In episode 22 of Raw Minds, hosts Erick and Joey welcome a guest known simply as "K" to share his intense and personal journey from a childhood surrounded by violence in Mexico to a life of healing and sobriety. K's narrative offers an intimate look at the psychological toll that witnessing daily horrors such as beheadings, shootings at funerals, and the loss of loved ones can take on a person, particularly within the context of men's mental health.
"Unseen Scars: A Childhood Amongst Death in Mexico" is a deep dive into the often-overlooked emotional wounds that are inflicted by living in a constant state of fear and loss. K discusses the profound effects that his experiences had on his relationships, his battle with substance abuse, and the ongoing struggle to maintain sobriety amidst the chaos that once defined his everyday existence. As K recounts his story, Erick and Joey engage in a delicate and empathetic dialogue about the challenges of coping with grief and trauma. This episode unflinchingly explores how K's formative years in a violence-stricken environment shaped his approach to life and love, and the immense work he has put into breaking the cycle of despair.
Listeners will be taken on a journey of transformation as K reveals the steps he has taken to forge a new path for himself, including therapy, community support, and a commitment to self-improvement. His story is a powerful illustration of how one can find hope and resilience in the face of adversity.
Join us on Raw Minds for a powerful episode that not only sheds light on the silent battles many men face but also celebrates the strength it takes to confront personal demons and emerge with a renewed sense of purpose.
Trigger Warning: This episode discusses themes of violence, substance abuse, and traumatic loss that may be triggering for some listeners. We recommend listener discretion.
In episode 22 of Raw Minds, hosts Erick and Joey welcome a guest known simply as "K" to share his intense and personal journey from a childhood surrounded by violence in Mexico to a life of healing and sobriety. K's narrative offers an intimate look at the psychological toll that witnessing daily horrors such as beheadings, shootings at funerals, and the loss of loved ones can take on a person, particularly within the context of men's mental health.
"Unseen Scars: A Childhood Amongst Death in Mexico" is a deep dive into the often-overlooked emotional wounds that are inflicted by living in a constant state of fear and loss. K discusses the profound effects that his experiences had on his relationships, his battle with substance abuse, and the ongoing struggle to maintain sobriety amidst the chaos that once defined his everyday existence. As K recounts his story, Erick and Joey engage in a delicate and empathetic dialogue about the challenges of coping with grief and trauma. This episode unflinchingly explores how K's formative years in a violence-stricken environment shaped his approach to life and love, and the immense work he has put into breaking the cycle of despair.
Listeners will be taken on a journey of transformation as K reveals the steps he has taken to forge a new path for himself, including therapy, community support, and a commitment to self-improvement. His story is a powerful illustration of how one can find hope and resilience in the face of adversity.
Join us on Raw Minds for a powerful episode that not only sheds light on the silent battles many men face but also celebrates the strength it takes to confront personal demons and emerge with a renewed sense of purpose.
Trigger Warning: This episode discusses themes of violence, substance abuse, and traumatic loss that may be triggering for some listeners. We recommend listener discretion.
yeah, yeah, yeah, we are back once again. Thank you all for tuning in. We are so excited to be here. That's gonna be a good one. We are unedited, unfiltered and always we are going raw.
Speaker 4:My name is joey and I'm eric and we're your hosts and welcome to raw minds.
Speaker 3:Hell yeah, man yep, we doing a big, bro, we doing a big. Yeah, that's what we do yeah, man, exciting.
Speaker 4:We got some uh big things happening up here and coming up in this week, man, so pushing out a lot of new content. So look out for that, show some love and hit the like button.
Speaker 3:You know it and for all you listening and all you just tuning in, we greatly appreciate it. You just tuning in, we greatly appreciate it. And if you don't know us, we are Raw Minds, the first podcast on men's mental health. Myself and my co-host, eric, we have lived our lives in trauma and chaos and pain and suffering, and to be able to come out of that, to sit here tonight and every other week that we do this, is to really try to give back and help the ones that feel lost, the ones that are broken. So if you are new and listening, if you feel you need to talk, if you have no source or family, we're your family. Hit us up at rawmindspodcast at gmailcom. We will answer all your messages, all your emails. We will help you find sources to get help, even if we don't live in the town that you live in. That's what that's what we're all about and that's what we do. So if you're new to the show, welcome. If you're not, welcome back, because we doing it again.
Speaker 4:we doing it again yeah, man, just to put out there too we're not doctors, we're not counselors, any of that. We're two workers that are in construction that just give our advice on what we think of that shit.
Speaker 3:Take it or not yeah, but you know what you know. There's someone who's gone to school for 10 years, who hasn't lived that life, and there's people like us who's lived our whole life like that and from suicide attempts to loss of children, loss of nephews and family and fiances and custody battles to the list goes on to sexually and physically abuses as children. We've lived it, we've been through it. To be sitting here, even tonight, sometimes amazes me to be able to push through what I've pushed through, what you pushed through, and I'm beyond blessed that I was able to push through Barely, but I did it, and the reason why we're doing this is to let you know that there are better days on the other end of that 100 man I, I promise you and the feeling that you, how you guys are feeling right now might feel like it'll never go away, but it's temporary, but you just got to put in the work.
Speaker 4:So 100 man yeah buddy, yeah, you know what my therapist told me, um, or counselor, whatever you want to call her uh, she said uh, it's a miracle that I'm still standing here. After I, like, gave her the rundown. I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm laying down, I'm not standing. You know I was chilling out, laying down, I'm not standing. You know, I was chilling out, man, and it was crazy, though you know, it really blew my mind, like what she said. So good things are happening, man, opening up new doors. So I mean, I'm doing it. I think everybody else should get a counselor. Speak your mind and get some of that shit off your chest. You know it helps you. Yeah, man, it helps you grow.
Speaker 3:You know, I tell you, man, when I when my last breakdown of life, I knew I had to get help, I knew I needed to talk to someone. I knew I didn't want to feel like that ever again. Yeah, man.
Speaker 3:And when I got that counseling, I tell you, man, that changed my life. Yeah, yeah, it gave me new perspectives on the stories that I told in myself growing up and I look forward to it. Yeah, every Monday night whatever the day it was, I can't remember, but I was like no man'm. This is what I'm doing. I would even call can I come early?
Speaker 3:Because either I was still struggling, I need to talk, or I just couldn't wait to go again, because every time I left counseling or my therapist or whatever, I found a new tool on how to deal with this situation, how to deal with those negative thoughts, how to pick myself up. And, as we always preach in the show, is to do that one extra percent a day, that one degree to better yourself and to pull yourself out of that hole. Exactly, but it's so. It is the most highly recommended, you know, and even if your life is great, you got money in the bank, you haven't struggled. I tell you, man, still go to a counselor, because you just learn things about yourself. Nobody's perfect and everybody on the planet has problems.
Speaker 4:Everybody we all have.
Speaker 3:We all deal with mental struggles. We all deal with life struggles. We all deal with whatever it is relationships, whatever. We all got issues and I tell you, once you hit these things head on and turn around and face these demons, man, the clarity in your mind on your day-to-day going forward is I never thought I could get to this point in my life and I still struggle. Don't get me wrong. We all have issues, but the clarity in my mind today, compared to 20 years, of what I had to deal with was a poison mind. Yeah, I never thought I could get to this point. Because I did that. Yeah, along with other things you know your fitness, those are huge and this kind of things but that main mental change where I'm like I need to fix me. Yeah, I need to talk, I need to figure this out, and I did it and it was the best thing I ever did. And now I can be more attentive to my children. Yeah, I can be a better friend, I can be a better son and I can be a better person. And I was never trying to be a bad person and neither.
Speaker 3:None of us really are for the most part but because we're struggling on the day-to-day with life. We're on autopilot, like there's nothing behind the eyes. A lot of us we're functioning, but we're, we're not there, because all you can focus on is what's wrong, what? Why are you so messed up? Why are you struggling? Yeah, man. So once you're able to tackle that and hit that head on, man, I tell you the clarity and how you talk on your day-to-day changes, your mood changes, you know.
Speaker 4:You even gave me breathing techniques. They teach you all this stuff. I mean, I've been in and out of counseling my whole life. Let's face it right, I really have. But it's like when you're old enough to really like, smart enough and be like, okay, I'm going to apply what they give Because I mean they've told me things before, I'm like, oh yeah, I'll do that and I never did right, to be honest with you. But when you actually apply to these things and and do it, you know that's when the real work happens well, you know, like you said, breath work and all these little things for years I'm like that's stupid.
Speaker 3:Yeah, fuck that, I'm gonna do it. That's dumb. But when I went through my last break breakdown and I knew I needed to change and I was finally done, that was my turning point. I didn't care how dumb I used to think it was. I'm like I've never tried it. Apparently it works. Do this, I'm like I'm gonna do it. Yeah, I was doing sleep, meditation, breath work, fucking, you name it yoga, I was going yoga, all this shit. And you know what, every time I did each and every one of those things, I felt a little bit better, so I kept doing.
Speaker 4:We should do goat yoga goat yoga I've seen it, man, it's a true thing but you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:It's all these little tiny things and a lot of it you can do in your own home yeah it's just so simple and by applying that on your day-to-day, like doing that one thing that's out of your routine, as we always preach, you got to do something every day that's outside of your routine. If you don't make your bed, make your bed, if you know, go for a walk now every day for 10 minutes. Like it's a small dumb little things that I used to be like that's dumb, I don't need to, whatever. But, man, you start applying all these little things and over time, dude, your life is going in such a different direction and you're finding all these other little things to look forward to now, because now you're doing something you never thought you would enjoy. Now you're doing something like me, I was never an outdoors hiker guy, but when I was struggling, man, I put my shoes on, I went around the lake.
Speaker 3:I just kept doing that, going for walks. Man, I've never looked at nature the way I look at it now. That saved my life, and I used to hate hiking. I'm like, no, I'll go to the gym, but I don't want to go for hikes. Man, that's dumb, it's not for me, but it's just whatever. It is that you need in your day, that you can find, man, the way your life and the direction it goes will change drastically 100% Just by doing one thing every day. That's out of your routine.
Speaker 4:Well, I think it's time to introduce our guest.
Speaker 3:Is it that time? It sure is. We are grateful that our guest has decided to come on our show today. What this man has witnessed in his childhood and growing up where he's from, uh, I guarantee 99% of the people listen to this. I've never seen it and I hope that you never have to. But the fact that this gentleman has wanted to come on to our show, talk a little bit about his upbringing and maybe shed some light on the traumas and the scary parts of life that some people do witness and certain people do have to endure and some people do have to deal with, right like the aftermath of traumatic things that we see and the tremor. So the tremors, the ptsds, the all these things, when you come to having to see what this gentleman has had to witness and for him to be here today, we are more than grateful and excited. So let's introduce our guest. Kay. Thank you so much for coming on to our show.
Speaker 4:Yeah, thanks, kay man. Really appreciate you coming out and having a chat with us, hi, man, thank you.
Speaker 5:Thank you for inviting me yeah, I mean kind of all of this podcast life. To be honest, I'm very used to being live tv or something like that you're famous, bud, you're famous yeah well, yeah, I mean, but I think what you're doing, guys, is amazing.
Speaker 5:Thank you, and it's very necessary. I think we, as men, we've been trained to not talk about our feelings because it's wrong, because classic, like, if you're going to look weak, maybe your girl is going to leave you because you're going to feel weak, and it's not true. Yeah, like, that's why there's a lot of suicides. Yeah, man, because we have to hold it. Yeah, we don't feel appreciated most of the time. We break our backs, working, dealing with a lot of things, plus coming home and dealing with a lot of things, and you have to hold it and hold it until one day. It's too much, yeah, man.
Speaker 4:That's the way people feel. You just get tired, right.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, I got. I mean, I have a very, very, very close friend and that's the reason I basically well, it was kind of the breaking point when I decided to move here to Vancouver Because I was thinking about moving from Mexico City. And then just one day, from one weekend to another, this friend, who was my neighbor at the same time, he decided to kill himself. And it just shocked me because I supposed to. He was struggling, having some economical problems, but not a big deal. And suddenly I saw him on Friday and then I told him like hey, don't worry, I come back monday, just gotta go on business trip this weekend, I'll come back on monday and I help you out. Like we can make some strategy, we can look for something. And that monday they called me and they said like bro, this guy is, this guy is gone. And it really shocked me.
Speaker 5:And the next day I went to his apartment and everything was clean and nothing was messy. And I remember I talked to my dad and I said like I don't understand. My dad says like well, you don't know me. Like when you get alone alone, those four walls, they can hit you hard and they can tell you really strong, so, you never know, it takes takes two minutes. So since then I said like fuck, like I just. I said like I don't want to be here anymore, like I just don't want to deal with it.
Speaker 5:And at at some point I felt kind of guilty because I said like maybe I could help him more, maybe I could do something. And I don't know, he helped me a lot when I got separated over there because he was older, he was divorced, two kids, he was a present father and suddenly I even saw myself like him, probably in the future, because I saw him like kind of having a good life. And suddenly that happened. And it's when I decided to came here and I mean, I don't know, it came here as an accident, like somebody invited me and I said, okay, vancouver, whatever, I just go, I just want to be out of here. It's this vibe.
Speaker 5:And at some point I remember I was here on the beach and I was feeling like I needed to talk to him and at some point I made kind of a ritual Like saying, bro, look at this sunset man, you're missing this. You like saying like, bro, look, look at this sunset man, you're missing this. You're missing this, bro, like you could. You could even send everything to up and travel. You know, even if you're lowest, like just leave, travel, yeah. But I don't know, I don't know what happened. There was no note, nothing. It was just like that, and later on we neither. We never saw the signs it was just like that and later on we neither.
Speaker 5:We never saw the signs.
Speaker 4:Um, yeah, like that really hits me, like yeah, man there you know, that's the hard part too, though it's like you really don't know. I mean, look at robin williams man. That guy was a comedian actor, you know. You think like he's the funniest guy in the world. You know, you wouldn't even know, you know yeah comedy.
Speaker 3:They always say that comedy comes from a dark place. Yeah, oh yeah, you know, and the the signs of depression is the funniest and loudest guy in the room. Yeah, the guy you think has it all together, the guy that you think has all these friends and he's making everybody laugh. But ask that guy how he's doing outside of that party or outside of that house. He's in and I'll tell you. I bet you any money, that guy is fucking struggling. Yeah, man.
Speaker 3:And he is hurting Because you know what I was, that guy. I try to make everybody laugh. Yeah, man, like you said, you didn't see the signs and sometimes there is none. You know, I remember, you know, growing up they always tell you what the signs are. They're giving away their stuff, they're messaging everyone. Just tell my son I love him. And, like you know, you get some people that are like that, but majority is, you know, like these rock stars and all these famous people. They had everything Money, fame, women, nice women, nice wife, kids you name it fancy cars and then I would always wonder sometimes I'm like how the fuck does someone that has everything that 99 of the people wish they had shoot himself in the head or kill himself? But then, even though I don't have millions of dollars, I have a lot in my life. But I understand it now because it doesn't matter the material things is, what's going on between your ears is a dangerous or can be a dangerous place.
Speaker 5:Yeah, no amount of money, no fancy car, no, 30 friends and five kids can change that with some people because they just they battle themselves every day yeah, I think it's like when you have that hole here, um, I don't know, it's when you, when you actually just feel it like one day and you can go rock bottom, and then it's really hard to come out right from there buddy, that's what happened to me overnight.
Speaker 4:My uh, my late fiance, she passed away. Uh, eight months ago on father's day. I went to sleep, woke up and my whole life changed. So I I totally get it, man. It's, it's hard, but you know what? Life keeps on going. You know, and that's the thing is, if we don't keep on moving with this earth that's spinning, they say. Then you're just going to get left behind. You know, we have to keep on getting, we have to push forward, even though as hard as it is. That's why we reach out and we have to talk to people and use the resources that we have to push forward, even though it's hard as it is. That's why we reach out and we have to talk to people and use the resources that we have out there to to help, uh, give us that little boost so we can go forward.
Speaker 5:But we have to still keep moving forward yeah, totally like I don't know from all the things that I that I lived and all the violence since I was a kid. Where I come from is Mexico is, especially in the 80s. It's very rough. You don't see those things like these kids that they can misbehave and you do nothing and those days you misbehave, they beat you and yeah really easy.
Speaker 5:And then I remember that I mean the relationship with, with my family was like really, really bad when they used to drink like they were the best people in the world. But as soon as they start partying and it was almost every weekend, they used to have a lot of parties at home and every time the guests leave is when the hell start and I remember hearing them screaming. I hear my mom screaming sometimes, and when I became a teenager, like used used to, my sister and I we used to like hug ourselves like in the bedroom, like just hearing everything. And then, as soon as I became a teenager, I think now I can see things different, but I thought that in those moments he felt like he was going to lose territory.
Speaker 5:I don't know. I thought that always and I wasn't a normal kid, I was always kind of a weirdo. Instead of being, like you know, the cool kid, I was more like a geek, like nerd. I was more in it was, I mean, I have ADHD and I have, like this obsessive-compulsive disorder, so I was very hyperactive at the same time.
Speaker 5:So, my dad was kind of frustrated with me. He was always telling me that I was an asshole, I was a weirdo, blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, I got like. I remember one day, like I hear my mom screaming and I wake up and I went there and my dad I put in the middle of them and I just got beaten like crazy until one night. I decided to stay awake to see what was really happening and then I I remember I hear my mom provoking my dad so he could, like, blow out. And it was so toxic that, like I was like, please just just just get, I needed to leave. I wanted to leave. How old were you.
Speaker 5:I was like, since I was a kid, it was that situation, but when that happened I was like 13. Okay, I was in high school, junior high, and I remember like I used to yell at him like come on this is affecting me and he was like why?
Speaker 5:And they tried to be like curious. And the next week the same thing. One day I remember I used to have something good at school and I was supposed to do a presentation and they have this situation Again. The yelling Got inside and my dad took it as a challenge. He fucking beat me against a truck and I was full of bruises and I wanted to go to school like that so they could see him, and they didn't let me go out of the house those days, just called you in sick. Yeah, called me sick. I was there and I lost that presentation. I was supposed to give a speech and I lost it and I felt really, really frustrated all my life and I really felt a lot of hate from them yeah for him especially, and and then you probably brought that to school with you too, right, because you're holding that as a as a child, right?
Speaker 5:the. The main problem is like when you have that situation, I was going to public school in Mexico and it was full of gangs and stuff like that. So you end up in a part of a gang. You want to be part of a group. You need somebody to cover your back. So you need somebody who actually can can protect you, you know?
Speaker 4:yeah, that's that's what happened to me, man. Same same exact thing. You know. It came from a broken home, you know. And then my dad ran off and I I found my, my family, in in gangs. You know, that's, that's was my family at that time. So I like the only thing is like broken homes.
Speaker 5:Man, that's what it was, yeah the only thing that I learned well, way later, is that at the end you're looking love. I mean, you're looking for that love that you don't have, and you're looking for that example that you don't have because you feel lost. A hundred percent you don't have somebody who guides you, saying like, hey, this is the way, this is the other way.
Speaker 5:Nobody's there, yeah, so you're alone I remember the moment I felt broken and my life changed. It is one day that I remember my mom got drunk and we start arguing for no reason and then she just kicked me out of the house and it was like 11 at night and I was like they used to like say, like, get out, but this time was serious. So I was literally on the street and I was like 13 years old and I was like at night, just walking, it's dangerous and I went to see, like uh, some family member and my family was very toxic as well. So I went to see her and I knocked the door and she didn't open the door. She saw me on the window through the window and she just looked at me like no, and I felt really alone. So I remember I went to the street, I went to there was a hospital nearby, so I went to our waiting room on the hospital and they kicked me out from there on the hospital. And they kicked me out from there and I was like didn't know where to go.
Speaker 5:So in my fantasy I remember I was still dreaming that I was looking for some, uh, some garage and I was looking at the fanciest house. So maybe I said like maybe if I look for a good family here, they're gonna see me sleeping on the street and they're going to say like, oh, look at this cute guy, maybe you want to sleep inside. But it wasn't there. I still remember the smell of the asphalt wet when I was sleeping there. So I slept a couple of nights on the street when I was sleeping there. So I sleep a couple of nights in the street and and then since that moment, I remember I was there and I said like well, kate, like there's nobody there, man, and nobody will be there, so it's you. So you better start dealing with this shit, because that's it.
Speaker 5:And then I started making my own way. I remember I got a job. I was like carrying boxes from a supermarket at 1 o'clock in the morning and I was going to high school after that and but still, I mean you need to relieve. So it's when I start drinking, because now I have money, so now I can do whatever I want. So now it's me against them. So so you start like that and you start meeting like very, very like. You start meeting like very, very like. You start meeting like very interesting people in a way. You know, yeah, and then the situation it wasn't like the way it was like with the crime over there. It was on those days there was, but it wasn't like what it became later. Yeah.
Speaker 5:So I became more like my own boss on those days. But yeah, what, what you are? When you are in gangs like you, look, you're really looking for love and you get more violence. That's the problem. You end up getting more punches, more beating, and then you're released. You're putting all that violence into people that has nothing to do with it. So you create a hole in here. It's very empty. Then you try to change, but you try to do things on your own and you don't know. But you keep that with yourself and it's when sometimes, if you drink, that thing is going to come up. Yeah.
Speaker 5:And that person is going to come up and it's when everything gets destroyed. Yeah, I mean, that's what happened when I was finally like Mexico City, like living, and I was very in love with this person. But we used to drink together both of us. So at some point I was kind of repeating the story, like both of us partying on the weekend and suddenly arguing after partying. So unconsciously you start creating the same situation and you became the guy you hate. Yeah, because I always said I'm never gonna be like him one day. I became like so really hard for me like to to screw things up like that and To screw things up like that and when she left.
Speaker 5:she left me for my neighbor right crossing the alley, so I was destroyed. I never saw that coming. So, literally I was like I thought I was happy and in love, love, but at some point.
Speaker 4:I stopped looking at her, you know, and suddenly there was no turning back.
Speaker 1:Well, do you feel like you pushed her away in that sense then Because of yeah, yeah, we did, yeah, totally.
Speaker 4:Because you're just letting your own mental health really get to you without really dealing with it.
Speaker 5:Yeah, because I'm very mature. I was very mature in those days. You try to prove your manhood in the wrong way. You try to be the alpha. Try to impress her. Being the alpha, I can get this fucking guy.
Speaker 4:Puffed up chest. All that yeah.
Speaker 5:Peacocking, I will protect you. At the end of the day, you end up losing the people you love. Yeah, man.
Speaker 5:And that hits me really hard. And I remember I was with my best buddy and I left the house because I said like I need to recover, I cannot keep drinking like this, I cannot keep losing control like this. So I didn't know what to do, where to go, because I didn't have also money or anything at that moment. I remember I saw like there is a neighborhood that is kind of tough in Mexico, in the downtown Mexico. It's called La Merced and there is an AA group over there. So I remember I just walk in and there were people in session and I said like hey guys, like I need some help. And they said like like okay, you can come next week. We're gonna start on fourth and fifth step, so you're very welcome to come. So I talked to my best buddy. I said like if you want to come and let's start doing it, so we choose to start. That was the first step, because I was always against therapy and all those things mm-hmm and can I stop you right there?
Speaker 4:why were you against therapy? Like from your own is yeah for me, oh, cuz she's a therapist yeah, so I don't know.
Speaker 5:I was always like no, I don't want to be tagged as a crazy person. I was always afraid that I was gonna end up like tag or medicated or something like that. And now, I never wanted to be like that okay and because I was always being like tag all my life yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:So you just didn't want one more, one more thing on top of everything else.
Speaker 5:Yeah, saying, yeah, and then I said like no, I can't do it, I can't do it on my own. I was like that you feel, you feel that you can do it, but it's it's not true, like it's hard man you need to go, you need to go all the way deep.
Speaker 5:So I did. Fourth step and fifth is the facing yourself. I cannot say exactly what you're doing there, because it's part of the. In case you need it, you need to go without knowing, but it works. Like I won't do it again. Like I won't do it again, but but it was like going to deep inside, to yourself, to see where is the root of the problem. Alcohol, drugs, violence, I mean all those things that you have. It's a symptom, yes, of a bigger disease, you know. Yeah, so instead of just quit drinking, it's like if you have headache, you know, and that, give you just some tylenol and maybe you have a brain tumor. So we need to go for the brain tumor.
Speaker 5:It's the same, yeah, so I have to go through all of that yeah and I my best buddy came with me like he did the same thing, just because I need it. Yeah, what a good. Oh yeah, and that guy is my brother.
Speaker 5:He lives here in Vancouver as well His family, everything. And yeah, like after that, like I remember, I felt like I needed to heal more things and I needed to catch up with my family now because I didn't have contact with them for years. Then I even live in the States, I live in Europe on my own. It was more like just a few hours with them and that said just to feel like I still have a family, but I didn't feel like attaching to. They quit drinking. Obviously they start, they started their own process on their own.
Speaker 5:Uh, but it was for me hard to trust again yeah, it was a lot of damage, yeah and I waited like a year after going to AA to go to actually to go to a therapist. Because it's like dating you need to find the right one, you need to find somebody who you feel comfortable to talk and you you need kind of click, yeah. So met this person and this person took me through all this process. I said, okay, first of all, I already suffer for this woman. Enough, I'm already moving on, but I don't want to repeat this.
Speaker 5:So I need to know why in the hell I end up in a story like that. Why am I doing so? I can end up in a story so dramatic like that. So I went there to check out and I have to go through a process to see the type of relationship you're looking for, this Superman effect that they used to call the Superman and Clark Kent. Like, you show yourself as a Superman, but you need to make them fall in love from Clark Kent. You know, because that's the human version of you. You create a false expectation. You always think that you're going to protect her and you're strong and you're never going to be beaten. You create a false expectation. You always think that you're going to protect her and you're strong and you're never going to be beaten. But it's not true.
Speaker 4:You need to show yourself as a human so they can fall in love with the real you, the real human that you are see I do something like that when I date someone first off dating them, getting to know them, is I always give it about three months, because between three to what, is it three to nine, or three to seven months?
Speaker 3:seven, yeah seven yeah, it's.
Speaker 4:It's how long someone can really keep up the prosprona that they try to be, you know, and then their true colors usually come out around that time they said it takes about seven months to really see their true intentions and who they really are.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. So if you see them at seven and that's how they are, that's how they're gonna stay, yeah, they say seven. But I mean you could, you could read. Everyone's a little different, I mean.
Speaker 3:But I mean if after a couple months and I just found out in two months you know, I've dated girls where, well, it's just like girls will say the same thing all these guys are like superman, they're whining and dining and holding the door and doing this and not like the rest of them, and two months later he's a piece of shit and it's like, hey, you know what I mean. It's so it all shit and it's like you know what I mean. So it all depends. But I got to ask you. You know, you mentioned earlier, you know, in that relationship that you lost, that. You said that you really loved her and you mentioned that you realized you were becoming like your parents in that relationship. You know, drinking, fighting. You know, was it the relationship ending for you to realize that, or did you realize that in the relationship as you were doing it?
Speaker 5:No, it was a relationship ending. I was blinded at that time. It was like, yeah, you cross the line, we crossed the line. In that moment, we escalated and crossed the line. So there was no turning back. It was like no man, I need to take care of this, because this is not good.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and it's affecting your life and people around you too, because it will affect the next one, have a blackout and stuff like that.
Speaker 5:And suddenly, after blackout, you don't know, and even a friend of mine said, like Kareem, I mean those blackouts are kind of dangerous because next time there's going to be blood in your hands and the police officers you don't know you need to get. You need to see that, bro, because the next time there's going to be blood in your hands and the police officers you don't know. You need to see that, bro. And yeah, I saw it. But it's very curious how life Put things into perspective, because the exact day that she was leaving, the exact day that she was leaving, I remember I was like like getting ready to to see her going with another dude, I mean, and I was like like destroyed. And that morning they called me and they said like hey, like are you a friend of this guy? And I said my best buddy. And they said like yeah, is everything okay, guy? And I said my best buddy, and I said like yeah, is everything okay. Well, it's not. Like his dad just got killed last night, like we kind of reached him out. So I was like, I was in shock, because he's like so now I have to go and tell my best friend that his dad got killed by some bad guys. He was in a crossfire and everything changed. And even she, I remember like she went, like is he okay? And I said like just you, you just do what you have to do and I have to deal with this. So I went there.
Speaker 5:I went to see my friend, I knocked the door I remember that he opens the door and he was like what's up? Like he was sleeping and I said like bro, like I hope he didn't see himself in that moment. So I didn't know how to do it. So I said, like just sit down, bro, kill your dad. Last night they shot him like he was like what you need to call your family right now. So he saw all the text messages. He didn't know what was in shock. And I remember those days, like it was kind of 2006, between 2006 and 2012. The situation got really, really scary where I'm from. The situation got really, really scary where I'm from, from the east coast. So that same, like those bad guys, they were very, very bloody and scary were they running up and down the streets and all that?
Speaker 5:yeah, I mean on those days they used to to go to funerals. I would kill everybody at the funeral those days. Like it was really scary to go to my hometown those days. Yeah, and he was like I'm afraid he told me. Like he told me I don't know what to do. I'm afraid, man, I know. But I said like well, afraid he told me. Like he told me I don't know what to do, I'm afraid, man, I Know. But I still like well, he's your dad, man, you gotta go. So let's go. This is my car, I got a 9m, that's it then let's go. So, driving to the car, and I told him like just be in the backside, like laying down and process all the information, and I'll drive, don't worry, and I don't know. For for just like that, like all that situation that I had about my car leaving and everything just disappeared, I mean I was like right with my body, like there was something more important right now.
Speaker 4:That's your bro man, that's why.
Speaker 5:I went there that was the same bro that went with me to the LA so I said like no, let's go. We went there and I drove and as soon as we get into the city it was like a war zone. It was like a field of vibe. It was scary. There were military everywhere and I remember, like I was always like watching my six, watching here, watching there, I was seeing some cars, some trucks, like there's nothing to do, man, I mean, even with that 9M, you're not going to do anything, you cannot do anything against that. So I was like okay, so we drove into the city and you can hear the gunshots far away. Is it just?
Speaker 4:a full out war again.
Speaker 5:It was a lot, pretty much. Yeah, there was a lot of confrontations between military guys and those guys. Yeah.
Speaker 5:Suddenly there was a confrontation far away, suddenly a confrontation over here. So it was kind of scary. So I went to his house, I gave him a moment and then we went to the funeral and suddenly in the funeral we were like I was always aware and suddenly a kid came in like saying like hey, there are gunshots, gunshots. And they were coming, like chasing each other, and suddenly they part like one block from us and we start hearing all gunshots. We had to go inside and I was in that moment like more aware of my friend and his family and it's like, hey, if they come here, like I just want you to go upstairs to the roof and hide yourself into the water tanks or something and there's nothing else you can do. Like it's not, like you're gonna be ramble, that's only the movies real life.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and believe me, what you see in tv shows is nothing. I mean, it's the sweet part. Yeah, it's only an action movie, but the reality is fucking scary, and even today I was. I was one day working, walking on gas town. I was supposed to catch up with some friends. It was like eight at night. I was walking there and suddenly I hear some explosions and I dropped myself to the floor. I felt it again. I felt this fear again and my heart started palpitating. I was just looking around, looking around, looking around, there were some fireworks from the park. Somebody was just doing some fireworks in the park. Yeah.
Speaker 5:It was Victory Park, I think yeah, and I just felt it for a second. I was like phew, ptsd right there. But totally like I haven't like. If I hear like big noises, I always get alert. I mean even same in my house. If I hear somebody try to open the door, I always get very defensive and looking for ways out. It's really hard.
Speaker 4:How do you deal with that right now in time like this moment in time?
Speaker 5:Like with those that PTSD, yeah, probably, I mean I'm going to have it Like it's. It's because, I don't know like, I just went there, like this summer, last summer. Yeah.
Speaker 5:I went there like with my girlfriend well, ex-girlfriend now and I was showing her like all the beauty, you know Mexico City and my hometown, but at the same time I was always alert and even in one moment she said like, oh, this place is beautiful, we should move back in here. And I was like, okay, take it easy, because I mean I just showed you the nice part and it's good, and I love that part. That's what I miss. But they just killed a guy two blocks from here that you didn't notice. I did Like they just tried to rob somebody and they just killed him right there and you didn't notice, because there's a lot of noise, a lot of sirens.
Speaker 4:But I saw it like going there like you.
Speaker 5:Just you saw that like right in front of your eyes yeah, I mean I just I just hear the noise and the commotion and I said like, yeah, that happened, yeah, but you didn't notice I did. And no, what I saw in Mexico is like in my hometown, the East Coast, on those days there was like something really really, it was really scary even to be in the streets. You used to just go to work and go to your house, that's it. Not even go to clubs or stuff like that, because on the clubs, I mean, these guys like they used to like your girlfriend and they used to take your girlfriend and if you say something they can shoot you, they can decapitate. I mean I remember, like in the club, like they put the head of the owner right on the table, really in the middle of the stuff, holy.
Speaker 5:Remember like once, like the only time I saw it like it's like like I was like driving and I have it the red light, like two cars in front of me it's only one truck tried to came against the direction of the cars, and that's when I noticed that something was wrong and I saw the truck trying to come and then I said like oh my God, no. And then I told her like heads down. And then I saw how another truck came here shoot these guys and that was my biggest fear because I said, like if I'm stuck in here, maybe somebody's coming behind. I'm not going to be in the middle of a crossfire. And it's been 90% right, you're a casualty.
Speaker 5:So I didn't want to be in that situation. You have nowhere to run. So I remember I was just like this. My girl at the time she was like this and she wanted to see and I said like no, put your heads down. These guys start coming like pointing guns through the windows of all the cars. He came and he pointed me and they pointed the people back. So they went to the last corner and they took the people from that car. They took that car and they flee and then I got stuck in there. Nobody moved.
Speaker 5:We didn't know what to do until I said like okay, let's start going through the sidewalk because the road is blocked now. So we went to the sidewalk and as soon as we went to the sidewalk I saw all the dead bodies right there, right next to me, and later on there was a grenade explosion, like in downtown or something like that. And it was like I remember, as soon as we crossed the street we got into the apartment. I mean that moment that girl like started like shaking. I was like on the window seeing like nobody, nobody like came right behind me or something like that, some suspicious activity. I was just looking like the dead bodies right there crossing the street and I didn't know what to do because I didn't want like and you couldn't sleep because you don't know in what moment another group is going to come over and there's going to be bullets coming everywhere.
Speaker 4:Through your house. You're going to sleep in floor, like under the bed sometimes like try to say, like like just don't wanna go out at all. How do you think that that's affected you like? You think it's ptsd definitely some depression, anxiety the anxiety yes, like so for many years.
Speaker 5:Like I had it. I had like that part. The explosions yes, as soon as I hear explosion, like no fireworks, like I can't see the fireworks from my balcony yeah I'm in the beach so I got no problem with that. But if I'm unaware and I hear an explosion, I always like turn it.
Speaker 5:But if I hear explosions at the far away I'm always like checking if it's just fireworks or gunshots like yeah I'm always like expecting that and but little by little like, and that's the thing, like living in here, like you don't have a gun problem oh man, I live in surrey, bro, there was, I heard gunshots last night well, yeah, last night they were shooting well yeah, surrey is getting like that. Yeah, but it's not as bad, you know, as as yeah down there.
Speaker 4:Yeah, definitely, that's a whole different ball game, right.
Speaker 5:Yeah, totally. It's heavy, because I mean they used to drop like 20 bodies with no head on the boulevard at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. You have to see that and at some point you just start becoming, you know, like Immune. You just start like Immune to it.
Speaker 4:No, no, I'm immune, I'm immune to it?
Speaker 3:Numb, numb.
Speaker 5:Just another Monday.
Speaker 4:Right, just another Monday.
Speaker 5:Yeah, like you just like go day by day, just stop making plans. Yeah, that's why they say Mexicans, we don't make plans and it's because of that, because you don't know any recession Like anything like that could happen. So at the end of the day, it's like you live the day, you live only today, don't try to make the best of it. But now that I'm here, I feel safe. I mean, I feel like I can walk in the street. Obviously, I'm always aware, I always have that part, but I don't feel that fear.
Speaker 5:Yeah, there was a moment when you live with fear, like you are going out with fear all your life and it's really sad because I remember on those days after the funeral, I was going out with my friend and I drove through the boulevard and we said like it's really sad because this place is beautiful man, and it's really sad how the people are living. It was even sadder like being in the funeral house and seeing more families coming looking for a spot trying to bury their families. Yeah, and there was none. Everything was full.
Speaker 5:It was really really sad that man and you just started getting like I don't know, immune to that and you start becoming more objective and you start seeing that like different. You know like what happened that you see a dead body in front of you. It's due to I don't want to touch it, but if I have to like for procedure or something like I will. But but at some point like you feel blocked. You feel like kind of blocked, but I gotta say like when I think about it, sometimes I start start like my voices start breaking and sometimes I feel about the victims from that violence like really bad. Yeah, man.
Speaker 5:Especially, I mean, for the innocent people. Yeah, that's what I feel.
Speaker 4:Well, like your friend's dad that they got in the crossfire.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and it was wrong time, wrong moment. We didn't have anything to do about it, but it was just, you know, in a bar and they came and they killed everybody in the bar because the owner was involved in something. Yeah.
Speaker 5:So it was like really, really sad that and that's why I decided like I need to leave here, I need to, like I need to live here, I need to get out, I need to start making my life, I need to live. And I felt sorry for the people who stayed, but I said like I'm not going to do anything in here, Like I cannot help. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Okay, you got to take care of you. Right, you got to take care of number one, because, at the end of the day, who's going to take care of you? Right, you got to take care of number one, because, at the end of the day, who's going to take care of you but yourself? Is you man? You know? Yeah, exactly you know.
Speaker 5:And then I start like this process of myself, of healing you know, healing this part like try to say like okay, if I want to really change things, I need to start changing myself. So I kind of keep going for the way I was. So after seeing that the funeral of my best friend it was like okay, let's start cleaning the house, let's start cleaning everything. And that's when I started going to therapy, that's when I started actually working to myself. And it's not a one-day process, it's like all your life, it's from now on until the next time I have to touch base with my family again. I have to forgive my dad and my mom. It was really hard to get into that part because I was still feeling a lot of hate. But I learned that he's not the guy he used to be. He's not that guy anymore and I still wanted him to be that guy. So I can prove him that now I'm strong, now I'm tough. No, he's not that.
Speaker 5:And then I started knowing him. I started knowing him that he didn't have a dad. He'd never talk about his feelings ever. He'd never talk about his family, he'd never talk about anything. I didn't even know him and I lived with him for many years and I never knew who he was, you know. And now I can tell you that he's my best friend, he's the person I love the most.
Speaker 5:Sometimes I get sad because I wish we had more time. Yeah, and I'm here and he's there. I cannot see them that often. I see them once a year, sometimes twice, every two years. I spent here like seven years without going to Mexico and now that I see him, I see an old man. You know the guy who used to be strong and big a construction worker, you know. Now he's old, gray hair, his face and his pure heart. And I don't expect him to say I'm sorry, he just show it with actions. Now, if I have a really rough time, I call him and he's always there 24-7. Like he's the guy he never been to.
Speaker 5:And I told my best friend I said, like dude, like last year they came here to visit and it was the first time, I think, in 40 years that we didn't have a fight, we didn't argue, we just love each other and it was like love. And in seven years my family wasn't together until last year. It was like the first time the four of us were on a table, enjoying the life that I will always love to have. You know, sometimes I said like, why? Why didn't I have that when I was a kid? And then I said like, well, maybe because I needed, I mean, I needed to have that temper. Maybe life put you that because he's gonna put you through some, something else. You know and you need to be, you need to heal this part so you can be ready for what's next.
Speaker 5:Even now that I'm breaking up with my girlfriend, it was different, totally different. I mean, and I have a really rough month. I mean I have a problem at work, then I have this news, then there was a tragedy at work. I was present in that tragedy. So it was a month February was a month like full of of emotions and I was holding it. Holding it and then she was pushing, pushing, pushing, like she was pushing me to explode, and I didn't. I proved to myself I'm good for you, man.
Speaker 4:Self-control man.
Speaker 5:That's what we preach, right on the contrary I still like no, I'm not gonna be that guy, I'm not gonna be. No, even if she's pushing me, I don't have to be that man. And that's when I told like you don't have to push me like that. If there's anything wrong, you talk, we talk. And she said, like well, it's because I'm just convinced that you're not for me. Okay, I don't know if she was expecting me to yell and make a big scene, but I said, like no, it's okay, the door is open, nobody's here against their will. Like it's okay, it hurts, of course, and I haven't had time to cry, but I will. I will as soon as the house is empty. I will. It's going to hit me, but I know how to deal with that. I know that I'm going to cry because it's healthy to cry. I'm going to yell to my pillow because it's healthy to do it 100% man.
Speaker 5:I know it's not like I'm not that guy anymore and I don't want not that guy anymore and I don't want to destroy myself anymore and if I don't want to feed that other animal, you know I just need to drain all this feeling Right moment, right time. I'm not going to cry no more.
Speaker 3:Okay, like we always say, it's when you feel you heal, you know, and us men especially, oh, we don't cry. You're a pussy, you know, holding those tears. But I tell you, man, like we're human beings, you know, and yeah, man, if you, if your body is telling you something and you're sad, it's okay to not be okay, and if your body wants to cry, man cry Because you're feeling that you have to let it out Like there is nothing wrong with crying, and even over a woman, because you cared about her and it didn't go the way you thought and I'm really sorry to hear that.
Speaker 3:But you opened yourself up to somebody. You brought them into your life, whether it's a friend, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, whatever you. You we're humans. We create attachments, we create bonds and when that bond is gone, it's sad, sad.
Speaker 3:And you know what, when I went through a breakup man, I cried and most guys are like I'm sucking up and I can tell from no guy cries over a girl, no man. You know what, if that person meant something to you and sometimes you realize it didn't work, doesn't mean you don't care about them. You know, yeah, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to cry because your body's telling you something. That's an emotion that you need to feel in that moment, exactly Because you're hurting. And it's okay to not be okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and if I could go back real quick, and you know when you said when you went to your friend's father's funeral, and that's when you realized that was your turning point, right, that was when you went home and looked in the mirror and, like man, something needs to change. We talked about this, you know, last episode, I think is that it takes something big in our lives, and usually negative, for people to really make a change, or a rock bottom, or this massive eye opener. Or now you have a sickness, now you've got to change your lifestyle.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know and if you're listening if you guys are listening to me right now is, you know, part of this is hoping that some of these rock bottoms that you don't hit before making that change. You know what most people won't until something really wakes you up in life. I mean mean like you need to do something right now or you're going to die, you're going to end up in jail, you're going to whatever it is, and that's usually the case. But if you guys are listening, man is don't get to the point where because that rock bottom might be that cliff that you jump off of and you can't come back from that, that rock bottom is the moment I decided, almost, and I tried, and I stood on the edge of a hotel and I was about to jump and a guy grabbed me and saved my life, but I was going to do it and that was my, and if I did that I wouldn't be sitting here today and I wouldn't be able to come back from that.
Speaker 3:So hopefully, when you guys are listening to this and taking from what Kay is saying, you know he, what he's been through and what he's seen is, you know, try not to let it get to that point and us men bury our shit and we push it down. We don't cry, I'm fine, I I'll go to work, I'll get over it. We don't get over it, man. All you're doing is just stacking one trauma and problem and stress on top of another. And that's when you hit that breaking point, most people, where it's like I can't do this anymore. And that's what happened to me as well, and you know I'm grateful for it, as painful as it was, because I wouldn't be sitting here and doing this as I am right now.
Speaker 3:But you know, hopefully, who you guys are listening to is man. Don't, if you know something's bothering you, if you know you're struggling, go deal with it right now. Go start today. Go start talking to someone tomorrow, right now, whatever, pick up a phone and hit that head on because you kept letting that boil over and you might not wake up tomorrow because you just couldn't take it anymore and that's it.
Speaker 4:Well, kate, how do you? How does counseling affected you to this day, right now? How do you feel?
Speaker 5:Well, I mean, I feel like I have, I've been able to manage these situations. Obviously, it's like not letting, like, the situation to control you, but to be strong enough to manage the feelings and give the right time to the right situation. Like I said, for example, with my girl. I think like one of the biggest problems, like she's told me, like it's because you don't open up, you don't show your feelings. And I told her like well, I mean, I'm not just like an open book crying every day. Like you know, when I cry, I cry. I'll be in the bedroom and I feel comfortable and I'll cry. And she was like, but you don't cry in front of me. And I said, well, yeah, sometimes watching a movie, but I don't feel comfortable crying in public. I like to have a private space Because what I learned is when you are vulnerable, you need to protect yourself.
Speaker 5:I learned that in AA, when you open yourself a lot and I remember there's, like you call it here, your sponsor, you he offers as a sponsor the person who's supposed to be my sponsor and I said, like to read everything that I saw. And I said, like you know what man like, I mean I appreciate it, but to read everything that I saw and I said, like you know what man Like I mean, I appreciate it, but I'll go with some professional help right now because I need somebody who actually knows how to deal with me on this emotional state, because it could be dangerous if I'm open like this. And I was in the main catharsis and I said, like I think it will be dangerous if I'm open like this. And I was in the main catharsis and I said I think it will be dangerous if I'm open like this and you're basing your story, you know and I appreciate what you do, but maybe I can now get something from you that is not even mine, because I'm very vulnerable right now. So I prefer to go with somebody who's trained to actually deal with myself right now, in that moment. But I'll be honest, like what I learned is that life gives you those messages all the time, but they don't come like you want them to come. They don't come like hey, this is the way. No, they come different, like that moment I have to go to a funeral.
Speaker 5:So instead of dealing with all the personal situation, I went to a funeral and it was like wow, this is shocking, this is more painful, this is more important, and I'm just drowning for something that it shouldn't be like that. That doesn't mean I didn't feel it, because after I came back from that funeral, I deal now with the empty house and the love of my life. It was gone. And then I went rock bottom and I wanted to. I didn't want to eat for a few days. I was like feeling lost, but I cried like, for I think I cried like for five days straight maybe, until I said like, okay, I cry enough, I dedicated enough of this. I don't care if I go one millimeter to the right direction, but I will every day. So I started like that.
Speaker 5:One day at a time I feel the anxiety because I'm feeling the memories of feeling the depression. I'll go out for a walk. I start feeling a voice calling me saying like nah, she's with the other guy, blah, blah, blah. I applause, cut it out. That voice is always bothering you. Applause, cut it out, identify it. I said no, no, and don't be at home.
Speaker 5:Just all the time I tried to start going out, but not just going out drinking.
Speaker 5:You know like going out, go for a walk.
Speaker 5:I got into activities.
Speaker 5:You know like, maybe learn how to play the piano, something, something that gives you that one hour of freedom.
Speaker 5:Because what I learned is that we're always against the clock all the time, like since the morning to the end of the day, we're always like it's 5 o'clock, I only have 20 minutes to take a shower, 20 minutes for this, 20 minutes for that, and we don't have time for breathing. Yeah, man, that's when something that gets accumulated and when something gets wrong in the house, you explode, and you explode with the wrong person and you put your all your negativity into the wrong person. So the way I do it these days is like I have one hour for myself. Doesn't matter if it's just going for a park, going for a walk in the park, but it's one hour just for me, like where I have the freedom to do, to work into my own terms. There's no time, nothing, and it's healthy. It's healthy and also like getting in touch to your friends. Don't be so proud to think that they are always thinking about you and they have to call you.
Speaker 5:No pick up the phone, call them and I do that now, like sometimes I used to get blocked. You know me myself, my story story. No, I pick up the phone now like hey, how you doing? How's your family? Get involved with them because they they love you, they love you. They don't say it but they do. They think about you. Probably. Probably they see you all the press and they don't want to interview because they don't know how to approach to you. But if you pick up the phone they'll be there. The people who love you, they're gonna be there.
Speaker 3:I mean, I'm very blessed to have those people around me well, the biggest, the biggest thing to you, k is like you said it earlier tonight. You know, mexicans in general don't make plans because you just because you never know what's going to happen and if you're going to be here in a month or in three months. But regardless of it's, that's your culture or not people should live like that every day because we don't know and you might not live. We might not live in neighborhoods what you grew up in. That doesn't change the fact that anything can happen when you walk outside your house or even inside your house.
Speaker 4:Freak accidents. You could choke on a GI Joe. I don't know if you'd be eating a GI Joe, but you could choke on anything, man, whatever.
Speaker 3:Regardless of what it is yeah exactly.
Speaker 4:I don't know why.
Speaker 3:I said that, take from what you said or people listening, take from that. And once you find the clarity in your mind, in your day-to-day because that's what you're shooting for is not to feel that pain, not to relive traumas, not let old thoughts trigger you all these tools in the therapies and the counseling so you can live a better life, going forward and day to day. But once you create and find that clarity, is now you're able to be in the moment of the day that you're in right, because we don't know what's going to happen. Life is short and you hear it a million times over but nobody really takes that in is how serious that statement is. Yeah, you know, and Eric's living proof of that, I'm living proof of that and you're living proof of that. And in a flick of a switch, a fucking snap of a finger, all of a sudden, the phone call you didn't expect, you just got it. Or the phone call your mother just got you at work because of it. You never know. So the biggest thing that people need, you know, and when they go to try to deal with the things they've been through, is that clarity and releasing.
Speaker 3:Not just releasing the pain but, like I said for me, going from 20 years of a polluted mind, anxiety every day, traumas, all this bullshit, I wasn't ever able to live in the moment.
Speaker 3:I wasn't able to be present with my children, with my father, with my family, because I'm here but I'm over there. And that clarity of fixing your core issues and whatever it is that you're dealing with, you have to, because now, after going through all that that I just went through and doing the therapies and this and that to fix myself, realizing that I really didn't want to feel like that anymore, the clarity that I have today and you also create more self-awareness because you have that clarity. Now you're able to not get so agitated over little things. You're able to stop yourself before these things trigger you. You're able to do all these other things to keep your life at peace, or more at peace, and just be in the moment, more at peace and just be in the moment. And now I'm able to actually play with my children and be focused on my children and be there with mentally, not just physically, you know and now.
Speaker 3:I'm able to smile more Now. I'm laughing in a room, but I'm not the guy that is struggling Now, I'm the guy that's happy or happier in that room Instead of fighting with. That, like we talked about, is the humor. You know, comedy comes from a dark place. Well, laughter comes from a clear place, a happy place, right? So now, instead of the humor coming from the dark place, it's laughter coming from a clear mind and a clear heart, because I've worked on myself and that's what you guys need to do.
Speaker 3:It's whatever it is that you're dealing with, whatever it is that you're struggling with, man, you have to hit it head on. As painful as it is at the beginning, you know best way to fight the demons that chase you is to turn around and face them yeah, man that's all you can do, and most people don't want to do that.
Speaker 3:They don't want to face those demons. But you have to because I promise you the clarity that comes with that. The life that you will live doesn't matter even if you the clarity that comes with that, the life that you will live, it doesn't matter even if you make not that much. It's just not about the money. You know, we all think that all this money is going to make you happy, but for one, it starts here in yourself. Nobody's going to save you, you know. It's only up to you to make the changes and live the best possible life.
Speaker 3:And the gratitude and that was huge for me is learning to be grateful. I used to be the guy like, fuck, I don't have this, I wish I had that and I would be so down because I didn't have this shit. But when I look around, man, I'm just like I am grateful for the house that I have, my two, I have two beautiful children, I have a great family, I have amazing friends. You know, and you know it's not the size of the house, it's the, it's the love inside your house. And that's the one thing that I learned is the love inside your house. It doesn't matter how big your fucking house is. It doesn't matter that if you're driving a fucking Corvette or a fucking Prius, because you know what we all, especially in the Western world, take for granted the things that we do have compared to what the rest of the world doesn't have. You look around right now in the house you live in and you've got an average car with a decent little home. You got more than 75% of the people in this entire fucking planet.
Speaker 4:I have to do say a lot of women, though, do say that size does matter.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know. So people are so materialistic, but those people are just going to chase the money for the rest of their life. You know the chase, the bigger house chase, and then, once you get to a point of that clarity and you know a lot of us chase these things like retail therapy. Like me, I used to go every two years. I had a new car because I thought that would make me feel better, but all I was doing was using that as temporary band-aids, just like people do with alcohol, drugs, fucking, shopping sprees, gambling, all these other addictions and and things is just to mask their own insecurities and their own struggles. Right, because I'll feel so much better if I had that. I remember I went and bought a brand-new, most expensive car I ever bought sports car. For a week I was fucking Superman. A week after that I was fucking right back down to broken, shattered, lonely men and I was struggling and it didn't matter. And the only difference is I put myself more in debt and now I just made myself work on top of that. So people got to wake up and be grateful for the things that they do have and not what they don't have, and your life will start to change, because every morning I wake up, I sit on my bed, as anyone listening should, and just take a look around, take a deep breath. Do that breath work.
Speaker 3:Eric was talking about whatever it is. I'm like you know what man? I'm pretty damn grateful. I go to work every day. I got a healthy family right now and now the clarity that you've built in your own mind and in your life is now you can look at these things and be grateful for it and be in that moment and be present.
Speaker 3:It's being present. You're going out for dinner with your friends. Put your fucking leave the phone in the car. What do you need to be on your phone? Because you chose to hang out with them. You're out with your kids. Put your phone down, be present and and I just learned this because I struggled with that, because you know anxiety you're doing this. I'm always lost. I used to be lost in the phone and I was looking at nothing but my anxiety and my focus, because I was so lost I would just use that phone like a bandaid same same idea idea.
Speaker 3:So, learning to be present, man, just whoever you're hanging with, whatever it is that you're doing, just be in that moment and be present and you'll really start to look at life different. You'll enjoy life more. You know, and now I'm really you know, when I got my kids the same thing. Man, I'm like you know what? I don't need to talk to anybody right now. I'm hanging out with them, I'm going out for dinner with my friend. Why do I need to be scrolling or texting anybody else? That's just disrespectful to the person that you want to hang out with and make plans with. Right, it's just being in the moment, being present and finding that clarity in your life, and that's what you need to. So, whatever it is that you guys are struggling with, man, I tell you, fucking, start making some phone calls and start tackling those core issues.
Speaker 4:Definitely. Well, I think this brings this episode to a closing man. Okay, thank you. I appreciate you coming out here and sharing your story and what a story, man. I applaud you for everything that you've been through and you're still standing here and putting in the work, so you know, good for you, man, and I'm proud of you for doing that. So keep up the great work and thank you for coming again, man.
Speaker 3:I appreciate that. Yeah, kay, you know what man You're a hell of a man, and I'm grateful to know you and for you to come on here and open up a little bit and you know it was very touching, you know, and moving forward after today. You know it was very touching, you know, and moving forward after today and you know, like you said, you had a bit of a rough month there and, man, if you ever need to talk to you, man, I'm here and I wish you nothing but the best, buddy, and we both thank you very much for being here. And for you guys listening or just tuning in are Raw Minds Podcast, the first podcast to do it on men's mental health. We are on all platforms. Whatever one that you're listening to us on, we're on every other one as well.
Speaker 3:So you guys are having a hard time out there. You're struggling, you know you feel alone. You just feel like you just can't make it another day. Give us another day, reach out to us, talk to us. Rawmindspodcast at gmailcom. Myself, eric and we've even had previous guests on the show. That is a huge support system in the back end that has been through things that maybe we haven't been through, but they have and they're willing to talk to you as well, whether it's addiction, alcoholism, you know, whatever it might be. So reach out please. Raw minds podcast at gmailcom. That's what we're here for, and we ain't going nowhere, man. We ain't going nowhere. So, on my end, if you can't find good people, be good people.
Speaker 4:And once again, kay, thank you, man, appreciate it. And thank you for everybody out there listening. I mean, life is fucking hard, let's face it. Life is hard, it fucking sucks. Yeah, we're going to get knocked down, but it's a matter of how many times you're going to pick yourself up. So, keep your head up, pick your ass up and keep on pushing forward Because, like I said, this world keeps on spinning and you've got to move with it. Anyways, on that note, be, I said this world keeps on spinning and you've got to move with it. Anyways, on that note, be good or be good at it. Bye.