007 - Faith, Community, and Coping with Loss - Kevin Crater

Could you imagine being 14 and losing your father, only to lose your brother eight years later? Join us in this heartfelt episode of Our Dead Dads, where we dive deep into Kevin Crater's emotional journey through consecutive family tragedies. Kevin, host of the Kevin Crater Show, opens up about the impact of losing his father and brother at such a pivotal time in his life. Hear how these experiences not only shaped his outlook but also forced him to confront his deepest fears, such as the anxiety of not outliving his father's age and grappling with the loss of a close friend.

Kevin's story isn't just about sorrow; it's also about resilience, sibling support, and the powerful role of family in navigating through grief. Listen as he recounts the strong bond he shared with his brother after their father's passing, and how they found solace in their mother's strength and faith. From everyday lessons like maintaining a lawnmower to handling bullying, Kevin's narrative highlights the importance of practical life skills and emotional support in overcoming life's harsh realities. We also venture into the health implications of losing a parent young and the positive influences of supportive spouses and step-parents.

Humor, despite its seemingly contradictory nature, plays a crucial role in Kevin's healing process. Tune in for an engaging discussion on how laughter and dark humor helped him cope with unimaginable losses. We also touch on the unpredictability of life and the critical importance of faith and community support. This episode is a testament to the power of sharing personal stories, aiming to normalize conversations about grief and bring comfort to those facing similar challenges. Join us for a conversation that's both inspiring and deeply moving, proving that even amidst life's greatest uncertainties, there is room for laughter and hope.

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THE KEVIN CRATER SHOW - www.kevincrater.com

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to Our Dead Dads, the podcast where we normalize talking about grief, trauma, loss and moving forward. I'm your host, my name is Nick Gaylord, and today's episode features my first guest whose podcast I have also appeared on From the wildly popular and brilliant podcast called the Kevin Crater Show. My guest is none other than the host, kevin Crater. In today's interview, we dive into two hard losses that Kevin experienced early in life losing his father unexpectedly at 14 and then losing his brother eight years later, also with no warning, which gave him some immediate and harsh lessons into just how unfair life is sometimes. We will also talk about how these stories of grief and loss helped shape him into the man he is today. He's going to talk about something that is not that uncommon when losing a parent so young in life, how he long feared that he wouldn't live past the age when his father passed. Kevin also adds in another story about tragically losing a friend and how he fought through several internal what-if battles after each of those losses. Before we get started, I'd like to thank everyone for listening, for your feedback and for engaging with the show. Please follow our social media pages on Facebook, instagram and TikTok, and if you haven't already. Please get on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Hit that follow button and very important please give a five-star rating and leave a short review. Tell us what you like, tell us what you're looking forward to, tell us how the podcast has helped you or someone you know, or tell us anything else that you'd like to share. It takes less than a minute and it really does make a huge difference and helps us continue to gain awareness and exposure in the podcast community. If you've already rated and reviewed the podcast, I can't thank you enough. As you know, my goal is to normalize talking about grief, loss and trauma, which are topics that are not easy for most of us to talk about, but they're also topics that everyone should be discussing more Not only discussing them, but not feeling like they're taboo topics. Time may not heal all wounds, but keeping everything bottled up inside does not heal any of them. Together, we are building a community for others to have a safe space to talk about their stories and feelings, and for anyone who may not yet be ready to talk, just to listen to others and know that no one is alone on this path. That's why I say we are a community and I'm so happy to have you here. If you have a story of grief and loss to share and might want to be considered as a future guest on Our Dead Dads, please send your stories to deaddadstories at gmailcom. Please enjoy this episode and stick around for the end when I will tell you about next week's episode.

Speaker 1: 2:17

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Speaker 1: 2:43

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Speaker 2: 3:35

Good timing.

Speaker 1: 3:36

Just when you need it to do what you're paying for it to do yeah, and it decides, nope, I'm just not going to do it. Well, at least it's back for you. So, yes, it got back just in time so that we could have a fun conversation, good deal. So first of all, thank you so much for joining me. I'm honored to have you here. I'm glad that we got a chance to talk a little bit in advance and hear a little bit about your story, and I am very eager for you to share your story with the listeners. This is Our Dead Dads and we do have that in common, so I'm going to let you tell your story. I'm going to let you get into it.

Speaker 2: 4:16

Great Thank you and, yeah, thank you for having me, of course. Yeah, my mom and dad obviously had mean my brother at some point in their early life, and I grew up with both, just as most people do Not everyone, but most and I was probably about I think I was 14, almost turning 14, maybe, or maybe I was already 14. Time's fuzzy when you get past it, but it was a Friday and my brother and I played on the basketball team and we were at an away game. We went to an away game. We rode the bus there, and I can think of one other time in my whole playing basketball in high school or soccer where my mom did not come to one of our games. And this was one of those times where she did not. She must've had to work or something. And so we, my brother and I, go and we ride the bus back ready to get picked up when we come back to school. And we get there and get off the bus and my aunt is there. She says hey guys, I'm going to be picking you up tonight. Your mom I don't remember what she said. Honestly, for whatever reason, you know you block stuff out so she picked us up and took us to, and I don't remember anything that was said in the car. I think she probably said something like your dad had an accident or something like that. And so she took us to my other aunt's house where we spent the night on the fold out, and I remember that distinctly, for whatever reason. Funny again. Funny what you remember, what you don't remember.

Speaker 2: 5:53

And then the morning my aunt took us to the hospital where my mom had spent the night. So what had happened is, when my mom got home that day before that Friday, while we were at the basketball game, she went looking for my dad and couldn't find him. And you know, she went out to the garage back up to the house, still couldn't find him. And she went back to the garage and looked a little harder and found him on the floor on the other side of the vehicle that he was working on, unconscious.

Speaker 2: 6:24

Oh no, yeah. So obviously something's wrong. She called 911 and they immediately took him to the local hospital. We grew up in a small town in southern Michigan and we had a hospital, but it wasn't anything state of the art. They did what they could there, but they obviously realized it was beyond what they could handle and so she took him, or they delivered him and her to a hospital about an hour away. It's much bigger and you know more technology and all that, and that's where my aunt took us in the morning and come to find out my dad had an aneurysm, and so one of those things where you're just going to have that or you're not.

Speaker 1: 7:06

There aren't a lot of warning signs for aneurysms. There are some, but unfortunately a lot of the warning signs that exist for aneurysms are warning signs for many other things.

Speaker 2: 7:17

Yeah, like maybe a headache. I don't know if that's one of them, but obviously everyone gets headaches from time to time. Sure, yeah. So obviously completely out of the blue, out of nowhere. We'd get there in the morning pretty early, I assume. And finally my mom comes and sees us and shares with us that he's only being kept alive by the machines, and so, yeah, it was pretty rough. Just what I remember is the questioning or the not knowing. I remember that feeling. We didn't have a long time to say goodbye, we didn't have any time to say goodbye.

Speaker 1: 7:52

Right, no time at all. You went from the basketball game to your aunt's house, to the hospital, essentially knowing nothing in between.

Speaker 2: 8:00

Yeah, except that mom wasn't there and dad wasn't there. Yeah, which is hard for a couple of early teenagers.

Speaker 1: 8:08

So you were 14 at the time and your brother is older or younger he's younger, he's two years younger. So, okay, so we have a 14 year old and a 12 year old about to find out that their dad is not going to wake up in a hospital bed.

Speaker 2: 8:23

Yeah, that word closures used a lot and there certainly was a lack of that. Like I said, we couldn't talk to him anymore. Just all of a sudden he's gone and still there, but all intents and purposes he's gone. It was a couple hours later when they finally turned off everything and that was it. But that feeling of not knowing what was going to go on. We grew up in a church and my pastor came, hour and a half drive. He came over and he was there. And then my aunt and my uncle they were there because she was the one that brought us. We had people around us. You know, it's like, not like we were alone and we had a really good support system. But again, I remember that feeling of just not knowing what would happen next.

Speaker 1: 9:07

Yeah, I mean, your entire world is ripped apart in a day. You go from dads working on the car in the garage to playing basketball, to saying goodbye in less than 24 hours.

Speaker 2: 9:20

Yeah, about 12. Yeah, so that's kind of the whole story. It happened so quickly. You know that again you're like just looking around, like what do we do now? And, like I said, we had a good support system and, like my school, I went to a small, very small private school and you know, it was like family it really was. I'd grew up with, I'd gone k through ninth, I was in with the same people, a lot of the same people, and so we had a really good system there. And I remember we started getting every Friday my brother and I would bring home a baked good of some kind. People would just do that. But that's the basic story of how my dad passed.

Speaker 1: 10:01

You talked about not knowing what was next. What did end up being next? Where do you go from there? How do you begin to process this as a 14-year-old, and how did you move forward from?

Speaker 2: 10:16

this. Well, those are all good questions and I don't know if I have a good answer.

Speaker 2: 10:20

honestly, you know I'm a pretty closed individual as far as emotions, you know I'm a guy, so there's that, but I think I'm a little more than most. If you'd ask my wife, I'm sure she'd agree. Obviously, we talked about it. It was December and so it was getting to be winter time and basically my brother and I just we spent the nights in my mom's room that whole winter, you know, sleeping on the floor, taking turns, you know, in the bed with her and everything, and we just had each other and a close family. My one aunt that I stayed with lived like three miles away. So again, we had a really good support system. But things just changed. My mom had worked full time my whole life and she continued to do that.

Speaker 2: 11:02

Obviously now and it's interesting I remember being very concerned about money. My mom was like no, your dad got life insurance on the house loan and I was like so that's all done. I was like, oh wow, well, that's one thing you know I'm going to go worry about. And his vehicle, I think, was paid off. We held onto that and I started driving that truck when I was 16. There were little things along the way that made it easier. I have a faith in God. God looks out for you. If you're a believer in him, you trust him in all your ways and he will take care of you. It says in the Bible that he watches out for the birds and the trees. Why wouldn't he watch out for you? So that's one thing, and our faith and all those around us believe in very much. So you know we leaned on that a lot.

Speaker 1: 11:51

How did it affect your brother and how did you take care of your brother as the older brother in this situation, man, you know, honestly, I probably didn't pay too much attention to how it affected him.

Speaker 2: 12:03

We were two years apart. We I mean it's amazing we didn't break each other's arms at some point.

Speaker 1: 12:11

You're 14 and 12. You had other things as priorities, as most boys that age do.

Speaker 2: 12:17

Yeah, I mean I remember we would physically beat on each other. All that to say, I probably didn't pay much attention to him when I should have. Looking back on it, obviously you wish you'd do things different, but it is what it is. When I started driving, I drove him to school and I'd look out for him. I do remember looking out for him more at school because he was bullied a little bit, even though it was a small private school. They're still jerks.

Speaker 2: 12:43

I remember one time, and I don't know what came over me like this is not me, I was not, I've never been like a violent person, but this one kid who was kind of a troublemaker was picking on him in the bathroom and I don't know if I heard that it was going on or I came in and it was going on and I basically shoved that guy and you're not picking on my brother and really asserted my authority as the older brother, and that guy kicked me a couple of times and I just stood there and took it and I shoved him back and he eventually left and he didn't touch my brother again. I didn't have to hit him or anything, just stood up for him. And so you made the point.

Speaker 1: 13:25

You're not going to fuck with my brother again. I didn't have to hit him or anything, just stood up for him. You made the point you're not going to fuck with my little brother.

Speaker 2: 13:29

Yeah, most siblings would do that, and especially in that situation, you know, oh, and I remember, it's the little things you don't think about. You know, we had an old lawnmower, an old John Deere. The thing was as old as me, which isn't saying a lot back then, but I still used it another 20 years after that, after we got it fixed. But what happened was we ran the oil out of it. We ran it until because you know, as a 14 year old not very mechanically inclined, I wasn't taught you got to check the oil once in a while, and so I remember that. And so well, I guess. So we had two acres and a pond, and so I'll guess. So we had two acres and a pond, and so guess who had?

Speaker 2: 14:11

to push, mow the yard the rest of the summer. Yeah, so lesson learned Check your oil and your lawnmower. It's little things that you don't think about. Like as a dad, you're always taking care of things and you just do it because you have to, and then, when you're not there to do it, if you didn't tell my kid that he needs to check this, he's not going to do it you know, for six years my wife and I lived in central Texas, where in the middle of summer it gets blazing hot.

Speaker 1: 14:36

We had three quarters of an acre and I did that with a push mower and it was brutal. I can't imagine how bad two acres was.

Speaker 2: 14:45

It's just like I was. I remember my mom laughing at me, not because I had to do it, but because I was running with a push mower to get it done fast just to get it done. It didn't have to look pretty, it just had to be done. So I'm sure it kept you in good shape. Oh yeah that. Yeah, it probably did. I'm sure it kept you in good shape. Oh yeah, it probably did. I'm sure I sweat a little bit that summer.

Speaker 1: 15:08

I'd like to go back for a second to right after your dad passed. You and your brother were spending most nights in your mom's room, just, I would imagine, for comfort. How did losing your dad affect your relationship with your mom, and how did it affect your mom?

Speaker 2: 15:25

Well, obviously it affected her greatly and in ways that I had no idea, because as a kid you're just not fully observant to adults' emotions. I mean, she held it together really good. She's a strong person in general I mean all the usual stuff there's crying and all that but she held it together really well and she probably did so because of my brother and I.

Speaker 1: 15:49

Sure, before your dad passed, were you close with your dad Not as close as probably I would have liked.

Speaker 2: 15:56

Okay, he kind of had not the best childhood. It wasn't like he was roaming the streets homeless, but he had a very gruff World War II dad who was a truck driver and most weekends my dad had to basically break down the engine and clean it in his dad's semi. That was his weekend chore for a long time, I've heard. And obviously his dad being a way over-the the road driver, I'm sure he didn't get the relationship he wanted with his dad either, of course. So I did not have, I wouldn't say, the best relationship with my dad. I think it was fine though you know it wasn't like horrible and I don't think I'm irreparably harmed by it, but it certainly could have been better.

Speaker 2: 16:44

I think, losing him. I wonder how things would have turned out if certain things hadn't happened, like what would my relationship be like with my dad if he was still here? I wonder about that a lot actually, and I wonder if it would be good or not. Obviously, a 14-year-old boy, he's going to give you trouble, and I'm sure I gave my fair share of trouble, and so I wonder if our relationship would have turned out well or not. I really don't know, and I wonder I think it could have gone either way, it was about 50-50 whether we would have had a good adult relationship. I think.

Speaker 1: 17:20

Any of the issues that existed between you and your dad? Was it because of his personality? Was it because you were just a typical 14 year old boy and you had better things to do than hang out with your parents and be close with your parents?

Speaker 2: 17:36

I honestly think it was obviously easier to say he's not here to defend himself, but I think it was mostly on him, cause you know a, because you know a kid, you know, I look at my, look at my kids and I'm like I can't blame you for too much because you're a kid. So I think that I think a lot of it was him and his upbringing Okay.

Speaker 1: 17:58

How many kids do you have?

Speaker 2: 18:00

I have three. How old are they? Yeah, the oldest is 12 next week, and then nine and then six. So yeah, again, my oldest is a boy. I had two boys first, just like my parents, but I had an additional third, a surprise girl, and so, yeah, my boy is coming up to the age I was when I lost my dad, and so you think about that. You know I was when I lost my dad, and so you think about that, you know. And when I approached the age where my dad died 38, I think, was how old he was, okay, somewhere around there, give or take a year, yeah, I remember reaching that age and just, obviously it's irrational. But you know, losing someone might make you think irrationally like, well, maybe I'll go when I'm that age and I won't be able to be with my kids and the same thing will happen to them, where they miss out on a great relationship. And so obviously I understand totally that is irrational. And if anyone told me that, I'd nod my head in agreement. But you can't help but think it.

Speaker 1: 19:04

I don't think it's irrational. You lose your father at 14. Now I cannot speak from experience from this. I lost my father at 43 or 44. So I was well into adulthood. But when you lose your dad so young, yeah I mean those thoughts are going to cross your mind. And I imagine, especially now with you having your own kids, I would imagine those thoughts probably cross your mind more than you would like, definitely more than I'd like.

Speaker 2: 19:35

It's an ever present thing. Because of what happened, I kind of asked God. Obviously, as I said before, I'm a Christian. My life is in God's hands, yes, and my kids are in God's hands, but I ask him at least let them get to adulthood before I go. That's what I really want is if I could choose something. Obviously, you ask this with understanding. Hey, you could take me right this second and your sovereign will, but yeah, it's an ever-present thing.

Speaker 1: 20:03

Yeah, Having an aneurysm isn't again. We talked a little bit about this. Sometimes there are causes, sometimes it just happens. It isn't as if he were type two diabetic because he ate crap and junk food all day long and drank a 12 pack of soda every day. This was very likely through no fault of his own that this happened. I understand how difficult that is to accept and to process, but after losing your dad at such a young age, regardless of the reason, how has it affected how you take care of yourself to try to prolong your life and be there as long as you can for your kids?

Speaker 2: 20:47

That's a good question. I'm a healthy person in that I am in shape, but I do not purposefully. What's the best way to say it? I'm not like a super health foodie.

Speaker 1: 21:00

You're not a fitness freak, you're not a health.

Speaker 2: 21:02

Yeah, yeah, that's it. If that's, you're not a fitness freak, you're not a health.

Speaker 1: 21:05

Yeah yeah, everybody's in shape. Round is a shape.

Speaker 2: 21:08

Exactly For my job. I walk all day. That's basically what I do at my job, and so I get a lot of physical activity just in that, and so I'm lucky in that regard. I do have actually a condition of my esophagus that affects how I eat, and so because of that, I'm very thin. I'm six feet tall, but I don't weigh what a six feet tall person should weigh, and so I'm quite thin as a result of my issues with my esophagus. That also adds to my worry.

Speaker 2: 21:43

I got some things wrong with me, like maybe that'll take me out sooner than it should, but it's a hereditary thing and I'm dealing with that. I've had a couple of surgeries on it, so it is because of that, I think, that I am so thin. So I can't say I did a lot of work to keep myself in shape, but I do think and my wife is she is a health, the healthy one of our family. She's supplements and eating right, and she has pushed me in that direction, definitely, so I'm thankful for her. I certainly eat the best I could, but I certainly do not eat the worst that I could. But because of my job, I don't have to go out and exercise because I'm literally walking all day, which is a pretty good exercise.

Speaker 1: 22:23

You're getting the exercise without even having to try.

Speaker 2: 22:26

Yeah, getting paid to as well, so it's helpful, yeah. Yeah, it's hard to complain about that?

Speaker 1: 22:31

No, I won't yeah. Do you still have your mom in your life?

Speaker 2: 22:36

Yep, she's, oh man. She'll be 70 this year, about three and a half years after my dad died and married another guy, and who she met through a friend of hers at work is her cousin and they've been married since and he's a fantastic guy and he stepped right in and I could not have asked for a better replacement, if you will.

Speaker 1: 22:59

That's a great way to put it. Obviously, we all know that we only get one set of parents and nobody can ever replace your stepdad. Was he ever worried that you and your brother might feel that he was trying to replace your dad?

Speaker 2: 23:16

Not that I know of, and I don't think so. We butted heads. Obviously, you've got two teenage boys and a new husband and in the picture there's going to be a little head butting, but I think it was nothing unusual or severe. No, I don't think he ever thought he was felt like he was trying to or felt that we felt that he was trying to replace. I mean, he was he's very pragmatic and a gentle guy and so, yeah, it was cool. It was like I said, I couldn't have asked for a better husband for my mom.

Speaker 1: 23:51

Yeah, that's awesome. Do you and your mom ever talk about your dad?

Speaker 2: 23:56

Oh yeah, yeah, you know it's mostly just like you'll remember a story or something, think of something or see some old pictures or whatever. And you know it's just, it's a part of who you were. So if you wouldn't talk about it at all, that'd be a little weird. Of course, yeah, and my stepdad's cool with it. He like he understands like you're married to this guy for how many years and so it's a part of you and so, yeah, you're going to talk about him just because he's a part of you. So, yeah, we definitely do Nothing serious. I'm not a very emotional guy, so we never get like, what does this really mean? Nothing like that, but tell stories and whatnot.

Speaker 1: 24:36

Yeah, you don't try to dive any deeper than necessary into something.

Speaker 2: 24:42

No, I don't, and this is actually. I don't usually talk about this stuff. Probably most people that know me do not know half of what I'm sharing on this, so you know, other than my wife and my immediate family. Yeah, I don't really no reason to talk about it, but maybe there is, and maybe that's why I'm talking to you.

Speaker 1: 25:01

Yeah, you know, when we talk about, should people talk about these things? So you're how old now? 45. So 45. So it's just over 30 years ago that you lost your dad. Yeah, did you feel that you were in a position that you could discuss your feelings, whether with your mom, with an aunt or uncle, with somebody at church at that age? Yeah, yeah definitely, and did you take?

Speaker 2: 25:27

advantage of that. I don't remember doing that much Occasionally. The weight of it would hit you in a random spot or at a weird time, whether you're just at school, in a class or whatever, and people obviously be very open to talk about it because, like I said, it was a small school with family, everyone knew, or at church. But yeah, I definitely had that ability too.

Speaker 1: 25:51

There was definitely that openness there, but I don't remember doing it much, so it wasn't because you didn't feel like you couldn't talk about it or nobody would or wanted to talk about it with you, but you were just fine to not bring it up. Yeah, or wanted to talk about it with you, but you were just fine to not bring it up. Losing a parent is never easy. What advice would you give a 14-year-old who, out of the blue, lost his dad? Would you say it's easier and it's better to pack it away and not talk about it? Or would you suggest that they talk about it to somebody, regardless of who?

Speaker 2: 26:30

I would say that there's no right or wrong way to handle it. As long as you are handling it Now, I would suggest that you be very open to talk about it, because there's probably things you don't realize that you need to talk about, that you should. But I would say, do not feel pressure to talk about it just because people think you should talk about it. Right, if that makes sense. What can you say? If you've literally said everything that is on your mind? You know what else is there to say?

Speaker 2: 27:03

When people in the Bible would lose somebody, they would cover themselves in ashes and they would just sit and their friends would come over, cover themselves in ashes with them and just sit with them and there'd be crying, but most of the time it was just sitting in silence and sometimes that's all you can do, and sometimes you need those people around you. I would say, more importantly than quote-unquote talking about it is having people around you. That way, when you are ready to talk about it, they're there and they're ready to listen. And for the people who are friends of people who have passed, please don't make them talk about it. They will talk when they want to. The time will come when they will want to talk about it.

Speaker 1: 27:47

That time will come for everyone and it will come in different ways, and it might be years later, but handle it, however is best for you to handle it the best way to deal with it is to do it in your own time, in your own way, but definitely figure out how to deal with it, because everybody does have different ways of processing grief, of processing loss. Again, my dad died three years ago. I'm a grown ass man and it was very different than had I lost him as a teenager. There is no book for the exact way to handle grief. What I think is most amazing is you had the support system there and unfortunately that is something that a lot of people don't have. You had it through your family. You had it through your church, you and your mom. Even though your mom was still grieving, she showed her strength and she was there for you and your brother. Yeah, I'm sure you were there for her I hope I was.

Speaker 1: 28:49

Anyway, whether I was or not, you'd have to ask her on a candid moment whether she'd tell you and I don't know if I was honestly, because you're a teenager- well, the same way that you said earlier how you would only have certain expectations of your kids because they're 12 and nine, and I'm sure your mom felt that way about you at 14. In some ways, it unfortunately forces you to grow up really quick, and in many other ways it just it's going to still happen in its own time. I mean, you're now living in a world without a dad, but you're still a 14 year old, yeah, and it is okay to just be a 14 year old, yeah no, that is true.

Speaker 2: 29:33

That's a good point. You have to allow for what stage in life you're at. Yeah Right.

Speaker 1: 29:39

What are some of your favorite memories with you and your dad?

Speaker 2: 29:46

Oh, a couple of times we'd shoot fireworks off in the summer, a somewhat regular occasion, and he actually was for a brief period. He was a professional. You know, you go to a show and there's guys back there doing that and there's a local company and his friends got him in there doing that kind of on the weekends and he'd be lighting off the big ones and so that was fun. We'd go see some of his shows, little things like that, and my dad was very random in his affection. So there'd be a time where he'd want to do something silly all of a sudden, out of nowhere.

Speaker 2: 30:23

And I wonder if I'm a little bit like that myself. So I think I probably am a little bit, but I try to show my kids, you know good, do you have an example that you can share? I honestly I can't think of something specific, but I know it would whenever it would just be silliness, like my brother and I would wrestle him on the ground to be us two against him, you know, and he'd be rolling and we'd be just jumping on him and everything, but things like that. That would happen very randomly, which I guess is probably the best way for silly things to happen. So yeah, honestly with him, like the good times and things that were fun that I remember were always random, okay.

Speaker 1: 31:03

Never planned. Do you think maybe it was better that they were completely random?

Speaker 2: 31:08

you didn't know about them, you weren't expecting them, they just happened maybe yeah and I'm not saying that was that they were random, was good or bad, I don't know but obviously if you're surprised by maybe a sudden fun time, maybe that is the best way you said that some of the best memories are random things that he did, so maybe it was better for you that they were random.

Speaker 2: 31:31

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, and, like I said, I think I do that with my kids to just kind of surprise them with something, and it does. That is so funny now that I'm thinking about it. Whenever I plan an activity that I think is going to be fun, that they will love it, usually I'm let down by their response. You know, it's like you expect, like, oh, they're going to love this, and then you take them or do it and they're like yeah it was fun Like, oh okay, I was hoping for a better response, but so yeah, I think the randomness is cool.

Speaker 1: 32:06

I think you can definitely plan or try to plan things for special occasions, birthdays, anniversaries, but I do agree that sometimes just doing random things to saying you know what, let's go to a baseball game, let's go to the park, let's go to the beach, let's go get ice cream I think, especially if you know with you and your kids, if it catches them by surprise, they might be more likely to enjoy it. As long as it's somewhere in the realm of fun, I don't think they're going to say why the hell are we doing this?

Speaker 2: 32:37

Yeah, it is true, and, you know, maybe I got that from my dad and maybe they'll get that from me, so who knows?

Speaker 1: 32:43

Are you able to say what you think is the best quality that you got from your dad, or a quality that you're really proud of?

Speaker 2: 32:50

Boy. I don't think I could. Not that he didn't have any good qualities, I just didn't. I don't think I knew him well enough, like as a person. Okay, my mom would probably be able to pick some things out, having known both of us as adults, but I don't think I can honestly yeah.

Speaker 1: 33:07

All right. Well then, let's try rephrasing the question. Rather than saying the best quality, what's something that you know, that you got from your dad, that you like?

Speaker 2: 33:14

My dad was always doing something. He always had a little project going, like working in the garage on a vehicle or something. It seems like he was always doing something, always had his hand in some sort of project. And I'm the same way. I'm always going from one thing to the next and I do stick on some things, but I get distracted and go all out for a little bit and then like, oh okay, I don't want to do that anymore, and then so I think I did get that from him. You're laughing. You must have a similar.

Speaker 1: 33:49

Well, I I'm laughing because I also will frequently start something and not always finish it. Or I'll do something. You know, maybe halfway my wife will need me to do something or fix something around the house. Something very easy requires some sort of a tool, a screwdriver, what have you, and I'll get what I need to get, fix it and when I'm done, put it down on the table. And I forget to put it away. I don't intentionally leave it there, but that's an example of just. You know I'll do something like 85%. I hear you She'll walk in later with you know, holding it and like really you couldn't. You did what you needed to do, you finished. You couldn't just walk back to the garage and put it back in there.

Speaker 2: 34:40

Why would you do that? I understand. Why would I do that? I understand. Why would I do that?

Speaker 1: 34:43

Because I can tell you exactly why I wouldn't do that. Because I'm a man, yeah, yeah, it's, it's one of my, I don't know. I hate to say it's a guilty pleasure, because I certainly don't do it intentionally. You know, my intention is never to drive my wife crazy.

Speaker 2: 34:58

Well, yeah, it just happens unintentionally, I know, I know it does, it just happens. Yeah, I think that's what I did get from him. I can't just sit down like too long in the evenings, you know, when kids are in bed and my wife or I winded down. Sure, but I got to be doing from him. That I wish I didn't get was impatience. It was impatient and I definitely got that and my wife has helped me with that, which I'm very grateful for, because sometimes it's five minutes to leave and there's still 15 minutes of getting ready to do so. Again, I think men can attest to that. But, yes, definitely. So, again, I think men can attest to that. Yes, definitely.

Speaker 1: 35:42

And again, this is not to point fingers at men or women, because I know men who take a long time to get ready. I know women who take a long time to get ready.

Speaker 2: 35:51

Yep, it's just. You know stereotypes, they're true for a reason sometimes, but we all have our stuff. But yeah, so impatience is definitely something I got from him that I wish I didn't have so much of, but honestly, I wouldn't want to go without it because it's who I am. It has led to certain aspects of my character that I'm quite happy with. As far as punctuality, if you're not 10 minutes early, you're late, and I take pride in that. I'm early, and maybe I shouldn't take pride in it, but I am so little things like that. I'm early and maybe I shouldn't take pride in it, but I am so little things like that like I wouldn't change who I am. I know that I have it, and so it's good to recognize it so that you can maybe do something about it. We don't have to be there half an hour early, kevin, we can. Just we can get there 10 minutes early, so I can also relate to that.

Speaker 1: 36:37

Whenever we're flying, I love getting to the airport two, two and a half hours early because I want to get through TSA and I don't want to deal with the ridiculous lines of people checking their bags If we get there an hour early. It happened one time. We waited a little too long. We got there probably a little later than I would have liked liked. There were two groups of about 14 or 15 people in front of us that had just an absurd amount of luggage and it just took forever. And of course I, you know, being the smartest that I am, I say this is why I wanted to come in two hours early. And she's like, yeah, whatever, shut up.

Speaker 2: 37:18

And you know she's right but yeah, oh, I don't know, are you like me, where you can literally feel your blood pressure increasing?

Speaker 1: 37:27

in situations like that. Yes, yep, I would much rather. I don't care if I'm sitting on the other side of tsa for two hours, two and a half hours. It really doesn't bother me. I'll pull out my laptop, I'll play a game on my phone, I'll walk around, but the point is I'm on the other side. I've already checked. I don't have to deal with security, I don't have to deal with bag check, I don't have to deal with any of it, and you know you're good.

Speaker 2: 37:56

You're good Just whenever they call your number, you're good, exactly when it's time to board.

Speaker 1: 38:00

We're going to board, but there's no stress because I've already checked my bags. I've already checked in.

Speaker 2: 38:08

Yep, I wish I could live a carefree life where I didn't care what time I arrived, but that's just not possible.

Speaker 1: 38:15

It's okay. It's what makes us we're all very unique, and they're not bad things.

Speaker 2: 38:21

Exactly and to say I got that from my dad and it's bad. You can't look at it like that, Honestly, you can't. You can as like oh, I wish I wasn't so impatient, but that's part of who you are. And so take it and roll.

Speaker 1: 38:37

That's exactly the way you have to look at it, and that's a great way to look at it. Nobody's going to be perfect. I've always believed that the only person you need to try to be better than is the person that you were yesterday. If you fuck up and if you make a mistake, if we wake up tomorrow, it's another chance to get it right. Agree, totally Well, it's an incredible story. I hate that you had to go through it so young in life. Nobody should have to. Unfortunately, that's an incredible story. I hate that you had to go through it so young in life. Nobody should have to. Unfortunately, that's not the reality and some people are just stuck with having to deal with that reality. But it seems like you handled it very well For you, for yourself, for your brother, for your mom.

Speaker 2: 39:16

I try yeah, hopefully.

Speaker 1: 39:21

I did the best I could. You know it sure sounds like you did, and I think you should definitely be proud of that.

Speaker 2: 39:26

Well, thank you, thank you. Hopefully, you know things prepare you for other things in your life. Of course, If I can help anyone at all at some point when they deal with this, then you know that's what you do with what life gives you.

Speaker 1: 39:43

Yeah, yeah, speaking of helping people, let's take a few minutes and let's talk about your podcast, because you also have a podcast. Would you like to talk about it?

Speaker 2: 39:57

Sure thing, real quick. Though Did you want to go into my brother? Sure thing, real quick though.

Speaker 1: 40:02

did you want to go into my brother? Honestly, I couldn't remember if you wanted to or not.

Speaker 2: 40:07

That's why I didn't, but yes if you want to, I would love to. Yeah, sure, yeah, I think it'd be good too. I'll let you do whatever. A segue.

Speaker 1: 40:17

Let's circle back to your childhood and let's talk about your brother. Losing your dad was not the only tragedy that you had to deal with as a child, as a young adult.

Speaker 2: 40:27

Yes, I mentioned my brother, who was two years younger than me, Like I said earlier days, where we hated each other, and you know, as kids you have that. So I went off to college when I was 18. And my brother, when he graduated, stayed home and started working and figuring things out. And I moved back home after I graduated trying to figure out what I wanted to do next. And that's the home base where you go home until you know where you're going. And so I was home a couple of weeks. I was working at a bank in town just to earn some money and you're about how old?

Speaker 1: 41:05

Oh sorry, 22. So okay, so you're 22,. Your brother's about 20.

Speaker 2: 41:10

Yep, he was 20 and he was working at the factory where my mom worked, and so he was, you know, like I said, just figuring things out too. And I was coming home from work one day, and so my parents live on one hill, and a mile before that there's another hill, and you can see that other hill from my parents' house. I come up on that hill and there's some emergency workers that are turning people around, and so they're on the top of the hill and I can't see anything past the guy, you know, waving his hand and giving the turnaround motion, and so I do that, I turn around, go around the block, country block. So five miles later I get home and I'm able to see down the other hill and, yeah, there's ambulance, police, all that Can't really see what's going on, though. My mom decides that she's going to go take a closer look, and so she gets on her bike.

Speaker 2: 42:09

My mom rides her bike every day. She's a bike rider, that's how she gets exercise and moves around. So she's like, oh, I'll hop on the bike and go see if I can get a closer look. Maybe it's, you know, maybe it's a neighbor or who knows. And it's a neighbor or who knows. And so she does that, and you know, it's about 530 or so, I'm guessing, and I'm just doing whatever.

Speaker 2: 42:26

As I get home from work and all of a sudden the police car drives in the driveway with my mom's bike in the trunk. She gets out and says that it was my brother, and so what I had been turned around from was my brother's motorcycle accident. And so he yeah, he was had a motorcycle for, I don't know, less than a year or so. He was young and had some money, and so he bought a motorcycle, you know. So apparently, what had happened is he popped up over the hill and there was one of our neighbors' tractors carrying an implement, you know, as tractors do in the summer in rural Michigan, and we assume he just popped up over the hill and was going too fast, didn't have enough time to swerve or anything. He went into the ditch, and so then we drove to the hospital, the same hospital that my dad was taken to first when he had his aneurysm. By the time we got there they were basically saying there's nothing we can do for him.

Speaker 1: 43:33

So two different times you arrive at a hospital with a family member is basically being kept alive by machines. Yeah, God it's hard enough losing a parent at 14. With a family members basically being kept alive by machines, yeah, god, yeah, how it's hard enough losing a parent at 14. How do you then deal with losing your brother at 22?

Speaker 2: 43:52

That was much harder. Surprisingly Again, my dad and I weren't like super close, my brother, by this time we had grown closer than we were in high school, you know cause I was away and so so and we were both adults now and so we had gotten a bit closer. That was very hard. That was definitely the hardest thing I've ever gone through. How you deal with it? Same way I dealt with my dad. Honestly, you, I have faith in God and you. That's really all you can do. It's really all I have to rely on, because you know, what else is there other than that? Yeah, you have family, but they're going through the same thing too and so, but they couldn't have stopped it. You know there's always. You know why did this happen and why did this happen to him? Why did this happen to us? That's natural, even for people who do believe in God.

Speaker 1: 44:45

Of course, whether it's questioning faith, questioning reality, questioning universe. And why did this family, that was a good family by all judgments, have to deal with two tragic losses? I know that people ask those questions and I know that people beat themselves up over them because there are no simple answers. Well, forget about simple answers. There are no answers, especially with how these two losses happened. Your dad, it was probably instantaneous when it happened. Your brother, he didn't have any time.

Speaker 2: 45:23

Yeah, and again, the not being able to say goodbye really stunk because it's like all of a sudden my brother had actually I'd found out later and this is a lesson that is a good lesson for me to learn you kind of think could I have done something, could there have been something that happened? My brother had, only an hour or so before been to the bank I was working at. He went through the drive-thru on his motorcycle instead of coming in to see me who was in the lobby. And I think why didn't you just come inside to see your brother? Had he done that, maybe he would not have met the tractor when he did.

Speaker 1: 46:05

You mean, if he had come into the lobby and he had seen you, there would have been some distraction. You may have had a brief conversation. Anything that would have delayed him a minute 30 seconds from being in that spot at that time, yeah, and honestly, a 30 second delay probably would have been enough before or after. Yeah, it may have. It probably would have. I am confident that you know that wasn't.

Speaker 2: 46:38

I would have had. You just think what could have you know he would have gotten married and I would have had nephews and nieces that I don't have, and all that goes through your head Grandchildren, yeah, yeah. So I think that is a very common thing to ask yourself when something like this happens. Is it, could I have done something different? And so I just caution everyone. You can't do that because, number one, you drive yourself crazy. And yes, I actually have another brief story to show an example of that.

Speaker 2: 47:11

Six months later, I had a friend who was home from the army on leave around Christmas, okay, and him and another friend of mine we were us three were pretty tight in high school. We were three years between us and I was in the middle and we were pretty tight. And the one friend wanted to go to Chicago for just a long Saturday and have fun. I was all set to go and for whatever reason I decided I didn't want to go and honestly, I don't remember why, but him and the other friend went that night. He was driving back to Fort Wayne, indiana, so it was a several hour drive and he was going to drop me off in Southern Michigan on his way as he was getting into the city, there was someone that was driving the wrong way on the freeway and hit him head on and he died. We awoke to a phone call. So this was well after midnight, so we awoke to a phone call in the morning.

Speaker 2: 48:14

You know, telling some friends, telling us of that, and again, you can't do this, but you, I do. And again, you can't do this, but you, I do. If I would have gone, he would have had to drop me off, which would have changed the timing on this accident. That lady, you probably would not have met that person who hit him. And so that is. I think I still live with that Like why didn't I go? But again, I know I'm preaching to myself here as well as everyone else you can't do that. You know you've got to make decisions and you do things and it's in God's hands and there's no rhyme or reason sometimes, at least not in this world Right? But if that's an encouragement to anyone who might be dealing with something like that, I encourage you. You got to put that down.

Speaker 1: 49:03

Yeah, these stories that you've just shared with us, and again, thank you so much. I mean, I am truly honored that you're willing to open up your life, to share this with me and share this with everybody. Who's going to hear this? And you said it yourself there are people in your life that don't even know much of what you've just said. So it's going to hear this. And you said it yourself there are people in your life that don't even know much of what you've just said, so it's going to be a little bit of an education. On.

Speaker 1: 49:28

Kevin, if somebody were dealing with something similar to what you've just described whether the loss of a dad, the loss of a brother, the loss of a friend, if they're thinking over and over in their head, if I had done this, if I had done that completely innocent things that may have changed the way that things happened, but might not have. But even if they are living with that, what would you say to them? I hope that there aren't people that are going through that, but I know that there are and, quite honestly, that is exactly why I'm doing this podcast, because I'm trying to reach out to those people who have been affected by grief and loss and tragedy and have not figured out a way to process that yet. So if there is someone listening who's struggling with anything close to what you've just described, if you could offer some words of support or a path for them to take, what would it be Well.

Speaker 2: 50:34

The number one thing is my faith and I would say, if you don't know God, I would say if you don't know God, the creator of the universe is there for you and wants to know you and can relieve so much pain and heartache. So that's the number one thing that anyone can do. Feel free to contact me if you don't know where to start on that sort of relationship. Talk to a church, anyone. But that's the number one thing. Number two thinking about, like the what ifs.

Speaker 2: 51:06

You know what if I had done something differently, like there may have been a lot of good things that have happened in your life because of decisions, random decisions that you made that you had no idea. Maybe I turned left one day when I shouldn't, when I. If I would have turned right, I would have maybe gotten to an accident like my brother, but I did turn left and so I'm still here. You have to realize that so many good and bad things happen all the time that you're not in control of them. And just that, knowing that you're not in control, that can seem. If you've never really thought like that, that can seem a little scary at first. Sure, but honestly, if you really know that it relieves such a burden, because it's not up to you.

Speaker 1: 51:53

Right, I can't help but think back to what you were talking about, that some of the things that your dad did with you, some of the things that you do with your kids that are completely random, and sometimes some of those are your favorite things, everything that you've just talked about. There are so many and it's not the same. But the universe, the world, the world that we live in, is in so many ways completely random. There are so many decisions that we make that we're just not aware of how it's going to affect something down the line, whether in a day, a week, a month, a year or in 10 seconds.

Speaker 1: 52:32

You know what, if you're coming up to a traffic light and it's yellow and you're like you know what, I can beat it, I can beat it. And then you're like, eh, screw it, I'm gonna stop. And you stop and you wait. And if you were going to turn left across the road and there was somebody coming the other way who decided, nope, I'm not going to wait, and blew the light, and you could be thinking, holy shit, I would have been T-boned. I'm thrilled that you said that, because you're right.

Speaker 1: 53:00

As much as we all want to have control over everything in our lives, we don't control much. Things do randomly happen that lead to other things, which lead to other things, which lead to other things. I'm so happy that you said it the way you did that, so that if somebody is feeling some guilt or some pressure because they keep harping on one thing that, oh, if I had done this differently, if I had done that differently, sure it might have changed the outcome. It might not have. It could have led to a different outcome, a better outcome or even a worse outcome. Yeah, to a different outcome, a better outcome or even a worse outcome, yeah, and I think it's important that, however, everybody chooses to live their life. Whether they choose to as you do, your faith is the strongest thing that you have in your life, your faith and your family. We all know that not everybody is religious or spiritual and it's okay.

Speaker 1: 54:03

Everybody. Again, everybody lives their own life, but it is important to, I believe, no matter how you live your life, to live the best way that you can, whatever is the best way for you, or talk to somebody else. And if you're, I mean, would you say if somebody is feeling lost, reach out and find somebody else to talk to somebody else? And if you're, I mean, would you say, if somebody is feeling lost, reach out and find somebody else to talk to somebody else, have a better way or a better idea of how?

Speaker 2: 54:32

to get through what they're going through. Oh yeah, I mean saying no man is an Island, you know, is certainly true. You can't do everything alone, and a lot of times, as men, we try to, and so I applaud you for this show talking about hard things, because it's good to talk about. Like I said, I haven't really talked this in depth about this to anyone, probably other than my wife. So, yeah, there are other people out there who are dealing with what you are dealing with random listener, so find them that's my goal.

Speaker 1: 55:06

I hope to find as many of them as I can through me sharing everything on this podcast, social media accounts, on my own personal social media accounts. And the best other way that this is going to get out there is through my guests, people like you coming on telling your stories, sharing the experiences that you went through, so that people who are just finding the show have already been published and they're starting early on and they hear Kevin's story, there will be somebody that your story and what you went through is going to resonate with them. And if it gets somebody thinking and if it gets somebody realizing that they are not alone in their grief, that they're not alone in what they have gone through, what they are going through, and that there are people out there who they can reach out to. You already said it yourself they can reach out to you or they can reach out to a family member, a friend, a spouse, a sibling. I think sometimes talking to a complete stranger is easier. There aren't judgments, there aren't expectations and not that there always are judgments or expectations with family members, but sometimes a member of your family.

Speaker 1: 56:35

For the sake of this discussion, let's pick your mom. She dealt with losing your dad just like you did. She dealt with losing your brother just like you did. She dealt with losing your brother just like you did. She might be a good person to talk to, but she also might not be a good person to talk to because of how close to the situation she was. Sometimes it's good to get the perspective of somebody who has no emotional attachment to it. Yeah, agreed, no emotional attachment to it. Yeah, agreed, and you and I did speak before this interview and you did fill me in on some of the things. So I did know a little bit about going into this, but you said it yourself you haven't spoken to a lot of people about this. Do you think that maybe it was a little bit easier to have this conversation because of who I am in your world, the fact that you haven't known me for years? I'm not a member of your family, I'm not a coworker or a friend that you've known for 15 years.

Speaker 2: 57:30

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think you're right about that Because, like you said, yeah, there's not necessarily those what's the word? Judgments or thoughts from the other person, but I can feel like there will be, and so that will maybe prevent me from being so candid. So, yeah, no, it is beneficial. Yeah, but you know you need family and close people too, but it's different, you know yeah it's different.

Speaker 2: 57:56

It's just different. How I would talk about this with my mom is different than how I would talk about it with you. It just is, and they're both needed, I think, than you and I have.

Speaker 1: 58:06

There are so many more things that both of you know that I do not know. I mean, if we have conversations for the next 50 years, there are going to be details that I just won't know, because I haven't been there, and that's again.

Speaker 1: 58:32

There's no judgment for that either. Look, at the end of the day, I appreciate everything that you said for me and for doing this. This podcast is not something that I have dreamt about, that I have fantasized about doing for a long time. Like most other people, I have a day job. I've worked in the pharmaceutical field for 28 years, mostly doing quality assurance. I've worked for a lot of different companies. My jobs and my careers have enabled my wife and I to move from New York, where we grew up to. We moved to Texas eight years ago in 2016 and had two great jobs there, and then I got a job that was almost fully remote and that enabled us to move to Tampa, florida, where we are now, and I've had a great career doing that type of work. It wasn't even what I anticipated doing when I was a kid. I fell into this field by accident and I've stayed in it because of the work that we're doing, because we are helping people that need medicines and need drugs, some of which are life-saving, many of which are life-changing.

Speaker 1: 59:39

As a child, there were many things that I wanted to do, but I always wanted to do something to help people. I wanted to be a math teacher. That unfortunately didn't work out. By the time that I knew it wasn't going to work out, I was already years deep into this career, so I got into it by accident, but I've stayed in it because of the work that we're doing.

Speaker 1: 59:58

As far as doing this podcast, this idea really only got serious a couple of months ago. I was working for a company. I was on a contract. It ended at the end of 2023. There were some cutbacks and my contract was not renewed, and that's okay. And since then I've had some time to think about. You know, what am I going to do next? Obviously, I'm trying to find another job, but the thought of doing a podcast entered my mind. I put a lot of thought into it and kind of changed thoughts and changed perspectives a bunch of times until I kind of fine-tuned what I wanted to do and ultimately I thought about what I went through with my dad.

Speaker 1: 1:00:38

Now, I was not extremely close with my dad. I had a very complicated relationship at best with him and that's largely because of who he was. He passed away three years ago. I wasn't dealing with heartbreak and grief and, oh my God, I miss him. I wasn't dealing with that. Quite honestly, the first feeling that I had when he died was relief. It was relief that he was not suffering anymore. He was in a lot of physical pain for a very long time, largely his own doing, but regardless of the fact he suffered a lot and it's more than anybody should ever have to go through I was relieved that he was no longer suffering. I was also relieved that my brothers and I, who had basically become his caretakers I was relieved that it was over, and for a few months after he died I was mostly fine, and then it started to eat at me, but when it was eating at me it was more about you, asshole.

Speaker 1: 1:01:34

You could have done so many things to just make your life better. He was just miserable about everything. He was stubborn. He was of the mindset that everything that went wrong in his life was somebody else's fault, and that's the way he was until the day he died. So that is why I say I was relieved for myself and my brothers.

Speaker 1: 1:01:54

That part was over. Yet I was still dealing with my own grief and just having conversations in my head. I was just so angry at him for just not being a better person, for not doing better. I found a therapist. I had weekly conversations with a therapist for probably five or six months and I got to the point where I was okay with it. I was able to forgive myself for being angry. I was able to forgive him for what he had done in his life to us as kids, what he was not able to do. I was able to get to that point where I forgave him and I'm no longer angry at him.

Speaker 1: 1:02:31

That's what really got me thinking about doing a podcast where there are people that aren't in a situation where they have somebody to talk to like I did. And also I have family, I have friends. I have my wife, who is the most incredible person I know, but it wasn't enough. I needed just somebody else to talk to. I needed a complete stranger. I found that and I got that, and luckily I also had my wife, who was the one who said I think you need to talk to somebody. She was 100% right. There are people who they usually are, they always are I know that there are a lot of people that, for whatever reason, don't have that in their lives, whether it's they don't have a support system, they don't have the means, whether the monetary means, or they just don't know where to turn.

Speaker 1: 1:03:22

And so, with doing this podcast, it was all about doing what I've wanted to do my entire life, which is help people. As I've said in my introduction episode, I'm not a therapist. I didn't go to school for this. I'm not trying to put you on a couch and fix problems. I'm trying to do exactly what I did for you today, which is give you the chance to just talk it out. And yes, I asked a bunch of questions and you gave incredible answers and you also gave me the opportunity to be the person to hear all of these things. As you said yourself, so many people in your world don't know what I just learned in the last hour and change. And let me ask you this Do you think that having this conversation with me made anything better for you?

Speaker 2: 1:04:16

Yeah, I think anytime you can talk about it, there's healing Anytime where you remember something or talk about it. And yeah, I haven't talked about it this deeply with many folks. To say that it is helpful, I think would be accurate. I really don't know, like I'm not just be frank with you, I'm not feeling a sense of oh, you know, yeah, but my wife always tells me that I'm about half robot. So, like this, like I gotta deal with that, like, but definitely it is helpful to talk about it. I know I don't talk about it enough. That is, without a doubt, a fact. Anytime you can talk about it helps you remember, and remembering is good. You got to remember the people in your life and those you loved, and so, yeah, and even if it didn't help me, but it helped one other person to realize, oh, there's other people who have gone through stuff too then that was worth it.

Speaker 1: 1:05:16

And it really is. It's okay to remember the bad times. It's okay to think about the good times, even if they were short lived, like in your case. You had 14 years with your dad. Yeah, I had a lot more and there were many times that were not so good, but there were also a lot of times that were great.

Speaker 1: 1:05:34

Some of my favorite things that I got from my dad I'm a huge baseball nut. I love movies, I'm a big movie buff, I love weather. My dad was obsessed with weather and I, just as a kid, as soon as the Weather Channel came on TV, I was watching, you know, looking for hurricanes and blizzards and I can tell, I can rattle off dates and names of blizzards and hurricanes and watching professional wrestling, which, yes, a lot of people who were hearing that are going to say what the hell are you watching wrestling? For it's all fake, it's all bullshit. No, it's not fake, it's entertainment, it's scripted. There are injuries, there are real things like, yes, it's all an act, but you know what? It's my version of a soap opera.

Speaker 2: 1:06:15

I've been watching the ultimate war, the ultimate warrior and hulk hogan come on yeah, wrestlemania 6 that was.

Speaker 1: 1:06:22

Everybody knew that hogan was going to win that match and when he didn't, everybody went batshit crazy, including all I mean. I had a house full of kids and adults and we could not believe what we were watching, but it was amazing, oh yeah yeah, hey, whatever works, you know, no judgments for me.

Speaker 2: 1:06:41

I was right there with you, so see, there you go.

Speaker 1: 1:06:44

Yeah, well, this has been an incredible conversation and again, I'm honored to know that you were willing to share this with me and that you did. I truly appreciate it. I hope that this has been, you know, whether helpful or a little bit therapeutic or in any way good for you. If it has, yeah, and that makes me feel better, and I hope that somebody who is listening will hear this story and realize that we are all going through shit in life and there are people who have been through it.

Speaker 1: 1:07:19

Some people go through worse things than others and again, it's not about judgment, it's not about a comparison, it's just there are different levels and different stages to grief and loss. You know, unfortunately, we have to get through them all. It's great to know that you have offered yourself. If somebody does need to reach out, I would love if you could take a couple of minutes to, if you wanted to share any contact information, and also you have a podcast of your own and I would love if you would share a little bit about that so that we can promote you as well.

Speaker 2: 1:07:49

Sure thing, yeah, appreciate it. And yeah, thank you for having me Just before we get onto that. Like you never know when it's going to happen. So, hug your kids and your wife when you can call your mom, call your dad. Just a little plug there so you can go to kevincratercom, so Kevin and then crater, just like the ones on the mooncom, and that gets you to my show page and you can contact me there. Seriously, if anyone needs to talk about something like this and you don't have anyone to talk to, I got time so, but yeah, my show is called the Kevin Crater Show and I talk about a little bit of everything. I'm, like we said earlier, I'm very curious and I can't, like stay on one thing and I'm always doing something, and so my show and who I talk to is a reflection of that. Like, this weekend I'm interviewing an expert on Siberian cats and last week I talked to a guy who spent 20 years helping in the Michigan GOP. So you know, it's just.

Speaker 1: 1:08:51

Two things that couldn't be any further apart.

Speaker 2: 1:08:55

No, and that's the way I love it. Like, tell me about Siberian cats. I've never even heard of the breed before and I don't particularly care for cats too much. They catch mice, which I'm happy about, but tell me all about it, you know. So that's my show and I like talking to people, so I really appreciated talking to you too.

Speaker 1: 1:09:12

Of course. Fortunately, my almost 18-year-old Calico is completely deaf and has been for about five years, so she did not hear you say that and I will not tell her.

Speaker 2: 1:09:21

No, I mean secretly, I like cats, but I play that I don't you know. Got to keep up appearances Cause yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:09:29

My mother-in-law tells me all the time that she hates cats, but she loves ours.

Speaker 2: 1:09:34

Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I like the ones I have. Yeah, that's right, that's it.

Speaker 1: 1:09:37

Yeah, so it's kevincradercom. Your show is the Kevin Crater Show and you basically talk to people about anything and everything that they want to talk about.

Speaker 2: 1:09:48

Yeah, if it's at all interesting, I want to talk about it, or if you're an expert in something I'm not interested in.

Speaker 1: 1:09:57

Teach me yeah, so, yeah, so, absolutely. And so also out to the listeners anyone who has some expertise in a topic or wants to just get into a discussion about something, learn a little bit more about something. I definitely encourage you go to kevincradercom. Reach out to Kevin through his webpage. He's an incredible guy. He's down to earth and I think you're going to love talking to him as much as I did. So go to his website and check him out. I appreciate that. Thank you Absolutely. And the last thing that we're going to go through the way that we're going to end this show, as I end all of them is we're going to play a little speed round of rapid fire questions I have now. These questions have absolutely nothing. If they do have something to do with what we just talked about, it is unintentional.

Speaker 2: 1:10:43

What was your dad's favorite color? What was your dad's favorite color?

Speaker 1: 1:10:46

Exactly what was your dad's favorite baseball team, or anything like that. I have just a very long list of rapid fire questions that I have accumulated. Some people have given me extra questions and the list just builds and I have completely randomized it and I'm just going to and I do that every time just shuffle them kind of like a deck of cards and we're just going to go through some questions and we're just going to do a few minutes of rapid fire questions. We're going to do this completely random which is yeah, I'll just close your eye.

Speaker 2: 1:11:17

I have no idea what he's going to ask. Yeah, go for it, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 1:11:21

Do you have any tattoos? Yes, what is your favorite body part Of?

Speaker 2: 1:11:27

mine yes or in general?

Speaker 1: 1:11:30

On your body or in general.

Speaker 2: 1:11:32

I've been told my legs are decent. Okay, so we'll go with that. Do you prefer texting or talking? Oh, it depends on who mostly texting, though, probably yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:11:43

Okay, what is your favorite rainy day activity?

Speaker 2: 1:11:46

Hmm, probably. Well, whatever my kids want to do, probably is the answer. This is the accurate answer to that, but maybe working on my knives and my. I'm a knife maker on the side and so I'm working on my knives in my shop, maybe, if I can't go outside and do something so nice.

Speaker 1: 1:12:03

And I know that people are going to give me grief if I don't follow back up with this. So you said you have tattoos. Would you care to share how many you have and what they are?

Speaker 2: 1:12:12

No, yeah, that's good. I've got words in clumps in sentences so I don't know really how you count that there's two sessions, so maybe it's just two. But I have one on the back of my neck that says when liberty dwells, there is my land. That was a quote by Benjamin Franklin. Now that I say that I'm going to be wrong, I'm not pretty sure it was Benjamin Franklin. And I've got one on my side that says oh man, I always forget when I'm put on the spot. It's a line in the constitution and obviously I can't read it because it's on my side if I'm looking at.

Speaker 1: 1:12:48

Well, you can ask your wife to read it and you can get back to me and I'll fill in everybody after the fact. Yeah, thanks, would you?

Speaker 2: 1:12:56

ever try standup comedy. You know, I've often thought that I could Like, I think I could have like three minutes and then I'd be done, but I probably would never try.

Speaker 1: 1:13:09

That's fair.

Speaker 2: 1:13:12

Do you think rats are cute? Yes, I do. I am actually in commercial and industrial. Pest control is my profession, so I do think they're pretty cute. I kill a fair share of them, but they're cute.

Speaker 1: 1:13:25

Of course. Would you rather wake up to an air horn blowing in your ear every day, or wake up and having to run four miles before doing anything else? We'll let you get dressed and put your sneakers on. Air horn Breakfast yeah, but air horn breakfast yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:13:42

Even air horn.

Speaker 1: 1:13:42

Yeah, okay, what is your favorite car?

Speaker 2: 1:13:46

Oh, I have to be a Shelby Mustang.

Speaker 1: 1:13:50

Okay, that's a yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:13:52

Any year of a Shelby, honestly a Shelby Mustang, I'll take literally any year. Well, okay, like pre seventies. Sure, it was about at 66, 67?. Yeah, somewhere around there is the ideal. Yeah, like gone in 60 seconds.

Speaker 1: 1:14:06

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: 1:14:08

The Mustang, yeah, that is the car.

Speaker 1: 1:14:10

I love Shelbys. I'm very happy to hear you say that. How many hours of sleep do you get? A night average About six. What is your favorite type of stationary?

Speaker 2: 1:14:21

I don't have a favorite type of stationary.

Speaker 1: 1:14:24

Okay, are you in the profession you dreamed of when you were a child?

Speaker 2: 1:14:28

No, I was. If I was three inches taller, I probably would have played college basketball, and maybe even a little bit after that, but I'm just six feet. So yeah, I unfortunately, you know, muggsy Bogues and Spud Webb were the exceptions Size matters in basketball so I kind of didn't have enough. But no, I'd never thought I'd be in pest control, that's for sure.

Speaker 1: 1:14:53

Okay, scale of one to 10. How good are you at keeping secrets 10. Okay, scale of one to 10,. How good are you at keeping secrets 10. Nice, is it grammatically proper to capitalize the names of seasons?

Speaker 2: 1:15:05

I would say yes, because I do it Okay.

Speaker 1: 1:15:09

Then there you go. I don't know.

Speaker 2: 1:15:16

What is a country you would be okay with never visiting in your life? California, how's that? Sorry, I couldn't resist A country I'd be okay with never visiting? Probably like oh that's a good question Probably like Vietnam or Malaysia. I think it's just probably too hot and humid for me.

Speaker 1: 1:15:29

Okay, if you could travel back in time, what time period would you go to?

Speaker 2: 1:15:34

You know I am very curious about the ancient Middle East. Okay, like Sumer and you know, nineveh in its heyday, the Persian Empire. I think that would be very interesting to see what those societies were like. I mean, we get a glimpse of it, but to see it in action I think it'd be really cool.

Speaker 1: 1:15:58

That's a great answer. Can you freestyle rap? No, what is your hidden talent? I don't know that.

Speaker 2: 1:16:05

I have one. Okay, I'm pretty boring.

Speaker 1: 1:16:10

I would beg to differ Ask permission or beg forgiveness. Beg forgiveness, okay. Finish the phrase. The way to my heart is Through humor. How do you usually answer the telephone? Yellow? That's exactly how my brother, jack, does it.

Speaker 2: 1:16:26

Okay, if there's not a Y in there, you're not doing it right.

Speaker 1: 1:16:30

That's right. Last question Fill in the blank, taylor Swift is Incredibly successful.

Speaker 1: 1:16:39

That's a good answer. Well, I think that about wraps it up, Kevin. It has been an absolute pleasure. Thank you again for joining us and again thank you for sharing your story. And one more time, for anyone who is interested in reaching out to Kevin, you can contact him through his website, kevincradercom. You should absolutely check out his podcast. It is the Kevin Crader Show. He talks about completely random topics. They change every episode and that means that there will almost certainly be something that you're going to be interested in hearing about.

Speaker 2: 1:17:11

There you go. Yeah, I appreciate it, and thank you for having me. It was a good time, even though the subject matter is not the best, but you got to laugh, so, yeah, I really appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 1:17:21

And that's something that I've also tried to convey is processing grief and loss, but also using humor. That's something that my brothers and my friends we have a very tight group. We're a bunch of demented idiots. That really explains why we use humor and sometimes pretty dark humor to get through things. But I think that it's good to be able to laugh at yourself and laugh at life sometimes, because life can really throw some fucked up curveballs and sometimes you there really isn't much else you can do but laugh, laugh and yeah, hearing you say that is a good thing.

Speaker 1: 1:18:00

Yeah, agreed, kevin. This has been incredible. Seriously, thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 1:18:05

No, no problem, Thank you. You, you, you, you, you you, thank you.