Alex (00:01.166)
Hi, here we are in this new episode. Thank you so much for being here with me. Welcome to the show. And we're gonna start with this one question. Would you bet, like imagine you're being, I don't know if you've ever been to the races, horse racing, car racing, whatever it is, and you bet on the winner. Would you bet like a million dollars on yourself?
Are you on a stage, in a stage where you feel so confident that no matter what, like doesn't matter how much time it will take, but the end of the day you know you'll win. You'll win life. Are you certain that no matter what you will get yourself there?
Alex (00:58.062)
Or are you filled with self -doubt? You know, overthinking like I don't know if I have it in me, I don't know if I have what it takes, what if I fail, what if I dream too big, what if it will never happen? And maybe you feel worried because it's taking too long.
and you felt like you are behind.
Would you bet a million dollars on yourself? Like that's such an important question because to me that tells me.
your belief system. Because that's where it all starts.
your life, your rules and everything you're seeing currently in life like everything that's happening around you.
Alex (01:55.118)
Your focus.
That all stems from your belief system because if you don't believe in yourself, who will?
Who will follow you? Who will buy from you if you're not certain? So that is the biggest task and I wanted to share, as I always do, a personal story which may have been...
Alex (02:25.981)
Nowadays, you know, I actually hate when people say like this is the most fantastic and the best and all that super lattice and I was just about to say my biggest life learning and it is but let's make it one of the most profound lessons that I learned that embodied me into my purpose. It's so fascinating.
I'm in my period, it's my first day. And I always notice that I start to struggle forwards. But that's okay. You know, we're all human. Showing up imperfectly perfect. Like this is one of the first things that I told Cinthya, like my podcast manager. Like if I fuck up, like if I struggle forwards, don't edit it out. You know, there's really no need to pretend. I don't need to pretend to be better than I am.
Sometimes I cannot come up with words. Sometimes I struggle. Sometimes I make mistakes. It's fine. Let it be. We're all human. I'm so tired of pretending there were more than we are. You know, I'm so tired of fake, of the showcase, of having it all together, of... Let's just embrace the messiness that comes with being human, right? And just our whole full learning develop.
But going back to the story, the profound lesson that I learned and like I said, that probably one of the biggest shifts that embodies me into my purpose even more and just grounding me in what I have to give. Because I've been knowing for a while, you know, that I'm all about empowerment, empowering you, you know, and even if it's just through this podcast, empowering you to believe in yourself, to really
Become the creator of your own life to really start feeling like hey I have a blank canvas here and every day I get a chance to start over like if I don't like you know just as an artist you're painting and you don't like a certain color or whatever you redo And that's what life is like every moment. We get this chance to Re -evaluate where are we how does it feel like who do we gather?
Alex (04:50.702)
Do those people still support us? Like how is life? How is work? You know, we are ever changing humans. So in every moment we get to choose again and we get to change our minds and we get to pivot.
Alex (05:07.342)
realizing that we're autonomous.
Alex (05:14.702)
that someone created these rules for life or business of how it's all supposed to be. You know, the belief that we need to work really really hard to be successful, that we have to earn our success or earn our worth or earn
Alex (05:35.694)
that we struggle to just be present and enjoy, to really find pleasure, to let in magic, to really create and let in magic every day. And that's a trick almost, like it's a habit, it's a different way of thinking.
So for me, you know, empowering, empowering others, that's key. Helping you remember who the fuck you are.
Alex (06:10.67)
creating that fucking mentality like you know I do me like even if people don't agree and people have an opinion or people judge that you trust yourself because you're able to bet in yourself because you know that you know your truth and you know your path and you hold your true north
If you've been with me, I shared that I've been doing psychic school. And psychic school was two parts, like psychic school one, three months, and then psychic school two. And all in all, all combined, it was seven months. And it was one of the most intense periods of my life, because imagine...
Being part of a group of women and both classes we had one male which is so good and so it was so amazing also to balance out the energy. But imagine having the kind of support where every we had buddy every two weeks and everybody calls you out on your shit. That's what happened for seven months. I had someone alongside me that called me out on my shit. So every day.
especially at the start like every day I would voice note and you know this is what I'm moving through or you know I'm facing off with this or I'm realizing this I'm seeing this or I struggle with this or just anything that would come up in my life and at that period was quite a lot I would share it and then I would get back the subtitles you know the lessons to be learned the the gold to be created from the shit that I was moving through
And life was moving through me fast. And particularly the first three months, I felt so, I would also almost say sick. Like I felt very low on my energy. Like I was very, but it was just like my energy was clearing. And it was almost like I was recalibrated to a different frequency. And my body, it took a hot minute to follow.
Alex (08:21.454)
on the energetics of things. But the thing is that there's a shadow side of a psychic, you know, of asking support. I actually had this conversation with a friend from one of the previous episodes where in one of the episodes I shared something about outsourcing your power to the universe and she was sort of shocked like how can that be outsourcing your powers like we are co -creating right? But there is this shadow side to
asking for guidance or asking a psychic to get support which in itself is not bad but I do believe that everything like in literally everything there's two sides to a coin like whether it's money and some people believe money is bad and you know it's for greedy people and all the things but money can be done can be done very good it can support like if people if more heartfelt people heart -led people
would have more money, the world would look totally different. So yes, you can use it for bad, you know, by investing it in people that are companies that are ruining the world, or you can actually invest it in companies who built the world, you know, who are.
Alex (09:41.998)
Helping to make the world green. And there's a knife, you know, you can clean. Not clean, you can cook, make delicious foods and you can kill someone or hurt someone, stab someone.
Alex (10:02.638)
The second letter is all way to life. Something that's extremely good can also be used for bad by the wrong people. The shadow side of being a psychic, you know, or asking a psychic for help more that is that when you have self doubt, you know, when you don't feel in your power and you want something else, someone, someone outside of yourselves, tell you what to do. And usually when you are going through
dark period where you're just lost and you just don't know. That's usually the moment that you ask for help, ask for support.
But you, only you get to decipher what you take from that. And I always say it's almost like putting like this backpack on your shoulders. You get to decide what is true for you, what's helpful for you, what's supporting for you. Like that's you. So over the last couple of months, you know, I've been moving through a transformation where I had to rediscover myself, you know, I had to...
I actually lost myself to be able to find myself again. And if you've been with me, you heard that Jordi and I, my partner, we have going through a period, a season where we have separated for a couple of weeks. And in that separation,
I wasn't sure whether we would get back together. I actually at the start, I was sure not to. And in that moment where I felt vulnerable and where I felt weak for lack of a better word, even though that I felt very strong in my power, but there is also like, it's never black or white. We're moving through 50 shades of gray. There's always this like, what will be the next step?
Alex (11:57.934)
And I noticed that even though that I was so fierce and so strong in my decision making, for instance, going to Bali and spending time on my own and really being very decisive, like this is the best thing that ever happened to me. And this is about me. It's about owning up to parts of myself and shedding the parts of myself that co -created this situation and this dynamic.
And then later on, like, do I allow him in? Like, what do I feel? Like, really connecting with myself. Not with my head, who has a lot of opinions and judgment, with my heart. From a place that my head sometimes couldn't keep up or because it wasn't logic. But sometimes, you know, the heart.
Sometimes the head tries to understand what the heart already knows. But in a moment where I felt vulnerable and particularly this start and being part of psychic school and have so many psychics around me I asked for support a lot. But there's a difference in terms of, you know, letting yourself be seen and heard and supported in your pain or having people or
even without asking people, giving opinions and telling you what you should be doing. And most of the women, if not all of the women said, this is done. You know, this is done, move on. I already see new men around you, like a whole lot of things. And I just felt in my body that...
The idea of not being together, the idea of that being done, that just brought so much pain and just so much hurt, so much sadness, so much tears. And it wasn't the pain of what could have been. It was very much like this person in this moment, in what I feel for him right now. But because they were so
Alex (14:18.51)
confident in what they quote unquote channeled you know for me and just
Yeah, for lack of a better word, channeled. There was an element of self -doubt. There was an element of...
Am I lying to myself? Like, am I holding on to a dream? Am I?
Alex (14:47.534)
But the frustration that I felt is that it felt so disempowering. It felt like I was forced into a road and I didn't have any decision over it. And that made me, that made me weak. You know, that made me like, like I had to follow. Like again, like I didn't have anything to say. Like it was just, this is decided. This is what happened. Suck it up. Move on.
You know, pick up the pieces.
and create this new life for myself. And I was like, but it doesn't feel right.
Alex (15:29.966)
So the tears that I cried at that time were more for the idea of it being totally over than for the actual thing that happened that led us there. And that started to tell me something. That was like, okay, you know, the pain that I feel is so strong, so big, you know, that that actually led me to reconnect with him.
because I allowed myself to feel that pain and I felt but there was always this lingering feeling to maybe I'm lying to myself like you know maybe there's an element of something that I'm not seeing
What if they're right? What if I'm wrong? So it was this self -doubt that started to arise. Maybe you recognize this from, I wouldn't say a similar situation, but where you shared something with a friend or maybe even a mentor that you really trusted and they gave you advice and it just didn't resonate with you. It didn't feel aligned with who you are. Because that's the trick which we overlook.
someone that we take for granted and that's a lifelong journey to commit on continually getting to know who you are in this moment. Because now is it the same as last month? Isn't the same as next month? So this is the commitment, the devotion that we have to have with ourselves to prioritize our own needs and wants. To constantly tap into ourselves like what is it that I am?
right now.
Alex (17:16.366)
What do I value? And who do I need? What do I need? Like what?
What expands me? What desires are potent for me?
So in that moment, you know, as I was looking for clarity and you know, I didn't hear what I wanted to hear from the group of women I surrounded myself. I was like, stubborn as I am, but also case of self doubt, you know, I was so doubted and I just wanted that confirmation that I was right. Looking for that confirmation outside of myself.
So I was thinking like, you know what, I'm just going to hire another psychic. And I was like, well, you know, because we're still learning. What do they know? I'm just going to hire a psychic and I'm going to pay. And she was also like a former student from the same. I was like, you know, we're in the same world, but I want something who is further along. I think she, she sort of graduated a year before. Paid her, got on her phone. I was like, right, you know, let's see what happens.
And again, she confirmed that it was over and I don't know what she said. And at the end of the day, I felt so lost and so sad. I went to Bali and I just let it be. And I started to march to the beat of my own drum. I was like, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. What am I trying to do here? Why am I looking?
Alex (18:57.454)
for outside validation. Like why do I let someone else outside of myself tell me what to do?
So I was like, you know, I'm just going with the flow and I'm just going to let him, I'm just going to let this situation, I'm gonna let it naturally evolve and I'm just gonna pay attention how I feel every step of the way. Like I'm gonna pay attention how I feel when I see him, I'm gonna pay attention how I feel, like how is he treating me? Like how are we connected? Like is he courting me? Like, you know, like let's see.
Let's see, do I feel like seeing him? Don't I look like seeing him? Let's just keep it open. And the only thing that I'm certain is that I prioritize my own needs above anything else. I prioritize my healing, my releasing. I prioritize myself.
So, you know, we got back together. And this is already like three months ago by now, because I think I went to Bali in March. This is July. So April, May, June, July. Well, four months already, four months. Time flies. So we got together, a lot happened, a lot changed. It feels so different. And I'm so grateful because it's these kind of decisions that they mark up your life.
your business, your friends, your life partner. Those are very critical elements to
Alex (20:37.422)
that make up the quality of your life.
but also that makes up.
Alex (20:47.182)
Like literally to the extent that you rise to your full potential.
Alex (20:58.606)
And what I mean by that is, you know, are the people, is the business, are they lifting you up? Are they giving you energy or are they depleting you? So a life partner like my life now would have been totally different. I can't say it would be worse. Like who knows, maybe it could have been better, but this is what I chose for myself. So what we choose, you know, choose wisely and what we choose
Do we do that from our head? You know, our ego? From fear? From judgment? Like you know, from how it's supposed to be? From fearful of what other people may think of me? Or are we allowing our hearts to speak? You know, following the illogical road of our soul.
And what happens after, because I finished psychic school, I would say already two months ago, three months ago, I'm not sure, but we ended with a business reading, you know, from the two women who are the teachers within psychic school. And that business reading, you know, I went on and they channeled everything that I'm supposed to do, like my mission, my vision, like what I'm here to do and all the things around my business.
And at the first, like it was a business meeting and immediately they started to talk about Jordy and I started to talk about my relationship and I just felt like my whole body getting into this resistance because I was like this is the last thing because I decided like I don't want to I don't need anyone in my business. Like I don't need anyone to tell me what to do. Like I didn't ask you for your you know.
Even if it's channeled guidance, even if it's higher truth and higher knowledge, I didn't ask for that. And they went on and went on and went on. And again, my whole body just started to freeze. Because I was at that point, I was just so frustrated.
Alex (23:08.398)
And then at the end of the session, she says, yes, and by the way, you did right. You did right by following your feelings. You did right because this relationship is far from over.
and
Alex (23:26.414)
The most valuable lesson comes after. I told a friend and actually called her and along the lines of, I knew it, you know, I was right. I knew it. And it felt like such a validation and such a confirmation. And what she told me, you know, holding up this mirror and that's what we did constantly, you know, holding the mirror. She said, do you believe that everything they say is true? And I was like, no.
Because some things feel aligned and some things don't. We all have... This is the power we hold, right? We decide. It's not 100%. They're super... I feel they're very high energy and most of it is so accurate. But some things just don't align right now. But who knows the future. But anyway, her question was like, do you fully believe everything she says?
Do you trust her more than you trust yourself? And it's like, no. And it's like, so it's interesting then why do you feel happy she confirmed you as if it's a different standard? So when she says it, it's right, but when someone else says it, it's not. And I was like, wowzers. And then still I outsource my power.
And then still, I needed that validation and I needed that confirmation. While no one, no human can ever give that. Because this is the thing that I've learned as well, working with all these women and they're all amazing and I have respect for everyone in every level of their journey. We as humans, we move through shit. We have moved through shit.
and we will always continue to move through shit. So the guidance that comes from up and goes down into our bodies, they always move through our belief system. And if someone isn't clean, if they still hold a lot of beliefs and they can't push aside their human parts, there will always be a sense of projection.
Alex (25:54.35)
And that's what we sort of need to take in when we listen to, you know, information from others. Like even me, a business coach, had told me like, you shouldn't run your business in English. You should run it in Dutch because that's easier. And I was like, that frustration and then still that doubt. Maybe she's right because she is quote unquote successful. And you start to doubt because someone is telling you.
Someone is advising you what you should and shouldn't be doing, but she couldn't feel my emotions and that running my business in Dutch, that actually feels very restrictive. She doesn't see my blueprint. My mission is that, you know, I see myself future living in different countries. So why on earth would I then start and run my business in Dutch? And as for Jordy, you know,
Why do I need or did I need someone else to tell me what is right or wrong for me?
And it was in that moment that it felt like a huge shift.
Alex (27:12.558)
And that's a gift.
Alex (27:17.633)
that I would love to give to you because when we start trusting ourselves, when we start to trust our inner guidance, I always say when you overthink, by definition you show up inauthentic.
The universe works through us always. Can you trust your inner knowing? Can you trust your inner nudges? And this is also the lesson.
Alex (27:48.654)
I needed this. I needed all those women. They played their part. I needed all those women to tell me that I was wrong. I needed all those women to tell me that my relationship was over. That it was a definite split. That we would never be getting back together. Because it ignited this fire inside of me.
Because they told me, I felt how I actually felt because I allowed myself. So they played my part so that I could learn this level, learn this lesson so I could move next level.
And what I've learned is how disheartening it is.
If someone tells you what to do, how small you feel instead of the capability and that's what I'm here to do to make you feel grand. You know, to really feel, to see yourself as the queen that you are. Where I do believe you are so much more than you think you are. You are so much powerful, but also have so much more potential.
You can do anything you set your mind to, like anything. If you have an idea, if you have a desire, it's yours. It's yours for a reason. And then the work is to work through the layers of doubt, the layers of...
Alex (29:36.398)
self -sabotage, like all the things that holding you back. That is the actual work. So for me having to cross those hurdles, that was by design.
Alex (29:51.79)
Cause what came on the other side was that Eureka moment where I was like, I, me, I hold my truth.
Alex (30:10.99)
Every single day I get to make decisions
from a place where I put myself on a pedestal and I'm the center of my own universe where I get to decide the rules.
And similar to you, like what standards do you hold? Like which rules do you play by?
Alex (30:49.262)
And moving through all of this, you know, I'm not gonna lie, but the last couple of months been hard. So even though that it fiercely empowered me.
It's been hard because I've been feeling lost. And I've been feeling lost in myself because the shift has just been so big. Going from the old self to adapting this whole new identity. Leaving parts that were not serving me, are not serving me behind. And I came, I found this...
piece from Joe Dispenza that I actually wrote. I have this magic, this magical notebook. For things that really grabbed my attention, I wrote this down already a couple of years ago and I was listening to an interview of Joe Dispenza and I literally wrote down here like boom. I just listened to this interview and I heard exactly what I was thinking this morning.
And it's so beautiful as these kinds of things that are right for myself, you know, they find me years later, exactly at the right time. And that is divine guidance. You know, the fact that I was so lost and just feeling lost in myself and feeling disconnected in myself, that sometimes you just, you find the right things and the right people that will support you and give you clarity and give you guidance. And it's almost like...
The sky breaks open.
Alex (32:26.542)
And I wrote down here, I'm gonna read what I wrote down. Why do people self -sabotage? Well, the hardest part about change is not making the same choices you did the day before. So this is what made it so hard because I was so aware, like, you know, once you see it, once you see and you have awareness of your...
Let's call it false. It isn't immediately sorted. It takes effort then to consciously choose a new way of being, a new way of behaving, a new way of thinking.
Alex (33:07.278)
So the hardest part about change is not making the same choices you did the day before. The moment you decide to no longer think the same way, make the same choice, behave the same way and have the same experience to live by the same emotion, get ready because it's going to feel uncomfortable. Because it's going to feel unfamiliar. And it's going to feel unfamiliar because our brain likes familiarity.
and familiarity is comfortable. So this is also something that Joe Dispenza says and that's the biggest thing to learn is to feel comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Alex (33:52.494)
Because you choose a new way of being. One that you don't know which is outside of your comfort zone. Which is a stretch. And your mind will perceive that as scary. As fear. As unsafe. That's why you self -sabotage.
Because you are stepping into the river of change. I continue Joe Dispense said. And the moment people notice that it doesn't feel good, they want to go back to do the very thing that makes them feel good again. So in vision, you know, and this is also something that I draw out is two mountains, you know, mountain A, which is the visual, visualization of your old self.
And it's mountain B, the old self. Sorry, the new self. And then in vision, you know, we make a bridge between the two where you navigate from the old self point A to point B, the new self. And that is crossing the river. It's a genetic death. So often when we think it feels right, no, it feels familiar. So
That's why often, you know, and this is the hardest part to learn and navigate between is this my ego? Is this my fear? You know, okay, it feels right, but does it mean that it feels exciting or is it it feels right because it's familiar? Am I continuing doing the same thing over and over again?
Or is it my intuition that is speaking to me?
Alex (35:42.382)
This is why getting a coach or getting in a community or having someone having your back really supportive. Because someone can help you actually clarify the differences to get to the core. You know, I did that and do that. No, I'm not doing that currently. I did that with my clients, but I intend to do that again because it's just so, it's so amazing to see someone bloom and to rise.
to feel strong to really reconnect with who she is.
Alex (36:21.582)
But that's constantly...
Alex (36:27.534)
And that's also where the overthinking comes in and the overthinking kills the magic because when you constantly overthink like, what am I hearing? Is it fear? Is it my mind? Is it my heart? Is this good? Like, what is it? Is it self -sabotage? Like what's happening here? And you sort of overanalyze life and you're in this.
season where you feel like you just need to know more, learn more, be more. You binge the podcasts, you do the trainings and this has actually been what has been potentially the hardest over the last couple of months as well is because I was that person.
And what I realized, you know, and this is also like the transformation that I went through within psychic school is that I just released a lot of that. I released the need to prove myself, the need to be best, the need to know it all, the need to, you know, always overcompensating, always doing extra.
Alex (37:42.126)
I realized that my biggest driver, and I call that now my source of fuel, my fuel source, was fear or it was pain. I was moving away from something and it got me very far. Even before 30, I was making big money. I was leading a team of 20, heading this, or at least being the general manager of this seven -figure business. At that time and moment, I...
I had it all, I had everything I ever dreamt of. But the thing when you're fueled by fear and pain is that it won't ever be enough. So me being there, you know, top of the mountain, look at me, looking for that top of the back, because I was so...
Alex (38:33.166)
I needed to get my worth validated. I needed to claim my space. I needed to prove myself. Like you see, I am worth something because look what I did. Look what I achieved. Look how hard I worked. Look how committed I was.
Alex (38:56.558)
So it drove me, but it also left me empty.
And this has been a journey that's already started for my 30th and I'm 39 now. So, you know, it's been a gradual process of uncovering new layers on old wounds.
releasing and releasing and releasing some more.
Until I feel sort of a final layer, well at least I really feel so much more free now.
to an extent even that, and that was so new to me that at the end of psychic school we were asked to present everything we learned and just our mission here. And I just didn't feel the assignment. And I was like, I'm not feeling it, I'm not doing it. And a lot of students, they prepared like a whole presentation or whatever they felt called to. And I felt called to do nothing. And to me, that was the biggest, it was so audacious.
Alex (39:58.542)
But to me that was the biggest win because and that's so I took that space to literally share from the heart what I've learned and I shared like look I didn't prepare anything and that is the biggest win because I'm no longer worried about what all of you may think of me of how I'm showing up. So before I was like I need to be the best and it would take me hours and hours if not weeks to prepare the best thing that was humanly possible.
putting so much pressure on myself because I was looking for that validation. I was looking like Alex, look at her, she's the best.
Alex (40:34.446)
And I was like, exhale, I can just be me. I don't need to be extra. I don't need to do extra. I can just show up who I am and I didn't feel the assignment and I don't mind. What do people want to do? I'm not at school. They can't punish me. I'm here on my own free will. I get to decide what I want to do.
And it did feel scary. You know, so this is feeling comfortable with being uncomfortable. What I felt called to didn't make any sense. And it felt super uncomfortable, but I did it. And the experience afterwards, just such an enrichment where I was like, wow, people still like me. People applause me and what they tell me, they told me so inspiring.
Alex (41:30.798)
It was never the goal to inspire. It was never the goal to be, to get applause. For the first time ever, I didn't try to.
Alex (41:43.95)
It gets me emotional saying that because my whole life I've just been trying so hard. But in a way because of that trying hard, you know, people pleasing because that's what you do. You give up parts of yourself to please others so that you are validated because people will look at you and think like yay good girl you did what you were asked.
and look at her, being successful and having the achievements and having the money.
Alex (42:19.406)
But the most audacious thing you can do is be yourself.
to show up and just be yourself. In each and every moment that you are allowing yourself to be and giving yourself the gift to strip away the layers. Because a life lived running from pain and running from fear, it may get you far in terms of achievements, but it's a very different life than when you allow yourself to move.
in the direction of desire, when you move in passion, when you move in joy, when you allow magic.
And this was something that I'm moving through now and I'm navigating this shift within myself where I felt a bit lost. Because fear drove me and pain drove me. The feeling of not being enough. Like needing to know it all. Reading. You know, always being this maniac. Reading and listening. I needed to be useful. Like I could not spend.
an hour in the train not listening to a podcast because you know you don't waste your time. So there was always this pressure and now it's like okay I am good enough I am who I am and now what? Where do we go from here? So suddenly that rush that I always felt that that need for speed
Alex (44:07.694)
I no longer feel that. Suddenly there's this huge amount of patience. But then the shadow side of that...
is that there is no movement. And that's what I had to navigate through. Like, right, okay, so fear and pain is no longer my fuel source. I need to learn to utilize a new kind of fuel source.
How does that work? How can I now keep myself motivated? So this is also for you, you know, when you feel like you are self sabotaging, like where do you go from there? Like how do you beat, not beat the algorithm, but beat the self sabotage patterns. And in that, I quickly, you know, and I already read something from Joseph Spencer, but I want to read something from one of my favorite, favorite books. And that's a book from
Gay Hendrix. Cinthya, please add this in the show notes. It's The Big Leap. I've read a lot of books in my life, but this jumped to number one. The Big Leap. And it's all about success and finding it on your terms. And it talks a lot about self -sabotage. I've read this book twice already, like I found it a couple of years back. But what...
All self -sabotage is. So self -sabotage often, you know, it's met with judgment and this inner critic and just such a big negative. But what self -sabotage is, is it's almost like a defense mechanism, like a protection mechanism, better worded. Our mind, like I explained, likes to keep us safe. And safe is found in the familiar. So self -sabotage is literally, it drops you back.
Alex (46:02.158)
in the old familiar zone, keeping you protected, because the mind perceives something new as fearful.
Alex (46:16.686)
So what Gay Hendrix says is that we each have a thermostat. And I like to see that thermostat can also say like a big cup. How big is your cup to receive? To receive money, to receive joy. How much are you allowing yourself to be happy? And we each have a different limit. And Gay Hendrix calls that our upper limit. So it was this ceiling.
So when we hit our upper limit, that's when we self -sabotage. And then it becomes this upper limit problem.
So actually, it's kind of a positive, you know, if you start to look at it that way, that when you self -sabotage, it means you hit your upper limit. So instead of judging yourself, actually get a little excited.
and just tune in. What happened?
Because when you move to a level you don't know, your brain will resist. Maybe you will argue, you will judge, you will find something. Maybe late nights in the weekend, maybe it's excessive alcohol drinking, maybe it's binge eating, maybe it's binge watching... watching... Bridgerton don't know. It could be a lot of different things for a lot of different people. It's so unique.
Alex (47:44.59)
So self -sabotage helps us drop back in the old familiar zone where we feel secure.
And it happens when an old belief, so this is self -sabotage, an old belief clashes with a current feeling of joy.
So this is why the inner work is so important because what belief is currently activated?
because one of them has the win. So either that current feeling of joy, that new level
or the belief that's so strong.
Alex (48:29.486)
So I've been moving through my own share of self -sabotage because I've been moving from the old to the new. You know, very human. Very normal. So I just want to share with you what I've did to get myself back in...
moving through it and it's been a process over the last couple of weeks.
Alex (48:57.326)
So how do you get back in momentum? You know, momentum is not something you wait for. Momentum is created by taking action.
So for me, the first step is always awareness. So sitting down and the best start for me is always looking at what am I doing?
Alex (49:21.614)
that led me to feel the way I feel. So whatever self -sabotage pattern is showing up, like what am I doing? What are you doing?
So for me for example is that I wasn't sleeping enough so I was super tired. I had late nights. I was drinking a bit more than usual.
Alex (49:46.702)
So what habits are not supporting you?
Just write that down. Because that's what you can control. So I always look at this to have playful curiosity. No judgment. Just examine. Take responsibility. What's happening? And two, cut out the noise. Silence yourself. Just sit down with yourself. Be quiet. Tune in. The biggest shift for me was that I'm actually driven by goals.
I'm driven by goals. Goals gets me excited. So I needed to reevaluate and just put a little positive pressure on myself. So for me, for example, that was around body, fitness goals. It's about, for example, growing this podcast goals, listener goals, getting back into creating like a program behind the scenes, something that I can offer you.
along everything that I'm currently teaching and everything that I've been moving through over the last couple of months because as I shared it's been really cementing and I really feel excited to teach this in a bigger level because you know from a lot of women I hear you know one of the most difficult things is actually to embody the knowledge right because yes you have all these things and I read all like what I read from Joe Dispenza but like okay great Alex but how do I move from A to B?
How do I then move through self -sabotage? Like yes I'm experiencing it but I can't seem to move through it. I can't seem to actually get progress to actually feel that my reality has shifted.
Alex (51:36.91)
Because our reality shifts.
Alex (51:41.39)
on how we shift. Reality shifts with us. So when you shift quickly, reality shifts quickly. But then we have to learn how we can shift. So create goals.
Alex (52:00.366)
Sit down and redefine empowering habits. I like them called empowering habits, habits that lift your energy up. And the biggest part is sit yourself down and create a plan. Like, look, don't be rigid. Don't make a plan for three months, a year, a month. Make a plan for a week. Maybe make a rough plan for a month. Like, you know, I always like to start with the end in mind. So create your goals. That's the end.
And then what do you need to do to get yourself there? But focus on the one thing.
Alex (52:36.462)
Keep it simple because if you overload yourself too much, you know, it will be overwhelmed and there won't be happening anything. So create a plan. So what I love to do, like I have a planner here and it's just an empty planner and I just have every week and I sit myself down and I just, it's almost like a little journal that every day I write down like these little tweaks that I'm making because that's, I tweak it. It gets me excited. This is what works for me. You need to figure out what works for you.
There's no one size fits all, my friends.
Alex (53:13.198)
So everyday for example, because sometimes we think we know what we're doing, but trust me, you don't. So when you bring awareness to like, okay, what is actually happening? So for me, I am, everyday I'm writing down the time I get up. I noticed earlier I get up, the more energized I am. As in, if I keep, if I stay in bed, you know, later, I'm more tired. So currently I'm getting up at seven. So I'm writing it down.
My vitamins for example, I write down when I go to the gym, how long I stay at the gym, I track, you know, sort of track what I eat. Like there's a lot of little things that I track and I'm just doing it from excitement. I am a bit of a data geek, so I love to track things. Like again, this is me, but it just gives me munition. It just gives me...
things to fine tune because last week I didn't have a good week. So, you know, you start to see the patterns. And this is what I did within my coaching program as well as that I help the women in my container to discover the patterns and to break through to actually break free from them. So when you write down and you make little notes for yourself and you start to see like, okay, I'm moving through self sabotage right now or I'm down. Why? What do I?
What did I do differently this week or yesterday or today? When was the last time that I felt good? When did I, what did I do there?
What did I stop doing? And can I then restart that? You know, restarting to meditate in the morning, restarting to, for example, meditate at night, restart like breath work once a week, restart exercise. And I cannot emphasize how important sleep is. Some people need eight hours of sleep. That's me. Like the last two nights, I only got six and I feel that.
Alex (55:18.19)
I feel more tired. That's where you hold control. We're like, okay, you know, so little tweaks. How can I ensure that I start to sleep earlier? Okay, can I then look at my bedtime routine so that I can... But there's no rush. Like I don't need to have it all figured out today. Every day I look at myself with playful curiosity and I move through things and I just make little tiny changes.
and they don't can go a long way.
Alex (55:53.71)
So the last one is energy check. Check in with yourself. How are you feeling? How are you feeling? How are you feeling during the day, during the week? Do you usually feel stress? Do you maybe feel like you're constantly rushing? You're maybe constantly stretched for time. Well, that's a little stress, isn't it? Or do you feel like calm? Do you feel inner peace? Do you feel joyful? Do you have a lot of energy? Or do you feel depleted?
This is what I'm asking of you to become like this inspector gadget so that you can elevate yourself. Because isn't the goal to feel good? You know, despite all the big goals, like the money goal and the business goals and the success goals, isn't behind all the goals.
Feeling good. Feeling good about yourself. Freedom. To have freedom. But you will never get to financial freedom, you know, that's an outside goal, when you don't feel free winning yourself. When you constantly have a list of to -dos, when you're racing, when you're judging yourself, when you have all these rules.
All these things that you have to do when you're in a critic is constantly in your face like blah blah blah blah. You're not good enough, you're failing, you're wrong, you're such an idiot. And all the things. Check your energy.
and then get clear on how do you desire to feel. And that's where the habits come in. Those are in alignment. Those should be in alignment with how your desire to feel. But the things that motivate us humans, and I cannot emphasize enough, is have goals. What are you working towards?
Alex (57:53.166)
Make it specific, make them fun, make them bold. You know, it's not exciting to like, okay, you know, at the end of the day, I wanna...
Alex (58:05.902)
I don't know, something boring. I can't come up with anything really. But Cinthya and I set this goal for the podcast that our next milestone is like 50 listeners. Like, you know, that feels exciting. So what do we need to be doing to get to 50?
Alex (58:27.406)
So that was a lot for today. I think we covered a lot.
If you have any questions on this, you know, and be kind to yourself, like the last thing I want to tell you is to be kind. Let's just enjoy our humaneness.
Alex (58:51.086)
What a ride. What a ride and what a time to be alive. Like we're here. Isn't that amazing? Isn't that amazing that we can create our own life? And isn't that the best way to predict the future to create it? But it takes a vision. Like how do you want your life to look like? So if you have any questions on this episode, like anything that you're moving through, anything that you want to share, like anything.
connect. You can leave me a voice note which is easy and grand. I think we can only do that through Spotify at the moment. You can also find me on Instagram. You can find that on the show notes. I'd love to hear from you but for now I'm so grateful that you've been with me till the end. That you've been with me in this moment and this time. And I wish you an amazing day and go and create some magic.
