In this episode of "Raw Minds" focusing on men's mental health, titled "From Pain to Power," hosts Erick and Joey delve deep into the transformative journey of turning personal grief into inner strength and resilience. Erick shares his poignant story of loss, detailing how the passing of his fiancée became a catalyst for his own healing and empowerment. Through the creation of this very podcast alongside Joey, Erick channels his pain into a platform aimed at supporting and guiding men through their own mental health challenges.
Joey, in turn, opens up about his experience with grief following a breakup, recounting how he harnessed his emotional turmoil to embark on and complete the demanding 75 Hard challenge. By confronting his pain head-on and channeling it into a positive outlet, Joey discovered a newfound sense of purpose and determination.
Join Erick and Joey as they candidly discuss the profound impact of personal struggles, offering insights, reflections, and strategies for harnessing pain as a source of strength and resilience in the ongoing journey toward mental well-being.
In this episode of "Raw Minds" focusing on men's mental health, titled "From Pain to Power," hosts Erick and Joey delve deep into the transformative journey of turning personal grief into inner strength and resilience. Erick shares his poignant story of loss, detailing how the passing of his fiancée became a catalyst for his own healing and empowerment. Through the creation of this very podcast alongside Joey, Erick channels his pain into a platform aimed at supporting and guiding men through their own mental health challenges.
Joey, in turn, opens up about his experience with grief following a breakup, recounting how he harnessed his emotional turmoil to embark on and complete the demanding 75 Hard challenge. By confronting his pain head-on and channeling it into a positive outlet, Joey discovered a newfound sense of purpose and determination.
Join Erick and Joey as they candidly discuss the profound impact of personal struggles, offering insights, reflections, and strategies for harnessing pain as a source of strength and resilience in the ongoing journey toward mental well-being.
yeah, yeah, welcome back everybody to the show where we shatter the silence on men's mental health. We are unfiltered, unedited and, and, as always, we are going raw. My name is Joey.
Speaker 1:And I'm Eric and we're your hosts. And welcome to Raw Minds, episode 30. Yep.
Speaker 2:Yeah, buddy, 30 episodes Big yeah man.
Speaker 1:This is Doing it big. We were just talking about this, man. We were 30 weeks ago, man, we just started this. It's pretty cool, pretty fun journey, definitely. It's just getting better.
Speaker 2:Especially when you get emails from Apple saying that we were ranking very well in Canada.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, buddy, that's what we do. We're in the Philippines and Bulgaria. That's crazy Bulgaria, that's wild Gotta. Yeah Like, yeah, buddy, that's what we do. We're going, we're in the Philippines and Bulgaria. That's crazy Bulgaria, that's that's wild Gotta love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're now in what? New Zealand, Australia, Philippines, Bulgaria.
Speaker 1:Mexico, costa Rica. Yep, yeah, we were talking about this last episode. It's just thank you so much. We really appreciate all of you.
Speaker 2:You know that's awesome. You know we started this show and if you guys are new to the show and just tuning in, we're the first podcast to do on men's mental health and you know myself and Eric have lived a life of trauma and pain and attempted suicides and family loss and suffered child abuse you name it. We've lived it. And to sit here tonight and every other week that we do this and why we do this is to really help give back to people that's had to go through some of the things that we've gone through or is going through it now, whether it's heartbreak, suicidal thoughts and tendencies to chronic depression. Because we know that all too well and just know that if you guys are going through it now, that there are better days on the other end, I promise you that. But that's why we're doing what we do.
Speaker 2:You know we feel like you know we just when we started this, we just wanted to help people. You know, even one person to talk them off the ledge of the. You know of the same ledge that I stood on, where I actually tried to take my own life and to get the feedback the people reaching out and, like I just said, apple saying that we're high-ranking in Canada. Now I'm at a loss for words, man Beyond grateful. But thank you all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm a loss for words, man, beyond grateful, but thank you all. Yeah, it's, it's pretty, pretty amazing. I mean, I don't think it's even kicked in that you know we're across, which is pretty powerful. It's awesome, so thank you. So, yeah, man, what's, what's your deal, man? How are you today?
Speaker 2:fuck, I'm doing all right, man, I'm doing all right. You know, I'm always excited on the days that we get to do this. Yeah, it's, you know, it's not just helping others, but it's it's our therapy as well, right, yeah, yeah, you know, and a big part of the show is to be able to talk about the pains and struggles that men go through and people To be vulnerable about it, to open up about it, because when you feel you heal, right, you got to be able to figure out the best ways to navigate through the pain and the struggles that you're going through, because we all have them. Every one of us has conflict in our lives. Every one of us has been through something. Yeah, right.
Speaker 2:But the big part of tonight's show is the other end of that, when we are going through things and we go through, you know, the five stages, if you will, that we've just um touched on in the last five weeks. You know. And then where do you go after that, once you get through those phases touched on in the last five weeks? You know, and then where do you go after that, once you get through those phases? Now it's the healing journey. Now it's finding the perspective, the positive perspectives in those negatives? Yeah, definitely you know. So, yeah, how about you, man? How are you?
Speaker 1:doing. I'm doing excellent, man. You know, as Canadians we had a long weekend. It was Victoria Day, so got some time, a little extra time spent with the kid. Got a new desk here, got another monitor, so Also, I got an arm. I'm not holding the microphone anymore in my arm, so I mean it's, it's good, and had a good weekend. We went out. I enjoyed the weather. I can't complain, man, I mean except for today. Today sucked with the rain, but other than that I mean you need the rain, right. So that was a good day, man. I enjoyed it. Good to hear, good to yeah.
Speaker 2:You try to have as many good days as possible. I mean that's what we all strive for, right? Yeah, man, exactly. I mean we're going to have shit days and we're going to have good days, but you try to have the more good days.
Speaker 1:Well, let's face it, man, that's how you learn your lessons, and learn is usually in the shit right. So sometimes you need those shit days to you know, teach you a lesson, smack you upside the head and be like, hey, life is still here.
Speaker 2:Don't forget about it. Yeah, 100% buddy. Well, 100%, well. I think we should dive right into it, man, and really talk about.
Speaker 2:You know, like I said, the, the other, the, the finish line, if you will, coming through those stages of grief and getting through to the other side of finding that light in that tunnel, when you've been hit with tragedy or heartbreak or loss or anything of, basically anything that has caused you pain, and you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So, but the biggest, the biggest, the biggest thing in the traumas that we face is how do you move forward after that? Yeah, you know, and in those five stages, you know, and everyone heals differently and everyone grieves differently, and you might be on stage four, then stage one, then stage, everyone's different but regardless, we all go through these emotions because we're human beings and when you have something that really hurts and breaks your heart, or betrayal, or, you know, child abuse, to whatever it may be, you know we all feel that we doesn't matter how big you are, it doesn't mean matter who you are. We're human men and we, we've all been hit with something that really takes us to our knees. Yeah, but again, at the end of that, it's only up to you, moving forward on the path that you choose, to come out on the other side and or, if you come out on the other side and we really pray and hope and that's why we do the show that we can help guide and just give advice to help you get to that other side.
Speaker 1:And raw too. Don't forget the raw brother.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, but the forget the raw brother, right, yeah, but the biggest thing is, you know it's 90% reaction to whatever it is that's happened to you and it's up to you, and you only on how you choose, to move forward. And it's not easy, man, to believe me. I struggled in depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts for years and it's very hard to get out of, to move forward. A million percent of this. So I sympathize with that. But again, it is still up to you, because nobody's coming to save you and it's only up to you to take accountability, take responsibility, whether it was your fault or not, and pave that right path and not go down the wrong path and make your life even worse with the self-medications and temporary Band-Aids.
Speaker 1:Well, you know what man Usually in this part of like someone's life, usually you know, after acceptance and trying to move forward and building a new life for yourself. I guess you know this. This should be your number one leveling up, because you can reinvent yourself half the time, you know, depending on this situation. But this is when you know, say, your partner never wanted to go to I don't know japan, right. But now you have the chance, like, screw it, I'm gonna go to japan, nothing's gonna hold me back. I'm not gonna feel bad not knowing that. Not knowing that I mean you. You shouldn't feel bad if someone doesn't want you to go. You should be able to do whatever you want. Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying, for instance, you know like you don't do whatever you need to, you know. So I mean you got to also look at the other angles. I mean it sucks, the person is gone, I get it a hundred percent, but at the end of the day, there's nothing you can do. That's going to change that. You have to live your life and do what you need to do to keep on going forward because you're you're breathing, you're still alive, you know. So you need to like be selfish.
Speaker 1:You know, after you've done your grieving and all that, you, you need to put yourself first. Yeah, you know, and that's when, this is when you level up and you start learning more about yourself. I mean, we're learning all the time, right, but this is when you start. I mean, some of the best businesses, you know people have gone bankrupt, excuse me. Or you know, like, have gone bankrupt, excuse me. Or you know, like, something terrible happens to someone and then they come out of it and they kill it because they use that strength and that inner, inner power, turn it around and become whatever, put it to whatever they, they they're doing, and become amazing or the boss at it. You know, that's what. That's what you know, the, the mindset that that we as humans should, as men as well, um should have after all, this, definitely, I, I, I think so. Do your grieving, do, however long it takes, it's okay. You know there's no timeframe on this shit, but at some point you need to realize that you know there's more to life than just sitting around and moping around.
Speaker 2:You've got to live for yourself. You're the only one holding the pen.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And there are thousands of empty pages that you can rewrite. You're the only one. Yeah, rewrite, definitely. You're the only one. Yeah, you know, grieve, like you said, like there's things that's happened to myself, to other people, where, man, it is months of struggle trying to just pick your head up, yeah, feeling broken, shattered, depressed, stressed, anxiety, and it it is the hardest thing to see. Past that you will feel better, that there are better things, because when you're in that man, you don't think for a second that you're going to get over this, because it's just every day you wake up, every night before you go to bed. You're just, you're slowly falling apart, it's true, and it's so hard to change that perspective and finding the positives in it and to pull yourself up from that. So, I get it, we sympathize, yeah, but it's okay, like we always say, to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay in it. And if you're staying in it three months, six months, a year from now, that is your fault. That is not what's happened to you. So you need to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself like I'm done feeling like this, but in order to not feel like that, that you have to progress in your life and not regress. And when you start to progress in the present, you start to stop worrying about the past, because that's what your depression and your trauma has come from is things in your past. But you're not going that way. Yeah, right, and that's why we sit in it, because we just keep stressing and feeling the hurt from what your wife just did to you or the loss of your fiance, like you, for example, or the loss of my nephew or son, you know, but we, we sit on that and that's why we get the way we are is because of things that's happened in the past, cause we're allowing these moments in our life to affect the movements to our future. So we don't pro, we don't progress in the present. That's why we're not here. That's where I wasn't present and a lot of people are not present because we're so broken and down and thinking about what's happened to you or what you've had to go through that you've never tried to fix or talk about or deal with that You're not able to progress. You're regressing, right Like the number one symptom of depression is rumination, which means you just constantly talk about and obsess about your past, right?
Speaker 2:So when you're obsessing about your past. You just carry it over the next day and the next day. But until you go and find someone to talk to or find the tools to try to get out of that, then nothing's going to change. And that's where people's lives start to really snowball downhill. And then the job goes, and then the relationship goes, and then your kids don't want to see you and et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 2:But it's all about progression. You can't allow the things that has happened to you in the past Affect your future, because you are the one holding the pen. You have those empty pages that you can rewrite. You can break that generational trauma. You can be different than how your parents treated you or abused you or whatever it is. But it only starts with you and on you only.
Speaker 2:But in that healing journey is when you're coming out of that man. I promise you man, the way you'll feel when you put in that work to try to heal those wounds, and how much your life will change is I can't even explain it. And that creates that clarity because we live especially men with such polluted minds. Every day there's that backpack full of bricks that we talk about. We carry that weight every time we wake up and leave our house and that backpack is so heavy that that's all you can think about is the weight that you're carrying. And that's us breaking piece by piece every day, and instead of trying to release bricks and drop the weight, we just keep adding them so well, you know what's, you know what's.
Speaker 1:A big thing too. Man is like when you're trying to go through your journey and you got like so-called friends, you know, and either they're giving you like the bad advice or just you know, just just not even being there for you, you know, suck it up, or whatever you know. Or, like he said, right, he told me today actually we were on the phone and we're talking and he said that you know, it's funny that some people, just they think that they got a solution for you know, like your problems, like everybody has a solution for everybody else's problems but never a solution for their own. And it makes sense, man, it's true, you know exactly what he said is true for their own. And it makes sense, man, it's true, you know exactly what he said is true Everybody's too busy trying to take care of everybody else's problems.
Speaker 1:And they got, I mean, not take care of them, but I mean, you know, stick their nose in other people's problems when they should be dealing with themselves. You know, and I find that it's very toxic, definitely, when you, when you have people around you like that, when you, you're trying to grow, those type of people are just going to bring you down oh, a million percent right.
Speaker 2:And in your growth and in your healing journey and your healing process, coming out of whatever it is that you've had to deal with or you struggle with, who you have around you is a huge part of that. Yeah right. So like if you, if you're depressed and sad all the time but you keep hanging out with these people and they go drinking every weekend and they're partying every weekend and they're going here, that's just a temporary band-aid and a distraction. Yeah, right, but you're doing it because you're not thinking about your own problems but yet you don't realize long term you're creating a lot more problems because now that's where the alcoholism starts to come in, because now I can sleep if I drink all night till I black out. Now, if, if I go out every night, now I'm, but then the more problems come because now I've also blowing through all the money that I have and now you're missing your rent.
Speaker 2:Now you're doing this because you're spending on it here, because you're using that to mask what's really going on inside. So the people that you surround yourself is a huge part of your healing journey. To come out of that is a huge part of your healing journey. To come out of that. Then sometimes you pick the wrong people because you're you're hurting and it's like you're just settling with friends even not just relationships, but with friends and they're doing the same shit. Every weekend they're doing the same. You know what?
Speaker 2:I mean, and it'll bring you right back down well, misery loves company, and it'll bring you right back down.
Speaker 2:Well, misery loves company, man, like we say, and it's impossible for you to grow and get better if you stay in that with those type of people that don't add value to your life, but take it away Because you're refusing to face yourself in the mirror and admit that you messed up or that you are messed up, so instead you just block it out by jumping from one relationship to the other. You're going out every single weekend or during the week, and you're doing this and you're doing that, when all you're doing is prolonging your healing process. What's toxic shit.
Speaker 1:It's toxic, 100% of it. Well, let me ask you this what would you say to date, right now, is a big be one of your biggest accomplishments from? You know something that that was, you know terrible, that that you went through, or you know life changing, altering whatever it may be?
Speaker 2:What would you say would be the biggest thing that came from it? Actually, it's funny you asked me that because I was talking to a friend of mine at work today about this Nice. As you know, I think when you've been through, you know we've all. We all. Like I said, we all go through things. Some people one big traumatic event in their life and then some people 30. Right For me, for example. I've been through it since I was five years old with child abuse and except.
Speaker 2:But as it goes on and you get older, you know you find the tools on your own. If you never got the help to try to help you navigate a little bit better. It still sucks, man, it still hurts, it's still painful breakups, heartbreak, all that shit. Still you're here, yeah.
Speaker 2:But you know, in all of that and let's say example, like we've talked about a few times on the show, when I didn't leave my room for five days, I didn't, I ate one orange and I lost 30 pounds in six days, and when I was in that head space of so messed up, so down, my biggest accomplishment would be the amount of effort from that and that was my breaking point where I didn't want to feel like that ever again and I knew that was the first time I looked at myself in 40 years and I'd be like you know what?
Speaker 2:That was your fault, you need to fix this. You're doing this to yourself, you keep doing this to yourself and relationships, et cetera, et cetera. And I just started to write it down. I broke it down and my biggest accomplishment was realizing that, looking at myself in the mirror, the hard as it was, and I flipped it. I didn't drink, I didn't choose to do distract myself, no dating apps, no, nothing. And my biggest accomplishment was facing myself to admit my wrongs. I reached out to exes just to say hey, I haven't talked to you in three years and I'm really sorry for what happened.
Speaker 2:I hope you're doing well just to make amends, you know even with old friends when I and I was never intentional, because I've never been that bad guy, but I've done a lot of wrong things and I didn't even realize I was doing it because I was so messed up.
Speaker 1:I mean you do bad things, but it doesn't mean you're a bad person, right? We just make stupid mistakes.
Speaker 2:That's shitty as it is, but the biggest thing is I was doing it to myself. I was causing my own heartbreaks. I was hurting people along the way, unintentionally causing you know I was hurting people along the way unintentionally, yeah, but my biggest, coming from that and that pain was one of the worst pains became my biggest blessing. So if you're listening and you're going through all this right now is I promise you that the pain that you're feeling right now is a true blessing and your biggest motivator. And that pain use it as a passport to drive you and not destroy you. Because that pain at that time pushed me to not only take accountability and look at myself. For the first time, I put myself in counseling for six months. I went every week and it was the best thing I ever did and I looked forward to it and I got to find things out about myself that I didn't even think that I was the problem or you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And in that I've always been a gym person. But the 75 hard we've talked about it once or twice in the past person. But the 75 hard we've talked about it once or twice in the past. And I just took that next year and fixed me All mental counseling. I did the 75 hard program twice. The first time was 100 days.
Speaker 2:I just kept going and I was so dedicated and driven, using that pain, that heartbreak, that depression, that mental detox, if you will, and I turned and I flipped the script and I shut the world out, basically in that sense, and I just I chose and refused to ever feel like that again because I lived in it for 20, 30 years of almost trying to kill myself etc, and the list goes on. And I took that pain. So my biggest accomplishment was the biggest one was being able to look at myself and take accountability for the first time and being like you know what man, you need help. You did this to yourself. You're not doing it again. What are you going to do about it? And I put in the work man. So I'm beyond proud of myself Some days you know you're always hard on ourselves, but there's days where I'll have flashbacks of just me laying in my room for five days.
Speaker 1:But let me stop you there, man. I just want to say but you're still putting in the work too.
Speaker 2:The thing is you're a million percent every day.
Speaker 1:You know you you, you to keep on going, you know oh, that doesn't stop.
Speaker 2:Life just keeps going. The sun's gonna shine, that doesn't change. And because of life, we're all gonna go through things. You're still gonna go through things, especially as we get older. But it's finding the tools, finding the right group of friends, the right balance, bro balance the right person in your the, the one, the the right person to date or eventually be your wife, is a huge factor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because who you pick as a partner can make or break your entire life, definitely, definitely but in order to find that kind of person, male or female, you have to be the best version of yourself first. You have to get through whatever it is that you're struggling with, whatever depression, whatever sadness and brokenness and loneliness is. You have to heal from that and work on that. You'll never forget, but you can heal from those traumas and those pasts where you're not triggered anymore. You'll always think about it. They'll always be there.
Speaker 2:But it's getting rid of the triggers to set you off, to put you back, to make you take 10 steps back, to set you off, to put you back, to make you take 10 steps back. You know, and, like I said, it's all about to progress in the present and not regret. Then you stop worrying about the past. The past stops affecting you as much or none at all. Like for me, like the amount of shit that I talk about, man, like a couple years ago, man, it fucked me up. Now I'm an open book, no problem, it doesn't affect me and even when I think about it and how hard of a time that was or this, and that in my life I'm not triggered by it anymore because I faced it, I dealt with it, I dealt with it, but it's always going to be there, a million percent, just like with any of you guys.
Speaker 2:But it's getting rid of the triggers, it's learning to be present and progress in the present and have clarity to be present. Well, right, so it's been a huge accomplishment to be able to get through that. But every day's a battleman and you still get anxiety, sometimes you still feel down, sometimes it's that's life. But now I've learned some tools and then on, if something comes up as we get older, people pass away. They get older. It's you're gonna see more and more of it as you get older, right? Yeah, so when these things happen, it's it's being able to know how to deal with those and finding the tools to deal with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree that's the biggest one, right? But you know, when it comes to one thing I will say about the counselor is you know we talk about getting the counselor, which is massive, but you also want to find that counselor that helps you break those patterns in the depression and the rumination and the the obsessing rather than the indulging in it. Yeah, right, so you got to find the counselor or the the right people to talk to. That'll help you break.
Speaker 2:It's a bad habit, right yeah definitely obsessing over something is a toxic habit. It's a bad habit. So, instead of having someone talk to you and indulge in it, you want to find someone that will help you break those patterns and break that bad habit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and you don't find them on the first try all the time. I mean, it's going to take a couple times to find. You know you got to click with that person. But, like, on the bad habit thing that you're saying, where you're obsessing, um, it's, it's a known fact too. Like, when you keep on thinking of like something bad, you're just and you're over overthinking it all the time, obsessing about it. You know you're just causing that problem to grow bigger and bigger and bigger in your head. Know you got to learn how to like shut that shit right off. You know, and that's when, like you, if you have a hobby, and that's when you start doing like a hobby.
Speaker 1:Like I said, man, those fucking coloring books, bro, if you listen to the podcast, it's about the coloring books. You know, like it's just about misdirecting. It's like with kids. You know it's misdirecting them, you know. So it's it works the same with, like, your mindset. You know you start introducing big good stuff into your mind. You know things that you enjoy, things that you like to do. You know you're pushing that shit out out. And that's like when, like you talked about before, when you're filling up your cup. You know you, you take a cup that's filled with shit. You keep on pouring water on it. Eventually it's all that shit's gonna get out of there, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, and that that's just like your mind. Yeah right, you start filling your mind with that positive, then all the shit in your mind starts to filter out. But you have to take the steps to find the positives. Yeah Right, and the only thing that's holding people back is the stories that they tell themselves in their head. Yeah, definitely that's it. That's the story that you tell yourself is the only reason why you're being held back.
Speaker 1:You've already failed, man, before even stepping out the door. You know what I mean, because you've already done a scenario in your head. You know it's like, oh no, this is going to happen to me. This is going to happen to me, you know. And then boom, you've already failed. Like we said before, a boxer doesn't go in the ring saying I'm going to get my ass kicked. He goes in the ring saying I'm going to kick some fucking ass. Right, you know, it's about mindset well, a million percent.
Speaker 2:You know you have to look at it like you already have it or if that's something you want, like manifestation. You know I used to think that was the dumbest thing when people like, oh you gotta manifest and meditate. Dude man, when I came out of that room couple two years ago, I was doing anything and everything that I heard that was positive. That might help me not feel that way. And once I started with the manifesting and the meditation, game changer Calling the witch doctor 100%.
Speaker 2:Whatever you're doing, game, yeah, game changer, I'll tell you that right now. But in the manifest, in the manifesting, is you got to believe that you already have it right. It's that feeling that you put behind it, and to some people it's dumb as shit, but I tell you it works, and you hear that a lot of people talk about it. Until you actually try and really you know, you meditate and even breath work, learning how to breathe every morning when you wake up. All these little things are such big positives in coming out of that depressive state, even the food you eat, and you know what One of the biggest ones for anxiety I just watched a video on that today is when you suffer from it. It's all gut health, anxiety, big anxiety all the time. Is your gut health.
Speaker 2:Now I take vitamins every day, like I. We mentioned the vitamin d and the magnesium. Now I'm doing the e and the b and, fuck, I got like a. Today I'm taking, which is health, and literally that's what I'm taking, though, but and I've never been that guy, but now that I'm it, my thought process every day is different. You know, my anxiety is pretty much gone, and I had chronic anxiety, high anxiety disorder. That's from the magnesium, just by these, just from these basic vitamins. That's it.
Speaker 2:But in that, just like anyone that takes depression pills like they're not magic pills, that if you just take it and you don't have to do nothing, you're just going to feel better you still need to do things in your life to help them. Just like the vitamins, just like anything else that you're taking, you can't just sit back and there's this magic pill that's going to make you feel bad. It doesn't work like that. What you need to doesn't work like that. No, well, what? What you need to do is start filling that cup of yours and start living for yourself and doing the things that you enjoy, doing these little things that, out of your routine, change your routine. Yeah, you know that one degree we always talk about you. You got to change that every day. You got to do something different because the direction that it'll take you in three months, man, you'd be like holy fuck. If you asked me this three months ago, I'd be doing this job or I'd be over here or dating this kind of person. I wouldn't believe you. You scare yourself, man.
Speaker 1:You know it's taking that leap.
Speaker 2:Like you said, it's about doing the things that you're scared of. But nobody wants to step out of their comfort zone because they're. They're comfortable like, oh, I have enough money to just pay my rent and this, but they're miserable every week. They're unhappy, they barely can go on a vacation. You know, and it's not even just about the money, it's a fact, a big factor in our lives. But it's just doing things that make you smile. Yeah, do little that you can do a lot of things that doesn't cost any money. There's some, there's things that you always wanted to do. Men, start it, because you never know. Then you realize you know someone who now, uh, know someone who a female actually who's into crocheting. Yeah, it's kind of you think of like a grandma doing it, but now she's like make you a full fucking blanket and loves doing it. She just picked it up because she was, she was having a hard time and for reason. That's what she picked up. Now she's happy as shit. She's got friends buying sweaters and slippers and fuck you name it.
Speaker 2:But she was like man. You asked me if I crocheted six months ago, she'd laugh in your face.
Speaker 1:So that's just an example. Have you done that before? Have you tried crocheting? Crochet Dude? That's hard as shit man's. It's pretty cool, though it is hard. I mean, I remember I was in, uh, I went into, like uh what is?
Speaker 1:it in high school where they do all that stuff like the sewing class and stuff. I went in the sewing class and I went in the cooking class because they had girls in there. That was the only reason why I went there and I I learned how to do a little bit. But the crocheting is hard, man. It's like with the two sticks and you're like but again it's, it's something it's.
Speaker 2:It's. It's giving you something positive to focus on. Whatever it is dance class, cooking class, you know what I mean. You want to take a acting class. But whatever that what I was trying to get to though it's fidgeting, right.
Speaker 1:So it's about fidgeting and taking your mindset off, right. So what your friend is doing is exactly like what we spoke about earlier, right, and it's replacing the bad with the good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it calms her down because she has bad high anxiety. There you go, but that's something she found and picked up and now she loves it. Good for her, but it could be. So that's what you guys need to do is find something that drives you. And the biggest thing and the most underrated is exercise, man. Exercise the gym, even if you hate the gym. Hikes, roller blade, fuck, just anything that keeps you active in some way. Walking 40 minutes is the equivalent to taking one uh, depression pill. Your body actually excretes protein molecules when you work out and fights depression. That's why it's the most underrated antidepressant in the world, but it's not even for how to make you look, because that's just a bonus. If you want to raise your self-confidence, man, you hit that gym five days a week for six months. You're fucking a whole new doesn't help.
Speaker 2:Bring like oxygen to the brain or something like that everything the you know and it's not new to people to hear this, but it is massive, you know. You still see some videos on tiktok where there is a guy that was 400 pounds and decided he had a health scare and almost died and now he's lost 300 pounds. He's a personal trainer and his life's never been better. Yeah, but the biggest thing to get out of the, the rut that you're, or that state, that mindset that you're in, is exercise, man, get out and just go for a walk, fresh air, start there and then you just like I said, when you're in that pain, especially heartbreak, use that to fucking drive you, fucking drive you. Because when I use that pain, instead of going to the bar and drinking all the time and feeling sorry for myself, man, it was the best thing that ever happened to me at the time and if you're going through it now it's terrible. You don't think it's the best thing because it's one of the worst feelings you could ever experience. Is is real heartbreak, but in that is the biggest driver I've ever had and now when I look back, I almost want to get heartbroken again because that push that it gave me to get to where I am even now because of that stem from that. Over two years ago was the last one, and now I'm doing all these things that I never thought I could do or get to and then I just keep pushing and it all stem from that pain. So if it wasn't for that relationship to end, I wouldn't have and do all the things I'm doing now. And that's part of this healing journey that we're talking about tonight is on the other end of those five stages and, and when you're trying to come out, the other end of the grieving and the heartache and the loss is, if it wasn't for these things to happen to you, you wouldn't have these things and you wouldn't have met that person.
Speaker 2:You know, if that relationship didn't end, you wouldn't have met that real love of your life. You thought they were the love of your life, but if they were, they would still be with you. They wouldn't go anywhere. Yeah, because who's meant to be with you will be with you. It's true, right, but if it wasn't for that, you wouldn't find that person.
Speaker 2:Down the road, you, if you didn't get laid off prime example then you wouldn't have found your dream job or you wouldn't be pushed into doing something you never even thought of doing, but because of that. So you got to really take the pain that we go through and use that as a passport to push you to become better, not worse, because it is your biggest blessing and your biggest tool. Because I tell you, man, that was the best thing that ever happened to me shitty at the time, but on the other end of it, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Because of that pain, I wouldn't be sitting here tonight even and being able to do this. You know, I'm looking for you.
Speaker 2:For example, like you, you lost your fiancee last year Father's Day, yeah, of all days. But if it wasn't for that and obviously you would do anything to have her here, oh, definitely, yeah, but because of what's happened, the first thing you said to me the day after is I want to do a podcast and help people. And now, look, we're episode 30 tonight. Yeah, buddy, and we have helped. You know, and that you know and that that's a situation that you had no control over and there's nothing you can do about it and you can't change that. But you decided that in your pain, that you wanted to help somebody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's true that in your pain that you wanted to help somebody.
Speaker 2:It's true, True story man. You just got to find the blessings in that.
Speaker 1:I mean, like I said, they're everywhere and, like I said earlier, I don't want to sound like an asshole. Did I lose you? Maybe Did you? Can you hear me?
Speaker 2:I lost you.
Speaker 1:Oh no, uh-oh. Well, looks like we're having technical difficulties, or what.
Speaker 2:It's just one of those things computers, right, yeah, technology, or what? It's just one of those things Computers, right, yeah, technology. But yeah, you know, just remember guys, you can't heal from what you hate. And if you feel that you hate yourself, how can you heal? And if you hate somebody that's done you wrong or abused you or treated you like shit, you can't heal from that. And the big part of that is learning how to let go. You'll never forget it, whatever it is that you've gone through or you're going through, but you can heal from it and learning to let that go, because you can't heal from what you hate.
Speaker 2:And when you're in that headspace that I was in for so many years, I hated myself. I didn't like who, who I was, I didn't like what I saw when I looked in the mirror and a lot of and I I bet you, most of you, feel the same way because that's your. You know you have no self-confidence, no self-worth, no, no sense of wanting to live because you, you hate yourself, whether you blame yourself for things that wasn't your fault or you blame yourself for things that were your fault. But you cannot move forward and you cannot heal from that, definitely If you're holding on to hate, whether it's towards someone else or towards yourself. So you have to learn to let that go In order to progress in the present, like we were talking about earlier, in order to progress in your life, to make a better future, to give your kids, and your wife and your family, the old you back A brand new one man.
Speaker 1:A brand new one, like we said you hold the pen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got thousands of empty pages to write in. Rewrite that story.
Speaker 1:Well, and if you're Go ahead, go ahead. Okay, well, I was just saying, you know like I want to point this out too, actually, just popped in my head, a good success story is, you know, remember Diamond, dallas Page.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the wrestler.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then he started that like workout plan Yoga, Was it yoga?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was yoga, the diamond, whatever thing, and it's really hard. Is that really? Yeah, it's yoga Crazy. And then there was that guy and he was way overweight, could barely walk, he was messed up and he did it and he did it. Now he's, this guy's walking, doing handstands. You know he's more fit than Diamond Dallas Page man and he's like helping. He's like part owner now with him in that company or something like that, and he goes and inspires people. You know that's a crazy. He goes in and inspires people. You know that's that's a crazy. You know, coming from like, you know being how heavy he was and just you know depressed down, living probably you know really bad to now being super fit. You know help running a company and just killing it.
Speaker 2:You know, and someone like that that that tells me that they hit their rock bottom, they hit their breaking point, where he got up one day and he hated what he's seen in the mirror and he's like I need to make a change, yeah, yeah, and that's what everyone listening has to do, whether it was your fault or not. Yeah, is you have to make a change. Starts with you. Pick up that pen, rewrite the story, yeah, and pave the path that you want to walk. So if you, if you guys, are going through it heartbreak, suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, man, like we feel your pain one million percent. But that's why we're doing. What we're doing is to be there to at least try to give pointers and advice. Only if you ask to maybe help you find that light switch in that dark room. That being said is do not be afraid, please, please, if you're listening to this, to reach out. Rawmindspodcast at gmailcom.
Speaker 2:Rawmindspodcast on TikTok. I even have my own separate fitness TikTok. You can message me on there too, iron Menace Fitness, anywhere. And, you know, leave your name, phone number, if you wish, completely anonymous. Myself, eric, will talk to you, phone you. If you're local, we'll come have a coffee with you, but don't be afraid to reach out, man, please.
Speaker 2:If you feel that it's harder to not be here, I promise you that it's even harder if you're not here for everyone else around you that loves you, because what you're feeling and I know it does not feel like it, but it is temporary and there are better days on the other end, but that's what we're here for, man. So, on a side note, check out my new fitness clothing line, ironmaniscom. Also, if you're new to the show, whatever platform you're listening to us on, we are on every other platform you can think of, like and share, comment. We really appreciate all the feedback, the stories, even the cries for help. It's truly heartbreaking, but we appreciate it and we've been there. Just know that you're not alone. We're here for you. And, on that note on my end, if you can't find good people, be good people.
Speaker 1:And I just want to say, at the end of the day, it's up to you, it's really up to you. You're in control, you're the boss of your own world. It's up to you to make that change. You're the boss of your own world. It's up to you to make that change. I mean, if you don't, then I guess you enjoy feeling like that every day and being like that every day, you know. And if you're okay living like that, then fuck, okay. But I mean, you are the change, you're the one that can change and if you want it bad enough, you can change. I mean, there's, what is this?
Speaker 1:This Buddha, this kid, said he wanted to change his life or something, I forget the thing. So the Buddha throws him in the water, in a deep pool, and he's splashing and he's he's, you know, trying to stay afloat and trying to trying to live, or he drowned, right. That is the type of mindset that you need, you know. That's the mindset that you need to carry with you into all that. Anyways, I just want to leave you with that. So, on that note, be good or be good at it. Bye. You can't make money if you don't have money. You can't make money if you don't have money.