A rose by any other name would smell as sweet
Hi, I’m Gabrielle Arruda your host for the Style POV podcast and I’m here to help you learn to trust your fashion instincts, hone your authentic style POV, and find strength through style.
Let’s say that again- actually, let’s get the larger verse from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet:
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call’d,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.
So why am I quoting Shakespeare in a podcast all about style and how can this concept help you build an authentic style you love?
Well… That verse is important. Here Juliete is expressing her love for Romeo and questioning the significance of names. She says the name is just a label and does not change the essence of what something truly is.
We don’t need to get into it any deeper, but let’s think about that point. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
You are the rose. You exist in your unique perfection, and labeling yourself isn’t going to help you be any more beautiful, admired, or embraced.
Style systems are full of names. They love to give names so that they can create a framework and they can give you solid advice. It’s a placing metric. Where do I belong? Oh yes, here. Now, I can look at the advice and learn something about myself.
That’s the ideal scenario… but unfortunately, I don’t think that’s how these systems and names are being applied anymore.
Style systems as of late, have taken off. They’ve become the be-all and end-all to finding your style home and avoiding those overrun closets and those outfit missteps.
And I totally understand we all need help achieving an authentic style path and some guidance on what does and does not work for our styles, lifestyles, and bodies.
The problem is… We aren’t actually using the advice part, and if we are, we are still focusing SO much more on the name.
I’m a flamboyant Natural, so I have vertical and width.
Ok… but what does this actually mean for your style? How do you customize this? How do you personalize it? How do you take this bit of knowledge and apply the framework in an individualized self-expression?
And this is just an example. I adore Kibbe’s system and I’m not trying to pick on him. But I am criticizing our obsessions with gatekeeping IDs and rattling off generalizations about any style system.
Because people are quick to say well, I’m a gamine so I wear staccato elements… that’s helped my style.
But now say that in your own words… Try it. Explain why staccato elements match with gamines.
If you can do that for your own style, then you are on a good path, in my opinion. But if you’re struggling or paraphrasing what someone else said.. that’s when you’re not REALLY learning.
It’s like you studied the multiple choice test and memorized the answers, so you get an A… but if there had been an essay portion, you’re not getting past a B-.
If I sound critical, I apologize for my harsh tone. I want us all to be able to find joy and strength in our personal style journeys, and I feel like these systems are WONDERFUL! But the way we are using them is not as helpful as they could be.
So let’s stop focusing on the names of things. Because these systems, and style in general have never been about standardization.
And I want us to learn to celebrate all our fashion wins, not just the labels. Learning one piece of style data can translate into a huge wardrobe pivot you love. Maybe you have no idea where you fall on the yin/yang spectrum but you do know that medium-weight fabrics, with straight lines that hold their shape work for you. That’s such valuable information, embrace this self-discovery!
The goal with an authentic personal style, a style you FEEL good in is not to buy or achieve the outcome. It’s to chip away and find your truest self. It’s a progression of many small steps to uncover what makes you, you, and then express that in dress.
Generally speaking, these style systems have always been about developing frameworks to personalize your own style and style expression.
Finding out you’re a “blank” in the XYZ fashion system is not about going on a shopping trip for all-new clothes. It’s about becoming more intentional with your shopping strategy, your outfits, and your understanding of self.
Dress is an expression of character; which is why you don’t need a boatload of money to be charming, captivating, and beautiful in your style… You just need authenticity and self-identity work.
Now the somewhat controversial literary figure Alexander Pope once said “ tis not a lip or eye we beauty call, but the joint force and full result of all”.
We want our whole package to be an expression of our truest self. And I want you to learn to embrace your entire body, your entire look, and everything that makes you interesting, self-aware, and an individual. Any framework suggested is not meant to be a box, but more like a trampoline to propel you to your own beautiful interpretation that celebrates you.
And if you want, we can do a future episode all about harmony versus opposition and how that plays into personal style; let me know in the comments if this is interesting.
But the goal of our styles is to present our entire package- thoughts, opinions, interests, likes/dislikes, and energy into our modes of dress.
We want a friend to say “ Oh I knew that was your coat hanging up, it looks just like you”, or “That knit scarf you made fits you so effortlessly”.
There’s a connection! A connection, and investment between YOU and the piece. And how they present to the world.
Value you yourself, and value the clothes you are putting on your body because they are saying something about you. The more connected you are to them, which can take time and self-exploration, the more at home you’ll feel and the more joy you’ll feel getting dressed.
Someone who gets a “that’s a cool dress” compliment, really can’t take credit for it.. they didn’t design the dress. The dress is the thing that is getting the praise. And trust me, I’ve been there. I used to chase “that’s a cool outfit” like my life depended on it, and all I got was a hefty credit card bill, an overstuffed closet, and a loss of self in the process.
I mean who was I, if my only marking trait was my ever-changing styles of dress that could be interchanged at a blindingly quick pace?
This is also why fast fashion and the homogenization of style is hurting our personal style journeys. Everyone is buying those Amazon earrings, everyone is following this new aesthetic on TikTok, everyone is...
There’s no vetting involved. There’s no self-reflection and we end up on a hedonic style treadmill trying to buy enough clothes that other people will say “That’s a cool outfit”.
But… Wait…
Do you really want just a cool outfit? Or do you want your style to be an autobiography of sorts?
Where your style is a reflection of the things that spark joy, that you love, that you’re interested in.
Now, you may be thinking… Cool, yes I want the personal style thing.
I’m tired of buying too many clothes and feeling like I never have anything to wear. But, how?!
Individualization + Style Toolbox
Remember in episode 1 I talked about building a style toolbox. The tools that you use to build your outfits each day. This could include my 4 style pillars, kibbe, color analysis, style statements, whatever…
But those tools should reflect your style goals. Now, I’m getting back to the names part of this episode.
Throwing “bright spring flamboyant natural” in your style toolbox is well.. not specific enough.
We want to truly, truly understand how those “names” are helping your style.
Because a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. How does bright spring flamboyant natural mean something truly different than… if they were just numbers like I’m a color 1 and a kibbe 9.
They don’t. So when you put tools in your style toolbox, challenge yourself to write out what it means in relation to your style.
Individualization and personalization are key. I want you to get nitpicky here. Learn the style principles so that you know that medium-weight fabrics with straight cuts, lined garments, and heavy gathering work for you because… And soft silks in tight ruffle formations do not.
Can style systems help you understand this!? 1000% percent. But we need to make these diagnoses over time. Slowly, with data and observations.
Just saying I look like X celebrity so I’m the same seasonal color as her. Is not only not helping your style, it could be a very costly wardrobe pivot.
Instead, we need to come up with our baseline. Where are we today? This is why I encourage you to jot down your style toolbox elements.
A worksheet is available if you don’t know where to start.
But start taking your daily outfit photos. Start writing your style toolbox elements in your own words…
Like I like to use the angelic essence for fabric weights, I like soft fluid style lines with diagonal motion and larger scale softness. I prefer more natural-influenced accessories and shoes because my lifestyle requires comfort and mobility and I like to feel connected to the earth and garden frequently.
We took the baseline suggestions, reviewed our data, and observed how and where we used the system.
We want to be seen as individuals. And that requires us to dig deeper into things.
We are connecting and investing in our own POVs and learning how that can translate from our brains and hearts into our styles.
Whether you have one main style goal, or have the equivalent of style adhd… it doesn’t matter.
What we want to form is a connection. Authentic connection.
So that when a new shiny object rolls around we can understand if there is a pull because it’s the new cool thing, or if it’s a new extension of our style selves.
Because our style will evolve.
Or if we have a big event coming up and we want to look our best, we know how we like our style pillars to hold up our chair and can translate that easily from our mom-on-duty legging outfits to a killer black tie gala look.
The more connected you become to yourself, your interests, and your style toolbox, the better you will be at expressing it and evolving it.
And if you’re thinking, but what if I develop this style and then it changes in the future? Or I learn something new… That’s going to happen.
Worrying about it now or trying to plan for it, will not help you avoid that progression.
But doing the style knowledge building, true knowledge building not memorization, and getting connected with yourself, is what will allow you to handle future style pivots with grace.
While I was intimidated by the bright spring color palette when I was confirmed to be BS, I wasn’t scared to implement it…
Because I could see how my style toolbox can be shifted to include this new, improved tool.
I can see the vision of what I wanted, make those tweaks, and get intentional and creative on how I'm taking my style goal, and building it with this new information.
New style input is not the enemy. The enemy is de-personalization or homogenization. Kibbe, Kitchener, Zyla, all of these various systems- never wanted anyone to copy + paste.
Because personal style is truly an investment. Of time, of understanding, of getting to know who you are today and who you’d like to become.
We get a hit of dopamine by buying a new pair of shoes in our color palette.. We think, ahh I’m nailing my personal style.
But the real win, the true win… is when you can say- this pair of shoes is warm and bright which helps support my natural coloring and creates a great structure for my aesthetic, it has long and blunt shapes in both the heel and the toe which reflects the lines and shapes my body naturally forms, and the double buckles create a center of interest point for my outfits and a unity among the scales and details throughout. This aesthetic reflects my dream style goals and is repeatable and manageable in my lifestyle.
We need ALL the things to come together. In order to achieve that, we need to have a deep and personal understanding of our style goals, our style needs, and who we are.
I plan to do more content around style principles including details/ornamentation. But a great tip to remember is that your details and ornamentation should ADD to the effect. This means that if you take them away and your look still resonates with the same aesthetic, then it’s unnecessary. It should further strengthen your aesthetic goal and not be a piece you mindlessly throw on.
Again, intentional expression.
Now, while I’ve blabbed on and you’ve patiently listened, what is the action step that you can take after listening to this podcast?
I hope you continue to study and embrace systems that work for you. But what I want you to take away from them is a personalized plan, and a better understanding of the art of clothes and dress… not just a cool name you can throw in your style toolbox or list off as a part of your style.
To truly know yourself, and your style, through observation and experimentation. So my action step would be to start writing out your style toolbox in your own words with your own reasoning, expressing the beautiful rose that you are.
Because you are unique. You are beautiful, and you are an original.
Your style should be too.
Thank you for tuning in, Until next time.
