005 - The Transformative Power of Surrender and Forgiveness with Kute Blackson

What if surrendering could lead to profound joy and fulfillment, rather than weakness? Renowned author and transformational speaker Kute Blackson joins us to unravel this very question. Kute shares his moving journey from speaking at his father’s churches to bravely stepping out on his own, culminating in the wisdom found in his book, "The Magic of Surrender." Discover how his personal experiences with grief, particularly his mother’s battle with cancer, inspired his deep insights on surrender and led to the creation of his unique 12-day retreat in Bali, "Boundless Bliss." We delve into the importance of openly discussing grief, loss, and trauma, and how these conversations can foster a supportive community.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool for personal healing, and Kute’s life is a testament to this truth. He recounts the courageous act of forgiving his father at a young age, which led to an extraordinary transformation in their relationship. Kute’s narrative shifts to the unwavering support from his mother, highlighting the life-changing lessons learned during her illness. Through intimate reflections, Kute underscores the importance of presence, the impermanence of life, and the eternal essence of the soul—offering listeners profound lessons on love and grace in the face of mortality.

Healing generational trauma can profoundly enrich our lives and those of future generations. Kute discusses the necessity of cherishing time with loved ones, urging listeners to mend relationships and let go of grievances. His own journey of continually connecting with his father, despite a previously distant relationship, shows the transformative power of love and forgiveness. We explore the true essence of surrender, challenging the misconception that it signifies weakness, and instead, showcasing it as a powerful tool for everyone. Join us for a heartfelt episode filled with personal anecdotes, transformative insights, and a call to embrace vulnerability, leading to a life filled with magic and joy.

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IMPORTANT LINKS:

www.kuteblackson.com
www.boundlessblissbali.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kuteblacksonlovenow
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kuteblackson/
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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Our Dead Dads, the podcast where we normalize talking about grief, trauma, loss and moving forward. I'm your host, my name is Nick Gaylord, and on today's show I'm honored to have a very special guest national bestselling author, coote Blackson. He is a giant in the world of personal development, spirituality and transformation, and the impact that he has made on people around the world is truly beyond measure. His father, who was from Ghana, was considered a spiritual saint. Co is truly beyond measure. His father, who was from Ghana, was considered a spiritual saint. Coote first began speaking at his father's churches at only eight years old, was ordained at 14, but found the inner strength to walk away from an organization of nearly 300 churches at age 17 in search of his own calling. He's here to talk about his most recent book, the Magic of Surrender, which I cannot recommend highly enough. I read it, I love it and I know you will too. He's also here to talk about his own very personal journey through the grief associated with losing both of his parents, and Coote's mother opened his eyes to the true magic of surrender during her battle with cancer. Coote will also talk about Boundless Bliss, which is a unique 12-day transformational experimental immersion seminar training without walls, using Bali as the backdrop. This is an intensive, participatory, experimental immersion journey which will transform your life, unlock your true potential and catapult you into living the life you were born to live. Coot has been holding this Bali retreat for 12 years, and this summer is the last time he's doing it. If you're interested, you can find out more information on boundlessblissbalicom and I highly recommend that you check this out. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. You can also learn more about Coot on his website, cootblacksoncom, and you can check out his podcast, Soul Talk with Coot Blackson. All of these links will be included in the episode description.

Speaker 1: 1:34

Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone for listening, for your feedback and for engaging with the show. Please follow the show's social media pages on Facebook, instagram, twitter and TikTok and, if you haven't already, please get on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to the show. Follow the show and, very important, please give us a five-star rating and leave a short review of the show. Tell us what you like, tell us what you're looking forward to and tell us how this show has helped you or someone you know. We cannot say thank you enough to everyone who has already left us a rating and a review, and if you haven't already, please do it today. It takes less than one minute. It really does help make a huge difference and helps us to gain awareness and exposure in the podcast community.

Speaker 1: 2:10

As you know, my goal is to normalize talking about grief, loss and trauma, which are topics that are not easy for most of us to talk about, but they're also topics that everyone should really be discussing more Not only discussing them, but not feeling like they're taboo topics. Time may not heal all wounds, but keeping everything bottled up inside does not heal any of them. Together, we are building a community for others to have a safe space to talk about their stories and their feelings, and for anyone who may not yet be ready to talk, just to listen to others and know that no one is alone in this path. That's why I say we are a community and I'm so happy to have all of you here. If you have a story you'd like to share, if you'd like to be considered as being a guest on a future episode, get ready to submit your stories, because the website, which is OurDeadDadscom, will be up and running very soon and you'll have the chance to send us your story. Please enjoy this episode and stick around for the end when I'll tell you about the next episode.

Speaker 1: 2:59

Our Dead Dads podcast is sponsored by Kim Gaylord Travel. If you can dream up the vacation whether a getaway for you and your other half, a family trip or a trip for a large group she will help you plan it. If you've never used or even thought about using a travel agent for your trips, you really should. Kim will help you plan everything the flights, hotels, transportation, excursions, all the places to visit and all the sites to see. You'll get a detailed itinerary of everything and if anything goes wrong during your trip, you have someone to contact.

Speaker 1: 3:29

Whether you're looking for a customized European vacation, a relaxing stay at an all-inclusive resort, an Alaskan adventure, a Caribbean cruise, kim will work with you to make sure you have a seamless travel experience. Contact her today and plan your next trip with the peace of mind that only working with a travel agent can offer. And, as a special bonus for our listeners, mention Our Dead Dads podcast for a 10% discount on planning fees. You can find Kim Gaylord Travel on Facebook, instagram and LinkedIn, or email Kim directly. Her email address is kim at kimgaylordtravelcom. Well, koot, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm grateful for your time and I'm honored to have you here, and I can't wait to get into this conversation with you.

Speaker 2: 4:22

Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1: 4:24

Absolutely. Here on Our Dead Dads, we have very difficult conversations about grief, loss, trauma and moving forward. There's really no limit to what I or my guests will talk about, other than their own personal limitations, which, as I've learned so far. There aren't many limits to what people are willing to talk about, whether because they're ready to be so open from the beginning or if it takes a little bit of nudging. You have worked with and spoken in front of countless thousands of people across the globe.

Speaker 1: 4:50

You've written two books, including a national bestseller called you Are the One and your more recent book called the Magic of Surrender Finding the Courage to Let Go. I've listened to the Magic of Surrender and I have to tell you it was absolutely magical. I have started you Are the One Because of everything that I've had going on. I have not yet finished it, but I'm going to. You've been on TV, you've been on radio shows, podcasts.

Speaker 1: 5:13

There isn't much at this point that you haven't done and you're never in a quest to spread your message about surrender, and we're going to get more into that. But before we do, I would like to start at a point in time before you ever gave your first speech, before you ever gave your first sermon in your father's ministry, before you ever became a world-renowned figure of personal transformation. You were a child of a father from Ghana and a mother from Japan, and I would like to explore a little bit more into your relationships with both of your parents to peel back some of the layers of what you went through as a child, how your relationships grew and changed with each of your parents, ultimately losing both of them, and eventually, how your experiences, your loss, your upbringing, molded you into who you are today.

Speaker 2: 5:52

Cool, great to be here. Yeah, my father's from Ghana, my mother's Japanese Grew up in London. My parents were unique people. My childhood was a bit unique, although I would say I didn't really think of it as unique, I just thought it was normal. I thought everybody had. My childhood Like.

Speaker 2: 6:10

My first memories as a young boy was seeing a crippled woman crawling on the floor and she picks up the sand. She picks up the gravel that this man walks on, wipes it on her face and stands up. Week after week I grew up seeing blind people see and deaf people hear and people stand up out Week after week. I grew up seeing blind people see and deaf people hear, and people stand up out of wheelchairs. I grew up seeing miracles. I think the blessing was I didn't think anything special of it, I felt it was just a way of things. So I grew up with this sense of possibility. My father, this man who Sanjay picked up, would look at a person in a wheelchair and say stand up. He would touch them and they'd be healed. Look at someone with crutches and he would say throw your crutches away and, sure enough, they would be healed. And so this man was my father. He built 300 churches in Ghana, west Africa, a huge church in London, 300? Yeah, about 5,000 people every Sunday in London. So he was kind of an iconic man, you know, a great man, imperfect man, but a unique character, to say the least. And my mother was Japanese and a Buddhist, and so they met. That's a whole crazy story of how they met. So I grew up in this context, this very spiritual background a bit unusual, you know and it was a real blessing, real blessing.

Speaker 2: 7:29

When I was age eight, I started speaking in my father's churches. When I was 14, I was ordained as a minister and I knew that this was not my path. I knew that this was not my, it wasn't my destiny. I always knew I wanted to make a difference in people's lives, but the truth is I was too afraid to speak my truth. My fear was, if I really spoke my truth, if I really dared to be who I was, I would lose my father's love, I would be outcast, I'd be alone. I would be outcast, I'd be alone. And I think, like many of us, I allowed fear to hijack my voice. I allowed fear to stop me and I said nothing and I went along with it. I got ordained, became a minister, became who I thought the world wanted me to be in order to get love, validation and approval and became miserable in the process. And so for four years, from age 14 to 18 of being ordained, I tried to become the person that I thought my father wanted me to be.

Speaker 2: 8:28

And so, when I was 18, there was a very pivotal moment when I felt my soul calling me to come to America. I felt my soul calling me to come to the US. I felt my soul, I wanted to come to California, because this is where all of the spiritual self-help authors lived. I would sneak into my father's office on his bookshelf with literally a thousand books on self-help spirituality, metaphysics, wayne Dyer, louise Hay, deepak Chopra, tony Robbins, and to the Eastern mystics of Krishnamurti and Osho, and I wanted to go into this field. And so it was and you knew that when you were 14. Yeah, I knew it as a kid and my soul said to me go to the US.

Speaker 2: 9:09

I think sometimes, when your soul guides you, it doesn't make sense. When your soul guides you, it doesn't make sense to your mind, but I really believe that if you follow your soul, you'll always end up in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing with the right people. You, right time, doing the right thing with the right people. You know you'll always be guided and that's what I've really endeavored to do my whole life, which is follow my soul without compromise, because I think the soul doesn't care about convenience, the soul doesn't care about comfort, the soul cares about evolution.

Speaker 2: 9:34

And so that's when I knew, at 18, I had to face my father, I had to face my greatest fear and have the conversation and you know, I think, a man I think a man doesn't become a man or a boy doesn't become a man, a man doesn't become a man until they face and confront their father and let go of their father in some way, you know. And I had to go through that process of feeling like I was disappointing my father, to find myself feeling like I was killing my father metaphorically to save my own soul. And so my father and I had the conversation. We didn't speak for two years. He was incredibly disappointed. It was devastating, but I knew what I had to do. I knew that I was on the right path. I knew that God was guiding me. My soul was guiding me in some way that I couldn't explain. And that's when another miraculous moment happened in my life and there's been so many miraculous moments that have happened in my life that I could not explain where. I ended up winning a green card in the green card lottery, and that's what enabled me to come to the US. That's what enabled me to start 18 years old, $800 in my pocket, you know, two suitcases showed up in Los Angeles in pursuit of a dream, and that started the whole journey for me of finding teachers and mentors and authors.

Speaker 2: 10:52

And for the longest time, I was angry at my father, until one day I sat in a room and I heard this voice that said your father owes you nothing. He's given you everything already. You have everything inside of you. And that was the beginning for me of seeking help, seeking to really transform myself, realizing I had a tremendous amount of anger towards my father that was eating me up inside, and I had to go through a process of really forgiving my father, because I saw that by being angry at my father and holding this anger, I was keeping myself stuck. I was still giving my father so much power over me, and so I was waiting for my father to apologize. I was waiting for my father to say sorry, I was waiting for my father to make amends with me, and in doing that, I realized I'm keeping myself stuck, that the greatest act of freedom was to liberate myself and forgive my father, and that truly being free and being complete with someone doesn't really have anything to do with them. It has to do with my relationship with my father within myself, your relationship with that person within yourself. And so, when I really took the responsibility of okay, he doesn't owe me anything. Fair enough, no one's going to come to save me.

Speaker 2: 12:12

I went through a deep inner introspection and inner process of therapy and healing and men's work at a young age age 19, age 20, to really let my father go and free myself of my father's need for his approval. And that's when I forgave my father. I did the most radical, courageous thing I forgave my father. In forgiving him, I felt so free. I set myself free, I took my own power back and that's what really began a shift for me. It's crazy because a week later of truly forgiving him, my father called me up after two years and he said I don't know why, but I think we need to speak. And that began a whole new trajectory of my life. And it was a slow process, but it began a whole new trajectory of my life.

Speaker 1: 12:58

So he had no idea by this point that you had arrived at a point in your mind and your soul that you were forgiving him. He had no idea of this yet a week later he called you.

Speaker 2: 13:11

Yeah, I think everything is energy. I think we're all completely interconnected with each other in some way, shape or form. We're not as separate as we think, and so I think when we shift, it shifts how we see those other people. When we shift, it shifts how we see those other people. When we shift, it shifts our relationship with those other people. When we shift, sometimes we're so connected that it can energetically shift the other people as well, and I think that's what happened in some way.

Speaker 1: 13:38

That's incredible. How did your mother feel when you told her that you were coming to the United States?

Speaker 2: 13:44

You know, my mother has been my champion all along. My mother was the one that showed me profound love. She showed me the most love I could ever know in my lifetime and she's an incredible blessing. I know love, and real love, because of my mother and so much of what I am is because of my mother. So when I told her, look, this is my vision, this is what I feel, I want to leave the church and go to America, and she said are you sure? And I said yes, and she said I'll support you no matter what.

Speaker 2: 14:17

And I'm really grateful for that, because the love my mother gave me is what allowed me to feel fulfilled enough when I turned 18 18 that I had the courage to not even think twice to be able to leave home, because I had enough saturation of love from my mother. And it's a big deal. Because I think, wow, I look at some 18 year old kids today and I think at that kid's age I left and I'm like geez, that that's crazy. But I think I felt so satisfied with the love my mother gave me on some level that I was ready to just be independent and follow my dream and follow my soul, even though I had no idea what I was doing and so she supported me with everything she in the beginning stages, would save up money we didn't have a lot and would send me $200 here, $300 there, $500, $100, whatever she could to support a kid that was literally broke and following his dream, and I'm so grateful because I probably would not have made it without her help in so many ways. That's incredible.

Speaker 1: 15:25

Yeah, you talked a lot about your mom in your book. Yeah, she absolutely seems like she was your hero.

Speaker 2: 15:33

Yeah, she was amazing. She was a very special human being. My mother passed away in 2016. Obviously, if you read the Magical Surrender 2017. I speak about this in the very beginning.

Speaker 1: 15:46

Yes, you did.

Speaker 2: 15:46

In 2016, my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer and that was really difficult, because she's the person I love the most, and to hear that she was, I don't think you really process it and understand what. What is really going to, what does this mean? And so it seemed like it was wow, this is quite a bad situation, but I never thought my mother would die. You know, it doesn't, I think, but I never thought my mother would die. I think we don't want to believe that would happen. And so for the first few months, I was in LA, she was in London. I would fly back from LA to London literally every month for a week to be with my mother, and I did this for a year, and what started out as the worst year of my life ended up being the best year of my life, and I got to just be with my mother in chemo and hold her hand and talk about you know nothing, really and everything.

Speaker 1: 16:37

Yeah, everything nothing.

Speaker 2: 16:39

Nothing special and the only regret I have in my life and I've done amazing things the only real regret I have in my life is not spending more time with my mom. Like I wish I had spent more time with my mom. Like I wish I had spent more time with my mom and I thought, shit, why did I wait till she was dying to make this valuable? I was so busy running around the world trying to save and help people that I didn't prioritize it. I thought I had forever and I realized in that moment had forever and I realized in that moment we don't have forever. All we have is now. Tomorrow has gone like that, and so I really got in touch with what was important.

Speaker 2: 17:16

My mother in that year changed my life because she handled that year with so much grace. When the doctors said to us you're going to die, so get your affairs in order. There's nothing else we could do for you. You're going to die, so get your affairs in order. There's nothing else we can do for you. I looked at my mother in the eyes and I asked my mother are you afraid? She said no, I'm not afraid. I said how come? So you're going to die, mom? And she says I know I'm not the body. The body will die, but I'm not this body. This body is just a temporary vehicle for my soul. So when I die, this body will be gone, but what I am truly, my essence, is eternal. So I'll be guiding you from the other side.

Speaker 2: 17:54

And so I thought it was so profound, and she just knew who she was, in such a humble way. And then I asked my mother what can I do for you? I want to be a good son. What can I do to help you? What can I do to make a difference in your final days? What do you want me to buy? Where do you want to go?

Speaker 2: 18:10

And she said to me there's nothing that I want, there's nothing that I need. All I want is what God wants for my life. And that's when I felt, wow, she's not attached to living, she's not attached to dying, she's just, she's so surrendered, basically. Basically, she was surrendered to the highest unfolding of her soul's destiny and that was her freedom. You know, that was her power and that was, uh. She demonstrated to me what living surrender was. And my mother you know it's interesting, my mother's not someone who was very loud and my mother's not someone who was very loud, and my mother was not someone that was very flashy, and my mother was not someone that really needed attention, and my mother's not someone that needed to be on the center stage.

Speaker 1: 19:00

She was trying to be behind the scenes.

Speaker 2: 19:02

Accolades or validation, but I realized that she didn't have much of an ego and in so many ways the whole point of the spiritual path is to transcend one's ego and the truth is she was demonstrating it my whole life. She lived this way and I never saw. I realized who my mother really was and the greatness of her soul, the greatness of my mother's spirit. When she died and once she passed away, I'm like damn, I finally get who she really is. It is profound, and I felt closer to my mother and more love for my mother when she was gone, because it was almost as though my relationship with her was no longer limited to the physical. What I knew of her, it was beyond the physical. That was what was so powerful for me, and so she, she, she impacted me while I was alive, but she impacted me maybe even more so when she was transcended to the other side.

Speaker 1: 20:09

Yeah, you said a couple of minutes ago, once her terminal cancer was diagnosed, once the doctor said there's nothing we can do for you. You said what do you need? What can I do? How can I be a good son? Did you, or do you at any point believe that you weren't a good son?

Speaker 2: 20:31

no, I think I was a good son overall. You know, I mean I was I. She was an amazing mom to me and overall I was a really easy son. He didn't cause him many problems. She didn't really have to worry much about me, you know, didn't really get into trouble and I loved her. But knowing what I know of life, how precious it is, how short it can be, yeah, my only regrets in life was like, why did I not spend more time? Looking back, I thought I had time, there were so many more things I wanted to do with her. But no, no, no, I have to change the world, change world, and nothing wrong with that. But but of course I realize now there's certain things I could have. Like christmases I didn't spend with her because I didn't have time, you know, and I thought we had another 50 christmases, right?

Speaker 2: 21:24

uh, birthdays, things I didn't prioritize or make important because you just take for granted the time that you have Until someone dies and then you realize, oh, life is finite, this thing is not forever.

Speaker 2: 21:42

People do die. You hear about it and you read about it, but when it's right in your doorstep it's different. And so, overall, I was a great son, but I think everything has to happen for a reason, because if that didn't happen, I don't know if I would appreciate life and what's important in the way I do now. It took her dying for me to appreciate life. It took her dying for me to appreciate life. It took her dying for me to appreciate what's important. If she didn't die, I don't know if I would appreciate my wife in the way I appreciate my wife now, right, I don't know if I would really appreciate and savor my son, who was born after her death, right, in the way I do now. It's like, wow, the simple moments you know, just sitting around with them and doing nothing, really, yeah, and not going anywhere, crazy, just like. Wasting time with them is the most sacred thing, Right, and it's such a blessing that I think I'm able to appreciate now, because my mother passed away, and the sacred time I got to spend with her, and so look if anyone's listening to this conversation, if your parents are still alive. If your parents are still alive, pick up the phone, call them. Pick up the phone, knock on their door, go say hello, go make amends, go apologize, go forgive, because when they die, probably you will be filled with regret and you will cry and you will cry and you will cry and know if they're alive. You can avoid it now, and the truth is, none of what we hold on to means very much when they're gone. We carry so many incompletions and regrets when our parents go and it's not worth it. So do you want to be right, do you want to be free? And I think if we're able to make amends with our parents now, we free ourselves of generational karma, we free ourselves of generational transference, we free ourselves of generational transference, we free ourselves of generational patterns. Because when we can do the work to complete what needs to be completed now, what needs to be forgiven now, what needs to be let go of now, then that energy that is unresolved doesn't have to flow to our children and our next generations. And so I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our children and our grandchildren is healing the generations today, healing the patterns today within ourselves and with our parents. It provides the gift and the soil of higher frequency and consciousness to the next generation and I really believe that is a gift.

Speaker 2: 24:22

You know, when my father passed away, or actually when my mother passed away, look, I had kind of made peace with my father. Overall I didn't feel any incompletion. But it's interesting, when my mother passed away, I was in a meditation, speaking to her soul, and I said Mom, why did you pass away first? Because my dad is 10 years older than her right, and so it was just assumed he would go first. And it was like her spirit spoke to me and she said I died in order to gift you the complete karmic healing with your father. And I understood what she meant. I'm like, oh, I didn't feel angry at him, but we weren't like, the love wasn't like overflowing, but we were cool. I'm like, yeah, I love my dad, he's cool, I'm at peace, we're at peace. You know, I don't have any animosity, but there was still a bit of you know like, well, if he wants a relationship with me, he also knows where to find me.

Speaker 2: 25:22

It takes two to tango and I think when my mother died I just realized the sole assignment, like, okay, I see the spiritual work I need to do and I decided that I was going to love my father so deeply every day. I was going to love him, regardless of what he did or didn't do. I was going to love my father and I would honor him, love him, bless him. I was going to love this man. I decided I would call him up every single day until the day he died. Bear in mind, I could go three, four months without calling my father. He didn't call me. I'm like, well, he knows where to find me. He's my dad, right? Yeah, the phone goes both ways. I just dropped all of that bullshit. I'm like none of it means anything. Right, he can do whatever he wants to do. What I know is I love him. What I know is I, if he dies, I will have no, no regrets. He can have whatever he wants, but I will not let this man die without him knowing he's loved, without and with me having any regrets. I'm going to call this man every day as a spiritual devotion to be a son, so I can fulfill my own karma and peace with this man. And I called him up and just loved him every day. And we would have.

Speaker 2: 26:38

I had to drop all of the expectations for the kind of relationship I wanted to have with him because I realized he's not capable. He is what he is, you know, and it's not personal. He's limited in his own human cultural disposition. And I said I'm just gonna love him for who and what he is and not expect anything more. And I would call him up and say, hey dad, how you, how are you? Hey dad, I love you. Hey dad, I'm thinking about hey dad, you know, eventually he just he melted and yeah, he just so, because he'd never been just loved like that by people before and it just healed something for him. It healed something for me, it healed something between us.

Speaker 2: 27:17

This man, who was an African old school patriarchal guy, a guy who didn't even remember my birthdays, started calling me up on my birthdays hey son, happy birthday. Started leaving me voice messages and voice notes, hey son, thinking of you today. And it was such a healing that happened between us. You know that was so profound. It was like I shifted the, the karma right and and and and. What happened to him with his father and fathers and fathers. I stopped it by doing something differently and it was beautiful man and I remember he passed away about a year and a half ago and I knew he was going to go because I remember when my wife was pregnant with our son, I told my father he was the first person that I told and he said I had a feeling you were going to have a son. I told my father he was the first person that I told and he said I had a feeling you were going to have a son. And I told my wife my father will not live to see the son. His karma and mission is done now and it was like a phase transition.

Speaker 2: 28:20

And that's why I really believe, folks, if you're listening, you have the power to shift your generation. You have the power to shift your generation. You have the power to do the inner healing, to forgive your parents, to forgive the abuse, to forgive the neglect and by you forgiving and freeing yourself, that incomplete energy no longer has to flow to the next generation. No longer has to flow to the next generation All the incompletions that generations before you didn't complete abuse, secrets, addictions, et cetera, et cetera. By you doing the inner work, you can shift that pattern and you can free your generations. And that's the power we have, that's the blessing we have, that's the true generational wealth that we pass along. And there will come a moment, I really believe, if you and I, we do the work, we do the healing, we do the spiritual practices, we forgive, we let go, look at generations to come, your grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and when you meet them 20, 30, 40 years from now, you'll look at them and see, oh, they're different and you will realize that they have this privilege and blessing because of the healing work you did.

Speaker 2: 29:37

I look at my son now, who's almost a year old, and he's full of light. He's full of pure light, pure light, and his vibration is so clean that I can see he is the culmination of all of my healing, like the work I did freed him of all of my father's and grandfather's and grandfather's stuff, and so it's such a humbling thing, you know. And so, yeah, my father bless him. We bless our parents. You know we have to bless our parents, because I had to get to the point where I realized that my father, my mother, our parents, your parents, owe you nothing anymore Once we become adults. Yeah, it would have been nice, yes, it would have been great, yes, but there comes a moment that, if we are going to free ourselves, you set them free and realize your parents don't know you anything. They gave you life. That alone is enough. That alone is a profound gift, because without life we wouldn't even exist. And I think when we can let them go, we free ourselves to embrace our life and we bless them. Because many times we have to also accept parents. Many of them weren't capable. They just weren't capable. They just didn't have the tools. They just didn't have the tools. My father just didn't have the freaking tools. You know like his dad left him right and his dad left his mom and abandoned them, and that cycle just continued and he just did it to everyone right.

Speaker 2: 31:15

And so many times we end up staying stuck because we end up holding on to this belief that I'm not lovable. I'm not lovable because my dad I'm not lovable. I'm not lovable because my mom I'm not lovable. But the truth not lovable because my mom, I'm not lovable, but the truth is.

Speaker 2: 31:35

Holding on to that belief is a form of control, because if we hold on to the belief that I'm not lovable, deep down there's a misperception that, oh, I am still in control, because if it's me that's not lovable, then I can do something to be lovable. Maybe I can change my hairstyle, maybe I can change my weight. Maybe I can get a Lamborghini. Maybe I can get a Ferrari. Maybe I can get a big mansion. Maybe I can be famous. Maybe I can get a six pack. Maybe I can get you know, bigger breasts. Maybe I can make a zillion dollars. Maybe I can like do something that I'm still in control of to be lovable.

Speaker 2: 32:11

But to really like this is where part of surrender comes in. To really let go and free yourself. You have to come to the point where you realize my parents were not capable, and that step is a scary step for us and the child within us, because to accept that they're not capable is kind of like feeling out of control, because now you realize if they're not capable, I don't really have control over them. So let me just say that I'm not lovable, because if I'm not lovable, then I can do something maybe to make myself lovable, and so that's how we seek to control. And so they come to the point where we have to accept that parents are not capable, and in doing that it's a heartbreak for the child inside of us, it's a heartbreak for the little boy or the little girl inside of us, but we have to let the heartbreak if we're going to set ourselves free.

Speaker 1: 33:00

Yeah, and the only other alternative is stay in that rut and be the victim. Be the victim, that doesn't fix anything either.

Speaker 2: 33:07

And keep trying to get love and validation from the world to try to fill the hole of what you feel your parents didn't fulfill.

Speaker 1: 33:17

Many of us in this world can say that we're screwed up by our parents, and some of them may be right. Some of it's also attributed to choices and decisions that we've made choices and decisions that we've made. But regarding the actions of our parents that have not only shaped us but also turned us into the wonderful and sometimes broken people that we are, when it comes to forgiving parents for the ways they screwed us up and, let's be honest, we all have them Do you believe that everyone should ultimately forgive their parents?

Speaker 2: 33:46

I don't believe we should do anything. To be honest, there's no shoulds. But what I will say if you want to be free, you have a choice. If you don't want to be free and you don't care, no problem, stay angry, stay mad. And the truth is, many of us, we have some real situations that we've been through, that we're kind of I don't say justified, but there's real situations and real things that have happened with parents that are not easy to forgive. Let's be real Abuse, pain, mental, emotional, sexual traumas we could argue it doesn't deserve forgiving. However, if you want to be free and reclaim yourself and reclaim your life, then you have a choice to make and that act of forgiving is an ultimate act of power. That act of forgiving is an act of you taking your power back from your parents to say, well, no matter what you have done to me, I will not be an effect or a victim of what you've done to me. I'm going to choose. I'm going to choose and that's part of what forgiveness is. You're taking back your power.

Speaker 2: 35:00

You know I had a client many, many years ago who came to me she was in this place of. She felt she kept sabotaging her success. I don't know if anyone listening you can relate She'd reach a certain level and destroy it. She'd get into a relationship with a good person and she could never really build sustainable success. She would always hit a ceiling, sabotage it, sabotage it, sabotage it, destroy it. She wouldn't let herself be successful, basically, and what she had to acknowledge is she was mad at her parents. She was so mad at her parents and it was almost as though she had to acknowledge that she didn't want to not be mad at them. There was a payoff that she was getting by being mad at her parents. Well, why would I want to stay mad at my parents? She didn't want to forgive her parents.

Speaker 2: 35:55

Because here's the thing there was some part of her that felt as though if I forgive my parents, that somehow lets them off the hook. Them off the hook and by me sabotaging and screwing up my life and success, I get to be right about how much my parents screwed me up. It's like whoa, like if I could, if I screw up my life, I can be right about you see, my parents, you, you screwed me up enough that this is my life. You see, my relationship is because of you and I'm right. But the challenge is. She was the one that was suffering because it's her life. And so this is the thing I'm saying Many times we don't forgive because there's an unconscious payoff that we have for why we don't let go.

Speaker 2: 36:45

And so I would ask anyone listening if you think about your parents and you haven't forgiven, what part of you wants to be right? If there's any part of you you haven't forgiven, what is the unconscious payoff that you have for not forgiving, for staying stuck and ask yourself is it worth it? I promise you it's not worth your happiness, it's not worth your joy. Nothing and no one is worth your joy, your peace and your happiness, not even your parents.

Speaker 2: 37:18

And so look, set them free, set yourself free, release them.

Speaker 1: 37:24

Some people, who may not be willing to see anything a different way, other than how they have it in their mind, might see surrender as weakness.

Speaker 1: 37:35

But, you've acclaimed otherwise and you've built a career sharing your message to people worldwide. Of the people you speak to, whether it's at a seminar, at a class, in an auditorium, in a lecture hall, in an arena, or just someone that you come across in the course of your travels, how often do you come across someone who is as rigid as they come in resisting what you have to say, who thinks the idea of surrender is not for them, or just wrong, wrong how often, I think most many people have.

Speaker 2: 38:07

We have a misconception about surrender, right. If anyone's like, oh, it's just wrong, I think they just don't understand what surrender is. Like most folks, we have this misconception that surrender is weak, that surrender is passive, that surrender is giving up, that surrender is waving the white flag, that surrender means you're going to be a doormat, that surrender means you won't manifest your a doormat, that surrender means you'll be won't manifest your goals, your dreams, your desires, right. So we have this misconception in terms of what surrender is. And I really feel that what if, in surrendering, you didn't get less in life but you got more, more than you could have imagined, more than you could have planned, more than you could have intended? What if you got more? And the more was better? But if you look at the best, if every one of us, we look at the best things in our lives that happen, most of it we didn't plan, it just kind of happened in just the process of living. You bumping into your wife, bumping into your husband, it's just sort of like, oops, didn't expect that, right. And so I think that's the blessing, right. And so if that's the case, what if we really lived our life that way, you know. And so, to me, surrender is the most powerful thing that we can do.

Speaker 2: 39:24

I believe that surrender is the real key to the next level of our life. Surrender is the real secret to manifestation. Surrender is the real password to freedom. It's the password to freedom, right? And so surrender is a letting go of control, or I should say the illusion of control. It is a letting go of who we think we should be, how we think life should be. It's when we stop trying to force and manipulate life to fit our limited idea of how we think it should be, so that we can be open and available, we take the limits off of life and in that availability, we allow life to lead us and allow life to lead us. Now we're in the flow. When we're in the flow, there's no limits in the flow. When we're in the flow, there's no limits, right?

Speaker 2: 40:10

And so I think, if you look at the truly great ones jesus, buddha, gandhi, mother theresa, mandela, martin, luther, king bruce, lee, muhammad at some point they all surrendered themselves. They all surrendered themselves to life, to god, to the universe, to the divine, to to their soul, to their deepest truth, and in surrendering they tapped into another dimension of life, and that's when life began to flow through them and that's when life began to use them, that's when life began to express through them in ways that they could not have even imagined. And so, yeah, yeah, I can understand why people think that surrender is weak, because in our culture we're taught it's weak, but it's so powerful, so powerful, right, uh, let me, let me, because I think some people might be going. Okay, surrender, that sounds like for you know the daily, the enlightened mystics, the yoga people in the Himalayas, right? Okay, for those that might be naysayers, I'm going to get graphic for a second to make a point. This is just to make a point.

Speaker 2: 41:19

I want everyone to think about your most blissful it doesn't even have to be most blissful, but your most blissful sexual encounter Love me with your husband, with your. Think about it, folks. Just you, listen to the conversation, just wow, that beautiful moment where you and your partner were in the flow, just making love. Was it blissfully? Of course, good is it was blissful. Why was it blissful? Did you come to the sexual encounter with a laptop of notes?

Speaker 2: 41:51

Okay, honey, we're going to make love for exactly one hour and 39 seconds. I have it scripted out, by the way, honey. And okay, firstly, minute one, you're going to do exactly these 10 things to me. Then you're going to turn 90 degrees on the bed. Then I'm going to do this, this and this to you. Then you're going to kiss me 17 times. It's like is that how it is? Hell, no, it would be so painful. We'd all be celibate at that rate.

Speaker 2: 42:16

And so what makes lovemaking so blissful? Because we let go, because we surrender. And that letting go, we didn't know what was going to happen. We didn't know what was going to happen. We didn't know what was going to happen the next minute. We didn't have a script, we just were allowing the flow to unfold. And that's the beauty of surrender, that's the magic. The thing is, we all want magic. Who doesn't want magic? Magic is that which is beyond our mind's capacity to imagine. We all want more magic, but nobody wants to surrender. There is no magic without surrender. So if you want more magic but nobody wants to surrender, there is no magic without surrender. So if you want more surrender, if you want more magic, you got to surrender. And the degree of magic you want is the degree to which you must surrender. That's the beauty.

Speaker 1: 42:59

To get a little, you have to give a little. Yes, that's incredible, and I really hope that my listeners take a lot away from that, because I really think that you will open up a lot of people's eyes, especially people that are grieving, especially people that have been through hell and back. Yeah, there are so many ways through it, and I hope that somebody really gets something out of this. I know that we're a little bit short on time, so I would like to uh finish the interview portion of this with, uh, some additional questions for you. Now, these questions have nothing to do with anything that we've spoken about Cool. These are just total, random rapid fire questions. I have an Excel spreadsheet with a whole bunch of questions and I grabbed about 15 or 20 of them. Let's go, all right. Would you ever try stand-up comedy?

Speaker 2: 43:48

Sure, why not at some point? Some people say I'm pretty funny on stage, but I I don't think of myself as funny that's okay.

Speaker 1: 43:56

Well, I can say that I was. Uh, I had to mute my microphone because I was laughing through a little bit of that last part of that conversation. I think you might have a chance. Um, what's your favorite number?

Speaker 2: 44:07

wow, uh, I'm gonna go with the first thing.

Speaker 1: 44:10

10 okay, any particular special meaning for 10?

Speaker 2: 44:16

I'm born on the 10th, so maybe, maybe, maybe that's why I wasn't really thinking too much describe your style in one word uh, committed I like that.

Speaker 1: 44:30

Do you think society is improving? Yeah, I would say we are improving. What was the last song?

Speaker 2: 44:36

that you listened to. The last song I listened to was the happy song by Imogen Heap. It's a song for kids. Actually, it's a miracle song that works miracles on kids literally.

Speaker 1: 44:48

What was the last thing that you Googled I?

Speaker 2: 44:50

actually don't remember. Okay, I actually don't remember the last thing I Googled. I would have to think about that one.

Speaker 1: 45:00

That's okay. When you're in a crowd and a standing ovation is coming, are you one of the first ones or one of the last ones, or somewhere in the middle, to stand up and applaud it?

Speaker 2: 45:10

depends. It depends if I was moved by the performance. I tend not to fake things, so if I'm not moved by the performance, I probably wouldn't stand up.

Speaker 1: 45:19

Okay, that's fair.

Speaker 2: 45:23

If you see the only guy sitting down, he wasn't impressed.

Speaker 1: 45:26

He wasn't impressed. What never fails to make you laugh.

Speaker 2: 45:31

I would say, seeing some of the funny things my son does.

Speaker 1: 45:35

Name one thing that isn't a big deal to most people but is torture to you.

Speaker 2: 45:39

A big deal to most people, but is torture to me? I wouldn't say it's torture, but I don't enjoy waiting in line.

Speaker 1: 45:48

I can relate to that. What's your favorite junk food?

Speaker 2: 45:51

Favorite junk food. I don't really eat much junk food. I mean, I like cookies and cream ice cream, but I don't eat it that much, just a guilty pleasure. Yeah, if I could have a superpower, I I'd be like eat unlimited cookies and cream ice cream and have a six-pack simultaneously that's the dream.

Speaker 1: 46:15

Yes, what is your?

Speaker 2: 46:16

deepest fear. I think it's changed. You know, um, you know, when I was young it was all not fulfilling my potential, uh, being homeless and broke, but that I've been homeless and broke, so that's not really a thing. I don't know if I have many fears left, to be honest, but I think, having a son now who's a baby, my fear is not so much even about me anymore. It's almost like leaving him in the world by himself, unprepared. That's a vulnerable feeling that actually, I like feeling. It's a vulnerable feeling I like feeling it's a new texture of feeling that I didn't have to think about before.

Speaker 1: 46:56

Two questions left. What is your favorite part of this job, of what?

Speaker 2: 47:01

I do.

Speaker 1: 47:02

Yes.

Speaker 2: 47:03

Yes, I mean, I don't consider it a job, I don't view it as a job. That's probably telling right. I don't experience it as a job, don't view it as a job, and so that's probably telling right. I don't experience it as a job. For me, it's a calling. I get to help people evolve. I get to help people. I get to transform lives on a very deep level and help people's souls evolve, and if you think about what that really is, that's very profound and so I take that very seriously. But I take that privilege very seriously.

Speaker 1: 47:41

Last question is what is the best advice you ever received?

Speaker 2: 47:46

I don't know if there's one man. I don't know if there's one. I wish I could say there's one. I I don't know if there's one, I wish I could say there's one. I think it's advice for different moments of life, different seasons, but I would say be true to yourself, don't compromise your soul, because if you compromise your soul you don't have anything anyway. And so honor your soul. That's what I would say.

Speaker 1: 48:11

I think that's great advice for any season of life. Yes, yes, this has been an absolute privilege. Thank you, coot, for joining us. I really appreciate it and I know that the listeners will also appreciate it.

Speaker 2: 48:25

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 48:31

Give us some links or some contact information. How people follow coot blackson. How can they become part of part of your mission, part of the magic of surrender.

Speaker 2: 48:37

Yeah, I would say number one. Get the book the magic of surrender. It's available on amazon, so check it out there, the paperback version. It's an easy read. So that's number one. Uh, number two if you're someone you've been inspired by the podcast, you're ready for your next level. Twice a year, I do a very, very special event. It's my signature event. I've done this event for 13 years. 2024 is the last year I'm going to be doing this event and it's a truly. It's a life-changing. It's a life-changing, profound experience that will alter the trajectory of your evolution throughout eternity and that of your generations. It's called Boundless Bliss. It's a 12-day experiential seminar, training without walls, and it's special, it's impactful. I've done 22 of these events in the last 12 to 13 years and this is the last year I'm doing it. And so this July the 20th through the 31st July, the 20th through the 31st wwwboundlessblissbalicom boundlessblissbalicom. You can find out all the information on that website. My main website 2blacksoncom. My podcast, soul Talk. Instagram 2blackson.

Speaker 1: 49:53

For anybody who may be interested in Bali, you still have openings.

Speaker 2: 49:58

Yes, we have a few openings left for the July event, so go to the website. Apply now. Honestly, there's nothing like it on the planet. It's a very special, unique 12-day immersion, unlike anything.

Speaker 1: 50:12

Run, don't walk. Get to the website, get registered for Bali. You will not regret it. Thanks, this has been incredible. Thank, you so much Bless you for now, much love.

Speaker 1: 50:25

Thank you, much love, koot. Talk to you soon. We definitely had a lot of fun in that interview and Coot is a must follow. Follow him on Facebook and Instagram, where he posts regularly. You can even catch his live Instagram videos, don't forget. If you're interested in getting more details about Coot's 12-day Bali retreat, go to BoundlessBlissBalicom for more details. There are only a few spots remaining and it will truly be a once in a lifetime experience. And please find and follow his podcast.

Speaker 1: 50:54

Soul talk with coot blackson. I'm an avid listener and big fan, and I'm confident that you will be as well. If you enjoyed that episode, then please get onto apple podcasts. Give us a five-star rating, leave a short review and tell me what you liked. Tell me what coot said that resonated with you the most, or what he said that inspired you the most. Tell your friends, tell everyone you know about this podcast, because together we are changing lives and I want everyone along for this ride.

Speaker 1: 51:17

If you have a story you'd like to share, if you would like to be considered as being a guest on a future episode, get ready to submit your stories, because the website, which is OurDeadDadscom, will be up and running very soon and you'll have the chance to send us your story through the website.

Speaker 1: 51:29

Remember, there are no rules to navigating grief and there's no timeline for doing it either. Everyone needs to go at their own pace, but the most important part is taking the very first step. Whether you want to contribute your own story or you just want to listen to others tell their stories, know that you are in the right place, and you also need to know that nobody is alone in grief or should ever feel like they don't have someone to talk to or who will listen to them. You always have both right here. Thank you for listening, and join me next week when I talk to Nikki Critchett, my first international guest, as she tells a truly emotional story about her grief, which started when she was only 14 and, over the years, included the loss of both of her parents and her sister. This is Our Dead Dads, where we are changing the world one damaged soul at a time. See you next time.