In this heart-wrenching episode of Raw Minds, hosts Erick and Joey delve into the raw and unfiltered depths of men's mental health through the powerful voices of their listeners. Titled "Letters from the Edge: Stories from our Listeners," Episode 33 brings you face-to-face with life-altering letters that reveal the deepest struggles and most transformative experiences of those who have reached out to share their stories.
Join Erick and Joey as they read through these profound and often traumatic accounts, offering empathy, understanding, and solidarity to their brave listeners. These letters capture the essence of human resilience, touching on themes of loss, survival, and the quest for hope amidst darkness. The episode takes an especially poignant turn as Erick shares his emotional journey, recounting the devastating accident that involved his daughter. His vulnerability and honesty serve as a powerful reminder of the impact that such events can have on mental health.
This episode is not just a collection of stories; it's a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the importance of discussing mental health openly. Tune in for an emotional and enlightening experience that underscores the necessity of community, empathy, and support in navigating the complexities of life.
*Warning: This episode contains discussions of traumatic events that may be triggering for some listeners. Discretion is advised.*
In this heart-wrenching episode of Raw Minds, hosts Erick and Joey delve into the raw and unfiltered depths of men's mental health through the powerful voices of their listeners. Titled "Letters from the Edge: Stories from our Listeners," Episode 33 brings you face-to-face with life-altering letters that reveal the deepest struggles and most transformative experiences of those who have reached out to share their stories.
Join Erick and Joey as they read through these profound and often traumatic accounts, offering empathy, understanding, and solidarity to their brave listeners. These letters capture the essence of human resilience, touching on themes of loss, survival, and the quest for hope amidst darkness. The episode takes an especially poignant turn as Erick shares his emotional journey, recounting the devastating accident that involved his daughter. His vulnerability and honesty serve as a powerful reminder of the impact that such events can have on mental health.
This episode is not just a collection of stories; it's a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the importance of discussing mental health openly. Tune in for an emotional and enlightening experience that underscores the necessity of community, empathy, and support in navigating the complexities of life.
*Warning: This episode contains discussions of traumatic events that may be triggering for some listeners. Discretion is advised.*
yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back to a whole new show this month especially is the reason why we do this we are unedited, unfiltered and, as always, we always we are going raw. My name is Joey.
Speaker 1:And I'm Eric and we're your hosts and welcome to Raw Minds.
Speaker 2:Yes sir, we're back doing it again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, it's an important month too, men's Mental Health Month, right.
Speaker 2:Well, that's exactly why we're doing what we do. It's not talked about enough. Men especially are struggling man day to day.
Speaker 1:It's about bringing that stigma right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%. And having one month is not enough to bring awareness to men's mental health I mean mental health in general. It's a daily struggle for anybody. This is life. Life is not easy for anyone?
Speaker 2:No, it's not. Everyone deals with something. Everyone. It's not Everyone deals, you know, with something. Everyone has past traumas. Everyone has dealt or dealing with heartbreak or loss of family and friends. You know we all got something. Man, mental health is a serious, serious issue. Yeah, you know. And just to have one month for people to really focus on men's mental health especially, I mean man it's, whatever battles they're dealing with and you know they're sitting in silence.
Speaker 1:you know because they're scared to reach out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the hardest part, because we're always taught as men that we don't talk about our feelings. You know, suck it, suck it up, man. Yeah, you know you're a man, take care of your house, take care of your house, take care of your family. You don't got problems. Nobody wants to listen to your problems. Yeah, it's true, man, and that's the hardest part. And you know, we live our lives in quiet desperation, right, yeah?
Speaker 1:Well, what I have to say for sure, man, is you know, if you see like one of your friends out there, you know, and he's acting different, or someone's struggling, you know, reach out to that person. You never know what they're going through, you know.
Speaker 2:I'd rather you know, I'd rather you cry on my shoulder than me carry your casket.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely, you know.
Speaker 2:any time carry your casket yeah, definitely, you know, at any time of the day, man, you know, you, man, it's. It's so hard sometimes, especially as a man, and the struggles that we go through, and you know, and some women understand, but no woman, no woman, will fully understand the battles that we face on the day-to-day. Yeah, I'm not saying women don't battle their own struggles, everyone's got them, you know. But as society has made men out to be for hundreds of years, is we're the protector, we're, we're the breadwinners, we're, we're the head of the household? We got to take care of everything there's, you know, there's an emergency, or someone's breaking your house, your wife's turning to you, you know it's. Everything falls on our shoulders. Yeah, and it is.
Speaker 2:And it is extremely hard, you know, and that's the thing too with men is that we are born with no status. We have to create our own status as a man, you know, and women are born with status, you know, when there's a lot of things that comes very easy to a woman that most men never get to see or think, or most men never get to be a part of, or they have to work extremely hard to be that 1%, top tier man to even get some of the benefits that an average woman would get and this is not a dig at women by any means, but that's fact. You know what I mean. We have to create our own status. We have to build ourselves up to be respected to. You know it's.
Speaker 2:It's yeah, man, I'm still trying to build myself up, and a lot of you guys out there are right, and it's a never-ending battle, like we always talked about. Is that backpack that we walk out of the door with every day, and how heavy it is, you know, and we carry a lot of that weight is. We're carrying your wives and girlfriends, your children's weight as well, you know, and that's not in a bad way. That's because we're the supporters, we're the men. We got to make sure that everything's taken care of. You know it's.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of stress man, it is a lot of stress.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, most men have stopped living their life. It is a lot of stress. Yeah, most men have stopped living their life. They're literally just Trying to get to the next day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, a lot of them Out there Wouldn't be here if it wasn't for their kids. You know some people Like me, man. My kids saved my life well, same here.
Speaker 2:You know one of the times that I tried to commit suicide, if it wasn't for the day before, I think, my son, you know, when he just he started to crawl for the first time, yeah, and I had it on video of him smiling and crawling across my carpet and the next day I tried to end my life. And if it wasn't for that video and my son, I wouldn't be sitting here today. So us, as men, you know, have reason to be here and yet every day we're dying, every day we're falling apart, every day we are struggling, holding on because of our children, because of our wives and girlfriends, because of our children, because of our wives and girlfriends, because of our family. But the internal battles that we are facing and we face daily, you know most men won't admit it, but how many times have you sat in your room at the end of the night by yourself and you just started crying? Yeah, and sometimes you don't even know why, because the weight, you just feel like the whole weight is on your shoulders and you don't know how to get that weight off. And you know, a lot of men out there, you know, work very hard. They do 12, 14-hour days they try to be the best father they can be, the best husband they can be, and when they look at themselves in the mirror, feel like they're not doing enough, it's not good enough and that in itself that weight is a killer.
Speaker 2:You know, when I look back at some of my even previous relationships, if I didn't have the money or I wanted to do this, I just felt like I was failing. But in their eyes I was pushing away because I was shutting down and I didn't know how to talk about it, because I just felt that I would be judged whether it was to friends or relationships. Self-sabotage, brother, I self-sabotaged numerous relationships and friendships and it was never intentional and it was never because I didn't want to be with them or be friends with them, never because I didn't want to be with them or be friends with them. I just felt like such a failure because I wasn't where I wanted to be. I was working as hard as I could, I was doing the best that I could with what I had and the things that I've had to endure and try to overcome, and it's still.
Speaker 2:It was killing me, and a lot of you guys listening I know you understand what I'm saying it's because even recently, man, in the last week or two, I talked to a few friends, and a few friends at work, and they're all saying the exact same thing, man. They're all going through the same thing, they're breaking and they don't know how to release it, they don't know how to talk about it, they don't want to let their wife know they feel like that, or their mom, or their best friend well, and that's that's when, um, substance abuse comes into play, right, and then a lot of men will, you know, work, push their, push their feelings aside and just work, right, and that's their, their getaway.
Speaker 1:And then after work, you know, you hit the bar and you start pounding back some drinks and it becomes like a daily thing, you know, and it's just suppressing your feelings, right, and that's. It's just not okay to do that shit, man. It catches up to you and, like we said before at one point here, it's just going to explode. You know, and either you're going to, you know, fucking do heroin and it's fentanyl and you fucking OD, like my fiance, or you do something stupid and you end up in jail.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or you just lose everything Exactly yeah. By your. You know your rage and your anger.
Speaker 1:Buddy, I've seen, I've seen like what like substance abuse does man? Personally, when I used to sell drugs back in the day, this one, one of my customers I inherited a whole bunch of money, man. This guy blew I'm talking hundreds of thousands man on this shit. You know, to the point where he sold his house, even. He sold his car. He even sold his daughter's car, man, so he could keep his habit going. You know, it makes you, it fucks your shit up, man. You know, because something traumatic happened to you and you didn't deal with it right.
Speaker 2:It's sad. You know, of all people and yourself, we sympathize with depression and suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts. You know I understand why some people go to the drugs and the drinking and whatever the the addiction might be, gambling or whatever it is. Yeah Is because it numbs that pain for that day. Yeah, you know most people that are on drugs and that drink every day. They don't want to, they wish they could stop and they can't want to. They wish they could stop and they can't and it takes over their life, like everybody knows. But they do it because it helps them sleep and get through another day. It helps them numb the thoughts that they have in their head.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, man, moral of the story deal with your fucking shit, you know, deal with it, because you don't want to end up like that. You know as hard as it is what's harder Going through rough times and like stealing for money and selling your family's shit, or getting a job and seeing a counselor talking about all your stuff you know what's more's more harder, man, I would say live in. Live in the the shit life, man, you know. But, like on, on another note, we got something special for you guys here. Um, we got a couple more letters. We got a bunch of letters. Actually, we've just been slacking on, uh, bringing them up, but so we're going to, I don't know, I think in these next couple episodes we'll shoot out some letters and we'll I don't know share with the world, I guess, and see how it goes. I don't know. Yeah, joey, do you want to go first?
Speaker 2:This one, this one's, uh, yeah, no, if you you know, at the end, you know, at the end of every episode, we always encourage you guys to reach out, talk to us, you know, email us, whatever. We're here to talk. You know we were to talk. You know we're not doctors, man, we're not psychiatrists, we're counselors.
Speaker 2:But the life that we've lived and the horror and trauma and abuse that we've endured, you know, puts us in the seats we're in today, yeah, and we're here to at least try to be that crying shoulder for you and just be there, to maybe even just to give you pointers on how to get through some of the things that we've had to get through. You know, and that's why we do what we do, and you know, through this whole process of us, you know doing this show and the amount of time we've been doing it. Now we've had a lot of people reach out to us who have been suicidal, who tried to commit suicide. I think the one we had was five times yeah, and now it's doing way better. We're just two people that give a shit Pretty much.
Speaker 1:That's all we are.
Speaker 2:We're just two people that genuinely care about other people.
Speaker 2:That being said that being said, is, you know, like I said, we have a lot of people that write into the show and we don't really read, you know, the letters that we get out loud. But a gentleman, one of the gentlemen that wrote to us, it was, uh, let's just say he in within a year he, he endured quite a bit of pain and trauma and he was nice enough to reach out to our show and he was more than happy to let us share a little bit of his story and then maybe we can kind of, you know, talk about it and maybe you know, if he's listening, obviously, that, uh, he might be able to pick something else up from you know, kind of what we, what we have to say and share, right? So, yeah, man, let's hear it. Kind of what we have to say and share, right? Yeah, man, let's hear it. I hope that this email finds you well.
Speaker 2:My name is Jackson and I'm an avid listener of your podcast. I want to express my gratitude for the impact you both have had on my life. One year ago, my life was shattered completely. It started with a sudden death of my father, who had a brain aneurysm. He was my best friend and my mentor Two months after I lost my job after 23 years due to new ownership and company downsizing. While I was struggling and grappling with these losses, I found out my wife was having an affair with her co-worker Damn.
Speaker 1:Wow, talk about kicking a guy when he's down, eh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no kidding. I sank into a serious depression, struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. I isolated myself from friends and family, unable to face the world outside my bedroom door. The weight and anxiety consumed me, questioning the point of my existence. It was during one of my dark days that I stumbled upon your podcast. For the first time in a long while, I felt understood and less alone.
Speaker 2:Inspired by your episodes, I decided to seek professional help. Therapy was very challenging, but it provided me with the tools to process my emotions and confront the root causes of my pain and distress. I also immersed myself in activities that brought me joy and a sense of purpose. I also reconnected with old friends and built a support network. Listening to raw minds became a regular part of my routine. You, gentlemen, are a constant reminder that healing was possible. Today I am in a better place, with still a lot of work to do, but I know I'm on the right track. I cannot thank you guys enough For the impact Raw Minds has made on the role in my journey of healing.
Speaker 1:Wow, man, I got, I got like goosebumps, like Four times there Wow.
Speaker 2:First I, you know Jackson man Loose bumps like four times there. Wow, first you know Jackson man, first I want to say man, I'm truly sorry that you've had to go through that.
Speaker 1:That's crazy.
Speaker 2:From the bottom of my heart, man, to lose your father, your job and your wife in the same year, yeah, holy, that's a lot to take in. You know, when they say that when it rains it pours, man, that was a thunderstorm for you, buddy. Yeah, no kidding, and I'm truly sorry that you've had To deal with that. But I'd also like to say Thank you very much For your kind words. It really means a lot to us. Um, I'd also like to say thank you very much for your kind words.
Speaker 1:It really means a lot to us. I bet you, though, man, it was a lot of, you know, in your feelings, in your thought nights, man, definitely.
Speaker 2:Scary times by yourself, definitely going through that feeling alone.
Speaker 1:Well, like you said, he was unable to face the world and leave his bedroom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can imagine you know, you know, like I said, I went through the well, not exact you know what happened to him, but being in that mindset and that brokenness and feeling alone like that, yeah, where I didn't leave my bedroom for five days, when I lost 30 pounds in five days because I couldn't eat, I couldn't face anybody, I didn't answer the phone. So I understand being in that dark room not being able to face the world outside of your bedroom door, because it was excruciating.
Speaker 1:I feel it was devastating. It was like me a year ago around like almost in about a week, man, that's how like I was. It's going to be my fiance's one year anniversary death on the 18th, on Father's Day last year, on men, men's Mental Health Awareness Month Isn't that crazy? Crazy, man. I felt when you feel alone. She was my person, man. I know what he feels. Like man, when you lose your support, you just I bet too. It just didn't feel real. You know that's wild man. I just keep on getting goosebumps like crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, when I read this for me, you know, he said that he lost his father and he was his best friend. You know, I I was lucky enough growing up. Even with all the shit that I've had to go through, my father was always there for me, you know. And when I read that it choked me up because my father has had my back my whole life. Yeah, you and God forbid that something ever happened to my father. Man, I couldn't manage, man. So it's choking me up thinking about it, because my dad is my best friend. Yeah, you know, my dad lives a little far away and I don't get to see him very often, but I talk to him every day, yeah, you know. So I'm grateful for that. But for you, jackson, to feel and that happened to being that that's your best friend, man, my heart goes out to you, man, and I got nothing but love for you, man.
Speaker 1:That's wild man, but good for him. You know, it sounds like he's on the right path and if he just stays on that, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and to lose his job after so many years? Dude, I went through the same shit six months ago. Yeah, you know, I was at my company for years and the great guys, shitty management, but regardless, good job and I lost my job. I got laid off with 24 people. I was with you, man, yeah. And then that moment when I lost my job, man, like yeah, it's a kick in the teeth and you don't know what to do yourself when you're going home on a Monday at 11 o'clock, yeah, and on the drive home, you're like I don't have a job anymore, yeah, and it's a shitty feeling.
Speaker 2:But I will tell you, tell you this, jackson, you know, you said this happened about a year ago and it sounds like you're, you're definitely on the right track and you've picked yourself up. But you know, when one door closes, another one opens. Yeah, right, you are just redirected into something better. And now, where I'm sitting today, compared to the day I got laid off, is I'm in a better company, making more money with even better guys not knocking those guys, but just the energy at work. And you know it's a lot farther for me to travel, but that's nothing. And I wouldn't be here in this position if it wasn't for that. Because we always seem to fail. We always fail to see the positives in these negatives, when these things happen, because you're so focused on what's happened, you're not seeing the possibilities that's going to come out of that and the blessings you know Well what they say is one door closes, another one opens.
Speaker 1:Right, that's a perfect example right there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you weren't rejected, you were redirected. Exactly, man.
Speaker 1:You're leveling up man, both of us. Yeah, you weren't rejected, you were redirected Exactly man.
Speaker 2:You're leveling up man and that even goes with him and finding out his wife had an affair Like dude. I've been there a few times, dude, it's the most painful, heartbreaking thing. One of the most that you can go through is when the person that you loved or and wanted to spend the rest of your life with is now messing around. You know, in his case the coworker or anybody, it doesn't matter, it's the same, it's, it's cheating, and that pain is devastating. Like one of my best high school friends, you know that pain is devastating. Like one of my best high school friends, you know his wife found his wife with somebody else and he hung himself in his closet because he couldn't endure that pain. He couldn't handle it.
Speaker 1:It's hard, man, you know, and, like I said before, I understand it. I understand sitting on that edge and I understand that. You just want it to stop, I get it, you understand it. I understand sitting on that edge, man, I understand it. You just want it to stop, I get it, you know. But I mean you got to think about it. It will affect everything around you. It's a ripple effect. You know you have people, family that care about you, friends, but I understand it, man, I understand that.
Speaker 2:But you know, that's the thing too, with like heartbreak, especially as you. You know a lot of people and I fuck, I probably even said like that was the love of my life and that's the one I'm supposed to be with. Well, no, it's not, otherwise you'd be with them. But when you're in that pain, you think that's what it is because of the stories that you're telling yourself after the breakup. But they're not who you think they are, and they've proven it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, because the best version of you will never be good enough for the wrong person.
Speaker 1:Let me say this In the worst oh sorry, I didn't know, keep on going. Oh, it's all good, buddy.
Speaker 1:Let me say this oh sorry, I didn't know to keep on going oh that's all good, buddy, I was just going to say, let's put this in perspective A little, a little, saying here so, um, say, a venomous snake comes over and he bites you and then starts, you know, slithering away. Are you going to go and chase that venomous snake and and ask him why, why did you bite me? I'm a nice person, why did you bite me? No, no, no, you know, don't cry over spilled milk. Let those people go. They hurt you. They're not going to chase after a snake after it bites you and say why, you know. So why would you chase after a person? The same thing?
Speaker 2:well, another thing is you know that in itself should be the biggest turn off is somebody that doesn't want to be with you.
Speaker 1:Exactly man.
Speaker 2:And everyone wants closure and everybody wants you know explanations. But if somebody doesn't want to be with you and does this, that for one proves that they don't love you, because they wouldn't have done that if they did Period, I don't care what anyone fucking says Definitely have done that. If they did yeah, period, I don't care what anyone fucking says definitely. But if somebody doesn't choose you or want to be with you, that should be the biggest turnoff period. Why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you? Is that your ideal relationship? I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.
Speaker 2:No, you know, just like I said, you're not rejected, you're redirected into something better. But in that heartache and in that pain and that dark room that Jackson was in, you know and he just said it in his letter is that he decided that he was done feeling like that, basically, and he went and started to get therapy. He started finding activities that brought him more purpose. And that's where a lot of people fail and stay in the depression is because they don't feel like they have a purpose. Us men that struggle and carry that weight every day, we have reasons to be here and reasons to work hard. But where's your purpose? What are you doing that fulfills you? What are you doing that makes you elevate in your life, that makes you become the best version of yourself? Yeah, and that's why a lot of us just don't know they're trying.
Speaker 2:I talked to a guy at work the other day great guy and he's like I'm really trying to find something because I'm really struggling in life, because he doesn't have a purpose, and he's like I don't even know where to look. I'm like, dude, you just got to try different things. Man. Like look, find something that you never even thought you would enjoy, without even turning it away. Just do it. Yeah, man, try it, yeah you never know.
Speaker 1:Until you try it right, people just get clouded, oh for sure. You. Until you try to do it, people just get, oh for sure try to find something related to something that you enjoy doing something. I mean, some people go their whole life, man, and just be miserable because you know they're not doing something that they enjoy, they're stuck at home, they just don't want to involve themselves in anything and it's sad, it's really sad. You want me to get in this other letter here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's hear another one man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this one's a bit of a long one, but we'll make it happen. Goes off by Derek and Joey. I hope you will read this. Wait, let me just get a little closer here. All right, I hope you will take a moment to read this.
Speaker 1:My name is Peter and I'm an avid listener of your podcast, raw Minds. I wanted to share my story with you and express my deepest gratitude for the comfort and guidance of your podcast that has provided me during the darkest period of my life Two years ago. My world has shattered beyond repair. My wife Maria and our beautiful daughter Lily were my everything. They were my reason for living, my joy, my purpose. One evening, when they were on the drive home from Lily's school play, when a drunk driver swerved into their lane and hit them head on. The police told me that they died instantly.
Speaker 1:That night, my heart was ripped from my chest and my life as I knew it ended. Holy, I just got crazy goosebumps. That's brutal. Wow, okay, let's keep on going.
Speaker 1:The pain was incredible. Every day it felt like it was a waking nightmare. Our home, once filled with laughter and love, became a haunting reminder of everything I had lost. Lily's toys were still scattered in the living room and Maria's favorite book lay open on the kitchen table. Their absence was a constant, suffocating presence. I would sit in their room clenching their belongings and sob until I had no tears left. The silence was defeating and the loneliness was unbreakable. I fell into deep depression. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I fell into deep depression. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I stopped going to work. I pushed away anyone who tried to help. I was drowning in grief. I saw no way out. Nights were the worst. I would lie awake staring at the ceiling, feeling the weight of the darkness pressing down on me. I thought about ending my life more times than I can count, convinced that there was no point in going on without them.
Speaker 1:One day, in the depths of my despair, I stumbled upon your podcast, episode 1, where Eric shared his story losing his fiancée, resonating deeply with me. For the first time since the accident, I felt a flicker of understanding and connection. Your words about grief, loss and the importance of seeking help gave me a glimmer of hope. I realized I wasn't alone in the suffering and that maybe, just maybe, I could find a way to keep going. I decided to seek professional help. I found a therapist who specialized in trauma and grief. Talking to her was like reopening the wounds, but it was necessary pain. Slowly, she helped me navigate through the grief and began the long, painful process of healing. I also joined a support group for people who had lost loved ones in drunk driving. Sharing my story and hearing others' experiences has both heartbreaking and healing. It was a small comfort to know that others have walked in my path as well.
Speaker 1:Listening to raw minds became a crucial part of my healing process. Your discussions about taking small steps towards self-care and rebuilding one's life resonated deeply with me. I started to go for walks, like Joey suggests, and runs. The physical activities helped me clear my mind even more. Just for a little while. I began journaling, pouring my pain into the pages, trying to make sense of my emotions. I also took your advice on finding a new purpose. I started volunteering with an organization that supported victims on drunk driving. Helping others gave me a sense of distraction and a way to honor Maria and Lily's memory. It didn't take the pain away, but it gave me something to hold on to.
Speaker 1:The journey has been exhausting and there are still days where the grief feels overwhelming, but, thank you to your podcast, I have found a way to keep moving forward. Episode 1 remains my favorite because it helped me connect with Eric's story on grief and loss. Your words have been a constant source of strength and hope. I want to thank you, eric and Joy, for the incredible work you do. Raw Minds has made a profound difference in my life. Please continue to share the importance and you are helping people in the way that you may never fully understand. With deepest gratitude, peter. Oh wow, that was Holy shit.
Speaker 2:You know we've been through a lot in our lives, but that one that's heavy man and Peter putty I don't even know what to say man is I am truly sorry. I am truly sorry that you've had to go through that and to lose your little girl and your wife like that suddenly too.
Speaker 1:I can't imagine we both had kids. Man, you know what I mean. Like can you imagine coming home to your house without your, your, your daughter there and your or your son or both?
Speaker 2:you know that's, that's heavy man, you know, you know, peter.
Speaker 1:Wow, I'm speechless right now, man, I just that's.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for one for reaching out and sharing your story, because that man, that's heavy man, especially like we have have daughters, both of us and yeah to hear.
Speaker 1:You know he's taking the right steps. Man you know, you know like and what he's doing is volunteering and and and giving back to the community. I mean that if that's not fucking powerful and strength, I don't know what that is. Man like that's, you know good for him good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what really good for him? That he's choosing to go down that path of trying to heal the best that he can. He's reaching out, he's, you know, like you said, the volunteering anything to try to stay busy, but in a positive way where he's able to give back and to help others and man to get the news that he got. I can't even imagine, man.
Speaker 1:I'm truly sorry for that you know that, like I know it's not the same, but well, I'm getting emotional right now. That reminds me when my daughter she was two years old and she got viciously mauled by a dog. She was two years old and she got viciously mauled by a dog and I got the phone call and she had to get 400 stitches in her face, from her forehead all the way down her chin. I was driving home this is when I owned my own company at the time and I had a worker with me and I get the phone call from my kid's mom. She said there was an accident and I was like with Kinley, I'm like what do you mean? And she's like she got bit by a dog. I'm like, what do you mean? Like how is it? She's like I'm not too sure, I'll let you know, because she left my daughter at her best friend's mom's house, um to, so her mom could, or so she could, watch my daughter while, while, uh, her mom could go grocery shopping. And then, uh, she calls me back frantic. She's like it's bad, it's bad, come to the hospital.
Speaker 1:So I ripped right to the hospital. I parked right in the middle of the street, right in front hospital. I parked right in the middle of the street, right in front. I didn't give a shit. I ran in and I saw my kid's mom and she was pretty much kneeling on the ground outside of the hospital on the sidewalk just screaming.
Speaker 1:I ran into the hospital and I just saw my daughter on the bed there. They were holding her face. The doctor asked me if I wanted to see it. I said yes and he moved his hand and you could pretty much see right inside of her mouth. Her whole face was pretty much split right open. So we were waiting for an ambulance to pick us up to take her to a children's hospital. And yeah, so the ambulance came.
Speaker 1:We followed the ambulance to the children's hospital and I mean we got so lucky. I mean we got so lucky man, we got so lucky dude. We had like one of the best surgeons in the world. She was down here teaching a course, um, for plastic surgery and they, uh, they, they, they asked her if she would do it and she did and there was 18 doctors in there because she was teaching the course and they all watched and she came out after and she said those were the best stitches. I'm not bullshitting you like I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. These are the best stitches I've ever done in my career. You will see, you will still see, uh, the, the scar on on your daughter's face, but as she grows it's going to go back by her ear. And I'll tell you, man, that was a scary moment and the worst part of it is you're sitting there, your daughter's got her face ripped right open and she's laying there screaming for you and you can't do nothing. You're helpless. You know that was hard, man, and that was hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it's it's.
Speaker 2:One of the hardest things is to see children like that. You know, my three, my three year old nephew passed away from cancer and I watched him die for six months. You know, and and Peter here like that. I from cancer and I watched them die for six months. Yeah, you know, and Peter here like that. I can't imagine man Like to lose your wife and your child in a car accident like that overnight, unexpected. You know you go to work, you say I love you. You know you bring your daughter to school and then you get that phone call at the end of the night that they're gone. You never know man like I can't even imagine. You know, with my nephew that passed away as hard as that was, you know, at least it wasn't sudden, you know, and and there was a possibility that he might not make it. Yeah and so to, but to witness and go through like what you went through, my nephew peter especially. Holy man, and thank, thank you again for sharing that story and reaching out to us.
Speaker 2:That reminds me a while ago I went to the gym with a friend of mine. I always parked in the same spot for two years. It's always one or two spots in the same area it's always open. For some reason that day it was so busy that there was only one spot left, and across from my gym is a highway. So if you walk out my gym door it's a highway six lane and you can only turn into that plaza from one turn off the highway. And where I had to park that day was right in the very corner of the highway and that turn. So I was the first car. You know when you turn you would see my car first yeah now.
Speaker 2:I don't know if there's a reason why I was meant to park there that day, but I did way up in the corner, right right in the turnoff from the highway. It was about 7 o'clock at night in October and I'm standing there and I'm talking to my buddy before we leave and I turn my head and a mother and a four-year-old ran across the entire highway, no crosswalk, and a car hit the little girl. Oh man, and I looked down and the little girl was out and I was 10 feet away. And I'm not a paramedic. I got level three first aid, so I know a little bit, but I'm by no means a paramedic.
Speaker 2:But I got some pretty good first aid training and I swear that if there is a whoever is up there, put me in that parking spot that day, because when I turned around and that little girl was on the side of the highway not conscious, her mom is screaming, the car stopped and I ran over there. Before I even got there, my shirt was off, the little girl's face was red with blood and I used my shirt to put under the little girl's head. You know, and and while I'm looking, I have to and a responder has to, whoever it is. I had to ask permission from the mother if I can check for other wounds, and just you know what I mean Until an ambulance got there to see if she was bleeding anywhere else and take her boots off and she wasn't responding, yeah okay, I was going to ask that and she's laying in the cold.
Speaker 2:It's the middle of october and it's freezing and I have no shirt on. I'm covered in blood, the little girl's face covered in blood. She's not responding. I start giving her cpr and there's about five or six people that walk by. They don't do a fucking thing, yeah, and they're just standing there walking, looking like most people. It's, it's disgusting.
Speaker 2:Um, one lady got on the phone to call 9-1-1 because I'm yelling at her. I'm dealing with the screaming mother whose fault it was. I just didn't want to talk to that mom. I'm like, get away from me. But I had to make sure that I had her permission to make sure her daughter you know anywhere else. I sure her daughter you know anywhere else. I don't want any. You know what I mean. So I CPR'd a little girl, the one lady's, trying to talk to the 911. She doesn't even know what to say. I took the phone back from her. So I got the phone in my ear like this I'm helping this little girl, the mom's screaming in my ear. Like this I'm helping this little girl, the mom's screaming in my ear. These people are just dumb, walking by doing nothing.
Speaker 2:One gentleman ended up walking by, gave me the hoodie off his back, put it over the girl like a blanket so she wasn't cold. She came to, started crying Awesome sign right, the little girl comes to, starts crying Great, that's awesome. And she came to. I helped her. I tried to wipe all the blood off her and the ambulance showed up and the fire trucks and all that. You know how it is, they all show up.
Speaker 2:And it's funny is a guy that I went to high school with I haven't seen in about 15 years drives by and pulls over. And he's funny is a guy that I went to high school with I haven't seen in about 15 years drives by and pulls over and he's like hey, joey, I'm like what's up, man? And because I was standing there with no shirt on, yeah, blood all over me. And he pulled a t-shirt out of his trunk and gave me a t-shirt and I haven't seen him in 15 years. Because I was standing there with no shirt on. What's the luck in that? Eh, but the reason I'm telling this story, even though it wasn't my daughter, I had a four-year-old at the time. She was four and, as calm as I was to save that little girl.
Speaker 2:You know, as the police come and the weirdest thing is, as I'm standing there, it was like I was a ghost in a movie and everyone walked through me and because I was the one that attended, usually you're going to get a police statement what did you see? This kind of stuff. And the driver of the car was just Driving straight. It's a highway. He didn't do anything wrong. It was dark, the lady booked it across the highway, he was cooperative, etc. But when I was standing there and all these police and fire trucks and all that were dealing with finally got the little girl on the stretcher and the mom tried to run up and hug me, thank you so much for, and I just told her get the fuck in the ambulance. I don't even want to talk to you, you're a fucking disgrace.
Speaker 2:Why would you run across a fucking highway with a four-year-old? This is no kidding man, fuck. So I didn't even give a shit about the mother. I'm like you just get in the fucking ambulance and go, don't even touch me. But I was standing there and the weirdest thing is not one person talked to me.
Speaker 2:Everybody walked through me, not, and I'm standing there before I got that t-shirt from my old friend. I'm standing there in blood with no shirt on and nobody said a word, not one. They all put her in the ambulance, he took, rush to the hospital, et cetera. Everyone started to clear out and I was completely calm, just trying to do my best in that situation. And the second that everybody left and I went to my car and I sat in my car. I don't think I've cried that hard in years and because I have a little girl and just like the story that Peter just told about losing his daughter in a car accident and what happened with your daughter's face and the dog man man like that hit home and that that hurt me, like I sat in my car right after that and I cried for hours then like that poor little girl.
Speaker 1:Well, not even that you think your trauma to you and what it does to you, man and it made me think about my daughter and I just broke and I was.
Speaker 2:I called the boss, like like that's how it was for me, because I just that just seen that little girl and it's someone actually videoed me helping her on the road doing the first aid and I actually still have it. So for some reason, someone videotaped instead of helping someone, you know what the fuck. Somebody videotapes it instead of helps.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's the world we live in.
Speaker 2:But I broke down after seeing that little girl and I was calling the boss I'm not coming to work tomorrow and I didn't. And I went the next day. I had to go to the police station because they offer free trauma counseling, yeah, when you see this. And I went and talked to somebody, I phoned the hospitals to find this little girl to make sure she's okay. But because I wasn't a media family, they wouldn't tell me. So I didn't know. And I phoned every hospital, from here to fucking who knows.
Speaker 2:Again, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was actually so worried about this little girl and a couple days or two, maybe two or three days later, whatever, it would end up being in the newspaper and I guess a police officer gave the statement of the situation and on the news article wasn't even what happened. Which is the weirdest thing, they didn't even talk to me. They didn't talk to anybody, but it did say, because I wasn't able to get through to the hospitals to find out if that little girl was okay, is she that she had a broken leg, broken ribs and stitches and that she was gonna be just. She was gonna be fine.
Speaker 2:It's probably a concussion too, fuck yeah, but I mean god man in terms of in terms of, uh, you know, she, she, she was, uh, she, she was gonna fight her man and I was there was like this big weight lifted, knowing that this little crow was gonna be okay, you know. But it makes me choked up thinking about, you know, peter losing his little girl and his wife in a car accident and and you walking into a hospital to see your two-year-old that got mauled in the face by a dog buddy. You know, I can't imagine. And just seeing what I seen with that little girl man, and when you have kids and you have a daughter man, that hits home hard.
Speaker 1:Well, do you remember that accident where the flat bed ran over a lady and her daughter at a stadium skyrain Station, I think so, probably about 10 years ago. So I was working at that job site it's right on the corner there and it was lunchtime. So everybody's you know cash elevator, come down. I was installing carpet actually at that time, helping a buddy Come down. I was installing carpet actually at that time, helping a buddy Come down.
Speaker 1:And as I walk out, this flatbed, dually flatbed truck comes around the corner and just runs this lady right over. She's pushing a buggy too, a stroller. She goes under this flatbed, gets caught in between the wheels of the dually and it spits her out and she's alive and she's laying on the ground with all her intestines, just all over the ground, man, and she's screaming and screaming and someone's like, oh, thank God, she was just coming from Costco, because Costco is just down the street there and it's just vegetables in the stroller. So me being me, I go walk around. Wasn't vegetables in the stroller, there's a fucking baby. Everything that was on the ground it wasn't tomatoes and shit, it was the baby's fucking insides.
Speaker 1:It was fucked. You know, when you see those things, I had to go to counseling. They set up through WCB, set up counseling. I went there for half of a year. Man, it fucked me up. I would see nightmares. The lady wasn't screaming because she was in pain. She was screaming because she could see her baby on the ground even though her shit was fucking sticking out. She, I think she, I don't know, I don't know how long she she died, but I don't know how. I think she died. I'm not too sure. I didn't. Didn't look too far into that. To be honest with you, it was pretty traumatic. But I mean, she was screaming because her baby was there and couldn't do anything about it.
Speaker 2:And her adrenaline right. She wasn't feeling her pain. She was feeling different pain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man.
Speaker 2:Crazy buddy. You know, and that's the hardest parts of life is those things happening to people and even witnessing these things. You know, it's like I said with the little girl that I see get hit by a car and what happened with Peter here in the letter that he wrote us and all these things of life, like life is not fair.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:But whatever it is that we go through in life, it's up to you. On what you do with what has happened to you and or said to you, or done to you, going forward, right, right, and with what peter went through, I, especially I, I would be the exact same. I would feel like there's no reason to live anymore. Yeah, man, like your wife and your child was, was, was, is gone. Yeah, overnight just like that.
Speaker 2:I know the feeling and it, and it is the worst pain of your life. You don't know, you don't even know how to function, like your body's there, but you're not even close to being there.
Speaker 1:Zombie you were a zombie. That's how.
Speaker 2:I was.
Speaker 1:Your body's there, but you're not even close to being there, zombie.
Speaker 2:You were a zombie.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's how I was. Your days go by and you don't even remember any hours of those days.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Because you were that broken. Yeah, you were that shattered. You were that shattered. But when these things happen, it's extremely hard to want to wake up the next day and you just want to take that pain away. You would do anything to take that pain away and that's do anything to take that pain away. And that's why people go to drugs and the drinking, because for an hour of a day they might not feel any pain and they'll take that hour over feeling. They'll take that hour a day rather than not having at least one hour of not feeling pain and numbing and numbing that.
Speaker 2:But you have to. You have to keep fighting, you have to push through when these things happen. You have to because there are people that are still here, that love you, that care about you, that need you here. And it is the hardest thing even myself that I've had to do for my children, even myself that I've had to do for my children, and the internal struggles that us men especially face every day, trying to push through and trying to do the best that we can while feeling like we're not doing anything and feeling like we're failing every day, feeling like it's never good enough. You know, like I said in the beginning. Most men have stopped living their life. They're just trying to get to the next day, that's it. They're just living in thought of tomorrow. They're not even living, they're waiting. And the worst part is they don't even know exactly what they're waiting for.
Speaker 2:And the worst part, is they don't even know exactly what they're waiting for. It's truly sad, man. Yeah, dude, you know, and this month especially for men's mental health, that man, all mental health is every month. You know, we spend so much time in the outside world celebrating all these different things. It's this month, is this and this month is that. Like to be honest with you, like it's great that people are trying to bring more awareness to men's mental health, but this is one of those things. This is not celebrating your sexuality. This is not celebrating your sexuality. This is not celebrating these other things. This is probably the most serious thing that we need to tackle is your mental health. That shouldn't be just a month and make people made aware. This should be talked about every day. It's true, man, more things need to be done every day.
Speaker 2:And then the women don't realize too is that when their men find the resources and get the help and do like, you know how much more happier they're going to be when they don't see their husband and their boyfriend come home every day, look like he's going to cry, but he'll tell you that he's okay and he's not like. You feel people's energies, you know and you know something's off and you and you see it in them every day. Yeah, man, and he's working 14 hours a day and he's doing his best, you know, and if you are with someone and I'm talking to ladies that has a man who is a good father, is trying his best, is a good husband, a good boyfriend, and works his ass off, doesn't even have to be blue collar, he's grinding, you know, as us men like, we're very simple. All we want is to feel appreciated and respected. You know, be their peace. All we want is to feel appreciated and respected. You know, be their peace.
Speaker 2:You know, if more women started to be like that, more men would open up about what's going on. If your friends were better friends, or if you had better friends, you would open up and talk about what's going on. But there's a lot of shame in why men don't is because whether they feel that they're going to be judged by the one that they're with, they're going to be looked at differently. They're going to feel like they've lost the respect of that person if they tell them that they're fucked up of that person, if they tell them that they're fucked up, and that's why we don't talk about it, or they're afraid that if they do talk about it, that you're going to throw it in their face in the next argument.
Speaker 2:Definitely or bring it up or bring it up, yeah, and that's why we don't talk. We don't talk, we don't open up. We're not as vulnerable as women want us to be, especially the women, you know. For that reason, because they will never understand the weight that we carry as a man and the internal battle that we fight with ourselves every day, because we never feel that it's good enough or it will be good enough, no matter how hard we work, even if you make really good money, you're, you know, people will tell you you're such a good dad and you're doing such a great job. And then, when you're home by yourself and I and me especially, is when I'm looking in that mirror, and most men do they don't feel like they're doing anything. They feel like they're letting their kids down. They feel like they're letting their wife down.
Speaker 1:You know what it is man. Make the dick hard, not his life, simple as that. I'd add some flavor to that man. We're getting deep, we've got to lighten it up a little bit. It's, at the end, flavor to that man. We're getting deep, we got to lighten it up a little bit. It's at the end.
Speaker 2:I mean not just the women too, but I mean it's everybody around you, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah man, definitely it's who you choose to surround yourself with. It's the friends you know you have in your circle. You know you want to have good friends in your circle and not be living in a cage, right? Yeah, exactly so. You know, like Peter here, you know, especially you know, after losing his wife and his daughter in that accident, you know, and the things that he was doing and the positive is what we preach is as hard as it is and as much as you're struggling, you have to get up. You have to keep fighting. Your life is worth fighting for. You have to pick yourself up.
Speaker 2:You know when you feel you heal. You got to go through the emotions of whatever it is that you're going through. Feel it. Don't feel like you're a bitch, because you want to cry, because you're heartbroken. If that's how you feel, man, let it out, because that's how you're going to heal. It's by feeling it. You have to, and the reason why the pain that we carry lasts for so long is because we try and stuff it down and not feel those emotions. And that's where we come with masking it. So, once you learn to feel and let your body show the emotion and feel those emotions, whatever it is that you're struggling with. I tell you, man, you will feel a hundred times better, like this weight is lifted off your shoulders.
Speaker 2:Yeah buddy, just let it out. If you got to cry, man fucking cry, and there's nothing wrong with?
Speaker 1:that you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:You got that. It's true strength as a man to be able to show emotion and talk about what's going on with you. And it takes an even bigger man to admit when you're wrong and you fucked up. Yeah, man, whether it's relationship or whatever it might be, accountability is massive and once you start to learn to take that accountability, look at yourself in the mirror. And if you're not honest with yourself, you can never get better, you can never find the help because you're just lying to yourself. But when you can truly be honest with yourself, that's when you'll truly be able to heal with whatever it is that you're going through Word, and if it's something that a situation that you created due to your poor choices or your mistakes, you have to learn from them. You can't get so hard on yourself for the choice that you made, because we're not perfect. You have to learn from the mistakes, learn from the relationship you lost, learn from the job that you fucked up at, and you have to be able to grow from that. But it all starts with you. So, whatever it is that you're dealing with, whatever it is that you're going through, reach out, man. Because I tell you, man, seeing a counselor and getting outdoors, working on your fitness is the best thing that I've ever done.
Speaker 2:You're not someone that goes to the gym. Start going. Start going for a hike, start running. Start doing yoga Something active. Start going for a hike, start running. Start doing yoga, something active. It is the most underrated antidepressant in the world is working out. Start getting out there. You feel so much better about yourself. Find the counselor that you feel comfortable with. As hard as it is to open up about whatever it is that's happened to you or what you're dealing with, man, you have to, because then you will learn how to not be triggered by those triggers.
Speaker 1:Or don't, and then feel like shit all the time, if that's how you want. You know what I mean. What's easier Feeling good about yourself or feeling shit? It's simple Feel good, right. Everybody wants to feel good. Do the right steps, make it happen, Push forward and just fucking be smart about your decisions that you make.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, but that being said, man, it's well. We want to thank Jackson and Peter for writing into us first of all. Second, we really just want to say again we are truly sorry that you've had to go through that. Yeah, man, and we really appreciate you reaching out, sharing your stories, you know, and the fact that both of you Are taking the right steps, finding some purpose Back in your life. You know, we're proud of you, man. You guys keep that up and if you guys ever need anything again, please reach back out to us.
Speaker 2:And for anyone that's new listening to the show, we are the podcast on men's mental health. You can find us on TikTok, instagram, Facebook and if you really just need to reach out, just like these gentlemen did tonight, rawmindspodcasts, at gmailcom. We will answer all and every message at any time of the day, and if you're really having a hard time and you're alone and you don't know where to turn or you can't find resources in the town that you live in and even if we don't live there, we will help you find them. So we want to thank Peter and Jackson again for this and our hearts go out to you and your recovery on your healing journey, your recovery, on your healing journey. And on that note, man, if you can't find good people, be good people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, blown away with those letters. I'm still shocked. Rest in peace to Maria and Lily and your father there. Um, wow, anyways, smarten the fuck up. Simple as that. Smarten up, take care of your shit and move forward on that note. Be good, or be good at it. Bye, and move forward On that note.
Speaker 2:Be good or be good at it. Bye, bye, bye.