I'm Carrie. I was a former teacher and speech therapist. I'm also a parent of two spirited, gifted, highly sensitive kids. I was quickly brought to my knees as a parent when I thought that I would see a rosy lens version of parenting just as they present on Instagram.
Speaker 1
01:03
But I quickly learned that's not real life.
01:06
I will provide real life experiences and transform them into moments for connections and change for you to use in your house, with tips that worked for our family and how to implement them in your family. Connect to heart to heart with your child, with your partners and other parents, as we learn that we are not alone. We have a community and, although maybe we feel different from other families, there are many of us out there and we are creating the next era of deep thinkers and changemakers. Come along with me on this journey with Heart to Heart.
Speaker 2
01:39
Parents parents.
Speaker 1
01:51
Hi there and welcome back to another episode of Heart to Heart Parents. Today we're going to talk about hearing our hearts and how that works. For everyone it's different and I just wanted to give you guys some pointers of what works best for me. I recently had a friend that messaged me and said okay, carrie, I love listening to your episodes. They've been really great. I love using these techniques for myself and for my kids.
02:12
But what the heck do you mean when you're talking about listening to your hearts and hearing your heart's message? So today I wanted to start off by thinking a little bit about the episode. I don't know if you guys heard it, but a couple of weeks ago I had an episode on teaching mindfulness to our kids, and a lot of the things that we're going to talk about today are going to overlap with the things that we talked about in that episode, so it's going to be really similar, except that I want you to think about doing it for yourself. In this part of the project, we're going to think about working on our own mindful skills and hearing our own hearts. Now this also bridges with listening to our intuition. Some people call it listening to our gut. I call it listening to our hearts message. That's just what resonates for me. So feel free to take what you'd like from today's episode and run with it, and you can always leave things at the door. It's just like anything that you hear. If it resonates with you, then go for it.
03:18
So some of the things that I have been thinking about this week are mindful tools that I like to use in practice and as a very big empath, I have been a ginormous empath my whole life. I really don't know if other people feel the things that I feel or the energy that I take on from other people. I think it's maybe because I was blessed with the name Carrie. I care for others. I always say that because sometimes people in my lives have said Carrie, you are way too sensitive, you need to grow a little bit thicker skin and all of those pieces. But in all honesty, I feel like this piece of my life is now a gift and I'm not scared of being sensitive. I'm not scared of showing the world like this is me. I'm sensitive, I run with a little bit more feminine energy than others and that's just part of me. So part of hearing my own heart is accepting who I am and being mindful with connecting with my own self. I'm not going to maybe put on a thick skin. Maybe I do when I go out into my environment because I don't want all of those people to connect with me and my heart. I am protective when I go outside, but in my house I am very at home and I'm going to let the boundaries down. I'm going to let myself be my whole, complete self.
04:49
By the way, your children are doing that and it's easy for your kids to be like that, because they're born with that. They do not put up those guards, right, they do not feel as hurt in society, maybe as we have been or had things said to them yet, because they're a more pure of heart version. Right, they're born and they don't have these walls and these boundaries yet. So maybe that's why your kiddo has a meltdown, because their shoes feel really uncomfortable or they're feeling a lot of pressure at school lately. Or, as my son, when he was at his old school, it was like too many worksheets. He would just come home and be so de-energized he would just lay on the sofa, be really grumpy, didn't want to go to Taekwondo, didn't want to do Cub Scouts. It was like the life had been sucked out of him. So that's what it looks like for a kiddo and as an adult. We have these boundaries and we have these pieces of us that we have put up in these walls that we have built to protect our hearts. So one thing that I want us to think about is, in our current world we have very loud lives. The more important we are, the busier we are right. Or is it the opposite, where we feel like we have to be really busy in order to be important, in order to feel self-satisfied in our lives? We have to be like really into a lot of things right and have a lot of projects going. And you know, there's this mom piece of the puzzle where the moms are like I'm sorry, I don't have time, I have like 85 things that I'm doing on my tasks right now. I know the working world can be really busy and the home life can be really busy, and then we have all these activities.
06:34
The other day I was talking with a mama who was saying I think my kiddos might have too many activities and I was like well, how many activities are you in? And somebody had mentioned like four activities or such. I was like, ok, they're early elementary. So I kind of gently was saying, well, you know I mentioned I really only choose one or two activities for my kids at a time and sometimes we'll switch them out and we'll see what they like, because they're experiencing. My kiddos are six and almost nine, so we're trying to figure out like, what are you passionate about, what do you enjoy? And we really don't want to have too many activities. So I was very gently trying to say for us, part of slowing down in our lives was to cut out some of the unnecessary garble, right, all those unnecessary driving around. If it's not something that my kid is really into, then I'm not going to be putting them into it.
07:31
So, as we're looking at mindfulness in our lives, we're thinking about the stimulation in our lives. We're thinking about is there times of the day where I put my devices down and I just sit quietly? Do you guys have that in your day? Are there times of the day where I devices down and I just sit quietly? Do you guys have that in your day? Are there times of the day where I sit down and I meditate? You can meditate for five minutes. I'm not saying your meditation needs to be two hours, with a special Zen music, perfect lighting and the stars in all the right position in the sky. Your meditation could just be sitting in the car during a lunch break and breathing. You can put your hand on your stomach.
08:07
I was listening to a podcast where somebody was talking about when you're breathing in and out. You want to have your hand coming out so you feel the motion of your diaphragm breathing in and breathing out. So some of the wellness pieces that I look at when I'm trying to decrease my stimulation, I'm trying not to over-program myself. I'm looking at meditating. I try to do it once a day, but hey guys, I'm human too and sometimes it looks like twice a week. Let's be real, let's be honest. Let's not make ourselves feel guilty if we're not meditating every single day.
08:40
My grandma was retired. She used to meditate for like an hour every morning and it was amazing. That sounds like retirement to me. That sounds perfect. I will do that when I'm retired. Right now, my meditation looks like five minutes.
08:52
One other thing that I love to do that's been really helpful for me and just grounding myself and resetting myself is Qigong. I don't know if you guys have heard of it. It's spelled with a Q, so it's a little bit tricky to find. But Qigong has been really beneficial. I've started to build a community there. I've met some really great friends. I've also connected with some friends that I've had that now go with me. It's been so amazing and it's been amazing to also create that community of other like-minded people who are looking to grow. They're not living in the sadness of being over-programmed, they're looking to continue to have spiritual growth and guidance. So that's another piece that's been helpful for me.
09:37
Some other wellness pieces Wellness is like the key word right now. Right, why is our society putting so much emphasis on wellness? Well, I think it's in our hearts that we want to get there. We want to search for these pieces that are really big pieces missing from our puzzles. So wellness is a huge word right now. Some of the wellness things that I love to do I've done. Group healings I've done. We go to church or a spiritual center once a week with our kids. It's been great for our kids, also great for ourselves. We've also started to build some community when we get to go. We've been really sick this spring, so I'm kind of sad we haven't gotten to continue going. That has been an awesome piece of the puzzle.
10:22
When we are thinking about mindfulness, we also need to think about balance. So I've mentioned in previous podcasts, I've mentioned on my Instagram, if you follow me, that balance is a huge piece of our story. We need to not go to extremes. So I've done a couple of skits with the crunchy mama or the mindful mama, just kind of joking around of how we can go to the extremes. My kid does not get to ever watch TV because we have zero screen time. That's extreme. Sometimes we have to have screen time. Sometimes we're really deplenishing our energy and my kid just needs to sit on the sofa and just decharge and I'm okay with that. I'm okay if they don't feel like reading a book in that moment. Sure, we can have a few minutes. We've earned it, we've worked hard All of these things. So that's one example of not going to the extremes.
11:16
When we are able to use these mindful tools and recharge our energy, it calms our monkey minds down. I use that with my kids, but it's also very, very well suited for adults as well. Our monkey minds are those pieces of when we can't, we're so overstimulated, we're so busy, we're empaths and we've taken on so much energy from those around us that we can't focus. We can't bring ourselves. Calm ourselves, calm our minds. Tell our to-do list to wait for two hours while I just breathe and wash dishes, breathe and fold laundry. Sometimes I just have to turn on a podcast and listen while I'm folding laundry and just breathe. These things all help us to balance.
12:10
When we can balance ourselves and not have that constant mental loop in our minds, we can hear our hearts. So when I'm talking about hearing your heart, what it sounds like is? It sounds like a quick message that you may hear. It sometimes can be audio, something you hear. Sometimes it can be just a flash of an image. Sometimes it can be a feeling. Sometimes you suddenly feel cold. Sometimes you have this thought I need to turn right in my car right now. You have this thought I need to turn right in my car right now. Sometimes it can be that person. They're not in a good mood and if I go talk to them, I'm going to feel that in my heart. So these are all different messages that are coming to us. These are things that we're hearing in our hearts. Some of us call it our gut feelings. Some of us call it our intuition feelings, some of us call it our intuition Sometimes it can be really loud and it continues to bother you.
13:13
So I've learned that if you don't hear it the first time, if it's something really big in your life that you are needing to alter and change because guess what guys, you are changemakers. If you're listening to my podcast right now, you are a change maker for yourself. You are a change maker for your kids. You are a change maker and you are sending that amazing change making attitude and energy into the world right now. That's what we want, that's what we need, our kids need it. We need it ourselves, as I was, I just got on a little tangent, but it's all about empowering ourselves, right? We're making these changes towards happiness for ourselves, for our partners, for our kids, for our family, for all of us, and it helps all of us together. That loud message that I mentioned sometimes, if the message is quiet and we don't hear it, it can get louder, especially if it's something big.
14:07
For example, when I didn't feel like my kid's school was the right place, I continued to push it, and I am a forever optimist. Right, I'm not a pessimist, so I am going to try my best to make this situation work. If I see certain pieces of it, like there was a great community that my kiddos had at their last school and they loved it and they had some good teachers, but it just wasn't the right fit. The traditional education setting was not the right piece for my kids and I knew it in my heart. I had actually had this one school that we ended up changing to pop up several times and it's come up for the past three years. I think it might be three years, it might be longer, oh, four years because 2020.
14:56
I've heard this school and it's popped up several times and I just kind of like, oh, that sounds good. You know, there's always going to have an alternative in my back pocket. I'm just going to put it in my back pocket and keep going. Going to have an alternative in my back pocket. I'm just going to put it in my back pocket and keep going. And guess what guys? It kept knocking on the door and I kept, oh, yeah, eventually. You know, let's give it a little try. We're going to give it a couple of months. It's the beginning of the school year. My daughter just started kindergarten. We're going to see how it goes. Well, it got louder and louder.
15:20
One day I was volunteering in my son's classroom and he grabbed my arm and he said mom, take me out of this school and put me in the other school that you talked about. I can't do this anymore. This is not for me. And he looked like he was going to cry, which this kiddo is a very big people pleaser. So for him to cry in front of people is like a huge piece of the piece, huge ordeal. That's not him, that's not how he is. So I looked at him and I said I hear you, buddy, I really hear you, and I'm going to think about it and I'm going to meditate and pray on this and we're going to figure out what we can do. After that, I knew this is, this is the change, this is what we got to do. I'm a changemaker, you're a changemaker, these kids are changemakers.
16:06
We are going to find what sets right in our hearts, and so these messages that we're watching for, they can come in all different forms. Sometimes it's your kid grabbing you right when you didn't even know or expect for this to happen. You thought oh, it's just in my back pocket, I'll save it for later. But sometimes it comes and it hits you over the head because you're not listening. So don't worry that you're going to miss those messages and have a little piece of something that someone taught me once, and it's a little exercise to help you hear your heart.
16:36
Because we're doing all the wellness, say, you're doing all the meditation, you're doing all the wellness. And life can be heavy sometimes. I mean we've got things going on in our lives. We've got over-programming with all this technology and people think that their emails need to be responded to right away. Right, they're texting you and things are going on right. So we're trying to do our wellness. We're lining up our 100 ducks in a row to meditate. We're doing all the things right and we're trying to hear our hearts. Some of the things that I have tried you know you can sit quietly meditate, take deep breaths, sit in your car and breathe, go for walks outside One thing that one person told me once to try when I was starting to learn hey, I guess I really am in my monkey mind more than I realize.
17:26
I always thought I was this very zen person because people always said you're so calm, carrie, you're like. You have this great energy and you love people so much with all of your heart and it's just so easy to connect with you. Yes, I have that piece to me, but I also never realized that I have a very active, overactive monkey mind. So I'm a recovering overthinker and I am also a recovering people pleaser. So I had these two things going on in my life that I've really worked hard in the past few years to work on, and one of those things was looping. I hadn't even realized that I had this looping situation going on in my mind. So I'm also have a little bit of social anxiety that comes up especially after the pandemic.
18:11
I don't have the label per se, but I know this piece of my heart is like oh, with that people pleaser and a social piece, and you feel a little nervous sometimes when you go out, especially after 2020, when we were all shut off from all of that, this can feel a little different, a little unnerving. So I would go into social situations and I would hear like oh, you said the wrong thing, you shouldn't have said it that way. That person isn't going to want to be your friend anymore and I would start to have a little bit of self-talk where I would like think about the situation and I would just let it loop in my mind like repeat what was said and what happened, and I would just kind of like be doing the dishes like I'm just going to calm down at all and just I'm going to zen out. It's going to be great.
18:58
But I didn't realize that that looping message was going on in my mind. Do you guys think I can hear my heart if I have this looping message where I'm adding my brain is filling in the gaps of things that didn't even happen? I'm like thinking and I'm going off on this tangent like whoo, just where is Carrie? 10 minutes later? Oh, 15 minutes later, she's been on that looping message. I couldn't hear my heart during those moments. So I learned you need to break that. You need to break that repeat, break that cycle. And it started off as just mindfully acknowledging oh, your brain's looping Stop. And I didn't have any. I didn't say like, oh, carrie, how dare you, why did you do that?
Speaker 2
19:41
You're not mindful at all and you're telling these people to be mindful.
Speaker 1
19:44
I did not criticize myself, I just tried to stop the loop. And that's what it looks like, those mindful pieces when you're meditating and you have a thought. You don't go down the track of like, oh, carrie, you're not good at meditating, you need to. Nope, we just acknowledge that thought and move on to the next thing. So that was a great exercise that really helped me was trying to break those loops, and thank you for the person that helped me with that tool. It was super helpful.
20:10
Another exercise that I love doing that somebody else taught me was when you go for a walk, don't have a process of where you're going mapped out in your mind. Just start walking and go where you feel like going. So when you come to a corner, you don't think, well, I need to turn right and then take two rights so I can get back home. Nope, you're just going to walk and go where the path leads you. Right, you're not? Or I mean, yes, the path is leading you, but also you're going to not think about the planned route. You're just going to say, oh, you know, I came to this quarter and I feel like turning left. Here I go. And if you try doing that, you'll realize that, huh, sometimes maybe you come to an orchard where there's like apples on a tree. Maybe you come and you see an eagle on a path you never would have taken. There's sometimes things that pop out at us. It's like these little rewards that the universe, god, whoever you believe in spirit sends us. It's like, oh, try this again, carrie, because guess what? We planted the seed and it's really fun. But these exercises are really helpful.
21:20
I also was thinking the other day, a really fun one that I've been doing with it. That's kind of the same similar idea is you go in your closet and you just grab what you see. First. You grab what your eye is drawn to. Which color? Which color am I feeling? Today? You can even go in and think which color do I feel like wearing? Breathe in, breathe out. See what you feel. Are you drawn toward green, your heart chakra, love. Are you drawn toward light blue, which is your throat chakra? Because you need to release some words, you need to get some things out there. You need to release some messages that maybe you feel like you've stopped that energy and you need to let it flow. Those are all things that can help us build our hearts, listening to our hearts so we can better hear them. They're little exercises, so I challenge you to try working on some of these mindful tools then, to try these exercises to help us better hear our hearts.
22:22
Can you do it this week? Can you give it a go and see where you are taken? Can you walk down the street without having an exact path in mind? Can you go for? Maybe you have a certain space of time? Maybe you set a timer on your watch. If you can only go for 15 minutes that day and you need to make it back home, because who knows where the path is going to lead, you Guess what? Your mind? It's going to follow you. So you have to work on the mindfulness when you're walking during that walk. Also, a big mindful piece is any of these mindful tools that you're doing. If you're going to Qigong, you're going to a group healing, you're going to your spiritual center, you're taking your quiet meditative walk outside, you're breathing in the car for five minutes Any of these things that you are doing you have to be present.
23:13
What does that mean? That means our mind has to be engaged. Our mind is not thinking about. Oh, I hear those birds. It sounds like spring's coming. I really need to get my mulch out. Oh, nope. Yep, there's a comment. I'm not going to make a comment about it, but I'm going to go back to my calm.
23:31
We do all these times where we have these self-care to help us recharge. I love going for walks, I love going hiking, skiing, all of those things. One of my favorites is refinishing furniture. I realize it really helps me to reset my system, to have the power tool and sand something down. It's not as fun when I have to refinish it because you have to be like more perfect about it. Right, you have to get the gloss on there perfectly. Everything has to. The ducts have to be lined up and there's more thought in it. I just like having the power tool and sanding it down because I can really just reset and I have to ground myself and focus on what I'm doing. So it's pretty helpful. But any of those things that we're doing, it's pointless if you are not mentally engaged in it. There's no point to it. So let's really engage in any mindful things or activities that we're doing, think about it and really get into it.
24:30
When we stay calm and when we have this mindful, this grounding, we recharge ourselves, we are able to stay calm around our dysregulated kids. This morning, my kiddo, it was her birthday and, oh my gosh, the energy around a birthday is like presents. My birthday party is coming. I get to have this special day at school where they're going to like walk around the sun and talk about each year of my birth. She was so excited and her energy especially. Bless this child with her airy side, her fiery zesty, this girl. She went to school with her giant tutu skirt on, like she was ready. She was fancy Nancy, she, this girly, she was ready to go and all that energy was like this whirlwind of emotions. So I really had to stay calm and this weekend was busy so I did not get to recharge. My husband and I didn't get our switch time where we recharge and I had to breathe through it, take little breaks from her where I went out to the car to get stuff in, as we were like she was having her moments, yelling things she was upset about.
25:36
I had to keep myself regulated around this dysregulated person because, as an empath, I'm feeling all that energy. I'm feeling the energy of oh, it's Monday and I have things to do. Oh, this, you know you're feeling all that energy so you have to really have all your ducks in a row. Do the best you can. Sometimes you give in and you yell for a minute. Don't be hard on yourself, mama or papa bear. Just let it go and give yourself some kindness. You can tell your kid I'm so sorry that that happened. I'm sorry mom had that moment and you can apologize and connect again. It's okay.
26:16
Have you guys ever noticed the nerves and the feelings on an airplane? Those emotions are running high. I feel like we're always hearing about these stories of people like losing it on airplanes lately and whenever we're on an airplane with our kids. My kid could be the happiest kid and she's got her headphones on and she's listening to a story. Actually, she's usually bopping to her little dance mix that she's got going. She's singing a little bit and kind of like yelling to mom because she doesn't know she has the noise canceling headphones on. She's like, hey, mom, mom, this is the best song. And then she asked her brother brother, buddy, are you on this song too? Oh, my God, we're on the same song, mom, we're on the same song. People are looking.
27:01
I'm like I am sorry, guys, there is not a lot of compassion on an airplane. I think it's because everybody's nerves are just heightened. We're all in our like dysregulated state. We're in that that reptile part of our brain that fight, flight, flee, fight, flight, freeze, forgot the freeze right. And there's one more. I don't remember the last one but I'm going to have to remember because it's a good one.
27:25
We're in those places where we cannot hear our hearts, we cannot connect with our hearts and say, oh man, that kid's being kind of annoying but she's happy and she's spirited. She's really excited about her dance mix. Thank God she's not screaming right now or kicking the back of my seat or playing with that tray table again in the back of my seat or playing with that tray table again. But let's try to think with our hearts. Let's try to have compassion for our kids, have compassion for that other mama who has the crazy kid with the ear blocking the headphones on. Let's use our hearts. Let's use all these mindful tools. If you try them this week and it works and you got some clarity this week, then hurrah. Job well done.
28:12
Carrie, I would love to know. You can always connect with me. You can send me messages. I'm working on my email. That's on my list, but you know what? I'm a mindful mama, so I've got my list, but I'm not jumping in because I got to keep Zen too. You can always message me through Heart to Heart Parents Podcast on Instagram. That's the easiest way to send me a message. Give me a follow. I'm also at Think Clearly app on Facebook right now. You can message me through there as well.
28:40
I love to hear from you guys and if this resonates, you can always send it to other parents. You can always reach out with questions or what works well for you. Or if you have questions about things that have come up for you, like okay, I hear my heart now, but how do I help my monkey mind calm down a little bit more? What are some tools that you have found for your kids? Things like that. Anything you need. Feel free to message me and also, if you enjoy listening to my podcast, I would love a little podcast love. You can always. If you're wanting to connect, you can always send a review in the bottom. It just takes a quick second and it really helps to share the love. So I hope you guys have a happy week and I love connecting with you guys to let you know you're not alone. We're all going through this process. We all have our moments of overstimulation, we all have our moments of being dysregulated. But give these tools, these all these tools, a try and let me know how they work.
Speaker 2
29:39
Happy day parent that you think this could resonate with. Please be sure to share it with them so we can all benefit from each other. Follow Heart to Heart Parents Podcast on Instagram for daily fun ideas and tips. Happy week.
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