Carrie
Host
00:00
Allow your kids to believe. Allow them to believe in themselves. Allow them to believe and have this trust that if I send it out there it could happen and we kind of just like get excited about it. We don't let that realist barking dog mind come in and say, well, it's really not likely to happen, because I don't think we're going to go skiing this week because the weather forecast is saying it's going to be 70 degrees, so I'm not going to be the realist barking dog Society is already going to do that. Peace in the world. Let's keep them believing. Let's keep them listening to their hearts. For as long as we can. Welcome to Heart to Heart Parents. Let's connect with our kids and learn together.
00:46
I'm Carrie. I was a former teacher and speech therapist. I'm also a parent of two spirited, gifted, highly sensitive kids. I was quickly brought to my knees as a parent when I thought that I would see a rosy lens version of parenting just as they present on Instagram, but I quickly learned that's not real life. I will provide real life experiences and transform them into moments for connections and change for you to use in your house, with tips that worked for our family and how to implement them in your family. Connect to heart to heart with your child, with your partners and other parents, as we learn that we are not alone. We have a community and, although maybe we feel different from other families, there are many of us out there and we are creating the next era of deep thinkers and change makers. Come along with me on this journey with Heart to Heart Parents. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Heart to Heart Parents.
01:46
I'm Carrie and I'm here today to talk about some mindfulness tools that I have used with my kids and I'd love to share with you guys so you can try them with your kids. My almost nine-year-old has really enjoyed these tools. He's been really into talking about mindfulness. He goes around and he shares it with all of his friends and classmates at school, especially at the spiritual center we go to. He loves talking about them and sharing his tools. And my five-year-old she loves to share them as well, but I don't think she's latched onto it as much as my almost nine-year-old. He's really felt empowered with them and it's been really great for him. So some of these mindfulness tools help to empower our kids so they can feel strong and their self-esteem can feel powerful and engaged and it also can help to calm our fears so that way we can hear our hearts.
02:49
Some of the pieces that we are wanting with these mindfulness tools we are wanting to help our children calm their fears, calm their overactive minds and then have the ability to hear their hearts. A lot of kids are born with this and we tend to evolve into being into our minds and our heads and hearing our overactive chatter in our minds as we grow older and things get a little bit harder and more challenging as we become adults and grow in our lives. So really, our kids are more in tune with their hearts than we are and as we get older and older, we have to learn to shed those layers of ourselves if we want to hear our hearts more. I've actually heard a lot of philosophers and mindful people talk about the more education that we receive, the more layers and things that we have to heal in our hearts to hear our hearts more, and the less we have to get out of our minds and out of our heads and calm that monkey chatter in order to hear our hearts more, which I find really interesting. One thing that I would like for you guys to think about are some of the vocabulary words that I love to use with my kids that may be helpful for you with your kids. I think you probably have heard me mention monkey mind. There's a lot of different chatter. Mind there's a lot of terms you could use.
04:16
I've heard people say barking dog and some people even name the barking dog in their mind. Like I could say I have mine's a golden retriever. I guess if I think about one that's because I love golden retrievers. My mom and dad would be laughing right now because they know I'm kind of obsessed with my golden retrievers. I had growing up, and so the golden retriever I guess is kind of silly as a monkey mind or a name for my barking dog, because I guess my monkey mind and my barking dog are a little bit calmer as I've gotten older and I've started to work on these things. Maybe before it used to be a pit bull. Now it's a golden retriever because I've been working on this for several years since I've become a parent. But anyway, my golden retriever, let's name her Bailey, because my Bailey was my sweetest golden retriever. I love that puppy so much. Anyway, if I am having a moment where I am fearful, nervous, I have a lot of monkey mind, a lot of barking dog, I can say, bailey, you need to calm it down. This is irrational thoughts. This is getting on an emotional tirade and an emotional spiral and I can calm my barking dog Bailey mind down. That's a way that you could use it.
05:31
It is an approach that you could try with your child to see if that is a piece that they latch onto and they enjoy. I tried that a little bit with my kids but I think the concept of naming the dog mind, the barking dog, was a little bit too abstract Even for my nine-year-old. He was kind of like I don't really want to do that. One mom, I'm going to leave it at the door. It's kind of like when you go to a therapist and they give you ideas and they're like take the ones you want, leave the ones at the door. I kind of try that with my kids Like, well, is this one that's going to go? Nope, he doesn't really like it, let's move on to the next one.
06:07
The other piece of the vocabulary that I've used with my kids is what does your heart want? What does your heart say? Sometimes people say what does your gut say? That's the same idea. It's the same concept. It's what is that initial thing that I hear before?
06:28
My mind tends to hyperanalyze or overanalyze a situation. What is the thing that my heart says first? That's the quiet mind. And guess what? It's hard because the heart and the gut are a lot quieter than our barking dogs, our ego, our minds. There's a lot of terms floating around out there. They kind of mean the same general piece. So I like to kind of simplify it. Especially when I'm working with a five-year-old and an eight-year-old, I like to give them these key terms monkey, mind, heart wants, heart's desires, or you could do gut feeling. Those are all pieces that I like to use when our child is having a moment where they could be having a sensory experience. Maybe their sensory system is overwhelmed. Maybe they're nervous about getting a haircut because they're worried about their sensory system and what it's going to feel like. Maybe they're nervous.
07:32
For instance, recently we were coming home from a spring break trip in Arizona visiting our family and we were going to get on the plane and I said, guess what Solar eclipse is coming up. Dude, we need to wear a mask. And my son was like no, mom, no, I'm not wearing that. The COVID season is over. I'm glad the pandemic is over and you only want to wear these masks because of the pandemic. If we hadn't have had the pandemic, we wouldn't have had these masks. And, mom, I don't want to wear this. I don't want to do this.
08:06
And I started to say, ok, let's name the fear. Is it the fear about COVID? Is it a fear about getting sick? Is it a fear about looking different? He couldn't really tell me what the fear was. Sometimes he's able to tell me. Even my five-year-old can tell me sometimes. So throw it out there. Throw our puppies, their bone. See if you can figure out what that fear is. It's really powerful. When we can name that fear, it helps our mind to kind of just release it. Sometimes it helps us to work through it and we can help our kids and give them more tools. I'm trying to name the fear at the airport.
08:50
At first it took a minute, but then I started to hear key words that helped me to actually figure out what that fear was. When he couldn't acknowledge which one it was, he was looking around. He's like mom, no one else is wearing masks. I don't like wearing this mask. I'm really upset. So I figured it out, it clicked Yep.
09:02
He is worried about what other people are doing. He's my, he's one of us, we are actually all of us in our family are people pleasers and he is worried that other people are going to see him. I don't know if he's worried they're going to think he's sick. That's sometimes part of it. I don't know. He did mention if I see somebody else that I know and I'm wearing a mask. So it's a huge piece of being embarrassed and being fearful of other people seeing it. I let him have mask breaks. We worked through it. When we named the fear, we were able to talk about how our mind was overreacting with it and we were able to figure out what felt best for him. He did end up wearing his mask in the airport here and there, and I let the kids take breaks in the in the airplane. So I am going to go with them. Follow their hearts to follow my heart. Yes, maybe I'm feeling a little fearful because, oh my goodness, my husband is having a huge birthday piece this year and one thing he wanted was to go see the solar eclipse. I'm thinking in my mind okay, I'm Going to calm my barking dog down, bailey. We're going to calm her down and say, well, if we get sick we can send the husband by himself. Also, I have the fears, they have the fears. We're all kind of calming them down and working together.
10:18
A really nice tool that I love to have, that I use with my kids, is meditation. I do it for myself, which we all hear it. It's very common in wellness lately. It's like one of those key words, right, if know the word, they kind of like downplay meditation. They say I don't want to be alone with my thoughts, I don't want somebody. I don't want to do a guided one because I don't want somebody to tell me what I should be thinking. I understand those pieces. I'm here to say for meditation for me. I always talk about it as lifting weights, so it feels hard. At first I used to do like a 15 minute guided meditation, but as I continued doing it it became a five minute meditation because it got so easy and I could go from one step to the next while controlling any thoughts that wanted to come in.
11:22
Meditation is really powerful for us and it's really powerful for our kids, and one of the meditations that I love to do with my kids is. We're walking through a forest, we come across a waterfall and guess what? It's a waterfall that we can walk under. So we walk under the waterfall and we feel that water coming down our head. It's flowing over our face, over our neck. It's calming all the energy. It's releasing anything that does not serve us, things that we don't want in our body, any barking dog thoughts, any monkey mind thoughts, anything we're fearful or nervous about. It's coming down and it's releasing all of that. It's going out with the water. It's coming down our shoulders, it comes down our tummies. It comes out our hips, our legs, our knees. The water is flowing over our calves, down our feet and guess what? It's flowing with the river into the stream. Let's watch all of those fears and nervous pieces of us flowing out into the water, down into the stream. And now I'm breathing in all this wonderful air around me. Each inhale I feel all this beautiful, new, crisp air come into my lungs and release. And that's a quick one that I can do with my kids. I can do that when they come home from school. Maybe they're in a school where it can feel like a lot of pressure to them and it helps them to reconnect with their hearts. It helps them to let go of any energy or any fear or any nerves that maybe they were trying to hold in while they were in their school day.
13:11
Another piece of the puzzle that I do with my kid when he was reacting at the airport and he was frustrated about wearing the mask, I said and I could see his body was getting emotional, he was getting nervous, he was feeling overwhelmed, and I get that because I was kind of pushing him like oh, mom really needs you to do this. So I was putting stress on him and I kind of just stopped for a minute and I said what can I do for you? I'm asking him what can I do? My kid has some pieces in his toolbox now that he knows that can help him reset. Or he knows he can name it to tame it. We can name the fear and tame it and release it, or mom can help you through it. So those are pieces of things that he has in his toolbox.
14:00
I also state things that are not accusatory or shameful to my kiddos. So I'll say things like I'm noticing your body is feeling upset. I'm noticing your fists are clenched. I'm noticing that I can hear your teeth grinding. I'm noticing that your cheeks are red. I'm noticing that you're kind of moving side to side on your you know, switching the weight on your feet. I mentioned all these physical pieces that I can see my kids go through and sometimes you have to kind of tune yourself into what are they doing, what am I noticing with them, and when we can say these pieces it can help them so that they will eventually start to notice.
14:47
Hmm, I'm kind of having some of these pieces. Maybe I need to step away, go have a drink of water, maybe I need to take a mask break, because we'll be fine for five minutes. If I can reset my system, then I'll wear it for maybe 20 minutes after I reset. So, mom, give in, let them have five minutes without their mask. That's what I had to tell myself, right? I'm human too, and I always have those moments, because guess what, guys, it is a roller coaster. Even with our tools in our bag and tools in our pocket, all these self-awareness and self-care we do for ourselves, we still have those moments that can be challenging. We still are humans too, as moms and dads, and we are still working together, working with our kids and going through these cycles together. Another thing that I love to do with my kids and this is a little bit unrelated, so, going back to some of these mindful tools that we have in our pockets that help to empower our kids is gratitude.
15:48
Gratitude is a huge piece of the puzzle. It helps us to connect with our hearts. It helps us to get out of our brains, out of our minds, out of feeling wanty I want this, I want that. We call it wanty in our house, that's our keyword. If we go to Target and we're walking down and they're like I want that, I want that, I want that, I'm like, oh, it sounds a little bit wanty right now. How about we take a picture of the one you really want for your birthday and then we leave it there and we don't get into the wanty piece and we go reset. So gratitude is something that helps us to reconnect, it helps us to feel thankful for things and it helps us to calm our brains down too.
16:32
Journaling is a huge piece. I actually just started journaling with my five-year-old. It was so crazy to me. She just picked it up. It was really cute. She had this little notebook that my mom gave her in Arizona when we were visiting her, and my daughter loves to write and sound things out. It's really fun. I don't know, it's just this spirited girl that has this thing she really loves and I'm going to use it. Right, guys, we're going to use those tools when they are motivated. Woo, let's pack it in. Okay.
16:59
So she was motivated to try writing and she started to write and she would state a fact and ask me a question, and so I would reaffirm that fact and then ask her a question back and it was really fun because it's starting to teach her. It's laying that foundation and that groundwork for journaling, which, with these highly sensitive kids, is so important. I know journaling is something that all the counselors, all the people in my life have always like pounded into me and I sort of resisted it when I was in college because I didn't have time and I was just tired of hearing it like Carrie, you need to journal. It's like, oh gosh, here's another thing on my list. I already have 85 other things to do. This was before kids. I don't know where all my time went, but journaling was something that you know, it feels like it's pounded into us. But let's lay that groundwork for our kids. It's really powerful, it's really helpful.
17:54
So journaling was a piece that I started to do with my kids. I started so she would write a thing like I love the color red or I love the color pink is more likely what is your favorite color, and I would write back what is your favorite color. And I would write back wow, you do love pink. I can tell by your clothes, since you're always wearing pink, and I love the color plum right now, plum makes me feel so peaceful. And then I write a question how do you feel when you wear pink? What do you feel like? And you can bring it back to the social, emotional piece of what your heart feels. So we can always tie that in which is really powerful for them and we're setting this groundwork for when they're teenagers. We want them to go do these pieces right. If they don't want to talk to me, maybe they could talk through that. Or even I've heard journaling In the scenario that I was talking about, where you communicate back and forth with each other with journaling, is really powerful with teenagers.
18:50
I think I might have done it with my mom. She's probably nodding yes, right now as she listens to this as well and going yep, carrie, you did it and it was powerful and it's a great way to connect with each other. So one thing, as we were talking about our barking dogs maturing and really getting loud, loud, loud, so loud we can't hear our hearts as well, as we become adults, one really cool thing about kids is that they believe in themselves. They believe in whatever belief system that you have in your family Say it's praying, or asking in prayers to God, say it's prayers or asking for things from the universe, or communicating with the universe, whatever belief system that you have in your family, which I feel like is really great to have some type of foundation. And I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty of that.
19:43
One thing I will say is, in our era of internet and social media and regular media, all of these pieces, I really try in our house not to go to extremes. So we kind of are in this era of realists right, we were in this era of everything being so real that I try not to go to the extremes. Being so real that I try not to go to the extremes, I allow my kids to be kids for as long as we can. So one of the things we love to do is, if there's something we really want like I want so-and-so as my teacher next year, I really want this thing for my birthday, or I really want more friends something that's not tangible we write it down or we pray or we imagine it happening in our minds and then we send it out to whoever.
20:36
You believe in God, the universe, whatever belief system you want to put in there, you can do it. So it's nice because it's a little flexible, right? So we put it, you can write it down too, and you can put it on their mirror. If they're able to read, you could write it down and you can mention it later and they can read it each day. Allow your kids to believe, allow them to believe in themselves, allow them to believe and have this trust that if I send it out there, it could happen and we kind of just get excited about it. We don't let that realist barking dog mind come in and say, well, it's really not likely to happen, because I don't think we're going to go skiing this week, because the weather forecast is saying it's going to be 70 degrees, so I'm not going to be. The realist barking dog. Society is already going to do that piece in the world.
21:32
Let's keep them believing, let's keep them listening to their hearts for as long as we can. These are all such powerful tools. It's going to help their self-confidence, it's going to help their hearts, it's going to help their motivation and help empower them. These are such powerful tools that we can use them for us. These are tools that I use for myself. I encourage my husband if he's having a tough day at work or having something going on with our health. Oh my gosh, we've been sick so much this spring that we are like imagining ourselves healthy. Please, we just want to make it to see the solar eclipse. These are powerful tools that adults can use as well. So let's remember those things.
22:15
Let's keep our kids in their belief, in their hearts. Let's live out loud. Let's let them be little for as long as we can. I think I've seen that hashtag around a lot. Oh, back to social media. Whoop, life's a doozy, but live out loud. That's one thing that I love to talk to my kids about is, if you want to do it and we have the time and energy, let's do it. Let's listen to our hearts, let's follow these gut feelings. Maybe we're supposed to go outside right now because we need to reset our system. Let's listen, let's listen, let's do it. Let's make it happen.
22:54
I hope you can try some of these tools out this week. I really wanted to hit this mindful piece that has been so empowering for my kids and so empowering for any friends that we've shared it with. They're like yes, I love that. I have to teach my kids that and it's been wonderful. If you have any questions, you can always reach out to me on Instagram. Heart to Heart Parents Podcast is my handle, my username, so you can find me on there, and I love to share daily tools. You can always ask me a question through there and I'll eventually set up a email. That's on my list of things to do.
23:24
Happy week, guys. I hope it works for you all. Give it a try and let's empower our kids. Let's build that self-confidence and let's keep them going. Let's not let those barking dog minds, let's not let society and the world change us from the humans that we are meant to be. If there's a parent that you think this could resonate with, please be sure to share it with them so we can all benefit from each other. Follow Heart to Heart Parents Podcast on Instagram for daily fun ideas and tips. Happy week.
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