Welcome to Raw Minds, where we delve into the raw and real aspects of men's mental health. In this powerful episode, hosts Erick and Joey explore the harrowing challenges men face, from coping with loss to enduring abusive traumas. As part of Men's Mental Health Month, they provide a compassionate and candid discussion aimed at breaking the silence around these critical issues.
Join us as we read heartfelt letters from two listeners who courageously share their personal stories and hear a special message from Raw Minds' hosts dedicated to all the men out there. This episode is a testament to resilience, vulnerability, and the shared human experience of navigating life's toughest battles. Tune in for a profound conversation that sheds light on the struggles and triumphs of being a man.
Reach out:
Welcome to Raw Minds, where we delve into the raw and real aspects of men's mental health. In this powerful episode, hosts Erick and Joey explore the harrowing challenges men face, from coping with loss to enduring abusive traumas. As part of Men's Mental Health Month, they provide a compassionate and candid discussion aimed at breaking the silence around these critical issues.
Join us as we read heartfelt letters from two listeners who courageously share their personal stories and hear a special message from Raw Minds' hosts dedicated to all the men out there. This episode is a testament to resilience, vulnerability, and the shared human experience of navigating life's toughest battles. Tune in for a profound conversation that sheds light on the struggles and triumphs of being a man.
Reach out:
yeah, yeah, yeah, welcome back everybody to our show. This month especially hits home for a lot of us men out there. We are the podcast that shatters the silence on men's mental health. We are unedited, unfiltered and, as always, we are going raw. My name is Joey and I'm Eric and we're your hosts.
Speaker 1:And welcome to Raw Minds. It's a big month, buddy.
Speaker 2:It is a big month, man, and you, you know, that's exactly why we are doing this show. Yeah, man, and I don't think. Well, part of the reason why we're doing it is because it's not talked about enough. Yeah, you know, and this month is men's mental health awareness month. I mean it should be every day. Yeah, no, kidding, like it, people don't realize how hard it is out there, especially for men, on the weights that we carry the day-to-day, you know, like that backpack we always talk about. It's a struggle, man, every day, trying to be the best husband, the best supporter, the best dad, worker, the best worker, just making sure your rent's paid.
Speaker 1:Provider.
Speaker 2:Everything, man. It's a day-to-day ongoing struggle. You know and but you know at least they're, you know, and, but you know at least they're, and we're trying to bring more awareness to this. As it is, it's a killer.
Speaker 1:It really is. Yeah, man, Well, like here, just to put this out there for people that don't know, and educate a little bit men are four times more likely to commit suicide, making nearly about 80% of all suicides, you know. So I mean, that's 80%.
Speaker 1:That's a big number man yeah, I mean, we carry a lot on our shoulders, man, you know, and like 40% of men, have never spoken to anybody about it. You know, and their mental health and never dealt with it or never spoken to anybody about it. You know, and their mental health and never, never dealt with it or, or you know, reached out to anybody.
Speaker 2:Well, it's cause you're a man You're not supposed to. Then you're fucking weak If you don't. If you talk about your feelings and your problems and then when you openly admitted as a man, as a I've had to do in the feeling that I had you feel like a failure. You feel like not only you let yourself down, but you're feeling like you let everyone around you down, your family your wife your kids Exactly so.
Speaker 2:You don't want to admit that you're struggling. You don't want to admit that financially you're not where you want to be. You don't want to admit that your job makes you miserable.
Speaker 1:Yep, or just put your head down and keep on working, because you got to pay those bills and take care of the. Take care of yourself and your family, and a lot of men just do that right. They don't look for the best in there, like what they want to do, like I always say, man, if you're doing it wrong, I mean want to do. Like I always say, man, if you're doing it wrong, I mean if you're not happy, you're doing it wrong. You know you got to take care of yourself.
Speaker 2:Like that million percent, man, and you know and I get it and I see even even single mothers same, they work their ass off. They do the best that they can and they do a really good job. But while they're doing it and especially as the men is we are struggling so bad and we are falling apart piece by piece internally. Yeah, and every day we put on fake smiles thinking that everything's okay. Yeah, yet we fail to take care of ourselves because we're trying so hard to take care of everyone else. Yeah, it's true.
Speaker 1:We put on like that cape man and just you know, try to be Superman. I guess you could say, or whatever. But at the end of the day, let's face it, you're taking care of everybody else. Who the hell is going to take care of you? Man, you've got to look out for yourself. You've got to put yourself first. You know, sometimes it's like I mean I'm telling you right now it's okay to burn bridges. It really is, man Fucking, pour gasoline on that shit and let it burn. Who gives a shit? Man, it's all about you. I mean, don't be disrespectful.
Speaker 2:But I mean, look out for number one man. That's what it's about. And we got to learn to stop setting ourselves on fire just to keep other people warm. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, no doubt yeah definitely, and we do it every day, especially, as you know, the hardworking man, the blue-collar guy, whatever job you do, the men that try, the men that give a shit, the men that want to be good dads, that try to be good dads, that want to give their wives and girlfriends everything that they want. But a lot of us are not in that position to do so and it kills us, it breaks us and I struggle with that and a lot of my failed relationships in the past was because of me, but because in my own mind, I felt basically like a loser that I couldn't give them what they wanted, because and I would just shut down and break down because I was struggling, feeling like I wasn't doing enough and you know what if I probably was.
Speaker 1:But I didn't feel like that and most men don't you're battling yourself, bro, is what you're doing, man, you're, you're literally fighting yourself in your own mind.
Speaker 2:that's exactly it, and that's what we do is we fight constantly with ourselves, thinking that it's not good enough, thinking that, well, you know, if I admit that I'm struggling, then my wife's going to leave me or think differently of me, or my kids won't look up to me. You know and a big part of that, too, is that is what it is is your ego as well, right? Yeah, you got to kill that shit man. One of the best piece of advice I ever got was is your ego as well, right, yeah, you gotta kill that shit man. One of the best piece of advice I ever got was kill your ego. Yeah, you know, and that's the hardest thing to do is kill your ego I'll tell you that because everything we do is based on ego, you know.
Speaker 2:But yeah it's, it's uh, it's definitely. It's hard man, it really is, yeah, and even coming from everywhere that we came from and to overcome a lot of that, and you know the traumas don't go away. You know the anxiety still comes and goes. You know we're human beings, it's human emotion. You're going to have sad days, you're going to have. You know what I mean. But even coming, but even to get through the the years of trauma and abuse that we've gotten through doesn't mean it's like life is just sunshines and rainbows, you know.
Speaker 2:You're just able to be more clear or have that clarity in your day-to-day, to be more present, and we've talked about this a lot in the past and that's the biggest thing, right, you know, and everyone always says I just want to be happy, I just want to be happy, but happiness is not a destination to strive for. To be honest with you, it's something to be found in the present moment. Yeah, definitely right, and that's the thing is because you have today and that's it. And everyone, like myself and all a lot of the guys out there, is we get so worried and and beat ourselves up over the future or something that's happened in the past, and we all do it.
Speaker 2:It's either one or the other, right, yeah, but finding that happiness and that contentment is is in today, because that's that's all there is is today, but because of all the things that's happened to us in our lives and the heartbreaks and the abuse and family loss, like, and we carry that, so you're always sitting on the past, which is why everyone lives in this state of depression all the time, because they don't know how to deal with that. And, as a man, well, you know, you're supposed to be a man, so I'm not going to talk about it, I'm just going to put my head down and just keep going to work. Well, you know, day by day you're, you're, you're falling apart, you know, instead of you know, taking those bricks out of that backpack that we carry every day, we just keep adding to them, and especially as men, it's true man, you know, and then you know, like, not having like an outlet to um, you know, to really like having a, not having an outlet to have a release it can fuck you up as well.
Speaker 1:Man, you need that release. We need our time alone or to hang out with the guys or do something like that. You need to have that time. We're pack animals At the end of the day. We're pack animals, man, human beings. We have partners, we have friends. It's, it's. We're pack animals At the end of the day. We're pack animals, man. You know human beings. You know we, we have partners, we have friends. You know you, you need to consolidate in your in, in the people around you, and if they don't, if they don't, you know like, oh, suck it up then then they're not fucking homies, man, you know it's. Surround yourself with the people that are going to bring you up in life. If you walk into a room and you're the smartest man in that room, you're in the wrong room. You know you want to learn from people and have people be there to you know, boost you up in life.
Speaker 2:You also got to be careful, too, though, on who you know you share your struggles and emotions with, because if you share them to the wrong, too, though, on who you share your struggles and emotions with, because if you share them to the wrong people, man it's like bleeding next to a shark. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But the biggest thing is spreading that awareness, not just for this month. We do this every week, we do, and it's going to continue every month is to let guys know that you have to be able to talk about what's going on with you and reach out and look yourself in the mirror, admit that you're wrong or that you've done wrong or that you need help. And, like we've said numerous times, man, it's the hardest thing to do is to take accountability, look at yourself and really break down what's going on internally yeah, of pain and accountability and that anxiety and stress that it causes you. Once you can get over that hurdle and that hump, man, I tell you, you'll feel ways that you never thought possible.
Speaker 2:And lighter man, and just so much lighter the backpack that we carry every day when you leave your house. You're always going to wear it. A man is always going to wear that backpack full of bricks. No matter what, no matter how good your life is, he's carrying some weight on his back. But to get to a place where that weight doesn't hurt you, or that weight is, like you said, just becomes lighter and lighter, where, even though you're still carrying that weight, you don't even notice it now you know what.
Speaker 1:I mean.
Speaker 2:And to go back to, like you said, the suicide rate at four times higher. That's because they couldn't carry that weight anymore. They buckled.
Speaker 1:It took them down, they collapsed and they and I understand it, man. You know, sometimes you just get pushed to that point. I I don't condone it, you know, I don't want to see anybody take their life, but I mean, fuck me. And you were there, bro. You know, I understand it. I understand to the point where you just want the pain to stop and it's hard and you think that that's your only option. I just got crazy goosebumps.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, it was the.
Speaker 1:But it's true, man.
Speaker 2:Oh dude, like you said, we know it, I've tried to take my life twice, yeah, you know, and to be looking back in that headspace. Man, like I sympathize if you guys are going through this right now. All I can tell you is it's the most painful and you feel lonely, like no one's there. But if you're able to push and give yourself another day and then when you wake up the next day, give yourself another day, because once you be able to come out of that because it is temporary, I'm a hundred percent of this.
Speaker 2:but it's also, how long are you gonna stay feeling like that, which is totally up to you. And again, I sympathize because there's a lot of things that's happened in my life and a lot of you know, the stories that we've been told and other people and the, the horrendous and traumatic things that happens to people, that you don't get over that in a month and there's no way with a lot of these you know, but it's figuring out how to get out of that as fast as possible. You know reaching out, talking to somebody. You know, like you just said, you surround yourself with people that bring you up.
Speaker 2:You want to hang around a circle that motivates you, that supports you, and if they don't, if none of them do that, you're in the. You're not even in a circle, you're in a cage yeah, man, definitely definitely stay and you're gonna get stay locked up in that cage for a very long time yeah, those motherfuckers will be poking you with fucking sharp sticks.
Speaker 1:man Just egging you on.
Speaker 2:By the people you surround yourself with. You could give yourself a life sentence Locked up in that cage. So it's finding the right people, the supportive people, and it's finding the right people, the supportive people, you know, and it's a lonely. It's definitely when you're trying to come out of that state of suicidal tendencies and depression, man, it is lonely as hell. You know, you feel and some people don't understand you and you don't feel that anybody will get it. And you know there'll be so many people like, well, just suck it up, man, just tough it up. And that's what a lot of us men get and that's why we don't talk Right, because we're men. That's well. I'm not telling my buddies that I cried last night because I miss this girl, or whatever it is, or it doesn't matter what it is. We hide our emotions.
Speaker 1:We don't talk about we don't.
Speaker 2:It's just what men don't do, you know, and that's the biggest problem. And if men started to really lose that ego, look past certain things to be able to be like you know what? I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling like this Because you don't want to get to that point, trust me, where you had that last brick and you're no longer here, right, and that's why we're doing.
Speaker 2:What we do is to try to help you guys listening and people, even some girls, are listening to is to help you guys try to relieve some of that weight of that backpack. You know, we're not doctors, we're not psychiatrists, but we have lived, since I was five years old, with child abuse to losing a son, suicide attempts, you name it. We've lived it and it's not that we're bragging, but because we've lived that, we understand it. So when you guys are feeling the way that you feel and you've gone through the things that you've gone through, we can sympathize with that well, we want to show that you're you know you're not alone a lot of these, a lot of these guys out there.
Speaker 1:You know they're dealing with their issues and traumas and whatever mess that they're in, because you know it's fucking messy and you know a lot of guys think that you know it's only happening to them, but it's happening to not just men but women too. Right, you know, this is why we do this to, to show that you know you're not alone and it's it's okay to reach out and talk. But, um, on that note about reaching out and talking, I think, um, what about that? Uh, that letter, that uh? Oh, for the men we got here for, for the men, buddy, I think it's a good time to push that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, myself and Eric, we want to just say something real quick for you guys out there, especially even though it's a men's mental health show. But I think this was fitting for tonight because it is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we want to read something else this one's just for the men.
Speaker 2:Dear men, we are sorry. We are sorry you tried so desperately to fix others when your own hands were shaking. We are sorry you didn't give yourself enough time to heal. We are sorry you healed the wounds of everyone else while your own were bleeding. We are sorry that there were days where smiling hurt but you forced yourself to laugh so that nobody had to worry about you. We are sorry that you gave all the time and effort to the people that didn't give the same amount back. We are sorry that there were nights that you cried yourself to sleep and no one bothered to understand why. We are sorry you did not love yourself like the way you deserved.
Speaker 1:It's true, man. You know a lot, of a lot of guys out there, you know, like we said, we're there, they're holding all this in men and they've never really even their self, like you know, apologize to themselves as well, man, for treating themselves bad that way, because they're not putting themselves first. You need to put yourself first to take care of yourself. And when we, when we say that it's like health, all that I'm not saying like you need to put yourself first to take care of yourself. And when we say that it's like health, all that I'm not saying like if you've got a wife, you know that's your ride or die, definitely, but I mean you still need to take care of yourself. Like we've said before, you're on an airplane, you're going to go down, or whatever the situation is oxygen mask, straw, You're going to put it on yourself first before you put it on your kid. Because, say, you put that mask on your kid, then, boom, you're passed out, you're done.
Speaker 2:You know you got to take care of yourself in order to help others well, and that's that's the biggest thing that people don't realize is that you, you have to be number one, you know, and people with kids, especially, all kids, are number one. Yeah, they are. I have kids, you have kids, a million percent. I would. I would die for my children. I love them to death.
Speaker 2:But if I'm not right, if I'm fucked up, how how can I be the best parent for those kids, how can I be the best husband for my, for my wife or boyfriend, whatever? How? It's not possible and a lot of people do is that because they make sure their kids are all good and that's amazing, that's great, as you should, but at the same time, they are depressed, they're sad, they're broken, they're lonely and they're not doing things to give themselves life. You know, because in their mind, I got to just do this for them, I got to just do this for my wife and just for my kids. But, man, like, if you do not take care of yourself first, you have to, because you can't be the best version of yourself If you don't take care of yourself.
Speaker 2:And if you don't take care of yourself yourself, you're going to miss so many things in your day to day with your children, because I missed a lot and it wasn't time with them. It was the time spent with them and the time spent with your wife and your family because you were not present. It's the time that you will lose on your day to day because you are so shattered and just feel so lost and all you feel, instead of being present with the people around you and the people that love you and trying to be happy in the moment, all you're focused on is the weight that you're carrying on your back. That's it. So until you can go out and do your best to focus on you first, then, sorry, you have to go out and focus on you first. Then, sorry, you have to go and focus on you first so you are able to be present, to have that clarity and, like I said earlier, it's finding the happiness in the present moment yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, here's the deal, man, here's the deal. You don't know what the hell is going to happen at any moment in time. As soon as you step out your door or even at home, you could have a heart attack. You have no idea what's going to happen. You hope shit doesn't gonna, but you have no idea. For example, this is a big month for me. Not only is it Men's Mental Health Month, not only is it Father's Day, but this month my fiance it's the one year anniversary on Father's Day, but this year it's Father because it was a leap year. So Father's Day is on two days before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but this year it's father cause it was a leap year, so father's day is on.
Speaker 1:After her passing Before yeah, the last year she passed on father's day. You know that's a prime example. You don't know what's going to happen. You need to take care of yourself. You want to. You want to be down all the time you need to put in this yourself. You want to be down all the time you need to put in this work. You got to fucking kick ass, man. You want to live depressed. Is that fun? Is that a real way to live? Fuck, no, man. You need to put in the work and fix yourself, especially if you have kids. Time is the most valuable thing in this world. You can never get time back. It's the most valuable, and we are on borrowed time right here, you know. So don't waste it, man. Don't waste it.
Speaker 2:That's probably the biggest thing in life that people do. We don't have much time. We really don't.
Speaker 1:We're on borrowed time and there's not much. What's that movie? It's like time or something they got it in their hand, justin Timberlake.
Speaker 2:I think Leonardo it was called In Time, justin Timberlake. That's right In Time, that's right as soon as that time runs out, that's it, yeah and you work and that's how you get paid.
Speaker 1:Is time, that time runs out, that's it. Yeah, and you work and that's how you get paid. Is time? That's crazy, but I mean, it's. It's true. In a sense, man, that's the it is true. Every day you're running out of time. Every second is is a second, a millisecond off your life. Do fucking something with it, man.
Speaker 2:And that's the thing is, a lot of people think they have the time. You know everyone and we hope everyone does, but everyone thinks that, oh, I still got years till I retire, then I'll do that and you have no idea. You know, I actually seen something today that kind of goes with what we're talking about and the guy said he's like you know what the doctor told you? You had six months to live. How would you live your life? You would live for you the best way you possibly knew. How was six months to live, and dealing with bullshit and stress would be at the very bottom, Like you would not even entertain it Like the arguments the pointless stresses like that wouldn't even be on your radar.
Speaker 2:It's like why don't you live like that? Live because most people don't live for themselves. It's your life, live it how you want to live it, not how other people want to live it. And that's why most people live in a constant state of depression is because they're always living for other people. They're not living for themselves, man. They're worried about other people, what they think, and like, dude, like, and I was like that for a long time.
Speaker 2:But you know what? Now I realize it's just like it doesn't matter what you say, what you do, someone's gonna say something, someone's gonna hate on it. So it doesn't matter, man, just do you be the best possible version of yourself. That you can't. And and every day is work. Whether you're where we used to be, on almost committing suicide to being in a good place, is. Every day is a constant battle and a constant should be a constant drive of being better than you were the day before. Like it's life, it doesn't end like it's, it's a constant struggle and it's constant work. Question is how much work do you want to put into yourself to live the best life that you can right anyone that lives in that victim mentality.
Speaker 2:And I'm this way because this happened to me 10 years ago. Man, just just stop, seriously. Just stop like nobody, just stop, nobody cares. And when.
Speaker 1:I say that it's not that nobody cares.
Speaker 2:But nobody cares to hear that when it's only up to you, no matter what happens in your life, it's all how you take that and what you do with that going forward. And some of these things are the hardest things you've ever had to deal with and it changes you, you know, and and it's hard as hell. But regardless of how hard it is and whatever it is that you're dealing with, it's still up to you because nobody's coming to save you. There's no night shining armor. There's no someone's going to knock you. There's no knight in shining armor. There's no someone's gonna knock on your door magically. It goes away.
Speaker 2:It's what you do with that moving forward it's the lesson, right, you gotta find the lesson, like we say it's all about leveling up and every day you gotta level up as best that you can right, but again, yeah, when you, when you're in that place and that yeah, man that dark room and you feel you know those suicidal thoughts and the sadness and the loneliness is, just know that there are better days on the other end, I promise you. And when you feel like that you never think that you'll come out of that, but if you put in the work, I promise you you will it's true, man, um.
Speaker 1:So I just want to bring up as well. We have two messages.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, we had someone send us a message.
Speaker 1:Which one do you want to do? You want to do yours? No, the one that I got here. We'll use the alias name.
Speaker 2:It'll go by jason, but you know we get a lot of people that reach out to us and, uh, another reason we do the show is to let you guys know especially if you're new listening to the show that we're here for you. You know, if you need to talk and you got nobody, reach out to us. You know rawmindspodcasts at gmailcom, any day, any night. Social media we'll answer you. We'll help you.
Speaker 1:Before you start that too, though, I just want to put it out there. We talked to this guy a couple times and we asked for permission to post this up here. So it's not like you send us something and we're gonna just throw it up. We will ask for permission to make sure, million percent, you know.
Speaker 2:And reading this. Just want to put that out there. It really hit. It really hit home for both of us actually, because we've experienced experienced this yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And uh, we just want to say thank you for Jason, for reaching out to us. And uh, but Jason, he's uh, you know our, our hearts go to you right now. Uh, he reached out and told us. Uh, he said that my cousin committed suicide two weeks ago. And I don't know what to do. I'm just numb. All the time. He was my best friend and I miss him so much. I just kind of want to die because I can't deal with this anymore.
Speaker 1:That's heavy shit, man and, uh, very heavy man. Um, um, yeah, I, I, I feel for him, bro. I mean, three years ago I lost my best friend and then my dog and then my fiance, so I feel for him. You know you feel lost, you know it's fuck, I feel. But, like I said, I might sound like an asshole, but I mean people die, it's true, it's true, it's true, we're all going to die. It's just a matter of not sitting in that for a long time because you're just going to drive yourself crazy, you know, go through the emotions and then, you know, just have acknowledgement.
Speaker 2:Well, and, like you said, you know my heart goes out to you, jason man, because you know I've been there. You know one of my best high school friends it was my mom's favorite he hung himself in his closet and he had a wife and two kids and it's extremely difficult. You know it's hard. Man, that kind of goes back, you know we've talked about this too.
Speaker 2:Is you know, and it's hard man, that kind of goes back, you know we've talked about this too is you know, when you're in that state of mind where you feel like you can't live another day, and for some people in jason's case, and for other people that actually go through with it and unalive themselves. You know we've talked about this a lot too in the past of that butterfly effect on the effects it has on the people around you, on the decision that you make to do that and the people that love you and what you leave behind, because what you're choosing not to deal with by doing that you have now just left that for your family and for your children to deal with. You know, and reading jason's uh letter here, like that was his best friend and his family and he's numb, he just feels like he wants to die because he can't take that pain, you know, and he's. He's the the shrapnel to that grenade, you know hitting him. Just one of the pieces right. Shrapnel to that grenade, you know hitting him.
Speaker 1:It's one of the pieces. Right, Just one of the pieces.
Speaker 2:Now Jason doesn't feel like he should be here anymore because of how much that hurts him, and he's not the one that made that decision. He didn't choose for that to happen. So when you're in that place, as hard as it is, you got to remember that there's people that do love you. When you think they don't, they do, there's somebody out there that you have touched their lives and you don't even know it and you don't even know it, you know. So. It's really hard to keep in mind when all you're focused on is not wanting to live because you're in so much pain and you wake up crying. I remember, just as soon as I woke up, I was already crying. Man, it's terrible.
Speaker 1:Well, I was at the point where I couldn't. You know, like that's the thing, like I just I couldn't as much as I wish I could, I just couldn't. I don't know if it was like my, I don't know if I just cried too much to the point where I just couldn't, but I wanted to. I wanted to have that release when Jules passed away.
Speaker 2:There you go. It's like you go numb it hits you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly that's exactly what happened. Well, you know, man, like I said, we said before, like you'd be sitting beside me and I wouldn't say anything, we just sit there. I tell you, I don't even know what to say, man, you might as well just go home. I don't know what to say, like I don't want you to just sit here while I'm grieving and just staring off into the bliss, fighting my own thoughts and memories and everything in my head.
Speaker 2:But even when.
Speaker 1:But you did.
Speaker 2:Where you were at that time and then anyone that's had to deal with something like yourself is it is extremely hard not to or to think of other people and not in a bad way or to think of anything else, because you're in such a broken mind state that that's obviously all you can think of. As you know, we're human. That's, that's the emotion. So, even with the people that exactly are where we used to be, where we couldn't even lift our heads anymore and try to take our own life, you're not thinking about. You know the aftermath. You're not thinking you might think of your family or your children, but that depressive, broken state overpowers anything, whether it's family or children or anything. You know, just like with drug addicts right, that the drugs is taken over their life. It doesn't matter who's around or if they have kids, that's just they're lost into that addiction. Just like when you're that depressed and suicidal, like you're lost in that mind state.
Speaker 1:Buddy, I couldn't fucking see anything. I couldn't see anything, bro. I was lost. You're right. It felt like I was in a round circle looking for the corner. You know what I mean? I, I, I, I was, I, I'm. I can't even explain it, man. You know there's grief is messed up. I mean, we, we talked about the stages and stuff, and it was hitting me all left and right, different, different ways, right, different stages would come. It just doesn't go into that order. And it was lost because at one moment, you know, I was accepting it and then and then, angry, like it was kind of bouncing back and forth, I was stuck in the middle of it and then, mind you too, I was getting attacked. I, I felt I was getting attacked anyways, but it's just death.
Speaker 1:Death is death is hard. Man, like I don't know. I'm a little bit different around it, though. You know, growing up I watched all my family members die from the age of five to 18, I watched them take their last breath. I've lost over 40 people in my life. My whole Facebook is. Rest in peace of friends. I lost my best friend, my dog I had for 13 years, my fiance, my really good friend. It's non-stop, it's hard, but all I can really say is go through the emotions and understand that it's a part of life. We're all going to die. It just sucks that it happens and it sucks in the ways that it happens, when you can understand and realize that you know death is an imminent or whatever the fuck the word is. It's going to happen, man, and you just got to try to be okay with it as best as possible. As hard it is, you know, and the hardest thing about it death is forever, and that's the thing that that just is. The hardest part is that shit is forever and forever is forever. You know everything.
Speaker 2:Just turns to a memory because they're. They're not here in the flesh anymore. They're not coming to Christmas dinner, they're not here in the flesh anymore, they're not coming to Christmas dinner, they're not celebrating the birthdays anymore. You know so. You know with what Jason's dealing with. Man, I'm truly sorry for that, because you know to lose your cousin, especially a death by choice, you know that's a hard pill to swallow, Not because he got an illness. You know what I mean. He was suffering to the point where he didn't want to wake up anymore. He was suffering, suffering. And I've, man, I don't know how many days where I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. I prayed I'm not even religious and I prayed to just not let me wake up tomorrow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, I'll tell you this Everybody's religious when it comes to the end. You know what I mean. Really, you say I don't believe in God, but when it's coming to that end, or something, bad's happening, man everybody's in a praying position.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you that, yeah, I didn't myself back then, man, I didn't myself back then. I didn't want to wake up.
Speaker 1:It's getting usually close to you know, our episodes are about an hour here, but do you?
Speaker 1:think we got one more. Let's hear it. Let's hear what uh to uh incorporate, uh, that other one there? Okay, let me see here, let me pull it up. Um, okay, so this is from John Doe, I'll just skip a little bit. He's talking about when we're going to drop our merch. Your podcast really hits home. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1:Growing up, things were pretty messed up. I lived with my grandpa and he was a real piece of work. He used to beat me and treat me like I was nothing. I was just a kid, but I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world. It messed me up pretty bad and it took me a long time to start getting my head straight. And then he says your podcast has been a big part of that for me. The stories you share and the way that you talk about dealing with tough times. It's like therapy. It helps me make sense of things and keeps me going. I can't thank you enough for that. Well, that's uh. Oh, here's another one here. So, uh, keep on doing what you're doing. You're making a difference and it means a lot to people like me. Can't wait for the next episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, we tell people all the time that reach outs Well.
Speaker 1:Thank you, John Doe. You know who you are, and that's okay.
Speaker 2:It means a lot. It's taken a step by reaching out for help. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know to kind of go by.
Speaker 2:That's the biggest step, man, from what he said about his grandfather, beating him and the abuse that he suffered and really messed them up. You know, obviously we all know that no child should ever deal with that. Ever, yeah, ever. You know and to, and myself personally, I was abused physically and sexually when I was a little kid and when I heard him say that about his grandfather Now my grandparents growing up, I loved them to death. The way they were as grandparents or grandfather, I should say, the way my grandfather was compared to how he was as a dad, was two different things. You know.
Speaker 2:Now, I suffered the abuse from different people as a child, but when he mentioned the grandfather, you know, I remember when I was like five years old and my grandfather and my dad would get into legit fistfights and I remember to this day walking in and witnessing, you know, my dad getting bottled by his own father and fistfighting and grandma screaming and crying in the kitchen and my dad sitting in a bathtub while I pulled glass out of his back. You know now, this is something that I witnessed, but the things that children witness on the day-to-day is there's no way any child should ever witness those things or have to deal with any form of abuse period. You're a child, you know, and anyone that puts their hands on a child.
Speaker 2:You're a fucking coward yeah, man, it's fucked up the way these and like he just said in that letter that he sent us is that it really messed him up and for years. Like a lot of us, some people don't even get over that ever.
Speaker 1:You know, definitely, I can totally relate with that. I used to get beat as a child all the time. All the time I used to get beat when I was a kid to make me stronger. My old man would come home drunk, wake me up when I'm sleeping and fucking toss me around. You know. But for my 13th birthday, this guy, my old man, gave me a metal pole, like a bat, like a metal bat pretty much, with 13 screws welded to it. That was my birthday present from my dad A metal pipe with 13 screws welded. I think you've seen it. I showed you Wild man.
Speaker 1:You know, like that was the household that, like before. Well, he wasn't there long, but I mean, that's what I grew up with. He was in and out of my life, right, because my mom was single, he moved out with the 22-year-old that he cheated on my mom with. Because my mom was single, he moved out with the 22-year-old that he cheated on my mom with. And at that time man came home, found out that my mom was cheating on him, came home drunk with a knife, chased my mom around the house trying to stab her I was standing at the top of the stairs kicks me in the chest, said I was a mistake because I was trying to tell him to stop, fell down the stairs and broke my rib. My own father man.
Speaker 1:He's not my dad. Fuck you man. You're not my dad. No, my mom was my mom and my dad at the one. You know, thank god, I mean she's a beautiful woman.
Speaker 2:Some kids aren't, aren't as fortunate, you know it's truly sad where I am without her man that children have to deal with any form of abuse or mistreated or being brought up the way that some of these kids do, you know, and that really sets them up, just like me, cause I I went through it, it set set me up with years of depression, anxiety, abandonment issues, you name it.
Speaker 1:Not just that too, for failure, bro. You know that thing when that happens, you think Half of Either you're gonna go, you're gonna deal with it, or you're gonna go down the bad route.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But again you know and end up Doing stupid shit.
Speaker 2:That we, the hands that were dealt In life, whether it's your fault or not, it's still your problem and it's still something that you need to deal with, regardless. If it was your fault, yeah, and only you. You're the only one that can deal with it, right? So now it's up to you, on what you choose to do, going forward with what happened and not saying, poor me, yeah, we feel bad that this happened to you a million percent, but how long are you gonna sit in that to make that as an excuse for you to live the way that you're living? You know, but the biggest thing is, we're not going to feel sorry for you because you feel sorry for yourself.
Speaker 2:It's just finding that source, or finding the resources to help you navigate through these things Right. And the biggest one, like navigate through these things Right. And the biggest one, like we said, is the ego. You lose the ego and you just reach out because we don't want. Why we're doing this show is we don't want to see you guys get to that point where that backpack is just too heavy now for you to carry. We don't want that. Nobody wants that. Yeah, a million percent.
Speaker 2:At least what we can do is try to relieve that, if you're feeling like that, reach out to us, you know, just to make it a little bit lighter for you to walk out your front door tomorrow and another day and maybe take that ease off you a little bit. But then, after you walk out that door, it's up to you now to start working on dropping that weight of that backpack. Stop adding weight to your own backpack, because that's what you guys are doing, right. Figure out how to get that weight off your shoulders. Start living for yourself. Take care of yourself first. Number one is you.
Speaker 2:You can't possibly be the best version of yourself and be the best in your father and as a husband. If you're not the best internally and mentally right, it's impossible. You need to look at yourself in that mirror and tell yourself that it's okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay in it.
Speaker 2:Suck it up, look it, find that person find a counselor whoever it may be where you're able to release that some of that off your chest, because the more you carry that, the more you're gonna fall down and the more you're gonna struggle and you're gonna end up not being able to ever be present in the moments with your loved ones and your children, because you're just running on autopilot. You'll never be able to live in the moment. I failed to live in the moment. I missed 20 years because I didn't know how to live in the moment, because I was so fucked up, I was so depressed, I was so sad, I was so lonely and that's all I could focus on. I couldn't there, you know. And then that's the thing is. You know, I cruised on that autopilot like most men do you're on autopilot every day you wake up.
Speaker 2:but now it's time now to take back those controls, turn that autopilot off and take your life to a whole new elevation and destination.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, you know a lot of people out there. They gotta find their why. That's what it is, the why why you do what you do. You know why you get up every day, go to work, bust your ass and provide your. Why is your children my? Why is my daughter? No, that's why we find a purpose. That's why we do what we do and find a purpose. That's why we're still here on Earth.
Speaker 2:You know, A man with no purpose distracts himself with pleasure Because you've got to find a purpose in your life. Being a dad amazing. Being a husband awesome. But find a purpose. What is it that drives you? What is it that you think about every day that you would love to do or that you haven't done yet? Your passion Find it, and that is the hardest part is finding out what that is.
Speaker 2:Passion man, because I've had conversations with friends at work and like I wish I had something and I wish, and that's all I hear. But they don't know what, they don't know what. And I get it because you know. But you got to look, find things that interest. You Find whatever it is and even start doing things that you didn't even think that you would want to do. Because once you do them because you never know until you try everyone's heard that and that's it's facts, you know and then you're like holy shit, I actually really enjoy this. And then boom, look at the direction that's taking you now and the people that you've just met. Yeah, and you know what I mean. And if it wasn't for you not doing that, then you wouldn't have done this and then you wouldn't have done that.
Speaker 2:It's just trying new things getting out there, especially when you're in that mind state of depression and is finding those things, those small wins, you know, and just to pull yourself up a little bit each day. You're not going to get rid of that pain overnight and it is a hard, hard battle. But if you fight that battle, how you feel on the other end of that, I can't even words to explain that, that, and you never even thought that you could get to that point. But you have to put in that work, you. You don't have a choice.
Speaker 2:People need people need you here. People are counting on you, right. People want to see you smile, be a fucking warrior man, you know. People want you, in the moment, to be present. People want to be around you, you know it's. I tell you, man, it is one of the hardest things. Is coming out of that mind state of hardest things, is coming out of that mind state of feeling like I didn't want to wake up the next day, or you guys not wanting to wake up the next day is to come from that and to get out of that.
Speaker 2:Man, it's one of the hardest battles you'll ever have to fight, but it is the battle that you want to fight and you need to fight and you, when you win that battle, you're on top of the world and you're going to feel the best after it too, because anything else after you win that battle with yourself and you win that battle with that depression, the anxiety, and you start coming out of that on the other end, as life goes on and you hit all these other roadblocks and bumps in the road, as we all will and do is you can look back and be like this is nothing, man, if I can get through what I went through, then this is a piece of cake.
Speaker 2:I can get through anything and it makes you stronger and it brings up your self-worth and your you know what I mean, and your self-confidence and your self-esteem, because a lot of the times that when we're sitting in this state of depression and sadness, it's because we don't have any self-esteem. We just get so hard on ourselves, especially as men, you know, we feel like failures. We have no self-esteem, no self-confidence. Nobody wants me, no one wants to see me. You know, you're just. That's the battle we have with ourselves because we're so hard on ourselves as men.
Speaker 1:But yeah, well, that's why we try to do this right. We try to push all this content out there and, uh, you know, show that true strength is fucking reaching out, is talking to people getting a counselor. You know, that's, that's real strength. Don't't hold it in. It's Men's Mental Health Month, man. You know, if you haven't done it, if you've been thinking about, you know, reaching out, do it, god.
Speaker 1:I see a counselor every Wednesday, you know. Thanks, man, you know. So it's life-changing, especially actually. I just want to bring this up before I know it's getting close to the end here. I just want to bring this up as well.
Speaker 1:What you read about Buddy's cousin he took his life and committed suicide. A big thing for that too is grief counselor. I did a grief counselor. It's kind of funny because the grief counselor said you pretty much know more about death than I do. I don't even know what to say. She's like I was at home looking up trying to figure out what to talk to you about and pretty much you're the one schooling me. Which is sad. That's crazy. I shouldn't be like that. Which is sad, it's, that's crazy, you know. I like I shouldn't be like that. No one should be like that, with all the death Right. But I mean it is maybe that it's happened to me and this is why I'm I'm trying to give it out to the rest of the world and try to help others. Maybe this is my calling, you know, this is my passion, definitely, I know.
Speaker 2:It took me 40, 40 plus years to find a passion and we have.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm, I'm, I'm grateful that we found I found it, so I mean and some people never do I mean look how, yeah, yeah, and it comes, like, yeah, and it comes any other way, like we said, you, like you just got to find it. I mean, look, look how it became, because Jules passed away and that sparked the start of this, this beautiful relationship me and you have here with the podcast. You know, because of that and like we said before, after my fiance passing away, that was the lesson, this, this is the lesson now to help others, and this is what we want to do. You know, and it'll come. It'll come some way somehow, but it'll show up. It's just a matter of you got to look for it.
Speaker 1:What's that video I seen at a bunch of times on, I think, facebook or Instagram, where it's the red car effect, where I tell you, how many cars did you see today? You don't know, but if I told you, look out for the red cars, you would look out for the red cars. You got opportunities coming by you all the time, all the time. It's just you don't see them, right? You just you gotta keep your eyes peeled and see these opportunities, it's true, because they're life-changing, either good or bad.
Speaker 2:The biggest thing is getting to the point of your life where you have that clarity so you can see these opportunities that come by as well and your mind's not cloudy, right? Yeah, but you know what if you guys are new to the show, we thank you for tuning in this week.
Speaker 2:We are here every week. We are Raw Minds the podcast. We thank you for tuning in this week. We are here every week. We are Raw Minds the podcast on men's mental health. Yeah, you know, like a couple of our listeners that wrote us today, we want to thank you personally and we are truly sorry for what you guys are going through and had to deal with. You know our thoughts and prayers go out to you guys and we appreciate you reaching out to us to share that with us and allowing us to share that. Um, and like I said, if you guys are new, that was huge.
Speaker 1:You know it takes a lot and you know, like I said, if you're new to the show please, if you just need to talk.
Speaker 2:You don't know which way to turn. You know, if you're in that state of mind that we were talking about, you, don't feel like you want to wake up tomorrow, especially reach out. You know we do what we can. That's all we can. You know we're just here as a support system, right, because we've lived it. We've lived our entire life basically in turmoil and trauma and abuse, and you name it.
Speaker 2:We, we've lived it. So reach out raw minds podcast at gmailcom. Please check us out. Um again, you know it's it's men's mental health awareness month, but we got to keep this rolling past June. You know you need to be aware all the time.
Speaker 1:we need to make this awareness every day yeah, it's every month bro mental health is a huge, huge problem and a huge issue in our society.
Speaker 2:That's what we do and it's not talked about enough. So maybe we can be just a couple guys that help bring that awareness out just a little bit more, you know. So, on the side note, please check out my fitness clothing line, ironmenacecom. I got some new girls merch coming out, I think, next week. So, yeah, check that out. On the side, I'm also a big into the fitness myself and just fitness motivation. It's all tied in. I just want to help people, you know, motivate, help people. So reach out again if you guys are, even if you guys, you know, want us to talk about something or even like a topic we're all open ears for that or if you know what.
Speaker 2:You know, like jason here, or you know if, if you want to come on the show and if you feel like that's something that you want to do you know, we'll chat with you, you know, outside of the show and we'll put you on.
Speaker 2:And if you feel like you want to, maybe there's something that you can share that might be able to help other people, then we would love to have you. You know what I mean. That you can share that might be able to help other people, then we would love to have you. You know what I mean. So, on that note, I will say if you can't find good people, be good people. Yeah, pass that on.
Speaker 1:I do want to say, man, I just want to give some props to uh justin. We are live on tiktok every recording. We are uh justin. We love you too, man. Thank you so much. Uh, this is why we do these things for the people. Um, you know it's tough, man. Fuck it's tough life. Life sucks sometimes, man. It doesn't always suck, but it sucks sometimes. So you know, this is why we do it. We do it to show that you know we go through shit. I'm dealing with shit every day. Joey's dealing with shit every day everybody's dealing with shit every day.
Speaker 1:It's just a matter of matter of how you deal with it. So, anyways, on that note, it's Men's Mental Health Month. We'll be doing some good episodes coming up for this Surrounded Men's Mental Health. That's our podcast, but it's going to be even more coming up. So enjoy, man, have some fun, hit us up. You want to come on? Talk, like joey says, we'd love to have you on. Even if you just want to come on and bullshit, you know, no problem, we're here, we'll bullshit with you. We'll make it a bullshit episode. Anyways, on that note, thank you guys. We love you. Be good or be good at it. Bye.