In this heart-wrenching installment of Raw Minds, your hosts Erick and Joey delve deep into a side of men's mental health that is often left in the shadows. We're joined by John, a father embroiled in a relentless and toxic custody battle for his son. Throughout the episode, John shares his poignant and emotional journey, offering a raw and candid look at the psychological toll such a battle takes on a man's mind and spirit. From the legal complexities to the societal pressures, John's story highlights the unique mental health challenges faced by fathers fighting for their right to parent. Erick and Joey navigate the conversation with empathy and insight, creating a safe space for John to open up about his struggles, his strategies for coping, and his unwavering commitment to his son. This episode is not just about the fight for custody, but about the broader battle to recognize and support the mental well-being of fathers everywhere.
Tune in to Raw Minds Ep. 23 - "The Fight for Fatherhood: John's Emotional Journey," and join us as we break down barriers and build understanding, one story at a time. Whether you're a father, know someone in a similar situation, or simply care about men's mental health, this episode is an essential listen.
In this heart-wrenching installment of Raw Minds, your hosts Erick and Joey delve deep into a side of men's mental health that is often left in the shadows. We're joined by John, a father embroiled in a relentless and toxic custody battle for his son. Throughout the episode, John shares his poignant and emotional journey, offering a raw and candid look at the psychological toll such a battle takes on a man's mind and spirit. From the legal complexities to the societal pressures, John's story highlights the unique mental health challenges faced by fathers fighting for their right to parent. Erick and Joey navigate the conversation with empathy and insight, creating a safe space for John to open up about his struggles, his strategies for coping, and his unwavering commitment to his son. This episode is not just about the fight for custody, but about the broader battle to recognize and support the mental well-being of fathers everywhere.
Tune in to Raw Minds Ep. 23 - "The Fight for Fatherhood: John's Emotional Journey," and join us as we break down barriers and build understanding, one story at a time. Whether you're a father, know someone in a similar situation, or simply care about men's mental health, this episode is an essential listen.
yeah, yeah, welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, once again it's a brand new night, a brand new show and it is a big number tonight for us in the podcast world. As always, we are unedited, unfiltered and we are going raw. My name is Joey.
Speaker 1:And I'm Eric and we're your hosts. And welcome to Raw Minds. 20 motherfucking three man right off the bat. There we go, let's go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know most people are hitting the 50s and the 100s, but why 23 is such a big number in the podcast world? Uh, because 90 of all podcasts don't make it to this point and we did so. Well done, sir, well done, well done, well done yeah, exciting man, and we keep rolling and we ain't stopping.
Speaker 1:We're gonna hit 50 and 100 um, I mean it's a good week coming up here. My birthday, your birthday, I mean we just hit 23, we're killing it. So look at us go. Your birthday this week, mine next week, yeah, man three, we're killing it. So look at us go.
Speaker 2:You made it your birthday this week, mine next week Getting old.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whatever it sucks, I don't know, man, it just feels the same to me to be really. Probably in my early 30s is when I don't I. I probably in my my early thirties is when I started feeling like I felt like I was 60 from work Definitely, but I mean mentally, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Well, you know it also goes with your lifestyle and where you're at in your life, regardless of your age. Because you know, six, seven years ago I was 272, fat, overweight, depressed, stressed, not happy with the job I was in, and fast forward to now the best shape I've ever been in, the most clarity mentally I've ever had. I have a great job and great people around me, great family, great. You know what I mean. So age, where I sit at almost 42 years old, um, coming up, is better than I sat when I was 30. Yeah, just how I feel, how I look, that's all of it. So age is just an age is just a number, man, it's. It's it's the life that you are living and where you're at in your life and how that makes you feel. You know what I mean. Are you taking care of yourself mentally and physically?
Speaker 1:definitely, man. I mean, I'd rather go down, have a fucking wagyu steak for my birthday and then come home and watch netflix. That would be the best birthday present for myself. And my best scenario give me a wagyu steak and some netflix and I'm okay, I'm happy, man. I mean, I coveted I never like coveted the whole time and I spent three of my three birthdays watching netflix. You know, I think that's what conditioned me really to that shit but yeah, cuddling up in the snuggie watching the notebook yeah, exactly, man, exactly, yep and again, it's where we are, it's the lifestyles that we choose to live.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, speaking of the notebook, we have a love story here between two friends, me and you, joey and look where we're going. A love story, slow down there slow down there, brother.
Speaker 1:I'm fucking with your head brother, no, but seriously speaking of all that shit, man, I honestly, you know, I can't thank you enough for um getting to this point. I mean, I wouldn't be here without you and vice versa, man, and I just want to say thank you, man, thank you. This is, like I said, a big day that we uh, um, that's in our, in our I don't know what you would call it big day in our podcast podcast world in the podcast world in general.
Speaker 2:So I just want to say thank you, man, honestly thank you yeah, man, you know we've come a long way so far and the lives that we've touched and the people that we've helped and tried to help, that's why we do this right. We, we've been there, you know, and if you guys are new listening to the show, like we have lived, lived, I don't know most of our lives in pain and struggle and trauma and abuse and suicide attempts and loss of families, to you name it. And that's why we got together to finally pull the trigger on this. And you know it's, it's. I'm beyond grateful, you know, and this is kind of Our therapy as well.
Speaker 2:You know, no matter how good your life is and no matter what, how good you get your life to Because mine is night and day from what it used to be, it's, there's still life. Every day you wake up, life is just waiting for you. You're going to get punched in the face, you know, and it's finding the tools and how to deal with those things better when they do come. And you know, and I, I have hard days, just like anybody else. Still, I'm in an amazing place compared to the last before where I was, but I still have hard days. We all do, man. We all still struggle. You know you don't forget things in your past. You just gotta learn to deal with it and move forward so they're no longer triggering your life. Yeah, right, so, but we, you know it's like we always say, man, it's okay not to be okay, and it's okay to take a knee for a day or two. And you know we're human beings, you know we have emotions. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to feel down, but it's not okay to stay down, right? So, yeah, having being able to do this every week, man, and the lives that we've touched like I said, it's not only as it touched other people's lives, and we've really helped a lot of people in the time that we've been doing this it helps me, you know, and when I have struggles in my own life, and you know the mental battles that we carry in our own minds, you know some days are extremely hard, you know, like you know, last week, you know, we weren't able to actually, for the first time, put out or upload our episode last week. You know, and this kind of goes to what I'm just saying now is, you know, I got to a point where I just I was struggling for a few days, where you know like panic attack, to a point where I just I was struggling for a few days, where you know like panic attack and I'm just trying to do positive things, and then that mental health where just it kind of knocks you back, where you just got to be able to sometimes look at what you're doing, stop, refocus, reset, take a deep breath and then hit it again, right, but to sit here with you, buddy, it's an amazing journey and it's going to continue. This journey and what we do going forward from here. Man is only going to get better, buddy.
Speaker 2:So if you guys are just tuning in and this is the first time you guys are listening to us we are Raw Minds, the first podcast to do it on men's mental health. We are on all platforms, you name it, we there. So if you guys are really having a hard time out there as well and you're struggling and you need to just talk and you got nobody to talk to you and hit us up on the email raw minds podcast at gmailcom. We answer all messages, phone calls, you know, and if you even want to come on as a guest, please reach out.
Speaker 2:You know you want to share your stories and let men know especially that you know it's okay to talk about these things because you have to, man. You have to. You can't bury it. You've got to be able to deal with it and head it face on, regardless if it triggers you or not. Because if once you can get through that, then you know down the road it's not going to trigger you anymore. You know you're not going to forget it, but you'll be able to move forward and and be present in the days you know and and not be elsewhere because you're struggling and you didn't deal with it. So, yeah, it's, it's not an easy journey, but if you want to get to the, to that point of clarity to never be triggered or feel like that anymore, you got to face it head on. It's the only way to deal with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man. Well, speaking of facing things head on, we have a guest today that's facing something head on. Right now he's going through some shit. So he was kind enough to come out and give on his take of what he's going through and the struggles you know, the mental struggles definitely that it pays a toll on. So I just want to thank you for coming out, man and and um, being brave and letting loose and being vulnerable man and welcome to raw mind. So thank you yeah, it's.
Speaker 3:Uh, it's not easy, it's not easy at all. Uh, yeah, I look like crap right now, to be honest, mainly because I haven't been sleeping very well, a lot of stress, anxiety, kind of. Give you a backstory I was in a relationship for 10 years, had my daughter. Everything was great, didn't really go well. In the end we kind of just drifted apart and in the relationship as as far as that goes, and I started resenting my daughter from that relationship and that was kind of when I knew to step away. Um, and it was a little bit rough but I made through it, it wasn't that bad. And then uh skip ahead. She's seven now.
Speaker 3:About five years ago I was with my other ex. We had a kid. My little boy is three years old now and uh did everything for that relationship. I really really tried, didn't pan out and uh basically been pushing for for the last year and a half, two years, going on two years pushing for uh split custody, just like 50, 50 shared. Uh, same days I have my daughter and like for the first two months I I didn't have my son. Like that was probably the most brutal thing when you're doing every day with that kid like drop-offs, pickups, dinner, lunch, everything like party training, like you're doing everything. And then you just go from that to like zero contact with your kid and then being told like, yeah, you can, you can see him next week. And then, oh wait, no, you can have a facetime phone call. Like that's, he's like one two years old, like he doesn't know what a facetime is. He's gonna look at the phone or not. Wanna you know what I mean? It's not the same yeah, so once you're that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, it's not physical at all and it's like it went to that for about two, two months, to the point where I had a little personal here. I had a two wellness checks performed on me one I was actually brought to the hospital for attempted suicide. Um, they didn't, they let me go. They checked me and I, like, talked to a psych and had to go through therapy was that because of, like you, not seeing your son that you went down?
Speaker 3:it was it, it was that and a lot of mind games from my ex. So like she was never like that when we were together, I like or I just didn't see it, I don't know. Hindsight point they say right, but like I never saw that side of her and then it was like a lot of like you can see him and then you can't see him. And then you can see him and then you can't see him. Like you're a good dad but then you're a shit dad. You never, you were never there for him, like, never did any of that.
Speaker 3:I'm just like definitely mind games, then, and playing with, yeah, like, and I'm like yeah, and I like I knew I was there, I knew I was like I went to every like doctor's appointment.
Speaker 3:She had like work meetings and he had a surgery and I was there for that. I sat through the whole surgery and then talked to the doctors after and then had to relay all that information back to her. So, like I know man, I built like a 24 foot balloon arch for his birthday, like by myself. So like I was there, I know that. But like going through that and like just being told over and over again, like it just as much as you want to believe that you were there, I started believing that I wasn't.
Speaker 3:It was weird. It was like I started going to like this dark place where, like as much as I knew in my head that I was there for my son, I started believing that I wasn't there for my son and I let him down and I failed him, and then that's that's why the relationship failed, I guess. But like I started blaming myself for everything. Like it was, it was pretty bad. It was like you just you kind of just take everything on yourself and and just it got really, really, really bad. And then just the mind games did not help. It was just like prime example is like oh yeah, she wanted me to sign a consent letter so he could go to lacrosse in the States.
Speaker 3:And then it was just like I'm like I don't feel comfortable with that, like I haven't seen my kid in like two months, like why would I? I don't feel comfortable signing so you can just take them out of the country, cause, like, like I don't know if he's going to come back to the country at that point, right yeah, he just run away.
Speaker 3:You never know yeah, and I guess that's what I was like she's, she's like a half el salvadorian, like a lot of family out there, and like half half, uh, caucasian, white or from canada, right, so it's like she could go there and just never come back. I don't, I don't know. So like that was my concern. So I was there's a lot of just and, with the way she was, mental mind games like you can see, you can't see him, like I. I just didn't know, right. So, yeah, she did that for like two months straight. And then, uh, there was an incident where we're going to drop off, like she dropped him off to me, for I literally got to take him to pizza for an hour and a half. We'll get dinner, just me and him. And then she came and picked him up and we were supposed to do an agreement that was supposed to be like similar shared custody, what I have with my daughter and she came at me with like this bullshit agreement like three pages like giving soul, soul custody to her. I could have visitation rights, like, but I have to request it and I have no saying anything in his life anymore. And I just I snapped and there was a witness there, there was yelling and like I I regret yelling and like distressing my son. He started crying.
Speaker 3:Obviously he's like like two years old, like one and a half two years old, and dad and mom were yelling at each other outside of my house, right in my building, and then a witness came by and she was walking her dog and like, anyways, I stepped back, I called the cops. Cops came and there was like, apparently she talked to the cops alone first because, like they assumed, she called the cops, and then she told them that I was like assaulting her and like elbowing her and punching her in the head. And then the cops came over to talk to me, where the witness was standing, and he was like well, did you hit her? Like what she's saying, you hit her this. That I was like I never laid a finger on her. I kept five, ten feet away. Like I offered her my keys so she can get my son at least in the lobby, until you guys showed up and the witness vouched for me, thankfully because they were going to arrest me for assault.
Speaker 3:Um, the witness is like no, he did everything by like how he should have. He stayed away from her. The only thing he was doing is trying to give his son like a jacket and keys to like be warm because it's cold out, and they, they just warned me like it was a good thing that you had a witness, um, and then they told her that she has no rights. Like the court system in Canada is until there's an actual document formulated by the government, like it's 50-50 shared. Like there's no individual rights by either parent unless you know, like child sex services or something they can do whatever they want.
Speaker 1:They could, like the parent can take the child, go anywhere they want, pretty much except for signing the paper without any right. Like that you need to report yeah, you can't bring across the border right yeah, but I mean go anywhere in canada or wherever 100 yeah, yeah, unless you sign that paper right like you said yeah, so I wouldn't sign it.
Speaker 3:Obviously I didn't want to lose my son, right?
Speaker 3:so like um and I told her like I fought hard for my daughter to the point where it's she's seven years old. I've gone last four years same schedule. I actually have like a really good relationship with my ex now, who's now married, and like she starts some stuff up here and there but like realistically she says, like you know, you're a good dad. My daughter, like she starts some stuff up here and there but like realistically she says, like you know, you're a good dad. My daughter, like she's asked my daughter a couple times, like do you want to? Just not, you want to stay with mom. And like my daughter was like straight up, no.
Speaker 3:Like I love my dad, I want to go to dad's. And like vice versa, like I try to promote that as well. Like she'll try, so try, she'll try this. Like uh, saturday for dropout. She's like I want to spend one more night with you or one more day with you. And like, like I get to see you my days, mom gets to see her days. Like I don't want to take away from her, like if it's a special occasion for sure. So like I'm very an advocate of you know, like having a mom and a dad in the kid's life and like as long as it's healthy, of course.
Speaker 3:Right, like if I had a concern. If I have a concern, like obviously I'm not gonna, I'm gonna raise that concern, like I'm gonna raise that flag, you know, like this is an issue, either fix it or or like I can't have my kid in that environment. And that was kind of a lot of the situation with with my son is he was in a situation in an environment that I didn't like and I was trying to get him out of that and I had no rights. I basically felt like I had no rights. So both times where the cops came and talked to me, they basically I just handed them my phone, showed them the text messages, conversations between me and my ex, because she tried to file a restraining order against me as well for harassment, and like it's like literally the guys, the cops, gave me their cell phone numbers. I actually texted one of them a picture of me and my, my son, having the pizza dinner and he was like I'm proud of you, man, you stuck to it because, like a lot of dads, they either give up or because the system's so broken, they give up like there's nothing I could have done, like she took my son and there's nothing I could have done until it goes to court, yeah, and see, like just just do your court papers. Like I was at the court office the next day. Like do everything by the books.
Speaker 3:As soon as you start like breaking those rules, you, you hurt yourself and a lot, of, a lot of dads, I guess. Don't do that, they don't know so. And then, like they get tilted and like I was, I was tilted, like I was just so triggered, like it's it's one thing to be with your kid and then just have that kid ripped from you and like it's always I hear always. Like you know, a lot of advocates are like, oh, females, this female that like, but no one really like you guys are the first guys that like talk about like the dads, right, the struggles of the dads, like fighting for your kids, losing your kids, um, and like trying to be there and like everyone just assumes nowadays, like if you're a guy, like oh dead, be dead, oh dead, be dead. No, I'm fighting every day. Like I'm in court every day, I'm doing my paperwork every day, like I'm doing everything as I should do, yeah, but like it's hard I feel your pain, buddy man.
Speaker 2:Like I got two kids with two moms as well, and my son is 13 and my daughter is seven and I haven't been with my son's mom his entire life. So my son's never seen us together. But the first year of his life it was the same as you tilted. It was court after court. I even filed a restraining order against her 65 phone calls a day, random dudes showing up to serve me papers. It was just so bad. And back then you know that's going 13 years ago.
Speaker 2:Now you know, you're obviously in a different place in life and you never had to go through that before. And like I, was so messed up and, like you, I was fighting and I was doing everything I could. I just wanted to see my son and I remember, you know, with with a few other things going on in my life at that time, it was just one thing after another. And you know, and my son, when he was about nine months old, when I was dealing with all this, I was so broken and depressed and shattered and I couldn't lift my head up every day anymore, to the point where I thought, you know at that time, this is it, I can't do this anymore. And uh, you know, he, he, I got a video of him crawling and then the next day I tried to kill myself and uh, that video saved my life and my son saved my life. So I understand going through that mentally and it it wasn't good man, but I I've fought.
Speaker 2:You know, you hear a lot too and you mentioned about deadbeat dads is I've heard this quite a bit, especially in the construction world is I hear a lot of excuses and guys saying, well, I have my ex crazy and I haven't seen my kid in six months and you don't understand. Like, yeah, I do understand. It's like you're not fighting hard enough, you're making excuses and you're not really caring as much because it doesn't matter how crazy they are. That's your kid and you fight for them. You know, and I just I can't even communicate with people like that. They're just pieces of shit to me. When, when you make use your kids as excuses or you know, with these women using pawns and using these kids as pawns like this has nothing absolutely nothing to do with these children and whatever differences you guys have as parents.
Speaker 2:We talked about this a long time ago. Man, you have no idea the destruction this causes those children by ripping from a parent, bringing it back, ripping there's abandonment issues. Then some of these women are what's the word? They coerce the kids in what to think and say about the other parent and they talk bad about the parent in front of the kids. And you don't want to go to your dad because he doesn't want to see you and really he does, and all this fucking polluted bullshit that just it's.
Speaker 3:It's funny you say that, joey, because I like, probably like two weeks ago, my son kept telling me he didn't want to live with me anymore, he wanted to go back to his mom's, didn't want to stay here, and I asked him why he said that and I recorded it too, because I I was like I'm fighting every day, every day, for court custody, basically right. So I recorded and I just asked him why he said that and I recorded it too, cause I was like I'm fighting every day, every day, for court custody, basically Right. So I recorded and I just asked him, like I was like, hey, man, like why, why say that to me? Like you have fun, right, we had fun this weekend, right, and he's like mom and Frank, that's your new boyfriend, mom and Frank told me to say that to you.
Speaker 3:It crushed me, man, just crushed me. I was like, oh, it's all cool, I was just curious. I can't say anything to him, right, he's like 2 years old, you can't hurt him. Right, he's not his fault, he doesn't know what he's saying. But to have your kid say that and then just to hear that that's coming from the mom trying to tell him to say that it's just so twisted man like just that's what we talk like, just that's what we talk about.
Speaker 1:Right, that's the pawns. They use these kids as pawns to get at you, man, you know which is. It's fucking sad, like Joey just said, like you're hurting the kids, you know, fucking come at me all you want, man, but fucking leave the kids out of it but you know, I also understand, you know.
Speaker 2:On her side, because you know I mentioned about my son in court. Well, my daughter who's seven. We split up when my daughter was a month old and that went straight to court so I had to fight two women with two kids on two different you know times in my life and both of them weren't easy because it's false accusations. They did this. One had me arrested, you know my son's mom, years ago over bullshit. And then when you read her, I actually still have it. I just found it the other day. Actually the old police state, her statement from 13 years ago and it's the reason I wasn't charged, because for one it was bullshit. But you know, you read the statement. The first page is different from the second page to the third page of her own statement in the same interview. So they knew she was just making shit up.
Speaker 2:So I understand that man, because that fucked me up and then having to go to court for my daughter was like a ptsd, because I'm like a second kid. I'm doing this again, again. And I was a fucking mess man, my anxiety through the roof, I was struggling, crying, fucking, shaking. I'm just like, even though I knew I was doing everything right and she had nothing, it's still the process it still fucks you up in the head. It's just like you know. She tried to give me two hours every Sunday. I'm like get out of your fucking mind.
Speaker 2:But now there's that you got your PTSD that was a huge trigger huge trigger because I'm like and then at that time, especially when I went through it the second time, not only was it like a PTSD, because I already dealt with this before and how bad it was, to the point where I almost killed myself it was also me feeling like a failure because I have two kids but I've never had the family of being able to come home and see my kids every day, or coming home from work and seeing my kids.
Speaker 2:I've never had that, unless my dad's visiting from out of town, which he just left last week, which I'm grateful for, because I don't ever get that. But in the 13 years I've been a father, I never had that. So when I went to court the second time, I felt like a failure because I didn't have a family like that, you know, and I always wanted that. But then, after all my therapy and all fucking dealing with all this shit and fixing myself over time, and I look back, it's uh, there is a reason for because I was fucked up, I was struggling with all this other shit that just added to it, and then this added to it and I never dealt with it. So how could I possibly had a proper family in a relationship when I looked back because I couldn't, because I was struggling, I didn't deal with my own shit.
Speaker 2:Right Misery loves company man. You know, when we go through these things guys got to realize too is it's being unreactive. And it's so hard when you have especially when you know you're a good dad and you love your kids, and they're calling you a fucking deadbeat and, like you said, telling go tell dad that you don't want to live with them Like fuck dude, I'd flip tables. That's heartbreaking. Why would anyone say that to a kid? You're the fucking deadbeat. But when you hear that 100%, that's a trigger that fucking makes you fucking go like. You know what I mean and like.
Speaker 2:But in that is the hardest part in that is to not be reactive and just do what you're doing, like if you're going through the court system and the court battle, like you're doing and you're already doing it documents, the messages, save it all, write it down and if she's gonna, you know I got to a place finally where if they're barking and fuck you and I just hang up the phone, I don't even engage, because I used to be the guy that was screaming on the phone in the middle of fucking save on foods parking lot, because that's where I got the call. Middle of the mall I didn't lot, because that's where I got the call Middle of the mall, I didn't care. Fuck you, fucking bitch, fucking, losing it because they're triggering you and setting you off, right. But all that did was just make me worse. But when you get to that point of just like, hey, you know what you want to act like this, click and leave it. And then if it's going to that court, because I tell you, because I tell you is one thing I noticed with my exes is they tire themselves out because you're not reacting and it becomes less often that they are going to talk to you like that or do that, believe it or not, because they're not getting a reaction from you. They know that triggers you, right. So when my ex used to be like you're a fucking deadbeat, but I was there every every week but she just said it, just because she knew it fucking pushed my buttons.
Speaker 2:But if you can get to that point of not being reactive and you know, and let them basically tire themselves out, and then when it gets to court, you have this, this and this and the judge and she's gonna spout off this and he did that like I don't remember things that I heard that I apparently was, because she knew she had nothing. She was making shit. I actually started laughing at one point. I'm like I'm what? Huh? Because she had nothing. She was literally pulling from fucking thin air trying to make herself look somewhat good and I ended up winning anyways, like what I asked for, and but it's, it's being if let them just talk and don't engage. Don't engage as hard as it is some days we just want to like fucking smash this computer right now, because you know you just got to breathe literally, because you know the definition of anger is emotional punishment you cause yourself because of someone else's bad behavior. When you get like that and you flip tables, you're making your days worse and them win Right, because if they Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Self-aware man. Yeah well, just think about it, man. Well, think about it, bro, look at the like, say like you're saying, you're screaming in the middle of the parking lot on the phone and you get all these people looking at you like what the fuck is wrong with this guy?
Speaker 2:now you're, you're like, imagine you go to the, the safeway or whatever and if somebody, and if somebody has that much power over you to make now you're.
Speaker 1:You're screaming your head off means whatever has gone on with you before that you haven't dealt with. Because if you've dealt with it and moved on from, it whatever it is, whether they've done something for you or whatever, you haven't accepted or dealt with it yet.
Speaker 2:So you're going to do so you can't just have these people be able to press this fucking button and make people walk like that.
Speaker 1:You need to be able to have a fucking thing over that button. Someone can press that button. You're going to get to that point.
Speaker 2:They're living rent-free in your head. Look at it like this If they do something and they trigger you and you go and punch holes in your own walls or whatever you're doing for a week and they could see you doing it from a distance, they would be laughing at you because they're winning. They'd be like what a fucking. So why let these people and I understand it, because, especially when children are involved, it is so much harder when you know that all you want to do is just see your kid. I don't give a shit about you, I don't care who you date, just let me see my kid, that's it.
Speaker 2:Why is this a big problem? But girls that act like that, and what he's dealing with is I don't think she's even dealt with the past of you know, with you two or whatever, because she wouldn't be going after and doing these things that some women do either. Because they're still holding on to something doesn't mean that she's still in love with them or anything, but there's something there that she's holding on to and whatever reason. People hold these grudges for fucking years, for years it's 100 of power you can tell.
Speaker 3:Because, like a lot of a lot of the messages she'll send me is like randomly text me about, like how she's not doing well, I'm like, hey, we'll tell that to your boyfriend. Like I, I don't care anymore, all I care about is my kid, all I care about is my, my son.
Speaker 3:And like I, took me a while to get to that point like 100, like for the first six, eight months I I was like she'd say stuff and I would just I would get so mad or I'd get so depressed or I'd be like, and she knew it, she knew it got to me like she, oh, oh, why, why you just care because I'm dating someone new or you this, that like saying comments like that, I'm just like, I'm like power man I had to.
Speaker 3:I had to. Well, luckily I have all of our conversations, stuff which I've like the entire five years we were together and I had to go through that for, like, building my case for this court hearing, to get my son back, um, reading through that actually helped a lot. Like for me personally to to see kind of where I messed up in the relationship, where she messed up in the relationship, and like to let it go to like you know what I mean, to just let it go like not care anymore and not stress about it and like I've gotten to the point where, like even my son would be like, oh, yeah, like that, that frank or dad or whatever, yeah, like he, like someone will tell me about, like you know, frank took him to go do something or whatever, and like it doesn't even phase me anymore.
Speaker 3:Like I'm like that's cool, that's cool, like that's fine as long as I get to spend my time with you. Like that's fine it's. And then because of that's the only way she can get to me. Now it's like she went to court. We went to court. Actually, just like last week I was fucking bad for like three days. I kind of shut off my phone for four days, miss work, like almost fucked up a contract that I had for work and my my work buddy was having to clean up for me and like he knows what I'm going through.
Speaker 3:So he's like, he's there for me. You know what I mean. It's done. That relationship is great help, but like, yeah, exactly right, like I was that person there, um, yeah, well, yeah, like she.
Speaker 3:We went to court, she acted all you know, civil, like you're a great dad, like you know your son loves you. And we started communicating like civilly about just him. Like yeah, yeah, I started potty training him. He's not wearing diapers in my house anymore. He's going to the bathroom, but he's still wearing diapers at your house. Can you try this, this, this? And like she was like oh, yeah, okay, yeah, no problem.
Speaker 3:And then we went to court and it was like I had all the stirred and stuff to like plead my case to get to make sure I got my custody. And I didn't bring it because I assumed that it would be. You know, we're both going for the same thing, we're both on the same page for the kid and like I'm just not affected by her seeing someone new or I'm not affected by anything she says to me anymore, like it just doesn't bother me when it comes to us. And then she just all these lies about like yeah, snake me. I was like you, he's abusive, he's unstable mentally, this that like. And I'm like I have all the evidence at home to prove that this is not the case. And the judge basically gave her custody.
Speaker 3:So I had to reapply. As soon as we got out of court I got the court summary sheet and then I have to. I had to basically reapply for a new court date to appeal that the judge's decision. So we go back now on the 4th and I have everything together. So now I got to go back with all that. So I don't know what's going to happen. I know I've, I have enough stuff to prove that what she's saying, everything she said, is basically false. Everything that I'm doing is right and as I should be doing. Yeah, just yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I am it just never ends right and now it's time to pull out the big guns, I guess. And you know, fight for your rights. It just never ends. Right Now it's time to pull out the big guns, I guess, and fight for your rights. I'll be honest with you, you shouldn't have put your guard down.
Speaker 3:I don't fucking trust anybody anymore. Off of anything.
Speaker 1:There's different degrees, man, I've been through so much shit with my kid's mom. Man, you know, never put your guard down. I mean, fuck, she just got arrested on Sunday, on Easter. You know, it's like fuck, that's the shit I got to deal with, man, it's just, it never ends. Man Never ends. But you know what you just fuck you ends. But you know what you just Fuck you just All you can do is take care of you. You know, and that's all that. No man, yeah, man, 100%. I'm going to tell you right away you did, bro, you did, but it's okay, man, but you made the right decision there and you went and you're going to come back now with everything.
Speaker 2:And a lot of them too. I'm telling you, man, I'm sure barking in their ears what are you doing? It's dirty. Don't trust him. Let's do this.
Speaker 1:I mean luckily yours is a lot better now You've gone through the race. But I mean, man, when it's dirty, it's dirty. They'll play at whatever games they can to try to manipulate you or change the agenda Like she did, Everything was fine. You know it's fucking all fucking bunnies and roses.
Speaker 2:And then when you get in there it's fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Do not realize that you're not putting your kids first?
Speaker 1:This is all your selfish acts and behaviors.
Speaker 2:This is because of how you feel about that person, about what they did to you three years ago, or how you can't get over the fact that they cheated or whatever, it doesn't fucking matter Absolutely has nothing to do with those children, because I know plenty of people who are shitty boyfriends and girlfriends, but amazing parents. So, whatever it is that you guys have had your differences, you're stuck together for the rest of your life, whether you're with them. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:I call it the 18-year sentence, present sentence. I feel like, I feel like based off of, based off the situation I have with uh, or at least it's kind of like what joey said, like they clearly have something, yeah, man they're I don't know it's. Obviously I mean man like my, my kid's mom, right her boyfriend I mean him got along I mean I went on, yeah, because like my, like I've gone the last three years. We went on fucking trick-or-treating.
Speaker 1:We went out and fucking trick-or-treated and stuff my daughter's mother and her husband, I mean, and my daughter, it can get there, but then Right Like. I want you to say it with them as a family. She just messed that all up. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Make it awkward, but I get along with her husband now, but it's a fucking yeah, yeah, and I just, I, I don't know man I I wanted that, I wanted to get there with this one and, like I don't know man, she just likes to play games and it's been a hundred percent resentment or something tough for sure, yeah, uh, keeping like you said. Joey too is like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, it's about the kids, man it is. That's silly. It's still fresh, though too. It's still fresh too. You know what too?
Speaker 1:you know what I mean it is fresh so cross fingers, hopefully that you know things come around and change definitely I I do, it's also for you guys way better, you know, because I think that every every kid deserves to have in their lives that are separated. I think it's really important as long as, at the end of the day, as long as there's one parent that is holding up that value, the goodness that's all a kid really needs.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of people that stay together for the kids but they're so unhappy but it's hard way more damaging than you.
Speaker 1:Just part ways and figure it out from there. Joey knows I vent to him all the time.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And get over whatever it is that happened in your relationships and try to move forward with it. It's a nonstop battle.
Speaker 2:Your children will be a lot better off than staying or trying to be with somebody and it's just not going to work. Or you're forcing it, or it's toxic, or you're just so unhappy and down that you're not. Your needs aren't fulfilled, and you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So, but you just yeah, monkeys, see monkey do pen.
Speaker 3:They're gonna see them fighting yeah, I tried to take the high road in the court case and then I'm like I right, I'm like I don't want to barrier, I don't want to, like, ruin her image because, like, at the end of the day, that's yeah well, Mitch, because at the end of the day, that's yeah Well you know, like Eric said, you want to take the high road. I think at the end of the day, she'll do anything for her. You're a grown adult.
Speaker 2:You don't want to stoop to these fucking childish games, but when it comes to.
Speaker 1:Well, what did I say? The court battles of just getting the visitation for your children. Do what is best right. I think there's a bit of a difference from coming at them and then coming at them in court. It's hard, man, I'm telling you Right. So if you're looking from what?
Speaker 2:you're saying like she just went in there fucking trying to bury you. No but I mean like that shit you're protecting.
Speaker 1:Well, you just said one woman You're protecting your son and everything like that. At the end of the day, is she a bad mother though?
Speaker 2:In the court side. Bring what you have, and it is not to go and bury your name.
Speaker 2:This is to be around your son as much as possible. There's a little bit of a difference In my history of fighting for two around your son as much as possible. There's a little bit of a difference, right, because you know, in my history of fighting for two children in courts is they do not want to hear bashing or they did this and he's that, and they don't want to hear that because they really the court doesn't want to make decisions for children, that's not really their job, but they have to because two parents can't figure their shit out. So when you go in there, professional just say you know what? I just want to see my son. And here's, you know, this is if she's saying this, then you have to argue that. Right, that's.
Speaker 2:There's a difference from trying to bury her and proving what she is saying is false, right, right.
Speaker 2:If you go in there and saying, well, she's fucking crazy and this, and that they'll shut you down, they don't want to hear that shit. But you're just going in there and just saying, look, just read this man, all I want, and then your sincerity alone, because you're a good man that wants to see your child, your children is just say man, look, I look, I don't want to fight. And when you're showing that you genuinely don't want to, rather than fuck this bitch and she's doing this, the tables will turn. Man, because it's getting a lot better these days for men, you know it's a lot better than it used to, for sure. But when you're able to go in there and you can be guns blazing in a different way, where it's just like if you, you got to back up now all the bullshit she's telling the judge and the lawyers whether it's false, then you have to now have to prove it, because they're looking at you like it's true right now. So now it's like well, and that's the shitty part. Until you can prove, prove otherwise.
Speaker 2:So well, and that's the shitty part until you can prove otherwise. So so in the, so in the court perspective you better go in there and fucking rip heads off, but in that, in a different way, and just being like no, no, no, this is it. I'm not like this. Here's proof. You read it, make up your mind, and then they'll start to turn the tables once you show 5,000 messages and whatever else.
Speaker 3:Dude 5,000 pages is PDF format of our text conversation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you know what? Most people aren't not prepared as the tab whatever but you just showing that, without them even looking at it.
Speaker 3:They're like fuck this guy's got yeah, they're like oh, fuck yeah yeah, I'm, I'm hoping that's like I didn't go after like, oh, you did this or you did this during relationship, or you did this during, like parenting. It's. It's even like the like prime example is like near the end when we were splitting up, and she's like, well, if we break up, like how are we going to do? Is like the custody, and it's I literally wrote her. I'm like I want my son to have both parents, that's all I care about. Two loving parents. I want 50, 50 shared custody and I would like, the same days as I have my daughter, so that they can, you know, he can have a relationship with his, with his sibling, right, and that's all I've asked for like multiple times throughout the entire.
Speaker 3:This entire situation is like I've been asking for this from day one. Oh shit, I just want to be fair and I want my kid to have both parents. Like I don't want full custody, like I probably have enough dirt to get full custody, but I don't want to take away. Like my son loves my mom, loves his mom, right, like I don't want to take that away from him, but then like when he grows up, yeah, my daughter, uh, she fucked her up really bad. So my daughter is actually in therapy now. So she built a bond with her, acted like her. Her mom built that bond and I I tell you what broke up. This just the relationship is kind of put more in depth in this um. So we got together. I didn't introduce her for like a year to my daughter and then, when I thought things were getting serious, then I introduced them. We went for dinner, like uh, together, all three of us.
Speaker 1:Um, well, let me ask you this. Let me ask you like and your son's mom, feel about your daughter.
Speaker 3:And then we started dating and she built a bond. Like she called my ex mom and they used to go like girl, like a dates and this and that, like you know, like so they got really, really close and the last year and a half that we were together, her 15 year old sister from Toronto and her 18 year old brother from Toronto were getting kicked out of their home and her sister was going to end up in foster care and I was there for her. Like I'll fight with you but I want to do it right. I don't want to just take her in here and just have it be like a bad situation after bad situation like that. I want to give her a chance.
Speaker 3:So she came to us basically, uh, she was doing like 50 Nick vaping at 15, uh, smoking weed dab pens, like all this shit, and I'm like I don't like failing school, going back down a bad path, failing school. Um, I fought, actually went to a bunch of meetings and got her out of the special education school into a normal high school that's close by, where she can make normal friends. Um, I, I like picked her up, I took her to go get her, her little sister, go get her nails done. Like paid for that. So, like I, I tried to be there for that and the problem occurred when the 18 year old brother came and he didn't. He didn't help out or anything, or is that's what she told me. Is he's like she's like I'm struggling, like I need more help financially with groceries? I'm like, okay, well, what, how much money do you need? Like just tell me I'll do it, whatever. Right, like I was just give, give, give, give, give, um.
Speaker 3:And the only thing that started the problem which is actually why cps got involved on her end was the sister and the brother started smoking weed around my kids and like dab penning, vape penning like I caught the brother smoking a dab pen underneath a bunk bed, underneath where my daughter was sleeping, and I lost my shit because I'm like this is my like five-year-old little girl and you're smoking weed. It's going right up into her mattress. Like I don't want my five-year-old little girl breathing that shit in. Like everyone, I don't care if you smoke weed, I don't care. Like it's legal. Go smoke whatever. Do it outside, go outside, right like.
Speaker 3:I gotta, I gotta freaking like 25 foot balcony, like stretched out, go outside. Like it'sfoot balcony, like stretched out, go outside. Like it's right there, man, like two feet away, and he couldn't, he wouldn't do it and I would go to her. And it got bad because she's like well, you don't talk to him, I'll deal with it. I'll deal with it because she didn't want me dealing with it because she thought I was being a dick, damn, or he was going to get upset and have a temper tantrum and leave or run away. And then the sister like it was just a mess, so I couldn't. Well, that's I, that's the thing. I let her live with me for a year and a half, no rent, no, nothing provided for him.
Speaker 3:I helped him get a job tools got him job, construction, homework, um, and like she would always come to me, like you're putting a divide in the family every time I spoke up and I'm like I'm only speaking up for three things have them clean up, clean up after themselves or help me clean up the house, because, like I'm doing everything myself working my full-time job, starting a business, uh, taking care of the kids, doing drop-off pickups like you're at work all the time. I'm doing everything cooking dinner, making sure they're all fed.
Speaker 1:Well, at the end of the day, get the fuck out. Don't smoke around the kids.
Speaker 3:That's what I would say. Whether it be vaping like 50 nicotine right in their face pretty much, or like even her dad smokes, I'm like, dude, your dad smokes, your brother smokes, weed kids. So if they have enough, you know, respect for for our children to not do that around the kids, then yeah, she, just she just always like you're putting a divide in the family. Every time I said anything about it, I'm like why are you going to deal with it? And then the really fucked up thing that really messed me up actually, uh, which is when I tried to commit suicide, was two nights before she left me. She woke up and texted me that she was leaving me.
Speaker 3:Um, and then trying to sort out the custody battle with my son, she we went to the states. I took her to the states and she told me she loved me, we're gonna make it work and she's gonna talk to her siblings and figure it out and work with me. And then two days later in the morning she wakes up, text me on the way to work saying I'm leaving you. How is this going to work? Are you going to like, how are you going to make the separation? And I was just broadsided like, just, I didn't see it coming. I didn't know, like I'm like wait what, like you know what I mean? So, uh, that fucked me up mentally. And then, even then, like I have the text messages, I'm like you know what, like you're not happy and that's what you wanted. Yeah, I saw her pulling away over and over again making excuses.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, for sure I but, I but yeah, but, but you don't see it when you're in the moment, right hindsight, 2020, right like yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the thing, like you just got to be. I guess I'm more aware now. Even when I go on dates now, it's like things they say about, like parenting, or things they say about kids or like everything just like right away. Now I'm just like, okay, well, maybe that's a concern, but you did see it, man, I like you did, you did see it.
Speaker 3:But yeah, like I have text messages from back. Yeah, but I mean she, she did it the first time. So who says that she's gonna. I want my kids to have parents like if we can do 50, 50 that's the red flags from day one I've been asking for this and then like it's in the moment I get it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but like you, you do see it. But if you're in the same situation like you, feel like you're fucking losing the battle every single day Cause you're not, you're not getting your kid. Yeah, you're doing everything you're supposed to do. You're everyone's telling you, even the courts, the police. Everyone's telling you doing everything like you're supposed to do. Keep, keep strong, keep strong, keep doing it. But you're like you're waiting. Like I have to. Waited like six months to go to court because things were backed up yeah right, like things are backed up from covid, so you gotta wait six months for a freaking court date.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, hurry up and wait, kind of thing. Yeah, well, that was like Steve, like our guest. He came on and, um, he's kind of going through. He was kind of going through the same thing. I think that he just went to court not too long ago, or he's going to court coming up. It might be even on on my birthday as well, april 4th maybe, um, and he's, he's, finally, I think he's gonna win his case. So if you are listening to this, steve, we're happy for you, man, and keep up the good work. But yeah, he's struggling, man.
Speaker 1:So it's a battle, man, I've struggled, joey struggled, you struggled. There's so many men out there that struggle with this shit. I mean, this was the cause of me trying to like. I took fucking three bottles of pills and I was in a coma for two days. Thank God, my buddy walked in the house and found me. Man, because of this shit, you know, my kid's mom ran away with my daughter for three months. I had no idea where the fuck she was. No, like nothing. She got rid of her phone, had no social media. I couldn't find her. No one knew where the fuck she was, man, you know. So like they put through these games, man, and it's fucking horrible. Yeah, it's, and at the end of the day, like you said, it's truly sad man because these kids, it's the kids that suffer.
Speaker 2:you know, especially the age of your children do whatever you want to us.
Speaker 1:They just want to play. Fuck with the kids, man mom and dad.
Speaker 2:You know they want to go to the park. They want to watch movies and eat junk food fucking wild man.
Speaker 1:You know it's wild when people human, people getting used humans do to each other, man and the damage that this causes children you know and especially why you made this fucking person. You made this baby you they don't even know it and the damage that this is causing these children, and especially ones that pollute their minds and get them to do cold horse statements and how they feel. Mom said to tell you this it's disgusting, it's absolutely disgusting.
Speaker 2:It's fucked up, man. It is absolutely. And then they go and try to make you like you're the piece of shit and you're the deadbeat. I'm like man, any parent that you know. We can talk extremely bad about the things that my exes have done to me and both of you, but that stays away from the children. You bashing your ex, you know mom or dad in front of your children, you know, and we've got in heated moments before you know screaming in front of your kid because you're so triggered and it's hard to deal with because when it's about your children and you snap and you go red and you're not thinking that's disgusting. Your little one is right beside you and you guys are screaming at each other yeah, it's actually messed up.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, it's a messed up thing. So, like I didn't trust her, so, like I said, like I was documenting everything and I had actually been recording the whole conversation, of this whole interaction where the cops were called, all I hear is my kid fucking crying. In the video I had to sit there and listen to that with CPS, because she tried to say I was doing this, that CPS left me alone. I showed them my phone, I showed them messages, I showed them phone calls, I even played the. I showed them phone calls, I even played the audio clip for them. They're just like Jesus Christ just stay strong, we'll help you. But this can't ever happen again, because we're here for the kids.
Speaker 3:I'm like 100%. I agree with them the fact that I had to fucking listen to my kid crying like that because me and his mom, me and his mom were fighting like oh fuck man.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm, mm, hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, though, man? I don't like those fucking guys. I'm sorry if you listen in and you work for CPS, fuck, I don't like you. I mean, I went through that shit. You know, they took my daughter out of my mom. They took my daughter out of my mom. They took my daughter out of her mom's care, yeah, and just fucking dropped her in my lap Without helping with any resources. They said they were going to help me. They never did. We're here for the kid, blah, blah, blah. They weren't, man. They just took her out of her mom's care and fucking threw her right in my lap. They did not help me.
Speaker 1:I ended up losing my job because of everything that happened. You know there was no, they never supported me. I've had them come into my life five times because of my mom, my kid's mom man, and every time, oh yeah, we're here, we'll help you, don't worry. And they haven't. It's a fucking joke, it really is, man. I find every time it's came into my life, I find it's hurt my daughter more because of they just drop her in my lap, that's it, without any support anyhow. Oh, we're gonna support you, don't worry, we got your back. They didn't. They didn't help me at all. Man, I fucking struggle. I was.
Speaker 3:I went to the meetings because we had to go to these meetings and I was, you know, they tried to take my kid from both of us and they didn't really do anything for us oh yeah, okay, okay, we'll get you these resources, we'll get to you.
Speaker 1:They never got to me. I had to reach out every time like, hey, like you guys just said, you're going to give me these resources. They just fucking dropped the ball. It was fucking brutal, man. So I don't know, man, I think that those people do not all the time, but in a lot of cases they do more pain than they do help. I find I mean, I've heard other people it's the same thing.
Speaker 2:On that note, I think it is that time?
Speaker 3:I told you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man no they don't know.
Speaker 3:fucking shit, man that that's all.
Speaker 1:They come in here and they just want to take the kid away. You think taking the fucking kid away is gonna fucking save you guys and anything you know it's gonna hurt the kid more especially if two two good parents I mean one good parent and just be there for you guys.
Speaker 2:You know, and, like you said, they're trying to take away like again. I don't know, man, if you guys are really like you said they're trying to take away.
Speaker 1:I don't know, man, If you guys are really having a hard time out there. I think they've got to get way more educated.
Speaker 2:I don't know where to turn. Myself, eric, will help you find the resources, even if you don't live in your town. We'll make some phone calls and we'll get you the help that you need. I don't know, so just know that you're not alone and what you're dealing with A lot of people are dealing with as well. So reach out to us. We're all minds podcast at gmailcom. Myself will answer almost right away, pretty much anytime, any day, any hour. We got you, so hit us up.
Speaker 2:And on my end, I just want to say thank you, john, for coming on. It's been an honor, my friend, and I truly wish you the best in your court proceedings and that it works out for you. Man, it's a hard battle, you know short term, but I will say this as hard as it was for me to go through that process and for me to come out on the other side of that knowing that I did everything right and I still am, or trying to, and even in the courts proving that what she was saying was false, and then I ended up getting the time that I wanted, as you will. Once that hammer hits, the gavel hits down and the judge makes that order, your life will actually start to get better, and I'm so grateful. Nobody wants to go to court.
Speaker 2:It's not easy, man, but the fact that you are and you have to will actually work out in your favor, because once that judge hits that gavel or swing, whatever you want to call it, uh, that is it. She cannot argue it, she cannot go against it. She can just shut the fuck up and that's your days and that's it, and then eventually they'll tire themselves out, you're not going to get triggered as much anymore and eventually you'll start to heal a little bit, feel better about yourself, because then you can be the best version you can as a father and for your kids, right. As a father in and for your kids, right. So I truly wish you the best, my friend and I, and please update us and let us know what happens. And on my end, man, if you can't find good people, be good people.
Speaker 3:Peace For sure. Thank you guys for having me. Yeah, it's not easy, but you guys are really supportive and you've been there so it helps. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:I guess, yeah, john, thank you, man, thank you for coming out and, you know, sharing with us. It takes a lot, of a lot of courage to do this. No, man, definitely no, yeah, man, that's what we're here for, you know. So it takes a lot of courage. So, um, you know, kudos to you, big guy. We appreciate it. Um well, yeah, man, I think that's a wrap. So, on that note, be good or be good at it bye.