In this raw and revealing 27th episode of "Raw Minds," titled "Bargaining Exposed: Men's Mental Health and the 5 Stages of Grief," hosts Erick and Joey courageously delve into the intricate stage of bargaining, a critical yet often misunderstood phase of the grieving process.
As we continue our poignant series on the five stages of grief, Erick opens up about the tumultuous period following the devastating loss of his fiancée. He shares a personal and intimate account of his own bargaining experiences — the if-onlys and what-ifs that haunted him — and discusses the mental maneuvers and coping strategies that helped him navigate through this challenging stage.
Meanwhile, Joey offers a heartfelt perspective on grappling with bargaining in the aftermath of his nephew's passing. He talks openly about the silent negotiations that grief ushers in, the search for meaning in the midst of sorrow, and the silent pleas to turn back time.
Together, Erick and Joey explore the complex emotions that bargaining stirs within men who are taught to be strong and unyielding. They dismantle the myths, shine a light on the reality of this grief stage, and offer solace and understanding to those who are struggling to make sense of their loss.
"Bargaining Exposed" isn't just an episode; it's a conversation that breaks down barriers and builds a community of support. It's about men sharing their vulnerabilities and finding strength in the collective wisdom of lived experiences.
Join us on this journey through the heart of bargaining — you may find the echoes of your own story here and discover the tools to help you move forward. Remember, you are not alone in your grief, and there is hope beyond the bargaining table. Tune in to "Raw Minds" and let Erick and Joey guide you through the shadows of loss to a place of understanding and healing.
In this raw and revealing 27th episode of "Raw Minds," titled "Bargaining Exposed: Men's Mental Health and the 5 Stages of Grief," hosts Erick and Joey courageously delve into the intricate stage of bargaining, a critical yet often misunderstood phase of the grieving process.
As we continue our poignant series on the five stages of grief, Erick opens up about the tumultuous period following the devastating loss of his fiancée. He shares a personal and intimate account of his own bargaining experiences — the if-onlys and what-ifs that haunted him — and discusses the mental maneuvers and coping strategies that helped him navigate through this challenging stage.
Meanwhile, Joey offers a heartfelt perspective on grappling with bargaining in the aftermath of his nephew's passing. He talks openly about the silent negotiations that grief ushers in, the search for meaning in the midst of sorrow, and the silent pleas to turn back time.
Together, Erick and Joey explore the complex emotions that bargaining stirs within men who are taught to be strong and unyielding. They dismantle the myths, shine a light on the reality of this grief stage, and offer solace and understanding to those who are struggling to make sense of their loss.
"Bargaining Exposed" isn't just an episode; it's a conversation that breaks down barriers and builds a community of support. It's about men sharing their vulnerabilities and finding strength in the collective wisdom of lived experiences.
Join us on this journey through the heart of bargaining — you may find the echoes of your own story here and discover the tools to help you move forward. Remember, you are not alone in your grief, and there is hope beyond the bargaining table. Tune in to "Raw Minds" and let Erick and Joey guide you through the shadows of loss to a place of understanding and healing.
yeah, yeah, yeah, welcome back everybody. Thanks for tuning in to the show where we shatter the silence on men's mental health. We are unfiltered, uneditedited and, as always, we are going raw. My name is.
Speaker 1:Joey and I'm Eric and we're your hosts. And welcome to Raw Minds, episode 27. Bargaining.
Speaker 2:Stages of grief. Yep, it is our mini-series series. We are breaking down each stage. You know everyone, obviously. You know grieves differently, right? Sometimes you can hit all five stages in the same day. You know it's. Everyone goes at their own pace. Everybody grieves how they grieve. Man, everyone's built differently. Some people are more emotional than others. Some people, you know, can bury things and move on with their life, and some people can't handle it, can't take it and, you know, get to that point of unaliving themselves. Yeah, depending on what it is that we go through.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know some people, just everyone just grieves and struggles differently with you know life's trials and traumas, you know.
Speaker 1:So I mean, you could be at a funeral and see someone and they're not even crying, right? Just because they're not crying doesn't mean that they're grieving. I mean not grieving.
Speaker 2:Not hurting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, everybody's differently, man. Definitely. You know. We touched Sorry, go ahead. No, go ahead, man. I was just saying we touched on denial, and then the other one was.
Speaker 2:Anger.
Speaker 1:Anger, yeah, anger, and now bargaining, and a lot of people really don't understand bargaining, but today we're going to explain it and maybe give people more of an insight and understanding and know that these are normal things that we go through in times like that.
Speaker 2:Well, I think in that bargaining stage, we all pretty much do the same thing. In that stage they call it bargaining, but you know, you lose a sense of control of the situation and you're trying to get that control back. Yeah, right, that's basically what it is. Right, you're trying to negotiate. Basically, the breakdown, and the definition is you're trying to negotiate with a higher power or yourself in an attempt to delay, delay or reverse the outcome. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So we tell ourselves, you know, we tell ourselves we'll change if we can just go back and not say that or do this and maybe things would be different. So we, you know, we bargain and negotiate with ourselves is what it is right, hoping that you would have a different outcome of what has happened, because you're feeling that pain or loss, whether it's a death or a breakup or whatever. It might be Right. Yeah, so we negotiate and bargain with ourselves, and I've even been there where I was so messed up and at such a low and I'm not a religious guy and a lot of people I think do this and fuck. You look up sometimes and you're laying in your room and you're just broken and believing your God or not. You somehow reach out to god one of those times and you're just like man. If there is a god out there, please help me, or whatever you cut out there.
Speaker 1:You uh cut out there the last, the last thing that you said there yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I just seen something pop up.
Speaker 2:But yeah yeah, no, I said, uh, you know, when we're in that place of of pain and and brokenness is not only do we try to negotiate and and tell ourselves these stories, and oh, I promise I'll change to yourself, but you know, religious or not, and I'm religious, but I've had moments where I'm like man, if there is a God up there, like I promise you, if you, if I could go back and take this away, or I'd say this, then then you try to negotiate with the higher power. At this, it's because you're hurting, you don't, you don't want to feel the pain and you hope that, whether it's a god or the universe, could reverse that so you can take that pain away. Right, and that's exactly what they say and talk about, about the bargaining is with yourself or a higher power, whatever it is that you believe in hoping to reverse, to reverse what has happened, because you don't want to feel like that yeah, or in some instincts, I mean, people even be like they don't believe that it's real.
Speaker 1:It's also that's why it's close to denial too right, because it can be in front of anger or, like we said, it doesn't have to come in the road, but it's always denial first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly Like that stage is. It goes hand in hand with the denial in the first stage that they talk about right, yeah, yeah, right, because you don't want to leave. You know, if I could change this, then this wouldn't happen and there's no way that this happens. Or if someone is laying on their deathbed and that's someone that you love or care about, that you're telling yourself I wish I could be in their place and take that away. You know, for example, we talked briefly on the last episode my nephew that passed away was three years old. You know, we as family and uncle, and you know I wish I could trade places with him. If I could donate my heart, I would have, or whatever it is that he needed.
Speaker 2:Because we do that, because we're trying to not feel that pain and wish that we could change that yeah right, so you try to negotiate with yourself, I'm like, and then you sit in this daily because you're hurting and and it just consumes you. Right, because you're trying or wish you could go back, or wish you could change that for that person, or wish you didn't say what you said to cause that breakup or make a poor decision and whatever it may be that ended it. And you just keep telling yourselves over and over in your head all these things and it can be very detrimental. And it is because it not only prolongs the healing process of whatever it is that you're dealing with. It's because every day that you wake up you're repeating these stories and you're hurting. You don't want to feel like that. You know what I mean. So, yeah, it definitely is a. It's a real hard one to uh, to get through and and what they call the bargaining stage. But again, you know, everyone heals and grieves differently, right?
Speaker 1:Well, another version of a bargaining, too, is um, you know, right. Well, another version of bargaining, too, is you know, like what if I could have did something to stop that? You know like, oh, if I was there, you know, and you keep on repeating these stuff over and over in your head and you know, that's it. Just. It'll drive you crazy at the same time. Like what if? That question, what if, especially when you lose someone, you know I could have been there, what if I was there? At the end of the day, you weren't, though, right, Like it happened, and there's nothing you can do to change that.
Speaker 2:And then you carry that guilt right Because you're playing, you blame yourself.
Speaker 2:You know what, if your friend that committed suicide but called you the day before and you didn't answer that phone call, and the next day they're gone? Now you're holding like, maybe if I answered that phone call he would still be with us, yeah Right. So we hold on to a lot of that too. When these things happen and you wish, you wish, you wish but that you could change all these things or take that pain away from them, or not feel that and do this but and that I think that's one of the toughest. If you were to look at the stages is is that because you're constantly battling yourself, wishing you did something different and at the same time, it's causing you more anxiety and it's causing you more sadness and hurt because you're creating even scenarios that hasn't happened, hoping that or wishing that that's what would have happened, so you wouldn't be in this position or you wouldn't feel this way yeah, it's just about navigating through that pain and trying to push it away onto something else right and you're trying to regain control when you have no control.
Speaker 2:Because if you had control, you wouldn't be feeling the way that you feel and you wouldn't be heartbroken or you wouldn't have lost a family member or close friend, right. So that's why we feel this pain because you lost control. You have no control over what has happened. If someone leaves you in a breakup, you have no control over what has happened. If someone leaves you in a breakup, you have no control over that. You might be able to try to fix it, but in that moment, when you're heartbroken and you're hurting, like you have no control and that's why you feel that way, because you can't change it and you're hurting so bad and you're and you're so broken that when you lose that sense of control, you continuously feel that way because there's nothing you can do about it. Now you feel helpless.
Speaker 2:That's where the bargaining and the telling, these stories in your head comes from. It's because you're trying to regain control of something that you have no control over and that's where we and that that's where it comes from. Oh, I wish I would have done this, or I wish I would have said that then I wouldn't be in this position and they'd still be with me and they wouldn't have passed away, and if I just answered that phone, you know what I mean. So it's, it's a struggle because you don't have control.
Speaker 1:You've lost control well, like I said this before is, as human beings, we want certainty, right. We want to know the know of the unknown. You know we're always trying to chase everything like go to space, do this, do that. You know what I mean. So it's you know, when you don't have control of a situation you know you don't have, you don't know the outcome that's going to come. So it comes hand in hand, right million percent, and that's you know.
Speaker 2:And that's like with a lot of things in life, man, when everybody wants to be in control of whatever it is.
Speaker 2:You want to have a sense of control. But that pain, like I said, and that depression or whatever it is that we deal with or go through from whatever traumatic events or whatever, is because you've lost control and there's nothing you can do about it. Yeah, there's absolutely nothing, because you want to fix that, you wish you didn't do that, you wish you know if you just picked up that phone or whatever it is. So that's why we sit in and feel that way and because we don't have control and we we lose that. But in that is where people start to spiral, lose that sense of control over your way you feel, the, what you're doing, and then that's where it comes in, the, the masking and the self-medicating and all these things, and that's where you start to spiral out of control, because now you've really lost complete control of your life right, yeah, then you medicate, and then it just gets worse and worse and worse, and that's what follows, though that's why, uh, depression follows bargaining.
Speaker 1:Because of this right, you know, people lose control and they just can't handle the depression that they're going through well, and that's it.
Speaker 2:Well, like you said, the depression and that's why, if you look at the stage chart or whatever's depressions, what after that? Yeah, but again, everyone grieves differently but that depression comes is when you realize you have no control, because in the beginning of that stage you're trying to find that control and get it back and you keep telling yourself these stories. And then once you realize, no matter what I think, no matter what I thought I could do, uh there's. You realize that it, it, it's done, they're gone, it's over, it's whatever. And that's where your depression starts to kick in. Right, because you're trying to grab onto control and not, and hold onto this and it not be real, because you're still, it's really close to the denial stage. Right, because you're not believing it, you don't want to believe it, you're trying to hold on to it. And then once you realize that it's gone, they're gone. The situation, yeah, it happened. And now you really start to nosedive really into that depression and that deep, and that's where everything else starts to fall off for a lot of people.
Speaker 1:And that and that's where you.
Speaker 2:That's why we're doing what we're doing is because we try to help people not even get into that Like we're. You know being sad is normal. You know going through things in life is normal. You know getting kicked and knocked down is normal, but you really got to. Whatever it is that you guys go through is that before it really gets into that depression stage is to try to find the tools and try to find the resources and to try to get out of that faster and not go into that dark hole.
Speaker 2:That's really hard to get out of right, and that's where the self-medicating and and everything else comes with it, and that's why people ended up or end up way worse or unaliving themselves you just lose yourself and I completely sympathize, just like you can, because we've both been there. Right, we both try to. We both try to kill ourselves at one point because of being in that headspace got that right, man.
Speaker 1:I woke up two days later in the hospital, not even knowing right so definitely. And you know, like how we touch on like we said, like not even knowing Right so definitely. You know like how we were touched on like we said, like denial and bargaining are like pretty close, almost, I would say almost almost the same feeling in some sense, but it's like a gray line down it, I would say, because I mean at one point you know you can't believe it happened, but at the other other side, you know you do anything to change that, you know. So it's it's pretty, it's really close. And what I went through I kind of touched this on the last episode is, like you know, I always thought, still, she's going to come through that door and it still goes through my mind, you know.
Speaker 1:But when it first happened it didn't feel real. It felt like she was, she was on a vacation, you know, or like her phone was going to ring, you know, and like I would look at it and like and just like, oh, is it going to ring? You know what I mean. Like it, it, you go, you go into your head and you go deep and you start following that rabbit hole. You know, I mean like with, with her, her mom, what she was going through. Same thing, you know, she, she, she was trying to figure out every possible way to bring her back. But there's, there's no way. When someone's gone, they're gone. What at this point in time anyways, who knows later down life, in the, in life? But I mean they're, they're gone. And, like you said, like you need to realize, like once you realize that you know, you can start moving forward, but you have to accept it. Right, and that's the biggest thing, is acceptance, and that's obviously the last one that we're going to talk about.
Speaker 2:But as soon as you can cross that, then you can understand you know, after your fiance passed away and kind of the dust settled with you know the all the issues you had with her family. Once, when you're able to kind of you know, take in what's actually happened, you know past that denial stage and you know what was like. What kind of stories were you telling yourself? Were you reaching out to a higher power? What were you telling yourself in kind of that process after losing your fiancé?
Speaker 1:Well, I wasn't really reaching out to a higher power. I'm not really religious, um but I was definitely replaying in my head like, uh, when I talked to her on the phone, or like actually on father's day in the morning when she came to drop off my um, my uh, father's day present, and I told her to she should go upstairs and sleep because she looked really tired. I wish that I kept her at my house. You know. That kept on going through my head Like I'm stupid. I kept on saying Like I should have just told her go upstairs and sleep. No, but obviously she didn't and she went to her mom's house.
Speaker 1:So, like that, definitely. Or I should have. Just like when I came home after dropping off my daughter and her best friend, that's when Jewel said she was going to come over back from her mom's house and I was calling her and she wasn't picking up. So I drove by the house and I saw her car at her mom's house and I just figured she was sleeping. But it replayed in my head I should have just went to her mom's house and woke her up. Did you ever feel A?
Speaker 2:sense of guilt, like it was your fault Because you didn't keep her in the house when you seen her that day. No, not at all. Not at all.
Speaker 1:Like it was your fault because you didn't keep her in the house when you seen her that day? No, not at all, not at all, not at all. But I could see some people that would think that.
Speaker 2:So you didn't feel like a sense of blame.
Speaker 1:You know, not really man, not really. I wish I kept her there, but I didn't blame myself. I wish I kept her there but I didn't blame myself. I think that, though a lot of people like her mom, her mom did, her mom definitely blamed herself. She straight up told me, she says she should have woke her up. She doesn't know what she was doing. She figures if she woke her up she would have been okay. Or she called the ambulance. You know, she even called the hospital to talk to them and explain what happened and if she could, if she called, would she have saved her life. She went to the extent of doing that do I blame?
Speaker 2:myself, necessarily blame yourself but like in your mind, like you know, like that sense of like it's my fault, because I seen her the day before that she passed and I could have done this, and you know you, you, you know, because it was such a tragic uh, tragic, what happened, being that it was your fiance and whatnot. Um, but the stories that you tell you because, like you said, when you're hurting, you wish you could go back, you wish you did keep her there, or you wish you went by her mom's house, or you wish you might've called her again, or something that would have prevented something like that, because, as as sad and as terrible as it was, as it was, you know, like you know.
Speaker 1:Well, and that's the.
Speaker 2:I think that's the hardest part with a lot of with things like this. That happens is when it comes out of nowhere. You know we talked about this a lot, yeah, you know in the past is you know you go, you have this life and people have these lives and they're in a good place and life's doing good and your kids are good and you're happy at work. And then, for example, with you and a lot of other people, when they get the phone call or a police officer calls them that there was a tragic car accident or and it's all of a sudden that your kid was and look at it on the news like all of a sudden you get a phone call that your kid was beat up and bullied at school and he was beaten to death, like these kind of things that are just sudden, like that'll shock right.
Speaker 1:Nobody's built to handle that you know, just sat in it Shock.
Speaker 2:Nobody's built to handle that.
Speaker 1:You know, tell me about it. I did go into shock. Definitely. I didn't believe it was real until I saw her body get carried away out on a stretcher, you know, and her skin was not the same color because she was dead for a while. She died between 10 and 12 o'clock at night on Father's Day and then her mom found her about 8.30 in the morning on the floor. So yeah, it was yeah, but did I have any regret or blame myself? No, no. I mean, we're human beings. We make the decisions at the end of the day. I mean through so much death, I understand this, you know. At the end of the day, I mean through so much death, I understand this, you know. And no matter what you could have done, I mean it happened, you know it happened. I don't know. I think what's meant to me is meant to be right and it happens at the end of the day and it's just shitty that it happens all the time again.
Speaker 2:That's why it's so hard is because we don't have control over a lot of this. You know, when adults make their own decisions like they're adults and it's not always the good ones and the ones that they make sometimes leave family behind to deal with what they couldn't deal with and leaves it to their kids. And, like we say I say it all the time too man, like you can pass down generational trauma to your children by not dealing with the things that you've had to not deal with, basically, and things in your life that was traumatic, you know, abusive, whatever loss of loved ones and children. But you have to deal with that. But you have to deal with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and people don't want to, because it's the trigger and it sets them off and they can't talk about it and they like a PTSD and it's better for them to just bury themselves in their work and their whatever activities. But you're just masking it there. You cannot ever run away from what has happened to you, whatever it may be. All you're doing is prolonging it and masking it. That's it. It will always be there. The pain will always be there until you face it.
Speaker 1:Can't run around it. Can't go over it. You can run from it for the longest time, but eventually it's going to catch up to you. Doesn't go over it. You can run from it for the longest time, but eventually it's going to catch up to you. Doesn't matter how old you are, it will catch up to you, you know, and it's just going to damage you mentally. You know, because then you got to live with that and live with these thoughts that periodically come through your head.
Speaker 2:You know when you're trying to push them away which is then, in turn, just unhealthy, and it's going to make unhealthy decisions and unhealthy relationships, just like I did. I tried to run from it for 20 years, yeah, and all that did was bring me heartbreak and attract the wrong people into my life because I was a mess and I didn't even realize I was that bad of a mess until the very end when, you know, I had a breakdown and then I realized I'm like man, I got to change. But most people are like that, right, I'm fine, they don't talk about it. It's easier for them not to talk about it. They're they're still in the denial stage, or whatever you want to call it. They're still in the denial stage, or whatever you want to call it, and all that does is, you know, you start to bleed on everybody else that didn't catch you right.
Speaker 1:So I mean a lot of people get stuck in the denial stage and they'll be in there. You know my kid's mom. She lost both her parents when she was in her teens. You know, and she still. I mean you can never really get over loss, but I mean it still affects her like it was yesterday. You know she doesn't believe it and it's just. It's just other people grieve, right, that's how people. But you got to get past that stage.
Speaker 2:That's the thing with someone like her is she's buried it for whatever 20 years. And then those are also the same people that use their traumas as the reason why they do this and the reason why they treat people like that. Well, I'm like this because this happened, but that was 20 years ago and, as terrible as it was, you need to get over it. Yeah, because what happened to you, whether it's your fault or not, is not an excuse to treat other people. Shitty is not an excuse to treat other people. Shitty is not an excuse to get like, to get away with being a victim, right, it's. You just choose not to deal with it and then, when things come up, you just use that as the excuse of why you're the way you are, why I acted like that. Well, I wouldn't be like this if this didn't happen to me. Well, fucking fix it. Then you won't have to be like that and you'd fix it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's poor me, poor me, poor me. It's always poor me, with most people in the victim mentality, like you know what? Like well, I can sit here and say I was physically and sexually abused by another man when I was five years old. I was physically abused growing up, and the list goes on, but I choose not to let all those things that's happened to me give me the reason why I do that to my children, or I treat people like this, or but you took control of the situation, you know, and you turned it around Well and that's the thing you have to, because, regardless of that happened to me 30, whatever five years ago, and and, like I said, the list goes on I I chose whatever five years ago and a bunch, and, like I said, the list goes on I I chose.
Speaker 2:It took a long time, mind you, and that's why we're sitting here tonight and every week is I chose not to allow what's happened to me affect my future anymore and I don't want what I chose not to deal with yeah, leave it for my kids to deal with, because it's a real thing, right yeah, yeah, well, and let's.
Speaker 1:Let's face it, though there is no timeline on on fixing yourself really isn't no timeline, you know, and it's gonna. You're still working on yourself, no matter what, even if you're perfect no one's perfect You're always working on yourself. I mean, some people take longer to go through these things, and that's just how they process things. And if that's one of you guys, I mean that's totally okay, you know, but it's a matter of as long as you're putting in the work and pushing forward and you know, doing the job that you need to do to fix yourself. You know that's what, at the end of the day, matters. I mean, if it takes you 20 years, 40 years, 50 years to fix that shit, but you're still working on it, well, I applaud you then good for you, because a lot of people would just probably give up you know.
Speaker 2:So, oh, people just think it's too hard to put in that work because they don't want to face those demons, they don't want to turn around, they don't want to hit it head on, like I said. You mask it, you bury it fine. Yeah, you're not fine. Yeah, hit it head on. Like I said you mask it, you bury it Fine. You're not fine Because over time, like you said earlier, it's going to catch up to you, so you can't.
Speaker 1:You know, a lot of people drink. They drink, but they don't understand that these demons swim.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no matter how painful or traumatic things that have happened to you in your life, you can't let these moments affect your movements to the future, into the future right.
Speaker 2:And people just become stagnant and they just live their life existing because they choose not to deal with all these things that's happened to them, because they don't want to admit it, they don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 2:It's easier not to talk about, but when you look at it, what is actually harder? Just talking about it and getting over that first hump to deal with it, or living life in a constant state of depression and anxiety and stress, because every day that you wake up and all day, whatever it may be, that's all you're thinking about and all the triggers that come up along, you know, and you just constantly deal with it and push it off because you don't want to be triggered. You want to be this, but why do you want to live your life like that? And then that's where the anger comes out too, and the way people deal with you know their aggression and how they treat their spouses or their children. That stems from something greater than your wife pissed you off today. There's way more to that or your husband, whatever, there's something else and it's buried deep down, something that you've been battling, so why not try to fix that?
Speaker 1:well, let me ask you this so when you went through yours right after, like after losing your nephew, how did you get through um, your, your uh bargaining stage? How did I?
Speaker 2:get through it. I don't think there well, I wouldn't say there's like a that you would remember, but in that process my situation was obviously losing my three-year-old nephew was a little bit different than you waking up to losing your fiancé With my three-year-old nephew. He passed away with cancer and a brain tumor. He was already in the hospital for months, so it was different in a sense that it was a possibility that he might not make it, et cetera, et cetera. Now, when he passed away, you know, my bargaining at the time, like I think I mentioned earlier, is you know he's just a three-year-old boy, nephew or not, he's just a baby. And my bargaining in the way I am because I you know he's just a three-year-old boy, nephew or not, he's just a baby. And my bargaining in the way I am because I love kids, man, regardless. I got two, but even if I didn't have kids, man, I love kids. And when you see that in my bargaining, not only was I hurting because it was my family, and I'm also hurting because it's a three-year-old and no parent or adult should ever bury their children, but it happens. And so you know, after he passed, and I think in that is I battled myself wishing that, like I, even if I remember correctly, I would tell myself well, you know what, maybe if you went over there the day before he got sick, then you might have noticed something and you might have been able to get him to the hospital a little bit sooner. And you tell these stories in your head because you're so hurt and you feel so sad and broken over watching your three-year-old in the hospital dying. You know, I started. You know well what, if he can live, if I give him my liver, and then you start even some of it is just like beyond even reality, because that's you're struggling, right, I would do anything Like I wish, you know, I could give him all my organs right now and put me under. Put me under, I would change it. So that was mine.
Speaker 2:And then at that time, right before he passed, I believed in God, but I wasn't really religious. I grew up, like I said, with my dad. But that's where, in situations that we go through a lot of people, whether religious or not, they always tend to look up and be like God, if you're there, please help. We've all done it. So I was not only God. If you're there, please help. You know, and we've all done it. And so I was not only negotiating with myself, but I was also, you know, trying to negotiate with a higher power, like, just let him live, and if he makes it, then you know, I promise I'll be a better uncle and I'll make sure my sister's a better mom and I'll go there every weekend and take him out and get him ice cream, and I'll do this because you know what I mean and you're just, you're hurting. But then, after he passed and he didn't make it, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Now it's like I wish I did this, and I wish I just would have went over there the day before, even though it wasn't planned, and then maybe I would have noticed something and my sister didn't, and then I would have taken them to the doctor and I would have done. You know what I mean. So it's definitely that those stories are a little bit different than you know what happened with you all of a sudden.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's, you know, I think well, let me say this then did you, did you find that you were grieving before he already passed away? Maybe that's you're kind of already going through it while he was there. So you know, like how I am right now with my mom, you know I'm grieving her before she's even gone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're more prepared for it you know because Did you find yourself doing that. I told you that this is a very high possibility that they're not going to make it Right, so you're already grieving their loss before they're gone yeah right and you, but you're also wishing you hope to.
Speaker 2:You know you hope and pray and whatever it is that you do, that you don't lose them, obviously, and but that you're praying that that 0.01 percent chance that they'll make it and you hold on to that hope because you don't want to let that go and you, you don't want to praying that that 0.01% chance that they'll make it, and you hold on to that hope because you don't want to let that go and you, you don't want to believe that they are going to die.
Speaker 2:So it's a yeah.
Speaker 2:When you, when you're able to, or when you're told, especially with someone like that, the family or whatever that's passing away, and you kind of get a heads up to you know having to deal with the worst case scenario, then you can be a little bit more prepared and it's still terrible, but at least you can kind of brace yourself for what's to come, you know.
Speaker 2:So you're telling different like when there's there, like for, but at least you can kind of brace yourself for what's to come, you know. So you're telling different like when there's there, like, for example, like my nephew before he passed in the hospital, you're telling yourself different stories and bargaining and negotiating with yourself and I wish I could, if I do this, and if he makes it, I'll do this. And then, after they're gone, oh, I wish I could go back and do this, or I wish I could have just done this, and I wish, and then you kind of not really, not really, uh, blame yourself, but it's I wish I could have done more than you get hard on yourself because you feel where I felt I couldn't do more and I just wanted to I couldn't was again, it was out of my control. Yeah, and that's why we do that, and that's the worst part, because you lose a sense of control, and that's the worst part.
Speaker 2:Whatever it is that's going on or what's happened. But that's why we feel that way, that's why we get depressed, that's why we feel grief. Yeah, because you lost a sense of control over that situation or that loss, and you're trying everything you can and telling yourself stories, hoping that you can feel a little bit better and regain some of that control. But in reality you have zero control and that's where that depression starts to kick in, because you realize that you have zero control and no matter what you tell yourself, no matter how many times you wish you could go back or change that or say this or pick them up or show up, you realize that you've lost control of that and there's nothing you can do about it.
Speaker 1:And now it starts to really hit you and you start to really hit that next stage, if you will do you think that this just kind of popped in my head right now do you think that, um, when you aren't, you're depressed and you just lost, like all control? Do you think that losing that control mindset starts popping into everything else, like getting out of bed, going to work, doing all these other things? You've lost the, the mindset, the control of the mindset, I guess you could say, to get up and and do even simple tasks like, um, uh, having a shower, making some food. You know, I think that it like carries over it almost, like it's like a um, like a spell effect.
Speaker 2:You know, losing control obviously comes in with depression well, and that's why I think that's how you start to sink into that depression. What do you think on that? You know, we, we take a traumatic event, um, a painful memory or a painful something that really bad happened to you and your child, whatever it may be, and we take that one thing and, like you said, because we all grieve differently and we yeah, some people just can't deal with it at all and or some people bury it and continue on with their life and they don't talk about it ever, and whatever they do. But we, as you know, we take yeah, let's put it this way Like so. I'll make a smaller example. Like so, when you say you go out your regular day and something bad happens at work and it's minor, it might be at work you get a fender bender. You're pissed off. Right Now you're in a bad mood. Right One thing in your day is now trickled into how you're communicating or working besides your coworkers, because now you're mad. It started in the morning. It trickles into your day. Now you're just being a miserable prick. Then you go home and you're banging dishes and you're getting angry, or whatever it may be, and now that has created your whole day of different events to be all shit over one thing, right. So everyone says, well, I had such a terrible day. Well, no, you just had a terrible moment and you allowed it to affect the rest of your day or the rest of your week because of one thing.
Speaker 2:Now, obviously, when we talk about the bigger things, like what we go through as children and abuse and the big traumatic events, but we take that and people hold on to that for years and they don't deal with it, but we take that part of your life or that traumatic event and we allow that. And it's hard because when you get into that place you do lose control and it's very hard to think clearly, have clarity, any of that. So that's what starts to trickle into these things. Where you don't even get up to have a shower, you don't do your dishes Now, you're so down you can't get out of bed and your kid's missing school because you can't even drive him to school. And now you're always going to the gym and now you haven't been to the gym in a month. Now you ate healthy and now all you're doing is ordering, skip the dishes because you can't even get yourself up, because you're so down to go to the grocery store and buy food. And now you're so down to go to the grocery store and buy food, and now you're gaining weight or you're overweight, whatever it may be, and that's where the snowball effect comes in.
Speaker 2:So we take that one big thing or whatever it is it's usually just one or whatever people go through, but allow, over time, other things to start to fall off, and that's where people nosedive, other things to start to fall off, and that's where people nosedive and they add and build up, just like me, and stack these things. Because you didn't deal with this one thing. You allowed that one thing to now control you, and now everything else in your life is starting to fall off. Now you're missing, missing work. Now you're being suspended. Now you just got fired. Now you don't have a job. Now you have no money coming in, all because of something that's happened that you choose not to face or deal with and bury it instead.
Speaker 1:Well, let's say like this then You're letting people live or things live rent-free in your house, in your head. I mean, you know, and it's all about the mindset like we talk about, and it's small things. You know, small things will make people. Someone cuts you off in traffic next thing, you know, like you said, snowball effect. One thing after another, like just be the smallest thing well, that's the thing.
Speaker 2:It's always usually a paper cut, but people turn that into a huge gash you know what I mean, because it's 90 reaction to whatever it is that's happened to you. Yeah, obviously that's true. With sudden death that you've dealt with. That I've dealt with. Yeah, that's not just a paper cut, but regardless that's happened. Now, what do you do to move forward from that? Right, do you choose to allow? Do you do you choose to allow? Do you do you choose to allow everything else in your life to start to fall off? A big yeah?
Speaker 2:It's extremely difficult when you get into that mind space and you're crying and you're depressed and you're sad and you're not thinking clearly. We've all been there. I completely understand, understand it, man, because you're hurting, you're broken, you feel alone, you know, but regardless in that, because that's temp and you don't feel like it, but it's temporary, definitely, and that when you're in that, in that headspace, man, you think that's going to last forever. And that's why people unalive themselves is because they don't think they'll ever come out of that and they feel that it's better to not be here than to wake up the next day to feel like that, because that is the worst and nobody thinks that you'll ever come out of that. As much as you don't want to feel like that. You can't shake it. And now it's carried over because of something that's happened to you, but I promise it is temporary, because we both been in it and we're sitting here tonight and I almost unalive myself twice. So but yeah, regardless of what's happened to you and you're still here you still have people that love you. You still have children that love you. You still have children that need you. You still have friends that care about you and so, whatever it is that happens, you have to be able to face it. You have to be able to deal with it, regardless of how painful it is to talk about, because you cannot allow that to ruin and affect your movement going forward and the rest of your life.
Speaker 2:Because you're taking one thing, as severe as it might be, and now you've just added no money because you've gotten fired. You have very little or low self-esteem because you've let yourself go. You've gained a bunch of weight. You look at yourself in the mirror. You just feel terrible looking at yourself and all these other things. You're not playing with your kids as much as you used to. Now they don't want to come see daddy, they don't want to go to daddy's house because he's always angry and he's always sad. He just lays in his room all day watching TV because he's always angry and he's always sad and he just lays in his room all day watching tv because he can't get out of bed.
Speaker 2:Or in your phone, because I did it. I would sit there acting your scroll but I was looking at nothing and that was my way of dealing with my anxiety, was looking in my phone because it was a distraction, you know, I've said because it was easier for me to just get that quick distraction and the thoughts that were in my head because I didn't want to feel or hear the thoughts in my head because they were dangerous fucking thoughts.
Speaker 2:So, whatever it is that we go through, or whatever it is that you guys are going through, man, you have to turn around and face it.
Speaker 2:Man, you have to, because I tell you, when I remember being like that and then I started not going to work and then all of a sudden, the paychecks were half as what they were, or you know what, we don't really need you anymore. And now you have no job and you're looking for a job while feeling like that. Or now your kids don't want to come see you because you're like that man you want to talk about nose diving real quick, all because of one thing that you chose not to deal with, and instead you decided to mask it and self-medicate, and all you're doing is running away from it and prolonging it. Is there something that you could have done that might've taken you, depending on the severity, a couple months? Now you've dragged it out to three or four years, but now you've added addiction to that alcoholism, whatever it may be that you now have to deal with on top of that because you chose not to deal with that one thing. So a million percent.
Speaker 1:It's stacking on, stacking, on, stacking, and then it's going to be even harder now to go through those things and and fix yourself, because you got so much stuff on your plate, you know. And then people get overwhelmed, you know, and they're like, oh, I don't know what to do.
Speaker 2:First, and then it's easier if I just lay back in bed and and then when they get into the drugs and the alcohol, like a lot of people do, and they use that as the reason why they keep getting high or they keep drinking, or they keep gambling or whatever their addiction is. So they're using this now as an excuse as to why they do this, rather than looking in the mirror and taking accountability Rather than looking in the mirror and taking accountability.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then you attract, because you're not in good health, so you're attracting other people that are in the same situation or even worse. You know, and then you get really stuck in that because now you got this partner that is going through their shit and using drugs, or whatever it may be, to medicate, which then is going to fall on you because you are who you have and you don't you know? So then the both of you are just going to get stuck in this.
Speaker 2:You don't attract, you don't attract, and that's what you want. You attract who you are. Go ahead. That's a million percent true. I believe it, 100% right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, yeah, I do want to touch on, though. You know, if you are feeling like this, you know reach out, get a counselor, talk to someone. You know it's really important, especially in a death. You know there's grief counselors out there. You know I saw a grief counselor. I'm still seeing a counselor, not a grief one, but I'm seeing a counselor.
Speaker 1:You know it's healthy to talk about these things. You know me and Joey both both push it hard. I mean everybody should be talking to someone. You know we're all fucked up in the end of it, but you know just different varies. We're all hurting, we're all trying to survive and go through life here. So I mean, like, reach out, talk to people, talk to your friends. If they push you aside, those aren't your real friends. A real friend will sit down, listen and be like what's the problem? It's good to reach out and do whatever you can to fix the issue at hand. I mean coloring books, man, I'll say that again. Like we talked about depression, coloring books, those are great. Like, find something that's going to put a smile on your face. You know, get a hobby, do something. I mean, after Jules' death, this is ended up. What happening? You know, something good can come out of it.
Speaker 2:It's just about finding the lesson and growing, because if you get stuck behind, it's going to take a long time to try to catch up and even when you're in that you'll never see or think you can find a positive in whatever that is ever, especially when you lose a loved one, especially in heartbreak, whatever it is.
Speaker 2:But there'll be something that comes up in your life down the road and you may not see it today or tomorrow or next week, but you'll be like, well, if that didn't happen, then I wouldn't be doing this now, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have this, I wouldn't have had my son, I wouldn't have had my daughter, whatever it is. So there's always a positive in every negative. It's just you have to work towards finding that, and whatever traumatic and painful you know events has taken place in your life or that you've had to go through or you've struggled with, is you got to find not only the positives in that as you go in your healing process, but you have to take the positive steps so you don't fall in to that snowball effect of taking down the rest of your life and everything that you've built up until that you know, to what's happened, because you're just going to be a hundred times worse. And you don't want to not have a job, you don't want to not have your kids want to come see you. You don't want your wife or girlfriend to leave you or nobody. You don't want someone to not want to date you, even if you're single, any of those things. But I promise you that that's temporary, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really is, and it's the hardest thing to ever do, I think, in your life in terms of getting over these things that happen to us, especially sudden things Extremely difficult. It's not easy. I'm not going to tell you that it is easy, because it's probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But I promise you it'll be your biggest blessing if you put in the work and you find and take those positive steps, because how you come out on the other end of that, I can't tell you how grateful I am. Come out on the other end of that. I can't tell you how grateful I am because for 20 years I never thought in my life I could ever not feel the way that I felt every single day and the way I feel sitting here.
Speaker 2:Hey, we got struggles, man, it's life. You still get pop-ups of anxieties and this and that, but I mean it's night and day, like absolutely night and day. So you just, whatever it is that you guys are dealing with struggling with you know we say it all the time, man is that 1%, that one degree of something different in your day, in your routine, you know, and where that will redirect you and in your life, three months, six months from now, is a place that you never thought you'd ever get to. It's a whole new destination, and that's the destination that you want to shoot for is one that you've never been, but you don't know until you put in that word. Now you're on a path now. Whatever it is that has just happened or has happened to you has now put you on a path to a whole new destination now. So which path do you choose to take?
Speaker 1:and so, you know I may sound maybe a bit of an asshole, some people might think, but I mean you gotta think of it. This too. Now you know it's like say you lost someone, you know, and it's as it is. I mean, this is life and at the end of it we're all going to die someday. But I mean, if you're young enough, I mean this is a new time for you to reinvent yourself. You know, do things that maybe you and that partner didn't want to do. Now you get to go and do those.
Speaker 1:And I know it may sound, oh, I can't believe you said that or whatever, but it's the truth. At the end of the day it's the truth. That person is not here anymore. You are here. You still need to take care of number one, because no one's going to have your back except for yourself. So if you can't find the positives in all this, then there I threw a couple positives at you. You know you may not see it right now, at this point, but eventually, you know, you will see it.
Speaker 1:You know, and it's funny that we have a mutual friend, joey Cece. I was talking to her the other day. Mutual friend joey um cc. I was talking to her the other day and, um, she kind of um, gave me a, um, I don't know what you would call it a little bit of insight, I guess you could say, on the true meaning of a twin flame. So I thought I'd maybe just share this.
Speaker 1:So when, uh, you know you meet someone you believe that's your twin flame and everything. Well, twin flame can only, it can only have one person that can be. It's two souls that are so similar that the one person can only survive one of them because of something. I forget what she said, something along the lines like that so in that destiny, one person has to go in order for that flame to keep on going, because you can't have two flames together in order to have one, or something she said. But it was kind of interesting, it made me kind of think. And then there's soulmate, which is actually meant for you. Have you heard every? Have you heard of anything like before? It's kind of wild, to be honest with you.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, when I mentioned soulmates and twin flames, it's interesting.
Speaker 2:I thought you will never attract them, since we're talking about grief Until you do the work and the healing in the things that's happened to you in your life.
Speaker 2:Because as long as you bury and carry all this trauma with you and pain is you're not.
Speaker 2:All you're going to attract is people and relationships that also are dealing with pain that never dealt with it. So, in order for you to get to whether it's finding your soulmate or whatever that they say, and that real relationship, the one that is meant for you, it is impossible to find the one that is meant for you until you heal and fix your traumas, your past. You know any mistakes and a big part of that is the accountability, whether it was your fault or not. That's number one, because you can't change or fix anything about yourself If you don't believe it or if you're in denial, or you don't take accountability and if you're the person point fingers all the time, while you're choosing not to look inside. You're just pointing your fingers outside. So how do you find the one, how do you find your person if you're struggling and in pain every day because all you're going to do is attract who you are, not what you want? Yeah, a million, a million percent.
Speaker 2:So I'm actually the fact that you said that actually goes hand in hand with what we're talking about it's crazy because you will never find your soul mate and you will never find your twin, for whatever it is that you want to call it the one. Yeah, yeah, until you fix what's going on on the inside. Just like they say, you can't love anyone until you love yourself. As cliche and as cheesy as that sounds, it is a million percent true, yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, man, it is Because the time I met Jules, I was in one of the best moments of my life. You know, I was killing it at work. I was eating healthy, I was working out, I was doing everything. And then she just walked into my life. You know, I wasn't looking for a relationship or anything. You know, we went to high school together but we didn't talk for 20 years and all of a sudden, we just started talking and she ended up living behind my house, which was crazy, man. I went on my back porch the day we were talking and I could see her in her front yard. I lived there for five years. She lived there for four years, never even saw each other. It's crazy, you, you know, and I was in the best time of my life and she just walked in. A lot of people they search for relationships, you know, and I mean usually, when you're searching for it, it's not the, the real person, your, your true love.
Speaker 2:Well, and some people come into your life to teach you lessons, and that's true it happens, some people will come into your life to teach you lessons and that's true. Some people will come into your life to teach you how to love yourself. Because I'll tell you, like my last real relationship man, that one hurt.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like you know anyone that you care about, and it's a breakup. Of course it's going to hurt. It's true it's the shittiest feeling ever, but in my own healing after that, one taught me how to love myself, taught me to take accountability instead of point fingers. Well, she did this and I'm in counseling and telling her this and they're like no, no, no, no. You did that. That's why you did this. You did that. I'm like shit. Maybe I'm the problem, you know, or maybe.
Speaker 1:I did a lot of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's where you got to take the accountability and start to make those changes. Yeah, right, because some people will come into your life. You think they're the one, but no, maybe they came into your life to teach you a lesson, and maybe you came into their life to show them what real love is, and they came into your life to teach you what real love is, and they came into your life to teach you how to love yourself, because that's, that's what I learned, and maybe you're the teacher. Yeah, or vice versa, because if everyone's like, well, they're there or maybe you're the teacher break up.
Speaker 2:You're heartbroken because you think they're the one. You think you know your heart doesn't break yeah, you're. It's your expectations that are broken, not your heart, because you have such expectations for the future. This is what you guys were going to do. I was going to buy this house and go on this trip and that's overnight, done, gone. So you're hurting because your expectations are broken, not your heart. But if they're the one, they're the one you're supposed to be with. Why'd you break up? Right, because the best version of you will never be good enough for the wrong person. But even at your lowest version will still be good enough for the right person. Right, but you, but you will never Find the one, the real one, until you work on yourself.
Speaker 2:Until you hit these childhood traumas Head on and face them, you'll never. It's just not going to happen. Because you're damaged, you're hurting, you're, you live with anxiety, you live in stress. You know you're triggered all the time because you didn't deal with these pains and these. So what are you going to attract people with fucking traumas? They didn't fix million percent. That's exactly what's going to happen. Yeah, and I was stuck in it because I had numerous failed relationships, just like most people. But why does this happen?
Speaker 1:to me and you're just going to be stuck in that cycle that we talked about.
Speaker 2:What is it that you did? What is it that you haven't fixed? Why do you attract the same idiots? Why do you attract the same idiots? Why do you keep attracting the people that are emotionally unstable? Why do you keep attracting the people that abuse you? Because you. That's why? Because you. Because you got a bunch of shit that you never dealt with. And now you just keep attracting the same person because you're just it's always his fault, it's always her fault in every relationship. So now you go to the next relationship, thinking, well, I feel I'm okay, because he did this and she did that and it was their fault. And now you're in the next relationship. Well, guess what? It's the same fucking guy or girl you just dated. They just look a little different. Same person, same bullshit. And then you go again well, how come the last three guys cheated on me? Well, why are you attracting these men?
Speaker 1:Because you're fucked up and you got shit you didn't deal with, and that's why you keep attracting these people it's a vicious cycle, man, because then when that happens, then you get the victim mentality like you're saying, you know, and then so the person cheats on you and then you're you're bringing that hurt into the next relationship and because that person cheated on you, now the trust I mean, yeah, it's fucking gone.
Speaker 1:No one, you know what I mean. But that keeps on spilling and spilling and then you start not to trust anybody. But at the end of the day, you know you're in this shitty situation in your head and what's going on. So you're attracting these shitty people. So at the end of the day, day you're doing it to yourself not all the time, don't get me wrong, but I mean a good portion of the time is because you're attracting these people that are hurting and they're hurting, so they're looking at you know, going around, cheating on you, doing all this, you know. So then that's gonna just keep on folding over into the next relationship and when you attract at the end of the day, you're hurting yourself and everybody around you.
Speaker 2:Like if these girls or guys or whatever they look at some of these relationships they had, and it's always the same the guy that cheats or the girl that cheats or the guy that's abusive and they wonder why. And they're like, well, I would never do that to them, yeah, yeah, and it's heartbroken because you probably wouldn't cheat on them and you love them and you would never hurt them. But how, if you look back at most of those relationships in the beginning, obviously everyone's fucking their best behavior the first month or two or whatever, it is right, because you just met him and blah, blah, blah, and then you start to see things. Well, how many red flags to see things. Well, how many red flags if you could look back at some of the relationships where people are listening to look back at your relationships to the ones who did cheat or were abusive and all this, how many red flags in the beginning of that relationship, before it got to that point, did you ignore? Right? So really it is your fault because you allowed that. You ignored the red flags. But guess what, if you fixed you and healed your past and your core issues when someone like that came along into your life and you seen these red flags, you would have walked away. You would have been done because you loved yourself. You have high self-worth and self-esteem that you wouldn't even tolerated that the red flags to allow it to get to that point. You know what I mean. You have high self-worth and self-esteem that you wouldn't even tolerated that the red flags to allow it to get to that point. You know what I mean. Makes sense. So if you don't fix this shit, you're just going to keep attracting that shit.
Speaker 2:And then, once you fix you, once you feel better, get over everything, that that or the best that you can, yeah, and work on yourself and you start feeling good about yourself and your self-esteem goes up and you start going to the gym and you start doing these classes that you wanted to take and you just, you're starting to love life. You know, anytime that someone comes around and starts showing you these red flags, boom, you're not even going to tolerate that for a second, nope Done, and you put a stop to it. The only reason that people tolerate this is because they don't want to be alone and they want to try to hold on to this person because they're still dealing with their own shit. They've never even dealt with their shit. And then they start justifying the other person's actions by allowing these red flags and like, oh, I don't know, but you know, he was super nice, you know, last week, and you just, and then it carries in, and now all of a sudden he's abusive, she's cheating, whatever it is, and they're just pieces of shit, spouses, basically. And then you're like well, I would never do that to them, like yeah, but you know what, at the end of the day, it's actually your fault, because you allowed that to get to that point. You ignored all this in the beginning, so you actually did it to yourself. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So until you fix yourself, you're never gonna find that soulmate. You're not going to find that soulmate. You're not going to find that one. It's impossible, Because that one, you know, is, even when you're at your lowest, you'll still be good enough for that one, because all these other relationships that you've been through, they're not the one, they're not the one you're supposed to be with. Otherwise you would be period. That's just how it is. So until you work on yourself, build yourself esteem, build yourself worth, you will not find the one. It's impossible. But everyone lives their own lives man. Reach out and get help.
Speaker 2:Reach out and get help, live it, you know, but I tell you is you have to talk about it, you have to hit it head on, you have to deal with it and you have to get over that painful hump, if you will, of allowing it to trigger you so you can get over those triggers and not let it trigger you anymore. You will never forget, but you can also prevent it from triggering you when things come up. You know what I mean and that's the whole point of counseling is to find the tools on how to deal with it going forward, how to live your life the best way that you possibly can. With the hand that you've dealt and with the abuse that's happened or whatever it is that's happened to you, because you have people that care about you your kids, your family, your friends, all these people and you still got to get up every day, you still got to go to work. You still. Your bills aren't going to go away because of how you feel. So you have to do whatever it is that you can to make the best possible life that you can, given the circumstances and the cars that you were dealt with, whether it was your fault or not.
Speaker 2:And if it was your fault, take accountability, look at yourself in the mirror and make the changes so you don't do that again. Learn from it, grow from it. You know, and if it wasn't your fault like being abused as a child wasn't my fault, man, but it's still my problem. I've had to deal with that and live with that and think about it my whole life. Okay, so do I just let that affect the rest of my life? No, instead, I got to go and deal with it, I got to talk to someone about it, I got to figure this out so I'm not triggered, I'm not snowballing into the rest of my life and playing victim and poor me. And I'm like this because of that 25 years ago, like most people and most you know. That's the thing is. Most people don't even have problems. They think they got problems.
Speaker 1:Let's face it, man, you don't have problems, you have solutions.
Speaker 2:It's first world problems Most of it. People are whining, especially in the Western world. Whining and complaining about first world problems, yeah, whatever. It's just ridiculous. Like you don't have problems, you have work to do. Stop complaining, stop playing the victim.
Speaker 1:Stop pointing your fingers, because nobody cares.
Speaker 2:You need to work harder yeah, nobody cares. Work harder. Stop playing the victim. Stop pointing your fingers because nobody cares. You need to work harder, nobody cares. Work harder.
Speaker 2:If you're going to complain all the time about your life but you do nothing about it, just shut up, figure your shit out. You know you want help. We help you. You know everyone's allowed to vent, everyone's allowed to have bad days.
Speaker 2:But if you just complain about your life over and over and poor me and I'm always broke and I hate my job, and you do nothing about it. And I don't want to wear a bikini at the beach because I think I'm fat, but you don't go to the gym, like those people are one of the most toxic people. Like you, just stay away from them because I just can't, because nobody's coming to help you, no one's coming to save you. Nobody cares. I'm not saying that to be like I don't care. I'm just saying in the world, airing your dirty laundry on fucking social media, 99.9% of your followers do not give a shit. I'll tell you right now so you can play poor me, poor me all. You want just to make excuses for how sad your life is. Well, it's your life. But just stop complaining, unless you want to make changes. You want to get that help, fucking, let's do it. I'll fucking help you, we'll help you. But if you're going to play that card man, just don't even bother. But anyways, I think that's a wrap, my friend.
Speaker 1:Hit the email address, brother.
Speaker 2:So they know where to find us. For all you guys that just tuned in tonight and you're new to the show, we are Raw Minds, the first podcast on men's mental health. If you guys are struggling, if you guys that just tuned in tonight and you're new to the show, we are Raw Minds, the first podcast on men's mental health.
Speaker 2:If you guys are struggling, if you guys are hurting, if you guys just need to pick up a phone and talk to somebody, that's what we're here for. Hit us up rawmindspodcast at gmailcom or on TikTok rawmindspodcast Myself, eric, will answer messages, phone calls, emails as soon as we get them. We're there. So just reach out, don't be afraid. And if you guys are really even got a story or a real traumatic event or something that's happened in your life that you feel you want to come out and share with the world, you feel that you want to try to help somebody, head us up to we'll chat with you. We'll get you on the show. Yeah, just that's why we're here, man. We're all minds, yeah, and everyone that's listening. I also have a new clothing line ironmaniscom hit the gear, man hit the gear bro, fresh new gear.
Speaker 2:Ironmanisfitness on tiktok. Ironmaniscom on the website, instagram, instagram, facebook. Ironman is fitness and this summer we are throwing. Don't forget the boat party, bro. Yeah, buddy, thank you guys for tuning in. It's been another great night and I'm glad to sit here and do this every week and we're going to continue to do this every week.
Speaker 1:So, on that note, if you can't find good people, be good people and uh, yeah, like joey said, he's, uh, he's thrown a second annual y'all party, which is going to be pretty badass. So, uh, if you're in the vancouver area, reach out to us.
Speaker 2:We'll show you, uh, how to get tickets and yeah, there's another designer on the boat, benachi, and many more. He's got a fashion show going on.
Speaker 1:What else is going on there?
Speaker 2:I just want to get out there and have a good time. Prize giveaways, cash giveaways, two levels, two DJs and it's all white dress code. So yeah, buddy, but until next time. You know, we'll see you next week, man as always. So thank you guys again for tuning in and don't be afraid to reach out, man, you guys aren't alone and yeah, so thank you.
Speaker 1:Um, this concludes the third installment. Uh, get us up for next weekend for depression. Uh, anyways, thank you and be good or be good.