Exploring Grief, Healing, and Podcasting Lessons in The Hot Seat with Kim Gaylord - Episode 8.1

Find the show on Apple Podcasts! Click the FOLLOW button so you never miss an episode!
 
Give us a 5-star rating and leave a review! This will boost our visibility and help others to find the show!

WHO THIS EPISODE HELPS:
Anyone navigating grief, loss, or trauma who wants to better understand the healing process.

WHAT LISTENERS WILL GET:
Practical insights into coping with grief, reflections on fatherhood, and behind-the-scenes lessons from creating a grief podcast.

DESCRIPTION:
In this bonus Hot Seat episode, host Nick Gaylord sits down with his wife Kim to answer listener-submitted questions about grief, loss, and the creation of Our Dead Dads. Together, they reflect on Nick’s relationship with his late father, the impact of trauma and healing, and the lessons he’s carried into his own life. Nick shares honest memories of childhood, the challenges of podcasting about grief, and the resilience that comes from choosing growth over bitterness. The conversation blends humor, vulnerability, and wisdom, offering a candid look into the heart of the show. Whether you’ve lost a parent or are simply navigating life after loss, this episode provides understanding, encouragement, and connection.

This episode answers:

• What are the hardest challenges of starting a grief podcast?
• How does losing a father shape your life and choices as an adult?
• What are the most meaningful memories Nick has of his dad?
• How do humor and honesty help people process grief and trauma?
• Who are Nick’s dream guests for future grief conversations?

Key Takeaways:

• Healing from grief requires vulnerability, honesty, and support.
• Childhood memories of fathers shape identity well into adulthood.
• Starting a grief podcast means overcoming fear and inexperience.
• Dark humor can ease conversations about death and trauma.
• Building a grief community starts with shared stories and empathy.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:16

Welcome to Our Dead Dads, the podcast where we normalize talking about grief, trauma, loss and moving forward. I'm your host, my name is Nick Gaylord, and today I'm joined by my co-host, my lovely wife Kim Gaylord. I'm your host, my name is Nick Gaylord, and today I'm joined by my co-host, my lovely wife Kim Gaylord. Hello, hi, thank you so much for listening everybody. We appreciate all of you joining us today and we hope that you're ready for a little bit of fun. Now. Fun may not be the first thing you think of when you tune into this show, but, as you already know, even though we're talking about some heavy emotional topics, we know how to throw some humor and dark humor into the conversations. Today will be no different, as we dive into another first for this podcast. Not that we've had a million firsts already, seeing how the podcast is still kind of in its infancy, but today we're bringing you the first bonus episode of a segment called the Hot Seat, and this is something that will happen once a month. Things are going to get switched around a little and I will be asked all the questions which were sent in by you, the listeners, and thank you so much for sending in all of your questions. If you have not already heard, our website is fully operational. You can go to wwwourdeaddadscom and that is where you can send in all of your questions and play a part in interviewing me. You can ask anything you want. If you want to ask me something about the podcast, something about my relationship with my dad, about one of the past interviews or pretty much anything else you want to ask, this is your chance. And to send in your questions, go to OurDeadDadscom. Look at the top right corner of the screen where you will see Contact Us. There's a drop-down list that contains a section called the Hot Seat the same name of this episode. Click on that and fill out the form and send in your questions. You can submit between one and five questions and if you have more than five, then just fill out the form a second time or as many times as it takes.

Speaker 1 1:51

Speaking of the website, a huge shout out to anisa raman of dotted avenue creative studio. He also goes by ar for all of the incredible work on the website. If you're interested in building a website or giving your existing site a facelift, you can find their contact page under recommendations on the OurDeadDadscom homepage and then go to Our Friends. He works exclusively with Squarespace hosted websites and if you're not currently working with Squarespace, he can help you make the smooth transition. Reach out to Dotted Avenue Creative Studio today, mention Our Dead Dads podcast and get a 10% discount on your web design package. Now that we got some of the housekeeping out of the way, let's have a little fun. We don't know how this is going to go, but that's why we try new things. Hopefully, you enjoy this segment and will help us keep it going, and the way to do that is to keep sending in more questions through the website for me to answer, and now I turn it over to my wonderful co-host.

Speaker 2 2:40

Just like that. Just like that we should make it clear that I'm only your co-host for this episode.

Speaker 1 2:46

Well, I don't know. You seem to.

Speaker 2 2:48

No, this is not a. I mean, I'm not saying I'll never do this again, but I'm not your full-time co-host.

Speaker 1 2:54

Oh no, of course. Yes, you are not the full-time co-host of the podcast, but you are at least for today's segment, and you have expressed possible interest in wanting to maybe do additional episodes of the hot seat.

Speaker 2 3:08

Yes, I'm perfectly comfortable and more than happy to put you on the hot seat once in a while, my love.

Speaker 1 3:15

Welcome to my marriage.

Speaker 2 3:18

Okay, so most of the questions that have come in over the first few weeks seem to be in two big categories either about your dad and your relationship with your dad, or about the podcast itself, mostly about sort of the process and getting started and things like that. So I thought we would start there.

Speaker 1 3:37

Okay, which section would you like to start with?

Speaker 2 3:39

With those with the podcast related ones. Podcast you okay with that?

Speaker 1 3:43

I'm not the boss here. I am not in charge you. That's why you're the co host and you can do whatever you want to ask in any order. So yes, I'm totally fine with it.

Speaker 2 3:52

All right ready.

Speaker 1 3:53

I'm ready. I can't wait to see how this is going to go. It's like a little interrogation.

Speaker 2 3:57

Okay, and the other thing I think we should say is is that, while you've seen the questions, of course you don't know which of the questions I'm about to ask, right?

Speaker 1 4:04

I have no idea which ones you're going to ask, in what order. Any of that? Yes, obviously I've seen them, because I manage the website, but I've basically just copied them, sent them to you and haven't done anything with them since.

Speaker 2 4:15

Correct, all right, so here we go. Question number one what is your favorite part about starting the podcast?

Speaker 1 4:30

Well, I think my favorite thing is probably achieving a goal that I've had for a really long time, which is to help people. Not that the creation of the podcast is what's helping people, but just the mission of the podcast. The idea of helping people, the idea of finding a way to help people, is something that's kind of been burning inside me for ever and, as I've talked about on the show, I love working in the industry that I work in and I feel that's a great way to help people. It always has been, but, as I recognized earlier this year, it just wasn't enough. Once the idea was developed and grew with this podcast, I realized that I really do have a chance to help a lot of people, and that's.

Speaker 2 5:05

This was your way to do something that you've talked about wanting to be able to do for a long time.

Speaker 1 5:10

Right, and I never, when I've always talked about want to help people. I never knew how. I didn't realize that this was going to be the platform or the topic. I just knew that I wanted to do something.

Speaker 2 5:20

And I think you do help a lot of people in your life through talking to them. You're so available to so many people in your life in a way that many of us are not, so I think it's a natural lead in for you. It's one of the things I like about that. This is what you're doing. Is that it's you right? It's not like you're going out there to do something else that totally just to like quote unquote help people Right. Talking to people is how you, historically, I think, help people.

Speaker 1 5:47

You're right and so it's something that's always come easily and naturally to me. So the fact that I get to have this kind of a platform and get to talk to people yeah, I absolutely love it.

Speaker 2 5:57

All right. So then I'm curious then, based on that, what would you say are some of the challenges you have faced while podcasting, and how have you overcome them?

Speaker 1 6:07

I think it's easy to say that the challenges I faced were not having the first clue what the hell I was doing when this started. This is my very first podcast. I have listened to podcasts for a long time but I've never actively played a part in any form of media in podcasting in TV radio, anything like that.

Speaker 2 6:29

I didn't you had never been a guest on a podcast, or-.

Podcast Production Process and Guest Interviews

Speaker 1 6:32

No, I had never been a guest on a podcast, I've never taken communications classes or anything like that, so I really I didn't know what to do, Aside from what I've heard in some of the podcasts that I've listened to over the years. I didn't realize at the time that I was kind of almost taking a mental inventory for what turned out to be later adventures with what I was listening to. I thought back, I did a lot of reflecting on some of the podcasts that I've listened to over the years and thought about some of the things that were done that I really liked or some things that I kind of thought, eh, I don't know if I would really do that, and I've tried to incorporate a lot of that into how I've presented this podcast. But aside from just talking to people, there was a lot more behind the scenes. There was a lot of research to do with developing a podcast, equipment to buy, how to actually put episodes out there, what platform to use.

Speaker 1 7:32

As I've mentioned multiple times, Christina Driscoll, the host of the she's Brave podcast, was a huge influence with me for getting this podcast started. I had actually started following her and her podcast before this began for me and then, when she posted about starting a 10-week online class to create your own podcast. That's when the interest really spiked and we had a conversation ended up starting it and I learned a lot from Christina. It's a lot more than just talking into a microphone and having guests. Again, it was a 10-week class. She went over so many topics. I'm not going to get into specifics on them right now, but-.

Speaker 2 8:14

But give some examples because I do think it's important for people to understand things like editing the podcast or marketing the podcast. I'm feeding you that because there's a couple more questions about that that some of your guests had written in, asking about what kind of advice would you give somebody starting a podcast, things like that.

Speaker 1 8:34

Sure, All right. Well, some of the examples are choosing a podcast topic. Obviously, if you're going to talk about something, you need to know what you're going to talk about. I think in week two, we had a session where we were recording our trailer. This was something that I've already talked about on the show. The first assignment that we had was we had to create a one minute recording just using the voice notes app on our phones, just talking about what we want to do with the podcast or what it's going to be about, and that was a horrible experience for me. It took me about a half an hour to record a stupid one minute segment which nobody was ever going to hear by the way, listen for any of us who have had to, even because it's what we want to do.

Speaker 2 9:16

Doing something for the first time where you hear yourself or see yourself I can speak from personal experience is the most traumatic it really is. That isn't really traumatic that you can do and it's so awkward. And so I'll give advice to somebody who wants to start a podcast. If that's okay, you have to just do it and get over it and get so comfortable with it, because looking at yourself or hearing your own voice, if you're somebody who has to do social media for your business, let's say that's not a podcast, as in my case. If it doesn't come natural to you, if it's not the reason you started your business, but you find yourself having to do it to promote and support your business in this day and age, you just got to do it right. Yeah, you don't have a choice.

Speaker 1 9:58

You either have to get over it or it's going to hold you back. Another thing that I've talked about when we lived in New York for 12 years, I ran a wedding photography business. I hate having pictures taken of me.

Speaker 2 10:08

I always have except for pictures of us, because wonderful pictures. But you usually take those also because they're selfies, sure, and your arms are a little bit longer, but I've never really been a big fan of having my picture taken.

Speaker 1 10:20

I don't know why. It's just a. I think it runs in the family.

Speaker 2 10:22

I think it runs in the family.

Speaker 1 10:23

I think it runs in the family too. It's just kind of a personal preference and so to avoid that, I ended up standing behind the camera for 12 years and made a nice little side business out of it. But I've always hated the sound of my own voice recorded. I don't we all do. I can't explain it. It's just something that I for my entire life was never able to get over, and starting this podcast got me over it really quickly, surprisingly.

Speaker 2 10:49

It's just it is what it is you got? More important things. You got to move on to the next thing, right?

Speaker 1 10:54

Yeah, you have to move on A list of to-dos yeah there are so many things to do and you just have to move on and I guess getting flooded by the sound of my own voice has gotten me over really quickly. I used to cringe when I heard my own voice recorded and listening to all the interviews and the editing, it doesn't even faze me anymore.

Speaker 2 11:13

So one of the questions was can you share some behind the scenes details about your podcast production process and maybe sort of give a segue into that a little bit here?

Speaker 1 11:23

Okay, so the first thing that I do is, well before we actually do the interview, sometimes I need to do some research, depending on who the guest is. I haven't yet had a lot of famous guests, so if anybody knows any out there, then please send them my way and I will gladly do the research. Before doing an actual recorded interview, I always do what I call a first phone call or first Zoom call, because I need to make sure that the topics that the guests want to discuss are relevant to the podcast, that they're going to be compelling enough and going to sustain the duration of an interview. Once we know that they are, I send out a questionnaire form. The guest will complete that. This way, I have a little bit of initial content that I can develop some questions from, aside from having the first conversation, which I will also develop some questions from, and then we dive into the interview. This is not all the same day, but that's basically the process. We have the call, we have the interview and then, after that, comes the editing process.

Speaker 2 12:24

Then the real fun begins.

Speaker 2 12:24

process and then the real fun begins yeah, then the real fun begins then, uh, do you want to tell your listeners how long some of the some of the interviews have lasted in real time? Well, so, some of the longer ones for anybody forgetting, even the ones like with your brothers and with um mike and dennis and ed, because obviously those were we. We knew they'd be longer. We knew they'd be longer, but has there been the occasional Sunday where you've disappeared into your office at, say, 11 in the morning and I haven't seen you until dinner time?

Speaker 1 12:53

Well, if that's the case, it's usually because I'm doing multiple interviews that day. But yeah, some of the-.

Speaker 2 12:57

You've had a few that have gone on for I don't know, two, three hours, yes, in total length don't know two, three hours in total length.

Speaker 1 13:06

Yes, in total length. Some of them have gone on for two plus hours. A lot of that is initially just kind of a little chit chat in the beginning. Then, once we get in, once we really get into it, we settle down, we have a interview, we do the closeout segment where we ask the random questions, and then there's usually five, 10, 15 minutes of chatting after the interview was over. So, yes, the total recorded time ends up sometimes being two hours or a little bit more. Most of the times, the actual recorded segment of the interview that will be published is between an hour and an hour and a half. Sometimes it's a little longer.

Speaker 2 13:39

Hopefully we'll get to a point where sometimes it's even a little bit shorter. I think, also, it does depend on who your guest is. You know, if you are interviewing somebody who is used to being a guest in this platform or who has their own podcast. For instance, when you interviewed Kud, that interview was briefer, more brief, I don't know what the right way to say that is Lasted less long because he's a professional, he knows how to answer the question. I think when you're interviewing guests that are not used to this, who you know and so far you've interviewed some people that we've known in our own lives or who are not professional podcast guests and, of course, they're talking about a really emotional, sensitive topic, right, you need to let them talk, you need to let them feel comfortable. Yes, and that's such a huge part of, I think, what you do.

Speaker 1 14:27

Yeah, it definitely is. It's a big part of what I do.

Speaker 2 14:31

And it's also To make them feel comfortable and to not rush them.

Speaker 1 14:33

Right, it is something that needs to be done. You can't always have a three-hour conversation, because that's going to be really hard to edit down and also, if you don't have three hours of really compelling content that's going to sustain the attention of the listeners, eventually they're going to tune out, and that's obviously not what I'm trying to do. There are going to be some episodes that are going to be a little bit longer. If the content is there, it's there for a reason, and I don't always want to make the hard decision of cutting out certain content for one listener, as I really wouldn't want to do for anybody. Yeah, if you're, if people are willing to talk to me about this, then as well, it's worthwhile content to be included. But, that being said, we do need to make sure we stay in line.

Speaker 2 15:16

It's a fine line, and I know my husband well enough listeners to tell you that he has this inherent inability. Well, no, that's not yes, but what I was going to say is you almost would feel bad about editing out something that somebody said, I think, even if it might not necessarily be the most compelling, you just have this side of you that wouldn't want that. You wouldn't want to make anybody feel bad. So stay tuned, listeners. Stay tuned. All right, wait, I'm going to go on, because you said something a minute ago that makes me want to ask this next question. You said if anybody has any famous people they want to send your way. So one of the questions was do you have a wishlist of guests you'd like to interview and, if so, can you tell us who is on that list?

Speaker 1 16:00

I do actually have a list. I've got seven names on the list currently. Wow.

Speaker 2 16:07

This is new information for me. I didn't know you had an active list.

Speaker 1 16:10

Yeah, I have an active list and I had to basically start a list on the little notes app in my phone because I didn't want to lose track of this, but there are always people who are going to come up and just going to have Would you be willing to share one or two of those names with us?

Speaker 1 16:25

I can share them all it's not like it's a secret or anything and again, these are folks that I really would love the chance to interview. Hopefully, one day, this podcast will grow enough to the point where it'll happen.

Speaker 2 16:36

And I'm assuming this isn't like you want to interview the Undertaker because he's your childhood hero. I don't know if that's true or not.

Speaker 1 16:42

No, that would be Michael, my brother Michael. If he had a podcast, he would make sure that guest number interview Tony Stewart. Well, I don't know. That's Nick's favorite NASCAR driver. Yeah, Tony Stewart is my favorite NASCAR driver, but I don't know his history with his dad or his parents, or grief and loss.

Speaker 2 16:57

Yeah, exactly these are people specifically that you think would be good guests for this topic, not just in general, because I think I know who one of them is.

Speaker 1 17:07

Well, the very first name on the list you definitely know who it is is Dax Shepard, host of Armchair Expert. You actually got me into Dax's podcast a few years ago I think it was while we were still in Texas. I was obsessed right off the bat, just from the first episode. He's an incredible interviewer. He's brutally honest, he's authentic, he doesn't hold back anything. He shares his entire life with the audience. He talks about stories of abuse, of alcoholism, of addiction, and just goes through everything that he's been through in his life. And he's not afraid to tackle any topic, and that's a big part of why.

Speaker 2 17:45

Yeah, I think he's kind of well known for being sort of a man who can be very open and honest in a world where a lot of men are not, which I think that's what directly relates to your podcast, because you're trying to help men like you be more open and more vocal about it.

Speaker 1 18:02

Right, and not that I don't know that we would uncover anything that he hasn't already covered.

Father and Hero Interviews

Speaker 2 18:07

I think he's done like a thousand Sure but he'd still be somebody great to talk to. He would still be an incredible conversation Of just having a really rough relationship with your dad but yet hanging in there and always trying to do the right thing. Having listened to him for years and obviously knowing you as well as I do, I do think it would be if we could ever get dax. You two, I would say, have a lot in common in terms of the dad thing definitely another gosh, completely different because of the alcoholism thing.

Speaker 1 18:34

Your dad never right, my dad never touched a drink. The only time I think I ever saw my dad with an open can of alcohol in his hand was when he made beer battered onion rings oh wow, that's not.

Speaker 2 18:43

That's not what I thought you were going to say. I thought you were going to joke about Coca-Cola being-. Oh no, he never added vodka or anything to his Coke. Quick insert here to ask a question from the dad side. One of the questions was for those who haven't listened prior, I'm sure you've heard it by now, though. Nick's father was obsessed with drinking Coca-Cola, yes, and so one listener had written in to ask if you had to estimate how many liters of Coca-Cola your dad had consumed over his lifetime. Could you possibly?

Speaker 1 19:12

Well, I'm not sure that it would fit in the swimming pool that we have in our backyard. We have a 24 foot round diameter, four foot deep pool in our backyard. I don't know how many gallons that holds, but I wouldn't be surprised oh.

Speaker 2 19:23

I used to know that. I had to know that at some point to figure out how much.

Speaker 1 19:26

I think it's about 60,000 gallons, somewhere around that, or 40,000. I don't know Whatever it is. I mean, it's a lot of water and it will hold a lot of Coca-Cola. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 19:35

Do you think in his heyday he was drinking a liter a day?

Speaker 1 19:39

Possibly. Yeah, I would say he frequently had the little 20 ounce bottles of Coca-Cola even when we had the glass bottle, At least a liter, probably a two liter.

Speaker 2 19:47

I mean, the two liters are the ones you buy like in the grocery store, right yeah?

Speaker 1 19:50

I would say in his younger days, probably one to two liters of Coke a day. Gosh, yeah, it was absurd. All right, going back to the guests.

Speaker 2 19:59

Yeah, who's number? Do you have number?

Speaker 1 20:01

two on your list. Number two is Howard Stern.

Speaker 2 20:04

Also related to the Dax. Yeah, I think Dax is, I know, spoken a lot about how Howard is his hero in this world in terms of interviewing and being such a great interviewer. He is. You and I both talked about how we hear a lot of him in Dax and hopefully one day you'll be just as good.

Speaker 1 20:21

I hope so. I mean, I've always listened to him in the mornings or the afternoons whenever he was on K-Rock in New York and, yes, some of the content was completely ridiculous, but when he got down to it and when he was conducting an interview, yeah, I mean, I don't think that there's a better interviewer than him, aside from, maybe, david Letterman. He's phenomenal at what he does and also his story with his dad is well documented For anybody who is a fan of Stern, if you've seen the movie, if you've read his books. He didn't have the best life with his dad early on, but they did pretty well later on in life, before he passed. Next is Jeanette McCurdy, author of we're getting away from the dads for a second, but she is the author of I'm Glad my Mom Died. That is a book that I discovered very early on in the creation of this podcast, and I didn't actually read it. I'd listened to the audio version. Which that counts? It definitely counts. Anybody who says it doesn't, you're full of shit, it totally counts. Shout out. Reese Witherspoon.

Speaker 2 21:22

That's right, Thank you.

Speaker 1 21:23

Reese. It was an incredible book, heartbreaking to hear some of what happened and what her mom did to her, just from the time she was probably, I think, six years old when she got into the business of Hollywood. A great book and really highly recommended if anybody wants to read it. Next is this is where it gets a little bit on the adventurous side for me wrestler Cody Rhodes, who is better known as the current WWE champion, the American Nightmare, his father, the American Dream.

Speaker 2 21:55

Would you be proud of having the name the American Nightmare?

Speaker 1 21:58

Well, I think he took that, partially because of his dad's nickname, dusty Rhodes, his father. His nickname was the American Dream, and so Cody, oh, dream Nightmare, I get it. Cody adopted the American Nightmare. I was a huge fan of Dusty in the early and mid 80s and until he retired and was first introduced to Cody at Dusty's WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony, where Cody and his brother, dustin Ronald that's his other son, obviously they spoke and inducted him into the Hall of Fame. Cody ended up becoming a wrestler, is one of my favorite wrestlers. He's a great entertainer and he's just a hell of a human being, and I would love to have a conversation to talk a little bit more in depth with Cody about his relationship with his dad, which, by all accounts, that I know is a really good relationship, but it's definitely something that I'd like to get into, and his father has since passed. His father passed several years back. Yes.

Speaker 2 22:49

I think one thing. Sorry to interject here and offer my own opinion, but we do have to be careful, when we talk about this topic of grief around death of a parent, to realize that it's not just about when you had a bad relationship with a parent.

Speaker 1 23:01

No, not at all.

Speaker 1 23:12

There's also this whole world of people who had a great relationship with a parent and their losses therefore so full of emotional and turmoil and all that kind of thing. So definitely. The next one is a little bit of that where it's not all bad, not all good. Drew Barrymore. She has a very well documented history with her mom. She didn't have much of a relationship with her dad growing up. It was, you know, her mom was pretty much raising her as a single mother. She has said over the years that she doesn't really harbor a lot of ill will toward her dad. I believe he died about 20 years ago and then there were a lot of things that she went through with her mom, who is still alive. I would love to have a conversation with her and dive into who doesn't just love drew who doesn't love drew barrymore.

Speaker 2 23:49

Talk about one of that just happy. Not that's happy doesn't even do justice to what she is.

Speaker 1 23:56

She's just light she is just, she is light, she is energy, she is just happiness sorry, okay, so that's what is that?

Speaker 2 24:05

That's five.

Personal Memories and Guest Wishlist

Speaker 1 24:06

That's five, yes, that's five. The next one is Kevin Hart, and Kevin is an incredible comedian and I will. You actually showed me a segment that he did with Anderson Cooper on 60 minutes not too long ago. There's a lot to get into with him and his dad and their relationship and I would love to explore that and actually, speaking of that segment, the last name that I currently have on my list is Anderson Cooper. He has done a podcast where he detailed the life and his relationship with his mom, and I would love to if there's Just his whole family.

Speaker 2 24:41

He's also now writing books, I believe, about the Vanderbilt side of his family, which is his mom's side.

Speaker 1 24:48

Yeah, there's. With all of these folks and I mean there are so many more. I would love to get into conversations with everybody, and this shows that even the people that we think are well-known names and huge celebrities, they all have shit. Everybody has shit in their lives and, again, whether or not any of them will ever be folks that I would be able to get into contact with, Well listen, if anybody knows Dax or Howard or Cody or Drew, am I forgetting? Kevin Hart, Anderson Cooper, Jeanette McCurdy, any of them or?

Speaker 2 25:18

how about other good ideas?

Speaker 1 25:20

Yeah or other good ideas?

Speaker 2 25:21

Can people either you know, I don't know tweet at Nick or find him on social and send in other ideas, or go to the website, of course, Absolutely. One person I thought you had on the list, which you didn't mention, who obviously would be the be all, end all. It's never going to happen, although it did happen for Dax. Barack Obama.

Speaker 1 25:40

Yes, oh my goodness, I am so sad.

Speaker 2 25:43

Yes, I'm surprised you didn't. I would love.

Speaker 1 25:45

I thought we had talked about that we did, and I don't know why he's not on the list. I think I forgot to add him.

Speaker 2 25:50

That's a maybe you're afraid to write it down.

Speaker 1 25:52

Right, I was afraid to write it down. I can't even say how over the top that would be to get to interview Barack Obama would be. I might have to retire from the podcast if I get to interview him.

Speaker 2 26:05

But also, and I do think you know, the question was about any guests and the question didn't specifically say famous guests. No, no, no, no, I interpreted it as meaning that. But I know you always talk about if there are any listeners who know who. When you you're listening to an episode of our dead dads and somebody in your life pops into your head that you think would be a good guest because they have a good story to tell, yes, it does not have to be somebody.

Speaker 1 26:31

No, it doesn't have to be, will not?

Speaker 2 26:33

be people that most of us know.

Speaker 1 26:35

Right, well, I do believe this question was a wishlist of guests.

Speaker 2 26:37

It was a wishlist, but I'm saying so people that you don't even know of might be on your wishlist just because they have such a good-.

Speaker 1 26:43

Absolutely Well, any one of these names again. I mean three months ago, when I wasn't even doing this, or four months ago, I didn't have a wishlist. These names have just grown onto the list, as I know that others will. And, yes, of course, anybody out there if you know somebody who you think would be a great guest for this show.

Speaker 2 27:01

Somebody who could be helped by it, somebody who could help others by sharing their story and who'd be willing to Well, that's the thing.

Speaker 1 27:08

A lot of it is about being willing to it's a topic for some people to talk about.

Speaker 2 27:13

We understand that.

Speaker 1 27:13

Yeah, it definitely is. As we've talked about in this show, I think there are two groups of people which I'm really after. The first one is the people who are willing to talk about these things and the second are the people who are not yet willing to talk about them. But as long as they're willing to listen, then hopefully they will realize that we all go through some shit. We've all had things going on in our lives, and this is not exclusive to anybody. It's not unique to anybody. We're all really in the same boat. Everybody who any of us have ever known or not known has gone through grief at some point in their life. This is not limited to big name people. I want to talk to everybody. If you've got a story, I would love to talk to you about it.

Speaker 2 27:49

Yeah, I think some of the stories that resonate the most with people are when it's not a celebrity or somebody well-known, when it is just a person who could live down the street from you, who is like you. I think we oftentimes get more from that, I agree. Okay, so do you want to segue I think that's a good segue into a little bit of stuff about your dad. There's a ton of questions. Go for it. I tried to sort of group them so we wouldn't sort of repeat the same ideas. Sure, but I'm going to start with a positive one what is your favorite memory of your death?

Speaker 1 28:22

I don't know if I can narrow it down to one.

Speaker 2 28:24

Okay, what about what is a favorite one of your? A good, I guess. A favorite memory would be a good memory, I guess.

Speaker 1 28:30

Playing baseball, playing softball, playing wiffle ball, as you know, four, five, six years old in the backyard, learning to hit, learning to throw, watching him hit, watching him run.

Speaker 2 28:41

Do you have a memory of him teaching you how to do those things Like actually?

Speaker 1 28:45

I don't know that. I specifically have one memory.

Speaker 1 28:48

But I'm saying he was the one who he was the one, yeah, who got me into playing baseball and softball wiffle ball. We used to play in the spring and the summer and the fall when it was nice outside. We used to be outside on the weekends that I was over there and the jack and I were over there. We were out there all the time and he taught me how to improve my swing, taught me how to throw accurately, and I just I watched him do it and I watched how just incredible he was at it. I mean I watched this man hit at softball games when he was some of the work events when he was. Whatever hospital he was working at there would be like family picnic he actually played.

Speaker 1 29:27

Oh yeah, well, he played in high school. He played baseball. I think he was a pitcher actually.

Speaker 2 29:33

I think I had mentioned this in the episode that you and I did together that I only knew Nick's dad many years later, when he was for lack of a better way of saying it not somebody who you would envision being able to play sports, but as a younger man I know. I've seen photos of him where he was very good looking and trim. I imagine he could have been athletic, but it's hard for me to visualize that because I never knew that.

Speaker 1 29:56

Yeah, I understand that. It's definitely hard to imagine that for anybody who knew him later in life or met him later in life. But when he was younger, played in high school. Huh yeah, and holy shit, the man could move like the wind.

Speaker 2 30:07

Well, you two are very fast for your size.

Speaker 1 30:11

Yes, I have. There was a time when I was playing softball when we still lived in New York. We were playing on 300-foot fenced-in fields and got a inside the park home run. I got many outside of the park home runs but I did get one particular inside the park home run where the right fielder dough for the ball missed. It had to run get after it and I got all the way around. I beat the throw home and one of the guys on my team said you are the fastest fat man I've ever seen, which at the time I wasn't sure if it was an insult or a compliment. I took it as a compliment but yes, I've been known to have some scary fast speed, even at my size.

Speaker 1 30:49

But I remember one hospital picnic, a family picnic, where there was a softball game going on with all the adults and he I still remember this he took the first two pitches there were balls. They both bounced off the plate. The third one he swung and it went to center field, which basically was just a bunch of trees across a dirt road, and the guy that was playing in center field by the time he finally got to the ball, my dad had already crossed home. It was absurd. I will never forget. I was behind the fence. I could still envision watching him run around the bases and it was like a little Tasmanian devil. He just left a dirt path like a vapor trail as he was running around and I loved it.

Speaker 2 31:33

That just breaks my heart to hear, in a sense because of the version of him I knew 20 years later or whatever.

Speaker 1 31:40

it was the version of him I knew 20 years later or whatever it was. Yeah, that's just, and that was one. That's definitely one of my favorite things because of that's what really got me into playing softball and baseball and I remember how far he could hit the ball and how fast he ran and I always wanted to just be that good or better. I always kind of use that as my motivation to just keep getting better and better.

Speaker 2 32:03

It's amazing, though, given that he gave that to you and inspired that in you, how, then, little involved, he was in it when it was you? Yeah Right. Unfortunately, that's the problem with guys like your dad, and I think, like my dad, is like they want. I don't know, was it that he didn't have it anymore, so he couldn't be happy for you having it? I don't know, like, how do you not go to your son's games then, when? Well, I mean, I didn't play high school baseball.

Speaker 1 32:35

Right, right, so this is later, I guess, playing softball. He did come to some of the games. He came with Michael. This is before Michael was old enough to join the team because you had to be at least 18. Yeah, he was there watching a few games and Michael had told me some of the things that he said about seeing some of the balls that I hit, and he was apparently incredibly impressed Because I'm sure, to your face, he only gave you grief.

Speaker 2 32:57

Yeah, usually he would say he pointed out the bad things not the good.

Speaker 1 33:06

Yeah, his typical response when you did something was not bad, not good but not bad. That was typical of him, but michael would tell me that he was really impressed by just how far and how hard I could hit a softball everybody is impressed by that well, I've watched you play.

Speaker 2 33:17

Yeah, you've been to the home run derbies. I haven't been to home run derbies, okay, well, so this may be the same answer, but somebody had asked other than your siblings, what is the best thing your dad gave you? Is that sort of that? Have we just been talking about that, do you think, or is there something else that-?

Speaker 1 33:32

Well, easily, the best thing that he gave me is my siblings.

Speaker 2 33:36

I wonder if it was a sibling who sent in this question. If I had to guess, I would say it probably was.

Speaker 1 33:41

Maybe, who knows? Aside from that, I guess, some of the good things about me again, without being overly You're not bragging, it's okay, yeah, not bragging about me without overly bragging about myself. I think some of the good things that I've tried to become known for or just be part of my everyday life are kind of the opposite of some of the things that he did. Ooh, somebody asked that. Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 34:07

No, go ahead, Continue the answer and I'll find it.

Speaker 1 34:10

As I've said plenty of times, he was not all bad, he was not all good. He did have some good qualities about him, but some of the things that were specifically not the best qualities, I guess I've strived to go in the opposite direction on those and be a good person. So I mean, I hope that some of those qualities are better parts of me and I would like to think that I would have been a good person anyway. But maybe seeing how- More aware of it. Yeah, it makes me more aware of it.

Speaker 2 34:39

Yeah, somebody had said is there anything negative that your dad did that impacted you in a way that you always make sure you don't do the same thing? I mean, I would say that's kind of what you were just saying is not wanting to be like him in certain ways. I'll get started. You are not racist.

Speaker 1 34:56

No, I definitely not, Just overall, not holding on to a lot of anger, not holding on to a lot of hate. He not only hung on to it, but he expressed it outwardly regularly, whether it was hate toward a specific ethnicity of human beings.

Speaker 2 35:15

And hate's the wrong word, by the way, because it was ignorant. You can't hate something that doesn't actually hurt you in any way. He had no reason to hate anybody. Nobody did anything to him.

Speaker 1 35:26

No, he did not Any of the anger or hatred that he had toward any person or any groups of people. It was all bullshit. It was all in his own head and I don't know why he felt the way he did about certain people with certain topics. No one ever wronged him in any way, regardless of what he ever tried to say. It was all facade, it was all bullshit. The only person he had to be angry at was himself. I mean, the man destroyed five marriages. Well, at least four that I know of my mom was marriage number two. So I don't really know what happened with his first wife, but how history repeated itself with numbers two through five. So I don't really know what happened with his first wife, but if how history repeated itself with numbers two through five, I wouldn't be surprised if it was the same case with number one and he just he didn't have to be that person. He didn't have to be that miserable and that anger filled and that hate filled. It takes a lot of effort to be so hateful.

Speaker 2 36:18

It wore him down, I think both of our fathers. We talk about that, that the hate only destroys you. You're the only one who not the only one who suffers, but you suffer the most from having that inside of you and for not being able to overcome your own stuff and be a better person. You suffer more than anybody else, and I think I mean toward the end of his life, when his health was so poor and when his children weren't around as much. People didn't want to be around him.

Speaker 1 36:45

No, they didn't.

Speaker 2 36:46

He suffered, we were all together. He suffered.

Speaker 1 36:48

Yeah, and you talked about how it wore him down. It wore us down too. It wore his kids down. It wore everyone around him down. We just didn't want to listen to it.

Speaker 2 36:56

We didn't want to hear it yeah, but you guys could get away from it. He can't get away from himself. No, the only thing you can do is change, and that wasn't on the table.

Speaker 1 37:03

Changing- was not on his list of options. It never was. All right, what's next?

Speaker 2 37:09

Okay, let's see. Well, you were just talking about how your mom was the second wife, obviously, so we know all the others, but the question is have you ever wondered if you have more siblings that you don't know about? And, of course, being that there wasn't an earlier marriage, that has always been something. I think that, because I always know you as saying you're the oldest of seven, that you know Right.

Speaker 1 37:32

That I know of. Yes, it's something that I've always wondered, sometimes more outwardly than other times. Other times, after he died, I did decide to participate in 23andMe and Ancestrycom, mainly because I wanted to know if there are more of us out there, and obviously the only way to know that is if there were another sibling and if he or she have also registered on the site. It was within six to 12 months after he died when we finally did it, and as of now I have not found any additional siblings. So I am still the oldest of seven that I know of. We're absolutely certain that Helene is the youngest, but I guess if there were any question, it would probably be whether or not I'm the oldest.

Speaker 2 38:16

I don't say you can be absolutely certain.

Speaker 1 38:20

There's no way, there's no possible way.

Speaker 2 38:22

Come on, what about the woman in the grocery store?

Speaker 1 38:25

Oh, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 38:27

Oh goodness no.

Speaker 1 38:29

It's unlikely. She threw her number away.

Speaker 2 38:32

Given how babies are made it's possible. Let's just say that.

Speaker 1 38:35

Given how babies are made. If anybody doesn't know, there are plenty of sites that will educate you. If anybody doesn't know, there are plenty of sites that will educate you. Sure, I suppose it's possible, but I think it's incredibly unlikely that if we had another set amount there that he or she would be younger than Helene. I think it would either be somewhere on the earlier side in the middle, or older than me.

Speaker 2 38:55

Gotcha Okay. Is there a song that reminds you the most of your dad, in a positive way?

Speaker 1 39:03

Yes, I don't know that it's particularly a song, but a composition. The opening theme of King Kong. Oh yeah, Not the Jack Black version of King Kong, which was fine but it wasn't spectacular.

Speaker 2 39:15

The original 1933 version no offense to Jack Black.

Speaker 1 39:18

No offense to Jack Black.

Speaker 2 39:19

His people, please don't remember.

Speaker 1 39:20

We love you. Jack Black, Great actor. But that's not the version that I'm thinking of. I'm talking for anybody under the age of 30 who has not ever seen it, the original version of King Kong in the 30s.

Speaker 1 39:33

Any time that the your dad's all-time favorite movie, right, holy hell, that was yeah, he was obsessed with that movie and therefore we became obsessed with that movie Every Thanksgiving as a kid anybody who lives in New York knows this Always every Thanksgiving day on Channel 9, you would have King Kong playing, I think, at 11 o'clock, son of Kong playing at 1 o'clock and Mighty Joe Young playing at 3 o'clock and usually in the morning before that on Channel 11 was March of the Wooden Soldiers, which actually that's another one, the theme music for March of the Wooden Soldiers. Anytime I hear that, I always think of that.

Speaker 2 40:05

So you guys weren't Macy's Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 40:07

We were not Macy's Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 40:10

I did grow up in New York and watched WOR Channel 9 quite frequently, and I did not know that because I was watching the parade like everybody else.

Speaker 1 40:17

Well, the parade was in the morning and then after.

Speaker 2 40:20

The parade was in the morning and then after the parade was over, then King Kong Most of us started eating Most of it, yes, most other normal people started eating, but now kind of one of the family traditions a little bit.

Speaker 1 40:29

That we have in recent years, at least since you and I have known each other is on Christmas Eve we watch a Christmas story.

Speaker 2 40:33

Well, sure, because that's your mom's family Right Always has a Christmas story playing.

Speaker 1 40:38

But before then, yeah, king Kong was always on every Thanksgiving day when we were at my dad's and whenever he had the videotape the VCR VHS tape he would frequently play it. I'm sure there were a couple of copies that he just wore the tape out and had to replace them because of how many times he played them, but it's an incredible movie. I still love watching it.

Speaker 1 41:02

And so that theme music when the movie starts. That theme music yeah, I think those probably those two King Kong and March for the Wooden Soldiers. Whenever I hear them, it's just no instantly and takes me back to my youth and those are really good memories.

Speaker 2 41:17

I love that, babe, that's great. Well, here, this is a good segue into this question. Okay, I love that, babe, that's great. Well, here, this is a good segue into this question. Okay, from the listener my dad mistakenly thought Cujo was Lassie and put it on for me at four years old and it scarred me for life. Are there any movies that your dad made you watch as a child that scarred you?

Speaker 1 41:36

Wow, that's a great question, by the way.

Speaker 2 41:39

That's a really, really good question.

Speaker 1 41:41

I don't know who wrote that, but that's a great question.

Speaker 2 41:42

I don't remember who sent that, but that's an incredible question and I mean, I'm sorry that you're scarred for life and I'm making fun of you. I have a couple of those of my own, but-.

Speaker 1 41:50

So fortunately my dad never mistook Lassie for Cujo. That's one good thing. No-transcript, no-transcript, really fucking bizarre movie. It was basically like the kid in the movie had a comic book and it was like four or five or six different segments and they just kind of made like short films out of each of those segments and yeah, just a really fucked up movie, but great movie I loved it.

Speaker 2 42:38

Yeah, I think you were more likely to love the inappropriate stuff. Your dad showed you that you were to be scarred by it. Although four years old is young, I mean I mean I don't know if you were four.

Speaker 1 42:47

No, I wasn't four- I want to say I was seven or eight when that came out. I don't remember anything at the age of four. I mean another movie which I think was 82 or 83, the Thing. Again, it was remade, I think in 2011 or 2012.

Speaker 2 43:00

But the original the Thing was wow not a movie that a seven-year-old should be watching. No, um, but I, I enjoyed them. I never, I don't have.

Speaker 1 43:11

Well, you still to this day like horror films. Oh, I love them.

Speaker 2 43:12

Yeah, unfortunately he's married to a wuss, so yeah, he does not get to watch.

Speaker 1 43:16

In that one aspect I'm definitely married to a wuss, so if anybody you know lives in tampa and wants to watch horror movies, get in touch with me. We'll have a binge watching horror movies one day, because it's either that or I'm watching them by myself. But yeah, no, I don't think I have any movies. I don't think at all that I was ever scarred by, maybe some that I didn't enjoy, but there were plenty that I really did enjoy.

Speaker 2 43:38

So a lot of these questions we've sort of touched on a little bit, but I do want to try to get to as many of them as possible. So, okay, let's talk a little bit about sort of like, your dad and how we in your life and all that. So some person is. One of the questions that somebody is asking is if you could change the way your dad treated you, would you? And why, or why not?

Speaker 1 43:59

I've said many times that the the things that my dad did to me, the way that my dad treated me, look, it's not anything that any kid should ever have to go through. He did not physically ever lay a hand on me. What he didn't do with his hands, he more than made up with his mouth. The mental abuse I mean went on my entire childhood into adulthood. I mean. Eventually I got old enough and I wised up and I realized what he was doing and it was basically go fuck yourself. I don't have to put up with this, but as a child, a lot of the things that he said, a lot of things that I heard, just disgusting things and again, I'm far from the only child who ever had to go through that. Nobody ever should. But what I would? I rather he didn't do it, of course, would I change it like if I had a time?

Speaker 2 44:44

I think it's like did it make you the man you are? So, in a way, you don't want to change that.

Speaker 1 44:49

Yeah, if Doc Brown pulls up in front of the house with the DeLorean, am I going back? No, because everything that I went through, everything that all of us go through, shape who we become. It's all about, yeah, the environment sucked, but it's also about once we get to the point of being adults. It's about choices, and we can choose to be pieces of shit and follow in others' footsteps or we can choose to rise above that. And, yeah, I think I had kind of said a little bit earlier I took a lot of the negative of what he did in my life and to me and to my siblings and try to turn it around, go the opposite direction and turn it into positive. Yeah, you did. I hope that answers the question.

Speaker 2 45:35

So, given that, while obviously it's not possible, if you could interview your dad for this podcast, what would you say to him or ask him? Should we break that down? Are there any like questions like that linger that you wish you could to him or ask him? Should we break that down? Are there any questions that linger that you wish you could ask him that you never got answers to? I don't know if there are any questions, things you want to know.

Speaker 1 45:57

Well, things that I want to know Specifically.

Speaker 2 46:00

No, yeah, I think the thing is he's not a big mystery.

Speaker 1 46:03

No, he's not a big mystery, he was always there.

Speaker 2 46:05

He was always in your life. You understand where the things came from and why.

Speaker 1 46:09

So there's not a lot of unresolved Right, there's definitely not a lot of unresolved. I mean, as I've mentioned before, if there were things that we could have done to change him, we would have, but we also knew the kind of person he was. No matter how long he lived, he never would have changed.

Speaker 2 46:26

I wonder, would you want to ask him if he would do anything different?

Speaker 1 46:33

I would ask him what his regrets are. I would ask him what happened during the course of his life for him to be angry, for him to be hateful, for him to be racist. Be angry for him to be hateful, for him to be racist. I have very strong memories when I was a kid six, seven, eight years old where he lived across the street in one house. Over there was this couple, african-american couple. His name was Larry, I think. Her name, his wife, I think, was Catherine, wonderful couple, and every summer, every weekend, we were all having barbecues, either in my dad's backyard or in their backyard, playing wiffle ball.

Speaker 1 47:15

They were friends. They were very good friends for years and at some point they ended up moving. I think he got a different job and I think they moved to New Jersey or something. So at a certain point, I want to say probably mid to late 80s they ultimately left, but for a long time, like their kids, played with us, we had so much fun together and dad and Larry they were just I mean, they were like they were inseparable, they were really tight. I've tried thinking over the course of many years if I could pinpoint a section in time where the switch flipped and the Muslim religion which I have no issue with but he had a huge problem with. And again, I don't know why.

Speaker 2 48:17

It's not my place to say, but my gut is that at that point he was getting all of his information while sitting on the couch watching whatever television he could watch.

Speaker 1 48:25

That's exactly where he was getting his information from.

Speaker 2 48:27

And he wasn't actually out there interacting with people and living life, and he was so miserable in his own life that now he was going to blame these other people for something that, oh, by the way, didn't actually impact him in any way. I mean, did his life change one iota before after 9-11?

Speaker 2 48:43

no, no did not but he wanted to make it like oh, they're coming for us or whatever. Again, I'm only saying this because I can relate to a lot of it, because of my own father unfortunately had similar. I can think of examples of people my father was very friendly with who were Black and then in later years that didn't seem to make sense either, like how could you be that and then say this? I think they had this ability to disconnect a personal experience from wanting to just complain about it. Plus, these were white men of privilege in this country who'd been given every opportunity, who had blown it, and they needed somebody to blame because they couldn't blame themselves. That wouldn't have ever happened, couldn't have ever been their fault. So they wanted other people to blame and those were easy targets and it was just sort of like just spewing hatred without really actually thinking about it.

Speaker 1 49:35

Yeah, completely baseless, unfounded hatred, that's all it was. I tried having conversations with him and asking him why are you the way you are? And he would just usually give some bullshit answer or not answer the question at all. So I really I don't have any idea as to why that happened. I would love to know if there was a reason, if it had something to do with his upbringing and I doubt it did, because I never, I mean again. His father died when I was nine, his mother when I was 14. So I never was in a situation to hear either of them talk about anything like that, but I still never remember that kind of anger and hatred coming from either of them. So I don't really know. I would love to talk to them.

Speaker 2 50:23

There's a question. You would ask him if you could interview him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 50:25

I would love to know where it all came from and why he was just so angry toward a lot of people and just I don't know. Sad it is, it's very sad. It's sad that he lived most of his life that way, when it didn't have to be All right, let's switch gears.

Speaker 2 50:41

We're almost to the end here. I don't have a lot of questions left. All have a lot of questions left. This is one that I really like. It didn't really fit into either category. It's kind of in the middle, so I'm going to ask it now. I think you're. This is the question from the listener. I think your podcast is relatable to those of us who have lost our moms too. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on losing a parent in general versus specifically a mom or a dad. I think the gender of the grieving child can play a role as well.

Speaker 1 51:08

All right, so kind of a two-parter there. This podcast is not just about dads or losing dads. Yes, it is called Our Dead Dads and that's how it started. It started with my experience and with my three brothers, my three friends, one of the things that we all have in common is that our dads are gone.

Expanding Topics, Seeking Listener Ideas

Speaker 1 51:27

All of our moms are still here and so, yeah, our Dead Dads was a great name of the podcast. I have already interviewed folks whose conversations don't necessarily center around the loss of a dad. Stay tuned for those to drop, stay tuned for additional episodes to drop, tuned for additional episodes. And I'm realizing every day, the more that we do this, that there are going to be a lot of topics that we dive into that are going to be around grief and loss and trauma, but not necessarily focused on dads. But as far as losing a parent goes, I mean I only have my one experience losing my dad. My experience was different than so many others.

Speaker 2 52:12

I mean, there are folks who I think the person who asked the question is right in that the sex of the child matters, as does whether it's your mom or your dad. I think some daughters have really close relationships with their dads and that is like their hero and their everything, and so that loss would be one thing. And maybe some daughters butt heads more with their moms and don't have as close of a relationship as you have or as I have. Right, so it's everybody's individual, everybody's different. But you definitely wouldn't. You would love to talk to people about the loss of a mother. Oh, without a doubt, 100%, and it doesn't even have.

Speaker 1 52:47

But you definitely wouldn't. You would love to talk to people about the loss of a mother. Oh, without a doubt, a hundred percent, and it doesn't even have to be a dad, it doesn't have to be a mom or any kind of a parent. You've talked to people who lost siblings. I have talked to people who've lost siblings. I've talked to one lady who I don't even think we mentioned her dad in this conversation, but she has three children and she has lost two of them, so there are so many different avenues with grief and loss and look, this is for anybody who's listening.

Speaker 1 53:12

I'm kind of glad that this question came up this early in the podcast, because this podcast is not going to be just about dads or dead dads. We're going to cover so much. We're going to cover as much as we possibly can and so, yeah, anybody who has a topic that they'd like to discuss, as long as it's around grief and loss and how you got through it or how you haven't got through it, then, yeah, that's the conversation that I want to have. So, if you've got a story you want to tell again, go to ourdeaddadscom Under contact us there is I think it's the first tab is be a guest. There's a questionnaire that you can fill out, submit it and we will go from there.

Speaker 2 53:58

There are so many or if you don't necessarily want to be a guest yourself, right.

Speaker 1 54:04

If you know somebody who does.

Speaker 2 54:05

Sure, but I was going to say if there is a type of loss that you would like Nick to do an episode about maybe you're not ready, but you would like to hear from others who have experienced something similar then definitely send that in as a recommendation. He's reaching out to different authors and experts and other podcasters who do explore these topics and I think you'll try to get in as many of those as you can.

Speaker 1 54:32

Yeah, look, at this point, at the time that this bonus episode will be released, I believe there will be eight episodes, eight full episodes dropped. We haven't even begun to scratch the surface. There is so much more to do. There are a lot of interviews that have already done that have not been released. Just because I'm only releasing one a week. I need time to just let the calendar go by but there are so many areas that I want to dive into and, yes, I want recommendations and ideas from listeners, because I don't have all the answers. What do you want to hear about? What?

Speaker 2 55:07

part of this topic do you want to hear about? I'm listening to a podcast right now where I happen to know the person who does it and she said the same thing to me. She's like, if there's any topics within this category, that you would send me a text or an email saying I'd love to hear an episode about this. So I think a lot of podcasters are in that situation where they are looking for guests, where they are looking to explore the. You know, you're never. You, nick, are never going to think of everything on your own. So you definitely. This is that kind of platform where you want people to come forward and let you know what they want to hear about, what they want to listen to.

Speaker 1 55:41

Right, I'm never going to think of everything and, by the way, I'm also not somebody who has, you know, dax Shepard's Rolodex. I don't have. I mean, and you know, by the way, for anybody who doesn't totally know, dax Shepard is married to Kristen Bell, who's probably even more famous than he is. She's more famous than he is. You'll never get Dax now for saying that.

Speaker 2 56:01

Dax, I love you. Please come on the show. We love. Armchair Expert.

Speaker 1 56:14

Shout out armchair expert shout out to monica, she's my fave armchair expert, is one of the best podcasts ever, ever, okay, yeah, it's routinely in the top, right? I mean, oh, absolutely. But I'm sure dax would also say that kristen's perfect. He is.

Speaker 2 56:19

He's sometimes known in some of the circles as mr, but he and they have never-ending list of contacts and you know just through what they do and through their yeah, and they're interviewing people who are looking to promote something or whatever, but they're always going to have people coming to them wanting to be on the podcast and I hope someday you'll have people coming to you wanting to be on the podcast. But to get there, you get there, yeah.

Speaker 1 56:40

I have to take my lumps, I have to build this up. I mean, you know, eight episodes in, we're nowhere close. Also, I, for this podcast, I'm a one-man show. I am the host, I'm the producer, I am the editor, I'm everything and the business manager. Business manager, yeah, all of it. And again, not trying to say, oh, look at all the things I'm doing, just in the sense of yeah, it's a lot it's a lot running.

Speaker 1 57:04

Running your own business, of any kind, is a lot yeah and oh by the way he has a full-time job and yes, and I have a full-time job and, by the way, this is I'm not trying to build myself up because most people who do their own podcasts are a one-man show or a one-woman show many people have. Yeah, it's not unique to you no, it's very similar, very common right, it's not any. It's not uncommon to be in.

Speaker 2 57:24

you get paid to's, not like you get paid to do this podcast, so you have to do it. Not yet.

Speaker 1 57:27

Let's hope that maybe we can find a way to grow the podcast and maybe monetize it a little bit, but no, right now, this is it. I'm the only person, so, yeah, I need the ideas from you, the listeners. That's why I designed the podcast the way that I did to reach as many people as I can in the way that I'm reaching people. That's why, when it came time to design the website, I created even though I didn't build the website, I am the one who had the creative input into it and I wanted listener interactive sections. I want people to be able to fill out forms if they want to be a guest or to fill out forms, send questions, to send questions, to send questions for this segment, and that's why I had built a segment called the hot seat, even though I know I couldn't think of a more creative name. Sorry about that. I think it's fun. I like it.

Speaker 1 58:14

There's also a segment for, as everybody who's listened knows that at the end of every interview I ask a whole bunch of random questions. There's a section on the website where you can send in your own random questions for me to add to the list and hopefully you'll hear questions on a future interview. Look, I can't think of everything, so that's why I'm Send ideas. Yeah, send ideas, and I'm not ashamed or above putting out to everybody. Send some ideas. If anybody knows how to reach certain guests that I've either had on my wishlist or other folks who would love to be part of this and would love to explore their areas of grief, then hell yeah, send them my way, please.

Speaker 2 58:57

Yep Make the connection.

Speaker 1 58:58

Make the connections. That's how we grow and that's how this show is going to grow and at the end of the day, I want to help as many people as I can. I know that I joked in the very beginning about how I hope to reach 12 listeners. I think by this point I've definitely surpassed that, but there's a long way to go.

Speaker 2 59:16

Off to a good start.

Speaker 1 59:17

Off to a great start, but there's a lot left to be done, and so I really hope that the listener support the interaction will just continue to grow.

Rapid Fire Questions and Favorite Things

Speaker 2 59:25

Me too. Good job, babe. All support. The interaction will just continue to grow. Me too. Good job, babe. All right, since you brought it up, okay, I think we should end by putting you on the hot seat. Oh boy, and I get to ask you a couple of your. What do you call it? Fast round, right, what are they called?

Speaker 1 59:39

the rapid fire.

Speaker 2 59:40

Yes, the random question I did not think about this in advance, so these are going to come off the top of my head. So there's probably a few, but be a few, but let's do it. All right, you ready, you ready. Gaylord, I'm ready. All right, nick, gaylord, what is your favorite color? Blue. I asked him that because, for anybody who hasn't listened, I was very upset that he didn't ask me that. I told you all, anyway, bonus points if you remember.

Speaker 1 1:00:03

She's more upset because when I said, when I got to the point of asking her the final question it was a question that actually you had to make her think a little bit and she's like what? I don't get my favorite color.

Speaker 2 1:00:13

We've debated a little bit. I think the question shouldn't be one you have to think about, and Nick says he wants a mix of everything, so I'm going to ask ones you don't have to think about too much. Okay, so your favorite color is blue. What is your favorite snack food?

Speaker 1 1:00:26

Can I narrow it down to the top 20? How about the top three? Oh, boys, Potato chips. Who doesn't love potato chips? Specifically, my two favorite flavors of potato chips are cheddar and sour cream, and actually I'm going to have to go three Cheddar and sour cream, sour cream and onion and barbecue. So we'll lump potato chips into one.

Speaker 2 1:00:47

See, this is the overthinking thing. Just say something. All right, how about? So you said chips. What's your favorite junk food? More like a meal, like I don't know fried chicken, or a burger, or pizza, or oh well, yes, I know Chicken. All right.

Speaker 1 1:01:01

As you remember from our Matchcom days when we first met, yes, my favorite food is chicken. My absolute favorite meal is the very first meal that you ever made me, which is fried chicken, cutlets, broccoli and buttered orzo. We'll always and we actually had that recently- we did have it this week. That will be forever and ever. If I end up in prison and I'm getting that's your final meal That'll be my final meal. Or if I'm just in a hospital on my deathbed, that'll be what I want.

Speaker 2 1:01:29

What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Speaker 1 1:01:31

Mint chocolate chip.

Speaker 2 1:01:32

What's your favorite dessert? That's not ice cream Oreos, yeah. What is your favorite adult beverage? Whiskey, whiskey, bourbon. Would you like to give a shout out to any particular?

Speaker 1 1:01:45

Well, Jack Daniels is our go-to, but there are several others, but Jack is your standard. Jack is definitely the go-to Since the beginning, yeah, but I mean we have a bunch here. We have Woodford, we have.

Speaker 2 1:01:58

I think right now we've got some Four Roses. We have Four Roses 1792. Oh, we do like the 1792. Oh, what's the other one? I just bought that Texan one, Balcones, I can't remember the name. Yeah, I can't remember either, but I like to experiment and explore every once in a while. We both are whiskey drinkers.

Speaker 1 1:02:17

We're definitely both whiskey drinkers. You're also. I've become more of a gin drinker, I'm sorry, I've become more of a tequila drinker in the last few years.

Dream Cars and NASCAR Heroes

Speaker 2 1:02:25

You are a gin drinker, although gosh. Can I interrupt this broadcast to say I just last night opened a new bottle of vodka. For those who are counting, it's Sunday, so that was Saturday night, so you know. I was loud and I had gotten vodka at Costco the last time and was almost through with it, so I had gone to replace and as I walked in there was this big display of a different kind of Kirkland brand vodka and it was in a different bottle. It was tall, and I looked at that and I looked at the regular and I turned to the gentleman behind the register and I was like do I want to spend I forget what it was $7 more on this French style vodka? And he goes oh yeah, you do.

Speaker 2 1:03:05

So I did. I brought it home. It's been sitting there for a good month or so while I finished the other one, cause Nick doesn't help me with the vodka at all, he's not a vodka guy really. And anyway, yes, I opened it last night and, oh my. So for anybody looking for a vodka recommendation, that is my this and we are not sponsored, in case anybody or the Kirkland brand, but Kirkland's own brand of the French style vodka. It's in a very tall bottle and it has like a red label, versus their regular one, which is like a blue label.

Speaker 1 1:03:32

Yeah, I was looking at the bottle this morning. I think it's like five times distilled or something like that. There's something, yeah, it's a French style.

Speaker 2 1:03:38

I remember the gentleman told me and I came up with a solve, by the way, or how I'm going to store it now that it's open, because it has like a cork kind of a top so you can't lay it on its side and it's too tall to fit on our shelf. I'm going to actually pour it into the other bottle that's now empty, because it's the same amount. Look at you. I know I thought of that just this morning as I was in the kitchen. We digress, talk about getting off topic. Oh my God. Okay, do you have a dream car? If you could buy one car if money wasn't a concern. Is there one car new or old, vintage or new that's on your list?

Speaker 1 1:04:14

I don't think there's any one car, but I would love to have a giant Cadillac like an old school Cadillac, like from way back in the 50s or 60s.

Speaker 2 1:04:25

Wow, nice answer. I like that answer.

Speaker 1 1:04:28

Okay, I will say also I just I've always had a thing for big cars. My first car was my grandfather's car. It was a 1982 Buick LeSabre, which was an absolute tank. We probably could have fit 20 people in that thing if we tried. That car was badass. It had an eight track player. That's fabulous, it was amazing. It had an eight track player. That's fabulous, it was amazing. That's good. I love it. Yeah, I mean the cars have gotten smaller and more compact and aerodynamic, but I've always loved big cars. I would love to have a big car like a big Cadillac or a Buick or something like that from the 50s or the 60s.

Speaker 2 1:05:02

Not podcast related, but if you could meet one famous person who's been sort of like important in your world, or a hero of yours or whatever, who would it be?

Speaker 1 1:05:12

We're talking alive or dead.

Speaker 2 1:05:13

Yeah, anybody.

Speaker 1 1:05:15

There are really two that come to mind.

Speaker 2 1:05:16

I can say two, it's okay.

Speaker 1 1:05:18

In the NASCAR world. Dale Earnhardt and Tony Stewart yeah One alive, one dead. Yeah, one alive, one dead. Yeah, tony has been my guy for a long time, and before him, when I started watching NASCAR in I don't know what, was it 88 or 89, somewhere around there and Dale Earnhardt was the guy that you either absolutely loved or you absolutely hated, and I hated him.

Speaker 1 1:05:43

I did, and maybe it was because he was always winning, because he was just so fucking good. Some people will say that's the reason to love him, look this isn't, you know, yeah.

Speaker 1 1:05:53

I'm not trying to debate this or anything. I just I did not really care for him, his driving style, he was just so aggressive and so dirty. But I will say, over the years I grew to become a really big fan of his, to admire him more Well, to admire him, just to respect him, and yeah, I mean I became a fan of his within the last couple of years before he died and I mean, look, he did what he did, he did it the way he did it and he was one of the most winningest NASCAR drivers ever. He won seven championships, which is something that only two other drivers have done.

Speaker 2 1:06:25

Would you like to tell everybody who those are?

Speaker 1 1:06:27

Richard Petty and Jimmy Johnson.

Speaker 2 1:06:29

Also, you're historically not a Jimmy Johnson fan.

Speaker 1 1:06:33

also no not really a Jimmy Johnson fan.

Speaker 2 1:06:37

Do you want to tell the listeners about how our house and Ronkong Ah, yes, well the Sorry.

Speaker 1 1:06:44

Yeah, I wasn't the biggest fan of Jimmy, no bad reason or anything, just it's okay. I wasn't the biggest, uh, fan of jimmy, no bad reason or anything, just it's okay. It wasn't your driver, it wasn't my driver, but the the first house that we bought, what car did jimmy drive? He drove? It was, uh, the lowest car, number, 48 right. And the first house that we bought was the address was 48 johnson avenue.

Speaker 2 1:07:04

So and I literally did not put it together for years, like years. And then finally, one day, nick said it out loud and I was like wait, what We've been living in this house all along. Yeah, you were like what the fuck? We need to move. I, of course quote unquote hated Jimmy vicariously through you. I had become a Tony fan at that point as well, and yeah, so I was like we have to move, we have to move, and I think it was probably a year or two later that we did, but that's really not the reason why.

Speaker 1 1:07:29

But no, that's not the reason why All right Last question. Last question.

Speaker 2 1:07:34

If you could pick one destination on Earth that you have to visit before you die, what would it be?

Speaker 1 1:07:41

Greece. That's it.

Speaker 2 1:07:44

I also want to go to Tahiti I actually thought you might say that what's the place that is like the darkest in the world, that you can see the most stars, like in texas, or something?

Speaker 1 1:07:54

oh, I thought you might say the darkest skies.

Speaker 2 1:07:56

Well, there's a big bend national park in western texas because we were supposed to do a trip there and we never made it we were supposed to.

Speaker 1 1:08:02

We lived uh just outside of austin for six years and we talked about it many times, didn't get to make it happen. Still will someday.

Speaker 2 1:08:11

Yeah, and we're definitely going to Greece and Tahiti too, if I have anything to say about it, but which I hope I do considering Damn well better.

Speaker 1 1:08:18

We've joked about Tahiti, about. There are plenty of times when we've talked about just packing it all in and just moved to Tahiti and you know I think that's always our go-to joke. Yeah, at the time it was going to be, I was going to take pictures of, uh, the tourists, because I was doing photography and you would.

Speaker 2 1:08:33

I don't know, have like a cart on the beach.

Speaker 1 1:08:35

Yeah, you would cook and you would make jewelry out of shells and maxi would keep his company on the beach now maybe I could organize tourist uh activities and vacations, and I think you could, or excursion sessions on Tahiti. We will definitely hit Tahiti one day. We have been talking about Greece. We've talked about a few places that trips ended up getting just postponed or just pushed further down the line.

Speaker 2 1:08:58

Greece has always been our number one to do together, since we're both Greek and neither of us have been Right, so we'll get there.

Speaker 1 1:09:03

That's a trip that we are planning to do in, I think, two years, right For our 20th. Hopefully Again might get pushed out a little bit, but it's high on the list and it's definitely.

Speaker 2 1:09:13

And I'll get you to see those stars one of these days. My love, I know that's big on your list. Yeah, you will. Yeah, I think we talk a lot about when we are older and have more time to do a lot of US things out West that we haven't done. We've done a lot of driving. I've driven cross country a bunch of times. I've done a lot of that, but together we haven't done like the national parks and things like that.

Speaker 1 1:09:32

So yeah, all the national parks, the Pacific coast highway, oh yeah, yeah, there are so many. Look, there are so many areas outside of this country that I and that we want to go, but we love traveling and there's so many incredible things to do in this country. So anybody who likes to travel, wants to think about traveling, do it. And, by the way, I'm going to throw a little shout out to the person who's sitting across the table from me in just a moment. But yeah, I think Greece is probably, at least right now.

Speaker 2 1:10:00

Greece is number one. Okay, I'll meet you there. I mean, we'll probably go together, but you know what I mean. Yes, well, this has been fun. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 1:10:08

Absolutely. I mean, I know I had to go to great lengths to get you once again because you were so unwilling to do your first interview and I had to pay you copious amounts of money and you are taking me out to dinner tonight.

Speaker 1 1:10:22

That's right. We are going out to dinner tonight so I had to bribe you a little bit with some good food and some Kirkland vodka Not malignant. You bought the Kirkland vodka and for anybody out there who's judging saying, oh why would you get vodka from Costco? Don't judge until you try it. Oh God, so good that's it. Thank you so much for doing this again and I hope that this is something that we I mean I will be doing this regularly. I'll be doing this every month and I hope that this is something that you would regularly like you.

Speaker 2 1:10:51

let me know when you need me. I'll be here.

Speaker 1 1:10:52

I sure will. I'm not going anywhere. And before we wrap this up, as I said, I'm going to give Kim a little bit of praise because, after all, her business was the very first official sponsor of Our Dead Dads. As many of you already know, kim owns her own travel business and it is called Kim Gaylord Travel. You can find her on the recommended tab of OurDeadDadscom.

Speaker 1 1:11:13

If you can dream up the vacation, whether a getaway for you and your other half, a family trip for large groups, she will help you plan it. If you've never used or even thought about using a travel agent for your trips, you really need to. Kim will help you plan everything the flights, the hotels, transportation, excursions, all the places to visit and all the sites to see. You'll get a detailed itinerary of everything and if anything goes wrong during the trip, you have someone to contact. Just please don't text her or call her at 1am, you know, because I sleep too. So no, I'm kidding. If something goes wrong, you have Kim to contact and you should. Whether you're looking for a customized european vacation, a relaxing stay at an all-inclusive resort, an alaskan adventure, a caribbean cruise, caribbean caribbean cruise, I know there's two ways either yeah, or caribbean cruise.

Speaker 1 1:12:00

We're terrible. Kim will work with you to make sure that you have a seamless travel experience. Contact her today and plan your next trip with the peace of mind that only working with a travel agent can offer. And, as a special bonus for our listeners, if you mention Our Dead Dads podcast, you will get a 10% discount on all planning fees. You can find Kim Gaylord Travel on Facebook, instagram and LinkedIn, or you can email her directly at kim at kimgaylordtravelcom.

Speaker 2 1:12:26

Oh, am I supposed to say something? Yeah, did I get everything right? Thank you. I've never listened to you before while you read that, so I was laughing and she frequently makes fun of me. Thanks, babe.

Speaker 1 1:12:35

You're so welcome. Thank you for being my first and biggest sponsor. You are very welcome. Thank you to everyone for listening and for submitting all of your questions. Please keep those questions coming in and we will definitely do this again next month. Thank you to my wonderful co-host, Kim Gaylord, for always putting up with me and for having a little bit of fun today. Stay tuned for the next episode and please keep spreading the word and helping us grow. Please get on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Leave a review, give us a five-star rating. Those ratings and reviews are very important for helping the show to grow and we really do appreciate all of them. This is our dead dads, where we are changing the world one damaged soul at a time. See you next time.