The Ongoing Journey Of Embracing Radical Self-Ownership… And How Alex’s Heart Went From Broken To Cracked Open (Ep 6)

At Hustle Heart Podcast, we strive to keep the tone as authentic and honest as possible because we believe that a community striving for success can only be built by embracing both our light and our shadows.

In this episode, Alex gives us an update since the last release. In episode 5, Alex shared how her relationship was going through a rough patch, and how that experience opened up the doors for:

• Revisiting old wounds
• Identifying patterns that were no longer serving her
• Allowing herself to dream her big vision and embrace the work she wants to bring to the world

Consider episode 6 a continuation, but with an Alex who brings her own life journey to the table, helping you stay accountable in the ongoing journey of healing to handle joy, the process of surrender, and taking radical self-ownership of your path in business and life.

What I love about Alex, and this episode in particular, is something I haven’t seen or heard from many other life coaches out there: she knows she is a work in progress. She understands that self-ownership and radical responsibility are ongoing tasks until the end of our days. She faces her shadows head-on.

Ideas and questions to reflect on after listening to this episode:

• Revisit the last few weeks of your life and name the power moves you have been taking. Don’t sell yourself short; we know you are making huge strides, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Love, 

Cinthya Creativa, Alex’s Podcast Manager.

Ready to connect?

Find Alex on Instagram or leave a voice message with your questions and requests for future episodes!

If you enjoyed the episode, leave a review and subscribe to the first one to get notified every time a new episode is live.

Transcript

Alexandra (00:01.199)
Yes, here we are. Welcome to the sixth episode. And I'm recording this episode with such a full heart, full of gratitude for you to be here. We've just launched this Hustle Heart podcast just last week, around 10 days ago. Like last Sunday, the fourth episode.

So this is episode 6 and this is your reminder slash your cue. Something that I drastically had to learn. To surrender, to have patience. Because I've been working on this podcast since October together with Cinthya, my podcast manager. If you've listened to episode 1 you met her. She's amazing. I could not have done this without her. And we started in October. And October...

It feels like a lifetime ago, this version of me that came in with such a hurry, like inpatient. And in my mind, I would have a full business, my podcast, everything up and running in December that year. Here we are, June 2024, and we have just launched. And in and itself, I love the quote, let go and let God.

And that's what we had to do because we both personally were moving through some serious stuff. If you listened to episode five, you've heard my stuff. And I'm going to share a lot about that in this coming episode, because in this episode, I want to talk about people pleasing and like, you know what it really takes to start putting yourself first and be your own number one, like really true empowerment, like embodiment. But before I get...

to that, you know, there is this...

Alexandra (01:57.874)
invitation to slow down. Sometimes.

Sometimes we need to integrate the lessons because I shared this before life is between you and you.

So my life is between me and me first. First and foremost. Before I include anyone outside of myself. Before I include you. You know, and sometimes when you go through emotions, you need to integrate it. Let it sink in. You know, and I've been moving through and just hitting so many walls in terms of being confronted with myself.

And now that everything is sort of coming together, this June, where we just launched...

I feel anew. You know, and that's always easy to say when you come out the other side and you know, not fully there yet, but looking back in October and the woman that sat before me, you know, my mirror. It's just so funny that in a few short months things can feel so, so different. And that's also the power of energy, right? Because with opening up this space, this vortex, this intention,

Alexandra (03:16.596)
Like I truly believe our business, each and one of your services or products have their own soul. Just like the Hustle Hard podcast. Like it's been moving through me and Cynthia over the last couple of months and weeks, setting the intention. And with the intention of the Hustle Heart podcast and what it's here to do, having its own agenda, clearly...

There were layers to transcend, you know, like a snake. Layers to let go off.

Because when we move to our authentic selves in our core, like the invitation is to let go of those pieces of us that were not ours in the first place.

And without us even realizing it, you know, what are two sides of society? Friends, school, our upbringing, traumas, our big life events like heartbreaks, they mold us.

And then can we keep an open heart? And when our hearts have been closed, you know, through live events. And this is what I shared in my last podcast, that I was heartbroken. But instead of heartbroken, I felt like my heart was broken open, you know, broken open into thousand pieces.

Alexandra (04:54.102)
So that masculine energy that I was moving through and I'm going to share way more about that. So what I want to say is just more that my head is frustrated. This is the heart - head conversation. I just want to be open about that because we all have those conversations, right? Like, how has it taken you all these months to launch this podcast? How have you started in October and only launched in June?

You know, that's what, nine, eight months. My head is frustrated. My ego is frustrated, you know, because it's that part of me that's still in a hurry. But what are we hurrying for? You know, if you take a little moment like, what are we hurrying for?

Alexandra (05:44.663)
And this is a renewed part of myself and mainly true psychic school, you know that I've been moving through. It's done now. Seven months. Most intense months. And I'm sure we're gonna touch on that in this episode as well, but I suddenly have this renewed energy of there's no one I need to prove my worth for.

And my whole life I've been moving in needing to prove myself and that urge and that drive to be successful because I needed to prove myself like, look, I'm worthy because I'm making this money over having that status and I'm having those achievements. And therefore you are in patience and you are in a hurry. But if you ditch all of that, you know, you trust.

life. You trust yourself. You trust that you move in your inspiration and you're moving through the lessons and your setbacks are not setbacks but they are set ups. They are the events, the whatever it is that you're moving through in order to set you up for even more greatness. That sometimes before we get there quote unquote there is work to do.

our skin to be shattered. So with that, just a little moment of celebrating that it's life. And it's, I'm so excited now, you know, and that also now I'm excited to start recording every week, like to really get an episode out every week because honestly, this is now June. The last episode was recorded in March just before I went to Bali.

Alexandra (07:37.944)
What I wanted to touch on today, among a lot of other things, is this quote that found me a couple of months back. And that is like, you're not healing, because healing now is such a sort of a buzzword, right? We're all healing. Like, yes, great. I am plotting you, but why? Why are we healing? Because healing in itself, it's not...

It is something to be celebrated, but it's not a goal on in itself, right? So this quote was, you're not healing to be able to handle trauma. And I'm adding in because we know trauma. So you're not healing to deal with trauma. You are healing to be able to handle joy.

You're healing to be able to handle more joy.

Alexandra (08:37.145)
And I'm leaving a little silence because joy, pleasure, magic.

That's the real stuff.

to be able to handle more of that.

And in Bali as well, you know, I started to have this little pleasure experiment. And in order to receive pleasure, we need to be present, fully present. So not in our head, thinking of all the things that we should do, need to do, have to be doing. You know, during sex where we think about work or tasks or lists.

How often times are we distracted? And I had this moment where I was sitting at the sunrise, 5 o 'clock. And apparently sunrise wasn't until 5 .40 and I was sitting there, sitting there, almost watching the time tick from my phone. Because I have stuff to do. You know, I wanted to go out on this sunrise wall.

Alexandra (09:53.179)
And I just felt so restless in that moment. But when you feel so restless and you look at your phone and you're counting down the times or the time, like literally you are distracted and with that you miss that feeling of being in awe. You miss being present. You're not there.

Alexandra (10:22.3)
So if you've listened to the last episode, you know, you've heard, and if you haven't listened, go back, that I've been moving through some serious shit. And two things that I've been doing over the last couple of weeks, if not months, like what is left of my life if I take away my business? And what is left of my life if I take away my relationship?

And the hard truth to face was not a lot. So taking that back to you are healing to be able to handle joy.

Not a lot of joy. Because...

My business was my joy.

but also the space where I put the most pressure on myself.

Alexandra (11:19.325)
because I needed to perform, because I needed to be better, because I needed to learn and I needed to develop and I needed more than anything to be successful.

Alexandra (11:33.276)
So then how much of that is joy?

And this is one of the biggest mistakes that we make, if then...

If I have a certain amount of success, then I'll be happy. Then I will create more time. Then I will be able to have more joy because I need to work hard first and I need to sacrifice.

Alexandra (12:08.095)
You get what you tolerate. That's been on my mind the last couple of weeks, like this sentence over and over and over again. You get what you tolerate. You know, that's manifestation there because you don't manifest what you think about what your thoughts, you manifest who you are and who you are is way more than your thoughts because your thoughts, that's only 5%. Like 95 % is subconscious behavior. So it's your expectation.

It's your beliefs, your habits, your routines, all the things. Who you are being. It's your identity.

Alexandra (12:50.143)
So look at your life right now. What are you tolerating?

Alexandra (13:01.921)
If your business feels heavy, what are you tolerating there? If you have certain clients that feel dreading, what are you tolerating there?

Alexandra (13:14.048)
If you notice you hear people pleasing, put your clients first, put your family first, put your friends first, everyone first before you. What are you tolerating there?

Alexandra (13:25.729)
And this is sometimes hard to discover, like because we're all human. And granted, we all make mistakes. And we also all have our blind spots. The things that we're not aware of. But once you see it, you cannot unsee it.

So in the last episode I shared that my partner cheated on me. And again, if you want to hear the full story, check in episode 5. And since that moment, I shared that I packed my stuff and we separated and I was going to Bali on my own. So here we are post Bali, March, this is June, three months after. And I'm going to share how our relationship turned out by the end of sharing the stories.

But I realized, you know, a couple of weeks in, like, this actually hasn't been the first time I was cheated on. I've been cheated on before when I was 21, 20. My first big love in terms of a serious relationship. I had a love before. Puppy love.

Alexandra (14:38.595)
But before I share this story, there's something else that I wanted to share, what I've shared in the previous episode that was so important and so pivotal also for me to realize. Because I shared, as I've been moving through, different kind of heartbreaks. My granddad and my grandmother, who are now in, let's call it, the elderly home. My granddad, who had a stroke, which was heartbreaking and still is. And in that moment, I felt overwhelmed. And when this situation with...

my partner happened, I felt so much power. And I explained that that's the feminine power of alchemize. You know, your feminine power to really use the pain and turn it into power and actually let your pain be your fuel. And I thought about it a lot because I am someone, you know, despite the head hard conversation, I'd love to understand.

The root of the soul is illogical. If you surrender to God's plan, to God's will, it's oftentimes illogical. Your higher self, your soul, universe, however you want to call it, you're called to do things that don't make sense to your mind. But still, our minds are the portal for growth and change. And our hearts are our magnet.

That's how we magnetize and actually attract.

our manifestations, to bring them to life. That's our feeling, that's the frequency, that's the main thing. So when you are driving a car, instead of your head driving it, it's your heart that's in the first place and then it's your head. But I love science and I love when things can, to make it make sense, right? So going from that overwhelm and then that feeling empowered, even though I was going through so much heartbreak, this is my conclusion.

Alexandra (16:41.575)
The reason why I felt in my power is because I felt in control. Why did I feel in control? Because I was making what I call power moves. Because I was not sitting in a quarter crying because I decided I'm gonna pack my stuff, we're gonna separate, I'm going on a trip to Bali on my own, I'm gonna invite my dad there who I haven't seen in years, like he hasn't been part of my life or my adult life. But I was making all these decisions.

And what I call, like I said, power moves. And when we feel in control, and the opposite when my grandmother and granddad and my granddad had a stroke and they suddenly need to leave their houses, I felt overwhelmed because I felt powerless because I felt like I was out of my control. But here's the thing and the kicker. You are always in control. Maybe not the outside circumstances.

and the outside forces because life will always throw us a curveball no matter how much inner work we did, right? But truly in work what we do is we learn to navigate our own emotions and regulate our nervous system. What we do and what we always have control over is ourselves and with ourselves is our being, the way we think, the way we act.

the story we get to tell ourselves in that moment.

And I pride myself now for my authenticity and for a long time my realness. And my realness, my rawness. But in that realness and rawness...

Alexandra (18:30.792)
we still get to decide the angle of the story we tell. And that's something that I missed or lacked to understand for the longest time.

Alexandra (18:45.512)
Because like, like a business failing, right? I had a failed business before.

There are a lot of truths in that situation. I can say that I failed. That...

luck wasn't in my favor, that I tried it all, that I invested it all, that it just wasn't work out, that I worked hard. You know, that's true. All is true.

Alexandra (19:19.432)
What I could also say is...

I created my business from the outside in and that my heart wasn't in it. But through that business, I learned the lessons that it's not the kind of life that I wanted because I refuse to work 12 to 14 hours a day. Hell, make it 10, make it 8. But from that business, what I learned is if we don't own our shadows,

Our shadows own us.

Alexandra (19:58.408)
So my perfectionism got the better of me. My high achiever. My need to do it all alone and to do it all by myself.

And surely there's a way, you know, I probably can't think of another five, four, three, whatever the amount of stories that I can share this narrative. And what I mean to say is that we are in control of our own narrative.

And together with that situation with Jordy, my partner, it's very easy to play the blame game. And to blame it on outside forces, on things outside of ourselves. Partner, business, friends, parents, family. Everyone else is to blame except for us. And this is the hardest thing to do. Hard.

self ownership.

taking radical responsibility for where we are in our life. Okay, my business failed. Okay, my relationship failed. How did I co -create this to be? Because the story that I wanted to say, you know, and from Power Moves and from taking control and just realizing that we get to control the narrative and the thoughts that we think.

Alexandra (21:23.496)
that I've been cheated on before. But one situation, you know this could be my story, boohoo people always cheat on me. You know I am not worthy of love. Could be one story right? I'm not worthy, everyone cheats, I am a failure, I'm not worthy of love. But the fact that one instance happened.

18 years ago. Doesn't mean that a similar situation, you know, that it means the same thing. And I'm gonna explain to you why.

Back when I was 20 and in that moment I thought the love of my life, at that stage I wanted to have children. So I saw him as the dad and the father of my potentially children. And I was thinking this is end game for me. That's how I looked at him. That's the pressure that I also put on that relationship. You know, call it pressure and that time didn't feel like pressure, but just love. And then I got called.

by someone who claimed to be his girlfriend. And you know, I don't want to go into a lot of details here, but I... He got on his knees crying, said it wasn't true. I believed him. We continued the relationship. But with this new found of awareness, I opened up my eyes and suddenly I was seeing all these things that weren't right and...

He denied, denied, lied, lied, lied and this gone on for a couple of weeks or a couple of months until then because I had and this was another woman like I imagined there were a lot of them. And then at one point I was like okay you know maybe he's right maybe he's not so I'm gonna write her 21 an email and I'm gonna invite him to a so -called party that I'm giving and if he turns to be right she's gonna show up and be all happy if he's wrong.

Alexandra (23:24.168)
and they are indeed in some form of a relationship, I will hear it.

Unfortunately I was right and you know the whole relationship blew into pieces and he knew he couldn't keep me because you know I would never ever forgive him. So we broke up and he then sort of chose her and continued to be in her relationship and then I was the villain and the liar and all the things. So at that time like take it out it's still like it's hard. It was so hard and I was I was heartbroken.

But in the months and years that followed, the narrative was always and constantly, what an asshole, what a jerk, how could he have done it to me?

He's a liar, he did, he that. So it was always like outer focused and I was a victim. A victim. And I moved through life like a victim. Up until that moment that my business failed and this is also the short story that you hear in the introduction. Up until that moment and that was when the, you know, it's almost like the, I don't know how you call it, when you have glasses and they drop off your.

Your eyes shells like whatever like that big eureka moment and you just wake up you wake the fuck up and you realize like who? Did I get it wrong? Because here's the true story once I get into you know Taking radical responsibility for where I was and I had to review that narrative and I had to review that story that I was telling myself Feeling like a victim because one thing is true

Alexandra (25:15.56)
When you move through life in the energy of victim, only two things can occur. You will attract people that either will want to rescue you or you will continue down the path of attracting what I call prosecutors, like how you call like villains, because that will keep you in the state of a victim. Because in both cases, either someone wants to help you.

save you or a proscopeter, I think you know what I mean. Someone who keeps doing bad. Both of them means that I don't have my power and I gave my power away because I am powerless. So I need other people to either save me or do me more harm because I am not standing tall. I am not standing tall. Okay, that's a whole different journey or story.

Alexandra (26:17.48)
So when I started to take radical responsibility and I had to review the story that I had been telling myself, here's the new narrative or my new truth.

Coming, growing up, the way I did, I didn't feel seen, I didn't feel loved. I'm not saying that this is the truth, that's how I felt back then. You know, my parents loved me. But I didn't feel seen, I didn't feel loved. And I just really desperately was seeking validation and just someone who could hold me. Up until that moment, 19, 20 years, I was in a serious relationship.

And I was desperate. And then there was this guy that at that time I found wildly attractive. What I thought had it all figured out, he was a little bit older than me. And if I would...

attract him now, this version of me as we speak, I wouldn't even have given him my phone number. Like I wouldn't have given him the light of day, right? But in that moment, I was like in awe and I was just so, I was like, that person is giving me attention. Like that person that he could love me, you know? So that already said about my self value.

where I saw myself. So there was this hierarchy where I was looking up to him and I put him on a pedestal where I should have been. You know, when we put ourselves on this throne, on this pedestal, that's a whole different angle perspective to the world. Like I'm the catch. But I was like, whoa, looking up to him. And there were all these signs and all these...

Alexandra (28:18.792)
You get what you tolerate. So what I was tolerating is that he wasn't treating me right. He wasn't treating me like a princess. He wasn't treating me like a queen. He wasn't having respect for me. But and this is the shadow side of the maiden. If you know Carl Jung's Seven Defined Feminine Archetypes, which I probably will share more on different episodes or master classes. But this was the shadow of the maiden where we project.

what we want to see. So we project the image, the ideal, the heavenly, you know, where the happily ever after, because I wanted it so bad. So I looked the other way. So by the time, you know, that I was cheating on or that he cheated, and by the time that I got called and refused to listen and refused to see, like, who is that actually to blame, right?

He was who he was in the first place. He was just being him. It was me that wanted him to be something different.

that kept him around because potentially one day, someday. And doesn't that sound familiar? That that is what we could do, have done in our businesses. Because okay, now it doesn't feel right, but someday, like now I need to work hard. Like now I'm under pressure, but some...

day. But what if the only thing that matters is now? That the only moment we have is now. Like now is the only moment that we create our future. And law of attraction like attracts like energy. Is that from the energy of stress, from the energy of feeling disempowered, from the energy of anxiety,

Alexandra (30:30.76)
Only more of that comes.

Alexandra (30:38.152)
So I had to take full ownership, like, okay.

He was way under my league from the first place. From the moment we met. Like it was me that had to take off. You know, my blindfolds.

So this is the lesson here as well, is that no one situation is the same.

And if no one would be watching, if no one would be watching, what would you do? Like, you know, that's my mantra. Because I am still with my partner. Like I'm still with Jordy. And I'm so happy that we came out the other side because, whoo, in a way, maybe walking away would have been easier because you don't have to deal with the real shit.

But let's say that you put 10 women next to each other and all their partners cheated. Like for one, it could have been like, you're not being treated fair. You're not being treated as a queen. This is your cue to walk away, to be in your power. But it could be that the fear like, but if I leave, if I leave my business, if I leave my relationship, what would other people think of me? And therefore you stay out of fear. Never.

Alexandra (32:05.416)
Never a good idea. But the other side could be true as well. You know, another one is, okay, you know, with my heart says there is a lot of work here to do, you know, there's a lot of love. There's a lot of, there's a lot, there's enough. But then there's fear, but I can't stay because what will people think of me?

So when we then move into our bodies, get out of our heads and we just go and move into our hearts, that sometimes our businesses are inviting us to let go of certain services, of certain products, maybe the business as a whole, maybe a podcast, like whatever it is.

What would you do if no one would be watching? If you would have and adopt this fuck it mentality, like if everything you would do would be right, what would you do?

Because the things and the shadows that I have been observing, that I've been hit by like a wall, like those have been the hardest things to deal with.

And in that moment going through and you know the first couple of weeks, definitely I was like, you know, I don't know if this will have a future, but that's also my head needing it to be over, you know, because that's what we are supposed to do, like the pressure of the society and what we think and believe is right or wrong. And there's a lot of judgment on that as well. That's how we move through life in a lot of...

Alexandra (33:54.12)
layers on a different like if you look at life and all his

But life is to be lived.

And I say it again, this, I feel now so grateful that it happened because it broke me wide open and it, I needed to be faced with my own demons. And like I said before is that life is between you and you. And I just came to the very hard conclusion that I was judging my relationship, my partner for a lot of things that were mirroring.

my own wounds and I'm going to give you a couple of examples so you know what I mean. One of the things that I kept hearing myself say is that you know because we're in a bad place for months and I literally wanted to leave the relationship also like for months because I wasn't happy that's what I taught but actually I wasn't that I wasn't happy with him or with the relationship I wasn't happy with myself I needed to deal with my shit and like look we co -created this relationship so we both have

the shit that we needed to deal with and I'm obviously not going into his side of the story because that's his story to sell, tell, but I am taking ownership of my part and my part is that, you know, there was this part of me that found that he was selfish and I told him that more than once because I was thinking like you are only thinking about yourself and shall I tell you the real truth is that I wasn't thinking about me.

Alexandra (35:30.72)
And this is what we are taught to believe in a relationship. We have this woman and we have this man or whoever it is, man, man, woman, woman, I don't care. Everything is welcome and good and happy. But these two humans, and then we hope and expect that the other person is making the other happy. But what I came to believe is that what I said before in this previous episode, no one is coming to save you.

So for me to expect him to think less of himself and more of me, that means that his energy would be like outsourced. Putting himself last. That's what I sort of would expect him expecting because that's what I was doing. I was like, yes, but I'm putting myself last. Hello, people pleaser. But it's the contrary. Can you put yourself first?

Can you be very clear and get very clear and make it your life's mission because we evolve and we move through and it changes? Who are you right in this moment because you're not the same as you were a year ago. So if you keep and maintain the same routines and the same desires and the same things as you did, you're missing the mark. You first. So who are you being now?

What do you need? What do you want from this new place that you shed the layers and it doesn't matter what you taught you needed a year ago, but what do you need right now? Because sometimes I notice that in a week, in a month, that changes. Sometimes I think that I know what I need, but my head said something totally different than my heart. Like even this weekend I was like, I'm so tired. I need to sleep.

But my heart was like, no, go to a festival and go dancing in my head. Like, how? I'm so tired. Like, go. And I went and it was great. I felt great. It was exactly what I needed. And that takes practice, right? Because it's not always that simple. But what am I? Who am I? What do I need and what do I want? And for him, for me to find him selfish, because actually...

Alexandra (37:54.5)
I was putting myself last, that was my subconscious desire, my hidden desire that I needed to start putting myself first.

because I wasn't living for myself. And...

What I needed to take back and what I am taking back and I'm in the middle of that chapter is take back my individuality because my I became a we and maybe this is something that you know, you know, and whether that's blending in your relationship could be your kids, kid could be your relationship where it's always or business. I mean, sorry, or your business, but something is always, but it's I first.

Alexandra (38:43.943)
So my individuality, it is something else than what the business needs or what the relationship needs or what the kids need or even what the friends or what the family needs. No, it's I. And everything and everything that I was doing was about we. Like we had a shared email address, we had shared acquaintances, we had shared. Like I adapted and I adjusted.

like many of my ancestors.

And that was my fault. And with that, I started to carry that resentment. And there was something else, like there's a lot of parts of this story, but when I was going to Bali as well, like one of the underlying frustrations that I had as well is that all my holidays with Jordy were always so expensive, right? And I was like, when I'm going on my own, it's always so cheap and da da da, how can it be so expensive? And this was not the narrative that I told him.

But it was a narrative in my head and it just build up frustration. Like one, I wasn't holding my ground, so I wasn't really knowing or being clear about what it is that I wanted. So I let him lead me and then I got frustrated about how he was leading me. Okay, that's detrimental. So I needed to be clear about what I want and the direction I want. But more importantly, and this was to me mind blowing, is that...

What I actually, that frustration that I was built and with that judgment, like why is our holiday together always so expensive is because together we would go to fine dine restaurants. Like together we would sleep in five star hotels. And what I realized in Bali, I was like, interesting. And here comes the we again. Interesting because I love those things.

Alexandra (40:44.778)
But I realized in Bali that without him, apparently...

It's hard for me to allow that for myself. So I cannot give it to myself on my own. I need him to give that to myself. And that was so hard to realize. And with that, I realized that in the first couple of years of our relationship, he gave me like a lot of gifts. Like he was so generous and...

through his eyes and I remember saying that I started to love myself through his eyes and I may have said this already but now it was the time that can I love myself you know enough so can I put myself first like can you start to put yourself first that whatever is this you desire can you give that to yourself

And it's been so interesting, you know, and this is another topic of money, which I want to do like a whole separate episode on in the next couple of weeks. But with that, I made myself a promise in Bali. I was like, OK, right. I'm going to do at least one night where I'm going to indulge myself and give myself the thing that brings me the most joy. And in that moment, that was also like sleeping in a five star hotel just for a night. Shall I tell you how difficult that was? So the first week I was on my own.

And I had all these reasons not to do that. And then I was like, OK, my dad is coming over. OK, great. We can do that together. And then after myself was like, I'm doing it again. I'm making someone else responsible for my own happiness, because apparently it's hard for me to give that on my own to myself. So I need someone else. So that means that when my dad is not there or in this case with my partner when he wasn't there.

Alexandra (42:42.57)
So when I wasn't fulfilling my own needs through someone else, there was this.

I wouldn't say lonely, but definitely I needed the eyes to feel seen and heard and just loved and appreciated because clearly I couldn't give that to myself.

So the end of the day, I actually did do it on my own. But the funny thing is, and that's the layers about money as well, is that I invested so hard, so much in my business, like 10K in a coach for three months, like even hiring a podcast manager, like all these courses, but...

apart from the podcast manager because that came from a totally different energy but all the courses all the that came from the energy of I'm not enough so therefore I validated and no problem I could invest in my business and I was thinking like look I'm so good because I'm investing it all in myself but that's the energy of fear like and that's you know and there's a lot of

bad marketing, you know, that's focusing on our shadows that are made to disempower, for us to feel weak.

Alexandra (44:12.622)
But the opposite is true. You know, and that's my life mission is empowering women. Because you are whole. Let no one tell you otherwise. Like you are not broken. Like, yeah, sure. You know, you're on your healing journey, but it doesn't mean that you're broken. Like right this version of you, right this moment is perfect. As you are. And that takes a huge amount of self acceptance and self love.

that this is a journey, you know, we can go on a marathon, we can be on a sprint, it is a long journey. And we will be developing and going through this evolution of growth and healing our entire lifetime. There is no end station.

Alexandra (45:04.59)
Abraham Hakes love attraction says this, be happy where you are, but eager for more. That's a whole different energy. So where I, you know, maybe you notice or it sounds familiar as well, where you constantly, all your money is pouring into your business because you like it because I want to grow and I want to be successful. And this has been my experiment. Like, okay, can I then stop?

investing in my business and can I invest it in joy?

Without it having to have a purpose, just for the joy of it. So I spent 300 euros on a hotel night on my own in Bali. Hard to spend that on my own. And it's just the craziest thing. So here's the invitation. Like, when is the last time that you did something for yourself?

that brought you joy for no other reason than that because it lifts your spirits.

Alexandra (46:14.736)
because you feel like a queen, whether that is beautiful high heels, a beautiful dress, like in a weekend away, like whatever that is for you. When is the last time you did something for yourself just out of joy?

Alexandra (46:38.544)
So, sharing all these stories, you know.

Alexandra (46:44.592)
I was confronted with myself and realizing that I did a lot of harm to my relationship that I had to take ownership for. And realizing that he wasn't to blame, partly yes. But I had a big part to play here as well. So another thing as well that I was blaming him for is that I always told him like, you're so difficult.

You are so difficult.

Alexandra (47:21.648)
in bali you know

I realized how hard it is, especially spending time with my dad, right? A stranger to me. Nine days, which felt very intense, but very good. Because we got to know each other in a way that we would never had, you know, the occasional lunch or dinner or FaceTime or whatever. We had to move through. And I realized, like, just why is it so hard to claim space? You know, there was this moment that I wanted to shop.

And he was like, great, I'm coming with you. And I was like, ooh, I want to do that on my own pace. You know, I'm like, tick, tick, tick. I want to go into the shop. Like, I like this. I like this. I try it on and I don't like it and I want to move on. I want just want to do that at my own pace. And it was so hard to tell him. Like, no, I would prefer to do it on my own. Like, how?

And even, you know, being in a hotel that one night like spending from zero to hundred, nine days together and then telling him like that. You know, I wasn't saying that at that time, but like I would love some space. So I decided that I'm going to a different hotel for a night. And I just felt like that people pleasuring me, like I was letting him down. How is that letting someone down? And we had such...

beautiful conversation around that because at the start it hurt his feelings. Why do you want to be away from us? So it triggers. So sometimes it's so important to be true to who we are because naturally it may or may not trigger someone but if it does there's a purpose to that and when you can move through that as grown -ups as adults and talk about the triggers.

Alexandra (49:14.068)
without being reactive and also if someone is being reactive, if you can zoom out and see it for what it is, not take it personal.

you will start to dance to a whole different rhythm. Instead of these old fights which I had constantly with Jordy, someone needed to be right. Someone needed to win, but therefore someone else would lose. So the narrative that I found them very difficult, there was this hidden desire, I wish I could be more like you.

Because I was staying in this hotel and my dad booked and he asked me actually what would you like and I was like fine you take care of it and I was in this hotel and I wasn't liking it, I wasn't liking the vibe and I thought of Jordy and I was like it's so funny because if this was him he would have left the hotel because it was like no I don't like it.

And I would then describe him as difficult. Like, why are you being so difficult? Like, why can't you just accept for what it is? But except for what it is, sometimes you tolerate something that's lower than your standards. And sure, there's an element of being polite, but there's also an element of, can you give yourself what you love? What brings you the most joy? And sometimes that's also like very politely say, I don't like this.

Can we go to a different hotel? Did I tell my dad that? No, we stayed for an extra night. I'm still a work in progress, but at least I'm witnessing it. So the wish I could be more like you is that can I be open and very...

Alexandra (51:01.819)
speak about my truth, speak about what I desire. And we actually had a conversation about this the other week because we just came back from Portugal together and we were talking about what we feel is changed and different. It just feels like a whole different relationship to be honest and it's too much to go into this in this episode. But just also how much I changed in the process and one of the things also is that I said to him like what I noticed and it's so funny because

I a lot of times and this has been so hard the first couple of weeks because it's almost like when you change and evolve and maybe you notice but it's almost like you have this new version that you are but also at the same time you're hand in hand with this old version so you can observe this old part of you that sometimes it's activated and and sometimes you see these new you coming forth but then you still can't imagine how your old self was reacting and feel like

Holy fuck, like it's a bit of a mind bender. So I still witnessing the old parts, but in that moment also realizing like, I cannot believe that did has not always been this way because how can it have not? Because this is so logic. Like how can you not have clarity about what it is you want? Because...

Now I'm like okay you know I feel like eating fish tonight. Like no I want to go to bed now. Like I'm very straightforward and very clear about what it is I want. But apparently before I wasn't. And then I was carrying this resentment. Like and if he because he was so strong willed I was like you know what I am not. I don't want to have this fight. You do whatever you want and then I follow.

But now talking about when Jordy you know, that's also not very sexy. It's not very like inspirational that someone just follows without being clear about what it is you actually want moment by moment.

Alexandra (53:16.221)
So with that being difficult, you know, it's just what I realized that before, and this is our society as well, you know, the good girl syndrome is that we celebrated being easy like the amount of times I celebrated myself for being so flexible. Sure, I move along with whatever you want. So in that I adjusted, but how is that positive?

So shouldn't we celebrate ourselves for being difficult? For having high standards, for being strong -willed, for being very selective into who we...

gather around us for where we spend our energy, for the conversations we held, for the people, for our partners, for the type of relationship.

So let's be difficult.

So I want to end this podcast episode with one last story about claiming space and with that also the accepting for who we are. During our own inner work accepting who we are including our flaws because it's not always happy and bright and rainbow and sunshine. Sometimes it's not that, but it's equally important.

Alexandra (54:48.252)
and the acceptance also of the people around us that we stop fighting against them but then either realize you're not for me.

or we take them as they are. And I had such a transcending moment with my dad when I was in Bali. And it's just to show also our triggers and how important it is one to cater to them, but also like again, this moment of old self, new self, all being there, all present. Because he asked me like, what do you want to do with your business?

And I responded, you know, dream big. I said to him what I was doing, you know, having freelancing, releasing my podcast and having online programs, et cetera, et cetera. And I was just sharing the vision and my vision is big. So for him, he got a bit cautious and he got like, I don't know if that's such a smart move. And what if this happens and what if that happens? And in that moment. I could observe my old self being activated.

and realizing that my old self would have moved in needing to defend herself. You know, the overachiever.

But instead I laid back and instead I let him talk and I realized that, okay, you know, he's just concerned. Can I just see him for that concern and move with that concern? So I said to him like, yeah, sure. Like I understand. And I just let him be. But at the same time, like it was, it felt like this multi -dimensional moment because at the same time I was like, wowzers.

Alexandra (56:40.319)
My old self as well, you know, realizing then in that moment, realizing like, what is he, what he is projecting is his old, his own fear. You know, when someone is maybe less courageous or doesn't dream as big or, you know, whatever the reason is, someone holds back. That's how someone will project. Then it's us in that projection that we oftentimes take it very personal. And when do we...

take it very personal when we feel insecure, when we feel vulnerable.

because then it's triggering. But that's our responsibility to grow our...

Alexandra (57:28.963)
to feel strong and empowered around our decisions. And even if we don't feel strong and empowered, that we are okay with that.

So before that used to be like something that felt very vulnerable, someone that would question.

That's how it would feel to me that I was or wasn't good enough. And I would react and I would respond and then such a very simple conversation will turn out in an argument.

And this old self also started to see, new self observing the old self, that my old self would have then held a mirror and would have confronted someone with their wounds. But that would have actually be...

distraction from my own pain. So rather than to deal with my own insecurity and therefore my own trigger, what I felt with questioning me, questioning my vision, questioning my dreams, I would then tell them yes but this is about you because you this and you that and I would actually also think that I was doing someone a favor.

Alexandra (59:00.546)
And this is what I was doing in my relationship as well. And there's this tendency of us women to over communicate.

and that we would share what we call quote on quote our truth because we think that we are actually helping someone that that's actually love.

but what it actually is, fear.

Either it's the fear that someone is not moving fast enough. It's the fear that...

You know the distraction, like I said, the fear to deal with our own wounds, the actual fear that maybe my dream won't come true, that maybe I don't have what it takes, that maybe I'm not good enough.

Alexandra (59:52.068)
And in my relationship to be honest, it's these kind of things that I am witnessing almost on the daily. Like even this weekend at a festival, I was like, my lord, I see this old version of me standing next to me and just putting so much pressure on this relationship on you because I needed my wounds to be filled.

because I wasn't feeling good enough.

because I wasn't feeling loved by myself.

Alexandra (01:00:27.908)
So that feels like a nice ending to this conversation. And you know, this is the work that I'm inviting you to move through. That with every situation to move through with an open heart and that everything in our lives is not against us, it's for us. So it's a different narrative now that I get to say I am happy.

Happy not being in the right word, but I'm grateful for the situation as it encountered because I had to face off with a lot of parts of myself where now I just feel so much more at ease and focusing like next Thursday I'm going to Portugal on my own again. So this is the season, the queen era where I get to put myself first, but I thought that I was already doing that. You know, when I was...

being online, I haven't been online in a year, talking about that Queen energy, you know, so this is the blind spot. So, you know, that's also our, and we're gonna talk about that in our next, in the next episode as well, you know, everything that I took out of psychic school and also the discernment, the discernment of who we let in, teachers, gurus, like, you know, and to avoid putting people on a pedestal because,

We never know what people are moving through and the reality or the acceptance.

That you know your truth better than anyone. You know your desires better than anyone. You know the path you need to be taking better than anyone. So if anything, what I'm here to do is to activate, help you remember your power. To realize that you are autonomous. That you get to decide and only you what's right for you. Even though that no one in the world may understand.

Alexandra (01:02:35.369)
and you hold the power.

And what it takes, what's important is that, is to get out of your head and in touch with your heart, with your body, and learn to hear the silent whispers of your intuition, of your higher self, of your soul, like however you want to call it, but your inner guidance. Because no one outside of you can tell you what you need to do. You have your own inner compass, your own inner GPS.

And that never leaves you astray. And this has been my lesson to learn. And like, yes, sometimes the way it showed up is hard. But then can we move through it the other side and be grateful for it every single day. And I'm not telling you that I have it all figured out because I won't. And I will never in this lifetime.

And that's what this situation has done to me. It has humbled me to my core. Humbled me that you...

standing right next to me. We are doing this together. We are on this journey together and what we are doing is building this feminine force, this army of heart centered women who are in their feminine, balancing their masculine energy, receptive to the pleasure, to joy, to magic.

Alexandra (01:04:21.196)
to everything that life has to offer us. And it's a journey. Thank you so much for being here with me and I'm wishing you an amazing day.