Think about how being a highly sensitive person is not a negative thing, it's a positive thing and it's something that once we start to accept it into our hearts, then we can see how it's a superpower we can empower our children to also see that their sensitivity is a superpower. Maybe they are so bummed because every time they put on socks they're crying because they don't feel good. You put them inside out. That doesn't work. You take them to Target. You choose like eight different, very, very soft socks. Nope, doesn't work. You can't choose. You can't find any socks on the school day. Well, how is that feeling on your kid's heart? How is that feeling, long-term, on their emotions and on their self-esteem? We want to find little pieces of their sensitivity, pieces of their heart that we can use to empower them. Welcome to Heart to heart. Parents. Let's connect with our kids and learn together. I'm carrie. I was a former teacher and speech therapist.
01:14
I'm also a parent of two spirited, gifted, highly sensitive kids. I was quickly brought to my knees as a parent when I thought that I would see a rosy lens version of parenting just as they present on Instagram, but I quickly learned that's not real life. I will provide real life experiences and transform them into moments for connections and change for you to use in your house.
01:40
Hi there and welcome back to another episode of Heart to Heart Parents. I'm Keri, I'm here to chat with you today, and today we're going to talk about mindset and how our mindset matters in our hearts. So today I wanted to chat a little bit about how, when we can change our thought patterns, we can change the energy and we can shift it toward a better version of what we're experiencing in our lives. So as we change our mindset and as we change the shift and the energy, we see that we have more positive energy coming into us and energy that positive energy attracts more positive energy. It's like this really cool positive energy cycle and I challenge you to try it, because it doesn't hurt to try and see where it takes you.
02:30
So when we talk about mindset, we are talking about the pieces of our mind and where we go in our attitudes and our feelings to situations that happen around us. When I talk about my mindset, I'm thinking is it a positive mindset? Is it a negative mindset? Am I living in the nitty gritty feelings that I have in every situation, or am I changing my thoughts, changing my patterns, changing my actions and my words to a positive side? For example, what this could look like. And don't forget, you can use this with your kids or for you as an adult, and I think that when we use it for ourselves and we model it, our kids see that we're not just preaching to them. Hey, try this out. It's really really powerful, but I don't use it myself because I'm human and I expect you to not be human. I expect you to be above a human. No, that's not true. Our kids are watching us. They're living and breathing with us every day and they're seeing what we're really like. They are seeing us behind closed doors and they know if you're preaching and not using it too, or if you're really using it and really feeling it in your hearts. So an example of what this change of mindset may be is if I'm having a great day, the sun is shining, I'm going out for a walk and then, all of a sudden, a giant windstorm comes in and I have to quickly move into the house, so something I could be thinking about is darn it, I just did my hair and I was having a great time, and now I have to go inside and I'm not outside anymore. So that's going to be our negative mindset, right? We're going to be focused on the negative, and sometimes when we're focused on that negative, we can have a lot of emotions that are tied to that negative piece and it can just spiral Like then you stub your toe, you shut your finger in the cupboard door, you drop your phone and it breaks.
04:34
It's kind of interesting how, when we live in that nitty gritty piece and that mindset, it just chain reacts. And this doesn't always happen, so it doesn't force us to want to change our mindset right away. Right, if it's just here and there that it happens, it doesn't make us, bring us to our core to think about it. If it happens once in a while, we're not going to change our patterns. But I challenge you this week give it a try. Instead of focusing on those heavy wins that brought you inside, let's focus on oh you know, I really wanted to get this other thing done and now that I came back in, it reminded me I really was going to sit and use this extra two minutes to have a cup of tea and meditate, or I was going to use this extra two minutes to make that appointment for my dentist that I've been meaning to make for six months. Let's try to change our mindset from darn that wind to thank you, wind, for giving me this extra few minutes of opportunity to find something else that I needed to do. We're going to emulate this mindset. We are going to show our children what it's like. Your kids aren't going to want to do it unless they're seeing you do it and unless they're seeing you have some changes, and some positive changes. So I like to really beef it up and talk about it with my kids. They get excited when they hear mom being excited, they hear dad being excited, they hear dad being excited, grandma and grandpa being excited about things. Then of course we're going to want to try it right. Of course I'm going to want to try that really awesome ice cream that everybody's excited about.
06:16
One time we started doing this with our kiddos and it was amazing. We were out on a scout camping trip and everybody was laying out their tents. My son didn't have room to put our tents near the other families that were in our den, and so my son was getting really upset. He's like Mom, why are we over here in the corner? Why aren't we over there with the other group of kids? Do you see? There's two other kids from our den and I really want to be with them.
06:47
And I said, buddy, you know, like we're locked out here, dude, there's no place to put our tent. So what we're going to do, let's try to change our mindset. And here I am preaching, right, but I've been living it. So my son has seen it. So he's thinking the balls are turning in his mind. He's like I've seen it happen for mom. Mom's been talking positive about it with dad. Sometimes dad gets a lecture too because mom is preaching, she's drinking the water, she's spreading the words about thinking positive and mom has been sharing with dad some of these feelings and emotions. So I'm going to try it too.
07:26
So my son looked around and we said you know, I understand there's a couple of kids from your dad that are over there, but the kid that you were really excited about, to have a tent near us, has he come yet? No, nope, nope, that kiddo hasn't come yet. So I told him let's change our mindset from I'm so bummed that I can't be with those other kids to I'm going to picture this kiddo that I really wanted to hang out with coming and maybe he'll set oh no, we didn't use. Maybe. Actually Don't use, maybe, because you want strong thoughts, right? That's more likely to help change our patterns and change our energy if we're using those strong, powerful thoughts.
08:06
So we're going to say I'm going to picture that so-and-so is going to come up, they're going to put our tent near us and then we're going to get to hang out and things are going to be awesome. And so he said that out loud. I said say it and feel it with your heart, don't just like, fall into the mind game of mom's making me say this. So I'm just going to say it. But I'm not really feeling it because that's mom, and you know my mom, she loves to live in the positive. So, whatever, mom, no, he was feeling it. He was like, okay, I'm going to try this, let's see what happens. And you guys, it is so crazy. Maybe it's just coincidence. And you guys it is so crazy, maybe it's just coincidence, I don't know, but it was awesome. I couldn't have timed it better. Thank you, universe, for making it happen.
08:50
But two minutes later the kiddo walked up and there wasn't any room for them in the other area, so they came and they put their tent down near us. They were kind of at odds, like this is weird because the land is kind of leaning. But you know what? This is the only place we got, so we're just gonna put our head on the upward slope and we're gonna make it work. And my son came up to me. He's like mom, did you see that? That was like a minute after we asked for this and then it just happened like this was so cool, mom, it was awesome. I couldn't have timed it. Thank you universe for making it happen. But now he has been just scooting around telling everybody about how awesome it is if we can focus on what we want to see instead of focusing on what we don't want to see.
09:39
Society has made it where, since we were teenagers, we focus on the negative because life is pain, life is hard, and I can chat with other people. I can really connect with others if we talk about the rain, if we talk about the bad in our lives. I've actually noticed that, even though I live in this positive mindset and I try to live in this positive space, which can sometimes be hard being a mom to kids that are super gifted, sensitive spirited it can be tricky. Sometimes we have our moments and I catch myself and I'm trying my best. We're all human right. So I do it, maybe 85% of the time let's be realistic Maybe 80. I'm trying my best, but it's getting easier. It's like lifting weights it gets easier as you do it. It's really cool. It's like meditation the more you do it, the easier it is. The easier it is to get in that zone, to connect, to catch yourself when you're going down the Debbie Downer ramp right? Ooh, life is hard, life is pain.
10:45
I'm actually starting to notice as I hang out with other adults or connect with other people, I'm hearing myself say these negative things. It used to be my go-to of oh yeah, it's raining so hard. Oh, I'm so tired of this rain. That was my go-to, that was how I connected with other people. Like, oh, I'm such a busy mom, it's been a hard day. You know, mom, life is so hard. I'm trying to put the brakes on and even though maybe I said something negative, I'm going to try to switch it around. Like oh, yep, mom, life can be hard, but this afternoon is supposed to be easier. Oh, yep, it was supposed to rain today, but tomorrow I think the sun's coming out. So, even if you're going to say that negative piece, try to throw something positive in there. And guess what? I think people around you are going to enjoy that too.
11:33
Sometimes they catch on and they start to shift their thoughts, shift their spoken word, the things you guys are talking about, into a positive area. It's really cool as you start to use this more and more, as we start to shift our thoughts from anything sad, anything negative, into positive areas. It's this change of energy that shifts. So as you start to say it's raining outside, I gonna bring my umbrella, but you know what? I'm also gonna throw the sunscreen in the car because we're hoping for some sun today. It's really cool. This, this change of energy that happens in our hearts, happens in our friends hearts, our kids hearts, our spouses hearts, those pieces. It cycles and it changes the energy flow. So it's going to bring better things to you, it's going to bring better things to your environment, to your friends, and it's this cycle. Really, who wants to hang out with the person that's the Debbie Downer?
12:37
I know that's definitely a piece that sometimes kids can gravitate toward, especially our gifted and talented kids. I was listening to a lecture the other day at our school from the gifted and talented coordinator and it was really interesting because she said one thing that is not a given for these kids and is hard for them to learn but gives a really, really helpful tool for their future is optimism. It's not something that everybody is born with. Actually, they found hints of it tied to our genes. So if your family is more of a pessimistic version and that's what you grew up with, then it can be harder to change your mindset and also it's part of our genes. But let's not let that put a wrench in our plans. Let's focus on teaching our kids how to be optimistic, especially these gifted kids and these spirited, sensitive kids. It's really really easy to wallow and live in the other version. So let's help them with their future the other version. So let's help them with their future. Let's help them to focus on optimism now. Let's plant those seeds now and watch those plants grow. If they become habits when they're little, think of where they're going to be when they're 15. Think of where they're going to be when those hormones are kicking in. So it's really important we do it now and we model it too. We can't just preach it and expect our kids to do it. They're not going to do that. They want to see mom and dad doing it, so you've got to do it too, and that's a really big challenge I am challenging for you guys to try this week.
14:15
One of the other pieces of this is, as we're doing, this mindset shifting. It's going to also help us right. It comes back to our mindfulness. It's all a piece of that. They're all anchored together. They're all tied together and it really helps us to hear our hearts and hear our intuition, hear our gut, things that are coming to us. When we are able to change that mindset and sit in the positive pieces of it, we are less likely in our minds and letting our minds go and go and feeling anxious feelings or nervousness. Then we can really hear our hearts, which also applies to our kids too.
14:54
So one of the things that has been an interesting piece in our house is this idea of the highly sensitive person. I don't know if you guys are also empaths and sensitive people. I feel like the more I put it out there because I've only known this about myself for maybe 15 years but the more that I share it. I didn't used to like to share it because I felt like, oh, it's kind of woo, woo. It's not really like a science, right, but I think that so many people are coming around to it and it's becoming such a bigger piece of woo, woo. It's not really like a science, right, but I think that so many people are coming around to it and it's becoming such a bigger piece of the puzzle and such a piece that people are identifying with and it gives us, once we hear about it and we start to identify with it, if it's something that resonates in our hearts, it really empowers us to be like well, it's okay that I was sensitive as a kid. It's okay that I heard my heart so loudly or I felt my emotions so strongly or things were really intense for me at times. That's okay. I became a stronger person and I became more empowered.
15:58
So, as we're thinking about this highly sensitive person, or HSP, I really recommend the book Highly Sensitive Person. It was super helpful. I think there's also a movie out there now which was really great too. It was a little bit slow, so I kind of like just reading through the book because I could go through at my speed that I wanted. One thing that was in the book that was really interesting to me was how it discussed that society views these highly sensitive people in a negative light. It was many, many years ago, I think. They said it was like the Roman times where sensitive people were viewed as being a highly praised position in society. They would go to the sensitive people because they felt like they thought a little deeper about certain areas and they would use these skills to help them build on their society, which was really cool. But it definitely is not something that has been recently. It wasn't recently supported in our society. It's more of a out for each own, not necessarily working together.
17:08
Society is kind of where we're at right now and I think there's a little bit of a shift moving from this masculine energy into this positive energy, which is really interesting because it brings out all of these positives of being sensitive. So when I'm talking to my kids, sometimes they have these meltdowns when they're overwhelmed by society, overwhelmed by social situations, overwhelmed, usually by their sensory systems. That's more likely to happen for my kids, I think later on, as we become teenagers, as we become young adults, it shifts from sensory system to society, to social systems that overwhelm us. So, as we're helping them to develop these skills to help them figure out their sensitive systems or their sensory systems right now. It's going to help them understand how they're going to react to social situations. It will help them to understand they're listening to their hearts and all of these pieces. And here is how we are shifting our mindset from the negative pieces of being sensitive.
18:23
I feel too many emotions. I can be overwhelmed in a really public setting. If there are a lot of demands on me, I can feel like I want to shut down. Maybe it brings in your perfectionist tendencies. I don't even want to start that project because I'm worried that I can't be the best. I'm worried that I can't do it perfectly.
18:44
That happened to me with the podcasting. I was a little bit nervous, trying to get all of my ducks in a row, and my husband came to me and he said, carrie, you've got a good message, you've got these great ideas. Just start doing it. Don't get the website all set up, don't get your email set up Like go, just start. And it was really kind of cool because it was all of these engineering pieces of holding me back. Right, I have to get all of my ducks in a row, I have to get the perfect website set up.
19:14
And I was starting to feel a little fearful. I don't want to do this, because what if I don't do it right? What if my website doesn't look perfect? What if I don't do it right? What if my website doesn't look perfect? What if my social media platform isn't the perfect piece? What if I don't get enough followers? All of these things that our brain wants to go to. Let's stop that. Let's look at the positives. Let's look at the pros. So, when we are looking at the positives of being sensitive, let's think about it as a superpower, and I use this with my kids and they have loved it lately.
19:50
My son is almost nine, my daughter just turned six, and they are loving having superpowers, and I think you should think about this mindset too, because it's actually really empowering as an adult to be like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa mindset too, because it's actually really empowering as an adult to be like whoa. Maybe society did not think that I was the strongest human because I took on somebody else's emotions, or maybe they didn't think that I was perfect because I felt really shy at an event I went to, because I was feeling really overwhelmed by so many people and I was feeling in my shy place at that time. Now I'm going to look at it, as I can taste food like crazy. I can taste food at a restaurant and be like, hmm, I think this has cilantro and I'm really feeling the cilantro kick. I'm going to make some cilantro meals this week and it's going to be awesome. I can look at my sense of smell. Actually, my husband's the one with the sense of smell gift.
20:48
It was hilarious when we were looking at purchasing homes where we live. We would go into a house and within like two minutes he would be like well, no, we're not buying this one. There was a cat here and our family is really allergic to cats. Plus the smell like he could smell the cat smell. Even after the family had, like, vacuumed everything and tried to put an air freshener in, he could smell the cat. And so it was actually the superpower like, yep, nope, this one's not for us. And the realtor would be like, guys, I don't smell anything. We're like, nope, it's going to come out as we move in and as we live here we're going to be allergic to it. It just wouldn't work for us. So that was buying a house. It can help you in buying a house to find the right house for you. But we love there's also the piece of it being a sixth sense about people. It helps you to understand the energy that other people portray and other people exude and a lot of people that aren't sensitive might not pick it up.
21:50
Maybe there's a reason that myself and some other people just don't mix and I don't know. Maybe there's a reason that my son is drawn to another friend and they're just. They just have this connection and they just love playing together Whenever they're together. He has this little buddy that since, like the day one of kindergarten, he would always talk about this little friend and I was like I don't know this person, but it's been amazing Even after changing schools. Whenever he sees this little friend, they just connect and they go and they're happy for a couple of hours they're just playing together. They come up with little ideas, they make little inventions, they just play together. And it's really interesting because my son and this other kiddo they're into totally different things in life. My son's not super into ball sports, but this kiddo is really into ball sports and they just connect at this heart to heart level and it's so sweet. Their energy just feeds together and they're so happy. And they have that even when they're at different schools. I've had that too, where there's certain people in my life that I really just bond and connect with and I understand them at an emotional deeper, deeper level, like right away, and it feels like I've known them for a really long time.
23:08
So I challenge you also to think about how being a highly sensitive person is not a negative thing. It's a positive thing and it's something that once we start to accept it into our hearts, then we can see how it's a superpower. We can empower our children to also see that their sensitivity is a superpower. Maybe they are so bummed because every time they put on socks they're crying because they don't feel good. You put them inside out, that doesn't work. You take them to Target. You choose, like eight different very, very soft socks. Nope, doesn't work, you can't choose, you can't find any socks on the school day. Well, how is that feeling on your kid's heart? How is that feeling, long-term, on their emotions and on their self-esteem? We want to find little pieces of their sensitivity, their pieces of their heart that we can use to empower them.
24:07
Because guess what, guys, society can be harsh, right, when we grow up and we are adolescents, when we are young adults and we're trying to get into colleges, we're trying to get into grad school Woo, grad school, that was a hard one to get into for myself. Into grad school woo, grad school, that was a hard one to get into for myself. And I almost walked away and almost didn't try because it was such a challenge. I mean, they only took 10%. No, I think it was 5%, maybe 7% of the people that tried out for the program that I got into.
24:38
So let's empower our kids. Let's not let them be the person that walks away from the challenge because they're worried that they can't do it. Because when we have these kiddos that are super sensitive, they're already noticing if they're different, they are already noticing if they are wanting to throw a fit because they don't want to wear a hat and it's super sunny out. They know this in their hearts already. If they're in grade school, elementary school, they notice. And so we want to empower, we want to focus on the positive and remember that our mindsets matter.
25:18
Let's start now, when they're young, so that way we can empower them at a young age. And once my husband asked is our son too? Is he too empowered? He's walking around going. I don't really know if I want to go skiing with the Cub Scouts this weekend because I don't know if they can keep up with me. I am that good, I'm on the blue runs over here and I don't think they can keep up. My husband was a little worried but I said you know, I feel like society and the environment and the world is going to squelch that. It's going to, I mean, it's going to put him in a place where he knows where he's at. It's okay if he's big for his britches at this moment, because he's only nine and he isn't like that with other people. He's not telling people like you can't keep up with me. I'm amazing. He doesn't do the smack talk. He just does it at home when he's talking to mom and dad. So I think at this point I know that society is going to do what society does. He's going to find challenges in his life. So right now we're going to focus on empowering. We're going to focus on him feeling strong and feeling like a superhero.
26:33
So this week can you think about what is your superpower? What is child superpower? If your child is having a hard time wearing pants this week, then let's focus. Let's not bring the energy to the problem with pants. I'm sorry, mama giving you hugs because I have been there, girl. Let's try to think about the piece of hey. Can your child hear something really cool outside? Can he spot hummingbirds moving really fast because his eyes are so quick to catch things?
27:03
Let's try to focus on what is the positive in their lives. Maybe they're really really good at playing soccer. Maybe they can kick really high, maybe they're super flexible. Let's find those positives. Let's empower our kids. Happy week, guys. And I wanted to mention if this really resonates with you. It really helps. It helps to spread the love, spread the word. If you share this with another family, if you give some love on the Apple podcast or the Spotify, if you give us a rating five stars, feel free to reach out If you ever have questions about how I'm empowering my kids. I love to create a community. I love to help others and that's my passion is helping others Happy week.
Speaker 2
27:48
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