008 - Running Through Pain: Healing and Mediumship with Colleen Coleman

What if embracing your grief could unlock a new purpose in life? This week on Our Dead Dads, we're inviting you into deeply heartfelt conversations about loss, healing, and the surprising paths they can lead us down. We begin with a poignant interview with Colleen Coleman, who recounts her raw and emotional journey after losing her father to alcoholism. Colleen opens up about the anger and sadness that clouded her days, leading to self-destructive behavior until she courageously faced her grief. Her story doesn't end in despair but instead unfolds into her discovering peace and a calling as a medium. Colleen’s journey underscores the importance of openly discussing our grief and finding solace in shared experiences.

Imagine running a 200-mile ultra marathon around Lake Tahoe, only to face not just physical exhaustion but an unexpected and dangerous encounter with oxycontin. This episode takes a turn into the grueling and transformative experience of completing such a marathon in 2014. Through this, we explore the emotional depths of recovery, depression, and the surprising discovery of spiritual practices like yoga, smudging, and breath medicine. These practices didn't just heal, they revealed newfound mediumship abilities, emphasizing that our connections with loved ones can continue beyond death. This chapter is a testament to how such spiritual practices can profoundly impact our journey through grief and lead us to new purposes.

Lastly, we shed light on the unique and diverse nature of grief through personal and familial stories. From the loneliness of losing a parent to the unexpected comfort of community support, we address the necessity of ongoing connections and shared healing. We discuss the varied ways siblings process loss, the evolution of family traditions, and the importance of embracing emotions rather than numbing them. This episode wraps up with lighter, casual conversations about personal quirks and favorites, offering a human touch and a sense of camaraderie. Join us for this emotional and enlightening journey, as we aim to support and heal one heart at a time.

CONTACT COLLEEN: www.ColleenColeman.com

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Our Dead Dads, the podcast where we normalize talking about grief, trauma, loss and moving forward. I'm your host, my name is Nick Gaylord and before I tell you about this week's episode, a quick reminder that this Friday, the very first bonus episode of the Hot Seat will be available. My wife Kim joins me to ask me the questions sent in by the listeners, and it's going to be a great time, so don't miss it. This week is episode number eight and I have another intense interview for you this week as I speak with Colleen Coleman, who joins me to talk about losing her dad to alcoholism about 10 years ago. Colleen discusses the sadness and the anger that she found in her path of grief. Colleen discusses the sadness and the anger that she found in her path of grief and also discusses some of the ways that she tried to ignore her grief, including some things that weren't exactly the healthiest decisions to make, leading her to some self-destructive decisions, before finally confronting her grief head on. As with everyone I speak with, colleen is just like the rest of us. She realized that she was making some bad decisions by ignoring her grief and the things that she did to try to ignore it and ultimately finding peace and her calling as a medium. After this episode, as with some of my guests who are open to it, you'll have the chance to reach out to Colleen if you feel that she is someone you would like to speak with. She will give her website and her contact information, and it's also in the show notes of this episode.

Speaker 1: 1:11

Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone for listening, for your feedback and for engaging with the show. Please follow our social media pages on Facebook, instagram, tiktok and Twitter and, if you haven't already, please get on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Follow the show and, very important, please give us a five-star rating and leave a short review of the show. If you're not sure how to leave a rating, go to OurDeadDadscom. Scroll down on the homepage and you'll see a quick walkthrough. You can only give us a rating once, so don't worry about having to do it every week. Tell us what you like, tell us what you're looking forward to and tell us how the show has helped you or someone you know. We cannot say thank you enough to everyone who has already left a rating and a review and if you haven't, please do it today. It takes less than a minute, and it really does make a huge difference to help us gain awareness and exposure in the podcast community.

Speaker 1: 1:55

As you know, my goal is to normalize talking about grief, loss and trauma, which are topics that are not easy for most of us to talk about, but they are also topics that everyone should be discussing more Not only discussing them, but not feeling like they're taboo topics. Time may not heal all wounds, but keeping everything bottled up inside doesn't heal any of them. Together, we are building a community for others to have a safe space to talk about their stories and their feelings, and for anyone who may not yet be ready to talk, just to listen to others and know that no one is alone in this path. That's why I say we are a community here and I'm so happy to have you. If you have a story of grief and loss to share and might wanna be considered as a future guest on Our Dead Dads, go to ourdeaddadscom, go to the contact us link and select be a guest, fill out the form, send it in and you just might be able to tell your story and carry on this mission of helping ourselves and helping so many others. Please enjoy this episode and stick around for the end when I will tell you about next week's episode.

Speaker 1: 2:47

Our Dead Dads podcast is sponsored by Kim Gaylord Travel. If you can dream up the vacation whether a getaway for you and your other half, a family trip or a trip for a large group she will help you plan it. If you've never used, or even thought about using, a travel agent for your trips, you really should. Kim will help you plan everything the flights, hotels, transportation, excursions, all the places to visit and all the sites to see. You'll get a detailed itinerary of everything and if anything goes wrong during your trip, you have someone to contact. Whether you're looking for a customized European vacation, a relaxing stay at an all inclusive resort, an Alaskan adventure, a Caribbean cruise, kim will work with you to make sure you have a seamless travel experience. Contact her today and plan your next trip with a peace of mind that only working with a travel agent can offer. And, as a special bonus for our listeners, mention Our Dead Dads podcast for a 10% discount on planning fees. You can find Kim Gaylord Travel on Facebook, instagram and LinkedIn, or email Kim directly. Her email address is kim at kimgaylordtravelcom.

Speaker 1: 3:43

Our Dead Dads podcast is sponsored by dotted Avenue creative studio. If you're looking to build your first website or give your current site a facelift, you need not look any further than dotted Avenue creative studio. They will work with you to customize exactly what you want in a website. Whether you want something personal and simple or a website for your business, you're in the right place. A professional looking page that you and everyone who visits your site will be obsessed with. Search engine optimization, e-commerce all the bells and whistles.

Speaker 1: 4:07

If you haven't already checked out OurDeadDadscom, you should take a look, for a couple of reasons. First, because there are a lot of really cool features to check out, including some interactive sections for the listeners, but also because Dotted Avenue built this website. They work exclusively within Squarespace, who is the hosting company of our website, and customize your website exactly the way you want it, and then, when it's done, you'll have a one-on-one Zoom call to learn everything you need to learn about maintaining the website yourself. Go to dottedavenuecom and get started today. Mention our dead dads and get a 10% discount on any web design package. Dotted Avenue Creative Studio is the first, last and only company you'll ever need for website design. Yay, welcome to the show. So happy to have you here. We've been talking for a while and I'm glad that we finally have had a chance to connect.

Speaker 2: 5:08

Yes, me too. It's a shitty club to be a part of, but it's really wonderful when you find other people in the community to connect with.

Speaker 1: 5:20

It really is a shitty club. It sucks that you have to be part of it and it really does help to have other people to lean on just to talk about things. Anything, whether it's dealing with grief, how you dealt with grief, great stories about your dad, shitty stories about your dad it's nice to have.

Speaker 2: 5:32

Shitty stories after your dad died.

Speaker 1: 5:34

Shitty stories after your dad died, yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:35

I don't know why I'm laughing, because I'm 10 years into the club now, so I feel like I've moved through the initial awful rounds and there's more laughter now.

Speaker 1: 5:45

That's a big part of why you're laughing. So I have this group of seven guys that I'm part of. It's me, my three younger brothers and three of my best friends. I've known these guys since junior high school.

Speaker 1: 5:54

I did a separate interview, one with the three brothers and one with the three friends, and throughout both of them we were talking about how we've all used humor in everything that we've gotten through good, bad and ugly, and especially the bad. I think it's healthy to use humor. I mean, look, we're a little demented, we are a merry band of idiots and we frequently use dark humor to get through things, but it's just what we've always done. I'm 48. We've known each other since I was like 12. We've all grown up together. We've all become such a big part of each other's lives and we get each other, which is why I have no problem with the humor and I love when other people are comfortable enough to use humor to get through anything that they need to get through as well, even if it's loss and grief. If you can't laugh at yourself, then what are you going to laugh at?

Speaker 2: 6:45

can't laugh at yourself, then what are you going to laugh at? I couldn't agree more, and I think it's an underutilized tool in the early stages of grief. Right, it's laugh or cry, and there is space for both in my opinion.

Speaker 1: 6:54

There absolutely is, and obviously every death, every loss is different. When something is, especially if something is not unexpected, if you know it's coming, you've got time to start to process it. Maybe there's a little bit more room there for laughter. If something happens tragically and suddenly, then your instant reaction is holy shit, now what? So laughing probably isn't going to be hops on the list, at least not immediately. But I do agree that eventually and ultimately there is room for it pretty much everywhere, and it's also up to each person. Everybody handles things differently and I love to laugh, I love to have fun, and it's not that we're not laughing because death is funny or losing somebody is funny. It just helps to process, it helps to remember the good times, it helps to sometimes even laugh at the bad things. When I was talking to my brothers, we had complicated relationships with our dad and we would still laugh at some of the absurd crap that he used to do and I think that's okay.

Speaker 2: 8:03

I think so too, and I think it's good for our brains as we move through incredible sadness and at times like situational depression that can come with the experience of a loss. And, nick, I'm curious when, if you don't mind me asking, when did you lose your dad?

Speaker 1: 8:17

So my dad passed in May of 2021. So just about three years ago. I had a very complicated relationship with my dad. I am the oldest of seven from him. He was married and divorced five times, and I say seven that I know of.

Speaker 2: 8:32

So he was a real optimist. It sounds like.

Speaker 1: 8:34

Oh yeah, he was optimistic that he was the best. He was optimistic about a lot of things. He was optimistic that everybody loved him and thought he walked on water and maybe not always, I don't know His ex-wives might have something to say about that including my mom. He wasn't all bad, but he certainly could have done things better. It is what it is Like.

Speaker 1: 8:58

I said it was complicated, it was difficult at times. There were good things and at this point, after going through my own therapy after he died which wasn't because I was upset and I was missing him and I was so sad, it was because I was holding onto a lot of anger, because I had unresolved stuff from him that I just really didn't fully process nearly enough when he was alive. It was conversations that would have been really pointless to have with him because he wasn't going to see things differently or do things differently. And after he died I was largely okay for a few months and then things started to kind of come apart. I was just getting angry and snapping at people.

Speaker 1: 9:37

My wife recognized it and said that I should probably speak to somebody, and she was right and I did, and I had weekly sessions with a therapist for months and at the end I was able to let go of the anger. I was able to forgive him for who he was and for who he wasn't, and I still think about the good times. There are a lot of things that are part of my life, part of my everyday life, that are so because of him, and so there's never going to be a day that's going to go by where I'm not going to think of him. But I'm also glad that I went through the therapy process that I did, because it got me to the point where I wasn't angry anymore. Since that process has finished, there hasn't been a day that I've been angry at him, and I never will be again, because I just honestly choose to spend my energy elsewhere.

Speaker 2: 10:19

Nick, there's so much to what you've shared with such vulnerability, so thank you for that. I'm sure your audience is really appreciating it too, that I relate to. I also had a very complicated relationship with my father.

Speaker 1: 10:32

I would love to hear about it.

Speaker 2: 10:34

My father was an alcoholic and so when he unfortunately died of cirrhosis of the liver and he chose not to get help, it was a very sudden passing and while I had lost grandfathers, I had never lost anyone that close and for me I had so much rage. I was so pissed at him because I really felt like he opted out, because he chose not to get help Even as his systems were starting to fail. He refused to go to the doctor and I was just so pissed because he was opting out of the future of our family's lives, like my sister would go on to have a couple of children that he would miss out on. He wasn't there to walk me down the aisle. I was pissed.

Speaker 2: 11:20

Through the therapy and the work that I've done in a deep shamanic practice, I learned that one thing that was very challenging for me when my dad passed was my codependent patterns no longer had a place to play out. So you know the classic alcoholic codependent. There was no place like the pattern just ended and I was a little bit. Not only was I lost and very sad in my grief, but I was pissed because I didn't really know what to do with that pattern. But I certainly couldn't name what was happening. So therapy, I'm all for therapy. It took me three years to get to the place that I actually sought therapy, though At first I thought I could solve it on my own.

Speaker 1: 12:07

So you have mentioned to me that you tried a couple of unhealthy ways.

Speaker 2: 12:12

I did, I did, and these are not things I would recommend to your listeners.

Speaker 1: 12:17

But honestly, I love that you're going to talk about this, because I promise you you're not the first who has probably done something to try to cope with loss in a way that you either shouldn't have or wasn't the best way.

Speaker 2: 12:29

Thank you. Here's what's not to do. So I first attempted to outrun my grief. I have ran many ultra marathons and so I found my dad passed May of 2014. And I found the most difficult race. It had not been done yet. It was the inaugural year 2014, and it was 200 miles around Lake Tahoe and beyond, so it had 40,000 vertical feet of climbing, 200 miles and we had runners had four days to do it. That's a lot of running.

Speaker 1: 13:07

That is a lot of running.

Speaker 2: 13:09

It also becomes all consuming to train for something like that. I had a base of a 50 K, so that translates to about 31 or 32 miles, depending on who your race director is. So it was a very big jump to go to that mega distance is what I would call that. And I had been. You know I had done multi-day adventure races. Actually, I've done one across the state of Florida, which is I know where you are, nick. You have some very large bugs there and a lot of snakes.

Speaker 1: 13:37

So I will say, after living just outside of Austin, texas, for six years, we do not have nearly as many snakes, at least here in Tampa, as we did near Austin. I was telling my wife recently that for the first time in the two years we've been here, I saw some dumb little snake. It was about as thick as a pencil and it was about a foot and a half long, just slithering in the backyard and it went into the woods. But no copperheads, no diamondbacks, anything like what we dealt with there, and not a single scorpion. So thank God for that, because no scorpions, but we have crickets that they surfaced. We saw them for the first time last year.

Speaker 1: 14:13

Our neighbor told us that they call them devil's horsemen, like when they're full size. They're literally this long, like they're like almost four inches long, and they're yellow and they're brown and they're fucking ugly. So they're yellow and they're brown and they're fucking ugly. So I they're bad, they're horrible little creatures and I they say, kill them if you see them. So I do, and I just saw my first one, which is only about an inch and a half long earlier today, and so they're coming.

Speaker 2: 14:37

so you know, we have bugs and well, sorry about that, not really the case in Tahoe. Just a lot of vertical feet and a few bears here and there.

Speaker 1: 14:47

Oh, no, no, big deal.

Speaker 2: 14:50

But what was much harder was my own mind, and I was in so much pain emotionally, again acknowledging that my relationship with my father was very complicated. I had such pain emotionally that I thought if I could find the most difficult thing to do physically, I could get myself out of this pain cave. The vertical feet was more than climbing Mount Everest from sea level to summit, so it was no small, small thing. I ended up having a terrible experience actually at the race where I had a coach who started feeding me, unbeknownst to me, oxycontin at about mile 125. And I went into liver and kidney failure and pulled off the race course at 186 and a half. So it was, like you know, a half a marathon away from this damn belt buckle that I wanted so badly because it was like this badge of honor that.

Speaker 2: 15:43

I know surely I would be healed after I got this damn belt buckle.

Speaker 1: 15:47

And instead.

Speaker 2: 15:48

I ended up with a really large hospital belt, a big bummer. The double-edged sword on that was that I also. I actually went into a depression, which I'm a very happy, positive person. It was the first time in my life that I was like I'm not a runner, I failed and my dad's dead and it would take me yeah, that was a low point.

Speaker 2: 16:10

That was definitely a low point, and I was drinking a lot and that wasn't helping either, and it would take a couple more years until I stumbled into a yoga class. Actually, I don't like yoga, didn't consider myself a yogi, but I felt like there has to be something else. In that class, the yoga instructor was smudging the space. Are you familiar with what smudging is, nick? It is an indigenous practice and many cultures around the world do this. Where you are usually burning sage or Palo Santo and clearing out, just asking any energy that doesn't belong there to go.

Speaker 2: 16:48

And bringing in positive vibes, releasing anything that doesn't serve.

Speaker 1: 16:52

I am familiar with the burning sage. I didn't know that it was called smudging.

Speaker 2: 16:56

So totally, we're on the same wavelength here. And she was doing that and I was like what in the hell is this woman doing? And one part of me was completely horrified and one part of me was like, oh wow, this is everything that I had been missing. And I started religiously going to that Wednesday night yoga class and became a student of that woman. Her name is Cosetta and I have been a devout student of hers for more than seven years now, nice, and did a lot of private healing work with her, did a lot of breath medicine work where you're releasing trauma through the power of your own breath and connecting with your own breath and have worked on my relationship with running.

Speaker 2: 17:39

It's through these different practices that actually my mediumship came into view in a way that I understood that you know, as I'm experiencing people from the other side. It's not just my dead people. I was starting to experience other people's dead people, and that has been the greatest blessing of my dad's passing and I think you know if I can switch over to putting like my mediumship hat on nick, what I have really learned through this is we, the consciousness lives on after death. That's what mediumship is. That's well. It's beautiful to give messages of light and love from your loved ones. It's really about sharing that, like we drop the body when we die, but but we don't lose consciousness and because of that we are able to still have a relationship with our people when they pass. The connection doesn't go away, it just changes forms, yeah, and I think that has been a huge gift. So my dad was an asshole, sometimes real asshole, sometimes with serious addiction issues and now-.

Speaker 1: 18:45

Was alcohol his only addiction?

Speaker 2: 18:48

You know I would not be being honest and I'm here for the in the spirit of transparency toward the end he was really doing a lot of heavy medicating. He was in a lot of pain, so he was using medical marijuana because it wasn't legal at the time in Washington state and he'd been in a terrible accident while he was drinking, broke his back in several places and was addicted to morphine. So there was a lot there. There was a lot there, but I can really relate to being at peace, as you had mentioned, with your dad and my. My father has become an incredible cheerleader for me on the other side and as I do my spiritual work and my mediumship work, my goodness, he's a much better dad in spirit for me on the other side and as I do my spiritual work and my mediumship work, my goodness, he's a much better dad in spirit for me than he ever was in the flesh.

Speaker 1: 19:31

That's amazing. What was it? What was your grief like when you immediately lost him?

Speaker 2: 19:38

Fucking messy. Sorry if you bleep that out, it was messy, I'm not bleeping anything out. I have checked the little box for this podcast.

Speaker 1: 19:46

That says this podcast contains explicit content. Say whatever you want.

Speaker 2: 19:49

Okay, thank you for that. I feel liberated. It was so messy as he was actively dying. I just started, I like, and I have two siblings, and I just talked. I was holding my dad's hand in the hospital and I was just talking to him, I was saying everything I felt like I needed to say to him again because at the time I didn't realize the relationship would continue, and so my grief felt very. Even with siblings, we all process that very differently and my mom processed her. Her journey was very different. I felt isolated. I felt alone. I felt like an alien.

Speaker 2: 20:25

After I went back to work, after my three days of bereavement leave like what the hell is with that Every corporate America. Three days is not enough I felt so isolated and I have a supporting loving community of incredible friends and I had a supportive partner that was there at the bedside for the passing and had walked the path with me. And even with all of that, it felt dark and cold and alone and at times my grief was self-destructive and it would not be until I was tired of carrying it. You know, it felt like the grand Canyon. I don't know what your grief was like, but for me it felt like I was tired of carrying it. You know, it felt like the Grand Canyon. I don't know what your grief was like, but for me it felt like I was going down into the Grand Canyon.

Speaker 1: 21:11

My grief with my dad. I didn't really have a lot, to be honest with you. We were not overly close. I mean, he's my dad. I love him, he'll only ever have one. But my brothers and I basically became his caretakers for the last several years of his life because he just would not and then ultimately could not take care of himself. So we basically had to do everything for him. But even when he could have done something to make a difference, he chose not to. So that's what we were stuck with. Again, we were dealing with someone who was just arrogant. He was a narcissist. He didn't take care of himself ever physically, mentally and just everybody else should do it for him.

Speaker 1: 21:52

It was more relief when he died, relief in two ways Relief that his physical suffering was finally over, because he was in a lot of pain for a long time, but also relieved for myself and my brothers that it was just over. I never did, and still I don't To this day. I've never had the sadness and the desperately missing him. I just didn't. And again, I'm not glad he's dead, but I didn't ever have that closeness with him.

Speaker 1: 22:20

Maybe it was because of the way he organized his life, how he just couldn't stay in a committed relationship. He couldn't maintain much of a relationship with a woman or with his children. Maybe it's partly because of his upbringing, I don't know. Maybe it's just his choices we had a civil relationship at best. His choices, we had a civil relationship at best. And yeah, I mean, my grieving was, I guess, getting past my anger when I was in therapy, because I didn't want to be that way and I didn't want to be angry at him, and so that's really what I did. But I'm sorry, I'm going to hand it back to you.

Speaker 2: 22:56

Well, I just appreciate that either. This really to me illustrates that there is such a spectrum of grief and you know mine was deeply, emotionally devastating. Even though it was a complex relationship.

Speaker 2: 23:10

Yours felt very different on that spectrum and there is room for all of it yes and there's also you know you speak about relief and for those who have experienced the passing of someone with a life limiting illness that goes on for an extended period of time or maybe it's not that, but there's suffering involved that the end can feel like such a relief, and there there could be very complex emotions that come with that guilt, shame why do I feel this way? Et cetera. So again, I cannot sing the praises of finding a solid therapist and other resources which we can talk about at the end, some great resources I'd love to share with your audience around getting our needs met. But just I love that we're illustrating here that there's varying degrees, is a big spectrum of grief.

Speaker 1: 23:58

Definitely there are. There's no one way through grief. There is no one type of grief. Everybody's is different and everybody's experience is okay.

Speaker 2: 24:09

And for me too, what happened along the way once I got a couple of years into my grief, I don't know. It feels like the three-year mark was pretty potent in terms of transformation for me. I really, you know, thinking about my own experience, that felt very lonely. I was just 29 when my dad died and my circle of people, my circle of friends, didn't know how to show up with a casserole. And what I mean is there's a generation that's older than us that knows that, like when somebody dies in the family, you show up with a proverbial casserole.

Speaker 1: 24:44

Yes, you always come to the house with food.

Speaker 2: 24:47

Right and like now, modern times. Maybe it looks a little different. Maybe it's a hey, I'm sending you a door dash, what's your email address? Or or, hey, I'm going to drop off a meal on. I'm going to, I'm making you a meal. Do you have any dietary restrictions? Would it be better if I dropped it off Tuesday or Thursday?

Speaker 2: 25:06

Our generation doesn't really know how to do that. They don't really know how to show up in that way, and so to me, it became this personal quest to not only use my platforms professionally as a marketer, to start to change the narrative around death and dying and grief, but also, just in my own community, be the one who's going to show up with the castle. And for you know, for me that looks like, yeah, you're going to get a door dash or an Instacart order, and also just like when somebody has a passing. The thing I absolutely do not say is I'm so sorry, because I know people have good intent, but that is a phrase I absolutely do not say is I'm so sorry because I know people have good intent, but that is a phrase I absolutely despise.

Speaker 2: 25:44

And where I'm going with this is as I became this person who was comfortable in the grief space. I had friends starting to ask me to be with them while their loved one was passing and I felt like that was a great honor and walked alongside of them at that bedside for a few passings, for different people, for different friends, and I did not realize at the time what I was doing is called being an end of life doula or a death doula but I would go on to actually get trained. So I'm a trained end of life doula and that just really reinforces what we're talking about here is that people have such unique and individual experiences with the dying process and the grief process. No two people are the same.

Speaker 1: 26:39

No, they're not.

Speaker 2: 26:40

I bet you and your brothers all have really different ways of processing your dad.

Speaker 1: 26:45

We do. It's funny that you say that I'm one of seven, one of two for my mom, one of seven for my dad, my brother Jack, who is my only full sibling he is 16 months younger than me, and then the two other boys, joseph and Michael. They are 12 and 14 years younger than me. They were like my mom was number two, their mom was number five, so we definitely had a much different experience. Now my dad was married to their mom, rosemary, who I still, 21 years after their divorce, I still say she's my stepmother. I mean, I've noticed since I was 11. We love her, she's part of the family, she always will be. I've noticed since I was 11. We love her, she's part of the family, she always will be.

Speaker 1: 27:28

The boys and my younger sister, helene they had my dad physically in the house for most of their childhood, where I did not. All I remember my youngest memories. I can remember back to about four years old and all I ever knew was growing up seeing my dad on weekends. So that's just the way it always was. Where the boys had him, he was there. He wasn't always emotionally present or available because he was too busy, wrapped up in his own world or TV, video games, whatever.

Speaker 1: 27:57

This was something that we talked a lot about when the four of us had our conversation. The boys hated the fact that my dad didn't want to do a lot of things. He would rather just sit on the TV or just relax or play video games, sleep, whatever. It was just anything that didn't involve physical activity, and they loved how we were always willing to just take them outside and take them places and do things with them and be an active part of their lives. Take them outside of taking places and do things with them and be an active part of their lives.

Speaker 1: 28:23

We also talked about how, like joe and mike had one experience, you know, being their closeness in age, and jack and I had an experience of our closeness in age, and still the four of us also had very different experiences, very different feelings, different thoughts while he was live and after he was gone there. There's no book explains what it should be like or how to do it. It should all just be natural and it is what it is, and I don't think that anybody's set of feelings are ever wrong. I think they are what they are and all we can do about them afterwards is just talk about them.

Speaker 2: 28:58

I agree and allow space for them.

Speaker 1: 29:01

Definitely allow space.

Speaker 2: 29:03

And here's a life hack Don't try and numb them, because they will come back and bite you in the ass.

Speaker 1: 29:07

That is something that I've spent a lot of time talking about, and that's a big part of why I decided months ago to start this podcast. Because, even though I didn't have the tremendous grief and set of feelings that many other people have had even that you've had I still had an experience, and I also tried to push it aside, and I realized after the wrong ways of doing them that you can't push them aside. You cannot ignore it until it goes away. And it's not just a matter of grief, it's anything in life. If you're fighting with your brother or your sister and nobody wants to budge, well, something's going to happen or it won't, and if it doesn't, then you guys just won't talk and then the relationship is gone.

Speaker 1: 29:56

When it comes to grief, you don't have to talk about it right away. You don't have to talk about it the minute somebody's dead or at a wake, or at a funeral, or the day after. If you need a little bit of time, take a little bit of time, but if something's bothering you, if something is eating away at you, I have noticed over the years through what I dealt with with my dad, what I've dealt with with a lot of other friends who have just come to me randomly, said I need somebody to talk to and of course let's talk whatever you need to do. Talking makes you feel better. It's going to bring out all the emotions and it might bring out smiling and laughing and crying and screaming and anger. The one common denominator of all of those conversations that everybody said to me at the end was I feel better. So why, at this point in our lives and society, are we still so hesitant to have a fucking conversation?

Speaker 2: 30:54

Well, in my humble opinion, Western culture and our society is very uncomfortable with the idea of death. Right, you think about even the business of death and what goes on in a traditional funeral. People are made to look very not dead, the whole idea, and it's like get them buried as fast as possible. And that's actually true in some cultures. So I want to be very respectful that there are some religions that it is important to their belief system that they are buried as quickly as possible.

Speaker 1: 31:20

So yes, there's something like within 24 hours.

Speaker 2: 31:22

Yeah, so just acknowledging that that is a religious practice. Respectfully, we very generally in Western civilization are so uncomfortable with death. We're uncomfortable with the idea of our own death, and we certainly so. We don't talk about death and we certainly don't want to talk about our grief. I think men have a particular disadvantage here, because you all have been trained not to show your feelings. It's not okay for you to cry. Men don't cry. You certainly don't cry in public. And there is such an opportunity for those of us that have now experienced it and walk the path to say nope, whatever kind of mess this feels like to you, it's welcome and there's space for it. And conversations like this are how we start to really change the narrative, and I think that's the opportunity that we have to contribute to.

Speaker 1: 32:13

It's funny that you're saying this, because so at the point of when you and I are recording this interview, the podcast is live, the trailer is out, the introduction episode is not out and what will end up being episode one, which is my conversation just me talking to the listeners is also not out. And I cover a lot of this, and I specifically covered in the intro and in episode number one how men largely were not, over the years, given the tools to be able to process this. And I did have a little bit of pushback from some people, not in a harsh way or anything, but specifically from women who said it almost a little bit sounds like you're shying away from wanting women to be part of the conversation, almost like you're discouraging women from being guests, and I said, no, that's not it at all. In fact, the majority of the interviews I've done so far have been with women and I don't want to exclude anybody. I want to talk to everybody.

Speaker 1: 33:17

I'm only trying to recognize from my experience from my brother's experience, from my friend's experience and just what I've seen through society, other people that I've spoken to that men are worse off when it comes to dealing with grief than women are. I don't know why we just are. When I was growing up, any time that boys were addressing anything that was remotely related to emotions or feelings, it's like what are you crying about this? For what are you being a little bitch about this? For that was just the reaction from adults, from men and sometimes from women. That's not the way to do it, but it is the way that it's been done and that is why society is fucked up emotionally, because we were never prepared and the generation before you and I was even worse. The way that our parents were raised it was even worse. It's getting a little bit better, but there's still a lot of work to do.

Speaker 2: 34:10

Right, and I will be the first woman to say, like there are many women that walk this planet that have serious daddy issues, that are only more activated by the death of a dad and also do not have the tools. But just know, listeners, we're just making some generalizations that women are much. We are biologically wired to talk more freely about our feelings and we are encouraged by society to talk more about our feelings, and most men do not have that opportunity. And so really, actually, as a woman, I feel even greater responsibility to make sure when I have there's a guy friend in my community who's experiencing a loss that I'm reaching out actively to say like hey, I'm here and I do my book of ritual Instagram casserole move. You know, and you know I can only speak to it from my own experience, and that is I have an older brother he's my half brother which doesn't matter to me Like sounds like you have similar relationship with you Exactly, and he will probably listen to this recording.

Speaker 2: 35:07

So I love you so much, sean. Thank you for all your support. I had no idea that he was still very deep in his grief until three years later. He sent me a text. My brother does not talk about his feelings at all, ever, and I'm the baby Sounds like a prime candidate for this show.

Speaker 2: 35:26

Totally Right. I'm the baby sister who is a freaking medium, right? So I'm talking, I'm a death doula, I'm talking about feelings all the time, right. And one day I get this text message from him and it's there's no context, there's no message, all it is is a picture that he sends me and he has gotten our father's signature tattooed on his forearm in white and it's beautiful. And I'm like holy shit, I had no idea you're, you're really in this and you're wanting to do one of his legacy. They also had a bumpy relationship, but that's his story to tell, not mine. And you know, here I am talking and expressing myself for three years getting spiritual with it, smudging myself and and he's doing things in his own way. I just had no idea the pain that he was in the whole time and that experience in my own life with my older brother, who I'm very close to, just really changed my perspective.

Speaker 1: 36:25

Have you always been close with him?

Speaker 2: 36:27

Yeah, I mean there's a big age gap. He's 12 and a half years older than I am.

Speaker 1: 36:31

So he was a.

Speaker 2: 36:32

He was a senior in high school when I was in kindergarten, but you know, he's always been my big brother, he's always been my hero.

Speaker 1: 36:37

So yeah, I have that with with my youngest siblings, the last three who are? You know there are full siblings. Joe is 12 years younger. Mike is 14 years younger than Helena, 17 years younger. She was born when I was three months away from graduating high school. When you're young, it is a little bit harder to, on some levels, feel a closeness to someone who's almost a generation separated from you, and yet we still had it, we still found it and to this day we're all incredibly close. We don't care about the age. Technically my youngest sister I'm old enough to be her father, but I also embrace that because I and my brother Jack, we had a role in their upbringing and how they were raised and I'm honored for that. I love them all and I'm so proud of every single one of them, and age doesn't have to be a defining factor in a relationship and I love that you guys are so far apart in age and yet you're so tight.

Speaker 2: 37:34

You know, nick. I would also venture out to say, and if both of my, I have an older sister as well, if they were both here.

Speaker 1: 37:41

I wasn't trying to exclude your sister.

Speaker 2: 37:43

Yeah, much love to Katie. If they were both here with me recording this with you, I think we would all agree that actually my dad's passing brought us closer together and there's a beautiful aspect of it that's like, hey, we're all going to rally together and make sure mom's okay, even though my mom is a total independent badass doing her own healing and very much in charge of her own sovereignty. But there's so many blessings and there's so many silver linings that can come with a passing. If you are open to seeing them and to me, this, the close relationship with my siblings and the healing that has taken place between my siblings and the honest conversations about like hey, that really sucked.

Speaker 2: 38:21

We had very different experiences or we had, you know, the things that were similar. They're beautiful, and especially, I think, about the holidays. Holidays were hit or miss in our house. There were times when things were really not great because of the alcohol abuse. With that, since my dad's passing, we as a family have been able to make new traditions. The first year was very painful, all like his birthday, my parents anniversary, my mom's birthday, christmas, st Patrick's day is big in my family. My dad's side is all Irish Catholic, right, so those things were really challenging, but again it presented this opportunity for us to do things differently. Life did not stop with his passing.

Speaker 1: 39:10

It never does.

Speaker 2: 39:12

No, and for me it's like the whole again acknowledging that very complicated relationship. Time does not heal all wounds. I very much disagree with that. I much better relate to a quote by Rumi, and the quote is the wound is the place where the light enters you. And I give so much credit to the tumultuous relationship that I had with my dad Because if it had been all hearts and roses, my grief experience would have been really differently. I probably would not have found my spiritual path. That is a huge gift. I'm so grateful. There's times that I'm like God. I wish you were here, I wish you hadn't tapped out in the way that you did. And you know what? My big brother walked me down the aisle when I got married and it was beautiful.

Speaker 1: 39:56

I love that. You've always got your siblings to depend on. You've always. You're always able to count on them, and I know that not everybody is. It sounds like you guys have a great relationship and that's really beautiful.

Speaker 2: 40:07

Yeah, I mean we all have different religious and political beliefs. So again there's like I mean there's a whole different podcast around, like navigating election years with your siblings, oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:19

Exactly, and there were a couple of people that had suggested that when I mentioned the idea of going into podcasting, oh, you should do a political podcast. There's so many of them. That's exactly why I'm not going to do one. I don't talk about my political views on here. I am open to everybody talking about whatever they want to talk about. Whether it's political views, religious views, it doesn't matter, because as the host, I'm not the main focus right now. You are as the guest, so anything that you want to talk about is on the table, but there there's reasons why I don't share certain things, because I don't want to start tensions and I don't want to get into those kinds of things, and it's not what the show's about. Like you said, there are other podcasts to talk about that.

Speaker 2: 41:04

Yeah, I would be curious to hear from you, knowing that we have very different grief experiences. We'd be really curious to learn what was one thing somebody did to show up for you that really made a difference, like at the funeral or Well, whether it's a funeral or after the funeral or along the way, what was one thing somebody did where you're like, wow, I really feel supported.

Speaker 1: 41:26

That's a great question. Look at this. The guest is putting the host on the spot. I love when that happens.

Speaker 1: 41:31

I'm honestly not sure if I can isolate one specific thing other than, as soon as word started to spread, everybody called, everybody texted. People that I hadn't talked to in a while would see something on Facebook and they would call me or text me. A lot of people would call just to say I heard about your dad, how are you doing? And we would have conversations and shocked that some of the people who I had heard from the number of people that showed up to his funeral and granted a lot of them weren't on his side because unfortunately, he had lost a lot of relationships. He had kind of just outcast people over the last years in his life. But people on my side, they were doing it for us and they were doing it to support us and that meant a lot. It didn't have to be a situation where you know I was super close or anybody was questioning anything or anybody was asking questions. Nobody cared. All it was was about we're going to be there.

Speaker 1: 42:35

Yeah, I can't really isolate a specific thing other than just overall. I mean my family, my friends, co-workers who I was working with at the time. Everyone was just really present about it. If anybody always said, do you need to talk? There were a couple of times that I did and they were totally willing to have conversation. I didn't talk to Iroh for hours but there were a few people that I worked with at the time and said let's go get some lunch, let me buy you lunch, let's chat. And we did Things like that, just knowing that even at the time, if I didn't recognize that I needed to have a conversation, someone else did and they jumped on it.

Speaker 1: 43:15

I've said before that I've had conversations with people who needed to talk and I'm always willing to be that sounding board for anybody who needs to have a conversation about anything. I always try to be the big, strong boy and don't want to have to burden other people. And I wasn't looking for it but, like I said, other people just recognized it and not kicking and screaming. But they would say let's go have a conversation and we would do it. And, just knowing that it is a two-way street, people were there for me even when, like I said, I didn't know that I needed to have a conversation or to talk about things. That was really reassuring. That was great.

Speaker 2: 43:54

Thank you so much for sharing that.

Speaker 1: 43:56

Of course. Thank you for asking.

Speaker 2: 43:58

Yeah, you're welcome. You've really, really brought up a point that I think is so valuable, and that is funerals, memorial services, celebration of life. There's an aspect that is about paying your respects to the dearly departed, but I actually think those are more important for the living.

Speaker 1: 44:14

For the living.

Speaker 2: 44:15

Yes, I make it a point to not miss one. I actually feel more strongly about those than going to weddings. Love, a good wedding. However, when somebody's experienced law, it's not about the person who's crossed, it's about the person you know, the family that's living.

Speaker 1: 44:30

The people who are left.

Speaker 2: 44:31

Yep, totally. So I really appreciate that. You know, for me I didn't realize that after a service or that celebration of life or funeral, that's when the phone stops ringing, so people will be in touch. Logistics the casseroles I'm really into casseroles today, apparently, but you know those. The food stops coming, the phone stops ringing at the same frequency. Whoever is the executor is like up to their elbows in business administration.

Speaker 1: 45:03

Life goes back to normal Totally.

Speaker 2: 45:06

Somebody else at least- that is when I think there is an opportunity for us as members of our community, as friends and as family members to keep reaching out, not accessibly, but just to that's like the text and that's the phone call to say hey, just checking on you, how are you doing? Is there anything I can do to support you? Because there's such a quieting down, there's that big crescendo moment of the service and then it gets so quiet after, as life goes on.

Speaker 1: 45:35

Silence is deafening, oh my goodness, yeah, it is.

Speaker 2: 45:39

And then just thinking through the other side of that, for those who are experiencing the loss, do not be afraid to give people assignments. People want to show up for you. They just don't know how. So if there is, like the practicing, the beautiful art of delegation, whether it's big or small, hey, I don't know, I don't know what thinking about means Like I don't know how to fix this thing, can you come over and fix it? Or I don't know how I don't know what thinking about means Like I don't know how to fix this thing, can you come over and fix it? Or I don't know how to deal with this. Can you help me with that? Can?

Speaker 2: 46:10

you make a phone call for me to deal with that. Do not be afraid to give people assignments, because the people who are surrounding you, they love you and they want to show up for you.

Speaker 1: 46:20

Yeah, you know it's funny, you talk about giving assignments. And the first thing that I thought of what you also talked about in comparison was weddings. I think back to my wedding when, you know, I had a whole bunch of guys in my wedding party. My wife had, I think I had eight, or actually I think I had nine guys and my wife had six in her wedding party. Huge wedding, yeah, it was huge. Well, it was. You know, the friends, brothers, cousins, it was like there were. Kim was like can we narrow it down a little bit? I was like, no, sorry, I can't.

Speaker 2: 46:51

This is who I want.

Speaker 1: 46:53

But leading up to the wedding, the guys had assignments, the girls had assignments. On the wedding day, like when we did the rehearsal, everybody's got to do a little bit of something, so it's not anything overwhelming, but you're going to do this, you're going to do this, you're going to do this. And we did it like seamlessly and without you know batting an eye, and everybody did what they needed to do, because it's just what you do. But I don't think that people think of funerals in that similar of a fashion. As much as you need help with something like a wedding, and whether it's planning a wedding or executing certain things, you do need that help sometimes during a funeral.

Speaker 2: 47:32

It really just allows the grieving to be fully present.

Speaker 1: 47:36

Yeah, when you have so much on your plate, you don't really get that opportunity. Maybe it's because people don't know how to approach it or what to ask or how to ask, and so, if they don't, you, as the person who, even though you're dealing with the loss, sometimes you might feel bad about burdening or overburdening anyone else with other things You're happy the people are there, but you don't want to say, oh, can you do this, can you do this? You leave it to the very immediate family because you figure, a funeral is a family affair and let the family deal with it. But, as we've talked about and as time has proven, it's not just a family affair and, besides, family goes way beyond blood.

Speaker 1: 48:22

The three guys that I was talking about, like my three, three of my best friends. I've known them all since I was a kid. I don't consider them friends, I consider them my brothers. You don't have to be blood related to you know. Consider people family. I'm very big on that, the people that are closest to me. I've always considered family. But yeah, you know, you don't think about things like that, and that's a really good way of putting that about giving assignments.

Speaker 2: 48:47

Yeah, and it doesn't have to just be at the service either. It can be beyond knowing that the person whoever is, you know, dealing with closing up the household or things like that. You know, it could be as simple as like hey, can you call some moving companies or an estate sale company for me, things that don't require like account verification, things like that. For me, things that don't require like account verification, things like that. Nick, in closing, I would just offer a couple of resources for your listeners.

Speaker 2: 49:10

I would love if you could do that For those of you who are in your early 20s to early 40s not being ageist here, but there is a fantastic nonprofit called the dinner party and it is very simply the dinner partyorg. And what the dinner party does is create totally free, either virtual or in-person meetups across the United States and it is to break bread and share stories about your loss. And there are specific what they call affinity groups. So there are groups specifically for the loss of a parent, a loss of other loved ones, lost by suicide, lost by long-term illness like cancer, et cetera. So if you need and want peer to peer support, check out the dinner partyorg.

Speaker 2: 50:04

For those of us that don't fall into those age categories, or if we're looking at something different, there's a cool other opportunity called the Death Cafe and it's the same thing, where it is the opportunity to either meet virtually or in person in cities actually across the globe where you can share your grief, experience, or you can just be in a space where people are also walking a similar path to you, where there's shared experience and support. There again, peer to peer support. And you know, obviously the third is as a psychic medium. I am always very happy to help people with that connection and you can find my services for both my private readings and my group events at ColleenColemancom.

Speaker 1: 50:49

I appreciate that you have put that out there and, yes, when this episode does go live, I'm going to share everything that you just gave on the page and the post associated with the episode. So hopefully everybody will enjoy listening to this episode as much as I have enjoyed creating it, and I hope that you've enjoyed it as well.

Speaker 2: 51:06

Yeah, thanks so much, nick.

Speaker 1: 51:08

Of course, thank you. And in closing, I do have one last thing, which is every interview that I do. I don't remember if I had mentioned this to you ahead of time.

Speaker 2: 51:17

No, it's a fun surprise.

Speaker 1: 51:18

Yeah, at the end of every interview I do some rapid fire questions. I have a whole list on an Excel sheet of questions that I just randomly generate and then just throw you a bunch of questions. It's a nice way to kind of come back from all the dark shit that we've been talking about, just end things on a high note and to have a little bit of fun with it and also to learn some completely random facts about you.

Speaker 2: 51:44

Awesome, I'm here for it.

Speaker 1: 51:45

All right, here we go. Where did you go on your last vacation?

Speaker 2: 51:49

I just got back from England.

Speaker 1: 51:51

Nice, how was that?

Speaker 2: 51:52

It was awesome. I was there for studying and meeting with my mediumship mentor, so it was incredible.

Speaker 1: 51:58

What part of England?

Speaker 2: 52:00

I was in. It's called the Middlelands, so I was in Birmingham. Okay, I was in. It's called the Middlelands, so I was in Birmingham, okay. I did quite a lot of going to the Midwest, but I had a great time.

Speaker 1: 52:08

That's great. I love hearing about good trips and also I'll throw out there, if you ever I don't know if you have anybody that you work with, but if you take a lot of trips and vacations my wife actually happens to be a travel agent.

Speaker 2: 52:20

Perfect.

Speaker 1: 52:25

Actually, I'm going to take you up on that. I will you know what, when we're all done with this and the interview's over, I'll get you that information separately. Sounds great, awesome. Which coworker over the past did you get into the most mischief with?

Speaker 2: 52:35

Oh, her name is Kelly and we still get into mischief together. Yeah, there's like there's only one who stands out in this way. She and I worked together for about five years while we were both at REI and no, neither of us are full-time jobs at REI anymore, but the bond is very strong. We run ultra marathons together, we drink too much wine together, we have a fantastic time and we also do a lot of the healing, yoga and shamanic work together. So she's a ride or die.

Speaker 1: 53:03

Wonderful. What is your favorite holiday?

Speaker 2: 53:05

I absolutely love Christmas, not the religious aspect of it, but the joy, the community, the decking of the halls. I am here for all of that. I I love it. Multiple Christmas trees, garland everywhere. November 1st doesn't feel too early to me. Big fan of the holidays, followed very closely by Halloween, I went crazy and got a 12-foot skeleton from Home Depot last year.

Speaker 1: 53:29

Like one of the big inflatables.

Speaker 2: 53:31

Oh, he's not inflatable, but he's huge and my house is black and it's up on a hill, so it's extra, and obviously I talk to dead people, so there's some real mystique around that. So Christmas very closely followed by Halloween.

Speaker 1: 53:45

What is the coolest feature in your home?

Speaker 2: 53:47

That's a good question that I will share too. One is it's surrounded by trees and so I'm in the suburbs but I'm very close to this green belt and so I'm so close to nature Like there's coyotes that live behind the house, there's an owl that lives behind the house, so that I find extremely calming and I love it. And then the other aspect is I have this incredible like day bed in this little sunroom where I do meditation work and where I do my private readings, and that thing just feels like a little beautiful place to transport. It's a very special spot in my home for me.

Speaker 1: 54:21

What is your favorite number?

Speaker 2: 54:23

Probably 11. I'm into angel numbers. If you don't know what those are, nick, you're going to have to look them up. So, like 11, 11 is pretty good number, okay.

Speaker 1: 54:31

Would you rather learn by watching or learn by doing?

Speaker 2: 54:33

Definitely a doer.

Speaker 1: 54:35

Have you ever tasted soap?

Speaker 2: 54:37

I have always had a potty mouth.

Speaker 1: 54:39

You don't say yeah, shocker.

Speaker 2: 54:42

Maybe you should have started with this question. So I've had my mouth washed out with soap many times. I would go on the record and say Dr Brommer's peppermint is the absolute worst. Wow, much prefer like an ivory or something like that. Yes, I'm familiar. Potty mouth hasn't changed too much.

Speaker 1: 54:58

You've had enough brands to know which one to recommend for kids to get if they're going to curse in front of their parents I didn't say it was an angel that's okay. None of us are. How long can you hold your breath for?

Speaker 2: 55:10

I do a lot of shamanic breath work and there is this rhythmic breath that we do and then we hold, and so the breath holds are between two and four minutes. If I had to hold my breath right now, you're probably going to get me a little bit closer to like two, because I'm wound up and excited and it's the middle of the day and I'm fully activated, ready to go. We'll call it, we'll say two minutes.

Speaker 1: 55:30

Okay, I can go for about a minute and a half here. This is something interesting. One of my recent jobs I was doing a lot of traveling up to Boston and I was staying in the hotel frequently. I was going up there for sometimes two or three weeks at a time and it was it was a Marriott and it was a four points at Sheridan and they have like the Marriott TV and they have different like mini movies that they make and they just feature different guests and feature different people. One of them I don't remember what her name was, but she was, I believe it was. She was called an underwater dancer, but she also did so many things all underwater. I had looked her up at some point. I Googled her because the video that I was watching she was underwater for a long time and I'm like this can't possibly be real and she can actually hold her breath for up to 10 minutes.

Speaker 1: 56:17

Yeah that was my face. I couldn't believe it. I will find that information. It will be pretty easy to find and I'll send that to you. I guess you know. Just years of training, she learned how to do it.

Speaker 2: 56:38

She's been moving herself into a meditative state to calm her respiratory system down to such a place where she's wow incredible.

Speaker 1: 56:41

What is your favorite junk food?

Speaker 2: 56:47

Wow, incredible. What is your favorite junk food? Oh, great question. I live a very healthy lifestyle, nick. I'm off like a lot of things right now. So everything I would, I would murder right now for some sourdough bread. I'm off gluten, I'm off dairy, I'm off all this. You know, health and wellness is where I'm at right now, but, oh my goodness, I would murder, yeah, for some sourdough bread, followed very closely by a Teresa breakfast burrito that's full of cheese.

Speaker 1: 57:08

That doesn't suck.

Speaker 2: 57:10

I don't do a lot of processed food, so to me these are the things I like fantasize about.

Speaker 1: 57:13

Yeah, your guilty pleasure is that you're going to have once in a rare while a loaf of sourdough bread.

Speaker 2: 57:18

I'd eat the whole thing by myself.

Speaker 1: 57:20

What is your favorite car?

Speaker 2: 57:22

I have a little 1979 MGB and that thing is the size of a roller skate. She is highly unreliable. The British are not known for their electrical at all, especially automotive electrical. But that thing is a little convertible and she's a Sapphire blue and I just have. I cannot drive that thing without a smile on my face. So my favorite car is my little tiny MG Nice 1979.

Speaker 1: 57:51

You said, oh, this is funny. The next question that comes up. I already know the answer to this one sourdough or wheat?

Speaker 2: 57:57

Oh man, sourdough, all the way, all the way.

Speaker 1: 58:00

That is so funny that you just mentioned that, and then that question comes up.

Speaker 2: 58:03

It's almost like I'm a psychic or something.

Speaker 1: 58:06

Almost. Do you hack into my computer?

Speaker 2: 58:11

I don't know, I'm like IT is not really my thing, Nick.

Speaker 1: 58:14

It's not really mine. I can navigate my way very well around my own computer, but if you ask me to do anything like that, I wouldn't have the first clue. What's the last song that you listened to?

Speaker 2: 58:25

Oh, you know I am having this real moment. I don't listen to a lot of pink, I don't listen to a lot of pop, but there's a song by pink that's her latest single. It's called Trustfall. I'm jamming out to that in a serious way, like I'm really like sound all the way up, loving it right. So yeah, trust, all by pink song. Do you want me to sing it to you?

Speaker 1: 58:47

if you'd like to. Absolutely not, that was a joke. Are rats cute? No, name three of the seven dwarves snoozy or is it sleepy?

Speaker 2: 58:58

sleepy oh I have no idea. Okay, okay, sleepy.

Speaker 1: 59:03

I love what this question is because everybody gets hung up on it.

Speaker 2: 59:06

And grumpy.

Speaker 1: 59:07

There you go. What is humanity's worst quality?

Speaker 2: 59:11

Oh no, there's a lot right now with what's happening in the world, but I would say our inability to have compassion for each other.

Speaker 1: 59:19

This one's not on here, but I'm going to. I'm going to flip it around and ask you what do you think humanity's best quality is?

Speaker 2: 59:24

Our ability to have compassion for each other.

Speaker 1: 59:27

If your dogs could talk, what would they say about?

Speaker 2: 59:31

you. They would be asking me why they haven't gone for exercise today. I don't go to the bathroom by myself. They're with me all the time. It's like Velcro. So there's a lot of love, a lot of affection. It would be a pet me, feed me, exercise me.

Speaker 1: 59:43

They're your little shadows. Yes, dark chocolate or milk chocolate. Dark Name a four letter word that starts with the letter B.

Speaker 2: 59:52

Babe.

Speaker 1: 59:53

What is your proudest work accomplishment so far?

Speaker 2: 59:56

I would say working with spirit is the greatest privilege of my life. So to be able to connect connect people that are in this realm with their loved ones on the other side is tremendous privilege. I don't know that it's an accomplishment, but a privilege. There's lots of things in my professional day job that I've had the opportunity to work on that are really cool, but they pale in comparison to my mediumship work.

Speaker 1: 1:00:19

What is the fastest speed that you've ever driven a car?

Speaker 2: 1:00:22

I'm not telling you.

Speaker 1: 1:00:24

I'm not going to turn you into the police. Oh, okay, well, you know, and honestly, if they weren't there and they didn't have a radar gun, then you can say you went 400 miles an hour and nobody can do anything about it.

Speaker 2: 1:00:35

Like probably 110.

Speaker 1: 1:00:37

Okay.

Speaker 2: 1:00:38

It wasn't in the MG. That thing tops out at 55.

Speaker 1: 1:00:41

It probably shimmies like crazy at 55.

Speaker 2: 1:00:43

Oh it does After that? It's not safe. It's starting to float.

Speaker 1: 1:00:46

The fastest I've ever driven on a highway was 145.

Speaker 2: 1:00:51

Oh my goodness, okay, you're flying.

Speaker 1: 1:00:53

I don't drive like that anymore on the highway. I have, however, done NASCAR racing school twice at Talladega and I got up to 176. Holy shit, was that exhilarating.

Speaker 2: 1:01:03

I mean the G forces on your face also must have been.

Speaker 1: 1:01:07

You know the first, I actually so I did it for my 40th birthday. My wife had bought me a 40 lap package. You know, 40 for 40. It was going to be done in four 10 lap segments and at the end of the third I had to stop because I felt like I was going to throw up because it was the G forces were so intense. It was like being on a really incredible carnival ride and I had never experienced that and it was making me nauseous.

Speaker 1: 1:01:31

On lap 30, on the, I got off the gas, I pulled down to the apron and the guy that was riding alongside me, he's like what's wrong? I said I have to stop. And I just, you know, I got down to the apron and just drove, you know, coasted around to the pits and I said I'm really sorry, but I really thought I was going to throw up. And he's like no, listen, the G-forces do that, especially with his first time. So I ended up.

Speaker 1: 1:01:51

The lady that was running it, she felt really bad. She wrote me like a gift certificate for 20 laps instead of 10 for, like, if I wanted to come back. We ended up going back two years later on a separate vacation. By that point, the driving school had been bought out by another company and I ended up doing 24 laps, like three eight lap segments, and this time I was more prepared no nausea, nothing and still got it up to 176 miles an hour and got out of the car and I was just on fire. I was just so happy. It's a hell of an adrenaline rush.

Speaker 1: 1:02:21

I've been a NASCAR fan since I was a kid. If anybody ever wants to do it, I highly recommend it. If it's not your thing, I totally get it. But yeah, there's my hijacking of the conversation about NASCAR. I'm so sorry about that.

Speaker 2: 1:02:34

I don't feel nearly as bad at 110.

Speaker 1: 1:02:37

No, no, 110 is not too terrible. Do you believe in second chances?

Speaker 2: 1:02:41

Yeah, I do, if all parties involved are doing the work to move through the reason it didn't work out in the first time, very nice.

Speaker 1: 1:02:50

And last thing is, if you were really hungry, if you saw a bug, would you eat it?

Speaker 2: 1:02:58

If this is like I'm like in survival mode. Yeah, absolutely. I was in Oaxaca, mexico, a couple of years ago and there's like crickets that are served as part of the appetizer, or crickets that are served with mezcal. So yeah, in some cultures it's not that big of a deal. I'm here for the bugs Great source of protein.

Speaker 1: 1:03:16

That's right. They are a great source of protein. Colleen, this has been so great. You're amazing. I'm thrilled that we had this chance to have this conversation and something that you alluded to about how there might be a good conversation if you and your brother and sister were ever talking together that might be something if the three of you were up for it for exploring that might want to see about doing that one day.

Speaker 2: 1:03:40

Okay, awesome. Thank you so much for that. I have a date with my sister later this week, so I will start planting the seeds of my sin.

Speaker 1: 1:03:46

I know that they all had different experiences with losing your dad, but if it's, if a group conversation is something that you guys might be into and I mean, if they want to talk to me individually I would love to do that as well. But if you guys are open to a group conversation, I think that could be amazing as well. Oh my gosh, that would be really interesting. I love that idea, nick. Thank you so much. This was so fun. I always have fun doing these and they just get better every single time, and I'm honored that you were willing to share your story with me and share what you're doing and how you moved on from your dad's loss, and hopefully everybody who's listening can get something out of this and realize that there are ways through it, that nobody is alone. No matter how dire, how difficult the situation is, no one's alone. There's always someone to talk to, and you really should, when you're ready, take advantage of that.

Speaker 2: 1:04:37

Absolutely yes. Thank you so much, Nick. This was such an honor such an honor.

Speaker 1: 1:04:49

Another heartfelt interview of grief, loss and moving forward. I would like to thank Colleen for appearing on the show and for sharing everything that she did. If you would like to reach out to Colleen and inquire about her services, go to colleencolemancom, and I'm including the links to her page in the show notes of this episode. If you enjoyed this episode, please get onto Apple Podcasts. Give us five stars, leave a short message and tell me what you liked. Tell me what you thought of Colleen's story and maybe some of the unhealthier approaches that you've taken to try and outrun your grief before realizing you couldn't go around it. You just had to go through it. Tell your friends, tell everyone you know about this podcast, because together we are changing lives and I want everyone along for this ride. If you have a story of grief and loss to share, you might want to be considered as a future guest on Our Dead Dads. Go to OurDeadDadscom. Go to the Contact Us link at the top of the page, select Be a Guest, fill out the form, send it in and you just might be able to tell your story and carry on this mission of helping ourselves and helping so many others. Remember, there are no rules to navigating grief and there's no timeline for doing it either. Everyone needs to go at their own pace, but the most important part is taking the very first step.

Speaker 1: 1:05:48

Whether you're wanting to contribute your own story or you just want to listen to others tell their stories, please know that no one is alone in their grief or should ever feel like they don't have someone who will talk or listen to you. Know that you are in the right place and here you always have both. Thank you for listening and join me next week when I talk to Melissa Armstrong. This is definitely going to be one of the more intense interviews I've done so far, and I'm so grateful to Melissa for what she shared with me. This is definitely going to be one of the more intense interviews I've done so far, and I'm so grateful to Melissa for what she shared with me and what she will be sharing with the world. This is Our Dead Dads, where we are changing the world one damaged soul at a time. See you next time.