like how we want to use our money. Like that was one of the things I really had to find my own way of like, because you know the financial industry and I love them. I came from them right, like our, our financial advisors and CPAs and things of that sort. Like we've kind of grown up thinking like there's this one way to use our money and I really want to encourage everybody to go back to like what do you value, right, like you and I talked about before. Like we both value eating healthfully, right, yeah, and that might look like more than maybe the average, right. Like, and here we go back to like comparing ourselves, right, but like that might look more than what the average American spends on food, but that is something that is really important to me.
Speaker 2
00:49
Welcome to Heart to Heart Parents. Let's connect with our kids and learn together. I'm Keri. I was a former teacher and speech therapist. I'm also a parent of two spirited, gifted, highly sensitive kids. I was quickly brought to my knees as a parent when I thought that I would see a rosy lens version of parenting, just as they present on Instagram, but I quickly learned that's not real life. I will provide real life experiences and transform them into moments for connections and change for you to use in your house, with tips that worked for our family and how to implement them in your family.
01:27
Connect to Heart to Heart with your child, with your partners and other parents, as we learn that we are not alone. We have a community and, although maybe we feel different from other families, there are many of us out there and we are creating the next era of deep thinkers and change makers. Come along with me on this journey with Heart to Heart Parents. I'm Keri. I'm here with Heart to Heart Podcast and I have Erin here, and I met Erin recently on Instagram. We connected and she's been such a wonderful person to follow. My husband is now following her as well. I'm listening to all of her podcasts on money management and the 5g of money. And Aaron, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Speaker 1
02:14
Yeah, sure, thanks for it. First of all, thanks for having me. I love talking and just, yeah, just it's like two friends over tea or coffee or seltzer water, however you want to, how you want to say it Um, so the short version is finances. My background financial planning is my background um helped run my family's construction business for 10 plus years and got I love it. It gave me so much, so much um expertise or just you know so many valuable skills. And also I got to a point where I was like I want to travel, and buying this business and staying in Texas is not going to allow me to travel. So I got up the courage over years to quit and to start coaching. And I got into coaching and started coaching people. And then I what I realized is I really wanted some time off, like I had never taken any time off, like to the point of scheduling my only child's birth around payroll, which is crazy that I say that now.
03:15
But I did, cause I was the only one that I thought that you know, my dad could have done it, but it was almost. You know that whole stories that we tell ourselves, right, like nobody else can do it, all that kind of stuff, and so I took some time off. So I'm coming back on the heels. Coming back off of the heels of taking the last couple of years off and traveling and spending time with family, and now getting back into coaching and helping entrepreneurs change their relationship with money.
Speaker 2
03:39
Amazing. I love it and I can't even imagine the energy of scheduling your birth around a certain timeline.
Speaker 1
03:48
It was intense. You know, like you think about, like I. I really talk about self-compassion and love for ourselves, and Erin back then was just doing the best that she could. You know she thought that was the only solution you know, and she was just trying to make it easier on herself that she could have six days of leeway to not sit in a chair before you know, so, looking back um and yeah, and the stress that I put myself under, you know, yeah. So much love to, to the younger part of me.
Speaker 2
04:18
Yes, yep, yep, you got to give her some love and some healing. So I have been listening in and tuning in and really enjoying your podcast and your Instagram, and it's just been kind of a healing for myself as well. We were recently, you and I were talking about the guilt of spending as a mom, and the other day it was yesterday I sent in an order for some clothing that I needed for myself and I tried to just picture the money going toward the vendor that I was purchasing from and I also tried to just feel myself, release that guilt, because spending on myself is definitely something that I don't do, and I just feel this heaviness in my stomach from it. So it's been, it's been kind of interesting. So what, what would you say to moms and dads in this same kind of feeling?
Speaker 1
05:13
First of all, you're not alone. There's a lot of people that feel guilt and I think you know, with your podcast and just talking more vulnerably about, you know, our relationship with money, like a lot of us feel that way Right and also, in order to kind of transcend that, like we do have to feel it Right. Like I think for a lot of us we're like, oh, I shouldn't feel this way, or oh, and we and we suppress it.
05:38
But, like you're saying, like, okay, before I push this send button or this purchase button, like I'm going to feel this wave of guilt wash over me, Right, it's easier said than done. It is a practice, it is a skill, but it is one of those things that like releasing, because I think, you know, in the self-development world we've talked a lot about like oh well, like higher vibrations and think positively. But we can't think positively when we have a lot of suppressed and repressed emotions within us and so it's like feeling, feeling that what needs to be felt.
06:09
like why do you feel the guilt? And I've. What I've realized is a lot of times it comes back to like I don't feel worthy or I don't feel deserving, Right, Like that's a lot of what I've had to work through of. Like, no, I am deserving of having nice clothes that fit my body and that feel good, you know, and and I think it's also a lot of conditioning, right, Like mom guilt I don't know how many dads feel this way, but like mom, guilt is a social construct.
06:35
Like why, why are we feeling guilt for asking for what we want, for spending time by ourselves, for Asking for what we want, for spending time by ourselves? For you know it's, it's this, almost this award that like who, who has been the guiltiest and struggled the most award, you know, versus, versus.
06:57
No, I love my kids and I love my time by myself and by honoring, and you know like your children get to see that mom buys them, buys herself clothes, and then your daughter and son will replicate that for themselves, right, like we are being the example for our children, right? So so I think it's, you know, it's first and foremost is like the awareness, like even noticing that you have guilt, right, like celebrating that and then also feeling it and then also then, at that point, then by you know, passing through there and being like, okay, now what do I want to feel when I purchase things for myself?
Speaker 2
07:33
Yeah, that's wonderful, it's so, it's. It makes so much sense and it it it did bring me some light to the heaviness that I did feel and I I agree with you it's, it's a process, it's not something that happens overnight. We have a lot of conditioning. I, as a younger child, was raised by a single mom, so there was that piece of the puzzle of I remember my mom saying a lot we can't afford it right now. And I started to say that to my kids recently. Like okay, we kind of want to. We have way too many toys in our basement, so I'm going to tell them we can't afford it when really we can. And what are some other versions of what I can tell my kids until myself during those moments?
Speaker 1
08:14
Yeah, I think one of the things is tuning in when you say you can't afford it, like really getting clear and feeling. What does that feel like in your body? And for me, can't afford is like this contraction like oh, like, oh like your mom.
08:29
Right, like I think, our generation. Right Like our parents told us they can't afford it. Yeah, we can afford it, but we're choosing not to purchase it at this moment. Right, like it's not, maybe in alignment with our values or we have, you know, mom and dad feel like we've got plenty of toys. In this moment, we're want to choose to use our money in different ways and what we value.
08:49
But, like I have found that that word of choice right Like you could buy more toys if you wanted to. You could not pay the. You know you could pay, not pay lots of bills, or you could not pay to savings, or you know there's so many different ways that we could, we could use our money. And so, instead of saying I can't afford it, saying it's not, you know, purchasing that in this moment isn't in alignment with what mom and dad are are using our funds for, or you know, or how, and and the other thing too, I think I mean depending on what age the kids are.
09:20
But like empowering our children, like how do you want to? Like that's not an alignment like what I've started doing with our daughter she's 12. Like that's not an alignment with what dad and I value spending our money on. But how would you like to generate money to go buy yourself, and, and we are, we are the parents are the ones that put all the stories on it. You know like when I say that to my kids, she just thinks of all of the ideas to just go generate money you know, and so it's fun for her.
09:44
She's like oh, I can do this, and I can do this, and I can do this. And so I think. A lot of times we think at least I did.
09:49
For sure, I thought I had to be the only person that provided for my child because I was the parent, you know, versus, versus, what do I want to give and purchase, and what's in alignment with our values and what's not and what isn't, then how else can they receive that? So we aren't like the only ones that feels like that felt heavy to me, of feeling like I was the only one that was like I have to, you know, provide all the things that she wants, kind of thing.
Speaker 2
10:17
I love that. I love empowering them and also giving them the idea of you are in charge of your own money, Like you can bring it in yourself, you can find these, these alternatives, and that's really cool. I'm going to think about that for my nine-year-old because I think he could definitely come up with his own versions of things. So I love that. It's a huge piece of it.
10:41
We also in our family we call it wanty, I'm feeling wanty. And recently my daughter and I were in a store and she started to kind of sometimes we'll take a picture if we don't want to buy something right then. So I'm like we'll take a picture, we can put it on your birthday list. We're not going to get it right now, we don't need this right now, and it's nice because they can release that energy and it's really it's been helpful for us. And then my daughter the other day I've said are you feeling wanty? You're getting kind of wanty. But the other day she just had this self-awareness of like mom, I need to leave the store now I'm feeling wanty. And my mom was like, oh, my gosh, that was really cool.
Speaker 1
11:23
I love how she did that herself, so it was really fun, I think. I think that's great. Like I always say, like we, we can learn to build an anticipation muscle right, like anticipation is an amazing feeling to have. Like do you think about something that we want or our children want? Right, coming from that place of like oh, what is it gonna like, how am I gonna get to enjoy it? And like, so she gets to go to the store and she gets to imagine it and she gets to like, oh for her birthday. And she gets to envision and visualize, like I think even adults, like we don't have we're such an a instant gratification world we live in. Like I want it I want it now like Amazon.
11:57
I mean, my husband was saying the other day he's like what, when did we live before Amazon?
12:02
You know it's just literally a click right and it shows up at your door.
12:07
And so really developing that muscle of do I want it? And you and I didn't talk about before, about this, but like with human design and what I've learned with human design of like half of us are what's called like how we make decisions, are we need to ride our emotional wave, like we are not fast decision makers, so half of the population actually needs to kind of sit with that decision for a bit. You know Interesting, and so really, like in that moment we think we want it, but what actually are we want? Like there's a feeling that we want from that thing that, versus sometimes it could just be the thing that we want, but sometimes, a lot of times, it's like a feeling that we're wanting and so like putting the pause on, like okay, do I still want it in a week from now? And the answer might be yes, right, and then we go back to the store and we get it, and sometimes it's like it was just kind of in the heat of the moment.
12:59
You know I saw it I thought I wanted it, but not really that stoked about it anymore.
Speaker 2
13:04
Yes, I love that. It's been. It's been a healthy, healthy wave of trying to learn that for our kids and my five-year-old I was very excited when she used it. So, yeah, it's been good. So there is a piece of my puzzle that I love to do with the crunchy mama and I kind of make jokes about just being perfect and this, this perfect person, this perfect version that we try to live up to as crunchy mamas or mindful mamas, and part of it is the healthy eating and those pieces of the puzzle that come into play. But we're a gluten-free and dairy-free family. My, my husband has celiac, so eating mindfully and eating healthy has been a huge piece for us. It's definitely taken a little hit on our pocket books, but is there any mindsets or any tips that you would share with us or have any ideas in this piece?
Speaker 1
14:00
I think, kind of like what we talked about offline, right, like how we want to use our money, like that was one of the things I really had to find my own way of like, because you know the financial industry and I love them, I came from them right, like our, our financial advisors and CPAs and things of that sort Like we've kind of grown up thinking like there's this one way to use our money and I really want to encourage everybody to go back to like what do you value, right, like you and I talked about before.
14:29
Like we both value eating healthfully, right, and that might look like more than maybe the average, right, like and here we go back to like comparing ourselves, right, but like that might look more than what the average American spends on food. But that is something that is really important to me and so not judging yourself, you know, like what is it that you value? And if it is food, I like to focus, I don't, I don't necessarily like to focus on minimizing our expenses, you know. And also like there are ways that you can kind of be savvy with. You know, like there's certain stores that I buy yeah, the like Trader Joe's is way less expensive than you know, a different store that.
15:19
I go to and so just knowing kind of like, where do I want to buy my food, and farmer's markets and things of that sort, and I think it's just kind of like what is important, what do you value, and then using your money in ways that you know that, honor that and, um, yeah, allow for that.
Speaker 2
15:36
Yeah, and I love that. It's definitely I feel like I'm a recovering overthinker about it is trying to change that mindset of limiting ourselves and focusing that. Is that touching on the 3d 5d piece of money that you also?
Speaker 1
15:54
Probably the 5d, right Like the emotional side of money, like when I say the 3d, and this is just a word that I decided to make up Cause.
16:00
I was like, I explained this to people, you know but the 3d of money is like our actual and money isn't even a real thing, right, like they've cited, like the sources of like four to four to 8% in circulation. Right, like it isn't even a thing anymore, it's just numbers on a screen. But, like I, I kind of use 3d of like okay, your taxes when you sit down or you look at your investment accounts or you know your saving account. But the five D is like emotionally, like how do we feel when we transact and circulate money? Right, and so that's something else that have changes like circulating, right, like it's coming back to me, I'm just, I'm just circulating it.
16:39
Versus like money comes in, money goes out, like that's kind of what we're taught. Right, like we have income and expenses, versus like money's just constantly circulating all throughout, and so it's really like the emotions, right, like why are we limiting ourselves for really good food? Like we feel better when we eat, well, at least I do, right, like we, we, our bodies, love it. Um, and I mean one could even I don't want to say argue, but use the um an example like there are people that spend the amount of money we spend on pharmaceuticals, right, and so like are you taking care of your body. We have one body. It's our only home we will ever have. Why aren't we valuing that at the very top of the list? Yeah?
Speaker 2
17:27
I agree that it's also a piece. There's a cycle with it, with the healthy eating and the healthy mindfulness. As we spend in certain pieces in the food area, we have to spend less in some of the medicine side of. It is kind of what my family has found. It's been this trade-off in a powerful, positive way.
Speaker 3
17:48
So that's been really good.
Speaker 2
17:50
I wore to green green today for you. As I was picking out my clothing, my eye was drawn toward green and I was thinking heart, chakra, love. And then I thought, well, I guess it's the color of money too. I love it. I wanted to share that with you. But yeah, so I'm trying to focus on the heart piece of the green more than the physical money piece of the green.
Speaker 1
18:17
But that's really what it is right, right like when we really like kind of strip it down, like for a lot of us, why do we hoard our money? Why do we, you know, overspend? There's, there's this place that the coming from, like, it comes from that love. Right, it comes from, yeah, from, you know, either wanting to be connected to someone or, you know, know, just it. It it is really. I think it is an extension of our, of our hearts, you know.
Speaker 2
18:43
Yeah, definitely. My grandmother, um, was a very spiritual person. Uh, she was from Argentina and she used to always quote, I think it was from Fiddler on the Roof, but she used to always say it's like Barbara Streisand, it comes in. Or money is like manure, it's meant to be spread around and it comes back to you. So that was something really fun that I always think of and we my husband and I have been trying more recently to um donate and spread it around and feel that coming back toward us. So I love that mindset and that piece of it. What did what does it look like for you guys? As you guys have become more mindful in wanting to travel and having less materials in your house, what has that look like in your life?
Speaker 1
19:30
Well, when you said crunchy mom, I'm like just because we're crunchy moms doesn't mean that our children as they get older love the fact that we're crunchy moms, like my kid totally riffs on me a lot about.
19:43
She tells me I don't know all the terms, you might have to school me on this like a crunchy mom, a granola mom, a salad mom, like I don't know. This is all. This is all I'm learning. Um, I would consider myself more of a minimalist. My child is definitely not, and so you talk a lot about this. You know, um, through you know your Instagram of like, allowing your children to be who they are and sometimes, when our children aren't necessarily kind of model who we are, right Like. She probably has way more clothes than I do, um, but I don't value. I don't value having a huge wardrobe. That's just my belief, though, in allowing her to have her own.
20:25
Um, so, yeah, we've, we've pared down, we, we. Basically, I don't even know if we sold much. We really just gave away everything that we had in Texas when we moved to Maui and, um, you know, we're slowly kind of bringing things back, Um, but one thing I do think that it makes you very aware of is how quickly it is to get something, and how it's a little bit I don't want to say harder or difficult, but it takes a little bit more effort to get rid of something Like I mean, we had really nice furniture and you would think that they would be coming out in droves to have it, you know, and no one. I mean Tempur-Pedic mattresses and like lovely, you know beautiful couches, and it was.
21:07
It sat in the storage unit for like almost a year until we just said, you know what we're, just from an energetic standpoint, we're just going to let it go Like, you know, nobody's, really nobody's asked for it, so we'll just give it away. And so I do that process really, at least for my husband. He's like wow, it's really easy to get something that has changed his spending of like what do I value, what do I want, and we've always kind of been big on travel and experiences over things, um, but I think it's easy to just accumulate, right, like you've got Amazon. You have grandparents that want to give all the time, like any time, right, there's. There's never a shortage of reasons to get something for your child. And so I just had to start saying like if, if one thing is going to come in, like one or two are going out, because it was almost in her playroom, was just this explosion is what I would call it, you know.
22:06
And and for me, you know, like, and for all of us right, like it takes so much to process, like our brains to process, every time I walked in her playroom I just was overwhelmed because there was just so much stuff, and so we just started having conversations like are you real, are you ready or willing to let this go, to let another little girl play with this and maybe at some point let something else come in, you know? And so it kind of shifted more to like one thing coming in and five things going out, kind of thing, because we just had so much, you know, but and and also not forcing her, like when she wasn't ready, to let go of certain things.
22:41
I didn't force it, um, because I do think that that can create some. You know, like just how we grew up with like I can't afford it, you know. Then there are things that our children grow up. It's like my mom made me give away all the things. You know, so, and you can't like prevent everything, but like just being aware of, like, okay, what would you like to let go of? Like we haven't played with this in six months. Are you ready to let go? And so I think it's really helped to see, like, what do we want to spend our money on and what do we value and what, um, what do we enjoy? And and sometimes it's like you said when your daughter you were talking about your daughter with going to the store. It's like sometimes we just purchase something because it was in the moment, it wasn't really something we really wanted, and now we have it Right.
Speaker 2
23:26
Yeah. So I like that you touched on not making them give things away just when, looking for when they're ready and when their body feels ready to give it away. That sometimes I have to do, like the choice of three. Like, okay, we really need to make room. Christmas is coming up, your birthday is coming up. Can you try to choose one of these three? Which one's the least meaningful to you? My kids are definitely on the hoarder side. I don't know if it's all children. I don't understand that feeling of needing to hold on to everything, even their tiny little artwork pieces that come home from school.
Speaker 1
24:03
It's like I need all of these mom and I think it also helps, like depending on what age they are, but like getting curious, like what does this? What do you love about this? Like understanding, you know. I think sometimes as parents, we're like we just want the thing done versus you know, what is it that? What they're getting a feeling from it, right, like maybe it's safety, maybe it reminds them of grandma because she gave it to them. You know, there's, there's, there's. And so being curious about that and understanding, like where is that coming from, so that we can understand and support them a little bit better.
Speaker 2
24:41
Yeah, that's really helpful to think about because it is. It has been a hard time to get away things and maybe it gets older as they get or easier as they get older. I'm kind of hoping for that piece as well, as we kind of understand, but, yeah, definitely having the compassion for them as well. One piece I wanted to ask you about I I've just started to get into understanding my human design pieces as well. Have you noticed that it helps you with your kids? Oh, incredible.
Speaker 1
25:11
Well, have you noticed that it helps you with your kids? Oh, incredible, like if I could like share it with everybody like that had helped me understand her so much better and have so much more compassion and parent her in a way that was supportive to her, versus, you know, I kind of I'm 43. Like I kind of brought, was brought up with, like mom said, do it, and you do it Right. And so really like you're talking about, right Like teaching parents, helping parents, supporting parents, really understand their children, and like the way that her energy moves and the way that she makes decisions, and you know, just all of all of that really helped me parent her so much better and have so much more compassion for her and myself and just like all three of us together. Just all of that.
25:57
And and also understanding mine, right, like sometimes we are at an energetic mismatch, right Like she is what they call in human design like a manifesting generator and the energy that she has is it doesn't stop, right, and I like a little bit more of some quiet time and some rest. And I think here we go back to mom guilt. I had some guilt around. Oh well, I don't want to play with her right now because I want to rest, versus like no, that's what nourishes me and that because I rest, then I am able to play with her. And so honoring, honoring kind of where we are in our cycles, you know, and and and our energy and, yeah, supporting hers has been huge.
Speaker 2
26:41
Okay, that's really interesting. I really want to go look at what my children are right now. I'm very excited to try this out. I looked at myself and I am a generator. I don't know my numbers, I can't remember them, but I think you had said you were a generator as well. So kind of interesting, okay, and and understanding, like I mean.
Speaker 1
27:00
As for the generator, moms, like you know, we respond through our sacral and so I always tell the story about like I was always a no for playing Barbies with her, but I would make myself because that's what air quotes for you guys is a good mom does but I would literally fall asleep and it makes so much sense now. It's because I didn't have the energy for it. I didn't. It wasn't a full sacral, yes, right, but if we wanted to surf together or ride bikes or, you know, paint all I had the energy for days, right. And so really just understanding mom and dad's energy and how we are meant to move through the world and then also our children, so that we can support ourselves and we can support our children.
Speaker 2
27:37
I think it's huge. Yeah, I love that. Okay, I am definitely going to go look those up, I know. I feel like human design. Design is like booming right now. For anybody that doesn't understand what it is, it's, it's. You got to check it out. It sounds really cool and I'm starting to learn more, so I'm excited about that. And then, aaron, I forgot to ask you um, how can we find you? What do we?
Speaker 1
27:59
You can go to my website at generate a life well-lived. I'm like where can you find me?
Speaker 3
28:04
generate a life well-lived.
Speaker 1
28:06
Um, my podcast is the same generate a life, a lift and I also have it on YouTube. And then um, on Instagram I'm at the Aaron gray. I'm kind of there sparingly sometimes, but yeah so well, we enjoy you when you're there.
Speaker 2
28:21
It's very fun to connect with you there and I'd love listening to your podcast. My husband I'm like go spread that around at work, Cause it is. It's been so amazing for our family and it's definitely changing the mindset of how we approach money and, yeah, we're definitely recovering hoarders in our house, so it's been really wonderful. You are almost like at the level of a marriage therapist, Erin.
Speaker 1
28:49
It's really funny. You say that, because when people are like what do you do? And then I tell them they're like, so, you're like a therapist, I'm like well, I guess, but I mean really it is money is such an emotional thing for people Right.
29:01
And so and letting it like, thinking of it, like in a relationship, being in a relationship, like a loving, nurturing, nourishing relationship. Like how do you want that relationship to be, both on you know you and as well as money, like a giving and a receiving. What do you want that to feel like and what do you want that to look like?
Speaker 2
29:19
Yes, for sure it's been super helpful. And I know in our, in our house, I have learned that I have to have certain times designated to when we talk about it. I can't just like I'm washing dishes and we're talking about why did you spend on this, or something comes up or that's not the time it's energetically. I have to sit down, talk about it, close the door and then go binge watch something afterwards to regenerate my energy.
Speaker 1
29:48
Yeah, and here we go back to human design. What I've really is like oh my goodness, the. Some of us have that emotional right, we're defined, and what I've noticed is the, the people that are emotionally defined, and those that aren't. We sometimes because we have lots of thoughts and feelings around our. The money it's like it's almost too intense for our spouse Right and so being really like, like on the on the receiving end, because my husband is the one that I do the money and he and he's. I think what you're saying is your husband does the money and you guys station right.
30:23
And so having so much compassion for our spouses that don't do the money because for the person that already has that money story around not enough and all that it can be really intense for our spouse. That's like hey, whoa, wait a second, you know, like just went and bought groceries, you know. And so having lots of compassion for our spouses that don't do the money and are doing the best that they can, and showing up and yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll bless you on that note, erin.
30:52
I'm gonna have him listen to this episode as well, but so Carrie's husband be really kind and thoughtful and considerate to Carrie please because she's doing the best.
Speaker 2
31:04
Yes, yes, he definitely is. Yeah, he's been very respectful and mindful and that's been helpful. So, yeah, for sure. Well, it's been so much and mindful and that's been helpful. So, yeah, for sure. Well, it's been so much fun chatting with you, erin. I think I could chat with you about so many different subject areas parenting, being a mom, it's just and you have so many areas that you cover in your podcast. It's really kind of fun because you have a lot of different areas. It's been great. Thank you so much for being on here. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 3
31:32
Yeah, have a blessed day you too. If there's a parent that you think this could resonate with, please be sure to share it with them, so we can all benefit from each other. Follow Heart to Heart Parents Podcast on Instagram for daily fun ideas and tips. Happy week.