. Thank you everyone. Bye. I'm not ending the show yet. That'll be the ending. But I want to go back to something that you said earlier because I don't want to forget it. Lemme bring it up this way. So you were talking about how when you were very young, somehow you knew that you were destined for something important, that you were supposed to do something that was going to be meaningful with your life, that there was some purpose. Can you expand about how you felt that, how you thought it, where it came from? A little bit, please. Absolutely. Because I know. So as I mentioned, I am one of five children. So out of my mother's five children, all of us have the same father. I am the only one that has a different last name. So all of my siblings are Davis except for me. And there is a story in regards to why I have a different last name. It was a petty story, but ultimately the fact that I have a different last name to me is not an accident. Also, my name is different, Carl Shotwell. It's a unique name. That's a name that people consistently remember. Also, ever since I was a little girl, I would always be told through my actions, always smiling, always willing to be the person in the front of the class. I was never that shy little girl. That was never me. I always wanted that attention. And in some shape or form that was somewhat trauma coming out as I became older. But ultimately knowing my last name is Carl Shotwell. Knowing that I am the only shotwell within my biological family that motivated me. This name is powerful. God gave her through pettiness, gave my mother the ability to name me something different. I either went a step further when I had my first son. Like I said, I'm the only shot with, so once I am gone, the name dies. When I had my first son married in all, he has my last name, which is Shotwell. I spoke to his father and I really expressed to him how important it was to, for me to make sure that this last name Shotwell does not end with me. I did not put in all this hard work for it to end with me. He agreed. So my son, his last name is Shotwell and it will continue on. And I just knew that last name. That was powerful for me, that told me that, no, she's going to be somebody. And I identify with a lot of that in my youth. It's actually just something interesting that, I don't know why I'm bringing this up exactly, but there was many things that I noticed when I was younger. Call it synchronicity, call it coincidence. There was certainly something that I felt a presence beyond me else that was there, call it God, the presence of God or whatever is the spiritual world, whatever. And then as I got older, I guess I forgot about it or I didn't trust it or believe in it anymore, and I had to find a journey back to it. But this thing about the idea of a calling, the idea of something calling to us that we hear something, was there some voice or visual imagery or whatever. Some people see it as vision. Some people hear it as a voice. They talk about the voice. Voice of conscious, the voice of reason, the voice of God, whatever. Just curious, how did you experience that? And it's like when you're talking, it's almost like in my mind, I know there had to have been instances throughout life, and I almost wonder would those instances, would they have been where I was pivoting my life? Was it the sign I needed to get off that one track that I could not get off of, even just not just in business, but impersonal? What? Because I mean, being divorced, right? That's something you don't necessarily want. Oh God, that was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But what something has to happen internally, so to speak, and even a sign, I've asked God for signs plenty of times, and something happens, but then you to make you say, you know what? This isn't what I want for my life, but it's what I need for my life, and I need to pivot off this track in order to get to what I need. And I'm almost positive. There has to have been signs. There has to been typically because I don't move off of my own free will, something has to push me. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Because very much a loyal person. I'm very much a, when I love, I love hard. I give you chance at the chance. At the chance. So in order for me to get off a track, I would have to have been pushed in some way. So do I have a moment I can think about? I cannot think of anything, but I can almost guarantee you that it has happened. And I feel like it's happened to a lot of people, whether they realize it or not. Well, and just like for example, when you say, when something happens, so we have some situation, some outcome, some result that we go, whoa, that's not a result that I wanted going on. And at that moment, possibly that's when you hear the voice that says, you got to do something about this Carlina, Carl, what are you going to do? You need to take some action here, but there's something inside of you that helps to guide you in that Absolutely. Hopefully that you're aware of. And the more aware we are of that, and the more we observe that, the more we can listen to, I feel like the easier life becomes. Right? It's not so much a push and pull and fighting, it's more like surrendering to the process of how it all happens. Yes. No, I agree 110%, and I'm still learning that to this day that don't do the pull and push, just let it go, let it go and see where it goes. I will be in that situation where I'm pushing and pulling like, all right, God. I don't know. Sometimes in my experience is we fight, we fight, we fight, we fight, and then we bang our head against the wall, we bang our head against the wall, we bang our head against the wall. Then after a while we go, maybe I should sit down and relax a minute. Hold on. And then you lean up against the wall and you realize maybe this wall's not actually so bad. Actually, I mean, it's given me a lot of shade. It's given me a lot of shade over here, and I don't really like the pain in my head from banging my head against the wall. So maybe it's not so bad on this side of the wall after all. Exactly. I like that. I like that. Yeah. Enjoy the shade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always an upside. And something that you said earlier just now in the conversation reminded me of, there's several people out there, including Tony Robbins is quoted for saying this, that life doesn't happen to you. It happens for you. You. If we just change our mindset to say, well, this is not happening to me. This is happening for me because this is a learning experience. Because like you said earlier when you were talking about it's a test, it's like life is a learning experience and these things are happening because we need to learn something. There's something that we have to learn from that. No, and I'm so glad you said that quote. I'm even going to jot it down real quick. Heard it time and time again, and I tend to always forget it when I need it the most. So yeah, I agree. That's awesome. Got. It. Yeah. It's not happening to you. It's happening for you. Listen, I love you. We'll be in touch. Yes, absolutely. For more information and monthly topics of interest, please go to transform Your future.com and join our newsletter.