Raw Minds Ep. 28 - Depression Exposed: Men's Mental Health and the 5 Stages of Grief

Welcome back to another powerful episode of Raw Minds, where we dive deep into the often undiscussed realms of men's mental health. In episode 28, titled "Depression Exposed: Men's Mental Health and the 5 Stages of Grief," we continue our intimate journey through the heart of grieving, landing on the penultimate stage 4.

Your hosts, Erick and Joey, bravely lay bare their own souls as they navigate the tumultuous waters of loss and depression. Erick opens up about the profound sorrow he endured after the loss of his fiancé. He shares the raw reality of his daily battles and the coping mechanisms that have helped him claw his way through the suffocating quicksand of grief. His story isn't just one of struggle, but also of the resilience and strength that can emerge from the darkest times.

Joey, on the other hand, delves into the double-edged sword of his experiences - grappling with the aftermath of a tough breakup while simultaneously mourning the loss of his nephew. His candid discussion about the intersection of personal loss and family tragedy sheds light on the complex layers of male depression and how grief can hit from multiple angles, testing the limits of emotional endurance.

This episode is not just about sharing stories; it's about breaking down walls and exposing the raw truth of what it means to be a man in pain. It's for anyone who's felt the pressure to "man up" and keep emotions hidden. Erick and Joey are here to tell you that it's okay not to be okay, that the journey through grief is non-linear and that reaching out for help is a sign of courage, not weakness.

Join us on Raw Minds Ep 28 for an unflinchingly honest conversation that aims to enlighten, comfort, and inspire. Whether you're battling your own demons or supporting someone through theirs, this episode is a testament to the power of vulnerability and the importance of addressing men's mental health head-on.

Remember, you're not alone. Let's navigate these stages of grief together, with the hope and understanding that each step brings us closer to healing. Tune in now to be part of this pivotal episode of Raw Minds. 

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:14

yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back everybody to the show where we shatter the silence on men's mental health. As always, we are unedited, unf, unfiltered and we are going raw.

Speaker 1: 0:27

My name is Joey and I'm Eric and we're your hosts, and welcome to Raw Minds. Boom, yeah, buddy, we doing it big. Yeah, buddy, we're almost at 30. This is episode 28. 28 now, yeah, every episode is a milestone from going. You know what I mean. It's awesome.

Speaker 2: 0:49

After 23. Yeah, because, if people don't know, 90% of all podcasts fizzle out by episode 23. Yeah, and we still here and we're pushing strong, yeah, buddy, just trying to change lives and, you know, really help people. That's why we're doing what we do, right, yeah. So, yeah, I mean, if we can uh go through everything that we went through, yeah, then you know you guys can do it too. So, exactly, we've uh For anyone that's new listening. We have lived our lives, pretty much all of our lives, with trauma, pain, loss, anxiety, depression, suicide attempts, you name it. We've been there, we've done it.

Speaker 1: 1:52

So, yeah, and you know what we're breaking the or shattering, sorry, all this shit, right, this is what we're trying to do and you know, just help each other. That's the name of the game, really. You know it's tough man. It's tough being a man out there. I feel you, you know, you know bottling everything up. That's what you know we were taught. Definitely, keep it all in, but that's not what it's about. True strength is sharing your feelings. You know being vulnerable and and um, you know just feeling man. You know, instead of being so tough, Well, for sure, you know it's uh.

Speaker 2: 2:38

the best thing you can do is is talk about what's going on, you know, find the resources to help you get better tools on how to deal with the triggers. You know we all live or lived with stress, depression, grief, loss, in some form or another.

Speaker 1: 3:05

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:06

We all do. We're human beings. That's life.

Speaker 1: 3:11

It's true.

Speaker 2: 3:11

Ben so.

Speaker 2: 3:13

Well, this is now the fourth stage of grief here, what we're tackling, so yeah, it's probably one of the biggest ones and, like I just said, it's something that we all have struggled with or struggling with now, and that's depression. Yeah, right, there's so many levels to it and so many things that cause it, yeah, you know. And then, like I said, it's finding the tools and how to to really push through those down days and down weeks and to be able to to come out of that. Right, because the last thing you want to do is to live in that, and a lot of people do, and it's truly sad. You know, most people are just existing, they're not living to their true potential, they're not living with a purpose, they hold on to traumatic childhood events or adult traumatic events, and they don't know how to let it go and move forward from that. Yeah, and that's the biggest killer is is holding on to these and letting them build up. Yeah, because as we get old, older and life moves on, you know we're we keep stacking things on top of each other, right, and you know, especially as men, we like to bury it and push it down, because that's how we were raised and that's how society tells us how we're supposed to deal with it as men.

Speaker 2: 4:59

Yeah, it's true. Suck it up, you know, men, don't cry. You don't need to talk about your feelings. People think you're weak. Yeah, no, no, man, it's true. Strength, like you said, comes from being able to open up and talk about it and deal with it. Yeah, that's true, man, you know, and if people are judging you because you choose to do that, well, you don't need them around you, you don't need to talk to them, you don't need them in your life because you come first. You are number one. Yeah, your mental health goes above anything else, because if you're not the best version of yourself, then how can you be the best version to your wife, your girlfriend, your children, you know, to your co-workers, to your employees, whatever all the above?

Speaker 1: 5:58

all of it, even your dog man. You know what I mean. I mean you're down and out. You know you're gonna forget about doing the most important stuff you need to, like feeding your dog or doing shit like that. Like it'll affect even that right your fish, if you got fish. Your animals, everything. It affects everything in your life.

Speaker 2: 6:15

A million percent. It affects your personal hygiene, it affects how you look at yourself, it affects how you take care of yourself. Yeah, you know. Yeah, and that's where, when we get into these depressive ruts and holes, that we dig ourselves, because, at the end of the day, regardless of what's happened to us, whether it's your fault or not, it's still our problem. Yeah, right, and what you choose to do after that is on you, right, because it's 90 reaction, yeah what? And then obviously, there's severe traumatic events, severe family loss. You know, just look like what you went through last year. You came out of nowhere. You woke up up, your whole life changed, you know, and that's not something that you can just get over and you know a week later you're fine.

Speaker 2: 7:12

It takes a lot of time and a lot of you know a lot of ups and downs and struggles with that and these things that happen to us. And obviously, when these things happen, we're not in the right state of mind. We act out, we're sad, you know. Some of us, you know, uh, get angry. We all deal with it in different ways. Yeah, right, yeah. So yeah, you're not in the right state of mind when these traumatic events or these things that's happened to you that you can't let go of. It's extremely difficult. Well, so I and we sympathize, because that's why we're doing the show, because we were there and we lived it for years.

Speaker 2: 7:59

Yeah, and it's a really hard thing to come out of. You know how you look at yourself when you're feeling that way, when you feel broken, alone. You're struggling, especially us men. You know. We don't talk about it enough, man, we've said it before is you know? We carry a backpack full of bricks every morning. We leave our house backpack full of bricks. Every morning. We leave our house, you know, and you want to try to unload those bricks by talking about your shit and trying to get over the things that's happened to you or that you've had to deal with.

Speaker 2: 8:35

But because of how society is and how we were raised as men and we're supposed to be this and that is, instead of losing bricks, we just keep adding bricks and a lot of times we're adding them and we don't even realize that we're adding the weight Until one day it's just too heavy and now we're dragging our feet and that's where people get to that point where they unalive themselves Because they can't carry that weight anymore. And that was me and that was you. At one point I couldn't carry that backpack. That backpack was so heavy that I couldn't walk another step carrying it anymore. So it's a real struggle when we are in these depressive States and how to bounce back from that.

Speaker 2: 9:29

But regardless, it's still on you, on what you choose to do, going forward with regardless of what's happened to you. Right and we've we've said it numerous times it's okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay in it. You know life's going to knock be okay, but it's not okay to stay in it. You know life's gonna knock you down, you know, but it's only up to you if you get up so you learn your lessons, right, you know those are your biggest lessons in life.

Speaker 1: 9:58

but, um, like the title says, uh, the fourth stage right here is the depression. It's not clinical depression, but it's grief depression, and I would say the difference between this two. Depression, would say clinical depression, really eats you from inside, you know. It like really picks on you, it picks on your mind, it really attacks all of that. With grief depression, you could still be in a healthy state, still have self-worth, but it's just a natural feeling that comes usually with loss, definite, well, definitely with loss, you know. So I just want to clarify like there's, you know there's, there's two, and sometimes that's what happens. Right, you get the grief depression and it starts rolling into clinical depression, which then it can get scary, definitely.

Speaker 2: 11:03

Well, I think that comes with you know when you're going through, like you said, the grief depression. Yeah, a lot of people, because of whatever that's happened to them, whether it's a heartbreak or a loss, and they're really hard to deal with with things like that. I get it really hard to deal with with things like that. I get it. But the people, I think, that go from that temporary stage of grief depression into the clinical is because they allow other things in their life to be affected because of that, definitely. And it's and it's snow and it snowballs, yeah, and that's where they turn into, they turn to the temporary band-aids. That's where they start to mask it because they don't want to deal with it. It's easier to forget about it or drink every night just so they can go to sleep, and then they start drinking even more. And now, all of a sudden, you're an alcoholic and now, all of a sudden, you're not going to work. And now, all of a sudden, you got fired and now, all of a sudden, your wife left you and now, all of a sudden, your kids don't want to come see you because you're just a mess. And then now you really hit a low point that you've created because really it's on you and I get it, because when you're, whatever it is that that happens to, to us, and things that have happened, because we've been there, like I said, and it takes a lot of time and it's not easy, and it takes months, some things and and even years, but again, it's up to you If you allow that to snowball and to let the rest of your life fall off.

Speaker 2: 12:50

And that's where that clinical depression, I think, comes in, is because you chose not to deal with the things that has happened to you and instead bury it, push it away, and it's easier just to, like they said, whatever the your outlet might be in a negative way, whether it's partying, drinking, gambling, whatever it is. You know what I mean. So that's where people really gotta be careful, because your life, like, look at, okay, you're a prime example. Last year your life was great. You moved in with your woman, your fiance. She was an amazing person, loved your kid. Life is good. You're going on vacation, blah, blah, blah, and then overnight you wake up and she's gone. Yeah, she passed away.

Speaker 1: 13:42

Right.

Speaker 2: 13:43

Yeah, crazy and as hard as that was for you, that's still. You know, you weren't depressed before that, you weren't in the clinical state, you were happy, your life was good. And this is what happens in life. Yeah, as these things happen, which will, and it changes people for sure, and it'll it's changed you.

Speaker 1: 14:07

Oh, I'm sure I'll never be the same. I will never be the same person, definitely.

Speaker 2: 14:12

Oh, exactly so. But look at you now as hard as that was and it's and I know you deal with it every day. When these things happen and we have traumatic loss or whatever it may be that was out of our control or not your fault, it's still things that you have to deal with and not allow that snowball effect. And now you're sitting here. You know you're still going to work, you're still being a dad, because you still you're. You still wake up every day. You have responsibilities. Exactly, man, you have a little girl that counts on you. You know you. You got great. You know the team at work that count on you and friends that count on you and care about you well, the bottom line, bro I cannot fail and I will not fail.

Speaker 1: 15:10

That's the bottom line, I will not fail. You can knock me down a hundred times, I'm gonna get up. You know I can't and I will not.

Speaker 2: 15:21

Well, that's the thing is, a lot of people aren't as strong as other people. But, regardless, when you're in that and you feel the way that you feel and you're struggling and it doesn't feel like it, but it's temporary, yeah, only you can make it last longer than it has to.

Speaker 1: 15:40

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:41

Right Because you could take something. If you put in the work into yourself, you pick yourself up as fast as you can and see a counselor, whatever it is that helps you in the positive way. It'll help you get through each day a lot better in a shorter period of time and mask it with these temporary negative band-aids, like the drinking drugs, whatever it is that people choose because they can't deal with the pain, and I understand it, I sympathize with it. But if you're picking up a bottle after that or you're picking up a needle and you're smoking a pipe after that, that's on you.

Speaker 2: 16:26

You have that choice, you have that choice, you make that choice, only you.

Speaker 1: 16:32

You may not make the choice, the choices after, when your addiction starts kicking in, but you make that choice to pick that up. You make that choice to call the drug dealer or whatever it is, or go to the casino.

Speaker 2: 16:46

You're in control at that point, until that toxic shit gets into you then and then after that you're in a lot more trouble and you've dug yourself a huge hole. Definitely, that is going to be even harder to get out of than to face what has happened, whether it's your fault or not. Yeah, and it's the hardest thing.

Speaker 1: 17:09

Well, let me just say this man and I'm just going to be real People fucking die. We all are going to die and it's true we are, and until I mean it's sad, it sucks, but at the end of the day it's what's going to happen and it's what is going to happen, you know. And when you can come to the realization that you know we don't live forever, then you can kind of more understand. I mean, you're never going to fully. You know like be like okay, going to fully. You know like be like okay, yeah, whatever you know that person did. No, obviously you're going to have feelings because you're going to miss that person. You have bonds with these people or you love them, but at the end of the day we're all going to die and it's the truth and you need to accept that. You know, because that's like what we talked about denial.

Speaker 1: 18:08

You know a lot of people will say no, no, no. You know I can't believe they're gone. Well, they're gone. I'm sorry. I just lost my girl and she's gone forever. Never going to see her again unless I look at photos or a video. The person's gone. Never going to see her again unless I look at photos or a video. The person's gone.

Speaker 1: 18:34

But the only way for me to get past those stages is I had to realize that. You know I'm not going to see this person and it's hard Fuck, is it hard? It's hard, but you need to come to some point in your life where you need to understand that that person's gone and cherish the moments you know cherish you will always have those moments with that person and maybe even look at grief this way that you know it's beautiful at the same sense because it shows how much you care about this person. You know the pain. Beautiful at the same sense because it shows how much you care about this person. You know the pain that you're feeling inside and it's healthy. Grief is healthy, from like losing a job, losing a loved one, to a relationship. You know you're going to go through it, everybody's going to go through it, and it's a healthy going to go through it. Everybody's going to go through it and it's a healthy thing to go through. But it's unhealthy when you start, you know, medicating and not actually taking the right procedures to navigate through. You know those tough times, like you said. That's when you know it starts getting dangerous and you got to stay away from that shit, as hard as it is.

Speaker 1: 19:52

I mean, and that's why we're doing this, you know, that's why we do Raw Minds Is because it's for support. You know, Especially on men, we don't out there it's so hard to find support, like we were talking earlier. Oh, you're a man, suck it up. Oh, get over it. You're depressed. What is that? Get over it. Oh, this is what we're doing this for. You know, to have a support group. Reach out. I encourage you to reach out. Vent to us, reach out to us. You don't have to be. Tell us who you are, use a fake name. You know you can be fucking Kermit the Frog, for all I care, it doesn't matter. Just reach out, we'll talk to you if you need someone to talk to. This is why we do. What we do is to help people, because we've been through this stuff, you know, and like the depression stage, it can definitely go bad. You know you can lose yourself in this. So reach out to your friends or do what you need to to. You know, help, make, make yourself feel better, really.

Speaker 2: 21:09

Well, you have to. You're a year. Mental health is number one, like I said, right, yeah, man, you know, like you said, we're not going to live forever. People take that for granted. Yeah, like, life is so short, we're not promised tomorrow. No, you know, and we spend people.

Speaker 2: 21:29

I would say most people spend their lives in depression because they're trying to live for other people, they're not living for themselves. It's true, man, everybody cares so much what other people think that they don't start the business they always wanted to start. They don't take the classes they always wanted to take because they're afraid what their friends will think or what they'll say on social media. They're afraid what their friends will think or what they'll say on social media. 90% of the reason why businesses don't start or people don't is because of other people's opinions. So true, but nobody chooses to pull yourself up.

Speaker 2: 22:32

There's so many different levels of depression, from seasonal to stresses, but I mean real depression, crippling, cri, you know. Crippling depression. Heartbreak, to like you like lost your fiance overnight. You know I lost my three-year-old nephew. I lost the son, you know I I lost, you know, a high school best friend to suicide. All these things and it it's crippling and it changes you and you don't know how to shake it and you don't know what step to take next.

Speaker 2: 23:11

And then that's where we all start to fall off and snowball that effect. Now you're not taking care of yourself. You're gaining weight, eating like shit, not showering. You're present with your children, but you're not even there. They see you, but you're so gone in your mind. You're at work barely if you go to work, but you're not there. You're on autopilot, there's nothing behind your eyes. Because you're so broken and lost and that was me for 20 years until I started to talk about it and see somebody, because I kept self-sabotaging my own relationships because of this and that and I had chronic anxiety and it killed me and it and that's a lot of people out there is.

Speaker 2: 24:01

It's killing them and it's taking them down slowly, piece by piece, and especially the men, because most men want to be good dads, most men want to give their wives and girlfriends the trips and take them shopping when they want and just be as happy as possible. But most men are getting beat up and they're tired and we carry that backpack full of bricks and instead of releasing those bricks, we just keep adding them one by one until that's when we get to the point and that's why the suicide rate is four times higher is because we can't carry that weight anymore. It's too heavy, you know, and it's a real struggle. But again, when we're in, that it's only up to you, and you only, because nobody's going to come save you. And that's one other thing that people need to realize and look in the mirror. Nobody's coming to save you. The only person holding you back is you.

Speaker 2: 25:17

It's true man. Back is you, it's true man. It is up to you to figure out how to lose the weight in the backpack that you're carrying. And we all carry backpacks, man, every day and you always will. That's the stresses of life, but don't let it get to that point where it's so heavy you can't carry it anymore. Because I carried that backpack, man, and I couldn't do it anymore. My back was breaking to the point where I stood on the edge of the hotel and I tried to jump. If it wasn't for that security guard, because I just couldn't lift my head up anymore, wasn't for that security guard because I just I couldn't lift my head up anymore. And a lot of people out there, especially the men, are standing on that ledge as well. It's true, and that's why we're doing what we're doing, because we don't want to see that, because, again, there's so many people, whether you think so or not, that genuinely care about you and genuinely love you, even if you think you got no friends.

Speaker 1: 26:32

There's somebody out there that cares. Well, man, that's the worst part of depression is, you know? It makes you turn on yourself I'm not good enough, I suck, you know that's what it does. It eats away your mind, you know, and it's like getting punched in the face 100 times by Mike Tyson. You know what I mean. Like it just.

Speaker 1: 26:53

I remember when, like, I was depressed man, I would not do things, or I wasn't fully there when my daughter was around, I would not do things, or I wasn't fully there when my daughter was around, and then, after my daughter would go home, I'd feel like a piece of shit for that weekend because I wasn't there, you know, because I was too depressed. So now I'm making myself oh, now I'm a shitty father. I'm telling myself, you know, and it just becomes a vicious cycle, just a cycle going circle and circle, you know, and then you're like, oh, I'm just tired, I'm going to sleep it off, or, you know, you just get stuck in this stuff and it just pretty much your mind is attacking itself with all these thoughts. You know, and that's where it gets really dangerous is when you're by yourself and you're in your, in your own head and at that point, like that, like you should be reaching out, even just venting to someone.

Speaker 1: 27:49

You know, when you start feeling like that, you just find your hobby or I'll say this again, man, I'll say this again is, um, depression, coloring books. Man, it saved my life, you know, depression, coloring books, like really did. You know it helped me huge, because I like coloring Made me feel like a kid again, to be honest with you, and it was cool. I mean, like find that outlet to help you, like it's more or less redirecting your mindset, really, you know, into something positive and crushing the negative with something positive. You know that's going to uplift you and do something that that you enjoy. Well, I mean, then, that was the outlet uplift you and do something that you enjoy.

Speaker 2: 28:43

Well, I mean, then that was the outlet for you that helped you, right, exactly, but it's finding those positive outlets. But again, like when you were in that, like you said, when you had your daughter, like me, I got two kids and I was present, but I wasn't ever for years, and I would tell myself the same thing when they would go home to mom, as I didn't. Then I look back at the entire weekend or the week that I had them, I didn't do anything, I didn't take them out. I didn't do anything because I was exhausted, I was drained. I would sit there and watch movies and pass in and out because I was just so emotionally broken. Yeah, and then, after they go home, I felt like a piece of shit because I didn't take them anywhere, I didn't do anything with them. I was there but I didn't do anything, or what they call doom scrolling. You're sitting on your phone yeah, you know what I mean, and but I was looking at anything. That was your way of the anxiety. You know what I?

Speaker 1: 29:41

mean, that's what happens, man, like you said. And then your dad would be like, hey, your kid's talking to you. You know what I mean? You're just zoned out.

Speaker 2: 29:51

Like my kid was in my ear, dad, dad, dad and my dad would be visiting and he'd be like your fucking kid is talking to you. Yeah, and, and I have no idea my daughter is right here because I'm doom scrolling, like they say, but I'm not looking at anything because I'm so fucking broken and messed up and struggling, yeah, that I I don't even register right here, literally right here, and they're trying to get my attention and I just felt like a piece of shit, yeah. And then when we get into that, that state of mind, and that's where the snowball starts to come in, because now you're questioning you being a father, a good father, and I know we're amazing dads because we, we do everything that we can for kids. But when you're in that state of mind, man, you are so lost, man, you are so lost, and then now your self-worth starts to go down, your self-esteem starts to go down. That's where you just, you're so tired, you stop going to the gym. You know you were eating healthy and now you're eating like shit, because now you're ordering fast food, because you can't even get up to go to the grocery store. Yeah, it's true, man, because you are so hurting and that's where you start to let yourself go and that's where we fall into that, you know, real deep hole and make it harder on ourselves to get out of that. It's true, but that's all stemmed from something big in your childhood or something traumatic. That's happened, yeah, you know, and as painful as these things that happen, it changes us forever. But, regardless, you're still here and you have people that count on you, your kids that count on you, your family that loves you, you, your kids that count on you, your family that loves you. So you have to do your best to find the right tools to help you through that right.

Speaker 2: 31:49

And the people that don't deal with that. That's where their triggers come from. You see people and guys punching holes in the walls in the anger. But that comes. That didn't come from your wife pissing you off. That came from something way deeper than that. But you're being triggered because you never dealt with that. You know what I mean, and that's what a lot of people they choose not to deal with is because when they talk about it, it triggers them and it brings up emotions and, especially as men, we freak out. We're like, oh, now it's making me all anxious and or emotional. I don't want to cry in front of a stranger or counselor or whoever I'm talking to. So you bottle, bottle it like fuck that. No, I'm fine, I'm good, I'll just work extra hours at work and, and and you bury it and then you explode on some poor bastard, or you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 32:45

Or that's why your wife or girlfriend end up leaving you, or vice versa, because you didn't deal with the shit before them. You didn't deal with what's happened to you as a child. You didn't deal with the loss of your mother or whatever might have happened. You didn't deal with the loss of your mother or whatever might have happened. You didn't truly deal with it. You bottled it, yeah. You pushed it down. You said I'm fine, but in reality you're not fine. No, you gotta. Most people aren't. They didn't. They choose not to deal with it you gotta go through those emotions, man.

Speaker 1: 33:21

Man, like we said, can't run from it, you can't go around it. You just got to go through it, feel it and move on. It's going to make you stronger in the end.

Speaker 2: 33:32

When you feel you heal. Yes, and especially as a man, we don't want to show that emotion because we try to bury it. But I promise you that if you allow your body to be emotional, if your body says, cry, cry, if you're hurting and you, that's a release. And it took me a long time to get there, to do that myself. Well, I'm a man, I don't fucking cry, I don't need you know what I mean. That's bullshit. Because I promise you, when you let that out even if it's over a girl and you loved her and she broke your heart especially, you're like fuck, I ain't crying over no woman. And in your mind I'm like fuck that. But man, if you're hurting and you love that person and you're heartbroken, cry, man, let it out. Because I tell you, I promise you, man, it's a release.

Speaker 2: 34:27

You let that out, you feel better because you're burying that. Your body's trying to tell you something and you're going against it. Right, there's nothing. We're human beings. Man, I don't care how fucking tough you are, how big you are, whatever you're, we all have the same emotions, we all, we all hurt, not robot, we're not robots. We all hurt, we all get, we all get angry, we all get upset. It's all. We all built the exact same when it comes to emotion.

Speaker 2: 35:00

Yeah. So if your body's telling you that you're you're hurting, you're sad, no matter how big and tough you think you are, man, you got to let it out. You have to release it, because when you feel, you heal. Exactly that's the only way you're going to heal is when you feel. And then when you start to feel it, then you can start to talk about it, then you can start to deal with it. Then you got the tools. Then you become more self-aware of your triggers. How do I navigate through this when this comes up? Because it probably you might, it might come up again, but you'll know how to navigate through it this time. This time you'll be more self-aware. We're like okay, I don't need to snap out right now. I just got to breathe. If I got to leave, take a walk for an hour, come back. That's what you got to do.

Speaker 1: 35:46

Let me ask you, man, when you lost your nephew there you know that was a big one for you Did you have like any triggers to, like I don't know, make you do anything that you didn't want to do and then have to fight that in your head? Triggers with my nephew that yeah, like you're going through you know, like you're in like the depression stage, like did you just want to get out and drink and just try to forget, like what happened, or anything like that oh for sure.

Speaker 2: 36:20

Like I mean, you know, when my, my three year old nephew passed away, uh, it was quite a few years ago now, so, being the age that I was and at the time that it was when he passed him and where I was in my life, yeah, I was already dealing with other things and you know you're a lot more immature, you know you don't know how to handle things like that as well as I probably could today. You know what I mean? Yeah, definitely so. Back then, when my, my little nephew passed away, um, the only way I knew how to deal with that was drinking, right, and, like a lot of people when they deal with things like that, is the temporary band-aids. And for me that was, you know, drinking and trying to, and you're hanging out with your friends all the time and distracting yourself. It's just distractions, right, and I like, obviously, like I have two kids and I love kids, man, I any kid, not just my own. I love kids and I think because what I seen when my little nephew passed away in the hospital is, you know, triggers for me was seeing, for example, like on the news or something, and you see a little kid passed away in a car accident or his rush to the hospital, all those things right, because it ties together and it's kind of like a ptsd right anytime a child got hurt or things like that. You know what I mean. So, depending on what it is that people go through, you definitely get the triggers kind of related to that. You know what I mean, yeah, yeah, so for me that was definitely the triggers, but back then it was it was definitely what a lot of people do. Man is mask it and that's what I did, you know, because nobody family or not, whether I know the child or not should ever see a three-year-old die. No, no one should. It's heartbreaking and it's truly sad for anybody and anyone who's had to deal with that and loss. My heart goes out, my heart goes out to you, but nobody should ever see that and it's extremely hard to deal with when these things happen.

Speaker 2: 38:51

But again, you know it's life and we're not, like I said, we're not promised tomorrow and people take that so for granted. How short life is, you know. And if you know that you're in, if you know you're not doing well and you know you're letting yourself go, because you do when you're in that and you're struggling. You know you're struggling. You know you're not happy, right, most definitely. Why do you want to continue to wake up every day feeling like that, when you know that you could change, and when you're in it, like we understand it, like you don't think there's any positive to come out of what's happened, or the way you're feeling and how broken you are and lost, that you feel like you're going to feel like that for the rest of your life and that's why people want to live themselves, because they just think that this is it, this is how I'm going to feel forever.

Speaker 1: 40:01

I understand, though, man you know, lives themselves, because they just think that this is it, this is how I'm gonna feel forever. I understand, though, man you know, and so do you, you know, I understand that.

Speaker 1: 40:08

You know, oh, a million percent, I sympathize and I get it and you know, like I said this before, a lot of people say I'm a big advocate on this when it says like, uh, but that person's selfish, but are they really Like, maybe they're in so much pain? You know that they just want to stop. So maybe, instead of saying that person is selfish, you know maybe say, I don't know, that person needs help. You know, because when you're at that point, man, you know you just want the pain to stop. I get it. You know it's hard, but it's true, man, you want it to stop and nobody wants to feel that.

Speaker 1: 40:57

No, definitely not. You know, and sometimes that's what people think is going to make that pain stop, you know, and it's sad, it sucks, because, like we say, then, everybody else has got to carry that weight. Do I think that they're selfish? No, no, I don't think that. I just think that that person just wanted that pain to stop and that's the only way they knew how to make it stop. And it's really sad that, you know, we end up doing those things. We all deserve to have a life, to live and be happy.

Speaker 2: 42:03

You know, when we're in that frame of mind, the only way to get out of that is not only to talk and try to find the resources to help you. But what changed my life, coming from that, was finding a purpose, the why Well for me. Well, your why to me is my children, my family. You know that's your why. But I mean purpose in your personal life. Oh, okay, that's what why. But I mean purpose in your personal life. Okay, like, that's what I mean. And finding, you know, those positives, and that's how you start to raise that self-worth and your self-esteem back up is doing those little things right, the one degree, the one degree that we've always talked about, yeah, the one degree that we've always talked about. Yeah, and every day, finding something that's out of your routine, just the littlest things, and finding more purpose in your life, doing the things that you've always wanted to try, taking the class you always wanted to take, picking yourself up, forcing yourself. Like me, I laid in my bed for five days straight. I lost 30 pounds in six days because I was so depressed and so down I couldn't even leave my room, I didn't go to work, I didn't do anything and I screamed out loud to myself get up. You have to get up, and it was so painful for me to even do that. You have to get up and it was so painful for me to even do that. But I knew that if I stayed where I was, eventually I wouldn't have a job, I would lose my house, I couldn't take care of my kids, and I knew it. So I had to force myself and it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but the best thing I ever done. But in that, like I said but that purpose is, finding just the smallest things are huge wins, the smallest little things that you don't even think about as a win, like when you're like that one like me, sit laying in my room for five days, getting up, taking a shower, going to get a haircut just the tiniest little thing, and it sounds stupid, but that tiny little thing started to make me feel a tiny bit better goal stacking. It's called goal stacking, exactly and just, even if you're that lost, forcing yourself to do one little thing each day. Right, because when we're like the way I was, you're not cleaning your dishes, you haven't done laundry in a week, you probably haven't showered for three or four days. You know what I mean? Yeah, and when you start to get up to just knock those little things off day by day take the shower, do a load of laundry, go mow the lawn, something, right Then you start to feel that tiny little bit of it a little bit better. Then your self-worth starts to go up a little bit higher, right? And then you start adding to that. Now you're feeling a little bit better the next day. Now you know what. I'm going to go to the grocery store and I'm actually going to cook dinner instead of order, skip the dishes.

Speaker 2: 45:13

For the last two weeks and all these little things as dumb as it sounds, I tell you changed my life. Then I decided I'm going to put on some shoes and I'm going to go for a walk around the lake. I'm not an outdoors guy, I never was. I'm not a hiker, I'm a gym guy. But you start to look at nature a lot different. You start to look at things a lot differently because now I'm feeling a bit better.

Speaker 2: 45:36

I went for a walk and then eventually you're going for a run and all of a sudden you're doing these 10-mile hikes and then mile hikes, and then all of a sudden you went to this class and then you met this one person that would change the entire direction of your life because you took that class, because you never know who you're going to meet. Yeah, but you wouldn't have met that person if you didn't get up and start doing that for yourself. And this is where most people are struggling and existing in life and not living because they don't want to take this class and they don't want to. You know, design this product or whatever it is that they're really into, because, oh well, they might think this and he might think that, like, who fucking cares? You're going to live in a constant state of depression if you keep trying to live for other people. Start living for yourself, start stacking those small wins every day.

Speaker 2: 46:31

And if you're in that place that I was in, where I didn't eat for five days and I lost 30 pounds because I was so depressed, man, you got to get up.

Speaker 2: 46:42

You have to get up, you have to look in the mirror, take accountability, figure it out what it is that you need to change and change it because people are counting on you, people love you, and once you start to do that and you get to the other side because there are better days on the other side, I promise you, because I'm sitting here today and never in my entire life did I think I could go for 20 years of high anxiety, disorder and depression to where I'm at now, night and day. I still have struggles, we all do. I'm not saying I'm you know, but the clarity in your mind to be able to get through that by doing that and by doing what I did. I'm not saying everything that I did will work for you, but you got to find those things for you. Like you said, start with the coloring books, whatever it is. That was your outlet, but that was a start. That's something you enjoyed, that's something that distracted you in a positive way and if this is, if fucking sewing is your.

Speaker 1: 47:52

It's the jumper cables. You know what I mean. That's what it is. It's the jumper cables.

Speaker 2: 48:04

It's to give that spark back in and to light that you know to have that enjoyment in you, that's, and you know what, and I actually just seen the like. Obviously I'm a big advocate of fitness because I'm a big gym guy. You wouldn't say A lot of people are not. Yeah, but exercise is the most underrated antidepressant in the world a video, actually. It was quite interesting that they found about 10 years ago that when you exercise, your body actually produces like proteins and they call it hope molecules, which cures depression crazy. So that's why it's the most underrated antidepressant in the world is exercise, because even if you're not a gym guy, you don't have to be a gym guy to exercise.

Speaker 2: 48:49

You know there's girls that aren't gym girls but love hiking, yoga and you feel healthy, bro, you feel a million times better. You can hate the gym, find something else. Anything walks, runs, fucking, kayaking, paddleboard, something but you gotta get up. You have to make those changes and it's only up to you to make those changes. Well, just to add to that, but once you change your, your change your mindset, you change your life well, and the vitamin d.

Speaker 1: 49:21

I want to. Just don't forget that too. Right you want to. You want to soak that into?

Speaker 2: 49:28

uh yeah, and if you guys are listening, I'm going to tell you something because this I was basically told. I had high anxiety disorder for years and every day I live with this anxiety and, as most of you know, with anxiety is a killer. It you can't shake it, it is the worst, worst feeling and then you overthink, cause yourself more anxiety, telling yourself scenarios that hasn't even happened, and then you're just a downward spiral, overthinking anxiety. I seen and I was on and I should say I had to for the first time ever. I went on depression and anxiety medication two years ago and I was just at a point, like I said, when I was laying in my bedroom and I couldn't get up for five days, that I needed to try something different and that was the breaking point for me to try that wait one sec.

Speaker 1: 50:15

Did you feel like you were crawling out of your skin like with, like with anxiety?

Speaker 2: 50:20

yeah, yeah, anxiety, if you don't know or have had it. For me it was like a knot in your stomach, like you feel. Some people even even like, try even gag from it and throw up from the anxiety and it just takes over like this big knot. It feels like short of breath. Yeah, panic attacks you could have, there's different levels, but it is just the shittiest fucking feeling ever. But what I'm getting at is something that can help anybody that's listening, because I tell you it changed, it changed everything and it was the cheapest thing and I wouldn't say dumb. But to hear this, I'm like no fucking way, like, after everything I've tried for years, that's what's going to help, that's what's going to change it.

Speaker 2: 51:14

And the guy was on TikTok and he posted a video one day. It was not just a random dude with minimal followers and he's like you know what? I've had severe anxiety my whole life and I took this. I don't have anxiety anymore and then this certain surgeon, doctor, whatever, uh stitched it. So he split screened it and he was like a one million percent. This guy is correct. You do this. Your anxiety is probably 95 gone crazy. And what it was was magnesium and vitamin d, that's it 500 milligrams of magnesium and vitamin d every day and within a week and a half. Tremendous difference, huge. And now I take it every day. I've been taking it for months and months. Man, it's just like my vitamins with some other vitamins, you know, they try to be healthier.

Speaker 1: 52:14

But and um, when's the last time you've had uh, anxiety attack or attack, whatever they're called anxiety attack, would that be?

Speaker 2: 52:22

I, I've felt it, you know, from from having chronic anxiety, and every day to. I think I've had it for like an hour once, maybe twice in like three months.

Speaker 1: 52:39

So that's a fucking huge there's a huge yeah, ninety.

Speaker 2: 52:43

Ninety seven percent of the anxiety is gone. That's awesome. Over 500. For some reason it has to be 500 milligrams. That's the number for magnesium and vitamin D. That's it, and you can buy Omega Pharmacy for $12, $13 a bottle. I actually have a bottle because of that Last you two months. Crazy man.

Speaker 2: 53:05

Just these natural things that are coming up and I'm just like, well, man, that changed everything and because of that I don't take depression or anxiety meds anymore. I did that for about a year. I took those and that it did help, especially coming from where I came from, in the headspace, and that that depressed. But I also didn't want to be, because I know a lot of people that when you're on to like depression pills is you get so stuck on um, relying on it, exactly because now you think you can't function without them and it's, it's almost like a placebo effect, right, and that's. I know people, even family, that's been on depression pills for years, but their life is fine, but they get anxiety, thinking if they come off of it that their life's going to shit and then they won't function. So they stay on it and they're stuck on it. And I didn't want to be like that, right, so I was on it for about a year and then I just came up and I said I don't need this anymore. But you can outrun depression right and these small things will get you out of that.

Speaker 2: 54:20

And it takes time. It's not easy, depending especially with whatever it is that you guys are dealing with and going through, because especially with traumatic events and it it it's a hard one. It's extremely difficult to get out of and to pull yourself up. Yeah, you know, heartbreak takes, takes a long time. You know losing someone like yourself. You know fiance, you know you seen her one day and the very next day you get a phone call she's gone.

Speaker 1: 54:50

Yeah, think about her every day, but I mean, that's all that I have now you know what I mean, and that'll probably last till I close my eyes, my eyes.

Speaker 1: 55:01

You know what I mean. That's, it's stuck with me, but it's just about navigating through it right and enjoy, well, what it is man really is like. You know all those memories that are popping into your head, like the what-ifs, or you know the denials, and you know even the bargaining. You know, please, god, if I, you know, all those things pop in your head, eventually it's all going to change to beautiful memories. You know all the good memories that you know lasted, you know, and then you're just going to end up smiling instead of crying or have like a happy tear. You know, at the end of the day, there's hope definitely.

Speaker 2: 55:43

Well, you know, and they say like time doesn't heal all wounds, no, it just makes it easier't heal all wounds. No, it just makes it easier to remember. Yeah, yeah, that's all it is Like. Whatever it is that you guys have had to deal with, you'll never forget it.

Speaker 2: 55:59

Trauma doesn't go away. No, especially things like that. Or for me, like I was abused, you know, as a child, physically and sexually. I've lost a son, my nephew, etc. And the list goes on. You know that doesn't go away. No.

Speaker 2: 56:16

But finding the tools to help you so you're not triggered when these things are brought up yeah, are brought up. Helping the tools to navigate through that so that when you do think, if this ever comes up or it crosses your mind, it's not creating anxiety, it's not causing you to overthink, it's not causing you to lash out, it's not causing you to go into a depressive state again because you can't deal with it and it's just too hard and you can't think about it. And then you start masking it with the temporary band-aids. And that's what most people do, because they choose not to deal with it, they choose not to turn around and face those demons. They just keep running.

Speaker 2: 57:05

But you'll never run from them. They'll always be there. But until you turn around and face it, you're gonna live a life of, you know, pain, stress, anxiety and you don't want to live like that. Because life is short, you want to be present and the main purpose of dealing with these traumas and core issues that you have is the clarity in your mind so that when you are with your children and your friends and your family, that you are present, you are there, you are playing with them and you're only thinking about today. You're not thinking about how freaking hurting you are and how sad you are.

Speaker 1: 57:58

It's true, man.

Speaker 2: 57:59

It's the clarity. That's what everyone is you're shooting for is clarity, right? Unfog that mind. But in order to do that, like we just said, is you got to get up, you got to start. The smallest little wins in your day will will start taking you down the right path. Yeah, like I said, the dumbest things when you're in that, the dumbest little things will change. Get a haircut, take a shower. Yeah, man, start small and you start working your way up and you start rebuilding your self-worth, your self-esteem. When you start exercising, you start feeling even better about yourself and then you start taking whatever the class and everything that you wanted to take and you just go all in. Then you start to come out of that and you start to feel better about yourself and then you start attracting better people in your life and better relationships.

Speaker 2: 59:01

It's true, it's about mindset right Changing that mindset and that's how you outrun the depression and that's how you Changing that mindset, yeah, and that's how you outrun the depression and that's how you get out of it, yeah. But if you sit in it and poor me, poor me, and you're a victim and I'm like this because that happened to me, and I'm like this in every relationship because they kept doing this to me. Well, guess what your next relationship is going to be like? Yep, guess what friends you're going to be hanging out with? Not good ones. You're going to be hanging out with all broken people, because you're fucking broken. You chose not to fix yourself. You chose and it's also really sad is because there could be one that comes around and then you just bleed all over them.

Speaker 2: 59:47

Yeah, and they didn't deserve it, because you chose not to deal with your own problems and instead played the victim Because it was too hard for you to talk about or deal with. But I tell you, if you don't deal with these things, it's inevitable. It's going to blow up in your face. You're going to hurt people along the way that didn't deserve it. You're going to hurt yourself. You're going to break your own heart. You're going to self-sabotage your own shit because you chose not to deal with it and eventually and I promise you it will happen it will blow up in your face. I just pray that if that comes, you know with some of you guys, man, that it's not blown up in your face to the point where you're standing on the edge of that hotel like I did and actually jumping. So if you know you got shit going on in your life and you know as hard as it is, you need to deal with it, you need to feel it and then you need to heal it. And if you feel alone and you feel like you got nobody and you feel like you got no friends or you got no family left, we're your family. We're here. Reach out to us Because we've your family. We're here. Reach out to us because we've been there.

Speaker 2: 1:01:14

So, whatever it is that you guys are going through, please hit us up inbox message, fake names. I don't give a shit. But give us one more day. If you're in that and you're struggling and you don't know if, shit, but give us one more day. If you're in that and you're struggling and you don't know if you can make it till tomorrow, give us another day. Reach out to us. We will answer.

Speaker 2: 1:01:39

Rawmindspodcast at gmailcom. Hit us up on the tiktok rawmindspodcast myself or Eric. We will answer. We will phone you, we will find you resources in the town that you live in, that we don't even live in. But give us another day, because that's what we're here for and that's why we're doing what we're doing. Because if we can come from trying to kill ourselves and live in trauma since I was five years old and abuse and loss, and you name it and to come out on the other side, then I know you guys can do it too, because I promise you what you are feeling. It doesn't feel like it is temporary, but it's up to you and you only on what you do now, going forward. Nobody else, nobody's coming to save you, no people that can help you. Like ourselves, we are not doctors, but we have lived that life for I don't even know how many years Too long man, too long, too long.

Speaker 1: 1:02:57

You're stupid. Let us do the stupid stuff. Live from us.

Speaker 2: 1:03:02

You know, so reach out to us please. That's what we're doing, that's why we're doing what we're doing, you know, so reach out to us please. That's what we're doing, that's why we're doing what we're doing. You know, and On my end, you know, I just I want to thank you guys and if you're new to the show man, we drop, we drop every week on every platform you can think of you, name it, we're on it, we're here, but we ain't going nowhere.

Speaker 1: 1:03:28

Hell no man, Hell no.

Speaker 2: 1:03:31

So yeah. But if you guys are going through any of that right now and you're in it, I feel for you. I really do, but don't, don't. Don't't. Just because you're a victim Doesn't mean you have to be a victim. Exactly yeah. When you feel you heal, now it's on you. Now you gotta get up. Now you gotta make the changes, you and you only.

Speaker 1: 1:04:09

Well, I think, make the changes, you, and you only. Well, I think that's the end of depression, bro. You know, let's get rid of this shit because it's nasty. Move on to the next one.

Speaker 2: 1:04:29

Yeah, it's not easy. Easy, man, but that's life. Yeah, just finding those tools, that's all you can do. That shit doesn't go away.

Speaker 1: 1:04:37

You'll never forget these things, but it's how you deal with it, you have to deal with it and that's what we said this whole podcast episode. You gotta deal with that shit. Yeah, and like joy says, you guys got our email reach out to us this whole podcast episode.

Speaker 2: 1:04:47

We've got to deal with that shit, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:04:49

And, like Joey says, you guys got our email, reach out to us. Or find your support. Like we said, you know, find your local guys group or just even mental health group or something right. Just find kind of a support group. I mean there's Facebook pages you can join, reach out to us. Um, all the time on TikTok, we see them all the time is, um, there's lots of, uh, mental health. Tiktok lives there. So I mean, the options are there is just a matter of what one fits your box. The best, I guess you could say or check marks your box.

Speaker 2: 1:05:32

Yep 100%.

Speaker 1: 1:05:35

Well, brother, thank you, thank you again.

Speaker 2: 1:05:40

Thank you, sir. And on a side note, check out my new clothing line, ironmenacecom. I'm a huge advocate on fitness motivation and gym wear, so you guys hit that up and, yeah, you guys don't want to miss out, it's the hottest new gym gear right now, fuck yeah, it is man ironmenacecom hit it up. But on that note, thank you all for tuning in. If you're new, we appreciate you, we love you and we will see you guys again next week.

Speaker 1: 1:06:20

And if you can't find good people, be good people and, yeah, man, thank you, joey again, and thank you for all the listeners out there. We appreciate every single one of you. This is why we do this, just to, you know, for it. We do it for ourselves and to help other people. I mean it's, you know, it's a healing journey for both of us as well, you know, and we both enjoy helping other people. Um so, on that note, or not, tomorrow sorry, next week will be the end of this five uh episodes segue, or sega, or whatever you want to call it miniseries, miniseries. There we go, uh, so don't miss out. Uh, the last one will be on acceptance, accountability, yeah, it goes together that's a big one.

Speaker 1: 1:07:17

It is a big one, so tune in well on that note.

Speaker 2: 1:07:22

Be good bye peace be good or be good at Bye Peace.