"Raw Insights: Taking Accountability and Breaking the Cycles of Toxic Behaviors is a thought-provoking podcast that delves into the often overlooked topic of men's mental health. Hosted by Erick and Joey, this podcast provides a safe space for open, honest conversations about the struggles and triumphs that come with addressing mental health issues as a man.
In Episode 13, Erick and Joey invite Anthony to share his personal journey of overcoming addiction and the toxic behaviors that often accompany it.
Anthony offers raw, unfiltered insights into his experiences, detailing the challenges he faced and the tools he used to reclaim control over his life. Listeners can expect to gain valuable knowledge and inspiration from Anthony's story, as well as learn about the strategies and resources that can be instrumental in breaking the cycles of toxic behaviors.
Erick and Joey also share their personal insights, shedding light on their own experiences with addiction and mental health, which serves to complement Anthony's struggles. Their willingness to open up about their challenges contributes to a rich and multifaceted conversation, providing a holistic view of the issues at hand. By intertwining their perspectives with Anthony's story, the hosts create an environment of empathy and understanding, demonstrating that the path to mental well-being is unique for each individual. Through their collective narratives and shared wisdom, Erick, Joey, and Anthony offer a comprehensive exploration of men's mental health, fostering a sense of community and solidarity among listeners as they navigate their own journeys toward healing and self-improvement."
Raw Insights" aims to shatter stigmas, foster understanding, and empower men to prioritize their mental well-being. Through candid discussions and genuine storytelling, the podcast encourages listeners to take ownership of their mental health, seek support, and strive for positive change. Whether you're a man navigating your own mental health journey or someone looking to gain a deeper understanding of these issues, "Raw Insights" promises to deliver compelling narratives and valuable insights to spark meaningful conversations and promote positive change.
"Raw Insights: Taking Accountability and Breaking the Cycles of Toxic Behaviors is a thought-provoking podcast that delves into the often overlooked topic of men's mental health. Hosted by Erick and Joey, this podcast provides a safe space for open, honest conversations about the struggles and triumphs that come with addressing mental health issues as a man.
In Episode 13, Erick and Joey invite Anthony to share his personal journey of overcoming addiction and the toxic behaviors that often accompany it.
Anthony offers raw, unfiltered insights into his experiences, detailing the challenges he faced and the tools he used to reclaim control over his life. Listeners can expect to gain valuable knowledge and inspiration from Anthony's story, as well as learn about the strategies and resources that can be instrumental in breaking the cycles of toxic behaviors.
Erick and Joey also share their personal insights, shedding light on their own experiences with addiction and mental health, which serves to complement Anthony's struggles. Their willingness to open up about their challenges contributes to a rich and multifaceted conversation, providing a holistic view of the issues at hand. By intertwining their perspectives with Anthony's story, the hosts create an environment of empathy and understanding, demonstrating that the path to mental well-being is unique for each individual. Through their collective narratives and shared wisdom, Erick, Joey, and Anthony offer a comprehensive exploration of men's mental health, fostering a sense of community and solidarity among listeners as they navigate their own journeys toward healing and self-improvement."
Raw Insights" aims to shatter stigmas, foster understanding, and empower men to prioritize their mental well-being. Through candid discussions and genuine storytelling, the podcast encourages listeners to take ownership of their mental health, seek support, and strive for positive change. Whether you're a man navigating your own mental health journey or someone looking to gain a deeper understanding of these issues, "Raw Insights" promises to deliver compelling narratives and valuable insights to spark meaningful conversations and promote positive change.
Welcome back everybody. It is a brand new week, a brand new night where we share our truths, share our struggles and share our struggles. We've overcome, we are unedited, unfiltered and we are going raw. My name is Joey.
Speaker 1:And I'm Eric and we're your hosts and welcome to Raw Minds. Well man, rough day, rough day eh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's definitely a rough one, for sure, and I'm just grateful that tonight landed on today, because this is also my therapy and to be able to share to the world, trying to help people, makes me feel a little bit better on, especially on how today went, and a lot of you listening have already heard in the past that my car was stolen. They found it burnt to the ground and then today, you know, after years at that job that I actually really enjoyed and I was laid off with quite a few others, so I had to give the rental back today, you know, after eight weeks. So in the same day I lost my job and my car. So it's a, you know, it's a tough one, but you know what I will say is a lot of people would feel sorry for themselves, but yet I sit here feeling grateful and blessed, knowing that there's a reason for this and that the path that I was on is not the path I was supposed to be on, you know.
Speaker 2:And what really hit me today is on my way home I stopped at a park. You know, I just need some fresh air. You know, just go kind of sit with myself for half an hour and I was sitting on a bench and this gentleman was walking his dog, happy, smiling, and he sat down beside me, you know, and it really made me look at life a lot differently just by the passing of this gentleman. And when he sat down beside me, you know, we just chatted, you know, normal hey, how are you doing today? Right, and he was a kind man because he noticed that something was up. He genuinely cared to ask me you know what's going on? I said you know, I don't really want to burden you with any of my issues, but you know, this is kind of what's happened in the last two months and it's a bit of a rough day.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And this gentleman looked at me and he was happy and he said you know what, son, he's like, you don't have problems. He said I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and I have a year to live Crazy. And he says I try to live my life every day to the fullest and no matter what you're going through, you have to learn how to smile. Through that and it made me really think is that if this man who was told that he's going to die within a year can be this happy, that man, maybe I don't really have problems, I just got work to do. Yeah, so you know.
Speaker 2:So, coming across that gentleman today really, you know, opened my eyes to the problems we think we have in life compared to what other people actually are dealing with. Right, and so many people you know complain about life and oh, poor me. This and, but in reality most of those aren't problems. You got work. You just got work to do to fix it. Yeah, you know what I mean To have someone like him who has one year to live, compared to people complaining because they don't like their job or they don't like their house and their bosses at Dink and whatever about these minor, fucking petty bullshit. They just you just got to make the changes. That's up to you. Yeah, right, you got someone like who I just met today, who has real issues, has real battles. Compared to what most people complained about their life man, it gives you a whole new perspective on how you look at the issues that come in front of you. You know, and yeah, it's a heavy one for me today, but compared to that guy, yeah, that's fucking nothing.
Speaker 1:That's nothing, peanuts, man. Well, you know what man good for him, though, and the spirit that he's in man, because he brought you up, you know, as in like, well, like brought you up has made you really think, you know, and that's, that's pretty wild, though, that's pretty fucking wild, man, god bless his soul.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it just made me look at things even differently. Like you know, the reason why we do the show obviously is because we've lived in chaos for 20 years. Yeah, trauma from since I was five years old, since you were five years old, etc. Yeah, so to come through all of that and then get hit with this I've learned, even before meeting this guy today, is that when these storms come in your life, fuck, I'm ready to dance in the rain. Man, fucking right Now, how do I get?
Speaker 2:How do I get through this? Yeah, you know, with everything that I've been through and it's using the tools from you know those lessons that you've learned in your past to help you, guide and guide you through. You know the downs of life that come your way because, regardless of where anyone is in their life, you know you, there's always going to be obstacles going forward, no matter if you're the happiest, you got the most money, it doesn't matter, something's going to come up. Yeah, now, how do you? Now? It's up to you to figure out how do you deal with that.
Speaker 1:And what's the lesson in it, man?
Speaker 2:Right, and finding that positive like we always talk about in the negative, yeah, right. What's the positive? Yeah, and nobody looks at it like that, because they just everyone always. That's how we're wired is when something bad happens. That's all you focus on. Is the bad? Yeah, and nobody's looking at it?
Speaker 1:good, I'm proud of you, man, because you know what You're practicing, what we're preaching, right, and that's, that's number one. And if, if we're doing it, joey's doing it, I mean fuck, you guys can do it right. At the end of the day, it's all about practicing what you preach and sticking to the plan.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's it right. Yeah, like we, and like today, man, it's a hard day. Yeah, and we're all going to have them. And it's okay to have a hard day, yeah, right, and people don't realize too like it's okay to not be okay, but, like we always say, it's it's not okay if you stay in it. Yeah, you know, regardless, this is a situation for me and mine is. Regardless of how I feel right now, regardless of how I act, regardless of the actions I make, it will change nothing. Yeah, now I have to look at it tomorrow morning when I wake up. This is a whole new direction of my life. Which way am I going to go?
Speaker 2:And a lot of people will sit there and play that victim mentality and say, poor me, feel sorry for me, start drinking, get lazy, fucking, stop going to the gym, whatever it is, because now they're just stuck in it. Well, regardless if it was your fault or not, it's still your problem. Yeah, so what are you going to do about it? What am I going to do about it? Am I going to sit here and moat? No, because it changes nothing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so tomorrow morning, when I wake up, the first thing I'm going to do is okay. What's the first step? Because, like most people, when things happen and there's a lot worse things that's happened to us and other people this is a big thing for me, but at the same time, I can change that. So, when people get through or things happen is now like we preach is you need to get up. Don't stay in it. Figure it out, take those positive steps, start stacking those small wins and don't let the rest of your life fall off because of one thing that's happened to you. 100%, because now you're just making yourself worse and it's going to take you that much longer to get out of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or you're just going to go deeper into it. You know what I mean. If you just, you know, poor me, poor me, victim, you know, you're just going to fall deeper into that hole and it's going to be even harder to get a you know, oh, a million percent.
Speaker 2:Some people end up digging their cells such a hole that they can't get out.
Speaker 1:Exactly. But you know what, man? Tomorrow's a new day, so mark it off as fucking a shit day. You know? Sleep it off and fucking kill it tomorrow, Right?
Speaker 2:That's, that's it. It's game on tomorrow. That's it. It's game on. You know why? Because in three months, if I put in the work just like everyone should when they go through these kinds of things three months from now you're going to turn around like that's the best thing that ever happened to me?
Speaker 2:Yep, right. And people don't realize that even in pain, in pain and struggle is your biggest blessings, yeah Right. So if you can come out of whatever it is that you're going through and then and learn from that and grow from that whether it's a heartbreak, you know, or tragedy, and the sad is that it is in losses, you know you still have to figure out how to move forward and not let the rest of your life fall off and try to stay on that path the best that you can. You're going to fall along the way, but it's up to you to get up.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Well, speaking of get up our guest today, man, he's been through a lot and now he's here. You know, and your story and you know what Go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, no you go. I'll just go and say, man, we're beyond grateful to have him right yeah definitely, and his story, what he told us just a little.
Speaker 1:he gave us a little bit of a rundown. You know a little bit of a backstory there and it's it's pretty, pretty, pretty impressive of where he was and now where he is today and what he's doing for the community and helping you know the people around him. So I think I think it's you're welcome to come around, come on on, anthony, and join us and welcome to Raw Minds, brother, and I just want to say man we appreciate what you told us.
Speaker 1:What you told us is we didn't think of it that way, man, like how you said that we're touching so many people that aren't even reaching out, that we don't even know of, and it made me really think like wow, like that's true, there's people that are listening to our podcast, that it's like helping them and we don't even know that because they're not reaching out, and it's it's pretty actually magical to think about that, you know. So thank you for opening our eyes to that yeah, absolutely man.
Speaker 3:And thanks for having me again, guys. Like I was talking to Eric a little bit beforehand and just like how grateful I am to actually like be a part of this and watch this thing grow Like even, like even over the weekend. Man, like the exponential growth you guys have already had in this thing is like super cool. I want to start with a little story. Have you guys heard the story of the little boy in the starfish? Have you guys heard this story?
Speaker 3:No, never man, please Okay so there's a guy walking down the beach and he's just walking along and he sees this little boy and he walks up to the little boy and he says, like what are you doing? And this little boy is throwing starfish into the ocean. Little boy says, oh, like I'm here saving the starfish. And the man just looks at him. He's like are you kidding me, man? He's like you got miles of coastline here and hundreds of thousands of starfish. Like you're not going to make a difference. Little boy just looks at him, picks up a starfish, hucks it in the ocean. He says I made a difference to that one.
Speaker 3:And that's literally the epitome of like what you guys are doing here. Like this is how it starts right. Like it starts with one person. Like I found you guys through social media and I wasn't even looking for you guys. You know like and we had talked about it on the phone how my therapist was telling me to find like podcasts with a positive message, and then you guys came up and then we're here today. Like that's, that's insane to me, man. Like it's crazy how life works. That's crazy.
Speaker 3:I was telling Eric before I had therapy on Saturday and I was telling her and she was like she was like more stoked than my family man. She was like so proud of me. She's like I thought you were going to bail on therapy because of the stuff I want you to work on, like I didn't think you were coming back. I'm like, no, I'm doing it and that's, and, joey, like it goes back to exactly with what you're dealing with now, man, and it's that taking that action and like avoiding that, that victim mentality, like yeah, sit in it, feel bad, but like what are you going to do about it? You know, and it's super important, man, like that's so for me.
Speaker 3:Like, yeah, like I struggled with addiction for a long time, like I was a cocaine addict and you know like when I found the bottom of my life, when I finally reached the bottom, like the biggest realization that I had was nobody was coming to save me. You know, like for so long I was like suffering because of my own actions and stuff, and it's like I just wanted someone to wave a magic wand over my head and just make it go away. But like, by the time everybody was gone and I was in the dark, like that dark room that you guys talk about. Like I realized like nobody was coming to save me. So it got to the point where it was. What am I going to do about it?
Speaker 3:Right, I just got to a point and for anybody listening out there, like the one topic I wanted to touch on tonight is is like taking action.
Speaker 3:Like if that action means throwing your hands up in the air and say I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore.
Speaker 3:That's taking action Putting your ego aside, smashing your pride in your ego, putting all that shit aside and just throwing your hands up and saying I give up, because my best thinking ended me up in a treatment center for 30 days in a rehab facility and coming out and having no idea how to live my life, because ultimately the only way I knew how to live my life was by ingesting copious amounts of cocaine. So I had to surrender to the idea that I had any clue of what was going on in my life and just be open-minded enough to accept help from people who were willing to offer that help to me. And the other thing I wanted to say is we can touch on my life as much as you guys want, but ultimately there is not one single thing that I regret in my life, because every situation I've been in, every situation I've put myself in, has led me to this very moment, to be on here with you guys, and I regret none of it.
Speaker 1:And it's an amazing feeling. Awesome, and that's the thing actually I was on oh go ahead, joey, go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, no, go ahead.
Speaker 1:I was just on the phone with Eric, actually one of our TikTok followers. He's going to be coming on the show here too, in two weeks, I think we said. But I was on the phone with him and I was just we're talking back and forth and we're talking about my past there and I told him I did a lot of bad things. I honestly did. I hung out with bad people and did stupid, stupid mistakes. But do I regret it? No, I feel bad for a lot of things that I do. But, like I said, it put me in the moment where I am today and I mean, without those things that I did, I wouldn't be sitting here on this podcast.
Speaker 1:So it paved the way, as shitty it is. It paved the way for where I am right now and everybody else in this world too.
Speaker 2:So Well, and it goes back to you know, like I was mentioning earlier, is in that pain, in your pain in your life and the struggles you go through, comes out the biggest blessing, right.
Speaker 2:So if it wasn't for me at such a low point in my life twice, of trying to take my own life and having these failed relationships and constantly broken hearts and this, and that you know, I wouldn't be sitting here today to be able to try and give back and help people that's been through what I've been through, yeah, Right.
Speaker 2:So people don't realize it and just like my little situation right now today, like there is a huge blessing coming out of this, I know it, I feel it, right, and I feel it. And when you do feel down or when you're really hurt and struggling in that dark room, nobody sees the positive in it because all you're thinking about is the negative and how shitty you feel and how lonely you feel and how depressed you are and how you can eat and you can't even get up to take a shower, right, and it's understandable. But I tell you, man, once you you are able to start opening that door to the dark room and light starts coming in, man, you're going to start seeing things not only look at life different. You're going to see things much more clearly and realize that if you didn't spend time in that dark room, you wouldn't have all these blessings you now have today, exactly.
Speaker 1:And it makes you stronger at the end of the day, man.
Speaker 3:The way I like to put it the way I like to put it is, my greatest sufferings are my most powerful tools.
Speaker 3:Like really right. Like we had talked about this on the phone before too. Like I live through experiences and I share those experiences with you so that you don't have to live through the same ones that I've lived through. Or if you can relate, like, ultimately, voice. Like at the end of the day, like as a human species, the one thing we look for is connection. You know so.
Speaker 3:Like for me, like I was so narrow minded for such a long time that it was like in a relationship or it was love, and for a long time it was just my kids, right, but ultimately that connection can be found with anyone. Like I feel the connection with you guys because I relate to you and I can relate and I feel the energy and the power of like what you guys are trying to do here. Like that's connection, you know, even if the connection is within the sufferings that I've been through or that you guys have been through, like your greatest sufferings are your greatest tools. If I ever get to a point where I have to deal with grief and loss, guess who I'm going to call? It's probably going to be you guys. You know, god forbid. You deal with addiction and end up where I end up. Guess who you know. You can call right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's how this thing works.
Speaker 1:And it's networking, too, is what it is right. We can help each other. You know, if someone comes on that needs help with addiction, you know we can reach out to you. You know, and that's the beauty of what we're doing here is we're building a village, Because it's going to take a village to break the stigma of men's mental health out there.
Speaker 1:And this is what we're doing, man, we're trying to pave the way we're. We're, we got the big machines, we just put the asphalt down and we just need everybody to fall us down this road. Now you know what I mean. So we're trying to do men's, so. But so do you want to touch on a little bit and like on some stuff you know and maybe give a background of like what you're you're doing for your community as well and and the tools that you used in some of this stuff?
Speaker 2:what? Uh, you know, before we get to the tools, I think like, where, what was the lowest point, where you realized one day when you looked in the mirror and said I need to change, and that day, like you mentioned, that nobody's coming to save you. What was your rock bottom, if you will, where you're just like, no, that's enough, yeah so it would have been at the end of March of 2021.
Speaker 3:I came home from work one day and the mother of my kids was here with my children and I got home from work and she had got on my social media and seen some messages between my friends and I that I was still using so a year prior. I'll just go back a little bit so.
Speaker 2:I lived in.
Speaker 3:Alberta in 2012 to 2015 and that's kind of where my cocaine addiction had like started. And in 2015, I got laid off from work like we were talking about before we started the podcast because the whole province runs on oil and it just trickled down into my field of work and the mother of my children. She was actually here in Ontario with our daughter, who was one month old, and I called her and I said listen. I got laid off, like what do you want me to do? I can find another job, but I don't think it's going to get any better anytime soon or I can come home. She said, well, I'm already here with the baby, so you might better come home.
Speaker 3:24 hours later I packed up all my shit and I left and moved back home and like as a kid man, I was like such a people pleaser, like I didn't care about myself. I cared more about what you thought about me. I was the kid doing dumb shit, putting his head through lockers, doing all the stupid stuff for like money. I didn't graduate because I was too busy smoking weed. I just I wanted to fit in everywhere. I didn't really care about myself. So when I moved home, I had this new idea that like, okay, like I moved out west, I got some experience in the field of work that I wanted to work in. Like I can come home, get a good job. My friends will have grown up I've grown up Like things will be different. And I got home, realized like not many people had changed. My friend group slowly got smaller and realistically I was living like I was making Alberta money when I was making like $15 an hour.
Speaker 3:When I moved back home because nobody cared about my experience, they wanted to see what I was actually capable of. So after a while, my brother and I I have a brother who's seven months younger. I was adopted from birth, so I have a best friend and a worse enemy. But we decided to start our own business building houses together and it went really well for a while. But after a while, just the dynamics of like how I wanted to operate a business and how he wanted to operate a business were different. So we parted ways and it was totally fine, like we're still good friends and brothers to this day.
Speaker 3:Was it amicable? Oh, yeah, super amicable, yeah, super amicable. And but once that happened, like, I realized like I didn't have to be held accountable to anybody anymore. Right, like I was doing the things that I was doing on the weekend. My brother wasn't much of a drinker, still is and still doesn't do drugs. Like he wasn't like me in that sense and yeah, like. So I decided to start my own business. He kept and still has our original business and I remember I asked the mother of my children. I said do you want to help me with my business? Like, do my books and stuff? She said no. The first thing I said to her was don't ever ask me what's in my fucking bank account. Terrible thing to say to this woman, but yeah, so when I realized that I didn't owe anybody an explanation for anything, that's when shit got really dark.
Speaker 3:It took me two years before I essentially buried my own business. Like I was making like 10 grand every four days and I was borrowing money off my mom to pay my employees because I had spent all my money on beer and drugs. Like that's just how I lived. And after a while I just like I financially couldn't afford to operate my business the way I was operating it and I just had to sit down with the mother of my kids and I had said listen, this is what's going on. Like I'm doing this, like I'm calling you after work and starting fights with you so I don't have to come home, so I can go out and drink. I'm doing blow every fucking day at work, like, and I just I don't know how to stop, I can't stop. So she, she hooked me up with some addictions counseling and some mental health counseling and two weeks into my addictions meetings I'm sitting in a room with a woman, my therapist, and she's telling me the scientific properties of what cocaine does to the body, while it's physically happening to me across the table.
Speaker 3:Because I couldn't manage to make it longer than two weeks without getting high, because I couldn't fucking stand being in my own skin, because it was like you said, joey. It's like like you get in that place and it's like one bad thing happens and then like all this stuff just starts piling up until I feel like I'm drowning. Like the last two weeks I had my business. I couldn't even leave my house because my anxiety was so bad. You guys talked about anxiety before on one of your episodes and for me it was like this nauseous physical internal vibration and I would get ready for work in the morning like I would get my work clothes on, I would start my truck, but the minute I went to go out the door I was like nope, can't do it. I didn't even finish building the last house that I was contracted to build. I couldn't. I couldn't leave my house to do it and I ended up getting another job, which is the one I currently work at.
Speaker 3:And, like I said, two weeks after I was in my addictions meetings, I was still getting high. I'd stopped drinking on my own. I have no idea how, but yeah, I started using cocaine again and I got away with it for a year and then I came home from work the one day and this is where my rock bottom was. I came home from work one day and she was out back with the kids and I was none the wiser and I walked out back and she said I'm taking the kids and leaving. I said what the fuck you like? What are you talking about? She's like I got on your social media like I know what you're doing, and she had taken the kids and she had left and I remember she left and like I wasn't physically abusive towards her whatsoever, but I was very violent, like I love destroying inanimate objects. That was my thing back in the day. So I was like punching holes in the wall. I ripped her laptop in half, I smashed my phone, you know, and she had taken the kids and left.
Speaker 3:I was just left here in my room by myself and I remember, just like, sitting on the edge of my bed, like in tears and just like out of nowhere, man, I just had this overwhelming realization that nobody was coming to save me and I just stopped crying out of nowhere and I was like you just got to keep going and I had no idea what that meant. I didn't know anything. I just knew that something had to happen and something had to change. And that's what it was. And I I don't want to say from that day forward it got better. It didn't. It took about two weeks and I had ended up in a hospital and I was on suicide watch because I was at that point where it's just like I can't even manage to like feel this anymore, like I literally feel, like I'm fucking drowning, like I have nothing anymore.
Speaker 3:The woman I was in love with for 14 years took the two children Because, like I said, I was adopted. My daughter was the first biological relative that I actually had, you know. So this woman had taken these two children from me and she had left. I have a five year old son as well and I remember sitting in the hospital and the doctor came into the room and he's like what's going on? I told him what was going on and he left the room and I had a crisis counselor come in and I told him what was going on and then they both came back in together and the doctor's like oh, here's something to manage your anxiety and here's a sleeping pill. Like have a good night. I just said to him I'm like I'm sorry, man, but like if I feel, like if I don't sit here and tell you exactly how and when I'm going to fucking kill myself, you're just going to feed me drugs and send me on my way and I don't want to do that anymore. Like that's literally how I live my life every day.
Speaker 3:So the the doctor left the room I don't think he was too impressed with me and the crisis counselor pulled me aside and he's just like man, like I get it, like I know, and he's like I'm willing to help you, like I can give you a safe place to stay in this hospital tonight, but if you leave this hospital I can't help you.
Speaker 3:So I ended up staying the night in the hospital and in the morning my mom and my mom had come and picked me up from the hospital and she's like your boss wants to talk to you. I was like I don't want to fucking talk to him, like I hadn't been going to work for two weeks, like my world is falling apart, poor me. Victim mentality, like I can't, I can't fix anything, like it's all come crashing down. And I went into this man's office and I sat at his desk and he just walked in, sat across from me and just looked me dead in the face. He's like do you want help? It was the first time in my life I like literally surrendered to the idea that I like knew anything Because, like I said, like my thinking ends me in hospitals.
Speaker 1:This was my boss.
Speaker 3:This was after I had left the hospital, my mom. My mom took me to see my boss because he wanted to see me.
Speaker 3:And yeah, I just sat across the table from him and he said do you want help? And this is when I like, completely surrendered to the idea that I know anything good for my life at this point in my life Because, like, my good thinking is phone, phone my girlfriend, start a fight with her, so I don't have to go home, so I can go pick up an eight ball and go drink beer at the bar for the next two days. Right, that's where I, that's what I want to do at my core. So he said do you want help? And I just broke down in tears and I said to this man I said I don't even know what the fuck help looks like. And when I'm talking about taking action, that's what I mean. Like if that's the only action you're able to take at this point. That's something. That's how I started and all that man did was write down a phone number for a treatment center and he said you call this place and you go. And that's what I did.
Speaker 3:If you would have asked me 24 hours before that or 24 hours after that, I wouldn't have said yes to treatment. There's no way. I didn't think I was one of those people. Like, I really didn't Like my preconceived idea of like addicts and alcoholics was like those really homeless, skinny old people you see on the street that you switch sides of the street, that you're walking on just to get away from them.
Speaker 3:Like that was my idea. But man, the moment I walked in that treatment center, I just realized, like dude, I'm just in here with a bunch of people, a bunch of people to same fucking problem that I've got, and from there I just I just like kept my mind open enough to take direction from people who were willing to do exactly what you two were doing here, and that was share their experience with me and how they triumph their struggles. And that was like the biggest asset for me in getting through the hard times. And like after that we had talked about this on the phone too like after I got sober in April of 2021, like the one thing I will say is, if you ever meet someone and they tell you your life is their life is perfect, they're fucking bullshit, they're delusional. The only person they're fooling is themselves, literally, because like life is not, life is not perfect.
Speaker 1:It's true, man.
Speaker 3:We're just here living it. Life's life's gonna throw shit at you. So nine months into my recovery, I had found out that the mother of my children was having an affair. I'm not gonna say who was with, but it was someone who was relatively close to me. Yeah, and I did what I was supposed to do. I took the action I was supposed to take and I did it the recovery way. Like I'm in recovery and it's kind of closed doors shit, so there's only so much that I can say about that, but I took the direction that was suggested to me. Yeah, and the direction that was suggested to me was what was my fucking part in all of it? Because that's and we talked about this too like I am only responsible for my actions and reactions. I have no control over anybody else or any anything else in this world, except what I do, what I say and how I respond to situations. And the work I had done was so true.
Speaker 3:I realized like the fucking torment I put that woman through for 14 years before we had children. While she was pregnant I was going to raves every fucking weekend while she was at home pregnant. I would come home high on Monday morning from like a three day bender high on MDMA and ask her when her ultrasound appointment is and she's like you're not coming with me. There's no way you're coming with me. Like that's the shit that I put her through for 14 years. So you have to realize how fucking bad it must have been for her to think that having an affair was a logical solution to removing herself from this relationship. But again, through action and looking at my part or I mean it- could be like Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, it could be for the like. She's also looking for that attention, because you know you're not giving her that attention. Absolutely you know so she found it somewhere else for the like, the minute there, or whatever it is. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Absolutely man, 100%, and I agree with you and I, like this doesn't offend me at all because, like, what I will say is like, after doing the work and realizing my part and having to face the consequences of my actions, because that's what a lot of people don't want to do, that's why they avoid it and they, they bury it with drugs or drinking or or numbing out in whatever way they find possible, and this is just my experience it's like they don't want to face the consequences. So the consequences of my actions for 14 years was losing the mother of my children and that family dynamic. But through continuing to take action every day, the relationship I have with that woman today is far better than it ever was for the 14 years that I was with her. I'm literally using her laptop right now to do this, this podcast, with you guys. Like we, we spent Christmas with our kids together. This year, we've taken them out for dinner together.
Speaker 3:Like that doesn't happen if I don't take accountability for my actions. And it doesn't happen if I don't accept things the way that things just fucking are. I can accept it and deal with it, or I can accept it and move on, and I chose to accept it and deal with it, because it's the mother of my children. I love that woman as the mother of my children.
Speaker 3:She actually shared a TikTok with me last week and it was talking about co-parenting, and I know you guys talk about co-parenting a lot too, about how, if, if you don't have some sort of love for the other parent, you are not allowing yourself to love a part of your children, because those children are a part of both of you, right? So, like, as much as I want to sit there and be hurt for the things that she did, and she wants to sit there and be hurt for the things that I did, if, if we hold those resentments, then our children are missing out on on a certain amount of love from both of us, and we don't. We don't want that for our children.
Speaker 3:Like I've got no one's back a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:I will say, yeah, and sometimes it takes. You know, a lot of people don't realize, especially in co-parenting. Like like, you've heard a bit. But in the past, with my son's mom, right, she was an amazing mother and she got caught up in the drug scene with her boyfriend and one day I get a phone call and now he's removed from his mother's care and now she's sleeping in a tent 15 minutes from my house, no teeth, and she was a gorgeous girl, but her choice is right. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And to hear you sit there and take accountability, like, yeah, cheating is never the right way to go, but for you to sit there and say you know what? But I understand because look what I did for 14 years and most people in your situation, while they cheated on me, they cheated on me. They're a piece of shit, fuck them, I'm hurt, but it's just their fault. Yeah, that's it, it's their, they cheated, it's their fault. But and again, it's not the right way to go and I've never been that way either. But why? Why did they cheat? Why did? Why do they act crazy? Right, most people when they oh, they're crazy and they're freaking out and smash she's nuts or he's nuts, yeah, but why? Because people don't look at themselves in the mirror and be like look what the fuck I'm doing to this person.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You're not. Nobody takes accountability, just sits on what they did and moves forward and I'm like, yeah, it was their fault, their fault. And then it's the same thing as you blame everybody else, but it's your fucking problem because you created that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because you, every person that you first start dating, isn't like that. Because you start dating them because they're different or they're not like the other ones, and but then something goes off. But what is it? And majority of the time, it's you or the person look at themselves in the mirror. You're the cause for their craziness, You're the reason why they smash your window, Even though it's not always people go. When you're in that headspace, people do really crazy and dumb shit, but why. You know what I mean. And when you're in that dark space, we as people because you're hurting is you act different. You do things you never thought you would do. Because you're not there, You're running on autopilot. There's nothing behind those eyes, and that's why these people do these things and just like with your kid's mom. That wasn't, of course, wasn't the right way to go, but for you to sit there and be like, yeah, but look the fuck I did to her for 14 years that you know that messed her up.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. That pushed her into looking for, like Eric said, more. You know, she just wanted to have that attention. She wanted someone to show she cared. Yeah, right, yeah. And that's where she went that way, because of everything that Anthony was doing. That's right, but I will commend you because most people will not sit there and say you know what, man, I really fucked this up. They do these.
Speaker 2:And that was my fault, that she, yeah, she might have made a mistake, but how many fucking mistakes that I make Hundreds. That one mistake is something that you got to live with, but you made fucking 50 of them. Yeah, and most people would be like, man, well, they just look at that one mistake because it's easier and like, yeah, well, they fucked up and I can't believe you do this to me. But like, what the fuck did you do? Oh, yeah, where were you in all of this?
Speaker 3:It's easy to hold on to that stuff and let it faster. Until you can take a film of it. Yeah, like the one thing I always say is like when you're pointing the finger, there's one pointing away and three pointing back at you Like.
Speaker 3:I can't fix anybody but myself. And like that woman had to do her own work to get through the things that I had done and literally like the first six months of my recovery was like well, why does she still look at me like I'm high when I'm coming in the door? And I talked to people and they'd be like bro, you were out doing whatever you wanted for like over a decade and you expect this shit to change in six months? Like no, like I'm almost three years sober and like that woman finally trusts that I'm not doing drugs or drinking. And it didn't happen overnight, man, and it's that continuous action like every fucking day, until you say like my next day starts the night before.
Speaker 3:And it's so true.
Speaker 3:It's like okay, am I going to wake up and be a miserable piece of shit tomorrow, or am I going to just wake up and take accountability for the things that I know I have to do?
Speaker 3:And I'm at a place now where I've done enough work that I know what I'm capable of doing. So it's like if I decide to not do what I'm supposed to do tomorrow, I 100% guarantee it's going to be a bad day, but as long as I wake up and do the things that I know my routine requires. It's going to be a good day, regardless of what the fuck happens, and it's finding those positives in the negatives. Like you guys say, it's changing your perspective on the way you look at life. Like you said, something bad happened today. That's terrible, but there's probably a million other things to be grateful for, literally for me, when shit like this happens, I just write a list of things that I am grateful for, like, if you think about red cars, you're going to see red cars all day and you're not even going to realize how many blue ones you saw.
Speaker 1:I like that theory.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's true. And, like I said, before man there's action, for there is a action and a reaction. So I mean your actions made her have that reaction, and that goes with everything. There's a ying and yang for everything in life, you know and it's, and that's what it is the dark and the light, you know. But there is light, like we say and we preach. It's just a matter of trying to find it. Turn on that fucking light switch and let's go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just got to find that light switch right.
Speaker 3:You got to get off your ass and find it, because nobody's going to turn it on for you.
Speaker 2:And the bigger end, you know, like you said, with the gratitude is so many people complain, like I said earlier, about these dumb little things in their life, because I don't have that Mercedes, because I didn't get to buy that fucking purse, these stupid little things, right, and then they just sit on that and because I was like that before, because I was struggling with so many things, and you always hear, like retail therapy, well, if I buy this, I'm going to feel better. Fuck, I did that with cars and oh, I bought this new car and fuck, I felt good for two days and I still fucking, and then it was just a big waste of money because then I would look back and like man, I still feel shitty, you know, but the gratitude and the people don't realize how good they actually have it, instead of complaining about this dumb fucking shit because they don't have this and they don't have this. But what else do you have? You got a family, you got a house over your head, you know a roof over your head, food, you got a job. You probably got good friends. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And now when I go through things, even like today, with what happened with me, man, I already know that my life is going to be even better because of this, because I look at what I do have is I have two amazing children and like you, I, anthony, is I have two kids with two moms. One, yes, she's no longer around because she chose that lifestyle and she's not getting better, but I still have one that I that I really say I could hate for the rest of her life or the shit that she's done, but I choose not to, and because of that, my relationship with my daughter's mom is civil. There's no drama, all these things. So I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that I have a nice little house. I'm grateful to sit here tonight with you and you and everybody listening to, to be here and to help people the best way that I know how. So I'm grateful for that. You know I have a loving family.
Speaker 2:So all these things that people don't realize is gratitude will change how you look at life and how you get through each day Right and, like we, I've said and you just brought up, is your, your, your mornings start the night before, right, and that's what they always say. Never, you know, in a relationship or whatever, never go to bed angry with each other. That's because the first thing you're going to do when you wake up is you're going to be fucking angry, because that's how you went to bed.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's all about plugging that in your subconscious the night before and writing things down tomorrow is going to be better than today. I've written that same line out every single night for four years Tomorrow is going to be better than today, and some days we're going to have shit days. Today was a hard day for me, but guess what? Tomorrow is a new fucking day. 100% man. Now it's. How am I going to tackle that? How are you going to tackle that? You know, and some things are more severe than others and, yeah, it's okay to be in it, but when you feel you heal, you know right and like an Anthony situation with with his kids mom is, if he didn't take accountability, he's just burying more problems and say he started to date somebody else and, like we've always talked about, anthony is going to be fucking bleeding all over her because he didn't take accountability, he didn't take, he didn't take responsibility for what he's done.
Speaker 2:So that he can learn from that, fix it and be a better version of himself into the next relationship or with his friends or whoever that he comes into his life and then for all of us.
Speaker 3:And right, so most people need to really.
Speaker 3:And that's that's happened. Like, and for me, addiction was literally, like I don't want to say was the tip of the iceberg. But I'm almost, like I said, I'm almost three years sober, but I just started therapy a couple months before Christmas because I was like you, like just like you, joey, like I would go into these relationships and I find for myself it's like I, I want this external validation from all these other places. Right, like you said, for you it was cars, for me it's relationships. Like I just want someone to love me more, I just want to be accepted by my friends, like all this, this validation from everywhere else. But I've realized like the only place that's actually going to fill that hole, that I'm looking to get filled is from within. Like that's the work that I need to do, because I need to be okay with myself before I can be okay with anybody else. Like I, I would do this relationship Can.
Speaker 1:I ask you something. So when you're saying you, you wanted validation, right, that's what you're looking for from everybody. Did you like? How was your? If you don't mind me, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but like, how was your childhood Like? Did you? Do you find that maybe you weren't getting validation from your when you were as a child as much as you really needed that. That it it stemmed into your, your adulthood?
Speaker 3:So this, this is actually exactly what I'm working on in therapy right now, because I've I've been in a couple of relationships since I got sober and I'm in one right now and this woman, for the grace of God, is stuck by my side through like all of the self sabotage and like pushing away and honestly, like before I started therapy this time around, because I had done it before when I was younger and I just like I had this resentment towards therapy. It's like fuck you, you just want my money. You don't actually give a shit about like what I'm going through but ultimately leave like with keeping an open mind to like everything that I do. Like I'm paying this woman for her experience. Like this woman went to school and got super educated on stuff that I know nothing about, so she had brought me right back to childhood.
Speaker 3:Like I was adopted from birth. So like I know like my family is my family and I've met my biological family, love them dearly. That's another emotional hurdle that I still kind of have to overcome. It's hard to balance those two, but so like as far back as I can remember, like my mom told me that I came from her heart. So like my preconceived idea of adoption as a child was my brothers came from her belly, I came from her heart and then, when I was like nine or 10 years old, my stepsister told me it is and there's like throughout this story there was no ill intent.
Speaker 3:So that's kind of why the work has come into play. So when I was nine or 10, my stepsister truly defined what adoption, being adopted, meant and it was fucking earth shattering man and I feel like that kind of just like emotionally shut me down and I did struggle with, and I still struggle with, letting people in and this is one of the things that I worked I'm working with with my therapist and I said to her it's like why can't I just let these fucking people love me? And she was just like bouncing ideas off me and bouncing ideas off me and she said what did she say? She said I feel like you've dealt with a lot of deception in your life, like, even though there was no will intent behind the deception when it comes to women like your.
Speaker 3:Your mom told you that you were adopted and that you came from her heart and then you found out at nine or 10, what it actually meant. She showed you some information about your, your biological family and then at 16, she told you your biological mom's name and then you've dealt with this stuff with your children's mother and just like all this deception for women throughout my life. And again, like no ill intent, like I love all these women in my life, but she's like you've never allowed yourself to open up because you you essentially are trying to predict the future. It's called fortune telling, it's called cognitive distortion. So, basically, any situation I've been in with any woman, I've never totally been told the truth, and even if I have, I don't believe them anyways because my past experience has shown me otherwise. So what I do is I project brutal honesty on it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's trauma is what it is, and it is fucking mind blowing, dude, because there's like I have no resentment towards either of my mothers my biological one, of my adopted one. I have no resentment towards the mother and my children, like I have no resentment towards my sister. But I thought I was okay. But my definition of being loved is a very tainted one and it's not my fault that it is that way, but it's my responsibility to fix it Right and that's kind of where I'm at.
Speaker 1:Well, what I think and I'm not no. Well, I'm not no doctor, I'm not no. I mean like, this is what we preach all the time. We're not doctors, we're not psychiatrists. I mean, I've been through a fair shit in my life that I can. I know a little bit. I guess you could say, and what that seems to me. This is just my opinion and you can tell me to fuck off if you want. But I think that your subconscious mind because that thing is crazy, it's so powerful, you know you, it hasn't fully accepted that. You know you were given away from adoption by these parents. So subconsciously you're looking for that love that you never really fully had if you grew up with your biological mother. Does that kind of make sense to you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it does.
Speaker 3:So psychologically you're looking for that and that ties into the validation, that external validation, right, like, and I don't want to sit here and sound like I'm a man or anything, and then I'd like feed off of love from women, but, like, when I get into a relationship, it's like I'm expecting this woman to fill up this major fucking void that I have inside, but that's not going to happen. So what I need to do is I need to be okay with loving myself for who I am Before I can actually like, like, get the love. Like, realistically, nobody's going to love me the way that I fully open up. Nobody's going to love me the way that I feel I need to be loved inside. I need to be in a relationship with someone who's going to love me the way that they're going to love me, and I need to be okay with that. And it's just taking this realistic, a fucking approach on life and it's like just like not bullshitting yourself. Essentially Right, and that's that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to stay in the present.
Speaker 1:I can relate to that Well, like I can relate to that because my past relationship with my, my late fiance, I mean. So I lived on the other side, so I was on the other side of like where your girl is right, she, she dealt with addiction and I literally walked into the house one time Actually it happened one time. She relapsed and she had a needle in her arm and it was the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen. I mean I've seen people put needles in their arms, in their necks, because you know that was my life, that I was on on straight up selling that shit. You know what I mean. So I've seen this shit.
Speaker 1:But when you're walking into that and seeing someone that you care about, it's mind blowing, it fucks you up, you know. And I mean I already had problems with feeling loved. I mean I had abandonment issues because my dad ran off. You know I had terrible relationships my whole life, terrible relationships, my fault and the other person's fault, right, you have two broken people coming together. You know it's just no good. Misery loves company, right, and I, I was very closed, I wouldn't show love, I wouldn't show love. And in that relationship I taught, like she taught me how to open up and show love right, and it sometimes it just takes that special someone to come into your life and to really show you that you know it's okay to be vulnerable and and let your walls down you know, and no one's, no one's the same.
Speaker 1:Everybody loves differently. You know what I mean. Everybody truly loves differently and it's a matter of accepting that. What they're giving you and being okay with that and you, at the same time, giving that back. And that's what you I think you might need to work on a little bit is is, you know, accepting it and and taking it in. You know, because every there's different levels of love, you know, but it's finding the level that you want, you know.
Speaker 3:If that makes sense to you 100%.
Speaker 2:Well, a lot of people too is that are. You know, like you said, going back to, you have to, you know, learn to love yourself. And you hear it all the time If you don't love yourself, how are you going to love somebody else? But a lot of people are waiting for somebody because if they find somebody they're going to be happy, my life's going to be better because I find somebody. But that is showing, you know, brokenness and damage. Because you're not loving yourself, you're not fulfilled in your own life and in your own skin.
Speaker 2:So, people spend so much time waiting for somebody to come save them, but nobody's going to save them until you save yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right and all you and you know in my history of relationships when I look back, is because I was so broken and running on autopilot for 15 years I was attracting, you know, damaged women as well, but you don't even realize it because you know you, you don't attract what you want, you attract who you are and people don't realize that because you're bringing in you know different damages and different people that are broken, thinking that they're going to save you because in the short term, for me it's like, well, I'm feeling so much better. I met this person but it was just like me when I bought fucking stupid cars to try to feel better. You date these women thinking and then a month later you're just like I'm still fucked up, I'm still broken because I never healed myself. Yeah, and you know. And then I start.
Speaker 2:You know then another relationship failed and another relationship failed and going back to like you taking accountability when you are ex, you know did what she did is. You know why? You know, because you did all this to her and you didn't fix you in. You know the issues that you were having and for me I did the same and I didn't realize that another relationship failed and you know we all want to be loved, but until you fix your core problems and your core issues and what's going on with you, you will never be loved properly, because you can't love properly. So you're attracting these people that are damaged as well, hoping that they're going to give you all this love that you're looking for, when reality they're not going to because you're not be able to give them the love that you can give because you still haven't fixed you.
Speaker 3:That's right and that's literally what.
Speaker 2:I say You've got to learn.
Speaker 3:Sorry, go ahead, Joey.
Speaker 2:No, no, go ahead.
Speaker 3:Well, and that's literally what I'm working on in therapy right now and like part of it is like self compassion to is just like to stop being so fucking hard on myself. Like I still listen to like the most oppressing songs, man. Like one of the songs I used to listen to is called Talk to a Friend, and then the lyrics it says I wouldn't talk to a friend the way I talk to myself. And another lyric is I know everything I've done wrong. Like I can literally sit here and recount all the things I fucked up in my life from as far back as I can remember up until this day. But I have a hard time remembering the good things that I've accomplished and I have a hard time forgiving myself, because I carry the burden of other people's actions, you know, like I carry them as my own and it's up to me to let them go.
Speaker 3:And like this woman that I'm with now man, like this woman, literally I was so closed off emotionally when I had met her because this was about a year and a half after the breakup with the mother and my children and I had entered that relationship as if it was the one that I was previously in and what I would do is I would shut down and I wouldn't communicate, and all this woman would do is just sit beside me and her presence, like she would sit there long enough for me to come out of my fucking shell to be able to have a conversation with her.
Speaker 3:And I never had that with anybody else before in my life. I never had anybody sit there with me Rightfully so I was a piece of shit before. But you know, like this woman doesn't know that addict version of me, she doesn't know that violent version of me that did exist with the mother of my children. But she would just sit there with me and sooner or later I would come out of my shell and like we can actually communicate like two genuine human beings, and I can sit there and say like hey, I'm not feeling that love today or I'm having a hard time with myself. This is where my mind's going, and we can sit there and fucking talk about it Like we are both growing. We like nobody's perfect man and nobody. You're not going to find somebody who I, in my opinion, I don't think you're going to find someone who's 100% going to fit your mold, but you're going to find someone who's willing to fucking work their ass off to fit your mold, as long as you're willing to fit theirs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's a given take.
Speaker 2:Well, you got to be able to sit there and if you have a list of everything that you want in a person right that other person has to have, you know it has to match. You can't just expect this, expect that, but you're not giving it back.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and if you don't fucking talk about it, it's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:You know, that's where it comes with the struggles, as the guys right. This is where us men struggle and you know, when I look back at my last, say, two long, long relationships is I was struggling so bad but I didn't know how to talk about it because you feel they're going to judge you or they're going to leave you or they're going to look at you and say I'm different, I'm like I'll figure it out, I'm a man, I got this, but really I was just. I was falling apart into piece by piece inside and even though I wanted to be with them, my actions because I was shutting down and pushing away, push them away farther, because they have needs, they want to be loved and held. And I'm a very affectionate person in general and you know I am old school, romantic and all this and I've and I've raised with all women. I have three sisters and my mom and I know how to treat women.
Speaker 2:But when I get to that headspace and I'm struggling now I'm not giving that attention, I'm not phoning them every day, I'm not messaging them as much because I'm shutting down and pushing away unintentionally, because I don't know how to get out of this fucking headspace. And eventually they're like you know what? You're not giving me what I need, I'm out. And now I'm heartbroken and made myself even worse because I just couldn't open up and talk about it, that's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but once you know, and then after my last one, I realized, you know, with everything else in my life that I needed to fix me. I am tired of doing this to myself, to other people and, like you with your ex is, I need to take accountability. I don't care who knows that I got problems, I need help. Yeah, I am fucked up. This is me. How do I fix this? And I didn't care how positive or how stupid it used to sound to me. I started reading and reading that and like I'll try, I don't care, because I refuse to feel like this ever again.
Speaker 2:And that's where you start finding those things outside of your daily routine, like we always talk about is, and that starts to level you up and you start meeting people you never thought you would meet. And you're going back to how I said, when you don't love yourself. And that's what you attract when you actually start to love yourself and Find clarity inside of yourself and in your head. Man, I tell you, just in my last two years of self-help and self, you know, fixing myself and therapy and more fitness and freedom all this shit to just anything to better myself is what I attracted now into my life is Is absolutely amazing. You know, what I mean is because now, when you're in a much better headspace and you're happier, you attract that. Just like you said, misery attracts misery. But what do you think? Happy attract, what do you think?
Speaker 2:Yeah being a joyful, fucking, humorous and all you're attracting these kind of people to. You're attracting these better jobs, you're attracting the better relationships with people and in in relationships in general. Well, like so it all starts with you. Nobody, nobody's coming to save you.
Speaker 3:Yeah right, nobody's coming to save you.
Speaker 2:Well, I people don't want to look in the mirror and admit it, as, especially as men, is saying I'm fucked up Because nobody wants to admit that. Yeah, but until you take accountability, nothing will change and everything that you've done up until that point will just continue to run like a broken record yeah, and you will bleed on people that didn't cut you. You will constantly put yourself in heartbreaks and you know a constant state of depression. You'll never be happy or fulfilled in your life because you chose not to look in the mirror and say you know what I fucking did, that I need to change that yeah, you know what I mean and fix the core problems.
Speaker 1:Well, it's like my mom said, man, a long time ago, when I was a kid, she said show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are. I mean, you hang out with rich people you're gonna become rich. You hang out with fucking gangsters You're gonna be a gangster, you know. You hang out with drug addicts You're gonna end up doing drugs. And it's the truth, man, you know you got to surround yourself with the people and, like I said before, you go into a room and if you're you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room. You know. You want to. You want to suck up all that knowledge and everything that you can, you know, and that's how you grow and that's how, how you, you level up.
Speaker 1:Yeah and to touch on too with communication. I mean, when you're in a relationship I think it's huge that a lot of people don't do is when you get an argument with your partner you know a lot of people it's you versus the partner. But it's shouldn't be like that. It's you and your partner versus the problem. That's right, you know, and you got to come together like that. And if, if you guys can get that communication going, you know the relationship will go a lot, lot smoother. You know, and not not be afraid to talk to it, talk to your partner.
Speaker 2:Well, I think a lot of people miss too when it comes to that with communication, is comprehension, because I, you know, I could tell you all day long what bothers me, what you did that upset me. But if I don't take in what you're saying, yeah, and comprehend the fact that, okay, what I did bothered her or him, and Comprehend it, our communication is fucking pointless because it's in one ear out the other.
Speaker 2:Right so you have to also not only be able to communicate, because I remember the last girl I dated a couple years ago. We could talk for hours every night and I'm like, wow, man, this is. You communicate, no problem, but when it came to problems, we didn't comprehend shit. Yeah, yeah, we heard each other, but we didn't follow through and understand. No, like this, genuinely, this is the problem. This is the problem. But we could communicate and talk all day, no problem.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're listening to respond.
Speaker 2:You're not listening to you understand.
Speaker 3:That's what it is, I.
Speaker 3:And I was the same, and it was like my ears shut off and I'm just vomiting shit out of my mouth to just like Hope that you understand how I feel inside, but you're like, as a partner, you're never going to Physically understand how your, your partner, feels. So it's like I'm trying to express stuff to this person who's never going to understand it on the inside, but I don't care what they're saying, because it's like you're not hearing me. This is how I feel. And then they say how they feel, but I'm not listening to them and I've done the same shit. Man, it's like you're you're literally arguing with each other about how you feel and it's just running in circles. You're not accomplishing anything, yeah, and the comprehension is a huge part. That's a.
Speaker 1:That's a very good point, definitely, and see like how I think of it too, and you guys Take it however you want.
Speaker 1:In a relationship, man like Say say you had a really shitty day. I've said this before. So say you had a really shitty day. You know bad day. You come home you only have fucking 20%. You know you're just having a low. Your partner should pick up that other 80% to help you, and vice versa, your partner's down fucking 60% or 40%. You know you, they pick that up, you pick that up. You know that's how it should be, you should be. It's it's in relationships, never 50 50. It's all about balance, though. You know, and when, when, that? When your partner's down, you pick up, and it's about being the rock and Standing for that person and and get helping pick them up because, at the end of the day, your partner should make you want to be a better person in life, and vice versa, and that's how you start leveling up a.
Speaker 3:Relationship is more about what you are not know after everything like that. And it should. It should be more about what you can offer the other person rather than what that person can offer me. Like, if you're in that for that selfish reason, it's never gonna work. It's like what? Do I have to offer this person? Can I bring value to this person's life, or am I literally here just to suck the fucking soul out of this human being?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, and that also, too, is people look like, especially nowadays on social media, and you hear girls that want six figures, six feet tall. That's all they want is this, this and this. But you know, but the or or vice versa, because is they don't realize is that if you meet somebody who isn't already there but has the work ethic, is bussing their ass, has ambition, things are getting started, is the relationship that you will build with them going forward through that Will make your relationship so much stronger than a girl coming in when I already got the Six figures and the Lambo and like I already have it all. There's no relationship built now.
Speaker 2:It's just to me, it's that you just want me pretty much for this for the status but if you can be with someone and be their rock and be their support and be your cheerleader and Work together, that relationship and how close you become Will make your, your relationship and maybe marriage one day, so much stronger.
Speaker 2:But I realize that there's you know there's people that work their ass off, and I'm one of them every day. You know, I don't have always have the, I don't have the million dollars in the bank, but I'm working my ass off to get there. Yeah right, and if someone wants to be on that journey with me, then I promise you like it's just gonna be so much better on the other end, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah people got to look at who the person is, the drive they have in their life, vice versa, guy and girl. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they have the motivation. Are they trying? Do they have a plant? You know they mean, but then it goes to, like Eric said, you're gonna have days that fucking life's gonna hit you like a fucking dump truck, yeah Right.
Speaker 2:So how to be able to find that person? But in order to find that person, you have to first learn and fix everything that's wrong with you as best that you can and learn to love yourself, because if you do, that's the person you're gonna attract, is the one that's gonna stand behind you and be your cheerleader and help you get through this. Yeah, that's right, because if you haven't fixed your issues and your poor problems and learn to love yourself, that person that you already with without doing that, is gonna fucking bail on you, and it's not, they're not gonna be your support because they're broken too. Yeah, and now it's. You know there's issues, they can't deal with, the stress throughout, but people don't realize that is. Once you fix you and Learn to love yourself, then the person that you end up being with is gonna have your back and be that support and not bail on you. You know when times get tough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right On all this note, I would, I would like to, if you want, if you're okay with it. Anthony, you want to plug, go like what you're given back on the community and maybe I don't know people in your area could reach out If they need help or if you're allowed to do that, I don't know. If you're yeah.
Speaker 3:So I work 12 step program and that's, honestly, man, that's really all I can say. I help other men with addiction, again like if there's anybody out there Struggling with addiction, like yeah, don't hesitate to reach out, like you're not alone. The one thing I've learned in in recovery is I'm not fucking special for feeling how I felt. I'm not special for doing the things that I did. There was countless Men and women out there who felt and did the same things that I. I didn't deal with the same stuff that I dealt with. And recovery is possible. You know, like I've I'm one of a legion of people who've, who've found recovery and honestly, like I Don't care if it's recovery, spirituality, religion, self-help, like the gym books, like any of that stuff.
Speaker 3:Just start something and if it doesn't work Then try something else. That's it. Like just keep going. Like literally, when I had that epitome sitting on my bed and I said just keep going, out loud, I got a tattoo to my fucking hands. That's what my hands that I remember sitting in the guys, the guys tattoo shop, and he's like does it have to say just keep going? I'm like, yeah, 100%. He's like, well, I can do, keep on one hand and going on the other. I was like what you better find somewhere to put, just because it's got a fucking Be there. And like that's my mantra man, just keep going, no matter what happens, just keep fucking going good for you, man.
Speaker 3:And that's what it's about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's funny said that because and you know it's funny he said that with the hands and the tattoo is the last time I Tried to take my own life, you know, as I sat under a bridge and the day before my son just learned how to start to crawl and I had a video of it and I was so down that the next day I went and sat under a bridge in my car with a fucking bottle in my hand and I was gonna literally just drive into the river and I was it and I watched this video 50 times of him Crawling for the first time and he saved my life and as hard as it was and and where I was, that mentally and obviously I didn't do it. But the very next day I Did the same as I went to my buddy in the tattoo shop and I got my knuckles tattooed and it says love life, yeah, man. So every day that I wake up, every, every morning, the first thing I see is To remind myself to love life.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:And that's what got me out of. It was my son and this this right here. Love life, awesome. So many of us struggle To do that, and that's when we said earlier about existing and not living your life. You only have one life. Yeah, look at the guy I talked about earlier that I met today. Yeah the guy was fucking happy man and he's, and he was told he's got a year to live. Yeah, because he's choosing to love the life that he has left and make the best of it.
Speaker 2:You know, and if you guys are, and if you guys are listening, man, you know they always say life is short. Man, that's no fucking joke. Yeah, like Eric it. Look what happened with Eric, with his fiance, had everything the next day, fucking dumb truck.
Speaker 1:His whole world changed went to sleep and I woke up and it was different.
Speaker 2:So people just got a really look at themselves and stop just existing and live your life. You know, and what happened to me today Is a blessing, because now, tomorrow, now I'm really gonna do the things that I always wanted to do. That's what I was actually there, I don't know, but I'm gonna figure it out.
Speaker 3:That's what I was actually gonna say to you.
Speaker 2:Joey is like you know, it's so cliche.
Speaker 3:You'll hear people say like oh one door closes in a hundred more open. But it's true, like you, you obviously had a very successful career in this job, but like you are literally out of the point in your life when you can do whatever the fuck you want to do, like there's nothing holding you back now. Like you have the experience to continue on the path that you were. You started an amazing, powerful fucking podcast with one of your good friends. Like, the other thing that I always wanted to do was to be a friend Like you. The other thing that I realized, too, is like I used to idolize a lot of people. I have a sponsor that I work my 12 steps with and I used to idolize this man. But what I realized is like, if I idolize this man, I'm putting this man way above me and that means that he's capable of achieving things that I'm not capable of cheating yeah.
Speaker 3:I can do whatever the fuck I want. I'm capable of doing anything. It's just if I'm willing to put in the effort to get there or not. Right, so Literally anybody is capable of achieving anything. If you sit there with that mindset of, oh, I can't do this because of this, or or if I do this, this is gonna happen, you don't know, unless you actually try. Failure only happens when you give up. It's like I'll give you an example, like if you go to work, for example. Say you work at Tim Hortons. You go to work. Someone asked for a double double. You make him a triple triple. You fucked up their order. What do you do? Quit your job and walk out the door? No, you make another coffee. You made a mistake.
Speaker 3:You have to carry on right same with life, like on on other people's dime. We're okay with fixing our mistakes, but when it comes to our own, it's just like, oh well, I feel too bad for myself, I can't do it anymore. It's like, no, you can. Literally. You should put more effort into yourself and you should be more desperate. The harder you work, the more desperate you should become to keep the things that you have, because when you started aiming for what you had, you had nothing, and now you have something. So you should work twice as fucking hard to keep it and keep growing it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, people don't realize is that the magic that you want in your life is in the work that you're avoiding? Yeah once you start putting in that work, your life will change. And Whether you're in that Dark room of depression or your day-to-day, it doesn't matter. You put in that work, your life will change. Yeah, it's just all starts with you.
Speaker 1:Nobody's gonna come to.
Speaker 2:Nobody's gonna come save you, yeah, and it is up to you, and you only. That's right. So you know and so many people suffer with self-doubt. But you know what, while yourself suffering with self-doubt, others are intimidated by your true potential.
Speaker 3:Damn so.
Speaker 1:It's true, man it's all about putting your getting your foot through that door. That's the hardest part is pushing your foot through that door and then, soon as you get through the door, man, it's, it's, it's game on, but it's, it's getting up. You know that mindset, that's thought, that's the fucking hardest part is Taking the first get out of your own fucking way and just make it as soon as you take that first step. You Exactly.
Speaker 2:Yep, that's how you can do. Yeah, one step is better than those steps, right? Yeah, just, you're halfway there. If you take the first step, exactly Now it's up to you. What are you gonna do about it?
Speaker 1:You need to get up, take that Well, man, what a fucking episode. Yeah, I just want to take it and just thank you guys for having me on.
Speaker 3:Like I love what you guys are doing, honestly, like this is some powerful shit and Don't ever sell yourself short of what you're doing. Like, don't be humble enough to realize that, like, what you're doing is fucking amazing and this thing is going to grow itself. And I know we've talked about this and you guys and your experience has Touched my life in a way that I could probably never verbally expressed. You even the conversation with you guys tonight. I've learned something because I allowed myself to stay open minded to your guys. Experience, you know, and this is what it's about. So thank you guys for having me and just keep fucking doing what you guys are doing. This is amazing, I love it.
Speaker 2:You know what, anthony? Man, I just want that was touching, just to hear, and I thank you so much for coming on our show sharing, you know, some of your stories. And, man, I just learned stuff from you two men. Yeah, man, and we say this to our guests and anybody listening man, if, if you're ever having a down day, you just want to bullshit man, shoot us a message. Man, we're here, right. So Thank you again from raw minds and man, you, you're more than welcome to come back.
Speaker 3:I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Definitely brother.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 2:I just work and just remember, man, if you can't find good people, you'd be good people.
Speaker 1:Well, great episode. Thank you, I think you really appreciate it. No, that was, that was fucking Awesome, I mean thank you.
Speaker 1:Well, that's knocked off 13. We got some great episodes coming up for you guys too. We got a really good one. Next one too. I'm excited for that one just as much as we're excited for Anthony. Here. You guys can reach out to us. Our email is raw minds podcast at gmailcom. Feel free, I mean we'll take any type of comments. You want to just reach out behind the scenes. You know, got event. We're here for you. This is what we do. This is what we're all about. We are men's Podcast, but I mean we open our doors to women too. So feel free to you know, say hi and yeah anyways, I could drink too many red bills.
Speaker 1:That drank three in the last couple hours here, so I'm jittery. But um, anyways, here we go. Thank you, love you guys. All you know, the support, everything. We really appreciate that. So, at that, be good or be good at it. Bye.