In this powerful episode of Raw Minds, hosts Erick and Joey delve deep into a topic that often goes unnoticed and unaddressed - the hidden wounds of men who have experienced abuse. In a society where discussions around abuse tend to focus primarily on women, the experiences of men are often overlooked, leaving many to suffer in silence.
Join Erick and Joey as they shine a light on the unique challenges faced by men who have been victims of abuse, exploring the societal stigmas and stereotypes that can prevent them from seeking help and sharing their stories. Through candid conversations and personal insights, this episode aims to break the silence surrounding male abuse survivors and provide a platform for healing and understanding.
Tune in to Raw Minds as Erick and Joey tackle this important and often neglected issue with sensitivity, empathy, and a commitment to raising awareness about the unspoken struggles of men who have endured abuse.
In this powerful episode of Raw Minds, hosts Erick and Joey delve deep into a topic that often goes unnoticed and unaddressed - the hidden wounds of men who have experienced abuse. In a society where discussions around abuse tend to focus primarily on women, the experiences of men are often overlooked, leaving many to suffer in silence.
Join Erick and Joey as they shine a light on the unique challenges faced by men who have been victims of abuse, exploring the societal stigmas and stereotypes that can prevent them from seeking help and sharing their stories. Through candid conversations and personal insights, this episode aims to break the silence surrounding male abuse survivors and provide a platform for healing and understanding.
Tune in to Raw Minds as Erick and Joey tackle this important and often neglected issue with sensitivity, empathy, and a commitment to raising awareness about the unspoken struggles of men who have endured abuse.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back.
Speaker 2:It is a brand new week, a brand new show. We are unedited, unfiltered and we are going raw.
Speaker 1:My name is Joey and I'm Eric. I'm your host and welcome to Raw Minds.
Speaker 2:Before we get into this, eric, we should let our listeners know that we apologize ahead of time, as we usually drop episodes on Fridays and we've had some computer glitches and we've had to troubleshoot it and I think we're okay Fingers crossed. So, regardless, if you guys never see an episode in the future, for whatever reason, that we'll do our best to not make that happen. But that is the only reason why it didn't come out on the Friday, not because we weren't unable to do it, because we will always do it. We will be here every week, every month, forever, because we love doing this and we're not going anywhere.
Speaker 1:They don't know. Well said, well, we'll just do our disclaimer. We're not doctors, we're not shrinks, we're not counselors, nothing like that. We're just two guys that want to change the world, one man at a time, and hopefully that's what we're doing. I think that's what we're doing Changing people's lives and pushing the message out there, breaking the stigma.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if you guys are just tuning in and you haven't listened to us before, our main focus is spreading the awareness on men's mental health and health in general. We do talk to some females, but the basis of our show is the daily struggles that us as men deal with and the backpack of bricks that we put on every morning when we leave our house, trying to be the best providers, the best husbands and boyfriends, best fathers. It can be hard sometimes. Myself and Eric have lived the chaotic, traumatizing and a life of turmoil and pain and loss, and the reason why we do this is to, like Eric said, try to help as many people as we can and reach out to as many people as we can to let you guys know that you're not alone. What you are going through is temporary and there are better days on the other side. I promise you that 100%. And if you guys ever feel alone, lost, broken, shattered, please email us rawmindspodcastcom or hit us up on Tiktok rawminespodcast.
Speaker 2:We answer all the messages. We answer all the phone calls. If you don't want to use your real name, that is totally understandable and there's no pressure there. If you have no one to turn to or if you feel you can't find a source, we can be that source, that source for you. So hit us up rawmindspodcastcom. That's why we're doing what we do. You know. Help you guys with some pointers and tools that we've used that might benefit you guys on finding that light again.
Speaker 1:So thank you guys again.
Speaker 2:Thank you guys again for tuning in. If you're new, welcome. We love you all. That's what we're doing.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it. So abuse, different types of abuse, all sections of sorts of abuse, and abuse fucking sucks, you know it really does suck, especially mental. I think I would say, joey, mental abuse is even worse when it's you fighting yourself mentally. You know what I mean Because you're your biggest critic. I fight my mind daily, lately, definitely, and that's the hardest battle you have to fight really is fighting yourself.
Speaker 2:But well, the only thing or person holding you back is you. That's it. Whatever it is that you're dealing with, whatever it is that you're struggling with, it's still on you. You decide whether you move forward or stay where you are. You decide whether you get up that day. You decide whether you want to change.
Speaker 2:So, battling yourself and even though I've overcome so much in my life and I'm very grateful to be sitting here with you and doing this I still struggle. We all do. I battle my own mind and my head every single day and it stems from the things that I have been through. I've learned a lot in my own therapies, in my own counseling and tools to use when you think like that or when you have a lot of negative thoughts. We tell ourselves or I should say, for me, is I have a bad habit of finding or creating the worst possible outcome for the scenario when it hasn't even happened yet, overthinking and causing myself anxiety, causing myself to step back and not move forward with that, when there's no reason whatsoever indication that I shouldn't. But I'm doing it to myself because, oh, what if this happens? What if this happens? And then like, oh, I can't do that, I shouldn't do that and I think a lot of people struggle with that and that stem before when you are not in a good place in general mentally and your self-esteem is really low, your self-worth.
Speaker 2:You feel, like you said, we're our own worst critics. When we're in, that you don't have a whole lot of self-confidence. And when you don't have a lot of self-confidence you care too much about what other people think. And when you have, like you said, with the mental abuse, even when you see haters, even people you don't even know technically, that's abuse, that's mental abuse. They're talking shit, they're criticizing, they're judging your weight, how you look, that's all mental abuse man.
Speaker 1:No, definitely.
Speaker 2:Definitely Right. When people are out of low feeling, a low self-worth and confidence, and they hear these things, they start to believe it because they don't even believe in themselves. Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So when you're able to level up, move up, start doing things that make you feel good, raise that level of self-worth, all these other things of mental abuse that tries to come at you, you're able to deflect a lot better and not take it so personally and really let it take you down. Because, like 90% of the reason why businesses don't start or people don't date that person is because of other people's opinions. You know what I mean. And people, they don't live for themselves, they're not doing what makes them happy, they're trying to people please. And when you're doing that all the time, you live in a constant state of depression.
Speaker 2:And if you're in a constant state of depression, well, your self-worth isn't very high. Your self-esteem isn't very high. You doubt yourself every day and again you're the one that holds yourself back because you don't believe in yourself. So, fighting that every day in your own mind and I'm just learning that part of it is I'm starting to get a lot better. So we deal with it every day and I hold myself back, or I've held myself back so much. When I look back and I'm like man, if you just did it when you wanted to do it, you'd be in a whole different place right now. But I didn't because I held myself back, because I just overthought the whole situation to the point where I got so much anxiety I'm like, no, I'm not going to do it now. But there was no indication that I shouldn't have. There was no reason why I shouldn't have. I just didn't do it because I was messed up in my own head, holding myself back.
Speaker 1:But then at that point it feels like it's climbing Mount Everest. In some situations like that you know what I mean it feels like all that battle you're dealing with is it's easier to climb Mount Everest than to get up and fucking take a shower or whatever it may be. And that's I mean, your mind is fucking crazy, your mind's crazy.
Speaker 2:But yet it's so powerful.
Speaker 1:So powerful.
Speaker 2:Once you learn how to use it properly and in a positive way, you get to points like for me, I'm still not exactly where I want to be, I'm still working on things in terms of business and this, and that you know, and it's a day to day.
Speaker 2:You know, regular struggle and that's life.
Speaker 2:But I never thought through the years of what I was battling and dealing with, that I could even get to this point today and the clarity in my mind and how much of my anxiety is gone now that I had and all these things that I never thought I would have, because I was always stuck holding myself back, stuck dealing with depression, stuck with low self-esteem and no, you know, no self-confidence. I always worked hard but you could be a hard worker and still have, you know, doubt yourself every day and hold yourself back every day. So to even get to that point now in clarity in my own mind is night and day, but it takes work. But a lot of that comes from like. The whole reason for this episode is the abuse you know, and on the different levels of, because we've all suffered abuse in one way or another. May you might not have been physically or sexually abused, but I guarantee you there's someone along the way thinks that you're worthless, or thinks that you're no good, or hating on you, or your parents weren't good parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah or relationships you know and your partner.
Speaker 2:They're a million and a hundred percent. That's the big one too. And the relationships you're with and you know the abuse. You know someone doesn't have to put their hands on you to really abuse you. Yeah, you know. And the mind in, even especially with like relationships, the mind games that people play even like even some with ghosting and fucking insane acting one way than the next week they're acting another.
Speaker 2:And you wonder why people go crazy in relationships? Because it makes them go crazy. That's abuse. You know what I mean. You have such a bond and love for somebody, or you think you love them, whether it's your good friends, family or the relationships and they start doing this and doing that and makes you go all loopy Like that's a form of abuse.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, monkey branching.
Speaker 1:You know, monkey branching. I've heard that A lot of like in relationships, a lot of partners. They will have someone on standby, you know. So, as they're holding on to this new person, or whatever their person, they have this other person and they can swing to that person. It's called monkey branching, it's dragging someone along right.
Speaker 2:And that, and I'll say, is like, especially in the relationship side of it, when people do that to people like it is, so damaging it is. Extremely damaging, especially when you know that you're doing the best that you can. You treat them good, whether, whether it's guy, girl or vice versa. And People that Monkey branch or oh, all this week they're loving and this and that and they're doing this, and next week they're complete opposite. I haven't heard from them in four days.
Speaker 1:Like that fucks you up or right man that shit to leave him right come, drags you along.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, if you look at the dating world, it really isn't that hard if people you know what I mean Like it's really not Difficult if people were just upfront with their intentions, yeah, and just said you know what, this is what I want. If you don't like it, that's cool, it's just not gonna work. Or you know what I mean Like just nobody's honest. Everyone plays games exactly and Mo and a lot of people that go into relationships. They're very emotionally damaged already.
Speaker 2:Yeah they haven't healed themselves, they haven't fixed themselves. So and a lot of people don't realize how damaged they are until they get into the nice relationship. Because now You're just again bleeding on people that didn't cut you, like we mentioned a long time ago, and the damages that that person picks up from you because you didn't fix yourself is very mentally abusive and and Very mentally damaging, because this person and I would used to be. I've been in that spot a few times where I look back and like I Don't understand. I was good to you, I did that, was loyal. I Never swore at you respectful, blah, blah, blah, trying to be the best that I can take you out, you know. And then they're, they're doing all these things to me. I'm like the fuck that I do.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right and the damage that that caused, because now that lowered my self-worth and self-confidence, thinking that I wasn't good enough, mm-hmm, when I knew that I was doing the right things, I thought I was, but that, just that really brought me down, backdown and a lot and that happens to a lot of people was, you know, in that One relationship that they're in, that they are mentally abused or told that you know, whatever, if it's even a controlling relationship, well, you can't have friends, you can't do this, this and that swearing, fuck you, you're no good, and cheating and all these other things like that. That's just that's very abusive as well, and I and I believe that the mental is Way more damaging than the physical.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, I truly believe that especially planting bombs, like you said, man, you know what I mean. And then, like, at that point, then you're, you're thinking what did I do wrong? Was I not good enough, you know?
Speaker 2:and a lot of times that, like, like that shit happens, you know it's true, man, and then you start getting in your own, your own thoughts, and then you just get deep and get crazy and being and being told that or those things happen to you through a whole relationship, whether it's two, three, four years or whatever you know it Because it's so damaging and drops your own self-confidence and self-worth that you start to believe it and going into the next relationship, you don't think you're good enough, you don't think this or you don't think that. So you settle, you start to settle and people I see it all the time is they start settling with what they're used to Because they don't feel deserving of somebody else, because that last person that abused them like that brought them down so low that they just think that that's all they deserve. Yeah, that's all. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So it's really hard for someone who comes out of relationships like that to have a high self-worth and For them to know that they deserve that. They all know that they didn't deserve to be treated like that, but do they truly believe that? Yeah, right, because they just got pushed down so low and and so broken that they have no self-confidence anymore. So they just feel like, well, you know, if that's all I can get, then that's what I'm gonna stay with. Yeah, because they don't believe in themselves. So it's very, very difficult and it's a long process to you work on and the therapy and the counseling to really rebuild yourself in that sense to come out of abusive relationships or Abuse of childhoods.
Speaker 1:Well, it's trauma on trauma is what it is right Overlaying on trauma, you know, million percent and it's it's not easy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get it. It's not easy, but I mean, that's what it's about. You got to break the chain and know that you are worth it. Yeah, you deserve better and you got to put it in the work to raise that self-esteem again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know I I read this book when I did that 75 heart program in it and it talked it's about childhood traumas and why some people do what they do and One of the things was that with women when they're in these abusive relationships, that when the next guy comes along that treats them well and is good to them, they're so uncomfortable, yeah, with that, because they're not used to that that they always knowing that that's what they want, because every girl will say the exact same thing doesn't matter who it is, I want a guy that treats me good, yeah, sweet and loyal. Every single one of them says that. But once most of them that get it Actually gets it and makes them extremely uncomfortable because they're so used to the abusive relationships that they've already been through, because of their own low insecurities and self-esteem, that all of a sudden this guy comes out of nowhere and he's the right guy. But they self sabotage that and that's how and I thought I was the right guy for To that. I can think of where I'm like. I don't know what's going on here, what did I do wrong? But now it made sense after reading that book on why some of these women do this is they're so uncomfortable with that change and they're not used to that, that they always run back to the people that did abuse them, because, even though they don't want that, they're more comfortable with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what they're used to.
Speaker 1:Right, so they're used to yeah, cuz they're like, oh, this guy's treating me good, this doesn't feel normal, you know, let's. And it starts scaring them because normal to a lot of people out there. Really, let's, let's face it is being abused mentally and physically. You know, and that's where, like, even you grew up in like a childhood like that, you know you, you saw your mom or your dad getting abused, you know. So that's what you're, that's normal to you. And Then you, that's what you look for in a partner because that's normal, you know, that's what all you've known. And Then, next thing, you know, you find someone, like you said, and, and someone's treating you good, no, this is not normal, this is not normal to me. This person shouldn't be treating me like this. They should be smacking me around. I Gotta go find that again and it's, it's suck, so and it freaks them up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man freaks them up. So they're not use that. So after reading that, I under because for the longest time that really weighed on me on why the girls that I've dated in the past decide to go back. Because I remember dating this one girl. I ended up like I liked her quite a bit. We got along, great communication, all this stuff, for a month or two and then, once her feelings really started to, she freaked out and backed off and then in that she told me about her ex that you know smacked her around before and blah, blah, blah. Then after she basically self-sabotaged it when I didn't understand it, she ended up going back to the guy that smacked her around.
Speaker 1:And I'm like what?
Speaker 2:And I never understood it. I didn't get it. And I, you know, very successful, shipped together amazing mother, and then I just looked at him like what the f**k is wrong with you? Like I don't get it, I don't understand it. But after reading that book and, you know, after my own healing journey and understanding these things is I understand it.
Speaker 2:I still don't get it, but I understand it. You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't make sense to anybody why you would have someone that treats you whether it's vice versa, guy or girl that treats you so well but then you throw that away, go back.
Speaker 1:So you know, that's just what I mean. So that's where I understand it, and but, it's about breaking that chain man, you know what I mean and that's you know. And then, like me, I've dealt with that too, I've been in situations and then you want to like, try to save this person. But you can't save this person, they can only save themselves. You know, it's like you know. Like you know, stay away from that life, like I got you, but no, but then that's not a true relationship, because now you're just saving someone.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, when I look back at some of my relationships too, is my brother-in-law actually said it and I didn't really see it like that, because he never do until someone points it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And he called he's like you know what you are man is an emotional paramedic. Yeah, you're always, you're always trying to fix people. What's an empath? That's an empath. And when I really look back at him I'm like, damn, like I did, but yet I wasn't fixing myself. I'm trying to help others and fix others, but I'm not fixing myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it's always about other people and it's okay to be about other people and be you know and be helpful, but in the relationship side, especially man, I wasn't helping myself, I wasn't fixing myself, I was trying to fix them. And these are the ones that were damaged, not realizing how damaged they were. But when I look back now it was like, well, I attracted them because I was damaged. You know, I was damaged in a whole different way. I might not have been a cheater or this and that, like a lot of people say, well, I'm not like him or her, I didn't cheat and yeah, but you attracted that. And there's a reason why you attracted that because there's something else going up in your head that you haven't fixed yet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're subconscious.
Speaker 2:You don't have to be a cheater, like they were, but you ignored the red flags, you didn't have boundaries, you had low self-esteem. You had something.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I realized that you did not fix going into that relationship. So you attracted that. Yeah Right, so I did the same. And then I just realized I'm like man, but I was so damaged that I was attracting the girls that were damaged, that needed fixing. So I thought I'd be feel better about myself if I tried to help them and it's real easy to give great advice because I can give a lot of it but at that time I wasn't taking my own advice. I wasn't and I realized I'm like man. I messed up because I went through abuse, the abuse and years of it, from since I was a kid to now. So, and I wasn't trying to fix it. I was using relationships and alcohol or whatever it is we all do, as temporary band-aids, self-medicating, to cut, to cover up the thoughts of what has happened to us as children or what that relationship just did to you, or whatever it may be, or what your parents did to you.
Speaker 1:Until you wake up the next morning and it's still fucking there.
Speaker 2:You know, that's that it's finding this it's. You know, a lot of us don't like. We all know when we do things, certain things like, even if it's like smoking, we all know it's bad. Everyone knows on the planet who smokes. They shouldn't smoke. I should quit, but until. For most people and most things in life in general is until something really bad happens because of that or you hit a rock bottom because of that is when people all of a sudden like I need to change.
Speaker 1:Like a life changing event.
Speaker 2:Like a life changing, like, oh, if you're a smoker for 30 years and all of a sudden they get told you got cancer and if you don't quit you're going to die. Most people quit because but look what it took, you know. And then I think, when it comes to the people that's dealt with, the abuse in their life is there's got to moat. You'll hit a point of like a low or rock bottom or where it's like you know what. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Speaker 1:I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 2:Something usually has to happen for people to be like. I need to change and like awakening moment and awakening moment.
Speaker 2:And for me it was two years ago and I woke up and I've never felt like that in my life. It was the most painful, enlightening thing that ever happened. And I read that was my awakening of like and I was having flashbacks of abuse and my life was going on with my kids, etc. Etc. Where I'm like I'm tired of having failed relationships, I'm tired of this, and that was it. And I started to change because I didn't want to feel like that anymore, and most of us won't change until something like that happens.
Speaker 1:But you know what, like we said, though, it's hard, it is hard. You know it's. You're fighting yourself, and that's why you need something drastic to happen. You know to kick you in the ass really, but if you can, like, pull that strength and do that before you hit any of that, that's amazing and good work to anybody out there that's that does that, because you know it's hard, it really is hard.
Speaker 2:Fucking hard. Well, the big and the biggest thing that we've said before is it's the self awareness of it. Yeah Right, if you're not self aware of it because I wasn't for years, oh, I'm fine, and then you're happy. If you're not a person or doing this, you're fine. Then you just go through waves through your life but you're not really piecing it together of why, yeah, why did you have another failed relationship? What's biting?
Speaker 1:your ass. Why did this happen, yeah?
Speaker 2:Why is this kicking you in the face again? Yeah, why is this? And then we all put it off. You're not piecing together the core problems of why we only see, you know, the exterior of that one problem when we act the way we act and we do the things that we do, because there's a reason behind that, why people are so angry all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's deeper than that.
Speaker 2:It's not just because you had a way deeper than that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got to go deep into the core.
Speaker 2:You know, and actually with the book I was just talking about, it's the Saxean book they say, when you see people act out or they're being strange or crazy, everyone says the same thing like fuck is wrong with that guy, but nobody asks what happened to him. Yeah, because that's the difference. What happened to that guy that he's being?
Speaker 1:like make him to get to that point.
Speaker 2:That's it. We just say, oh, he's an idiot or they're, they're crazy, or yeah. But why?
Speaker 2:Yeah, everybody's got a story right, Everybody has a story man, it's just like once you create, but when you get to a point of a higher self-awareness, because a lot of people aren't. You know, we mentioned that in the last episode. I think there's like 85% of people I read is not even self-aware. Yeah, that's a big number.
Speaker 2:But if every day that you wake up and something bothers you and it's every day you can't do it Every day you got and you have the chance to change it, do it because you're dragging it out, you're making yourself worse and you're just adding the next, because the next thing that comes along that's going to hit you in the face, because it's life Piling up You're just at is piling it up. So one you know whatever you can do to work on it and if it's only certain things you can control, whatever you can control and whatever the work that you know you can put in to make the change, even if it you know it's going to take six months, start today, start working on it. You got to because then it piles up, like you just said, over time, because life's not over. If you're waking up every day, you have another day of life.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that day something's going to come up and as we get older, people pass away more because they're getting older family, whatever it might be, job problems, all this piles up and life goes on and life's going to happen. So, if you're having all these issues that you're sitting on, that you can fix and you don't. And now this comes around the corner. And this comes around the corner you're really putting, you're just adding those bricks to that backpack every morning that you wake up setting yourself up for failure, bro, is what it is.
Speaker 2:And eventually you're going to have a real time, real hard time, even leaving your house. And that's what happens. You're stuck in your room, like I was for five days. I couldn't even pick up that backpack. It was so heavy I couldn't even walk out my front door. So, instead of adding the, adding the bricks that we carry, is, do everything that you can to start getting rid of those bricks one by one. Right, and we said a few times before you know, we don't just wear the backpack, walk in out the front door every morning. We're wearing it watching TV, we're wearing it playing with our kids, we're wearing it showering. It doesn't? We don't take it off and it weighs on us, and it weighs us and eventually, like I said, it weighs you down to the point where you can't even walk out your front door. It's so heavy, yep.
Speaker 1:So that's when you need to reach out for, ask for help, you know, to help pull those fucking bricks out of there. That's when you're a friend, counseling, you know, just anything that will help, you know, get that shit off of your chest. And I'll tell you this it usually stems from childhood trauma. Everything that we deal with that affects us stems from childhood trauma, and it's true, and we just carry that shit. Some of us can hide it better than that others, but every single person in this world deals with some kind of childhood trauma. I mean even the rich people. You know, sometimes these guys are so rich they don't pay attention to their own kids, so they just give them money instead of feelings. I knew, I knew someone same thing. Their parents were well off and instead of getting attention they would just give money all the time. So that person would go out and do bad things to get attention, because any kind of attention is attention at that point, you know. So it all stems from childhood shit.
Speaker 2:It's just a matter of you know finding it and a lot of people that know they've been through that are aware of it, and I know a few refuse to go and talk about it because it's easier for them to not talk about it and push it down. I'm fine. I'm fine If I don't talk about it. If I talk about it it's just going to trigger me and then I don't want to do it. I can't. But the amount of damage and I'm living proof of that the amount of damage that you are causing yourself for one, going into future relationships, friendships, work, whatever, because you continuously push that down and not release it and learn to let it go and learn to talk about it, you'd be amazed that the transition in your life will take by hitting it face or hitting it head on. Facing it head on and dealing with it. You have to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like a ball that's leaking toxic shit in you. Pretty much is what it is. Every fucking week it leaks a little bit of more toxic shit that just fucks you up even more, man, at the end of the day, that's what it feels like.
Speaker 2:You just keep on pounding that stuff down and then you're going to explode.
Speaker 1:It's going to fill up to the point where it just goes boom and, like we said before, you're going to take it out on someone that doesn't deserve it, you know, and then you're gonna mess that relationship up. Then you're really fucked.
Speaker 2:And if you have kids? Yeah, you can you passed out, you passed down Generational trauma. All the trauma that you do not deal with you will pass down to your children to deal with hundred percent.
Speaker 1:Look it up.
Speaker 2:It's a fact, it's true thing, everything that you If you bury, if you don't hit head on all the traumas and Whatever abuses that you've had to deal with in your life and you keep pushing it down. I don't want to talk about it, I'm fine.
Speaker 1:Your children will deal with that. Yeah, well, let me.
Speaker 2:You said it's break. It's breaking the chain. Yeah, and it's not. I mean just about breaking the chain while my parents abused me, so I be abused, my children, or whatever it is it's You're doing it free for you, yeah, to live a happier life.
Speaker 2:When these, when people deal with Very traumatic events in your life, whether you you're raped as a child, you know it's really sad, but it happens Abuse like look at the guests that we had on our show, you know why? Look, oh, his birth mother threw him into a boiling bathtub of water. Yeah, at 11 months old, and now he has no hands, feet, burned all over his body, like what that gentlemen has to deal with growing up 27 years old now and To overcome on the daily and and you know, every day like that, and that that's an extreme, that's, that's an extreme case, because it's horrible. You know, like we always said, if it's, even if it's not your fault, is still your problem, mm-hmm. Well, all the things that happen to us, especially when it comes to abuse as children, we were just kids. It's definitely not our fault. No child on the planet deserves that.
Speaker 1:It's pure man, you're a good child man, you know Nobody deserves that.
Speaker 2:No, but it was. But it's still made to be our problem because we have to live with that for the rest of our lives. True.
Speaker 1:You know, yeah.
Speaker 2:So if you and you're listening to this right now and you've been through that Like I have, I was sexually abused when I was four years old. I was physically abused growing up in elementary school and To go through that it's traumatizing 100%. My dad even brought it up to me the other day. We haven't talked about it in years and he's like I don't think you really fully dealt with that and he's like I don't know why we're having this conversation right now, because I'm 41 and he's like I, I truly believe that there's a little bit more to why you were the way you were, and maybe he's right.
Speaker 2:Maybe I'm missing a piece, because I, you know, when we deal with certain traumatic events, we black it out. Yeah, I tried to even go back to remember. Even though I don't want to, I couldn't. I can only remember a little bit, but I, I blocked it. Yeah, they know a lot of people do that, right, but, and a lot of people Think about what's happened to them every single day that could have happened to them. That was really bad 10 years ago, but if you're thinking about something like that, that it really affected your life 10 years ago, every day, you definitely need to reach out. You need to reach out, you need to face it, you need To figure out how to or find tools To help you deal with it better Because, again, like we said, it builds up, it stacks up and your children and your relationships will pay for that well, have you?
Speaker 1:um? Have you heard of the, the ayahuasca where you drink the tea and um? Like hallucinating, I heard something about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I heard something about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we had a mutual friend that went and did that and um, it's apparently life-changing, you know, I don't know, I heard it takes away abuse. I knew someone else that did it a couple years back too and they uh, had being sexually abused and some had trauma and stuff. And he went there and, um, he did the whole ayahuasca trip and it he came back and he Was a different person. He's like it healed me. You know, he went into this hallucination thing and His Guide, spirit guide I guess, or whatever it is, guided him through everything and apparently he cried his eyes out and laughed and was angry and all this stuff in a cure to him of his trauma. Pretty wild, it's interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like they even say that. You know, obviously, and because it's becoming More mainstream is true, as mushrooms, yeah, and they're using mushrooms for for that kind of stuff too, yeah, depression, depression, and they're using like I heard they're using ecstasy for schizophrenia, yeah, and and things like that. Right, but it you just got to do the research and Some like when I was in that place that I've never felt like ever the most painful.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:You know, he, I knew that I had to pick the positive road and Not drink, not do all the negative things, and when I think, when you're in that spot, like I said, it takes that one Rock bottom or that one life changing event to really want To really Make you realize that you need to change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got to start doing different things?
Speaker 2:Is he At my point in that, in that low was, I would try anything and do anything. I did not care if I used to think it was stupid whether yoga to reading this book or Doing these exercises, and I would do anything because I refuse to feel like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially you don't want to feel like that, definitely not.
Speaker 2:No, it was. It was horrible. Yeah, but I have kids and I knew I had to Make that change because I had another failed relationship and this and that, everything else to add, and I'm like I can't do this anymore to myself.
Speaker 1:Well, do you agree? Doesn't make you feel heavy, like you just feel Like, like you said, like the backpack of bricks and it, just it makes you just feel heavy. It. Does that make sense to you? That's how I feel, like in like, just like in a dark aura and just fucking heavy. It's awful feeling.
Speaker 2:Very heavy. Yeah. And then for me, when I would talk to people, I was looking at them and I was talking back yeah, but not there. My mind was not. I wasn't even there. Yeah, because I was only autopilot and I was only Thinking about what's wrong with me rather than being in the moment, yeah, or in that day. You know, and that's what I struggle with the most is learning to be in the moment.
Speaker 1:Because you're looking forward or back. Is that? Is that what it is?
Speaker 2:Yeah either either. Or create. Like I said at the beginning, is creating negative scenarios.
Speaker 1:Overthinking is what it is.
Speaker 2:Dude, I got a lot of positive things going for me right now and all I could think about and I just had this conversation the other day with my dad, a heart to heart and I said I don't know what's wrong with me Is I have. I should be jumping up and down with excitement that I'm going to do this and this, but all I can think about was a possibility of like zero, zero, point, zero, zero, one right of the possibility, but you just get stuck on yeah, and and stuck on that scenario and it hasn't even happened.
Speaker 2:I've created, I've created.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, you know.
Speaker 2:Fuck if I do this and then I get anxiety and I keep overthinking it and then I sit on it for days and I'm like this hasn't even happened. What the hell is wrong with you?
Speaker 1:So here that's the same thing like we're just talking about with the relationships. You know, like the self-sabotage, so that's what you're, you're, you're slowly doing in your head self sabotaging. You know, I feel it, bro, I do it. That's. I'm an overthinker myself too. So you know, like as soon as you like, say you meet someone new, you fucking all of a sudden have like 20 million thousand Like scenarios of everything what's happening. This is gonna happen, like it's. It's wild, man, what it does to you. It really is.
Speaker 2:I self sabotage my self, my pretty much my whole life for the most part.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because we, you're pride that also. That's another thing, though. You just want everything to go Perfect. You know what I mean? And at the shitty thing is nothing's perfect in this world. Nothing is perfect. I mean, some stuff may be perfect in your eyes, but it's not perfect, you know. I mean that you're just trying to like nothing is going to be perfect. Shit happens, shit happens. This world is a fucking nightmare some days, man, you know, look what's happening around this world. You know, but you just got to keep an open mind of, like, shit's gonna happen, but it's okay. You know, that's what it is. Shit's gonna happen, but it's okay. Just roll with the punches, man. You know, because you, you need, you need some Toughness, some shit to happen, because that's where you learn your lessons and that's where you learn, you know and this comes in to not just business, but everything you know.
Speaker 1:You need to learn those lessons, because how are you gonna grow, right, that's that's what it is how do you think fucking, someone figured out milk, some guys going around sucking on cows nipples or something, and then you know, you know, like you need to learn these sucked on the wrong thing. You know, whoops, like you need to learn these lessons in order to push forward. Because look what happened, man, we got milk. I love milk, but anyways, but it's true, man, like you need, the shit needs to happen and in order for you to learn lessons, and that's how you set balance with people too.
Speaker 2:And learning the tools out of that and, if things like that happen again, on how to deal with it better. 100%, you know, once you get to that point and I think actually sorry, I should say is most of us have a problem with Living in the moment and being here, present. Being present in the moment, yeah, in the moment in the day, because we're all struggling with something. We're only thinking about what happened to us a month ago, my case. I'm thinking ahead that scenarios that hasn't even happened and I'm cloudy. I'm not there. You're talking to me, but my mind's over here and I'm fighting myself. Like you said in the beginning is constantly fighting yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's the hardest battle man You're gonna have to go through in life is fighting yourself.
Speaker 2:But when you get to a point of finding that clarity in your own mind in the terms of you know with childhood, abusive situations that you've dealt with, abusive relationships you've been through and working on those things and seeking help figuring it out, tackling those core issues Then obviously those things that cloud your mind and pollute your mind every day Starts to become more clear, where you can be self-aware of being in the moment and being in the day and enjoying your day and spending proper time with your children and you know what I mean without playing Stupid scenarios and battling yourself just trying to get through the next day when your kids are yapping and you're here because they want to play with you, but You're lost up in space right now. I just got a good quote.
Speaker 1:I just made up right there. Forward is forward, bro. Just forward is forward. That's it. Forward is forward. Simple. As long as you're going forward, you're going forward. That's it right. It's true. Right Doesn't matter if it's fucking three inches or Fucking cool in eight kilometers or eight miles. For the Americans, you know, forward is forward.
Speaker 2:You know, going forward and going forward with that, that one degree that we talked about with the what the ship, because that's where you're gonna start stepping out of your comfort zone, that's when you're gonna start learning different things and new things and meeting new people, mm-hmm, is, you know, when we're stuck Battling ourselves every day because we're struggling, you're, you're not open to new things. You're, you're, you're stuck in the same cycle and routine every day Because you're comfortable in it, no, but yet you're struggling in it at the same time. And again it goes back to the. You know, the people that run back to the people that abused them because that's all they're used to. Yeah, when you're struggling every day carrying that backpack, it's, you're just, you're just existing. You're stagnant in your life. You're, you're comfortable, but you're not you, you're, you're, you're miserable, but you're comfortable you gotta get uncomfortable man to move forward.
Speaker 1:That's where you grow.
Speaker 2:But when you start dropping those bricks out of that backpack and your mind becomes more clear and not full of poison by working on the things that has affected your life, then you start moving forward. Like you said, always move forward forward. As for it, that one degree you know is you know you, you offset a ship's destination across the ocean. Just one degree you know in one, one week. It's not gonna change much two months later, completely new destination. And that's how you got to live your life is.
Speaker 2:Do different things, find the things that you enjoy, live for yourself, stop living to please other people, and then you're you know. You start bringing up that self-esteem and your self-worth where you know. When you encounter, especially you know abuse in general, you're in such a better place in your own head and and we'll finally get to a place of loving yourself that you will, you're able to Cut that shit off right there. It's not gonna affect you like you used to. You know. You set the boundaries like no, you're done. No, I'm not tolerating that. No, I don't care if I lose you as a friend, if you're gonna act or be like that.
Speaker 1:That's when you know you're worth.
Speaker 2:And that's when you know that you've rebuilt yourself and you truly love yourself and what you will tolerate and put up within your life. And that's where people net need to get to. And as long as you carry all this trauma and abuse, you will never truly get there, because you haven't let it go and you haven't fixed it and you haven't worked on it and you're burying it and now you're just adding to it. And that's why these people stay in these abusive relationships because they never fix that. They have no boundaries, they don't have high self-esteem, they only think that's what they deserve and they will never find the real happiness and the and be able to Look in the mirror and say I love myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It's a lot of work to get there, but if, if, it is so worth it on the other end. So when we say when you're, when you're in that dark place and you are feeling so broken and shattered, it, you know we said at the beginning is that it is temporary and it doesn't feel like it. It feels like every day you wake up you feel like this, like this is I'll never get over this, but but you will. Yeah, but it's only up to you On how you start taking bricks out of that backpack, one by one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, only you know how to do it right.
Speaker 2:Are you gonna keep adding to it as you get older or are you gonna start dropping them off and releasing that weight so you can start to run and Live your life, rather than you know limp because you're carrying so much weight? So it's you you have to hit on. Hit Head on your, your core issues and what really going on and what happened to you. Because even with like anxiety like I struggled with high anxiety for years because of all my other stuff, until I see in a video one day. It's same kind of things like If it causes you the anxiety, the best thing you can do is hit it head on.
Speaker 2:And If it's something and you're trying to hold yourself back and it's causing you anxiety, do it Just get up and do it, because most of the time At the end of it You're like why was I like that, like this was there's nothing wrong here, there is nothing. You know what I mean, mm-hmm. So it's the same thing with your core issues is, it might sting and might be very uncomfortable to relive what happened to you, but you have to. Yeah, you absolutely, absolutely, one thousand percent, have to get it out. Feel the heel, man, oh, when you feel you heal 100%. Otherwise, again, you're passing it on to your kids.
Speaker 2:You are bleeding on people that didn't cut you. You're going to end up hurting people that you didn't want to hurt and you will have, just like me, another failed relationship and then you're going to look back and be like I'm tired of doing this to myself. Now I'm realizing that this is me, because it's very easy. We always say it in point fingers Like oh well, that relationship ended because of that and that Like no, because when I look back at mine like no, that was you.
Speaker 2:In a different way, In a different way, you know.
Speaker 1:That was your fault.
Speaker 2:So, until you can look in the mirror and take accountability as well and say, no, I need help. No, I'm fucked up. No, that was my fault, I apologize. Take accountability for your own life and your own choices because, again, whatever's happened to you, whether it's your fault or not, is still your problem. You got to deal with it. How do you deal with it now? Only people can help you and guide you, but only you can change. Nobody's coming to save you, and stop waiting for the right time, because that will never come. You just got to do it. Oh, next month, next month? No, no, you got to do it today, right now. Take the step, otherwise you'll never do it. Otherwise, you'll never do it because it'll never feel like the right time. It'll never feel like, oh well, I'm going to find somebody, I'll be happier. No, you got to start with you, right. So, yeah, you got to take the initiative and take action, no matter how uncomfortable it is, no matter how much it hurts, and do it.
Speaker 1:And just to show everybody out there. I just got a counselor because I'm going through some shit. So if I can do it, you guys can do it. Just reach out and ask for help, man, that's all it is. You got to save yourself, you got to protect yourself, you got to take care of yourself, and it starts with up here in here first. As soon as you can conquer that shit, then you can move on to everything else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got to be selfish man. Yeah, 100%. So worrying about other people or meeting girls or whatever Fuck all that noise. You have to be selfish and dial in on you first.
Speaker 1:Build you, man, build your empire.
Speaker 2:Because we always say, once you do that, the amount of people and kind of the type of people that you start to attract, it will blow your mind. It will be a lonely journey at the beginning because you're focused on you. You're saying no to going out on Fridays. You're saying no to going to that party. No, I got to do this, I got to go to this counseling. I'm not going out for dinner tonight, I'm sorry. Say no, focus on you, take a couple months, be alone, because then after that I tell you, man, the relationships you will attract, the friends you will attract, it will blow your mind, but you got to put in the work. You have to say no, you got to put in the work and you got to hit those core problems head on. You have to.
Speaker 1:I mean, look, I have sticky notes. They fell off my mirror. I got to go get some and see it somewhere back there in my mirror.
Speaker 1:But, I got to go get some tape. Well, yeah, I got to get some tape because they all fell off. But I mean, do things like that. You don't put affirmations. Put it on sticky notes, put all of your mirror, you know. Just then you see that shit in the morning. I mean, look, you can see the little yellow one right there and there was a pink one underneath. I had this whole thing filled around in a circle but yeah, they all fell off. So I need some tape. But, yeah, do those things.
Speaker 1:You know, meditate, Do what you need to. I mean, play video games. I mean sometimes, like to me, sometimes I need to just get away from life and it's I play video games. You know, do whatever the fuck you want to be in this world. You know, do whatever you need to do to help you out. I mean, don't, don't, don't go out and get drunk, don't do that shit, do smart shit and, you know, take care of yourself.
Speaker 1:But I also want to say, before we end this, think of it this way when you're meeting people, or if you're in a relationship, you know, and you argue with these people, have the mindset maybe, of, maybe that's what you need to work on. You know why you're getting mad at this person is actually a reflection of you and yourself, you know, or the relationships you have with people. It's a reflection of yourself in them. Every person you meet, every relationship you have, it's a lesson somewhere in there, you know. So think, maybe think of it that way, you know. Why do? Why does this piss you off about this person? Well, maybe you should be asking the question what's wrong with me, you know? What do I need to work on that's making me get angry? Because of because of that Just got to ask the right questions. The answers are there.
Speaker 2:You know. But and the hard, hard thing about that one is that most people won't look at themselves. They don't want to look at themselves. A lot of people know they got problems but don't want to admit it. It's hard, man. They don't want to look in the mirror. They don't love themselves.
Speaker 1:Nobody wants to fail. You know that's what you mean. You feel like a failure. Nobody wants that. But it's not about failing. Failing is not getting up. As long as you get up and keep on forwarders forward, you got that shit man.
Speaker 2:Well, let's put it this way If you don't reach out, if you don't figure out the resources, find the resources to help you deal with what you're dealing with. You are failing yourself by not, you are failing your children, you're failing your future relationship, more than one. You're in now. You are Because you're not loving yourself. You're not. You're burying your problems, you're burying your issues and it is pouring over on all these other people that then deserve to deal with your issues, which is the type of abuse which then becomes abusive.
Speaker 2:So you are failing yourself first and everybody else around you by not dealing with this, by not putting in the work to better yourself, you know, unless you plan on living in the woods by yourself, with no power and nobody around ever.
Speaker 1:That's seven dwarfs.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. It's going to come out on somebody. It's going to and you knowing that you have things that you need to fix and you knowing that you have issues and you choose not to fix them is extremely selfish Because you don't realize the effects that you will cause or are causing the people in your lives already or the ones that will come into your life, no idea how much damaging that, what the damage that you will cause Because you choose to deny or not face the real problems that you have or the real issues that you know you need to deal with, and you think, well, I'm fine, I go to work and I do this and this and this, but you're passing on that generational trauma to your kids. They're dealing with it now. Because you choose not to your relationship, you'll never truly be happy in the relationship that you really want. Because you're not happy, you don't love yourself. You truly don't love yourself.
Speaker 2:And then, when you start to learn to let these things go, talk about it. You know all these bad things that happen to us as children and in our lives. You never forget them. It's impossible. It's the tools that you find to deal with it. So that way, when you have these thoughts and something comes up in the future, it is not a trigger anymore. You're able to redirect your thinking. You're able to you know what I mean be able to talk about it and not be bothered by it. For me, I'm an open bug, but some people are not like that Because as soon as they talk about it, they freak out panic, anxiety, can't talk about it and they get angry. I don't want to talk about it, slam doors, whatever. A lot of people are like that. They just can't talk about it because it affects them that bad. And if you are those people that get like that, you definitely need to talk to somebody.
Speaker 1:Or some kind of outlet or an outlet. Yeah Something something you know, write it down. You know that helps too.
Speaker 2:You're causing a lot of damage not only to yourself, but everybody else around you. And half the time because you're not even self aware, because you're already messed up in the head. You're not self aware of the damage you are causing other people around you.
Speaker 1:It's a real effect, 100%. Pretty soon you'll have nobody around you.
Speaker 2:And that's your anger issues come out. That's where abusive relationships come out. Yeah, you know there's something that happened to that guy in his past. Why he's smacking a girl around. There's no excuse for it and there's no. You know what I mean. But something happened. Something happened in that guy's life, something happened in that girl's life to go crazy like that, to do this something. We all act out for a reason, yeah.
Speaker 2:Someone could have done something in your day to day, but the level that someone takes it to when it could be something small and then they escalate it by a hundred times that they need to, there's more to that than just you cutting me off in traffic. There's something way more so. If you're that person that really has that struggles and knows that you have things to deal with and you choose not to, you are causing serious damage to the people around you and the kids that you have and you are failing yourself first. Yeah, you know it takes a bigger person to admit that they need help or they have problems and reach out because you have to, because, like for me and I'm grateful every day that I'm sitting here today, you know, I stood on the edge of a hotel.
Speaker 2:I couldn't take it anymore because I didn't face head on the issues and I let it build up and I let the relationships fail and I all these things because I chose not to deal with it because it was easier for me to bury. But in reality it wasn't easy at all because I just pay my life a hundred times worse. I caused myself more heartbreaks than I should have had. I caused myself friends and, most of all my children. You know that energy. They feel it, they see it. People around you feel it, they see it.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, man, you shoot out an aura too. You know what I mean. You can feel it, man. You walk in the room and everything would just go fucking dark if you're down. Definitely, yep, definitely.
Speaker 2:But you got to put in the work. It's all you can do. It starts with you. No one's going to save you. You know it's the truth.
Speaker 2:It's not up to anyone else to make you happy, it's up to you to make you happy, you know, and if it's somebody else coming around that all of a sudden made you happy, that's abandoned because you waited for someone else to make you happy rather than you being grateful for the things that you have and loving who you are first. So, whatever it is you guys are going through, we're here, you know. Reach out to us, please. We've been through it, we've lived it and we are doing this because we want to genuinely help you the best that we can. Like Eric said in the beginning, we're not doctors, but when it comes to street smarts, if you want to call it, we've lived it. An extremely painful 30 years, 40 years, but to come out of. That is why we sit here today. So don't be afraid to reach out to us, please. Rawminespodcast at gmailcom. We'll answer every message, every text, every phone call and we'll do our best to be there for you, to help you. Help you find resources. If you don't know how to find them, you know. Call us anytime. Messages anytime. That's what we're here for. But just know that it starts with you. You know we're here as a support. We're not here to do the work for you. It's you that has to put in the work and we will do our best to be to help you on that journey. Like I said, the resources and whatever motivation, you know, anything that you need, it's up to you and you only to make that change, right, yeah, so reach out to us.
Speaker 2:Rawminespodcast at gmailcom, tiktok rawminespodcast and me myself. I just want to say, you know, thank you everyone for tuning in and if you're new to the show, we love having you. We're here every week, you know, depending on what platform you're listening to us right now, we're on every platform. So every Friday, you know, minus this one because of technical issues, you'll find us on iTunes, spotify, youtube, you name it we're there. So, from me to you guys, thank you all for tuning in. If you can't find good people, be good people.
Speaker 1:I just want to add on that to not this one, because we had to record this later and we kind of just came up with this. But we do record live, so come in chat with us If you want a topic that you are dealing with that we want to bring up. We'd love for you to interact with us. So yeah, mondays all depends on the time. So if we have guests or not, if we don't have guests, we're there 7.30 Pacific time Usually, depending on where the guest is. We go from Fiber Park to both 7 Pacific, so we'll post it, but you got to be following us, so get with it. Anyways, thank you, joey. Always a pleasure, and that's it. Be good or be good at it. Bye.