Venom , My story

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Transcript

katie-_2_06-13-2024_150524: 0:00

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Strength in N.Bers, Unbreakable Mind, Unstoppable Strength. I am your host, Katie Dunford. Welcome back. How are you? How have you been? I know it's been a hot minute, but we're going to get it going today. We've got a couple topics we're going to cover today. Let's get into the main tea. we're going to talk about being in the fight. we're going to talk about how my whole Persona, like I, I like to call it my alter ego, that venom. we're going to talk about how I got to that, this mentality of where I'm at now and what I've gone through to get here. Get to where I'm at in this, like, really good place that I'm in. so first off, this little Katy background. I grew up in, I was actually born in Chicago. Mom, dad, My parents got, divorced when I was, gosh, I was really little. I, I think I was in pre-K. kindergarten. I think I was in kindergarten. And so I really didn't really know my dad very well. so when we, my parents got separated, they my mom moved us to Florida where my grandparents were. So I really didn't know my dad. So I really never had that relationship with him, but on as like an early age, since I was so little, my dad was always don't send the baby, meaning me. so as I learned these things like growing up, I was like, like he really said that like, I think that kind of made me like, I missed out on having that daughter dad relationship growing up. but I was lucky enough to have an amazing. Grandfather, that man was the glue of our family. I think many families can correlate to that, that having that one person in your life that holds everybody together that, that person in your family that you don't want to let down. you know, I had two. Two of those in my life, my aunt, Mary Joan, which was my dad's twin. she was a godsend. She did so much for my sister and I growing up and, it's always the hardest when you lose those ones that are that glue. And I think as for me growing up, I think I was always trying to get that approval to get that, hey, we're proud of you. you know, to stand out, because I wondered, growing up, my family, we had, they had some issues and I will always wondered why is all of this negativity getting more attention than like what I'm doing? you know, I played music in school, I did multiple, you know, concerts and stuff like that. So I was constantly in this, like, look at me. Kind of, feeling that I was feeling growing up and like, I felt like I never did enough. my family was really never really supportive of what my passions were. I always wanted to be a music teacher, but I ended up going into the medical field because that's what my family did. My mom was a nurse. My sister was a scrub nurse. It's just what we did. so it was hard that I was in this, like, I need to do more. I need to do better. But why is the negative getting more attention than somebody that's trying to do really good? because like all through my growing up, I've worked multiple jobs. I have a killer work, work ethic. You can tell by my, me working out, like I just. Don't stop. when I was working at the hospital, I got a job at the Hard Rock Casino. As y'all seen my pictures when I was a go dancer. And I think that is the first time that I stood out to myself and I was like, I'm going to do this for me. I don't care what anybody else thinks. I don't care what anybody else says. you know, when I was working at this doctor's office, the, the doctors weren't too keen on what I was doing as my side job when it all fell apart. When I found out what I was doing on the weekends and I got demoted. I lost they cut my pay. I was driving like an hour to work and I was like, I don't need to do this because I'm making so much money on the weekends. It's, I'm making more at the casinos than I was working as a nurse. Which was crazy in the cath lab. So I went after my passion, was my family excited about it? No, I got made fun of a lot. and I was building my own confidence at that point because it, I got to the point where I started standing up to my family, like all that negativity and all that stuff that they were doing. I'm like, I don't want any part of that. I want to, I wanted my, my, my dream and I reached that dream. I danced for some of the most amazing DJs. In Florida and throughout the world. I've met some amazing people and I learned how to do makeup. I still don't know a lot about doing makeup. I still have to reach out to my girls and ask them like, what do you do? Because I'm not, believe it or not, I am very like a town boy. But I can dress up. I can't clean myself up. So it got to that point that I was like, I'm going to do this. I'm just going to stand out for myself. And I was living in my apartment. I had, I had my own car, my own apartment. And, my family was still, like what I was doing wasn't good enough. My sister was still, all that negativity that she was doing was just, maybe they felt like she needed it more than I did because I was doing okay. But in all that reality, I wasn't doing okay. A lot of that carried on throughout my life that looking for that validation in whatever I was doing, whether that was dancing, whether that was at my job, whether that was, in, in fitness, whatever that was, I was constantly looking for that validation and for that someone to be like, I'm proud of you. Like, you're doing a good job, like keep going you're doing great. And I think when I became a mom, it really hit me because I was like, I don't want to feel the way that to let my daughter feel that way. So whatever her passions are, whatever she likes to do, I am a hundred percent supportive of her and. My husband and I, we just celebrate her passions. And I think when I got to, when I started working out on, the Peloton and stuff like that, I started feeling that confidence come back. I started training with Jess King. I started meeting people. I started getting into, different, I guess we call them what groups, you know, hashtags, whatever they are. And, I was like, this is great. I'm building my confidence up. I'm meeting people because it is very hard for me to meet people. When you have a daughter that has, you know, health issues and what you're able to do is, you're not like everybody else. You can't just get up and leave. You can't just have anybody just stay with your kid, so a lot of people don't understand that. So they check out real quick. when you can't be the, the social butterfly, like everybody else, because it's just like, Hmm, that's we like to go out and do all this crazy stuff and you can't do that, so they forget about you. which I felt like during, I think a lot of people felt that during the pandemic. You know, how quickly people disappeared. And I think that's also another lesson that I learned in life is how quickly people just leave in your life. Like how quickly they check out. And I think nowadays with social media, it definitely makes it a lot easier, because you're replaceable. And I think that's why it's so important to, yes, keep your circle small, which I've learned. but to those who matter, those who that are going to lift you up, those that are going to be there for you through the good, the bad, and those that are going to support you no matter what you're doing. So when I started with Peloton, I just really got that sense of community and I started feeling really good and I'm like, man, I'm really good at this. I'm really good at cycling. Really good at this. They're playing EDM music. I'm loving it. but then came that, that negativity on my, that in the brain that said, you need to do this to be accepted. You need to do this so that, so these people continue to talk to you. You need to act like this. So you're still like in the group. You know, or, you you to do something different or to say something, cause you're always in that fear of that judgment feeling of, I really can't be myself because of, how somebody else's reaction is. And in fear of that retro, that, that, feeling that you is maybe true or maybe not true how you're feeling, When that projection is felt. So I think like it had, it's good and it's bad. I've met some amazing people through that journey and I've learned a lot about myself and that's like where this whole venom thing came to, partake. I started feeling like. I have a backbone and that now, like, it really doesn't, like, it really doesn't matter what I say. It doesn't really matter what I'm doing because I'm doing it for me. Like I'm not doing it for the wrong reasons. And I felt like a lot of things in my life, I have done them for the wrong reasons and not for myself. So when I started. With lifting weights that started being a confidence booster for me and I started feeling like you know What I'm feeling really good right now. I am feeling really good right now and This is making me feel good. So it started to Make me not worry about what everything else on the outside was going on Like it didn't I didn't care all these people like saying stuff to me and drama and all this other like crap, I was like, I don't care, care. And then this is like how I feel now, like I don't have time for that. I don't have time for negative. Negative Nelly's, I don't have time for drama queens. I don't have time for like I call crisis vampires, which I used to use that term in the hospital when people are just like, they love to stir, and I'm just like, I'm just done. I'm just absolutely done. And like the whole Venom persona was like that. Like I said, it was my alter ego. It was like how I felt like I could do with things like when people would say. Mean or negative things to me, You know like a lot when the whole Peloton stuff was like going down Like I am like that I'm still shocked to this day the things that people had said to me that I'm just like these people are really typing this stuff like y'all and that's like And I would say that was like the worst part for me because I was like, I was a member of this community for like six, seven years and these people are messaging me saying this kind of stuff. And I'm just like, are you kidding me right now? So I think it really goes down to how you handle certain things. And that's it. That venom was that all of that negativity, all of those nasty words, all of those drama and all of those things that I let try to change me. I, that the things that I let bother me, it didn't bother me anymore because I was just like, I had so much. built up inside me from all that, that I needed an outlet. And I was like, you know what? I'll run a marathon on the tread. I'll sprint really fast. I'll, I'll do multiple races. And I was like, building up all these receipts for myself that I was like, look what I'm doing. Look what I'm doing. And I was like, When I started inspiring people, I was like, all that other shit don't matter. It don't matter. Inspiring people for me is like such a gift. And like this whole strength thing has turned out bigger than I ever thought it would have. And I just want to keep building those receipts because it's, I'm not just looking, I'm not that the whole validation or that whole, like I'm doing it for attention or that whole, doing it for likes or doing it for, the gram. I'm doing it to be proud of myself. I tell myself all the time, how proud I am that I stuck with it. I do it because I want my husband proud of me. my daughter proud of me, I want my daughter to look at me and be like, she's stronger than her daddy. Not possible because he has the bicep vein and I still don't have mine. It does make an appearance every once in a while, but he's got me on that. And multiple other strength moves because hello, he has much bigger arms than I do jealous. So I just want my family to be proud of me. it doesn't matter, yes, I post on Instagram a lot of my workouts and what I'm doing, but I'm doing it to inspire people to go against the grain, to get your own venom, all that negative hardships, things that have built out inside of you, inside you. Be the beast, release the beast because we all have that superhero inside of us. I strongly believe that everything that you, that people go through in their past, you can either let it like destroy you or you can let it build you. I refused to let all everything that I had to deal with growing up and getting to where I'm at right now. I refuse to let it destroy me. Like I refuse to let it to break me. I was just like, all these people that said, Oh, she can't do it. Why would you want to do that? Like, why don't you, why? You can't do that. You can't beat him. He's a guy. You can't, and I always heard these people saying you can't and I'm like, why are you saying you can't? Like that really, like, that's why it's so important to who you're surrounding yourself with. And there was this quote, I have a quote written down, so I didn't forget to say it today because there's really has stuck with me. The people who introduce you to new ways of thinking are the ways of seeing life are the most important. And that's totally true because if you surround yourself with all these people that are saying you can't or questioning why you're doing something, they should just, for somebody that's a, for somebody that's really in your corner, they should be like, you got this. Yeah. You're totally going to beat him. Even if the dream or the goal is so far fetched, Yes, they are going to think you're crazy, but the first thing they should say is you're crazy, but I know you can do it because I've proven to myself over and over again that no matter what people say, no matter what is in my surroundings or what is going on in my life, I am going to come out swinging. And I think that's just how you take things. And I think if you keep beating yourself up over the past or what you've gone through, how can you move forward? Like all my, like I, with my relationship with my family, I have none. My family is in these four walls that I live in. Which is hard. A lot of people ask, don't you have a sister? I'm like, yeah, you know, I had a mom that basically told me that I wasn't her daughter. So you can take those things that have happened in your life and let it destroy you. You can let those people win. Like those people that told you, you can't, you can let them win. You can, but you lose. You have to keep fighting. You have to stay in the fight because at the other end of all the struggles, of all the hardships, of all the failures, you're going to come out better because you're going to be proud of yourself. You don't need anybody to tell you that, because that is something that I've searched for a long time and nothing is better than looking back at how hard you worked. You did that because I think that, you never do things alone. You never do things alone, but it's that that saying of, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force them to drink. Like you can have all the information, all the knowledge, all the books, all the, everything at your, the palm of your hands. But if you don't drink the water, what are you going to do? So it takes you to do that. It takes your ownership to do that. So you have to ask for help. And I think that was like something Joe had talked about in one of his reels when he, you know, talked about like, asking for help and being that source and looking for people like me that, you're on social media and you're seeing all this information that's being thrown at you. And you're like. Okay, what's right? What's wrong? What's what am I doing here? Like, what is that? How do I do that and doing it wrong and then not getting that feedback? So it takes you Checking the ego and putting aside the you know I want to show off or I want to you know Lift the heaviest weight and stuff like that. You earn the weight I get questions all the time about how heavy I can lift. I don't know I guess we'll find out when we get there. I think that we get into this thing where, you know, like with social media, it's, a lot of times, I do funny stuff on reels. And of course it's just like, what the, the what's viral, but most of the time it's just me working out and I could care less whether or not it's viral or not, because I'm just proud. I'm proud of what I did. And more or less the Instagram for me is just a highlight reel for me. Showing how far I've come. And every day I can look at that when I've had a hard day and be like, shit, I did that. Okay. We go another day. And I think that with all the, when you have the hard days and you have the good days and staying in the fight, it's like a roller coaster. It's not going to be perfect. I was. Like, we talk about how I started with running, how I started with strength classes, how I started with pushups. I was awful. I am not an athlete coordinated person. I am a tall giraffe with really long legs, just like I'm not athletic. I never was. I was the band geek, it just goes to show that when you have somebody that believes in you so much that sees your potential and helps you realize it, and then you just soar because everybody needs help. Everybody needs guidance. You shouldn't feel like you're doing it alone because that's you need that feedback of getting better. And that's one thing I've also noticed in, as I get in. as I get older, is that I want less yes people in my life. I don't want people just telling me yes. I want the corrective criticism. I want the, that's not good. Do this. I want somebody to tell me you're doing it wrong. you're off. You shouldn't be doing that. I want that corrective criticism. And I think for me, like this past, this past like month, I would say I had a lot of self sabotage. in my diet, where I was not hitting my protein goals. I wasn't hitting my carbs because I thought I knew better. Like I thought I, like I can, it's fine. Not to mention You know, I'm still working out and adding, doing lawn outside. So you're working outside, which is exercise, mind you, that is exercise, especially in the heat. so I wasn't taking any of that consideration and I lost weight. I felt so defeated. I was so mad at myself that I let myself down. I was like, I worked so hard to put on that weight. And I lost it and I really got down on myself. I was just like, I was like, you know what, Katie, this is me talking to myself. It's like, you know what, Katie, we get a day. You get a day, whatever you got to soak, whatever you got to cry out, whatever you got to do to get mad whatever you have to do, you're going to pick up your big girl pants. And you're going to get back in it and you're going to fix it. And I started, the ultimate chess program. And because the bench is, has always been a huge goal of mine. cause kind of bench and pushups go together. That's my kind of, that's my house. so I started ultimate chest and I got right back in it. I started getting back on my diet. I started getting my carbs in and I actually, I did not, I may have lost for the month, but overall for this year, I've gained 2. 2 pounds. Which I'm really proud of because building muscle, especially as a woman and trying to gain weight is so hard. That's why I like when some people think that, that they have to do more cardio to lose weight, like put on some muscle and that muscle will burn every bit of weight you're trying to put on. Trust me, I am dealing with it. cause it is very hard for me. To be putting on weight. So you just can't give up like as much as, as hard as it gets when you're in the trenches and you're just down on yourself and mad at yourself, you just can't give up two years training on tonal. There was tons of times that I just wanted to give up that. I was just like, I'm just not gonna, I can't do this. And I never gave up on myself. I refused to give up on myself because it was that venom. It was that this is for me and I'm coming out swinging. And I think that is such a motivator and a, it just adds that extra kick in the ass that you need because, that whole thing of, you know, that sometimes, you keep the, keep your enemies closer, sometimes you got to keep those enemies closer so they can sit back and watch the show, right? You know because people are gonna think you're nuts and I love it I love the fact that people think that you know i'm You know off my rocker thinking of doing things like Who would have thought that I would have been at the tonal studio doing push ups next to joe? Like would I beat him? Would I have beaten him? No, but he does have a run for his money on the rematch I still need a Keem though, but we do. Because that that, is that crazy? Yes. Will you beat me? Of course. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to go out swinging. So it's just like, it is just finding that passion inside you and finding that joy. Because then all the doubts, all the negativity, all the, I can'ts around you are no longer loud anymore. I no longer hear them. Like I, I think Joe could literally throw the hardest program, like him saying, y'all are going to puke with this. I would take it. I would like, I literally think that there is. Nothing that he could program that I would second guess my capabilities of completing and doing it might take me a second time to do it better. And that's why I repeat a lot of the programs because I know I can do things better. I know I can do that move better. I know I can push more vol.E. I can lift it heavier. And that's what staying locked in is. And it's just getting better because you're not going to be perfect every day. There's times when I can barely do five pushups. There's days like that. Like during my monthly, there's been times where I, my sleep was off. My nutrition was off and I could barely do five pushups. Five push ups. So you're gonna have bad training days and good training days But the great thing is you always get another shot. You always get another day. You always get another week You always get another shot at another program going back at it and seeing how much better you do So it's like that whole like why I think it was at the Lion King movie Where, Simba like laughs in the face of danger. Sometimes that's what you got to do. Like it's, with taking advanced programs and, intermediate or, coach Joe, or like taking a Tim leg. Class, or taking a hip program with coach Ash or, a hip program with, Akeem, you or doing mobility with Casey, because that legit will make you sweat. You just have to be like, you can't let the can'ts went in or that, I don't think I can do it, because I will show you that you can, because I was there and I had a. Tonal member that was talking about power build and that's the program that I will be going next Is power build that is my home. That is my home base. I think I could stay in power build forever Literally and this woman was talking to me about how she didn't think she could do it and how she was Not able to do the push ups going chest to deck And how it was, she was on her knees doing push ups You And I messaged her and I said, I am here for you. I sent her videos of when I started the program with Joe the first time. And I said, you can look how far I've come. I said, you can do this. And that's what I've like. That's why I say when this whole fitness thing, what I've, what, I started doing. Reasons for, lifting weights was to build that backbone and strengthen myself and my confidence. It's gotten way bigger than that. Like I get messages from women. I get messages from men talking about how I inspire them. And it's absolutely crazy to me because I'm just like, I came from like 120 pound little girl that was like clueless, that was lost, that was broken, that didn't know what she was going to do. But I used all that, that had happened, that was said, that was done. And I used it to push myself forward and to be like, I'm not going to let that win. And I'm going to show other women and men and anybody else that you can. And after I had sent her so many videos, And I had told her that I had messaged Joe and I still remember because it just like, this is why power build is so special to me. And I messaged him and I said, I can't do this. It was like the first class and I messaged him and I said, I can't do this. And it was just that, like that whole message of be different. And that has stuck in my mind for these two years of my training. And I had told her, I said, Meet yourself where you are because where you are right now is not where you're going to end. I'm still not done yet. I ain't done. Like I have such high expectations and goals for myself that I'm just like, my girl, you're crazy, but we're so doing it and we're going to have a blast doing it. So staying in the fight doesn't have to be so Like stressful and be like a crutch or something that kind of blacks you out. When sometimes when you set your goals so high and you like, you don't reach them and then you get blacked out and you're like, shit, it's not going to be like that. It doesn't have to be like that. Staying in the fight is like, put your Dukes up, put your fists up. And just keep going, even when it hurts and when it's bad and you're like, man, I suck at this, you're going to suck. I suck at a lot of things. Let's talk about some of those things like Bulgarians. let's talk about the reverse fly. Let's talk about reverse lunges. There's a couple of them that I literally have to dial that way back and flies. So everybody has to work at something and you're just you're always going to be learning. You can always get better. And I think that's one of the things that's so amazing with the coaches on tonal is how h.Ble they are and genuine because all of them will talk about things that they're constantly working on or things that they can do better. what with their training and their goals that they have for themselves, whatever that is. And so for you to think that you can't it's like how like what would have happened if I had given up like i'm not gonna listen to joe What is joe now? Like I was like that is not gonna happen because he's the size of a linebacker Not that he can pop through the screen and be like katie get this shit done but that's like How I thought I was just like, all right, he already knows how I'm thinking right now. Because I let the hat out of the bag, I told him I can't do this, but he was not going to let me quit because I know I wanted to show up. So sometimes you just need that person that it, like I said, don't surround yourself with yes, people, because what is that going to accomplish by people always telling you, yes, you're doing amazing. Yes. You're doing right. Yes. That's it. Yes. Yes. That's fine. You quit. Yes. That's okay. Who wants to hear yes all the time. I want that feedback. So staying in the fight is not always a stressful thing. I think sometimes people would just take it to this, like, you know, like I said, it makes, it makes people blackout, when they don't get the results that they've wanted. But this is why I talk about with people with recording yourself working out recording yourself doing a move that you need help with. It's with tonal, you have that smart view that you can use to help you with form. and it's just being open to Learning, like Joe says, being coachable, like realizing that you're not going to know everything, you're not going to be good at everything, and it's always, you're always going to be learning, but the biggest thing that you can do is like, I talked about it this week on my Instagram. Is that people that inspire you, people that motivate you, people that are your mentors, the biggest gift that you can give to them is by inspiring other people because Joe's already done what he's done. Joe's like, he's all the coaches at tonal, absolutely incredible accomplishments that they've all that they've all done. So for them, like what coach Casey and Joe talked about on their podcast. is for them is helping people is help because they've done it and they're doing it. So for them, their gift is helping others. And for me, everything that they give me, like is the most amazing brain food that I soak it all up. And I'm just like, I just want to inspire people and I want them to see how amazing the coaches are. I want to see how, that what's in pop. That's what is it? Come on, Katie, talk. What is possible? I've been talking for too long and I'm like trying not to take a drink of water like every five seconds. So I do apologize. so, so it, it, everything is there. You have all the tools. Everything is there. You just have to ask for help and you have to be willing to make adjustments You have to be willing to fail you have to be willing to not be perfect because you will never be perfect I am still not perfect. I will never be perfect. I don't want to be perfect. I want to be my weird Crazy, like I don't want to be I don't want to be I don't want to be normal. I don't want to be perfect I just want to be me. And that is the best. That's another thing they talked about on the podcast is like being yourself, be yourself, make mistakes.\ Don't be perfect because you're going to inspire somebody else to try. Because if you don't try, you'll never find out. And you need to find out what you're. Capable of, because like I said, I 120 pounds. You are capable and you can do it. You just can't give up when it gets hard. When you fail, you can't give up. You got to stay in the fight. Thank you guys for joining me on this podcast. I really do appreciate all of you joining. I know this was a kind of like off the wall kind of podcast today. but I've gotten some messages wanting some. Podcast fun. So I hope y'all have a fabulous week and I'll see you on the next episode