Our Dead Dads
003 - Humor and Heart in the Face of Life’s Challenges with friends Mike, Ed and Denis
What happens when childhood friends navigate through the maze of grief, humor, and life's chaotic moments together? Join me, Nick Gaylord, with my three close friends—Mike, Ed, and Denis—as we explore the profound impact of losing our dads and the importance of openly discussing grief and trauma. From the hilarity of technical difficulties and morning chaos to the nostalgic memories of junior high school pranks and heartfelt stories of friendship spanning 37 years, our journey is one of resilience and camaraderie.
Ever wondered how navigating career paths, dealing with parental separation, and adjusting to blended families shape one's outlook on life? Our candid conversations cover it all, from feeling like outsiders in high school to finding our footing in the adult world. We share personal anecdotes about career changes, the emotional toll of family dynamics, and the bittersweet reality of witnessing a loved one succumb to illness. Our experiences reveal the complexities of family relationships, the strength found in friendships, and the transformative power of love and perseverance.
Life is a series of unpredictable events, and our episode captures these moments with humor and honesty. Listen as we tackle topics ranging from favorite junk food and dream cars to the sudden and tragic loss of a parent. Through laughter, tears, and everything in between, "Our Dead Dads" aims to change the world, one damaged soul at a time. Join us for an emotional, insightful, and often hilarious journey through life's inevitable changes and the enduring bonds of friendship and family.
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GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS!
FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM!
BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.ourdeaddads.com
FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA:
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What happens when childhood friends navigate through the maze of grief, humor, and life's chaotic moments together? Join me, Nick Gaylord, with my three close friends—Mike, Ed, and Denis—as we explore the profound impact of losing our dads and the importance of openly discussing grief and trauma. From the hilarity of technical difficulties and morning chaos to the nostalgic memories of junior high school pranks and heartfelt stories of friendship spanning 37 years, our journey is one of resilience and camaraderie.
Ever wondered how navigating career paths, dealing with parental separation, and adjusting to blended families shape one's outlook on life? Our candid conversations cover it all, from feeling like outsiders in high school to finding our footing in the adult world. We share personal anecdotes about career changes, the emotional toll of family dynamics, and the bittersweet reality of witnessing a loved one succumb to illness. Our experiences reveal the complexities of family relationships, the strength found in friendships, and the transformative power of love and perseverance.
Life is a series of unpredictable events, and our episode captures these moments with humor and honesty. Listen as we tackle topics ranging from favorite junk food and dream cars to the sudden and tragic loss of a parent. Through laughter, tears, and everything in between, "Our Dead Dads" aims to change the world, one damaged soul at a time. Join us for an emotional, insightful, and often hilarious journey through life's inevitable changes and the enduring bonds of friendship and family.
GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS!
FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM!
BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.ourdeaddads.com
FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA:
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ourdeaddadspod/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ourdeaddadspod
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- Twitter / X: https://x.com/ourdeaddadspod
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ourdeaddadspod/
GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS!
FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM!
BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.ourdeaddads.com
FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ourdeaddadspod/
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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ourdeaddadspod/
Welcome to Our Dead Dads, the podcast where we normalize talking about grief, trauma, loss and moving forward. I'm your host, my name is Nick Gaylord and I really hope that you enjoyed last week's episode with my three brothers, because today I'm going to introduce you to Mike, ed and Dennis, the three friends who make up the rest of this group of seven guys that I've been a part of for so long. A fun little nugget about this interview I actually had to record it twice, though I asked everyone to use their laptops the first time, my friend Mike decided to be special, as he frequently does. He did the group interview from his phone and he ended up getting a phone call about 12 minutes into the interview and though he quickly rejoined us and we heard everything that he said for the rest of the call, I didn't find out until after the call was done that his audio never recorded from the point after his video feed was first interrupted. Needless to say, we had to ask his wife, yvonne, to threaten violence to make sure he used his laptop and thank you, yvonne, for that assist and, as you'll also learn, that's a total joke. She never actually beats him, though he probably could use it, and he says she beats him all the time. Of course, my brother, jack, claims the same thing about his wife beating him, but neither one of them have ever been willing to show us the alleged bruises. We're going to discuss how we all met as kids, how we kept each other around and took on the world together, and, of course, we will also get into losing our dads and what that was like for each of them. These three idiots are not just friends, they're my brothers. There isn't anything we wouldn't do for each other, and we've all proven that many times over the years. It was a bit of a mission getting this to happen a second time, but the reward is more than worth the work and I'm honored to introduce you into another huge part of my world. As I said in the last episode, this one is also going to be on the longer side, and I'll do my best to not have many more two and a half hour episodes for you, but when you're performing three interviews at the same time, sometimes that's just going to happen Before we get started.
Speaker 1:I'd like to thank everyone for listening, for your feedback and for engaging with the show. Please follow our social media pages on Facebook, instagram and TikTok, and if you haven't already, please get on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Hit that follow button and very important please give a five-star rating and leave a short review. Tell us what you like, tell us what you're looking forward to, tell us how the podcast has helped you or someone you know, or tell us anything else that you'd like to share. It takes less than a minute and it really does make a huge difference and helps us continue to gain awareness and exposure in the podcast community. If you've already rated and reviewed the podcast, I can't thank you enough.
Speaker 1:As you know, my goal is to normalize talking about grief, loss and trauma, which are topics that are not easy for most of us to talk about, but they're also topics that everyone should be discussing more Not only discussing them, but not feeling like they're taboo topics. Time may not heal all wounds, but keeping everything bottled up inside does not heal any of them. Together, we are building a community for others to have a safe space to talk about their stories and feelings, and for anyone who may not yet be ready to talk, just to listen to others and know that no one is alone on this path. That's why I say we are a community and I'm so happy to have you here. Please enjoy this episode and stick around for the end when I will tell you about next week's episode.
Speaker 1:Our Dead Dads podcast is sponsored by Kim Gaylord Travel.
Speaker 1:If you can dream up the vacation whether a getaway for you and your other half, a family trip or a trip for a large group she will help you plan it. If you've never used or even thought about using a travel agent for your trips, you really should. Kim will help you plan everything the flights, hotels, transportation, excursions, all the places to visit and all the sites to see. You'll get a detailed itinerary of everything and if anything goes wrong during your trip, you have someone to contact. Whether you're looking for a customized European vacation, a relaxing stay at an all-inclusive resort, an Alaskan adventure, a Caribbean cruise, kim will work with you to make sure you have a seamless travel experience. Contact her today and plan your next trip with a peace of mind that only working with a travel agent can offer. And, as a special bonus for our listeners, mention Our Dead Dads podcast for a 10% discount on planning fees. You can find Kim Gaylord Travel on Facebook, instagram and LinkedIn, or email Kim directly. Her email address is kim at kimgaylordtravelcom.
Speaker 2:I think most likely he's going to join from my laptop as Yvonne, because his laptop he hasn't updated for so long, it's so slow. Even though you see him like on his laptop it's still showing like joining the meeting. I'm just going to be his technical support for an hour before I leave to go for my new appointment. Just make sure that he doesn't F up. I'm just going to be his technical support for an hour before I leave to go for my new appointment. Just make sure that he doesn't F up.
Speaker 1:I'm sure he will.
Speaker 2:How are you? How's everything?
Speaker 1:Everything's good. How are you guys?
Speaker 2:Good, just trying to make sure that I have all my laptop. I look like crap. This is our morning. Look, do you have your thing or something that you put the laptop on? I put it right on my lap Are you sure.
Speaker 1:Don't put it on your lap, I don't want my laptop to be dirty by you, dear. It's okay, All right fine, get the thing, get a table. It has to be difficult with everything.
Speaker 2:He's such an idiot Like seriously.
Speaker 1:I don't know how you put up with him.
Speaker 2:I don't know how I put up with him 11 years.
Speaker 1:That's insane. I'm not sure if to say congratulations or my condolences.
Speaker 2:Condolences for now. I've been using his laptop for the last half an hour. He was cursing and swearing nonstop about life Of course he was.
Speaker 3:I'm so pissed off. Hours and hours of trying to make sure this thing.
Speaker 2:Not your fault. He is just a tech idiot. He refused to keep up with the times. I said that you are not the victim and I will not coddle you. You have to coddle me.
Speaker 1:What's up, Dennis? I'm jealous. You guys have wrestling t-shirts on Now.
Speaker 2:Ed's probably going to come on with a Hulkster t-shirt.
Speaker 1:Well, I didn't realize that was going to be the theme of the day.
Speaker 2:You didn't get the memo.
Speaker 1:I didn't get the memo. I barely got my own memo. Where's Ed? I just text him, smack him upside his head. He never responded yesterday.
Speaker 4:He doesn't like us anymore, everybody's laptop works Yvonne feel
Speaker 3:free to jump back in and just beat him or whatever. It's all good, it's all about me, I know.
Speaker 1:It's all about you. You're the victim, right, I'm the one who makes the show. We all know this. What's up? How's everybody doing today?
Speaker 5:Yeah, all right, doing good.
Speaker 1:You sure about that? Dennis, you were hesitating. The question's too difficult. You need to think a little while I'm turning up the volume. Yeah, turn up the volume.
Speaker 2:Are you on mute? No, you're not.
Speaker 1:All right. You can hear me, we can, ed. Did your wife beat you this morning?
Speaker 4:Yeah, not hard enough. Apparently I forgot to turn up the volume so I couldn't hear you guys.
Speaker 1:Oh, well, you know it happens, You're all nice.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Mike's been. Hi, Lynn, I'm a victim too Hi. Lynn, the reason I asked is because Mike's been complaining all morning that Yvonne's nonstop beating him, which you know. As you look at his face, you can see the bruises and the welts.
Speaker 3:Yeah she got me good.
Speaker 2:Is that Kim? No, that's Lynn.
Speaker 5:Oh, hi, lynn, how are you, hi, how are?
Speaker 3:you Good. Hey, you want to say hi, get your own podcast. You want to do a podcast.
Speaker 2:Wow, I want to have my own podcast.
Speaker 1:She's working on it. She's going to have her own podcast. We're going to have two podcasts and you're going to be left out in the wind.
Speaker 2:Same thing with Daddy Don't tap him, okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll tap on the computer.
Speaker 1:Don't do anything to disconnect yourself.
Speaker 3:I love slapping the hood of my laptop down when I'm playing Battletech. I'll just come over and smack it.
Speaker 1:I'm like staring at me, and then you know when you're about 10 seconds away from winning the entire game and beating your sounds exactly like what my dad used to do. We talked about that when I was talking to the brothers. Uh, we would be having a playing a game of super nintendo or something and just about to win and you know my dad's losing, and he would just get up as fast as he could and, uh, turn off the nintendo, put on whatever he wanted to put on on tv outstanding.
Speaker 3:I had had the best game of Pitfall 2 of my life one day and I had the lights on because apparently if I shut off the lights the power for the TV would go down at the time in my room. Somebody comes walking in my room and is like why are the lights on? Shuts it off as I'm getting an all-time high score and I just quit. I think I needed three, four years of therapy after that, until Nintendo came out.
Speaker 3:Oh, it was horrible dude that scarred me forever as a gamer. That was a scarring experience. Who did that? Your mom? No, one of my mom's friends who came along Like Michael. Why is this all on? You lightened up the neighborhood, exactly, ed. Where the hell did he go?
Speaker 1:Where is?
Speaker 3:he.
Speaker 1:Hang on a second. His Zoom app is updating. We need to give him some shit when he gets back on. We can't start until Ed gets back. Hang on a second. I'm going to call him.
Speaker 6:You're live on the air.
Speaker 1:Ed, you're live on the air with our dead dads, yeah.
Speaker 2:My laptop got unplugged. I have several storage on it. It's 10 years old.
Speaker 4:I'm rebooting right now.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's your laptop I'm worried about it. Sounds like Soundwave. Yeah, it does. It sounds like Soundwave.
Speaker 3:The Decepticons were running you got me right there. Okay. Hurry up, though, because Autobot City might fall before you get here. Okay, Hurry up though, because Autobot City might fall before you get here.
Speaker 1:You guys heard that right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that was awesome.
Speaker 1:I don't know what the hell is happening. If the mic picked that up enough, then I might have to include that in the episode that was great.
Speaker 3:Call Michael Day after this and get at a job.
Speaker 1:Dennis, you look thrilled beyond description.
Speaker 6:We all are. How warm is it in Florida?
Speaker 1:It is currently 74 degrees, going up to 86.
Speaker 3:Okay, so you want any indicators out there yet, or what?
Speaker 1:I haven't seen any. I hear reports about them all the time on the news. Somebody sees one and posts it on Facebook, but I haven't seen one yet. I did see a little tiny little snake in the backyard a few weeks ago. A little garter snake or something, I don't know. A little garter snake or something, I don't know. It was like a foot and a half long, Nothing crazy. No copperheads, no diamondbacks, anything like that. Leave all that shit in Texas.
Speaker 3:Yep, hang on Watching Wrestling Challenge until Ed comes back. Ed, you made it back.
Speaker 4:There we go. What in the world? I had to get a new hamster for the wheel to power up the laptop. Oh, that's what it went with. What were you feeding the other one?
Speaker 1:It died on me. Yeah, stop feeding it lasagna. Hamsters cannot eat lasagna, yeah.
Speaker 6:He was vegan.
Speaker 1:He identified as a vegan hamster. Yeah, that was insane and sorry that your laptop took 20 minutes to update a damn Zoom app, but now we have you back and we're not really much happier than we were a few minutes ago. No, I'm only kidding, we love you. Now I know someone's wrong Was Lynn beating you in the background yeah, that's what it is.
Speaker 4:I cut the power so you guys wouldn't see, oh stop.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean clearly she didn't beat you enough. We can't see.
Speaker 3:Did you hear all the racial slurs? It was horrible.
Speaker 1:No, hear all the racial slurs. It was horrible. No, it was, it was. It was offline for 20 minutes. We didn't get to hear any of those. Of course, I know that lynn's not really that bad of a person. Slightly, lynn, I'm trying to help you out here. All right, let's get into this now, before ed's computer decides to die on him again. Uh, I mean, we can go back to like rotary phones if you think that'll help. I don't know if we can do a four-way call on phones and I'm not sure if I have the equipment to record.
Speaker 4:I have four paper cups and a bunch of string.
Speaker 1:Would that be easier? Do you have 1,200 miles of string to reach Tampa? Yeah, Attach it to the back of a JetBlue flight and the string will be here in three hours. We can do the call then Perfect, I got that tinfoil helmet for damn Probably about as long as I've known you Back in the days when your mom was still up here and she used to beat you. Your mom's amazing, how's she?
Speaker 3:doing. Oh my God, dude, she's a handful. I love her to death. But Just you know how parents are when they get older and they just become very stubborn.
Speaker 1:No, become very stubborn no, I don't know anything about that. And they don't want to say do you guys know anything about?
Speaker 4:that in the way they should have heard of it yeah, like jeff foxworthy said, I want to be a burden to my kids.
Speaker 3:I want to be a good outlook to have my mom at this point. Oh, she is such a handful dude, no idea she's playing that. I'm an old lady and I'm all confused in the whole nine yards that go with it, you know, when you hit 80. So yeah, she's 80 now right, yeah, she's like 80, 81, I think.
Speaker 1:You don't even know how old your next start another podcast our old moms our, our old moms first we go from our dead dads to our old moms. Yeah, nice funny. I was doing an interview yesterday and we were talking about a couple ideas and it's becoming more and more evident that this podcast is going to have to have a couple of spinoffs at some point. Whatever makes everybody happy, I'm willing to do.
Speaker 3:I could do it in Spanish for you, if you want Talk to me in Spanish. I do. I speak too fast, you won't pick up anything I said.
Speaker 1:Give me your best shot. I took Spanish for five years in school. Okay, anything I said, give me your best shot, I took Spanish for five years in school. Okay, yeah, you're right, that was too fast and incomprehensible. Is Yvonne still there? No, she's downstairs trying to ignore me. Nobody can ever ignore you. If she hasn't figured that out in 11 years, I don't know what she's waiting for.
Speaker 4:No te preocupes.
Speaker 3:Okay, Beavis.
Speaker 4:Soy un Diablo blanco.
Speaker 1:How have we all stuck together for this many years? I'll never understand it. What are we at? 37 and counting? I think yeah 37 long.
Speaker 4:37 long treacherous years, physically or mentally.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. Us as a group I mean Mike and I met, you and I. We met in 7th grade. We met around 87, you and I knew each other first. We were in the Viet Green war. That was Mr Green's 7th grade social studies class. What an adventure that was. We met there. And then at some point, mr I only drink grade social studies class. What an adventure that was. Yeah, we met there. And then at some point, mr.
Speaker 4:I only drink one can of soda a year Green.
Speaker 1:That's right. He only drank one can of soda. I heard that same story. From who? From Mr Green. Oh, he told you that story too.
Speaker 6:Yes, sir.
Speaker 1:It's amazing how all the teachers had stories that just kept telling us year after year after year. So yeah, ed, you and I were in the same class I think we're in like seventh period and then Mr Green used to have these absurd notebook tests. Everything had to be in a three ring binder and he would. I don't remember what the frequency was. It was once a month, once a quarter, whatever it was. He would take your binder and grab it by the hard ends of it and just shake the shit out of it, and if a single page fell out of it, then you failed. It was the equivalent of a test grade. You got a zero and you had to go to the the school store.
Speaker 3:you had to buy those stupid little reinforcement things and you had to stay after school, fix your paper until every single page was fine, and then you were basically free to go having a good notebook and he was ashamed yeah, different people because everybody had taken the girl's notebook and, being gentle, and then he'd take mine and it was like the undertaker just slamming down an opponent he absolutely did that with anybody who he liked.
Speaker 1:He would just hold the book, shake it so like buried you can't even call it shaking, it was just like just suspending it in midair, okay, no, nothing fell out.
Speaker 1:You get a hundred and then you come to anybody who he wasn't a big fan of and yeah, it was like he was having a seizure with a notebook and pages would go flying, everybody would start laughing at the class and we all felt like assholes because we didn't have our notebook put together. And then, mike, that's how you and I met. We ended up meeting after school one day because we both failed the notebook test on the same day. So we were there after school, in whatever his room was, putting our notebook back together. And I honestly didn't help me out if you remember I don't really remember how we started even talking.
Speaker 3:I I think we were well, I remember talking to you and then finding out who you were and because, like your reputation, you like you had a reputation of like your name would come up of like, oh, this guy is this and this guy is that. And I'm talking to you like a normal human being and we're having a good time and uh, I was like holy shit, when you said your name. It dawned on me and I'm like well, I don't mind talking to this guy. Yeah, he doesn't seem like a nerd or anything like that. He's pretty damn cool. And uh, yeah, we became quick friends after that yeah I.
Speaker 1:I don't know how I ever got that reputation. I really don't. I mean, I wasn't an asshole, you're a nice guy. I would think so. I mean, I was never mean to anybody. I mean shit. I was the guy that nobody wanted to be friends with and I was the fat kid. I was Mr Potato Head, because I have a giant head, either Mr Potato Head or Watermelon Head, and with the last name of Gaylord I mean put all those things together. And I'm fucked. I didn't even have a chance.
Speaker 3:I got so tired of hearing them spoof on your name that it's like dude. The joke ain't even funny. But these stupid idiots, man, it's like really caveman IQ Entertaining themselves.
Speaker 5:Can I interrupt for a moment?
Speaker 1:if you must I'm kidding, of course you can interject well, because we all went to high school together.
Speaker 5:Yes, so I think the reason why you got the reputation you did is not that you were a bad guy I never thought you were a bad guy but it was the way that you presented yourself. How did I present myself? You was a bad guy. I never thought you were a bad guy.
Speaker 1:But it was the way that you presented yourself. How did I present myself you?
Speaker 5:walked around. How can I put it? You put off a dirty kind of vibe. You always look like you're in a rush somewhere to like mess or something.
Speaker 1:I walked quickly.
Speaker 5:You walked very quickly.
Speaker 1:Big deal. We had three minutes to get to our next class. That's true.
Speaker 5:Walking quickly is what gave me the perception of being Speed racing, you know and I think a lot of people like I never found anything wrong with you. I liked you, nick, even though we never talked, but I think that's what wrong with you. I liked you, nick, even though we never talked, but I think that's what people perceived you as.
Speaker 4:And in seventh grade it doesn't take much to be an outcast.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When you're in junior high school.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and in 1987, it's not like any of the kids that we went to school had much of a brain anyway, or most present, company excluded, and that's sorry, go ahead, ed.
Speaker 4:Yeah, no, and I'll say I met Mike. I was doing I had to stay after school with this other kid, matt. We were, we had to go to the library, we had to.
Speaker 1:Oh, matt Birch, I remember yes.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we had to do a project or something together. So we're in the library and he spots mike. He's like, oh, come here. He's like, come up, you got to meet this kid. He does these funny, funny impressions. So he sat down with mike and he starts doing his zed and his rodney police academy.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, rodney dangerfield.
Speaker 4:And yeah, that was at the end of seventh grade. So you know, here I'm this, you know this kid's hysterical. And then, the first day of eighth grade, I'm in social studies class and here's mike sitting right behind me again. So that's right. Needless to say, that didn't last long. The teacher had to separate us because I kept turning around, you know yeah, I get this.
Speaker 3:I'd like to stir the pot I totally forgot it.
Speaker 1:They used to do Zed. That was actually. You started that the first day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the first day that we met. You were doing your Zed impression, zed Rodney, on our way out to the Hulk Hogan a little bit, and the teachers used to have me up In shop class I would do a set For a couple of minutes. In science class I did a set, yep, and then nobody bought tickets. When it finally came time for me to branch out into my own material, who's going to see me? You?
Speaker 1:needed a better agent.
Speaker 3:I did Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Lynn where were you? We needed you to help him.
Speaker 5:What.
Speaker 1:We needed you to help Mike. Mike's stand-up comedy career didn't take off because he didn't have a good agent. Where were you?
Speaker 5:I was, you know. I guess I was a different part of the school, my wife was with the cool crowd.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was.
Speaker 3:None of us were the cool crowd Me and Ed were like the James Silent Bob of video week. We were just.
Speaker 5:Being on the outside looking in. First of all, I never knew the three of you were friends. Sorry, Dennis, if I'm leaving you out.
Speaker 1:Dennis never gets left out of anything.
Speaker 5:I never knew the three of you were friends.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 5:First of all, Ed and I had a class together our senior year and didn't know until we started dating Senior year of high school? Yeah, and seeing him, I remember the top of his head, only seeing the top of his head.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 5:And you were always rushing to class as Nick, always running, and I saw Michael as a goofball.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 5:Was and still is so that was the outside looking into you guys. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4:I was this awkward, shy, very shy kid because I had moved out here only about three months before junior high school started. So, like I go into this new high school, you know this new junior high knew everything and I don't know anybody, yeah, so, yeah, plus, I was very shy to begin with.
Speaker 3:You know this awkward, doofy looking kid I'm sure we made a good impression on you the school yeah.
Speaker 1:You were really shy when we first met.
Speaker 4:So I had known both of you. I just didn't realize the two of you knew one another Right.
Speaker 1:And then I think it was ninth grade when we really started forming the group. We all had lunch together.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah that was fun, and then Frank got added into the group we all had lunch together.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, that was fun. Yeah, and then Frank got added into the group.
Speaker 3:Yes, you keep in touch with Frank. You got to get him Right and then it's been a minute since I've talked to him.
Speaker 1:I'd probably talk to Marie more than I talked to him, but I really I need to reach out to him.
Speaker 3:How's he making out? Last time you spoke to, him.
Speaker 1:Last time I spoke to him he was doing great. They both are. They're still living up in New Hampshire. They're loving it up there. Yeah, he's, frank will always be doing good.
Speaker 4:And then we got to high school, we started Driving. Then Dennis you know he came along. He'd come along with me To Mike's house.
Speaker 6:We rode on bikes a few times before that, though.
Speaker 4:What's that?
Speaker 6:We did ride our bikes a few times before that, though what's that? We did ride our bikes a few times to his house.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, we played Nintendo. We played the X-Men game a lot.
Speaker 4:And little by little right over the years. Also then, nick, we got to know your younger brother, jack.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 4:So it all kind of very slowly, kind of just, we kind of meshed together, we did.
Speaker 1:It took half a second. But yeah, by that point, by probably about 9th grade or so, we were all kind of inseparable.
Speaker 3:Yeah, watching Ren and.
Speaker 1:Stimpy episodes Watching Ren and Stimpy Watching Wrestling Challenge man we were Always on the phone with some nonsense Of course, driving our moms crazy. The cool kids were talking about the party.
Speaker 4:They went to Friday night. We were talking about the latest. They went to Friday night. We were talking about the latest episode of.
Speaker 1:Brennan Stimpy. Yeah, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Yeah, me neither. You know, lynn, it's funny that you say that that was the kind of impression that you got from me. I was never, ever, ever, ever trying to portray that at all. I was just being me, I was just doing my own thing. Uh, you know again, I, I was the. I was largely the kid in at that level of school that just didn't have a lot of friends for some reason.
Speaker 3:You know, everybody had other, better things to do than to want to be friends with me yeah, the honor society guys that liked you a lot, though those that group was always a good group, I mean in their own way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean they were fine, but I also. They ran in their own circle. I wasn't really hanging out with them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but you still got a good laugh making fun of them.
Speaker 1:A couple of them. Yeah, we did have a good laugh. I mean, probably the one person that I really got tight with, who was the, you know, the brains of the class, was Mark Mazzetti. Oh yeah, Met him in 10th grade. He was in 11th grade and you know, again he's, you know, we're still, you know, super tight today.
Speaker 3:I mean, and how many years later like a dual major, like a physics chem guy he was smart.
Speaker 1:He was chem, and I'm pretty sure he did double major. I don't remember what the other one was, um, but yeah, I'm pretty sure chem was one. Um, yeah, he is yeah, you gotta be smart.
Speaker 1:He's one of the smartest fucking people I've ever met. I don't know how somebody can have that much information in their brain and how he processed it the way he did. Yeah, mark is good people. Um, he's so damn smart. I, like I said I just I I'm still in awe of how smart he is because I I just can't comprehend ever, you know, retaining that much information. Um, you know, he's probably forgotten more about what he studied than I'll ever know is memorize useless facts well, I'm frequently good at memorizing useless facts.
Speaker 1:We all have our crazy skills. Uh, it's, it's. It's what makes us unique and somehow probably is part of what drew us to each other. So that was, that was basically the introduction of us in high school. That was the start of our group. And then, uh, after that, we went to college and just went into the marines trade school. Trade school. I was originally going to school for meteorology, um, but that didn't work out. And then I wanted to become a math teacher. That didn't work out either. And yet somehow now I have a. I fell ass backwards into the pharmaceutical industry and 28 years later, somehow I've made a career out of it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're like the El Chapo of legitimate pharmaceuticals, right.
Speaker 1:Semi-legitimate, semi-legitimate, there's a little bit of under the table. No, I'm only kidding, there's no under the table. Let's talk about our. Let's talk about why we're really here. Let's talk about our dads. Mike, let's start with you. So when you and I met back in seventh grade, your parents were still together. At that point and, by the way, my parents have been divorced since I was about two, ed and Dennis. Your parents were always married, right?
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah. When my dad died, they were married 46 years 46 years.
Speaker 1:That's incredible. So you and I meet. So your parents are already together. Well, not already. They're still together at this point, right?
Speaker 3:They were together for a while. God, they were married like 20 years.
Speaker 1:I think, wow, was it that long?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So they were married a while before you were born.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, they had some time on the books. And then, uh, it's, it's seventh grade and then my dad just stopped showing up, you know, coming home at night and stuff. And then, uh, gotta say eighth grade, summer, he's like I'm out and uh left my mom. I mean he's a good guy and everything it's. Uh, it was just I had to deal with that and uh, you know, new family, and he hooked up with some girl that he knew from high school, uh, that I guess he had a thing for. It didn't last too long, but uh, yeah, that that kind of sucked, that kind of shook up everything so talk to us about that.
Speaker 1:What was it like when you found out that your dad was leaving?
Speaker 3:I was worried about my mom because she took it really hard and I was like what the hell is this guy thinking? But he made up his mind to go and, like I said, I was worried about my mom and he says, hey, you can come with me if you want. Uh, I decided to stay with her. Yeah, and uh, you know, became I'll see you on the weekends and calls me every day. But that was a. You ask any kid at that age. They don't got the coping skills. You're 12, 13 years old to deal with something like that.
Speaker 1:You're right, most definitely do not Again. Growing up by the time I have my first memory my parents were already divorced, so I never had to process my dad being there and then leaving. So yes, you hit a great point. Every kid processes that differently. How did you process it?
Speaker 3:I ended up I mean me and you were very tight. I told you pretty quickly I was like dude. My old man left. I knew you and your parents were split and we spoke for a long time.
Speaker 1:I still remember you calling me that day and telling me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's messed up, man, it really is. And it's not a good split. None of it ever is. But when you're witnessing your mom breaking down and all this other shit on a couple of occasions, it's a lot to watch. And she had, you know, and, uh, you know, she had her issues behind the scenes. Uh, she was always strong.
Speaker 1:She did the best she could when you said she had her issues behind the scene. What do you mean?
Speaker 3:she'd be depressed, laying on the couch all day smoking cigarettes at times, you know, sneaking a drink. I didn't know she ever smoked or drank, yep, so she got out of that bunk. But uh, yeah she. She was in a bad state here and there, which I couldn't blame her. It was depressing to see that shit when you come home. Or just yeah, laid there, yeah, there's not much you can do at that age to make sense of anything other than like, screw this, everything sucks. I'm gonna go hang out with my friends and, right, push that type of shit aside.
Speaker 1:Did you and your dad ever have a conversation around the time he was leaving? Did he try to talk to you?
Speaker 3:He did and I just kind of like I don't need to hear it, you know, you said you got to go, I'll worry about mom. I don't need apologies or anything like that at that point. It's a lot to take in and I was just kind of like, yeah, I mean that was pretty numb, I mean I was watching.
Speaker 3:I remember I was renting the fly at the time trying to watch that when he comes in to try to give me the news, him and my mom, and I'm like oh boy, thanks for ruining movie night for me, you know, Right.
Speaker 1:But yeah, 12 years old. What else do you really care about?
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly, thanks for ruining this. It's a lot for a kid to take in at that age and I feel you know statistically you don't end up doing well in life if you do come from a broken home and the chances of drug use and alcohol all the bad shit is probably going to happen to you in life if you come from a broken home. You know statistically speaking. If you come from a broken home, you know, statistically speaking, thank God I didn't end up too hard. You know for the most part, yeah, you know coping, the way you cope and handle that type of stress and who you have in your life is going to be a big, I think, determination of how you're going to handle, you know handle these type of things, these setbacks, and it's either going to make you or break you.
Speaker 4:And Mike, from what I remember from your mom, she ran a tight ship too, man. You know a little single old lady now, but she didn't take no crap from you yeah, I know, I mean I was a little bit like eric hartman with her.
Speaker 3:You know, I mean I it wasn't like all of a sudden my dad left and I'm a man, it was. It was the furthest thing from it. You know, a lot of growing up to do from that point. But uh, I don't know, wait, I look, I look at that and say, hey, you know, out of a lot of incidences in my life, yeah, that's something that's going to definitely uh change you, uh permanently and how in the type of person you're going to be later on.
Speaker 1:You know tight with your dad before he left oh yeah, my dad is.
Speaker 3:My dad and me were extremely tight. I can't say a bad thing about my father at all. I couldn't. He was always very supportive, never beat me, really Really.
Speaker 1:Not really.
Speaker 3:But he was there for the after-school specials and all the holidays and baseball games and all this stuff that makes a father a real father. No, I learned a lot of good lessons from him. You know, um, he wasn't a complainer. You know, he was a vet, Um, but he he had a very good, even keel about him. He wasn't somebody who was going to bark and curse and beat on somebody. He wanted you to act like a gentleman and you know he expected you to uh, to grow up to, to somewhat be a man and and not be a burden on people right.
Speaker 1:You've always, over the years, you've always spoken very highly, highly about your dad in that respect that he always laid that in foundation in you, to be respectful, to treat people right. Um, for as much as we know, you've all you've busted balls with your mom, oh yeah you also were always amazing with your mom.
Speaker 1:you were very protective of your mom and I think that's you know, whether you got that from your dad, whether you got it from your mom, whether it was a combination of both. I mean, I think that's definitely admirable, because when your dad left, it could have gone sideways, and it could have gone sideways in a hurry, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:I could have made it hard, we could all made it hard. We could have said, hey, I'm going to start doing drugs and drinking and doing stupid shit and rebel, but that's, that's not in me, that's in a lot of people. Everybody handles things a different way, but I don't think that's the first route you should take in. Any setback in life or any hiccup is to suddenly just immerse yourself in drugs and all types of shit, because it is never a good ending with it Usually not and you're much better off seeing your, your friends, forget the counseling. You know your young kid. They wanted to send me to speak to counselors and bullshit. They don't know me like, oh, they don't know me like my idiot. Friends know me you know, right.
Speaker 3:So you're much better off. You're around the right people and I always say this you end up like the five closest people you're with in life. You know I don't got any complaints, except for this one right here.
Speaker 2:Hey.
Speaker 3:Yvonne.
Speaker 2:Just make sure that you keep recording and everything's all good, right, all kosher, everything's good he hasn't broken the computer yet.
Speaker 1:He hasn't stopped the recording.
Speaker 3:I just want to sell this on eBay before you get back.
Speaker 2:Just be careful. Okay, he's using a MacBook, so anything, just guide him on.
Speaker 3:On how to shut it off. You got it.
Speaker 2:All right, Love you guys.
Speaker 1:Bye, ivan, take care, have a good day. Bye Careful. So let's move a little bit further in time. Your dad ends up in another relationship where this time he ends up getting married. Yeah, so he now has a new wife. You have a stepmom and you also have step siblings, yeah. So how was that for you? Dennis is already cracking up. Don't worry, we'll get into the fun stuff.
Speaker 3:It was different, because I'm used to a certain type of upbringing and now I'm in somebody's other house and they got a whole way of going about life that's very contrary at times to what I do. I mean, I wasn't allowed to really talk back. So this is the first time't allowed to really talk back. So this is the first time I'm watching kids talk back, you know, to my old man or whatever. And I'm waiting for a giant smack to happen and it didn't come and I'm like, wow, you know, maybe I can get away with that, but I know I can't.
Speaker 1:Did you?
Speaker 3:try. No, no, I wasn't going to pull that. I want to live, trust me. But it was different, because my my mom at the same time was also um, she was getting with somebody. A little afterwards she remarried too, so I had to deal with that family. So I'm constantly getting from family to family, family. You get fucking tired of it. And still, to this day, I'm fucking tired of it.
Speaker 3:I don't the connections I make are like with my friends. I kind of have like step family members and things like that. You know, as far as I um, you know I got history with them, I've been with them forever, you know. Yeah, so it's just I had to, I had to acclimate and I had to get used to what it's like to have siblings, which I never had before. Right, just just play that game and go through with that. You know, and I wasn't looking to shake things up for my dad, you know it was a stable house somewhat. I had a good stepmother. She was a saint, she took care of my old man and I have nothing bad to say about her at all.
Speaker 1:You know you're still close with her today.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and you're still close with her today. Yeah, yeah, I'm very close with her.
Speaker 1:Very close and considering your dad died in 2001.
Speaker 3:In one or 2002. Sorry, 2002.
Speaker 1:2002, right 2002. So your dad died 22 years ago and you're still really close with her. So they were married. For how long?
Speaker 3:They didn't even make a year when they got married before he passed. Wow, yeah, he, he was just married a few months and then he, he passed right after.
Speaker 1:so they had been together for a while, but they yeah they hadn't gotten married right away.
Speaker 3:But then no he didn't get married until he got sick and he uh, you know, that's when they did a ceremony real fast and right, you know, but uh, yeah, it's just a lot.
Speaker 3:You know, I was so used to uh for a long time just having a stable home, mom and dad and whatever, and then that disappears and you miss it a little bit because it was. It was a happy time and afterward you got a lot of acclimating to do with your feelings. And yeah, I'm not saying it was horrible, it was just it's a tough time to go through for any young kid.
Speaker 1:How did your relationship with your dad evolve after he got married or after he was in the relationship?
Speaker 3:It was good. I never gave him a hard time with who he really chose. You know, he really wasn't messing around with alcoholics or drug addicts. There was never really interference or him interfering with me if I had something going on. So it was really good. It was always respectful. If I had something to say to him, I could say it to him if I thought somebody was off, which is important, I think.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of people you need to be able to have that conversation with them.
Speaker 3:A lot of people surround themselves with yes men and people who just cater to all their bullshit. You know, it's kind of good to have people who just kind of give it to you straight and if you're a screw up they're just going to tell you. You know, and that's how my old man was is I could have that dialogue with him.
Speaker 1:When did your dad start getting sick? What was that like?
Speaker 3:I noticed he was getting. I was coming to my, I was getting ready to graduate from college and I was going into the police academy. Right after, and I noticed he was getting, I saw these dark black spots on his lips and I should have known better. I saw this a year before and I should have said something to him about that. But I you know it was from smoking. Sometimes you get these little dark patches, but that's a sign is cancer.
Speaker 3:And uh, one day he went completely yellow and he wasn't feeling good and I said you got to go to the doctor. What do you think? And I said I think your gallbladder is blocked. Uh, that's why you're turning yellow. And when they did a scan they saw it was a tumor, uh, from his pancreas and liver pushing on his gallbladder and he had some tumors in his lungs.
Speaker 3:And uh, that that was tough to watch because my old man was a pretty tough, strong guy and yeah, within a year he's wasting away from pancreatic cancer very quickly and you know that's your hero. I mean, I didn't leave the hospital that night, I stayed all night in the hospital with him. The guy next to him, I remember, was coughing. He had lung cancer. He was coughing the entire night. It was horrible, but that was tough to try to figure out how he's. Does he want to treatment this stuff is? You know, he's in a in a bad spot as far as you're going to get chemo. Chemo is really going to do a number on you, considering how far the cancers spread already. So, yeah, that was really uh, yeah, it was a really tough thing to go through was.
Speaker 1:Did there come a point? Well, I'm assuming there came a point when the doctors told your dad, there's really not much we can do for you my old.
Speaker 3:Well, we, we knew, because it was pancreatic cancer. The odds it was which, yeah, pancreatic cancer itself has.
Speaker 1:I mean, I I don't remember what the number is now, but even back then I think it was like a two or three percent survival rate.
Speaker 3:It was insanely low, 85 I think, died within five years right of the diagnosis, and usually you don't diagnose it until it's it doesn't really give you symptoms no, and the symptoms that do occur are also symptoms for 12 other things, so it's not always completely evident that it's pancreatic cancer.
Speaker 3:It can be really got to be looking for it, and even then sometimes you're not going to see much of anything until it's too late. Um, now, where was I going with this? I forgot, oh yeah, when he said, uh, no more. He uh, I remember him doing chemo for a while. Then he had to go to the hospital a couple of times to get fluid drained from him. And he came to me one night and he's like I can't do it anymore and he just wants to die and that's it. So okay, he's just laying in bed for a week or two. Afterward and I got a phone call, rushed to the hospital and, you know, held his hand when he died. That was it. And. But when he was done, I had enough respect. I wasn't going to tell him hey, you got to fight this, I could see it. You had no muscle mass anymore. It's just a lot of shit for him to go through. You don't want somebody to fade like that. You want it to be painless, yeah.
Speaker 1:Ideally, you want to go to sleep one night and just not wake up.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You feel horrible for the person who's laying next to you, who's going to find that you didn't wake up. Yeah, yeah, I mean, at least that's the most peaceful way of going, rather than watching him deteriorate over months.
Speaker 3:Yeah and over cigarettes man. He's been a smoker since I think he was 13. He would smoke a pack of camels a day. You know so you do. I mean, I know it's hard to quit and I watched him try to quit and he couldn't do it and I understand. I remember I smoked a cigarette and I got the. I had a nicotine high for a second. I'm like all right, this is nice, but I don't feel like spending whatever it was at the time on cigarettes and getting cancer. I just wanted to know what the appeal was why you would smoke that garbage it's funny you talk about that and the appeal.
Speaker 1:I don't, I don't even. I started smoking when I was 16. I quit when I was 19. Um, the remember that summer when I was uh, I think it was the summer of 92. I was when I was still in boy scouts. I worked the. I was a staff member at the summer camp all year I barely remember, um, that was when I had started smoking.
Speaker 1:You know, almost every guy there was smoking and it just, you know, whatever. I mean it wasn't like anybody was pressuring me into it, it just happened. And I started and then, you know, came home and really stopped because I didn't want my mom to find out I was smoking. But then when I started in college um, you, college, in the fall of 93, I started smoking again. I mean, I was never a heavy smoker. If I smoked five or six cigarettes a day, that was probably about my heaviest and what actually got me to quit.
Speaker 1:I used to smoke Marlboros, the Reds, the Cowboy Killers. I needed a cigarette one night during studying for finals and I didn't have any and got one off a friend of mine, totally forgetting that she smoked Newports and the menthol is just, oh man. I was physically ill for two days and that was December 14th 1994. That was the last cigarette I've ever had and I don't miss it a single bit. I will occasionally have a cigar I'd love a good cigar, but I mean again, if I have one or two cigars a year, that's a lot. But cigarettes, look it's, it's for the, for those who love it, it becomes really addicting. I never you know needed it so much that I was smoking constantly again. You know five cigarettes.
Speaker 3:It is is a nice little feeling, it's a nice little feeling.
Speaker 1:Um, I, I grew up watching my parents smoke. They both smoked a lot. Um, you know, when I was a kid and hated it.
Speaker 4:I mean my for years I was on we're, we're child. Well, we are children of the 80s. We all grew up on secondhand smoke yeah, we all grew up on secondhand smoke.
Speaker 1:All of our parents smoked in the cars. Nobody thought otherwise of it. Uh, yeah, I mean all the time when there were barbecues and gatherings and parties, like 90 of adults that were there had a cigarette in their hand. It was. You walk into a house and it was just like a cloud of smoke at the at the ceiling we grew up on secondhand smoke yeah, anyway, mike didn't mean to hijack that from you, so your dad passes. How do you handle that?
Speaker 3:Oh, not good at all and the worst way a person can handle grief. I just got done doing 9-11 to working as a cop, so I had no time. I was constantly back and forth with that. I got no time really to process the grief, so what I end up doing is just throwing myself into work and going to school and doing anything that would exhaust my brain not to focus on any of that shit, and I kept that up for a long time. I like to avoid that type of grief because it's a lot, it's really uh, it's easier to ignore it, you know, but it has its effects on me, you know, not that I'm saying you become a cold hearted person, but if somebody complains I'll look at them like hey, you're a pussy, you know, toughen up, blah, blah, blah. Reality.
Speaker 1:I should be a little more empathetic to somebody else's feelings at times.
Speaker 3:You know um so I I don't get the wrong way I'm unfortunate that we're on a podcast talking about our dead dads. Yeah right, you're not supposed to throw yourself at work and, uh, just focus all your life into exhausting yourself because you don't want to deal with something. I mean, I can handle it now, but because he's gone, I'm not a father. You know, I, if he was around, I knew I would be, uh, I'd be a dad and probably have like four kids running around, cause I always in my head I wanted to see him as a grandfather and he wanted to be a dad, um, and he wanted to be a granddad. But, yeah, man, that part kind of got cut out for me. And as much as I love my wife and everything else, I'm not somebody right now where, oh, I got to have a bunch of kids, because I don't have that joy in me.
Speaker 3:What I do remember a lot is Christmas. That always brought me a lot of joy with my father. That's something that I like. I'll listen to Christmas music and stay in front of the fireplace all month because I remember those good times and that's the good stuff that it brings out of me. But the bad stuff I mean, dude, there were times I was coming home from work and I'm just hitting the bottle. Oh, I had a bad day. But you know what? Let me take a shot for the old man and just burying myself and just wanting to be somewhat alone with my grief and uh, knowing that everybody goes through it, uh, but I know I didn't process it in a very healthy way at all you know well, since that is the foundation of this podcast, let's get into that a little bit.
Speaker 1:Um, you said you didn't process it at the time. You buried yourself in work, you buried yourself in anything that was going to keep you from thinking about it. Have you ever processed it? Do you think you've ever? Really effectively?
Speaker 3:yeah, I think I have, uh, I love country music. It it fills in the you know the words that I can't say or the feeling that I'm trying to portray. Sometimes you hear a song or something that brings it out of you and I got to say, you know, music is great of letting me just work through it and just thinking about those times and you know, know how you progress through life and the type of person you want to be. You know, I mean there's a lot of faults I have that I uh, I wish I would have done better because of my dad that I beat myself up about. There were relationships that I could have kept uh with people that were good, people that I could have went to the next level with.
Speaker 1:Are you talking? Friends, colleagues, girlfriends, women in general?
Speaker 3:I was using for sex and just so I wouldn't go to be alone at night. It's good to have somebody next to you, but I wasn't caring about that person next to me. Really, it was just whatever and move on. Yeah, there were parts of me that I wish I could have worked on, but I worked on them later on, like I tell my wife, most improved or whatever. You know, I just had a lot of growing up to do. You know, there's no instruction manual in life on how to get through shit no, there's definitely not.
Speaker 1:You know, the same way that everybody says when babies are born, they don't come out with a book, um, when you, when you?
Speaker 3:okay over there yeah, I got a phone on. Who the hell's calling me? Sorry about that, that's okay, uh, doctor's appointment. Just give me one second.
Speaker 4:Sorry about that, sure, yeah, well there goes the connection there goes, but on a side note, after his dad had passed away.
Speaker 4:He would tell me that he still keeps in touch with his stepmom and I always used to be like, well why, you know? Like she's not your mom, like you know, I'm team Lydia, you know what I'm saying. She was a sweetheart to us and Mike always had the same answer she took great care of my dad. He's like I got to see her, I got to. You know, she always took care of my dad.
Speaker 1:Give me a favorite Hang on to that thought, because I want to come back to that. So you're, you're in a bunch of I don't even know if you can call them relationships, but you're, you're, you're with women. You're not really in it for the relationship, you're in it for what you needed to get out of it. You weren't emotionally. It sounds like you weren't. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but it sounds like you weren't truly emotionally invested. Right, I wasn't. Um, how did that change with yvonne?
Speaker 1:uh, at that time what was different about yvonne?
Speaker 3:oh man, at that time I retired from the job. Uh, so I was. I always put the job first. Um, I figured I'd work as hard as I can and retire and then live life according to my rules. At that point Right.
Speaker 1:So were you doing that too? Because you wanted to retire the best way you could, or because you were still trying to block out Well, I wanted to retire the best way you could. Or because you were?
Speaker 3:still trying to block out. Well, I wanted to retire the best way I could and, you know, at the time I was getting a little older and a little more mature and had an idea of how I wanted to live the you know the rest of your life which was a little, a lot more stable, and I was always looking for stability.
Speaker 3:Yeah, uh, basically, you know what I felt I lost. So I met her and she was aces. She was my complete opposite. You know sunshine and rainbows and the whole nine yards, and you know I was willing to put my best foot forward as soon as I saw her. I fell in love with her, you know. But, yeah, she changed my life the most. I have to say this, right, because she's down.
Speaker 5:Oh wait, no, she over, uh, getting her nails done, okay, anyway. Yeah, she's not there right now.
Speaker 1:You can talk about it I'll pretend that this didn't happen until she listens to the podcast and she hears all the nice things that you're about to say to him about her she helped me get my head out of my ass as very gently as she could.
Speaker 3:It was nice having her around because she was taking care of me, she was feeding me, house was always clean and she smells nice like any woman, and I was having the time of my life with her. She was always very positive and I kind of felt like I could have a family, I guess. Or if I wasn't going to have a family, at least I could be with her and I'll be happy, you know. So it really it. It really worked out with her, um, as far as me, becoming a hell of a lot more positive and a lot of stuff to look forward to in life and just a lot of positive shit.
Speaker 3:So, which I'm not used to things working out of my life, I was always used to just, you know, getting the short end of the stick on something. So for once it felt good to finally have everything together. I don't have to be under somebody else's roof. I got my own place. I come and go as I please and do what I want. Nobody else has a say in how I'm going to live, other than her.
Speaker 1:Oh horrible.
Speaker 3:Her nickname is General Grievous, so you have an idea of what I'm dealing with at times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, For all the listeners who obviously don't have open access to our text message conversation. Mike frequently tells us that he's the victim of everything. He tells us that his wife beats him, which Fat shames me daily. Yeah, she fat shames him daily and you know I mean you're, what about 750, 760? What are you?
Speaker 3:up around these days.
Speaker 1:I got a double ass. It's insane, a double ass. You have a front butt, a back butt. No, I'm kidding, I love me some.
Speaker 2:Nice.
Speaker 1:No, he's nowhere close. What are you, mike, about 200? If that. You're actually 200 now 200? I'm 200. You're actually 200. Now You've gained a few pounds. Don't tell her that.
Speaker 3:I was like 30-something in October, jeez.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's high for you.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is.
Speaker 3:I got so fat she was disgusted with me because I kept eating pretzels all day and just bubble tea and Hero. Remember every day I put up a pic of a Hero that I'm eating.
Speaker 1:We remember. We remember seeing the pictures. You were asking us what kind of sandwiches you should get on any given day.
Speaker 3:Stressful day. Yeah, you got to decide that.
Speaker 1:And you complained that she fat shames you.
Speaker 3:And I complained.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, she's about 102 pounds herself.
Speaker 3:She's like David Goggins she works out constantly. Man, Every day she's running and just making me feel like crap because I'm not. She made me like salty shake yesterday out of berries and roots and crap Tasted absolutely horrible. I'd rather listen to Hillary Clinton for an hour than drink that.
Speaker 1:So it sounds like you've got a horrible life. You totally struck out.
Speaker 3:I landed on my feet as best I could. I know. You know I really did.
Speaker 1:You've got an amazing woman. You have zero to complain about. Yes, I do, yes, I do.
Speaker 3:Other than some health issues. Other than that, I'm fine. Who doesn't have?
Speaker 1:the occasional health issue. How often do you think about your dad at this point Every day?
Speaker 3:Yeah, what do you think about your dad at this point every day? Yeah, what do you think about my mind? Oh god, just, if he was around, what it would be like. You know, if I'm cooking something, I'm thinking of him, of how he would cook. He brought a lot of joy into the room. You know he's. I was listening to a bunch of jazz music last week that he listened to. I just I'm always trying to capture that old feeling of him around you know and I can't, you can't get that back.
Speaker 1:It's tough. What was his favorite meal? What was your favorite meal that he made?
Speaker 3:I mean I love this red sauce is Italian. When he'd make an Italian gravy, I mean that was my staple go-to. Now he would make it with with linguine, or I'll make raviolis with it or whatever. But I loved when he made the red sauce and he had the hot sausage and the berjolles in there and he just had a giant pot. You'd come in and it. I mean you'd smell all this Italian food cooking and I knew I was in the right place.
Speaker 1:You walk into the house and it feels like you're walking into a restaurant.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, it was like a scene from the Godfather when they're cooking all that gravy, are you?
Speaker 1:proud of who your dad was.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, without a doubt. At the end he wanted to feel sorry for himself and I was like what the hell is wrong with you? I never heard my dad talk. You know he started that. I'm sorry. They said I said, dad, you did great, there's nothing to feel bad about. You know, he can die proud. That, which is a lot, you know a lot of people can't.
Speaker 1:Do you think your parents did a good job with raising you?
Speaker 3:Oh my God, uh, I don't know, man, they tried, they all tried, you know, as best they could. I'm not going to turn around and say, oh, I blame my mom for this, or, you know, my parents screwed me up. I'm not going to say that, although they do push you in that direction. At times they can get you crazy with their bullshit, but I mean, I love who they are. It's just that.
Speaker 1:There are far worse directions that your parents could have pushed you in.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah yeah, they my mom could have went into a far worse path, but uh, I'm glad she remarried and she found somebody for her. That was really important, even though he drives her nuts.
Speaker 1:They're meant for each other, you know they really think of what the best advice that your dad ever gave you was the one that's always really done right by me was just to outwork everybody.
Speaker 3:I mean, I came home to him one day pissed off because I was working a shit job somewhere and cleaning the bathrooms and it sucks. And he told me don't handle it with that attitude because he didn't learn how to fix cars until one day he was cleaning a bathroom at a gas station. They were having him just clean shit and he didn't bitch about it. He says I did the best job I could and the guy saw I took pride in my work and he decided to teach me how to fix cars. He says you got to have that same attitude when you work. Don't focus that. The current job sucks, but where are you going to? Yeah, and stand out and uh, work ethic.
Speaker 3:I felt ashamed that I wasn't working as hard as him at times because I knew at a young age he always worked, you know from, I think when he was a teenager he was already working on a farm by him, so he was no stranger to waking up and getting his hands dirty and nothing was beneath him as far as earning a dollar. Yeah, you know, there were times, though I did feel a little lazy. Um, you know, like man, I should really be busting my ass, or you know we'll get a couple more hours in or whatever. Right, I mean, you don't want to work your life away. But he did hard labor where if I'm punching keys on a computer I feel guilty.
Speaker 1:Look, the world. The world has changed.
Speaker 3:Yes, it has.
Speaker 1:Not as many people are working manual hard manual labor jobs, as were 30, 40, 50, 60 years ago. It's just a different world.
Speaker 3:Definitely not something-. To work hard, and a lot of people I mean a lot of people do work hard, but you got to stand out if you want to go somewhere. And a lot of people think they're owed the perfect salary for working eight hours a day, and you're not. You're not owed that. You're not owed a stressless day just because you work 40 hours a week and you pay taxes. If you really want to go somewhere in life, you really got to put in the time, but to a degree.
Speaker 6:Like you, guys got to put in the time, but to a degree, like you guys are saying. Now times have changed and the crazy thing is that the people in our generation, like how we're discussing, that they've changed to the point that they want to be in power, they want to do various things and now you're seeing that they're actually folding and sometimes can be worse than what we used to complain about growing up and being an adult and we can take charge and change things and you sometimes see that everything's changed across the board. But our generation, to a degree, I think, has also lost its way at times as well. There's a lot more of similar to what Mike says is you go out there and work, but then there's so much of people piggybacking off of the hard work that you do and there's more nepotism. I feel like today than anything, and it's like it's a good theory, and it was a good theory when we all were growing and trying to get raises and everything was very good. But I think I'll say I probably experienced a lot of that more when I was in the core first, which was one of my turnoffs as to why I wanted to get out, because where does the hard work get you. It just gets you a lot more work.
Speaker 6:And then there's other excuses as to why. Well, you had a better upbringing than this person, so we rely on you more. It's like, but we're the same pay grade and the same rank. How does that work? Well, you know things happen. It's like it can't happen like that, though. No, are you going to use that same mindset if, let's say, by some chance we're thrown into combat, and be like, well, this guy couldn't lead the team too well just because he didn't have a good upbringing? The rank is the rank, and everybody across the board should be held accountable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, If you want the rank, if you earn the rank, you have to work up to the rank.
Speaker 3:Correct. We've all experienced, we've all been passed over for positions and whatever. Look, I've known you guys are the hardest workers I know. You're basically pretty real when it comes to dealing with situations, so I never had to worry about seesawing or you know you playing up to somebody's preferences and shit. You always pretty much say it like it is and it's heartbreaking to watch that getting passed up. And you got to work smart. You can't stay in one spot and get crushed constantly. You have to. You have to look for a way out in life and you know, unfortunately life gives you a lot of no-win situations and just buries you. They say, oh well, we're all equal. That's not true. Nick could have 10 fucking things against them. We'll all have two things against me that are easy easier for me to succeed than him. But but I know Nick's going to work out, works on whoever's going to be up against them. You know, just because his work ethic has always been better than most people, that I know. I appreciate that You'll do good or maybe a little.
Speaker 1:I've always tried over the years to just be the best worker I can. Um, you know, even in the industry that I work. Now, like I said, I've worked in the pharmaceutical industry. I started in 1995. It was actually Mark Musetti that got me my first job. He was working as a chemist. There were about a dozen of them. They needed someone to work with the chemist and check their lab books, check all of their calculations that they were doing on the tests, because in 1995, barely anybody was using computers at that point. They were using them for the testing equipment. But that was about it. So it was all manual. And you know again, he and I were in the math club together. He knew that I was a numbers guy and recommended me.
Speaker 1:I got the job and just over the course of years just grew in the industry, got into different positions, worked my way up into, you know, a. Got into different positions, worked my way up into, you know, a couple supervisor positions. It's a long-winded way of saying you made covid right. No, I didn't make it. Um, no, what. Where I was going is? Um, it was.
Speaker 1:It was close to 20 years before I first got my first real opportunity. I was told by numerous uh bosses by other jobs that I had applied to that because I didn't have a four-year degree. I only have a two-year degree. Because I didn't have a four-year degree, I wasn't going to be considered for different positions, I wasn't going to be manager level material. I'm like are you fucking kidding me? How does my work ethic not get me somewhere to a certain point?
Speaker 1:The first company that, the first person that really took a chance on me, was the first job that we moved to Texas for. That was my first manager opportunity and since then it's just been amazing. And even now, like I'm not at a manager level position. I've been working mostly contracts for the last four years. But that was also introduced to me by other workers where, you know I hate to say I don't have to not work as hard because I'm still working very hard with the positions that I'm in and I love what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:But I'm also not a senior level. I'm not a senior manager, I'm not a director. You know I've been to those levels and you know it was also at the first job in Texas. I had worked my way up and then at one point there was a layoff. My boss was one of the people that were like, oh, he was the plant manager. It kind of shoved me into plant manager while I was also the production manager and it just ended up not being a good situation and I ended up leaving that after that. But then I went with another company and I just kept working my way back up and even without working the huge title roles I mean I'm busting my ass and I'm also making a pretty good living and at this point, after 28 years, I've got the resume that shows that I can do whatever you need me to do, you're sure you're confident, yeah, and confident, but not cocky.
Speaker 3:Oh, I would have just took my social studies notebook, put that right at the top of my resume and say, hey, I thought about that, and if we had kept the notebook that we had made for you for your wedding, then I could have used that.
Speaker 1:That was the notebook that Dennis and I were using as a prop for your wedding day.
Speaker 3:I do remember that. Yeah, oh great. What contest in hell did I win?
Speaker 1:What contest did? Any of us wouldn't be stuck with each other. And you know, yeah, you know we were the biggest band of misfits in junior high school. Oh yeah, without a doubt 37 years later, we're all still here. We have been there for each other, for everything good, bad and indifferent that has gone on in our lives, and I know that we always will be, until the day comes where we're no longer working the earth.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite conversations that we had I don't know what was it probably a couple years ago was what's it going to be like for the first one of us that dies? Yeah, years ago was uh, what's it going to be like for the first one of us that dies? Yeah, that that funeral is going to be. It's not going to be a funeral, it's going to be an absolute roast so of course, oh so I I think that's what we're, that's all of our motivation like.
Speaker 3:Remember that danger field rodney danger field, I think in the 90s, had that special with Sam and he's singing for him. I think it was Rodney Dangerfield had a roast. He had Seinfeld on Jim Carrey.
Speaker 1:If he did. I never saw it, but he probably did.
Speaker 3:Oh, it was so good man, that's a roast I'll have to go back and check that out.
Speaker 1:You got to see Sam.
Speaker 3:Kinison Family Values Tour. Put that on YouTube. It is so good. He's great. He comes out, he starts singing on his guitar and then he goes right into his stand-up. It's nuts, everything you wanted from Sam. Nobody has that energy anymore as a stand-up.
Speaker 1:This is another thing I love. You guys have introduced me to Rodney Dangerfield, to Sam Kinison, to Andrew Dice Clay, to George Carlin, to.
Speaker 3:Chappelle to sam kinnison to andrew dice clay to george carlin. Um to chappelle norton. I love norton norton. Yeah, when he opened for dice he's norton's probably my favorite comedian now, now that carlin is gone, but I like norton on the radio. I don't listen to too much of his stand-up, but I just like his sarcasm I like his sarcasm on the radio.
Speaker 1:Uh, I've seen a couple of his stand-ups on YouTube and they're okay. Once he gets in front of a live audience, I just feel like he's I don't know trying a little too hard. Not to say that he's not funny. I mean it's not like he's a complete turn-off.
Speaker 3:I think he's better as a radio personality. I agree, I mean he's going to take his comedy very seriously. He always does gonna take his comedy very seriously. But I was he always does more entertained by him on the radio just tearing into people just out of nowhere than, uh, watching his stand-up yeah, absolutely agree with that.
Speaker 1:Dennis said you guys have been sitting there, uh, patiently waiting for your turn. Let's get into your stories. So you are the only ones. You guys are brothers. For anybody who hasn't picked up on that yet, you guys are the only ones who had your dad and your mom married their entire lives, basically until your dad had passed. Yes, talk to us about before we knew you guys and in junior high school. What was it like with your parents, with your dad?
Speaker 4:We come from a very uh, strict, traditional eastern european family. You know um, mom and dad ran that house uh-huh, you know it was. Uh, it was never abusive, nobody ever laid a hand on us, just want to make that clear we learned what discipline and following rules was at a very young age. Okay, mom and dad didn't put up with no crap, as they shouldn't have Right, because that's how they were raised as well.
Speaker 4:Our dad when we were younger, he worked long hours. He was never a nine to five, saturday, sunday off, dad. But what did he do? He was a chef for many years. So you know it's long hours, but you know, when we needed a dad he was there for us. You know he taught us how to ride a bike. You know he'd play. You know when I was in little league he'd play catch with me at the park. He taught both of us how to drive. Christmas morning he was always there, mike, like you said, good times, that's how that was, but you know to. You know, dennis, you want to chime in on anything.
Speaker 6:So I'd also like to say like so we're also brought up as first-generation American as well in the group. I know, like Mike's mom is also from Puerto Rico but his father was also born here, but like they basically were getting the double shots from both sides of the parents, from a different tradition than how the average americans were growing up and being raised here, and everything was just like ed says, like very strict, and sometimes things I think could have been a little bit too strict at times and there was a lot of rules to follow and things of that nature.
Speaker 6:You know when we were younger, we did move around some too, from the south up to new york to finally come out to long island, like ed says, like he moved here not long before junior high started, in sixth grade so. But I remember also living like when we lived in Queens while I didn't start school yet and, like Ed says, our father worked long hours and there was some times that the only time I could really spend with our dad was before he goes to work. We would go to the park and like back in the day they still sometimes have them, but he would buy like a carton of Twix. So we would go to the park and I'd run around and he'd like have one or two twix bars for me after I get done, like running around basically, and then we would just walk back from the park to the house and he'd go to work. I wasn't going to school yet, so that was the only time we could really kind of spend together, because long hours, you know.
Speaker 4:And when, during summer vacation our summer vacations he would usually spend his one day off with us. He would take us out to the beach or up to Orchard Beach. But you know we'd buy sandwiches in the deli in the morning and you know that was our lunch. So you know we'd go to the beach and he'd let us run around and whatnot and do our thing. And then we'd go to the beach and he'd let us run around and whatnot and do our thing, and then we'd come back.
Speaker 6:Actually the sandwiches were made by grandma, but we would stop at the store for chips and drinks and then we would get like the wise potato chips, because they always had some sort of like riddle on the inside of the bag, like there would be like a quiz, because the wise owl knew everything. You open up the bag and the answer to the riddle was on the inside of the bag.
Speaker 4:That was like one of those things about those bags that we got and to us that was a big deal because chips and soda was never in the house. They were trying yeah, growing up we the only time we had soda was, like you know, at somebody else's birthday party or something that's awesome were there ever any difficulties with your relationships with your dad?
Speaker 4:not difficulties, I mean we weren't like, but like, like mike said, he like with his dad, he could talk to him about anything. We really didn't have that closeness, you know. I mean it's not like I could sit down and talk to my dad. Hey, you know about you, about this girl or that girl, it was more business than you know what I mean. He definitely was not our friend. He was there to look after us, to protect us, to raise us, but it wasn't the type of relationship where I could just sit down and openly just talk to my girls or whatever.
Speaker 1:I'm your father, I'm not your buddy.
Speaker 3:Yes, correct, that's important your buddy, yes, correct.
Speaker 4:Yes, that's important to have.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 6:But, yeah, stuffing for more geared.
Speaker 4:He was very protective of us. In fourth grade I got scratched by a dog. The dog wasn't trying to be malicious, he just jumped up on me to sniff me. I was walking my grandma grandma and then some dude was walking his dog and basically just the dog jumped up just to sniff me and as he came down he scratched me unintentional, but it was a guy in the neighborhood. So I come home all bloodied and scratched and there goes my dad running over to this guy's house ready to have that dog put down. Luckily, my no, luckily my mom, my grandmother followed with him and cooler heads prevailed.
Speaker 4:But that's you know, that's how my dad was shoot first, ask questions later. Yes, yeah, yeah, he was. Uh, he was always kind of impulsive like that, but yeah, we always knew we were loved. There was never, never a doubt in our mind about that.
Speaker 1:Well, that's good um ed you have two kids. What was he like as a grandfather?
Speaker 4:oh he, he was a teddy bear. Yeah, when, as far as my grandkids goes yeah, I mean as far as his grandkids yeah, he was a teddy bear. My kids could do no wrong in front of him was he their hero we really didn't see them that much. We didn't get to see them that much.
Speaker 3:What's that, mike? No, I said during holidays, the usual holidays, yeah, right.
Speaker 4:Holidays, this, that, the other thing, just for one reason or another, yeah, we just didn't spend that much time around with him, but when he was around them, yeah, he was a teddy bear.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to throw this question out to both of you guys. So you've talked about what the relationship was like when you were kids. He was your dad first, not trying to be your buddy. Yeah, how, if at all, did your relationship with him evolve as you guys became adults, as you started working, as you started your careers and as you became a family man? You guys are, you're semi-grown up because, let's face it, all of us are about the same age and I don't think any of us are actually adults yet.
Speaker 4:Yeah, no, it definitely got easier to talk to him.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 4:I don't know if it was, if it was that he was more um, open to listening or we just got better at talking, maybe a combination of both? Yeah, maybe a combination both. Yeah, um, you know, towards towards his later years, you know when, uh, you know he had his health issues. I would take both my parents, you know, to the food store and to the doctor's appointments or whatever. He really couldn't drive. Then he was always very appreciative of that, of everything. All the times my brother would take them to the doctor's appointment or to the store.
Speaker 6:I'll say you know what it is. It was difficult, Even the older I got, things just seemed different how so?
Speaker 6:it's like ed gets into the relationship, moves on, has a family, you know, fairly young, you know, and I'm left at home and just various things of sometimes times are tight and everything else. And then you grow up a little bit faster than some of your peers because, once again, you know, times are tight, money can be tight, while your friends are out having a good time, you're either working and or you're helping sacrifice money and everything else for what's going on in the house and everything else and bills, and it just becomes a different relationship, I would say, you know, which, being young also exposes you to various things that even until today, I'll have various conversations with friends that didn't grow up in the same atmosphere and try and explain things that sometimes people won't see. One of the best things I could tell you is going back and forth with some friends outside of this group where there's like social programs out in, uh, in the country and everything else and, like ed said, when our father got sick, social programs weren't exactly available and it was like anything else, trying to get assistance for medical stuff, and then you have to adapt to different situations as to well, how are we going to get the medication and everything else that's involved in all this and everything costs at the end of the day. Sure, you know, but it wasn't just up to there. It's also leading up to when I was younger. There was just struggles.
Speaker 6:Like I said, ed leaves, ed's got a family. Sometimes hard times come upon us. Our father went from being a chef to being able to get a job working in the school, which was much better for him. Now he came off and he was much happier. He was able to work overtime, making good money, not working in a hot kitchen. There's like no ventilational sorts of problems in these kitchens sometimes that you know being in a restaurant long island, sometimes not the best situation, but you definitely saw his attitude and happier, finally getting a job. That wasn't so backbreaking, it was more rewarding.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it wasn't so physically demanding correct.
Speaker 6:So it's kind of like it caught up to him finally that you know what, you get a bit of a break for everything and what have you. But so being young like it just exposed me to like you have to grow up faster than your counterparts because you guys were already working everything. I graduated five years, five years after you guys. So the friends I had in school and everything else we were on kind of a different page and everything. But you know to have to be able to step up to the plate and everything that by the time you're graduating high school, you know you have certain adult responsibilities too in the house, when some of your friends not so much because some of the neighboring friends would have parents that had like municipal jobs and things of that nature where there's more job security and everything. You know what I'm saying, yeah, so like sometimes I'm sure you guys also experience it your parents could be working jobs that are more of a gamble and there's not security, like look at the group of the seven of us that grew up Like you said Nick, you, jack, pepe, flaco, me, ed, mike a portion of us went into municipal jobs where the security is and you know what.
Speaker 6:Maybe the pay wasn't like a stockbroker or a guy working on Wall Street, but you know what? We had job security, medical benefits, because you see what happens. If the opportunity is there, it's there, but when you see how your parents come up and sometimes you might have the job today and not tomorrow. One thing that I could say about some of these jobs that we've held and me and ed both we had municipal jobs that they don't pay the greatest but at the same time nowadays medical and future planning and retirement is more important than are you making $250,000 a year, because your $250,000 a year could be shot down tomorrow if a company goes under.
Speaker 6:Where's the security at? So that's one of the things I learned from just how things were. Once again also, I had a high school education. Growing up, my parents came here, my mom had a bit of an education, my father was working the whole time that he's been here. So you also see that does education necessarily equal better jobs? Does work ethic necessarily get you a better job? It you see all these things and they kind of uh ball together and you try and make a better assessment and a situation if you can control what you can.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about. As your dad got older, as your parents got older, your dad started to get sick. How did things change for both of you? How did your relationship change with him?
Speaker 6:The initial getting sick wasn't bad with him. The initial getting sick wasn't bad. It's what happens afterwards. That I guess sometimes, like mike says with the stubbornness, like just because I don't feel it right now doesn't mean I don't have an internal problem. You know, like he ended up with, I believe, five bypasses. It's like you don't feel it, but when it happens like you also have to be able to say listen, something happened that's very bad and we have to change, moving forward.
Speaker 6:And unfortunately it wasn't changed or, I guess, taken that seriously that I believe there was another issue where they needed to get stints from his leg some time down the road and then it turned into listen, you have diabetes, the blood circulation isn't there, even though you don't really realize it. He gets a blister on his foot that turned again green. That led to his leg getting amputated from the neon down right. All because it's like listen, your, your actions or being stubborn are also affecting the people around you. Yeah, and I spent a lot of time like days off I try to do, like other people at work, that I got to take my dad to the doctor's office and my job was not very accommodating, right, so my days off were spent at times with trekking around to the doctor's offices.
Speaker 6:You work a full work week. You have a crazy commute. That's like two plus hours a day round trip. Last thing you need to do on your day off is spend another six, seven hours driving around and waiting in doctor's offices. That they're not seeing you when they're supposed to see you, that they, they take their time and see.
Speaker 6:It's like so that tend to happen more when, when things got old, like older and everything else, and then the illness basically, and it got frustrating, I'm not gonna lie it it became like you gotta got to do better, man, you know.
Speaker 3:Family will do it to you. No matter how much you love them, no matter how well you want to look after them, if they are not looking after themselves. They are affecting everybody in the family and you're going worse than what they're going through with the stress and bullshit trying to keep them afloat. Meanwhile they're fucking burning you and draining your fucking patience and I mean it's tough loving family members who who don't want to do the right thing for themselves, or they don't see because I deal with this with my mom or they just don't see that they're affecting everybody else with what they're doing at times and you want them. A little adjustment can go a long way, like the wound care.
Speaker 6:If he would have taken care of that foot, he could have saved himself a leg, you know I'll agree with you on that, because what happens is if I give you the five bypasses and say that one's on the arm, everything after that could have been salvaged. He would have been able to work longer, he wouldn't have gone into, like the early disability retirement, like everything was like mike says it's. It would have all worked out different if you would have just taken it serious from the get-go you know.
Speaker 6:And then the frustration. Everything is where it's like you almost start to lose the role, where you're the adult now and the adult is now having to be told what to do. You know, and that's just the way it went. And it gets more frustrating because you can't I was catching it on both ends home and then you go to work and deal with that circus right.
Speaker 1:Well, the circus at work. Especially being a cop, you were going to have to deal with that either way well the cop work wasn't bad.
Speaker 6:The problem is is that I work with co-workers that here go take care of your parents, go take care of your family members. Sometimes some people caught some flag. I never got a single day off to go take my dad to the doctor's office. I was told come into work and we'll let you take off. Well, what sense does that make when I start work at seven o'clock in the morning and he's got an appointment at 11 o'clock? Yeah, that didn't make any. Not a single day was given to me like other people were to go take their father to the doctor's office, and that's why everything got scheduled on my days off. So it got even more frustrating why do you think that was?
Speaker 1:why weren't you given any time off?
Speaker 6:going back to, similar to what mike was saying is people today take advantage of your hard workers. Which our father instilled in us is you have to work and I've been working since I was a young kid, you know back in the motherland and you, you have to have good work ethics so people recognize and respect and everything. And that's why I'm saying like our generation of people in our age group right now, don't necessarily respect hard work, they're just used. They're used for people's personal gains and have less of a headache than to have the screw up.
Speaker 1:Do the work you got fucked because you were a good worker, because you were too good at your job.
Speaker 6:And I thought it was bad then and then in recent years it got even worse. Yeah, and it's like to the point that, like you know, I left before I should have left and all the good work and the hard work just got more and more and I have physical issues and it's like it never stopped. And then for people to flip the script on you and be like you're the problem, how am I the problem? I'm not even asking for any of this, but this is where the good work ethic and everything comes into play. Is that today you're just taken advantage of by the people like we grew up with.
Speaker 6:That said, I wish I could be the boss and I would change things. And I feel that the bosses today of our age group are worse off. Right, sometimes not always then the bosses we didn't like when we first knew that came in, yeah, as bad as those new bosses, even when we were younger, flipping burgers and burger king, as bad as you thought it was, it still isn't as bad as what I went through towards the end of my career, right let's circle back to your dad for a minute.
Speaker 1:So, as he's, as his health is deteriorating and he's clearly not taking care of himself, you need to spend. You're spending more money. You're spending more of your time, especially your time off. Did you ever begin to resent your dad for not taking better care of himself?
Speaker 6:not resentment. There's never resentment, father wise. It's more like frustration, like, um, why are you just not doing what needs to be done? We're all going through this together, and it's not me. We're we're trying to cater to you, we're all trying to help you and it just gets frustrating and things just got worse and worse and it's like at what point do we fix this? At what point do we say like it's got to get done, like we're not lying to you, we're not BSing you? Clearly there's things going on that you're physically going through. You have to at some point realize like okay, I think we're going through. You have to at some point realize like, okay, I think we're going through something bad here.
Speaker 1:You know yeah, I dealt with the same shit with my dad for years. Uh, and jack joe mike can all attest to this we largely became his caretakers for the last several years of his life. He wouldn't take care of himself, he was just a complete stubborn asshole about it. He knew what he needed to do. He didn't want to do it. He knew that he needed a hip replacement. His claim was I'm afraid of the anesthesia. Okay, well, that's not going to solve your problem. He refused to ever even consider having a hip replacement because, as he said, I'm afraid of the anesthesia.
Speaker 1:So, instead, he just continued to let his body deteriorate. We took him to numerous doctors and specialists to deal with whatever problem he was dealing with, and he had a lot of them. Every time the doctor would say all right, well, this is what's going on, this is what we can do to fix it. No, I'm not going to do that. It was always the case, no matter whether it was dealing with blood specialists or his hip or his knees or anything. It wasn't until he was 72 years old when he first finally had a colonoscopy.
Speaker 1:His father died, my grandfather died from bone and colon cancer and he had some indications that there was something going on, but he always ignored them and his doctors for years kept saying you need to have a colonoscopy, you need to have a colonoscopy. He would not do it. There was one point, probably less than I don't know about nine or 10 months before he died, he was in the hospital. I had made a trip up to New York for I don't remember what, but he happened to be in the hospital while I was there. So I went and saw him and his doctor that was there with him at that point said John, you need to have a colonoscopy. He said I'm not doing it. And I basically said you're going to do this. At this point you've got so many things going on, you need answers. And at that point he was back in the hospital. Like every five, six weeks His anemia was acting up, things were going on and nobody could get answers because he wouldn't allow any of the tests to be done.
Speaker 1:This was in the beginning of his downward spiral, before he ended up in the nursing home. But I finally had the conversation with him. I said you're here, what, what the fuck reason do you have for not having it done? Finally he agreed to do it and turned out there was nothing wrong. There were a couple of polyps. They removed them. There was no cancer. So it's like why did you just? He wasted 20 years when you could have had this answer and we could have eliminated a problem. Um, but it was the same thing with any other doctor. We went to any other specialist. He just he was the smartest person in the room, at least in his mind. He always had all the answers and I said to him frequently if you know everything, then why am I bringing you here? Why am I bothering? Taking time off from work, taking time out of my day, taking you here when you're not going to listen to anybody, you're not going to cooperate with anybody. But again, he, just he had it all figured out in his mind.
Speaker 3:Don't burn yourself to keep others warm, man, that's.
Speaker 6:the prime example of that is you're killing yourself to help somebody who's just making it more difficult for you, but it's difficult when it's your parents and you're trying to do everything for them.
Speaker 1:It was difficult and it was a different relationship for me, because you guys were always close with your dad. I was never really close with my dad, and that was largely his doing with everybody. He wasn't close with any of his children. He was a difficult man. He was a stubborn man. Everything always had to be done his way. He was always right. Everybody else was always wrong. He was sorry to take a line out of your book, mike, but he was always the victim. Um, everything was somebody else's fault all of his marriages failing him, losing his house, everything. He never took ownership of anything and he also never took ownership of his health.
Speaker 3:Um, so it was a hard thing to do, man it it for anybody. I mean, you got to do it if you want to your health.
Speaker 1:Um, listen, like I, I don't. Nobody likes going to the doctor. I, I totally hear what you're saying, but I also. What's the alternative to living?
Speaker 3:dying is really the life of fantasy.
Speaker 2:Yeah exactly Like most people live.
Speaker 1:And I know that I don't want to go anywhere anytime soon. So if there are things that I need to do to take care of myself, whether I want to or not, I'm going to do them, because yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, we grew up in a different time, where we're more educated medically than our parents, where we kind of see what's coming.
Speaker 1:My mom was a nurse for 47 years. My dad was an x-ray tech for 37 years. They both worked in the medical field. They had all the knowledge they needed and yet, you know, they were two of the most stubborn people. I don't want to say was with my mom, because my mom's still alive, obviously, but when it came to taking care of themselves, two of the most stubborn people I've ever seen, even with some of the things that my mom has gone through. It's like. You are a nurse, you know this information. Why are you being just so absurd? Why are you being so ridiculous? My dad knew exactly what needed to be done, he just didn't want to do it. Anyway, I digress. So, guys, with your dad, as the end approached, as he got sicker, how was that for the two of you?
Speaker 4:Well, we never, we never saw the end coming. We were. It was. It was a food shopping day. So it was me and my, it was me and my mom and my dad, we were at the store, food store, and he just suddenly, um, had trouble breathing, he got dizzy. Um, you know, I was like, you know, there was no, there was nowhere to sit down in the store. So, you know, I kind of like I said, all right that you know, why don't we try to get out to the car, you know, so you can at least sit down, sure, you know? And he was very shaky on his feet, so I got, so I stepped like behind him to like put my arm around him, you know, to help him walk out.
Speaker 4:And when, as soon as I stepped behind him, he collapsed, like, I caught him as he went down wow so I thought so here I'm thinking all right, his blood sugar tanked again, you know, because this happened once before. Okay, ambulance was called, the hospital was minutes away. When they brought him to the hospital, um, we found out he actually died in the ambulance. They had to resuscitate him first and then they brought him to the hospital. And then at the hospital we were told they told my mom that um, pretty much as hard as done, you know, they gave um it would stop and they would give him something to keep it, you know, to start it up again. That would last for so long then it would stop. So she signed a DNR and from the time he dropped at the store to the time he was pronounced dead was just over an hour.
Speaker 1:So it happened very suddenly, so he never regained consciousness. You never had a chance to talk to him. He collapsed in the store and that was essentially it.
Speaker 4:Right, when he collapsed at the store, I called my brother. I'm like, hey, you know, dad passed out. You know, at that point we didn't know what it was, so you know. So right. So we got to the hospital. You know, dennis showed up there and then, you know, so I mean, when you think about it, he really couldn't have gone out in a better way. You know, he out in a better way.
Speaker 5:He pretty much just went to sleep.
Speaker 4:And he was there with his wife and his two children. He didn't seem like he was suffering in any way. He didn't seem like he was in any pain.
Speaker 6:I get the call and I didn't really think much of it, but for some reason I was like I'll go to the hospital this time and I get to the hospital.
Speaker 6:Something told you you needed to be there right, you, you didn't know why, but I was like I'll go to the hospital this time, you know, just because he's been there numerous times over. Yep, let's just go this time. So I get there. And, um, it was also during, like covid, so they were being like ball breaking at times with who can come into the room and stuff, like that Right, and then, like um, they were able to let me come in.
Speaker 6:So the three of us were in there just add my mom and me and, like you could just tell by the way the doctors were moving his body around, um, primarily like with the left arm. The term dead weight is pretty much what it is and you just see how like flimsy his hand was. And I was even like he's pretty much done. And I'm asking, like my mom and stuff and Ed, about the DNR because I'm like my initial thought, if you want to say it's selfish. I was like, if he recovers from this, the headaches that we had already, yeah, I could only imagine what we're gonna have to go through right now, because this is like catastrophic at this point. And the doctor's like, well, when this number up top here comes down to this, it's like he, he's done.
Speaker 6:Then, yeah, and I'm like, well, he's already not moving normal, so there's like there's something wrong there too. Yeah, and um, he ends up passing away. You know, they, they, there was nothing else. Like I said, the last shot that they gave him, whatever the medication was, was they're like that's it if. If he doesn't recoup from this, that's it. And then, you know, he ends up passing away and we were there and maybe we were there for maybe another 10-15 minutes, still like in shock.
Speaker 6:like you know, we're fatherless now, you know, yeah, it doesn't right, it definitely didn't set in right away but then you know, as we go to leave him, one last time I hug him and I his left side of the body was like cold. His right side of the body was still warm. So I was like there's got to be like a blockage or something that happened to him for him to be this cold on one side, like I was able to touch his like right hand before they, you know, said he passed away or whatever it was, or, I think, after he passed away. But I remember, like hugging him, the left side of his body was cold compared to the right.
Speaker 4:When we were at the store, when they were strapping him into the gurney right gurney, yeah my mom noticed that he was pale white. She's like I've never seen him. I've never seen that before. She's like something's wrong here. This isn't just simple passing out from low blood sugar.
Speaker 1:I'm assuming at that point, based on his overall health, an autopsy was not done.
Speaker 4:I believe, I think it was congestive heart failure or something along those lines, basically think it was, uh like congestive heart failure, something along those lines.
Speaker 1:yeah, basically, yeah yeah, that, and I believe that was ultimately the official call to death with my dad. He had been in congestive heart failure for about three years. Um, it had been, you know, being managed uh. And I think like I had spoken to him the day before he died and he had said that his at one point his blood pressure had dropped. Uh, they they couldn't figure out why like this was from the nursing home, they weren't sure why, they couldn't figure out, but they were able to stabilize him. I had talked to one of the nurses.
Speaker 1:Um, after I spoke to him, like I was done with him, I called the nursing home back, talked to a nurse and they said you know, we might have to take him to the hospital. And I said you do whatever you need to do. And I said he's going to resist. You tell him too bad, you put him in the stretcher, take him out to the ambulance, take him to the hospital, because if you guys, if he needs more than what you guys can do there, do what you need to do.
Speaker 1:And then, when I got the call that saturday, the next morning, that saturday morning, they basically said like his blood pressure was dropping again. They couldn't get it back up to where it needed to be. So they wanted to take him. They he was fighting the entire time. Uh, they finally got him to agree, you're gonna go to the hospital. They had the ambulance waiting because you know, nursing home they have an ambulance on standby. And as they were moving him from his bed to the stretcher to wheel him out, that's when he coded and so clearly his heart was done. Yeah, and that's. It's probably similar situation with my dad and your dad, like the, the abuse that they put their bodies through at a certain point it catches up with yes, it does eventually
Speaker 4:it's just gonna say no more. And that morning, like there was no signs anything being wrong, you know he was walking, he was talking. Yeah, you know he was happy, and it's like.
Speaker 1:So you know, we got to the store and it's like suddenly somebody flipped the switch yeah, well, other than my dad telling me that his blood pressure had dropped a little bit, there were really no other signs. We were having a normal conversation, like anything else, and then, you know, we none of us when, when it happened like I've talked to my brothers about this none of us are at all surprised that he died. We were surprised that he died that day, though, because the day before correct?
Speaker 1:it didn't you know? As unhealthy as he was overall. It didn't't seem like we're talking about the day before. It didn't seem like, oh, it's coming. Sometimes it just happens.
Speaker 3:From a medical view, just what you're telling me about it. I just see it coming Anytime. You have congestive heart failure. Your heart sometimes wants to pump harder and work harder to compensate for the loss, and you're killing yourself over time, slowly, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm amazed that he lasted three years in congestive heart failure.
Speaker 3:I am too. I am too. I've seen some bad cases of it, though, where your lungs are just completely filled up with water and you've got to get somebody to drain them.
Speaker 4:How old was your dad?
Speaker 1:He was 73. All right so yeah, Between the blood pressure. I mean he had high blood pressure for a long time. He had high cholesterol. He was type 2 diabetic. He had COPD. Again, he quit smoking on his 50th birthday, but the damage was already done was he was usually like pink in color or bluish his face, was it? Sometimes they're either pink or blue when they have congestive failure I would say probably a little bit more pinkish than blue pinkish, but not like.
Speaker 3:Not like you know, bright pink like yeah, they usually come in very pink or very blue when they're bad. You could see it and it just it's not good.
Speaker 1:Once he got into the nursing home. That was late December 2020. And then he was in. Well, he was in one and then he got moved to another, so he was there for the last four and a half five months of his life. So again, I was in Texas. It was during COVID, so nobody was allowed even Mike and Joe were not allowed to go see him there Anytime. They took anything to him, they basically have to drop it off at the front desk and then they give it to my dad. Um, so for the last you know four or five months, so none of us got to see him at all. They just weren't allowing visitors. Um, we would FaceTime and we would, or you know, uh, whatsapp or whatever video call we were using. So I got to see him that way. But yeah, I mean, that's from what I remember.
Speaker 1:It was maybe a little bit pinkish, but uh I don't remember blue yeah, I don't remember blue so once your dad has passed the funeral, it's all over. What was the grieving process like?
Speaker 6:to a degree um I felt that the burden is over yes um especially, especially for our mom he was in a lot of pain too and, like some people would always say, like I wish I had another five minutes. So I could say I never felt that I wanted another five minutes with him, right, because the selfishness of that is he'd be in five more minutes of pain and he was in a lot of pain, right?
Speaker 4:And by five minutes and by pain he means he constantly had that, what they call the ph, that phantom leg pain, phantom pain in the leg. Yeah, that nerve pain that they couldn't do anything for yeah.
Speaker 6:Like I don't think a conversation with him would change how we felt towards him, or I felt towards him, he felt towards me. Yeah, none of that would really have any effect, other than the fact that if he was alive for another five minutes, he'd be going through physical pain.
Speaker 6:just so I can have closure, unfortunately, that's life and you don't get it the way you want, it necessarily right.
Speaker 6:But to know that he's in peace and no longer going through the pain and then the headaches of because our mom was with them all the time, the headache of that is also so.
Speaker 6:While it's bad that a person has lost their life and it was our father honestly because of what we went through, I didn't feel as bad as you would expect. I do feel bad, though, that his siblings are still alive. I feel more bad that their siblings lost their brother. Like it almost be like, let's say, if my brother passes away like you know my reason, especially if you've been through a lot with these parents that it's a bit of a headache. But I feel more bad that their brother is gone, as opposed to our father is gone, because they only also saw him as the brother and they grew up together and they have the good memories and everything. So it's like they didn't really see or go through all the illness and everything that he went through and everything that we had to go through from top to bottom yeah, they certainly didn't experience it from either of your perspectives, correct?
Speaker 6:so it's like I feel more sad that they lost their sibling as opposed to our father being lost, just because it was completely different relationship, let's say at that point, and they never saw what he went through. I'm sure if they were here and they saw what he was going through, they'd probably feel even worse, but they'd also try and help more. They'd probably feel even worse but they'd also try and help more. But they only have the memories of Childhood and when we'd come back To visit at times.
Speaker 1:That's really it. How many siblings did he have?
Speaker 6:He had a brother and sister With his sister.
Speaker 1:Was he close with them?
Speaker 6:He was fairly close with them. He used to call his brother, I think maybe once or twice a month to talk to him and this and that. And unfortunately now that he's gone he can't talk to his brother and his brother doesn't get those phone calls. Like that, you'll never have that conversation with your brother ever again, you know.
Speaker 1:Do you talk to your uncle?
Speaker 6:I don't. Do you talk to your uncle? I don't. I will say that about the time that he passed away I became more closer with, so we have cousins on that side of the family and through visiting and communication and Ed also joined me on this as well that we both developed a better relationship with our cousins and the mother on both sides of the family.
Speaker 4:And also my dad's brother and sister. Neither one of them speak English. Okay, yeah, and our Croatian is not as good as it used to be when we were kids, so, yeah, so there's that bit of a language barrier there, sure yeah, but you know right, my mom. My mom speaks to um our aunt and uncle on a regular basis okay, so the line is still open.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 4:And when we when we go there to visit, we know we, we always, you know, spend spend time with them, with both of them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, based on everything that happened, do either of you feel like you still have unprocessed grief?
Speaker 4:I'd say no no, no, yeah, yeah, we, we've had time to come to terms with it. You know he's gone, you he's gone.
Speaker 6:You know it's kind of a relief now you know we enjoyed the good times and we we focus on that like the good times went long before. Once everything happened with the illness and everything, at least for me, I'll say.
Speaker 1:Things just changed and it became a very different dynamic correct.
Speaker 6:So once it happened like I'm pretty sure my mom felt the two there was a burden of relief that whatever we were all going through, nothing was going to fix it. It was kind of like the runaway train going down the train. It's got to stop. It's going to either run out of room or it's going to run into something. Yeah, and eventually it's gonna happen. The bottom line is like it ain't the same as you're on the train and your experience of a vacation and a good time, necessarily. It's just an out of control thing that you don't know what tomorrow will bring right. So it it changed. Like don't get me wrong, we had good times as kids his days off, when we, when we lived here and everything, we would have barbecues. On Mondays, especially during the summertime, we would go to the beach. When we could, we would watch.
Speaker 4:Monday Night Wrestling together.
Speaker 3:What's that Monday Night?
Speaker 1:Wrestling Monday Night Raw Right.
Speaker 6:We used to watch that too, but then, as adults, time change and when people get sick, it's just how things are. You're going to change your views on certain things. I just wish he could have listened a little bit better. He could have been alive a little bit more longer. Do I think that everything probably played a role? I do.
Speaker 1:It's just a matter of you have to listen a little bit better, you know I mean, I think that's probably advice that we can all take a little bit of stock in. There are things that I'm sure each one of us have done something, whether it was health related, but you know with our own health or something with a close family member that maybe we did something we shouldn't have done, or we didn't do something that we should have done.
Speaker 6:Um, so hindsight is always 2020 yeah, well, it wasn't a complete loss because we both, ed and I, both ended up trying to be healthier afterwards. We definitely hit the gym harder. We've definitely. We're not the guys in the gym playing with the weights.
Speaker 6:We're lifting the weights we're making progress, and it's all because of him because I used to think that for the last 10, 11 years or whatever, I was in the gym getting a good workout in, and then now it's like I don't know what I was doing back then. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So it's because of him that lost a lot of weight, was able to get the the muscle mass going and and being more serious as to going to the gym and being healthier and everything else, and yeah, so it's not a complete loss that one can say like well. Well, what did you really get out of the situation?
Speaker 6:It's like, well, we've kind of come across a different chance in life not a second chance, but a different chance and to wake up that our grandfather also, I believe both of them. Just they made it to 70 and they couldn't touch 71 years of age. Yeah, so now you start wondering like, well, if, if we're going to go down that same path, how many more years do we have if we don't take care of ourselves? How old was your dad? Both trying to do is just be a little bit healthier.
Speaker 4:Listen, we're not completely in left field, but you got to do better than what we were. He was 70, so they were all 70. Yeah wow, and as far as me, as far as me, with my kids, you know, I try to do an equal balance of being their father and their friend yeah, funny, my grandfather, my father's father, also died at 70.
Speaker 1:There was a point when he was worried that he wasn't going to make it past 70 because his dad didn't, and he made it a few years past, all right. So now we all know the number to beat. Well, my mother's I mean my mother, is 70. She'll be 74 next month. Um, her, my grandmother, her mom is still alive, though, you know, not doing overly well. Um, her dad lived to be 95, or just like days short of his 95th birthday. So, like, the longevity is there on my mom's side. So, believe me, I hope I get that from her side. Like all we can do is all we can do.
Speaker 1:Right, you, you guys, have taken something from a bad situation. You've tried to incorporate the good into your lives. You've tried to take advantage of your health. You've tried to do take steps to improve your health. Um, yeah, dennis, even like when you were down here a couple of months ago, I mean you were just a fucking beast in the gym. I'm like watching you and I'm like holy shit, I couldn't believe how much you were lifting. But I mean you're also built like a brick shithouse. So it's not hard to comprehend that. But yeah, you recognized what you needed to do and you're doing it, thank you. And then Mike is doing what he needs to do to continue to be beaten by his wife, yeah.
Speaker 4:I think it's fair to say right, we all learned a little something? No, we definitely did. You know, our, our dads indirectly taught us what to do, what not to do.
Speaker 1:Right, we've definitely learned a lot from our dads, as you said, what. We've definitely learned a lot from our dads, as you said, what to do, what not to do.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 1:And something else that also has made me really happy over the years is we've learned a lot from each other. We have all been in this crew for more than 35 years. We've changed, we've evolved, we've grown, we've given each other endless shit, and we've always been there for each other, in the best times, in the worst times. A couple weeks, we'll be getting together again. Uh, we're gonna be getting together at jack's house one last big barbecue before his second child is born that's gonna be a good time and, by the way, we'll need to do another group picture for the website.
Speaker 1:I want to have a picture of just the seven of us, because so much of what I've talked about has been built around this group. This is how a lot of things started. Conversation, uh, a text conversation where he had first used the phrase our dead dad and he did it as a joke. Um, he was talking about trying to find a movie and he said come on, do it for our dead dad. And I was like what the fuck are you talking about? And it just it was. It's just another example of the dark humor that the seven of us have used for a lot of years. I love it too I wouldn.
Speaker 3:I love it too. I love it more when people are affected by it. I love to watch them be offended. Nothing pleases me more than destroying somebody's sanctity.
Speaker 1:Well, you frequently take pleasure in the suffering of others.
Speaker 3:People take themselves way too serious.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is what I love about us we don't take ourselves too seriously. We do when we need to. We are as serious as we need to be when we need to be, and the rest of the time it's a fucking party, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We've used the dark humor to get through the bad times and, whether it's losing dads or whether it's job-related stuff or whether it's anything that's going on in our world, we've always leaned on each other. We've always depended on each other. We've always had each other to get through it and personally, I love that. We've done it with humor and, yes, we have used the humor almost as a vessel, as an escape, to not have to discuss some of the hard things, but at the same time, we've also been willing to have those conversations when needed, for example, today, and I hope that anyone who's listening to this podcast can realize that there are ways to cope with things, to deal with things. The most important thing is, when you have grief, you have to find a way to process it If there's not a lot there, then there's not a lot there but also be open to the idea that it may be there even if it doesn't show up right away With my dad.
Speaker 1:It was a very complicated relationship. It wasn't the best, it wasn't all bad, but there were a lot of things that could have been different. There were a lot of things that could have been different by his doing and he just whether he didn't have the interest, he didn't have the tools. I don't know. I also know that when we were growing up as kids, we, as boys, were not given the tools that we needed to be able to know how to process difficult times. It's not that our parents did anything wrong or that anybody did anything wrong. The eighties and the nineties were just very different time.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 1:You know, mike, you had talked about how, when your parents split, there was conversation about getting you into seeing a therapist. And yeah, that was such a rare thing back then, 30 plus years ago. Now it's almost cool to have a therapist. And that was such a rare thing back then 30 plus years ago. Now it's almost cool to have a therapist.
Speaker 3:The school had one.
Speaker 1:I remember meeting a therapist, yeah, the school had counselors and the schools had therapists. It was still a hush hush thing. It was a very taboo topic. It wasn't something that a lot of people spoke openly about. In today's age, like I said, it's almost cool to have a therapist. I needed it. After my dad died, not immediately. I was kind of the same feeling as Dennis and dad, as you guys. When my dad died, I was relieved. I was relieved that he was no longer in physical pain, because, again, he suffered for a very long time, and I was also relieved that, from the sake of me and my three brothers, it was over. The just all of it. It was finally done. We didn't have to deal with his comments and his griping and his yelling and his insulting people.
Speaker 1:Sounds like me, yeah it sounds like you no, yeah, trust me, nowhere close to you you're. You're far better than he is or was. Um, largely I was fine when he died, you know, flipped to new york we had the funeral, came back, just went right back to work. I didn't think that I had anything that needed to be processed and that a few months afterwards I was. I was getting irritated, I was getting angry, I was snapping at people, not because of anything that anyone else did wrong. I was getting irritated. I was getting angry because I had unresolved shit with my dad and no matter how many conversations I had with him and no matter how many times we were trying to help him and get him to change, he never would.
Speaker 1:Dennis, you said if your dad had lived five more minutes, all it would have been was five more minutes of suffering for him, just so that you could have a little bit of closure, because nothing would have ever changed with him. He wouldn't have done anything differently and I recognized that with my dad. If he had lived another 20 years, he never would have taken better care of himself. He never would have changed his outlook or his victim mentality or his blaming everyone else for everything going wrong. It never would have changed and honestly, I was just relieved that that shit was over. But of course, once he's dead.
Speaker 1:I can't have that conversation with him because, you know, even if I internalized a lot of shit you and yeah, I internalized a lot of it and kim is the one who recognized it and she said I think you need to talk to somebody. And she was right, and I did I found this was still when we were living in Texas found a therapist online, did the appointments virtually I mean, we were just outside of Austin, I think she was in San Antonio had weekly conversations with her for about six months and we got into everything. There was nothing that was off limits and at first it was a little difficult but I loosened up pretty quickly because I realized that if I'm going to do this, then I need to put in the work and I need to talk about everything that's on my mind good, bad or indifferent. And, like I said, we did it for about six months.
Speaker 1:And, like I said, we did it for about six months and at the end of it I got to a point where I was able to forgive my dad for the person that he was, for the person that he wasn't, for all of the shit that he put me and my brothers through and my sister and I was able to just let go of the anger for him just not taking care of himself, being a stubborn asshole, for him being an asshole just generally in life um I knew that it wasn't going to do any good to hold on to it and I I was able to release it and you know, even to this day, like I still think about things and I think about him, but since then I have never been angry with him and I never will be again, because it's energy that I just don't need to spend.
Speaker 1:I've resolved it, I've been able to accept it and at this point I'm okay with it. And I really believe that anyone that has anything that they're internalizing, they need to talk to somebody. Hopefully somebody has friends, like I do. Hopefully somebody has a group that they can talk to, that they can confide in, that they can just talk about things. And if not, then talk to a family member, talk to a coworker, talk to me, talk to a therapist, talk to somebody, because holding shit in whether it's related to our dads, whether it's other things, because holding shit in whether it's related to our dads, whether it's other things, internalizing stuff accomplishes nothing.
Speaker 1:If anything, it makes it worse.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, I'm guilty of that, dude. I you know I snap, but like it's, small shit will set me off for a lot of shit that you keep inside. You know, with me it's I'll get angry, something spilled on the floor, but then I'll fucking take it at a, at a 10. You know. Just it's hard dealing with grief and and nick.
Speaker 4:What surprised me about your family is like like you and jack had a complicated relationship with your dad. You know it didn't work out between your dad and your mom, it didn't work out between your dad and your two brothers and sisters or their mother, but it surprised me like that you got at jack's wedding. How amazingly close you are with your not only with your brother, but with your half brothers and your half sister and how amazingly close your mom and their mom are so that was something that my mom and rosemary, my stepmother and again, they've been divorced for 20 plus years and she's still my stepmother I've noticed since I was 11.
Speaker 1:She, you know, has always been a second mom to me and, yeah, they, they've always been tight.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, I think they had, uh, they had that mutual nightmare in common, which which was my dad Right. And then for my younger brothers and sister, for Joseph, michael and Helene, my dad and Rosemary were married for 16 years, even though there was plenty of time toward the end of it where I know that they were just together for the sake of the kids. They were together for 16 years. So, yeah, it was kind of like an extended family, but it was still family. We had a place to go on the weekends and we had my younger siblings that we were spending time with, that we were honestly helping to raise and Jack and I spoke with Mike and Joe about that and it gave us all a closeness that has led to how close we are today with all three of those kids and they're amazing and I love them all and I would do anything for them and I'm thrilled that we have that connection with them, because it doesn't always happen with step-siblings, with half-siblings.
Speaker 1:But yeah, you're right, we do have that closeness. But, yeah, you're right, we do have that closeness and, um, the fact that our dad, you know, lived as long as he did is probably also maybe part of what we have to thank for that. I mean, when he died, helene was who was the youngest was 28, so I mean we were all adults by that point. The shit that he put us through. We didn't let that stop us from being close. We've always been close because of it and, in spite of it, I know that we always will be. Things happen in life and you don't ever know how they're going to turn out, but you need to make the best of it that you can Tried to make the best of it with my dad. There were a lot of times when I could have just walked away, and maybe I should have. I'm surprised.
Speaker 3:I mean I'm very candid with you, but I'm surprised you didn't, because didn't jack write them off for a while, for a minute he for a long time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they, they didn't. I mean, it was really until largely until he was basically in the nursing home. Toward the end is when, part of when jack got back into the conversation. Um, after jack's wedding, because my dad wouldn't I don't know that is he wouldn't go to the wedding. He didn't go to the wedding. Yeah, my dad tried to within, he also didn't go to my wedding. Um, he, like that day you know michael was supposed to bring, because michael was still living with him at the time. Um, michael got to where the wedding, where my wedding was, and he said dad's sick and he doesn't really feel well. And he says good luck. And I said when you get home, tell him to go fuck himself. Because I knew I wasn't sick, I knew he was making excuses. And, yeah, I probably didn't talk to him for maybe six months after that Because I didn't want anything from my dad.
Speaker 1:I didn't want money, like I didn't want anything from my dad. I didn't want money, I didn't want gifts, I wanted his presence. I wanted him to be there for one hour. He could have gone home after that. He didn't even have to stay for the reception, I just wanted him to be there. We rented him a tux, took care of everything. He didn't have to spend a dime and he couldn't even do that. So, yeah, for months afterwards I didn't talk to him. But there were plenty of things that happened over the years that I didn't talk to him for a while afterwards.
Speaker 1:When I had my Eagle Scout ceremony when I was 17, he was younger and much better health. Then he and Rosemary came and I had the ceremony and at the end of it I had to give my big thank you speech and I did not include him. That was by design, because for the entire time when I was in Boy Scouts he bitched constantly about it, especially if we ever went on the campouts we had. Every month, every other month there was another campout for Boy Scouts and if it ever came up, where it was on a weekend where we were supposed to be with him, he was just relentless about it. He bitched and moaned constantly and my mom was like they can go the weekend before, the weekend after, like you can have extra weekends, whatever, and just because it affected him in that little way, he was always. You know this is bullshit, this is bullshit and you know, at a certain point it's fuck you, dude, like we have lives, yeah, we're not. Everything is going to fall into your calendar. So, yeah, when I did my thank you speech, I didn't thank him.
Speaker 1:Um, when I was doing fundraisers for my eagle scout project, uh was, we did like a big pancake breakfast and we did a soda can and bottle drive. I basically asked everybody in the troop, their parents, everyone, you know, please, just for you know, a couple months. So just save your bottles and cans, just bring them in a garbage bag. I don't, they don't have to even be clean out or whatever. Just, you know, bring me the bottles, I will take them to you know Pathmark or wherever, and put them through the machine, get the refund and, you know, use the money for that. I didn't want people to be donating money. Just save the bottles for me.
Speaker 1:I asked my dad he drank Coca-Cola like he was swimming in it, tons of it. I asked him again please, I don't need money, just save your bottles for me. He couldn't even do that. Like the simplest thing, that would have been no effort. He couldn't even do that. So, yeah, I mean, he complained about everything related to Boy Scouts. So I really didn't feel that I owed him anything to thank him and so, as the son or whatever should I have I don't really know. I don't know if I should have or not I don't think that I did anything wrong and I would do it again because again, he resented nine years of me being at Boy Scouts because he felt like it impeded on his weekends it wasn't even that it was taking him, that he was getting less time to spend with us. It was about how it just impacted what he was supposed to have and I just I didn't care and so, yeah, I didn't thank him in the speech and when I was done with the speech he was the first one out of the auditorium.
Speaker 1:It was the auditorium at the high school is where the ceremony was and he was the first one out. And when I talked to him later in the week, I mean I knew he was pissed. And finally, when I got him talking, I was like what's your deal? And he's like my problem is, nobody at that ceremony knew you had a fucking father. And I said you know what, dad, for nine years in boy scouts, nobody knew I had a fucking father either. You never showed up to one award ceremony you never showed up to one camp out. You never showed up to anything to one meeting. So, yeah, nobody knew I had a fucking father for nine years.
Speaker 3:So fuck you, you get no recognition I want to double-decker his bathroom for you, nice nice and yeah.
Speaker 1:So I mean that was the. He didn't have one, um, but we we were. We went over to his house. That that was like during the week, on the phone. We went over to his house, jack and I went over during you know, the weekend or like on sunday or whatever, and he was just I don't know. He was in a prick of a mood that day and he, he wanted us to restack his stupid firewood. He had a whole shitload of firewood in the driveway. He wanted us to restack it and I didn't want to be bothered with it. Jack didn't want to be bothered with it and I really didn't care how it was getting stacked and rocky four, you could be out pretty much yeah oh yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I definitely looked like sylvester stallone. Um, he wasn't happy with the way I was stacking it and I don't. He made a comment. I made a comment and he just basically went off on me. He's like you know, I don't want you here anymore. When your mother picks you up today, don't ever come back to my fucking house. And on and on. And so I was like fine with me and I went inside. I called my mother. I said come pick us up now. And she did and I didn't talk to him.
Speaker 1:That was May of 1993. Graduated high school month later was starting college. That fall I had reached out to Rosemary because again now at this point, joe, mike and Helene is born. Helene is a baby. I'm not happy because I don't get to see the kids, and they were everything to me, and Rosemary too, probably. I don't know.
Speaker 1:A week or so before I was leaving for college, I called Rosemary and I said look, I miss you guys. I love you guys. Can you, is there any way? Please? Can you bring the kids over for one day? I want to see you and I want to see the kids before I go to school. And she said, of course. And she got there and she gave me an envelope with money in it I think it was like $500 and said this is from your dad. Now, I knew it wasn't. I knew it was from her and I love her for what she tried to do. But of course, at that point now I've got to call my dad, I've got to thank him, blah, blah, blah, and I mean it was probably the most awkward conversation I've ever had with him. I still, to this day, appreciate what Rosemary was trying to do and why she did it and she's amazing.
Speaker 1:He did not deserve her. He didn't deserve a lot of the good things that he had in his life. Again, it wasn't that he was all bad, he just he made a lot of bad decisions. He just didn't see what's in front of him. He didn't see what was in front of him. And then, you know, as the years went on, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Whatever we we I don't know if it's a matter of we patch things up or we pretty put it in the, put it in the, put it behind us, because it really wasn't going to do any good to talk about it. But yeah, there were other times, like I said, when he didn't come to my wedding and there were, um, when, when jack was first joining the army, uh, we're having uh no, actually I'm sorry, it wasn't when he was first joining the army. There was one point when he was getting uh sent overseas, uh, and we were having like a big going away party and my dad was just hemming and hawing because Rosemary was going to. By this point they were either divorced or separated and he had nothing good to say about Rosemary. And I said if we're doing the party for Jack, he's going to be leaving and I'm not coming, I'm not coming. And I said why? And he said because Rosemary's going to be leaving and I'm not coming, I'm not coming and.
Speaker 2:I said why?
Speaker 3:And he said because, Rosemary is going to be there. I said you stupid son of a bitch, Last chance to see a son before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I said he's going to, he's going over to war. I said what if something happens? He's like well then, tell Rosemary not to be there. I'm like you, fucking asshole.
Speaker 1:And for like, and for about a week or so we went back and forth in this and I called him up the day before the party and I said look, you've got one choice to make. You can either show up or not show up. I said but I promise you this If you do not show up to this party because of the fact that your ex-wife is going to be there who, by the way, is our family and we love her I said if you decide to not show up for that reason, you will never talk to Jack again and you will never talk to me again. He said so figure out what you want. He showed up and they sat five feet away from each other. I don't know if they said anything to each other the entire day. I mean, she was fine, he was fine, she didn't have an issue with him. He was the one that had the issue. But this was one of many examples of how the world should-.
Speaker 3:Tough deal with difficult people, especially when they're in your own family.
Speaker 1:Man, yeah, this was just one of many examples of how the world should have catered to John Gaylord and it just didn't. Well, I think that's probably a good stopping point for all of this. I think we've all covered a lot of material and I think now it's time to end on a more positive note. We are going to change topics a little bit. We're going to put your brains to work and, mike, I know that you probably still have PTSD and brain damage from the beating that Yvonne gave you this morning and, by the way, for anybody listening, his wife doesn't actually beat him.
Speaker 1:I hope that you've been able to. Yeah, maybe, if you can, I'll get some good Photoshop going with that and put some bruises and cuts and welts on your body and then I'll say this is my order for the lawyers, so I want to make sure I win the case Nice.
Speaker 3:Number in Spanish she's beating me. Which case is that that you're going to win the divorce and I'm suing her company?
Speaker 1:be great, oh my god, all right, so I'm going to throw out a bunch of questions that I have to you. This is this is what I do with all the interviews.
Speaker 3:These are oh, just get to it.
Speaker 1:God damn it wow okay, maybe she did beat you. Um, doesn't really matter what order you guys answer in. Uh, and again, these questions do not if they have anything to do with what we've talked about. It's completely unintentional. Just meant to kind of end the interview on a light note. You guys ready for this? Bring it on. What time do you guys usually wake up? In the morning 7.30.
Speaker 3:Maybe like 6.30, 7.00. 2.30. 2.30? Yep.
Speaker 1:He's Batman. Why do you?
Speaker 4:get up at 2.30? Because I commute to the city and I start work early.
Speaker 1:Alright, that's fair. I thought my day was bad, getting up at quarter to four. What do you think people misunderstand about you?
Speaker 3:You're asking me this after 30-something years. Everybody misunderstands me. That's a good question. I don't know. Man Kindness is mistaken.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's a very good answer. What's that? Kindness is mistaken for weakness.
Speaker 4:Yeah, no, that's a good answer.
Speaker 1:That's a very good answer. You're all going to go with that. Okay, what's your favorite color? Blue.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I got to go with blue too, just because I'm wearing the patch.
Speaker 6:I lean towards gray.
Speaker 1:How often do you floss?
Speaker 3:Almost daily. I hate it. I don't. This question comes up a lot.
Speaker 6:Don't floss, but I use mouthwash and toothpaste okay, and a toothbrush.
Speaker 1:Hopefully you don't just like only on the odd, your finger only on the odd days, only on the days that end in y. What is your favorite rainy day activity?
Speaker 3:what I'm always doing reading comic books and playing video games binge Binge watching Netflix.
Speaker 6:Yeah, movies of sorts.
Speaker 1:Mike, I know you're going to love this question. Are women complicated?
Speaker 3:Oh boy, yeah, you're setting me up for failure to get canceled.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think there's something wrong with the audio. Nick, I don't think.
Speaker 3:I heard it.
Speaker 4:Next question.
Speaker 6:You're not as complicated as we are.
Speaker 1:Yep, that's a good answer. What is your go-to pastime?
Speaker 6:It's illegal. Probably a good drive. Okay, I don't mean towards the city, I mean away from the city, like towards the east end or something where there's not much traffic but you're just open road, listen to the music and you're comfortable.
Speaker 1:Very fair answer.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I like walking my dog.
Speaker 4:Maybe a nice relaxing day with the wife and kids, with no drama, appreciating what I have.
Speaker 1:Because Lynn frequently beats you and there's always drama, right? Lynn's a good girl. I know she doesn't beat you.
Speaker 3:Not since the restraining order.
Speaker 1:Right. Who inspires you? In which way? Just anything. In which way? In whatever way that they can inspire you?
Speaker 6:I gotta say there's inspiration from different angles, sometimes celebrity and sometimes people you come across. You take a little bit of everybody and try and make it work.
Speaker 3:Make like a serpent out of all your favorite people.
Speaker 4:Nice little 80s reference there, yeah nice.
Speaker 1:Do you prefer cake or pie?
Speaker 3:you gotta ask a question like that, dude. Oh yeah, pie broke trying to figure that out. I do love pie. I love apple pie with ice cream and cherry pie but but not.
Speaker 4:But not an intimans pie. It's got to be like one of those farmer's markets imperfect, a little bit of a burnt crust, uneven, one of those handmade pies.
Speaker 1:That's the best. You're going to drive out east. You're going to go to Briarmere on Sound Avenue. There you go. Dennis is laughing, he knows, yep.
Speaker 6:Awesome. I love a tiramisu cake, but I love lemon meringue pie.
Speaker 3:No kidding. Wow, all right. I don't like the lemon meringue too sweet. That's the problem with meringue pie Sometimes they make it too sweet. What time do you usually go to bed at night? The party's on 24-7. That's right, 9 o'clock.
Speaker 6:I'll say between 8.30 and 10, depending how I'm feeling.
Speaker 1:What makes you angry? Everything.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it is the true, I hate everything People who get on the train and decide that's the time to pick out their new ringtone.
Speaker 3:It sort of makes a lot of ringtone Really good. Yeah, I'd let that one slide, dennis.
Speaker 6:I'm going to get canceled after this answer. I just want to let you know, sometimes just not being on the same page okay, like with the people around you at times like right I'll say two plus two is four. But you want to argue with me that it's five. Those are the best arguments, but you got the facts that they're it's a five and I got the facts that it's a four. But where are you like? I don't understand why we're having this conversation.
Speaker 1:Well, unfortunately, ever since the introduction of common core math, you've got people who are going to tell you that it's five. You've got somebody who's going to prove to you that it's 17.
Speaker 3:The earth is flat.
Speaker 1:The earth is flat. What was your last impulse? Buy Over $100.
Speaker 3:Oh man Comic book, of course.
Speaker 1:Which one?
Speaker 3:I think it's my Avengers number two. I'll show it to you, okay.
Speaker 2:Right here.
Speaker 3:There you go. It's a great piece of literature, dennis said.
Speaker 4:I'm not sure. Yeah, you kind of have to have money to impulse buy. So yeah, it's been a while.
Speaker 1:All right, I'll take off the $100 cap. Does that help?
Speaker 4:Last impulse buy period Sure.
Speaker 6:I'll lean towards an iPad. I bought that. I spent more than I originally wanted to. Just because there was nothing else really left in stock pretty much.
Speaker 1:Instead of waiting for it to come back in stock, you just bought the more expensive model. Yeah, all right, ed your turn probably all right.
Speaker 4:Yeah, probably is the same thing, just with this pair of training sneakers that I wanted okay yeah, they didn't have. It was the same thing. They didn't have what I wanted, so I just got something that was available, even though it's not really what I want, gotcha.
Speaker 1:If money were no object, what would be your dream car? To buy A real car, not the Batmobile, not the Batmobile.
Speaker 4:My wife and I. We just had this conversation the other day. It would be a toss-up between Kit from Knight Rider the General Lee or the Chevy Impala from the show called Super, kit from Knight Rider, the General Lee or the Chevy Impala from the show called Supernatural.
Speaker 1:Okay, All right. Well then, Mike, does that mean you want to keep with your answer of the Batmobile?
Speaker 3:I do like that, but I also like the Starsky and Kutch car too. I always want to slide across the hood of that, Okay.
Speaker 1:Dennis.
Speaker 6:Um, I'd say I'd be almost more into a basic for us to go to that. Okay, dennis, I'd say I'd be almost like more into a basic older car, like similar to what I have with the Evo, except a more rarer model. Okay.
Speaker 1:What's your?
Speaker 3:favorite day of the week Sunday. The best TV is on Sunday. Strictly for the TV. That's the only reason why Strictly for the TV. I'm the only reason why Strictly for the TV. I'm a very shallow person, right.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'd have to go with Sunday.
Speaker 3:You got to think about it. Sunday morning, wrestling was like the best thing, and then followed by the A-Team and all those other cool shows like Airwolf back in the day on USA. Yeah, but that hasn't been the case for 30 years. I know, but I go on YouTube and I watch Wrestling Challenge and then I can watch an episode of Airwolf if I want.
Speaker 1:So, thanks to YouTube, you can relive your youthful Sunday.
Speaker 3:My glory days, yep.
Speaker 6:You want that DeLorean from that last question, don't you? Yeah?
Speaker 3:DeLorean would be nice. Go back to the seventh grade, high five myself.
Speaker 6:I lean towards a Friday. It's the end of the week, start of the weekend, okay, but it also depends what time of year it is too, because you don't get many people out and about really even during the weekend, on the weekend, when it's cold out in the winter, right.
Speaker 1:That's fair. What is your favorite carnival food? Cotton candy yeah. Cotton candy definitely I like popcorn Name one item on your bucket list.
Speaker 3:Skydiving More barbecue from you and your brother. I gotta say, yeah, I gotta go with the barbecue.
Speaker 1:We'll see if we can make that happen in a few weeks More barbecue. I have to talk to Jack and see what kind of Food that he's going to be having Something easy.
Speaker 3:Don't kill me Every time I find out. You're up at 2 am cooking for everybody and you haven't slept in four days.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm going to be driving up there this time, so I'm probably going to be getting there Saturday morning.
Speaker 3:You are your brother, don't kill yourself. Just throw kielbasa on the grill. We'll be happy, we'll bring up some bread, you guys going to bring some bread from Frank's, of course.
Speaker 1:What's on your bucket list, dennis?
Speaker 6:I'd want to travel a little bit more and more through Europe.
Speaker 1:Any place. Specific Europe is a big area.
Speaker 6:Certain film location areas, because I know some of the stuff that went on like the John Wick movies was in France, I think Germany also. The only problem is I don't speak none of the languages, so went on like the John Witt movies was in France, I think Germany also Right. The only problem is I don't speak none of the languages, so you get skeptical as to pulling the trigger on something like that.
Speaker 3:Dude, just dress like Cousin Sven with the lederhosen and you'll do all right. You'll make your way around, fine.
Speaker 1:Not for nothing, but at this point you're retired. Do the lifetime membership of Babbel or Rosetta Stone. Learn a couple of languages, Then you'll be prepared to travel.
Speaker 6:It's a way to look at it. American, they should be bowing down to me. Wow, here it comes.
Speaker 1:We'll see if we can make that happen for you. What's your favorite junk food?
Speaker 3:Pizza you talking, snack-wise or just meal-wise, anything, your favorite junk food, pizza, you talking snack wise or just like meal wise, anything your favorite junk food and hit it on the dot with pete's. Between pizza and chinese food, man, it's a hard choice, oh good boneless ribs if you want to talk like snacks doritos, oh yeah, doritos has been the king for a long time. I'll go with toitos. I love salsa and sour cream. I'll go with that. In fact, I got to urge you.
Speaker 1:Ed, did I just hear Lynn in the background calling you a liar?
Speaker 6:No, yes, I thought she said fire.
Speaker 5:I called him a liar because he yelled at me Thursday because I came home with a box of Gushers.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, Gushers candy. Yes, oh God, that's my crack. Oh no it doesn't?
Speaker 3:What flavor is Gushers?
Speaker 4:Huh.
Speaker 3:What is it Like? What type of candy is it?
Speaker 4:It's like this gummy candy with a juicy center.
Speaker 3:Oh, juicy center. Yeah, no, nobody's going to deny you're a drug addict after having that in your pocket. Nice, I used to stop crackheads. All the time All they have is chips and like a Werther's Original in their pocket. That's all they live on all day long. I love Werther's Originals. They're all good. If I was a crackhead I'd still be addicted to those caramels or whatever.
Speaker 6:that way of butterscotch sorry, I love butterscotch I know jack likes the worthers because I think we got together one day and he had a bunch of them in his pocket oh, he's like an old man.
Speaker 1:Now man he's yeah the two things that overflow out of jack's pockets were the originals and cliff bars yeah, yeah, those damn protein bars, or whatever the hell he keeps they.
Speaker 3:They're good for Comic-Con, though, yes, I'm starved for Comic-Con.
Speaker 1:All right, last question Godfather or Star Wars?
Speaker 3:Are you watching a damn mind? Of course Star Wars, but the good Star Wars, not all the crap that they've been putting out there you got a point.
Speaker 6:What kind of Star Wars are we talking about? Are we talking? About the original three, I would say 70s and 80s. I didn't like Jedi so much.
Speaker 1:We'll limit it to the original three movies the first episodes, four, five and six.
Speaker 3:Without the Ewoks, I can do it.
Speaker 1:Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Those three, or the three Godfather movies.
Speaker 6:I'd go with Star Wars.
Speaker 3:I'd go with Star Wars.
Speaker 4:I'd have to flip a coin man. They're both excellent.
Speaker 3:Plus, you've got to be in a mood to watch either one. Those are the food choices. If I'm having Italian food, of course I'm going to be watching Godfather while I'm making sauce, or whatever. Although Goodfellas I would watch, probably, I think Goodfellas had the better food scenes. I mean Godfather, although goodfellas I would watch probably, I think goodfellas had the better food scenes I mean, godfather was no slouch either, but no, no, not at all.
Speaker 1:Gentlemen, as always, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much for doing this.
Speaker 6:Thank you for doing it again since uh yeah, my dog, I'm gonna beat his ass we had technical difficulties, the first pleasure is on all on this side of the table right, the pleasure is in uh, in three quarters of the screen that I'm seeing.
Speaker 1:Definitely all right. Looking forward to seeing you guys in a few weeks and seriously, thank you for doing this. Thank you for being open to this and getting into some really deep, deep stuff. I appreciate it, no problem. No problem, all right.
Speaker 3:Appreciate it.
Speaker 6:No problem, no problem, same here All right guys, Enjoy your day.
Speaker 1:Thanks for being amazing Thanks for not ever abandoning this group. I think we'll all be better because of it.
Speaker 4:Thanks Later fellas.
Speaker 1:Later brother.
Speaker 1:I can't say I didn't warn you. I told you they were idiots, but they're the best idiots ever. I hope you had some fun in the beginning listening to Mike and Yvonne go back and forth. He definitely loves trying to be the victim and she doesn't take any shit from him. I also hope you enjoyed the first few minutes where we were just having some fun before getting into the deep end. Not every episode will be like that. There are a few that already have been recorded that we just kind of jumped right in, but that's still something to look for as the show progresses.
Speaker 1:I don't just start recording at the first question, because this is not a super formal interview format. We're talking about intense and emotional topics and, as I've said plenty of times, I think that laughing absolutely plays a critical place in the grieving process and neither I nor my guests will ever apologize for that. Just come prepared to laugh, cry, be shocked, be amazed, be amused and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed that episode, then please get onto Apple Podcasts, give us five stars, leave a short message and tell us what you liked. Tell me which one of my friends you thought was the funniest, which one you can relate the most to, and if you think Mike is really the victim or if Yvonne should beat him more often, say anything you want. Just make sure you get on there. Tell your friends, tell everyone you know about this podcast, because together we're changing lives and I want everyone along for this ride. If you would like to be considered as a guest on a future episode, please stay tuned, because once the website is up and running, you will have the chance to submit your story and potentially be a guest.
Speaker 1:Remember, there are no rules to navigating grief and there's no timeline for doing it either. Everyone needs to go at their own pace, but the most important thing is taking the first step. Whether you want to contribute your own story or you just want to listen to others tell their stories, know that you are in the right place for both, and you also need to know that nobody is alone in grief or should ever feel like they don't have someone who will talk or listen to them. You always have both right here.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening and see you next time when I talk to my wife as we go through both of our dead dad stories. It's entirely possible that our 18-year-old cat, maxie, will even make an appearance because she's a beast and she frequently has to be right in the middle of everything that we're doing. For those of you who are new to the show, I'll share a couple of pictures of her with the next episode and show you how she's trying to be a role model for the next generation of podcasters. This is Our Dead Dads, where we are changing the world one damaged soul at a time. See you next time.