Join hosts Erick and Joey in this thought-provoking episode of Raw Minds as they delve into the complex and often overlooked topic of men's mental health. In this candid conversation, they shine a light on the toxic choices and influences that can impact men's well-being in today's society.
From societal expectations and stereotypes to personal struggles and challenges, Erick and Joey navigate through the maze of factors that can contribute to mental health issues among men. Through personal anecdotes, expert insights, and a touch of humor, they explore how toxic behaviors and influences can shape men's perceptions of themselves and their mental health.
Tune in to Raw Minds Ep. 31 as Erick and Joey open up a dialogue on a crucial subject that is often stigmatized and misunderstood. Gain valuable perspectives, practical advice, and a renewed sense of empathy as they unravel the layers of men's mental health and inspire listeners to prioritize their well-being.
Join hosts Erick and Joey in this thought-provoking episode of Raw Minds as they delve into the complex and often overlooked topic of men's mental health. In this candid conversation, they shine a light on the toxic choices and influences that can impact men's well-being in today's society.
From societal expectations and stereotypes to personal struggles and challenges, Erick and Joey navigate through the maze of factors that can contribute to mental health issues among men. Through personal anecdotes, expert insights, and a touch of humor, they explore how toxic behaviors and influences can shape men's perceptions of themselves and their mental health.
Tune in to Raw Minds Ep. 31 as Erick and Joey open up a dialogue on a crucial subject that is often stigmatized and misunderstood. Gain valuable perspectives, practical advice, and a renewed sense of empathy as they unravel the layers of men's mental health and inspire listeners to prioritize their well-being.
yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back everybody to the show where we shatter the silence on men's mental health. We are unedited, unfiltered and, as always, we are going raw.
Speaker 1:My name is joey and I'm eric and we're your hosts and welcome to raw minds, and, as always, we are going raw. My name is Joey and I'm Eric and we're your hosts and welcome to Raw Minds, yeah buddy, we are back for another one.
Speaker 2:And keep on going, brother, we're going to keep on going Fucking worldwide now man. Worldwide Touching down in countries I didn't even know existed, loving it. So yeah, buddy.
Speaker 1:I'm good man, how you doing Stressful day at work, but I mean, tomorrow's a new day, so it's all good. It was pouring in the morning, but you know it's turned out to be actually a beautiful day. Might hit the hot tub After this podcast and enjoy the night. How about you, man?
Speaker 2:That was good man. No complaints, buddy, no complaints. Just plugging away at life and trying to get things off the ground and, you know, just Putting in that work, man, more work than I've ever put into my life you know and that's kind of kind of what we, I wouldn't say, teach, but you know, give pointers and and help maybe point people in the right direction.
Speaker 2:You know to come to come from where we came from and the life of trauma and depression and anxiety and abuse, blood, and the list goes on. And you know to come out on the other side and for the first time in 42 years, in 42 years, just focus internally and on myself and my own personal growth you know, and not chasing anybody, not waiting for anybody to come save me, and just, I just put in the work, man, just, and it'll pay off one day.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm trying to learn patience with a lot of this and a lot of us don't have that, because we all want this now and we all want to make more money tomorrow. But you'll get it when the universe is ready to give it to you.
Speaker 1:I mean, at the same time, you've got to work hard for it too, right?
Speaker 2:Well, you get anything in life relationships, friendship, it doesn't matter. You get what you put in right. And the amount of work that I'm doing, man, is just, I'm very hard on myself and I think a lot of people are Most people are, you know and there's some days where I look in the mirror and I don't and everyone says, oh, I'm doing such a good job and I can't believe you're doing this. But then some days I look in the mirror and I'm doing anything, just because I'm not where I want to be yet, and I get really down on myself. But I'm just starting to learn now to like, okay, what do I got to do today? What are we going to do tomorrow? And focus on that.
Speaker 2:You know, we, we all do it, man, we all look too far ahead and stress ourselves out and give ourselves anxiety, and you know, and just I'm just really starting to learn how to be in the moment, like we always preach, and be present and just focus on today. What do you got to do today? Get that out of the way now, enjoy the rest of your day and and it's really working, man, it's it, it's uh, I'm really noticing a difference so I'm grateful for that and I'm starting to be more at peace.
Speaker 2:You know we're all gonna have shit days and things are gonna stress you out piss you off, but you just can't hold on to that man. It's, it's. You know, most of the things that happen, you know, to us in our day-to-day lives. It's, it's just a moment in a day and then people allow that to affect the entire day or the rest of the week, or you know what?
Speaker 2:I mean, definitely I mean. But once you start, start to become more clear in your head and feeling a lot better, you don't let those things last that long, you know. You kind of feel it for a minute, you get over it and move on well, and it's all about that.
Speaker 1:One degree, right? That's what we talk about all the time, right? You know you keep on doing it every day. Just change a little thing one degree, man, and you'll be in a different direction at the end of it, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, and you know, most people live in such routine and they're just uncomfortable. They're existing, they're not living. We've talked about this a lot in the past, but we always preach, like you said, as doing something out of your routine every day. Just that one degree, that one little thing. That's different, and you'd be surprised at what direction your life is now gone. Three months from now, by taking that class, and you know, you never know who you're going to meet, and that's how I'm looking at things too. And you're invited and a lot of people are like I don't feel like going. But man, you could have met somebody if you did go, or if you did go on that hike or on that walk. You never know, man it's. You cross paths with someone like man. I'm glad I came here because if it wasn't for this person, I wouldn't have got that job interview, I wouldn't have done this you never know right it's another thing I'm really working on and just trying to get out more and just just talking meet people, man, just because you never know, man.
Speaker 1:Yeah man, you know, and then, like a lot of times too, you know, like we, you feel lost because, like you know, you feel like you've, you've, you're so far in your life and like where, where are you really? You know what I mean. A lot like I, I feel like that sometimes, but then I I look back at, like you know, the stuff that I've accomplished right, and you got to be thankful and that's what you got to like, look for you know a lot of people. Just you know, it's all about negative negativity. I can't speak today. Negative shit. There we go, and you know what I mean. You keep on thinking about that stuff and it's, it's going to just keep on growing in your head.
Speaker 2:You know, the more you think negative and it's just it's worse, it's gonna get well, and that's another thing too is I've learned, and I try to preach a lot of it too is is you hear it a lot until you really practice. It is gratitude. You know, like you just said, you look back at a lot of things that you've accomplished. You know, and, like I just said, some days I look in the mirror, even with the stuff I've never like what I'm doing now at this point in my life. I can't believe I've gotten this far, like I'm just so grateful and put in the work. But then there is days where I look and be like man, I ain't doing shit. I don't feel like I ain't doing shit, I'm hard on myself, but it's the, it's definitely the gratitude, man, when you wake up, because you have a lot more. People have way more than they think they have.
Speaker 2:It's true compared to the rest, compared to the rest of the world. You know, I used to be like that, like, oh, I don't have that bmw that I always wanted. And people are like that I didn't. And they just sit on that and whine and complain about their life because they can't get this right now and they don't have that right now. Like man, what do you have? Is your? Is your kids good, yeah, is there food?
Speaker 2:in your fridge you got a car that still drives like man, you, you, you know it's not the size of your house, man, it's the love inside of it.
Speaker 1:People are looking for instant gratitude, right, that's what it's about. People want gratification, yeah, instant, that's it, yeah, instant. You know, everybody wants it now, now, now. But oh, 100, nobody wants you start looking at the things that you.
Speaker 2:But when you start changing your perspective and looking at the things that you. But when you start changing your perspective and looking at the things that you do have rather than what you don't have, yeah, and you start to feel a lot better, believe it or not, like you know what you didn't get, that when you thought you would get it, you didn't get the job you were hoping for. You know, one door closes, another door opens, like just because you didn't get it today doesn't mean you can't get it at all exactly man and then people just sit there and whine and pour me and I can get this, and it's their fault.
Speaker 2:Like man, just be grateful for the things that you do have and you'll notice the difference in just how your day-to-day thinking is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's 100 just like we just said in the in the beginning is those small things, and when life stresses you out, you don't hold on to it for very long because you're already in a better headspace and you're just like. You know what man, that's that suck, but you know what? Tomorrow's a new day. Just like you said, you had a rough day at work. Okay, now tomorrow's a new day. That that's not today, that's tomorrow.
Speaker 1:You know what? I mean and I'm not going to let it affect the rest of my day. When I come home and as soon as I step in the door, you know I come home and I leave it you know, outside at the door you know I don't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's another thing is a lot of people don't know how to do that yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:But I think people don't know how to do that. Yeah, I know that's, but I think that's that stems from a lot more than just their job. Yeah, because if you're that miserable, every day you come home from work and you're bringing it home from work like that, there's a lot more to it than just your job. Yeah, because I'm a lot of people do it. But if you hated your job that much, why are you doing it? If you're that miserable.
Speaker 2:Why are you putting yourself through that? And if you do hate your job, you waste 67% of your life. You know that by going to a job that you hate Because you're not feeling fulfilled, you're not happy, you're not content.
Speaker 1:It's true, man.
Speaker 2:You're miserable every day so I go to pay the bills and this job pays good so I don't want to leave. But, man, this up here is more important than any money, any car, any house, anything is your mental state. That is number one, because I know people that made good money, that hated their jobs and they made a little bit less and now they do something they love and they are so much happier making a little bit less money, because they come home and they don't bring it home with them. They're able to be present when they come home and not pissed off and fighting with your wife and your husband every day and yelling at your kids when you know you shouldn't have, because you're just upset and just you know what I mean stressed out all the time.
Speaker 1:Taking your shit out on everybody else, like one of our shorts that we've touched on. But I do want to say, man, toxic choices, fuck. Do we ever make them all the time? Some are big toxic choices, some are bad.
Speaker 2:Toxic choices and toxic influences.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man.
Speaker 2:Well your choices come, because of the influences most of the time. Right yeah, man.
Speaker 1:Well your choices come because of the influences most of the time, right yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Usually, I mean we or sometimes you're just brainless.
Speaker 1:I mean, I've been many times brainless, you know definitely.
Speaker 2:So Made my yeah, you know, like we're, we're, we're human beings, we're human beings, man, we all make mistakes. There's a big difference between mistakes and just being stupid. Yeah, like you know, like the first thing, one of the first things you learn growing up is you know right and wrong. You know, and some people are just stupid. Yeah, just plain and simple, just stupid. You know, and the choices that they make, continuously always getting in trouble, always getting arrested, never learning their lesson. But I think that also stems too from a lot of their childhood, or you know their upbringing for sure, a million percent.
Speaker 1:Or the drive that you know, the drive like I mean, that's what took it for me to get out of my toxic choices. You know you got to find that drive, or you need something dramatic or traumatic to happen to you. Usually people don't just, ah, I'm going to change now. It doesn't happen like that.
Speaker 2:It's always something. It's always a rock bottom where people decide to you know what I'm going to change. It's someone who weighs 500 pounds and then almost dies with diabetes and now all of a sudden like if you don't lose your weight and the doctor has to tell you that, even though everyone's been telling you that Now it's okay. And then that's when people make the change. Or people that smoke you know everyone on the planet knows it's okay. And then that's when people will make the change. Or people that smoke you know everyone on the planet knows it's bad. There's labels on every fricking pack, but until something really happens, or their loved one beside them, you know, dies of lung cancer or they get something, now it's like fuck, I'm going to stop smoking now. Yep, you know so. It's always something big before people really make that change, even though they know what they're doing is not good or is wrong yeah you know, you got guys that are doing b and e's and robbing houses.
Speaker 2:Well, if they rob 50 houses and never get caught, they're gonna rob another one until they get caught. And now they're sitting in jail for 10 years. Like maybe I should change my life around.
Speaker 1:I I had a guy I grew up with man and he went to go kick in the door and he got killed. They shot him through the door. You know he's done it a lot of times and then one time he goes to do it and they shoot him and the bullet hits him and he dies for a stupid mistake, like just stupid. You know, a lot of these times like we make these mistakes, or Poor choices, poor choices, yeah, you know it costs our lives. My fiancee cost her life. You know lots of my friends cost their lives. It's just the poor choices that follow with that and it sucks. No, and I don't mean to get deep, but I mean it's it's, it's what it is, man. Well, my phone is all messed up here. There we go. Now it sounds better. Sorry about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you know what it's really sad too is that these and even myself when I was younger, with the poor choices that we make and people make, is extremely selfish as well, because on some of these poor choices, look at who it's affecting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, look at the people around you that love you. Yeah, I'd have to watch you continuously go in and out of jail. That continuously have to watch you do drugs. You continuously watch you drink yourself to death. Yeah, all these poor choices that you know people make is huge butterfly effect on the effects it has on everyone around them. But they don't think like that because it's all about them. All they care about is themselves, nobody else, it's sad to say, and some of them don't even give a shit about their own children.
Speaker 1:Well, let me ask you this man Give us a poor choice that you've made that I think affected your mental health and kind of fucked you up.
Speaker 2:Poor choice, I don't know or one of them.
Speaker 1:One of them give us an example of like what you've been through. Maybe someone can relate out there poor choices?
Speaker 2:geez, there's. I made a lot of them, and I think most of us have. But what about the?
Speaker 2:stripper place that you were saying there oh, uh, yeah, I used to dj in the nightclubs and the strip bars and you know, I I was going to university at the time and you know, when I I moved to a town, I didn't know a single person. I met a person in the dorms that I was staying in the university and actually we're still friends to this day. And uh, obviously you go in the a night in the town, not been anywhere. Of course, this is 20-plus years ago. You're going to the strip bar, you're young, early 20s.
Speaker 2:I meet the DJ who then ends up showing me some things and lets me talk on the mic. It just kind of rolled from there. While I'm trying to go to school. I'm now djing in the strip bar, having the time of my life while still trying to get my education on what I paid for to go to school for and I still went, but I was probably hung over five days a week going to school, because you get caught up in that lifestyle, right, and now the strippers are, you know, doing cocaine, and you know your buddies are selling drugs.
Speaker 2:And now you're selling drugs behind the DJ booth and you know that lifestyle really catches up to you Right, and it takes a toll on you.
Speaker 2:And uh, yeah it. It was definitely like a what would you say? Like a door opening to like it is for a lot of people that choose to go down that path and you not only make one poor. Well, one poor choice turns into a hundred poor choices, Right? And then you know like we're talking about this whole episode tonight on toxic influences and then you start hanging out with the people that party all the time and you hang out with the people that are fighting all the time or getting arrested all the time, and you know you are who you hang out with. It's a fact. Yeah, yeah, it's true, you are who you hang out with. It's a fact. Yeah, that's true, you are who you are. You know your five closest friends is who you are.
Speaker 2:People might argue that I'm like, well, my friend does coke and I don't do coke. I'm like that doesn't matter, Like that's one thing or not yet, Not yet. Or you're still the same personality, or you're still the same personality, You're still the same people, right? And it goes just like we always talk about in relationships is you attract who you are, not what you want Now that goes to the same for the crowd of people you hang with and roll with.
Speaker 2:You attracted them, right. You brought them your energy. You brought them in. You attracted them Now. Brought them your energy. You brought them in. You attracted them. Now. You're like them now. You guys are all together all the time, whoever it is you're hanging out with, that's who you attracted. If they're toxic, dramatic you know always partying all that that's because you're toxic and dramatic and you have a lot of shit that you haven't dealt with. You're not loving yourself, you're. It's just like a relationship. You ignore the red flags because you haven't healed any of your shit and you let a lot of red flags go. And when you look at these groups of friends and these influences that you have, you're ignoring the fact that they're doing this and they shouldn't be doing that. But now you just keep rolling with these people and now you're caught up in it and it's real hard to get out of.
Speaker 2:Yeah Right, because you become them and you know you look around right now who your closest friends are like that's who you are. But that goes for healing yourself and fixing all the shit that you've had to deal with growing up, whatever it may be like the abuse that I suffered, whatever it is is fixing all that so that you do attract the positive influences, the people that uplift you, the people that ride for you in a positive way and got your back in a positive way. You know what I mean and it's supportive and you know you can call when you're feeling like shit and you need to talk to somebody Right. But when you hang out with the groups like that and the parties like how many times have you talked to people who decided they're not going to drink anymore? And once they stopped drinking, nobody hangs out with them anymore because the friends that they had was their drinking buddies, the only people they only hung out with them because they drank or they partied.
Speaker 2:And then once that person you know, changes their life around and tries to make better decisions, now they're not calling them anymore because they're not drinking. It's the same thing. Right Doesn't mean you can't drink. There's nothing wrong with having a beer here and there, of course, whatever. But in that group of always drinking every weekend you're just going out and partying all the time and then you decide you want to change them now and they don't want to hang out with you. Well, that, that's, that's what you want, and it's. It's a lonely road sometimes because you actually don't you realize that you're growing up when you start losing friends.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got to become your own best friend, man, and it's a lonely path, but in that lonely path is where you will truly find yourself. I sat here for months by myself, after being so down that I almost took my own life, realizing that I didn't want to feel like that anymore. So I had to be in that alone. I had to, without distractions.
Speaker 2:And most people can't do that or won't do that, because it's very easy for them to get a call like oh, we're going out Friday, like okay, I'm in Right, instead of saying you know what, man, I really trying to get a call like oh, we're going out Friday, like okay, I'm in Right, instead of saying you know what, man, I'm really trying to get my business off the ground. I got to stay in, or I got to stay in, I got to read this because I'm studying for this class. I got to get up at five in the morning. But people, most people, won't do that because it's so they, distracted by the influences that they have in their life, that they end up living for other people rather than themselves. And that's why most people live in this constant state of depression, because they're only living for other people and even though sometimes they don't really want to do it, they do it anyways because it'll make their friends happy, and then, if they don't, then they get no one to hang out with but but hold on.
Speaker 1:So how did you, how did you balance that when you, when you're in the bar scene there because obviously you know you're, you're in a strip club, you know it's a fun environment, there's booze, there's drugs, you know my turn the.
Speaker 2:My turning point was I'll give you that, yeah is when I dj'd back. Then the owner would let the staff take beers and drinks, whatever you wanted, as a tab and it would just come off your paycheck in two weeks. Yeah, yeah, and I got a paycheck one time and this was the eye opener for me, where I'm like, whoa, I gotta move away, I gotta get out of this, and my two-week paycheck was four dollars that's a bad, my friend still bugs me about this till this day.
Speaker 1:My two-week check was four dollars because I gotta ask man did you cash it?
Speaker 2:I actually framed it just to remind myself that never again like that. And that day when I got that, I'm like, dude, like you gotta slow down here. Like you're, just you're, and every weekend you're hanging out with these people. They're doing the same shit. I know and I get it, we're right. You're early 20s. Once you get a two-week paycheck for $4, because the entire check went to paying back all the beers that you drank and gave away, it's a real eye-opener man. It's a real eye-opener.
Speaker 1:You probably gave away more than you earned.
Speaker 2:Oh well you got strippers and the strippers are on a circuit, right. So they come every week it's a new round, and every week, where's the party at? Then they're asking you because they're not from that town or they're from out of town, right? So of course, every week it's a new five faces, or four faces, and they're all asking the same questions I'm like that's okay. Let's go to party at my house on a tuesday.
Speaker 2:tuesday, my house because they're dancers and they work at night and they don't work in the morning. Right now, you're missing school now you're missing work. Now you're.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean just being an idiot because you're caught up in it yeah, yeah, I mean it's fun, don't get me wrong, man, it's fun, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 2:It was probably one of the best times of my life, but at the same time.
Speaker 1:There you go, man like.
Speaker 2:I look back at some of those nights and I'm like what a fucking loser. You're such a loser. But that's a part of growing up too. Right is yeah, but I will. You know if I could give any advice to any of the people listening that isn't coming up in their early 20s? Men like everyone's like oh, you gotta party in your early 20s and you gotta do that like try not to man like you. You gotta learn lessons, and hard lessons, and that's a part of it. But if I could say anything that I don't regret because I try not to have any regrets in my life but is focus and work in your early 20s the best that you can to set yourself up to for your future and to the age that I'm at now, because I'm playing catch up for 20 years of being a fucking idiot straight up. Yeah, I feel straight up. I feel like it took me a long time to grow up. A long time I'm. Anyway, every day is about growing every day.
Speaker 2:But yeah I spent years of just being stupid, you know whether, making dumb financial purchases or hanging out with idiots or all these things you know.
Speaker 2:But at the same time, I wouldn't be doing what we're I'm doing today and I wouldn't be sitting here with you tonight if it wasn't for a lot of this shit. Right, like you want street smarts and and life experience. I probably I'm not just saying it, but I probably have more than most 60 year old people that you've met because of the amount of shit that I've had to live and deal with and choices that I made. I'm not perfect man. Like I've been dealt traumatic hands as a child to even up to you know a year or two ago, and things that I've had to deal with. But I've also made a lot of poor choices and created my own downfall and created my own depression and created my own downfall and created my own depression and created my own heartbreaks. But the biggest thing is, if any of you that make poor choices is learn from it, move on and just try to be better the next day.
Speaker 2:That's all you can do the next day, that's all you can do, because what you've done in the past is you know that's not you today. That was in the past. It doesn't define your future man. You know you don't let those moments in your past affect the movement in your future, right.
Speaker 1:But let's face it, we're fucking human. We make mistakes. You know we do, and it's okay to make those mistakes Because, like, how else are you going to learn? You know, someone asked you I mean who's? Can you imagine the, the like the guy was making when he was? He was trying to get milk? Like whoops, that was a bull, wasn't a cow. You know what I mean. Like, like, we need to make mistakes in order to learn. It's just a matter as you, holding that information in your head, you know, and using that as you go forward, like, okay, no, I went right last time, now I'm going to go left, because right was a bad idea. You know you have to fail.
Speaker 2:You have to make mistakes, Otherwise you won't grow ever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, man. Imagine when you're walking, the first time you're walking as a toddler, how many times did you fall on your ass before you started walking? Every time you fell on your ass was a failure because you didn't walk. Well, not a failure, but like. You know what I mean. Like you, failed but learned the lesson, got up and walked again. You know what I mean. Like you, you, you failed but learned the lesson, got up and walked again. Yeah, but you know what I mean, right, every time you fell, you fell, did you get up, no, cause you're obviously walking right now. It's the same with riding a bike. I mean not everybody can ride a bike, cause people just haven't, but I mean it's the same thing, you, but I mean it's the same thing. You just gotta put that in life with everything else that rolls around with you. You know, think of it. In that scenario, you cannot grow without failure period.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the things that I learned from heartbreak, from losing and not getting jobs and doors closing in my face and losing friends, man Like I, I just learned so much. Now, when these things happen to you and you and things don't go right or doesn't go your way, like you, have to take that and actually look at it and be like, okay, how do I fix that? How do I not do that again? How do I move forward from that? And yeah, most, a lot of people, I would say, just keep walking that revolving door because they never learn their lesson.
Speaker 2:And that's the same people that play the victim all the time. Right, they're not healing themselves, they're not working on themselves. So when they're going through this revolving door, blaming the world for their problems, they're not growing, they're not learning, they're not moving forward. They just keep going around in circles. Yeah, because it's easier for them to point fingers and not actually look at themselves in the mirror and be like man, I need to change, I need to fix this, I need to fix me. But most people won't do that. It's too hard, but damn right it is.
Speaker 1:But it's easier to tell everybody else. You know Everybody can fix everybody else's fucking problems. But it's hard to tell everybody else. You know Everybody can fix everybody else's fucking problems.
Speaker 2:But it's hard to fix it all. Everyone's great at giving advice, but not good at following their own advice and I was guilty of that for a long time too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, I still do it. Sometimes it's hard. You know, I ain't no angel A hundred percent. Then I realize, hey, wait a a minute, smarten the fuck up. But it sometimes takes you a little bit, right yeah?
Speaker 2:sometimes, yeah, like it. It took me that's okay 40 years, literally two years ago, for me to hit like we were saying earlier about hitting a rock bottom. You know, I messed I for the most part messed up a relationship, but not in a like a toxic or a bad way. It was just me shutting down and pushing away without realizing I was, and, etc, etc. Anyways, causing my own heartbreak and causing, yeah, all these other things because I never looked at myself in the mirror and reached out to take accountability and openly admit, not only to myself but to somebody else, that I, I have a lot of issues that I never dealt with.
Speaker 2:And my rock bottom then was my eye opener. When I finally looked at myself in the mirror, I'm like I refuse to feel like this ever again and I did everything I could going forward to do as much internal work on myself not just physical, but mostly internal and mental because I knew I needed to change and I was tired of constantly hurting myself, indirectly hurting other people, and living 20, 30 years with depression and anxiety and stress and just being on autopilot. Right, I was there, but I was never there.
Speaker 1:You know, what I mean.
Speaker 2:So and again that goes with a lot of people they don't really change, even though they and some people know they got to change. Some people know what they do. Some people know, like I know a girl, for example, openly admit she's like, yeah, every time they get close and then I just push away and then I run away and then I break their hearts.
Speaker 2:I'm just like, cause they? She knows what she does, but yet I'm like well, what are you doing to fix that? Yeah, For one, that's not fair to the people that you date, Like you shouldn't be dating anybody if you openly know that cause.
Speaker 2:You're just hurting people, you know so there was a lot of damage that she had to fix or didn't fix or whatever. But that's with a lot of people is they got a lot of shit that they know that affects them. They know why they are the way they are. There's a lot of people that have anger issues and like why are you like this? I don't know. Yeah, they do know. Do know Everybody, or admit it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're just scared to fix it.
Speaker 2:man, Everybody knows how they feel.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's all bullshit. If they can't admit, like why does he act like this all the time? Why do you act like this all the time? I don't know why. I don't know why. Like yeah, you do, you know exactly why, but there's something deeper that you don't want to talk to or talk about or deal with.
Speaker 2:and then you hold on to this, like a lot of people do, and this anger and this aggression or the sadness, and they don't want to feel like that, but yet they won't look themselves in the mirror and they won't admit or talk to somebody about it, because they're either embarrassed and that's where, especially with men, we got to suck it up and we're not going to talk about it.
Speaker 2:And we, because they're either embarrassed and that's where, especially with men, we got to suck it up and we're not going to talk about it, and we just add more bricks rather than release them. And then that's where, you know, especially the men's starts to fall apart, and you know, that's why the suicide rate is four times higher and so on is because, especially as men, as we struggle to be vulnerable, talk about our shit. You know, we got an image, we got to be the protector. We we don't want our wife to think we're weak, or our girlfriends, we don't want our families to think that we're, think that we're less of a man, cause I felt like that for a long time, man.
Speaker 1:I mean that's how we were raised. You know, as men Smarten up, oh, you're depressed, get over it, you know, but it's, oh, don't be a bitch, but it's not man. You know, don't be a bitch, but it's not man. You know, um, it's the toxic influences back in the day really is, you know, it's, it's what we're, we're, we're known for, but I mean it's about breaking that chain. That's what we talk about all the time. I mean, and and speaking of like, toxic influences, toxic influences, I mean, you know, we make the wrong choices and like, we're saying, like we, we put people in danger, we put ourselves in danger. You know, we animals. I mean, for, for fuck's sakes, man, I, I was with my ex-girlfriend at the time I was in the early 20s and, um, I was at this party and I mean there's, I shouldn't have brought her. I mean there's, the people that I had, like that I was hanging out with, were were not, not good people. Um, I don't even think. I think maybe four of them are still alive out of, like, the the handful of people there. But anyways, um, so we're at this party and, uh, my good buddy, uh, he's all drunk, all messed up, me and him did we? We worked together. Um and uh, he goes and he goes over to my girl at the time and he goes I'm going to make you like Eric's aunt. And she's like what do you mean? He's like my aunt just passed away, right. So I'm pretty much telling him he's going to kill her. And then she comes up to me and my best friend there, chad, and she's crying. She says all this Well, anyways, me and Chad end up tuning him out and he had the keys to my car, so we ended up taking a taxi to my house, my mom's house.
Speaker 1:Actually I was living at my mom's house. I was a kid, still at the time, early 20s. Actually I was living at my mom's house. I was a kid, still at the time, early 20s. And not even a half an hour 40 minutes we've been at my house.
Speaker 1:I'm sitting in the bathroom. I mean I'm going to the bathroom and my buddy, chad's like yo, buddy, just drove by. I'm not going to say names, but he's like buddy just drove by. And I look out the window and I see the ass end of my car drive down the alley and it had a blow-off valve in it. So I hear I was like the fuck turns around at the end of the alley, comes back down the alley.
Speaker 1:I'm looking out the window it's like one of those small little bathroom windows, you know you fold over the motherfucker, hops out of the car and he's like fuck you, eric, and he goes bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, shoots through my walls. My ex-girlfriend was sitting at the computer. One of the bullets went through the wall over top of Chad's girlfriend at the time that was laying on the bed, went over top of her and the bullet hit the computer screen and she was sitting at the computer and me bringing her out, me involving into this life that I used to be involved in, almost cost her her life and she's innocent to everything. You know that was probably one of the biggest, biggest, um toxic life choice I could have did. Definitely I'm bringing her into because it almost cost her life, you know, and that's what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but again too as people make their own choices, like these females that roll like that. They know they're not dumb. You know, I had a friend back in the day.
Speaker 2:Sweetest girl, Sweetest girl and she used to date one of my friends a long time ago and I was with her the night before at a pub with some friends, Like just overall the nicest girl, and she dated. You know, she wasn't dating right, let's put it that way but it's one of those girls you look at and you're like this girl is so sweet, but that was her choice of men. And the next day she ended up taking a car that I guess his friend was supposed to be driving and she was driving instead and she was pulled over on her phone, just parked and bullets came through the back window and killed her, shot her in the back of the head and she was just an innocent and it was supposed to be somebody else, Right, it was a big big thing back then, you know, and it was truly sad because she was just the sweetest girl, man. I think she was like 20 years old, yeah, man. So this shit, you know, and we see it all the time, man this, this shit happens right all the time.
Speaker 1:Man, my buddy, my buddy, we were god, I was like 17 years old and at the pool hall. I wasn't there. But my buddy was at the pool hall by our old school, his old school, and he was dating this girl and the guys, or the chick's boyfriend shows up with a bunch of guys and and killed my buddy, beat him to death, stabbed him and hit him with bats and stuff over a girl. She dumped the guy man. You know, for that guy that took my buddy's life. I mean that choice right there, taking someone's life, and especially over a woman. There's fucking three billion in this world. You know what I mean. And my friend had to lose his life. He was a kid, he didn't even finish high school because he died.
Speaker 2:Well, it's crazy how one choice in literally a matter of a minute or two, will destroy and ruin the rest of your life. You know, and I actually have a prime example of that, definitely man life, you know, and I I actually have a prime example of that definitely man I just got the call the other day.
Speaker 2:One of my best friends growing up for almost 30 years, lives in victoria. I, my first love in high school, was his sister, so we were always close family. I called him my brother, like we weren't even friends, like I'm his son's godfather and he's same ages or a year older than my son, so he's like 15 now and the day he, his son, was born is the day I got the call that.
Speaker 2:I was going to be a dad, so it was kind of cool just because of who we were anyways, yeah, uh, long story short, I think. Uh think about two years ago, like he really struggled with his own self-confidence. You, you know, he's a small guy, he's like five, four, just a small guy, probably the most educated guy, like he taught, like you know what braille is to teach people, blind people. He can, he can teach people that.
Speaker 2:And there's one in six people in Canada that can do that he's very smart, educated, ran doctor's offices, methadone clinics you know what I mean. His wife, super smart, they're both very educated, super smart people. Anyways, this guy wouldn't harm a fly. We were brothers people. Anyways, you know, this guy wouldn't harm and fly. You know we were brothers. And uh, I guess, last month, my buddy, we have a mutual friend, he uh actually the guy, the first guy I met 20 years ago going to the strip bar, same guy anyways, he goes to my buddy's house last month for his birthday and we had a falling out the last two years because of his, his uh, mental state and just the way he is. You know, he, his wife cheated on him and then he was like one of those guys I'd be embarrassed to bring any of his friends around because we would know tell him to leave her, but he stayed with her, so he, so he just shut us out basically because of that.
Speaker 2:So I stopped talking yeah yeah, but my buddy went over there and this is a prime example of throwing your entire life away in one minute. My buddy went over there for his birthday last month and they're all having drinks for my buddy's birthday. There's a couple people over fast forward to the end of the night. It's my buddy, my buddy and his wife, so there's three of them and and my buddy that was birthday was was going to bed. He was way too drunk and he my other friend was sitting with his wife and they're all really close. We're all really close, so there's nothing like that.
Speaker 2:And they're having a cigarette on the patio and she starts crying because they're been having a lot of problems in their marriage, they're drinking, he's drinking all the time, et Because they've been having a lot of problems in their marriage. They're drinking, he's drinking all the time, et cetera. So I guess my other buddy gave his wife a hug, like don't cry, like they're good friends, like it's okay, because she got in a drunken state and emotional, like a lot of people do. And as he was giving her a hug, my buddy came back out from the bedroom and fucking snapped.
Speaker 2:And he had never hurt anybody and calling her a fucking whore, and then started swinging at my buddy my buddy's trying to hold him and he got free from my buddy and just reached back and knocked his wife out Out cold in the kitchen. Out cold, yeah, out cold. Out cold in the kitchen.
Speaker 1:If you met him growing up, dude, you're just like I'm shocked. I'm still shocked.
Speaker 2:He's been really having mental issues and struggles in his life, like real heavy depression, I guess. Whatever happened in their own marriage. He just fucking snapped as one of those people that you never thought and was pushed over the edge Between the alcohol and that knocked his wife out. Cold started swinging at my buddy and he also works with kids. Let's keep that in mind. Like his whole career is kids as well. Like he's big into rehab for kids and all this kind of shit, like just very educated and uh, I guess he got away from my buddy, went into his bedroom, came back with a hammer and tried to cave my buddy's head in with the hammer and then my buddy ran down the stairs outside, hit and this is three o'clock in the morning, mind you and his son wakes up and then he goes outside chasing my other buddy with the hammer and smashes out all the windows in his car my buddy's car.
Speaker 1:So not only did he knock over his wife and basically attempted murder with a hammer and then vandalism, etc.
Speaker 2:In that five minutes he threw away his career, his marriage, probably his relationship with his son, because his son woke up, had to call the police on his own dad and then my friend had to take his son down the street to a neighbor's house to let his son in, to get away from that. And five minutes he threw his entire life away and he's 43, so his years of education can't work with kids. He's looking at serious charges Serious but this is a little 5'4 guy that just oh, definitely you know what I mean and just fucking.
Speaker 2:That shows what really happens happens like there's no, justified like there's no. I feel bad for his wife and his kid 100, but that shows, yeah, the build-up and the bricks that we add every day rather than trying to take those bricks out. And he carried that backpack that was way too heavy for him for way too long and and he broke and through his entire life, because he never went to fix his core problems, his core issues, and he let it build up and build up. His marriage was getting worse and worse and whatever else he had going on and he was drinking all the time and he just self-medicated temporary band-aids. And then he did something that nobody that knew him would ever thought ever that he would do. But he got to a point and he snapped. He had enough and he couldn't deal with it anymore. And look how he took it. Look what happened. He fucked it His life's over, you know. So that's a real indication of what happens to a lot of men. I'm not like I said, what he did was disgusting and there's, you know, but that is a true indication of what happens to a lot of men and both.
Speaker 2:But for people is not seeking the help and dealing with the things that happen to you when they happen to you and if it's something from your past and your childhood, then you need to get on that now. You need to deal with it. And it's hard, extremely hard, to look at yourself in the mirror. It's extremely hard to openly admit to a counselor or to a family friend that this happened to you as a child or this is what's going on. But you have to. And prime example of my buddy buddy, he didn't at all and he let it build up to the point where he was just depressed, constant, constantly depressed, drinking all the time, and then just unloaded and fucked his entire life up, just like that. So if you're listening, man, and you got struggles and you know your anger issues, whatever it is, man, you got to face it and deal with it, because what could happen if you don't?
Speaker 2:It changes you. It makes you somebody that you never thought you would be, like my buddy. It turns you either evil. It turns you into you know the suicidal tendencies and thoughts or attempts. It turns you into you know someone who's social all the time and now is a hermit and talks to nobody. It's a killer man. So, whatever it is that you're struggling with, man, you got to face it. You got to deal with it Because it's going to. It might be hard to deal with now, but just think of how much harder it's going to be on you when your wife leaves you and your kids don't want to talk to you and you lose your job, you know. And then now you have no money because you have no job.
Speaker 1:That's even harder than looking at yourself in the mirror and being like you know what man? I've got fucking problems.
Speaker 2:I need to deal with this right now. And if you have a supportive spouse or supportive family, let them help you because they care about you. We've all done it, man. I've had my dad and some friends in the past and people trying to help me. No, I don't need help. I don't need help. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine. Dude, that's the biggest lie you could ever tell is that you're fine. You're not fine and they see it and they feel it. Your kids feel it. So you know it's hard now to to admit and to fix, but I promise you it will save you way more in the future of heartaches and, you know, collateral damage to the people around you that do love you. So you gotta reach out, man. You have to. You gotta deal with these things head on. Turn around, face those demons. That's the only way you're going to get over it and get through it.
Speaker 1:Well, I think, on that note, man, we should close it with that, yeah.
Speaker 2:For all you guys listening out there and, as always, we really appreciate you guys tuning in every week. If you're new to the show, obviously we are a podcast on men's mental health. If you're really struggling and you have no one to talk to, you feel alone. Man, reach out to us, please. That's why we're here. That's why we're doing this. We're just trying to. We've been there.
Speaker 2:We know the depths of depression and anxiety and it's a real hard place to be, but just know that it is temporary, even when it doesn't feel like that. So if you are feeling like that and you got no one to talk to you, man, you don't have to tell us your real name. Just reach out, leave your number, message us. Just reach out, leave your number, message us and we will answer every message, every phone call, whatever it is that we need to do to help you get out of that. We're just here to offer guidance and just trying to be there for people that lived a life or has been through or going through the things that we've had to go through.
Speaker 2:It's not talked about enough, it's not dealt with enough, and that's why we sit here every week to just try to help. You know what I mean. So don't be afraid, man, anybody listening. Reach out RawMindsPodcast at gmailcom, or hit us up on the TikToks, the Facebooks. We're everywhere. Whatever platform you're listening to us on right now, we're on every other platform. Just Google us, just Google us, just.
Speaker 1:Google us.
Speaker 2:And check out my fitness clothing line, ironmenacecom. I got the hottest new design and swag. Yeah, I'm dropping out new women's gear next week, so tune in for that. Check that out, appreciate you and yeah, as of coming from me tonight, we again appreciate every one of you. Thank you for tuning in. We will see you next week. And if you can't find good people, be good people.
Speaker 1:Um, I just have to say, if you're going to play stupid games, you're going to win stupid prizes. So just, uh, be conscious. Be conscious of what you're going to do in life and if that's the right decision, that little fucking noise in your head, the little voice, listen to it. I mean, for a good portion of my life I didn't and did a lot of bad choices. So, like I said, man play with did a lot of bad choices. So, like I said, man play with fire, you're going to get burnt. So just be smart. Yep, so anyways, uh, I guess we'll see you next week. Be good, be good or be good at it.
Speaker 2:Bye.